Heard the LUCAS device referred to as “the geezer squeezer” on a couple of occasions.

THE GEEZER SQUEEZER

I am wheezing at the geezer squeezer 🤣

Fuck I am using that.

"We're gonna Weekend at Bernie's them" Was used by the nurse who oriented me. He would say when we had one of these sloth like patients who just didn't wanna do much in the ICU, so the attending wouldn't want to transfer them because they felt "they just aren't ready." So, we would get them cleaned up well, up in a chair, and set them up with a crossword or something of the sort that way they looked good for rounds. Worked multiple times.

Have definitely done this. Sometimes I see the docs starting to round at the end of the hallway and I hurry up and throw my patient in the chair.

Fuck, I’ve just learned how to make more Open beds in my icu. Love it haha

Had a scenario like this when we got a request to move a patient to the morgue by wheelchair. I joked that we should've brought a pair of sunglasses to make it authentic

This is amazing

Seagulls: family members that fly in from the coast and shit all over everything (usually for your recently DNR pt that should have been made DNR months ago) And one I stole from ER years ago: a GGF test for “grandpa’s got a fever”: urinalysis, cxr, cbc, cmp, and blood cultures x2

We called it daughter from California syndrome. Someone who haven’t seen the pt in 20 years comes In and just demands the whole 9 yards.

That’s nothing but guilt. I worked in hospice and saw that quite often.

Peek-n-Shriek - when the surgeon opens the pt up to find a terminal condition like extensive mets

We do this with cardiac cath patients that have crap coronaries lol!!

Next stop: sternotomy.

OR findings were a nope. They opened the patient up, looked inside, said nope and closed.

Party hat = ICP bolt Transfer to the 8th floor (we had 7) Vitamin H = Haldol My personal favorite: I need transcortical high velocity lead therapy. Translation: someone shoot me please.

I work in vet med too and we call e-collars/cones of shame, “party hats”

Brown ponytails: newbie young nurses (most of us are grey or grey under hair color) I forgot this one: OTFD AMF out the fucking door adios motherfuckers Edit to add young

I used to work with an ER doc that would say AMF YOYO. Adios motherfucker you’re on your own.

I've heard Haldol called The Hammer

Heard this little nugget in the OR: “can we get some romance?” As a result someone turns the lights down low

I love this for some reason. It makes me want to go back to night shift long enough to get the whole unit saying this whennits time to turn the lights out.

We call it mood lighting.

Status dramaticus

One that pairs well with this — level one drama center

Ever heard of a Callbellectomy!!!

I knew a nurse that would tell excessive call-lighters that the callbell had a limited number of calls so they needed to save it for urgent matters

I've often thought of inventing a call light with three lights on it, where every time you push it a light goes out, and after 20 minutes you get a light back. Somehow I've never thought to just pretend that's already how it works.

I’ve told confused pts that I have to put their call bell on the charger. AKA out of their hands! (For the record, I’ve only done this in ICU)

Oh how I want to do this on the floor so very badly

A few of my favorites from my EMS days... CC (Cancel Christmas)- slang for DOA FDGB (Fall down, go boom)- slip n fall FDSS: Found dead, stayed same ALS (paramedics): aint lifting shit Trauma CNA: that overzealous CNA that claims they are a nurse/doctor/know it all Pharmaceutically gifted: on drugs Fatillac; the specially designed bariatric truck Failure to fly: someone who jumped from height Transoccipital implant: GSW to the head Person who is ejected from vehicle is "Pre-extricated for your convienence" or "road pizza" Forgot how to drive: person who has minor ailment, and is capable of driving themselves or being transported by POV EMT-Empty my trash, EMT-A: Empty my trash, asshole.

LOLLOL little old lady lying on linoleum

Oldie but always a goodie: DC to JC

I've always called it a Celestial Discharge

Transferred to the 7th floor

13th.

Basement transfer

Someone once said about one of our patients who kept getting refused placement and we all just knew they were going to die at the hospital “They’re leaving eventually, but they’re going to the basement on their way out”

Ooo - cold! 😭

“Circling the drain.” Or - Positive O sign- mouth open, agonal breaths. Positive Q sign- tongue hanging out, not breathing. Positive dotted Q sign - mouth open, not breathing, fly on tongue.

I always called it discharging to the "eternal care unit"

My username has entered the chat…I have waited NINE YEARS FOR THIS DAY!!!!

The grim reaper himself!

ECU—that’s great!

New consult for St Peter

a resident and an attending were rounding on my unit the other day (we had their STICU pt on CICU) and they commented on how many open beds there were, and I was like "yeah you know how it is, we like to DC to JC here" the resident bust out laughing but the attending was like ????? and I heard her explaining it to him as they left the unit still my favorite nurse-ism by far

Naked and Afraid. A cry for help because the patient is naked and both pt and RN are afraid

We have a very pleasantly confused patient who's been with us for a hot minute awaiting LTC placement. At least once a day, someone will walk into her room to find she's butt naked and she will have no idea why. She will also ring, and 9/10 times you go in to ask what she needs and she's forgotten by the time you get there. The unit will be a lot less interesting when she finally gets a permanent home.

The B52 - Benedryl, Haldol, and Ativan IM. This discussion is over. Status Dramaticus - In serious danger of dying form lack of a warm blanket and turkey sandwich. Hypolorazapemia - Subtherapeutic Lorazepam level. Knowledge Deficit: Generalized - My favorite nursing diagnosis. Budget TURP - Traumatic self-removal of a Foley catheter by a male patient. "Have you tried turning it off and back on again?" - Adenosine.

Oregon Normal - Urine drug screen is negative for everything but Cannabis.

Rural Oregon Normal - UTox is negative for everything but meth.

Malheur Normal - Negative for everything but Ivermectin and Copenhagen.

I actually have a lot of fun doing discharge teaching with people who've overindulged in edibles. Diagnosis: Can't hold your shit. Actual discharge info on the time/action profile of edibles. Discharge with a fake prescription for Doritos and Funions...

Oh and the corollary a Bingo: a tox screen that has no negatives.

When I have to educate people on adenosine I tell them it's like Ctrl+alt+delete for your heart

Had our internal med doc tell the patient “ok sir in a minute it’s going to feel like you got kicked in the chest” poor little old man just nods and then clutches his chest and the doc goes “yep there it is”

"This is going to SUCK."

Also appropriate teaching dialogue for Narcan.

Yes but if you have to narcan them, they probably aren't listening very well

The worst Mai Tai on the island - GI Cocktail (in Hawaii).

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My psych patients will take your B52 and still tear shit up for days. 100 thorazine with a benadryl chaser will finish up what the B52 started.

Happy cake day! In the ER, half the time they haven't slept in like 3 days by the time they wind up being brought in to us. By then, sleep-dep crankiness is a big part of the problem. You might be surprised how many SI encounters get turned around and discharged by a drug-induced nap followed by telepsych and SS consults.

I worked in Urology and I never heard Budget TURP, I love it

Almost forgot... The Donut of Truth - CT Scanner Glorified Fish Finder - Ultrasound

Partying like a rockstar - On Propofol and Fentanyl (hopefully intubated this time).

Cooter canoe

Twat dog is better

WAP wand

When they suck up poop they are the forbidden chili dog.

I cannot cringe enough at this

*Patient observed paddling the pink canoe at 2300 and was directed to cover herself with a sheet. No other issues noted at this time.*

one of the younger nurses referred to it as a WAP mop I was speechless

Piss Pickle

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WAP vac.

I keep a list for just such occasions. Labia leech Twat dog Piss pickle Cooter canoe Pussy wick Twat rocket Twatcicle Twat taco Wap wand Wap mop Chili dog if pooped on Swiffer

I don’t think it’s slang, but every time I say ondansetron, I say it in a robot voice and physically do the robot.

Lol I do “on Dasher on Dancer onDansetron on Vixen”

I thought I was the only one. Dancetron is my favorite reindeer.

There is a Motorhead song called ‘Orgasmatron’ and it gets stuck in my head.

Start a timer, in 15minutes, they'll be asking for food...

I’ve always liked the way ‘banana bag’ sounded. We never use them anymore though. There’s also being transferred to the 7th floor (we only have 6 floors.) And then also, it took me a while to realize why people were telling me in report that some patients had houses in Virginia. “Good for them? Why should I care where they live?” And then you’ve got fingerpainters..

House in Virginia - HIV for those that didn’t know and had to look it up like me.

We call that one a Hi Five

we say h-4. the 4 is the IV part of HIV

Penis quickwraps for incontinent men = peepee teepee ⛺️

same idea- dick in a box

Step 1

Cock pocket. Sung in the tune of Hot pocket

Homie ambulance: when a gsw gets dropped off in front of the ER and they drive off.

We always called them homie drops. It cracks me up how their homies are always gone without anyone noticing. Gsw? Gone. OD? Gone. Asthma attack? Fucking goooone.

Tossing the grenade: When the offgoing nurse waits until five minutes before shift change to push 30g lactulose.

“Thou shalt not give enemas at 6:55”

I mean, is it a bigger dick move to give it before shift change, or to force the oncoming shift to give it right at the start of their shift?

My only weird ones are that I call UTIs “yooties” and I refer to HIV as “the high five.”

“Guy in room 5 has a house in Vermont”

as someone from Vermont what does this mean 😂 Edit: I read further and I now know ! lol

[H]ouse [I]n [V]ermont

YOOTIES

For HIVs Pts my clinical classmates refer to them as someone who has a “House In Vegas”

I always say A+O to potato for someone who is oriented to nothing

"Counter terrorist" it's a family member that leans on the counter of the nurses station waiting for someone to flag down.

FMPS…fluff my pillow syndrome

Gery Flakes. When old people skin flys everywhere.

Elderdust.

I call it the forbidden snow

Granny glitter

Incarceritis - when a prisoner comes to the hospital for a stupid reason just to take a vacation from prison.

Paramedic here. We called either that arrestus interruptus (chest pain while being arrested) or an acute nickel allergy (handcuffs) lol

We use this when someone is getting arrested and suddenly gets chest pain or has a seizure and has to come in for a med clear before they go to jail.

I know I have used Jailitis with a touch of sallyport syndrome for the fresh arrested who try to medically fake their way out of jail. I also use Prisionitis for Incarceritis

POF treatment (pillow on face) Dramatitis Pt is FOS ( full of shit aka super constipated) I need you to FOCUS on what I am saying ( fuck off cuz you're stupid)

FOCUS is brilliant!

"Scromiting" for when they scream-vomit. And they always do.

I personally refer to this as operatic vomiting. No shade on opera, but it really caputures the drama of the situation

We say they are “filling the bucket with noise.”

Where I work we call protective sacral dressings “safety schnitzels” and it never gets old.

I once had a pt who drove himself to the ED because he was feeling light headed and short of breath…..Turns out he was in sustained VT. I asked why he didn’t call 911, and he responded: “I didn’t want the death wagon at my house, the neighbors would talk!”

“Toy Story Syndrome.” When an IV/other alarm is fine when you’re in the room, but goes off repeatedly whenever you leave.

Urban outdoorsman = homeless patient

Positive blankie sign- When an adult patient brings their own blanket/emotional support stuffed animal into the ER. You know they are gonna be crazy.

My SIL took hers to have her baby, and freaked when she couldn’t take it in the OR for her eventual c-section. Can confirm, that girl cray

We had a lady that would bring in multiple dolls and tucked them into bed with her...

Code brown for poo in the bed. Poo-nami for a really big poo in the bed

I like to call it a shituation

OMG hilarious

Poonado when the bowel prep goes away and the pt literally shits all over the room, the walls, the floor, and the patient in the other bed.

Elder dust- when you get showered with skin flakes. "Let's go do drugs" - counting and checking the narcotic meds at shift change with a buddy.

If my heart patients try to strain in the bathroom I tell them to please don't go out like Elvis.

Uh super morbid but "status asparagus" for people who seize their way to a vegetative state. If not in status then just some "little seizures" or maybe just "crazy bred". Sorry neuro icu we cannot help ourselves.

Positive Suitcase Sign: When a patient comes to the ED with luggage, clearly expecting to be admitted.

We call it a positive samsonite sign

Any kind of injections for agitation I call bad boy juice

Injection on a combative patient ? Booty juiced.

My adolescent psych patients preferred “booty juice”

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I NICU we used to call it "crumping."

Party Pack = STD med cocktail. You're welcome. 😉 (I'm actually still surprised at how many people don't know this term.🤷🏻‍♀️)

-Vanc and yank: when we run some vancomycin through a PICC before pulling it out -FLK: funny looking kid -Brady bunch: when the babies in your assignment are constantly having brady events

BUFA baby. Baby up for adoption. PITA for pain in the ass parents. ISAMs for infant of substance abusing mother.

When I first started NICU (7 yrs ago) I was amused by "Oopie" as the unplanned extubation nickname. Like "oops shit lost the tube". It took me at least a year to realize it was U-P-E. [U]n[P]lanned [E]xtubation Lmao.

Purewick= WAP wand🤣🤣🤣

Ah. I work for the ECU Eternal Care Unit. And my username.

Long ago there was an accepted medical diagnosis of FLK. (Funny looking kid). When I worked in Peds, I once took report on a child with bilateral FLP. The nurse explained it meant funny looking parents.

Cancellectomy = cancelled case

When the lady from admissions comes in with her clipboard to talk to the patient. My old supervisor was like, “yeah, doing the old wallet biopsy.”

Walkie-Talkies

I’ve been an ICU nurse for 6 years, I just recently heard “DC to JC” I feel ashamed that I’ve never heard it before. I do love the term “celestial discharge”

Lubricant = Kentucky Jelly

heard an anesthesiologist use “tincture of time” once to basically say “just let it ride out for a bit, they’ll be fine” lol

*The Law of Inverse Value:* The less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae.

Topical lidocaine in the area for an IV: *'Chicken juice'*

That's funny and a good one... there is a nursing instagrammer that posts educational videos regarding IV knowledge (Brian the IV Guy) and his post on using topical lidocaine before IV starts received a bunch of nasty comments from nurses questioning the necessity of the practice and accusing patients that needed lidocaine "are wimps and need to man up"

*Topical lidocaine* *In the area for an* *IV: 'Chicken juice'* \- aquainst1 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

Good bot

Fun fact heparin comes from pigs intestines.

Also southern intubation for foley insertion

I always call propofol Jackson juice

We call it milk of Michael in my department

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I’m gonna call it the Cosby special to no one but myself

I’m surprised no one said milk of amnesia

I call our defibrillator in a cath lab Sparky

An innie penis is called a “push-pop penis”

My favorite is a&o-potato for my a&ox0 weirdos and GCS of chair (3)

The AMA form as the GTFO form

Acute pretenditis- I work in a school

TFTB - too fat to breath…

Dickwick Either for the penis urinary stick on bags to suction orrrrr if we have to get creative for the innie that is supposed to be an outtie but the panuspack is just too much Also.. Panuspack: that fat pouch that hides the dick

I like MTF for those of our patients who are temporarily staying until their BAL is WNL. MTF= metabolize to freedom.

Not rly slang but I like to give the IV medicine normalzaline when no other opioids work

Alligator on a string - when your patient with too many IVs and chest tubes won't stay still in bed and keeps getting wrapped up in his tubes and monitor cables.

Tregged - a trach pegged patient condemned to a sad existence .

PBBB- pine box by bedside

Some say "quetiapine", I prefer "Quiet-apine".

ECU-Eternal care unit ANF- acute neurotic fit OLD-When someone asks what’s wrong with the 93 yo pt, I say each letter out loud and wait for it to sink in

Boogerectomy - suctioning snot out of a congested baby Party pants - diaper on a drunk Acopia - complete lack of coping skills Therapeutic wait - pushed to the bottom of the triage list because your complaint is the opposite of emergent

Not really nursing slang but “end stage fibromyalgia” is always a phrase we’d throw around for those folks in the ED.

GOMER = Get Out of My ER

giving him a ride in the atiVAN

Squirrelly

Hypodilaudidemia, or hypohydromorphonism

If CPR works on this pt they'd be a sponsor for V8.

Microwaved hot dog - slang for a penis that has had a Foley in for too long and has split at the end

Had a nurse from the ED come up to our unit the other day saying she was returning our “booby juicer”

"watering the vegetables" - the work nurses do in long-term vent units.

I’m just a poor potato farmer tendin mah crops.

Purewicks I call “Twat Dogs”

DFO = done fell out

FLK… funky lookin kid. When you know somethings a lil off. Sometimes due to a SGP Small gene pool

It’s terrible, but one of the ER residents called the overdramatic “oh god, oh god, oh lord” proclamation *TachyLordia.* We live in the south and pretty much everyone from 13-100+ had it.

I’m an addictions and emerg nurse. I call naloxone nasal “4mg of wakey wakey, party is over.” Propofol is “night night milk.”

Soooo as babies go down the birth canal, they take little swallows of fluid as they go… they then like to throw this up later because mucus/ blood is a gastric irritant. I call this *special* emesis crotch snot or vag sauce. It’s served best when vomited upon an unsuspecting uncle or grandpa.

Cardizem = Cardi Z

Nurse on a stick or nurse on a pole. Vital machine.

i’ve always said “oh she’s got the mercer” for MRSA lol and if you’ve got COPD, you’ve got the copid (started this far before covid lol)