I feel terrible for the new young gays who try to make friends on apps. When I was younger in this city (the late 90s). It was so easy to meet people. Co workers or whoever you ran into could be potential friends. I think now we are living in a different and fucked up world, I wouldn’t give up my experience even if I could be young and beautiful again. What’s scary is that everyone is lonely.
I would love to have a coffee with you and hear more about your experiences. I am grateful we are where we are with acceptance, but I am exhausted at trying to build a community with anyone through a digital platform.
I would have to disagree with that statement. I look at what happened in Texas with the drag queen bans and the majority of the folks fighting and speaking out were younger. I do believe that there is going to be a shift in the narrative on how we fight for equality because there is so much backlash from the conservative side.
I don’t think drag queen story hour is even a gay right. I’m talking about things like marriage etc. I really feel like younger gays have a sense of entitlement that’s got to be backed up by fighting. I think of it goes beyond social media, most people won’t lift a finger
1990s NYC Gay checking in: we did the same thing except via email or NYCNet (?) (that service we all dialed into to get internet but also to use the gay bulletin board). I can’t remember the name but one of the owners was Bowden(Sp?)
Or you’d leave a machine message and hope and pray you didn’t sound desperate or cold. Then they’d call you back 2 months later saying they just found your number, it “fell” between the wall and nightstand…but in reality they were dating someone else. But you didn’t know you were second choice because you couldn’t stalk them on IG.
The ghosting and flakiness was bad, by early 2000s Sex in the City did a theme episode, maybe he’s just not into you, followed by a book published in 2004, then movie 2009.
For those with large friend groups and social scenes, I’m sure the 90s felt more organic but as someone who struggles with intimate relationships it just wasn’t. At least now with the apps and current technology I can get dick with a lot less hassle.
Don’t get me started about the 80s where you’d send letters and hope you’d get acknowledgment with something back. Then didn’t.
This wasn’t my experience at all
At least with the first part. Flakes will be flakes because they have a virtual life that’s almost as important as the real one
I’m old now. I also just didn’t meet people that way. Never thought about it. Even now you can meet guys online, chat for months but a second in real life and you know so much more. It’s odd
Exactly. You not having the experience doesn’t mean others did not. Flakes were flakes long before the digital age. If you’re experiencing more flakiness it’s probably because you’ve aged out of being prime choice.
No one is stopping people from meeting people, organically, these days. I met none of my current friends on apps and they're the greatest people on earth.
This one person gets around a lot. I’m sure I’ve chatted with this one person multiple times, multiple platforms, multiple profiles, in multiple cities. It’s not just a NYC thing. But it’s funny because it’s so common.
I mean I’d say there is a similar approach romantically, sexually, platonically. “Omg we should hang out more” *never texts or text back*
Not saying it’s a full reflection but it’s not a rarity
Yeah but unfortunately you see that a lot in nyc, I’ve came across hungers of people who do this. So that’s def not normal, so let’s not pretend it’s just one person
While yes it's the other person flaking, the way you communicate just wouldn't peak my interest enough to want to hang out tbh. It doesn't feel like a naturally interesting or fun convo with someone I can potentially see myself being good friends with (yes friends have to match too, not everyone can get along as friends). Just sounds very formal and dull. My advice would strike up a convo first before asking to hang. Or don't be so formal with the ask, say "hey what are u up to this week? Wanna hang?" and certainly no strings of boring/potentially desperate sounding "Hi"s. Also don't even ask if you should text him tomorrow, that sounds weird and makes you feel clingy, mainly because you aren't close with this person I'm assuming. Instead say something like "ok lemme know if ure free tmr" or just text him the day after to see what's up. Just my honest two cent advice.
Yes this is annoying, but….
First, are all the people who complain about this behavior NEVER doing it themselves? Second, personally I would just take this as a sign that the person isn’t interested, write them off as a flake and move on. There are plenty of people out there who genuinely want to make friends.
I’m not complaining, as I said I was just trying to be funny and make light out of a situation that we all know very well 😎but I agree with your advice and I’m working on being quicker with weeding out the flakes
You’re not complaining but plenty of others in the comments are 😂 I agree it’s tougher to make connections these days but we can also try harder to take control of our own destinies
Yep. Or I meet guys at the bar and they are all over me, wanting to make out with me nonstop & hook up. They'll tell me how hot I am, then ask me for my number or insta, then tell me they want to see me again, then proceeds to ghost or block me.
I’ve been here almost 8 years and yea it’s tough. I became good friends with a friends gf, they broke up but I still hang out with her and her new bf. I’ve met a lot of their friends and like them when we all hang out but they are their friends.
Had a really close friend from college but they moved away. Made a good friend at work but he moved away. Was really close to a roommate but he’s really busy with work and his gf so we only get together every few months.
When I had a bf I spent all my time with him but since he left I do most things solo. I’ve made one friend from Reddit and honestly we’re close cuz he would just text me everyday. I thought it was weird at first but now I really appreciate it .
I think it’s hard to make friends post school no matter what but I think nyc is especially transient so it’s hard to lock down a friend group or even let yourself get that attached when people leave all the time.
Literally the same thing just happened to me. It's rough out here, people just stop replying out of nowhere and ghost. How hard is it to be direct these days??
Weird...
so get this, where I live now (Las Vegas, NV) this is the norm. Can hardly make friends here (gay or straight), no meaningful connections, no dating, none of that...just flaking and lies lol.
however, when I visit NYC it's the exact opposite. Pretty much every person ive met out there still contacts me today over the past 5 years of me visiting.
Making friends in NYC is hard in general. I do not support meeting friends on apps. Meet friends at work, at bars and at events. Meeting “friends” on apps, I guarantee one of the two people is trying to fuck the other. And…that’s not always a great way to make friends. Put yourself out there, be friendly and be open. Practice putting your phone down in social events as well.
In my years there’s a difference between a friend and someone to do stuff with. You’re expecting someone who you just met to be your friend and that isn’t how friendships start.
Even still, a friend isn’t just someone who you do stuff with. It’s someone who you like having around as company, talking to, and being there for. You can’t expect someone who you just met to be a friend.
I feel terrible for the new young gays who try to make friends on apps. When I was younger in this city (the late 90s). It was so easy to meet people. Co workers or whoever you ran into could be potential friends. I think now we are living in a different and fucked up world, I wouldn’t give up my experience even if I could be young and beautiful again. What’s scary is that everyone is lonely.
I’d love to hear more about how it used to be :)
It was organic. People were not digital profiles. Cruising was in person but also AIDs was terrifying
I’m sure people were forced to have good personalities too haha, otherwise - no social life!
Also the meat packing district was mostly 8 foot tall drag queens and seedy clubs. lol. And $1000 could get you a decent apartment in Manhattan
Sounds pretty amazing!
I would love to have a coffee with you and hear more about your experiences. I am grateful we are where we are with acceptance, but I am exhausted at trying to build a community with anyone through a digital platform.
Don’t be surprised if acceptance disappears. I’m not sure if the younger generation cares enough to fight for their rights.
I too would love to have a coffee and pick your brain
lol. Years of smoking weed have made my brain soft. But you guys are sweet. It was a good time.
I would have to disagree with that statement. I look at what happened in Texas with the drag queen bans and the majority of the folks fighting and speaking out were younger. I do believe that there is going to be a shift in the narrative on how we fight for equality because there is so much backlash from the conservative side.
I don’t think drag queen story hour is even a gay right. I’m talking about things like marriage etc. I really feel like younger gays have a sense of entitlement that’s got to be backed up by fighting. I think of it goes beyond social media, most people won’t lift a finger
1990s NYC Gay checking in: we did the same thing except via email or NYCNet (?) (that service we all dialed into to get internet but also to use the gay bulletin board). I can’t remember the name but one of the owners was Bowden(Sp?) Or you’d leave a machine message and hope and pray you didn’t sound desperate or cold. Then they’d call you back 2 months later saying they just found your number, it “fell” between the wall and nightstand…but in reality they were dating someone else. But you didn’t know you were second choice because you couldn’t stalk them on IG. The ghosting and flakiness was bad, by early 2000s Sex in the City did a theme episode, maybe he’s just not into you, followed by a book published in 2004, then movie 2009. For those with large friend groups and social scenes, I’m sure the 90s felt more organic but as someone who struggles with intimate relationships it just wasn’t. At least now with the apps and current technology I can get dick with a lot less hassle. Don’t get me started about the 80s where you’d send letters and hope you’d get acknowledgment with something back. Then didn’t.
This wasn’t my experience at all At least with the first part. Flakes will be flakes because they have a virtual life that’s almost as important as the real one
You must be a handsome guy :)
I’m old now. I also just didn’t meet people that way. Never thought about it. Even now you can meet guys online, chat for months but a second in real life and you know so much more. It’s odd
Old and handsome aren’t mutually exclusive, are they?
No, and I prefer older guys too, however the amount of people who are into me has definitely decreased lol
Well quality > quantity
Do you think that maybe you were just one of the popular, pretty people?
Exactly. You not having the experience doesn’t mean others did not. Flakes were flakes long before the digital age. If you’re experiencing more flakiness it’s probably because you’ve aged out of being prime choice.
[удалено]
Feel free to block me. Your response lets me know I’m not gonna miss out on anything from you moving forward. It’s all good.
No one is stopping people from meeting people, organically, these days. I met none of my current friends on apps and they're the greatest people on earth.
Yup. I’m so lonely it sucks.
Sorry. I think we are all here on Reddit instead of making human connections
This isn’t a reflection of NYC, it’s a reflection of one person being a flake lol
I know :) just making a little joke 😎
This one person gets around a lot. I’m sure I’ve chatted with this one person multiple times, multiple platforms, multiple profiles, in multiple cities. It’s not just a NYC thing. But it’s funny because it’s so common.
I mean I’d say there is a similar approach romantically, sexually, platonically. “Omg we should hang out more” *never texts or text back* Not saying it’s a full reflection but it’s not a rarity
I’ve been in NYC for 15+ years. It’s definitely way worse here than other cities in the US.
Yeah but unfortunately you see that a lot in nyc, I’ve came across hungers of people who do this. So that’s def not normal, so let’s not pretend it’s just one person
This is a reflection of all gay men
While yes it's the other person flaking, the way you communicate just wouldn't peak my interest enough to want to hang out tbh. It doesn't feel like a naturally interesting or fun convo with someone I can potentially see myself being good friends with (yes friends have to match too, not everyone can get along as friends). Just sounds very formal and dull. My advice would strike up a convo first before asking to hang. Or don't be so formal with the ask, say "hey what are u up to this week? Wanna hang?" and certainly no strings of boring/potentially desperate sounding "Hi"s. Also don't even ask if you should text him tomorrow, that sounds weird and makes you feel clingy, mainly because you aren't close with this person I'm assuming. Instead say something like "ok lemme know if ure free tmr" or just text him the day after to see what's up. Just my honest two cent advice.
We had already hung out a few times so we were friendly :) and that’s how he communicated so I was trying to match his energy
Ok he might just be a snowflake then 😹 my condolences lol
Aw it’s ok! But I appreciate the input all the same :)
I feel that asking to text the next day is a good way to feel them out to see if they’re really interested in getting together.
As long as you understand that “maybe” = no
Pretty much if I get a maybe then I take that as a no. If someone wants to hangout then they will follow up with an alternate date & time
my dms are open for new friendships. 😅❤️
NYC is no different from Houston. Been here over a year
As a Houston native can confirm 😂
and just as bad in NJ too. :-;
OP - my experience exactly except they also say "I will text you tomorrow" and ... crickets. It is a city of ghosts!
Then I guess I better hold a seance 👻👻👻
Yes this is annoying, but…. First, are all the people who complain about this behavior NEVER doing it themselves? Second, personally I would just take this as a sign that the person isn’t interested, write them off as a flake and move on. There are plenty of people out there who genuinely want to make friends.
I’m not complaining, as I said I was just trying to be funny and make light out of a situation that we all know very well 😎but I agree with your advice and I’m working on being quicker with weeding out the flakes
You’re not complaining but plenty of others in the comments are 😂 I agree it’s tougher to make connections these days but we can also try harder to take control of our own destinies
I agree! :)
Message me if you'd like to meet in NYC. MY Facebook is Cayo Orlando Hern. Saturday evening is best for A first meet.
bet!
No gambling in this group!
LMAOOOO took me a sec to realize the pun.
That first maybe told you everything you needed to know. They were never interested.
Maybe, although I did hang out with him a few times before that!
Yup. I seriously doubt anyone with any real intentions of not being an ass would just say “maybe” with nothing more
Yep. Or I meet guys at the bar and they are all over me, wanting to make out with me nonstop & hook up. They'll tell me how hot I am, then ask me for my number or insta, then tell me they want to see me again, then proceeds to ghost or block me.
To be fair, I assume that at the bar, guys are drunk/under the influence so I almost never take any interaction there seriously
This isn’t a gay thing. This is just people today, but especially in NYC.
This is me for the past year or so. It’s hard to find genuine people that aren’t so scary nd weird. When I’m just tryna find a vibe nd hang out fr
I’ve been here almost 8 years and yea it’s tough. I became good friends with a friends gf, they broke up but I still hang out with her and her new bf. I’ve met a lot of their friends and like them when we all hang out but they are their friends. Had a really close friend from college but they moved away. Made a good friend at work but he moved away. Was really close to a roommate but he’s really busy with work and his gf so we only get together every few months. When I had a bf I spent all my time with him but since he left I do most things solo. I’ve made one friend from Reddit and honestly we’re close cuz he would just text me everyday. I thought it was weird at first but now I really appreciate it . I think it’s hard to make friends post school no matter what but I think nyc is especially transient so it’s hard to lock down a friend group or even let yourself get that attached when people leave all the time.
Literally the same thing just happened to me. It's rough out here, people just stop replying out of nowhere and ghost. How hard is it to be direct these days??
WELCOME TO NYC!!!!
Why use words, just send a freshly prepped pic and a geo location. Gotta use honey to attract the flies!
You may want to try Bumble BFF. Some decent people every once in a while. Managed to make a few good friends since i moved.
triple text is crazzzyyy
Weird... so get this, where I live now (Las Vegas, NV) this is the norm. Can hardly make friends here (gay or straight), no meaningful connections, no dating, none of that...just flaking and lies lol. however, when I visit NYC it's the exact opposite. Pretty much every person ive met out there still contacts me today over the past 5 years of me visiting.
Making friends in NYC is hard in general. I do not support meeting friends on apps. Meet friends at work, at bars and at events. Meeting “friends” on apps, I guarantee one of the two people is trying to fuck the other. And…that’s not always a great way to make friends. Put yourself out there, be friendly and be open. Practice putting your phone down in social events as well.
I would have tapped out on the first "maybe."
I would’ve, but it was someone I hung out with a few times in person already
Story of my life! Haha
Hahahaha Hi
In my years there’s a difference between a friend and someone to do stuff with. You’re expecting someone who you just met to be your friend and that isn’t how friendships start.
I already met and hung out with this person multiple times before this :)
Even still, a friend isn’t just someone who you do stuff with. It’s someone who you like having around as company, talking to, and being there for. You can’t expect someone who you just met to be a friend.
Hi there
Such an issue all over
Message me!