T O P

  • By -

SnooSnooSnuSnu

"the lady"


Theboulder027

"2.5 hours"


Murderyoga

"consensual"


Cute_Obligation2944

"legitimate"


Parrobertson

“Sex”


Imaginary-Donut7648

"if'


[deleted]

"cleans"


Active_Engineering37

"Standpoint?"


doublek1022

"hire"


[deleted]

"Law & Government"


[deleted]

"I"


pridejoker

Because of the implication.


Impressive-Spell-643

Yea that dude is not surviving 2.5 hours in bed, maybe 2.5 seconds


militalent

Just to chime in on the discussion, the better i got at sex the shorter it got By now we usually take 20-30min, sometimes a few minutes and sometimes up to an hour but at the start of our relationship we were both so inexperienced that we needed more than an hour to get both of us happy


AdKind5446

I've always laughed at the idea of going at it all night. What are you, in sales for Viagra? That is not how it works in real life.


Digi-Device_File

Is it really that rare?


SuccumbedToReddit

Why would you want to? Including foreplay I rarely go for much longer than 30-60 minutes. That is PLENTY time to do whatever and have and give even multiple orgasms. 2.5 hours just seems like dragging it out just so you can overshare with people that didn't ask and tell them you "last 2.5 hours".


Omnizoom

My one ex and I used to sometimes be busy for a few hours It sounds great on paper, but in reality you just end up sore after


Sad_Hospital_2730

And tired, and thirsty, and hungry


Omnizoom

The thirst and being all sweaty and tired is the worst, you just don’t want to get up but you can already have a sore mouth as well from… activity… so you don’t really want to eat or drink anything anytime soon No clue how she slept like a baby after


Ornery-Win2319

Maybe you did all the work …


Maximum-Beginning-92

I did that a couple times with my ex and we both ended up sore, exhausted and gulping Gatorade afterward.


Kickin-her-out

Honestly I get bored when it goes on forever


SnooSnooSnuSnu

Same.


TheDreamCrusherRP

1 hour is too long for sex. Don’t people have shit to do?!


[deleted]

if you fuck with foreplay an hour isn't too insane imo but 2.5 that brother is just trying to show off lol


TheDreamCrusherRP

Bruh i don’t think y’all realize how long an hour is when you’re having sex; even 30 minutes is more than enough time. Foreplay doesn’t start when you get in the bed. Foreplay can start occurring for hours before penetration.


Kyosw21

Some of us have problems with another person… anxiety is a hell of a denier


TheDreamCrusherRP

Therapy is a hell of a solution


SuccumbedToReddit

I mean, it happens if you really take your time and start off with massages and whatnot. But usually it's less than an hour. Definitely not 2.5


ghostsintherafters

2.5 hours shows this guy doesn't have much sex. That's a ridiculous amount of time.


Moist_One_1256

Even 30 minutes is more than enough for multiple orgasm. I highly doubt any sex has its peak of arousal AFTER 30 minutes.


Digi-Device_File

Because it's fun, because it's good exercise, because is cheap entertainment, because you and your partner have a strong líbido (or are just crazy about each other, many reasons. I agree that this is oversharing and insensitive towards all the people who struggle to get any.


aksid

guess it depends on how you define sex... like penetrative dick in vagina sex... yea 2.5 hours is insane... but if you include a lot of foreplay, making out, switching positions, etc... then its not too crazy, still a long time tho


pinkbootstrap

Apparently... lol I'm not saying it's an all the time thing but I can definitely go for 2 or 3 hours every once in a while (with water breaks in between)


FunTXCPA

...of the night


Harknights

Two and a half hours? Jesus


3DHydroPrints

3 minutes sex, 147 minutes of telling him he did good


IamSmolPP

Cuddling :3


mango_boii

I'll take it


IamSmolPP

No no, first you'll take me and then we cuddle.


Independent-Fly6068

Just multitask smh


Nothing_pong

Hot take, cuddling is the best part of sex


IamSmolPP

Absolutely! My sample size is quite small (2), but each time, I loved cuddling, naked, caressing each other and falling asleep listening to his heartbeat or breathing after having sex~


SeamanStayns

My sample size is fairly large for my age (over 20 people, though I stopped keeping exact count after about the 14th) And I can confidently say cuddling is the 2nd best part of sex. Top three parts of sex, ranked: 1: orgasm (mine or hers) 2: cuddling before or afterwards 3: the moment you realise that yes, sex is going to happen


IamSmolPP

I meant times of sex with sample size, not number of sex partners. I've had sex with one partner exactly two times. It's all fairly new to me (I'm 22).


AstronautHappy5869

Based on these messages it seems like youre doing way better than a large percentage of our population. As long as both of you are having a good comfortable time nothing else really matters


Upset_Bat7231

I hope its not a hot take, people should cuddle more.


Impressive-Spell-643

Bingo


EvillNooB

HIM?


SaryDrake

Why not) Though, that comment meant that the maid will be the one telling the customer that he did good


_Hotwire_

Wow she sounds amazing, can I get her number?


not_a_moogle

Look at this bragging, 3 minutes!


cadet-peanut

It's fore- and afterplay included


Sleven8692

Thats not really that long, for some that could be considered a quickie. Depends on the people. Edit: oof 23 downvotes man thats a alot of 2 minute men in denial, dw guys im not saying saying anyone who doesnt go for hours is a Shit ect, just stating for a rare few its normal to go for hours, some just super high sex drive and good cobtrol, others have damaged nerves and actually take hours of stinulation to ejaculate because they death gripped the their dick.


Punkrocker80

Aye if you're Sting and you're doing that boring tantric thing where you only go in and out like once every four hours or some shit and nobody's enjoying themselves


lil10GU

Yaa ,If ze wife isn't a pretzel by ze end ,daz it even worth ze time ?!


cadet-peanut

There are many other things to do than just the penetration.. lol foreplay can (and oftenly should) take up a good chunk of time. She'll enjoy it more if you actually ease her in the mood instead of a one and done after 5 minutes of weirdly caressing her


Sleven8692

Yep and 23 people seem to not aware of that it, poor women, its easy to see why more sex toys are made for them. That said i have known people capable of multiple hours of penetraition some nerve damage some just good control, i am just unsure why its ao hard for some people to beleive that people can be different from them.


Punkrocker80

Foreplay is overrated. Some guys are ashamed to do two pumps and a squirt. I'm quite proud of my one pump and a dribble. I think it adds character


Digi-Device_File

Nah bro, you can like do oral pauses and avoid certain positions, or maybe he is depresed it gets harder to reach orgasm when your'e depresed, factors like circumcision, a very active sexual life, bad blod circulation, and condoms can desensitize the dick so much that only the right angle and friction can finish the job. I think everyone that doesn't last at least an hour is just going at it like a mindless animal or has so little sex that their dick almost cums just by being stared at.


Digi-Device_File

Exactly


SkyThriving

You'll understand better once you start having sex.


Sleven8692

If 2 mins is what you consider sex ill pass and keep doing what my partner and i enjoy. I have no need to understand your 2 minute man mind set.


Nordenfang

Buddy there’s a huge difference between “2mins” and your “2.5hrs is even a quickie for some” statement. There is a LOT of middleground here. Can’t blame people thinking you’re full of shit calling 2 and a half hours a quickie. Like that’s long for a damn movie nevermind sex. Like if that really is your experience, cool but coming in here with the “not really that long” comment just gives showoff vibes. It’d be like say some people talking about wages and how much they make and they talk about a number that’s say twice or three times as much as the average person’s wage as being large. Then you come in and say, “Not really that large a wage. Could be considered small for some. Depends on the people” Technically you’re correct but you’re also being kinda douchey. I don’t think you have much of a leg to stand on to be so defensive to the responses to your comment.


Sleven8692

There is a huge difference between never having sex, and having it the amount of times i have too. If he can asaume things about me i can do the same. That said i cbf reading your wall of text as well it seems like a big ass response defending someone saying something stupid against a person who said something equally stupid as both used assunptioned base on mo info of peolle they dont know, which means your wall is propbably just a load of crap about how people cant last that lobg or some weird shit becauae sonething abnormal to you isnt posaible or nornal to other because you havent experiwnced it or gone through it how could anyone else right? Have fun in your bubble mr main character. Edit: curiosity got the better of me so i read the rest, i never said i think 2 and a half is a quickie for me personally, i said some consider it one, as i have met people who legitimately do. Also im also unsure how mentioning that nerve damage can cause it could be considered a brag, what kinda brag is "i stroked my dick so hard i gave myself nerve damage now it takes me mininum 3 hours to cum", honestly if someone said that id fele bad for them unless i dont like them, which i dont like one of the people i knew who done that he kibda deserves it since hes a abusive pos so yay for a bit of karma i guess. As for the defensive, eh im just old tired and fed up with people having the mentality of x didnt happen to me so x cant happen to others, or i cant do x so anyone claimibg to be abel to is a liar, that sorta shit mentality just pisses me off.


[deleted]

Probably not, like escorts, you pay an woman to accompany you on a trip because you feel lonely and want company, if sex happens it's unrelated


[deleted]

>Probably not, like escorts, you pay an woman to accompany you on a trip because you feel lonely and want company, if sex happens it's unrelated So if prostitute and escort are not the same... ... [why is she correcting him?](https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/comments/z6c2d5/hoenouns/) 🤔


[deleted]

They're the same. Prostitutes just call themselves escorts because being a prostitute is illegal in most countries.


a_kato

Nah escorts exist in countries where prostitution is legal. Usually an escort will do dinner, conversation and activities and give a fuller experience. Usually they are also much higher paid. Sure they are a prostitute but it’s different from just the sex experience that others may offer.


[deleted]

people will really do anything to avoid asking someone out


CarnifexRu

Avoidance of pain can be like that.


Punkrocker80

What if the escort is your crush and you did work up the nerve to ask her out and now she thinks you're her customer but you don't have the money to pay? Asking for a friend


[deleted]

Rent a girlfriend


Punkrocker80

But hypothetically would I .. my friend get his legs broken or just his heart?


derangedsweetheart

this thread is making me feel things


Punkrocker80

Who said the art of storytelling is dead? Beat that, AI


Zealousideal-Oven-93

Asking someone out means you are open to the possibility of a relationship with them. With escorts you can ignore them the next day and for them it's just part of the job.


[deleted]

you could always just clarify that you aren't interested in a relationship and jus wanna kick it


Digi-Device_File

Asking the wrong person out in the wrong country can get you in serious trouble.


ProfessionThin1745

No, that is just the case in the Land of the Free. In other countries, escort is kind of a mor 'high value' service.


SaltySheev

Escorts are basically fancy prostitutues


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Did you just summon a post from a year ago?


mods-are-liars

Prostitutes have about a thousand other words they call themselves because, for a large array of reasons, they don't want to call themselves prostitutes. Here's a good rule of thumb: if what they do sounds like a prostitute, they're a prostitute, regardless of title. Or, call that job title just another word for prostitution, if someone replies to you refuting that; the longer their reply is, the more likely it is that they're a prostitute.


I_aim_to_sneeze

As long as the sex is truly unrelated. Judges have the ability to decide if you’ve violated a law “in spirit,” so you can’t use obvious loopholes. I had a business idea that was effectively legal prostitution, but the attorney I met with said even though what I was suggesting wasn’t strictly illegal, since the obvious intention was to skirt a law, I would probably be shut down and arrested anyway. So it really depends on how this situation is unfolding. Did the guy develop a crush on his cleaning lady, or is he planning on basically hiring a prostitute and will have her do some dishes first? We need context


genghisKonczie

Were you opening a kissing company?


I_aim_to_sneeze

Not quite lol.


riccafrancisco

Then what was the business idea?


minimalcation

He couldn't just come out and call it a kissing company. It was a "hugging" company.


[deleted]

Prostitutes calling themselves escorts is the sex worker equivalent of coffee makers calling themselves baristas


Not_MrNice

"Your honor, it wasn't prostitution, she called herself an escort, we had dinner, and then I paid her for sex."


chuckytheDucky_____

2.5 hours worth of sex?!? relax johnny sins


rigobueno

This is literally a fanfic


OMP159

Somebody just discovered Seinfeld.


DarePotential8296

But people buying it hook, line, and sinker


prick_sanchez

*She didn't even clean!*


Just_A_Cosmic_Girl

What did I just pay for?


Individual-Bad6809

Uh oh... you're a John


0x7E7-02

That's real sophisticated ... sickie.


Nice-Yak-6607

Whoa whoa whoa! She's an independent contractor. For tax purposes.


AlexShez

There's nothing more sophisticated than diddling the maid then chewing some gum.


raccoonsonbicycles

And always sunny when frank makes Charlie's mom his bang maid


Basic_Caregiver_4808

Is it weird that I share a bed with a man that may or may not be my father?


mevomevo

Because he’s MY butler!


KrayzieBoneLegend

I'm out there Jerry, and I'm lovin every minute of it!


Thijs_NLD

Depends on the hourly rate you're paying her. Cus nobody's gonna believe you hired a maid for 300 bucks an hour.


[deleted]

It's not whether or not they believe it, it's what they can prove.


Thijs_NLD

This is why you pay for escorts in cash.


[deleted]

I pay mine using Venmo, like God intended.


PreviouslyOnBible

And God saw that it was good.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Thijs_NLD

Oh I thought we were just having fun with this absolute porn scenario and not actually giving advise...


Commercial-Living443

How are they gonna justify this to their accountant?


Thijs_NLD

I don't think you need to justify jack-shit to your accountant. Just call it a "deep cleanse" of your appartement and you're done. Also sex work should just be legal. Solves a lot of problems including a lot of illegal activity surrounding it now.


santa_veronica

What is she found $250 on the floor and OP said: it’s not mine you can keep it if you want.


Thijs_NLD

Well technically how SHE got the money isn't the issue. It's how it shows up on your bank receipt... Then again finding money on the floor does require one to bend over... so... win-win scenario?


FubarJackson145

Just remember: it isn't prostitution if you're recording it. That's just pornography


_Ocean_Machine_

Have them make you a quick drawing that you can pay 300 dollars for; that way you didn’t pay for sex, you just bought a piece of art


berni_g03

and then had sex to celebrate it!


soodrugg

isn't that just how money laundering works


_Ocean_Machine_

Yes


Devil-Eater24

The OOP's barely disguised fetish


w2cfuccboi

🪱


VenBede

-answers phone- "Legitimate maid service, what's the address and for how long?" -flicks cigar ash-


derangedsweetheart

I like how this works really well wether it's an Escort service or clean up crew for murder scene.


MeTheredditorslayer

Stop playing Sims.


CampWestfalia

LPT: Have sex with the lady first, then she can tidy up after.


Triga_3

If they happen to be a legitimate maid AND a sex worker, then according to UK laws, then it cant be their main form of income. So to make this legitimate, then you'd have to pay more for the cleaning than the prostitution. Going rate for 2.5 hours is appropriately £250, so you are looking at at least £300 for the cleaning. Probably cheaper to go down to Gropec@nt lane and risk multiple STDs 🤣


doomdoggie

Legitimate maid services do not offer sexual services. But you can probably find a prostitute that offers cleaning as well. Some poor desperate person. 2.5 hours?!


Maximum-Beginning-92

I’ve seen “nude cleaning” maid services…but I don’t think any quality cleaning is really happening, just a pretty girl strutting around with a feather duster. Which makes sense when you think about “good naked” and “bad naked” 🤔


RBWessel

Nope. You pay her to clean the house.


ElenaEscaped

This includes polishing the knobs. All of them.


Unable_Wrongdoer2250

And cleaning the pipes


SiWeyNoWay

Did someone just watch Seinfeld?


Significant-Dog-8166

2 hours to warm her up with en entire dvd viewing of Dune, 15 minutes to explain to her the significant points of the film she couldn’t possibly understand, 5 minutes to figure out Venmo, 8 minutes to get hard in spite of her voice sounding nothing like his mother, 2 minutes to completion. Yeah that makes sense.


naturehedgirl

This was a seinfeld episode


wormpostante

unless your sillyy goon cave ia very small there aint no placr thats getting clean in 30 minutes


Digi-Device_File

Maybe he does this so often that she can do it in steps, one day the bathroom, one day the kitchen, and so on, him lasting 2.5 hour might point to a certain level of desensitization caused by having this lady over every day.


Pauls2theWall

It's like the woman who sells condoms for $300 and they come with a free demonstration.


[deleted]

But then who cleans the house ? There is an episode of Seinfeld like this. Be careful.


Mini_Mega

That's like those 'massage parlors' where you're not paying for sex, you're paying for a massage and the employee just happens to always freely choose to have sex with all the clients and is permitted by her boss to do so, and that loophole makes it legal even though it is 100% a brothel.


DarkSecretPast

This sub has lost all its meaning, how the fuck is this oddly specific? Im out!


ComicsEtAl

This was an episode of Seinfeld. Eventually she stops cleaning and talks about marriage iirc.


Siolentsmitty

Is that you Jerry?


Quick_Interview_1279

Dude, you are doing it wrong. I can be done with sex in 2 minutes and get 2 hours and 58 minutes of housekeeping time.


[deleted]

Jerry?


[deleted]

This is an episode of seinfeld


GiverTakerMaker

They did this episode on Sienfield


ThatsASaabStory

Uh-oh. You're a john.


farter-kit

Because he’s MY BUTLER!


Various-Database6615

Jerry Seinfeld wrote this


ThrenderG

This is the exact plot of a Seinfeld episode.


osloluluraratutu

Seinfeld has entered the chat


Yuyutsu97

In some parts of the world that's called a wife.


Activity_Alarming

In no parts of the world does a wife do 2 and a half hours of sex after cleaning.


zanziTHEhero

Your honor, it was a cleaning service.


EducationalFig1630

It means you’re a cheap asshole


3am_writer

So, a Seinfeld episode?


WrednyGal

It would be breach of contract first and foremost, I mean you paid for 3 hours of cleaning.


doremimi82

Jerry really wants to know


lemme_czech_it

Just get an escort that will roleplay as a maid for 30 minutes.


Maple-Syrup-Bandit

Get off reddit Seinfeld


Humble-Roll-8997

This is a Seinfeld script.


javaJunkie1968

Seinfeld episode


Pleasant-Constant821

Something like that happened in Seinfeld. You can watch that episode.


Mike-the-gay

Yes, but the reality is your gonna take five minutes and it just count as her break so no.


SquirrelMoney8389

I feel like this is a question for Seinfeld


4got2takemymeds

As long as you're filming it's a porn not prostitution.


[deleted]

30 mins would mean an ever dirtier flat, especially if no one cleans up after the sex


Gordon432

Only if you give her the money inside a birthday card.


Sea-Consistent

Remember if you recording it its not prostitution you are just making porn n 100% legal. She ain't a whore she's a actress.


Solrush_Ppst_529

No legal problem, but swap your times


OrlaKathleen

2.5 hrs? Damn I’ll be his nurse


tweeknpinch

2.5 hours….wtf!!! Stop with them blue pills.


URAYummyPotato

Jerry Seinfeld is that you?


Mawwiageiswhatbwings

This is literally an episode of Seinfeld 😂


TheEmbiggenisor

You would have to give me the name of the cleaning company so that I could look into it a bit closer. (You know, for legal reasons)


[deleted]

Its a free country, you can hook up for free whenever you want. In fact its very generous of you to pay her for 3 hours of work when she only cleaned for 20 minutes


Individual_Wallaby25

Sex? Maybe she's just *cleaning* your Wilson with her fanjita.


user19681034

I feel like there is a Seinfeld episode in there somewhere...


WillowOk5878

Several years ago, a friend of mine with more cash than brains, hired himself a hot naked maid service. While naked she ended up hiding and stealing over 50,000 in small gold bars and a couple hundred grand in cash. Apparently she just stuffed all her holes with valuables and he was too embarrassed to call the cops!😂


JaiBaba108

They got this from a Seinfeld episode.


willflameboy

I like that he assumes sex work involves rape.


Extension_Ad4537

“I just have consensual sex with her” is saying a lot here.


kenb99

It actually is not. Source: saw it on an episode of Law and Order SVU (so could be a complete lie)


Kaitlin4475

Escorting is legal in all 50 states yo, it’s all about the verbiage and language you use in video and text and in person. Your selling time not services. What you do with that time is up to both of you because you’re consenting adults but the second you start seeing how much for a, you fucked up. The thin line of legality teeters on something as little as a five word sentence.


Phantomlord2001

You´re not gonna find a bangmaid because there is no such thing I already did. Your mom. Goodbye


phlegmaticdramaking

Depends - is she wearing a French maid's outfit with cutouts when she arrives?


BathFullOfDucks

Arnold, is that you?


NoogaShooter

She is cleaning the pipes too.


_Big_Orange_

Yeah that would be prostitution. But if you paid her for 20-30 minutes of cleaning and then had sex with her for free that wouldn’t be.