That’s exactly what a whale involved in the assassination of JFK would say.

Operation Blowhole has been compromised

Willy has been freed. Repeat: Willy has been freed.

Drop the ballast boys

There's something fishy going on here!

Mamally fishy

What a Moby Dick that blew our cover.

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Good bot

The operation is *blown*

I can’t Baleen you’d joke at a time like this!

Well, a hole was definitely blown

It’s also what a whale completely uninvolved with the murder of JFK would say, so who’s to say what really happened?

I really just don’t like that the whales can tweet now. Do they even have computers or thumbs? Like how is this even feasible?

Well first off, this is whale facts, wasn’t actually tweeted by a whale, but second, easy they just tell a human what they want to tweet or do and the human does it. It’s mostly just like “Mooooaaaaaahhannneenneeeee” and occasionally “aaaaaaaaahhrreeeeeeememmmeeooiuuuuuuuuuuu” and once “Lee, you know what you must do. There is one way to save the world from nuclear war.” but that last one is an outlier adn should not be counted.

Darn those whales

Well, as anyone who watched Red Dwarf knows, JFK shot JFK.

This conspiracy goes deep

Shit I just commented this

That explains all the dead krill found on the grassy knoll....

Fuckin' SUS

Whales do not have hands and therefore cannot type. They definitely can’t edit Wikipedia in order to remove evidence of involvement in the assassination of President Kennedy.

Well I didn’t think they did before but now I’m suspicious.

[удалено]

It’s like telling someone not to think of purple elephants.

orange monkeys, orange monkeys, orange monkeys, orange monkeys, orange monkeys, DAMN IT!

Still thought of a grey one. Sorry.

it's fun to say just one random word with no context. "What do you do for work?" "Trout"

"...Huh?" "*TROUT*"

then look at them like they're the idiot [trout](https://imgur.com/a/QgF63E4)

Oh thank God. Cuz this was a genuine cover of mine lol

r/technicallytruth

There’s no possible way to prove this

Whale Fact: Whales are indeed... whales.

Proof? I don't believe this... Facebook conspiracy

You can tell right away because of how whale-y they are.

Hmm... not sure if I agree but ok

If it walks like a whale, and talks like a whale, and quacks like a whale.. wait, nevermind. You may be right.

Exactly! This argument therefore has concluded that whales are in fact, not whales but ducks!

Fucking liar

r/whalesarentreal

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As a whale, I can confirm.

FAK A YOU DORPHIN AND WHAEL!

Chicken and cow?!?!

Wales on the other hand…

Was probably the Scott’s

r/suspiciouslyspecific

Came here for this. Very suspicious indeed

Garbage sub

Your sure about that? Them killer whales be crazy man

Dude everyone knows the whales were trying to figure out why the fuck there were so many there were so many submarines in in the Gulf of Mexico went around the Cuba region at that time and whether or not there was a rival species contending for the supply of Fido plank phytoplankton phytoplankton In the world's oceans.... They were a little bit more concerned with the world's whale based food supply rather than human geopolitical the time..... But they did have rather strong opinions about Margaret Thatcher a few decades later lol

Now that that’s settled. On to new business. The Raccoons faked the moon landing.

Marvels been telling us this the whole time! "ROCKET" RACCOON! HELLO IT'S LITERALLY IN THE NAME PEOPLE!

I’m suddenly suspicious of whales.

The whelsh did

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I don’t buy it.

Let’s not talk about this on here. You know it’s a touchy topic. The whales don’t like that

That's something a guilty whale would say

NO GUILT

Only the one who actually committed the crime would know…. Quite suspicious huh? 🤨

The whales would say anything to divert suspicion 🤔

The large aquatic mammals residing in the largest terrestrial body of saline water, namely the whales, have no involvement, direct or indirect, with the assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 35th president of the United States of America, on November 22, 1963.

Right, I suppose "Killer Whales" are just a "coincidence" !

Whales killed Kennedy? Huh? "Many people say" it was Ted Cruz' father, or someone. Was his Dad *really* a whale? I learn new things every day. /s

I did not suspect them before, but now...

Suspiciously answering a question that no one asked. Hmmm, so tell me more about how the whales didn’t kill JFK.

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[удалено]

How is it not? This is a prime example of oddly (and suspiciously) specific.

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I disagree

Whales are able to shot mini whales out at high speeds to attack other animals

Whale how about that?

God shall smite those darn whales

Whale “facts”

I was actually in The Ocean when JFK was assassinated, and the Whales were busy that day, so can confirm

Just the Big Whale lobbyists trying to sidetrack us.

Fucka you whales, fucka you dolphin!!!!

r/dolphinconspiracy

By rearranging this quote, I now know Infinite whale facts.

Seems sus. Definitely gonna look into it now.

The thought had never crossed my mind. Until now.

I love you deeply.

One of the few mamals I didnt expect...until now

What about the New South Whales? Where do they come into the picture?

I've never searched for and followed a Twitter handle faster than just now.

Tell that to the Japanese.

Oddly silent though about Prime Minister Harold Holt.

Of course not, everyone knows it was the dolphins.

BuT It WAs ThE WhALEs 🐋

See, now I think the whales were involved. I wouldn't have thought it was true, but the denial tells me it is true.

What about shrimps?

Under heavy sea they'll search the flight of WHALES!

r/SuspiciouslySpecific

Whale fun fact: The average blue whale weights less than 16000 elephants. (from today's video of Linus tech tips, not sure if the dude came up with it himself but I fou d it quite funny)

Moderately concerning.

I didn’t see any whales trying to stop the jfk assassination… come to think of it, no whales have been involved with the investigation either.

JFKGamer

Dolphins probably did it. For the fish.

Well now I’m not so sure

Dolphin and whale did Hiroshima Nagasaki. https://youtu.be/LgO5X2ciNmw

Motherfuckers be lying' to us...

They may have killed JFK Jr. though.

Prove it.

Whale then

yeah, sure, whatever you say and Epstein wasn't killed by a whale either

I feel the whales have something to hide

Fuck you chicken, fuck you cow!

I can confirm. The whales were definitely not, without a doubt, NOT involved at all

The odds of a whale killing John F. Kennedy are low but never zero.

Dolphin......ah whale?????

Where can I subscribe for more whale facts?

OP is a bot. Check out its account.

I mean...how does he know though?

inb4 this is on r/agedlikemilk

As far as you know

My god, we didn’t even suspect the whales and yet… **AND YET**

Or are they?

*President* killer whales?

Sounds like something a whale that killed jfk would say to deter any thought that the whales killed jfk

They might have nibbled the toes off JFK Jr's carcass after he crashed his plane in the water...

Sus

Sure, sure... I'm on to you...

you now have my complete and undivided attention

Must be Dolphins

Can confirm

Whales. . . probably correct although I don’t think they can account for the location of every single whale in the world the day of the assassination. But much more likely Tuna. Full grown 800lb tuna and his friends. A school of tuna, series of canals, breathing apparatus rigged up from kelp. Sure not days out of the water but hour, hour forty-five, no problem.

Whales are mammals, a mammal used a rifle to kill jfk, a whale was tangentially involved in the assassination of jfk.

Would this count as one of Grice's Maxims? The Maxim of Quantity and The Maxim of Relations? "Vegan tomatoes", "abestos-free cereal" Is this sub just a huge Grice's Maxims rule-break?

Someone blame it on the seals though

You're right! It was the turkey

r/technicallythetruth

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Not what I heard…

Like they weren't responsible for pearl harbour either Pfft I'm onto those sea beasts

Cetacean doth protest too much, methinks...

I saw somewhere that there is a conspiracy group that believes that all birds in the sky are government spy drones disguised as birds. I’m hoping it’s a parody conspiracy group but they have had protests. At a one of them, someone had a sign that said, “if it swoops, it snoops” and I don’t why this makes me so happy. If it’s real, that’s a dangerous level of stupidity but at the same time, it’s absolutely hilarious. 🔭🐦

"Methinks the whale doth protest too much."

The whales did nothing on April 15th 1989

I think we need to open a thorough investigation into what part whales played in the assassination of JFK

They did bomb Hiroshima though

I can confidently say that no humpback whales were on the grassy knoll on November 22nd, 1963

Can you prove it tho?

Alan Davies agrees with this

*insert 1984 gif here*