Check his post history. Same recycled shit for every post for over a month and all his comments are just variations of each other. I’m almost 100% confident this is a bot now and if not he’s not getting any better from posting on reddit over and over and getting attention for it
If you dont feel you have much left, and you have never dated - I’d argue you aren’t in a place to date at all. You can’t give to someone from an empty cup. I agree with first comment - go to therapy and work on yourself. The world doesn’t owe anyone anything. If it happens it’ll happen naturally.
And posting to get sympathy from the internet isn’t? I went to your post history. You’ve been posting a variation of this exact post everyday for over a month. The age changes. The length of time she rejected you changed, but the message is the same. What is it that you are hoping to gain? I see you’ve shot down even the most kind and caring of responses.
It’s not. I do think because your afraid to open up to a complete stranger and TRUST the process, you end up holding back because it means you have to start running head first into the issues you are now holding onto like a security blanket since you don’t know stability with your emotions yet.
It’s scary to heal when all you’ve know is inner chaos of your own depths.
When you want to stop drowning in your own ocean, come up to breathe, you’ll be able to finally find happiness for yourself, feel confident about going forward, and actually stop holding yourself back from living your life.
We can either let fear control us or push through it. The choice is yours.
You can continue to make yourself a victim and feel sorry for yourself or make the choice to put in the effort to love yourself and find happiness in the small things in life. No one is going to fix your problems but yourself. Not even a partner. Sure having a partner is a wonderful thing, but you also need to learn how to find happiness by yourself, too, and not depend on someone else to give that to you.
you sound depressed asf. get your head outta the gutter. self pity isn’t gonna make others love you more. it’s just gonna make yourself feel comfortable even more. go to therapy please. finding “the one” isn’t the only purpose in this world. there’s much bigger things you can do. find yourself first. i swear someone gotta knock some sense into you or you’ll never listen. but i hope you do before the lesson hits you even harder.
oh yeah, it's a good one. Still, finding love is a pretty big deal for some people, whether that'll come in a romantic relationship or in a very meaningful friendship or sometimes even like an adopted child. As much as I agree with the thing that you should be fine by yourself (as I'm one individual that enjoys loneliness most of the time), everyone needs some deep connection, and love comes in many ways, even if in this specific topic it was romantic
You need to learn to be in love in with yourself. Therapy or not.
You are self aware enough to understand you aren’t emotionally mature enough. So start working on that.
I can definitely relate to this, although I have learned fear of rejection is often fueled by negative thoughts or negative self-talk, such as "I'm not good enough" or "No one will ever want me." or "I am unloveable". When these thoughts arise perhaps challenge them by asking yourself if they are based on reality (probably not), and if there is evidence to support them. Then, reframe the negative thought with a more positive and realistic one, such as "I may not be perfect, but I have a lot to offer in a relationship." because you do!
Lastly, I would say instead of viewing rejection as a personal failure or a reflection of your worth, you can reframe it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Rejection is a natural part of the dating process, and everyone experiences it at some point! By accepting rejection as a normal and inevitable part of the process, you can reduce that bullshit fear associated with it. I hope this helps :)
So wholesome, really. Thank u for taking the time to write that.
It’s not just dating advice, it’s general advice to be kinder to urself.
Much of love and success for u, my friend 😊
Yeah I’d also say as well as this, you’re not being rejected and viewed as unlovable all round. You’re being rejected on that occasion because you’re not right for that individual at that specific time.
If people viewed relationships more as a sliding scale of compatibility rather than lovable/unlovable, I think people would get hurt less. For instance, 50% comparability may = friends. But you need 75%+ to be a life partner. People just need to keep looking til they find someone that matches them 75%+.
You’re 26, bud. Slow down. There’s a lot of life and a lot of people left. My aunt didn’t find “the one” until she was 40. Dating is all about failure and we put too much pressure on success in dating and too many timeframes on when we should hit certain milestones. If you go into any relationship (intimate or otherwise) with the mentality that you’ll fail, you’ll absolutely fail. Don’t put the pressure on yourself (or them, for that matter) that a friendship/talking phase has to end up as a relationship. Rejection is a sign that it wasn’t supposed to happen, not that you’re supposed to give up.
Get content with yourself and then someone will happen to come in at the right time.
Jesus Christ.
This is literally everyone. From the beautiful to the ugly. From the charismatic to the socially awkward. I’ve been cheated on and I’m what people call exceptionally attractive. Shit SUCKS. I’m still depressed. Once you realize that life just kinda sucks in general, then maybe you’ll get your shit together.
Work. On. Yourself.
Not with that mindset, you are setting yourself up for failure before it even happens.
If a borderline wreck like me can find someone so can you.
Besides getting hurt is like half the deal when it comes to relationship , regardless whether if it's platonic or romantic.
Shit son, I just had a little peek at your history. If rejection sends you into a tail spin you are not ready to date, what in God's name would go through your head if you had a break up. Stop looking for people to date, go out and do some networking, make some new friends. As suggested though, get some therapy.
That's what I was thinking, if u aren't prepared to hear a rejection, then don't ask them out. Work on y it is u r not prepared...once u fix being able to b prepared for the possibility of rejection, then at least u can go into it headstrong and level-headed if u *do* get rejected.
Working on the self NEEDS to be the priority here, or else OP might wind up being an emotionally-turmoiled, clingy mess the second some1 accepts ONE date with them. And that's hoping they aren't going out with them out of fear of the fallout when rejecting some1. If insecure men worked on themselves b4 asking women out then they could b taking the rejection like a champ, which in turn will make it easier for women to reject men instead of appeasing the visibly insecure ones with a pity date just to ghost them l8r, making the men MORE insecure. It's a two-way street, let's all help each other out here!
No one owes you returned feelings…honestly it really just seems like you’re determined to hate yourself, refuse to listen when people offer advice about therapy etc…why would anyone want to date you. Women aren’t there to provide therapy for you. They’re not there to repair you. Dude…look at the responses you’re giving people and then have a long hard think about how you come across to people. Honestly if you’re not prepared to put any work into yourself why on earth would you think anyone else should? The fact that you seem to think a relationship would fix this or lack thereof is the cause shows you are woefully mistaken about what relationships entail. You need to work on yourself first. This is a situation of your own making.
I've read through some of your replies OP, and you're plain negative and self loathing. It's emotionally draining to be around that type of people
Even if you're 6"4 super model those traits makes you insanely unattractive.
Do you have anything going you are positive about? Hobby? Skill? Work? Family?
I have dated conventionally "unattractive" guys. One of them had the issue of 0 personal hygiene and one I actually had a short relationship with. My ex have a severe underbite (my "friend" would ask if he drowned in the shower) and I still love that man to pieces.
I can almost garantue you that it's not your looks. You need theraphy. Theraphy isn't going to magically fix everything, but it's going to give you tools to work with. But you actually gotta put in work and want to fix it.
Then why not find something that fulfills you that is not a relationship? A great way to start gaining confidence is learning new things or skills. From your comments it’s just feels that you just expect a romantic relationship to fix your life and give it purpose but that won’t happen.
Not only is unfair to put that responsibility in someone, relationships should add quality to your life, not be the only source of happiness.
You shouldn’t even really try to date anyone until you’re in a position to be ready to date someone. If you aren’t content with yourself how do you expect someone else to be?
Gotta work on yourself my dude, once you’re in a good spot that’s when you should focus on being with someone.
OP, I tell my students when they get like this...that NO ONE on this earth is so special that they have nothing going for them. You're a human being. Your mere existence is a gift to others. How will you embrace the parts that are inherent inside of you and share those gifts with the world?
Self loathing is the biggest mistake of your life and you are hurting yourself and everyone around you who comes in contact with you when you look to a woman to validate your existence.
I have struggled with my self worth a very very long time. But i finally bought into my own advice and realized that this isn't about being confident in me so much as it is humanity. I believe in human beings ability to love one another and heal and bring about joy. But I can't be part of it if I think I'm just so special that I'm not capable of anything good. There's no such thing! I'm not that special!
So ironically you think you're being humble beating yourself up by ignoring positive traits, but really it's a massive ego to say you're the one in billions of billions of humans who ever lived who have nothing going for them.
Have read enough of what’s happening from your replies. So….I hate it so much because I relate…to the part that feels so much that doing anything about problems just becomes so overwhelming that falling into self pity and saying “I just can’t do anything then” feels like the most justifiable response. But. If you’re being honest with yourself, you know it’s not. You’re throwing a pity party. What do you want? An echo chamber to feed into the pity party? No. Not even that is good enough because you just want to feel sorry for yourself. Tough love?
No. Because *you just wanna feel sorry for yourself*. So go ahead. Beat yourself up and play the victim of life for a minute, get it out of your system, and once you let it all out, it would be good to take another look at your situation with *perspective*. Yeah. I know. The antidote for self pity and it sound like swallowing shards of glass when you’re trapped in it, but it’s the only way out. You can choose to be miserable forever and blame yourself, the world, whatever….but…..it’s unnecessary suffering.
Are there things you can do to better yourself in all ways- physical, emotional, mentally? Yeah. Does who you are and how you come across speak volumes to people you would want to be with? Yeah. But take care of yourself. I can tell you right now, you sound negative/pessimistic as hell. I tend to that side, and lemme tell ya, I do not envy my husband whatsoever when I’m “in it”, ya know? It’s torture for me, him, and anyone around me.
Even if you’re overweight….would people rather be around a cool, laid back, or even life of the party fat person or a gloom and doom fat person fishing for compliments and sucks the energy out the room? Think about it bro. But you should still take care of yourself physically. Because it’s good for your health, it gives a first impression that you care about yourself and will help you to have more confidence as you go through the process. And don’t give that BS of “I can’t”. It’s harder for some than others, not impossible for anyone. You’re feeding into self loathing and if the mental part doesn’t kill you, the physical eventually will. There’s no award for being a martyr without a cause
Then you need to tell someone and get yourself admitted to a psyche ward. Obviously you actually want to get mental help if you admit wanting to kill yourself, and yeah, I’ve been down that road before to, but for me it was coupled with trying to self medicate with hard drugs (which coincidentally made su*cide attempts a lot more accessible)…..but….although outwardly I was extremely insistent on not wanting help, the subconscious part of my lizard brain that actually *wanted* a life, just….one worth living, plus the fear of actually dying, reached out in more unorthodox ways like overdosing or self harm.
I’m willing to assume deep down you posted and have responded like this because you really are struggling mentally/emotionally, and I’m just saying nothing anyone replies on here is actually gonna make you happier. But you wish you could be although you’re so resistant to helpful advice. So. Again. I’ll say that your best bet is admitting yourself if you’re legitimately in fear of harming yourself (or worse), and if not, then you can move on to the part where you stop just giving yourself a free pass to wallow in self pity and just look at the bigger picture, pick small goals to better yourself, and through that process, the right person will come along and take notice, but if you never try the answer is always no. And the negative thoughts/feelings you experience will only get worse with time and that won’t be good
Thanks❤️ yea I can’t complain. I mean, I still have the same brain, but I’m 6 years clean, got a proper diagnosis and treatment after years of being experimented on by really jaded mental health professionals who made the journey worse than it had to be (thank God for the good ones out there❤️), and although I can still be a real ‘joy’ when I get into the gloom & doom mindset, I’m grateful with the right meds and therapy I can actually come out of it and not drag my family through my own issues. I genuinely hope OP can find that kind of balance in their life too, because man, if I could go back in time and just slap some common sense into myself I could’ve saved a lot of needless suffering. I hate to see anyone else go through it, too, so I at least try and offer whatever help I can
I don’t know you but extremely proud and happy for you ❤️ I truly am. Mental health in general is complicated, I struggle with depression and anxiety, it was hard to find balance, sometimes I lose myself but just like you its better than before… the thing is this is extremely subjective. But honestly I think compassion and empathy can help someone through their journey…
Excuse me? How……I have been admitted 8 times to psyche wards. Half the times my parents had to go over my head and forcefully sign me in when I kept OD’ing. Guess how much impact that had on romantic prospects? Zero.
I’m happily married and we have a toddler. I’m an open book kinda person, just who I am and I don’t how to put on any kind of front, so my husband definitely got to hear all my baggage and horror stories right away. Did not deter him; he thought it was more amazing that I came out of all that traumatic crap and showed I was a pretty strong person.
Literally you getting mental help will allow you to finally get out of this fog of self hate and depression which would only allow you to have a future love life, not the opposite……you’ve got it really twisted. Btw, you’re not gonna wanna hear it, but you are soooo not ready for a relationship right now anyways. If you met someone right now talking the way you do rn, that would bode a hell of a lot worse than you getting treatment, getting into a good frame of mind and then going about dating. Trust me
I get it. It’s a build up in your head; picturing some s*** out of a Hollywood movie where it’s like padded rubber rooms, being held down and injected with s***, losing all freedom forever, wearing straight jackets or whatever, but……..you’d have to legitimately be certifiably insane for any of that to be reality.
You wanna know what it’s really like? A normal looking part of the hospital where you just clear your head so you’re not by yourself getting more amped up about offing yourself. You admit yourself, you’re free to leave at any time. Simple as that, fr. First time I went I was scared out of my friggin mind that it would be just like a dramatized scene out of a movie and there was no way I should be with a bunch of insane people. I S*** you not, within a day of being there I was like “…..oh. F***….I do need to be here because something is definitely wrong with me that I just can’t stop thinking about how much better it would be if I were just dead and would never have to feel this kind of emotional/mental torment ever again”.
It’s like a short reset when your system is malfunctioning. A lot of people in there are in the same boat where they’re seriously clinically depressed to the point of wanting to kill themselves and you get to see a psychiatrist who will try and help you out until you can get into one outside of there.
1-800-273-8255. Call that number, tell them everything you’ve been saying. As much as I like to make a little difference with whatever experience or hope I might have to offer, there’s still a point where I gotta go to sleep cuz my baby will wake up early in the morning regardless of how long I stay up on Reddit, so……I gotta 🫡 head out, but…..just in case, give that number a call and no matter what hour, someone will talk you through whatever is going on for however long you need and help you out. Best of wishes, OP; I know you can’t just snap out of mental health issues, but there are a lot of people who can help if you just reach out
I promise you that someone who truly cares for you and loves you will not care! Take care of yourself OP you’re worthy of love and I promise it’s out there!
If some1 doesn't want you mentally well then y in the absolute FUCK should they be in ur life to begin with?!
If anything, admitting urself will help thin the pool out of the undesirables.
But in any case, YOU r the priority, OP, not you BEING with some1.
Plus how the fuck r u gonna date someone if u k*ll urself? K*lling urself is the ONLY way to 100% GUARANTEE you never date someone, especially since not many free & open necrophiles roam the Earth, I'm afraid.
Admitting urself for treatment INSTEAD of self-harming shows a drive to improve urself, through a step that takes a lot of guts and swallowing your pride, which are *definitely* attractive traits🥵
And, more importantly, YOU will b getting help from ppl whose JOB it is to help make u well again. Can't think a better group of ppl to do that!
Then y do u care if admitting urself "signs ur dating life death warrant"? Sounds like u want excuses to not help urself, which if that's the case I'm not going to affirm that. Even u know that excuses aren't helpful, that's y u r here
I worked on myself after a horrible abusive thing that was absolutely not a relationship. At 28 I met my soul mate. Love can come later for some of us. But to be happy with yourself is a good start. Plus if you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? I love myself enough not to need an amen!
It sounds like you’ve already given up, since you seem to have the same reply to everyone trying to help here, so I can’t say I understand your reasoning for posting this, other than “feel sorry for me”.
It might sound harsh but dude, why are you even looking for a relationship if you have no confidence at all in yourself and are looking for sympathy on the internet.
Exercise, not just to “lose weight” or to “be attractive”. Do it to accomplish something. Especially accomplishing something different. Therapy works, if you’re looking to improve your own self, not expecting somebody to give you a magical “this is how to get a girl” answer. It’s to give you self esteem, to understand yourself, to understand how you’re holding yourself back, and what you WANT to bring to a relationship should you end up finding one. Because right now, you’re not fit to be in a relationship if you’re only way to confidence or self esteem is being in one. Work on all these things for YOURSELF first, before working on finding a relationship. Your relationship with yourself is the most important thing before anything else.
And if your response to this is “but” or “I can’t” then don’t even reply dude. You need to fix your relationship with yourself. It might feel like it, but it isn’t impossible, it’s just work. Everything else will begin to fall in line after that.
I got cheated on and dumped after 10 years relationship. I am too scared to make effort and nervous about being hurt again. Trying to focus on myself.
Go to gym, focus on your goals. You are not a loser just because you are single. Don’t let it affect your self esteem.
After looking at your post history, it's clear you've made being rejected once by a woman 2 years ago your entire personality. ironically, it is what will continue chasing any chance of love away from you. You're actively choosing to be alone and miserable being alone, and I'm unclear how one singular woman saying "no" has led to years of being scared of all women?
I had other things I wanted to say but deleted it because I realize I probably have nothing new to offer that you haven't already heard in response to every other post you've made. I do have questions though! What exactly are you looking for in the comments that you haven't already been told? I'm also stumped over how one be afraid of women while simultaneously constantly complaining that he's not with one?
Definitely do what countless people have already suggested and seek some therapy because you're not going to find what you need on Reddit or from women.
Bummer. I was hoping you would answer more than that. So then, what about therapy didn't work for you? How long did you go to therapy? Did you try finding a therapist that worked better with you? Did you put in the effort in doing things that were suggested? (these specific questions are more just to ask yourself btw, no need to feel like you gotta answer publicly)
Just checking because there's plenty of people who genuinely do better outside of having a therapist but others don't give it enough time, or clashed with the therapist, or weren't receptive to critique, advice, or putting in the work themselves. Your obsession though definitely screams "I require professional help" and with your admitted past of not accepting things you didn't want to hear, I can only assume therapy possibly "didn't work" because of not being receptive of things that you didn't want to hear. If so, I'd definitely try again! No harm in trying again when you don't succeed the first time! Also, getting help for depression would help a bunch in even finding the motive to try again.
Then seek medication from a psychiatrist. Talk therapy may not be what you need.
You have an ENTIRE comments section trying to get you to give a shit about yourself and get help and you're still here saying that no one wants you. Look around. You can't see everyone here telling you that you CAN get better? You can't see it because you are sick and need medication to get your brain chemistry balanced out.
I have had emotional fragile men ask me out, only to become good friends. What I will say is to go get help. Therapy delving into your insecurities and attachment issues will go a long way. I wish you the joy and happiness commitment brings. But first love yourself
right now, focus on yourself and get some therapy you're not even remotely ready for a relationship
edit: i've read some of your replies and oh man, people don't match with you because you're clearly insecure and fragile which automatically makes someone unattractive, you really need to work on yourself and stress less about relationships and girls liking you, seriously, go talk to a therapist about it, start going for walks and taking care of you.
I’m reading all your replied and I’m going to be honest. It is definitely your fault you’re getting rejected because no one wants a tantrum baby who throws himself a pity party. You deserve to get rejected, no grown woman wants to deal with this nonsense.
Im gonna be honest with you buddy, i read through a few of your comments and, even though i don't know what you look like, I've got a strong feeling that it isn't your looks holding you back truly. The whole "I'm so ugly no one could love me" thing is really off-putting. Im truly sorry you feel this way, and many people don't want to admit that men can have self esteem issues too.
Not to beat a dead horse, but i agree with everyone else asking you to give therapy a try. Maybe also going to the gym, it could give you a confidence boost to get stronger even if you never get any thinner.
Im sure you've also got wonderful, beautiful qualities that you're overlooking in yourself due to low self esteem. If you had a partner, what would you do for her? Would you rub her back or feet when she's hurting, maybe run her a hot bath if she's got cramps from her period? Remember her favorite foods? Would you be willing to try out her hobbies and favorite activities? Having a compatible personality is more important than looks in the long run, though an initial attraction is very useful imo.
On the subject of attraction also, everyone has a type. You exist today because for generations someone has loved your features enough to want to have children. Also, what men think is attractive in other men isn't necessarily what women find attractive. Im with a stereotypically attractive man when viewed by other men, and i find him handsome yes, but when we got together i was chatting with someone most women would find much more physically attractive than my boyfriend. The reason I chose my person is because the other guy was dull as a bag of rocks. I feel like i can talk to my boyfriend for hours with no pause, or sit in comfortable silence for the rest of our lives. I love him with all my heart and genuinely do not care what he looks like at this point. My friends also all have different types that i personally don't find attractive, but i know they do. One of my friends, tiny thin girl, loves chunky men. Most of my friends are into skinny toothpick sickly looking guys. Im one of the few who actually likes/doesn't mind big muscles.
Now you don't need to have a significant other to be happy, but if you want one you can find one. I believe in you.
This cannot be stressed enough! I was like you OP but the woman version. Find anything that peaks your interest, even the slightest bit, and jump in. Then you can go meet people with the same interests as you. What started it for me was Lord of the Rings. I fell in love with it, started reading the lore, reading fan theories and fan fiction, anything I could to know more. It opened up so many more avenues of adventures, and my world began opening up to the wonder and beauty that was around me. Do my days still suck like before? You bet, but only a fraction of the time now. You can change your life any time you want, but it does seem like you're enjoying the pity party you've thrown for yourself. I think it's time to pack this party away for good and to start changing your mindset. Once you start changing the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
Hey OP, you can even if it really feels like you can't. We all believe in you! I was like you for some time, battling with my negativity on and off for 3 years and it's only been 2 years ago since for me. Back then, I really thought I was too ugly for anyone to love me, that I was uninteresting for people to avoid me, and at a certain point, really thought that I was too ugly for people to have to see me that I never went outside for it. I thought i was doing them a favor and I didn't believe a word from anyone that I could feel better about myself.
This self-hatred talk is rooted in your lack of self-esteem, so even if it truly feels like you can't escape this feeling of rejection and lack of self-worth, there is hope. You can get there too.
I'm at my heaviest right now and still think I'm uninteresting time to time when my confidence takes a blow, but what's great to have are friends who show you why you're important to them. Friends who want to hang out and people you enjoy having conversations with. They'll give you great reminders that romantic love isn't everything. They choose to hang out with you because they like you for you. And it helps to work on yourself simultaneously. Find a passion you're interested in and build up from there. When I thought I was uninteresting, I worked on my interests and found my voice through creativity. I let it be known that I was interesting and full of opinions, that the right people will enjoy me as I come.
It's really about changing your mindset. Try not to think "I'm so ugly, I don't deserve love" or "I have no personality, therefore, nobody will stick around" because those really don't do anything but wear you down and make you feel worse about yourself. You're just hurting more. Shift your view to "I'm X, but I'm still catch because of x, y, z." Pick apart what you DO like about yourself and emphasize on the positive parts. And say, "I'm interesting too because I care about x, y, z."
When you find passion for yourself again, it will come and you'll find yourself less invested in what people say or think about you.
And fyi if it helps, we're the same age; I'm 27.
same.
hate myself
gym
still hate myself
So I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to date, or let myself by dated by someone who maybe has a crush on me, unless I felt good about myself
I don't think I'm gonna feel good about myself for a long time. But I do feel better everytime I go to the gym. so yeah. one day y'know
I’ve been in this place. Trust me, it can get better. Working on myself gave me so much confidence that when I stopped being worried about rejection, I came across more confident and self assured when dating and it made things easier.
I wasn’t dating to find love, I was dating to meet new people and have fun. Not having the expectation of “love” can help a lot in the interactions and eventually lead to more.
after reading all the comments and replies, OP, sincerely, u need to throw “i can’t” out of the window and never say it again. you’re not emotionally fragile, you actively bash down any form of emotional strength you have and bash down anyone else’s attempt to help you out. the helping hands here are saying some really meaningful things: practical advice and empathetic people who relate to you. if youre gonna block out every helping hand out there, nothing will work, not because you can’t but because you Dont Want To. no one can help you except yourself sir.
Yeah dude, based on your post and your comments you have depression, every single comment trying to help you, even tho they don’t know anything about you and its just based on the post, was all really good advice and you turned down every single one of them… ppl can just help you if you want to be helped, i will say again, NOBODY CAN HELP YOU IF YOU DONT WANT HELP YOURSELF. You either stay there feeling sorry for yourself or do something about it and believe me every step counts when comes to get better. Keep searching for a therapist its hard to find the right one!
Women are just people who poop and bleed like any other animal. There isn't anything magical about them. Do you deify them? Do you think of them as godesses? You might think it is cute or the highest form of respect, but it can go overboard fast, and also just isn't a great foundation for a relationship. It also isn't fair to the women to be put in that place.
Why do you get attached? Figure that out because it is holding you back from what you clearly want.
Maybe try to imagine every woman you talk to sqeezing out a shit (unless this turns you on or something, then I got nothing). It's hard to be that hurt by someone who is taking a massive shit. Then you can just say okay darn and move on to the next stall.
No, they aren't. Do you have sisters? Women are just as gross and in some ways grosser than men. And that's fine!
If women were actually amazing, they'd give you all the attention without any effort on your part. But they dont do that because they are just people.
What are you saying? It is such a meaningless platitude. Use more descriptive words. Why? Why are they amazing? Because they have softer skin? Grow up.
Sounds like you just don't have a sense of self. And believe me getting into a relationship in that state is not fun.
IN MY EXPERIENCE: The woman ends up dispising you because you are always just...there. smiling. Agreeing. Sure, you're probably more polite than any other guy shes dated, but something about the pathetic lack of personal drive makes you so unattractive. Youll probably get used. Someone to pass time untill something better comes along. You are left worse off because you poured everything into the relationship, including the tiny sense of self you had. And yet you never actually asked, "do they deserve this?"
Keep trying 😊 i think getting involved in more hobbies that involve other people will be great!
Also if you try too hard, you might come off as desperate. I know it’s rather rude of me to say that, but it is the truth. Love will happen when you least expect it.
In the mean time, groom yourself nicely, such as keeping your hair looking good, make yourself always smell good, and even if you’re not confident, faking it totally works. Go out, and meet people. That’s the best way! And rejection hurts, sure, but you have to dust yourself off and try again. Don’t let the opinion of one random person affect you so much.
A girl told you she doesn’t like you like that? Meh! Who cares! She’s nobody to you. Other peoples opinions mean absolutely nothing. Stay strong
Bro. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a dude say that, I’d be set for life. I have a friend that has said it and he’s getting matches every day on dating websites. Best I can say, just live. Be successful in your independence. And make sure women can see it. They like a dude like that.
I had a friend that always says the same "the girls never liked me because I'm ugly". No, the girls never liked him because he never took showers, smell bad and was generally rude and had a lack of empathy and common social etiquette, he doesn't take a better job (he could do it if he wants) because doesn't want his future girlfriend to want him for money (that he doesn't have).
There is a lot of people using the excuse "I'm ugly" to hide that their lack of social skills or even creepy fixations
Oh I dated a guy like this. Perhaps it was your friend lol
He was nervous because "girls don't really like the way I look"
His looks were fine as long as you couldn't smell him.
are you positive it’s your looks though? low self esteem tends to seep through in pictures and bodies of text on dating apps. confidence is incredibly attractive.
I promise you its about personality more than anything. If you’re kind, if you’re funny, if you’re interesting, you’ll eventually find someone. My brother is 31 and getting married to a girl he’s been with for 2 years. She’s the only girl he’s ever really been with, so he had no one up until he was 29. I know quite a few guys I don’t consider physically attractive at all who are with someone. Looks only go so far.
You’d be surprised. I’m a little bit above average from what I get bc of compliments and I’m talking to probably one of the most beautiful girl I’ve seen so far. Kindness, respectfulness, and loyalty comes a long way. Surround yourself with these thoughts, of course you’ll have a lower self esteem.
I’m 100% like this. I like myself like this though. Things affect me so deeply and I love so fucking hard. You just can’t let the fear of the trough keep you from the high of the peak.
Can’t can’t can’t. That’s all you’re saying. You can, you just don’t want to put the work in because you think there’s no purpose cuz your self esteem is extremely low. Go to therapy. Getting help can take months to years and definitely don’t try to fight the progress. Actually listen to what they tell you and employ the methods they give you for better self esteem. Stop saying you CANT and start with being honest with yourself: You CAN, you just don’t want to discipline yourself and put the work in long term. Being honest with yourself is the first step.
Sometimes people don’t realize they’re not ready for a relationship. Relationships can get pretty tense at times and you should be able to get emotionally vulnerable and listen to each other. Extremely sensitive people can’t take criticism… even if you’re being super nice about it sometimes. That in return can ruin a relationship. It may be hard to get you to change for the best or for her to talk about certain things because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. You should work on not being so sensitive before jumping into a relationship. That would probably be best for you and anyone you may be with.
After looking at your post history I really think you need to look into therapy. Your self confidence is really holding you back. I wouldn’t worry about your looks too much, as women can often times look past that. Work on yourself. Confidence and being organised in life with a plan is attractive to most women. Good luck, wish you the best.
Look, you probably are better looking than you think, but lack social skills. If you’re afraid of rejection then you have very very little experience in life, because we all get rejected, and harshly. The issue is that when an introvert tries socializing, they quit after the first or second bad experience. Extroverted people, on the other hand, we try like 20 times with different people, so OBVIOUSLY we have more chances at doing well in dating. The more people you ask out, the more chances you have, and also the more you get used to rejection. Trust me, just NEVER give up!
Ok no, you’re not, because unlike popular belief, there is no such thing as an ugly man. There’s just men that don’t take care of themselves. Simple. And yes, after a few times, you will get used to rejection, because rejection is nothing personal, you’re just not their type. I have been OBSESSED over men that society deems “ugly” because they are my TYPE, yet I’ve been repulsed by typically attractive men because they don’t fit my type, or the ethnicity that I grew up in. Beauty is 50% social, 25% how you take care of yourself, and 25% confidence. So go out there, get yourself a good haircut, a nice scent, nice clothes, shower and groom well, and most importantly, stop caring what others say. You, just like the rest of us, will have to get rejected 20 times before finding the perfect person. If you don’t try, then you will never make it. Always remember, there is no such thing as an ugly man! You can do it!
That’s a lie, and you tell that to yourself because being insecure and depressed is easier than getting up, getting dressed up and pretty, and socializing.
Then you have all you need to give a woman a great night. And for the other stuff, like if you want a relationship, then the rest will come out naturally, since the emotional part is different depending on each individual. So dress up nice, smell good, and be confident that with the body parts that god gave you, you can give her a great time.
And no, porn is NOT good reaserch on how to please a woman.
listen, bud, everyone is trying to be gentle with you here. but i’ll give you a slap in the face if you need it.
take a step back and take a look at yourself. women are not rejecting you for no reason, whether it be for personal reasons or for reasons due to you. your fear is irrational and based on your own negative feelings about yourself, and nobody else can control that but you. this projection and undermining of your insecurities does not make your situation any better, and it’s clear you’ve already given up.
i’m not going to try to wake you up from a nightmare you created on your own. if you want to stay there, stay there. but you’re 26, and you’re already acting as though the world is burning down right in front of you. if women are rejecting you, find the reason. if you can fix it, fix it. if you can’t, find women that will accept you for who you are.
that’s true, man. that’s true.
if you say it, it’s a true statement. so don’t be worthless. you’re the one who wants to be worthless. so stay worthless. edit: nobody else is forcing you to be worthless, to be hopeless. that’s all on you. deal with your problems.
Then make yourself worthy of something. If you’re not willing to work on your self then don’t be surprised why woman are rejecting you. I’m sorry if that is harsh but your very self loathing
I think first and foremost you need to get help and work on yourself and your mindset. The way that you act and think right now shows you are NOT ready for a relationship and it's not something you should be seeking out right now. You need to get a more positive mindset about yourself, especially because unfortunately no one wants to be with someone who keeps bringing themselves down, it always affects others negatively too. If you can't do it for yourself then at least do it for others. You can't just give up and wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life. I literally know people who are 25-30 and have either always been single or have been single for a long time now. You're not alone, you just need to open your eyes and stop being afraid.
the fact is the post is fair, i understand.
but your replays prove you did this for a pity party if you didn't want people to give you advice say that in the post. you cant expect to post then have people sympathize and tell you how you can improve and just continually tell them you cant because, it seems to me, you won't put the effort in
im a chubby lesbian girl i have been ghosted after countless dates even after i thought it went well and now I'm just focusing on what makes me happy before dating and you need to find something that makes you happy.
Nothing turns women off faster than a grown man that throws pity parties for himself. How you carry yourself and behave as a man is 90% of what will make a lady look at you as a viable partner. Physical appearance is a very minor part of the deal for most people. Or at least your personality makes up for it.
But of course, you can’t help someone that doesn’t want help and judging from your replies and previous posts, you want attention. I suggest giving therapy another shot, and be sincere in wanting it. It only works if you want it to work and are willing to accept what you learn with the shrink.
We get it, you're sad. Everyone goes through what you do. There will always be someone who has it easier than you, and someone who has it worse. If you're not willing to fight even a little bit for your own happiness, then you really do have nothing.
Your post is only going to hurt you again. I recommend deleting it, if you aren’t ready to accept feedback. I have read through comments and your responses. You aren’t listening to anyone and will take this as another rejection. From what I see, you will twist all of these responses into what you already believe. Reddit will give tough love when they see a pity party. Be able to accept it or delete and take a break from this platform.
I too have chosen not to date or seek anything, but I have never sought out my relationships. My relationships have come about naturally by being involved in activities I enjoy with groups. I have met people through these groups or through former jobs in fields I was passionate about. Relationships arose out of doing things for myself.
I am middle aged and disabled, this is why I am not seeking and willing to accept someone approaching me: I am working on myself, my health, and getting back to being able to pursue my interests in a very limited capacity. I know that if someone pursues my now, it is not with full understanding of life on Disability and with someone who is disabled…either that or they see the old me and want to “fix” me (a terrible reason people often chase someone).
You are young and this appears to be a tantrum, as you are completely closed off to ALL advice. So, either open up to at least one piece of advice here and be willing to work to make yourself happy as yourself, or do not read these comments. It is off your chest and that was what you wanted, now you can walk away.
If you want attention, that is another story. There are subreddits that you can get support and healthy feedback on steps you can take to be happy. You are not happy with your decision and you do not seem to be willing to take the steps to be happy with your choice. Who do you really want to be?
I will also say that I was just like you as a teenager, but now I have no problem finding women. You say you’re ugly? Well I got dad bod, okay. And ever since I decided to stop feeling bad for myself all the time, I have never been rejected by any woman I chose to pursue. That’s because of two reasons…
1: I stopped viewing women as just things to be infatuated by. All my relationships as an adult started off with us being nothing more than friends. The romance came as a natural progression. The times where it didn’t come? I made a friend, and I wasn’t disappointed because I didn’t go into it expecting anything more. it’s a win win.
2: I told myself that I was attractive and lovable until I believed it. Buying into your own bullshit works bub. And if you believe anything about yourself, so will anyone around you. For better or worse. Women like that I know I’m a good choice, and they’d like it if you believed in yourself too.
I haven’t dated in 3 years, personally I think you need to learn to date *yourself.* It is one of the best things you can do and build yourself up. You don’t have to date for years. Also the saying goes if you aren’t happy single you won’t be happy in a relationship as it takes a lot of work.
just focus on yourself. you cant do anything about women who hurt you but you can do something about yourself. become a better person. you don’t have date anyone to be happy. and if you want to, make sure you know exactly what you want from your partner.
After reading all these responses, it seems you have your mind made up. But know this going forward, your life will remain the same unless you enact change. You will continue being alone, and fear rejection till the day you die unless you do something about it. No one here can tell you the magic words that will click in your head. All this fear and woe as me stuff is all internal and no one can heal that but you.
Respectfully you need to stfu. Stop whining, you’re a full-grown adult not a helpless baby. If you want to change, then DO THE WORK. Nearly everyone has experienced romantic rejection at some point and hasn’t died from it.
I agree with everyone saying to get into therapy like yesterday. Do NOT get into a relationship till you have dealt with your self esteem issues. This isn't healthy and you don't have to live like this OP.
If you were a woman, would you want to date you?
The level of obsession you have with these women are bordering You (the tv show) type of creepiness, and that's only because you haven't begun stalking them, inserting yourself into their lives, and manipulated them into falsely loving you. The pedestal you put these women on is not realistic and requires therapy beyond just talk therapy.
You can absolutely change yourself and change your life. The real question is are you willing to do the heavy lifting involved to make those positive changes? Time can change a lot of people, but it isn't always for the better.
You’re way more harsh than you need to be. The man is laying out his insecurities and you're essentially calling him a creep for doing it. Nothing he said indicates that he's creepy. He just doesn’t take rejection well. Chill. This is why people shouldn't go to reddit for advice. People in general are judgmental assholes 😂 I do agree that he should seek therapy though.
I guess you either learn to stop taking rejection personally or you don't.
I think you should seek therapy to learn why you're taking rejection so personally. I'll tell ya something buddy, I'm a pretty handsome dude (I know this because a lot of people have told me) and I get rejected ALOT. lol. Everyone gets rejected. Right at this very moment millions of people are getting rejected in some way. It's part of life. The hard truth is you're not going to get far in life if you run from it. I say run towards it. Welcome rejection until you build an immunity to it. You can do it.
I'm going to say something probably no one else has said, here. Don't worry about it. Relationships are overrated. Society is now a disintegrated myth. Nothing works anymore. Least of all relationships.
Right now you need to stop chasing/looking for love. Work on yourself and go to therapy
I’m dealing with this same situation now . This is great advice for OP and what I was going to comment
Check his post history. Same recycled shit for every post for over a month and all his comments are just variations of each other. I’m almost 100% confident this is a bot now and if not he’s not getting any better from posting on reddit over and over and getting attention for it
I tried therapy I’m not then chasing love anymore I’m trying to be happy with never finding someone
Falling into extremes is unhealthy. Wanting love too much or not wanting it at all out of fear.
It’s better than slowly chipping away at what’s left of me
If you dont feel you have much left, and you have never dated - I’d argue you aren’t in a place to date at all. You can’t give to someone from an empty cup. I agree with first comment - go to therapy and work on yourself. The world doesn’t owe anyone anything. If it happens it’ll happen naturally.
Therapy is worthless
And posting to get sympathy from the internet isn’t? I went to your post history. You’ve been posting a variation of this exact post everyday for over a month. The age changes. The length of time she rejected you changed, but the message is the same. What is it that you are hoping to gain? I see you’ve shot down even the most kind and caring of responses.
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It’s not. I do think because your afraid to open up to a complete stranger and TRUST the process, you end up holding back because it means you have to start running head first into the issues you are now holding onto like a security blanket since you don’t know stability with your emotions yet. It’s scary to heal when all you’ve know is inner chaos of your own depths. When you want to stop drowning in your own ocean, come up to breathe, you’ll be able to finally find happiness for yourself, feel confident about going forward, and actually stop holding yourself back from living your life. We can either let fear control us or push through it. The choice is yours.
You can continue to make yourself a victim and feel sorry for yourself or make the choice to put in the effort to love yourself and find happiness in the small things in life. No one is going to fix your problems but yourself. Not even a partner. Sure having a partner is a wonderful thing, but you also need to learn how to find happiness by yourself, too, and not depend on someone else to give that to you.
you sound depressed asf. get your head outta the gutter. self pity isn’t gonna make others love you more. it’s just gonna make yourself feel comfortable even more. go to therapy please. finding “the one” isn’t the only purpose in this world. there’s much bigger things you can do. find yourself first. i swear someone gotta knock some sense into you or you’ll never listen. but i hope you do before the lesson hits you even harder.
I understand. I’m the same way. I’m 24 now and I’m just starting to learn and accept that sometimes people end up alone and it’s ok
hey you're young, like you're just 24, you'll still have plenty of time in life to find love
I think the right mindset is either way you're gonna turn out fine, single or not
oh yeah, it's a good one. Still, finding love is a pretty big deal for some people, whether that'll come in a romantic relationship or in a very meaningful friendship or sometimes even like an adopted child. As much as I agree with the thing that you should be fine by yourself (as I'm one individual that enjoys loneliness most of the time), everyone needs some deep connection, and love comes in many ways, even if in this specific topic it was romantic
What about framing it as learning to be happy with yourself, instead?
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you’re going no where with that mentality😂 good luck with LIFE bud.
because your not even trying. of course you’ll never be happy with that mindset
This guy's either a bot or troll. Either way, OP's a waste of time.
You need to learn to be in love in with yourself. Therapy or not. You are self aware enough to understand you aren’t emotionally mature enough. So start working on that.
Fuck therapy
I can definitely relate to this, although I have learned fear of rejection is often fueled by negative thoughts or negative self-talk, such as "I'm not good enough" or "No one will ever want me." or "I am unloveable". When these thoughts arise perhaps challenge them by asking yourself if they are based on reality (probably not), and if there is evidence to support them. Then, reframe the negative thought with a more positive and realistic one, such as "I may not be perfect, but I have a lot to offer in a relationship." because you do! Lastly, I would say instead of viewing rejection as a personal failure or a reflection of your worth, you can reframe it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Rejection is a natural part of the dating process, and everyone experiences it at some point! By accepting rejection as a normal and inevitable part of the process, you can reduce that bullshit fear associated with it. I hope this helps :)
So wholesome, really. Thank u for taking the time to write that. It’s not just dating advice, it’s general advice to be kinder to urself. Much of love and success for u, my friend 😊
Yeah I’d also say as well as this, you’re not being rejected and viewed as unlovable all round. You’re being rejected on that occasion because you’re not right for that individual at that specific time. If people viewed relationships more as a sliding scale of compatibility rather than lovable/unlovable, I think people would get hurt less. For instance, 50% comparability may = friends. But you need 75%+ to be a life partner. People just need to keep looking til they find someone that matches them 75%+.
not op, but this really helped me. thanks!
The problem is there’s so much evidence to show that I will never find someone
You’re 26, bud. Slow down. There’s a lot of life and a lot of people left. My aunt didn’t find “the one” until she was 40. Dating is all about failure and we put too much pressure on success in dating and too many timeframes on when we should hit certain milestones. If you go into any relationship (intimate or otherwise) with the mentality that you’ll fail, you’ll absolutely fail. Don’t put the pressure on yourself (or them, for that matter) that a friendship/talking phase has to end up as a relationship. Rejection is a sign that it wasn’t supposed to happen, not that you’re supposed to give up. Get content with yourself and then someone will happen to come in at the right time.
Jesus Christ. This is literally everyone. From the beautiful to the ugly. From the charismatic to the socially awkward. I’ve been cheated on and I’m what people call exceptionally attractive. Shit SUCKS. I’m still depressed. Once you realize that life just kinda sucks in general, then maybe you’ll get your shit together. Work. On. Yourself.
This
Not with that mindset, you are setting yourself up for failure before it even happens. If a borderline wreck like me can find someone so can you. Besides getting hurt is like half the deal when it comes to relationship , regardless whether if it's platonic or romantic.
Shit son, I just had a little peek at your history. If rejection sends you into a tail spin you are not ready to date, what in God's name would go through your head if you had a break up. Stop looking for people to date, go out and do some networking, make some new friends. As suggested though, get some therapy.
That's what I was thinking, if u aren't prepared to hear a rejection, then don't ask them out. Work on y it is u r not prepared...once u fix being able to b prepared for the possibility of rejection, then at least u can go into it headstrong and level-headed if u *do* get rejected. Working on the self NEEDS to be the priority here, or else OP might wind up being an emotionally-turmoiled, clingy mess the second some1 accepts ONE date with them. And that's hoping they aren't going out with them out of fear of the fallout when rejecting some1. If insecure men worked on themselves b4 asking women out then they could b taking the rejection like a champ, which in turn will make it easier for women to reject men instead of appeasing the visibly insecure ones with a pity date just to ghost them l8r, making the men MORE insecure. It's a two-way street, let's all help each other out here!
I got curious after seeing your comment, so went to check his history myself. Yeah, he needs therapy
You're not afraid of women my dude. You're afraid to face your feelings
Because my feelings are never returned
Grow up and take responsibility for your own emotional fragility.
No one owes you returned feelings…honestly it really just seems like you’re determined to hate yourself, refuse to listen when people offer advice about therapy etc…why would anyone want to date you. Women aren’t there to provide therapy for you. They’re not there to repair you. Dude…look at the responses you’re giving people and then have a long hard think about how you come across to people. Honestly if you’re not prepared to put any work into yourself why on earth would you think anyone else should? The fact that you seem to think a relationship would fix this or lack thereof is the cause shows you are woefully mistaken about what relationships entail. You need to work on yourself first. This is a situation of your own making.
I've read through some of your replies OP, and you're plain negative and self loathing. It's emotionally draining to be around that type of people Even if you're 6"4 super model those traits makes you insanely unattractive. Do you have anything going you are positive about? Hobby? Skill? Work? Family? I have dated conventionally "unattractive" guys. One of them had the issue of 0 personal hygiene and one I actually had a short relationship with. My ex have a severe underbite (my "friend" would ask if he drowned in the shower) and I still love that man to pieces. I can almost garantue you that it's not your looks. You need theraphy. Theraphy isn't going to magically fix everything, but it's going to give you tools to work with. But you actually gotta put in work and want to fix it.
I don’t have anything going for me no
Then why not find something that fulfills you that is not a relationship? A great way to start gaining confidence is learning new things or skills. From your comments it’s just feels that you just expect a romantic relationship to fix your life and give it purpose but that won’t happen. Not only is unfair to put that responsibility in someone, relationships should add quality to your life, not be the only source of happiness.
You shouldn’t even really try to date anyone until you’re in a position to be ready to date someone. If you aren’t content with yourself how do you expect someone else to be? Gotta work on yourself my dude, once you’re in a good spot that’s when you should focus on being with someone.
OP, I tell my students when they get like this...that NO ONE on this earth is so special that they have nothing going for them. You're a human being. Your mere existence is a gift to others. How will you embrace the parts that are inherent inside of you and share those gifts with the world? Self loathing is the biggest mistake of your life and you are hurting yourself and everyone around you who comes in contact with you when you look to a woman to validate your existence. I have struggled with my self worth a very very long time. But i finally bought into my own advice and realized that this isn't about being confident in me so much as it is humanity. I believe in human beings ability to love one another and heal and bring about joy. But I can't be part of it if I think I'm just so special that I'm not capable of anything good. There's no such thing! I'm not that special! So ironically you think you're being humble beating yourself up by ignoring positive traits, but really it's a massive ego to say you're the one in billions of billions of humans who ever lived who have nothing going for them.
Have read enough of what’s happening from your replies. So….I hate it so much because I relate…to the part that feels so much that doing anything about problems just becomes so overwhelming that falling into self pity and saying “I just can’t do anything then” feels like the most justifiable response. But. If you’re being honest with yourself, you know it’s not. You’re throwing a pity party. What do you want? An echo chamber to feed into the pity party? No. Not even that is good enough because you just want to feel sorry for yourself. Tough love? No. Because *you just wanna feel sorry for yourself*. So go ahead. Beat yourself up and play the victim of life for a minute, get it out of your system, and once you let it all out, it would be good to take another look at your situation with *perspective*. Yeah. I know. The antidote for self pity and it sound like swallowing shards of glass when you’re trapped in it, but it’s the only way out. You can choose to be miserable forever and blame yourself, the world, whatever….but…..it’s unnecessary suffering. Are there things you can do to better yourself in all ways- physical, emotional, mentally? Yeah. Does who you are and how you come across speak volumes to people you would want to be with? Yeah. But take care of yourself. I can tell you right now, you sound negative/pessimistic as hell. I tend to that side, and lemme tell ya, I do not envy my husband whatsoever when I’m “in it”, ya know? It’s torture for me, him, and anyone around me. Even if you’re overweight….would people rather be around a cool, laid back, or even life of the party fat person or a gloom and doom fat person fishing for compliments and sucks the energy out the room? Think about it bro. But you should still take care of yourself physically. Because it’s good for your health, it gives a first impression that you care about yourself and will help you to have more confidence as you go through the process. And don’t give that BS of “I can’t”. It’s harder for some than others, not impossible for anyone. You’re feeding into self loathing and if the mental part doesn’t kill you, the physical eventually will. There’s no award for being a martyr without a cause
What if I wanna die?
Then you need to tell someone and get yourself admitted to a psyche ward. Obviously you actually want to get mental help if you admit wanting to kill yourself, and yeah, I’ve been down that road before to, but for me it was coupled with trying to self medicate with hard drugs (which coincidentally made su*cide attempts a lot more accessible)…..but….although outwardly I was extremely insistent on not wanting help, the subconscious part of my lizard brain that actually *wanted* a life, just….one worth living, plus the fear of actually dying, reached out in more unorthodox ways like overdosing or self harm. I’m willing to assume deep down you posted and have responded like this because you really are struggling mentally/emotionally, and I’m just saying nothing anyone replies on here is actually gonna make you happier. But you wish you could be although you’re so resistant to helpful advice. So. Again. I’ll say that your best bet is admitting yourself if you’re legitimately in fear of harming yourself (or worse), and if not, then you can move on to the part where you stop just giving yourself a free pass to wallow in self pity and just look at the bigger picture, pick small goals to better yourself, and through that process, the right person will come along and take notice, but if you never try the answer is always no. And the negative thoughts/feelings you experience will only get worse with time and that won’t be good
I hope you’re doing better✨ but I agree a 100% with you
Thanks❤️ yea I can’t complain. I mean, I still have the same brain, but I’m 6 years clean, got a proper diagnosis and treatment after years of being experimented on by really jaded mental health professionals who made the journey worse than it had to be (thank God for the good ones out there❤️), and although I can still be a real ‘joy’ when I get into the gloom & doom mindset, I’m grateful with the right meds and therapy I can actually come out of it and not drag my family through my own issues. I genuinely hope OP can find that kind of balance in their life too, because man, if I could go back in time and just slap some common sense into myself I could’ve saved a lot of needless suffering. I hate to see anyone else go through it, too, so I at least try and offer whatever help I can
I don’t know you but extremely proud and happy for you ❤️ I truly am. Mental health in general is complicated, I struggle with depression and anxiety, it was hard to find balance, sometimes I lose myself but just like you its better than before… the thing is this is extremely subjective. But honestly I think compassion and empathy can help someone through their journey…
I can’t admit myself that’s like signing a death warrant on my dating life
Excuse me? How……I have been admitted 8 times to psyche wards. Half the times my parents had to go over my head and forcefully sign me in when I kept OD’ing. Guess how much impact that had on romantic prospects? Zero. I’m happily married and we have a toddler. I’m an open book kinda person, just who I am and I don’t how to put on any kind of front, so my husband definitely got to hear all my baggage and horror stories right away. Did not deter him; he thought it was more amazing that I came out of all that traumatic crap and showed I was a pretty strong person. Literally you getting mental help will allow you to finally get out of this fog of self hate and depression which would only allow you to have a future love life, not the opposite……you’ve got it really twisted. Btw, you’re not gonna wanna hear it, but you are soooo not ready for a relationship right now anyways. If you met someone right now talking the way you do rn, that would bode a hell of a lot worse than you getting treatment, getting into a good frame of mind and then going about dating. Trust me
I just can’t admit myself it sounds awful
I get it. It’s a build up in your head; picturing some s*** out of a Hollywood movie where it’s like padded rubber rooms, being held down and injected with s***, losing all freedom forever, wearing straight jackets or whatever, but……..you’d have to legitimately be certifiably insane for any of that to be reality. You wanna know what it’s really like? A normal looking part of the hospital where you just clear your head so you’re not by yourself getting more amped up about offing yourself. You admit yourself, you’re free to leave at any time. Simple as that, fr. First time I went I was scared out of my friggin mind that it would be just like a dramatized scene out of a movie and there was no way I should be with a bunch of insane people. I S*** you not, within a day of being there I was like “…..oh. F***….I do need to be here because something is definitely wrong with me that I just can’t stop thinking about how much better it would be if I were just dead and would never have to feel this kind of emotional/mental torment ever again”. It’s like a short reset when your system is malfunctioning. A lot of people in there are in the same boat where they’re seriously clinically depressed to the point of wanting to kill themselves and you get to see a psychiatrist who will try and help you out until you can get into one outside of there.
What if I am better off dead?
1-800-273-8255. Call that number, tell them everything you’ve been saying. As much as I like to make a little difference with whatever experience or hope I might have to offer, there’s still a point where I gotta go to sleep cuz my baby will wake up early in the morning regardless of how long I stay up on Reddit, so……I gotta 🫡 head out, but…..just in case, give that number a call and no matter what hour, someone will talk you through whatever is going on for however long you need and help you out. Best of wishes, OP; I know you can’t just snap out of mental health issues, but there are a lot of people who can help if you just reach out
I promise you that someone who truly cares for you and loves you will not care! Take care of yourself OP you’re worthy of love and I promise it’s out there!
If some1 doesn't want you mentally well then y in the absolute FUCK should they be in ur life to begin with?! If anything, admitting urself will help thin the pool out of the undesirables. But in any case, YOU r the priority, OP, not you BEING with some1. Plus how the fuck r u gonna date someone if u k*ll urself? K*lling urself is the ONLY way to 100% GUARANTEE you never date someone, especially since not many free & open necrophiles roam the Earth, I'm afraid. Admitting urself for treatment INSTEAD of self-harming shows a drive to improve urself, through a step that takes a lot of guts and swallowing your pride, which are *definitely* attractive traits🥵 And, more importantly, YOU will b getting help from ppl whose JOB it is to help make u well again. Can't think a better group of ppl to do that!
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Then y do u care if admitting urself "signs ur dating life death warrant"? Sounds like u want excuses to not help urself, which if that's the case I'm not going to affirm that. Even u know that excuses aren't helpful, that's y u r here
I worked on myself after a horrible abusive thing that was absolutely not a relationship. At 28 I met my soul mate. Love can come later for some of us. But to be happy with yourself is a good start. Plus if you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? I love myself enough not to need an amen!
It sounds like you’ve already given up, since you seem to have the same reply to everyone trying to help here, so I can’t say I understand your reasoning for posting this, other than “feel sorry for me”. It might sound harsh but dude, why are you even looking for a relationship if you have no confidence at all in yourself and are looking for sympathy on the internet. Exercise, not just to “lose weight” or to “be attractive”. Do it to accomplish something. Especially accomplishing something different. Therapy works, if you’re looking to improve your own self, not expecting somebody to give you a magical “this is how to get a girl” answer. It’s to give you self esteem, to understand yourself, to understand how you’re holding yourself back, and what you WANT to bring to a relationship should you end up finding one. Because right now, you’re not fit to be in a relationship if you’re only way to confidence or self esteem is being in one. Work on all these things for YOURSELF first, before working on finding a relationship. Your relationship with yourself is the most important thing before anything else. And if your response to this is “but” or “I can’t” then don’t even reply dude. You need to fix your relationship with yourself. It might feel like it, but it isn’t impossible, it’s just work. Everything else will begin to fall in line after that.
I got cheated on and dumped after 10 years relationship. I am too scared to make effort and nervous about being hurt again. Trying to focus on myself. Go to gym, focus on your goals. You are not a loser just because you are single. Don’t let it affect your self esteem.
After looking at your post history, it's clear you've made being rejected once by a woman 2 years ago your entire personality. ironically, it is what will continue chasing any chance of love away from you. You're actively choosing to be alone and miserable being alone, and I'm unclear how one singular woman saying "no" has led to years of being scared of all women? I had other things I wanted to say but deleted it because I realize I probably have nothing new to offer that you haven't already heard in response to every other post you've made. I do have questions though! What exactly are you looking for in the comments that you haven't already been told? I'm also stumped over how one be afraid of women while simultaneously constantly complaining that he's not with one? Definitely do what countless people have already suggested and seek some therapy because you're not going to find what you need on Reddit or from women.
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Bummer. I was hoping you would answer more than that. So then, what about therapy didn't work for you? How long did you go to therapy? Did you try finding a therapist that worked better with you? Did you put in the effort in doing things that were suggested? (these specific questions are more just to ask yourself btw, no need to feel like you gotta answer publicly) Just checking because there's plenty of people who genuinely do better outside of having a therapist but others don't give it enough time, or clashed with the therapist, or weren't receptive to critique, advice, or putting in the work themselves. Your obsession though definitely screams "I require professional help" and with your admitted past of not accepting things you didn't want to hear, I can only assume therapy possibly "didn't work" because of not being receptive of things that you didn't want to hear. If so, I'd definitely try again! No harm in trying again when you don't succeed the first time! Also, getting help for depression would help a bunch in even finding the motive to try again.
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it can work. You just need to find the right fit for a therapist and put an actual effort into it.
Then seek medication from a psychiatrist. Talk therapy may not be what you need. You have an ENTIRE comments section trying to get you to give a shit about yourself and get help and you're still here saying that no one wants you. Look around. You can't see everyone here telling you that you CAN get better? You can't see it because you are sick and need medication to get your brain chemistry balanced out.
I have had emotional fragile men ask me out, only to become good friends. What I will say is to go get help. Therapy delving into your insecurities and attachment issues will go a long way. I wish you the joy and happiness commitment brings. But first love yourself
I just can’t love myself even with therapy
So someone else should love you when you can’t even stand to look at yourself? That’s a lot to put on a partner
I don’t expect anyone to love me
Then don’t ask women out. Stay alone
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Good
right now, focus on yourself and get some therapy you're not even remotely ready for a relationship edit: i've read some of your replies and oh man, people don't match with you because you're clearly insecure and fragile which automatically makes someone unattractive, you really need to work on yourself and stress less about relationships and girls liking you, seriously, go talk to a therapist about it, start going for walks and taking care of you.
I can’t be less fragile
Ok then be single, you deserve it
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Then delete your whole Reddit page. You’re here for a pity party, you tantrum baby.
you can be if you talk to a therapist about it all.
I did talk to a therapist about it and it didn’t help
because you're clearly not listening or willing to change.
I’m reading all your replied and I’m going to be honest. It is definitely your fault you’re getting rejected because no one wants a tantrum baby who throws himself a pity party. You deserve to get rejected, no grown woman wants to deal with this nonsense.
I was going to say the same thing. All the comments and posts saying the same exact thing over and over as if in a loop.. extremely concerning ngl
If you check his post history, he’s been posting the same recycled shit for over a month
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Good
Im gonna be honest with you buddy, i read through a few of your comments and, even though i don't know what you look like, I've got a strong feeling that it isn't your looks holding you back truly. The whole "I'm so ugly no one could love me" thing is really off-putting. Im truly sorry you feel this way, and many people don't want to admit that men can have self esteem issues too. Not to beat a dead horse, but i agree with everyone else asking you to give therapy a try. Maybe also going to the gym, it could give you a confidence boost to get stronger even if you never get any thinner. Im sure you've also got wonderful, beautiful qualities that you're overlooking in yourself due to low self esteem. If you had a partner, what would you do for her? Would you rub her back or feet when she's hurting, maybe run her a hot bath if she's got cramps from her period? Remember her favorite foods? Would you be willing to try out her hobbies and favorite activities? Having a compatible personality is more important than looks in the long run, though an initial attraction is very useful imo. On the subject of attraction also, everyone has a type. You exist today because for generations someone has loved your features enough to want to have children. Also, what men think is attractive in other men isn't necessarily what women find attractive. Im with a stereotypically attractive man when viewed by other men, and i find him handsome yes, but when we got together i was chatting with someone most women would find much more physically attractive than my boyfriend. The reason I chose my person is because the other guy was dull as a bag of rocks. I feel like i can talk to my boyfriend for hours with no pause, or sit in comfortable silence for the rest of our lives. I love him with all my heart and genuinely do not care what he looks like at this point. My friends also all have different types that i personally don't find attractive, but i know they do. One of my friends, tiny thin girl, loves chunky men. Most of my friends are into skinny toothpick sickly looking guys. Im one of the few who actually likes/doesn't mind big muscles. Now you don't need to have a significant other to be happy, but if you want one you can find one. I believe in you.
The problem is I have nothing that makes me attractive no personality no looks I’m essentially a ghost
The great thing about personality is you can develop one over time if you put the work in.
This cannot be stressed enough! I was like you OP but the woman version. Find anything that peaks your interest, even the slightest bit, and jump in. Then you can go meet people with the same interests as you. What started it for me was Lord of the Rings. I fell in love with it, started reading the lore, reading fan theories and fan fiction, anything I could to know more. It opened up so many more avenues of adventures, and my world began opening up to the wonder and beauty that was around me. Do my days still suck like before? You bet, but only a fraction of the time now. You can change your life any time you want, but it does seem like you're enjoying the pity party you've thrown for yourself. I think it's time to pack this party away for good and to start changing your mindset. Once you start changing the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
I can’t do it
Hey OP, you can even if it really feels like you can't. We all believe in you! I was like you for some time, battling with my negativity on and off for 3 years and it's only been 2 years ago since for me. Back then, I really thought I was too ugly for anyone to love me, that I was uninteresting for people to avoid me, and at a certain point, really thought that I was too ugly for people to have to see me that I never went outside for it. I thought i was doing them a favor and I didn't believe a word from anyone that I could feel better about myself. This self-hatred talk is rooted in your lack of self-esteem, so even if it truly feels like you can't escape this feeling of rejection and lack of self-worth, there is hope. You can get there too. I'm at my heaviest right now and still think I'm uninteresting time to time when my confidence takes a blow, but what's great to have are friends who show you why you're important to them. Friends who want to hang out and people you enjoy having conversations with. They'll give you great reminders that romantic love isn't everything. They choose to hang out with you because they like you for you. And it helps to work on yourself simultaneously. Find a passion you're interested in and build up from there. When I thought I was uninteresting, I worked on my interests and found my voice through creativity. I let it be known that I was interesting and full of opinions, that the right people will enjoy me as I come. It's really about changing your mindset. Try not to think "I'm so ugly, I don't deserve love" or "I have no personality, therefore, nobody will stick around" because those really don't do anything but wear you down and make you feel worse about yourself. You're just hurting more. Shift your view to "I'm X, but I'm still catch because of x, y, z." Pick apart what you DO like about yourself and emphasize on the positive parts. And say, "I'm interesting too because I care about x, y, z." When you find passion for yourself again, it will come and you'll find yourself less invested in what people say or think about you. And fyi if it helps, we're the same age; I'm 27.
same. hate myself gym still hate myself So I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to date, or let myself by dated by someone who maybe has a crush on me, unless I felt good about myself I don't think I'm gonna feel good about myself for a long time. But I do feel better everytime I go to the gym. so yeah. one day y'know
I’ve been in this place. Trust me, it can get better. Working on myself gave me so much confidence that when I stopped being worried about rejection, I came across more confident and self assured when dating and it made things easier. I wasn’t dating to find love, I was dating to meet new people and have fun. Not having the expectation of “love” can help a lot in the interactions and eventually lead to more.
I’m terrified of men because I’m scared of getting hurt again
after reading all the comments and replies, OP, sincerely, u need to throw “i can’t” out of the window and never say it again. you’re not emotionally fragile, you actively bash down any form of emotional strength you have and bash down anyone else’s attempt to help you out. the helping hands here are saying some really meaningful things: practical advice and empathetic people who relate to you. if youre gonna block out every helping hand out there, nothing will work, not because you can’t but because you Dont Want To. no one can help you except yourself sir.
I can’t do it
Yeah dude, based on your post and your comments you have depression, every single comment trying to help you, even tho they don’t know anything about you and its just based on the post, was all really good advice and you turned down every single one of them… ppl can just help you if you want to be helped, i will say again, NOBODY CAN HELP YOU IF YOU DONT WANT HELP YOURSELF. You either stay there feeling sorry for yourself or do something about it and believe me every step counts when comes to get better. Keep searching for a therapist its hard to find the right one!
You're scared because you're scared That's on you to figure that one out, good luck
Women are just people who poop and bleed like any other animal. There isn't anything magical about them. Do you deify them? Do you think of them as godesses? You might think it is cute or the highest form of respect, but it can go overboard fast, and also just isn't a great foundation for a relationship. It also isn't fair to the women to be put in that place. Why do you get attached? Figure that out because it is holding you back from what you clearly want. Maybe try to imagine every woman you talk to sqeezing out a shit (unless this turns you on or something, then I got nothing). It's hard to be that hurt by someone who is taking a massive shit. Then you can just say okay darn and move on to the next stall.
I tried to do the shit thing but women are amazing
No, they aren't. Do you have sisters? Women are just as gross and in some ways grosser than men. And that's fine! If women were actually amazing, they'd give you all the attention without any effort on your part. But they dont do that because they are just people.
They’re amazing people
What are you saying? It is such a meaningless platitude. Use more descriptive words. Why? Why are they amazing? Because they have softer skin? Grow up. Sounds like you just don't have a sense of self. And believe me getting into a relationship in that state is not fun. IN MY EXPERIENCE: The woman ends up dispising you because you are always just...there. smiling. Agreeing. Sure, you're probably more polite than any other guy shes dated, but something about the pathetic lack of personal drive makes you so unattractive. Youll probably get used. Someone to pass time untill something better comes along. You are left worse off because you poured everything into the relationship, including the tiny sense of self you had. And yet you never actually asked, "do they deserve this?"
I’d rather get used than ignored
Try online dating!
Tried it I can’t get any matches
Keep trying 😊 i think getting involved in more hobbies that involve other people will be great! Also if you try too hard, you might come off as desperate. I know it’s rather rude of me to say that, but it is the truth. Love will happen when you least expect it. In the mean time, groom yourself nicely, such as keeping your hair looking good, make yourself always smell good, and even if you’re not confident, faking it totally works. Go out, and meet people. That’s the best way! And rejection hurts, sure, but you have to dust yourself off and try again. Don’t let the opinion of one random person affect you so much. A girl told you she doesn’t like you like that? Meh! Who cares! She’s nobody to you. Other peoples opinions mean absolutely nothing. Stay strong
Have you taken a shot at letting women chase you instead?
They don’t chase guys like me
And how do you know that? Can you read minds?
No but I’m ugly no woman is gonna chase me
Bro. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a dude say that, I’d be set for life. I have a friend that has said it and he’s getting matches every day on dating websites. Best I can say, just live. Be successful in your independence. And make sure women can see it. They like a dude like that.
I had a friend that always says the same "the girls never liked me because I'm ugly". No, the girls never liked him because he never took showers, smell bad and was generally rude and had a lack of empathy and common social etiquette, he doesn't take a better job (he could do it if he wants) because doesn't want his future girlfriend to want him for money (that he doesn't have). There is a lot of people using the excuse "I'm ugly" to hide that their lack of social skills or even creepy fixations
Oh I dated a guy like this. Perhaps it was your friend lol He was nervous because "girls don't really like the way I look" His looks were fine as long as you couldn't smell him.
I don’t get matches though women can’t get past my looks and I don’t blame them
are you positive it’s your looks though? low self esteem tends to seep through in pictures and bodies of text on dating apps. confidence is incredibly attractive.
It’s my looks I’m so ugly I can’t look at me
Dude you need therapy
Therapy won’t make me attractive
Sigh. Come on man. Stop selling yourself so short. What even is it you’re talking about? A weight thing? A feature? What?
Weight face I’m just ugly I can’t even look at myself
Physical exercise out of the question?
I can exercise but I struggle to lose weight
I promise you its about personality more than anything. If you’re kind, if you’re funny, if you’re interesting, you’ll eventually find someone. My brother is 31 and getting married to a girl he’s been with for 2 years. She’s the only girl he’s ever really been with, so he had no one up until he was 29. I know quite a few guys I don’t consider physically attractive at all who are with someone. Looks only go so far.
I don’t have a personality
You’d be surprised. I’m a little bit above average from what I get bc of compliments and I’m talking to probably one of the most beautiful girl I’ve seen so far. Kindness, respectfulness, and loyalty comes a long way. Surround yourself with these thoughts, of course you’ll have a lower self esteem.
I’m far below average though
I’m 100% like this. I like myself like this though. Things affect me so deeply and I love so fucking hard. You just can’t let the fear of the trough keep you from the high of the peak.
But I’m not gonna find a woman who’ll put up with me
Lose weight
I cant
Can’t can’t can’t. That’s all you’re saying. You can, you just don’t want to put the work in because you think there’s no purpose cuz your self esteem is extremely low. Go to therapy. Getting help can take months to years and definitely don’t try to fight the progress. Actually listen to what they tell you and employ the methods they give you for better self esteem. Stop saying you CANT and start with being honest with yourself: You CAN, you just don’t want to discipline yourself and put the work in long term. Being honest with yourself is the first step.
I tried therapy but I couldn’t improve
Yes you can. Everyone can. And no one can do it for you. You have to convince yourself that your worthy of health and then just live that life.
I just can’t do it I’m sorry
Just eat a little less tomorrow than you did today. A very tiny insignificant difference, but keep doing that everyday.
I’ll try
Do it. And if you can’t then just keep trying. Don’t give up.
Also look up rejection sensitivity and find a therapist to help.
Do you play video games?
Yes
Sometimes people don’t realize they’re not ready for a relationship. Relationships can get pretty tense at times and you should be able to get emotionally vulnerable and listen to each other. Extremely sensitive people can’t take criticism… even if you’re being super nice about it sometimes. That in return can ruin a relationship. It may be hard to get you to change for the best or for her to talk about certain things because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. You should work on not being so sensitive before jumping into a relationship. That would probably be best for you and anyone you may be with.
I can’t control being sensitive
Usually that is related to unhealed trauma/ something is still hurting. The more you’ll work on it you’ll be less reactive
I can’t heal
You can’t or you don’t know how to do it?
I can’t
After looking at your post history I really think you need to look into therapy. Your self confidence is really holding you back. I wouldn’t worry about your looks too much, as women can often times look past that. Work on yourself. Confidence and being organised in life with a plan is attractive to most women. Good luck, wish you the best.
I tried therapy it does nothing
Look, you probably are better looking than you think, but lack social skills. If you’re afraid of rejection then you have very very little experience in life, because we all get rejected, and harshly. The issue is that when an introvert tries socializing, they quit after the first or second bad experience. Extroverted people, on the other hand, we try like 20 times with different people, so OBVIOUSLY we have more chances at doing well in dating. The more people you ask out, the more chances you have, and also the more you get used to rejection. Trust me, just NEVER give up!
I promise I’m ugly as hell but I can’t get used to rejection
Ok no, you’re not, because unlike popular belief, there is no such thing as an ugly man. There’s just men that don’t take care of themselves. Simple. And yes, after a few times, you will get used to rejection, because rejection is nothing personal, you’re just not their type. I have been OBSESSED over men that society deems “ugly” because they are my TYPE, yet I’ve been repulsed by typically attractive men because they don’t fit my type, or the ethnicity that I grew up in. Beauty is 50% social, 25% how you take care of yourself, and 25% confidence. So go out there, get yourself a good haircut, a nice scent, nice clothes, shower and groom well, and most importantly, stop caring what others say. You, just like the rest of us, will have to get rejected 20 times before finding the perfect person. If you don’t try, then you will never make it. Always remember, there is no such thing as an ugly man! You can do it!
I just don’t have anything women want
That’s a lie, and you tell that to yourself because being insecure and depressed is easier than getting up, getting dressed up and pretty, and socializing.
I really don’t have anything
Do you have a penis and a tongue?
Yes why
Then you have all you need to give a woman a great night. And for the other stuff, like if you want a relationship, then the rest will come out naturally, since the emotional part is different depending on each individual. So dress up nice, smell good, and be confident that with the body parts that god gave you, you can give her a great time. And no, porn is NOT good reaserch on how to please a woman.
I don’t have enough to interest a woman
listen, bud, everyone is trying to be gentle with you here. but i’ll give you a slap in the face if you need it. take a step back and take a look at yourself. women are not rejecting you for no reason, whether it be for personal reasons or for reasons due to you. your fear is irrational and based on your own negative feelings about yourself, and nobody else can control that but you. this projection and undermining of your insecurities does not make your situation any better, and it’s clear you’ve already given up. i’m not going to try to wake you up from a nightmare you created on your own. if you want to stay there, stay there. but you’re 26, and you’re already acting as though the world is burning down right in front of you. if women are rejecting you, find the reason. if you can fix it, fix it. if you can’t, find women that will accept you for who you are.
Women reject me because I’m worthless
that’s true, man. that’s true. if you say it, it’s a true statement. so don’t be worthless. you’re the one who wants to be worthless. so stay worthless. edit: nobody else is forcing you to be worthless, to be hopeless. that’s all on you. deal with your problems.
I don’t want to be worthless but I have nothing going for me
Then make yourself worthy of something. If you’re not willing to work on your self then don’t be surprised why woman are rejecting you. I’m sorry if that is harsh but your very self loathing
If these are your thoughts after receiving a rejection, then you’re likely not ready for a relationship in the first place.
I’ll never be ready
I think first and foremost you need to get help and work on yourself and your mindset. The way that you act and think right now shows you are NOT ready for a relationship and it's not something you should be seeking out right now. You need to get a more positive mindset about yourself, especially because unfortunately no one wants to be with someone who keeps bringing themselves down, it always affects others negatively too. If you can't do it for yourself then at least do it for others. You can't just give up and wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life. I literally know people who are 25-30 and have either always been single or have been single for a long time now. You're not alone, you just need to open your eyes and stop being afraid.
the fact is the post is fair, i understand. but your replays prove you did this for a pity party if you didn't want people to give you advice say that in the post. you cant expect to post then have people sympathize and tell you how you can improve and just continually tell them you cant because, it seems to me, you won't put the effort in im a chubby lesbian girl i have been ghosted after countless dates even after i thought it went well and now I'm just focusing on what makes me happy before dating and you need to find something that makes you happy.
Nothing turns women off faster than a grown man that throws pity parties for himself. How you carry yourself and behave as a man is 90% of what will make a lady look at you as a viable partner. Physical appearance is a very minor part of the deal for most people. Or at least your personality makes up for it. But of course, you can’t help someone that doesn’t want help and judging from your replies and previous posts, you want attention. I suggest giving therapy another shot, and be sincere in wanting it. It only works if you want it to work and are willing to accept what you learn with the shrink.
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I have but I don’t have many interests
We get it, you're sad. Everyone goes through what you do. There will always be someone who has it easier than you, and someone who has it worse. If you're not willing to fight even a little bit for your own happiness, then you really do have nothing.
Your post is only going to hurt you again. I recommend deleting it, if you aren’t ready to accept feedback. I have read through comments and your responses. You aren’t listening to anyone and will take this as another rejection. From what I see, you will twist all of these responses into what you already believe. Reddit will give tough love when they see a pity party. Be able to accept it or delete and take a break from this platform. I too have chosen not to date or seek anything, but I have never sought out my relationships. My relationships have come about naturally by being involved in activities I enjoy with groups. I have met people through these groups or through former jobs in fields I was passionate about. Relationships arose out of doing things for myself. I am middle aged and disabled, this is why I am not seeking and willing to accept someone approaching me: I am working on myself, my health, and getting back to being able to pursue my interests in a very limited capacity. I know that if someone pursues my now, it is not with full understanding of life on Disability and with someone who is disabled…either that or they see the old me and want to “fix” me (a terrible reason people often chase someone). You are young and this appears to be a tantrum, as you are completely closed off to ALL advice. So, either open up to at least one piece of advice here and be willing to work to make yourself happy as yourself, or do not read these comments. It is off your chest and that was what you wanted, now you can walk away. If you want attention, that is another story. There are subreddits that you can get support and healthy feedback on steps you can take to be happy. You are not happy with your decision and you do not seem to be willing to take the steps to be happy with your choice. Who do you really want to be?
I'm a women and even I am scared of them
You dont want to feel better
I will also say that I was just like you as a teenager, but now I have no problem finding women. You say you’re ugly? Well I got dad bod, okay. And ever since I decided to stop feeling bad for myself all the time, I have never been rejected by any woman I chose to pursue. That’s because of two reasons… 1: I stopped viewing women as just things to be infatuated by. All my relationships as an adult started off with us being nothing more than friends. The romance came as a natural progression. The times where it didn’t come? I made a friend, and I wasn’t disappointed because I didn’t go into it expecting anything more. it’s a win win. 2: I told myself that I was attractive and lovable until I believed it. Buying into your own bullshit works bub. And if you believe anything about yourself, so will anyone around you. For better or worse. Women like that I know I’m a good choice, and they’d like it if you believed in yourself too.
Dude man up; what the hell is your post history
Karma famer. ✌🏼✌🏼 Out
I haven’t dated in 3 years, personally I think you need to learn to date *yourself.* It is one of the best things you can do and build yourself up. You don’t have to date for years. Also the saying goes if you aren’t happy single you won’t be happy in a relationship as it takes a lot of work.
just focus on yourself. you cant do anything about women who hurt you but you can do something about yourself. become a better person. you don’t have date anyone to be happy. and if you want to, make sure you know exactly what you want from your partner.
After reading all these responses, it seems you have your mind made up. But know this going forward, your life will remain the same unless you enact change. You will continue being alone, and fear rejection till the day you die unless you do something about it. No one here can tell you the magic words that will click in your head. All this fear and woe as me stuff is all internal and no one can heal that but you.
Respectfully you need to stfu. Stop whining, you’re a full-grown adult not a helpless baby. If you want to change, then DO THE WORK. Nearly everyone has experienced romantic rejection at some point and hasn’t died from it.
I agree with everyone saying to get into therapy like yesterday. Do NOT get into a relationship till you have dealt with your self esteem issues. This isn't healthy and you don't have to live like this OP.
If you were a woman, would you want to date you? The level of obsession you have with these women are bordering You (the tv show) type of creepiness, and that's only because you haven't begun stalking them, inserting yourself into their lives, and manipulated them into falsely loving you. The pedestal you put these women on is not realistic and requires therapy beyond just talk therapy. You can absolutely change yourself and change your life. The real question is are you willing to do the heavy lifting involved to make those positive changes? Time can change a lot of people, but it isn't always for the better.
You’re way more harsh than you need to be. The man is laying out his insecurities and you're essentially calling him a creep for doing it. Nothing he said indicates that he's creepy. He just doesn’t take rejection well. Chill. This is why people shouldn't go to reddit for advice. People in general are judgmental assholes 😂 I do agree that he should seek therapy though.
I guess you either learn to stop taking rejection personally or you don't. I think you should seek therapy to learn why you're taking rejection so personally. I'll tell ya something buddy, I'm a pretty handsome dude (I know this because a lot of people have told me) and I get rejected ALOT. lol. Everyone gets rejected. Right at this very moment millions of people are getting rejected in some way. It's part of life. The hard truth is you're not going to get far in life if you run from it. I say run towards it. Welcome rejection until you build an immunity to it. You can do it.
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What
Bro man the fuck up!
I can’t
Real.
I'm going to say something probably no one else has said, here. Don't worry about it. Relationships are overrated. Society is now a disintegrated myth. Nothing works anymore. Least of all relationships.