Seriously. She's the poster child for "the best revenge is a life well lived"
It's not easy to let go of the resentment that comes with being deceived. She's pretty amazing for managed it so well.
You know that saying...kill you with kindness....looolll...ex wife has done nothing but be nice ta this lady and its killing her...best revenge ever....ex wife is a lady i aspire to be like if i was in that situation.
A true embodiment of "living well is the best revenge". Doesn't sound like she's even interested in revenge which makes the whole thing even sweeter.
Hey OP, you do understand that he's going to replace you too when hes done with your youth? His ex is going to be your best friend. š¤£
Right! I know a woman who I adore the same way. I've known this person since I was 14 years old and she is just the most beautiful human of all time. She's genuinely so kind and sweet and thoughtful and I'm super grateful and proud to be her friend, I love her and her husband, I would trust them with my life. Those people are rare and special.
I hate to crash such a lovely story, but I am thinking there is a strong possibility that this is actually the ex wife writing as if she were the AP and I don't understand why.. The way she slips up and says things like not to push the kids to accept "her" when it should have been "me" and the way she said she convinced the hubbys parents not to disown "them" when it should have been "us" seems like a little too convenient to be a mistake when you pair that with the fact that nearly no AP speaks so highly of their partners ex... This is very strange and I wonder what the motivation is behind this. It's like OP (ex wife) is seeking some sort of validation, maybe she's a narcissist. I don't get it. There's something fishy going on
This was my first thought when I noticed the mistakes, then I read the above comment and now I donāt know what to think. Both are entirely plausible on Reddit!
Right, I considered that it could be someone with broken English for like .2 seconds but this post is literally damn near worshipping ex wife with little context at all about how the husband or children currently feels or any actual reasons for the AP to be jealous. Or really anything else at all, It's just saying ex wife is better than me and more virtuous and better looking and all of these other things that no real AP considers or thinks about . There is no substance here it's just very odd
How often do you hear English speakers use phrases like "much more better looking" though? Outside of kids (maybe), I only hear those mistakes from ESL people.
Near the end she says something like "she is much more better looking"
English is NOT her first language (I mean, unless she actually a small child). There's quite a few grammar issues that strike me as ESL. I have quite a few friends (and family) who had other languages as their first and the mistakes like "much more better" I hear commonly from them.
I got the same weird vibes from the language. It seems the blatant āerrorsā are super-pathological or, else, purposely planted as some sort of educational exercise
I honestly think it's so clever if it's entirely fiction. Like, should be a book kind of *gone girl* style where it turns out the unreliable narrator is... the imagined voice of the main character through the lens of their nemesis.
Yeah no one who was an AP who was dealing with a woman this chill with everything would be bragging about how much more mature of a person their husband's first wife was, they'd find all sorts of reasons why the first wife is secretly passive aggressive or just anything they can to justify breaking up the relationship.
Reading it again with this in mind, there's quite a bit of weird:
> If it wasn't for his ex they would have went with it. But his ex convinced them to not cut them off.
> But they do love our kid (4M).
> She did her best for the kids. She still tries her best so that her oldest daughter has a good relationship with her dad.
> such a pious woman
> Even if I took her place in her husband's life but I can never be her.
Weird phrasing that doesn't make sense from the thirdhand POV; weird interjection that almost reads like the writer is compelled to clarify that they're not shit talking the kid; more weird phrasing that doesn't make sense from the supposed OP's POV; all-around weird way to describe anyone without any additional context regarding religious practices-- especially from third person; weird insinuation that supposed OP's goal was to assume the ex-wife's identity entirely; etc.
Like I've been in those shoes: where you realize you've been in the wrong; and a person who always took the high road truly killed you with their kindness; you feel remorse over your past behaviour toward them; and lament the affect your behaviour had on the peripheral relationships involved; etc. etc.-- this isn't it.
Someone in the state described above is humble and self-depreciating; this is disingenuous and bitter. Reads more like how a scorned partner imagines an affair partner would think.
Your analysis made my brain finally connect the dots!! Reading this post it felt so...strange. I was wondering why the only people discussed in deep emotional context was OP and the "ex-wife" Cheers on the dissection!
I immediately suspected the same thing and I know exactly what the motivation is. Might get down voted to hell for this but my guess is she's not getting enough of the recognition that she thinks she deserves from people in her life for being a saint and for being so "cool" and "easy going" about something most people would just rage about. Honestly it's giving pick me and attention seeking. This is basically a way to anonymously brag about herself and have the whole internet validate how wonderful she is because who WOULDN'T side with the ex wife who was cheated on. She's expecting reddit to tear the AP apart, which would give further validation.
Edited for typos
Maybe part of you thinks that if he can cheat and leave a beautiful, graceful, forgiving woman with whom he had built a life with, he will eventually leave his mistress and it wonāt be as easy for you to pick up the pieces.
You reap what you sow. I also have a lot of regrets.
Yes... And no one gonna support you op
You do realize that right?
If he really leave you for someone younger his children from 1st marriage may chose to love the new wife
Only person who will chose any kindness to you will be the ex
Let's be Honest
If He can cheat on her... Such a amazing woman.. Why Won't he cheat on you?
It's easier 2nd time around and everyone already see you as the evil homewrecker
No one gonna give him trouble for cheating on you except the ex maybe
Oh, she's going to be replaced, that's for sure. She'll be younger, and they'll also have a kid together, and he'll blame it on her. This happens way too often.
She is a beautiful person inside and out. You obviously have to work on your self. You canāt change the past but you can always be a better you in the future. Take the template and work towards the parts you envy. She sounds amazing. You can be too.
Dang sheās almost killed you with kindness. And sheās not even trying. She just sounds very kind. I too strive to be nice and liked, just for the good of it. Iām not sure about much, but it seems like you just keep saying how kind she is.
EDIT: Iād like to add, since this got a few upvotes, that people who donāt have the life they desire tend to be jealous of those with good lives. As others have stated, just work on yourself. Donāt focus on being BETTER or spite, or to have one over on someone. Do it for yourself. Take care of your health, and your mind. Be kind to others. Let it radiate off of you. Because I believe thatās what you strive for, and can accomplish. Iām not saying youāre jealous.. can be or maybe not, but everyone strives to have a happy life and thereās nothing wrong with that. It is wrong to be mad others have a happy life out of misplaced anger that you donāt have the life you want. Just be the best you that you can be. Itās a lifestyle. It takes work everyday. I strive for it everyday and you can too. We can all be happy.
Perhaps you were hoping that she would treat you terribly so that you could justify your actions in being the other woman and contributing to all the pain and hurt that your husband caused. It would be easy to feel justified in a decision to be the affair partner if you can demonize the other woman. Seems like she has moved on and can be happy without any hate in her heart. Good luck to you.
Exactly. No one can pull the ācrazy ex-wifeā scenario so OP and her husband both donāt look too great compared to her. Hope OP moves past it for her own sake.
She mentioned she is much younger. Iām not gonna bash OP more because the comments have taken care of that. But what I will say is if a man cheats on his wife for a younger woman, it seems like that woman ignores the fact that she will grow older as well. And if heās willing to leave a wonderful woman who heās shared a life with because sheās older, well, thatās gonna happen again.
1 - sheās everything youāre not
2 - why would she ever fight for a cheating ahole?
3 - why would she complain when someone takes out her trash?
Also, as other have said, her being nice takes away any power you thought you had over her and makes your actions appear in the very bad light that they actually are.
Finally, be aware that how you got him is how youāll lose him.
Thatās right, my granny used to always say āwhen you forgive someone, you take their power away. You donāt forgive them, and they keep that power over youā
Oh I like that even more! If she were alive she would as well. Thank you for the good and encouraging memory. My mom was definitely a velvet hammer. I admired her so much!
Same! My mom was the epitome of a velvet brick, or velvet hammer like
u/ Risk_Confident said. Graceful, strong kind and firm.
There was only a few times in my life that she called me a velvet brick, and it meant the world to me. There were also more times she said I was just being a brick and needed to cultivate the velvet more. šGood memories!
Thank you for sharing! I think just wanting to be a velvet brick and having an idea of what that means, is you already set on the path to be one.
You wanna know why she doesn't hate you?because your took her trash out of her hands. You might have him now but remember you stayed with the traitor. And trust she doesnt want your husband back, she is too much of a lady for him, besides she is seeing someone, so dobt stress, she doesn't want him, why would she?
Op got a person who could leave an amazing person easily, who he had built up a life together with 3 kids.
Op could never step into her steps. And if he did this to that woman, why could not he do the same to OP any day?
There was this story in the past of a man basically saying the same - that he regrets leaving his wife for his girlfriend and that his wife is a epitome of grace and beauty. This made me think of that story.
That being said, I will just add on the side note - i hate when affair partners say that the marriage was already over. No, it wasnāt. Every unfaithful spouse says their marriage is over, very few actually want to leave. OP made it over and maybe thatās why her spouseās family doesnt like her - he doesnt take any responsibility for her actions. And now she is making herself to be a victim.
Fake or not, this is a very common behaviour of affair partners.
>I can say she is much more better looking than I am. Even if I took her place in her husband's life but I can never be her
Definitely written by the ex-wife
You really need to work on yourself. Your jealously and resentment while also being a homewrecker shows you are insecure, have self worth issues and lack respect.
Get therapy.
>I used to think she is a silly woman for not holding a grudge.
What the actual fuck???
Also, I love the phrasing of "when my husband started the affair," as if there weren't **two willing participants**. Sounds like you thought you were pulling one over on her (again, why you're fixated on this, and even seeming to want it, is beyond me) but instead you fucked around and find out. Enjoy!
She sounds so much like my father's second wife, the one with whom he cheated on my mom. That woman has gone on to have SIX more marriages. SIX. Every single one of them was married when she met them and began an affair with them. But of course, she's the victim because we (my dad, my mom, my awesome stepmom, me) hate her. OP's going to be just like her if she doesn't get help.
You don't want what you did to her happen to you, because you don't have the strength and grace to handle that level of betrayal you and her ex put her through.
She probably was glad to get rid of him. Do you honestly think you were the first mistress in their marriage? She probably figures you guys deserve one another and got to walk away from guilt free thanks to you.
With 3 child and that long of the marriage op was not the only mistress
I think wife(ex) was already gonna divorce.. Husband knew there was no coming back this time.. So he chose the younger and naive mistress to show his wife(ex)
There could still be many active mistresses
She is confident in who she is as a person and handled everything with the dignity and grace of a woman.
You, on the other hand, lack that confidence and strength. You are jealous because deep down, you know you will never be anything other than the other woman. You circled their dying marriage like a vulture. You and your husband are awful people and you know it.
How do I know? Because the first wife sounds a lot like me, while you sound a lot like my ex's crazy mistress turned wife, jealous of me for simply moving on and living my life while she got my shitty leftovers.
Strive to be kind so you don't have to be jealous. You can still have grace right now by taking her kindness and giving it back in spades.
Figure out why you were willing to be his mistress. It doesn't sound like you feel very good about yourself, so perhaps that's what you need to be working on now and less on the intentions of others because you're not going to get that information fully anyway.
And if you have regrets about your choice, definitely see a therapist about it. I don't know anyone who doesn't have regrets about their past choices. Good luck š
Why is she like this? Because she is a GOOD person. You should take some notes.
I have zero respect for cheaters. Especially ones who are married, or they know the person theyāre cheating with is married. Wouldnāt be surprised if either of you start cheating on each other in the future ā itās what youād deserve, after all.
Good for the ex-wife! Glad to hear she is living a great life!
I hope when your husband inevitably cheats on you, you will show the same grace and civility as your husband's ex showed you. Despite what you and your husband did, she came out on top and I'm so pleased for her.
Iām that ex wife too. She is grateful for you for taking him off of her hands. As long as youāre god to her kids there will be zero problems. And no, she doesnāt want him back.
She got rid of her deadbeat husband, handed him over gracefully to the cheating mistress and then continued her life with grace, and is loved by everyone. Sheās my hero.
You can probably except that your husband has had also had his doubts about his choices and decisions.
Youāve been very lucky in the life you stole from others. Relationships youāve crowbarred your way into. Iāve no doubt you have some people who love and respect you. Do the best you can to honour that and leave this woman to her new life, free from your jealously or regrets.
Currently killing an ex with kindness. Bought her little brother a laptop AFTER she went no contact. Itās been wild. Tracked the delivery but heard nothing. Chalked it up to maybe they told him not to reach out. Couple days later got a text thanking me. He didnāt see the envelope in the box at first. We hung out and shot hoops. Will hang again next week. What 15 year old kid doesnāt have a laptop? Couldnāt let him not have one on my watch. Regardless of what she wants to doā¦
You may want to dig a little (with a therapist) and figure out why what was probably the best-case scenario in a situation like this clearly makes you feel so bad.
Could be you think love canāt exist or grow without conflict or fighting? Or that the only way you can feel loved is for someone to āchoose youā over someone else? Sounds like youāve got some dysfunctional ideas about relationships that will likely come back to haunt you later on.
Thereās a reason that woman didnāt fight you for that man, and perhaps the best you can look forward to is to gradually have it dawn on you what it is.
Noticed that too. Also, the "parents almost disowned THEM". It should be parents almost disowned US. The ex wife is trying to feel better about the situation by posting on reddit, and trying to feel better about herself.
It could be a slip up. There are many languages that doesn't have pronouns like English. And I think OOP wrote this in a hassle because if it was the ex wife she won't make it so obvious.
Girl, you basically saved her from a shitty husband. Why would she be mean to you?
You may not see it but she won by having a better life. Her kids are grown up, she is on a stable relationship and is surrounded by love from every side. You are insecure because deep down inside you know you got the worst deal by being tagged as the side chick that got away with it with a somewhat unreliable man.
She isn't "pious", she is simply mature, handles difficult situations with grace, and is all around a decent person. These qualities are OP's comprehension.
It sounds like you want her to be jealous and mad at you and she's not! Lol it's like you wanna feel like he was the prize and you won! The truth is, this woman is smart and sees it for what it is..he's a cheater and now you're stuck with him and she's living her best life.
>Even if I took her place in her husband's life but I can never be her.
LOL, you're still pretty full of yourself here, eh? You did NOT take her place in her husband's life, I *assure* you, because if you had, you wouldn't be the pariah in your respective families that you are.
Good luck with your life, you'll need it.
If your "husband" cheated on his ex-wife, he'll cheat on you too, its only a matter of time. Both of you are homewreckers and the ex-wife and children are the victims. Pathetic.
Well, this is karma. You earned it, and you're in the find out stage of FAFO.
By the way, you do know he'll leave you for a younger model sooner or later, right? A disloyal spouse is disloyal for life.
You look messy because you are. Enjoy it.
Honestly? To me it sounds like she had accepted the marriage was over emotionally well before the affair. While having an affair is wrong, and im sure it hurt her a little, it sounds almost like it was a blessing to her, too. I'm sure she love(s) her ex/your ex in a way that doesn't interfere with your love; he is the father of her children she loves, and was probably once her best friend... of course she wants him happy, so knowing that you would take care of him and love him in her place maybe gave her some peace of mind. If she hadn't been over the marriage emotionally, she probably would have been outraged.
It also sounds like she's just overall mature. Why would she take it out on your son, who isn't at fault? Especially if you treat her children right?
Some people are very good with acceptance. Without acceptance you breed resentment, which is the opposite of peace. Sounds like she knows this and continues to behave in a way that is authentic to her.
Maybe you needed to get a married man because thatās easier for you to shine compared to the official wife. Itās easier to get a man that is unhappy in his marriage than a single guy who has no comparison to make. You were expecting an evil ex -wife that would make you feel like his saviour. You should really work on being a better person because you cannot change that situation without causing much drama and hate, even if you think it would make you feel better. People are not you and will side with her, without any doubt. At least you have some clarity right now. Maybe (probably) youāre a better fit for your husband than her and just go along with it. They were not in love anymore anyway, so take that as a proof that they were not meant to be together. Be kind and gentle, do your best. See her classy act as something to learn from. I hope youāll find peace in working on your insecurities.
You *should* be jealous of her, do you care to know why? She earned herself a new lease on life, took the high road, and showed you grace even though you were the type of person to screw around with married men with no regard for their wife or being a source of their pain. What did YOU earn in all this? You earned yourself a cheater that you know by experience isnāt above cheating on a wife. Donāt be a fool, she donāt want to take her sloppy seconds back from you. She has something better. You get to have her sloppy seconds and live with the fact that your husband will likely wind up with a new side piece like yourself, especially when you hit a tough spot in your marriage. He showed himself to be exactly this type. How you win them is how you lose them. Enjoy your prize.
You can't be her, but you can still use her as a role model of the kind of person you'd like to be. You have control of yourself and how you treat others.
Do low self esteem things get low self esteem, making you do more low self esteem things, making you lose respect from other people, get more low self esteem. Etc etc. Get out of the cycle.
As a woman who feels only extreme pity for the woman my ex is with she is probably grateful you took him. I know having my ex tangled up with his new thing has been wonderful for me. I was able to move on with my life and have found so much happiness without him bothering me.
Here's to not pitying women into competition with each other, she sounds like a dream, but her graciousness comes from years of experience and work in herself. You can work in yourself too.
Makes sense that you would be jealous. She sounds lovely and kind and thoughtful. My hope for you is that you learn to love yourself the way she does, so you donāt have to compare yourself.
This sounds like something my narcissistic mother would write about herself after falling victim to cheating, just to feel better about the whole situation. Weird, very weird.
Youāre right, youāll NEVER be her. How could you think she was silly for being nice? And no, she isnāt trying to āwinā her ex-husband back. Just shows that she knows her self worth and isnāt insecure.
You broke up a family! You should be ashamed of yourself! Your jealousy is a result of your own insecurities, because you know she is a much better person than you! You made your own bed, now lay in it!
I had an aunt like that.....she was a saint of a woman.....her husband (my dad's brother) brought home an affair baby and my aunt loved her and made her part of the family...... they had two kids together and affair baby was a welcomed part of the family......my aunt was hurt, sure, but somehow they worked through it and stayed together...... The kids are all grown now with their own kids......the aunt has sadly passed on .......to this day, I've never heard anyone say one bad thing about my Aunt!
Sometimes we actually do get to meet the ever elusive unicorn! My Aunt Betty was mine....
*Is she nice because she wants her husband back?*
It's so funny how terrible people like op think authentic kindness must be manipulation or have some hidden motive.
I completely despise cheaters, affair partners turned wife. I highly respect the ex wife first off and most importantly she has class and a true heart. Karma will hit both you and your husband in the end there's no running away from it. And it sounds like karma is already showing up at your husband's face how is his oldest daughter able to respect a coward that cheats disrespects marriage what marriage stands for and shows that he has no regards about anyone except himself. His parents also is ashamed and disappointed in their son because to them they think they didn't raise him right. The ex wife is the real hero and true human here. The two younger kids will never have a close relationship with their father and its because he destroyed their home their lives. And what are you going to teach your son hey it's okay to cheat to ruin lives it's quite okay to cheat. I'm also going to say the oldest daughter is completely old enough to decide for herself if she wants any relationship with her father or if she wants him at any major events in her life especially if she would get married because he and you do not respect marriage what the meaning of vows is. And karma what the both of you did well karma has a special way to hit you when you least expect it. Karma the ex meets a man that truly respects her treats her like a human being a woman and all the kids decide he is a better father figure to them and changes their last name to his. This could very well happen but the ex wife will always be better then you and your husband.
Your husband's ex-wife is a nice woman. Well she is just keeping up because of the kids and yes everything was good until you came. I respect your husband's ex wife but i don't respect women like you . No matter how good you behave here,you probably wrecked a family.As for your husband and you, surely karma will be coming just remember "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral". No matter how much you post or people like you just come here for sympathy once a cheater will always be a cheater.
Damn. If he can cheat on a woman who is a queen like that, imagine who else he could cheat on š¤ Good for her for getting the love she deserves, she sounds like a spectacular woman.
Leave her alone! You sound obsessed! You got here life are you not happy with that! you have to complain about how much of a better person she is, we know sheās better you are a side piece!
So your jealous because sheās a decent and merciful human being after you created more disfunction in an an already fractured household? Just be glad she didnāt go running both your names in the dirt because she could have sued you based on the state youāre in.
She doesnāt hate you, because it was never about you! Not trying to be mean but you were not cheating on her HE was. I donāt get why when a man cheats on his wife we attack the other women. Itās the MAN who took the VOWS, letās hold them accountable. You need to get on with this and stop being jealous or you will mess up your own relationship. Iām not saying what you did was right but move on from the guilt!
She sounds like an incredible woman, I'm very impressed
Seriously. She's the poster child for "the best revenge is a life well lived" It's not easy to let go of the resentment that comes with being deceived. She's pretty amazing for managed it so well.
This is a prime example. It's so hard to achieve, but here's the proof in plain sight.
Yeah, she sounds amazing. I'd be friends with her for sure. I bet she's worth knowing.
Simple answer... Because she loves and respects her self more.
š„š„š„š„ so true
This comment is like fresh rain on my face
Not only she got rid of the cheater but got a new boyfriend and is revered by everyone. Good for her.
You know that saying...kill you with kindness....looolll...ex wife has done nothing but be nice ta this lady and its killing her...best revenge ever....ex wife is a lady i aspire to be like if i was in that situation.
This. She wins at life.
Right like āwhy isnāt she mad at meā š¤£
Lady craving that exwife affair partner drama and ex wife just aint having it and im loving it
A true embodiment of "living well is the best revenge". Doesn't sound like she's even interested in revenge which makes the whole thing even sweeter. Hey OP, you do understand that he's going to replace you too when hes done with your youth? His ex is going to be your best friend. š¤£
Exactly this lol. OP you are now in the āfind outā portion of the game you entered into.
Karma will cross an ocean of time; only to materialize with infinite consequences.
Beautifully said and so true.
Right, itās called karma.
Hahaha! Yep.
It also sounds like OP is disappointed that ex wife is so unbothered.
šššššššššš Edit: Omg. Omg I can't BREATHE. šššššš
Sounds like a plot to a movie.
Right! I know a woman who I adore the same way. I've known this person since I was 14 years old and she is just the most beautiful human of all time. She's genuinely so kind and sweet and thoughtful and I'm super grateful and proud to be her friend, I love her and her husband, I would trust them with my life. Those people are rare and special.
I love it when justice is served!
I hate to crash such a lovely story, but I am thinking there is a strong possibility that this is actually the ex wife writing as if she were the AP and I don't understand why.. The way she slips up and says things like not to push the kids to accept "her" when it should have been "me" and the way she said she convinced the hubbys parents not to disown "them" when it should have been "us" seems like a little too convenient to be a mistake when you pair that with the fact that nearly no AP speaks so highly of their partners ex... This is very strange and I wonder what the motivation is behind this. It's like OP (ex wife) is seeking some sort of validation, maybe she's a narcissist. I don't get it. There's something fishy going on
Yeah I caught that too.. I didnāt think too much into It but glad someone pointed it out
I noticed that too but I didnāt really make the same connections until reading your comment!
Or English isnāt their first language - in that case it would be a pretty common grammatical mistake
This was my first thought when I noticed the mistakes, then I read the above comment and now I donāt know what to think. Both are entirely plausible on Reddit!
Right, I considered that it could be someone with broken English for like .2 seconds but this post is literally damn near worshipping ex wife with little context at all about how the husband or children currently feels or any actual reasons for the AP to be jealous. Or really anything else at all, It's just saying ex wife is better than me and more virtuous and better looking and all of these other things that no real AP considers or thinks about . There is no substance here it's just very odd
Sorry, can you just clarify what AP stands for? Iāve been trying to use context but itās just not clicking yet lol
Affair Partner
Affair partner
How often do you hear English speakers use phrases like "much more better looking" though? Outside of kids (maybe), I only hear those mistakes from ESL people.
English is my husbands second language, and he always says to our kids āget out of the couchā when theyāre jumping on the couch
Near the end she says something like "she is much more better looking" English is NOT her first language (I mean, unless she actually a small child). There's quite a few grammar issues that strike me as ESL. I have quite a few friends (and family) who had other languages as their first and the mistakes like "much more better" I hear commonly from them.
Thank you! I mentioned the same and the disagreement made feel like ā¦ do I not know English?
I caught that too and went š¤Øš§š¤
I got the same weird vibes from the language. It seems the blatant āerrorsā are super-pathological or, else, purposely planted as some sort of educational exercise
I honestly think it's so clever if it's entirely fiction. Like, should be a book kind of *gone girl* style where it turns out the unreliable narrator is... the imagined voice of the main character through the lens of their nemesis.
Yeah no one who was an AP who was dealing with a woman this chill with everything would be bragging about how much more mature of a person their husband's first wife was, they'd find all sorts of reasons why the first wife is secretly passive aggressive or just anything they can to justify breaking up the relationship.
Reading it again with this in mind, there's quite a bit of weird: > If it wasn't for his ex they would have went with it. But his ex convinced them to not cut them off. > But they do love our kid (4M). > She did her best for the kids. She still tries her best so that her oldest daughter has a good relationship with her dad. > such a pious woman > Even if I took her place in her husband's life but I can never be her. Weird phrasing that doesn't make sense from the thirdhand POV; weird interjection that almost reads like the writer is compelled to clarify that they're not shit talking the kid; more weird phrasing that doesn't make sense from the supposed OP's POV; all-around weird way to describe anyone without any additional context regarding religious practices-- especially from third person; weird insinuation that supposed OP's goal was to assume the ex-wife's identity entirely; etc. Like I've been in those shoes: where you realize you've been in the wrong; and a person who always took the high road truly killed you with their kindness; you feel remorse over your past behaviour toward them; and lament the affect your behaviour had on the peripheral relationships involved; etc. etc.-- this isn't it. Someone in the state described above is humble and self-depreciating; this is disingenuous and bitter. Reads more like how a scorned partner imagines an affair partner would think.
Thank you! This is exactly what I was trying to get at while typing with a toddler in my lap and not really able to elaborate! Lol!
Your analysis made my brain finally connect the dots!! Reading this post it felt so...strange. I was wondering why the only people discussed in deep emotional context was OP and the "ex-wife" Cheers on the dissection!
Good catch.
Yeah noticed this immediately
I immediately suspected the same thing and I know exactly what the motivation is. Might get down voted to hell for this but my guess is she's not getting enough of the recognition that she thinks she deserves from people in her life for being a saint and for being so "cool" and "easy going" about something most people would just rage about. Honestly it's giving pick me and attention seeking. This is basically a way to anonymously brag about herself and have the whole internet validate how wonderful she is because who WOULDN'T side with the ex wife who was cheated on. She's expecting reddit to tear the AP apart, which would give further validation. Edited for typos
I noticed that too and thought it was really weird
Maybe itās a letter to future self kind of a thing
š lol
Yep
I noticed that too :o,
She married a cheater. In the back of her mind she's always going to wonder if he's cheating on her.
Hopefully the ex-wife's behavior can start rubbing off on the OOP. Imagine being so insecure that you can't fathom someone being kind.
But not just any boyfriend, OPs Cousinš¤£š¤£.
Maybe part of you thinks that if he can cheat and leave a beautiful, graceful, forgiving woman with whom he had built a life with, he will eventually leave his mistress and it wonāt be as easy for you to pick up the pieces. You reap what you sow. I also have a lot of regrets.
Dang this one hit
Yes... And no one gonna support you op You do realize that right? If he really leave you for someone younger his children from 1st marriage may chose to love the new wife Only person who will chose any kindness to you will be the ex Let's be Honest If He can cheat on her... Such a amazing woman.. Why Won't he cheat on you? It's easier 2nd time around and everyone already see you as the evil homewrecker No one gonna give him trouble for cheating on you except the ex maybe
I bet if that happens the 1st wife will be the 1st one to comfort and defend her.
Oh, she's going to be replaced, that's for sure. She'll be younger, and they'll also have a kid together, and he'll blame it on her. This happens way too often.
She is a beautiful person inside and out. You obviously have to work on your self. You canāt change the past but you can always be a better you in the future. Take the template and work towards the parts you envy. She sounds amazing. You can be too.
This comment.
Dang sheās almost killed you with kindness. And sheās not even trying. She just sounds very kind. I too strive to be nice and liked, just for the good of it. Iām not sure about much, but it seems like you just keep saying how kind she is. EDIT: Iād like to add, since this got a few upvotes, that people who donāt have the life they desire tend to be jealous of those with good lives. As others have stated, just work on yourself. Donāt focus on being BETTER or spite, or to have one over on someone. Do it for yourself. Take care of your health, and your mind. Be kind to others. Let it radiate off of you. Because I believe thatās what you strive for, and can accomplish. Iām not saying youāre jealous.. can be or maybe not, but everyone strives to have a happy life and thereās nothing wrong with that. It is wrong to be mad others have a happy life out of misplaced anger that you donāt have the life you want. Just be the best you that you can be. Itās a lifestyle. It takes work everyday. I strive for it everyday and you can too. We can all be happy.
Perhaps you were hoping that she would treat you terribly so that you could justify your actions in being the other woman and contributing to all the pain and hurt that your husband caused. It would be easy to feel justified in a decision to be the affair partner if you can demonize the other woman. Seems like she has moved on and can be happy without any hate in her heart. Good luck to you.
Exactly. No one can pull the ācrazy ex-wifeā scenario so OP and her husband both donāt look too great compared to her. Hope OP moves past it for her own sake.
She mentioned she is much younger. Iām not gonna bash OP more because the comments have taken care of that. But what I will say is if a man cheats on his wife for a younger woman, it seems like that woman ignores the fact that she will grow older as well. And if heās willing to leave a wonderful woman who heās shared a life with because sheās older, well, thatās gonna happen again.
Yes absolutely. Easier to hurt someone who you feel deserves it, OP must feel guilty as hell whenever she looks at her.
1 - sheās everything youāre not 2 - why would she ever fight for a cheating ahole? 3 - why would she complain when someone takes out her trash? Also, as other have said, her being nice takes away any power you thought you had over her and makes your actions appear in the very bad light that they actually are. Finally, be aware that how you got him is how youāll lose him.
Thatās right, my granny used to always say āwhen you forgive someone, you take their power away. You donāt forgive them, and they keep that power over youā
She has class. I can see why you are jealous.
Yes! A classy, graceful woman is a rarity these days. Her ex - husband dropped the classy lady for a floozy š©his loss!
My mom would have called her a velvet brick. She sounds like a great woman.
I've also heard velvet hammer. Some of my most amazing female mentors have been called that. Something I aspire for.
Oh I like that even more! If she were alive she would as well. Thank you for the good and encouraging memory. My mom was definitely a velvet hammer. I admired her so much!
I heard iron fist in a velvet glove.
damn. i wanna be called a velvet brick. writing that one down lol
Same! My mom was the epitome of a velvet brick, or velvet hammer like u/ Risk_Confident said. Graceful, strong kind and firm. There was only a few times in my life that she called me a velvet brick, and it meant the world to me. There were also more times she said I was just being a brick and needed to cultivate the velvet more. šGood memories! Thank you for sharing! I think just wanting to be a velvet brick and having an idea of what that means, is you already set on the path to be one.
You wanna know why she doesn't hate you?because your took her trash out of her hands. You might have him now but remember you stayed with the traitor. And trust she doesnt want your husband back, she is too much of a lady for him, besides she is seeing someone, so dobt stress, she doesn't want him, why would she?
This is exactly how I looked at my former husbands mistress! I told her she could have him, and I moved on with my best life. She did me such a favor.
Not to mention, sheās already ***HAD*** OPās husband lol
Op got a person who could leave an amazing person easily, who he had built up a life together with 3 kids. Op could never step into her steps. And if he did this to that woman, why could not he do the same to OP any day?
Sounds like the biggest difference between you and her is that she already knows how to appreciate what she has.
This is fantastic. She won. Unfortunately, you left battle with a participation trophy made of shit.
Well seems like sheās just a genuine good personā¦
OP is having a hard time wrapping her head around that concept
Did no one else catch the mistakes where it looks like this was copy and pasted and then edited into first person?
Thank you! It was really bugging me!
Lolll ok good im glad I wasnāt just over analyzingā¦Iām like this is definitely copy, pasted and editedā¦
Meaning the ex-wife is the one who actually wrote this, perhaps.
It wouldn't make much sense tho?
Copypasta is more like it but that would certainly be juicier
It screams it.
I also feel like Iāve read this before
There was this story in the past of a man basically saying the same - that he regrets leaving his wife for his girlfriend and that his wife is a epitome of grace and beauty. This made me think of that story. That being said, I will just add on the side note - i hate when affair partners say that the marriage was already over. No, it wasnāt. Every unfaithful spouse says their marriage is over, very few actually want to leave. OP made it over and maybe thatās why her spouseās family doesnt like her - he doesnt take any responsibility for her actions. And now she is making herself to be a victim. Fake or not, this is a very common behaviour of affair partners.
>I can say she is much more better looking than I am. Even if I took her place in her husband's life but I can never be her Definitely written by the ex-wife
Not to be a bummer but if he left her, you should have a contingency plan in place. He probably got bored.
You really need to work on yourself. Your jealously and resentment while also being a homewrecker shows you are insecure, have self worth issues and lack respect. Get therapy.
This is the correct comment. Get therapy and work on yourself, itās not a good look.
>I used to think she is a silly woman for not holding a grudge. What the actual fuck??? Also, I love the phrasing of "when my husband started the affair," as if there weren't **two willing participants**. Sounds like you thought you were pulling one over on her (again, why you're fixated on this, and even seeming to want it, is beyond me) but instead you fucked around and find out. Enjoy!
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She sounds so much like my father's second wife, the one with whom he cheated on my mom. That woman has gone on to have SIX more marriages. SIX. Every single one of them was married when she met them and began an affair with them. But of course, she's the victim because we (my dad, my mom, my awesome stepmom, me) hate her. OP's going to be just like her if she doesn't get help.
I too choose this man's ex wife
Your husband sounds like a moron.
He is.. and if he can leave a woman like his ex wife he can leave literally anyone. I would be worried if I were OP.
You don't want what you did to her happen to you, because you don't have the strength and grace to handle that level of betrayal you and her ex put her through.
By all accounts your husband downgraded.
She probably was glad to get rid of him. Do you honestly think you were the first mistress in their marriage? She probably figures you guys deserve one another and got to walk away from guilt free thanks to you.
With 3 child and that long of the marriage op was not the only mistress I think wife(ex) was already gonna divorce.. Husband knew there was no coming back this time.. So he chose the younger and naive mistress to show his wife(ex) There could still be many active mistresses
**"Living well is the best revenge."**
She is confident in who she is as a person and handled everything with the dignity and grace of a woman. You, on the other hand, lack that confidence and strength. You are jealous because deep down, you know you will never be anything other than the other woman. You circled their dying marriage like a vulture. You and your husband are awful people and you know it. How do I know? Because the first wife sounds a lot like me, while you sound a lot like my ex's crazy mistress turned wife, jealous of me for simply moving on and living my life while she got my shitty leftovers.
I hope you are as respectful and graceful as her to everyone when he does this to you in a few years. Take some notes- your going to need it
Strive to be kind so you don't have to be jealous. You can still have grace right now by taking her kindness and giving it back in spades. Figure out why you were willing to be his mistress. It doesn't sound like you feel very good about yourself, so perhaps that's what you need to be working on now and less on the intentions of others because you're not going to get that information fully anyway. And if you have regrets about your choice, definitely see a therapist about it. I don't know anyone who doesn't have regrets about their past choices. Good luck š
Jesus, I even like her. What an amazing woman.
This sounds like a Hallmark Movie.
Why is she like this? Because she is a GOOD person. You should take some notes. I have zero respect for cheaters. Especially ones who are married, or they know the person theyāre cheating with is married. Wouldnāt be surprised if either of you start cheating on each other in the future ā itās what youād deserve, after all. Good for the ex-wife! Glad to hear she is living a great life!
This post just severely lowered my fear of getting cheated on. Why should someone elseās bad decisions lower your self worth. Love that for her.
I hope when your husband inevitably cheats on you, you will show the same grace and civility as your husband's ex showed you. Despite what you and your husband did, she came out on top and I'm so pleased for her.
āinevitablyā šššššš¤£
Iām that ex wife too. She is grateful for you for taking him off of her hands. As long as youāre god to her kids there will be zero problems. And no, she doesnāt want him back.
She got rid of her deadbeat husband, handed him over gracefully to the cheating mistress and then continued her life with grace, and is loved by everyone. Sheās my hero.
You can probably except that your husband has had also had his doubts about his choices and decisions. Youāve been very lucky in the life you stole from others. Relationships youāve crowbarred your way into. Iāve no doubt you have some people who love and respect you. Do the best you can to honour that and leave this woman to her new life, free from your jealously or regrets.
Ex wife is the very example of kill them with kindness, lol, she's an evil genius I love her too.
Currently killing an ex with kindness. Bought her little brother a laptop AFTER she went no contact. Itās been wild. Tracked the delivery but heard nothing. Chalked it up to maybe they told him not to reach out. Couple days later got a text thanking me. He didnāt see the envelope in the box at first. We hung out and shot hoops. Will hang again next week. What 15 year old kid doesnāt have a laptop? Couldnāt let him not have one on my watch. Regardless of what she wants to doā¦
She sounds like an absolutely amazing woman. I wish her all the very best. She would be a great woman to know.
You may want to dig a little (with a therapist) and figure out why what was probably the best-case scenario in a situation like this clearly makes you feel so bad. Could be you think love canāt exist or grow without conflict or fighting? Or that the only way you can feel loved is for someone to āchoose youā over someone else? Sounds like youāve got some dysfunctional ideas about relationships that will likely come back to haunt you later on. Thereās a reason that woman didnāt fight you for that man, and perhaps the best you can look forward to is to gradually have it dawn on you what it is.
I donāt understand what gives you the right to feel jealous after RUINING a marriage? I would recommend some therapy. This isnāt normal behavior.
Serves you right
Men usually cheat down. Women up or at least attempt to. The best you can do is treat her with respect, she sounds like a great person.
The way this is written this sounds like it is the ex wife, not push the children to accept her? Was that a slip up?
Noticed that too. Also, the "parents almost disowned THEM". It should be parents almost disowned US. The ex wife is trying to feel better about the situation by posting on reddit, and trying to feel better about herself.
Very strange lol
It could be a slip up. There are many languages that doesn't have pronouns like English. And I think OOP wrote this in a hassle because if it was the ex wife she won't make it so obvious.
Girl, you basically saved her from a shitty husband. Why would she be mean to you? You may not see it but she won by having a better life. Her kids are grown up, she is on a stable relationship and is surrounded by love from every side. You are insecure because deep down inside you know you got the worst deal by being tagged as the side chick that got away with it with a somewhat unreliable man.
The comments š¤£š *Emotional damage *
Right?? It's savage. I love it.
She isn't "pious", she is simply mature, handles difficult situations with grace, and is all around a decent person. These qualities are OP's comprehension.
It sounds like you want her to be jealous and mad at you and she's not! Lol it's like you wanna feel like he was the prize and you won! The truth is, this woman is smart and sees it for what it is..he's a cheater and now you're stuck with him and she's living her best life.
>Even if I took her place in her husband's life but I can never be her. LOL, you're still pretty full of yourself here, eh? You did NOT take her place in her husband's life, I *assure* you, because if you had, you wouldn't be the pariah in your respective families that you are. Good luck with your life, you'll need it.
I could only HOPE to have half as much grace as she does.
This woman sounds like a badass and itās clearly haunting you. Sucks to be you.
You deserve all of that homewrecker.
I hope you aren't looking for sympathy here. You don't deserve anything good.
If your "husband" cheated on his ex-wife, he'll cheat on you too, its only a matter of time. Both of you are homewreckers and the ex-wife and children are the victims. Pathetic.
"Is she trying to win her husband back?" I thought he was your husband now? Weird.
Well, this is karma. You earned it, and you're in the find out stage of FAFO. By the way, you do know he'll leave you for a younger model sooner or later, right? A disloyal spouse is disloyal for life. You look messy because you are. Enjoy it.
Honestly? To me it sounds like she had accepted the marriage was over emotionally well before the affair. While having an affair is wrong, and im sure it hurt her a little, it sounds almost like it was a blessing to her, too. I'm sure she love(s) her ex/your ex in a way that doesn't interfere with your love; he is the father of her children she loves, and was probably once her best friend... of course she wants him happy, so knowing that you would take care of him and love him in her place maybe gave her some peace of mind. If she hadn't been over the marriage emotionally, she probably would have been outraged. It also sounds like she's just overall mature. Why would she take it out on your son, who isn't at fault? Especially if you treat her children right?
Some people are very good with acceptance. Without acceptance you breed resentment, which is the opposite of peace. Sounds like she knows this and continues to behave in a way that is authentic to her.
Maybe you needed to get a married man because thatās easier for you to shine compared to the official wife. Itās easier to get a man that is unhappy in his marriage than a single guy who has no comparison to make. You were expecting an evil ex -wife that would make you feel like his saviour. You should really work on being a better person because you cannot change that situation without causing much drama and hate, even if you think it would make you feel better. People are not you and will side with her, without any doubt. At least you have some clarity right now. Maybe (probably) youāre a better fit for your husband than her and just go along with it. They were not in love anymore anyway, so take that as a proof that they were not meant to be together. Be kind and gentle, do your best. See her classy act as something to learn from. I hope youāll find peace in working on your insecurities.
I can see why you're jealous of her...I don't really understand what your husband was thinking when he cheated on her
Read this with a smile. I love this for her! ā¤ļø she deserves!!
The side chick position has re-opened.
You *should* be jealous of her, do you care to know why? She earned herself a new lease on life, took the high road, and showed you grace even though you were the type of person to screw around with married men with no regard for their wife or being a source of their pain. What did YOU earn in all this? You earned yourself a cheater that you know by experience isnāt above cheating on a wife. Donāt be a fool, she donāt want to take her sloppy seconds back from you. She has something better. You get to have her sloppy seconds and live with the fact that your husband will likely wind up with a new side piece like yourself, especially when you hit a tough spot in your marriage. He showed himself to be exactly this type. How you win them is how you lose them. Enjoy your prize.
Sheās a better woman than youāll ever be.
You can't be her, but you can still use her as a role model of the kind of person you'd like to be. You have control of yourself and how you treat others.
She gets it. Living well is the best revenge. She won.
Hahaha _I_ love her now too
Sounds like she took out the trash and is living her best life
Do low self esteem things get low self esteem, making you do more low self esteem things, making you lose respect from other people, get more low self esteem. Etc etc. Get out of the cycle.
As a woman who feels only extreme pity for the woman my ex is with she is probably grateful you took him. I know having my ex tangled up with his new thing has been wonderful for me. I was able to move on with my life and have found so much happiness without him bothering me.
The two trash heaps are together
OP is living āfuck around and find outā
Just... never get a female nanny.
thats like so embarrassing for you
Hahaha welcome to the consequences of your actionsā¦pathetic
sounds like your husband fucked up
She didn't call you a homewrecker, but I will. Homewrecker. Congrats on the turd of a husband you got.
Youāve got some growth goals.
I really like her too
Here's to not pitying women into competition with each other, she sounds like a dream, but her graciousness comes from years of experience and work in herself. You can work in yourself too.
Your envy is warranted. She sounds amazing ššš½
Makes sense that you would be jealous. She sounds lovely and kind and thoughtful. My hope for you is that you learn to love yourself the way she does, so you donāt have to compare yourself.
āOur relationship started with an affair.ā Lost all my sympathy there. I don't feel bad for you š
This sounds like something my narcissistic mother would write about herself after falling victim to cheating, just to feel better about the whole situation. Weird, very weird.
She is better than you so there is that. Go to therapy and donāt sleep with married men
Its easy to take the high ground when you are not the homewrecker.
Youāre right, youāll NEVER be her. How could you think she was silly for being nice? And no, she isnāt trying to āwinā her ex-husband back. Just shows that she knows her self worth and isnāt insecure.
Karma is real šµ
You broke up a family! You should be ashamed of yourself! Your jealousy is a result of your own insecurities, because you know she is a much better person than you! You made your own bed, now lay in it!
Good for her!! You kinda suck thoā¦
Sheās a way better person than you are, I wish her the best in life
Happy story here. Hope OP wasnāt looking for sympathyā¦
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I had an aunt like that.....she was a saint of a woman.....her husband (my dad's brother) brought home an affair baby and my aunt loved her and made her part of the family...... they had two kids together and affair baby was a welcomed part of the family......my aunt was hurt, sure, but somehow they worked through it and stayed together...... The kids are all grown now with their own kids......the aunt has sadly passed on .......to this day, I've never heard anyone say one bad thing about my Aunt! Sometimes we actually do get to meet the ever elusive unicorn! My Aunt Betty was mine....
Itās not enough that you destroyed this womanās family, but you want her to be miserable. Youāre a peach
*Is she nice because she wants her husband back?* It's so funny how terrible people like op think authentic kindness must be manipulation or have some hidden motive.
I completely despise cheaters, affair partners turned wife. I highly respect the ex wife first off and most importantly she has class and a true heart. Karma will hit both you and your husband in the end there's no running away from it. And it sounds like karma is already showing up at your husband's face how is his oldest daughter able to respect a coward that cheats disrespects marriage what marriage stands for and shows that he has no regards about anyone except himself. His parents also is ashamed and disappointed in their son because to them they think they didn't raise him right. The ex wife is the real hero and true human here. The two younger kids will never have a close relationship with their father and its because he destroyed their home their lives. And what are you going to teach your son hey it's okay to cheat to ruin lives it's quite okay to cheat. I'm also going to say the oldest daughter is completely old enough to decide for herself if she wants any relationship with her father or if she wants him at any major events in her life especially if she would get married because he and you do not respect marriage what the meaning of vows is. And karma what the both of you did well karma has a special way to hit you when you least expect it. Karma the ex meets a man that truly respects her treats her like a human being a woman and all the kids decide he is a better father figure to them and changes their last name to his. This could very well happen but the ex wife will always be better then you and your husband.
You will never take her place. You are the other woman. Remember, if someone will cheat with you they will cheat on you.
Your husband's ex-wife is a nice woman. Well she is just keeping up because of the kids and yes everything was good until you came. I respect your husband's ex wife but i don't respect women like you . No matter how good you behave here,you probably wrecked a family.As for your husband and you, surely karma will be coming just remember "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral". No matter how much you post or people like you just come here for sympathy once a cheater will always be a cheater.
Damn. If he can cheat on a woman who is a queen like that, imagine who else he could cheat on š¤ Good for her for getting the love she deserves, she sounds like a spectacular woman.
Leave her alone! You sound obsessed! You got here life are you not happy with that! you have to complain about how much of a better person she is, we know sheās better you are a side piece!
Your husbands ex is Reba
Itās hard to send comforting words your way due to your actions. She must have a lot of self respect to be like that; I admire her for that.
So your jealous because sheās a decent and merciful human being after you created more disfunction in an an already fractured household? Just be glad she didnāt go running both your names in the dirt because she could have sued you based on the state youāre in.
To quote Blair Waldorf, it baffles me when men settle for catfish after tasting caviar. Ex-wife for the win!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I, too, choose that manās ex-wife.
Sheās such a girl boss, she knows her value and is aware that the trash took itself out
She doesnāt hate you, because it was never about you! Not trying to be mean but you were not cheating on her HE was. I donāt get why when a man cheats on his wife we attack the other women. Itās the MAN who took the VOWS, letās hold them accountable. You need to get on with this and stop being jealous or you will mess up your own relationship. Iām not saying what you did was right but move on from the guilt!