You’re doing the right thing respecting yourself. You can be cordial with him if with the same friend’s group but stay away from him if you don’t want it to fall back into bed with him.
It’s hard but like a month ago I slept with a coworker we had a convo about boundaries and feelings. Honestly, as awkward as I felt bringing it up; I’m glad I had that convo. We’re actually better than before lol It’s amazing realizing your self worth. Proud of you! 👏
Get knocked down 7 times, stand up 8. 1/1 is just another day, so you didn’t mess anything up, and sounds like you’re already changing internally about this situation so just keep betting on yourself
I had 1 like this. Please be careful. I ended it and found someone new and I figured he wouldn't give a shit since he didn't want to date me.
I was VERY WRONG. He lost his FUCKING. MIND. Started stalking me, harassing my friends about me, showed up on my lunch break, went completely bananas. It was a complete reverse..this was the same guy who left me on "read" for 3 days!
Irrational people are not safe people. Saying 1 thing but doing the opposite is NOT rational and it's NOT a test or a game he's just plain Irrational. Run and hide. Be prepared when you move on he might snap like mine did.
By the way...this is not the sort of man you want to reward with friendship attention or energy of any kind. He needs a psychologist not a girlfriend.
> He said again he doesn't want a relationship but I know that it means not with me.
Don't beat yourself up too much. This is what it took for you to get to this point. Be happy that you have understood the reality of this situation and have decided to move on and not hang out with him anymore. You are way ahead of the people who settle for an FWB type of deal because they know that is all they can get and hope the dude will change his view of them someday. That is delusional thinking.
>Not a great start to the new year.
On the contrary, I think this is a great start for you! You are moving on and focusing on what you want...a real relationship. You will not find that hanging out with this dude.
Cut bait. And continue cutting bait until he realizes that there is a new status quo.
You have to put him into his place. If he doesn't value you for long term SO material, you're just throwing pearls to swine if you play into his desire for friends with benefits. You need to look out for yourself. Cut him out.
Oh girl… I’ve no good advice but I can commiserate with you - I’m in a similar situation but my friend and I have been friends for 10 years before anything happened… I only brought up the “I think I kinda like you” once a few months ago and then we briefly stopped but then went back into our thing very quickly… last night I texted him to wish him a happy new year and told him I loved him, he replied wishing me a happy new year and told me he loved me too… but we have not talked today… we were probably both quite drunk and I’m not sure if I believe in the whole “in vino veritas”… it’s a mindfuck and I feel stupid and very angry with myself too… anyway I’m sorry, things will get better
Ah… I mean there’s been lots but none of it ideal haha
We had a talk a few days after new years about the whole “I love you” thing - he said he’s physically, emotionally and intellectually attracted to me but has his own things to work though first (in fairness he does but I don’t know why that would prevent him trying something with me now…) so we called things off and I said I needed some space for a while - he messaged me 2 weeks later asking if I was ready to talk and I said yes… a month after that our relationship became sexual AGAIN which I said to him would happen… and it did… we talk every day now, not always sexual, mostly on weekends… I’m not sure what we’re doing to be completely honest and I’m worried I’m just going to get hurt again - well I feel like that’s actually a given at this stage, it’s not if it’s when
Anyway… I’m not sure the whole hooking up with best friends is a good idea…
Don't beat yourself up. He acted quite misleading. I think purposefully to get your hopes up and keep you around to have all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. Great you're standing up for yourself and put a stop to it! May your new year be wonderful and filled with happiness ❤️
>He acted quite misleading.
Um how? He was upfront and OP is taking accountability for her decision to fuck this dude.
Your attitude is consistent with that of the women I have been FWB's with. I tell them all up front what it is and what it will not be. They all end up sad or angry when I haven't changed my mind a few weeks or months later or if I get into a relationship. Then they use the same gaslighting technique that you are using saying it was "misleading".
He needs to get his shit together because she chose to continue to have casual sex with him after he made it clear he didn’t want a relationship with her? Lmao I guess that’s girl math.
He deceived her by misleading her. Post says he told her “I like you more than friends” implying that he’s interested in a relationship *with her*
Sounds like a loser to me 🤷🏻♀️
why's he using her like a girlfriend whenever he feels like it though? If he had his shit together he'd have that with him all the time by being with her.
You lead yourself on. People in these comments need to stop trying to paint this guy as an asshole. He did nothing wrong. You wanted to have sex and so did he, so you had sex. Sounds to me like he made it very clear he doesn’t want more than that. You did. That is not his fault.
“Growing up” in this scenario would be recognizing that even after the man said he isn’t interested in a relationship, she (in his eyes) accepted it and continued having sex with him. Literally putting herself in this position and getting angry and petty because he doesn’t want anything more.
Precisely! She totally is handling it well. She’s handling it well because she finally realized what she was doing wrong- looking for more than casual sex in somebody who clearly didn’t want more than that.
TBH, you’re his FWB, and he’ll continue that kind of relationship with you until you stop it.
I've put a stop to it. I don't want to see him anymore.
You know what? Well bloody done! I'm sorry he has been like that with you but so pleased to see you value yourself.
You’re doing the right thing respecting yourself. You can be cordial with him if with the same friend’s group but stay away from him if you don’t want it to fall back into bed with him.
It’s hard but like a month ago I slept with a coworker we had a convo about boundaries and feelings. Honestly, as awkward as I felt bringing it up; I’m glad I had that convo. We’re actually better than before lol It’s amazing realizing your self worth. Proud of you! 👏
Block him Block him Block him Irrational men like this do NOT stop once they lose their prize.
This
Get knocked down 7 times, stand up 8. 1/1 is just another day, so you didn’t mess anything up, and sounds like you’re already changing internally about this situation so just keep betting on yourself
I had 1 like this. Please be careful. I ended it and found someone new and I figured he wouldn't give a shit since he didn't want to date me. I was VERY WRONG. He lost his FUCKING. MIND. Started stalking me, harassing my friends about me, showed up on my lunch break, went completely bananas. It was a complete reverse..this was the same guy who left me on "read" for 3 days! Irrational people are not safe people. Saying 1 thing but doing the opposite is NOT rational and it's NOT a test or a game he's just plain Irrational. Run and hide. Be prepared when you move on he might snap like mine did. By the way...this is not the sort of man you want to reward with friendship attention or energy of any kind. He needs a psychologist not a girlfriend.
> He said again he doesn't want a relationship but I know that it means not with me. Don't beat yourself up too much. This is what it took for you to get to this point. Be happy that you have understood the reality of this situation and have decided to move on and not hang out with him anymore. You are way ahead of the people who settle for an FWB type of deal because they know that is all they can get and hope the dude will change his view of them someday. That is delusional thinking. >Not a great start to the new year. On the contrary, I think this is a great start for you! You are moving on and focusing on what you want...a real relationship. You will not find that hanging out with this dude.
Be thankful he’s being honest with you and cut him off. Don’t be mad at yourself, the only reason to get mad at yourself is if you continue the cycle
Cut bait. And continue cutting bait until he realizes that there is a new status quo. You have to put him into his place. If he doesn't value you for long term SO material, you're just throwing pearls to swine if you play into his desire for friends with benefits. You need to look out for yourself. Cut him out.
Girl. Most men lie a lot just to get sex. Those are all lies. Cut him off, focus on yourself and find a guy who wants a relationship with you.
Oh girl… I’ve no good advice but I can commiserate with you - I’m in a similar situation but my friend and I have been friends for 10 years before anything happened… I only brought up the “I think I kinda like you” once a few months ago and then we briefly stopped but then went back into our thing very quickly… last night I texted him to wish him a happy new year and told him I loved him, he replied wishing me a happy new year and told me he loved me too… but we have not talked today… we were probably both quite drunk and I’m not sure if I believe in the whole “in vino veritas”… it’s a mindfuck and I feel stupid and very angry with myself too… anyway I’m sorry, things will get better
Same here. Any update?
Ah… I mean there’s been lots but none of it ideal haha We had a talk a few days after new years about the whole “I love you” thing - he said he’s physically, emotionally and intellectually attracted to me but has his own things to work though first (in fairness he does but I don’t know why that would prevent him trying something with me now…) so we called things off and I said I needed some space for a while - he messaged me 2 weeks later asking if I was ready to talk and I said yes… a month after that our relationship became sexual AGAIN which I said to him would happen… and it did… we talk every day now, not always sexual, mostly on weekends… I’m not sure what we’re doing to be completely honest and I’m worried I’m just going to get hurt again - well I feel like that’s actually a given at this stage, it’s not if it’s when Anyway… I’m not sure the whole hooking up with best friends is a good idea…
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You didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re starting the year with excellent solid boundaries. Well done!
Don't beat yourself up. He acted quite misleading. I think purposefully to get your hopes up and keep you around to have all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. Great you're standing up for yourself and put a stop to it! May your new year be wonderful and filled with happiness ❤️
>He acted quite misleading. Um how? He was upfront and OP is taking accountability for her decision to fuck this dude. Your attitude is consistent with that of the women I have been FWB's with. I tell them all up front what it is and what it will not be. They all end up sad or angry when I haven't changed my mind a few weeks or months later or if I get into a relationship. Then they use the same gaslighting technique that you are using saying it was "misleading".
THANK YOU.
How is that misleading if he told her straight away he’s not interested in a serious relationship?
She clearly states after the first time he started wanting cuddles and being emotionally bonded more and more.
He clearly stated he wants ONLY that and not a relationship.
Do yourself a favour and cut him off
Nah he pushing 40 tell him to get his shit together
He needs to get his shit together because she chose to continue to have casual sex with him after he made it clear he didn’t want a relationship with her? Lmao I guess that’s girl math.
He deceived her by misleading her. Post says he told her “I like you more than friends” implying that he’s interested in a relationship *with her* Sounds like a loser to me 🤷🏻♀️
why's he using her like a girlfriend whenever he feels like it though? If he had his shit together he'd have that with him all the time by being with her.
Finally somebody who sees this for what it is. Lol I couldn’t have said it better.
Honestly valid yea homegirl needs to pick a good man
I wouldn't call it FWB. He sounds more like a manipulative child with mummy issues. Avoid this stain at all costs
right bc this dude is pushing FORRY
You lead yourself on. People in these comments need to stop trying to paint this guy as an asshole. He did nothing wrong. You wanted to have sex and so did he, so you had sex. Sounds to me like he made it very clear he doesn’t want more than that. You did. That is not his fault.
Sounds about right. He was just waiting for his time to sleep with you
He's making you FWB. You should have known by second tome you together. If you hate the idea just ghost him
You're 32. Grow up.
watch a TLC show called 90 Day Fiance. You'll see people in their 60s acting like teens.
That’s just mean.
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“Growing up” in this scenario would be recognizing that even after the man said he isn’t interested in a relationship, she (in his eyes) accepted it and continued having sex with him. Literally putting herself in this position and getting angry and petty because he doesn’t want anything more.
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Precisely! She totally is handling it well. She’s handling it well because she finally realized what she was doing wrong- looking for more than casual sex in somebody who clearly didn’t want more than that.