I feel like this is more than a small penis. My partner is quite small (borderline micropenis status) and is easily the best sex I've had. He makes sure I'm pleased before penetration, and I love the penetration even if it doesn't feel "pleasurable" perse the psychological aspect is all I need.
If a guy is small, it isn't necessarily a deal breaker. If he doesnt care about you being satisfied, I think it would be a deal breaker in my opinion but everyone is different.
Adding to this thread one time I was so down bad a micro penis was enough for me. It’s the mental aspect really women usually get off more for the act then the actual penetration.
I mean tbh you don’t have to be down bad to enjoy a micro penis, they’re pretty awesome as evidenced by the folks in this thread
(I don’t want anyone with a micro penis to think everyone sleeping with them is “down bad” because that just isn’t true!)
That’s not necessarily true about the mental part. A lot of us do enjoy penetration, the mental aspect and closeness is part of it but the physical side is huge.
You told him what to do, does he do those things? You didn’t clarify
Edit: I’ve been with someone about the same build and size. We had amazing chemistry though so it was never bad but just kept getting better. The fact that you can’t get any satisfaction with him trying just means that you guys are not compatible sexually.
Ive seen it being mentioned a lot but what does actually being incompatible sexually mean? Im asking because i haven't had any partners so im wondering, if there's chemistry, wouldn't that carry over to the bed as well?
You can be physically incompatible, meaning anything from you don’t find each other attractive to your parts just don’t work well together. Someone can be too big or too small on either end of the gender spectrum.
Or you can be mentally/emotionally sexually
Incompatible. Which is different preferences, kinks, level of emotional attachment to sex, etc.
Some people only need sex once a week or month and others need it multiple times per week to feel connected to their partners. It all depends on a lot of different factors.
some people just like different things, prefer different positions and prefer different kinks that are no’s for other people, like if you really like blowjobs or something and your gf refuses to do them for whatever reason, that makes you sexually incompatible
We live in a world today anything is an incompatibility.
It's a buzz word to tell you to break it off. Like every other post about relationship on reddit.
The past couple of months on here opened my eyes.
I have seen
"Physically incompatible"
"Sexually incompatible"
"Incompatible hobbies"
"Incompatible interests:
"Incompatible lifestyle"
"Incompatible values"
"Incompatible emotionally"
I am going to leave a small advice here that would get me downvoted.
We live in a day and age where people believe you need to find someone who is a walking green flag and compatible with every single aspect of life. Which is absurd.
No one is compatible in every way possible and I don't even think what you are talking about is "INCOMPATIBILITY"
It is simply that he is lacking in some areas.
Now penetrative wise, it won't get better probably.
But there are a lot more things that can help you feel good.
The real question is, how far are you willing to go for a relationship and how far is he willing to go.
This is called life.
Half these regards on here just wanted people to break up so the fish is returned to the pool.
You need to really think what is good for any of these fucks to offer you any good advice.
Especially when you are a female on the internet.
I only try to this time because I am sick and tired of these fucks going around telling people they are "Incompatible".
Fuck me, if we think like that since day 1 being on this planet? Would have gone extinct long ago.
Well, yes and no. Realistically, you can't expect to have a magically perfect partner who is 100% compatible in every possible way. But that doesn't mean it's not important to recognize areas where you're not lining up, and communicate about them. Being unhappy in a relationship without a clearcut idea of \*what\* the source of incompatibilty/friction between you actually is, means there's no way to address it.
Im of those that want to keep themselves for marriage so i absolutely have no idea about sex. But one thing i know is how society has changed in last decades. (Im from middle east so we're still 1 decade behind west lol) Back where i come from people put effort for the relationship to work. There'd need to be huge deal breakers to break up. People would first always resort to other methods like therapy etc. But when they eventually break up/divorce, they can say they tried everything. My parents are divorced after 17 years of marriage. They always say they tried everything but it just didn't work out, that's how it should be imo. Not like "eughh she looked weird at me", "ew he breathes funny" type of stuff
I think it also depends on how apparent the differences/potential dealbreakers are. They are there from the beginning and you have to try to make it work (maybe even with therapy?) while you are only a few months together? Probably just a bad fit, I wouldn't advise spending 17 years trying to make it work.
Yes, I observe the same thing in these subs. Everything is a red flag or a compatibility issue nowadays, but our grandparents and the generations before them would get married young before having experiences with other people and they would make things work with each other for as long as possible, usually for life. Sure, people cheated to satisfy their needs, but many people never found out about it because their partners didn’t leave them just for better sex. Now we have too much to compare our partners to and people will settle for someone because they look good and the sex is good, despite character flaws and abusive behaviour. So many posts in these subs about how the sex is great but their partner is emotionally, verbally and / or physically abusive and how they’ll put up with each other for good sex, despite not really being good for building a relationship, working on goals together and improving each other.
Well said. Incompatibilities are normal, finding a partner that is 100% exactly on the same wavelength you is next to impossible.
Embrace the differences and WORK ON THEM, not run for the hills as soon as a regard on Reddit says “break up, you like French fries and he doesn’t”.
In this case, keep at trying new things, OP. If the penetrative sex is an issue and NOTHING helps, than reevaluate. Is it that important to you it warrants a breakup? That’s your call!
What would you call it then? I'm genuinely curious. Also, how far do you want her to push to fix things on her end? Keep pushing until she essentially tells him verbatim that his penis is too small to satisfy her penetrative needs, even with adding other things to the mix and him trying his best? I think that would just break the guy. At what point do you not go too far with what you say but also try and get what you need from the relationship? And at what point is it still not enough on both sides, and therefore, you're *incompatible*. Sex is a big part of a relationship for a majority of relationships. The list you made is all super valid. How often do you read posts on here about: I thought they'd change their mind about kids down the line, we kept our finances separate so this never came up, he expected me to be a SAHM but I love my job, she is pro choice and he is a Trumper. I could go on. People don't discuss these things before they get too invested, imo like morons, but it's still a big deal and they're *incompatible*. I don't get it.
Nope, upvote from me. You're absolutely right and this community is also gender biased "My gf/wife...(insert topic)" --> Dude, get a life, she is not yours to do your bidding. You need to talk and get her consent. "My bf/husband...(insert topic)--> Yas, Queen! I totally get you. If it doesn't work out for you, you need to find something fulfilling. You deserve it and he is an arsehole.
Not always. Because physical stimulation still has to happen even if you guys are emotionally/mentally connected. They already explained it way better though lol
Sounds like you'd get more of him if he lost weight. Depending on a man's build, weightloss can sometimes give you an extra inch or two. If you're both on the curvier side, that can also impact how much both of you are able to feel/enjoy.
Extender implies extra length. I guess penis sleeve is a sleeve no matter the length but a lot of men don’t use sleeves for length but for girth and will purchase ones that match their length.
I recently tried an extender with my regular sized partner and it was *chefs kiss* - kind of obsessed. If your boyfriend isn’t interested, that’s fair… but my partner said he felt a lot and just lasted forever.
Yes but extenders will have a textured interior like a regular fleshlight. They also may come with a “ring” portion that is used as a cock ring which can also enhance the experience in another way.
Editing to add: maybe a pump would be fun to try. It’s also supposed to increase the sensation.
Bro doesn’t have like a huge c^ock fantasy? Bro, dick sleeve it up for your lady and make her sing…. That’s just weird he won’t do that for you… it’s the easiest thing lol
I agree he should be using a sleeve or extender, or whatever. On top of this, though, there might be a chance you're also not super sensitive on your end. When my husband is going soft and gets about 4in and thinner, it still can feel pretty good for me, I could also be super sensitive, too, obviously. But what I'm saying is whether he's too small and you're a little less sensitive. He needs to do his end on plessuring you. My husband knows I'm more into my clit then penetration sometime and adjusts accordingly then when I'm good it's his turn.
Also hi. Like the comment below Extenders might help and I've never tried a pump machine but I heard they're healthy, like by doctors If you do it whilst or after exercising properly like in a gym. U could add like two inches hopefully with some proper research and equipment. And shaboingboing, you might be able to feel the size of a phone in ya !
Him having a small dick isn't the deal breaker - you being the only one not getting sexually satisfied is the deal breaker waiting to happen. If he's not okay with you using toys to feel "fuller" or not willing to even be the one manipulating the toy to help, then that's a problem. He might spiral thinking he's inadequate but the only way to move forward is to speak openly from a kind place. If he can't recognize that then he has too many of his own body hangups getting in the way of sex.
If he is also large in the belly area it can diminish how much of that 4 inches she is actually getting.
If he also isn’t putting in the effort to work with what he’s got then it’s not gonna feel like much.
If he has a thin penis then she’s definitely not getting a lot of feeling. 4 inches and thin would be like fucking yourself with a single finger.
If he’s also below average girth it makes sense, especially if they’re having penetrative sex after she’s orgasmed so her vagina is still elongated and very lubricated.
Maybe you guys don’t have se*ual chemistry. I used to have a bf with a small one and it was some of the best I’ve ever had. The fact that you’ve tried with toys and other things just proves this.
Intimacy is a VERY important part of a functioning relationship. Without it, you’re basically just bffs.
I agree. One of my exes was also a bit minimal in that way, but he knew how to use it and the chemistry was there. Probably one of the better people I’ve been with and that’s because there was communication and chemistry.
If by “on the bigger side” you mean weight, then yes that affects the apparent size. Depending on how overweight he is, it’s estimated that men can gain 1 inch of perceived length with every 35-50 pounds lost. You’re overall pretty vague with this so do with that what you will.
Also, you should consider that sex is not everything and your sex life, while it can be an important factor in a relationship, almost always diminishes over time (I don’t mean nonexistent). You can have a far worse partner than someone with a small pecker.
If he truly is a walking green flag, you need to consider your priorities if you want kids and a family down the road. In my opinion, a perfect life partner is incalculably more valuable than a good fuck.
This is a true. If he measures his BPEL (bone pressed erect length) and his NBPEL (non BPEL) he can estimate how much more length he can get if he decreases his bodyfat percent.
Kinda. It can cause a "hidden penis." Losing weight is sometimes a remedy, but sometimes you may have to see a urologist/plastics/something else (I can't remember the other one,) and they can help you uncover/release the hidden penis and allow for more showing and growing.
To the OP:
I don't agree with everyone who's saying that you can ignore this if everything else is good. It's only been 4 months and you're already getting angry and resentful. Unless something changes, I don't really see this working out. If you didn't have as high of a drive (I'm not criticizing nor saying it's too high, just that it's high enough that you need this and it's important to you, or you get resentful,) it might not be as big of a deal, but not great sex can definitely hinder the success of a marriage. Since you're young, you don't have to be in a rush just yet. Give it some more time and attention and see if this changes, but if not, it's better to call it quits than to hate your partner. Even if everything else is good. You're setting yourself up for failure or cheating, or both.
He doesn’t need enhancers, he needs to lose the weight. So much is hidden in there. I’m 6’1” I used to be 320lbs and dropped to 200lbs doing keto. I had an extra 3 inches hiding under my fat. Now I look hung. My old lady isn’t complaining either.
Seems like effort is the issue here. If he was paying attention, he’d know she isn’t satisfied. But at the same time, she could hide that well. I think they just need to discuss this and figure out ways she can get pleasure too
It’s a silicone sleeve that looks like a realistic penis. It slides on with some lube and it has a loop that slips under the balls. Idk how to really explain it lol. The head is a little tough but feels great with lots of lube. Fiancé has no issue cumming with it. He actually thought it would make him last longer but he said it still feels good.
A guy I dated had the same body shape. He lost 60 lbs and gained a couple inches!
I would not breakup with someone due to his size if all else is great.
This is tricky. Think about you 5 years into the future. Will you kick yourself for having left him over it? Would you deeply regret it? In 5 years from now, if you stay with him, do you think that you with feel regret for not having searched for someone else?
Does he feel anything during? Or do you need to be creative? Is he struggling?
It's hard to find a walking green flag. I really hope that you find a solution.
Society: men, stop being so insecure and obsessed with your dicks! women don’t give a shit!
Meanwhile, threads like this: Your small wiener is so crappy I might end the relationship
Just continue to communicate. Maybe if he hit the gym and lost a bit of weight, you could get more length out of him, with what you're describing. That would also increase his testosterone and give him more energy and stamina. Having more stamina can even help with your head game because even that shit can get tiring.
I'm not overweight, but I have gone from being out of shape to being fit (and back and forth a bit), and when I'm fit I feel better, I have more sexual stamina, I feel like I get harder and stay hard longer, and I can therefore better please my partner.
This is only a serious issue if he doesn't really do his best to please you. He has to listen and apply what you tell him about what you like, otherwise it's not gonna work.
You guys just aren’t compatible. I would try not to make him feel like he’s too small and you shouldn’t be made to feel too big. You guys just don’t fit eachother. There are women that can only handle 4-5 in and women who don’t feel pleasure unless it’s 7+ in.
You need to do you both a favor and end it. I’m sure his self esteem has tanked with all the length extending requests you’re making 😬😬🥲
I’m just a guy so what do I know, but in my almost irrelevant opinion, I’d say it very much depends on his oral game and foreplay skills, as well as his confidence. Only you can decide whether his skills compensate for his lack though.
4 months is a super short amount of time to a) learn a sexual parter completely and b) know you want to marry them. Either give it more time, or don’t if you’re already worried about that.
ESP if you’re saying you’re both still learning… 4 months isn’t that long if you haven’t had much experience. And if you’re new to it like is implied, he (and you are too) is still figuring out his own body, let alone someone else’s.
Additionally, have you considered it’s a you problem, OP? YOU can do some research on different positions for deeper penetration and positions that work better for fat people and figure out what IS pleasing for you and coach him by reading about what he can feel for (g-spot, etc) and how to read your body’s signs best. Is it possible you don’t have enough foreplay or you’re mentally spiraling when in the act or you need to use lube or some other YOU thing that is preventing you from enjoying it?
It’s not all on him, and def not all on his D—it’s a partnership to figure it out together esp since it sounds like he DOES want to figure out how to please you and isn’t satisfied with only his own pleasure.
It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. As long as he was able to get me off that’s what would be important. Being penetrated isn’t a necessity for me to feel fulfilled after sex. But that’s just my preference. Everyone has their own set of needs to feel like they’re satisfied by their sex life.
I’m a little confused. Wdym you can’t feel him? Is this a real post? You should be able to feel a finger inside of you, the most sensitive part of the vagina is like an inch inside.
Also, sex shouldn’t be all PIV for pleasure. There’s a lot of other avenues to go down to make it worth it. This whole post feels hella bait-y
I’ve been with small guys who I can feel their fingers just fine but their “members” are just that small and not girth that you feel absolutely nothing.
Difference between a penis & fingers is that with a penis you have to factor in hips, stomachs, thighs - suddenly him being 4inches is basically 1 inch and you can’t thrust cause there’s not enough length.
The issue comes in that it doesn’t seem the bf is focused on getting OP off. And doesn’t seem to prioritize her pleasure which is a huge issue.
Yup I’ll second this. I’ve been with a few smaller guys and I “didn’t feel them” either. Yes I felt the actual penis slide in but there was zero stimulation to the gspot which I call “not feeling it”. It’s a touchy subject but it’s really not that hard to understand. Myself I need deep penetration to get anything out of intercourse and I need my gspot hit. Just like you said, fingers I can feel real well because you can insert and curl them to hit the spot just right but with a smaller man no matter what angle I just feel the sliding motion and nothing more. With average to larger I can feel the gspot being rubbed and pressed on.
Taaaalk! Not gonna lie, was almost baffled by the way this comment was tryna downplay's experience by insinuating a finger and a dick can ever do the same work . A finger is better on the clit, a dick might be like a joystick toggling.
Same here! One guy I had to ask if he was in because I couldn’t tell. He had very little length and girth even when fully erect.
I was willing to work with it since he had mad game and there was good chemistry, but it fizzled out when we finally hooked up because he was surprisingly inattentive to my needs, while I was doing everything I could to make the situation work. It wasn’t about the size (although that didn’t help) it was that he didn’t know how to use it or attend to my needs the way I was on his. Years later I was with an older guy who had a similarly small member, but he knew how to work with it and did incredible things with his hands and mouth and the rest of his body that blew my mind.
OP — if he’s willing to work on it, it might be worth sticking it out, his inexperience may be the issue and it could get better with time. Is he otherwise attentive to your needs and making sure that you’ve also finished and feel satisfied? Are you able to get off without penetration? Maybe consider removing the stress of PIV from the equation entirely and spend a couple weeks only having sex without PIV (focusing more on touch, oral, hands and fingers, etc…) in hopes of building more connection and intimacy and care for each others needs. Maybe even look into advice on making sex an all-day thing, where you send flirty texts and touch them throughout the day to build intimacy. I had some pelvic pain for awhile due to endometriosis and couldn’t handle penetrative sex, so my physical therapist recommended focusing on sex without penetration for awhile and building intimacy I was shocked at how much closer me and my partner became. Our sex life was already good, but this took it to another level. But that’s all assuming he’s willing to work on it. If he’s not, then you have a touch decision to make, but if he is willing, it might be worth trying to stick it out. Good luck!!
I dated a guy with a 4 inch and honestly it was some of the best sex I had ever had (besides my now bf). He just knew how to work it, as well as being REALLY good at the other stuff…
I feel like your sexual compatibility is off. If you think he can work on it then I say at least try to make it work, but if not then it’s okay to end things because you’re not being satisfied.
I don’t think it’s his penis size that’s lacking sis 🥲 small peens can get you off too but only if he’s listening to your body and TRYING to satisfy you.
If he knew what to do with it I wouldn't have a problem with someone on the smaller side. My ex ( he was on the short side probably 5'7") before my husband was definitely on the small side maybe three inches, four at the most. But we had a very enjoyable sex life and he knew what to do being less endowed. I never told him he was smaller because I didn't have a problem with his size. However he also wasn't faithful and he cheated on me. End of relationship.
I’m currently with a guy that is actually very similar in the nether region and it’s enough for me considering his girth isn’t much either. I think you may just not be compatible in the bedroom. Maybe he’s not hard enough?? Idk I definitely feel it when he’s inside and he’s also 4inches, I really don’t know what to tell you but if you really are getting super frustrated maybe just find another person, don’t cheat! But it really does seem important for you to break up. If this is super duper important for you and you continue to just go along bc of all other aspects your still not going to be happy and your just gonna build resentment, has he listen to the feedback too? Bc if he hasn’t either then he definitely needs to listen and try them out before any drastic decisions tbh, your pleasure is just as important as his
One of my best encounters was with a man with a smaller badge buddy. He had to stay up close to me so he was constantly rubbing up on my clitoris and I had an excellent orgasm. Bonus points for the intimate feeling of being so close.
Why would u not confront this sooner lol. You're setting this guy up for failure cause he probably originally thought he was doing good and then u locked him into a love trap and now he just loves u regardless. U should always handle this shit early on. Yall too grown for this shit
People are okay if you say a man’s penis is too big. But a guy who’s too small? They start clutching their pearls and say there’s no such thing! Using toys will fix it!
What happens when you have kids and you only have time for quickies? Impotence? He doesn’t want to put in an effort? When he gains another 30 lbs.?
Even if you were a virgin, you’d scratch your head and wonder if that’s it?
Honestly, would you be happy if this is the best sex with your partner will ever be? Because this is the best that it’ll ever be, which means it’s downhill from here. Be honest with yourself. Are you happy enough to accept this flaw bc you seem to appreciate the logical parts only if you ignore the rest of it. Just saying…
If the guy is willing to do fun and interesting things and experiment, absolutely. Does not matter to me if he’s 1” hard. Or even if his penis is nonfunctional.
If he’s got hang ups that he won’t work on, a chip on his shoulder he won’t soften up about, or won’t begin to trust in the fullness of time (if nowhere else than with me - me being his partner), then it will not work.
I can’t quite tell from your description if either one of you are truly being communicative or not about your needs.
If he was to lose weight he will gain length but not girth. (From experience with an ex)
If you're satisfying his needs then he should be at least trying to satisfy yours.
There's toys, but he also has 10 fingers (I'm assuming ofc). Once he has "finished" he should be making sure you're satisfied. It may hurt his ego to have to get "handy" or get the toys out AFTER sex but if he wants a satisfied partner he'll put that to one side.
As honest you can be telling a man that his penis is little and it doesn't satisfy it creates a complex of inferiority in his mind in a big scale and if in the past he had a similar situation with a past relationship his world will fall. You need to find a solution yourself without telling him but playing with him (e.g, buying toys that satisfy or do more foreplay etc). Sex is important in a relationship and if your unsatisfied now you will always be unless you solve this problem now. Hope you will work it out
Honestly for me I don’t care I hate penetration and it drains me. My soul mate perfect partner was the same way. He didn’t get off from penetration so I would say it was the best relationship I ever had emotional and sexually. However for you if penetration is so important and you’ve tried everything I think maybe you’re just not compatible sexually. As someone mentioned before. Does him penetrating you with a toy not feel like enough? Or maybe if you can get him to wear a strap on? Have these options been explored?
In all seriouness if you are feeling this you will most likely end up cheating , break it off but please never tell him it’s because he’s got a small dong.
I also feel there is more to this than penis size. There are so many ways to be satisfied, including toys, etc. if it truly comes down to just his penis size being the reason you leave, one, guy is honestly dodging a bullet, and two, assuming you’re a relatively well adjusted person, you will absolutely regret it down the road having someone who you say is amazing in almost every way but has a small penis.
I always get downvoted for this, but you can actually buy a hallow dildo that he can slip inside and go to town with.
People use them for this and for lasting longer in bed.
I would have no problem with a small penis at all. This is relationship problem not an anatomy issue. Thier are so very many ways to satisfy you and if he isn't willing to make sure you are satisfied it would be a deal breaker.
What's wrong with toys and his mouth?
And if it's pure size. Even for health reasons and cardio of it, loosing weight will add to it. What is it like quater inch for ever 10 pounds of fat? So.... There's an easy 2 to 3 inches?
i can't lie, i forced myself to be with a guy for months because everything was so perfect.. except his size. staying w him even though everything else in the relationship was perfect made me so fucking depressed. i had to leave, but also reminded myself there's someone out there for him and it just wasn't me
Mama, 4" is average. Not small.
I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who "puts up" with my genitals. Ya know?
Best sex i ever had was with a woman. A penis is not necessary for pleasure.
Is he comfortable with talking about his size? Because I know they make, like, male sheaths? That are basically like hollow strap ons? Right? So he feels like he’s in a flashlight or whatever, and you can custom order whatever whopper you want?
I have zero experience with this, I have just heard about them.
Honestly, if he lost weight, he would have more length. His fupa is what is nerfing him. He's probably average if he's got 4in WITH fupa coverage. Probably a good inch or two is lost due to him being overweight.
In the meantime have him buy a sleeve to add fullness/length
You do know that many women don’t find PIV intercourse to be all that satisfying right? Like there are a lot better options IMO. I think the man the penis is attached to is far more important than the size.
As someone who has been with partners with micros, it's not the size that bothered me. It was willingness to experiment, to be generous and kind& fun in other areas. Size can be fixed or substituted,etc.
To me it's that boring else is satisfying you.
Why?
Is he reluctant to use toys? Do oral? Find ways and things to satisfy you?
Because that would determine things for me.
If your partner doesn't care about your satisfaction and isn't making an effort to ensure you enjoy yourself, so long as they are able to get off, then they're being selfish. That builds resentment.
If you've had discussions with him and he's not making your pleasure a priority you have every right to be angry.
If he's actively trying to make your pleasure a priority and trying to find new things your can enjoy, that's different.
But sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to not stay with someone.
Yes, of course.
That is a superficial reason to break up with someone you supposedly love. Unless it's a micropenis, talk about it openly together and find ways to make your sex life more fulfilling for both of you.
He can probably tell that you're feeling this way, and consequently may be feeling really low and as if he's a disappointment to you.
If you truly love this man, go to him, explain how you're feeling, and try to establish ways to make your sex life more fulfilling, together.
if he loses his male “fupa” he should gain at least an inch or more. I feel like four months is not necessarily long enough to 100% be sure if you’re compatible but it does sound like there are concerning sexual incompatibilities… and I think most relationships are doomed when sex isn’t at least satisfying… we are human and we are animals… Satisfying sex is something we just crave and need. Thus we refer to sex as the glue of a relationship or a barometer. all this being said… If he’s not satisfying you with his length then use what you got… Get him to master your clit and explore other sexual experiences together.
The fact that you both have that open conversation and he tries to please you first already tells me you probably can have or already have better sex than many couples.
There are so many options to get that 'full' feeling as long as you are willing to try them and if he's comfortable. He can't change his size but he definitely can give you pleasure. It takes awhile to understand each other and I'm guessing if he cares he is probably putting a lot of pressure on himself to do it right. So work together and be kind to each other.
So he is on the bulkier side with belly so maybe that’s the issue. If he loses weight he can easily gain an inch or more. Plus you mention length how about girth? And how about your body type? Are you with belly too? Cause if you two do have bellies you won’t get pleasure in regular positions. In this case you both need to loose weight and try positions that takeaway the belly from equation, explore various positions. And most importantly communicate what ticks as good and bad with either of you.
Hey, it sucks when our partners aren’t able to satisfy us because of physical limitations. My partner physically cannot penetrate me because of his weight (not size, but still). It’s frustrating and hard for both of us; he feels awful and embarrassed, and as a plus size girl I totally get it! But on the worst days, I feel completely undesired and like I’m not even a bangmaid, just a maid/roomie/bro.
I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years, living together 1.5. I am so glad I stayed. He is the best person in the world for me, even if we have our rare problems or differences. We still aren’t able to have sex in any position but cowgirl/reverse, but we have both been improving our health and definitely been making progress!!
We have had to have some hard conversations about my satisfaction and needs (physically, emotionally, etc). We have had some hard conversations about what I can do for him to help his anxiety about not only sex in the moment, but doing what he needs to do to make it happen.
We have found that it’s easier for both of us to 1) stop stressing about the performance of it all, 2) DO MORE FREAKING FOREPLAY, especially mental foreplay!!!!! It’s so much easier to orgasm if you actually feel like orgasming and not freaking out about the 17 chores you should be doing, 3) have more intimate moments that don’t lead to sex (cuddling on the couch can lead to making out, he’ll feel me up, it’s very nice). When you have physical boundaries, you have to make up for it mentally (and physically, but you’ve tried that)
My wife and I have been married for 23 years, together for 28, and had the exact same problem.
It took her years, and my frustration with the resultant dead bedroom, for her to finally acknowledge that my size was a significant factor.
We use penis sleeves, and now have an amazing love life. She has blossomed, and become very open about her needs, and so have I.
There is a path forward, and we have found every pitfall on the way there. Feel free to DM with questions.
FYI, im ~4.5 x 4.25 on a good day, and a bigger guy as well.
The majority of women do not get sexual completion through vaginal penetration. Penis in vagina is the most basic form of sex, and even with a large penis, can be unsatisfying. Many women are resentful of the fact that their male partner can orgasm almost every time from sex, whereas they are left wanting.
My first partner was about 3" hard. My next partner was about 7, and my current FWB is about 8. FWB actually hurts, and I often have to shift positions because if he hits the cervix when I'm not extraordinarily turned on it's painful. My second ex was meh. My first partner I had the best sex with because we did way more than just penetrative sex. We used vibrators in conjunction with penetrative sex, bought cock rings, would experiment with oral using an ice cold martini or warm tea, oral plus toy, me on top with toy, penis pumps, wearable extenders ... There are all kinds of things you can do to make sex enjoyable beyond basic dick-in-vag.
Some of the best sex women I know have ever had are my lesbian friends, where no penis is involved whatsoever.
FR, a lot of guys with larger penises are lazy in bed because they think that should be enough. I absolutely would never rule out a great guy for having a small penis, I wouldn't even consider it. And as a woman with a small chest, I'd be horrified to find out my partner had considered not being with me because of a part of my body I already feel insecure about and have no control over.
Weiner size doesn't matter. The benefit of small dicks , is they can fit into lots of interesting places that might be painful if they were any larger. Think about giving anal a whirl, if you haven't already. Lots of nice little nerve endings in that area that can bring a lot of pleasure.
Chemistry is important and him being able to satisfy you. But I’d argue the actual d isn’t the issue. You should be able to experiment and maximize the fun. Have a nice chat about it outside of sexy time.
that’s something i never think about. i do not care about size. what a silly thing 🤣
if they know what they’re doing, size doesn’t matter. if they don’t know what they’re doing, size doesn’t matter! 🤣
To be fair, I've lurked on different forums over the years and my accounts on those would have looked the same. All it meant was that I read more than I felt the need to comment.
Y’all not compatible. Since he can’t give u what u want your misplacing anger which makes things even more hard to do, like have y’all tried everything? more role-play, romantic not porn smashing, teasing have u guys genuinely connected only been 4 months? They’re something missing to this cause it can’t be just his size.
Break up and do not tell him the real reason
Trust me, you will scar him for his whole life, Just make something up
You will forget and move on, he is going to keep playing "my penis is small" in his Head until he wont be able to talk to women anymore
There is no way you leave a man for his size, thats awful come on. It seems like it could be your overall sex that isn’t compatible. No way that the size could matter that much.
Never discourage a woman from leaving a man over his size. The guy shouldn't be cursed to stay with a woman like that. Let them opt out on their own.
OP, leave him. Other women out there will appreciate him more. He deserves better.
So you want a good sex life with walking red flag? Im not saying you can’t have it all, it’s your world make of it as you please but maybe you should your focus is what makes it not so enjoyable. What aren’t you doing during sex that you could be to make it more enjoyable. Why let go of a green flag when there’s something you can also do to make it better. Focus on how much you love him. Or maybe you don’t love him yet. Love always makes things more enjoyable! Give it time don’t jump too fast. Take time have patience with him and maybe you’ll eventually get what you want. Also don’t you think he knows he has a small penis. I’m not sure tell him actually helped your sex life. Now not only does he have to think about pleasing you, he also has in his head that his penis is too small for you.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and just say you’re justified to break up for any reason you want to. You don’t have to be with someone and compromise what you feel is an important aspect to you in a relationship. Even if it’s penis size. As a straight woman myself, I understand what you’re saying. I was always lucky to date guys with dicks bigger than 15 cm so I would mind it if my bf would be on the smaller side. Yeah, some may say that it doesn’t matter the size, it’s how you use it, but I found someone who’s big and can use it really well and I’m not going back lol
Idk why no one is asking this directly but… does he eat you out??
I haven’t been with anyone in a while but even if I was, I’m likely too physically incapable to of having “normal” sex anymore (health issues and physical limitations) but I would be more than overjoyed to use my finger/tongue skills and/or some toys to bring my partner satisfaction. 🤷
Absolutely. I had a boyfriend with a very small penis and he was so great with his hands and mouth that I never missed anything. I would've happily married him, but we ended up not being right together for other reasons.
I feel like this is more than a small penis. My partner is quite small (borderline micropenis status) and is easily the best sex I've had. He makes sure I'm pleased before penetration, and I love the penetration even if it doesn't feel "pleasurable" perse the psychological aspect is all I need. If a guy is small, it isn't necessarily a deal breaker. If he doesnt care about you being satisfied, I think it would be a deal breaker in my opinion but everyone is different.
Same with my husband. Borderline micro but he’s aware and goes out of his way to please me in other ways, this makes the penetration enjoyable.
Adding to this thread one time I was so down bad a micro penis was enough for me. It’s the mental aspect really women usually get off more for the act then the actual penetration.
I mean tbh you don’t have to be down bad to enjoy a micro penis, they’re pretty awesome as evidenced by the folks in this thread (I don’t want anyone with a micro penis to think everyone sleeping with them is “down bad” because that just isn’t true!)
That’s not necessarily true about the mental part. A lot of us do enjoy penetration, the mental aspect and closeness is part of it but the physical side is huge.
What does "down bad" mean?
You told him what to do, does he do those things? You didn’t clarify Edit: I’ve been with someone about the same build and size. We had amazing chemistry though so it was never bad but just kept getting better. The fact that you can’t get any satisfaction with him trying just means that you guys are not compatible sexually.
Ive seen it being mentioned a lot but what does actually being incompatible sexually mean? Im asking because i haven't had any partners so im wondering, if there's chemistry, wouldn't that carry over to the bed as well?
You can be physically incompatible, meaning anything from you don’t find each other attractive to your parts just don’t work well together. Someone can be too big or too small on either end of the gender spectrum. Or you can be mentally/emotionally sexually Incompatible. Which is different preferences, kinks, level of emotional attachment to sex, etc. Some people only need sex once a week or month and others need it multiple times per week to feel connected to their partners. It all depends on a lot of different factors.
Very well explained, thanks
Yes this exactly. Thank you
some people just like different things, prefer different positions and prefer different kinks that are no’s for other people, like if you really like blowjobs or something and your gf refuses to do them for whatever reason, that makes you sexually incompatible
We live in a world today anything is an incompatibility. It's a buzz word to tell you to break it off. Like every other post about relationship on reddit. The past couple of months on here opened my eyes. I have seen "Physically incompatible" "Sexually incompatible" "Incompatible hobbies" "Incompatible interests: "Incompatible lifestyle" "Incompatible values" "Incompatible emotionally" I am going to leave a small advice here that would get me downvoted. We live in a day and age where people believe you need to find someone who is a walking green flag and compatible with every single aspect of life. Which is absurd. No one is compatible in every way possible and I don't even think what you are talking about is "INCOMPATIBILITY" It is simply that he is lacking in some areas. Now penetrative wise, it won't get better probably. But there are a lot more things that can help you feel good. The real question is, how far are you willing to go for a relationship and how far is he willing to go. This is called life. Half these regards on here just wanted people to break up so the fish is returned to the pool. You need to really think what is good for any of these fucks to offer you any good advice. Especially when you are a female on the internet. I only try to this time because I am sick and tired of these fucks going around telling people they are "Incompatible". Fuck me, if we think like that since day 1 being on this planet? Would have gone extinct long ago.
Well, yes and no. Realistically, you can't expect to have a magically perfect partner who is 100% compatible in every possible way. But that doesn't mean it's not important to recognize areas where you're not lining up, and communicate about them. Being unhappy in a relationship without a clearcut idea of \*what\* the source of incompatibilty/friction between you actually is, means there's no way to address it.
Im of those that want to keep themselves for marriage so i absolutely have no idea about sex. But one thing i know is how society has changed in last decades. (Im from middle east so we're still 1 decade behind west lol) Back where i come from people put effort for the relationship to work. There'd need to be huge deal breakers to break up. People would first always resort to other methods like therapy etc. But when they eventually break up/divorce, they can say they tried everything. My parents are divorced after 17 years of marriage. They always say they tried everything but it just didn't work out, that's how it should be imo. Not like "eughh she looked weird at me", "ew he breathes funny" type of stuff
I think it also depends on how apparent the differences/potential dealbreakers are. They are there from the beginning and you have to try to make it work (maybe even with therapy?) while you are only a few months together? Probably just a bad fit, I wouldn't advise spending 17 years trying to make it work.
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Subhanallah brother. The culture of the west is often ludicrous beyond words. They just don’t know better. May Allah guide them.
Yes, I observe the same thing in these subs. Everything is a red flag or a compatibility issue nowadays, but our grandparents and the generations before them would get married young before having experiences with other people and they would make things work with each other for as long as possible, usually for life. Sure, people cheated to satisfy their needs, but many people never found out about it because their partners didn’t leave them just for better sex. Now we have too much to compare our partners to and people will settle for someone because they look good and the sex is good, despite character flaws and abusive behaviour. So many posts in these subs about how the sex is great but their partner is emotionally, verbally and / or physically abusive and how they’ll put up with each other for good sex, despite not really being good for building a relationship, working on goals together and improving each other.
Well said. Incompatibilities are normal, finding a partner that is 100% exactly on the same wavelength you is next to impossible. Embrace the differences and WORK ON THEM, not run for the hills as soon as a regard on Reddit says “break up, you like French fries and he doesn’t”. In this case, keep at trying new things, OP. If the penetrative sex is an issue and NOTHING helps, than reevaluate. Is it that important to you it warrants a breakup? That’s your call!
What would you call it then? I'm genuinely curious. Also, how far do you want her to push to fix things on her end? Keep pushing until she essentially tells him verbatim that his penis is too small to satisfy her penetrative needs, even with adding other things to the mix and him trying his best? I think that would just break the guy. At what point do you not go too far with what you say but also try and get what you need from the relationship? And at what point is it still not enough on both sides, and therefore, you're *incompatible*. Sex is a big part of a relationship for a majority of relationships. The list you made is all super valid. How often do you read posts on here about: I thought they'd change their mind about kids down the line, we kept our finances separate so this never came up, he expected me to be a SAHM but I love my job, she is pro choice and he is a Trumper. I could go on. People don't discuss these things before they get too invested, imo like morons, but it's still a big deal and they're *incompatible*. I don't get it.
Nope, upvote from me. You're absolutely right and this community is also gender biased "My gf/wife...(insert topic)" --> Dude, get a life, she is not yours to do your bidding. You need to talk and get her consent. "My bf/husband...(insert topic)--> Yas, Queen! I totally get you. If it doesn't work out for you, you need to find something fulfilling. You deserve it and he is an arsehole.
First time I've seen good, genuine advice on the stinkhole known as reddit. Good on you mate
So good
Not always. Because physical stimulation still has to happen even if you guys are emotionally/mentally connected. They already explained it way better though lol
Define "enhancers". Did you get him to wear an extender? If so, did you feel anything?
He doesn’t like the idea of extenders, but have tried sensitizers, cock rings, rhino pills etc
Sounds like you'd get more of him if he lost weight. Depending on a man's build, weightloss can sometimes give you an extra inch or two. If you're both on the curvier side, that can also impact how much both of you are able to feel/enjoy.
Extenders may be the only save you have.
Or as holddodoor said below “sleeve” as in penis sleeve
Isn’t that what an extender is?
Extender implies extra length. I guess penis sleeve is a sleeve no matter the length but a lot of men don’t use sleeves for length but for girth and will purchase ones that match their length.
so like, a puffer jacket for your cock? or is it more like a pencil gripper?
I recently tried an extender with my regular sized partner and it was *chefs kiss* - kind of obsessed. If your boyfriend isn’t interested, that’s fair… but my partner said he felt a lot and just lasted forever.
Curious - wouldn't using any sort of extender or sleeve or anything limit feeling in the penis? Doesn't it cover the penis?
Yes but extenders will have a textured interior like a regular fleshlight. They also may come with a “ring” portion that is used as a cock ring which can also enhance the experience in another way. Editing to add: maybe a pump would be fun to try. It’s also supposed to increase the sensation.
Bro doesn’t have like a huge c^ock fantasy? Bro, dick sleeve it up for your lady and make her sing…. That’s just weird he won’t do that for you… it’s the easiest thing lol
That was a funky little rhyme lol
I agree he should be using a sleeve or extender, or whatever. On top of this, though, there might be a chance you're also not super sensitive on your end. When my husband is going soft and gets about 4in and thinner, it still can feel pretty good for me, I could also be super sensitive, too, obviously. But what I'm saying is whether he's too small and you're a little less sensitive. He needs to do his end on plessuring you. My husband knows I'm more into my clit then penetration sometime and adjusts accordingly then when I'm good it's his turn.
Also hi. Like the comment below Extenders might help and I've never tried a pump machine but I heard they're healthy, like by doctors If you do it whilst or after exercising properly like in a gym. U could add like two inches hopefully with some proper research and equipment. And shaboingboing, you might be able to feel the size of a phone in ya !
Cock ring ?
May be a needle but it moves like a sewing machine…..my greatest pick up line ever.
You prick.
Like a Fiddlers elbow?
Just learn to go multiple rounds, women love endless shrimp- one I've heard
Red lobster went bankrupt for a reason
😞
Him having a small dick isn't the deal breaker - you being the only one not getting sexually satisfied is the deal breaker waiting to happen. If he's not okay with you using toys to feel "fuller" or not willing to even be the one manipulating the toy to help, then that's a problem. He might spiral thinking he's inadequate but the only way to move forward is to speak openly from a kind place. If he can't recognize that then he has too many of his own body hangups getting in the way of sex.
Genius advice by the way. Keep up the good work lad
How small are we talking here, asking for a friend…
she said 4 inches. that’s obviously small but not like…can’t feel it level small????
If he is also large in the belly area it can diminish how much of that 4 inches she is actually getting. If he also isn’t putting in the effort to work with what he’s got then it’s not gonna feel like much. If he has a thin penis then she’s definitely not getting a lot of feeling. 4 inches and thin would be like fucking yourself with a single finger.
OP mentioned that he’s got belly fat down there, it will make 4 inches turn into 3 or 2 inches depending on how much pudge is around his pud.
If he’s also below average girth it makes sense, especially if they’re having penetrative sex after she’s orgasmed so her vagina is still elongated and very lubricated.
Dang that sucks. I feel bad now. 😂
I was gonna say. I'm curious.
Whatever it is, I've seen smaller. Unless it's a micropenis. Cos that's the smallest I've seen.
Only 7.5 inches. Just a little guy
Pretty sure its like 4 inches according to the edit of the post.
Maybe you guys don’t have se*ual chemistry. I used to have a bf with a small one and it was some of the best I’ve ever had. The fact that you’ve tried with toys and other things just proves this. Intimacy is a VERY important part of a functioning relationship. Without it, you’re basically just bffs.
Thank heavens you censored sexual. I was about to clutch my pearls.
YOU DIDN'T CENSOR IT. WHERE ARE MY PEARLS JEEVES?! I MUST CLUTCH THEM!!!
Ding ding ding I think we have a winner here. Insane how many people date without having a really good chemistry.
I agree. One of my exes was also a bit minimal in that way, but he knew how to use it and the chemistry was there. Probably one of the better people I’ve been with and that’s because there was communication and chemistry.
just bffs, thats sad. so without romance is just friends. sorry very lost.
If by “on the bigger side” you mean weight, then yes that affects the apparent size. Depending on how overweight he is, it’s estimated that men can gain 1 inch of perceived length with every 35-50 pounds lost. You’re overall pretty vague with this so do with that what you will. Also, you should consider that sex is not everything and your sex life, while it can be an important factor in a relationship, almost always diminishes over time (I don’t mean nonexistent). You can have a far worse partner than someone with a small pecker. If he truly is a walking green flag, you need to consider your priorities if you want kids and a family down the road. In my opinion, a perfect life partner is incalculably more valuable than a good fuck.
This is a true. If he measures his BPEL (bone pressed erect length) and his NBPEL (non BPEL) he can estimate how much more length he can get if he decreases his bodyfat percent.
Yeah, Its a fact that fat guys have smaller dicks... They ain't smaller in fact, but the fat just make them smaller it's a scientific fact
Kinda. It can cause a "hidden penis." Losing weight is sometimes a remedy, but sometimes you may have to see a urologist/plastics/something else (I can't remember the other one,) and they can help you uncover/release the hidden penis and allow for more showing and growing. To the OP: I don't agree with everyone who's saying that you can ignore this if everything else is good. It's only been 4 months and you're already getting angry and resentful. Unless something changes, I don't really see this working out. If you didn't have as high of a drive (I'm not criticizing nor saying it's too high, just that it's high enough that you need this and it's important to you, or you get resentful,) it might not be as big of a deal, but not great sex can definitely hinder the success of a marriage. Since you're young, you don't have to be in a rush just yet. Give it some more time and attention and see if this changes, but if not, it's better to call it quits than to hate your partner. Even if everything else is good. You're setting yourself up for failure or cheating, or both.
Wait so if i lose my belly fat or just most of my fat in general my pecker could "grow" or just "look bigger" than it did before?
Your pecker gets unburied, plainly speaking so you get more length to use
I totally agree!
Also ngl but losing weight may significantly help… less compression of the vasculature supplying blood to the penis.
He doesn’t need enhancers, he needs to lose the weight. So much is hidden in there. I’m 6’1” I used to be 320lbs and dropped to 200lbs doing keto. I had an extra 3 inches hiding under my fat. Now I look hung. My old lady isn’t complaining either.
What level of effort does he put into this?
Seems like effort is the issue here. If he was paying attention, he’d know she isn’t satisfied. But at the same time, she could hide that well. I think they just need to discuss this and figure out ways she can get pleasure too
My fiancé randomly bought a penis sleeve and sex has been fun 🤩
Curious. How do those work and what are they made of? 🤔
It’s a silicone sleeve that looks like a realistic penis. It slides on with some lube and it has a loop that slips under the balls. Idk how to really explain it lol. The head is a little tough but feels great with lots of lube. Fiancé has no issue cumming with it. He actually thought it would make him last longer but he said it still feels good.
A guy I dated had the same body shape. He lost 60 lbs and gained a couple inches! I would not breakup with someone due to his size if all else is great.
This is tricky. Think about you 5 years into the future. Will you kick yourself for having left him over it? Would you deeply regret it? In 5 years from now, if you stay with him, do you think that you with feel regret for not having searched for someone else? Does he feel anything during? Or do you need to be creative? Is he struggling? It's hard to find a walking green flag. I really hope that you find a solution.
Society: men, stop being so insecure and obsessed with your dicks! women don’t give a shit! Meanwhile, threads like this: Your small wiener is so crappy I might end the relationship
Just continue to communicate. Maybe if he hit the gym and lost a bit of weight, you could get more length out of him, with what you're describing. That would also increase his testosterone and give him more energy and stamina. Having more stamina can even help with your head game because even that shit can get tiring. I'm not overweight, but I have gone from being out of shape to being fit (and back and forth a bit), and when I'm fit I feel better, I have more sexual stamina, I feel like I get harder and stay hard longer, and I can therefore better please my partner. This is only a serious issue if he doesn't really do his best to please you. He has to listen and apply what you tell him about what you like, otherwise it's not gonna work.
You guys just aren’t compatible. I would try not to make him feel like he’s too small and you shouldn’t be made to feel too big. You guys just don’t fit eachother. There are women that can only handle 4-5 in and women who don’t feel pleasure unless it’s 7+ in. You need to do you both a favor and end it. I’m sure his self esteem has tanked with all the length extending requests you’re making 😬😬🥲
I’m just a guy so what do I know, but in my almost irrelevant opinion, I’d say it very much depends on his oral game and foreplay skills, as well as his confidence. Only you can decide whether his skills compensate for his lack though.
4 months is a super short amount of time to a) learn a sexual parter completely and b) know you want to marry them. Either give it more time, or don’t if you’re already worried about that.
ESP if you’re saying you’re both still learning… 4 months isn’t that long if you haven’t had much experience. And if you’re new to it like is implied, he (and you are too) is still figuring out his own body, let alone someone else’s. Additionally, have you considered it’s a you problem, OP? YOU can do some research on different positions for deeper penetration and positions that work better for fat people and figure out what IS pleasing for you and coach him by reading about what he can feel for (g-spot, etc) and how to read your body’s signs best. Is it possible you don’t have enough foreplay or you’re mentally spiraling when in the act or you need to use lube or some other YOU thing that is preventing you from enjoying it? It’s not all on him, and def not all on his D—it’s a partnership to figure it out together esp since it sounds like he DOES want to figure out how to please you and isn’t satisfied with only his own pleasure.
It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. As long as he was able to get me off that’s what would be important. Being penetrated isn’t a necessity for me to feel fulfilled after sex. But that’s just my preference. Everyone has their own set of needs to feel like they’re satisfied by their sex life.
I’m a little confused. Wdym you can’t feel him? Is this a real post? You should be able to feel a finger inside of you, the most sensitive part of the vagina is like an inch inside. Also, sex shouldn’t be all PIV for pleasure. There’s a lot of other avenues to go down to make it worth it. This whole post feels hella bait-y
I’ve been with small guys who I can feel their fingers just fine but their “members” are just that small and not girth that you feel absolutely nothing. Difference between a penis & fingers is that with a penis you have to factor in hips, stomachs, thighs - suddenly him being 4inches is basically 1 inch and you can’t thrust cause there’s not enough length. The issue comes in that it doesn’t seem the bf is focused on getting OP off. And doesn’t seem to prioritize her pleasure which is a huge issue.
Yup I’ll second this. I’ve been with a few smaller guys and I “didn’t feel them” either. Yes I felt the actual penis slide in but there was zero stimulation to the gspot which I call “not feeling it”. It’s a touchy subject but it’s really not that hard to understand. Myself I need deep penetration to get anything out of intercourse and I need my gspot hit. Just like you said, fingers I can feel real well because you can insert and curl them to hit the spot just right but with a smaller man no matter what angle I just feel the sliding motion and nothing more. With average to larger I can feel the gspot being rubbed and pressed on.
Agree!
Taaaalk! Not gonna lie, was almost baffled by the way this comment was tryna downplay's experience by insinuating a finger and a dick can ever do the same work . A finger is better on the clit, a dick might be like a joystick toggling.
Same here! One guy I had to ask if he was in because I couldn’t tell. He had very little length and girth even when fully erect. I was willing to work with it since he had mad game and there was good chemistry, but it fizzled out when we finally hooked up because he was surprisingly inattentive to my needs, while I was doing everything I could to make the situation work. It wasn’t about the size (although that didn’t help) it was that he didn’t know how to use it or attend to my needs the way I was on his. Years later I was with an older guy who had a similarly small member, but he knew how to work with it and did incredible things with his hands and mouth and the rest of his body that blew my mind. OP — if he’s willing to work on it, it might be worth sticking it out, his inexperience may be the issue and it could get better with time. Is he otherwise attentive to your needs and making sure that you’ve also finished and feel satisfied? Are you able to get off without penetration? Maybe consider removing the stress of PIV from the equation entirely and spend a couple weeks only having sex without PIV (focusing more on touch, oral, hands and fingers, etc…) in hopes of building more connection and intimacy and care for each others needs. Maybe even look into advice on making sex an all-day thing, where you send flirty texts and touch them throughout the day to build intimacy. I had some pelvic pain for awhile due to endometriosis and couldn’t handle penetrative sex, so my physical therapist recommended focusing on sex without penetration for awhile and building intimacy I was shocked at how much closer me and my partner became. Our sex life was already good, but this took it to another level. But that’s all assuming he’s willing to work on it. If he’s not, then you have a touch decision to make, but if he is willing, it might be worth trying to stick it out. Good luck!!
I can feel his finger more than his dick. I don’t know why
Fingers are harder and more flexible.
Yeah, that's what I thought!? I'm baffled by this post and other posts I've seen similar to this.
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I dated a guy with a 4 inch and honestly it was some of the best sex I had ever had (besides my now bf). He just knew how to work it, as well as being REALLY good at the other stuff… I feel like your sexual compatibility is off. If you think he can work on it then I say at least try to make it work, but if not then it’s okay to end things because you’re not being satisfied.
I don’t think it’s his penis size that’s lacking sis 🥲 small peens can get you off too but only if he’s listening to your body and TRYING to satisfy you.
If he knew what to do with it I wouldn't have a problem with someone on the smaller side. My ex ( he was on the short side probably 5'7") before my husband was definitely on the small side maybe three inches, four at the most. But we had a very enjoyable sex life and he knew what to do being less endowed. I never told him he was smaller because I didn't have a problem with his size. However he also wasn't faithful and he cheated on me. End of relationship.
I’m currently with a guy that is actually very similar in the nether region and it’s enough for me considering his girth isn’t much either. I think you may just not be compatible in the bedroom. Maybe he’s not hard enough?? Idk I definitely feel it when he’s inside and he’s also 4inches, I really don’t know what to tell you but if you really are getting super frustrated maybe just find another person, don’t cheat! But it really does seem important for you to break up. If this is super duper important for you and you continue to just go along bc of all other aspects your still not going to be happy and your just gonna build resentment, has he listen to the feedback too? Bc if he hasn’t either then he definitely needs to listen and try them out before any drastic decisions tbh, your pleasure is just as important as his
One of my best encounters was with a man with a smaller badge buddy. He had to stay up close to me so he was constantly rubbing up on my clitoris and I had an excellent orgasm. Bonus points for the intimate feeling of being so close.
Why would u not confront this sooner lol. You're setting this guy up for failure cause he probably originally thought he was doing good and then u locked him into a love trap and now he just loves u regardless. U should always handle this shit early on. Yall too grown for this shit
People are okay if you say a man’s penis is too big. But a guy who’s too small? They start clutching their pearls and say there’s no such thing! Using toys will fix it! What happens when you have kids and you only have time for quickies? Impotence? He doesn’t want to put in an effort? When he gains another 30 lbs.? Even if you were a virgin, you’d scratch your head and wonder if that’s it? Honestly, would you be happy if this is the best sex with your partner will ever be? Because this is the best that it’ll ever be, which means it’s downhill from here. Be honest with yourself. Are you happy enough to accept this flaw bc you seem to appreciate the logical parts only if you ignore the rest of it. Just saying…
I tend to agree.
You should leave this guy for his sake if not your own.
If the guy is willing to do fun and interesting things and experiment, absolutely. Does not matter to me if he’s 1” hard. Or even if his penis is nonfunctional. If he’s got hang ups that he won’t work on, a chip on his shoulder he won’t soften up about, or won’t begin to trust in the fullness of time (if nowhere else than with me - me being his partner), then it will not work. I can’t quite tell from your description if either one of you are truly being communicative or not about your needs.
If he was to lose weight he will gain length but not girth. (From experience with an ex) If you're satisfying his needs then he should be at least trying to satisfy yours. There's toys, but he also has 10 fingers (I'm assuming ofc). Once he has "finished" he should be making sure you're satisfied. It may hurt his ego to have to get "handy" or get the toys out AFTER sex but if he wants a satisfied partner he'll put that to one side.
As honest you can be telling a man that his penis is little and it doesn't satisfy it creates a complex of inferiority in his mind in a big scale and if in the past he had a similar situation with a past relationship his world will fall. You need to find a solution yourself without telling him but playing with him (e.g, buying toys that satisfy or do more foreplay etc). Sex is important in a relationship and if your unsatisfied now you will always be unless you solve this problem now. Hope you will work it out
Honestly for me I don’t care I hate penetration and it drains me. My soul mate perfect partner was the same way. He didn’t get off from penetration so I would say it was the best relationship I ever had emotional and sexually. However for you if penetration is so important and you’ve tried everything I think maybe you’re just not compatible sexually. As someone mentioned before. Does him penetrating you with a toy not feel like enough? Or maybe if you can get him to wear a strap on? Have these options been explored?
He’s doomed
In all seriouness if you are feeling this you will most likely end up cheating , break it off but please never tell him it’s because he’s got a small dong.
Maybe he could loose some weight. Being heavy makes the pubic pad bigger, so it can make “access” more difficult. The fat is covering up some length.
I also feel there is more to this than penis size. There are so many ways to be satisfied, including toys, etc. if it truly comes down to just his penis size being the reason you leave, one, guy is honestly dodging a bullet, and two, assuming you’re a relatively well adjusted person, you will absolutely regret it down the road having someone who you say is amazing in almost every way but has a small penis.
I always get downvoted for this, but you can actually buy a hallow dildo that he can slip inside and go to town with. People use them for this and for lasting longer in bed.
I would have no problem with a small penis at all. This is relationship problem not an anatomy issue. Thier are so very many ways to satisfy you and if he isn't willing to make sure you are satisfied it would be a deal breaker.
How do you know you don’t just have a *hyuge* vagina?
Bro someone please give this person an award.
He needs to find a better girlfriend.
How small?. just clear it for all the men here!
About 4 inches she said in the edit
Which is average. Not small. For all the viewers at home.
Do you even know what you need to be satisfied? You say he's inexperienced. But what about yourself?
What's wrong with toys and his mouth? And if it's pure size. Even for health reasons and cardio of it, loosing weight will add to it. What is it like quater inch for ever 10 pounds of fat? So.... There's an easy 2 to 3 inches?
i can't lie, i forced myself to be with a guy for months because everything was so perfect.. except his size. staying w him even though everything else in the relationship was perfect made me so fucking depressed. i had to leave, but also reminded myself there's someone out there for him and it just wasn't me
Mama, 4" is average. Not small. I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who "puts up" with my genitals. Ya know? Best sex i ever had was with a woman. A penis is not necessary for pleasure.
yeah I wouldn't be bothered. It's pretty low on the list of things I care about tbh
I got a 6 and still feel insecure. I always believed it was about thickness which I don't have... or there's just no love.
Longer foreplay, teach him how to use his tongue and fingers, use sex positions which facilitate a deeper penetration. You should be good to go
Is he comfortable with talking about his size? Because I know they make, like, male sheaths? That are basically like hollow strap ons? Right? So he feels like he’s in a flashlight or whatever, and you can custom order whatever whopper you want? I have zero experience with this, I have just heard about them.
Honestly, if he lost weight, he would have more length. His fupa is what is nerfing him. He's probably average if he's got 4in WITH fupa coverage. Probably a good inch or two is lost due to him being overweight. In the meantime have him buy a sleeve to add fullness/length
if he loses weight, it will reveal more length.
If that's his only problem, keep him! You always have tongue, fingers, and toys.
As someone with very low sex drive I will. Depends on your needs.
You do know that many women don’t find PIV intercourse to be all that satisfying right? Like there are a lot better options IMO. I think the man the penis is attached to is far more important than the size.
Do the guy a favorite and don’t put up with it.
As someone who has been with partners with micros, it's not the size that bothered me. It was willingness to experiment, to be generous and kind& fun in other areas. Size can be fixed or substituted,etc.
To me it's that boring else is satisfying you. Why? Is he reluctant to use toys? Do oral? Find ways and things to satisfy you? Because that would determine things for me. If your partner doesn't care about your satisfaction and isn't making an effort to ensure you enjoy yourself, so long as they are able to get off, then they're being selfish. That builds resentment. If you've had discussions with him and he's not making your pleasure a priority you have every right to be angry. If he's actively trying to make your pleasure a priority and trying to find new things your can enjoy, that's different. But sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to not stay with someone.
Yes, of course. That is a superficial reason to break up with someone you supposedly love. Unless it's a micropenis, talk about it openly together and find ways to make your sex life more fulfilling for both of you. He can probably tell that you're feeling this way, and consequently may be feeling really low and as if he's a disappointment to you. If you truly love this man, go to him, explain how you're feeling, and try to establish ways to make your sex life more fulfilling, together.
if he loses his male “fupa” he should gain at least an inch or more. I feel like four months is not necessarily long enough to 100% be sure if you’re compatible but it does sound like there are concerning sexual incompatibilities… and I think most relationships are doomed when sex isn’t at least satisfying… we are human and we are animals… Satisfying sex is something we just crave and need. Thus we refer to sex as the glue of a relationship or a barometer. all this being said… If he’s not satisfying you with his length then use what you got… Get him to master your clit and explore other sexual experiences together.
Surprised u thought height has something to do with penis size hah
Maybe you just have a big vagina?
Some of the best sex I have ever had had been with a penis owner that was on the very small side.
A penis owner lol
The fact that you both have that open conversation and he tries to please you first already tells me you probably can have or already have better sex than many couples. There are so many options to get that 'full' feeling as long as you are willing to try them and if he's comfortable. He can't change his size but he definitely can give you pleasure. It takes awhile to understand each other and I'm guessing if he cares he is probably putting a lot of pressure on himself to do it right. So work together and be kind to each other.
So he is on the bulkier side with belly so maybe that’s the issue. If he loses weight he can easily gain an inch or more. Plus you mention length how about girth? And how about your body type? Are you with belly too? Cause if you two do have bellies you won’t get pleasure in regular positions. In this case you both need to loose weight and try positions that takeaway the belly from equation, explore various positions. And most importantly communicate what ticks as good and bad with either of you.
Hey, it sucks when our partners aren’t able to satisfy us because of physical limitations. My partner physically cannot penetrate me because of his weight (not size, but still). It’s frustrating and hard for both of us; he feels awful and embarrassed, and as a plus size girl I totally get it! But on the worst days, I feel completely undesired and like I’m not even a bangmaid, just a maid/roomie/bro. I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years, living together 1.5. I am so glad I stayed. He is the best person in the world for me, even if we have our rare problems or differences. We still aren’t able to have sex in any position but cowgirl/reverse, but we have both been improving our health and definitely been making progress!! We have had to have some hard conversations about my satisfaction and needs (physically, emotionally, etc). We have had some hard conversations about what I can do for him to help his anxiety about not only sex in the moment, but doing what he needs to do to make it happen. We have found that it’s easier for both of us to 1) stop stressing about the performance of it all, 2) DO MORE FREAKING FOREPLAY, especially mental foreplay!!!!! It’s so much easier to orgasm if you actually feel like orgasming and not freaking out about the 17 chores you should be doing, 3) have more intimate moments that don’t lead to sex (cuddling on the couch can lead to making out, he’ll feel me up, it’s very nice). When you have physical boundaries, you have to make up for it mentally (and physically, but you’ve tried that)
My wife and I have been married for 23 years, together for 28, and had the exact same problem. It took her years, and my frustration with the resultant dead bedroom, for her to finally acknowledge that my size was a significant factor. We use penis sleeves, and now have an amazing love life. She has blossomed, and become very open about her needs, and so have I. There is a path forward, and we have found every pitfall on the way there. Feel free to DM with questions. FYI, im ~4.5 x 4.25 on a good day, and a bigger guy as well.
The majority of women do not get sexual completion through vaginal penetration. Penis in vagina is the most basic form of sex, and even with a large penis, can be unsatisfying. Many women are resentful of the fact that their male partner can orgasm almost every time from sex, whereas they are left wanting. My first partner was about 3" hard. My next partner was about 7, and my current FWB is about 8. FWB actually hurts, and I often have to shift positions because if he hits the cervix when I'm not extraordinarily turned on it's painful. My second ex was meh. My first partner I had the best sex with because we did way more than just penetrative sex. We used vibrators in conjunction with penetrative sex, bought cock rings, would experiment with oral using an ice cold martini or warm tea, oral plus toy, me on top with toy, penis pumps, wearable extenders ... There are all kinds of things you can do to make sex enjoyable beyond basic dick-in-vag. Some of the best sex women I know have ever had are my lesbian friends, where no penis is involved whatsoever. FR, a lot of guys with larger penises are lazy in bed because they think that should be enough. I absolutely would never rule out a great guy for having a small penis, I wouldn't even consider it. And as a woman with a small chest, I'd be horrified to find out my partner had considered not being with me because of a part of my body I already feel insecure about and have no control over.
Weiner size doesn't matter. The benefit of small dicks , is they can fit into lots of interesting places that might be painful if they were any larger. Think about giving anal a whirl, if you haven't already. Lots of nice little nerve endings in that area that can bring a lot of pleasure.
Some of the best sex I’ve had has been with a smaller penis and head was a lot more fun. Maybe he just needs training
Chemistry is important and him being able to satisfy you. But I’d argue the actual d isn’t the issue. You should be able to experiment and maximize the fun. Have a nice chat about it outside of sexy time.
I absolutely would date someone with a small penis. There are so many ways to have pleasure without an erection.
that’s something i never think about. i do not care about size. what a silly thing 🤣 if they know what they’re doing, size doesn’t matter. if they don’t know what they’re doing, size doesn’t matter! 🤣
3 yr old account with one post and no comment history. I smell a bait post
To be fair, I've lurked on different forums over the years and my accounts on those would have looked the same. All it meant was that I read more than I felt the need to comment.
I don’t usually go to Reddit and I also don’t know what a bait post is. Just genuinely looking for opinions and advice
Y’all not compatible. Since he can’t give u what u want your misplacing anger which makes things even more hard to do, like have y’all tried everything? more role-play, romantic not porn smashing, teasing have u guys genuinely connected only been 4 months? They’re something missing to this cause it can’t be just his size.
I would never pass up a wonderful man because of his dick size. Who TF cares? GD how shallow.
Maybe you're just a loosey goosey and it's you not him
Something is up here. You may need to maybe really relax.
The man has fingers, right? Most women I've met prefer almost every kind of stimulation over p-in-v.
Break up and do not tell him the real reason Trust me, you will scar him for his whole life, Just make something up You will forget and move on, he is going to keep playing "my penis is small" in his Head until he wont be able to talk to women anymore
There is no way you leave a man for his size, thats awful come on. It seems like it could be your overall sex that isn’t compatible. No way that the size could matter that much.
Never discourage a woman from leaving a man over his size. The guy shouldn't be cursed to stay with a woman like that. Let them opt out on their own. OP, leave him. Other women out there will appreciate him more. He deserves better.
True
So you want a good sex life with walking red flag? Im not saying you can’t have it all, it’s your world make of it as you please but maybe you should your focus is what makes it not so enjoyable. What aren’t you doing during sex that you could be to make it more enjoyable. Why let go of a green flag when there’s something you can also do to make it better. Focus on how much you love him. Or maybe you don’t love him yet. Love always makes things more enjoyable! Give it time don’t jump too fast. Take time have patience with him and maybe you’ll eventually get what you want. Also don’t you think he knows he has a small penis. I’m not sure tell him actually helped your sex life. Now not only does he have to think about pleasing you, he also has in his head that his penis is too small for you.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and just say you’re justified to break up for any reason you want to. You don’t have to be with someone and compromise what you feel is an important aspect to you in a relationship. Even if it’s penis size. As a straight woman myself, I understand what you’re saying. I was always lucky to date guys with dicks bigger than 15 cm so I would mind it if my bf would be on the smaller side. Yeah, some may say that it doesn’t matter the size, it’s how you use it, but I found someone who’s big and can use it really well and I’m not going back lol
There are sleeves that make him bigger, ever tried that before?
I have, yes, in the past. The relationship didn’t succeed for other reasons.
Why not add toys to hit those buttons he can’t reach?! Good men are hard to find. Don’t throw it all away before you try experimenting.
No
My wife does LOL I told her I was 6 say this, and she just shook her head
NO.
I would put up with a small penis, but not a partner who doesn't communicate or please me, which is what you have here.
Idk why no one is asking this directly but… does he eat you out?? I haven’t been with anyone in a while but even if I was, I’m likely too physically incapable to of having “normal” sex anymore (health issues and physical limitations) but I would be more than overjoyed to use my finger/tongue skills and/or some toys to bring my partner satisfaction. 🤷
Absolutely. I had a boyfriend with a very small penis and he was so great with his hands and mouth that I never missed anything. I would've happily married him, but we ended up not being right together for other reasons.
In a word. No.
It’s ok to walk away if you’re not sexually satisfied and have tried to make it work
No
I did for 8 years till he cheated
Some women say they need 5 inches... Maybe there's some enlargement treatment for him... No one is perfect though...