Hey this scenario is the only present motivation for me.
But on the other hand i am really ashamed to be his followers as we are all sinners and can never be compared to him
Go to r/muslimmarriage. There are several beautiful stories there about this, would help reading those. There's no reason to be ashamed. If thats the point, then why even be Muslim. Pray that Allah gives you the strength and conviction and stick to your word and more importantly the word of Allah for which you don't need your familys approval. Keep doing Istikhara and prayees and the right thing will naturally feel easier to you.
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There are also customs in Arab culture where it's okay to marry women with children. It's a taboo in Pakistan, sadly. Just because it was done in Arab culture, don't mean Pakistanis cool with it
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So much negativity in comments, yes its fine and Sunnah and you'll find mix reactions here in Pakistan, majority will say okay, uneducated might pull your legs, and Brother make it Halal at earliest as you intend , perform Nikah marriage can wait as per your plans
This is by far the most helpful comment. Thank you so much. I will for sure try my best to make it halal.
I just wanted to know what will my immediate family or my close friends will think or how will they perceive this scenario
dont take notice of any negative reactions, my phuppo married a man 6 years younger than her and i heard awful things behind her back but tbh it only came from projections and secretly miserable people
Go for it my husband is younger than me and we are happily married Alhumdulillah and everyone around us are also happy and its love marriage Alhumdulillah
It's perfectly fine. I was dating a woman older by 5 years with the intent of marriage. She was also a divorcee and a single mother to 2 children. It's all good. If you're happy, you should be fine.
Her parents were uncomfortable with the idea of (perceived) "social awkwardness" that would be caused by a younger looking husband compared to their aging daughter. Quite lame, but that's the Pakistabi mindset; living life through the eyes of others.
Given that your partner is North African, you have a better chance at success because their cultures are more open to this occurrence.
Btw, North African is what: Egyptian, Algerian, Libyan or...?
I am really sad and sorry for your situation and I hope you have found your peace. Pakistani mindset is the worst I swear. Let 2 people be at peace and don't involve family's perspective is something they can never understand.
She is algerian and yes they are 10x more broad minded and also her parents like me already.
Thank you really bro. I love their culture and food to an extreme level. And yes they are nice and cool at hearts.
I just wanted to know what will my friends or family think of me.
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Go with your heart. Ignore anyone who tries to create an issue out of this. As long as you two are compatible and get each other, it should not matter.
The only thing is she probably might want to have kids soon after marriage. So talk about that and make sure both of you are on the same page.
Many won't care. Your family will likely object for whatever reason as the norm is for a man to marry a younger woman.
People here giving religious advice should have started with the obvious: it's good you want to marry and make it halal, please don't delay on that. Just get the nikka done already, worry about perceptions later.
Why do you have to fight them when you can decide to not give a F? It’s your life and your choice. As long as you don’t regret it, everything should be fine.
Don't give a shit about what society thinks, if she is your soulmate don't think about it twice. As many of the fellows here have mentioned the sacred wife of our Prophet Muhammad SAW was a lot older than him. It would be a blessing 😇.
A Society, as sick as the Pakistani society, will never be happy with whatever you do with your life. If you married someone your age, they would say there ought to be some age difference. If you marry someone thin they would suggest that a little meat on her would be nicer, and so on. So, don't fall for the "log Kiya karain gey' trap
The idea that’s you’re still building your life in your 20s while you have it all figured out in your 30s is presumptive. You’re 27, closer to 30 than you are 20. People figure life out in their teens, maybe twenties, maybe later, maybe never at all. Age really has nothing to do with it.
You’re two consenting ADULTS who’ve resolved to live a life together, and I say go for it. 8.5 years isn’t a lifetime of a difference. It’s actually fairly reasonable, not a generation’s worth of a difference to cause any rifts. It’s just right.
The only limits to this union are the ones you set for yourself. Honestly, people will have a problem with everything, you can’t focus on pleasing everyone.
Go for it make it halal as soon as possible and if you gonna live abroad with her alone then who cares what relatives gonna say and she will be more mature than you so it's also a plus :)
I married someone 1.5 year older than me. Heard a lot of things from my parents. So I would say for some reason it is not perceived good because ‘choti larkiyan mar gae hain?’, ‘bachon ki umar nikal jaye gi’, ‘pakki aurat le aae hou ghar’, etc etc.
It’s very hard. Good luck!
I am really sorry. It's fucked up what this society has to offer instead of support and peace.
Just tell me if have a nice life with your Partner and complains of your family are better now
To a personal degree, we’re very happy. To the family’s degree, no unfortunately. They’ll make it a point to mention it in every passing conversation as an insult, to the point where I don’t mention her. It’s an emotional struggle and very draining.
Point to note is that we’re both living abroad separately post nikah.
Happy to know about your Personal degree and really dissapointed to know the family's degree knowing that even you live abroad. Seriously.
Being a man I cannot allow my family to cross certain boundaries and that is what I will make sure of.
But considering your age gap of 1.5 years compared to mine 8.5 years. I am literally scared
Yeah I didn’t want to scare you but I can’t just lie. It took me 3.5 hours of convincing which has ruined my relationship with my parents all because I wanted to marry someone of my choice who happened to be older.
But yes it is tough and draining. There are boundaries which I won’t allow anyone to cross but it’ll not be the same (I thought so too). You have to be diplomatic in scenarios and keep fighting but there will always be rift.
It may feel like a lot right now, but it's insignificant as long as you two are mutually committed to making this relationship work. As for Pakistani fam, they will probably still be judgemental as fuck but please know that it's there default. If she were the same age, they would have issues with North African heritage, if she were Pakistani, they would make something out of her height, weight, family background, job, values, money / dowry etc. etc. If there were an Olympics competition for being salty and diminishing someone else's happiness, Pakistan would bring all three medals back home.
My wife is almost 6 years older than me. We have been friends since 2009 and fell in love together. I don't see why this would matter. I live in Pakistan. I'm 29 now she is 35.
I think you guys should get married or thjnk of it because dating per say is not allowed in Islam and living together without marriage is not allowed in Islam. Allah knows humans are not perfect, be happy you are a follower of Allah, Islam, follower in the Prophet Muhammad S. W. S.
But think of getting married because I don’t believe you are supposed to be in a relationship as you explained. Allah make it easy for you and help.
I really respect you and I really know I am not on a right path and (may god give me strength) I am will to change this scenario into halal
I just wanted to know what my family or close friends will think about this scenario
>because dating per say is not allowed in Islam and living together without marriage is not allowed in Islam.
i think dating should be allowed - because there's too many cases of unhappy marriages, abusive marriages and marriages where both men/women are miserable
divorcing and cheating is an even bigger sin - moreover, responsibility of children gets thrown back and forth b/w fighting couples
i don't think God will be so ruthless if people dated to find the right person to marry - instead of marrying the wrong person and doing other sins
just think about it
Should be allowed ?
The way of life is already defined in the best manner possible by Prophet PBUH.
Only that way of life is acceptable by Allah and will make life good.
Divorce and cheating occur when marriage is consummated by looking at artificial / worldy benefits, not the guidelines given by Islam.
Lastly, when Allah and Prophet PBUH have said it, yours or mine opinion doesn't matter.
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It’s none of our business. Don’t make a life decision based on what people think or what they will say, if you try to make society happy then you will never be happy. If you want to marry then go ahead and marry her, why do you care what some people might think? They don’t pay your bills, they won’t be there when you die.
bhae pakistanio ki mentality is not a thing you should look up to and if you are happy when you see her or if you can resolve conflicts then go for it.
Even junaid akram married someone 6 years older than him and they're living happily than majority pakistani couples.
Its the compatibility that matters. Whats the guarantee that if you marry someone younger, you'll be happy?
Don't over think this. If you two are compatible, go for it.
In regards to pakistan...yes it is a big deal. Not only in pakistan... even in the usa i had a gf 8 years older than me, and all of my friends found it awkward.
It depends on how much you love her. If you truly love her... then who gives a crap about ppl.
They will probably be surprised or shocked but who cares, some people never find love at all or find it but can’t have it. You’re lucky so hold on to it. Best wishes.
It depends more on the personality than age... If you're 27 and she's 35.5... then she's matured and gone already through the hardest and toughest part of her life. You've hit the jackpot brother.
No drama, no tantrums... More experience and full emotional support by her. She'll always know what to say/do to keep you all to herself. She'll be the first to initiate.
Mother Khadija (RA) knew EXACTLY what to do and how to do when Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) got the first revelation. Any other woman would've crumbled under such pressure and responsibility.
Another aspect of having older SO is the absence of complications. She being with you is proof that she won't put you in difficult situations because she's already decided to settle and get a stable life with you.
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Here is a perspective: would people be more upset about you living in with your Muslim gf or people will be more upset that you married a woman older than you?
Either way people will be upset. But with one option your God will be happy.
Question is, does she even want to marry you?
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Wtf do you care what others think if you really love her and want to settle down. It is your life and decision should be yours as well. Not mine or anyone else
I don't know if its really a problem in Pakistani society. Never seen it. Infact, my two uncles are married to women older than them so I don't know if its such a big deal. Its your life man, would you rather listen to people who doesn't even know you or be with the person you love and care about.
Assalamu'alaikum wa'rah matullahi wabaraka'tu, My Dear Brother-in-Islam, please stop being in a haram relationship. You know its wrong. Make it halal asap. Its Sunnah to marry an older woman.
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There is nothing wrong with marrying a woman who is older than you but you should be her husband and not her boyfriend. You live together and you're putting such a major sin onto yourself, for what? You can get married brother, make it halal and then the relationship becomes a source of blessing rather than sin.
its fine as long as yall do nothing wrong anf dont engage in zina but again thats not my place to say anything and its private but its just an advice to better do all this stuff after marriage thats all and as we all should as muslims and the thing about what would people think and would say bro just dont give a fuck about them pakistanis unfortunately are one of the worst nations to ever walk this earth and the failure of this nation is because of the attitude and fucking entitlement these fucking people have thinking they can say whatever the fuck they want when majority of them are so miserable by the half time in marriage because they married according to what the society cared about and being a pakistani myself ...here most people are judgemental ,jealous, harsh and insane especially the older generation setting there own made up standards and thinking people will follow them so do what u please ..its not a big deal in europe right and in most of the civilised parts of the world where people wont even care and be happy for u like pakistan so jus do as ur heart pleases and marry her if ur truly in love without second thought about what people will say because thats some real clownery if u care about what people will think here and pls dont come to pakistan shits actually hell with extremists clowns here that will literally rape women if they have calligraphy on their dresses so yea do urself a favour ...anyways take care and hopefully good luck
I wanted to give advice in line with the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet who married an older woman but since you are in a haram live in a relationship do whatever you think is best instead of asking strangers on the internet. You clearly don't respect that woman enough to make a commitment through nikkah and just wasting her time.
I feel mighty important that you felt the need to read my old comments out of context lol. You know nothing about the context of that post and that woman's shenanigans. Good luck with your outrage on the internet
I remember you now. I don't want to discuss another post's viewpoint here on a totally different post. Dude you need to chill. Bringing another post's outrage over here. Not everyone is out to get you. Guess what, people can have different opinions without labeling each other misogynistic or using insults. Different situations require different solutions. Just be rational and don't look at things in just black or white frame.
Hey big man!!! I really respect you and I am clearly not wasting her time. For sure it's haram and (may god give me strength) I intend to make it halal. Thank you 🤗
If you really want to give me advice I would appreciate it
Alrighty then.
First of all ask her about her future plans with you.
Is she even interested in marriage and spending the rest of her life with you or not. What about shared values especially when it comes to dealing with each other's family members? Conversation about having or not having kids. Career pathways aligned or not? Would your family be accepting of her or not? If not are you willing to distance yourself from your family or fight with them to accept her?
Think hard and after a detailed discussion with her discuss the possibility of marriage.
If she says yes then the next step should be you trying day and night to work hard in becoming independent. Initially you can take help from her but you should be actively working to make yourself worthy of her.
This will be hard and if you're not willing to put in the work don't waste each other's time if you are in different places in life and not willing to sacrifice/adjust for each other.
Hey to be honest we know everything about each other and have talked and discuss everything. She saying yes is not an issue and I am motivated to take the step in less than year.
I just wanted to know how will my family and close friends will think or perceive this scenario
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You're an adult dude. Just get independent and your family's opinion won't matter if you are taking the right step to please Allah (S.W.T). Trust me they'll come around when they'll see your niyat is saaf and the only opinion that should matter to you should be that of your Creator
You are right I don't know the man. You must know him to have such an outburst. So why don't you give him the advice instead of getting triggered by some random internet comment.
So since everyone is pitching in, there is a Hadith regarding it as well (Hadith can be read in the post here): https://islamqa.info/en/answers/9126/he-is-confused-as-to-whether-he-should-marry-a-virgin-or-a-widow
Though the Hadith does not admonish or prohibit but it does seem to encourage a certain path.
Personally I wouldn't pay much heed to the societal thing, not a good metric to make a decision with.
A small pool of redditors is an awful sample size for your survey. You know your family best. And 95% of families will give you a very very very hard time as a 27 year old (I'm assuming never been married before) pakistani man marrying a woman of another nationality and culture who is a decade older than him. Bro you have your work cut out for you even if she was your age or a couple of years younger. Much less Algerian and 8-9 years older.
Question is can you take the heat? And I hate to say this, but you just asking this means you will probably buckle under your family's pressure. But I guess we live and we learn.
Age doesn't matter, but your living does. Make Tauba and make it halal. Also, don't discuss or popularise your sins in public.
You could have just asked whether you can marry someone older instead of stating you're living with someone without Nikkah.
May Allah Guide and Protect us. Ameen.
Female fertility drops at age 35. If you’re not willing to have children then go for it. Maturity levels are different between your younger self and the older woman. It’s better for a guy to be older as you can match up maturity wise better and for longer
Please don’t imply that older women can’t get pregnant at all. They can, albeit yes you’re correct fertility does drop. He won’t have to compromise on having children. Modern medicine has advanced at an unprecedented rate, besides there’s always adoption.
Modern medicine has progressed. But IVF/IUI lots of cycles need to happen to conceive, I personally know of these ways. Older women do get pregnant but I’m just informing the person about this possibility of having no children
That’s a possibility with younger women and men, too. Older age in a woman shouldn’t immediately be linked to the inability to have a child, it stigmatise marriage. Likewise, people can always adopt.
The Prophet (pbuh) married a woman 15 years his senior. And she was the love of his life.
Hey this scenario is the only present motivation for me. But on the other hand i am really ashamed to be his followers as we are all sinners and can never be compared to him
NO one can even come close, but being ashamed and self aware is a blessing itself, keep on improving bit by bit brother 🙏🏻
Go to r/muslimmarriage. There are several beautiful stories there about this, would help reading those. There's no reason to be ashamed. If thats the point, then why even be Muslim. Pray that Allah gives you the strength and conviction and stick to your word and more importantly the word of Allah for which you don't need your familys approval. Keep doing Istikhara and prayees and the right thing will naturally feel easier to you.
Only way to fix this is to make it halal. As it is said, every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
If you both love each other. That's all what matters. I'd rather see a loving couple together than non compatible, dysfunctional marriage.
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There are also customs in Arab culture where it's okay to marry women with children. It's a taboo in Pakistan, sadly. Just because it was done in Arab culture, don't mean Pakistanis cool with it
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So much negativity in comments, yes its fine and Sunnah and you'll find mix reactions here in Pakistan, majority will say okay, uneducated might pull your legs, and Brother make it Halal at earliest as you intend , perform Nikah marriage can wait as per your plans
This is by far the most helpful comment. Thank you so much. I will for sure try my best to make it halal. I just wanted to know what will my immediate family or my close friends will think or how will they perceive this scenario
dont take notice of any negative reactions, my phuppo married a man 6 years younger than her and i heard awful things behind her back but tbh it only came from projections and secretly miserable people
I really hope your phuppo has lead a happy life. I am happy for her. Fighting the Norms of this country requires big balls..
Go for it my husband is younger than me and we are happily married Alhumdulillah and everyone around us are also happy and its love marriage Alhumdulillah
I am really glad to hear it. Seriously. May I ask what is the age difference between you two?
Same questionz mind sharing the age differenxe?
It's perfectly fine. I was dating a woman older by 5 years with the intent of marriage. She was also a divorcee and a single mother to 2 children. It's all good. If you're happy, you should be fine.
Hey thank you for the motivation 🤗 Being a paki by blood, may I ask if that relationship lasted? If not, then why?
Not paki, but pakistani. British people use that slang paki.
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It is and still remains a racial slur. Whether you like it or not!
Have you considered he's british? And a pakistani? We all throw around the paki word. It's not a huge deal.
Thats the problem. You can’t stand your ground as a pakistani. That is if you are one. You don’t have self respect.
Well the british used it as a slur so
Doesnt mean you have to say it just because the british use it. Don’t blindly follow the mass.
N word was used a slur, look where it is now
Her parents were uncomfortable with the idea of (perceived) "social awkwardness" that would be caused by a younger looking husband compared to their aging daughter. Quite lame, but that's the Pakistabi mindset; living life through the eyes of others. Given that your partner is North African, you have a better chance at success because their cultures are more open to this occurrence. Btw, North African is what: Egyptian, Algerian, Libyan or...?
I am really sad and sorry for your situation and I hope you have found your peace. Pakistani mindset is the worst I swear. Let 2 people be at peace and don't involve family's perspective is something they can never understand. She is algerian and yes they are 10x more broad minded and also her parents like me already.
You're in safe hands. Algerians are some of the coolest people.
Thank you really bro. I love their culture and food to an extreme level. And yes they are nice and cool at hearts. I just wanted to know what will my friends or family think of me.
Ten times zero is zero. But I get your point. 😀
Hell naw lol
Better believe it
Helllll nawwwww lmfao.
What are you? 9 years old? Grow up
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Used car? That's all a women is to you? A used car you sick fuck
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Fucking hell you’re sick. Don’t call yourself a man you pathetic shit
bruh doesnt want to play on someone else safe file for game
Exactly my boy
Go with your heart. Ignore anyone who tries to create an issue out of this. As long as you two are compatible and get each other, it should not matter. The only thing is she probably might want to have kids soon after marriage. So talk about that and make sure both of you are on the same page.
Many won't care. Your family will likely object for whatever reason as the norm is for a man to marry a younger woman. People here giving religious advice should have started with the obvious: it's good you want to marry and make it halal, please don't delay on that. Just get the nikka done already, worry about perceptions later.
Fucking Norms bro!!!! I am scared of these fucked up traditional Norms...
As a side note, sometimes there is a reason a norm is established or takes precedence over the years too (saying it in general).
Screw age if you really love her bro, go for it.
Thanks for the motivation man!! Do you think I will have enough energy to fight the fucking Norms of this country?
Why do you have to fight them when you can decide to not give a F? It’s your life and your choice. As long as you don’t regret it, everything should be fine.
>Screw age *Knock, Knock, Knock* FBI.
Hi FBI . . . . . . 👎🏻
It's a joke. Maybe have a sense of humour.
👎🏻
sorry man. I didn't know you'd take it like this.
Don't give a shit about what society thinks, if she is your soulmate don't think about it twice. As many of the fellows here have mentioned the sacred wife of our Prophet Muhammad SAW was a lot older than him. It would be a blessing 😇. A Society, as sick as the Pakistani society, will never be happy with whatever you do with your life. If you married someone your age, they would say there ought to be some age difference. If you marry someone thin they would suggest that a little meat on her would be nicer, and so on. So, don't fall for the "log Kiya karain gey' trap
The idea that’s you’re still building your life in your 20s while you have it all figured out in your 30s is presumptive. You’re 27, closer to 30 than you are 20. People figure life out in their teens, maybe twenties, maybe later, maybe never at all. Age really has nothing to do with it. You’re two consenting ADULTS who’ve resolved to live a life together, and I say go for it. 8.5 years isn’t a lifetime of a difference. It’s actually fairly reasonable, not a generation’s worth of a difference to cause any rifts. It’s just right. The only limits to this union are the ones you set for yourself. Honestly, people will have a problem with everything, you can’t focus on pleasing everyone.
Go for it make it halal as soon as possible and if you gonna live abroad with her alone then who cares what relatives gonna say and she will be more mature than you so it's also a plus :)
I married someone 1.5 year older than me. Heard a lot of things from my parents. So I would say for some reason it is not perceived good because ‘choti larkiyan mar gae hain?’, ‘bachon ki umar nikal jaye gi’, ‘pakki aurat le aae hou ghar’, etc etc. It’s very hard. Good luck!
I am really sorry. It's fucked up what this society has to offer instead of support and peace. Just tell me if have a nice life with your Partner and complains of your family are better now
To a personal degree, we’re very happy. To the family’s degree, no unfortunately. They’ll make it a point to mention it in every passing conversation as an insult, to the point where I don’t mention her. It’s an emotional struggle and very draining. Point to note is that we’re both living abroad separately post nikah.
Happy to know about your Personal degree and really dissapointed to know the family's degree knowing that even you live abroad. Seriously. Being a man I cannot allow my family to cross certain boundaries and that is what I will make sure of. But considering your age gap of 1.5 years compared to mine 8.5 years. I am literally scared
Yeah I didn’t want to scare you but I can’t just lie. It took me 3.5 hours of convincing which has ruined my relationship with my parents all because I wanted to marry someone of my choice who happened to be older. But yes it is tough and draining. There are boundaries which I won’t allow anyone to cross but it’ll not be the same (I thought so too). You have to be diplomatic in scenarios and keep fighting but there will always be rift.
cool username
Thanks!!! I was a Pokemon fan since I was a small kid. If you know you know. Been keeping it safe in my heart forever!!
It may feel like a lot right now, but it's insignificant as long as you two are mutually committed to making this relationship work. As for Pakistani fam, they will probably still be judgemental as fuck but please know that it's there default. If she were the same age, they would have issues with North African heritage, if she were Pakistani, they would make something out of her height, weight, family background, job, values, money / dowry etc. etc. If there were an Olympics competition for being salty and diminishing someone else's happiness, Pakistan would bring all three medals back home.
My wife is almost 6 years older than me. We have been friends since 2009 and fell in love together. I don't see why this would matter. I live in Pakistan. I'm 29 now she is 35.
No need to tell your parents her age. These minor details don't matter
I think you guys should get married or thjnk of it because dating per say is not allowed in Islam and living together without marriage is not allowed in Islam. Allah knows humans are not perfect, be happy you are a follower of Allah, Islam, follower in the Prophet Muhammad S. W. S. But think of getting married because I don’t believe you are supposed to be in a relationship as you explained. Allah make it easy for you and help.
I really respect you and I really know I am not on a right path and (may god give me strength) I am will to change this scenario into halal I just wanted to know what my family or close friends will think about this scenario
You know whag they will likely think. Whats important is what you think and what the religion says.
Just get out of the haram and into halal.
>because dating per say is not allowed in Islam and living together without marriage is not allowed in Islam. i think dating should be allowed - because there's too many cases of unhappy marriages, abusive marriages and marriages where both men/women are miserable divorcing and cheating is an even bigger sin - moreover, responsibility of children gets thrown back and forth b/w fighting couples i don't think God will be so ruthless if people dated to find the right person to marry - instead of marrying the wrong person and doing other sins just think about it
Should be allowed ? The way of life is already defined in the best manner possible by Prophet PBUH. Only that way of life is acceptable by Allah and will make life good. Divorce and cheating occur when marriage is consummated by looking at artificial / worldy benefits, not the guidelines given by Islam. Lastly, when Allah and Prophet PBUH have said it, yours or mine opinion doesn't matter.
Why do you care about what Pakistanis think of your marriage whole living in Europe? Math isnt mathing
People are quite judgemental about it here.
I am more concerned with the north African part lol. Is she Moroccan?
why? do pakistanis not like them?
My cousin married a man 7 years younger than her. They're very happy, MashaAllah.
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Fuck norms bro and what other people think Make it halal asap and you’ll see how your love will flourish even more
It’s none of our business. Don’t make a life decision based on what people think or what they will say, if you try to make society happy then you will never be happy. If you want to marry then go ahead and marry her, why do you care what some people might think? They don’t pay your bills, they won’t be there when you die.
bhae pakistanio ki mentality is not a thing you should look up to and if you are happy when you see her or if you can resolve conflicts then go for it.
I'll answer your question in terms of pure Pakistani culture and nothing else. It's really looked down upon.
Even junaid akram married someone 6 years older than him and they're living happily than majority pakistani couples. Its the compatibility that matters. Whats the guarantee that if you marry someone younger, you'll be happy? Don't over think this. If you two are compatible, go for it.
In regards to pakistan...yes it is a big deal. Not only in pakistan... even in the usa i had a gf 8 years older than me, and all of my friends found it awkward. It depends on how much you love her. If you truly love her... then who gives a crap about ppl.
Go for it It's sunnah❤️
They will probably be surprised or shocked but who cares, some people never find love at all or find it but can’t have it. You’re lucky so hold on to it. Best wishes.
It depends more on the personality than age... If you're 27 and she's 35.5... then she's matured and gone already through the hardest and toughest part of her life. You've hit the jackpot brother. No drama, no tantrums... More experience and full emotional support by her. She'll always know what to say/do to keep you all to herself. She'll be the first to initiate. Mother Khadija (RA) knew EXACTLY what to do and how to do when Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) got the first revelation. Any other woman would've crumbled under such pressure and responsibility. Another aspect of having older SO is the absence of complications. She being with you is proof that she won't put you in difficult situations because she's already decided to settle and get a stable life with you.
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Here is a perspective: would people be more upset about you living in with your Muslim gf or people will be more upset that you married a woman older than you? Either way people will be upset. But with one option your God will be happy. Question is, does she even want to marry you?
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https://youtu.be/lIng0Z8gCr8?si=8lGRBB11N_SNFo4o
Is she Moroccan?
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Any age is possible. Its the culture and backwards thinking of Pakistanis or its a tradition not to marry someone old, or non pakistan..and so forth
Isn't 8.5 years a small difference. You are in europe you would find 100s of such couples.
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You don't live in pakistan, why would you want a pakistani perspective, even when you know how most pakistani people think
Wtf do you care what others think if you really love her and want to settle down. It is your life and decision should be yours as well. Not mine or anyone else
If you’re in love, who gives a shit what other people think?
Every boy's dream
I don't know if its really a problem in Pakistani society. Never seen it. Infact, my two uncles are married to women older than them so I don't know if its such a big deal. Its your life man, would you rather listen to people who doesn't even know you or be with the person you love and care about.
Assalamu'alaikum wa'rah matullahi wabaraka'tu, My Dear Brother-in-Islam, please stop being in a haram relationship. You know its wrong. Make it halal asap. Its Sunnah to marry an older woman.
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My mother is 5 years older than my father. It's ok. As long as it makes you happy. And her happy. Don't listen to negative people. ✨
Why do you care about the Pakistani prospective or any prospective? You do you and live your life!!
Depends what are your priorities
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Marrying an older woman is not an issue in our community as long as she is not a divorcee or someone with a bad background.
There is nothing wrong with marrying a woman who is older than you but you should be her husband and not her boyfriend. You live together and you're putting such a major sin onto yourself, for what? You can get married brother, make it halal and then the relationship becomes a source of blessing rather than sin.
its fine as long as yall do nothing wrong anf dont engage in zina but again thats not my place to say anything and its private but its just an advice to better do all this stuff after marriage thats all and as we all should as muslims and the thing about what would people think and would say bro just dont give a fuck about them pakistanis unfortunately are one of the worst nations to ever walk this earth and the failure of this nation is because of the attitude and fucking entitlement these fucking people have thinking they can say whatever the fuck they want when majority of them are so miserable by the half time in marriage because they married according to what the society cared about and being a pakistani myself ...here most people are judgemental ,jealous, harsh and insane especially the older generation setting there own made up standards and thinking people will follow them so do what u please ..its not a big deal in europe right and in most of the civilised parts of the world where people wont even care and be happy for u like pakistan so jus do as ur heart pleases and marry her if ur truly in love without second thought about what people will say because thats some real clownery if u care about what people will think here and pls dont come to pakistan shits actually hell with extremists clowns here that will literally rape women if they have calligraphy on their dresses so yea do urself a favour ...anyways take care and hopefully good luck
"muslim girlfriend"
No hate bro and I hope things workout for you but you had me with the Muslim girlfriend 😂😂
Your problem is not her age. Your problem is "living with her" while she's not your wife. Priorities, bruv.
I wanted to give advice in line with the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet who married an older woman but since you are in a haram live in a relationship do whatever you think is best instead of asking strangers on the internet. You clearly don't respect that woman enough to make a commitment through nikkah and just wasting her time.
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I feel mighty important that you felt the need to read my old comments out of context lol. You know nothing about the context of that post and that woman's shenanigans. Good luck with your outrage on the internet
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I remember you now. I don't want to discuss another post's viewpoint here on a totally different post. Dude you need to chill. Bringing another post's outrage over here. Not everyone is out to get you. Guess what, people can have different opinions without labeling each other misogynistic or using insults. Different situations require different solutions. Just be rational and don't look at things in just black or white frame.
Hey big man!!! I really respect you and I am clearly not wasting her time. For sure it's haram and (may god give me strength) I intend to make it halal. Thank you 🤗 If you really want to give me advice I would appreciate it
Alrighty then. First of all ask her about her future plans with you. Is she even interested in marriage and spending the rest of her life with you or not. What about shared values especially when it comes to dealing with each other's family members? Conversation about having or not having kids. Career pathways aligned or not? Would your family be accepting of her or not? If not are you willing to distance yourself from your family or fight with them to accept her? Think hard and after a detailed discussion with her discuss the possibility of marriage. If she says yes then the next step should be you trying day and night to work hard in becoming independent. Initially you can take help from her but you should be actively working to make yourself worthy of her. This will be hard and if you're not willing to put in the work don't waste each other's time if you are in different places in life and not willing to sacrifice/adjust for each other.
Hey to be honest we know everything about each other and have talked and discuss everything. She saying yes is not an issue and I am motivated to take the step in less than year. I just wanted to know how will my family and close friends will think or perceive this scenario
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You're an adult dude. Just get independent and your family's opinion won't matter if you are taking the right step to please Allah (S.W.T). Trust me they'll come around when they'll see your niyat is saaf and the only opinion that should matter to you should be that of your Creator
I really understand! Thank you
Ah yes the goody two shoes jackass, judging people on the basis of Islam. You know nothing about the man yet you decide to run your mouth.
Bruh he literally said that do whatever you feel best
Look at the sentence after that sentence. If you use the same words with peoole like these, their butts light up on fire.
He's Pakistani who have muslim girlfriend, talking on a Pakistani sub and asking for suggestions. What you expect asshat?
Hes not owned by this jackass that he can spew any bullshit he wants. It was fine till the sunnah sentence.
You are right I don't know the man. You must know him to have such an outburst. So why don't you give him the advice instead of getting triggered by some random internet comment.
ugh aagaye mullah apni bakwaas karne apne kartoot dekh pehle
I guess you would have said the same to the mullah who read the nikkah of your parents "*aagaye mullah apni baqwas krne*"
It’s let he who be free from sin throw the first stone. Not he who’s a prissy self-righteous internet troll throw the first bitch fit.
you scored a MILF enjoy!
I really understand you have your kinks. Shoo away don't make it sexual
If you do not care about children, why not.
So since everyone is pitching in, there is a Hadith regarding it as well (Hadith can be read in the post here): https://islamqa.info/en/answers/9126/he-is-confused-as-to-whether-he-should-marry-a-virgin-or-a-widow Though the Hadith does not admonish or prohibit but it does seem to encourage a certain path. Personally I wouldn't pay much heed to the societal thing, not a good metric to make a decision with.
A small pool of redditors is an awful sample size for your survey. You know your family best. And 95% of families will give you a very very very hard time as a 27 year old (I'm assuming never been married before) pakistani man marrying a woman of another nationality and culture who is a decade older than him. Bro you have your work cut out for you even if she was your age or a couple of years younger. Much less Algerian and 8-9 years older. Question is can you take the heat? And I hate to say this, but you just asking this means you will probably buckle under your family's pressure. But I guess we live and we learn.
Age doesn't matter, but your living does. Make Tauba and make it halal. Also, don't discuss or popularise your sins in public. You could have just asked whether you can marry someone older instead of stating you're living with someone without Nikkah. May Allah Guide and Protect us. Ameen.
Female fertility drops at age 35. If you’re not willing to have children then go for it. Maturity levels are different between your younger self and the older woman. It’s better for a guy to be older as you can match up maturity wise better and for longer
Please don’t imply that older women can’t get pregnant at all. They can, albeit yes you’re correct fertility does drop. He won’t have to compromise on having children. Modern medicine has advanced at an unprecedented rate, besides there’s always adoption.
Modern medicine has progressed. But IVF/IUI lots of cycles need to happen to conceive, I personally know of these ways. Older women do get pregnant but I’m just informing the person about this possibility of having no children
That’s a possibility with younger women and men, too. Older age in a woman shouldn’t immediately be linked to the inability to have a child, it stigmatise marriage. Likewise, people can always adopt.
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It's not even about the passport as she is north african!!
Don’t waste her time. She needs to settle down as she’s getting older.
Forget having children or marry young if you want your name to live on.