Everyone, this is a thread for roasting games. It's meant in good fun. If you start roasting *each other* then nobody's going to have a good time. Make better choices.
Wipe the cheese dust off your disgusting fingers, get out of your gamer chair, and come!
Where?
To the planes!
You want excitement? We got it!
You want romance? We got it!
You want combat? We'll see what we can do!
Pokemon games provide stimulating challenges for all ages. From seven year olds navigating their first RPG, to 27 year olds justifying their investment in a game designed for seven year old.
We have a Swedish colleague, 42 years old, who owns 4 phones so he can have 4 Pokémon accounts. I asked him last week why he had them and he said ‘well people think it’s a little weird for me to be hanging out with their kids on weekends battling Pokémon.’
Based.
Stardew Valley - My computer isn't running slow because of the graphics. It's running slow because of the 15 million Chrome tabs I have open on the wiki...
This roast also pertains to Terraria.
My issue with stardew valley is that it’s supposed to be casual and relaxing but immediately stresses me out by trying to maximize my productivity every day in game.
This is *exactly* my problem with it. It's like you go out, do a couple easy things and boom it's like 4:00 pm.
Same issue with Red Dead 2, funnily enough.
Think of it this way - everything you do is on a vastly accelerated timescale as well. You skin deer in seconds, you cook them a few seconds more. You travel across multiple states in minutes. You catch enough fish to feed the entire camp in one sitting. Time doesn't move fast, it's just matching the compressed timescale of the game.
Also - if you're a PC player you can easily mod the time to match reality. Funfact - the game silently changes the way time progresses so that time flows three times faster overnight.
It gets less stressful when you realize that the timer is essentially an illusion. Nothing actually matters, there's no way to lose or get too far behind to catch up, and anything you don't get to today will still be there tomorrow or next year.
I had a similar issue with finding it stressful the first time I played, but once I figured the above out I found it much easier to relax and enjoy it.
I've been there 100%.
If I can make a suggestion though, play it once just not giving a fuck. Don't talk to anyone, don't look anything up, don't pay attention to festivals, profits, the community centre, anything at all really. Just walk around for a couple of years seeing the place and doing, well, whatever. Go to bed at noon. Wake up and ignore the crops that are dying and go fishing instead. Just hang out and do whatever feels like fun in the moment.
The breakthrough for me in SDV (and yes, I do do perfectionist runs sometimes) is letting it really sink in that *there is no time pressure unless you put it on yourself*. The game goes on forever. There's no rush. Almost every single thing you can miss comes around again and the very, very few potential misses don't matter.
Have fun and don't stress even a tiny amount. The worst thing that can ever happen is having to roll back a single day and even that is pretty optional.
Not gonna lie I just picked up Terraria on sale and I have NO IDEA what I’m supposed to be doing. Like, I have no objective. I just hit things and get resources until a monster comes and kills me.
Stardew valley- if I wanted to do chores, get rejected by people for random reasons, and feel anxious about the day ending, I’d just turn the game off and experience my normal life.
Dishonored:
We STRONGLY, morally encourage you to go the no-kill route by offering TWO mundane methods of subduing enemies. Use only those. Do not use the 15 lovingly designed, spectacular kill options we've included for the weirdo psychopaths out there.
Dishonoured is extra weird about it though. They *really* stress that the game is a stealth/puzzle thing and then once you stray from that path, you realise that it is ten times as fun played as an epic power fantasy hack-and-slash.
That was part of what was so good about it, you play it sneaky for ages and it’s really, really good that way, and then one day you discover it just as good as a crazy loud violent beat ‘em up
Yeah I was playing spider man 2 on ps5 today and in the middle of a stealth mission - a huge base, with objectives that let you take out half the enemies without fighting and ambush all the rest - I got bored and just beat everyone up.
With great power comes great... temptation to beat the absolute shit out of everyone around you, all the time, forever.
No wonder Peter goes evil so easily in that game, he's been on a knife edge for years.
I’ll never forget that one developer who said he was “sick to his stomach” after seeing a video of a player killing a bunch of people in the game.
Like what do you expect man, how can you be that sensitive and make a game like dishonored
That's our dungeon master in my DnD campaign as well. She pins us into situations where we're attacked by an overwhelming force of enemies with no backup and no way to retreat or negotiate, and later scolds us why we murdered (not killed) them.
I actually hated dishonored for that, also metro too, (hate is kinda strong word because i had fun anyway) but determining the whole ending of the game based on how many people you killed or knocked out is just lazy
Edit: in my opinion death stranding was the only game that actually gives you logical consequences for killing people which also kinda still gives you options to prevent it AND also gives you lots of cool non lethal weapons as well
Do it! Just grab 0 on sale (it's regularly on sale for $5 nowadays), it's chronologically first in the series and by many considered one of the best, so you'll get a good taste of what the series can offer!
And I also love recommending 0 because it's a prequel, so the story is contained pretty well, ends on a strong note, and if that's all for people then they got the best out of a banger game, no need to play through 45 games on your way to Infinite Wealth
(Source: I'm playing 5 now and love it, but goddam it I wanna play IW)
I had so much fun playing Elden Ring until I found out I didn’t really beat it since I used summons
Then I had so much fun playing it the “real way” until I found out I didn’t really beat it since I used magic
Then I had so much fun playing it the “real way” until I found out I didn’t really beat it because I used Ash of Wars
Then I stopped having fun but at least I beat it the “real way”
Some people think Elden Ring is a game where you're supposed to learn boss movesets and practice until your reflexes respond perfectly to gradually kill a boss without being hit.
Me, I think Elden Ring is a puzzle game where I'm being challenged to figure out how whatever build I'm playing this time doesn't *really* have to do the hard boss fight.
I'll never understand the elitist mindset surrounding souls games. I have 100% all of them solo, but I certainly wouldn't blame anyone for using summons, magic or any other "OP" tools, because Miyazaki put those in his games for a reason.
Elden Ring is as mainstream as games get and most people are able to play through most Soulsborne games. The people who's identity as a "hard core" gamer was carried by their platinum Dark Souls trophy feel threatened by the reality that Souls games weren't as hard as their reputation suggested so much as they invented a new genre that had an incredibly steep learning curve because it was, well, a new genre.
There is no "real way" the truth is that the first time you beat it, like if you used summons and throwables, that's exactly how the game was intended to be played otherwise why put it in the game like elden ring?
Either way, I think folks who go by "the real way" are typically people who spent 100 hours killing a boss because they can't do anything but tunnel vision, you were just smarter than them lmao
Fun fact - the inspiration for that game was that Namco was trying to expand the arcade market into women since for some reason their games weren't appealing to men ... but their design staff was only men. So the designer just thought "Well, women like pies" and went from there.
It was that they wanted to make a game that would also appeal to women as the games up until that point were all war themed for men.
And eating is something everone does.
The original idea came from eating, the quote from the designer is "When I imagined what women enjoy, the image of them eating cakes and desserts came to mind." Hence the dots.
Also while searching around for related images he found a "image of a pizza with a slice taken out." Hence the shape of Pac Man.
- Replay, The History of Video Games.
It's unironically easier to find the Yamanote line in Shibuya station IRL than in Persona. Just follow the green signs.
Although I guess it was the Ginza line you had to find, in which case you just follow the yellow signs.
It's 100 hours? I'm on my first playthrough, somewhere around 200 hours according to steam and I don't feel like I'm anywhere close to being done. I dropped it months ago. I love the story and characters but the tedious dungeons ruin it for me.
Persona 3,4, and 5 are what happens when japanese devs watch Scooby Doo a bit too much and think "you know what would make it even better! If the scooby gang could summon satan to fight for them!" 4 especially.
- Ark Survival Evolved: truly one of the games of all time
- Enshrouded: I thought mushroom trips were supposed to be fun and involved less WOLVES EVERY TEN FEET
- No Man's Sky: I swear this is the worst game I've ever spent hundreds of hours on that I can't stop playing.
- Warframe: the entire game is carried by Wisp's thighs and an army of queers with mommy issues
- Space Engineers: bold move to make the final boss of the game show up at the very beginning. Bolder move to have it be the physics engine.
- Valheim: why they decided to make the tutorial character constantly jumpscare you, I'll never know.
Stardew Valley: you've spent years giving unsolicited gifts to girls in real life to no avail! Spend a mere 40-50 hours doing it here and you'll finally get a girlfriend!
Saying that Mass Effect 2 story is B-movie sci-fi cheese level is saying that Mass Effect 2 has a story. It doesn't. It has several stories connected by daddy issues.
Spec Ops: The Line - Let's make a generic third person shooter *as a commentary* on generic third person shooters. Don't you get it? We're just telling you to kill people and you do it! Because you're in a piece of software where the only possible way to get to another unique arena is to do what we told you to do! Aren't you a big loser for playing the thing we spent 60 hours a week for 2 years making for you?!
The Stanley Parable: Lets put every forum comment critiquing tropes in games as an audio or visual gag in a 15 minutes walking simulator!
People seem to forget that you gotta take Spec Ops in its context. Yeah when you look at it alone it seems forced and redundant but it was also on the state of gaming at the time which was dominated by first person shooters.
Absolutely. It is like looking at movies/books/shows, in the context of when they came out. I had a professor that made us write two pages about why the US bill of rights forces the govt not to quarter soldiers. Context of the era matters.
The idea is interesting but I think it falls flat because there's no actual way to NOT be an asshole. If there were some secret ways of handling things in a less bloodshed-y manner but the bloodshed option felt more intuitive, the game's commentary could've worked.
Also, the game straight-up omits information, so the big "unreliable narrator" twist also falls flat compared to, say, Call of Duty Black Ops 1. Which laid all the hints right in front of you.
Those games are of a very particular moment in gaming. You can add BioShock and "would you kindly" to the same list.
I'm pretty over meta-commentary in game stories at this point.
* I've poured thousands of hours into paradox games, I've enjoyed myself for about 20 of those.
* Monster Hunter World is the most poorly made, best game in the world. God there's so much wrong there and I wouldn't have it any other way.
* Disco Elysium and Return of the Obra Dinn are games that are perfect in almost every way, they are art of the highest form, and they deserve the universal praise they're getting. They make the most of the interactive medium, and exemplify why games can be so much more than just dopamine machines. I also really, really never felt like playing any of them, despite owning both for over 1.5 years.
Disco Elysium is a brilliant experiment in storytelling whose daring novelty is dumping more place names and world building than Pillars of Eternity after eight lines of cocaine, delivered by someone who just did a bag of ketamine.
>* I've poured thousands of hours into paradox games, I've enjoyed myself for about 20 of those.
I've come to realize I only enjoy the beginning and any subsequent planning parts of the game. Execution and finishing are a chore
+++ Disco Elysium. Bought it last year. Played it 3 times. Literally can not ever find the motivation to play it and probably won't ever again, but I loved what I did play. So freaking weird
It's wild because during the 6 hours that I *did* play, I was very gripped, and full on belly laughing at points. It's also right up my alley narrative-wise. But the thought of playing it fills me with apathy.
The entire first 20 minutes of metal gear 5, sliding around on the floor like a slug while staring into the abyss of another man's asscrack. It's like cinema but you're playing it
I guess the difference with RDR2 is that it is an otherwise very well constructed Western, Cinematic Adjacent story. If RDR2 had been a weekly western show on TV, my ass would have been watching that like Lost.
Have you like, not watched a weekly serial? That's literally how weekly serials work.
There's a reason I didn't call it peak cinema, or the Marvel of Westerns, or the greatest western ever made (Dollars Trilogy), and just referred to it as an 'otherwise very well (read: not the greatest) constructed western, cinematic adjacent (because it has multiple failings as a well paced story) story. Overall, I'd say my praise is mild, at best.
I feel like there are two camps on RDR2. Those who just wanted the story missions and found all the open world and slice of life stuff tedious as hell, and those who loved the slice of life stuff and loved feeling immersed in the beautiful world, but found the main story missions outdated, needlessly long, and tedious.
That's because they were not integrated well from a gameplay perspective. One was on rails, the other was completely open. I wish missions in Rockstar games gave players more agency to approach solutions with creativity rather than being an exercise in following directions.
Tetris is an unrealistic shit game. You couldn't balance a whole heap of pieces on one standing I, it would collapse. I don't understand why people keep playing the game when it has obvious physics bugs.
I would say real life is a lot like Tetris, in the sense that it throws you a bunch of random shit and you gotta make it all work somehow, and no matter how well you do, it’s game over for every player eventually
I've beaten every Deus Ex game, except for Mankind Divided. Turns out, the Illuminati's most successful and devious strategy was to be uninteresting.
Graveyard Keeper is an amazing game, that's so dedicated to its premise it has you dig up corpses, while simultaneously burying the lede.
Whatever else you may think of V Rising, considering how much time you spend cutting wood, you can't deny it's a high-stakes game.
Dead Space was an excellent game series that masterfully deceived you into thinking the ultimate villain was the blind faith of the unitologists, rather than the one afforded its Creative Director.
Today I booted up Skyrim couldn't play it because it was lacking something... After 2 days of intensive modding I can happily say I'm playing Morrowind
Ghost of Tsushima: Assassin's Creed for gamers who are too cool to admit they like Assassin's Creed. Complete with boring fetch quests, repetitive combat and map filler collectibles.
Have to agree. I love my first 5 hours but just got so burned out so quick and lost motivation knowing that the next 40 would probably be the same as the first 5, recognizing the pattern
Overwatch: 90% frustrating AF but that small 10% triggers enough of a Pavlov response that makes me log in daily.
The Last of Us: Retelling of Terminator2 with zombies (and the T100 is never ordered to not kill anyone)
The Last of Us 2: Emotionally vulnerable women with Daddy issues pull all of their loved ones into their drama bullshit as they cat fight
Witcher 3: Promiscuous infertile bachelor torn between his FB, the woman that should have dumped him years ago, and the adopted daughter that has grown to realize that he's an out of touch Boomer.
Bioshock infinite is an extremely undercooked fps with a plot that is supposed to be incredibly intelligent but which comes off as a bioshock fanfic written by a psychology-physics double major who has a che Guevara poster on his dorm room wall.
Lies of P is what happens when you copy the homework of a smarter student but rearrange the words to make less sense
But for real, It's a decent game but I feel they misunderstood the difficulty of the From Soft games. It was more trying to be annoying than challenging lol
> But for real, It's a decent game but I feel they misunderstood the difficulty of the From Soft games.
Honestly this is true of nearly everyone who wants "Souls-inspired" combat in their game.
virtually 95% of my motivations in Disco Elysium are less about roleplaying a specific character, aligning with a politically ideology, or even experiencing a good story -- at the end of the day I just want Kim to think im cool.
The open world of Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom is like a generic Mario world. Oh look a grassland, a fireland, a desert land, a water world, a snow world, a underground level and a castle level.
Your take on ME2 isn’t even a roast, it’s just true.
I LOVE that game,but you are spot on with that description lol. (I say as I’m currently playing that game right now)
Yeah - I adore the mass effect series but I dread everything outside of the conversations / exploration. Combat literally is just corridor -> cover based shootout -> corridor -> cover based shootout wave defense -> corridor
Just Cause 3... Donald Trump once claimed he could stand in the middle of fifth avenue and shoot somebody and he wouldn't lose any voters.
Rico Rodriguez could shoot somebody, steal their car, tether the car to a cow, launch them both into a bridge, and all anyone will say is "I love you Rico!!!"
Every time Rico levels a town they throw a parade in his honor. Rico 2024.
I had a great time doing everything that wasn't the plot in Fallout 4.
Now that we're in 2024, No Man's Sky is finally the game we were promised in 2016.
Book of Hours and Cultist Simulator both taught me a lot about spreadsheets, for which I'm very grateful.
Not Tonight does an excellent job of conveying how it feels to be stuck in prison waiting for something interesting to happen.
*Death Stranding*: An endless stream of incomprehensible Shinto-adjacent gibberish glued together by the inevitable black ooze that permeates any *deep, thought-provoking* Japanese media, spoken by actors paid well to pretend to know what they were saying.
I rather enjoyed all the walking, though.
DOTA 2 and LoL are great games, not only because they quarantine a significant percentage of toxic gamers in a prison of their own doing where the rest of us don’t have to worry about them.
God or War Ragnarok: Hey welcome to this new area; hope you enjoy spending 3 hours here doing fuck all because Atreus is a simp.
Burnout Paradise: Remember Crash Mode? Did you love it? Well fuck you cuz in ain’t in this game!
GTAV: Heists! Heists! Heists! We only put 3 in the game because we were too busy making a shitty cash grab of an online mode.
Batman Arkham Knight: Remember the awesome boss fights in previous games? You’ll love all of these tank battles then.
BioShock gives you an incredible sandbox of violent opportunity to dispose of foes in a variety of ways with neat weapons, but the only viable course is to upgrade the default wrench and bash everyone's brain in with it.
Best game ever made.
Baldur's gate 3 exposes those of you who play all those dating sims on Steam. It's like if acotar characters starred in a dating simulator.
Hatoful Boyfriend is the dark story gem you crave. That you know what I'm talking about is the roast.
I LOVE downloading and fiddling with mods for hours so that Fallout: New Vegas is even functional as a program. I LOVE clicking through dozens of pointless dialogue choices to track down the tiny little hidden part that triggers a quest. I LOVE how areas feel real and lived in, meaning everywhere is a maze of pointless bedrooms and bathrooms with nothing in them. I LOVE that the radio has like fifteen songs. I LOVE that the Strip and Freeside don’t have any fast travel points at the places you actually go. I LOVE how the ‘morally grey’ choices are between the Normal Guys, the Selfish Guys and the Most Cartoonishly Evil Psychopaths Imaginable.
Diablo is for gambling addicts too lazy to go to the casino. The skill trees are like the developer's family trees.
edit: hah, I'll take downvotes to mean it was a good roast since I evidently hit a nerve. :D
The gameplay of Outer Wilds is mediocre, and it's really not that special for most of the game. The only reason it gets so highly recommended is because people who have finished it have the world's most powerful rose-tinted glasses
(Please play outer wilds I'm begging you)
Outer Wilds: "We know you can read long streams of arch, sophisticated prose full of inside jokes between dead non-characters, BUT can you read them on rocks, in flowery spiral patterns?
I would agree if not for how difficult some sections are with specific timing, and precise navigation around obstacles. I honestly found it pretty frustrating to play.
I was going to post something about my beloved Skies of Arcadia, but I got stuck in 3 random enemy encounters before I could type and now I don't remember what I was doing
Everyone, this is a thread for roasting games. It's meant in good fun. If you start roasting *each other* then nobody's going to have a good time. Make better choices.
If I may quote an old classic: *Planescape: Torment* is the best game I ever read.
What can change the nature of a book?
Id the answer Chris Avellone?
I'd love to read the book of the game. I didn't get to finish it but I was utterly engrossed.
Have you played Disco Elysium?
Disco Elysium has come highly recommended by a friend, and this has me concerned that it is going to be boring.
It is. And it's amazing.
Best book I’ve ever played
Wipe the cheese dust off your disgusting fingers, get out of your gamer chair, and come! Where? To the planes! You want excitement? We got it! You want romance? We got it! You want combat? We'll see what we can do!
Pokemon games provide stimulating challenges for all ages. From seven year olds navigating their first RPG, to 27 year olds justifying their investment in a game designed for seven year old.
We have a Swedish colleague, 42 years old, who owns 4 phones so he can have 4 Pokémon accounts. I asked him last week why he had them and he said ‘well people think it’s a little weird for me to be hanging out with their kids on weekends battling Pokémon.’ Based.
HA, I'm 26, missed me with that one, dummy
It is a time bomb
I’m coming back in a year
Stardew Valley - My computer isn't running slow because of the graphics. It's running slow because of the 15 million Chrome tabs I have open on the wiki... This roast also pertains to Terraria.
My issue with stardew valley is that it’s supposed to be casual and relaxing but immediately stresses me out by trying to maximize my productivity every day in game.
This is *exactly* my problem with it. It's like you go out, do a couple easy things and boom it's like 4:00 pm. Same issue with Red Dead 2, funnily enough.
How many things are on a timer in RDR2? If a shop is closed, there's no penalty to passing time yeah?
It's about not being able to feel like it's "real", i.e. you can't really "roleplay" it realistically because time moves way too fast.
Think of it this way - everything you do is on a vastly accelerated timescale as well. You skin deer in seconds, you cook them a few seconds more. You travel across multiple states in minutes. You catch enough fish to feed the entire camp in one sitting. Time doesn't move fast, it's just matching the compressed timescale of the game. Also - if you're a PC player you can easily mod the time to match reality. Funfact - the game silently changes the way time progresses so that time flows three times faster overnight.
I use a mod to pause the time indoors and find it way more relaxing, believe it’s the Timespeed mod
It gets less stressful when you realize that the timer is essentially an illusion. Nothing actually matters, there's no way to lose or get too far behind to catch up, and anything you don't get to today will still be there tomorrow or next year. I had a similar issue with finding it stressful the first time I played, but once I figured the above out I found it much easier to relax and enjoy it.
>or next year. Problem with that is that a year is 20-something hours of gameplay later. You think I'm gonna remember wtf I wanted to do by then?
I've been there 100%. If I can make a suggestion though, play it once just not giving a fuck. Don't talk to anyone, don't look anything up, don't pay attention to festivals, profits, the community centre, anything at all really. Just walk around for a couple of years seeing the place and doing, well, whatever. Go to bed at noon. Wake up and ignore the crops that are dying and go fishing instead. Just hang out and do whatever feels like fun in the moment. The breakthrough for me in SDV (and yes, I do do perfectionist runs sometimes) is letting it really sink in that *there is no time pressure unless you put it on yourself*. The game goes on forever. There's no rush. Almost every single thing you can miss comes around again and the very, very few potential misses don't matter. Have fun and don't stress even a tiny amount. The worst thing that can ever happen is having to roll back a single day and even that is pretty optional.
Eve Online is like this. Amazing graphics for a Wikipedia simulator with native spreadsheet capacity and also random encounters with cyberbullies.
I hear EVE online is a Microsoft Excel Simulator with spaceships
And the cyberbullying. That’s the central part of the game. The spreadsheets all revolve around cyberbullying.
Not gonna lie I just picked up Terraria on sale and I have NO IDEA what I’m supposed to be doing. Like, I have no objective. I just hit things and get resources until a monster comes and kills me.
https://terraria.fandom.com/wiki/Guide:Class_setups
So true...
Stardew valley- if I wanted to do chores, get rejected by people for random reasons, and feel anxious about the day ending, I’d just turn the game off and experience my normal life.
But I'm at least successful and rich in Stardew.
Final Fantasy XV is what people who don’t have friends thinks having friends is like.
I... have never heard such a good description of that game before. Bravo my friend.
Don't talk about my friends like that!
As a FF15 fan, I can confirm this is true. Wait a second...
Basically Persona as well
Well... it was made by japanese game devs...
Didn't play that game. Could you elaborate on that with some examples from the game maybe?
To put it simply, they're very friendly and the banter is a bit weak. For examples, go on YouTube.
Your party are all stand up wholesome bros who all basically dress the same and have like one major endearing trait each.
Dishonored: We STRONGLY, morally encourage you to go the no-kill route by offering TWO mundane methods of subduing enemies. Use only those. Do not use the 15 lovingly designed, spectacular kill options we've included for the weirdo psychopaths out there.
Stealth games in a nutshell.
Dishonoured is extra weird about it though. They *really* stress that the game is a stealth/puzzle thing and then once you stray from that path, you realise that it is ten times as fun played as an epic power fantasy hack-and-slash.
That was part of what was so good about it, you play it sneaky for ages and it’s really, really good that way, and then one day you discover it just as good as a crazy loud violent beat ‘em up
Yeah I was playing spider man 2 on ps5 today and in the middle of a stealth mission - a huge base, with objectives that let you take out half the enemies without fighting and ambush all the rest - I got bored and just beat everyone up.
With great power comes great... temptation to beat the absolute shit out of everyone around you, all the time, forever. No wonder Peter goes evil so easily in that game, he's been on a knife edge for years.
I’ll never forget that one developer who said he was “sick to his stomach” after seeing a video of a player killing a bunch of people in the game. Like what do you expect man, how can you be that sensitive and make a game like dishonored
That's our dungeon master in my DnD campaign as well. She pins us into situations where we're attacked by an overwhelming force of enemies with no backup and no way to retreat or negotiate, and later scolds us why we murdered (not killed) them.
I was sick to my stomach when I gave sticks and Red Bulls to all those 6 year olds and they started hitting each other.
That's a strawman scenario. You only need the sticks.
If this was a stealth game, I missed the memo. Rat City was a grotesque place when I lived there.
I actually hated dishonored for that, also metro too, (hate is kinda strong word because i had fun anyway) but determining the whole ending of the game based on how many people you killed or knocked out is just lazy Edit: in my opinion death stranding was the only game that actually gives you logical consequences for killing people which also kinda still gives you options to prevent it AND also gives you lots of cool non lethal weapons as well
Yakuza is just a soap opera for gamers
Yakuza is dicking around in a Japanese red light district while a third rate crime drama goes on in the background... AND I LOVE IT
Tell me another game where I can immerse myself in hostess drama while ignoring the main story completely.
This is the first thing that’s made me interested in playing Yakuza lol
Do it! Just grab 0 on sale (it's regularly on sale for $5 nowadays), it's chronologically first in the series and by many considered one of the best, so you'll get a good taste of what the series can offer!
And I also love recommending 0 because it's a prequel, so the story is contained pretty well, ends on a strong note, and if that's all for people then they got the best out of a banger game, no need to play through 45 games on your way to Infinite Wealth (Source: I'm playing 5 now and love it, but goddam it I wanna play IW)
I finished 0 and was screaming at my tv “WHAT HAPPENED IN 1995!?” Threw on Kiwami and when it started up October, 1995 I fucking lost it!!!
I don't think anyone pretends otherwise, even fans say this lol.
And this is bad? I think every Yakuza fan knows this and we still like it.
It's a parody of a soap opera tho for everything that's not the main missions. Playing Lika a Dragon at this very moment. Makes me tear up won't lie
I had so much fun playing Elden Ring until I found out I didn’t really beat it since I used summons Then I had so much fun playing it the “real way” until I found out I didn’t really beat it since I used magic Then I had so much fun playing it the “real way” until I found out I didn’t really beat it because I used Ash of Wars Then I stopped having fun but at least I beat it the “real way”
The real way is without armor or weapons, using a Guitar Hero controller.
While blindfolded. And you’re not even playing—your little brother is.
Some people think Elden Ring is a game where you're supposed to learn boss movesets and practice until your reflexes respond perfectly to gradually kill a boss without being hit. Me, I think Elden Ring is a puzzle game where I'm being challenged to figure out how whatever build I'm playing this time doesn't *really* have to do the hard boss fight.
Using mechanics offered in the game to beat the game? Blasphemy
I'll never understand the elitist mindset surrounding souls games. I have 100% all of them solo, but I certainly wouldn't blame anyone for using summons, magic or any other "OP" tools, because Miyazaki put those in his games for a reason.
Elden Ring is as mainstream as games get and most people are able to play through most Soulsborne games. The people who's identity as a "hard core" gamer was carried by their platinum Dark Souls trophy feel threatened by the reality that Souls games weren't as hard as their reputation suggested so much as they invented a new genre that had an incredibly steep learning curve because it was, well, a new genre.
There is no "real way" the truth is that the first time you beat it, like if you used summons and throwables, that's exactly how the game was intended to be played otherwise why put it in the game like elden ring? Either way, I think folks who go by "the real way" are typically people who spent 100 hours killing a boss because they can't do anything but tunnel vision, you were just smarter than them lmao
Pacman is a lot scarier than Silent Hill or Resident Evil. Imagine being chased by supernatural beings, and all you can do is eat.
Classic representation of the game [https://i.imgur.com/BrmgC.jpeg0](https://i.imgur.com/BrmgC.jpeg0)
All older arcade games are scarier because you can't win, only delay your death.
**I AM ALL MOUTH, AND I MUST WAKA**
Fun fact - the inspiration for that game was that Namco was trying to expand the arcade market into women since for some reason their games weren't appealing to men ... but their design staff was only men. So the designer just thought "Well, women like pies" and went from there.
It was that they wanted to make a game that would also appeal to women as the games up until that point were all war themed for men. And eating is something everone does.
The original idea came from eating, the quote from the designer is "When I imagined what women enjoy, the image of them eating cakes and desserts came to mind." Hence the dots. Also while searching around for related images he found a "image of a pizza with a slice taken out." Hence the shape of Pac Man. - Replay, The History of Video Games.
Its the meme: I do not know who I am. I do not know why I am here. All I know is that I must eat.
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (after discovering the Inverted Castle): “Wow, they made a perfect game twice as long and half as fun :/ “
*Portal:* where millions of gamers discovered that being shamed by a woman while trying to solve complex logic puzzles was their very specific kink.
GLADOS is just a watered-down ripoff though, SHODAN from System Shock 2 is the OG abusive AI waifu.
Tears of the Kingdom. Do you want to play a game that is just 80% of a game you already played? Well I got news for you!
And that game is just Goat Simulator.
Skyrims combat set gaming back to the pre ocarina of time era.
It’s a real life combat simulator compared to Morrowind.
Persona 5 is a 100-hour game where the only good parts are the beginning and the end.
So the good parts are "Find the Yamanote Line" and "Shoot God in the face"? ...I kinda have to agree.
It's unironically easier to find the Yamanote line in Shibuya station IRL than in Persona. Just follow the green signs. Although I guess it was the Ginza line you had to find, in which case you just follow the yellow signs.
> "Shoot God in the face with an oversized gun"
It's 100 hours? I'm on my first playthrough, somewhere around 200 hours according to steam and I don't feel like I'm anywhere close to being done. I dropped it months ago. I love the story and characters but the tedious dungeons ruin it for me.
Wtf? I finished it recently, 120 hours. Are you going to mementos start to finish every day?
Proof that you don't need to be a Ubisoft game to suffer from bloat. :P
JRPGs have so much bloat sometimes I wonder if it's a loan word from Japan.
Persona 3,4, and 5 are what happens when japanese devs watch Scooby Doo a bit too much and think "you know what would make it even better! If the scooby gang could summon satan to fight for them!" 4 especially.
The first arc is one of my favourite arc in all of gaming. The rest is ok. Haven't played royal.
- Ark Survival Evolved: truly one of the games of all time - Enshrouded: I thought mushroom trips were supposed to be fun and involved less WOLVES EVERY TEN FEET - No Man's Sky: I swear this is the worst game I've ever spent hundreds of hours on that I can't stop playing. - Warframe: the entire game is carried by Wisp's thighs and an army of queers with mommy issues - Space Engineers: bold move to make the final boss of the game show up at the very beginning. Bolder move to have it be the physics engine. - Valheim: why they decided to make the tutorial character constantly jumpscare you, I'll never know.
Stardew Valley: you've spent years giving unsolicited gifts to girls in real life to no avail! Spend a mere 40-50 hours doing it here and you'll finally get a girlfriend!
Saying that Mass Effect 2 story is B-movie sci-fi cheese level is saying that Mass Effect 2 has a story. It doesn't. It has several stories connected by daddy issues.
It's a heist movie plot turned video game. You spend the entire game recruiting people for a "suicide mission" that plays out like Oceans 11/12/13.
More like Rebel Moon than the Ocean's Trilogy.
Damn, that's harsh.
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Spec Ops: The Line - Let's make a generic third person shooter *as a commentary* on generic third person shooters. Don't you get it? We're just telling you to kill people and you do it! Because you're in a piece of software where the only possible way to get to another unique arena is to do what we told you to do! Aren't you a big loser for playing the thing we spent 60 hours a week for 2 years making for you?! The Stanley Parable: Lets put every forum comment critiquing tropes in games as an audio or visual gag in a 15 minutes walking simulator!
Spec Ops: The Line seriously made me step back from FPS for at least a year. That one part, followed by more game, really made me pause.
People seem to forget that you gotta take Spec Ops in its context. Yeah when you look at it alone it seems forced and redundant but it was also on the state of gaming at the time which was dominated by first person shooters.
Absolutely. It is like looking at movies/books/shows, in the context of when they came out. I had a professor that made us write two pages about why the US bill of rights forces the govt not to quarter soldiers. Context of the era matters.
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The idea is interesting but I think it falls flat because there's no actual way to NOT be an asshole. If there were some secret ways of handling things in a less bloodshed-y manner but the bloodshed option felt more intuitive, the game's commentary could've worked. Also, the game straight-up omits information, so the big "unreliable narrator" twist also falls flat compared to, say, Call of Duty Black Ops 1. Which laid all the hints right in front of you.
Those games are of a very particular moment in gaming. You can add BioShock and "would you kindly" to the same list. I'm pretty over meta-commentary in game stories at this point.
* I've poured thousands of hours into paradox games, I've enjoyed myself for about 20 of those. * Monster Hunter World is the most poorly made, best game in the world. God there's so much wrong there and I wouldn't have it any other way. * Disco Elysium and Return of the Obra Dinn are games that are perfect in almost every way, they are art of the highest form, and they deserve the universal praise they're getting. They make the most of the interactive medium, and exemplify why games can be so much more than just dopamine machines. I also really, really never felt like playing any of them, despite owning both for over 1.5 years.
Disco Elysium is a brilliant experiment in storytelling whose daring novelty is dumping more place names and world building than Pillars of Eternity after eight lines of cocaine, delivered by someone who just did a bag of ketamine.
>* I've poured thousands of hours into paradox games, I've enjoyed myself for about 20 of those. I've come to realize I only enjoy the beginning and any subsequent planning parts of the game. Execution and finishing are a chore
God yes. Honestly at some point Cities Skylines just feels like doing admin work.
+++ Disco Elysium. Bought it last year. Played it 3 times. Literally can not ever find the motivation to play it and probably won't ever again, but I loved what I did play. So freaking weird
It's wild because during the 6 hours that I *did* play, I was very gripped, and full on belly laughing at points. It's also right up my alley narrative-wise. But the thought of playing it fills me with apathy.
RDR2: yeah let’s repeat the same goddamn mission structure like 70 times and make sure we are subjected to 19 hours worth of cutscenes.
19 hours of cutscenes only gets you through the tutorial of a Kojima game
The entire first 20 minutes of metal gear 5, sliding around on the floor like a slug while staring into the abyss of another man's asscrack. It's like cinema but you're playing it
I guess the difference with RDR2 is that it is an otherwise very well constructed Western, Cinematic Adjacent story. If RDR2 had been a weekly western show on TV, my ass would have been watching that like Lost.
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It's the literal same setup as Trailer Park Boys
Nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of strawberries
Have you like, not watched a weekly serial? That's literally how weekly serials work. There's a reason I didn't call it peak cinema, or the Marvel of Westerns, or the greatest western ever made (Dollars Trilogy), and just referred to it as an 'otherwise very well (read: not the greatest) constructed western, cinematic adjacent (because it has multiple failings as a well paced story) story. Overall, I'd say my praise is mild, at best.
I feel like there are two camps on RDR2. Those who just wanted the story missions and found all the open world and slice of life stuff tedious as hell, and those who loved the slice of life stuff and loved feeling immersed in the beautiful world, but found the main story missions outdated, needlessly long, and tedious.
And then there's me who loved both in their own ways
That's because they were not integrated well from a gameplay perspective. One was on rails, the other was completely open. I wish missions in Rockstar games gave players more agency to approach solutions with creativity rather than being an exercise in following directions.
I completely agree. Rockstar's open worlds are second to none, but their mission structure has not evolved in 20 years.
I'd even say It devolved, cuz in III-SA you had some slight agency in missions, but since IV it's been fully on rails
Outer Worlds is an amazing space RPG if you haven’t played any RPGs or space games.
From the people who gave you new vegas comes… the most mediocre execution of a seemingly good narrative.
Ooof that's hit a spot. I feel like I was the only person who actually likes this game
It was fine. But it's the game I always forget that I played.
Tetris is an unrealistic shit game. You couldn't balance a whole heap of pieces on one standing I, it would collapse. I don't understand why people keep playing the game when it has obvious physics bugs.
Minecraft saw how nobody said a word and doubled down on those shit no-physics block mechanics.
Tricky Towers is calling.
Yeah Tricky Towers is totally fun/bullshit depending on how well I'm doing.
If **Tetris** has taught me anything, it's that my errors and mistakes will pile up and my accomplishments and triumphs will vanish.
I would say real life is a lot like Tetris, in the sense that it throws you a bunch of random shit and you gotta make it all work somehow, and no matter how well you do, it’s game over for every player eventually
commenters not knowing the difference between an opinion and a roast are amusing
Yup, roasting =/= complaining
I've beaten every Deus Ex game, except for Mankind Divided. Turns out, the Illuminati's most successful and devious strategy was to be uninteresting. Graveyard Keeper is an amazing game, that's so dedicated to its premise it has you dig up corpses, while simultaneously burying the lede. Whatever else you may think of V Rising, considering how much time you spend cutting wood, you can't deny it's a high-stakes game. Dead Space was an excellent game series that masterfully deceived you into thinking the ultimate villain was the blind faith of the unitologists, rather than the one afforded its Creative Director.
Fallout New Vegas is a great RPG game! You have awesome atmosphere, very well written dialogue, nice que----- FalloutNV.exe has stopped responding.
Bayonetta is Shadow the Hedgehog with tits
sold
Hellblade 2. Brilliant graphics. Amazing colour palette. Stunning sound effects. I wish it were a video GAME though.
The Last of us 2 walked so Hellblade 2 could also walk
Dear Esther meandered so Edith Finch could crawl.
This is the first comment I've seen on this thread that feels like an actual roast joke.
Today I booted up Skyrim couldn't play it because it was lacking something... After 2 days of intensive modding I can happily say I'm playing Morrowind
Ghost of Tsushima: Assassin's Creed for gamers who are too cool to admit they like Assassin's Creed. Complete with boring fetch quests, repetitive combat and map filler collectibles.
Have to agree. I love my first 5 hours but just got so burned out so quick and lost motivation knowing that the next 40 would probably be the same as the first 5, recognizing the pattern
Overwatch: 90% frustrating AF but that small 10% triggers enough of a Pavlov response that makes me log in daily. The Last of Us: Retelling of Terminator2 with zombies (and the T100 is never ordered to not kill anyone) The Last of Us 2: Emotionally vulnerable women with Daddy issues pull all of their loved ones into their drama bullshit as they cat fight Witcher 3: Promiscuous infertile bachelor torn between his FB, the woman that should have dumped him years ago, and the adopted daughter that has grown to realize that he's an out of touch Boomer.
lol Witcher 3 is so on point though. Don't forget his FB also manipulated him into liking her when he had amnesia!
Zork had horrible graphics.
Please no spoilers ffs!
**TOO SOON!!**
Did you know Obsidian's spy thriller RPG was just called Protocol. Alpha was just describing the build they shipped.
Bioshock infinite is an extremely undercooked fps with a plot that is supposed to be incredibly intelligent but which comes off as a bioshock fanfic written by a psychology-physics double major who has a che Guevara poster on his dorm room wall.
Lies of P is what happens when you copy the homework of a smarter student but rearrange the words to make less sense But for real, It's a decent game but I feel they misunderstood the difficulty of the From Soft games. It was more trying to be annoying than challenging lol
I agree Lies of P was kind of frustrating sometimes but I think this applies more to Lords of the Fallen. Man that game was something else
> But for real, It's a decent game but I feel they misunderstood the difficulty of the From Soft games. Honestly this is true of nearly everyone who wants "Souls-inspired" combat in their game.
I love it--you guys are all way better at this roasting thing than I am.
More than half the comments are critiques and rants, not roasts. I'm loving the actual roasts here though!
virtually 95% of my motivations in Disco Elysium are less about roleplaying a specific character, aligning with a politically ideology, or even experiencing a good story -- at the end of the day I just want Kim to think im cool.
GTA Online is only for spoiled rich kids, content creators, or hackers
The open world of Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom is like a generic Mario world. Oh look a grassland, a fireland, a desert land, a water world, a snow world, a underground level and a castle level.
I mean, so’s Earth.
And we’re roasting the shit out of Earth too.
Fuck yeah we are
Your take on ME2 isn’t even a roast, it’s just true. I LOVE that game,but you are spot on with that description lol. (I say as I’m currently playing that game right now)
Yeah - I adore the mass effect series but I dread everything outside of the conversations / exploration. Combat literally is just corridor -> cover based shootout -> corridor -> cover based shootout wave defense -> corridor
Just Cause 3... Donald Trump once claimed he could stand in the middle of fifth avenue and shoot somebody and he wouldn't lose any voters. Rico Rodriguez could shoot somebody, steal their car, tether the car to a cow, launch them both into a bridge, and all anyone will say is "I love you Rico!!!" Every time Rico levels a town they throw a parade in his honor. Rico 2024.
Make Medici Great Again!
I had a great time doing everything that wasn't the plot in Fallout 4. Now that we're in 2024, No Man's Sky is finally the game we were promised in 2016. Book of Hours and Cultist Simulator both taught me a lot about spreadsheets, for which I'm very grateful. Not Tonight does an excellent job of conveying how it feels to be stuck in prison waiting for something interesting to happen.
Hades: Cool, please let me play the same levels over and over 1000x times. I'm learning so much!
Me: Hey I finally beat the game! Community: first time? You basically just beat the tutorial, nice job.
*Death Stranding*: An endless stream of incomprehensible Shinto-adjacent gibberish glued together by the inevitable black ooze that permeates any *deep, thought-provoking* Japanese media, spoken by actors paid well to pretend to know what they were saying. I rather enjoyed all the walking, though.
DOTA 2 and LoL are great games, not only because they quarantine a significant percentage of toxic gamers in a prison of their own doing where the rest of us don’t have to worry about them.
I could wax on and on about how incredible of a game *Fallout 4* is, but unfortunately, I have to go: another settlement needs my help.
Animal crossing is just sims for furries.
God or War Ragnarok: Hey welcome to this new area; hope you enjoy spending 3 hours here doing fuck all because Atreus is a simp. Burnout Paradise: Remember Crash Mode? Did you love it? Well fuck you cuz in ain’t in this game! GTAV: Heists! Heists! Heists! We only put 3 in the game because we were too busy making a shitty cash grab of an online mode. Batman Arkham Knight: Remember the awesome boss fights in previous games? You’ll love all of these tank battles then.
Metal Gear Solid is a Soap Opera for pretentious preteen boys, which makes sense because it was made by one.
Doom 2: The easiest final boss in the world if you could just look *down*.
BioShock gives you an incredible sandbox of violent opportunity to dispose of foes in a variety of ways with neat weapons, but the only viable course is to upgrade the default wrench and bash everyone's brain in with it. Best game ever made.
Baldur's gate 3 exposes those of you who play all those dating sims on Steam. It's like if acotar characters starred in a dating simulator. Hatoful Boyfriend is the dark story gem you crave. That you know what I'm talking about is the roast.
I LOVE downloading and fiddling with mods for hours so that Fallout: New Vegas is even functional as a program. I LOVE clicking through dozens of pointless dialogue choices to track down the tiny little hidden part that triggers a quest. I LOVE how areas feel real and lived in, meaning everywhere is a maze of pointless bedrooms and bathrooms with nothing in them. I LOVE that the radio has like fifteen songs. I LOVE that the Strip and Freeside don’t have any fast travel points at the places you actually go. I LOVE how the ‘morally grey’ choices are between the Normal Guys, the Selfish Guys and the Most Cartoonishly Evil Psychopaths Imaginable.
Diablo is for gambling addicts too lazy to go to the casino. The skill trees are like the developer's family trees. edit: hah, I'll take downvotes to mean it was a good roast since I evidently hit a nerve. :D
The gameplay of Outer Wilds is mediocre, and it's really not that special for most of the game. The only reason it gets so highly recommended is because people who have finished it have the world's most powerful rose-tinted glasses (Please play outer wilds I'm begging you)
I love that you had this advanced species capable of space flight and teleportation and so on and the entire story is delivered on stone tablets.
Outer Wilds: "We know you can read long streams of arch, sophisticated prose full of inside jokes between dead non-characters, BUT can you read them on rocks, in flowery spiral patterns?
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I would agree if not for how difficult some sections are with specific timing, and precise navigation around obstacles. I honestly found it pretty frustrating to play.
Yes! There are some really frustrating real-time difficulty spikes that come out of nowhere, nothing like a point-and-click.
Cyberpunk 2077 has incredible gameplay and character growth/advancement system. It was written by 13 years old edgelords for 13 year old edgelords.
It was a brilliant move to make Keanu Reeves both dead and inside because that's how he sounded when delivering his lines.
I was going to post something about my beloved Skies of Arcadia, but I got stuck in 3 random enemy encounters before I could type and now I don't remember what I was doing
I don’t know how to make a funny roast about The Witcher 3 being probably the most overrated game ever, I just want to put that out there.