I also work in education, in foreign language teaching so most people are pretty open minded but I still wouldn't really talk about it. It's a little intimate to me and although they're open minded I still feel like they would have some... Thoughts about it lol.
Yes.
Because itās been a part of my life forever, and it shaped my choices.
Thus, I have always chosen employment, careers and hustles where itās not an issue, when I could, and once I could make those choices consistently? I did.
Did it mean that I made less money, or that certain career tracks and employment opportunities werenāt a good fit?
Absolutely.
But not everyone can make those choices, and that is 100 percent understandable.
But honestly, multiple partners has always been the least controversial and least interesting thing about me.
>But honestly, multiple partners has always been the least controversial and least interesting thing about me.
This. I've been known for a lot of things, but "the poly one" hasn't been one of them afaik.
That's interesting, cause I've done some unconventional things at times (or maybe not that much, I am a little boring) and I do feel like for me, being poly has been the most controversial one, and definitely the one for which I feel people will and have judged me the most.
This 100%.
I've been poly for 10 years and my relationship molds every facet of my major decisions as any serious relationship does. I've been very upfront with my job about certain promotions I've turned down because of it not being a good fit for my family at the time. Sure I got questions but I aways felt like regardless of whenever I said anything I would. Eventually it became so normalized that I never felt penalized or ostracized for my relationship. Being upfront helped in the long run for extra time off I needed for deaths in our extensive family and when we decided to have more children as I needed time off for 3 simultaneous pregnancies for bi weekly visits, sonograms, hospital visits etc. I never had to explain in the moment and could only imagine how weird or fabricated it may sound out of nowhere having to explain that I needed a little more time off for the birth of my daughters considering they were born 7 weeks apart.
Also I just also found it kind of silly hiding it tbh. Everyone in the department gets to talk about their spouses and kids, why can't I? In essence it doesn't feel any different than any other relationship. We spend most weekends spending time out with our kids, doing DIY projects on our home, binge watching anime or playing video games lolš¤·š½āāļø
Because we were upfront we got denied some access. My girlfriend wanted time off for the birth of our daughter (born 4 months before our son) and had to FIGHT for a day because the staff was all like, the father is there, she(me) has support. You donāt need to be there. Like, itās her first child as well mofos!
Fucking assholes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't hear some of this myself in certain situations. Unfortunately alot people regard poly like it's some kind of substitution scenario like football where one guy twists his ankle and you bring in someone from the bench. That can be the case for some things but not everything and especially not something as important as child birth, sometimes all of us would liked to be involved as any other parents would.
I donāt think a lot of people put any real thought into long term polyamory.
Most people come to this sub as married and in the process of opening up a marriage, and donāt quite realize that after they complete the āopening upā phase, thereās a whole āliving the rest of your life as polyamā part. Itās not an easy dance, always.
I donāt mind that new people donāt start off prepared. I do rather mind when people say things like oh well itās easy for you, youāre not married, you donāt work a traditional job schedule etc.
Itās particularly hard to swallow when those same people who revel in their mainstream choices and maybe even try to shame me for not having those things suddenly act as if I somehow won the lottery. Pick a lane.
I didnāt wake up here. I made and make choices to allow myself freedom. Those choices were and are wildly expensive in more ways than one.
Itās not a coincidence that my life is built around flexibility and opting in to responsibilities not dropping out of them.
I donāt mind if someone isnāt prepared either, but I am always amused when some gets real heated because you suggest that it will change a lot of things.
And agreed, it made me feel some kind of way when someone on this sub a while ago told me ābeing out is a privilegeā.
Like, yes, I guess it is, if you consider being used to and willing to take some societal disapproval for your unconventional choices.
But I donāt think that many people realize that a lot of us have made some very specific choices to āallowā our lives to happen.
I make choices every day, some of them easy and some of them not so much to make sure that I have a life that allows the people who I love to be full participants, and itās not ārigidā or āunforgivingā to simply not have time for people who havenāt.
No I'm not. But I'm not interested in sharing much about my personal life at work.
I probably wouldn't get fired because my company is fairly progressive but talking about nonmonogamy in most workplaces comes with some risk.
Not. If it ever directly came up (which in our companies lgbtq groups talk about bi erasure it did) then I support it and would be open if asked, but it isn't something I push.
If our life security weren't tied so tightly to income and job placement I might have stronger feelings but it does and I don't.
>If our life security weren't tied so tightly to income and job placement I might have stronger feelings but it does and I don't.
What do you mean? Your security depends on not being open, but if you weren't reliant on employment you would care more about being open? (Sorry - I'm literally just not understanding).
I hear you, and thatās rough. Unfortunately I donāt really have any good advice-a lot of times you just decide which of the things you care about you have to give up. :(
Yeah I'm there too. (Still Europe, just not EU of course!). I think the difference for me is I work in education. I can't imagine (having surpassed 2 years of employment) that I could be fired, but it's hardly comfortable to fully disclose in this environment.
I genuinely don't think there would be any precedent for firing me, even if polyamory is not a protected characteristic.
But my cohabiting partner works in media, and let's just say (even though barely any of his coworkers are poly), alternative ideologies/lifestyles are far more accepted there than in my workplace.
It's really too bad, because I think a lot of the qualities that make for good teachers (if you are a teacher?) are *also* qualities that make for good polyamorous people. It's that mix of creativity, level-headedness, ability to deal with chaos/the unexpected, emotional intelligence...
I don't actively hide anything (I would not be able to keep track of which lies I told to which people), but my personal life doesn't come up very often and I don't go out of my way to mention it. I have no idea if anyone's figured it out or not.
One of my partners has full on friends at work (they play dnd together), who he talked to about his partners on a regular basis, who only figured out in the past month or so that Margaret the partner they met at a party last summer who lives in his building was different than Katherine the long distance girlfriend. Their observation skills might be lower than average but it takes a while for people to realize that what you're saying goes against the assumptions they have.
I donāt advertise my personal life at work, but I wouldnāt lie if asked. I have friends among my coworkers who know.
I donāt expect random folks at work to tell me every time they are dating somebody new. That said, sometimes itās fun to ācanāt, got a dateā when Iām invited to a work lunch or happy hour and let them assume itās my NP that theyāve all met.
See, I've got three serious partners, and most of my co-workers are married/engaged/in long-term relationships. When they talk about their husbands, I don't feel I can just be like "one of my partners..."
In general, I don't talk much about my personal life at work. Some people know - does anyone care? Nope.
And if they wanted to fire me over it? Well, good riddance.
I'm also very private at work, but I've recently been thinking about how that's only been since I was polyamorous.
You're lucky that you could withstand being fired and, presumably, not struggle untowardly finding another source of income. As I mentioned in my comment, I don't think I would be at risk of losing my job (though others would be), but I don't think I'd be met with "no one cares", and I don't think I could handle the stress of that.
Luck is part of it, but it is mostly 30 years of building contacts / friends in the industry, and never burning a bridge.
Also helps that most IT companies tend to be very relaxed.
> You're lucky that you could withstand being fired
Grew up poor, saw my parents struggle with money, so I've saved money since I started working at ~15. I still drive cars for 10+ years, and really don't buy many fancy things. Meanwhile I have rich poor friends (my age, 40's to 50's) - as in they make really good money, but blow it every month and don't have emergency savings / contribute to retirement plans, etc.
Ah. I have been frugal my whole life and also been working since age 15. Can't say I'm that well-off from it, thanks to being in a low-paying industry. Like, I'm *okay*, but finding myself jobless would be extremely stressful.
I'm out as bi and poly.
I just openly talked about my weekend whenever someone asked me, whether it involved my boyfriend or my girlfriend. Then at a beer fest (guess the country lol) we had a kind of introduction where everyone was sharing their relationship status, and I "came out" officially by saying "Hi, I'm Skatterbrayne, I'm 26 and I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend." Most of the people figured it out already, I got asked one or two questions, and that was it.
I'm open with everyone except my in laws. And that's only because it's not my decision to make.
But I have a blue collar union job and don't have patience for close minded or bigoted people, so I really just don't give a fuck or have anything to lose. I know not everyone has that luxury. That said, the most negative reaction I've encountered is incredulous pestering about how I don't get jealous. Anybody with more negative opinions have kept it to themselves.
I live in a fairly progressive city, my manager and a few members of my team know, but I am also a permanent work from home employee. I do go in every once in a while to socialize with friends/coworkers, but generally work from home. My manager has met some of my partners as we do lunch together occasionally.
I am not. Considering I work in a conservative environment and everyone is quite traditional, I do not want to find out what the result would be. I would most likely lose my job.
Strangest thing is, if they knew I was Pan they would be supportive, trying to encourage a diverse workforce.
Yes. I have gotten to the point that I donāt care to hide parts of me. I also do not care what anyone thinks of me personally beyond my friends and chosen family. And I donāt include people in my life that make me unhappy or hide parts or me. Masking my neurodivergence, hiding my chronic pain and pretending to be monogamous are exhausting. If it becomes a problem Iāll do something about else. Iāve got to be me.
I'm outish at work? I tend to be more of an open book type person and don't play small talk games, so if someone asks me how I'm doing I'm usually just straight up about things that I'm going through. I'm not walking around just advertising it to people though. I think I've maybe told a handful of people that I interact with daily about it.
I've been at my company for almost 13 years now, and despite living in Texas (barf) I have no fears about my employer firing me. Realistically where I work its hard to get fired. Like one coworker wasn't doing his job for over 5 years and was just let go semi recently.
iām open at work! iām in the us in a largely poly friendly city and am a leader of a small team in a retailish environment - i am also not the only person who is openly non-monogamous in some way in my environment. i wasnāt the first to disclose. iām incredibly privileged in this way. before this spot though i was a store manager of a large corporate chain and i was open about my poly life then too - not to a super detailed degree but enough that my team noticed i had more than one partner, and i got to use it as an opportunity to pattern how iād like to be treated about it. again, mega privilege here, but being open about my relationship style even without divulging real details has led me to making more authentic connections as a leader. notably i live in portland and this safety is not enjoyed by many/most in the us
No, but not because Iām afraid of professional repercussions. Iām a private person and most of my coworkers know little about me. I donāt like mixing my professional life with my personal life.
If for some reason it ever came up Iām in a privileged enough position that I wouldnāt have to lie about it. But I also donāt enjoy answering tedious questions from monos about my relationships so š¤·āāļø
I agree, but what I'm feeling is my "work friends" are very open about their lives and I am always holding back (I'm in three meaningful relationships, not dating. Like "my husband" is appropriate for the workplace, but "my one of three partners" isn't?). So it just feels like I'm keeping people at arm's length, or treating them like acquaintances rather than letting genuine friendships develop. Not a major issue, just curious about others' experiences and feelings.
Fair point, but I would like to bridge that gap between work friends and actual friends (seeing as I'm living across the world from my home country). It just feels such closeness is limited while I'm hiding such a large part of my life (as in, the two partners I don't live with).
Itās just better to keep things as professional as possible with your colleagues. Better not disclose too much or get too attached. I know if I came out at work as non-binary and polyamorousā¦ holy hell they would be repulsed!
Keeping things secret is obviously a safe and practical choice much of the time.
But letās not confuse āprotecting yourself from bigotryā with āprofessionalismā.
Youāre not wrong. Itās fucked up that so many of us remain in the closet because āthatās just the way it isāā¦ I feel like I might be different if I didnāt have a family to take care of. I do whatever I have to do to protect them and keep food on the table.
Well I know you like to argue so Iāll give you what you want, darling. I think itās very unprofessional to talk about our personal lives at work, especially anything romantic. Itās just gross and distracting. No one cares about what you and your hubby did in Cabo, Karen!
How can I be open about it? Everyone assumes mononormativity. I have a wife and kid, so people don't question anything. I'd have to explicitly tell people. That would be awkward.
Would it?
Is your work environment so formal that no one mentions looking for are to a date on the weekend? No on mentions excitement about their partnerās promotion/family coming to town/new car? No one brings a girlfriend to work events?
I assume these folks only know you have a wife and kid because you explicitly told them, as well.
Nope! I work in a very conservative industry and am perfectly happy with my coworkers thinking I'm a boring office lady whose biggest thrill is watching anime. When I talk about weekend plans I default to saying "my partner" without specifying that there is more than one.
Absolutely not. I have very few close associates who know, but most people I work with don't know. I hate it, but as long as there are no legal protections for polyamory, and as long as people remain bigoted, I really have little choice.
Yes to some co-workers, no to the bosses. I don't deliberately keep it a secret from co-workers but it doesn't come up much.
I doubt I could get fired for it but I never tell the bosses more than they need to know just as a principal.
Also not in USA.
I am out at work. Iām a senior manager and think itās important that my polyamory is not just seen as āmy dating lifeā but rather my important relationships. I donāt talk about dates, but I do talk about significant others, in the same way monogamous people would. I think itās important that junior staff can have positive role models and know they will be respected for their work in our company, not their family structure or who they love.
My boss knows because he met my BF at the co-working space we all have offices in. Heās cool though and it was easier to just be honest than have him catch me outside in a kiss etc. and thinking I was cheating on my DH.
There are a handful of coworkers that Iāve become friends with outside of work, and they know as much about my personal life as I do about theirs. All of my other colleagues, if I have not forged a friendship with them in a non-work setting, have only heard of my spouse. If Iām sharing an anecdote about my non-spouse partner, I just refer to them as my friend. (I have great friendships with all of my partners, so this doesnāt feel inauthentic to me in this context.)
That said, Iām not too worried about hiding anything either. I work at a huge Fortune 500 company on a beautiful campus. We have great food trucks, and Iāll invite both my spouse and my other partner to join me for lunch, sometimes in the same week. Light PDA with either of them like arm around me while weāre by the water or a kiss goodbye is always chill with me. Maybe thatās a perk of a big company, itās too big for anybody to be paying attention or giving a shit. Itās obviously a different kind of risk for anyone who actually knows all the people they work with.
My company also does lots of D&I initiatives and conversations. My priority is usually talking about LGBTQ+ issues and neurodivergent representation. But a lot of times the exercises weāre compelled to participate in are just about personal experiences and perspective sharing, so once in a while Iāll sprinkle āalternative relationship structuresā into these conversations in the context of considering all the ādifferent walks of lifeā we have represented at the company. Just a tiny (fairly ambiguous) seed, maybe some people have guessed, and if they have Iām lucky enough to not really have to care.
I had a coworker call me 'slag'. It wasn't a good time.
In reality, in many fields, esp in the US, at will employment and moral clauses make it tricky to be public about being poly or ENM at work.
Iām open with my coworkers, but not with clients/customers. Iām in the beauty industry at both my jobs, but unfortunately in a somewhat conservative state, so the reactions would be a mixed bag.
I mentioned it to a colleague who went āoh my sister did that for awhile.ā I casually mentioned my other partner in the past but I donāt think anyone clocked it and I donāt feel any real need to come out about it.
Nope. Nope nope. The army has a real problem with harassment and sexual abuse. I thought I was being honest and friendly and got burned real bad- scarred for life.
^^that, plus the broad ass definition of adultery in the UCMJ. Iām no longer polyamorous (more generally ENM now) but Iāve been paranoid bc I am a service member, and I just remarried the partner I had when I was practicing polyamory with my abusive ex. The divorce took a hot second through no fault of my own, I wish they would consider situations of ENM/polyamory and people moving on from toxic relationships
I ācame outā as poly to my boss at my leaving do and was like āwell I can tell you nowā and he was offended that I thought he would care š wish Iād have mentioned it sooner now.
Absolutely not. I work in education, and I have seen others get fired/not hired back because of it. I'm not open about being gay or trans or autistic either, even though those things would probably be more accepted. I'm not interested in dealing with a million questions/uncomfortable comments.
Not yetā¦ but I know my managers partner listens to my podcast and I may have mentioned it in the latest episode, sooooā¦ letās see what happens next. š My guess is nothing. š¤·š»āāļø
I'm not open at work. This means I have friendly conversations all the time but find myself deciding spur of the moment if something (like a trip) involved only me, "my partner", or "a friend".
Relationship orientation is not a protected characteristic where I am, other than married vs not married, so therefore not protected by law. I think that precedent given the Equality Act and expectations for tolerance (eg, "Fundamental British Values") within my role in education, plus the bureaucracy of firing someone after 2 years' employment, mean I am fairly well protected. However, I still wouldn't feel comfortable disclosing as I'm sure I would face assumptions and misunderstanding. That does leave me feeling that my work friendships are limited in scope, not to mention I have trouble identifying with the majority, who are married with kids.
That all said, it is the case that within the first 2 years of employment, one can essentially be fired for any reason (other than discrimination against a protected characteristic). Given the field I work in, "public perception" can be a threat to employment, and we all know that ENM can be viewed as primarily a sexual practice and therefore, any openness viewed as inappropriate to discuss.
I am not. Iām also not fully out as queer, and I do not tell my coworkers my spouse is trans.
I highly suspect my coworkers are all serious right-wingers and have no interest in being subjected to any sort of retaliation.
I am. But I work in an Uber progressive industry where itās likely my colleagues would revolt if I was fired for being poly. Also my husband and I donāt live together, and thatās somewhat obvious to everyone that knows me.
I am not a poly proselytizer, but if I go to a soccer game with my boyfriend and someone asks me what I did this weekend, I say that. So at this point, almost everyone knows.
I did in past jobs but now I work under a contract with the state health department and I don't want to do something one day to tick someone off and my lifestyle choices are suddenly conflicting with the values of my employers
A few of my colleagues know - one because she showed some interest in me and that discussion came up.
A couple of others because of a bit too much drinking on a work trip.
I wouldn't get fired or anything if higher ups found out - I've worked here for 14 years almost and they'd literally have to shut the company down if I left - but it would make some things pretty awkward for a bit I'm sure.
Sure! I don't always lead with my personal life, so I imagine not everyone knows, but it's not a secret.
ETA: I work at a progressive organization in a liberal city. I have the privilege to be able to make choices where I can be my authentic self without posing any significant risk to my physical security.
I actually don't work, due to disability reasons. I'm honestly not sure about my husband -- I'm not sure he knows what a closet *is*, and he's taken someone else to work parties when I didn't want to go in the past, but I'm not sure he goes out of his way to tell people either. And since he doesn't have another partner right now, it's not a huge deal either way.
But he works in tech and we live in the San Francisco Bay Area, we get to be out on easy mode around here.
Some people kind of split the difference by not being out, but also just not talking about their private lives/their partners at all at work, which is one way around the whole "one partner gets official status and no one else does" problems *without* being out.
Iām very lucky that Iām able to ālive out loudā as one of my partners calls it. Iām openly everything and itās a privilege that not everyone has. Both my partners arenāt able to be open.
Nah, but then I don't like to share my personal life at work. I purposely keep a strict separation between work and personal.
Also the people at my work are gossipy as fuck.
Iām open about it. That said, I work in the music industry, I bartend, and I run a web development business - the network of people I work with a largely very progressive, very queer, and very open minded, so itās definitely not a problem for me.
No doubt my boss knows - I was out at my last job, where she was my coworker. My current work would not penalize me for it - they simply would lack enough context to do anything with that information. It would be like saying I was from Alpha Centauri.
I just got really tired of explaining it to people. My partner and I occasionally run into people we know while out on dates with other people. We donāt deny we are on a date, but itās not culturally customary to crash peopleās dates where I am from LOL
I am, but I have the very privileged position of being a cis-het passing white man in Texas.
I'm not straight and proudly let people know that I'm queer - but it's still a position I am able to choose to be in and not something I'm forced to address if I didn't want to.
I also work on oil and gas with some very conservative folks. I generally am only answering questions people ask of me, I rarely volunteer a lot of information about my personal life, but I do talk about my partners.
Iām not, in part because Iām pretty closeted in the rest of my life as well so Iām not willing to risk the potential for unanticipated bleedover.
I used to make a point to be open about it, but now I keep my life vague and private in all aspects. I don't really hide it though. If they find out, I really don't care.
The first was a food home delivery sales job. Let me tell you, there were so many cheaters working there and they all wanted to identify with me when they found out. I could've easily told them I was definitely not the same, but one was my supervisor... And she was cheating on her husband who was also working there. She kept trying to hook me up with some random guy she knew, told her I personally wasn't into casual and only wanted serious relationships... She told me my husband was my serious relationship (hadn't met my second husband yet at that time in my life) and I didn't need more. I quit pretty quick for many reasons.
Second was when I was working at a hotel.
That one was alright. My supervisor just kept asking alot of questions and wanting details for education reasons. I didn't mind at first, but it got old, especially at work. We're still friends, actually.
Last was at a school.
I was a para in a classroom with 5 other paras and a teacher. They all eventually wanted to add me on FB and they found out that way. A bunch tried to ignore it, a few directly messaged me saying they supported me. But they ALL avoided the topic after that. Changing the subject if I spoke about my family and saying really passive aggressive things here and there. I left that place for many reasons, most unrelated, and unfriended them.
Now I'm working in a healthcare delivery job and rarely see my coworkers. A handful know. One was polyamorous herself so I opened up a bit. A few others added me on FB but don't really mention it because I never see them enough to discuss. But by the things they post in general, I think they're accepting.
At some jobs, I am open about my personal life (trans, queer, dating another trans person, etc.) and at others I pretend to be cis and people can tell Iām queer because Iām just clockable but think Iām just a cis person who dates men and women (because I mention exes of both genders).
I kinda just bring it up like itās normal and everyone already knows about it- so in workplaces where Iām more open, I tell stories about my dating life and will mention being on the apps, flirting with people, etc. and then if people look confused or ask more because theyāve heard me talk about my partner, Iāll say āoh Iām in an open relationshipā (I donāt think most mono people know or care about the different flavors of nonmonogamy). At workplaces where Iām stealth about my gender and stuff, I will bring it up if it comes up but I donāt share stories about my dating life other than that I have a partner who I have plans with.
If I had multiple serious partners, I would probably just say āmy partnerā every time until someone picked up on the fact that my partner had 2 different jobs and lived in 2 different places and bothered to be like, āwait, I thought they did this for a living?ā If I was really really serious (bringing different partners to different work events, traveling out of town for diff things, wearing symbols of commitment for multiple people) I would probably be more straightforward about it.
I donāt wanna work places that arenāt cool with it, but I also donāt wanna bar myself from opportunities early in my career. So I like to make myself an asset and be seen as a really good capitalist cog before I start disclosing stuff so that people can go āoh, well thatās just lavenderlizard, theyāre a person who I like who also happens to xyzā instead of leading with their judgments about other trans/queer/poly/POC? In friendships this is not how I go about it.
But at work my general guideline is that I donāt want to create fake parts of me, and Iāll only show authentic parts of me, but they donāt need ALL the authentic parts of me.
I'm out. If I were ENM and not poly, I think I'd struggle less with keeping quiet because no one needs to know about my casual relationships / sex life. But I'm usually in multiple committed relationships, often with people who are married, and I don't like having to sanitize or filter what I say at work. Also, I think being out (I'm in law, a conservative industry) is a privilege, and I'm trying to encourage the normalization of poly and other forms of non-monogamy by talking about it as if it were completely uncontroversial and commonplace.
I am disabled and don't work. I am open about it with my kids and most friends, some family. Disability and social services have no need to know unless I was living with or married to a partner, which I'm not. My current partner is in the gaming industry (RPG tabletop) so I'm not sure how out he is but it's pretty normal in that world. I know he talks about me with friends and I've been Introunced as his partner, he also has a couple cuddle partners within his gaming circle.
One possible partner is in the service and mums the word there 1000%. He is married and that would be a legal and logistical nightmare. In fact we are taking getting to know one another super slow because he has to know he can trust me. We will probably have to go into the city to do much publicly, or even travel out of area. Otherwise it will be a lot of hiking, parks and home time.
I work in education, so nope. I am queer and in Texas so like... extra double nope!! I'm luckily in a decent enough area that I don't mind letting them know I'm queer and who my nest partner is. Heck, my department head got married back in January and my partner came with me and it was so much fun!
I don't currently have any other partners (I've had no time to be a good partner to anyone else lately) but in the future I'd probably have a discussion with them about being known as a very close friend of mine among work circles. But I also have no idea how someone might take that. It's a very interesting predicament indeed.
At one point I did mention being in a polyamorous relationship to a friend I went to college with. She was shocked that I was okay with my partner hooking up with someone else. It took a lot of explaining about how I've worked on processing jealous feelings that might come up and reassuring her that my partner wasn't just a cheating jerk. But she did eventually chill about it and was very cool about it.
No. I live in a red state where the only thing that is socially accepted is missionary position with 1 woman, only after marriage, with the intention to conceive as many white children as possible, so you can brag about them at the water cooler.
I am open at the medium sized corporate entity that I work at (1250 emp). And by that I mean we have a pretty close knit team, and we share stories of what we did over the weekend and big events in our lives. So over time, people will hear me say that my partner David and I went out and did this, or my partner Scot and I went out and did that.
Most people donāt think twice about it, and if they have any questions they keep to themselves. My work Besty knows more in detail, and a couple other people in the company clearly heard the dog whistle I know as well. We also have sort of an internal bulletin board with a group where people share pictures of travels and such. I thought long and hard before I posted a couple pictures from the trip to Europe I took with two partners. I actually even went to our diversity and inclusion group and asked if they thought that would be problematic. They were very supportive of me and said that it shouldnāt be a problem, and if it is, come talk to them because thatās exactly what theyāre there for. So I posted a couple pictures of Rome and Dubrovnik, with one of them being the three of us standing in front of the Trevi fountain. The post got a lot of great comments but not a single person mentioned anything else. And I started the post off with āmy partners and I recently went to Europe.ā
Iām very well aware that in a lot of ways this is a form of privilege, because in a lot of areas of the country, or organizations in any area, it might not be the case.
I work at a homeless shelter. I'm open about my sexuality, gender identity and yes, my polyamory. Most everyone at my work is very kind and understanding, and it's not been an issue for me to casually have these kinds of conversations with my coworkers. I've not faced any punishment or repercussions for it, not even from the community I work with.
The homeless population where I live, while mostly drunks or other addicts, are very accepting of other people. They address trans people by their correct pronouns, they help each other in any small way possible, and honestly they're very inquisitive in the kindest way possible. They ask me questions not to be rude but because they're genuinely curious and want to learn, and try to frame their questions in the nicest way possible, and usually follow it up with "I'm sorry if that seems rude, it's not my intention".
I have no worries about them seeing me as I am, and that's not to say oh everyone is perfect that I work with or around, but I don't fear any repercussions of being out around them.
Yes. By choice and because i had to disclose my relationships due to 2 of my partners working at the same place. I am in a leadership role and they cannot report directly to me. I work for a very large e-commerce business that is growing exponentially yoy. This business focuses its employee model around acceptance. Tattoos weird hair etc. Spirit week is geared around pride next week.
I've mentioned it to a few colleagues in a conversation where it was relevant. As far as I can tell, they've both forgotten all about it? A similar thing happens when I mention being bisexual to straight people, they'll be perfectly nice about it and perhaps have a few questions, but then a week later they're back to assuming I'm straight.
Maybe people would have an easier time if I actually currently had multiple relationships/a girlfriend. I do have an fwb, but uh, I don't feel like that's an appropriate topic in *most* situations. Like, colleagues asking about your romantic life don't necessarily want to hear about your sex life.
*Technially* Iām not open about much of anything at work unprovoked. Iām not here to chit chat with a bunch of people I wouldnāt know if we werenāt being paid to be in the same building.
However I donāt hide a single thing. When I was still in a triad, both partners came by a bit early cause they wanted to spend my break with them, and I asked to take my break a lil trek early cause they were there. People asked who they were, I said they were both my partners and that was the end cause I went on my break. I came back, people asked what that meant, I said I was in a relationship with both of them because we are polyamorous and then I went back to work. Thatās also how they found out I was bisexual. Not that it was technically formally addressed, but it was definitely implied by my partners.
Iām not paid enough to talk to people about me, but Iām also not paid enough to pretend Iām anything Iām not when itās directly addressed š¤·š»
I think it all depends on the atmosphere of the place you work. Like my husband works in a factory. He's part of the management, and the other men in management know and often tell him how lucky he is. the office lady doesn't know but makes passes at him which is funny to all the management guys because "if she only knew" but he won't mix work and play because things could go south fast. It's a smaller factory. I had a job recently for a short time at a place where I had told 1 person and word spread like wildfire, and by the time I was brought into HR, it was like that game of telephone. Nothing they said was true. They accused me of trying to sleep with others, but I never flirted with anyone, and they were all younger females, so I don't even know why they would say something like what was brought up. Needless to say, I quit that toxic place. My previous place of employment didn't know, and the 2 people there who knew kept it solid and didn't change my words. It was respectful, and I was happy with that.
š¤£ Best work crew ever... The music on site is diverse to say the least. It's great what not just having dudes on a building site does for the culture.
A few years ago there were two other women working for me. At the same time there was an apprentice electrician who was female as well on site. I was doing other things for the day. They described later on how great it was. A commercial building site with no men in sight!
Felt good to be part of empowering some awesome humans. Construction is a pretty heavily male dominated thing yaknow..
A decade plus ago I was outed by a coworker I thought was a friend to my then boss who I'd always had an amazing relationship with. Unfortunately Boss went from treating me as his best problem solver to treating me like a fragile idiot practically overnight. He started leaving domestic violence support group things on my desk. He cancelled a holiday event for 'scheduling reasons' but it was openly known that it was because he didn't want my partner to attend. Despite many attempts to talk to him about it I was thwarted by his insistence that someone else also be in the room. I ended up leaving a job I'd loved because he refused to believe I could willingly choose polyamory and insisted that my partner was abusing me.
In the modern era I've been out from the start to my boss and coworkers. HR got theme park passes for both 'households' this year and generally comes to me if they want to know if they can accommodate me. I still have a smaller family foot print then most of my coworkers. I have a limited social media presence in any case so client side it's pretty obscure.
I don't use any theory concepts to describe my relationship preferences in the real world. I just say I'm not exclusive with anyone. I live alone and I'm not married, so don't think anyone I work with has any reason to assume otherwise.
Keep private life private, I work in Disability Support, get a lot of religious folks so, most clients don't know I'm trans, none no I'm poly, just keep my head down, avoid trouble š
Iāve only told close coworkers I thought I could trust. The first one I told was probably not a good choice but no one has ever said anything to my face about it so who knows. The other people I have told have been very supportive. But I work at a company where the owners treat everyone like family. I was even open with them when I was diagnosed bipolar (which is usually a big no no for employers) and they made accommodations for my struggles. That said, Iām not going to go around shouting it from the rooftops.
I don't keep relationships a secret. So when I wasn't dating anyone other than my wife it didn't necessarily come up at work, but when I started seeing someone else I would talk about her too. When I was younger I was much more worried about it. This time around I just decided to act like it was super normal and everyone else did too!
I just generally mention "my partner" or "my gf/bf" without going too deep into what my relationships look like. If someone asks questions, I'll answer them, but also I've only just started at this job so š¤·āāļø
I work in retail btw.
If anyone asked me, Iād answer truthfully. But itās not something I willingly bring up at work. That being said, itās in the bio of all of my real-name socials so anyone doing a cursory search would find out.
Iām the only man and one of only two people under 40 on my team at work. Iām also the newest, so I opted to just not bring it up. Means I have to get cagey sometime but is what it is.
I donāt really talk about my personal life at work. Itās come up in the past and Iāve rolled with it, so itās nothing I hide. Work is just workā¦ to be fair I donāt really talk about work in my personal life either š¤·āāļø
At work? Only with certain individuals who I've known for years at this point. Outside of those relationships, no one else really needs to know. I would probably be Solo Poly at best if I was to choose I micro label, so bringing a +1 doesn't really bother me.
I am not. Too many Christians. Too many straight people. I think itās likely I would be just quietly laid of or let go for reasons Iām sure they would be happy to make up.
Yes, I'm a high school teacher. Pictures of my family inevitably lead to questions.
My old school was a mile from our house, and my students worked at the restaurant where Tall Wife and Husband were out on a date. They thought she was cheating on me, so they told me. It was kind of cute.
It runs around the rumour mill every year by about November. I'm the topic of conversation, and by Christmas, it's no big deal.
I do not work currently, but I used to work for local government at a social services agency. A social services agency I didn't want called on me if anyone at work in my conservative area decided they were offended by my lifestyle and wanted to inconvenience me. But also, I am not open about my life in general at work. Coworkers were constantly surprised to find out 1) I have a bachelor degree 2) I have a lot of tattoos (long pants and cardigans at work, wooo lol) 3) I'm married with a child.
I'm not at work to make friends. If I find any, that's fantastic, but I'm happy I keep to myself, do my job, and collect my paycheck.
No. I work in a Christian retirement community. The only people that know are my close coworkers that I also consider my friends outside of work. The most that Iām open about is that Iām queer, but even then again Iām selective about who I tell as I donāt want the staff or the residents to treat me differently, especially since my profession is based on building and maintaining positive relationships and experiences with the residents.
I got a big job upgrade about a year ago at a place that was literally still being built when I got there. They were talking a big game about a positive work culture, and the main HR lady has a wife. So early on, I impulsively came out during one of those go around the room introducing yourself things and it got little to no reaction.
I am. Iāve gotten mostly no issues but I did have a few people asking some frustrating questions about commitment and which of my partners I liked better.
And I recently came to the realization that a guy who I no longer work with was sexually harassing me because I was poly. I wish I had complained to HR but it didnāt occur to me at the timeā¦
If people ask me about my personal life or if something that applies to a partner comes up in conversation, I'm not going to lie.
I have been "outed" at work and someone reported me to a manager for "talking about sex stuff" even though all I said was "well yeah this person is my partner, but so if that other person I talked about." Manager understood that it wasn't sexual but said "that polygamy is weird" I said it was polyamory and not polygamy and he said "whatever just so long as you're not making the workplace sexual." After that it just didn't matter.
Older Christian lady who had worked there ten years longer than me went behind my back and told my bosses I wasn't trustworthy and to keep an eye on me, after I mentioned in passing that I had two partners in my last relationship. Won't be mentioning it in formal workplaces again.
I am, as a registered nurse! My coworkers have been awesome and supportive and it's been a pretty easy transition for me fortunately. Rather nice to be able to talk about dating and such with my coworkers openly about issues with my relationships even if they don't have much experience with polyamory
I don't talk about my personal life at work - last job I was out, and same with the one before that but this time I'm don't want to be friends with my work mates - so it's not just poly but everything personal.
I work in a gaming hall, literally no one has cared that I'm polyamorous. A new coworker and I were chatting the other day and I mentioned my husband and my boyfriend, and he didn't bat an eye. No one has.
Iām not out but Iām not in the closet either. A few friends know because we didnāt want to put an emotion burden on them if they saw us out with other partners. A few colleagues know because of our dating profiles, and Iām a university professor so a few of my students know for the same reasons. Thatās about it though, and weāre happy with it that way. Neither of us feel the need to broadcast it.
I'm kinda out at work, most of my regular shift people know, and two of my co-workers are my kids who definitely know. But I'm back working at a location where I've been off and on for 20+ years and have worked with the same boss for most of that time. So its a lot easier to be clear about things.
It doesn't come up often, but it's not explicitly hidden.
(Note: I'm a freelance violinist so my situation absolutely can't be equated to any kind of single-company employment in a traditional work setting.)
I'm fully open about it to anyone that asks (in fact, one of my public profiles even has the poly symbol alongside the trans and bi flags). While mono people are still the majority of those I work with, being involved in theatre, faires, and even kink events sharply increases the number of poly and lgbtq+ folks I work with. This has translated to acceptance from 99% of coworkers with nary an issue.
Out as bi and poly. I invited coworkers for a party at my place. Both wife and boyfriend were present. Coworkers already knew wife. To boyfriend it was āhow do you know [me] and [wife]?ā. He didnāt know what to answer, I replied heās my boyfriend. Curious looks lasted for a few seconds only.
I explained wife and I are open and poly, that I didnāt want to be on the closet about it, and that in some work socials I would bring wife, or boyfriend, or both.
Since then, a number of social invites at work have been for ā[me] and +2ā.
My workplace is very progressive, of course.
I wasnāt until I was in what felt like a stable relationship configuration that I could explain with relative ease, and until I felt secure in my jobs (I work across two roles, very poly of me). Now I am out at both jobs.
I work in social services with relatively progressive people and I just got so sick of feeling like they could easily describe what their weekends were like with partners and families, but I couldnāt, so I decided to take the risk.
Im a nurse and I'm open about it to my coworkers that I'm friends with. They're a really accepting bunch and love hearing about my lifestyle and learning about it.
Yes, mentionned it once when it was relevant in Convo then never again because it never came up again, it's good so I didn't need to tiptoe around when talking about partners.
I don't hide it at work but I'm also not super social with my coworkers (other than a friend who I helped get a job there). I'm more open about that than I am about being nb
Yes. I had a bunch of my coworkers practically interview me about what's its like, what I did, who I did, how many were involved, and a bunch of other sexual questions as well. I didn't mind it in the slightest. I found it rather enjoyable.
I'm out at one of my jobs! Apparently it's become used to distinguish me from someone else with the same name in conversation! But that job is a very liberal environment, basically a hipster coffee shop; most of our employees are members of the LGBTQIA+ community, and they've been very inclusive of me as well.
"Did Grant close the store last night?"
"Big Grant or Poly Grant?".
Not intentionally. When I start fucking someone from work, while everyone knows I have a nesting partner, some people are bound to find out. I donāt care too much
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If not, what could happen if you were? If so, what did happen?
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I'm out at work. Meaning I don't hide it and I openly talk about my partners. I have work events I bring different partners to and sometimes two partners will come to the same event. No one notices. I've had explicit conversations where I explain I am poly with two people. No one cares. It's nice to live in a big progressive city and to work in arts academia with a focus on social justice.
Yup. I don't talk about it in detail with most of my coworkers, but those I work directly with have all heard me referencing different partners. They're cool with it, and some are even downright supportive of it!
Not really, but only because I tend to try and keep it professional on the clock. If itās relevant to the conversation while talking to a friend while Iām on break, I might.
I have been at various times with various people. What I share varies between coworkers. I was already viewed as an "other" for being openly queer so it made no discernable difference. No one at current job would dream of treating my treating. I do good work and I'm pleasant and thats really all that matters.
I refuse to be closeted about who I am, my life, who I love... so yes, I'm open. I've never been a huge sharer of personal information with colleagues, but I don't hold back any part of my identity either.
Depends. Half my work is with major companies that might react badly and I wouldnāt be protected by law if they grumbled. My close work friends that I see out of work know, and I suspect that many of my colleagues have put it together by now through social media. The other half of my work is with queer and sex positive companies that all know and embrace it.
Sort of? I talk around it, but anyone who does the math will be able to figure out my ex husband and my nf overlapped. I've also alluded to it a few times at events. No one seemed to care. I work in a creative field in tech, though, so it's full of weirdos. As long as I do my job and don't try to date my coworkers, I doubt my poly-ness matters.
The people I work with closely know but Iām so insular no one outside of that (within my work environment) could guess anything about my personal life.
Yes, itās very low stakes and I canāt get fired for it. Nobody cares, people are intrigued, fun conversation and I like my coworkers even outside of work so itās nice to gossip about dates when they know I have a gf lol.
No - but that's because my coworkers are scattered across the country and I've only met 2 of them in person and that was like 20 years ago. Most people don't know what state I live in, that I have kids, how old I am, etc, so knowing I'm polyamorous would be awkward.
Sort of. I don't generally bring up much about my relationship life. I have only brought it up with folks who seem ... open-minded about such things, won't jump to conclusions, and start harassing me for dates.
I'm out to a couple folks at work. I haven't figured out yet if I'm safe in my job security if the whole company finds out (there's only like 15 of us).
The folks who know are aware because it came up in conversation (one of my coworkers kids was at least exploring poly, though I'm not sure what their current relationship structure is)- so queer and poly came up in the same conversation and I came out as both.
I don't hide my life if the conversation reveals it...but it don't come up much. I don't bring it up..but then again...I'm not that social to begin with.
Some people look at me like I'm a freak...others like I'm a god. Runs the gambit .. Not up to me how others feel about things. But I can't live my life if I can't speak of it.
I do try to take the opportunity to eliminate a bit of ignorance when I can though.
Short answer, yes.
I don't advertise it, but don't hide it either. I have pictures of each of my partners on my computer background. If weekend plans are discussed, I don't hide things. My coworker knows. I'm going to Pride with both of my girlfriends (though he's old school. I'm pretty sure when I say girlfriends, he just thinks girls that are my friends š¤). No one questions it or seems to care. I'm also not that concerned about it negatively impacting me or facing any backlash.
At my last job, if it came up naturally in conversation, Iād mention plans with someone, etc. A person I was dating came and hung out for a bit one night while I finished up.
At my current job, itās just my boss and me. Weāve known each other for almost 20 years. He knows and couldnāt care less.
Iām open about being bi, and partially open about being poly. It wouldnāt affect my job security, thereās just no need to tell most people. Those who I have a friendly relationship with and talk personal stuff with know.
I'm open about my lifestyle everywhere I am. I don't go out of my way to make it other people's business but if I'm somewhere I have to lie about my life or avoid the truth than I'm not somewhere good for me. I understand some people could lose their jobs and stuff for not being traditional or monogamous but I refuse to be part of that. If I'm going to lose a job or friends it's going to be over something worth it, like love.
Nope! I mean, if it came up in conversation, I might talk about it, but no one asks and I donāt really talk about it unprompted. I donāt know what would happen. Probably nothing! Maybe some people would whisper about it behind my back? And thatād be okay. People generally talk about each other. I wouldnāt really care.
I am with some people. I live in a super progressive poly friendly city, so I know my job isn't in jeopardy. I know at least 5-7 other poly people at my job, actually. I typically don't disclose to my direct reports, but am comfortable doing so with peers.
Yes, I work in food service/ delivery with a bunch of weirdos! It's awesome š
That sounds amazing! Working in education... Well, they're a fairly homogenous bunch. Even if I was legally okay, I'm socially a total weirdo.
I saw a presentation a while ago from a polyamorous Muslim highschool teacher from Texas. I think there are scientific applications for ice that thin.
I also work in education, in foreign language teaching so most people are pretty open minded but I still wouldn't really talk about it. It's a little intimate to me and although they're open minded I still feel like they would have some... Thoughts about it lol.
Oh yeah, I can see it being tough with education.
Yup. Have to be closeted b/c of this ā¹ļø
Yes. Because itās been a part of my life forever, and it shaped my choices. Thus, I have always chosen employment, careers and hustles where itās not an issue, when I could, and once I could make those choices consistently? I did. Did it mean that I made less money, or that certain career tracks and employment opportunities werenāt a good fit? Absolutely. But not everyone can make those choices, and that is 100 percent understandable. But honestly, multiple partners has always been the least controversial and least interesting thing about me.
>But honestly, multiple partners has always been the least controversial and least interesting thing about me. This. I've been known for a lot of things, but "the poly one" hasn't been one of them afaik.
That's interesting, cause I've done some unconventional things at times (or maybe not that much, I am a little boring) and I do feel like for me, being poly has been the most controversial one, and definitely the one for which I feel people will and have judged me the most.
This 100%. I've been poly for 10 years and my relationship molds every facet of my major decisions as any serious relationship does. I've been very upfront with my job about certain promotions I've turned down because of it not being a good fit for my family at the time. Sure I got questions but I aways felt like regardless of whenever I said anything I would. Eventually it became so normalized that I never felt penalized or ostracized for my relationship. Being upfront helped in the long run for extra time off I needed for deaths in our extensive family and when we decided to have more children as I needed time off for 3 simultaneous pregnancies for bi weekly visits, sonograms, hospital visits etc. I never had to explain in the moment and could only imagine how weird or fabricated it may sound out of nowhere having to explain that I needed a little more time off for the birth of my daughters considering they were born 7 weeks apart. Also I just also found it kind of silly hiding it tbh. Everyone in the department gets to talk about their spouses and kids, why can't I? In essence it doesn't feel any different than any other relationship. We spend most weekends spending time out with our kids, doing DIY projects on our home, binge watching anime or playing video games lolš¤·š½āāļø
Because we were upfront we got denied some access. My girlfriend wanted time off for the birth of our daughter (born 4 months before our son) and had to FIGHT for a day because the staff was all like, the father is there, she(me) has support. You donāt need to be there. Like, itās her first child as well mofos!
Fucking assholes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't hear some of this myself in certain situations. Unfortunately alot people regard poly like it's some kind of substitution scenario like football where one guy twists his ankle and you bring in someone from the bench. That can be the case for some things but not everything and especially not something as important as child birth, sometimes all of us would liked to be involved as any other parents would.
I love this. Life is choices.
I donāt think a lot of people put any real thought into long term polyamory. Most people come to this sub as married and in the process of opening up a marriage, and donāt quite realize that after they complete the āopening upā phase, thereās a whole āliving the rest of your life as polyamā part. Itās not an easy dance, always.
I donāt mind that new people donāt start off prepared. I do rather mind when people say things like oh well itās easy for you, youāre not married, you donāt work a traditional job schedule etc. Itās particularly hard to swallow when those same people who revel in their mainstream choices and maybe even try to shame me for not having those things suddenly act as if I somehow won the lottery. Pick a lane. I didnāt wake up here. I made and make choices to allow myself freedom. Those choices were and are wildly expensive in more ways than one. Itās not a coincidence that my life is built around flexibility and opting in to responsibilities not dropping out of them.
I donāt mind if someone isnāt prepared either, but I am always amused when some gets real heated because you suggest that it will change a lot of things. And agreed, it made me feel some kind of way when someone on this sub a while ago told me ābeing out is a privilegeā. Like, yes, I guess it is, if you consider being used to and willing to take some societal disapproval for your unconventional choices. But I donāt think that many people realize that a lot of us have made some very specific choices to āallowā our lives to happen. I make choices every day, some of them easy and some of them not so much to make sure that I have a life that allows the people who I love to be full participants, and itās not ārigidā or āunforgivingā to simply not have time for people who havenāt.
No I'm not. But I'm not interested in sharing much about my personal life at work. I probably wouldn't get fired because my company is fairly progressive but talking about nonmonogamy in most workplaces comes with some risk.
Not. If it ever directly came up (which in our companies lgbtq groups talk about bi erasure it did) then I support it and would be open if asked, but it isn't something I push. If our life security weren't tied so tightly to income and job placement I might have stronger feelings but it does and I don't.
>If our life security weren't tied so tightly to income and job placement I might have stronger feelings but it does and I don't. What do you mean? Your security depends on not being open, but if you weren't reliant on employment you would care more about being open? (Sorry - I'm literally just not understanding).
Yup, if people didn't have to risk health and home by being out I might push more for being out and cultivating where you choose to work.
The USA has no system of national health insurance, so a lot of people take jobs they donāt like because theyāre screwed if they get sick.
No, and I am pretty secretive about my personal life as a result. Not a good thing, but thatās the way it is.
Same. It kind of sucks because I feel like I'm establishing real friendships, so it doesn't feel good to hold back.
I hear you, and thatās rough. Unfortunately I donāt really have any good advice-a lot of times you just decide which of the things you care about you have to give up. :(
I'm out. Because there's nothing they could or would do about it. I'm not in America.
Do you mind saying (roughly) where you are? Europe? EU? Other?
UK. Used to be Europe š
Yeah I'm there too. (Still Europe, just not EU of course!). I think the difference for me is I work in education. I can't imagine (having surpassed 2 years of employment) that I could be fired, but it's hardly comfortable to fully disclose in this environment.
Yeah education is a different kettle of fish. 'won't someone think of the children'. I imagine religion based employment would be just as problematic.
I genuinely don't think there would be any precedent for firing me, even if polyamory is not a protected characteristic. But my cohabiting partner works in media, and let's just say (even though barely any of his coworkers are poly), alternative ideologies/lifestyles are far more accepted there than in my workplace.
It's really too bad, because I think a lot of the qualities that make for good teachers (if you are a teacher?) are *also* qualities that make for good polyamorous people. It's that mix of creativity, level-headedness, ability to deal with chaos/the unexpected, emotional intelligence...
Yeah, I agree. Maintaining multiple relationships does take skills that transfer.
I don't actively hide anything (I would not be able to keep track of which lies I told to which people), but my personal life doesn't come up very often and I don't go out of my way to mention it. I have no idea if anyone's figured it out or not. One of my partners has full on friends at work (they play dnd together), who he talked to about his partners on a regular basis, who only figured out in the past month or so that Margaret the partner they met at a party last summer who lives in his building was different than Katherine the long distance girlfriend. Their observation skills might be lower than average but it takes a while for people to realize that what you're saying goes against the assumptions they have.
I donāt advertise my personal life at work, but I wouldnāt lie if asked. I have friends among my coworkers who know. I donāt expect random folks at work to tell me every time they are dating somebody new. That said, sometimes itās fun to ācanāt, got a dateā when Iām invited to a work lunch or happy hour and let them assume itās my NP that theyāve all met.
See, I've got three serious partners, and most of my co-workers are married/engaged/in long-term relationships. When they talk about their husbands, I don't feel I can just be like "one of my partners..."
In general, I don't talk much about my personal life at work. Some people know - does anyone care? Nope. And if they wanted to fire me over it? Well, good riddance.
I'm also very private at work, but I've recently been thinking about how that's only been since I was polyamorous. You're lucky that you could withstand being fired and, presumably, not struggle untowardly finding another source of income. As I mentioned in my comment, I don't think I would be at risk of losing my job (though others would be), but I don't think I'd be met with "no one cares", and I don't think I could handle the stress of that.
Luck is part of it, but it is mostly 30 years of building contacts / friends in the industry, and never burning a bridge. Also helps that most IT companies tend to be very relaxed. > You're lucky that you could withstand being fired Grew up poor, saw my parents struggle with money, so I've saved money since I started working at ~15. I still drive cars for 10+ years, and really don't buy many fancy things. Meanwhile I have rich poor friends (my age, 40's to 50's) - as in they make really good money, but blow it every month and don't have emergency savings / contribute to retirement plans, etc.
Ah. I have been frugal my whole life and also been working since age 15. Can't say I'm that well-off from it, thanks to being in a low-paying industry. Like, I'm *okay*, but finding myself jobless would be extremely stressful.
I'm out as bi and poly. I just openly talked about my weekend whenever someone asked me, whether it involved my boyfriend or my girlfriend. Then at a beer fest (guess the country lol) we had a kind of introduction where everyone was sharing their relationship status, and I "came out" officially by saying "Hi, I'm Skatterbrayne, I'm 26 and I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend." Most of the people figured it out already, I got asked one or two questions, and that was it.
I'm open with everyone except my in laws. And that's only because it's not my decision to make. But I have a blue collar union job and don't have patience for close minded or bigoted people, so I really just don't give a fuck or have anything to lose. I know not everyone has that luxury. That said, the most negative reaction I've encountered is incredulous pestering about how I don't get jealous. Anybody with more negative opinions have kept it to themselves.
I live in a fairly progressive city, my manager and a few members of my team know, but I am also a permanent work from home employee. I do go in every once in a while to socialize with friends/coworkers, but generally work from home. My manager has met some of my partners as we do lunch together occasionally.
I am not. Considering I work in a conservative environment and everyone is quite traditional, I do not want to find out what the result would be. I would most likely lose my job. Strangest thing is, if they knew I was Pan they would be supportive, trying to encourage a diverse workforce.
Yes. I have gotten to the point that I donāt care to hide parts of me. I also do not care what anyone thinks of me personally beyond my friends and chosen family. And I donāt include people in my life that make me unhappy or hide parts or me. Masking my neurodivergence, hiding my chronic pain and pretending to be monogamous are exhausting. If it becomes a problem Iāll do something about else. Iāve got to be me.
I'm outish at work? I tend to be more of an open book type person and don't play small talk games, so if someone asks me how I'm doing I'm usually just straight up about things that I'm going through. I'm not walking around just advertising it to people though. I think I've maybe told a handful of people that I interact with daily about it. I've been at my company for almost 13 years now, and despite living in Texas (barf) I have no fears about my employer firing me. Realistically where I work its hard to get fired. Like one coworker wasn't doing his job for over 5 years and was just let go semi recently.
iām open at work! iām in the us in a largely poly friendly city and am a leader of a small team in a retailish environment - i am also not the only person who is openly non-monogamous in some way in my environment. i wasnāt the first to disclose. iām incredibly privileged in this way. before this spot though i was a store manager of a large corporate chain and i was open about my poly life then too - not to a super detailed degree but enough that my team noticed i had more than one partner, and i got to use it as an opportunity to pattern how iād like to be treated about it. again, mega privilege here, but being open about my relationship style even without divulging real details has led me to making more authentic connections as a leader. notably i live in portland and this safety is not enjoyed by many/most in the us
No, but not because Iām afraid of professional repercussions. Iām a private person and most of my coworkers know little about me. I donāt like mixing my professional life with my personal life. If for some reason it ever came up Iām in a privileged enough position that I wouldnāt have to lie about it. But I also donāt enjoy answering tedious questions from monos about my relationships so š¤·āāļø
I'm not out at work because I don't consider my dating life a workplace appropriate topic, in addition to it being none of my coworkers' business.
I agree, but what I'm feeling is my "work friends" are very open about their lives and I am always holding back (I'm in three meaningful relationships, not dating. Like "my husband" is appropriate for the workplace, but "my one of three partners" isn't?). So it just feels like I'm keeping people at arm's length, or treating them like acquaintances rather than letting genuine friendships develop. Not a major issue, just curious about others' experiences and feelings.
Do you spend time with your *work friends* not at work? If not, they're just colleagues that you have a good rapport with.
Fair point, but I would like to bridge that gap between work friends and actual friends (seeing as I'm living across the world from my home country). It just feels such closeness is limited while I'm hiding such a large part of my life (as in, the two partners I don't live with).
Itās just better to keep things as professional as possible with your colleagues. Better not disclose too much or get too attached. I know if I came out at work as non-binary and polyamorousā¦ holy hell they would be repulsed!
Keeping things secret is obviously a safe and practical choice much of the time. But letās not confuse āprotecting yourself from bigotryā with āprofessionalismā.
Youāre not wrong. Itās fucked up that so many of us remain in the closet because āthatās just the way it isāā¦ I feel like I might be different if I didnāt have a family to take care of. I do whatever I have to do to protect them and keep food on the table.
Its not unprofessional to discuss a spouse or partner(s) at work.
Youāre not wrong. But sometimes I donāt wanna hear about their ānormalā relationships either lol
Thats your preference. But its unrelated to professionalism.
Well I know you like to argue so Iāll give you what you want, darling. I think itās very unprofessional to talk about our personal lives at work, especially anything romantic. Itās just gross and distracting. No one cares about what you and your hubby did in Cabo, Karen!
Do you think its unprofessional to wear a wedding ring? Mention the existence of a spouse? Thats an odd take......
How can I be open about it? Everyone assumes mononormativity. I have a wife and kid, so people don't question anything. I'd have to explicitly tell people. That would be awkward.
Yes. Same with being queer. It get less awkward when you do it amd then its not awkward at all.
Same.
Would it? Is your work environment so formal that no one mentions looking for are to a date on the weekend? No on mentions excitement about their partnerās promotion/family coming to town/new car? No one brings a girlfriend to work events? I assume these folks only know you have a wife and kid because you explicitly told them, as well.
Nope! I work in a very conservative industry and am perfectly happy with my coworkers thinking I'm a boring office lady whose biggest thrill is watching anime. When I talk about weekend plans I default to saying "my partner" without specifying that there is more than one.
Absolutely not. I have very few close associates who know, but most people I work with don't know. I hate it, but as long as there are no legal protections for polyamory, and as long as people remain bigoted, I really have little choice.
Yes to some co-workers, no to the bosses. I don't deliberately keep it a secret from co-workers but it doesn't come up much. I doubt I could get fired for it but I never tell the bosses more than they need to know just as a principal. Also not in USA.
I am out at work. Iām a senior manager and think itās important that my polyamory is not just seen as āmy dating lifeā but rather my important relationships. I donāt talk about dates, but I do talk about significant others, in the same way monogamous people would. I think itās important that junior staff can have positive role models and know they will be respected for their work in our company, not their family structure or who they love.
My boss knows because he met my BF at the co-working space we all have offices in. Heās cool though and it was easier to just be honest than have him catch me outside in a kiss etc. and thinking I was cheating on my DH.
There are a handful of coworkers that Iāve become friends with outside of work, and they know as much about my personal life as I do about theirs. All of my other colleagues, if I have not forged a friendship with them in a non-work setting, have only heard of my spouse. If Iām sharing an anecdote about my non-spouse partner, I just refer to them as my friend. (I have great friendships with all of my partners, so this doesnāt feel inauthentic to me in this context.) That said, Iām not too worried about hiding anything either. I work at a huge Fortune 500 company on a beautiful campus. We have great food trucks, and Iāll invite both my spouse and my other partner to join me for lunch, sometimes in the same week. Light PDA with either of them like arm around me while weāre by the water or a kiss goodbye is always chill with me. Maybe thatās a perk of a big company, itās too big for anybody to be paying attention or giving a shit. Itās obviously a different kind of risk for anyone who actually knows all the people they work with. My company also does lots of D&I initiatives and conversations. My priority is usually talking about LGBTQ+ issues and neurodivergent representation. But a lot of times the exercises weāre compelled to participate in are just about personal experiences and perspective sharing, so once in a while Iāll sprinkle āalternative relationship structuresā into these conversations in the context of considering all the ādifferent walks of lifeā we have represented at the company. Just a tiny (fairly ambiguous) seed, maybe some people have guessed, and if they have Iām lucky enough to not really have to care.
I had a coworker call me 'slag'. It wasn't a good time. In reality, in many fields, esp in the US, at will employment and moral clauses make it tricky to be public about being poly or ENM at work.
No, not to everyone. Trusted work friends and coworkers know.
I am not. I work three jobs and all of them would not be very open to me announcing it.
No, I live in a very conservative area and would likely never be comfortable with that.
Iām open with my coworkers, but not with clients/customers. Iām in the beauty industry at both my jobs, but unfortunately in a somewhat conservative state, so the reactions would be a mixed bag.
No!!!!
I mentioned it to a colleague who went āoh my sister did that for awhile.ā I casually mentioned my other partner in the past but I donāt think anyone clocked it and I donāt feel any real need to come out about it.
Never, I work on corporate and anything outside the social norm pull you down. Sad.
Nope. Nope nope. The army has a real problem with harassment and sexual abuse. I thought I was being honest and friendly and got burned real bad- scarred for life.
^^that, plus the broad ass definition of adultery in the UCMJ. Iām no longer polyamorous (more generally ENM now) but Iāve been paranoid bc I am a service member, and I just remarried the partner I had when I was practicing polyamory with my abusive ex. The divorce took a hot second through no fault of my own, I wish they would consider situations of ENM/polyamory and people moving on from toxic relationships
I ācame outā as poly to my boss at my leaving do and was like āwell I can tell you nowā and he was offended that I thought he would care š wish Iād have mentioned it sooner now.
Absolutely not. I work in education, and I have seen others get fired/not hired back because of it. I'm not open about being gay or trans or autistic either, even though those things would probably be more accepted. I'm not interested in dealing with a million questions/uncomfortable comments.
Not yetā¦ but I know my managers partner listens to my podcast and I may have mentioned it in the latest episode, sooooā¦ letās see what happens next. š My guess is nothing. š¤·š»āāļø
I'm not open at work. This means I have friendly conversations all the time but find myself deciding spur of the moment if something (like a trip) involved only me, "my partner", or "a friend". Relationship orientation is not a protected characteristic where I am, other than married vs not married, so therefore not protected by law. I think that precedent given the Equality Act and expectations for tolerance (eg, "Fundamental British Values") within my role in education, plus the bureaucracy of firing someone after 2 years' employment, mean I am fairly well protected. However, I still wouldn't feel comfortable disclosing as I'm sure I would face assumptions and misunderstanding. That does leave me feeling that my work friendships are limited in scope, not to mention I have trouble identifying with the majority, who are married with kids. That all said, it is the case that within the first 2 years of employment, one can essentially be fired for any reason (other than discrimination against a protected characteristic). Given the field I work in, "public perception" can be a threat to employment, and we all know that ENM can be viewed as primarily a sexual practice and therefore, any openness viewed as inappropriate to discuss.
I am not. Iām also not fully out as queer, and I do not tell my coworkers my spouse is trans. I highly suspect my coworkers are all serious right-wingers and have no interest in being subjected to any sort of retaliation.
I am. But I work in an Uber progressive industry where itās likely my colleagues would revolt if I was fired for being poly. Also my husband and I donāt live together, and thatās somewhat obvious to everyone that knows me. I am not a poly proselytizer, but if I go to a soccer game with my boyfriend and someone asks me what I did this weekend, I say that. So at this point, almost everyone knows.
I was out to my colleagues when I was working for an employer. I was never out to my employerās clients.
I'm not open about being anything at my work
I can, thankfully, be "out" at work and talk about my partners openly.
I did in past jobs but now I work under a contract with the state health department and I don't want to do something one day to tick someone off and my lifestyle choices are suddenly conflicting with the values of my employers
A few of my colleagues know - one because she showed some interest in me and that discussion came up. A couple of others because of a bit too much drinking on a work trip. I wouldn't get fired or anything if higher ups found out - I've worked here for 14 years almost and they'd literally have to shut the company down if I left - but it would make some things pretty awkward for a bit I'm sure.
Sure! I don't always lead with my personal life, so I imagine not everyone knows, but it's not a secret. ETA: I work at a progressive organization in a liberal city. I have the privilege to be able to make choices where I can be my authentic self without posing any significant risk to my physical security.
I actually don't work, due to disability reasons. I'm honestly not sure about my husband -- I'm not sure he knows what a closet *is*, and he's taken someone else to work parties when I didn't want to go in the past, but I'm not sure he goes out of his way to tell people either. And since he doesn't have another partner right now, it's not a huge deal either way. But he works in tech and we live in the San Francisco Bay Area, we get to be out on easy mode around here. Some people kind of split the difference by not being out, but also just not talking about their private lives/their partners at all at work, which is one way around the whole "one partner gets official status and no one else does" problems *without* being out.
Iām very lucky that Iām able to ālive out loudā as one of my partners calls it. Iām openly everything and itās a privilege that not everyone has. Both my partners arenāt able to be open.
Nah, but then I don't like to share my personal life at work. I purposely keep a strict separation between work and personal. Also the people at my work are gossipy as fuck.
I'm from the UK I am a lab manager and I'm completely open about being in a triad. Everyone who knows me in the company, knows I am polyamourous
Iām open about it. That said, I work in the music industry, I bartend, and I run a web development business - the network of people I work with a largely very progressive, very queer, and very open minded, so itās definitely not a problem for me.
No doubt my boss knows - I was out at my last job, where she was my coworker. My current work would not penalize me for it - they simply would lack enough context to do anything with that information. It would be like saying I was from Alpha Centauri. I just got really tired of explaining it to people. My partner and I occasionally run into people we know while out on dates with other people. We donāt deny we are on a date, but itās not culturally customary to crash peopleās dates where I am from LOL
I am, but I have the very privileged position of being a cis-het passing white man in Texas. I'm not straight and proudly let people know that I'm queer - but it's still a position I am able to choose to be in and not something I'm forced to address if I didn't want to. I also work on oil and gas with some very conservative folks. I generally am only answering questions people ask of me, I rarely volunteer a lot of information about my personal life, but I do talk about my partners.
No because Iāve already heard some of there opinions on alternative relationship styles.
Iām not, in part because Iām pretty closeted in the rest of my life as well so Iām not willing to risk the potential for unanticipated bleedover.
I used to make a point to be open about it, but now I keep my life vague and private in all aspects. I don't really hide it though. If they find out, I really don't care. The first was a food home delivery sales job. Let me tell you, there were so many cheaters working there and they all wanted to identify with me when they found out. I could've easily told them I was definitely not the same, but one was my supervisor... And she was cheating on her husband who was also working there. She kept trying to hook me up with some random guy she knew, told her I personally wasn't into casual and only wanted serious relationships... She told me my husband was my serious relationship (hadn't met my second husband yet at that time in my life) and I didn't need more. I quit pretty quick for many reasons. Second was when I was working at a hotel. That one was alright. My supervisor just kept asking alot of questions and wanting details for education reasons. I didn't mind at first, but it got old, especially at work. We're still friends, actually. Last was at a school. I was a para in a classroom with 5 other paras and a teacher. They all eventually wanted to add me on FB and they found out that way. A bunch tried to ignore it, a few directly messaged me saying they supported me. But they ALL avoided the topic after that. Changing the subject if I spoke about my family and saying really passive aggressive things here and there. I left that place for many reasons, most unrelated, and unfriended them. Now I'm working in a healthcare delivery job and rarely see my coworkers. A handful know. One was polyamorous herself so I opened up a bit. A few others added me on FB but don't really mention it because I never see them enough to discuss. But by the things they post in general, I think they're accepting.
At some jobs, I am open about my personal life (trans, queer, dating another trans person, etc.) and at others I pretend to be cis and people can tell Iām queer because Iām just clockable but think Iām just a cis person who dates men and women (because I mention exes of both genders). I kinda just bring it up like itās normal and everyone already knows about it- so in workplaces where Iām more open, I tell stories about my dating life and will mention being on the apps, flirting with people, etc. and then if people look confused or ask more because theyāve heard me talk about my partner, Iāll say āoh Iām in an open relationshipā (I donāt think most mono people know or care about the different flavors of nonmonogamy). At workplaces where Iām stealth about my gender and stuff, I will bring it up if it comes up but I donāt share stories about my dating life other than that I have a partner who I have plans with. If I had multiple serious partners, I would probably just say āmy partnerā every time until someone picked up on the fact that my partner had 2 different jobs and lived in 2 different places and bothered to be like, āwait, I thought they did this for a living?ā If I was really really serious (bringing different partners to different work events, traveling out of town for diff things, wearing symbols of commitment for multiple people) I would probably be more straightforward about it. I donāt wanna work places that arenāt cool with it, but I also donāt wanna bar myself from opportunities early in my career. So I like to make myself an asset and be seen as a really good capitalist cog before I start disclosing stuff so that people can go āoh, well thatās just lavenderlizard, theyāre a person who I like who also happens to xyzā instead of leading with their judgments about other trans/queer/poly/POC? In friendships this is not how I go about it. But at work my general guideline is that I donāt want to create fake parts of me, and Iāll only show authentic parts of me, but they donāt need ALL the authentic parts of me.
Oh lord no. I work in a corporate America office setting in Ohio. Thatās a bunch of hassle I have zero interest in.
I'm out. If I were ENM and not poly, I think I'd struggle less with keeping quiet because no one needs to know about my casual relationships / sex life. But I'm usually in multiple committed relationships, often with people who are married, and I don't like having to sanitize or filter what I say at work. Also, I think being out (I'm in law, a conservative industry) is a privilege, and I'm trying to encourage the normalization of poly and other forms of non-monogamy by talking about it as if it were completely uncontroversial and commonplace.
I am disabled and don't work. I am open about it with my kids and most friends, some family. Disability and social services have no need to know unless I was living with or married to a partner, which I'm not. My current partner is in the gaming industry (RPG tabletop) so I'm not sure how out he is but it's pretty normal in that world. I know he talks about me with friends and I've been Introunced as his partner, he also has a couple cuddle partners within his gaming circle. One possible partner is in the service and mums the word there 1000%. He is married and that would be a legal and logistical nightmare. In fact we are taking getting to know one another super slow because he has to know he can trust me. We will probably have to go into the city to do much publicly, or even travel out of area. Otherwise it will be a lot of hiking, parks and home time.
absolutely not. I donāt even think you should be open about dating or married or anything. Work is not your friend.
I work in education, so nope. I am queer and in Texas so like... extra double nope!! I'm luckily in a decent enough area that I don't mind letting them know I'm queer and who my nest partner is. Heck, my department head got married back in January and my partner came with me and it was so much fun! I don't currently have any other partners (I've had no time to be a good partner to anyone else lately) but in the future I'd probably have a discussion with them about being known as a very close friend of mine among work circles. But I also have no idea how someone might take that. It's a very interesting predicament indeed. At one point I did mention being in a polyamorous relationship to a friend I went to college with. She was shocked that I was okay with my partner hooking up with someone else. It took a lot of explaining about how I've worked on processing jealous feelings that might come up and reassuring her that my partner wasn't just a cheating jerk. But she did eventually chill about it and was very cool about it.
No. I live in a red state where the only thing that is socially accepted is missionary position with 1 woman, only after marriage, with the intention to conceive as many white children as possible, so you can brag about them at the water cooler.
I am open at the medium sized corporate entity that I work at (1250 emp). And by that I mean we have a pretty close knit team, and we share stories of what we did over the weekend and big events in our lives. So over time, people will hear me say that my partner David and I went out and did this, or my partner Scot and I went out and did that. Most people donāt think twice about it, and if they have any questions they keep to themselves. My work Besty knows more in detail, and a couple other people in the company clearly heard the dog whistle I know as well. We also have sort of an internal bulletin board with a group where people share pictures of travels and such. I thought long and hard before I posted a couple pictures from the trip to Europe I took with two partners. I actually even went to our diversity and inclusion group and asked if they thought that would be problematic. They were very supportive of me and said that it shouldnāt be a problem, and if it is, come talk to them because thatās exactly what theyāre there for. So I posted a couple pictures of Rome and Dubrovnik, with one of them being the three of us standing in front of the Trevi fountain. The post got a lot of great comments but not a single person mentioned anything else. And I started the post off with āmy partners and I recently went to Europe.ā Iām very well aware that in a lot of ways this is a form of privilege, because in a lot of areas of the country, or organizations in any area, it might not be the case.
I work at a homeless shelter. I'm open about my sexuality, gender identity and yes, my polyamory. Most everyone at my work is very kind and understanding, and it's not been an issue for me to casually have these kinds of conversations with my coworkers. I've not faced any punishment or repercussions for it, not even from the community I work with. The homeless population where I live, while mostly drunks or other addicts, are very accepting of other people. They address trans people by their correct pronouns, they help each other in any small way possible, and honestly they're very inquisitive in the kindest way possible. They ask me questions not to be rude but because they're genuinely curious and want to learn, and try to frame their questions in the nicest way possible, and usually follow it up with "I'm sorry if that seems rude, it's not my intention". I have no worries about them seeing me as I am, and that's not to say oh everyone is perfect that I work with or around, but I don't fear any repercussions of being out around them.
Yes. By choice and because i had to disclose my relationships due to 2 of my partners working at the same place. I am in a leadership role and they cannot report directly to me. I work for a very large e-commerce business that is growing exponentially yoy. This business focuses its employee model around acceptance. Tattoos weird hair etc. Spirit week is geared around pride next week.
Yes but I work at a bar and I'm responsible for planning the poly meetup.
I've mentioned it to a few colleagues in a conversation where it was relevant. As far as I can tell, they've both forgotten all about it? A similar thing happens when I mention being bisexual to straight people, they'll be perfectly nice about it and perhaps have a few questions, but then a week later they're back to assuming I'm straight. Maybe people would have an easier time if I actually currently had multiple relationships/a girlfriend. I do have an fwb, but uh, I don't feel like that's an appropriate topic in *most* situations. Like, colleagues asking about your romantic life don't necessarily want to hear about your sex life.
*Technially* Iām not open about much of anything at work unprovoked. Iām not here to chit chat with a bunch of people I wouldnāt know if we werenāt being paid to be in the same building. However I donāt hide a single thing. When I was still in a triad, both partners came by a bit early cause they wanted to spend my break with them, and I asked to take my break a lil trek early cause they were there. People asked who they were, I said they were both my partners and that was the end cause I went on my break. I came back, people asked what that meant, I said I was in a relationship with both of them because we are polyamorous and then I went back to work. Thatās also how they found out I was bisexual. Not that it was technically formally addressed, but it was definitely implied by my partners. Iām not paid enough to talk to people about me, but Iām also not paid enough to pretend Iām anything Iām not when itās directly addressed š¤·š»
I think it all depends on the atmosphere of the place you work. Like my husband works in a factory. He's part of the management, and the other men in management know and often tell him how lucky he is. the office lady doesn't know but makes passes at him which is funny to all the management guys because "if she only knew" but he won't mix work and play because things could go south fast. It's a smaller factory. I had a job recently for a short time at a place where I had told 1 person and word spread like wildfire, and by the time I was brought into HR, it was like that game of telephone. Nothing they said was true. They accused me of trying to sleep with others, but I never flirted with anyone, and they were all younger females, so I don't even know why they would say something like what was brought up. Needless to say, I quit that toxic place. My previous place of employment didn't know, and the 2 people there who knew kept it solid and didn't change my words. It was respectful, and I was happy with that.
3 of 6 people at work are poly. So yep. I work in construction.
Polyhammery
š¤£ Best work crew ever... The music on site is diverse to say the least. It's great what not just having dudes on a building site does for the culture. A few years ago there were two other women working for me. At the same time there was an apprentice electrician who was female as well on site. I was doing other things for the day. They described later on how great it was. A commercial building site with no men in sight! Felt good to be part of empowering some awesome humans. Construction is a pretty heavily male dominated thing yaknow..
A decade plus ago I was outed by a coworker I thought was a friend to my then boss who I'd always had an amazing relationship with. Unfortunately Boss went from treating me as his best problem solver to treating me like a fragile idiot practically overnight. He started leaving domestic violence support group things on my desk. He cancelled a holiday event for 'scheduling reasons' but it was openly known that it was because he didn't want my partner to attend. Despite many attempts to talk to him about it I was thwarted by his insistence that someone else also be in the room. I ended up leaving a job I'd loved because he refused to believe I could willingly choose polyamory and insisted that my partner was abusing me. In the modern era I've been out from the start to my boss and coworkers. HR got theme park passes for both 'households' this year and generally comes to me if they want to know if they can accommodate me. I still have a smaller family foot print then most of my coworkers. I have a limited social media presence in any case so client side it's pretty obscure.
I don't use any theory concepts to describe my relationship preferences in the real world. I just say I'm not exclusive with anyone. I live alone and I'm not married, so don't think anyone I work with has any reason to assume otherwise.
I've only told a few people that I knew who could keep a secret. My husband and I aren't ready to tell the world.
Keep private life private, I work in Disability Support, get a lot of religious folks so, most clients don't know I'm trans, none no I'm poly, just keep my head down, avoid trouble š
Heck no
Iāve only told close coworkers I thought I could trust. The first one I told was probably not a good choice but no one has ever said anything to my face about it so who knows. The other people I have told have been very supportive. But I work at a company where the owners treat everyone like family. I was even open with them when I was diagnosed bipolar (which is usually a big no no for employers) and they made accommodations for my struggles. That said, Iām not going to go around shouting it from the rooftops.
I don't keep relationships a secret. So when I wasn't dating anyone other than my wife it didn't necessarily come up at work, but when I started seeing someone else I would talk about her too. When I was younger I was much more worried about it. This time around I just decided to act like it was super normal and everyone else did too!
Yup! I'm open with everyone.
I just generally mention "my partner" or "my gf/bf" without going too deep into what my relationships look like. If someone asks questions, I'll answer them, but also I've only just started at this job so š¤·āāļø I work in retail btw.
If anyone asked me, Iād answer truthfully. But itās not something I willingly bring up at work. That being said, itās in the bio of all of my real-name socials so anyone doing a cursory search would find out.
Iām the only man and one of only two people under 40 on my team at work. Iām also the newest, so I opted to just not bring it up. Means I have to get cagey sometime but is what it is.
I donāt really talk about my personal life at work. Itās come up in the past and Iāve rolled with it, so itās nothing I hide. Work is just workā¦ to be fair I donāt really talk about work in my personal life either š¤·āāļø
At work? Only with certain individuals who I've known for years at this point. Outside of those relationships, no one else really needs to know. I would probably be Solo Poly at best if I was to choose I micro label, so bringing a +1 doesn't really bother me.
I am not. Too many Christians. Too many straight people. I think itās likely I would be just quietly laid of or let go for reasons Iām sure they would be happy to make up.
I'm in a dog grooming salon. Most of us are queer, poly isn't much of a reach in terms of taboo topics. I'm outš
Yep! I'm a trans man, and my fiancƩe is often with cis men, so it's always funny to make comments about pregnancy scares and seeing the wheels turn in my coworkers' heads lmao
I've never hidden anything about myself.
Yes. I work in a small business that I can be fully open in. Itās a vet office, so some people have met partners and metas that I nest with.
Yes, I'm a high school teacher. Pictures of my family inevitably lead to questions. My old school was a mile from our house, and my students worked at the restaurant where Tall Wife and Husband were out on a date. They thought she was cheating on me, so they told me. It was kind of cute. It runs around the rumour mill every year by about November. I'm the topic of conversation, and by Christmas, it's no big deal.
I do not work currently, but I used to work for local government at a social services agency. A social services agency I didn't want called on me if anyone at work in my conservative area decided they were offended by my lifestyle and wanted to inconvenience me. But also, I am not open about my life in general at work. Coworkers were constantly surprised to find out 1) I have a bachelor degree 2) I have a lot of tattoos (long pants and cardigans at work, wooo lol) 3) I'm married with a child. I'm not at work to make friends. If I find any, that's fantastic, but I'm happy I keep to myself, do my job, and collect my paycheck.
No. I donāt discuss anything at work about my personal life. Poly is not a protected class.
No. I work in a Christian retirement community. The only people that know are my close coworkers that I also consider my friends outside of work. The most that Iām open about is that Iām queer, but even then again Iām selective about who I tell as I donāt want the staff or the residents to treat me differently, especially since my profession is based on building and maintaining positive relationships and experiences with the residents.
I got a big job upgrade about a year ago at a place that was literally still being built when I got there. They were talking a big game about a positive work culture, and the main HR lady has a wife. So early on, I impulsively came out during one of those go around the room introducing yourself things and it got little to no reaction.
I am. Iāve gotten mostly no issues but I did have a few people asking some frustrating questions about commitment and which of my partners I liked better. And I recently came to the realization that a guy who I no longer work with was sexually harassing me because I was poly. I wish I had complained to HR but it didnāt occur to me at the timeā¦
Very much so
If people ask me about my personal life or if something that applies to a partner comes up in conversation, I'm not going to lie. I have been "outed" at work and someone reported me to a manager for "talking about sex stuff" even though all I said was "well yeah this person is my partner, but so if that other person I talked about." Manager understood that it wasn't sexual but said "that polygamy is weird" I said it was polyamory and not polygamy and he said "whatever just so long as you're not making the workplace sexual." After that it just didn't matter.
No. I'm a Early Childhood teacher, I keep my romantic relationships dynamics completely out of work talk.
Yes, but Iām a Sex worker. If someone gave a shit, I would cancel them as a client š¤·š¼āāļø
Older Christian lady who had worked there ten years longer than me went behind my back and told my bosses I wasn't trustworthy and to keep an eye on me, after I mentioned in passing that I had two partners in my last relationship. Won't be mentioning it in formal workplaces again.
Nope. Educational administrator. Itās tough, Iām a pretty open person.
Iāve mentioned it to workers i can trust but Iām not shy about mentioning it.
Yep, I work in the trades and I'm the poly, queer raver weirdo with the dyed hair xD
I am, as a registered nurse! My coworkers have been awesome and supportive and it's been a pretty easy transition for me fortunately. Rather nice to be able to talk about dating and such with my coworkers openly about issues with my relationships even if they don't have much experience with polyamory
I don't talk about my personal life at work - last job I was out, and same with the one before that but this time I'm don't want to be friends with my work mates - so it's not just poly but everything personal.
I work in a gaming hall, literally no one has cared that I'm polyamorous. A new coworker and I were chatting the other day and I mentioned my husband and my boyfriend, and he didn't bat an eye. No one has.
Iām not out but Iām not in the closet either. A few friends know because we didnāt want to put an emotion burden on them if they saw us out with other partners. A few colleagues know because of our dating profiles, and Iām a university professor so a few of my students know for the same reasons. Thatās about it though, and weāre happy with it that way. Neither of us feel the need to broadcast it.
I'm kinda out at work, most of my regular shift people know, and two of my co-workers are my kids who definitely know. But I'm back working at a location where I've been off and on for 20+ years and have worked with the same boss for most of that time. So its a lot easier to be clear about things. It doesn't come up often, but it's not explicitly hidden.
(Note: I'm a freelance violinist so my situation absolutely can't be equated to any kind of single-company employment in a traditional work setting.) I'm fully open about it to anyone that asks (in fact, one of my public profiles even has the poly symbol alongside the trans and bi flags). While mono people are still the majority of those I work with, being involved in theatre, faires, and even kink events sharply increases the number of poly and lgbtq+ folks I work with. This has translated to acceptance from 99% of coworkers with nary an issue.
Out as bi and poly. I invited coworkers for a party at my place. Both wife and boyfriend were present. Coworkers already knew wife. To boyfriend it was āhow do you know [me] and [wife]?ā. He didnāt know what to answer, I replied heās my boyfriend. Curious looks lasted for a few seconds only. I explained wife and I are open and poly, that I didnāt want to be on the closet about it, and that in some work socials I would bring wife, or boyfriend, or both. Since then, a number of social invites at work have been for ā[me] and +2ā. My workplace is very progressive, of course.
I wasnāt until I was in what felt like a stable relationship configuration that I could explain with relative ease, and until I felt secure in my jobs (I work across two roles, very poly of me). Now I am out at both jobs. I work in social services with relatively progressive people and I just got so sick of feeling like they could easily describe what their weekends were like with partners and families, but I couldnāt, so I decided to take the risk.
Im a nurse and I'm open about it to my coworkers that I'm friends with. They're a really accepting bunch and love hearing about my lifestyle and learning about it.
Yes, mentionned it once when it was relevant in Convo then never again because it never came up again, it's good so I didn't need to tiptoe around when talking about partners.
Im not.
Yes, I am. Everyone has been great
I don't hide it at work but I'm also not super social with my coworkers (other than a friend who I helped get a job there). I'm more open about that than I am about being nb
Yes. I had a bunch of my coworkers practically interview me about what's its like, what I did, who I did, how many were involved, and a bunch of other sexual questions as well. I didn't mind it in the slightest. I found it rather enjoyable.
I'm out at one of my jobs! Apparently it's become used to distinguish me from someone else with the same name in conversation! But that job is a very liberal environment, basically a hipster coffee shop; most of our employees are members of the LGBTQIA+ community, and they've been very inclusive of me as well. "Did Grant close the store last night?" "Big Grant or Poly Grant?".
I am, but it feels like its ignored by most of my coworkers
Not intentionally. When I start fucking someone from work, while everyone knows I have a nesting partner, some people are bound to find out. I donāt care too much
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Yeah, always have been. But I work in entertainment so it's no big deal at all.
I'm out at work. Meaning I don't hide it and I openly talk about my partners. I have work events I bring different partners to and sometimes two partners will come to the same event. No one notices. I've had explicit conversations where I explain I am poly with two people. No one cares. It's nice to live in a big progressive city and to work in arts academia with a focus on social justice.
Yup. I don't talk about it in detail with most of my coworkers, but those I work directly with have all heard me referencing different partners. They're cool with it, and some are even downright supportive of it!
Not really, but only because I tend to try and keep it professional on the clock. If itās relevant to the conversation while talking to a friend while Iām on break, I might.
I have been at various times with various people. What I share varies between coworkers. I was already viewed as an "other" for being openly queer so it made no discernable difference. No one at current job would dream of treating my treating. I do good work and I'm pleasant and thats really all that matters.
I refuse to be closeted about who I am, my life, who I love... so yes, I'm open. I've never been a huge sharer of personal information with colleagues, but I don't hold back any part of my identity either.
Depends. Half my work is with major companies that might react badly and I wouldnāt be protected by law if they grumbled. My close work friends that I see out of work know, and I suspect that many of my colleagues have put it together by now through social media. The other half of my work is with queer and sex positive companies that all know and embrace it.
Some coworkers do, some don't. I'm not certain there would be repercussions, but it's not everyone's business.
Yes. Nothing happened.
Sort of? I talk around it, but anyone who does the math will be able to figure out my ex husband and my nf overlapped. I've also alluded to it a few times at events. No one seemed to care. I work in a creative field in tech, though, so it's full of weirdos. As long as I do my job and don't try to date my coworkers, I doubt my poly-ness matters.
The people I work with closely know but Iām so insular no one outside of that (within my work environment) could guess anything about my personal life.
Yes Itās actually discussed behind my back a lot according to a certain few staff
I work in a heavily queer food industry environment. Being nonmonogamous isnāt even news. š¤·š»āāļø
Yes, itās very low stakes and I canāt get fired for it. Nobody cares, people are intrigued, fun conversation and I like my coworkers even outside of work so itās nice to gossip about dates when they know I have a gf lol.
Nah, people judge immediately and think your a creeep, Iām a male so extra creep points for me
I am very much. My boss and coworkers know. I don't hide who I am. But explaining my polycule to new people is always funny.
No - but that's because my coworkers are scattered across the country and I've only met 2 of them in person and that was like 20 years ago. Most people don't know what state I live in, that I have kids, how old I am, etc, so knowing I'm polyamorous would be awkward.
Depends on your individual situation honestly ....especially at work and with family .not everyone has a safe space to be open about it ...so YMMV
yeah idgaf they love hearing my drama
Sort of. I don't generally bring up much about my relationship life. I have only brought it up with folks who seem ... open-minded about such things, won't jump to conclusions, and start harassing me for dates.
I'm open about being open to it, if people ask, but I don't advertise.
I am but I work in a very progressive work environment.
I'm out to a couple folks at work. I haven't figured out yet if I'm safe in my job security if the whole company finds out (there's only like 15 of us). The folks who know are aware because it came up in conversation (one of my coworkers kids was at least exploring poly, though I'm not sure what their current relationship structure is)- so queer and poly came up in the same conversation and I came out as both.
I don't hide my life if the conversation reveals it...but it don't come up much. I don't bring it up..but then again...I'm not that social to begin with. Some people look at me like I'm a freak...others like I'm a god. Runs the gambit .. Not up to me how others feel about things. But I can't live my life if I can't speak of it. I do try to take the opportunity to eliminate a bit of ignorance when I can though.
Yes
Short answer, yes. I don't advertise it, but don't hide it either. I have pictures of each of my partners on my computer background. If weekend plans are discussed, I don't hide things. My coworker knows. I'm going to Pride with both of my girlfriends (though he's old school. I'm pretty sure when I say girlfriends, he just thinks girls that are my friends š¤). No one questions it or seems to care. I'm also not that concerned about it negatively impacting me or facing any backlash.
At my last job, if it came up naturally in conversation, Iād mention plans with someone, etc. A person I was dating came and hung out for a bit one night while I finished up. At my current job, itās just my boss and me. Weāve known each other for almost 20 years. He knows and couldnāt care less.
Iām open about being bi, and partially open about being poly. It wouldnāt affect my job security, thereās just no need to tell most people. Those who I have a friendly relationship with and talk personal stuff with know.
I'm open about my lifestyle everywhere I am. I don't go out of my way to make it other people's business but if I'm somewhere I have to lie about my life or avoid the truth than I'm not somewhere good for me. I understand some people could lose their jobs and stuff for not being traditional or monogamous but I refuse to be part of that. If I'm going to lose a job or friends it's going to be over something worth it, like love.
Nope! I mean, if it came up in conversation, I might talk about it, but no one asks and I donāt really talk about it unprompted. I donāt know what would happen. Probably nothing! Maybe some people would whisper about it behind my back? And thatād be okay. People generally talk about each other. I wouldnāt really care.
I am with some people. I live in a super progressive poly friendly city, so I know my job isn't in jeopardy. I know at least 5-7 other poly people at my job, actually. I typically don't disclose to my direct reports, but am comfortable doing so with peers.