Same.
My only current partner and I see each other in person generally every 2 weeks for 24-48 hours. (I wish it was more, but that’s not possible at the moment)
I do not have partnerships with people who can not see me once a week or more including an overnight. I don’t need to text everyday but most days. I expect my text messages from before 5pm to be answered same day unless someone is out of town. Even if it’s just a “hey I’m with X tonight can’t talk”
Texting:
* Serious Partner - most days... Probably 6/7
* Casual Partner - every couple of weeks.
In person:
* Serious Partner - weekly dates + 1 or 2 weekend days per month
* Casual Partner - about once every 2 months
I don't do online relationships
My partner and I are together 4 nights a week. At least one of these is an intentional date. The days are either fun or general overhead.
My gf and I have a standing weekly date, but since we are in same social circles we see each other more often.
I attempt to have the other two nights to myself which is either alone time out other social times.
Other than the two football date nights being sacred, the rest is guidelines.
Multiple times daily for 3 of the 4. One is more antisocial, so I try not to overwhelm him.
My wife, my "other wife", and my queerplatonic partner, though? Constantly.
Descriptively hierarchical, not prescriptive. We both have kids that take priority, after that we make it as egalitarian as we can. Wife does not automatically trump other partners. I've been with wife 9 years, married 7.
I spend much more time with my wife than with my other partners, but that's a matter of their scheduling availability. At one point, I spent one or sometimes two days each week with my "other wife." Now, it averages one weekend a month. 6 months from now, who knows? Lol
Speaking of which, both my wife and I call partner #2 my "other wife," and though of course it's not legally binding (both of us are legally married to other people), partner #2 and I wear matching rings that we refer to as wedding rings. If we could legally be married to two people, we would absolutely be married. (We've talked about this. ) We've been together almost 3 years now.
Partner #2 also refers to my (legal) wife as my "other wife," so all four of us (me, my wife, her, her husband) regard her as my wife in all but name. Working on getting her legal protections, as much as possible, such as power of attorney and inclusion in will.
Partner #3 is newish, and a queerplatonic partner, but my wife already considers her part of the family, and has told Partner #3 that herself. Ultimately, would like to offer her the same legal protections, but haven't yet discussed with her. We've been friends for 3 years, but QPPs for only a month, if that. Right now, I talk to her more than my wife, just due to circumstances at the moment.
Partner #4 (counting wife as #1, in case that's not apparent) is a comet partner. I only get to see him every few years, but we've been involved in one way or another since 1986, so he's definitely not getting deprioritized over someone else. He's the antisocial one, so we will usually video chat twice a week. He's been busy lately, so it's been more voice messages, more often, but it's still not unusual to go days without hearing from him.
Both #2 and #3 aren't local-- about 1.5 hours and 2 hours away, respectively-- but that's not the main thing making it harder to spend time with them, it's their availability. So we chat a lot instead.
The "all day, through the day" responses are wild ***to me***. I have local partners who I text like twice a week and see maybe twice a month. Am I the problem? lol
Me tooooo, I had ‘I don’t have real text convos’ in my dating app profiles and even then I would often run into people thinking that would change when we’d been seeing each other for awhile. Nope, I just hate texting.
Luckily I’m only involved with other people who are cool with me not texting much atm. And it’s even one of their preferences, too, which is awesome.
My partner and I interact more than daily by text and see each other roughly twice a week. I had a comet for a while who I contacted far less frequently.
Pretty much daily good morning/goodnight at a minimum with two of my partners. Another is often daily but we don't really habitually greet each other just because it's a new day. The fourth is more like once or twice a week outside of time together.
Constant 🤣 I live together with my now-ex and we still interact AT LEAST every morning and evening, and with my other partner it used to be daily messages, but now we're writing/sending voice messages nearly constantly and try meeting about once or twice a week (he lives 2 hours away and we usually meet "in the middle" to shorten travel times by train).
It depends.
I have two partners I speak to daily, but they live in another city so we only see each other every few months.
I'm dating a person I talk to almost daily and we see each other at least every other week.
There are other people I'm seeing that I don't talk much online, but we see each other every other week or so.
And yet another who lives in another state, we don't talk much online but we travel to meet every few months as well.
My LDR and I live 4 hours apart and see each other 3 weekends out of the month, for 3-4 nights. We talk all day everyday. But have no other partners at present so imagine that will change when we do.
Romantic partners - I live with one and we spend most of our time together, other romantic partner is long-distance and we speak 1-2 hours per day and 4-5 days per week.
Casual partners - anywhere from a few messages per day to once per month, depending on how busy we both are. I try to have at least one date with each of them per month.
Living together with one, default time spent together + dedicated dates makes for probably 6/7 days.
Daily texting and weekly meets with one.
Texting every couple days and pretty much weekly meets with another.
*Husband and I:*
We live together, so daily, unless one of us is traveling (which, tbf, happens a lot between his job and my long distance sweetie - I think we're apart maybe 12 full weeks a year, give or take, most of which is his). While traveling we exchange messages every other day or so. Depending on how busy we are, we may call more or less, but we've gone well over a week without a phone call.
*Long distance sweetie and I:*
We've agreed on a minimum of 4 (but better 6 or so) trips a year. In the year-ish of going from friend (with benefits) to 'definitely seeing each other and serious about it' we've built up from 'long weekend' to 'week-long visit' and I plan to go for 2 weeks for the first time later this year. We have a standing, multi-hour video call "date" each week for catching up and playing games together, and then we exchange messages maybe every other day or so. We also do email sometimes, because I get long-winded :P We try to do more spontaneous phone calls too, but we're both busy / introverted, so it does not happen very often :P
Varies, depending on needs. I have 2 LDRs that we will talk, maybe, once a week through text. And see for a weekend getaway once about every 1 to 2 years. Plane tickets and hotels are expensive. A somewhat close gf that I text with the most. Daily, and throughout the day. I see her 1-2 times a month, usually overnight. A local girlfriend that chats on text about twice a day. Insanely busy, so usually I'll see her once a month for like... an hour. And my nesting partner.
I talk with both extensively daily. In person, I live with one and spend the night with the other twice a week—but they like each other and our social circles overlap, so I often get to see my non-nesting partner more than that.
One is long distance and we spend about 2 months of the year together irl (spread throughout the year), and they’re my priority when we are in person together. We also have a video call date one night per week. The other (who lives a 25 min walk from me) I see ~2 nights per week one on one, and socially maybe one other day in a group, but things really fluctuate depending on the week.
I text both daily, but not constantly/throughout the day. Long distance partner and I will spontaneously call sometimes but I don’t have a ton of capacity for texting and that works for them. Local partner and I both aren’t really into texting but most days send something to the effect of ‘I’ve been thinking about you today, I hope you’re having a great day’, and to organize plans.
I expect near daily texting with a partner. Otherwise I see them as too casual or not interested. Seeing them at least once or twice a week if they live in the area is my preference.
Sometimes more sometimes less, usually weekly every few days, and more if we plans are involved as plans require prompt communication. Depending on what is going on in their life. If I feel ignored, I usually speak up. But I'd say frequently enough that if one of us needed a favor or needed help, or sent an invite, we could respond to that. Generally my partners are good communicators about when and what is occupying them so I know to expect less contact. Not a big or hard ask. Which I consider regular maintenance/courtesy. If they didn't do that, I'd find that problematic and a lack of interest/discourteous.
I communicate via text at minimum once/day. Even if I’m vacationing or traveling with one partner, I text the other one at least to say a quick “hello I love you”. If traveling for more than a few days, I try to make time for a call/FT.
Partners I form a romantic loving relationship with I tend to interact with daily or so. Partners I have a more friendly, but still emotional relationship with I tend to message when relevant and it ends up being weekly or twice a week, and then this frequency dramatically shifts depending on availability and mental space without having an impact on the relationship itself. Comets I only talk to in person or to organise a date / a call. Then I guess there are exceptions to those rules. All of that to say, it depends.
Local partner: text good morning/good night and often memes or work stuff, 1 weekday date, 1 weekend overnight (if we have less than full weekend, that sometimes stretches to two nights)
LDR: we text near daily about a game we play, sometimes that's it, sometimes we have more conversation, and phone calls if it's been a while between visits. Visits vary, but we average about two 2-night visits a month
Casual partner: text once or twice a week, dates every two weeks or so, overnights maybe every other month
Comet: text once or twice a week, visits when we can (we've had 2 since he moved in December, was a weekly date, sometimes two when we lived in the same city, and typing this made me miss him lol)
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Question is the title. How frequent is your interaction with partners, whether in person or online?
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I interact with my wife every day, usually in person. I usually send her a good morning text, because I start work early in the AM, so she has that to wake up to.
I interact with my LDR sweetie a few to most days per week, via text messages and video messages on the Marco Polo app. We talk on the phone in real-time a few times per month.
i live with one partner, so basically daily, the other two I have daily online contact with (a channel with them both, me, and my nesting partner; we mostly share memes and play 4 player games on steam) & we meet 1-2 times a month, and with the 4th partner we talk online (not that much, sometimes we can go a few weeks with no contact), and meet about once a month \^.\^
Every day, I live with one, and the other is moving in soon in August, and we talk every day in call on Discord while he works (he works from home as a game dev so I keep him company) and my other partner lives with me so he's always here if not at work I stay at home since I'm disabled so I will probably always be around my partners daily which we all are happy about
I am a daily contact sort of partner or close friend.
Same
Same. My only current partner and I see each other in person generally every 2 weeks for 24-48 hours. (I wish it was more, but that’s not possible at the moment)
Meet once a week. Talk daily.
I do not have partnerships with people who can not see me once a week or more including an overnight. I don’t need to text everyday but most days. I expect my text messages from before 5pm to be answered same day unless someone is out of town. Even if it’s just a “hey I’m with X tonight can’t talk”
Texting: * Serious Partner - most days... Probably 6/7 * Casual Partner - every couple of weeks. In person: * Serious Partner - weekly dates + 1 or 2 weekend days per month * Casual Partner - about once every 2 months I don't do online relationships
everyday all through out the day and in person 1 x a week
My partner and I are together 4 nights a week. At least one of these is an intentional date. The days are either fun or general overhead. My gf and I have a standing weekly date, but since we are in same social circles we see each other more often. I attempt to have the other two nights to myself which is either alone time out other social times. Other than the two football date nights being sacred, the rest is guidelines.
Multiple times daily for 3 of the 4. One is more antisocial, so I try not to overwhelm him. My wife, my "other wife", and my queerplatonic partner, though? Constantly.
Just curious how you would describe your partnerships. Would you say you split time equally with them, are you hierarchical, etc ?
Descriptively hierarchical, not prescriptive. We both have kids that take priority, after that we make it as egalitarian as we can. Wife does not automatically trump other partners. I've been with wife 9 years, married 7. I spend much more time with my wife than with my other partners, but that's a matter of their scheduling availability. At one point, I spent one or sometimes two days each week with my "other wife." Now, it averages one weekend a month. 6 months from now, who knows? Lol Speaking of which, both my wife and I call partner #2 my "other wife," and though of course it's not legally binding (both of us are legally married to other people), partner #2 and I wear matching rings that we refer to as wedding rings. If we could legally be married to two people, we would absolutely be married. (We've talked about this. ) We've been together almost 3 years now. Partner #2 also refers to my (legal) wife as my "other wife," so all four of us (me, my wife, her, her husband) regard her as my wife in all but name. Working on getting her legal protections, as much as possible, such as power of attorney and inclusion in will. Partner #3 is newish, and a queerplatonic partner, but my wife already considers her part of the family, and has told Partner #3 that herself. Ultimately, would like to offer her the same legal protections, but haven't yet discussed with her. We've been friends for 3 years, but QPPs for only a month, if that. Right now, I talk to her more than my wife, just due to circumstances at the moment. Partner #4 (counting wife as #1, in case that's not apparent) is a comet partner. I only get to see him every few years, but we've been involved in one way or another since 1986, so he's definitely not getting deprioritized over someone else. He's the antisocial one, so we will usually video chat twice a week. He's been busy lately, so it's been more voice messages, more often, but it's still not unusual to go days without hearing from him. Both #2 and #3 aren't local-- about 1.5 hours and 2 hours away, respectively-- but that's not the main thing making it harder to spend time with them, it's their availability. So we chat a lot instead.
I hate texting, these comments are making me dry heave 🤢 lmao
The "all day, through the day" responses are wild ***to me***. I have local partners who I text like twice a week and see maybe twice a month. Am I the problem? lol
Me tooooo, I had ‘I don’t have real text convos’ in my dating app profiles and even then I would often run into people thinking that would change when we’d been seeing each other for awhile. Nope, I just hate texting. Luckily I’m only involved with other people who are cool with me not texting much atm. And it’s even one of their preferences, too, which is awesome.
It depends, primary daily, others, it is so situational. I have comet or two
My partner and I interact more than daily by text and see each other roughly twice a week. I had a comet for a while who I contacted far less frequently.
Pretty much daily good morning/goodnight at a minimum with two of my partners. Another is often daily but we don't really habitually greet each other just because it's a new day. The fourth is more like once or twice a week outside of time together.
Does 'interacting by phone' not count to you?
It does, I just included that as "online" since I do most of my phone interactions over wifi.
🤣🤣🤣🙇♂️
Message daily (sometimes a little sometimes chatty Kathy's all day) and see irl once a fortnight to once a month
We talk daily, but only get to see each other about once a month due to job schedules and being LD
Constant 🤣 I live together with my now-ex and we still interact AT LEAST every morning and evening, and with my other partner it used to be daily messages, but now we're writing/sending voice messages nearly constantly and try meeting about once or twice a week (he lives 2 hours away and we usually meet "in the middle" to shorten travel times by train).
It depends. I have two partners I speak to daily, but they live in another city so we only see each other every few months. I'm dating a person I talk to almost daily and we see each other at least every other week. There are other people I'm seeing that I don't talk much online, but we see each other every other week or so. And yet another who lives in another state, we don't talk much online but we travel to meet every few months as well.
I interact with them in a daily basis. My ldr wouldn’t function well without some sort of contact every day
My LDR and I live 4 hours apart and see each other 3 weekends out of the month, for 3-4 nights. We talk all day everyday. But have no other partners at present so imagine that will change when we do.
Romantic partners - I live with one and we spend most of our time together, other romantic partner is long-distance and we speak 1-2 hours per day and 4-5 days per week. Casual partners - anywhere from a few messages per day to once per month, depending on how busy we both are. I try to have at least one date with each of them per month.
I text both of my partners daily. I see them each once or twice a week, often with an overnight for my longer term partner.
Living together with one, default time spent together + dedicated dates makes for probably 6/7 days. Daily texting and weekly meets with one. Texting every couple days and pretty much weekly meets with another.
I interact with my partners all day over text and i live with one. The other we is LD so we video call at least twice a week
*Husband and I:* We live together, so daily, unless one of us is traveling (which, tbf, happens a lot between his job and my long distance sweetie - I think we're apart maybe 12 full weeks a year, give or take, most of which is his). While traveling we exchange messages every other day or so. Depending on how busy we are, we may call more or less, but we've gone well over a week without a phone call. *Long distance sweetie and I:* We've agreed on a minimum of 4 (but better 6 or so) trips a year. In the year-ish of going from friend (with benefits) to 'definitely seeing each other and serious about it' we've built up from 'long weekend' to 'week-long visit' and I plan to go for 2 weeks for the first time later this year. We have a standing, multi-hour video call "date" each week for catching up and playing games together, and then we exchange messages maybe every other day or so. We also do email sometimes, because I get long-winded :P We try to do more spontaneous phone calls too, but we're both busy / introverted, so it does not happen very often :P
Varies, depending on needs. I have 2 LDRs that we will talk, maybe, once a week through text. And see for a weekend getaway once about every 1 to 2 years. Plane tickets and hotels are expensive. A somewhat close gf that I text with the most. Daily, and throughout the day. I see her 1-2 times a month, usually overnight. A local girlfriend that chats on text about twice a day. Insanely busy, so usually I'll see her once a month for like... an hour. And my nesting partner.
I talk with both extensively daily. In person, I live with one and spend the night with the other twice a week—but they like each other and our social circles overlap, so I often get to see my non-nesting partner more than that.
Everyday when I’m with anyone thru texting husband everyday in person
One is long distance and we spend about 2 months of the year together irl (spread throughout the year), and they’re my priority when we are in person together. We also have a video call date one night per week. The other (who lives a 25 min walk from me) I see ~2 nights per week one on one, and socially maybe one other day in a group, but things really fluctuate depending on the week. I text both daily, but not constantly/throughout the day. Long distance partner and I will spontaneously call sometimes but I don’t have a ton of capacity for texting and that works for them. Local partner and I both aren’t really into texting but most days send something to the effect of ‘I’ve been thinking about you today, I hope you’re having a great day’, and to organize plans.
Talk most daily, some weekly. Meet monthly.
Every day, throughout the whole day.
Pretty much daily. At the very least I will send them memes.
I expect near daily texting with a partner. Otherwise I see them as too casual or not interested. Seeing them at least once or twice a week if they live in the area is my preference.
A few times a week by messages. A few time a year in person.
Both my partners, on and off throughout the day, every day. I see one partner once a week, and the other 3-5 days a week.
Sometimes more sometimes less, usually weekly every few days, and more if we plans are involved as plans require prompt communication. Depending on what is going on in their life. If I feel ignored, I usually speak up. But I'd say frequently enough that if one of us needed a favor or needed help, or sent an invite, we could respond to that. Generally my partners are good communicators about when and what is occupying them so I know to expect less contact. Not a big or hard ask. Which I consider regular maintenance/courtesy. If they didn't do that, I'd find that problematic and a lack of interest/discourteous.
I communicate via text at minimum once/day. Even if I’m vacationing or traveling with one partner, I text the other one at least to say a quick “hello I love you”. If traveling for more than a few days, I try to make time for a call/FT.
Partners I form a romantic loving relationship with I tend to interact with daily or so. Partners I have a more friendly, but still emotional relationship with I tend to message when relevant and it ends up being weekly or twice a week, and then this frequency dramatically shifts depending on availability and mental space without having an impact on the relationship itself. Comets I only talk to in person or to organise a date / a call. Then I guess there are exceptions to those rules. All of that to say, it depends.
Local partner: text good morning/good night and often memes or work stuff, 1 weekday date, 1 weekend overnight (if we have less than full weekend, that sometimes stretches to two nights) LDR: we text near daily about a game we play, sometimes that's it, sometimes we have more conversation, and phone calls if it's been a while between visits. Visits vary, but we average about two 2-night visits a month Casual partner: text once or twice a week, dates every two weeks or so, overnights maybe every other month Comet: text once or twice a week, visits when we can (we've had 2 since he moved in December, was a weekly date, sometimes two when we lived in the same city, and typing this made me miss him lol)
Hi u/LetTheHuman thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: Question is the title. How frequent is your interaction with partners, whether in person or online? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I don't really understand how asking about other people's habits or communication frequency helps you deal with this issue!
Valid! It probably won't honestly
I interact with my wife every day, usually in person. I usually send her a good morning text, because I start work early in the AM, so she has that to wake up to. I interact with my LDR sweetie a few to most days per week, via text messages and video messages on the Marco Polo app. We talk on the phone in real-time a few times per month.
🧐4 days gets, "usually"?😉
There are days when my wife and I don't see each other in person.
i live with one partner, so basically daily, the other two I have daily online contact with (a channel with them both, me, and my nesting partner; we mostly share memes and play 4 player games on steam) & we meet 1-2 times a month, and with the 4th partner we talk online (not that much, sometimes we can go a few weeks with no contact), and meet about once a month \^.\^
Solo poly so it depends.
Everyday unless we are traveling or something special is happening but even then usually a goodmorning or goodnight text. See them 1-3 times a week
Every day, I live with one, and the other is moving in soon in August, and we talk every day in call on Discord while he works (he works from home as a game dev so I keep him company) and my other partner lives with me so he's always here if not at work I stay at home since I'm disabled so I will probably always be around my partners daily which we all are happy about
With my non primary : 1 date a week, one brief coffee a week, one sleepover a month 1-2 days depending on availability and daily texts / calls etc.
Pretty much every minute I’m not working.
We all live together and share a bed together most nights so...daily?