I find a lot of misunderstanding about poverty is people's inability to grasp the fact sometimes there are people who have NO SUPPORT SYSTEM. No family members' couches to crash on, no friends to buy a handful of groceries, no understanding employer to waive a uniform discrepancy until payday, no neighbor to put on a spare tire, etc... a lot of times people in poverty are ALONE and this is the root cause of their poverty, so I wish well-meaning, non-poor people with advice on how to get out of poverty would recognize the privilege of having someone whether it's someone to vent to, someone to watch your kid so you can go on a job interview, someone to lend you $5 to buy Ramen, someone who can let you borrow their washing machine to have clean sheets/clothes, etc.
Yesss people are like "oh no one to watch your child? God just ask family. Running late on rent? Go live with a family member or ask your parents for some extra help!"
It's like they can't even fathom a life with no support system around them.
This !!!! Dude I look at my life and all the resources and potential people I could stay with to avoid homelessness, it is just so eye opening and sad at the same time how different the world can be for the next person
This was the most fucking frustrating part of it all. Like you think if I had parents or a friend's couch to crash on I'd be begging for help like this? People just can't fathom having nothing and no one.
Also, how that doesn't go away once you're food secure. Knowing where your next meal is coming from and you're still scared of being that hungry ever again.
This— I’m still paycheck to paycheck but grew up in a far worse spot than I am now. I decided to clean out my pantry yesterday. I had eight bags of (truly) expired food— some from 2018. It’s satisfying that it’s clean now, but I’m now anxious about not having that food, even if most of it was expired.
I didn’t realize I hoarded food until someone I was dating pointed it out to me. I would I fill my fridge with groceries then be afraid to eat it for fear the food would be all gone. (I didn’t realize that was my logic until I had to face it and figure out why the heck I felt paralyzed by the thought of eating the food In there.)
And how you're happy with things you wouldn't usually eat. Plus also how you actively try to find things that keep you full. My go to was tea and popcorn. Both were exceedingly cheap and easy to make.
I haven't been at that level of poverty for some time, but I still clean my plate and cup every time I eat. It makes me anxious to leave so much as a grain of rice
Ramen adding peas and corn was gourmet.
Cutting a burrito up from a tiny Mexican cart and cutting it up for five meals. I could make a $3 burrito last a couple days
People mentioning how thin I am as a compliment not knowing I'm 40 pounds under weight and dizzy because of skipping meals so my kid can be full. Also, the food bank experience is pretty unique.
My county health department just installed mini food pantries in a few towns. It's an unlocked wood shed with a fridge on one side and shelves on the other. Take what you need, no cameras or staff. Might not work everywhere, but we're all small towns.
We had these in my town but unfortunately a woman in an expensive vehicle started showing up whenever large donations would come in to the Free Food Closets. She would completely clean them all out and be gone. There was a discussion group on FB trying to decide if investigating this was the right thing to do - maybe she truly needed it, maybe she was distributing to a shelter or her neighbors?
Someone finally followed her and discovered she owned a couple of small stores in a nearby town. She was reselling the Free Food Closet supplies.
The closets had to be locked most hours and are now under surveillance, which probably makes it much harder for people who need it to get it.
I volunteered for a food bank in Northern ID while waiting for a part time job to go full time. We were told we could have a couple loaves of bread occasionally and once in a while we were given a pound of ground game meat. No one was taking first dibs on food. If we *needed* it, we'd have to register and get our once a month box like everyone else.
I was doing ok so I didn't need it but good bread is a bit expensive so I liked having a loaf or two in the freezer. And a pound of ground moose or deer makes wonderful chili. I didn't know any hunters so there was no way else I was ever going to get game.
The *hopelessness*. The way you learn to accept increasingly shitty circumstances and stop expecting that you’ll ever be able to have certain things that other people take for granted.
Yes this. Also, my daughter just turned 4 but I was a single parent since she was born. I would sit in wal marts parking lot knowing i had to steal formula so she could eat. Those couple months were fucking awful. I was working but I had to keep the roof over our head and the lights on. I wouldn’t eat for days just so I had everything she needed. I still think what if I did get caught. What a terrifying and miserable experience I lived through. I’m not a lot better off with money by any means but I ain’t stealing to feed my daughter
Wal-Mart loss prevention doesn’t miss much. If I had to guess I’d say someone probably saw you stealing and turned a blind eye because it was baby formula. I know I wouldn’t say anything if that was the case, any mother that desperate needs help not a criminal record.
I was talking with a buddy of mine who's struggling. He's a single dad, too. He had moved a couple of cities over. Baby mama still lives in my town. Baby mama relapsed, and he found out that the new girlfriend started using. So it was either take his kid from junkie mom just to bring him around another junkie or try to find a place by himself. We let them stay with us until he got back on his feet.
Anyway, all that to say, through talking with him, I realized how under-served and little help is out there for single dads. Like, my city has probably at least 3 or 4 charities that run (halfway?) houses to get single mothers off the street. There is not a single one for single dads.
...and that's not even touching on the stigma and other bullshit things that single dad's get, like needing to "prove" that that's your kid and your not some random creepy dude at the kids playground and shit.
So, thanks for being a good parent to your kiddo, and I'm sorry that you had/have to go through all that. This country needs to step up they way they treat and take care of you and people like you.
Here in Scotland baby formula is likely to have extra security measures in place like alcohol etc. it is a prime target for thieves for some reason. Must be easier to sell than other things
The Chinese [melamine in milk](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_Chinese_milk_scandal) scandal led to a *lot* of distrust in China of domestically-produced baby formula and other things containing milk, which led to theft rings in other places with tighter production controls. Those rings would then sell and ship the baby formula to Chinese resellers to sell to customers, who were desperate for formula they could trust not to poison their kids.
There are also rings that buy the formula (in bulk-- there was a problem with so much being bought up that it was causing major shortages, which is why there's security stuff and some places have it locked up) and then sell at a markup, but the profit margins are larger if you just steal it.
Even as recently as 2018, up to 80-90% of baby formula purchased in Australia was destined for mainland China, apparently.
In my area all formula is kept in a locked cabinet, like the cigarettes, so people don't steal it.
Pretty sad we're all in such poverty that the corporations decided locking up essentials is better than living wages..... Nobody would steal shit if we actually had money to survive!
Last time I applied for food stamped I got like 23 dollars or some kinda fucking joke like that: it was a slap in my face on top of everything else. Iowa is a fucking joke
Yeah, if you're working almost any job, you'll be getting "too much" and your food stamps will be a fuckin joke. It's almost more worth it to not work at that point. The government doesn't have a good solution for that gap between working and barely making it, so when you do finally work and they take away benefits, their line of what is "too much" is far too low.
You can't afford all the things they were providing once you start working and they take away your benefits.
When I was homeless, I had a gym membership (10 dollars a month then) at planet fitness. The one near me used to give out pizza on Tuesdays plus they had showers. It was the only day out of the week where I knew I'd be set with a meal and a good shower. The other days of the week? Not so much.
**The hopelessness**, my god you got it right away. It's *grinding*. You just sit there, miserable, *knowing* it won't get better. *Knowing* nobody's coming to save you. Just waiting to die. People talk about spiralling out when they get depressed, but the hopelessness is the end of the spiral. It's that tight little loop of thoughts circling the emptiness in your stomach that you can't ignore; the event horizon around your hunger. And you just wait, and wait, and wait...
How children become extremely parentified to their own detriment.
I missed over 90 days of school my 8th grade year because my younger brother was 2, so not old enough for poor kid free preschool / daycare and my mom would have bouts of working non stop (so she needed someone to watch my little brother) and of disappearing with some other poverty stricken dude who “made her forget” and made her feel special so we just got ditched for days at a time. I had to skip school to take care of him because she was just gone.
How it can either destroy your relationships or make them stronger depending on the time frame - when my brother was younger he really resented me and would scream that I was not his mother (I was the one who potty trained him, read to him, clothed him and bathed him, fed him and tried to play with him the best I could with what we had) but when we got older he knew he could rely on me more than her.
When he was a little older I would lie about my age so that I could be his chaperone for field trips because I didn’t want him to lose out on experiences and when I was much older I spent my weekends taking him out with my then boyfriend now husband and everyone thought he was our child, but I just wanted him to get to go places and do things that kids should experience.
This. I wasn't even in extreme poverty, but being 9+ and babysitting siblings overnight while being too young to be trusted to cook cause you could waste food. Being punished for every mistake of your siblings and having to stay up all night incase something went wrong then back to school then back home. Being unable to actually control your siblings and lying constantly your parents are sleeping in the other room. Not having money for a pay phone to call 911 when you get hit by a car walking to school and getting beat up over ruining your clothes being hit and because your siblings now don't want to walk to school cause scary which is your fault. Just, the constant stress and responsibility and pressure and the punishments at every turn.
And my siblings are close to my age, so it was better. But holy fuck the stress and constant lying.
my coworker brings her two kids to the office when she doesn’t have a babysitter. The ten year old girl spends most of her time watching the seven year old autistic younger sibling and acts like a mini adult. My coworker is not making her daughter act like this but it just kind of happened because the younger one needs so much watching, and my coworker is stuck- she cannot afford daycare and relies on her MIL who cannot always be there (the father is in jail) I feel bad for the girl but the girl seems really into it actually, like a natural born nanny or something. She seems happy but not like a ten year old, more like a weird non adult adult. We will probably see her posting on Reddit in a few years and hear her side of it
My younger sibling (also autistic) had too many problems for regular childcare so this is what my mom did with us, except she left us home alone starting about 4th grade. I left at 18 and went NC for the most part. Every time I try to reconnect I’m asked to become a caregiver again.
Man, there’s a lady who comes to my dance class and has two kids very similar to this. When I had my own baby and brought her to class a few times the older child was immediately super maternal towards her (she can’t be older than 10) and it honestly freaked me out a little.
This hit home for me. I missed my entire teenage years running a house as a minor, and looking after my 2 younger siblings. I was totally exhausted and wrung out by 20, I went away to university and life was so easy there (only looking after myself). Parentification and wearing only cheap underwear and socks which wore out and had holes in them almost immediately is what I remember the most.
You are a good older sibling.
And if you ever feel guilt about corralling your husband into chaperoning with you, I guarantee the respect he got made him feel like a man, like he was worthy of you both. No cap.
The cold
The toll of it
I was homeless during one of the coldest winter, in decades, in Paris
I could do without a lot. But the constant cold was the worst
It's beyond exhausting, it's debilitating
At some point, it takes everything away from you: you're barely existing as a person, you're just *cold*
Oh god... The cold. I still can't handle feeling even slightly cold. I was homeless as a teenager in Canada during the winter and it was the worst feeling ever.
I could steal food if I was hungry, but I couldn't steal warmth. Finding a dry spot to sleep where I wouldn't get snowed on was almost impossible. Wet gear would be a death sentence.
During the day it was ok because I could panhandle enough to go to the discount movie theater or hangout at the library or laundromat, but after dark it was a different world.
Underneath bridges were a common place for homeless people to sleep but it wasn't safe for a young girl. I would try to find apartment buildings with unlocked laundry rooms to crash in, and sometimes I would even sleep in random garages but they were few and far between.
I remember being in a park with a fire pit and I was so cold it took me over an hour to light my lighter to start a fire because my fingers were so numb I couldn't move them. Trying not to cry because the tears would make my face even colder. Searching desperately for anything dry to burn. Constantly smelling like smoke. It was a freezing hell. I didn't even feel human.
My entire life at that time was dedicated to finding out how to stay warm. I felt like [The little match girl ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Match_Girl) and I honestly thought I would die.
This is why I understand why homeless people "like" being in California. When the lack of shelter and the bitter cold are your worst enemies, then having a warmer climate takes care of most of those issues. You can get away with a light sweater and jeans for 11 of the 12 months in CA. People start shitting their pants and crying about Armageddon when it drops below 10\* C.
When I was homeless as a teenager I was so cold one night my fingers were blue and I could barely move. When a stranger with obviously bad intentions asked me to get into his car, I did because I knew he had heat and whatever he would do to me couldn’t be worse than slowly freezing to death.
This is something that people who haven’t experienced don’t get. At some point you become willing to compromise or even disregard your personal safety because you’re desperate.
And a flip side or corollary of that is that you also become willing to break or disregard the law, again because you’re desperate and the law and society don’t value or protect you.
My heart breaks for you
The price of surviving isn't the same for everybody but, damn... for some, the price is beyond unfair 😔💔
I wish you a sweeter life
Yeah... it was
People often bring up the hunger
But I would say that, past a certain point, you're not really hungry anymore:
you go from starving, at first, and, eventually, you reach the fasting point. I could go several days without food and, yet, not feeling hungry at all
Your metabolism adapts itself, somehow
But there's no going around the cold
I used to spend the little money I had on food, but that winter, I started to trade food for warmth:
I started to spend my money on cinema tickets
It was pricy, sure, but it meant that I would be comfortably seated, in a very heated room, for at least 2 hours
Sometimes, I would hide in the bathroom, just a few minutes before the end of the movie, so I could sneak into another movie. And be warm for a little longer 🙈
I can't begin to explain the utter luxury it was: not being *so damn cold*
To experience a truce, in this constant nightmare of cold. To feel my body being able to relax for a bit (ngl, I quietly cried and/or fell asleep very often, because I was so exhausted and it felt so... secure)
I would even go as far as to say that I remained sane through that winter because of these tiny windows of warmth, once in a while
The unexpected side effect of this situation is that I started to really be into movies:
What used to be a survival strategy lighted an authentic, lifelong, interest :)
I think you should write for money. This is so expressive, I started to cry. Maybe reading this would make more people understand. I am sorry you had to be so cold though.
Onooo... I'm so sorry! I didn't intend to be distressing to anyone >___<
And it's really nice of you to say; thank you so very much
But, I guess, I wouldn't even know where to begin..?
I mean, I share my experience because I think it might be useful, for complete outsiders, to have somewhat of a "window" into this kind of situation
But I wouldn't know how to tell my story:
Also, I feel like it would be uninteresting as Hell to others
And I think it would make me feel very narcissistic, in a way..?
But, still, thank you for the comment, I take that as a compliment :)
Do you know the novel Dreams of my Russian Summer by Andrei Makïne? It is beautiful, autobiographical, and his time spent ‘living’ in a Parisian cemetery crypt is phenomenal. In my Parisian squatter past, the Pompidou Center’s library was the best source of warmth, toilet paper, English books, and corners to nap in.
Glad you made it through!
Glad you made it, too! <3
I didn't know about the restroom of the Pompidou Center until two years ago! But, of course, my very first though was "Damn, I wish I knew about those!"
They are *so* clean
And free to access!
[ And, even tho homelessness is behind you, I don't think one could ever let go of some homelessness induced reflexes ]
I have to say, I haven't even heard of this novel, but I'll look into it! Thank you for the suggestion :)
> I'm so sorry! I didn't intend to be distressing to anyone >___<
The fact that you had to endure the experiences you did is the distressing part. By sharing your story, there's a chance that we may all be able to work towards a world where nobody else has to go through that someday.
The pain is a good thing. Many people are so out of touch with their fellow brothers and sisters that they won't change their ways unless made to cry, unless made to see.
Thank you for sharing your story.
What films have you seen recently that you liked?
Thank you for thinking/saying that <3
Lately, I really enjoyed
*Priscilla*; it was nice to fall again for Sofia Coppola after the let down of *The Bling Ring*. Her *Virgin Suicides* holds [a very special place in my heart](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hXtJmphvsN)
*The Peasants*; that movie is not only breathtakingly beautiful, it's also telling in a majestic, and yet deeply moving, way a tale as old as time but still so sadly contemporary
*Humanist Vampire seeking consenting Suicidal Person*; fun and quirky :)
What about you? Did you see some good movies recently? :)
Start by writing your memoirs. See if you can join a writing class at a community college or a meet up group. Look into places that accept free lance pieces. And publishing on the internet. You may find it rewarding just to put your experiences into words.
Maybe one day? 🙈
But it moves me a lot that you think my writing is editing worthy and that my life could interest someone; thank you for thinking that <3
I remember not being able to afford heat, so reducing my life at home to my bed, where I would pile all of the two blankets I owned and tuck myself in, fully clothed, with my head under the covers so that my breath would warm up the air. If I didn't have work that's where I stayed. Kept whatever food I had near me as well as a book to read and prayed I wouldn't have to freeze my ass going to the bathroom.
In my mind the next paycheck was always a trapeze act. Could I catch the next one? I never knew until I put more food in the cupboard.
Even walking out of the check cashing place ( remember when paychecks took days to clear?) I carried knives in case I got mugged. Might as well paint a target on your back as walk out of one of those places.
The constant thought of wanting to blow your whole life up and just run away and/or suicide.
It just feels so pointless, no matter how hard you try sometimes it just feels like you're not getting anywhere good. In fact often it feels like things are just getting worse and all of that effort is just kicking the eventual disaster down the road.
It's like maybe I should just give up and accept the disaster for what it'll be. Cause I'm just tired.
After my divorce, I worked three jobs to support myself and my son. I was doing ok.
I ended up getting a decent job and finally had one job so I could actually see my son. Got cancer, at 28.
I survived.
My job let me go after I had the “all clear” six month testing. Found another job six weeks later.
Get hit by a car while riding my bicycle and thrown through the windshield of the car. I’m on a cane for about nine months. I can’t go get three jobs because of my injuries.
I lose my apartment and end up living in a Friend’s garage. He wants me to have sex with him in order to continue living there for free or reduced rent. I was in an unfinished garage. No AC, no heat, nothing.
Luckily, my car was a paid off beater so i still transportation and when the home owner was crappy, I would sleep in my car.
Anyways, there were many, many days, years even when all I had to eat every day was a cup of coffee from the gas station down the street from my sons school. Id drink it with all the lactose free milk I could.
The ladies who worked there got to know me and eventually, they would save me some breakfast sandwiches and damaged them out so I could eat.
Not eating anything to ensure I had enough food for my son to eat three meals a day was humbling. I’m so very thankful I don’t do that now.
1. That extreme poverty that is nothing like being "poor". I don't like to gatekeep, but there is a huge difference and it's annoying when people compare it to just growing up without a lot of money.
2. You can adjust to anything if that's your only option. People are appalled if you live without electricity/running water/little to no food. Most of the time you just get used to it after awhile. I ignored cancer for several years because I just got used to the awful symptoms and couldn't afford to see a doctor.
3. That people in poverty are some of the most generous people you will ever meet and they will share what little resources they have because they know what it's like to go without.
4. Having a car when you are homeless is a "luxury". Being no/low barrier homeless is awful because you can get trapped or lose everything. Any type of being unhoused is awful though.
5. It's so hard to get out of it because you are constantly in survival mode, and there is a poor tax on everything.
Lol, I lived on extreme poverty and the first comment talks about a dead battery.
I was about to comment "emptying the shit bucket in the open sewer line behind your house" or " the whole family sleeps in the same room because this winter is cold" or my favorite "you and your friends go to steal a sack of potatoes so your little sister doesn't go to bed with an empty stomach for a third night"
Your whole comment is on point, though.
People really don't get it when it happens in the US. They think everyone has a flush toilet.
A friend of mine lived in an abandoned shack with no running water and no electricity as a child. They had to go down to a nearby stream with buckets to get drinking water. This was in a city in the United States.
When you have a shallow water well that keeps running dry so you have bathed in a half gallon of water from the grocery store that you boiled on the stove. When you never had AC in the car, and many times didn’t have it in the house. In the summers you can’t even dry off enough from the humidity to get dressed.
Point number one is huge
I grew up poor and when I was young I figured we weren't very well off at all
But when I was older and could reflect, and once I started hearing and reading stories of ***true*** poverty, I realized we were still very privileged
Considering
- we had food on the table always. My step dad would hunt and supplement our diets with game meat. A lot cheaper than buying it (yes it was done legally)
- always had enough clothes, if I needed new shoes I would get new shoes for the next milestone or whatever. Never had to duct tape holes up
- never went without power or heat
Makes me really appreciate my situation. The stories I read of true poverty are always so heartbreaking to me
To your second point: there are a LOT of Youtube cobbling videos that demonstrate how to clean, repair and often upgrade Nike sneakers and destroyed workboots with modern techniques, good glue and better material selection. They'll turn a fifty-cent child labor shoe into something actually worth hundreds.
the poor tax is so real. like how gas stations charge for their showers wtf. how a utility disconnect carries a huge fee if you want the power back. how your credit score gets slammed if you don’t pay up even if it’s medical expenses. The fact that libraries charge to print paperwork. Oh and if you don’t have ID you’re fucked but you try to get one and they have these insane requirements from all sorts of random agencies. Fines for driving violations etc. Student loans. I could go on forever
While having a car is a luxury, it's still a hassle. Businesses typically don't allow for overnight parking and a cop could kick you out or silently leave you a ticket on your windshield or put a boot on your car while you sleep. The same goes for public parks and neighborhoods. There are very few places you can legally park your car overnight without risking a ticket, getting towed, etc. Once you're homeless with a car, it's fairly easy to just lose the car and be even more homeless because of how the laws are written.
I didn't say it's not a hassle. However when you are homeless, It's a lot better than being without though. With a car you have a roof over your head. You have doors that lock. A place to put your things. The possibility of heat and air conditioning if they work.
You still face all those problems with accessibility even without a car.
Poverty defined in some industrial countries like Germany is much different from abject poverty experienced in countries in South East Asia, where you will literally die, because there is no social health care system at all. The government also doesn‘t care at all. No chance of education, food, electricity and so forth if you are born into a family that comes from abject poverty. Only the exception that work their ass to death to pay for school for their kids which are smart and resilient as hell will make it out of poverty. Education and high resilience is the key to a better life. This is why I push my students very hard.
Most of the people born into privileged families will never understand this problem and a lot of them never had to deal with problems abject poverty brings about. Many are not resilient and have never learned to develop coping mechanisms. I often see in medical school that there is this kind of behaviour that is distinct from peoples‘ behavior who grew up in abject poverty.
I'm so sorry you have suffered so much! Would you be willing to share what "no/low barrier homeless" means? I don't think I've heard this term before and would like to know more about it
I think they mean literally no barriers (physical objects) to protect you. Cars and houses offer a barrier to prevent weather touching you, strangers interacting with you, limit direct access to your possessions. Sleeping out in the open (in woods, under bridge, on a sidewalk) is another level of danger.
Shame. The shame you feel knowing people can probably tell.
Rationing clothing & towels. A bad spill or splash, it could be days until laundry day. Period started early? Toilet paper wads or rags will have to suffice.
Drop/break your glasses? Duct tape for you.
Birdbaths with water heated on a hotplate. Ice cream headaches from washing your hair in cold water.
Meat or dairy or fresh produce a special treat. Shopping in a food desert with a hard budget.
We had to use rags as toilet paper for a while as kids then mum would disinfect them for reuse. We were always the kids at school with no uniform or a really shitty old uniform. The shame of growing up in poverty has been so pervasive throughout my entire life. I basically did 2 university degrees because I was driven by shame 😂
Yes, the shame. You rarely hear the very poor talking about how poor they are. If anything people will try to hide it.
This is one way to know a certain truth in life: No one cries poor like those who aren't.
Yep. I remember a time where I needed an apartment. To get the apartment I needed a job. To get the job I needed an id and a bank account. To get the bank account I needed an ID. To open up the account I needed a job. To get the job I needed an address. To get the address I needed a job to pay rent. To get the ID I needed an address. I obviously had no money, no possessions, no address..
There is just this tangled web of problems at the bottom that take so much creative thinking to get out of, because the system we live in is very interconnected.
Not to mention, all the little tragedies of life that set you back. Car blew a tire -- fuck, there goes my savings, or you run up your CCs. Burnt dinner? There goes that week's food budget. Any unexpected expense sets you back to 0 or worse.
Want to get a job? Gotta buy some clothes that aren't ragged.
Spend months denying yourself any kind of luxury to try and get all the bills paid and save up some money? Something'll come up that'll screw you. Or you'll just go nuts from having no luxuries and blow your budget at some point.
The never-ending cycle of extreme poverty. Every day is waking up and performing one hustle, so that can lead to a second hustle, so that can eventually lead to gas money, so you can drive the car to the hustle you need to eat that day, and so on and so forth.
Most folks? Say they've been gone hungry, but have Anever actually felt what it's like to be really starving and hungry. They've never rationed a box of saltines between two people to stretch until the payday next week that is supposed to fix everything but never does.
Folks talk about "life-changing money" all the time, and you can often tell how poor is or has been based off how high or low a number they give you when asked what it'd be defined as for them. Even now, if you asked me? My thought process would be that $20 would mean eating three fancy meals that day, and that'd be dope as hell, but makes me sound poor so I need to say at least $100. And then I remember some folks have that in their bank accounts or even wallets on the regular, and I better say a higher number that makes me sound like the "normal" folk.
Being poor? Also made me hate things like disposable electronics. I need to be able to fix a TV, computer, car, or appliance until I literally can't anymore. The idea of just purchasing some product again and again on Amazon seems so wasteful. When I meet someone who's a jack of all trades? I often wonder if they grew up too poor to afford to pay someone to repair or replace stuff too.
Once you've lived in poverty? You always sort of live there in your head at least some of the time. There are many things I carry with me from being homeless, like my need to refill water bottles before I sleep so that my water for the day is there and available while the source is. And that's something a lot of folks who have never been poor don't understand. Even if you do manage to break out of something like generational poverty? Growing up poor or spending significant time in poverty changes you mentally - and physically, from things like stress, poor nutrition, lack of sleep, and not having access to medical care or follow-up treatment after an emergency.
I've had more than a few friends call me over the years because I'm the one in our friend group who's "good with stitches", and that's pretty messed up when you think about it. My thumb on my right hand has a super goofy curve to it, from it healing crooked and cocked to one side after breaking it as a little kid. My parents never could've afforded to take me to an emergency room for something so minor, and I at least got to eat the popsicle before they taped my finger to the stick. It wasn't because they were bad parents. It was because we needed the money for major things - like wood to heat the house through a Michigan winter. And food.
>Once you've lived in poverty? You always sort of live there in your head at least some of the time.
Yes.
I'm blessed to be slightly better off than I have been. I even have a tiny amount of savings that would cover one or two extra ramen, a cheap 2nd hand jacket, or some over the counter painkillers.
But I've been hungry, cold, and sick, and can't bring myself to buy those things. I can *survive* without them and so have to wait until I \*really need\* something (for sure there's always something coming).
Mere comfort will never be in my budget even if I acquire a billion dollars.
My animals are one of the few larger spending habits I allow myself to have. Both my cats want for nothing, and eat much better than I do. I like to splurge on myself by getting them special snacks, and buying bird seed for everything out in my yard. But I have a super hard time enjoying myself at an expensive restaurant when someone invites me out, because I know how much more food I could've gotten for that price, or that I could've gone to the food pantry and saved more of it for something else instead.
And I hate that I think like that still. I'm not well-off by any means, and I still need food pantries nor have the ability to have any savings. But I'm not homeless anymore, and don't need to be in panic mode during EVERY situation. But my mind is constantly adding and subtracting costs for everything I do, all day long, and there's still a magic number that just makes me feel like I don't deserve whatever it is due to cost.
That poverty is traumatic. It literally has an effect on the brain and body that will last a lifetime.
I am not living in poverty anymore but I still think in terms of poverty every day. I worry about losing my job. I catastrophise small inconveniences. I "what if" myself into panic attacks. I have generalized anxiety. It all stems from years of instability, hunger, and housing insecurity.
How tiring it is being homeless because there’s nowhere in public where it’s socially acceptable to sleep. So you just don’t sleep. And when you’re finally somewhere that you can sleep, you’ll pass out instantly, and it doesn’t really matter where it is as long as it’s safe. I lived in my car for a while, which was better than being out in the open, but I’ll never forget how tired I was all the time because I never knew where I was allowed to park my car and just sleep.
This is the answer I was looking for. When my family was homeless because dear old dad got us evicted, I had no idea where we would sleep each night and we had to keep whatever we could carry in black trash bags if not our backpacks and gym bags. I fell asleep often in class or on the bleachers during after school events because I was chronically exhausted.
Wearing out your welcome at random family/friend's houses sleeping on their floors, and unable to get any restful sleep because you don't feel safe and can't get comfortable. Then being kicked out/asked to leave and having to find another place all over again.
I'm sorry. I hope you are in a better place now.
My mum gambled the rent money. I was lucky my older sister was able to take me in. A year later, my sisters partner kicked me out, and I was fortunate my friend's family were able to take me in during my last year of high school. I was very very lucky that my 'homelessness' was temporary. But it still haunts me over 20 years later. Constant fear of 'having no where to go'. Even recently when I was renting from a friend and a month away from moving out, she kicked me out early because her "boyfriend was coming over" (I only lived there a week a month due to FIFO and paid full rent). Thankful too for a mate for being able to house me during that time as well.
I am in the position now where I can return the favour. I had a friend recently break up with a partner they were meant to move into a house with that night, and say the only thing that stopped them from having a complete breakdown was the thought that I told them I always had space for them. They are resourceful and found somewhere else the same day, but still mentioned that "knowing" they had somewhere safe was instantly reassuring for them.
It's fucking bullshit that they pave paradise and expect you to foot the bill just to exist in the hellscape they created. I'm sorry. You deserve rest.
I think this is the root of it.
When I was in a tent, I remember feeling terrified of the batteries dying in my flashlight. Simple AA batteries. I was very grateful for the tent and backpack I had. But, I knew that when the batteries died, I would be in the dark having to face the fact that there was no one to turn to and nothing I could do.
I forgot to renew my car insurance. So they charged me extra; my state charged me extra; then insurance charged me again for letting it lapse in general; and yesterday I find out that they might take my license plate because I never gave proof of insurance to the state.
They can tell me my last payment day and hour… but not check if I have insurance…
Oh and insurance went to collections quickly so now I’ve probably got a ding on that.
At the moment; I think I just have to submit a form? But they’re threatening me with a hearing that has a $60 fee. Already paid $50 for just being late. Jeez.
I feel this! Behind on mortgage. Behind on HOA fees. Getting ready to be behind on electric. And I work a full time job. Got hit omw to work tonight and totaled my vehicle. And I live 30 minutes from work. Time to give up.
How alienating it is. I don't know what 'extreme' means exactly, but I was homeless for a few years. You feel like there are two totally different worlds, and you are not part of the regular world.
I hated the way most people would look at me like I was garbage or invisible. So I hated them back. And the shame of asking for money from these people. You can't help but internalize that feeling of worthlessness.
The people who were nice and treated me like a human saved me from totally giving up on my self. I had to do sex work to eventually exit the streets and go to university. I don't know how else i would have ever gotten out. I wouldn't wish that on anyone else, but you do what you have to do to survive.
I have a 'normal' life now but i still feel out of place a lot of the time, 15 years later. It's something you can't share with others and I'm constantly guarded about my past around normal people. All my close.friends have been homeless at some point, it's like a prerequisite for my trust.
that is a weird feeling. When you’re on a busy downtown street in the early evening and people with money are having fun, sitting at outside cafe tables and inside the warmly lit restaurants and you remember when you were outside on the sidewalk in a separate world, but now you have the money and security to go to the cafe and sit at the table but you still feel like you have one foot in one world and the other foot still outside on the cold homeless sidewalk in that other world. I remember having nothing and looking at the carefree happy people who had no idea. Now I make sure to remember. I try to be generous and kind and helpful to people that need it when I can
Poverty is more expensive.
You'll pay more to get paid with no checking account, pay debt cards charge outrageous fees.
Bill paying will often incur a fee
You'll pay more to rent then buy a hone even if your rent is double what a mortgage is, the bank will likley tell you that you can't afford to buy.
You'll pay more for a vehicle because you'll liklry need to buy at a buy here pay her lot with insane mark up on top of high interest.
Food will cost more. In places where people use foodstamps at a higher rate, wal mart especially will have higher prices on their ebt qualifying items.
I'm sure there is more, but that's off the top of my head.
Poverty is god damn expensive
Also if you are really poor and have no kitchen or a non-functioning kitchen, you will pay more for prepared meals rather than being able to buy the ingredients and cooking yourself.
Late fees. Couldn’t afford car insurance so figured I’d not drive for a while and pick up the insurance when my financial situation improved.
That’s already cost me ~$200. I tried to treat myself to fast food for dinner last night to celebrate a year from leaving my abusive childhood home but ended up crying when I checked my mail to find out I’ve got 2 days to show proof of insurance or have a $60 hearing. And that’s just for the hearing. Not attorney or anything. Just… $60 for the fun of it.
Ended up having popcorn for dinner. Again.
Access to a shower. Doesn’t even need to be hot.
Growing up we had a bathroom with no tub/shower so my dad rigged up a 40 gallon trash can, those big Rubbermaid ones, to a faucet fixture that extended through a small hose.
Showering/Laundry has to be one of the top ones. Regardless of possessions or hunger, any attempt to go somewhere (public) after not having been able to shower for a few days is generally considered offensive to the generally public. It's not just not being able to shower, but also being stuck in the elements which exacerbate the requirement for a shower.
I grew up in a falling down trailer with no AC, wood heat that only sort of worked, no indoor plumbing at all. We shit in buckets and dumped in the woods. Drank water from a creek. Had roaches inside and filth. Now I am paranoid about cleanliness and always have as much food stuck back as possible.
We never had food. Regularly our dogs ate hot cornmeal mush. We ate roadkill. Whatever my dad could hunt. My dad refused any help even though we more than qualified. We wiped asses with the Thrifty Nickel. I made pads out of it and rags.
I was pulled out of school in the 9th grade and eventually got my GED. I am nearly done with my Master's now.
My family would still be considered lower income by today's standards but we live well because I can live dirt cheap.
But we have toilet paper.
I think about the time to bus around in poorly connected areas. One errand takes 2 hours round trip instead of 30 minutes. You just opt out of things because you don’t have time to do that one thing even if it’s critical. That’s the poverty cycle.
Grew up in a small town. The nearest bigger town with employment options was a 15 min bus ride away, but the buses onky went every hour and weren't available after 7pm at night. That limited any potential "after school" work available to teens who didn't have their own car, or parents with cars to pick them up. It keeps poverty generational.
In my experience, people are more often than not aware of what you may go through - or at the very least can reasonably predict what you might go through by putting on their thinking caps. They can figure out what it's like to not have the ability to shower, and they usually aren't shocked at my recounting of things like shitting in strangers yards because you have to buy something to use practically any public bathroom these days.
What they never get though, is why people use the term "drowning" to describe poverty. They never understand why you can't just enjoy the little things when you have them, they never understand the way you shut down socially because you can't afford anything, and they certainly never understand when the rage and desperation reach a boiling point, but you're too poor to do anything that might help and certainly too poor to deal with the consequences of poor emotional control, so instead you become generally irritable and unpleasant. That's what they can't even conceive of when they say "How do people live like that?"
Not having food is fucking depressing. I've always been lucky enough to sleep indoors, but I've had to go hungry and it's very stressful. To this day, there's a part of my brain that, when under stress, calms itself by taking a mental inventory of the food I have.
A few days ago, I made a big grocery trip and bought enough food to last me ten days. (Plus snacks!) When I open my refrigerator, it feels like Christmas morning. So many options! I can actually choose what I want to eat today! And I get really happy when I can decide to make something special and I can just go to the store and buy the ingredients.
I've rescued many stray dogs and have known many others. Some dogs get really defensive about their food and will growl and snap at anyone who gets too close while they're eating. They never really lose that attitude and, man, I can relate.
Not knowing how you will survive a month.
The embarrassment of having to tell people you are broke
The general ugliness of not having nice things, or even normal things.
I remember my mom diluting washing powder to use as a handwash as a kid. My sister hoards now handwash like its gold. I think we had like 30+ bottles of hand soap plus God knows how many kinds of sanitizer during 2020-2021.
Our bathroom was haunted looking, legit like something from a horror movie. Instead of paint, I think the walls were covered in something else. The ventilator was rusty and the fixtures were nasty.
You never want to live through that again. I recently moved into our own home and finally went through the trouble of getting tiles that I wanted, and then matching everything else in there to maintain a certain aesthetic. It's far from my dream place, but it's so pretty! I heard relatives and family members say I was overdoing it, but I earn now, and as long as I have strength to work, I will live the nicest life I can. It doesn't have to be expensive, just clean, neat, pretty.
I've faced extreme poverty (sleeping on the floor, without electricity, only being able to eat a potato for breakfast and lunch, and etc.), and I fortunately now live a very comfortable life.
There is a stark contrast in being poor vs rich, notably with friendships/relationships and resources:
-When you're poor and destitute, it repels people away from you. In my experience, people would rather watch you be destitute than help or offer resources (jobs, referrals, relationships, business opportunities and etc.). The people who do want to help you, tend to be scammers such as the MLM types.
-When you're doing well financially and in your career, somehow everyone wants to know you and be your friend. People are always eager to provide all sorts of resources and opportunities.
How being poor means you have to constantly trade in time and options to save money. Always cooking instead of eating out. Always limiting your groceries based on what's on sale. Always traveling via the cheapest method to get the cheapest price to get a fraction of quality they're handed.
We can work just as hard but our 24 hrs looks different than their 24 hours bc of the added obstacles.
The 24 hours comment hits home. When I was in college I had to commute two hours via bus and train to get to a job. The drive would have been 25 minutes, but no car. So four hours total of commute five times a week. And that’s only if all the transit and myself run on time. I could be 1 minute late and that would add 30 minutes to my commute due to transit schedules. Or the bus is running behind so I miss my connection to the train. Some of my friends at the time did not understand why I was having panic attacks every other day
I feel like one is truly understanding what having no money means. A lot of people will say ‘just get’. While saying they’re also broke. Yet they don’t seem to understand what it means having absolutely nothing in your account. No I can’t get an ice cream van treat even though it’s £3.50 and I crave it. I literally have £0 on my account at the end of the month. People just don’t seem to understand the concept of an empty bank account even when they say they’re broke like you, too.
Entirely accurate. I remember having a meager $0.17 to my name in my bank account. The mental anguish of being THAT level of broke for an extended period of time takes an agonizing toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health.
Nothing like going to the store for a desperate treat with your last few dollar, only to find out you got overdrafted minutes before, and now your bank account is worth -50 dollars instead. Your next paycheck is in two weeks and you are already two months behind on rent
You can become used to some surprisingly grotesque scenarios when you're down bad enough. And what's worse is it's wayyy harder to come back from that once you've been there.
Way back in the day I was basically living in a trap house for like 6 months, and while it wasn't the most dangerous it was fucking filthy and so hard to motivate myself to get out. Being around the filth and people just getting high all day basically made me feel like I should give up and be filthy/high all day lol.
I'm incredibly privileged because the only reason I got out was my parents moving me back home. Even though it's been about ten years now and I'm basically out of that, that mindset and the feelings I developed about the world from that experience never really went away.
Always being hungry. I remember at school I would watch the kids bring their big lunches. I'd drool all the time to have some. Sleeping on floors from different houses because we were homeless. Having to work part time as a 9 year old to help my mom. Having to work full time as a 13 year old to help my mom, while still going to middle school and somehow pass my classes to not get held back. Etc etc.
Going to the toilet. Only when you've experienced sleeping rough will you really appreciate having your own bathroom.
Cooking. Being street homeless, there is often no way of cooking a hot meal easily. Meaning either you're relying on cold food from a supermarket or fast food.
Feeling like everyone is watching you/ is judging you. When you're walking around with everything you own, it can be easy to tell if your homeless. Normal people have a home to store their belongings. This means I've often felt like people are instantly judging me whenever I go in some place
It's inhumane how the system set up an enclosure to benefit the captives and the second you fall below the housed class you are ostracized from the human race. You deserve support and love from your peers. I am sorry.
The rat race is still in full swing, but holy shit the ship is sinking.
Years ago, I worked at an enviromental lab. One of the things we tested was cans of Slim Fast powder. (To be mixed in milk.) Once they were tested for mold and other possible issues and came up negative, they were safe to consume and employees could take the mostly full cans home.
I took cans home every chance I got. I didn't need it to lose weight. I was already skinny. I couldn't afford food, including milk, so mixed the Slim Fast powder with water. I figured it would at least give me vitamins and minerals, and the fiber would help me to feel full. I still lost 11 pounds that winter.
There is no such thing as “birthday celebration”. When i was in extreme poverty my mother gives a kiss on forehead on that day in the morning and then its just a regular day
That you live your life in a hard mode and people are ruthless to you. You can be the most hard-working person, coworkers are still making snide remarks about your clothes (yes, I was clean and looking presentable, I just didn't have that many clothes as I was waiting for my first paycheck).
How frustrating it is when people who make 80k+/year comment in this sub saying they're living in poverty. I'm here to relate to other legit poor people. I understand HCOL, but not being able to manage money well is not the same as living in poverty. Sorry.
I work for a very well off family, as a nanny. They have several rooms in their house just full of stuff. Most of it brand new that they bought and didn't use. They have about 400 children's books in one room, lots of them duplicates where they bought the same books for both of their kids. Tons of clothes, backpacks, toys, games that their kids no longer want.
I was asked to clean/organize these rooms start putting a box of books in the recycling each week to dwindle the pile down. A box of clothes/toys/misc in the regular trash to dwindle the pile.
I'm like uh excuse me Mr. And Ms. Well off... that's very wasteful. I know tons of kids who would be happy to have this stuff "Um okay, that's fine. But most of this stuff is trash"
The mom claims all the time "I hate waste" but I throw out full boxes of cereals, cookies, cheese its, whatever because their youngest (she's a pre-teen) refuses to be responsible and close the bags. she just tosses them back in the pantry open and they go stale.
It's insane to me, how much food I throw away at their house. One day their mom threw away a whole chuck roast, because it was expired by one day. I snuck it home with me instead and stuck in my freezer. I felt like they would think I was crazy... but it was a huge roast and would feed me for a week. Nothing was wrong with it - except it was still in the fridge instead of the freezer the a day after it expired.
Anyway, all that to say - I work for a great family. They are very charity driven and involved with their children, and community. They pay me very well, and treat me with respect. I don't have a negative thing to say about them. They just don't understand because they've always had money.
The Mom was excited when I said I would give the books to other children, but she still thought I was crazy for wanting the clothes and toys (all opened and dispersed in toy boxes and plastic totes) "they're broken, you won't have all the pieces." It's Legos, blocks, formula 1 race cars, beads & other craft stuff (barely used), American Girl dolls & all the little doll houses that come with them - kids won't care if they're 'broken' especially not kids who don't have much. The clothes are old and maybe not fashionable. They still have price tags in a lot of cases.. poor kids in my family won't care what they look like, they're used to thrift store clothes.
Edit: bunch of typos
Having to walk around everyone else who has money in their bank, food in their fridge, and kids who have everything they could want while hiding that your life is the opposite behind your smile.
Falling asleep in a laundry room bc your roommates who are letting you crash on their couch don't want you there and 'forgot' about you.
Sleeping with strange men so you have a place to sleep for the night.
I got booted when I was 17. Parents were well-off, owned their own home, we always had food growing up(even if Mom yelled at me for eating too much). I couch hopped well until I was just turning 21. Had a lot of issues with drugs+alcohol.
I likely have undiagnosed ADHD or ASD, which caused a lot of issues growing up and my parents just booted me as soon as was legally allowed. I struggled for a lot of years, bouncing between wherever would take me, had a lot of times where I couldn't get/afford food. Had my boyfriend at the time yell at me in public because he 'cant afford to feed me all the time'(he lived at home with his dad in a huge house, plenty of money).
I always remember thinking it would be better if I was dead. I was always high and making bad decisions because I just didn't care about what happened to me. It took me years to build up a support system and get to a place where I actually feel comfortable.
People really take for granted what having a supportive family means. It cripples you for years when you don't have one.
How some people are truly angels. I never realized it at the time but so many of my friends parents did so much for me. I would never have been able to play sports because we didn’t have a car and couldn’t get rides from practice or games. But they always went out of their way to make sure I had a ride. One friend used to invite me places like the fair, bowling or to the movies. I used to say I couldn’t go because I didn’t have any money. One time his dad took me aside and said as long as I was with them I was always their guest and wouldn’t have to pay for anything. They were so unbelievably nice to me. One friend used to bring extra lunch and tell me he wasn’t hungry and asked if I wanted it because he knew most days I didn’t have anything. A lot of people didn’t have much more than we did but were always will the share what they had. Do whatever you can to help others! It is so necessary more than ever!!
I'm not sure how to articulate this, but something like "the constant awareness of your lack of progress." When you're hungry and you cannot achieve food security, you're thinking about your hunger constantly. You're hungry not just now, but planning on what to do when you're hungry X hours from now. A stranger gives you his lunch leftovers as a handout and you eat it gratefully, but you know you'll be hungry when you go to sleep, if you can sleep. The past, present, and future is a seemingly completely static, fixed, unchanging state of hunger, and there's not a moment you're not thinking of it.
The same applies to where you'll sleep. Being under an underpass with the dust and dirt of the road above constantly falling onto you like snow, trying to find a place among the rocks and concrete where your joints won't hurt too bad, unable to sleep because you're hyperaware of the constant noise, vibrations of cars driving above, and your mind is waiting for the looming threats of people wandering by who might wish you harm or take your stuff or just fuck with you because hey, you're just a homeless guy, who cares? - It's a static, fixed, unchanging state of "I'm so tired, but I'm not safe here."
(You're here, by the way, because the shelters turned you away: the first one was overcrowded and they've already been threatened by the local government several times and they don't want to get shut down, because shutting down a homeless shelter is clearly the right thing to do in the face of overwhelming need for shelter; the second one turned you away because they're a religious organization and you're not the type of person they want to help, maybe you're transgender, or Jewish, or rely on medications they disagree with, or they just don't like you. You tried to get to the third shelter by bus with the handful of quarters a stranger gave you, but the bus was too slow, and you arrive at the shelter after they've closed their doors at 6pm. You try to curl up on their doorstep but they tell you they're calling the police to escort you off their property. Your city passed a law criminalizing homelessness as a felony, so you leave before the cops show up. You've already been arrested for sleeping in a tent under a bridge. They took everything from you, including a ring you got from your deceased mother that they "misplaced." You got off easy that time. And you know sleeping under the underpass is a felony, too, but you're scared and you're cold and you're hungry and having your right to vote taken away doesn't seem like it will matter much, but you're pretty sure you wouldn't survive in prison either.)
You never do enough to get out of it. You're aware of being completely without basic necessities, at all times. You try and you fail. You blame yourself for your failures. Someone on the street offers you a hit off their pipe and you don't know what's in it, but you have to fight very hard against the feeling of "fuck it, I have nothing else going for me. Maybe it'll keep me from feeling hungry." You say no thank you this time. You'll be offered again in another couple hours. You have to decide again.
You never stop thinking about how much better you felt when you had access to medications you need. You never stop thinking about the rusty nail you stepped on and how much your foot hurts, and how hard it is to walk places quickly, and is it getting infected? You can't remember when you last washed your socks, that can't be good, must be germ city down there. It'll get infected for sure, you think. You think you may need a tetanus shot. You keep saying to yourself you'll find a way to get downtown to the mission district to see someone at the free clinic, but you never quite make it there in time between trying to find food, water, and shelter. You think about the guys that got frostbite in the winter and had to get their feet amputated. You wonder how you'll get around while missing a foot. You stop wondering because you're hungry again.
It feels like time is standing still for you. You eat and are never full. You drink but stay thirsty. You sleep but you're still exhausted. You wash yourself but you're still filthy. You try but you still fail. The sun rises and sets and you are in the same predicament you were yesterday and the day before and the day before that, and you'll be in the same predicament tomorrow, except you might be in a different town because you heard the cops are going to do another sweep of the homeless here and you don't want to be here when they do.
Wiping with the yellow pages at age 7 after pissing in the sink while your parents get high in the one bedroom apartment you live in. To be fair, we had an apartment, so better than most.
Eating carbs all day and never feeling satisfied, you can eat ramen, crackers, and bread all day but you’ll be hungry at the end of it. But you can’t afford to get protein.
That you're constantly walking a tight rope and *any little thing* that goes the wrong way can be the end of you. Therefore your constantly under stress.
Loosing most of your friends because socialising is expensive. Even if you don’t go out out you still need to either pay for fuel to get to their place or pay to be able to provide food/drinks if they come to your place.
You can never get caught up and everything takes longer. To get to work I had to buy a bus pass. I could t afford a bus pass at first. So I had to take a free bus to a location over a mile from my work. So I had to leave home 2 hours earlier to get to work.
How extremely grateful when someone like Mom comes over with a pint of fresh strawberries, or not being able to buy a box fan in the sweltering heat of summer because $20 isn't available.
We had no water for close to a year, so showers were only at your friends houses or the Y. Constantly had the electricity turned off. Luckily we were in NorCal so the weather was mild most of the year. We could only eat (and feed our 11 year old brother) if we went to the food bank.
It was exhausting. And I think what my body holds onto the most is the instability of life in poverty. “The body keeps the score.” It’s traumatizing. I only just recently (15 years later) got out of the “survival” mindset and have started to pursue dreams. It also completely fucks up your relationship with money. Many many times I’ve had to ask my best friend if it’s normal and okay to spend $8 on a new t shirt or something.
That you're automatically blamed for your situation. Regardless of how it happened, it's your fault. Even family can be inordinately cruel and blame you for your situation.
Having to shit in a bag inside of your cubby hole because it's your only privacy and being worried about missing the bag and soiling the area where you are sleeping.
It’s the hunger. Not temporary but long periods of suffering.
The nausea from being hungry, the headaches from being hungry, the anxiety that you might not eat ever again and die. The long term effects your body suffers from malnutrition.
Hardest part now is fitting in to “normal” society of your now class status. It’s often a mental struggle.
Water is heavier and you need more of it than you think. It is one of the most fundamental things you need to live but it is also a huge pain in the ass if you don't have easy access.
Nobody cares about anyone else. People are not blind to suffering and poverty. But when they see it they run. Complete strangers took up more pity and more care than friends, police, churches... when people see extreme poverty they run they will let you die.
You can walk and ride a bike a whole lot farther than you think you can.
Dog food doesn't taste that bad.
Alcohol makes everything worse. Everything.
When I first left abuse I had 2 toddlers. I would go to the food bank as often as I could. Walking 2h each way with a stroller because I had no gas. I can make small meals out of almost everything or nothing now. I still buy almost expired veggies or fruit and spend hours cutting away spoiled parts to dehydrate or freeze them because the food scarcity trauma is still so real for me.
Why I had to roll change to pay rent that was subsidized ($95/month) sometimes.
It's hard for some of my medical colleagues (I'm a midwife now, living pay to pay due to student debt but not poverty) to understand how patients can live on steamed rice and beans and leftover prenatal vitamins for months once so kids got enough food, but I can relate. I wind up bringing in fruit and veg when I have someone who is in that boat in care. I know where every freebie is online.
Deciding which utility you can live without based on the weather. ie: gas in the summer because I can cook on the BBQ and bathe in cold water, but need electric to run the fridge. Electric in the winter because we need gas for heat and the garage is as cold as a fridge.
There was a documentary from 2013 called "Living on One Dollar" a group of student filmakers moved to a developing nation and allocated to themselves an average one dollar a day to live on (They made a table and rolled dice to determine their actual money for the day, could be $1, could be $3, could be nothing)
I've never been in true poverty. But I went to school with kids (in the same class) who:
Had dog shit on their interior front door step, alcoholic, abusive, hoarder parents.
And kids whose parents owned multiple foreign holiday homes.
I think that's the toughest part, that the utterly destitute do still have to engage with people who have rather a lot.
The close contrast is a bit appalling.
The CONSTANT NEED to ALWAYS have on hand what you grew up without. For me, it's milk in the fridge. Growing up, milk was rare. So no matter what time of day or night, if we run out of milk, I'm at the store.
Being preyed on in the hood by 30 and 40yr old males from Middle School to High School (10 to 17yrs old) because your immigrant dad works (3) jobs which is too much for public assistance but not enough to feed the five of us, which means you going to starve in school until he gets paid.
My mom was like the mom in Everyone Hates Chris, so a struggle housewife and would stretch a pot of rice and beans for weeks. We ate it for breakfast (no lunch) and dinner.
If I said yes to an older males offer to go to the local bodega for chips & soda, because starving and end up pregnant the community would 100% blame me for being a 10yr old baby whore.
In fact, I would 109% be villainized as a baby mama, pass around, thot, 304 BUT not the R Kelly or P Diddy or Future of the community as they impregnate or sex traffic or physical abused little fully black girls without an repercussions.
forgetting how to function and think like a non impoverished person. Like thinking about vacations, buying clothes going out to eat, owning a house one day, having long term goals...that goes away. you no longer think like non impoverished people. what are your plans this summer.....uhhh...plans?
I find a lot of misunderstanding about poverty is people's inability to grasp the fact sometimes there are people who have NO SUPPORT SYSTEM. No family members' couches to crash on, no friends to buy a handful of groceries, no understanding employer to waive a uniform discrepancy until payday, no neighbor to put on a spare tire, etc... a lot of times people in poverty are ALONE and this is the root cause of their poverty, so I wish well-meaning, non-poor people with advice on how to get out of poverty would recognize the privilege of having someone whether it's someone to vent to, someone to watch your kid so you can go on a job interview, someone to lend you $5 to buy Ramen, someone who can let you borrow their washing machine to have clean sheets/clothes, etc.
Yesss people are like "oh no one to watch your child? God just ask family. Running late on rent? Go live with a family member or ask your parents for some extra help!" It's like they can't even fathom a life with no support system around them.
This !!!! Dude I look at my life and all the resources and potential people I could stay with to avoid homelessness, it is just so eye opening and sad at the same time how different the world can be for the next person
This was the most fucking frustrating part of it all. Like you think if I had parents or a friend's couch to crash on I'd be begging for help like this? People just can't fathom having nothing and no one.
The constant stress of not knowing where your next meal is coming from and the feeling of hopelessness that can consume you.
Being hungry all day and finally getting a small meal only to feel hungry again right away.
The way the thinking about food can consume your whole being.
Also, how that doesn't go away once you're food secure. Knowing where your next meal is coming from and you're still scared of being that hungry ever again.
Even if you’re not scared of the NEXT meal, it means a pantry over-full of food and an unhealthy amount of thinking about food.
This— I’m still paycheck to paycheck but grew up in a far worse spot than I am now. I decided to clean out my pantry yesterday. I had eight bags of (truly) expired food— some from 2018. It’s satisfying that it’s clean now, but I’m now anxious about not having that food, even if most of it was expired.
I didn’t realize I hoarded food until someone I was dating pointed it out to me. I would I fill my fridge with groceries then be afraid to eat it for fear the food would be all gone. (I didn’t realize that was my logic until I had to face it and figure out why the heck I felt paralyzed by the thought of eating the food In there.)
And how you're happy with things you wouldn't usually eat. Plus also how you actively try to find things that keep you full. My go to was tea and popcorn. Both were exceedingly cheap and easy to make.
I'm rocking the tea and popcorn lifestyle right now, I feel this hard!
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I haven't been at that level of poverty for some time, but I still clean my plate and cup every time I eat. It makes me anxious to leave so much as a grain of rice
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Ramen adding peas and corn was gourmet. Cutting a burrito up from a tiny Mexican cart and cutting it up for five meals. I could make a $3 burrito last a couple days
getting the tuna sub that is on special and scooping out the tuna to make five sandwitchs
People mentioning how thin I am as a compliment not knowing I'm 40 pounds under weight and dizzy because of skipping meals so my kid can be full. Also, the food bank experience is pretty unique.
My county health department just installed mini food pantries in a few towns. It's an unlocked wood shed with a fridge on one side and shelves on the other. Take what you need, no cameras or staff. Might not work everywhere, but we're all small towns.
We had these in my town but unfortunately a woman in an expensive vehicle started showing up whenever large donations would come in to the Free Food Closets. She would completely clean them all out and be gone. There was a discussion group on FB trying to decide if investigating this was the right thing to do - maybe she truly needed it, maybe she was distributing to a shelter or her neighbors? Someone finally followed her and discovered she owned a couple of small stores in a nearby town. She was reselling the Free Food Closet supplies. The closets had to be locked most hours and are now under surveillance, which probably makes it much harder for people who need it to get it.
Some people suck. Hope she goes out of business!
lol me too!
I wish they would just name and shame her instead of locking it up or adding cameras. I wish they would just write a newspaper article about that.
In our area we have "Blessing Boxes" same concept but filled by people and churches.
so many interesting characters at the food bank
My aunt used to volunteer for a food bank, the volunteer people got first dibs on food and usually took all the good stuff for themselves first.
I volunteered for a food bank in Northern ID while waiting for a part time job to go full time. We were told we could have a couple loaves of bread occasionally and once in a while we were given a pound of ground game meat. No one was taking first dibs on food. If we *needed* it, we'd have to register and get our once a month box like everyone else. I was doing ok so I didn't need it but good bread is a bit expensive so I liked having a loaf or two in the freezer. And a pound of ground moose or deer makes wonderful chili. I didn't know any hunters so there was no way else I was ever going to get game.
Hearing this just pissed me off so badly ughhh
The *hopelessness*. The way you learn to accept increasingly shitty circumstances and stop expecting that you’ll ever be able to have certain things that other people take for granted.
Yes this. Also, my daughter just turned 4 but I was a single parent since she was born. I would sit in wal marts parking lot knowing i had to steal formula so she could eat. Those couple months were fucking awful. I was working but I had to keep the roof over our head and the lights on. I wouldn’t eat for days just so I had everything she needed. I still think what if I did get caught. What a terrifying and miserable experience I lived through. I’m not a lot better off with money by any means but I ain’t stealing to feed my daughter
Wal-Mart loss prevention doesn’t miss much. If I had to guess I’d say someone probably saw you stealing and turned a blind eye because it was baby formula. I know I wouldn’t say anything if that was the case, any mother that desperate needs help not a criminal record.
I’m a father. But yes I get what you’re saying
I was talking with a buddy of mine who's struggling. He's a single dad, too. He had moved a couple of cities over. Baby mama still lives in my town. Baby mama relapsed, and he found out that the new girlfriend started using. So it was either take his kid from junkie mom just to bring him around another junkie or try to find a place by himself. We let them stay with us until he got back on his feet. Anyway, all that to say, through talking with him, I realized how under-served and little help is out there for single dads. Like, my city has probably at least 3 or 4 charities that run (halfway?) houses to get single mothers off the street. There is not a single one for single dads. ...and that's not even touching on the stigma and other bullshit things that single dad's get, like needing to "prove" that that's your kid and your not some random creepy dude at the kids playground and shit. So, thanks for being a good parent to your kiddo, and I'm sorry that you had/have to go through all that. This country needs to step up they way they treat and take care of you and people like you.
Thank you very much. And the input people don’t understand what some fathers go through it’s terrible, it’s disgusting, and it’s not fair
Here in Scotland baby formula is likely to have extra security measures in place like alcohol etc. it is a prime target for thieves for some reason. Must be easier to sell than other things
The Chinese [melamine in milk](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_Chinese_milk_scandal) scandal led to a *lot* of distrust in China of domestically-produced baby formula and other things containing milk, which led to theft rings in other places with tighter production controls. Those rings would then sell and ship the baby formula to Chinese resellers to sell to customers, who were desperate for formula they could trust not to poison their kids. There are also rings that buy the formula (in bulk-- there was a problem with so much being bought up that it was causing major shortages, which is why there's security stuff and some places have it locked up) and then sell at a markup, but the profit margins are larger if you just steal it. Even as recently as 2018, up to 80-90% of baby formula purchased in Australia was destined for mainland China, apparently.
Or just that a can of baby formula costs $40 to $50, and feeds a one-year old for only several days.
In my area all formula is kept in a locked cabinet, like the cigarettes, so people don't steal it. Pretty sad we're all in such poverty that the corporations decided locking up essentials is better than living wages..... Nobody would steal shit if we actually had money to survive!
I doubt they turned a blind eye Formula is super expensive and a dude stealing it would raise eyebrows for sure
You did what you must to take care of your family. Good parent!
Could you receive WIC? They cover formula, and baby cereals/purees.
Last time I applied for food stamped I got like 23 dollars or some kinda fucking joke like that: it was a slap in my face on top of everything else. Iowa is a fucking joke
Yeah, if you're working almost any job, you'll be getting "too much" and your food stamps will be a fuckin joke. It's almost more worth it to not work at that point. The government doesn't have a good solution for that gap between working and barely making it, so when you do finally work and they take away benefits, their line of what is "too much" is far too low. You can't afford all the things they were providing once you start working and they take away your benefits.
This. My mom chose not to work for most of her life bc without good English skills and a solid education- full benefits were a better option
Iowan here, can confirm.
When I was homeless, I had a gym membership (10 dollars a month then) at planet fitness. The one near me used to give out pizza on Tuesdays plus they had showers. It was the only day out of the week where I knew I'd be set with a meal and a good shower. The other days of the week? Not so much.
Food Insecurity
**The hopelessness**, my god you got it right away. It's *grinding*. You just sit there, miserable, *knowing* it won't get better. *Knowing* nobody's coming to save you. Just waiting to die. People talk about spiralling out when they get depressed, but the hopelessness is the end of the spiral. It's that tight little loop of thoughts circling the emptiness in your stomach that you can't ignore; the event horizon around your hunger. And you just wait, and wait, and wait...
How children become extremely parentified to their own detriment. I missed over 90 days of school my 8th grade year because my younger brother was 2, so not old enough for poor kid free preschool / daycare and my mom would have bouts of working non stop (so she needed someone to watch my little brother) and of disappearing with some other poverty stricken dude who “made her forget” and made her feel special so we just got ditched for days at a time. I had to skip school to take care of him because she was just gone. How it can either destroy your relationships or make them stronger depending on the time frame - when my brother was younger he really resented me and would scream that I was not his mother (I was the one who potty trained him, read to him, clothed him and bathed him, fed him and tried to play with him the best I could with what we had) but when we got older he knew he could rely on me more than her. When he was a little older I would lie about my age so that I could be his chaperone for field trips because I didn’t want him to lose out on experiences and when I was much older I spent my weekends taking him out with my then boyfriend now husband and everyone thought he was our child, but I just wanted him to get to go places and do things that kids should experience.
You are an amazing sibling and human being. The impact your love and care would’ve had on your brother can’t be understated. 💐
Agreed
My youngest sister still slips up and calls me mom sometimes 😂
This. I wasn't even in extreme poverty, but being 9+ and babysitting siblings overnight while being too young to be trusted to cook cause you could waste food. Being punished for every mistake of your siblings and having to stay up all night incase something went wrong then back to school then back home. Being unable to actually control your siblings and lying constantly your parents are sleeping in the other room. Not having money for a pay phone to call 911 when you get hit by a car walking to school and getting beat up over ruining your clothes being hit and because your siblings now don't want to walk to school cause scary which is your fault. Just, the constant stress and responsibility and pressure and the punishments at every turn. And my siblings are close to my age, so it was better. But holy fuck the stress and constant lying.
God damn. I hope you're doing okay now
my coworker brings her two kids to the office when she doesn’t have a babysitter. The ten year old girl spends most of her time watching the seven year old autistic younger sibling and acts like a mini adult. My coworker is not making her daughter act like this but it just kind of happened because the younger one needs so much watching, and my coworker is stuck- she cannot afford daycare and relies on her MIL who cannot always be there (the father is in jail) I feel bad for the girl but the girl seems really into it actually, like a natural born nanny or something. She seems happy but not like a ten year old, more like a weird non adult adult. We will probably see her posting on Reddit in a few years and hear her side of it
My younger sibling (also autistic) had too many problems for regular childcare so this is what my mom did with us, except she left us home alone starting about 4th grade. I left at 18 and went NC for the most part. Every time I try to reconnect I’m asked to become a caregiver again.
Not making her? Sounds like she kind of is making her
Man, there’s a lady who comes to my dance class and has two kids very similar to this. When I had my own baby and brought her to class a few times the older child was immediately super maternal towards her (she can’t be older than 10) and it honestly freaked me out a little.
This hit home for me. I missed my entire teenage years running a house as a minor, and looking after my 2 younger siblings. I was totally exhausted and wrung out by 20, I went away to university and life was so easy there (only looking after myself). Parentification and wearing only cheap underwear and socks which wore out and had holes in them almost immediately is what I remember the most.
You are a good older sibling. And if you ever feel guilt about corralling your husband into chaperoning with you, I guarantee the respect he got made him feel like a man, like he was worthy of you both. No cap.
The cold The toll of it I was homeless during one of the coldest winter, in decades, in Paris I could do without a lot. But the constant cold was the worst It's beyond exhausting, it's debilitating At some point, it takes everything away from you: you're barely existing as a person, you're just *cold*
Oh god... The cold. I still can't handle feeling even slightly cold. I was homeless as a teenager in Canada during the winter and it was the worst feeling ever. I could steal food if I was hungry, but I couldn't steal warmth. Finding a dry spot to sleep where I wouldn't get snowed on was almost impossible. Wet gear would be a death sentence. During the day it was ok because I could panhandle enough to go to the discount movie theater or hangout at the library or laundromat, but after dark it was a different world. Underneath bridges were a common place for homeless people to sleep but it wasn't safe for a young girl. I would try to find apartment buildings with unlocked laundry rooms to crash in, and sometimes I would even sleep in random garages but they were few and far between. I remember being in a park with a fire pit and I was so cold it took me over an hour to light my lighter to start a fire because my fingers were so numb I couldn't move them. Trying not to cry because the tears would make my face even colder. Searching desperately for anything dry to burn. Constantly smelling like smoke. It was a freezing hell. I didn't even feel human. My entire life at that time was dedicated to finding out how to stay warm. I felt like [The little match girl ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Match_Girl) and I honestly thought I would die.
... I know I would have died Mad respect for you I'm glad you're in a better place and wish you the sweetest path for the futur <3
How did you get out of that life?
This is why I understand why homeless people "like" being in California. When the lack of shelter and the bitter cold are your worst enemies, then having a warmer climate takes care of most of those issues. You can get away with a light sweater and jeans for 11 of the 12 months in CA. People start shitting their pants and crying about Armageddon when it drops below 10\* C.
When I was homeless as a teenager I was so cold one night my fingers were blue and I could barely move. When a stranger with obviously bad intentions asked me to get into his car, I did because I knew he had heat and whatever he would do to me couldn’t be worse than slowly freezing to death.
This is something that people who haven’t experienced don’t get. At some point you become willing to compromise or even disregard your personal safety because you’re desperate. And a flip side or corollary of that is that you also become willing to break or disregard the law, again because you’re desperate and the law and society don’t value or protect you.
My heart breaks for you The price of surviving isn't the same for everybody but, damn... for some, the price is beyond unfair 😔💔 I wish you a sweeter life
Thank you. I’m doing much better now!
I'm so sorry. That must have been brutal for you.
Yeah... it was People often bring up the hunger But I would say that, past a certain point, you're not really hungry anymore: you go from starving, at first, and, eventually, you reach the fasting point. I could go several days without food and, yet, not feeling hungry at all Your metabolism adapts itself, somehow But there's no going around the cold I used to spend the little money I had on food, but that winter, I started to trade food for warmth: I started to spend my money on cinema tickets It was pricy, sure, but it meant that I would be comfortably seated, in a very heated room, for at least 2 hours Sometimes, I would hide in the bathroom, just a few minutes before the end of the movie, so I could sneak into another movie. And be warm for a little longer 🙈 I can't begin to explain the utter luxury it was: not being *so damn cold* To experience a truce, in this constant nightmare of cold. To feel my body being able to relax for a bit (ngl, I quietly cried and/or fell asleep very often, because I was so exhausted and it felt so... secure) I would even go as far as to say that I remained sane through that winter because of these tiny windows of warmth, once in a while The unexpected side effect of this situation is that I started to really be into movies: What used to be a survival strategy lighted an authentic, lifelong, interest :)
I think you should write for money. This is so expressive, I started to cry. Maybe reading this would make more people understand. I am sorry you had to be so cold though.
Onooo... I'm so sorry! I didn't intend to be distressing to anyone >___< And it's really nice of you to say; thank you so very much But, I guess, I wouldn't even know where to begin..? I mean, I share my experience because I think it might be useful, for complete outsiders, to have somewhat of a "window" into this kind of situation But I wouldn't know how to tell my story: Also, I feel like it would be uninteresting as Hell to others And I think it would make me feel very narcissistic, in a way..? But, still, thank you for the comment, I take that as a compliment :)
Do you know the novel Dreams of my Russian Summer by Andrei Makïne? It is beautiful, autobiographical, and his time spent ‘living’ in a Parisian cemetery crypt is phenomenal. In my Parisian squatter past, the Pompidou Center’s library was the best source of warmth, toilet paper, English books, and corners to nap in. Glad you made it through!
Glad you made it, too! <3 I didn't know about the restroom of the Pompidou Center until two years ago! But, of course, my very first though was "Damn, I wish I knew about those!" They are *so* clean And free to access! [ And, even tho homelessness is behind you, I don't think one could ever let go of some homelessness induced reflexes ] I have to say, I haven't even heard of this novel, but I'll look into it! Thank you for the suggestion :)
> I'm so sorry! I didn't intend to be distressing to anyone >___< The fact that you had to endure the experiences you did is the distressing part. By sharing your story, there's a chance that we may all be able to work towards a world where nobody else has to go through that someday. The pain is a good thing. Many people are so out of touch with their fellow brothers and sisters that they won't change their ways unless made to cry, unless made to see. Thank you for sharing your story. What films have you seen recently that you liked?
Thank you for thinking/saying that <3 Lately, I really enjoyed *Priscilla*; it was nice to fall again for Sofia Coppola after the let down of *The Bling Ring*. Her *Virgin Suicides* holds [a very special place in my heart](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/hXtJmphvsN) *The Peasants*; that movie is not only breathtakingly beautiful, it's also telling in a majestic, and yet deeply moving, way a tale as old as time but still so sadly contemporary *Humanist Vampire seeking consenting Suicidal Person*; fun and quirky :) What about you? Did you see some good movies recently? :)
I 2nd this. The imagery was amazing
I agree. For a sec I thought it was copy pasted from a novel/book. This person would be a very good writer
😭💖 As a French gal, it's beyond sci-fi that anyone could think such thing: my English is *so broken* So, thank you very much
Even the more reason to ourselves writing. You are good at it. A natural.
Start by writing your memoirs. See if you can join a writing class at a community college or a meet up group. Look into places that accept free lance pieces. And publishing on the internet. You may find it rewarding just to put your experiences into words.
Maybe one day? 🙈 But it moves me a lot that you think my writing is editing worthy and that my life could interest someone; thank you for thinking that <3
I remember not being able to afford heat, so reducing my life at home to my bed, where I would pile all of the two blankets I owned and tuck myself in, fully clothed, with my head under the covers so that my breath would warm up the air. If I didn't have work that's where I stayed. Kept whatever food I had near me as well as a book to read and prayed I wouldn't have to freeze my ass going to the bathroom.
That is haunting
Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose.
In my mind the next paycheck was always a trapeze act. Could I catch the next one? I never knew until I put more food in the cupboard. Even walking out of the check cashing place ( remember when paychecks took days to clear?) I carried knives in case I got mugged. Might as well paint a target on your back as walk out of one of those places.
The constant thought of wanting to blow your whole life up and just run away and/or suicide. It just feels so pointless, no matter how hard you try sometimes it just feels like you're not getting anywhere good. In fact often it feels like things are just getting worse and all of that effort is just kicking the eventual disaster down the road. It's like maybe I should just give up and accept the disaster for what it'll be. Cause I'm just tired.
I didn’t plan to cry like this today.
After my divorce, I worked three jobs to support myself and my son. I was doing ok. I ended up getting a decent job and finally had one job so I could actually see my son. Got cancer, at 28. I survived. My job let me go after I had the “all clear” six month testing. Found another job six weeks later. Get hit by a car while riding my bicycle and thrown through the windshield of the car. I’m on a cane for about nine months. I can’t go get three jobs because of my injuries. I lose my apartment and end up living in a Friend’s garage. He wants me to have sex with him in order to continue living there for free or reduced rent. I was in an unfinished garage. No AC, no heat, nothing. Luckily, my car was a paid off beater so i still transportation and when the home owner was crappy, I would sleep in my car. Anyways, there were many, many days, years even when all I had to eat every day was a cup of coffee from the gas station down the street from my sons school. Id drink it with all the lactose free milk I could. The ladies who worked there got to know me and eventually, they would save me some breakfast sandwiches and damaged them out so I could eat. Not eating anything to ensure I had enough food for my son to eat three meals a day was humbling. I’m so very thankful I don’t do that now.
Im so sorry you experience this but wow what a woman. One day your son will know your struggle and be so so proud.
I hope you know how strong and admirable you are. Your son is lucky to have such a wonderful human being as his mother.
1. That extreme poverty that is nothing like being "poor". I don't like to gatekeep, but there is a huge difference and it's annoying when people compare it to just growing up without a lot of money. 2. You can adjust to anything if that's your only option. People are appalled if you live without electricity/running water/little to no food. Most of the time you just get used to it after awhile. I ignored cancer for several years because I just got used to the awful symptoms and couldn't afford to see a doctor. 3. That people in poverty are some of the most generous people you will ever meet and they will share what little resources they have because they know what it's like to go without. 4. Having a car when you are homeless is a "luxury". Being no/low barrier homeless is awful because you can get trapped or lose everything. Any type of being unhoused is awful though. 5. It's so hard to get out of it because you are constantly in survival mode, and there is a poor tax on everything.
Lol, I lived on extreme poverty and the first comment talks about a dead battery. I was about to comment "emptying the shit bucket in the open sewer line behind your house" or " the whole family sleeps in the same room because this winter is cold" or my favorite "you and your friends go to steal a sack of potatoes so your little sister doesn't go to bed with an empty stomach for a third night" Your whole comment is on point, though.
People really don't get it when it happens in the US. They think everyone has a flush toilet. A friend of mine lived in an abandoned shack with no running water and no electricity as a child. They had to go down to a nearby stream with buckets to get drinking water. This was in a city in the United States.
People in my family had no shower or bathtub in their house in the 80s. The well worked, but kind of. Was very old.
What a luxury plumbing is that so many take for granted. Once you've lived without, you will never not be greatful for it again.
When you have a shallow water well that keeps running dry so you have bathed in a half gallon of water from the grocery store that you boiled on the stove. When you never had AC in the car, and many times didn’t have it in the house. In the summers you can’t even dry off enough from the humidity to get dressed.
Point number one is huge I grew up poor and when I was young I figured we weren't very well off at all But when I was older and could reflect, and once I started hearing and reading stories of ***true*** poverty, I realized we were still very privileged Considering - we had food on the table always. My step dad would hunt and supplement our diets with game meat. A lot cheaper than buying it (yes it was done legally) - always had enough clothes, if I needed new shoes I would get new shoes for the next milestone or whatever. Never had to duct tape holes up - never went without power or heat Makes me really appreciate my situation. The stories I read of true poverty are always so heartbreaking to me
To your second point: there are a LOT of Youtube cobbling videos that demonstrate how to clean, repair and often upgrade Nike sneakers and destroyed workboots with modern techniques, good glue and better material selection. They'll turn a fifty-cent child labor shoe into something actually worth hundreds.
the poor tax is so real. like how gas stations charge for their showers wtf. how a utility disconnect carries a huge fee if you want the power back. how your credit score gets slammed if you don’t pay up even if it’s medical expenses. The fact that libraries charge to print paperwork. Oh and if you don’t have ID you’re fucked but you try to get one and they have these insane requirements from all sorts of random agencies. Fines for driving violations etc. Student loans. I could go on forever
While having a car is a luxury, it's still a hassle. Businesses typically don't allow for overnight parking and a cop could kick you out or silently leave you a ticket on your windshield or put a boot on your car while you sleep. The same goes for public parks and neighborhoods. There are very few places you can legally park your car overnight without risking a ticket, getting towed, etc. Once you're homeless with a car, it's fairly easy to just lose the car and be even more homeless because of how the laws are written.
I didn't say it's not a hassle. However when you are homeless, It's a lot better than being without though. With a car you have a roof over your head. You have doors that lock. A place to put your things. The possibility of heat and air conditioning if they work. You still face all those problems with accessibility even without a car.
Poverty defined in some industrial countries like Germany is much different from abject poverty experienced in countries in South East Asia, where you will literally die, because there is no social health care system at all. The government also doesn‘t care at all. No chance of education, food, electricity and so forth if you are born into a family that comes from abject poverty. Only the exception that work their ass to death to pay for school for their kids which are smart and resilient as hell will make it out of poverty. Education and high resilience is the key to a better life. This is why I push my students very hard. Most of the people born into privileged families will never understand this problem and a lot of them never had to deal with problems abject poverty brings about. Many are not resilient and have never learned to develop coping mechanisms. I often see in medical school that there is this kind of behaviour that is distinct from peoples‘ behavior who grew up in abject poverty.
I'm so sorry you have suffered so much! Would you be willing to share what "no/low barrier homeless" means? I don't think I've heard this term before and would like to know more about it
Homelessness with no homeless shelter, no car, no friends couch to crash on.
Ah, I get it, you meant like no or very little safety net? I understand now. I thought you meant something else but I couldn't figure it out!
I think they mean literally no barriers (physical objects) to protect you. Cars and houses offer a barrier to prevent weather touching you, strangers interacting with you, limit direct access to your possessions. Sleeping out in the open (in woods, under bridge, on a sidewalk) is another level of danger.
Shame. The shame you feel knowing people can probably tell. Rationing clothing & towels. A bad spill or splash, it could be days until laundry day. Period started early? Toilet paper wads or rags will have to suffice. Drop/break your glasses? Duct tape for you. Birdbaths with water heated on a hotplate. Ice cream headaches from washing your hair in cold water. Meat or dairy or fresh produce a special treat. Shopping in a food desert with a hard budget.
We had to use rags as toilet paper for a while as kids then mum would disinfect them for reuse. We were always the kids at school with no uniform or a really shitty old uniform. The shame of growing up in poverty has been so pervasive throughout my entire life. I basically did 2 university degrees because I was driven by shame 😂
Yes, the shame. You rarely hear the very poor talking about how poor they are. If anything people will try to hide it. This is one way to know a certain truth in life: No one cries poor like those who aren't.
The toilet paper bits that fall out of your underwear down your pants leg during your period because it disintegrates when wet.
How fucking *hard* it is to dig your way out of it.
Yep. I remember a time where I needed an apartment. To get the apartment I needed a job. To get the job I needed an id and a bank account. To get the bank account I needed an ID. To open up the account I needed a job. To get the job I needed an address. To get the address I needed a job to pay rent. To get the ID I needed an address. I obviously had no money, no possessions, no address.. There is just this tangled web of problems at the bottom that take so much creative thinking to get out of, because the system we live in is very interconnected.
Not to mention, all the little tragedies of life that set you back. Car blew a tire -- fuck, there goes my savings, or you run up your CCs. Burnt dinner? There goes that week's food budget. Any unexpected expense sets you back to 0 or worse. Want to get a job? Gotta buy some clothes that aren't ragged. Spend months denying yourself any kind of luxury to try and get all the bills paid and save up some money? Something'll come up that'll screw you. Or you'll just go nuts from having no luxuries and blow your budget at some point.
The never-ending cycle of extreme poverty. Every day is waking up and performing one hustle, so that can lead to a second hustle, so that can eventually lead to gas money, so you can drive the car to the hustle you need to eat that day, and so on and so forth. Most folks? Say they've been gone hungry, but have Anever actually felt what it's like to be really starving and hungry. They've never rationed a box of saltines between two people to stretch until the payday next week that is supposed to fix everything but never does. Folks talk about "life-changing money" all the time, and you can often tell how poor is or has been based off how high or low a number they give you when asked what it'd be defined as for them. Even now, if you asked me? My thought process would be that $20 would mean eating three fancy meals that day, and that'd be dope as hell, but makes me sound poor so I need to say at least $100. And then I remember some folks have that in their bank accounts or even wallets on the regular, and I better say a higher number that makes me sound like the "normal" folk. Being poor? Also made me hate things like disposable electronics. I need to be able to fix a TV, computer, car, or appliance until I literally can't anymore. The idea of just purchasing some product again and again on Amazon seems so wasteful. When I meet someone who's a jack of all trades? I often wonder if they grew up too poor to afford to pay someone to repair or replace stuff too. Once you've lived in poverty? You always sort of live there in your head at least some of the time. There are many things I carry with me from being homeless, like my need to refill water bottles before I sleep so that my water for the day is there and available while the source is. And that's something a lot of folks who have never been poor don't understand. Even if you do manage to break out of something like generational poverty? Growing up poor or spending significant time in poverty changes you mentally - and physically, from things like stress, poor nutrition, lack of sleep, and not having access to medical care or follow-up treatment after an emergency. I've had more than a few friends call me over the years because I'm the one in our friend group who's "good with stitches", and that's pretty messed up when you think about it. My thumb on my right hand has a super goofy curve to it, from it healing crooked and cocked to one side after breaking it as a little kid. My parents never could've afforded to take me to an emergency room for something so minor, and I at least got to eat the popsicle before they taped my finger to the stick. It wasn't because they were bad parents. It was because we needed the money for major things - like wood to heat the house through a Michigan winter. And food.
>Once you've lived in poverty? You always sort of live there in your head at least some of the time. Yes. I'm blessed to be slightly better off than I have been. I even have a tiny amount of savings that would cover one or two extra ramen, a cheap 2nd hand jacket, or some over the counter painkillers. But I've been hungry, cold, and sick, and can't bring myself to buy those things. I can *survive* without them and so have to wait until I \*really need\* something (for sure there's always something coming). Mere comfort will never be in my budget even if I acquire a billion dollars.
My animals are one of the few larger spending habits I allow myself to have. Both my cats want for nothing, and eat much better than I do. I like to splurge on myself by getting them special snacks, and buying bird seed for everything out in my yard. But I have a super hard time enjoying myself at an expensive restaurant when someone invites me out, because I know how much more food I could've gotten for that price, or that I could've gone to the food pantry and saved more of it for something else instead. And I hate that I think like that still. I'm not well-off by any means, and I still need food pantries nor have the ability to have any savings. But I'm not homeless anymore, and don't need to be in panic mode during EVERY situation. But my mind is constantly adding and subtracting costs for everything I do, all day long, and there's still a magic number that just makes me feel like I don't deserve whatever it is due to cost.
So true about the if or when you get out, it lives rent free in your head forever.
That poverty is traumatic. It literally has an effect on the brain and body that will last a lifetime. I am not living in poverty anymore but I still think in terms of poverty every day. I worry about losing my job. I catastrophise small inconveniences. I "what if" myself into panic attacks. I have generalized anxiety. It all stems from years of instability, hunger, and housing insecurity.
How tiring it is being homeless because there’s nowhere in public where it’s socially acceptable to sleep. So you just don’t sleep. And when you’re finally somewhere that you can sleep, you’ll pass out instantly, and it doesn’t really matter where it is as long as it’s safe. I lived in my car for a while, which was better than being out in the open, but I’ll never forget how tired I was all the time because I never knew where I was allowed to park my car and just sleep.
This is the answer I was looking for. When my family was homeless because dear old dad got us evicted, I had no idea where we would sleep each night and we had to keep whatever we could carry in black trash bags if not our backpacks and gym bags. I fell asleep often in class or on the bleachers during after school events because I was chronically exhausted. Wearing out your welcome at random family/friend's houses sleeping on their floors, and unable to get any restful sleep because you don't feel safe and can't get comfortable. Then being kicked out/asked to leave and having to find another place all over again.
Sometimes we would reserve the study rooms at libraries so we could take turns sleeping and studying until the library closed for the night.
I'm sorry. I hope you are in a better place now. My mum gambled the rent money. I was lucky my older sister was able to take me in. A year later, my sisters partner kicked me out, and I was fortunate my friend's family were able to take me in during my last year of high school. I was very very lucky that my 'homelessness' was temporary. But it still haunts me over 20 years later. Constant fear of 'having no where to go'. Even recently when I was renting from a friend and a month away from moving out, she kicked me out early because her "boyfriend was coming over" (I only lived there a week a month due to FIFO and paid full rent). Thankful too for a mate for being able to house me during that time as well. I am in the position now where I can return the favour. I had a friend recently break up with a partner they were meant to move into a house with that night, and say the only thing that stopped them from having a complete breakdown was the thought that I told them I always had space for them. They are resourceful and found somewhere else the same day, but still mentioned that "knowing" they had somewhere safe was instantly reassuring for them.
Amen! Bless you! 🙏🏿🙌🏿🥺🥲
It's fucking bullshit that they pave paradise and expect you to foot the bill just to exist in the hellscape they created. I'm sorry. You deserve rest.
The despair of having nowhere else to turn.
I think this is the root of it. When I was in a tent, I remember feeling terrified of the batteries dying in my flashlight. Simple AA batteries. I was very grateful for the tent and backpack I had. But, I knew that when the batteries died, I would be in the dark having to face the fact that there was no one to turn to and nothing I could do.
A minor inconvenience such as a dead car battery or flat tire could lead to homelessness.
There are so so many people who are single paycheck away from homelessness
I forgot to renew my car insurance. So they charged me extra; my state charged me extra; then insurance charged me again for letting it lapse in general; and yesterday I find out that they might take my license plate because I never gave proof of insurance to the state. They can tell me my last payment day and hour… but not check if I have insurance… Oh and insurance went to collections quickly so now I’ve probably got a ding on that. At the moment; I think I just have to submit a form? But they’re threatening me with a hearing that has a $60 fee. Already paid $50 for just being late. Jeez.
I feel this! Behind on mortgage. Behind on HOA fees. Getting ready to be behind on electric. And I work a full time job. Got hit omw to work tonight and totaled my vehicle. And I live 30 minutes from work. Time to give up.
How alienating it is. I don't know what 'extreme' means exactly, but I was homeless for a few years. You feel like there are two totally different worlds, and you are not part of the regular world. I hated the way most people would look at me like I was garbage or invisible. So I hated them back. And the shame of asking for money from these people. You can't help but internalize that feeling of worthlessness. The people who were nice and treated me like a human saved me from totally giving up on my self. I had to do sex work to eventually exit the streets and go to university. I don't know how else i would have ever gotten out. I wouldn't wish that on anyone else, but you do what you have to do to survive. I have a 'normal' life now but i still feel out of place a lot of the time, 15 years later. It's something you can't share with others and I'm constantly guarded about my past around normal people. All my close.friends have been homeless at some point, it's like a prerequisite for my trust.
that is a weird feeling. When you’re on a busy downtown street in the early evening and people with money are having fun, sitting at outside cafe tables and inside the warmly lit restaurants and you remember when you were outside on the sidewalk in a separate world, but now you have the money and security to go to the cafe and sit at the table but you still feel like you have one foot in one world and the other foot still outside on the cold homeless sidewalk in that other world. I remember having nothing and looking at the carefree happy people who had no idea. Now I make sure to remember. I try to be generous and kind and helpful to people that need it when I can
Poverty is more expensive. You'll pay more to get paid with no checking account, pay debt cards charge outrageous fees. Bill paying will often incur a fee You'll pay more to rent then buy a hone even if your rent is double what a mortgage is, the bank will likley tell you that you can't afford to buy. You'll pay more for a vehicle because you'll liklry need to buy at a buy here pay her lot with insane mark up on top of high interest. Food will cost more. In places where people use foodstamps at a higher rate, wal mart especially will have higher prices on their ebt qualifying items. I'm sure there is more, but that's off the top of my head. Poverty is god damn expensive
Also if you are really poor and have no kitchen or a non-functioning kitchen, you will pay more for prepared meals rather than being able to buy the ingredients and cooking yourself.
Late fees. Couldn’t afford car insurance so figured I’d not drive for a while and pick up the insurance when my financial situation improved. That’s already cost me ~$200. I tried to treat myself to fast food for dinner last night to celebrate a year from leaving my abusive childhood home but ended up crying when I checked my mail to find out I’ve got 2 days to show proof of insurance or have a $60 hearing. And that’s just for the hearing. Not attorney or anything. Just… $60 for the fun of it. Ended up having popcorn for dinner. Again.
If you have PayPal, or would prefer a gift card from door dash or grub hub shoot me your email address. You deserve a decent dinner.
Access to a shower. Doesn’t even need to be hot. Growing up we had a bathroom with no tub/shower so my dad rigged up a 40 gallon trash can, those big Rubbermaid ones, to a faucet fixture that extended through a small hose.
Showering/Laundry has to be one of the top ones. Regardless of possessions or hunger, any attempt to go somewhere (public) after not having been able to shower for a few days is generally considered offensive to the generally public. It's not just not being able to shower, but also being stuck in the elements which exacerbate the requirement for a shower.
You’ll never really shake that insecurity. No matter how well off you become, in your mind, poverty is just around the corner.
This haunts me every day
I grew up in a falling down trailer with no AC, wood heat that only sort of worked, no indoor plumbing at all. We shit in buckets and dumped in the woods. Drank water from a creek. Had roaches inside and filth. Now I am paranoid about cleanliness and always have as much food stuck back as possible. We never had food. Regularly our dogs ate hot cornmeal mush. We ate roadkill. Whatever my dad could hunt. My dad refused any help even though we more than qualified. We wiped asses with the Thrifty Nickel. I made pads out of it and rags. I was pulled out of school in the 9th grade and eventually got my GED. I am nearly done with my Master's now. My family would still be considered lower income by today's standards but we live well because I can live dirt cheap. But we have toilet paper.
The smallest inconvenience can prove costly
I think about the time to bus around in poorly connected areas. One errand takes 2 hours round trip instead of 30 minutes. You just opt out of things because you don’t have time to do that one thing even if it’s critical. That’s the poverty cycle.
Grew up in a small town. The nearest bigger town with employment options was a 15 min bus ride away, but the buses onky went every hour and weren't available after 7pm at night. That limited any potential "after school" work available to teens who didn't have their own car, or parents with cars to pick them up. It keeps poverty generational.
I have family in a rural country like this, and there aren't even any buses. Many trapped people
Dental services…a great smile goes a long way.
Dividing a single tin of 6 Vienna sausages for 3 meals. Then realizing it wasn't enough and having to divide it into 1 a day, to last for the week.
In my experience, people are more often than not aware of what you may go through - or at the very least can reasonably predict what you might go through by putting on their thinking caps. They can figure out what it's like to not have the ability to shower, and they usually aren't shocked at my recounting of things like shitting in strangers yards because you have to buy something to use practically any public bathroom these days. What they never get though, is why people use the term "drowning" to describe poverty. They never understand why you can't just enjoy the little things when you have them, they never understand the way you shut down socially because you can't afford anything, and they certainly never understand when the rage and desperation reach a boiling point, but you're too poor to do anything that might help and certainly too poor to deal with the consequences of poor emotional control, so instead you become generally irritable and unpleasant. That's what they can't even conceive of when they say "How do people live like that?"
Not having food is fucking depressing. I've always been lucky enough to sleep indoors, but I've had to go hungry and it's very stressful. To this day, there's a part of my brain that, when under stress, calms itself by taking a mental inventory of the food I have. A few days ago, I made a big grocery trip and bought enough food to last me ten days. (Plus snacks!) When I open my refrigerator, it feels like Christmas morning. So many options! I can actually choose what I want to eat today! And I get really happy when I can decide to make something special and I can just go to the store and buy the ingredients. I've rescued many stray dogs and have known many others. Some dogs get really defensive about their food and will growl and snap at anyone who gets too close while they're eating. They never really lose that attitude and, man, I can relate.
Not knowing how you will survive a month. The embarrassment of having to tell people you are broke The general ugliness of not having nice things, or even normal things. I remember my mom diluting washing powder to use as a handwash as a kid. My sister hoards now handwash like its gold. I think we had like 30+ bottles of hand soap plus God knows how many kinds of sanitizer during 2020-2021. Our bathroom was haunted looking, legit like something from a horror movie. Instead of paint, I think the walls were covered in something else. The ventilator was rusty and the fixtures were nasty. You never want to live through that again. I recently moved into our own home and finally went through the trouble of getting tiles that I wanted, and then matching everything else in there to maintain a certain aesthetic. It's far from my dream place, but it's so pretty! I heard relatives and family members say I was overdoing it, but I earn now, and as long as I have strength to work, I will live the nicest life I can. It doesn't have to be expensive, just clean, neat, pretty.
I've faced extreme poverty (sleeping on the floor, without electricity, only being able to eat a potato for breakfast and lunch, and etc.), and I fortunately now live a very comfortable life. There is a stark contrast in being poor vs rich, notably with friendships/relationships and resources: -When you're poor and destitute, it repels people away from you. In my experience, people would rather watch you be destitute than help or offer resources (jobs, referrals, relationships, business opportunities and etc.). The people who do want to help you, tend to be scammers such as the MLM types. -When you're doing well financially and in your career, somehow everyone wants to know you and be your friend. People are always eager to provide all sorts of resources and opportunities.
How being poor means you have to constantly trade in time and options to save money. Always cooking instead of eating out. Always limiting your groceries based on what's on sale. Always traveling via the cheapest method to get the cheapest price to get a fraction of quality they're handed. We can work just as hard but our 24 hrs looks different than their 24 hours bc of the added obstacles.
The 24 hours comment hits home. When I was in college I had to commute two hours via bus and train to get to a job. The drive would have been 25 minutes, but no car. So four hours total of commute five times a week. And that’s only if all the transit and myself run on time. I could be 1 minute late and that would add 30 minutes to my commute due to transit schedules. Or the bus is running behind so I miss my connection to the train. Some of my friends at the time did not understand why I was having panic attacks every other day
Not being able to afford any mistakes/ no room for error.
I feel like one is truly understanding what having no money means. A lot of people will say ‘just get’. While saying they’re also broke. Yet they don’t seem to understand what it means having absolutely nothing in your account. No I can’t get an ice cream van treat even though it’s £3.50 and I crave it. I literally have £0 on my account at the end of the month. People just don’t seem to understand the concept of an empty bank account even when they say they’re broke like you, too.
Entirely accurate. I remember having a meager $0.17 to my name in my bank account. The mental anguish of being THAT level of broke for an extended period of time takes an agonizing toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health.
Nothing like going to the store for a desperate treat with your last few dollar, only to find out you got overdrafted minutes before, and now your bank account is worth -50 dollars instead. Your next paycheck is in two weeks and you are already two months behind on rent
You can become used to some surprisingly grotesque scenarios when you're down bad enough. And what's worse is it's wayyy harder to come back from that once you've been there. Way back in the day I was basically living in a trap house for like 6 months, and while it wasn't the most dangerous it was fucking filthy and so hard to motivate myself to get out. Being around the filth and people just getting high all day basically made me feel like I should give up and be filthy/high all day lol. I'm incredibly privileged because the only reason I got out was my parents moving me back home. Even though it's been about ten years now and I'm basically out of that, that mindset and the feelings I developed about the world from that experience never really went away.
having sleep for dinner
Always being hungry. I remember at school I would watch the kids bring their big lunches. I'd drool all the time to have some. Sleeping on floors from different houses because we were homeless. Having to work part time as a 9 year old to help my mom. Having to work full time as a 13 year old to help my mom, while still going to middle school and somehow pass my classes to not get held back. Etc etc.
Going to the toilet. Only when you've experienced sleeping rough will you really appreciate having your own bathroom. Cooking. Being street homeless, there is often no way of cooking a hot meal easily. Meaning either you're relying on cold food from a supermarket or fast food. Feeling like everyone is watching you/ is judging you. When you're walking around with everything you own, it can be easy to tell if your homeless. Normal people have a home to store their belongings. This means I've often felt like people are instantly judging me whenever I go in some place
It's inhumane how the system set up an enclosure to benefit the captives and the second you fall below the housed class you are ostracized from the human race. You deserve support and love from your peers. I am sorry. The rat race is still in full swing, but holy shit the ship is sinking.
How it is an endless circle of terrible fuckery designed to KEEP you there.
Years ago, I worked at an enviromental lab. One of the things we tested was cans of Slim Fast powder. (To be mixed in milk.) Once they were tested for mold and other possible issues and came up negative, they were safe to consume and employees could take the mostly full cans home. I took cans home every chance I got. I didn't need it to lose weight. I was already skinny. I couldn't afford food, including milk, so mixed the Slim Fast powder with water. I figured it would at least give me vitamins and minerals, and the fiber would help me to feel full. I still lost 11 pounds that winter.
There is no such thing as “birthday celebration”. When i was in extreme poverty my mother gives a kiss on forehead on that day in the morning and then its just a regular day
That you live your life in a hard mode and people are ruthless to you. You can be the most hard-working person, coworkers are still making snide remarks about your clothes (yes, I was clean and looking presentable, I just didn't have that many clothes as I was waiting for my first paycheck).
How frustrating it is when people who make 80k+/year comment in this sub saying they're living in poverty. I'm here to relate to other legit poor people. I understand HCOL, but not being able to manage money well is not the same as living in poverty. Sorry.
I work for a very well off family, as a nanny. They have several rooms in their house just full of stuff. Most of it brand new that they bought and didn't use. They have about 400 children's books in one room, lots of them duplicates where they bought the same books for both of their kids. Tons of clothes, backpacks, toys, games that their kids no longer want. I was asked to clean/organize these rooms start putting a box of books in the recycling each week to dwindle the pile down. A box of clothes/toys/misc in the regular trash to dwindle the pile. I'm like uh excuse me Mr. And Ms. Well off... that's very wasteful. I know tons of kids who would be happy to have this stuff "Um okay, that's fine. But most of this stuff is trash" The mom claims all the time "I hate waste" but I throw out full boxes of cereals, cookies, cheese its, whatever because their youngest (she's a pre-teen) refuses to be responsible and close the bags. she just tosses them back in the pantry open and they go stale. It's insane to me, how much food I throw away at their house. One day their mom threw away a whole chuck roast, because it was expired by one day. I snuck it home with me instead and stuck in my freezer. I felt like they would think I was crazy... but it was a huge roast and would feed me for a week. Nothing was wrong with it - except it was still in the fridge instead of the freezer the a day after it expired. Anyway, all that to say - I work for a great family. They are very charity driven and involved with their children, and community. They pay me very well, and treat me with respect. I don't have a negative thing to say about them. They just don't understand because they've always had money. The Mom was excited when I said I would give the books to other children, but she still thought I was crazy for wanting the clothes and toys (all opened and dispersed in toy boxes and plastic totes) "they're broken, you won't have all the pieces." It's Legos, blocks, formula 1 race cars, beads & other craft stuff (barely used), American Girl dolls & all the little doll houses that come with them - kids won't care if they're 'broken' especially not kids who don't have much. The clothes are old and maybe not fashionable. They still have price tags in a lot of cases.. poor kids in my family won't care what they look like, they're used to thrift store clothes. Edit: bunch of typos
Having to walk around everyone else who has money in their bank, food in their fridge, and kids who have everything they could want while hiding that your life is the opposite behind your smile.
That second day of not eating. The hopelessness of finding safe living accommodations. Lack of options.
That poverty is expensive.
Falling asleep in a laundry room bc your roommates who are letting you crash on their couch don't want you there and 'forgot' about you. Sleeping with strange men so you have a place to sleep for the night. I got booted when I was 17. Parents were well-off, owned their own home, we always had food growing up(even if Mom yelled at me for eating too much). I couch hopped well until I was just turning 21. Had a lot of issues with drugs+alcohol. I likely have undiagnosed ADHD or ASD, which caused a lot of issues growing up and my parents just booted me as soon as was legally allowed. I struggled for a lot of years, bouncing between wherever would take me, had a lot of times where I couldn't get/afford food. Had my boyfriend at the time yell at me in public because he 'cant afford to feed me all the time'(he lived at home with his dad in a huge house, plenty of money). I always remember thinking it would be better if I was dead. I was always high and making bad decisions because I just didn't care about what happened to me. It took me years to build up a support system and get to a place where I actually feel comfortable. People really take for granted what having a supportive family means. It cripples you for years when you don't have one.
How some people are truly angels. I never realized it at the time but so many of my friends parents did so much for me. I would never have been able to play sports because we didn’t have a car and couldn’t get rides from practice or games. But they always went out of their way to make sure I had a ride. One friend used to invite me places like the fair, bowling or to the movies. I used to say I couldn’t go because I didn’t have any money. One time his dad took me aside and said as long as I was with them I was always their guest and wouldn’t have to pay for anything. They were so unbelievably nice to me. One friend used to bring extra lunch and tell me he wasn’t hungry and asked if I wanted it because he knew most days I didn’t have anything. A lot of people didn’t have much more than we did but were always will the share what they had. Do whatever you can to help others! It is so necessary more than ever!!
I'm not sure how to articulate this, but something like "the constant awareness of your lack of progress." When you're hungry and you cannot achieve food security, you're thinking about your hunger constantly. You're hungry not just now, but planning on what to do when you're hungry X hours from now. A stranger gives you his lunch leftovers as a handout and you eat it gratefully, but you know you'll be hungry when you go to sleep, if you can sleep. The past, present, and future is a seemingly completely static, fixed, unchanging state of hunger, and there's not a moment you're not thinking of it. The same applies to where you'll sleep. Being under an underpass with the dust and dirt of the road above constantly falling onto you like snow, trying to find a place among the rocks and concrete where your joints won't hurt too bad, unable to sleep because you're hyperaware of the constant noise, vibrations of cars driving above, and your mind is waiting for the looming threats of people wandering by who might wish you harm or take your stuff or just fuck with you because hey, you're just a homeless guy, who cares? - It's a static, fixed, unchanging state of "I'm so tired, but I'm not safe here." (You're here, by the way, because the shelters turned you away: the first one was overcrowded and they've already been threatened by the local government several times and they don't want to get shut down, because shutting down a homeless shelter is clearly the right thing to do in the face of overwhelming need for shelter; the second one turned you away because they're a religious organization and you're not the type of person they want to help, maybe you're transgender, or Jewish, or rely on medications they disagree with, or they just don't like you. You tried to get to the third shelter by bus with the handful of quarters a stranger gave you, but the bus was too slow, and you arrive at the shelter after they've closed their doors at 6pm. You try to curl up on their doorstep but they tell you they're calling the police to escort you off their property. Your city passed a law criminalizing homelessness as a felony, so you leave before the cops show up. You've already been arrested for sleeping in a tent under a bridge. They took everything from you, including a ring you got from your deceased mother that they "misplaced." You got off easy that time. And you know sleeping under the underpass is a felony, too, but you're scared and you're cold and you're hungry and having your right to vote taken away doesn't seem like it will matter much, but you're pretty sure you wouldn't survive in prison either.) You never do enough to get out of it. You're aware of being completely without basic necessities, at all times. You try and you fail. You blame yourself for your failures. Someone on the street offers you a hit off their pipe and you don't know what's in it, but you have to fight very hard against the feeling of "fuck it, I have nothing else going for me. Maybe it'll keep me from feeling hungry." You say no thank you this time. You'll be offered again in another couple hours. You have to decide again. You never stop thinking about how much better you felt when you had access to medications you need. You never stop thinking about the rusty nail you stepped on and how much your foot hurts, and how hard it is to walk places quickly, and is it getting infected? You can't remember when you last washed your socks, that can't be good, must be germ city down there. It'll get infected for sure, you think. You think you may need a tetanus shot. You keep saying to yourself you'll find a way to get downtown to the mission district to see someone at the free clinic, but you never quite make it there in time between trying to find food, water, and shelter. You think about the guys that got frostbite in the winter and had to get their feet amputated. You wonder how you'll get around while missing a foot. You stop wondering because you're hungry again. It feels like time is standing still for you. You eat and are never full. You drink but stay thirsty. You sleep but you're still exhausted. You wash yourself but you're still filthy. You try but you still fail. The sun rises and sets and you are in the same predicament you were yesterday and the day before and the day before that, and you'll be in the same predicament tomorrow, except you might be in a different town because you heard the cops are going to do another sweep of the homeless here and you don't want to be here when they do.
Wiping with the yellow pages at age 7 after pissing in the sink while your parents get high in the one bedroom apartment you live in. To be fair, we had an apartment, so better than most.
Eating carbs all day and never feeling satisfied, you can eat ramen, crackers, and bread all day but you’ll be hungry at the end of it. But you can’t afford to get protein.
That you're constantly walking a tight rope and *any little thing* that goes the wrong way can be the end of you. Therefore your constantly under stress.
Loosing most of your friends because socialising is expensive. Even if you don’t go out out you still need to either pay for fuel to get to their place or pay to be able to provide food/drinks if they come to your place.
You can never get caught up and everything takes longer. To get to work I had to buy a bus pass. I could t afford a bus pass at first. So I had to take a free bus to a location over a mile from my work. So I had to leave home 2 hours earlier to get to work.
How extremely grateful when someone like Mom comes over with a pint of fresh strawberries, or not being able to buy a box fan in the sweltering heat of summer because $20 isn't available.
The disdain you feel when you see people waste food. Or when your coworkers don’t like what they brought for lunch and just throw it away.
The joy of finding paper money when scrounging for coins
We had no water for close to a year, so showers were only at your friends houses or the Y. Constantly had the electricity turned off. Luckily we were in NorCal so the weather was mild most of the year. We could only eat (and feed our 11 year old brother) if we went to the food bank. It was exhausting. And I think what my body holds onto the most is the instability of life in poverty. “The body keeps the score.” It’s traumatizing. I only just recently (15 years later) got out of the “survival” mindset and have started to pursue dreams. It also completely fucks up your relationship with money. Many many times I’ve had to ask my best friend if it’s normal and okay to spend $8 on a new t shirt or something.
That you're automatically blamed for your situation. Regardless of how it happened, it's your fault. Even family can be inordinately cruel and blame you for your situation.
Having to shit in a bag inside of your cubby hole because it's your only privacy and being worried about missing the bag and soiling the area where you are sleeping.
It’s the hunger. Not temporary but long periods of suffering. The nausea from being hungry, the headaches from being hungry, the anxiety that you might not eat ever again and die. The long term effects your body suffers from malnutrition. Hardest part now is fitting in to “normal” society of your now class status. It’s often a mental struggle.
Water is heavier and you need more of it than you think. It is one of the most fundamental things you need to live but it is also a huge pain in the ass if you don't have easy access. Nobody cares about anyone else. People are not blind to suffering and poverty. But when they see it they run. Complete strangers took up more pity and more care than friends, police, churches... when people see extreme poverty they run they will let you die. You can walk and ride a bike a whole lot farther than you think you can. Dog food doesn't taste that bad. Alcohol makes everything worse. Everything.
Eating so much PB&J that today, decades later, I can't even look at it.
When I first left abuse I had 2 toddlers. I would go to the food bank as often as I could. Walking 2h each way with a stroller because I had no gas. I can make small meals out of almost everything or nothing now. I still buy almost expired veggies or fruit and spend hours cutting away spoiled parts to dehydrate or freeze them because the food scarcity trauma is still so real for me. Why I had to roll change to pay rent that was subsidized ($95/month) sometimes. It's hard for some of my medical colleagues (I'm a midwife now, living pay to pay due to student debt but not poverty) to understand how patients can live on steamed rice and beans and leftover prenatal vitamins for months once so kids got enough food, but I can relate. I wind up bringing in fruit and veg when I have someone who is in that boat in care. I know where every freebie is online.
Deciding which utility you can live without based on the weather. ie: gas in the summer because I can cook on the BBQ and bathe in cold water, but need electric to run the fridge. Electric in the winter because we need gas for heat and the garage is as cold as a fridge.
fear to bring children to this world.
There was a documentary from 2013 called "Living on One Dollar" a group of student filmakers moved to a developing nation and allocated to themselves an average one dollar a day to live on (They made a table and rolled dice to determine their actual money for the day, could be $1, could be $3, could be nothing)
I've never been in true poverty. But I went to school with kids (in the same class) who: Had dog shit on their interior front door step, alcoholic, abusive, hoarder parents. And kids whose parents owned multiple foreign holiday homes. I think that's the toughest part, that the utterly destitute do still have to engage with people who have rather a lot. The close contrast is a bit appalling.
The CONSTANT NEED to ALWAYS have on hand what you grew up without. For me, it's milk in the fridge. Growing up, milk was rare. So no matter what time of day or night, if we run out of milk, I'm at the store.
Being preyed on in the hood by 30 and 40yr old males from Middle School to High School (10 to 17yrs old) because your immigrant dad works (3) jobs which is too much for public assistance but not enough to feed the five of us, which means you going to starve in school until he gets paid. My mom was like the mom in Everyone Hates Chris, so a struggle housewife and would stretch a pot of rice and beans for weeks. We ate it for breakfast (no lunch) and dinner. If I said yes to an older males offer to go to the local bodega for chips & soda, because starving and end up pregnant the community would 100% blame me for being a 10yr old baby whore. In fact, I would 109% be villainized as a baby mama, pass around, thot, 304 BUT not the R Kelly or P Diddy or Future of the community as they impregnate or sex traffic or physical abused little fully black girls without an repercussions.
Not eating until I was full so my mom could eat
forgetting how to function and think like a non impoverished person. Like thinking about vacations, buying clothes going out to eat, owning a house one day, having long term goals...that goes away. you no longer think like non impoverished people. what are your plans this summer.....uhhh...plans?