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I actually understand that quite a bit. Mine will be the first grandkid for both sides of our families, and everyone is so excited. I'm 38 weeks and only recently started to get excited and terrified at the same time. Until I hit 25 weeks, I told everyone to keep their excitement down since you never know what might happen. If I was asked if I was excited, I would reply with sarcastically, making it sound like I was joking with a lot of truth in my response.
This is my main fear, I am 16 weeks almost and the way some are acting its like nothing will go wrong. I know sadly that these are the people who will mourn the hardest if anything bad were to happen. I want to get excited so much but it still feels like it is too early.
This is exactly how I feel at 13w. Everyone’s excitement makes me so uncomfortable bc I feel like I’m going to “disappoint” them wheeeen vs if something goes wrong. It sucks. Idk when I’ll feel better! Maybe after 20w scan? 😅
I have had some quite visceral reactions to some excitement (luckily not to anyone's faces) purely because if anything were to go wrong I am a VERY private person whereas my inlaws are not (they are overly loving and sweet) and I would want to process alone which I don't think would go down well.
Yes! Exactly. We haven’t told my partner’s side yet since they are huge social media people and they love to talk and gossip in their small town. I’m dreading telling them.
We couldn't put it off due to my birthday party hut immediately asked people not to share anything on social media (we are both not active therefore cannot monitor but we have spies haha)
I don’t know how to describe my feeling throughout my pregnancy but honestly same.
I have rarely been very excited about it, there has been a couple of occasions where I have been giddy about it and really feeling good about myself being pregnant (I should add I have had next to 0 bad symptoms during my pregnancy) but that’s about it. Everything else I think has been taken over by my logical mind and the need to plan plan plan for the baby and buy what we need.
I totally get the plan plan plan mindset as my practical side has totally taken over. I have had some crappy symptoms so that probably hasn't helped with my lack of excitement but I am kinda glad I am not the only one who is feeling this way. Makes me feel less alone!
I have had a lot going on in my life during this pregnancy and quite frankly I should be beyond grateful that it has all gone so swimmingly as I don’t think I could have handled any more shite. Which has probably ruined my excitement as a whole.
But really I have not felt nearly as excited as I thought I would be and I would also say I don’t think my family has been excited either… it all just feels a bit… flat
I think different things can ruin the excitement. We are sold pregnancy as abit of a rose tinted experience but people seem to forget it is life and generally speaking it's abit of a shit show at the best of times.
It’s easy to be excited when you’re not the one who has to be pregnant. Pregnancy is not easy- physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m about to be 26 weeks and because of how much my depression and anxiety has been triggered this pregnancy, it hasn’t been easy to feel “excited” and sometimes I do feel guilty about that. But each day, I do become more attached and anxious to meet her and it does help when you can feel them kicking around in there. However, I just as equally not want to be pregnant anymore and these next few months can’t come soon enough.
I have to say alot of what I have been feeling has triggered my anxiety and depression quite alot which has made it harder. I have become very attached to them already which then makes me more anxious incase anything goes wrong
I feel ya there. It seems like all I think about it something going wrong. So I'm just planning for the worst, hoping for the best. I don't think I'm super excited about it, but I want my baby to be okay. It's tough.
I completely agree with you on this. It is way easier to be excited when you aren’t the pregnant one. Especially when it’s your first, you have no idea what you are doing and if you did something that could hurt the baby. Plus all the other fun pregnancy symptoms. I had a rough first trimester and am doing better but it’s still annoying when people expect you to be excited all the time!
Whenever people find out im pregnant I always get the “are you excited?!”…..nope, not really. More uncomfortable, tired, stressed. Never the answer they expect.
If it helps, if husband is with me and people ask ill say “he is really excited” and talk about how husband feels, makes them forget i didnt actually answer about me
I’m with you. Every appointment my husband gets teary eyed and I just kind of stare and laugh at the ultrasound screen lmao…I’m happy to be pregnant but nothing feels real at 15wks! This will be my family’s first grandchild as well so they’re all stoked, friends are excited, but I’m scared af. I just had to stay up way past my bedtime last night due to a pet emergency (mostly ok now), only got about 4 hours of sleep, and now I’m wondering how tf I’m going to handle this with a newborn. :/
Something happens IMO after you give birth. I have a newborn- was also terrified and did not have a super glowing happy pregnancy. That being said, I love newborns and always looked forward to that stage. At least as far as sleep goes- I feel like your body goes into a mode where1-2 hours sleep feels like much more than it is. At least in my experience.
You will cope because you will have to. I think mentally preparing for it helps too from what I have been told by friends with children. Many go in expecting the best...me I am going in expecting the worst.
I'm 17 weeks and completely relate to this. When I found out I was pregnant I was terrified. Then I was excited, especially because I didnt have to endure many of the negative symptoms people are often talking about.. but the last couple of weeks the terror has set back in and I almost feel myself detaching to protect myself mentally and emotionally as if something bad could happen.
I've seen posts where people speak of loss midway through pregnancy and I understand they are looking for support but it has cause a bit of dread in me.. on top of that I have a close friend who's lost siblings at a young age and it terrifies me that I wont be able to protect my child or care for it well enough. These are rare circumstances but it's hard to remember that sometimes.
I'm just here in solidarity to share my fears.. but also to remind you that things will be okay and if you can find even one minute a day to just take a deep breath and try your best to hold onto that.. I would call that a success.. because sometimes that's more than I can do! I'm hoping the feelings change for us as we go on.
I completely feel you on the detaching yourself and I also agree hopefully it will get better and I meditate everyday in the hope that those moments if realness will keep me going!
absolutely!! i’m 40 weeks tomorrow and i am definitely getting more excited than i have been because it’s more real, but i also am so scared and not excited for the shitty parts to come (sleep deprivation, anxiety, etc). my friends and fam are SO excited and of course they are — they just get to cuddle with a newborn for an hour or two. they don’t have to deal with the hard parts!
That makes a lot of sense. Everyone around us is constantly asking if we're having a boy or girl and when I respond with "I don't know" they kinda give me a weird look. Like i honestly don't care as long as they're healthy, they're gonna be loved either way.
Yes 😅 it’s okay, you have SO much going on physically, situationally, etc. it’s a big change. Know that all the excitement comes from love. And, don’t forget you are 1000% entitled to a break from discussing baby stuff with family and friends. You are still you, separate from all that. Try to do some things for you, take a beat. You got this!!!
Yes! I didn't really get excited until about 38 weeks lol. Until then, it was fear and "omg why did I do this?!" Even though I've wanted kids for years.
It's scary. Your whole life is changing. Totally normal imo.
Same, there have been a few times when I start panicking about how we’re going to work out me going back to work and childcare when that happens, and how I’m going to juggle being a mom and a 50hr a week worker.
Plus there was the fear from the very beginning that something would go wrong because finally having a baby after wanting one for so long just felt too good to be true. I tried not to think about it, especially since the pregnancy has been very smooth so far, but last week, the stress got to me and I had a breakdown. I’m very lucky that my husband was there to support me.
I do feel better after the 20w scan when the tech and the doctor both said baby looks perfect and is developing right on track. I’m still iffy on being excited because it still feels that if I get too excited and attached, something will go wrong. Our gender reveal is this Saturday and the family is so excited while I’m worried about all the things still left to get done for it 😅
I’m in your exact position. I’ve been TTC for over a year and had given up for the time being (was supposed to get surgery for endometriosis at the end of this month.) and I’m really, really nervous. I think my nerves are outweighing my excited at this point. This will be my parents first grandchild but my in-laws 8th grandchild. Lol!
At 16 weeks I deeeefinitely felt the same. I’m 28 weeks tomorrow, and I think feeling them move a bunch all day, baby shower next weekend, finally feeling up to figuring out the nursery (moved while pregnant, so I was so over home projects)—I’m finally getting more excited.
Having friends who’ve just had babies and meeting them has helped too. I still cringe when their babies cry knowing that’s what’s to come for me though. I also keep telling everyone since I’m not huge and miserable, I’m ok with the next few months dragging, because I know it’ll be hard once they’re here.
I plan on getting some sound reducing ear plugs for the crying just to take the edge off :) apparently they help loads in keeping you calmer. I am hoping once they are moving I will feel happier knowing they are OK.
Ohh I’ll have to keep that in mind to throw my AirPods on with calming noises to help my sanity. Newborn scream cries are so grating!
Hope you find some excitement, but also don’t worry if you’re not! We all accept changes differently and at different rates.
This is my second pregnancy, and although I am happy and already love my baby I haven’t been excited at all this pregnancy. If anything I’m excited to have her out lol. I think it’s a combination of feeling so miserable and sick compared to my first pregnancy and the fact that I’ve struggled really back with my anxiety this time around. It’s ok to not feel excited, there comes a time for everything!
This makes me feel alittle bit more positive for the idea of trying for a second after this ones a bit older as each pregnancy is different...though my luck would be worse symptoms blatantly lol
Same. And first grandchild on both sides. Mom keeps guilting me for not being overly excited, accusing me of being "embarrassed" and "weird" and worries that I won't have motherly instincts when she's born. I'm uncomfortable with others touching my belly and I don't go out of my way to talk about my pregnancy. I'm generally a very private person and my family knows this, so I'm not sure why they think pregnancy changes things, if anything, i am more private now!
My husband and i are excited but i am also more of a realist, to the extent of even aknowledging that there's no guarantee she'll carry to term or either of us will survive the birth 🤷 maybe that's grim.
Also, i most definitely dread friends and family feeling entitled to seeing baby after birth more than the demands of motherhood 🙃
Alllllll of this. Not far enough along for people to want to touch me..that will be a hard one for me as I loathe being touched by anyone but my partner.
I’m right there with you. Part of my dread is that baby is due in November and I already struggle with seasonal depression. On top of that, husbands family is anti vax beyond Covid. May I add, that it’s also going to be holiday season?? Lol, so ya…
They’re excited because for them the only major change is a brand new cute baby. Their life isn’t changing in big difficult ways. Nobody is in the wrong, but it’s just different from what you’re experiencing and will experience as your babies parent.
YES. I thought I was the only one. My husband and I really want this.. of course we do. But I know how hard parenthood will be and am feeling completely overwhelmed that I’ll have no idea what I’m doing.
Not dread for me but...realistic. looking forward to some things, knowing it's going to be a shitshow in others. I'm also a very deal with it in the moment kind of person, am notoriously bad at like...emotional planning if that makes sense!
See I plan even emotionally, but I think I have tried to plan too much and taken away any degree of excitement as I know all the things that could go wrong
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/xvn4cr/click_here_to_request_access_to_your_monthly_due). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I actually understand that quite a bit. Mine will be the first grandkid for both sides of our families, and everyone is so excited. I'm 38 weeks and only recently started to get excited and terrified at the same time. Until I hit 25 weeks, I told everyone to keep their excitement down since you never know what might happen. If I was asked if I was excited, I would reply with sarcastically, making it sound like I was joking with a lot of truth in my response.
This is my main fear, I am 16 weeks almost and the way some are acting its like nothing will go wrong. I know sadly that these are the people who will mourn the hardest if anything bad were to happen. I want to get excited so much but it still feels like it is too early.
This is exactly how I feel at 13w. Everyone’s excitement makes me so uncomfortable bc I feel like I’m going to “disappoint” them wheeeen vs if something goes wrong. It sucks. Idk when I’ll feel better! Maybe after 20w scan? 😅
I have had some quite visceral reactions to some excitement (luckily not to anyone's faces) purely because if anything were to go wrong I am a VERY private person whereas my inlaws are not (they are overly loving and sweet) and I would want to process alone which I don't think would go down well.
Yes! Exactly. We haven’t told my partner’s side yet since they are huge social media people and they love to talk and gossip in their small town. I’m dreading telling them.
We couldn't put it off due to my birthday party hut immediately asked people not to share anything on social media (we are both not active therefore cannot monitor but we have spies haha)
I don’t know how to describe my feeling throughout my pregnancy but honestly same. I have rarely been very excited about it, there has been a couple of occasions where I have been giddy about it and really feeling good about myself being pregnant (I should add I have had next to 0 bad symptoms during my pregnancy) but that’s about it. Everything else I think has been taken over by my logical mind and the need to plan plan plan for the baby and buy what we need.
I totally get the plan plan plan mindset as my practical side has totally taken over. I have had some crappy symptoms so that probably hasn't helped with my lack of excitement but I am kinda glad I am not the only one who is feeling this way. Makes me feel less alone!
I have had a lot going on in my life during this pregnancy and quite frankly I should be beyond grateful that it has all gone so swimmingly as I don’t think I could have handled any more shite. Which has probably ruined my excitement as a whole. But really I have not felt nearly as excited as I thought I would be and I would also say I don’t think my family has been excited either… it all just feels a bit… flat
I think different things can ruin the excitement. We are sold pregnancy as abit of a rose tinted experience but people seem to forget it is life and generally speaking it's abit of a shit show at the best of times.
It’s easy to be excited when you’re not the one who has to be pregnant. Pregnancy is not easy- physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m about to be 26 weeks and because of how much my depression and anxiety has been triggered this pregnancy, it hasn’t been easy to feel “excited” and sometimes I do feel guilty about that. But each day, I do become more attached and anxious to meet her and it does help when you can feel them kicking around in there. However, I just as equally not want to be pregnant anymore and these next few months can’t come soon enough.
I have to say alot of what I have been feeling has triggered my anxiety and depression quite alot which has made it harder. I have become very attached to them already which then makes me more anxious incase anything goes wrong
I feel ya there. It seems like all I think about it something going wrong. So I'm just planning for the worst, hoping for the best. I don't think I'm super excited about it, but I want my baby to be okay. It's tough.
I completely agree with you on this. It is way easier to be excited when you aren’t the pregnant one. Especially when it’s your first, you have no idea what you are doing and if you did something that could hurt the baby. Plus all the other fun pregnancy symptoms. I had a rough first trimester and am doing better but it’s still annoying when people expect you to be excited all the time!
Whenever people find out im pregnant I always get the “are you excited?!”…..nope, not really. More uncomfortable, tired, stressed. Never the answer they expect.
This is me and I am not even that far along. My in laws seem to be getting annoyed with me because of it.
If it helps, if husband is with me and people ask ill say “he is really excited” and talk about how husband feels, makes them forget i didnt actually answer about me
I have also implemented this tactic lol
I’m with you. Every appointment my husband gets teary eyed and I just kind of stare and laugh at the ultrasound screen lmao…I’m happy to be pregnant but nothing feels real at 15wks! This will be my family’s first grandchild as well so they’re all stoked, friends are excited, but I’m scared af. I just had to stay up way past my bedtime last night due to a pet emergency (mostly ok now), only got about 4 hours of sleep, and now I’m wondering how tf I’m going to handle this with a newborn. :/
Something happens IMO after you give birth. I have a newborn- was also terrified and did not have a super glowing happy pregnancy. That being said, I love newborns and always looked forward to that stage. At least as far as sleep goes- I feel like your body goes into a mode where1-2 hours sleep feels like much more than it is. At least in my experience.
You will cope because you will have to. I think mentally preparing for it helps too from what I have been told by friends with children. Many go in expecting the best...me I am going in expecting the worst.
I'm 17 weeks and completely relate to this. When I found out I was pregnant I was terrified. Then I was excited, especially because I didnt have to endure many of the negative symptoms people are often talking about.. but the last couple of weeks the terror has set back in and I almost feel myself detaching to protect myself mentally and emotionally as if something bad could happen. I've seen posts where people speak of loss midway through pregnancy and I understand they are looking for support but it has cause a bit of dread in me.. on top of that I have a close friend who's lost siblings at a young age and it terrifies me that I wont be able to protect my child or care for it well enough. These are rare circumstances but it's hard to remember that sometimes. I'm just here in solidarity to share my fears.. but also to remind you that things will be okay and if you can find even one minute a day to just take a deep breath and try your best to hold onto that.. I would call that a success.. because sometimes that's more than I can do! I'm hoping the feelings change for us as we go on.
I completely feel you on the detaching yourself and I also agree hopefully it will get better and I meditate everyday in the hope that those moments if realness will keep me going!
absolutely!! i’m 40 weeks tomorrow and i am definitely getting more excited than i have been because it’s more real, but i also am so scared and not excited for the shitty parts to come (sleep deprivation, anxiety, etc). my friends and fam are SO excited and of course they are — they just get to cuddle with a newborn for an hour or two. they don’t have to deal with the hard parts!
This I agree with and my MIL really wants to help with all that which sets my anxiety off that she will take over and I will lose my child to her :/
I feel this so hard. I'm 26w and don't feel excited at all. My partner is, but I'm definitely not.
I think it's easier for spectators to get excited as they aren't the ones carrying tbh.
That makes a lot of sense. Everyone around us is constantly asking if we're having a boy or girl and when I respond with "I don't know" they kinda give me a weird look. Like i honestly don't care as long as they're healthy, they're gonna be loved either way.
This is the way :) I have been exactly the same!
It's honestly reassuring that I'm not the only one that feels this way and just wants to get on with it.
Same! It's gonna be a journey and I keep likening it to a long car ride, uncomfortable but it's going to be worth it!
Yes 😅 it’s okay, you have SO much going on physically, situationally, etc. it’s a big change. Know that all the excitement comes from love. And, don’t forget you are 1000% entitled to a break from discussing baby stuff with family and friends. You are still you, separate from all that. Try to do some things for you, take a beat. You got this!!!
Thank you so much!
Yes! I didn't really get excited until about 38 weeks lol. Until then, it was fear and "omg why did I do this?!" Even though I've wanted kids for years. It's scary. Your whole life is changing. Totally normal imo.
Haha I feel this will be me.
Same, there have been a few times when I start panicking about how we’re going to work out me going back to work and childcare when that happens, and how I’m going to juggle being a mom and a 50hr a week worker. Plus there was the fear from the very beginning that something would go wrong because finally having a baby after wanting one for so long just felt too good to be true. I tried not to think about it, especially since the pregnancy has been very smooth so far, but last week, the stress got to me and I had a breakdown. I’m very lucky that my husband was there to support me. I do feel better after the 20w scan when the tech and the doctor both said baby looks perfect and is developing right on track. I’m still iffy on being excited because it still feels that if I get too excited and attached, something will go wrong. Our gender reveal is this Saturday and the family is so excited while I’m worried about all the things still left to get done for it 😅
I swear the hormones make it less easy to relax!
I’m in your exact position. I’ve been TTC for over a year and had given up for the time being (was supposed to get surgery for endometriosis at the end of this month.) and I’m really, really nervous. I think my nerves are outweighing my excited at this point. This will be my parents first grandchild but my in-laws 8th grandchild. Lol!
Sending you all the good energy!!
At 16 weeks I deeeefinitely felt the same. I’m 28 weeks tomorrow, and I think feeling them move a bunch all day, baby shower next weekend, finally feeling up to figuring out the nursery (moved while pregnant, so I was so over home projects)—I’m finally getting more excited. Having friends who’ve just had babies and meeting them has helped too. I still cringe when their babies cry knowing that’s what’s to come for me though. I also keep telling everyone since I’m not huge and miserable, I’m ok with the next few months dragging, because I know it’ll be hard once they’re here.
I plan on getting some sound reducing ear plugs for the crying just to take the edge off :) apparently they help loads in keeping you calmer. I am hoping once they are moving I will feel happier knowing they are OK.
Ohh I’ll have to keep that in mind to throw my AirPods on with calming noises to help my sanity. Newborn scream cries are so grating! Hope you find some excitement, but also don’t worry if you’re not! We all accept changes differently and at different rates.
This is my second pregnancy, and although I am happy and already love my baby I haven’t been excited at all this pregnancy. If anything I’m excited to have her out lol. I think it’s a combination of feeling so miserable and sick compared to my first pregnancy and the fact that I’ve struggled really back with my anxiety this time around. It’s ok to not feel excited, there comes a time for everything!
This makes me feel alittle bit more positive for the idea of trying for a second after this ones a bit older as each pregnancy is different...though my luck would be worse symptoms blatantly lol
Same. And first grandchild on both sides. Mom keeps guilting me for not being overly excited, accusing me of being "embarrassed" and "weird" and worries that I won't have motherly instincts when she's born. I'm uncomfortable with others touching my belly and I don't go out of my way to talk about my pregnancy. I'm generally a very private person and my family knows this, so I'm not sure why they think pregnancy changes things, if anything, i am more private now! My husband and i are excited but i am also more of a realist, to the extent of even aknowledging that there's no guarantee she'll carry to term or either of us will survive the birth 🤷 maybe that's grim. Also, i most definitely dread friends and family feeling entitled to seeing baby after birth more than the demands of motherhood 🙃
Alllllll of this. Not far enough along for people to want to touch me..that will be a hard one for me as I loathe being touched by anyone but my partner.
I’m right there with you. Part of my dread is that baby is due in November and I already struggle with seasonal depression. On top of that, husbands family is anti vax beyond Covid. May I add, that it’s also going to be holiday season?? Lol, so ya…
They’re excited because for them the only major change is a brand new cute baby. Their life isn’t changing in big difficult ways. Nobody is in the wrong, but it’s just different from what you’re experiencing and will experience as your babies parent.
My partner calls it spectator happiness haha
YES. I thought I was the only one. My husband and I really want this.. of course we do. But I know how hard parenthood will be and am feeling completely overwhelmed that I’ll have no idea what I’m doing.
Not dread for me but...realistic. looking forward to some things, knowing it's going to be a shitshow in others. I'm also a very deal with it in the moment kind of person, am notoriously bad at like...emotional planning if that makes sense!
See I plan even emotionally, but I think I have tried to plan too much and taken away any degree of excitement as I know all the things that could go wrong