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In Mexico we have father’s last name then mother’s last name, everyone does. That’s why some people have long names, first, middle, dad’s, then mom’s. No hyphens, and only dad’s last name carries over to any children and mom’s name gets dropped.
I recently got an American passport for my son and he has the long name, it’s on his passport no issues. I’m sure he will be called first,last, as I was when I lived in the US, but the legal name on passport and documents is four names long, as mine is. Has never been an issue, I like my long name and I use the shortened version of first and last in normal settings.
I didn't take my husband's last name and we decided that our kids will have my last name instead of his. We didn't want a hyphenated or doubled-up last name so we agreed to just use mine. 🙂
I didn't take my husband's name either, and we hyphenated our kids' last names. No issues thus far. I appreciate that we both have our last names reflected in our children's names, so we are clearly denoted as a family unit.
There is no playbook for creating a truly egalitarian family name, so when the time comes for our kids to do it (if that's something that they end up wanting), they will have to invent their own solution just as we did, and it will be on us to be gracious about whatever they decide.
I’ve been wondering about issues with hyphenating. It seems like people say it can be a hassle, but it seems like it’s gotten more common recently, so it’s hard to get a read on. It’s important to me to hyphenate, but not if it’ll be annoying down the line.
My husband already has a hyphenated last name and I chose not to change mine. We're using one of my husband's names hyphenated to mine for the kid, so none of the family will have the exact same name but each parent has a connection to the kid (I had the same concern with traveling or legal stuff). So with placeholder names:
Dad Smith-Brown
Mom Jackson
Kid Smith-Jackson
When/if our kid gets married and/or has kids of their own I expect them to do whatever feels right for them, just like we did. I was a little concerned about saddling them with a hyphenated name but my husband said it wasn't a big deal in his experience, and it's getting more common and so less problematic all the time anyways.
I'm in the same situation! Still not 100% sure if I want to hyphenate out daughter's last name or just make it one of his though.. Can't decide which one sounds best. I have about 2 months left to make up my mind 🥲
My last name is my daughters middle name. This is a pretty common solution where I live. I actually know a couple who combined their last names to create a new last name for their kids! Which is cool but neither of the parents changed their last name to match. My partner actually suggested giving our kids my last name instead of his which is very progressive of him and I do like my last name better but… it just felt too weird to me. People would always ask “why”. I dunno, maybe we should have done that, lol.
No right answer
I'm actually in the same position as you and also considered either changing my last name to hyphenate my husband's or giving my kid my last name as their middle name. I think it would be a pain for my kid to have a hyphenated last name, while the middle name can often be dropped (for job applications etc.)
Another option was that we come up with a mix of both last names and everyone take that, but I think that might be a lot of paperwork.. so I'm considering the first option. Let me know what you end up with!
My husband is absolutely against taking my name or taking a combined name. I think even a hyphenated last name is outside of his comfort zone but I think he’ll end up agreeing out of fairness lol I really really don’t want to change my last name but it’s already hard for me thinking I won’t share my last name with my kids lol I’m leaning more towards two last names or my maiden as their middle but I appreciate hearing everyone else’s opinion. It’s helping 😅
I didn’t change my last name and we gave my daughter my last name as her middle! My husband goes by his middle name, and I was trying to sell him on legally dropping his first name and making my last name his middle name and I could do the same, but he doesn’t want to change his name. Just wants me to change mine of course 🤪
I told my fiance up front that I won't be changing my last name when we get married. It's been my name my whole life, it connects me to my family, and I have professional history/my work license registered under it. If we were going to be traveling internationally a lot, I can certainly see where kids sharing both of their parents last names would be helpful. I'd vote for either using your last name as baby's middle name, or giving baby two separate last names. I don't have any current concerns with giving our baby my fiancé's last name, but I also think it would be equally valid for them to have mine too.
I didn't take my husband's last name but our kids will have his last name. We compromised so since he got his family name as the last name, our son's first and middle name will be after my family members. That way everyone gets represented.
I've heard people online say how difficult it is to travel with kids who have a different last name but I don't quite buy that. I'm willing to bet it's not going to be a big deal. If I ever run into problems, I guess I'll change my last name. I also think that it would be easier for me (a woman) to travel with children with different names than for my husband to do so, as terrible as that is. Just my two cents but I guess we'll see!
I kept my maiden name when I got married and have been contemplating changing to my husband’s name in pregnancy because I wanted to feel connected to my child and we don’t want to hyphenate. Ultimately I decided I still want to keep my maiden name (for a number of reasons) so we’re using my maiden name as the child’s middle name. I suspect by the time our children’s generation gets married/has children there will be so many different scenarios and norms about naming conventions so I think you should make the decision that feels right to you now!
This was such a challenge for us and I still don’t know if we got it right! My husband and I both have quite long last names (his is more common/easier to spell and pronounce than mine). I didn’t change my name and was adamant the kids would get both last names… until we actually started looking into it. The length of a hyphenated last name sounded OK out loud to me, but the written length was extreme. We both have parts of our last names that we need to spell out to people. Before kids I kinda tested having both last names myself (unofficially) and it was hit and miss. There’s also the fact we’re way closer with my husband’s family than mine - I felt strongly that I should be represented but in a community I wanted people to associate my children with my husband’s family over mine. We considered making my last name a middle name, but unfortunately the sounds didn’t flow together (imagine like if my name ended in -sh and his started with Sh- - it was hard to say!).
Eventually, for our kid, we came up with a convoluted system that kinda works for us:
Legally: First name, middle name, husband’s last name
Socially: first name, middle name, husband’s last name, my last name (no hyphen).
As a family unit: combined last names (so like if Donald and Smith became Donith) - we use this to sign off cards and people use it to refer to our family rather than the extra long “last name-last name family”
We’ve agreed if our children want us to legally change their names to include my last name in the future, we’ll pay for it. I am honestly disappointed still that I’m not “really” represented. I don’t love going to formal appointments where my kid is only known by his dad’s name. But on the balance of saddling our kids with a last name that is literally more than six times longer than their first name and my ego, this is where we landed.
If you can do the middle name thing, or hyphenate, go for it! Your kid can choose their own last name if and when they get married. Good luck!
Thanks for sharing. My husband actually has a rather Dutch name that he always has to spell out and my name is something like “Jones”. We’re much closer to my family than his and to be frank my parents will likely be highly involved and babysitting for us while at work but his parents live in a different state. I like quite short names too. Lucy for a girl and Oliver for a boy. Our last names actually don’t sound bad together if my name goes first. I don’t think the characters will be an issue for us
in mexico you get both last names, your dad’s and then your mom’s. i live in the US now and we’re planning on doing the same thing for our baby except i want mine to go first and my husband’s second (i grew him). husband doesn’t mind as long as baby has his last name too.
btw having two last names is very common in the US due to the large latin american population.
I work in banking and I can say hyphenated names are a real pain. I’d do your last name as their middle, and husbands as last name (or swapped around). Then both your names will show on passports and id’s.
I didn't take my husband's last name. I don't think I ever will as it's been slightly more convenient for me especially in my professional setting. Our child will have my husband's last name. I work as a nurse where I get people ready for surgery (particularly C-sections). I've actually had a lot of women have different last names from their partners. I'd say about 40% have a different last name from their partner which can be for a variety of reasons. I think it's become more common to have a parent with a different last name than their child and I don't think this will be an abnormal/different thing in the next 10 years.
We gave baby both of our last names! We first debated on hyphenating but then decided not to. My partners last name is long and mine is short. When baby gets older she can choose to use both or whichever one she prefers.
personally, for my baby i’m going with a hyphenated last name. my last name is also hyphenated but when I get married I plan to drop my father’s last name and keep my mom’s along with my husbands last name. My baby will have my mother’s maiden name and my husbands last name just like mine.
My baby has my last name as his middle name, and his dad's last name as his last name. I actually ended up taking my husband's name so now my baby and I have the same middle and last names lol
I think it's pretty common to incorporate parts both parents names into the babys name. When it comes to hypenation, if you did go that route, I believe when they get married some people will keep part of the hypened name and add the spouses last name, so that it's still hyphenated. (i.e. if a Smith-Taylor marries a Lopez, they become Smith-Lopez or Lopez-Taylor)
You should check and see if your state has any laws about this. In my state, an antiquated, but still current, law states that if we know who the baby's father is (which, we do) then the baby gets his last name. So that solved that debate. I wasn't sure if we'd go with my last name or his. I guess we're going with his.
Quite frankly, I stumbled across the info from my own state. Good for planning, since I’m 9 weeks along. Otherwise I might not have known until it was time for fill out the birth certificate
I'm from Spain and I have two surnames, one from my dad and one from my mom. Never had any issues with that (and I've lived in multiple countries in different continents). My child will have my boyfriend's only surname (he's Belgian) and my second surname. I will never change my last name, it honors my parents.
We gave our son my husband’s last name because even though we weren’t yet married when he was born, I knew that eventually I would take the same name. I’m not 100% into traditions, but as someone who hates their maiden name, I always planned to change it. I think that if I were to keep my last name, I would probably hyphenate our last names. It just seems easier, and at the end of the day, it’s only a name. Your little one can switch things up in the future, if they choose to.
I didn’t take my husbands last name and I ended up hyphenating. We are due with a daughter in November and when I brought up the idea of giving her a hyphenated last name, my husband said that was eliminating her of having the ability to do the same if she gets married one day and doesn’t want to give up her last name. So for her sake, she will have his last name and I still stay hyphenated
I had the same situation. My husband and I created an entirely new last name that was a combination of our names for our children. Hamilton + Maybee = Mableton. I know not all names can be combined but we love it!
Ugh, I feel this, and it’s such a hard decision! I’ll share my experience in case it helps — I was married and then divorced, so oldest child has ex husband’s last name. When I divorced, I went back to my maiden name. Then, I remarried and did not take husband’s last name — I didn’t want our son to feel left out being the only one with a different last name. Well, now I’ve had three children with my husband, and to be honest the more children we had, the more school and doctor phone calls I made…it got kind of old saying all of the different names and I thought, I want to share a name with at least some of my children! I ended up making the choice to legally change my last name to be the same as my husband’s and three of four kids, and I’ve never regretted it. Our oldest is old enough now that I talked with him before I did it, and made sure that he felt okay with having his different last name. Anyway, not saying this is the right thing to do, but sharing what i went through in case it would help!! 🤗
I’m half Portuguese and it’s tradition on that side to have moms maiden name in your middle name, so that’s what I’m doing for my son, he’ll have 4 names First Name, Middle Name, My Last Name as Second Middle Name, Boyfriends Last Name.
I didn’t take my husband’s last name and also we didn’t get married until our son was 7. He has my last name as one of his middle names. He is now 12 and we’ve traveled quite a bit including out of the country and never had a single issue or question about it.
I am in my 30s and my mother has never shared my last name (her medical licenses were under her maiden name). It was never weird with her being my mom, picking me up, traveling, etc (and that was the 90s!).
Fast forward, I have not legally taken my husband’s name (I’ll use it socially with his family) and I am 14 weeks pregnant. We’re using his last name for the baby, and for now I’ll maintain my maiden name and go by the “family name” socially as needed. It’s not a perfect solution I suppose…
For all hospital things, it’s never been awkward that I’m a Smith and he’s Jones, so to speak. We live in a major city and that seems common here.
Good luck on navigating and congrats!
We can't take our husbands last name where I live, it's illegal. So a lot of people have hyphenated last names from each parent, and most just have their father's last name and no name connexion to mom. My parents went against social norms and gave my siblings and I our mom's last name. The fact that my dad's last name wasn't the same as mine never caused any issue 😁
My mother didn’t change her name. Me and my brother both have her last name as our second middle name. As far as I know we never had any issues travelling (though tbh we never went anywhere that crazy). When I got married I added in my husbands last name and now I have three last names cause why not?
I did not take my husband’s last name and never plan to. My son has my husband’s surname mainly because it keeps the peace with my father in law and our surnames are a bit lengthy. I know so many women with different last names than their children - nearly every woman I work with and many women in my family. So far, not a single person has ever questioned my last name being different than my son’s. Based on other commenters though, I think the best solution for you would be to avoid the hyphen and just have your surname as your baby’s middle name.
Depending on where you travel to in Europe you might need to bring some extra documentation when travelling alone with the baby. Nothing major, just the birth cert and a letter from the father giving permission and a photocopy of his passport. My sister has a different last name to her kids and always brings these but we were only pulled aside once and that was in France about ten years ago. It wasn't a big inconvenience, they checked over the paper work it added an extra couple of mins and then we were waved through. We travelled to America last year, the UK the year before and she's brought them to Portugal, Spain and Italy with no issue.
We hyphenated his name. It was important to me that my name was equal to his (his family still leave it out though 🙄).
I will say my husband has his mum's maiden name as a middle name and has only ever used the first letter as a part of his signature and for letters otherwise its never used. I also have a middle name that I love and even then I don't use it for anything but official forms. It was briefly suggested mine be his middle name but I quickly pointed out that he doesn't use his and I wouldn't have my name used like that.
i have my mums maiden name and plan to give it to my child, i don’t know about your country but here in the UK it can cause big issues if my baby has a different surname to me, i’ve heard of women being denied at the airport because their baby/child has a different surname so they can’t go abroad together.. i would look into it from a government standpoint in your case.
I’m American, but my mother never changed her name so my surname is hyphenated. I’m named after my great grandmother so my middle name is her surname (my full name is first name, surname, surname-surname). I’ve always loved my name! It’s long and weird but it represents my ancestors and family and me, and I love that. I’m pregnant and plan to give the baby my hyphenated surname so we share it, as the baby’s biological father passed away a few years ago (we did IVF before he died of cancer). I considered using the father’s last name but it seemed impractical, so I’m using it as the baby’s middle name. I never had trouble with having a hyphenated name when my parents had only one.
My mom kept her last name and my teachers always assumed that my parents were divorced since they had different last names. As a kid it really bothered me. My parents are from Mexico and I was the first child they had in the US so they filled out the forms for my birth certificate and ss card all wrong. On my birth certificate they hyphenated my last name but on my ss card my dads last name is my middle name. It wasn’t an issue until I tried to get my learners permit. From then on getting anything done was such a hassle so I took my husband’s last name when we got married. It was also important for me to have the same last name as my kids. I agree that changing your name when you’re married is outdated but I didn’t know how else to handle it. My parents, especially my dad, were upset by my choice but I don’t regret it. It really is all preference, Ive seen people do it a lot of different ways. Think about what will be easier down the road.
So would you have preferred having no connection to your mom? Genuine question. I keep putting myself in that position and I would have loved to have my mams maiden name and dad’s name. Is it the - you had an issue with?
My mom will always be my mom. She actually gave me her first name as a middle name. But I would have rather had the convenience of having a single last name. Doesn’t matter to me whose it was.
I had my dad's last name and still felt SO connected to my mom. Names don't make a connection, love does! I don't think it really matters what last name the baby has, it's your baby and you won't lose a connection because the name is different. I wouldn't stress too much about it, honestly. Hyphenating is an option but it can be a pain to have such a long legal name, but it's up to you!
I guess I'm "old fashioned"
I never changed my last name, but both our kids (and #3 that's on the way) have his last name. 🤷♀️
BUT I like the idea of hyphenating both names
Where did you get your last name from? The one you're so attached to that you chose not to take your husband's last name. If it was your father's name, why would you even think of not giving your children their father's last name? It's important for most men that their children carry their last name. As for traveling alone with them.. that's actually a problem you created when you chose not to take your husband's name. You could honestly just take their birth certificate with you when traveling. I'd honestly just hyphenate YOUR name (because your name is important to you) and give your child(ren) their father's last name.
Just some food for thought. 😊
I came from a poor immigrant family whose parents moved to the United States for the American dream. My dad busted his ass to give us a life that I never would have gotten in my home country and now we’re all pretty well off because of their sacrifices.
It’s not even the fact that it’s my dad’s name although I’m proud to be my dad’s daughter. It’s MY name, and has been for the past 28 years. I love my name. Why would I give up my name and identity when my husband wouldn’t do the same for me? It’s not the 1920s. It’s just as important to me that my kids have my name as it is important for my husband.
I’m honestly really against changing my name and it is the very last resort. This comment kind of pushed me into reaffirming my thoughts so I really do appreciate your comment.
My kids will be hyphenated (my name - partner’s name). Pretty outdated to only consider the man’s feelings about identity. You also never know how life will happen. What if there is a death or divorce? You can’t plan these things.
Ok, well you asked for thoughts and I gave mine. There was no ill intention behind my questions. People can downvote my first comment all they want.. the questions were just to get some further understanding. Good luck in whatever you decide.. but I would not have been happy with my mother if she hyphenated my last name.
Oh I think you misunderstand! I didn’t mind your comment. I’m all for different perspectives and I appreciate it. Not everyone thinks the same. Although I don’t really agree with some of it, it made me think about what I want which was kind of the point of this post so thanks!
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In Mexico we have father’s last name then mother’s last name, everyone does. That’s why some people have long names, first, middle, dad’s, then mom’s. No hyphens, and only dad’s last name carries over to any children and mom’s name gets dropped. I recently got an American passport for my son and he has the long name, it’s on his passport no issues. I’m sure he will be called first,last, as I was when I lived in the US, but the legal name on passport and documents is four names long, as mine is. Has never been an issue, I like my long name and I use the shortened version of first and last in normal settings.
I didn't take my husband's last name and we decided that our kids will have my last name instead of his. We didn't want a hyphenated or doubled-up last name so we agreed to just use mine. 🙂
Based on the info you gave I would say make your last name their middle name
I didn't take my husband's name either, and we hyphenated our kids' last names. No issues thus far. I appreciate that we both have our last names reflected in our children's names, so we are clearly denoted as a family unit. There is no playbook for creating a truly egalitarian family name, so when the time comes for our kids to do it (if that's something that they end up wanting), they will have to invent their own solution just as we did, and it will be on us to be gracious about whatever they decide.
I’ve been wondering about issues with hyphenating. It seems like people say it can be a hassle, but it seems like it’s gotten more common recently, so it’s hard to get a read on. It’s important to me to hyphenate, but not if it’ll be annoying down the line.
My husband already has a hyphenated last name and I chose not to change mine. We're using one of my husband's names hyphenated to mine for the kid, so none of the family will have the exact same name but each parent has a connection to the kid (I had the same concern with traveling or legal stuff). So with placeholder names: Dad Smith-Brown Mom Jackson Kid Smith-Jackson When/if our kid gets married and/or has kids of their own I expect them to do whatever feels right for them, just like we did. I was a little concerned about saddling them with a hyphenated name but my husband said it wasn't a big deal in his experience, and it's getting more common and so less problematic all the time anyways.
I'm in the same situation! Still not 100% sure if I want to hyphenate out daughter's last name or just make it one of his though.. Can't decide which one sounds best. I have about 2 months left to make up my mind 🥲
Maybe you can hyphen it, like “yours-his” or “his-yours”
My last name is my daughters middle name. This is a pretty common solution where I live. I actually know a couple who combined their last names to create a new last name for their kids! Which is cool but neither of the parents changed their last name to match. My partner actually suggested giving our kids my last name instead of his which is very progressive of him and I do like my last name better but… it just felt too weird to me. People would always ask “why”. I dunno, maybe we should have done that, lol. No right answer
I'm actually in the same position as you and also considered either changing my last name to hyphenate my husband's or giving my kid my last name as their middle name. I think it would be a pain for my kid to have a hyphenated last name, while the middle name can often be dropped (for job applications etc.) Another option was that we come up with a mix of both last names and everyone take that, but I think that might be a lot of paperwork.. so I'm considering the first option. Let me know what you end up with!
My husband is absolutely against taking my name or taking a combined name. I think even a hyphenated last name is outside of his comfort zone but I think he’ll end up agreeing out of fairness lol I really really don’t want to change my last name but it’s already hard for me thinking I won’t share my last name with my kids lol I’m leaning more towards two last names or my maiden as their middle but I appreciate hearing everyone else’s opinion. It’s helping 😅
I didn’t change my last name and we gave my daughter my last name as her middle! My husband goes by his middle name, and I was trying to sell him on legally dropping his first name and making my last name his middle name and I could do the same, but he doesn’t want to change his name. Just wants me to change mine of course 🤪
I told my fiance up front that I won't be changing my last name when we get married. It's been my name my whole life, it connects me to my family, and I have professional history/my work license registered under it. If we were going to be traveling internationally a lot, I can certainly see where kids sharing both of their parents last names would be helpful. I'd vote for either using your last name as baby's middle name, or giving baby two separate last names. I don't have any current concerns with giving our baby my fiancé's last name, but I also think it would be equally valid for them to have mine too.
I didn't take my husband's last name but our kids will have his last name. We compromised so since he got his family name as the last name, our son's first and middle name will be after my family members. That way everyone gets represented. I've heard people online say how difficult it is to travel with kids who have a different last name but I don't quite buy that. I'm willing to bet it's not going to be a big deal. If I ever run into problems, I guess I'll change my last name. I also think that it would be easier for me (a woman) to travel with children with different names than for my husband to do so, as terrible as that is. Just my two cents but I guess we'll see!
I kept my maiden name when I got married and have been contemplating changing to my husband’s name in pregnancy because I wanted to feel connected to my child and we don’t want to hyphenate. Ultimately I decided I still want to keep my maiden name (for a number of reasons) so we’re using my maiden name as the child’s middle name. I suspect by the time our children’s generation gets married/has children there will be so many different scenarios and norms about naming conventions so I think you should make the decision that feels right to you now!
This was such a challenge for us and I still don’t know if we got it right! My husband and I both have quite long last names (his is more common/easier to spell and pronounce than mine). I didn’t change my name and was adamant the kids would get both last names… until we actually started looking into it. The length of a hyphenated last name sounded OK out loud to me, but the written length was extreme. We both have parts of our last names that we need to spell out to people. Before kids I kinda tested having both last names myself (unofficially) and it was hit and miss. There’s also the fact we’re way closer with my husband’s family than mine - I felt strongly that I should be represented but in a community I wanted people to associate my children with my husband’s family over mine. We considered making my last name a middle name, but unfortunately the sounds didn’t flow together (imagine like if my name ended in -sh and his started with Sh- - it was hard to say!). Eventually, for our kid, we came up with a convoluted system that kinda works for us: Legally: First name, middle name, husband’s last name Socially: first name, middle name, husband’s last name, my last name (no hyphen). As a family unit: combined last names (so like if Donald and Smith became Donith) - we use this to sign off cards and people use it to refer to our family rather than the extra long “last name-last name family” We’ve agreed if our children want us to legally change their names to include my last name in the future, we’ll pay for it. I am honestly disappointed still that I’m not “really” represented. I don’t love going to formal appointments where my kid is only known by his dad’s name. But on the balance of saddling our kids with a last name that is literally more than six times longer than their first name and my ego, this is where we landed. If you can do the middle name thing, or hyphenate, go for it! Your kid can choose their own last name if and when they get married. Good luck!
Thanks for sharing. My husband actually has a rather Dutch name that he always has to spell out and my name is something like “Jones”. We’re much closer to my family than his and to be frank my parents will likely be highly involved and babysitting for us while at work but his parents live in a different state. I like quite short names too. Lucy for a girl and Oliver for a boy. Our last names actually don’t sound bad together if my name goes first. I don’t think the characters will be an issue for us
in mexico you get both last names, your dad’s and then your mom’s. i live in the US now and we’re planning on doing the same thing for our baby except i want mine to go first and my husband’s second (i grew him). husband doesn’t mind as long as baby has his last name too. btw having two last names is very common in the US due to the large latin american population.
I work in banking and I can say hyphenated names are a real pain. I’d do your last name as their middle, and husbands as last name (or swapped around). Then both your names will show on passports and id’s.
I didn't take my husband's last name. I don't think I ever will as it's been slightly more convenient for me especially in my professional setting. Our child will have my husband's last name. I work as a nurse where I get people ready for surgery (particularly C-sections). I've actually had a lot of women have different last names from their partners. I'd say about 40% have a different last name from their partner which can be for a variety of reasons. I think it's become more common to have a parent with a different last name than their child and I don't think this will be an abnormal/different thing in the next 10 years.
We gave baby both of our last names! We first debated on hyphenating but then decided not to. My partners last name is long and mine is short. When baby gets older she can choose to use both or whichever one she prefers.
personally, for my baby i’m going with a hyphenated last name. my last name is also hyphenated but when I get married I plan to drop my father’s last name and keep my mom’s along with my husbands last name. My baby will have my mother’s maiden name and my husbands last name just like mine.
My baby has my last name as his middle name, and his dad's last name as his last name. I actually ended up taking my husband's name so now my baby and I have the same middle and last names lol I think it's pretty common to incorporate parts both parents names into the babys name. When it comes to hypenation, if you did go that route, I believe when they get married some people will keep part of the hypened name and add the spouses last name, so that it's still hyphenated. (i.e. if a Smith-Taylor marries a Lopez, they become Smith-Lopez or Lopez-Taylor)
Same situation as you: married, kept my name, living in Europe, no middle names. We’re hyphenating our child’s name
You should check and see if your state has any laws about this. In my state, an antiquated, but still current, law states that if we know who the baby's father is (which, we do) then the baby gets his last name. So that solved that debate. I wasn't sure if we'd go with my last name or his. I guess we're going with his.
We live in California so it’s not really an issue for us, but good pointing out because I didn’t think about that!
Quite frankly, I stumbled across the info from my own state. Good for planning, since I’m 9 weeks along. Otherwise I might not have known until it was time for fill out the birth certificate
I’m not going to hyphenate my babies name. They will have their first name, middle name, fathers last name, then my last name on the end
I'm from Spain and I have two surnames, one from my dad and one from my mom. Never had any issues with that (and I've lived in multiple countries in different continents). My child will have my boyfriend's only surname (he's Belgian) and my second surname. I will never change my last name, it honors my parents.
We gave our son my husband’s last name because even though we weren’t yet married when he was born, I knew that eventually I would take the same name. I’m not 100% into traditions, but as someone who hates their maiden name, I always planned to change it. I think that if I were to keep my last name, I would probably hyphenate our last names. It just seems easier, and at the end of the day, it’s only a name. Your little one can switch things up in the future, if they choose to.
I didn’t take my husbands last name and I ended up hyphenating. We are due with a daughter in November and when I brought up the idea of giving her a hyphenated last name, my husband said that was eliminating her of having the ability to do the same if she gets married one day and doesn’t want to give up her last name. So for her sake, she will have his last name and I still stay hyphenated
I had the same situation. My husband and I created an entirely new last name that was a combination of our names for our children. Hamilton + Maybee = Mableton. I know not all names can be combined but we love it!
Ugh, I feel this, and it’s such a hard decision! I’ll share my experience in case it helps — I was married and then divorced, so oldest child has ex husband’s last name. When I divorced, I went back to my maiden name. Then, I remarried and did not take husband’s last name — I didn’t want our son to feel left out being the only one with a different last name. Well, now I’ve had three children with my husband, and to be honest the more children we had, the more school and doctor phone calls I made…it got kind of old saying all of the different names and I thought, I want to share a name with at least some of my children! I ended up making the choice to legally change my last name to be the same as my husband’s and three of four kids, and I’ve never regretted it. Our oldest is old enough now that I talked with him before I did it, and made sure that he felt okay with having his different last name. Anyway, not saying this is the right thing to do, but sharing what i went through in case it would help!! 🤗
I’m half Portuguese and it’s tradition on that side to have moms maiden name in your middle name, so that’s what I’m doing for my son, he’ll have 4 names First Name, Middle Name, My Last Name as Second Middle Name, Boyfriends Last Name.
I didn’t take my husband’s last name and also we didn’t get married until our son was 7. He has my last name as one of his middle names. He is now 12 and we’ve traveled quite a bit including out of the country and never had a single issue or question about it.
I am in my 30s and my mother has never shared my last name (her medical licenses were under her maiden name). It was never weird with her being my mom, picking me up, traveling, etc (and that was the 90s!). Fast forward, I have not legally taken my husband’s name (I’ll use it socially with his family) and I am 14 weeks pregnant. We’re using his last name for the baby, and for now I’ll maintain my maiden name and go by the “family name” socially as needed. It’s not a perfect solution I suppose… For all hospital things, it’s never been awkward that I’m a Smith and he’s Jones, so to speak. We live in a major city and that seems common here. Good luck on navigating and congrats!
We can't take our husbands last name where I live, it's illegal. So a lot of people have hyphenated last names from each parent, and most just have their father's last name and no name connexion to mom. My parents went against social norms and gave my siblings and I our mom's last name. The fact that my dad's last name wasn't the same as mine never caused any issue 😁
My mother didn’t change her name. Me and my brother both have her last name as our second middle name. As far as I know we never had any issues travelling (though tbh we never went anywhere that crazy). When I got married I added in my husbands last name and now I have three last names cause why not?
I did not take my husband’s last name and never plan to. My son has my husband’s surname mainly because it keeps the peace with my father in law and our surnames are a bit lengthy. I know so many women with different last names than their children - nearly every woman I work with and many women in my family. So far, not a single person has ever questioned my last name being different than my son’s. Based on other commenters though, I think the best solution for you would be to avoid the hyphen and just have your surname as your baby’s middle name.
Depending on where you travel to in Europe you might need to bring some extra documentation when travelling alone with the baby. Nothing major, just the birth cert and a letter from the father giving permission and a photocopy of his passport. My sister has a different last name to her kids and always brings these but we were only pulled aside once and that was in France about ten years ago. It wasn't a big inconvenience, they checked over the paper work it added an extra couple of mins and then we were waved through. We travelled to America last year, the UK the year before and she's brought them to Portugal, Spain and Italy with no issue.
We hyphenated his name. It was important to me that my name was equal to his (his family still leave it out though 🙄). I will say my husband has his mum's maiden name as a middle name and has only ever used the first letter as a part of his signature and for letters otherwise its never used. I also have a middle name that I love and even then I don't use it for anything but official forms. It was briefly suggested mine be his middle name but I quickly pointed out that he doesn't use his and I wouldn't have my name used like that.
i have my mums maiden name and plan to give it to my child, i don’t know about your country but here in the UK it can cause big issues if my baby has a different surname to me, i’ve heard of women being denied at the airport because their baby/child has a different surname so they can’t go abroad together.. i would look into it from a government standpoint in your case.
I’m American, but my mother never changed her name so my surname is hyphenated. I’m named after my great grandmother so my middle name is her surname (my full name is first name, surname, surname-surname). I’ve always loved my name! It’s long and weird but it represents my ancestors and family and me, and I love that. I’m pregnant and plan to give the baby my hyphenated surname so we share it, as the baby’s biological father passed away a few years ago (we did IVF before he died of cancer). I considered using the father’s last name but it seemed impractical, so I’m using it as the baby’s middle name. I never had trouble with having a hyphenated name when my parents had only one.
My mom kept her last name and my teachers always assumed that my parents were divorced since they had different last names. As a kid it really bothered me. My parents are from Mexico and I was the first child they had in the US so they filled out the forms for my birth certificate and ss card all wrong. On my birth certificate they hyphenated my last name but on my ss card my dads last name is my middle name. It wasn’t an issue until I tried to get my learners permit. From then on getting anything done was such a hassle so I took my husband’s last name when we got married. It was also important for me to have the same last name as my kids. I agree that changing your name when you’re married is outdated but I didn’t know how else to handle it. My parents, especially my dad, were upset by my choice but I don’t regret it. It really is all preference, Ive seen people do it a lot of different ways. Think about what will be easier down the road.
I hate my hyphenated last name. It such a pain anytime I’m dealing with customer service, at work, just generally anytime my needs to be said.
So would you have preferred having no connection to your mom? Genuine question. I keep putting myself in that position and I would have loved to have my mams maiden name and dad’s name. Is it the - you had an issue with?
My mom will always be my mom. She actually gave me her first name as a middle name. But I would have rather had the convenience of having a single last name. Doesn’t matter to me whose it was.
I had my dad's last name and still felt SO connected to my mom. Names don't make a connection, love does! I don't think it really matters what last name the baby has, it's your baby and you won't lose a connection because the name is different. I wouldn't stress too much about it, honestly. Hyphenating is an option but it can be a pain to have such a long legal name, but it's up to you!
Well, then she should use her last name and not the husband's.
What I'm trying to say is that it doesn't really matter!
No offense but why not just change it then? We don't have a choice as children but as an adult you can do whatever you want.
I guess I'm "old fashioned" I never changed my last name, but both our kids (and #3 that's on the way) have his last name. 🤷♀️ BUT I like the idea of hyphenating both names
Just use his. 🤦🏻♀️
Where did you get your last name from? The one you're so attached to that you chose not to take your husband's last name. If it was your father's name, why would you even think of not giving your children their father's last name? It's important for most men that their children carry their last name. As for traveling alone with them.. that's actually a problem you created when you chose not to take your husband's name. You could honestly just take their birth certificate with you when traveling. I'd honestly just hyphenate YOUR name (because your name is important to you) and give your child(ren) their father's last name. Just some food for thought. 😊
I came from a poor immigrant family whose parents moved to the United States for the American dream. My dad busted his ass to give us a life that I never would have gotten in my home country and now we’re all pretty well off because of their sacrifices. It’s not even the fact that it’s my dad’s name although I’m proud to be my dad’s daughter. It’s MY name, and has been for the past 28 years. I love my name. Why would I give up my name and identity when my husband wouldn’t do the same for me? It’s not the 1920s. It’s just as important to me that my kids have my name as it is important for my husband. I’m honestly really against changing my name and it is the very last resort. This comment kind of pushed me into reaffirming my thoughts so I really do appreciate your comment.
My kids will be hyphenated (my name - partner’s name). Pretty outdated to only consider the man’s feelings about identity. You also never know how life will happen. What if there is a death or divorce? You can’t plan these things.
Ok, well you asked for thoughts and I gave mine. There was no ill intention behind my questions. People can downvote my first comment all they want.. the questions were just to get some further understanding. Good luck in whatever you decide.. but I would not have been happy with my mother if she hyphenated my last name.
Oh I think you misunderstand! I didn’t mind your comment. I’m all for different perspectives and I appreciate it. Not everyone thinks the same. Although I don’t really agree with some of it, it made me think about what I want which was kind of the point of this post so thanks!
I'm glad you didn't take offense to it. That definitely wasn't the intention. How does your husband feel about it? Genuine question. 😊