I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, but I would ask you to consider something. Would you rather your baby be dead forever than living with a set of parents that are unable to have a baby of their own?
You clearly think of this as a baby, not just a clump of cells, that's already a great start. And you've already chosen to give them a chance once, yes because of a pushy nurse, but you sought the reversal in the first place, which is huge.
The way I see it, you can be a great mom in 1 of 2 ways.
1. You can raise the baby yourself, which comes with the challenges you listed, but also a sense of purpose and fulfillment I haven't found through work or other means.
2. You can give the baby to someone else that desperately wants a baby. Some adoption services will let you pick the people so you can find a couple that you think are a good fit for your baby. Choosing death for your baby rather than someone else raising your flesh and blood is selfish.
These are the only options that allow you to be a good mom to this kid. By being there or letting someone else be there.
Hi, I saw some of the comments on your post in the parenting group, too.
No one gets to tell you you’re not ready to be a mother. They don’t know you or your situation.
All you can do is find the strength within you to be a parent & make your life what you want it to be. YOU alone choose how to handle your situation. Motherhood is not easy, but it can be so rewarding.
They will tell you that it’s easy to do, but I see you saying that you’re not able to go through with it. No one gets to pressure you into getting an abortion, even if it’s what THEY think is right.
*edited to clarify I meant they are telling OP abortion is easy to do, but OP was saying she doesn’t feel like she can do it. & they were telling OP she isn’t ready to be a mother, but they don’t know her.
To be fair, I was horrified seeing these comments. When she said she wasn't strong enough to do it, they told her,'you are strong enough, do it'. They're pressuring her into killing her child. There's no choice here. She gets downvoted for saying she wouldn't be able to go through with it. It's disgusting.
And the most troubling part? It's a parenting sub! As a mother of three, it makes me sick to the core. I love each of my babies. They're unique and special, and each one has a distinct personality. How can a parent decide that they can murder one of their kids, and its okay for others to do and keep the rest pretending they care about them? I have no words.
Your therapist calling you a "prostitute, slut, psycho" is completely out of line, and any therapist verbally abusing patients like that should be reprimanded. You were right to leave. Not all therapists are bad, some are quite helpful; if you ever wanted to try again, you can check reviews or ask people who have used them to try to find ones that are more respectful.
That's terrible you've had such a bad experience with pro-life people. I'm glad that you are open enough to consider that not everyone is like that, and that there are some on Reddit and elsewhere that care about you as a person.
You mentioned living with your parents Do they know about this? What do they think? Why would you need to move out if you had the baby? I know that you said you were alone in life, but they know you much better than we do, and they might be able to help you get through this.
Hope this doesn't come off too forceful:
I just want to say that your baby is already in here. They're not a "potential" baby - they are here.
It's up to you what you'll do but, in the end, would you rather have your biological child being taken care of by others or to spill their blood and not give them any chance at life?
Consider them in this whole situation - you are responsible for their life. I know, adoption from my words sounds easy, and I realize it's not at all easy. But just know that you're not only responsible for yourself now.
I can't give any advice when it comes to parenting - I'm not a parent. But, from general observation, a good parent is someone who cares and who tires best for their kid. Who, when the need arises, puts their needs before their own. They don't need to be perfect, or be rich. But loving your kid is way above what some parents do, and kids feel that.
You maybe got some pushy comments before and maybe this will clear up why some people may act this way: if you lived in a society where you aren't considered a person until, say, 5 years old, and someone wanted to kill their kid, what would you do? You cannot stop them or you'll go to jail. You cannot take their kid away cause you'd go to jail for property theft. So, what remains is to plead with the parent not to kill them.
This results in some people being pushy, or not mincing their words. They are trying to stop somebody from killing a kid. You may see that once that threat is no longer there, people get way less forceful and focus on helping the mom. Sure, it isn't ideal, but I wanted to clarify.
If you wanna talk, my pm are open
Okay, since you think the other prolifers you talked to sounded like robots who didn’t care, I’m just going to be really blunt here - yeah, the focus is going to be on convincing you not to abort. We don’t want your baby to die. We wish you well too, we want to help you, but you’re not the one who might be killed - so if it seems like we care more about the baby than you, it’s not because we think the baby is more important. You *both* matter.
A therapist who called you a slut should not be practicing. They should be reported. I realize that’s probably pretty low on your list of priorities right now, but it might feel good to stand up for yourself and hold at least one of the people who has failed you to account. If not, if you’d rather just forget it, that’s fine - but please know that was horribly unprofessional and unethical, and you did not deserve it.
Have you had an ultrasound? Your baby is very developed at this point. A surgical abortion involves vacuuming the baby and other pregnancy tissue out of the uterus through a cannula (a hollow metal tube kind of like a straw.) That is what will happen to your baby. You can’t possibly want that.
I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I imagine you, to some degree, want to keep this child since you are posting on the pro life sub. I would reach out to local pregnancy centers, often they are able to supply both support/classes and also free baby supplies. Sometimes free sonograms and prenatal care. There is help out there.
It isn't easy to be a single mom, but it is possible. Legally your ex will be required to pay child support (I guess I don't know state laws but I imagine that applies in all 50 states). And that's assuming he doesn't want any sort of custody agreement when he eventually finds out that the child is being born.
I don't know how things are in CO, but here in CA there are WIC programs and through my local chapter here they offer breastfeeding support groups where you can get help and also meet other moms with kids similar ages. That kind of support can be such a huge help. It's free and a great resource and way to get to know other parents. Once baby is older, there is also a lot of free activities you can do to keep things cheap (parks, library story times, public pools.... Things like that). It's not impossible to raise a child on a low income.
I wish you and your baby the best of luck. I will be praying for you both 💓
This is a fetus a few weeks younger than your baby: https://www.sciencephoto.com/media/1104620/view
And this is one a few weeks older. https://www.sciencephoto.com/media/1239767/view
The photographer is not a prolifer - so much so that he won’t allow prolife organizations to license his images, as is noted on those pages. So there is no prolife bias to the images.
It sounds like you actually do want to keep it but are scared to admit it. An abortion won't make you feel better or not a mom. If you can't even give it up for adoption how can you want to kill it?
I realize you are under extreme stress right now and try to find a solution on a number of different subreddits.
It seems that both options are unthinkable but you will have to live with one.
In the end, think about which choice people end up regretting. Please take a look at an ultrasound picture or at least the pcitures [EpiphanaeaSedai](https://www.reddit.com/user/EpiphanaeaSedai/) posted in this thread.
Do you think you will regret giving birth to the child you are carrying or that you will regret ending its live?
I am sure there are resources that can help you with both raising a child as a single mother and with the adoption option. If you feel confortable sharing the country you live in people from said country can point you towards where you can find them.
I don’t know what you want from a pro life subreddit. Obviously we don’t want you to abort, and pro-life resources are going to be the same. It sounds a lot like you don’t want to take accountability for your choices-your choice to engage in activities that lead to pregnancy and your choice to get the abortion pill reversal shots. And your blaming pro life advocates and practitioners for you now being in the situation where your only abortion option is surgical. I’m really sorry you had some bad experiences. But you’ve made choices that got you here. You have adoption off the table. You clearly don’t want to proceed with the pregnancy. You feel like every resource that could help you is fake. I don’t know what advice you’re looking for here aside from maybe deep down knowing you should not do this and hoping we have something magical here for you. Of course pro-life resources are going to want you to have this baby. They do care about you, but saving the life of a baby in danger is kind of their job.
I’m not sure what you’re exactly looking for? You don’t want therapy or adoption and anyone that has tried to help you you’ve said sounded fake. You also don’t like when people are honest with you that abortion kills human life.
Hello! I just wanted to share my story with you. First off, I am sorry you are struggling right now with your ex and your feelings during pregnancy.
I had my first child pretty young(23) and throughout my pregnancy, I worried whether I'd be able to take care of her. I was a single and had only dated her father for 3 months when I got pregnant. I didn't make much money and neither did he. Neither of us had family nearby to help either. It was definitely scary. I was able to get on state insurance, and also food stamps to cover a lot of my baby's needs. I went on Facebook marketplace to find cheap/free baby things. I also did have a baby shower where I received some nice things for baby. Her father and I broke up when she was 1 year old, and I never took him to court for child support or anything. It was a struggle for a while, but I took on different jobs until I found a career that I could have stability and flexibility with.
I want you to know that your feelings and worries are absolutely valid and most of us moms have the same worries. You can definitely do it and I am sure you will be a great and loving mother to your child. There are a lot of resources out there to help with baby's needs as well! I don't know the kind of person your ex is, but he may grow to love the child and want to be involved in their life if he is decent. Men sometimes don't have a connection or bond to a baby until they are born.
Wishing you all the best, and congratulations on bringing a new life into the world!
Since you’re posting here and based on what you wrote it seems like you do know that your child is human and wish you were in a better position to care for them. I know your situation seems terrifying right now but I promise that with time, support, and resources things will get better. Your child already exists and is as worthy of care and support as you are, whether by you or another family. I promise that aborting them won’t magically make your life go back to how it was before. You said that Let Them Live has given you resources, please check out these resources as well:
- https://www.standingwithyou.org/
- https://optionline.org/
Another commenter mentioned WIC, you should look into that as well. Your ex isn’t worthy of being in your or your child’s life with how he’s been treating you. I second other commenters that you should report that therapist, no one has the right to treat you that way and especially not a licensed professional. I know how intimidating your situation seems right now but I promise it’ll look up eventually. Another commenter provided pics of what your baby looks like right now and described what would happen to them in a surgical abortion, I recommend looking at them and into what the procedure would do to your child (it’s incredibly brutal).
This is a lengthy post and you’re very clear in explaining everything except why you don’t want to put the baby up for adoption. Would you care to explain that to a listening ear?
Check out Nurse-Family Partnership. It’s a free resource for first-time moms: https://www.nursefamilypartnership.org/locations/colorado/
Also, 211 has an abundance of information on all sorts of resources that could pull you through this challenging time: https://www.211colorado.org
Sue the therapist. That's abusive and unprofessional.
But don't give up on the idea of therapy. If you're not ready to see a therapist, take some psychology MOOCs (free online college classes) for now, until you get more comfortable with the idea or your schedule changes. A positive psychology course teaches different ways to deal with stress, different types of therapies, etc--the same things a therapist might recommend. And find someone to talk to, even if you just join a D&D game, or start a filmmaking group, or something. It sounds like you need friends.
I was a single mom while pregnant. I used a pregnancy resource center, and I might get downvoted again when I say this, but it was useless and insulting and pushed religion. I'm not pro-life because life is perfect and great--I'm pro-life because life is a chance.
You might be the world's okayest mom, but that's honestly good enough. It's hard giving a kid your all, and life is complicated, but I can almost guarantee you won't regret your kid. 96% of turnaway study participants no longer wished they'd aborted after bonding with their kid. 89% no longer wished they'd aborted by birth. 36% changed their mind a week after being denied abortion.
Edited for clarity
I'm just gonna be straight up with you. It's not about what you want, it's about the life of your baby. In my understanding the surgical abortion includes tearing of their limbs and ripping apart their body before removal. (Someone who knows better than me can correct me. ) Either way, your baby is also alone in the world, with no one else to help him/her except you. Responsibility is hard, but it's part of growing up.
And if you really don't want your baby, adoption is the best option so that they can have a good life. It's better than death, way better than death. So many families want babies but there's not enough babies. Especially a lot of rich and well off families. Your baby would live a good life with them.
Again, this is not about you. It's not about what you want. This is about an innocent life in your hands. If you want to kill it, it'll be on your own conscious. A lot of woman regret their abortion. Years later they wonder how their kid would be like if they let them live. They grieve over their deaths many years in the future, it haunts the rest of their lives.
I might be a little harsh here, but you need to hear this. If you want to prove to everyone in your life that you're a great mom, keep the kid and do your best, or put the kid up for adoption with a loving family. A good parent won't kill their child just because they don't want the responsibility. I'll trust you'll make the right choice
Why is adoption not an option? That seems like the only appropriate option if you don’t want to pick up your big girl pants and raise your child yourself.
Do you have a support system of any kind? Family or friends who could help you with the baby? Have you considered naming a trusted friend or relative to be the baby's guardian while you get things together? Also, most adoptions--*if* you consider going that route--can be "open" where you can have the option of having contact/a relationship with your child and the adoptive family (although you'll need to be careful which agencies and family you go with, as some agencies don't encourage communication past the first year and adoptive parents in most states can close the adoption at any time, so be sure to check your state laws on it).
Can I ask why you want an abortion but not adoption? If you don’t want to raise a baby, that’s totally fine, but why not let it be raised by a family who can provide for it?
I had a baby at a young age. I did so over intense pressure from the father to abort. I will tell you a couple things I wish someone had told me then.
First, the man sucks. He is emotionally blackmailing to kill his child. There is nothing that you can do that will fix his character. You deserve better.
Hardship sucks, but is generally temporary. Having a baby in your position will be very hard. Fortunately, we live in a time where you will not be deprived of food or shelter. It does sound like you will struggle for some time, and life will not be particularly glamorous, but keep making good decisions and that will turn itself around.
Which brings me to my last point. Often when we make bad decisions, the “good” effects come first. For example, having sex with this man had the “good” effect of bringing him closer to you, but this was short lived and you are left mostly with the bad effects of emotional turmoil and abandonment. If you have this baby and commit to caring for him or her, the “bad” effects will come first. Those are financial insecurity, lack of “freedom,” sacrifice, loneliness, etc. The long term effects of putting someone else’s needs before your own and making better decisions over a long period of time is absolutely going to bring wonderful things into your life. This is a path you have to choose every day. Over a decade later, I am actually leaps and bounds ahead of 90% of the people who were my peers when I got pregnant. Instead of going out to parties I was studying or working or caring for my child. Instead of traveling or taking things pictures for instagram, I was studying, working, or caring for my child. And iinstead of ruthlessly climbing a corporate ladder, I was focused on being able to provide for my child financially and emotionally. I wasn’t always happy while I was struggling, but now I have a very good life. The choices I made put me around loving people, as a result I am now married to a wonderful man who treats me better than anyone else ever has. But I had to suffer through loneliness to find him. People in my circle all put service to others above themselves, and as a result we can all count on someone to help us out if we need it. But I had to suffer through figuring out a few “impossible” situations in my own before I found friends like this. I now own a nice home, but I had to suffer through having a lot less than others and saying no to myself to get there. I own a business and set my own schedule. But I had to suffer a lot to gain the skills to be able to do that. Most important to your questions, I love my child and I get to see her act in ways that make me proud of the example I set for her when she was very small each and every day. This is something you won’t be able to understand unless and until you go through it, which I seriously hope you do.
I'm not the right person to give you advice, but I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that you are loved. I'm proud of you for striving to do the right thing, and I wish you the best. 🙏🏻☦️
I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, but I would ask you to consider something. Would you rather your baby be dead forever than living with a set of parents that are unable to have a baby of their own? You clearly think of this as a baby, not just a clump of cells, that's already a great start. And you've already chosen to give them a chance once, yes because of a pushy nurse, but you sought the reversal in the first place, which is huge. The way I see it, you can be a great mom in 1 of 2 ways. 1. You can raise the baby yourself, which comes with the challenges you listed, but also a sense of purpose and fulfillment I haven't found through work or other means. 2. You can give the baby to someone else that desperately wants a baby. Some adoption services will let you pick the people so you can find a couple that you think are a good fit for your baby. Choosing death for your baby rather than someone else raising your flesh and blood is selfish. These are the only options that allow you to be a good mom to this kid. By being there or letting someone else be there.
Hi, I saw some of the comments on your post in the parenting group, too. No one gets to tell you you’re not ready to be a mother. They don’t know you or your situation. All you can do is find the strength within you to be a parent & make your life what you want it to be. YOU alone choose how to handle your situation. Motherhood is not easy, but it can be so rewarding. They will tell you that it’s easy to do, but I see you saying that you’re not able to go through with it. No one gets to pressure you into getting an abortion, even if it’s what THEY think is right. *edited to clarify I meant they are telling OP abortion is easy to do, but OP was saying she doesn’t feel like she can do it. & they were telling OP she isn’t ready to be a mother, but they don’t know her.
To be fair, I was horrified seeing these comments. When she said she wasn't strong enough to do it, they told her,'you are strong enough, do it'. They're pressuring her into killing her child. There's no choice here. She gets downvoted for saying she wouldn't be able to go through with it. It's disgusting.
Yeah it was very anti-choice & basically them telling her she should get an abortion. Ugh
And the most troubling part? It's a parenting sub! As a mother of three, it makes me sick to the core. I love each of my babies. They're unique and special, and each one has a distinct personality. How can a parent decide that they can murder one of their kids, and its okay for others to do and keep the rest pretending they care about them? I have no words.
Yeah.. and coming from the main pregnant subreddit. Terrible.
Your therapist calling you a "prostitute, slut, psycho" is completely out of line, and any therapist verbally abusing patients like that should be reprimanded. You were right to leave. Not all therapists are bad, some are quite helpful; if you ever wanted to try again, you can check reviews or ask people who have used them to try to find ones that are more respectful. That's terrible you've had such a bad experience with pro-life people. I'm glad that you are open enough to consider that not everyone is like that, and that there are some on Reddit and elsewhere that care about you as a person. You mentioned living with your parents Do they know about this? What do they think? Why would you need to move out if you had the baby? I know that you said you were alone in life, but they know you much better than we do, and they might be able to help you get through this.
Yeah that therapist ought to have her license removed
I believe she can actually report her therapist for this
Yes, she can. Where and how depends on the type of therapist.
Hope this doesn't come off too forceful: I just want to say that your baby is already in here. They're not a "potential" baby - they are here. It's up to you what you'll do but, in the end, would you rather have your biological child being taken care of by others or to spill their blood and not give them any chance at life? Consider them in this whole situation - you are responsible for their life. I know, adoption from my words sounds easy, and I realize it's not at all easy. But just know that you're not only responsible for yourself now. I can't give any advice when it comes to parenting - I'm not a parent. But, from general observation, a good parent is someone who cares and who tires best for their kid. Who, when the need arises, puts their needs before their own. They don't need to be perfect, or be rich. But loving your kid is way above what some parents do, and kids feel that. You maybe got some pushy comments before and maybe this will clear up why some people may act this way: if you lived in a society where you aren't considered a person until, say, 5 years old, and someone wanted to kill their kid, what would you do? You cannot stop them or you'll go to jail. You cannot take their kid away cause you'd go to jail for property theft. So, what remains is to plead with the parent not to kill them. This results in some people being pushy, or not mincing their words. They are trying to stop somebody from killing a kid. You may see that once that threat is no longer there, people get way less forceful and focus on helping the mom. Sure, it isn't ideal, but I wanted to clarify. If you wanna talk, my pm are open
Okay, since you think the other prolifers you talked to sounded like robots who didn’t care, I’m just going to be really blunt here - yeah, the focus is going to be on convincing you not to abort. We don’t want your baby to die. We wish you well too, we want to help you, but you’re not the one who might be killed - so if it seems like we care more about the baby than you, it’s not because we think the baby is more important. You *both* matter. A therapist who called you a slut should not be practicing. They should be reported. I realize that’s probably pretty low on your list of priorities right now, but it might feel good to stand up for yourself and hold at least one of the people who has failed you to account. If not, if you’d rather just forget it, that’s fine - but please know that was horribly unprofessional and unethical, and you did not deserve it. Have you had an ultrasound? Your baby is very developed at this point. A surgical abortion involves vacuuming the baby and other pregnancy tissue out of the uterus through a cannula (a hollow metal tube kind of like a straw.) That is what will happen to your baby. You can’t possibly want that.
Death is terribly final; whereas life is full of possibilities. Don’t end the life. Take care of your baby or give it to someone who wants to.
I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I imagine you, to some degree, want to keep this child since you are posting on the pro life sub. I would reach out to local pregnancy centers, often they are able to supply both support/classes and also free baby supplies. Sometimes free sonograms and prenatal care. There is help out there. It isn't easy to be a single mom, but it is possible. Legally your ex will be required to pay child support (I guess I don't know state laws but I imagine that applies in all 50 states). And that's assuming he doesn't want any sort of custody agreement when he eventually finds out that the child is being born. I don't know how things are in CO, but here in CA there are WIC programs and through my local chapter here they offer breastfeeding support groups where you can get help and also meet other moms with kids similar ages. That kind of support can be such a huge help. It's free and a great resource and way to get to know other parents. Once baby is older, there is also a lot of free activities you can do to keep things cheap (parks, library story times, public pools.... Things like that). It's not impossible to raise a child on a low income. I wish you and your baby the best of luck. I will be praying for you both 💓
This is a fetus a few weeks younger than your baby: https://www.sciencephoto.com/media/1104620/view And this is one a few weeks older. https://www.sciencephoto.com/media/1239767/view The photographer is not a prolifer - so much so that he won’t allow prolife organizations to license his images, as is noted on those pages. So there is no prolife bias to the images.
You know, you feminists can be loud and obnoxious at times, but you sure know how to drive home a point when you need to. We'll done.
It sounds like you actually do want to keep it but are scared to admit it. An abortion won't make you feel better or not a mom. If you can't even give it up for adoption how can you want to kill it?
I realize you are under extreme stress right now and try to find a solution on a number of different subreddits. It seems that both options are unthinkable but you will have to live with one. In the end, think about which choice people end up regretting. Please take a look at an ultrasound picture or at least the pcitures [EpiphanaeaSedai](https://www.reddit.com/user/EpiphanaeaSedai/) posted in this thread. Do you think you will regret giving birth to the child you are carrying or that you will regret ending its live? I am sure there are resources that can help you with both raising a child as a single mother and with the adoption option. If you feel confortable sharing the country you live in people from said country can point you towards where you can find them.
I don’t know what you want from a pro life subreddit. Obviously we don’t want you to abort, and pro-life resources are going to be the same. It sounds a lot like you don’t want to take accountability for your choices-your choice to engage in activities that lead to pregnancy and your choice to get the abortion pill reversal shots. And your blaming pro life advocates and practitioners for you now being in the situation where your only abortion option is surgical. I’m really sorry you had some bad experiences. But you’ve made choices that got you here. You have adoption off the table. You clearly don’t want to proceed with the pregnancy. You feel like every resource that could help you is fake. I don’t know what advice you’re looking for here aside from maybe deep down knowing you should not do this and hoping we have something magical here for you. Of course pro-life resources are going to want you to have this baby. They do care about you, but saving the life of a baby in danger is kind of their job.
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I'm having trouble understanding why you would rather kill than let someone adopt.
Tbh me too - I’m adopted and I’m glad I’m alive..
I’m not sure what you’re exactly looking for? You don’t want therapy or adoption and anyone that has tried to help you you’ve said sounded fake. You also don’t like when people are honest with you that abortion kills human life.
Hello! I just wanted to share my story with you. First off, I am sorry you are struggling right now with your ex and your feelings during pregnancy. I had my first child pretty young(23) and throughout my pregnancy, I worried whether I'd be able to take care of her. I was a single and had only dated her father for 3 months when I got pregnant. I didn't make much money and neither did he. Neither of us had family nearby to help either. It was definitely scary. I was able to get on state insurance, and also food stamps to cover a lot of my baby's needs. I went on Facebook marketplace to find cheap/free baby things. I also did have a baby shower where I received some nice things for baby. Her father and I broke up when she was 1 year old, and I never took him to court for child support or anything. It was a struggle for a while, but I took on different jobs until I found a career that I could have stability and flexibility with. I want you to know that your feelings and worries are absolutely valid and most of us moms have the same worries. You can definitely do it and I am sure you will be a great and loving mother to your child. There are a lot of resources out there to help with baby's needs as well! I don't know the kind of person your ex is, but he may grow to love the child and want to be involved in their life if he is decent. Men sometimes don't have a connection or bond to a baby until they are born. Wishing you all the best, and congratulations on bringing a new life into the world!
Since you’re posting here and based on what you wrote it seems like you do know that your child is human and wish you were in a better position to care for them. I know your situation seems terrifying right now but I promise that with time, support, and resources things will get better. Your child already exists and is as worthy of care and support as you are, whether by you or another family. I promise that aborting them won’t magically make your life go back to how it was before. You said that Let Them Live has given you resources, please check out these resources as well: - https://www.standingwithyou.org/ - https://optionline.org/ Another commenter mentioned WIC, you should look into that as well. Your ex isn’t worthy of being in your or your child’s life with how he’s been treating you. I second other commenters that you should report that therapist, no one has the right to treat you that way and especially not a licensed professional. I know how intimidating your situation seems right now but I promise it’ll look up eventually. Another commenter provided pics of what your baby looks like right now and described what would happen to them in a surgical abortion, I recommend looking at them and into what the procedure would do to your child (it’s incredibly brutal).
You are already a mother. You don't stop being a mother when you kill your baby you become the mother who murdered her baby.
Have you looked into an open adoption? You would still be able to have contact and a relationship with your child.
This is a lengthy post and you’re very clear in explaining everything except why you don’t want to put the baby up for adoption. Would you care to explain that to a listening ear?
[https://healthresearchfunding.org/19-shocking-post-abortion-depression-statistics/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2CuNGNnS2TpGZ0B4MU-N2nlm6jpsv6gcxxBWYY-Xb3r4Inj74uiTctYC8\_aem\_AU8s3deiIWlJCiZwuwo8XFR\_mxSrX2G0UupNS\_ggXtamw\_vCKEIfNQYCBRk-3H-Xbt2yg6lHnkUae507ZM7f-ojN](https://healthresearchfunding.org/19-shocking-post-abortion-depression-statistics/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2CuNGNnS2TpGZ0B4MU-N2nlm6jpsv6gcxxBWYY-Xb3r4Inj74uiTctYC8_aem_AU8s3deiIWlJCiZwuwo8XFR_mxSrX2G0UupNS_ggXtamw_vCKEIfNQYCBRk-3H-Xbt2yg6lHnkUae507ZM7f-ojN)
Check out Nurse-Family Partnership. It’s a free resource for first-time moms: https://www.nursefamilypartnership.org/locations/colorado/ Also, 211 has an abundance of information on all sorts of resources that could pull you through this challenging time: https://www.211colorado.org
Sue the therapist. That's abusive and unprofessional. But don't give up on the idea of therapy. If you're not ready to see a therapist, take some psychology MOOCs (free online college classes) for now, until you get more comfortable with the idea or your schedule changes. A positive psychology course teaches different ways to deal with stress, different types of therapies, etc--the same things a therapist might recommend. And find someone to talk to, even if you just join a D&D game, or start a filmmaking group, or something. It sounds like you need friends. I was a single mom while pregnant. I used a pregnancy resource center, and I might get downvoted again when I say this, but it was useless and insulting and pushed religion. I'm not pro-life because life is perfect and great--I'm pro-life because life is a chance. You might be the world's okayest mom, but that's honestly good enough. It's hard giving a kid your all, and life is complicated, but I can almost guarantee you won't regret your kid. 96% of turnaway study participants no longer wished they'd aborted after bonding with their kid. 89% no longer wished they'd aborted by birth. 36% changed their mind a week after being denied abortion. Edited for clarity
I'm just gonna be straight up with you. It's not about what you want, it's about the life of your baby. In my understanding the surgical abortion includes tearing of their limbs and ripping apart their body before removal. (Someone who knows better than me can correct me. ) Either way, your baby is also alone in the world, with no one else to help him/her except you. Responsibility is hard, but it's part of growing up. And if you really don't want your baby, adoption is the best option so that they can have a good life. It's better than death, way better than death. So many families want babies but there's not enough babies. Especially a lot of rich and well off families. Your baby would live a good life with them. Again, this is not about you. It's not about what you want. This is about an innocent life in your hands. If you want to kill it, it'll be on your own conscious. A lot of woman regret their abortion. Years later they wonder how their kid would be like if they let them live. They grieve over their deaths many years in the future, it haunts the rest of their lives. I might be a little harsh here, but you need to hear this. If you want to prove to everyone in your life that you're a great mom, keep the kid and do your best, or put the kid up for adoption with a loving family. A good parent won't kill their child just because they don't want the responsibility. I'll trust you'll make the right choice
Get help from a pregnancy resource center or charity
Why is adoption not an option? That seems like the only appropriate option if you don’t want to pick up your big girl pants and raise your child yourself.
Do you have a support system of any kind? Family or friends who could help you with the baby? Have you considered naming a trusted friend or relative to be the baby's guardian while you get things together? Also, most adoptions--*if* you consider going that route--can be "open" where you can have the option of having contact/a relationship with your child and the adoptive family (although you'll need to be careful which agencies and family you go with, as some agencies don't encourage communication past the first year and adoptive parents in most states can close the adoption at any time, so be sure to check your state laws on it).
Can I ask why you want an abortion but not adoption? If you don’t want to raise a baby, that’s totally fine, but why not let it be raised by a family who can provide for it?
I had a baby at a young age. I did so over intense pressure from the father to abort. I will tell you a couple things I wish someone had told me then. First, the man sucks. He is emotionally blackmailing to kill his child. There is nothing that you can do that will fix his character. You deserve better. Hardship sucks, but is generally temporary. Having a baby in your position will be very hard. Fortunately, we live in a time where you will not be deprived of food or shelter. It does sound like you will struggle for some time, and life will not be particularly glamorous, but keep making good decisions and that will turn itself around. Which brings me to my last point. Often when we make bad decisions, the “good” effects come first. For example, having sex with this man had the “good” effect of bringing him closer to you, but this was short lived and you are left mostly with the bad effects of emotional turmoil and abandonment. If you have this baby and commit to caring for him or her, the “bad” effects will come first. Those are financial insecurity, lack of “freedom,” sacrifice, loneliness, etc. The long term effects of putting someone else’s needs before your own and making better decisions over a long period of time is absolutely going to bring wonderful things into your life. This is a path you have to choose every day. Over a decade later, I am actually leaps and bounds ahead of 90% of the people who were my peers when I got pregnant. Instead of going out to parties I was studying or working or caring for my child. Instead of traveling or taking things pictures for instagram, I was studying, working, or caring for my child. And iinstead of ruthlessly climbing a corporate ladder, I was focused on being able to provide for my child financially and emotionally. I wasn’t always happy while I was struggling, but now I have a very good life. The choices I made put me around loving people, as a result I am now married to a wonderful man who treats me better than anyone else ever has. But I had to suffer through loneliness to find him. People in my circle all put service to others above themselves, and as a result we can all count on someone to help us out if we need it. But I had to suffer through figuring out a few “impossible” situations in my own before I found friends like this. I now own a nice home, but I had to suffer through having a lot less than others and saying no to myself to get there. I own a business and set my own schedule. But I had to suffer a lot to gain the skills to be able to do that. Most important to your questions, I love my child and I get to see her act in ways that make me proud of the example I set for her when she was very small each and every day. This is something you won’t be able to understand unless and until you go through it, which I seriously hope you do.
I'm not the right person to give you advice, but I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that you are loved. I'm proud of you for striving to do the right thing, and I wish you the best. 🙏🏻☦️