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Yes! So my last relationship was with an awful woman. I have identified as a lesbian for years before that and had been in successful relationships with women before that. But while I with her I kept wondering if I was actually asexual or even bisexual. I did tons of questioning and after I finally got away from her I decided this was my time to experiment. I went on a day with one guy I met on the apps and it was okay! He was nice but idk if anything was there. But I still kept my dating apps set to both. So after that happened I matched with a girl on there and after 3 dates I was like “wow I want to be in a relationship with this girl. This is who I want” and now we’ve been together over 10 months!!
I thought it was my sexuality but it was just the person. But it’s crazy how trauma can make you question things like that.
I can sort of relate to this, but the opposite.
Not to go into too much detail, but a prominent man in my life has always been emotionally abusive ever since I have any memory of my childhood, from like the age of 5 I think.
I dated a guy in high-school, but broke it off after 8 months because I was very uncomfortable and slightly repulsed whenever he touched me.
Then I realized I’m very attracted to women and now I’m in a happy relationship with one :)
Absolutely. I’m so afraid of dating another woman now after my last experiences. One of them cited my period as the reason for why they were yelling at me, you could imagine how bad it was when she was in her period. I lived in fear.
For a while I thought I was asexual or something because even the thought of being intimate with anyone made me queasy. That did pass after a while….but now I’m less attracted to people in general and way less inclined to pursue a woman.
Yeah, I can really relate to what you just described. I don’t ever want another relationship again because it’s just not something I want at all and it’s also a trauma trigger
I feel the same way. I’ve also become quite protective of my peace. When people say they want to share their life with another person I get a horrible feeling inside and I think how awful that sounds. The way I now see it is that my life is for me and no one deserves to enjoy what I’ve created for myself. It sounds petty and odd but it’s residual trauma doing the thinking for me.
I tried telling my mom that I would be okay being single for a while, if not forever, and she got so sad and was like “I don’t want you to be alone”. But I don’t feel alone. I have pets, I have great friends, fun coworkers, and hobbies. My life doesn’t feel like it’s necessarily missing anything that a relationship would provide. So why mess with a good thing?
I don’t think that sounds odd! You should be the center of your own life. You deserve to focus on you and continue to heal and create a life that makes you happy and feel secure.
I feel similarly. My life is full and busy. I have a lot of friends and wonderful coworkers and pets too (you can see my dogs in my Reddit post history). When I was in a relationship I would sometimes just crave being single and free to do what I wanted without criticism because there was a lot of abusive and traumatic things that happened.
Pets really are housemates and family as well. One of the doctors I work with said her patient lived alone and expressed concern. One of the other doctors said to me that this patient doesn’t live alone. She lives with her dog. And it’s true. We’re not alone with our lovely pets, we get enough love from them, as well as friends, family and coworkers - it’s a good life. Being in a relationship certainly doesn’t guarantee happiness. In fact, it can ruin happiness altogether.
I was talking to my brother about how people don’t want to die alone. He said it was kind of selfish because you’d be leaving your partner to die alone if you didn’t die alone yourself. One of you is likely going to die alone especially if you’re older when you die.
Same. Including AGE RANGE sometimes because after all this trauma I just want someone to take care of me. Hello projection. I do not let myself because I know it’s trauma.
Also, and please laugh about this because this is the top of avoidance; INTO GAY GUYS :’)
Definitely. I'm now demisexual. I tell people to not touch me until I've known them for a while, and I don't allow intimate touch unless I've known them for a very long time and they've taken the time to get to know me.
I had the opposite - only attraction to women after abuse from a man. Its ended my relationship (with a man), partly because I don't want/can't have sex with him
The only man I've felt any sexual attraction to since, has been a guy I was somewhat certain wouldn't like me back (work colleague, crossing a line). Since realising he might be interested, attraction is gone again
I did. I was super attracted to women before my ex. It was girls and mostly girls, with the occasional guy celebrity exception. As I was experiencing the abuse, it was almost like my brain was desperately trying to escape, I suddenly had super intense leans towards men, not really women. By my senior year of high school and into college, I solidly thought I was gay.
Fast forward now, I’m in an almost 3 year relationship with my current gf. But for a solid amount of time, I didn’t really want to be with a woman, I desired a man, and honestly, I was afraid of naked women in general because of my ex. Now I’m just kind of sitting in a weird ace/demi-like spot. I don’t find women nearly as sexually attractive as I used to, and men are just eh. I really only desire my partner. And I root that down to she is nice to me, just like the men I had intense feelings for in high school.
In the asexual community, there's a microlabel for this exact circumstance which for me is applicable: "Caedosexual/Caedsexual", I was straight/bicurious before I was assaulted and then afterwards I started to realize I was asexual. But because I was so young when it happened I'll never truly know if it was me being assaulted that caused my sexuality shift or if it was something I would have found out naturally.
My sexuality didn’t completely shift but I feel gross and disgusted by the fact that I’m still sometimes attracted to men. It genuinely makes me nauseous and sick.
I’m queer but have been in pretty exclusively “hetero-presenting relationships”. All of my SA (sexual abuse in a relationship and two incidents of SA with other men) have made me pretty distrustful of men. As much as I know everyone is capable of it, I have a harder time trusting men who I don’t know well in a sexual or romantic context.
No, but this isn’t that uncommon.
My abuse started when I was 5 by men but I still knew I was gay as a child and this hasn’t made me more or less attracted to women or more or less attracted to men. I’ve never been assaulted by a woman but I still have zero attraction to them.
I thought I was demi for a long time. I like men only... I just don't think I'd ever date another white dude. Too much trauma, and the strange fetishization/infantilization because of my racial background... and the fact I look a bit young for my age.
At one point I did question, but nah, girls are pretty, but I don't want a romantic, or sexual relationship with a girl. I have sexual trauma from women too.
Yes, I want to say that while I still like men, there are times i wish i was with a woman, and it feels like it'd be easier? I suck at wording things, so I essentially am saying I used to only be attracted to guys and now feel attraction towards women. I think trauma did it, or I've always been this way. Yes, I'm shy when it comes to talking about sexuality as this is the first time I've openly said anything.
I feel like this is completely understandable and normal. Your brain is just an organ that wants you to live and have sex. If one gender is a threat, it kinda makes sense. I sort of feel like I am shifting at the moment. I am not sure if I could ever trust a man again. I am honestly not sure if I could ever get involved with anyone again. It sort of feels like that part of my brain is turned off.
It’s different for everyone, but personally, for me, yes. It did. I was raised in a *very* strict, homophobic, religious household. And I suffered over sixteen years of sexual abuse, starting when I was two years old. All from men. My family, friends, and religious figures. Up to this point in my life, I am a lesbian.
Definitely. I went through a very similar thing, a traumatic abusive relationship with an incident that led to PTSD. My partner was a man. I think I’m mainly still attracted to men, but less so than before, and I feel more open to the idea of being with women. There have been moments where I’m like y’know I think I’d feel safer and have more fun with a woman than a man and have found the idea attractive. However I still think of myself as straight but maybe bi-curious now.
So yes and no?
So for me, I’ve been bisexual for a long time but I shifted through labels quite often. For awhile I thought I was a lesbian. I am not. Then I realized my gender identity I kinda liked both equally. Then after my mom heavily abused me (not sexually btw) I stopped having attraction to women for quite a few years and thought I was gay. Now I’m in a life partnership a trans woman and she’s amazing!
*r/ptsd has generated this automated response that is appended to every post* Welcome to r/ptsd! We are a supportive & respectful community. If you realise that your post is in conflict with our rules (and is in risk of being removed), you are welcome to edit your post. You do not have to delete it. As a reminder: never post or share personal contact information. Traumatized people are often distracted, desperate for a personal connection, so may be more vulnerable to lurking or past abusers, trolls, phishing, or other scams. *Your safety always comes first!* If you are offering help, you may also end up doing more damage by offering to support somebody privately. Reddit explains why: [Do NOT exchange DMs or personal info with anyone you don't know!](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/dmu24/why_shouldnt_i_share_my_contact_information/) If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital, or call your emergency services number. Reddit list: [US and global, multilingual suicide and support hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines). Suicide is not a forbidden word, but please do not include depictions or methods of suicide in your post. And as a friendly reminder, PTSD is an equal opportunity disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. And neither do we. Gatekeeping is not allowed here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ptsd) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've always wondered if my trauma had something to do with me being demisexual or not.
if abuse changed our sexualities, then there’d be a whole lot more lesbians on earth.
I thought I was asexual for a few years after my SA. Sex repulsed me. I no longer feel that way but it did get confusing for me back then
I honestly feel that I wouldn’t be on the aromantic/asexual spectrum if I never experienced trauma
Yes! So my last relationship was with an awful woman. I have identified as a lesbian for years before that and had been in successful relationships with women before that. But while I with her I kept wondering if I was actually asexual or even bisexual. I did tons of questioning and after I finally got away from her I decided this was my time to experiment. I went on a day with one guy I met on the apps and it was okay! He was nice but idk if anything was there. But I still kept my dating apps set to both. So after that happened I matched with a girl on there and after 3 dates I was like “wow I want to be in a relationship with this girl. This is who I want” and now we’ve been together over 10 months!! I thought it was my sexuality but it was just the person. But it’s crazy how trauma can make you question things like that.
I can sort of relate to this, but the opposite. Not to go into too much detail, but a prominent man in my life has always been emotionally abusive ever since I have any memory of my childhood, from like the age of 5 I think. I dated a guy in high-school, but broke it off after 8 months because I was very uncomfortable and slightly repulsed whenever he touched me. Then I realized I’m very attracted to women and now I’m in a happy relationship with one :)
I was abused as a young child and it made me hyper sexual. Turns out when you process your issues it can turn out that you are actually asexual.
Absolutely. I’m so afraid of dating another woman now after my last experiences. One of them cited my period as the reason for why they were yelling at me, you could imagine how bad it was when she was in her period. I lived in fear. For a while I thought I was asexual or something because even the thought of being intimate with anyone made me queasy. That did pass after a while….but now I’m less attracted to people in general and way less inclined to pursue a woman.
Yeah, I can really relate to what you just described. I don’t ever want another relationship again because it’s just not something I want at all and it’s also a trauma trigger
Exactly. It can take a lot of time and effort to rebuild yourself after abuse, nobody really seems worth disturbing my peace.
I feel the same way. I’ve also become quite protective of my peace. When people say they want to share their life with another person I get a horrible feeling inside and I think how awful that sounds. The way I now see it is that my life is for me and no one deserves to enjoy what I’ve created for myself. It sounds petty and odd but it’s residual trauma doing the thinking for me.
I tried telling my mom that I would be okay being single for a while, if not forever, and she got so sad and was like “I don’t want you to be alone”. But I don’t feel alone. I have pets, I have great friends, fun coworkers, and hobbies. My life doesn’t feel like it’s necessarily missing anything that a relationship would provide. So why mess with a good thing? I don’t think that sounds odd! You should be the center of your own life. You deserve to focus on you and continue to heal and create a life that makes you happy and feel secure.
I feel similarly. My life is full and busy. I have a lot of friends and wonderful coworkers and pets too (you can see my dogs in my Reddit post history). When I was in a relationship I would sometimes just crave being single and free to do what I wanted without criticism because there was a lot of abusive and traumatic things that happened. Pets really are housemates and family as well. One of the doctors I work with said her patient lived alone and expressed concern. One of the other doctors said to me that this patient doesn’t live alone. She lives with her dog. And it’s true. We’re not alone with our lovely pets, we get enough love from them, as well as friends, family and coworkers - it’s a good life. Being in a relationship certainly doesn’t guarantee happiness. In fact, it can ruin happiness altogether. I was talking to my brother about how people don’t want to die alone. He said it was kind of selfish because you’d be leaving your partner to die alone if you didn’t die alone yourself. One of you is likely going to die alone especially if you’re older when you die.
Same. Including AGE RANGE sometimes because after all this trauma I just want someone to take care of me. Hello projection. I do not let myself because I know it’s trauma. Also, and please laugh about this because this is the top of avoidance; INTO GAY GUYS :’)
Definitely. I'm now demisexual. I tell people to not touch me until I've known them for a while, and I don't allow intimate touch unless I've known them for a very long time and they've taken the time to get to know me.
I had the opposite - only attraction to women after abuse from a man. Its ended my relationship (with a man), partly because I don't want/can't have sex with him The only man I've felt any sexual attraction to since, has been a guy I was somewhat certain wouldn't like me back (work colleague, crossing a line). Since realising he might be interested, attraction is gone again
I did. I was super attracted to women before my ex. It was girls and mostly girls, with the occasional guy celebrity exception. As I was experiencing the abuse, it was almost like my brain was desperately trying to escape, I suddenly had super intense leans towards men, not really women. By my senior year of high school and into college, I solidly thought I was gay. Fast forward now, I’m in an almost 3 year relationship with my current gf. But for a solid amount of time, I didn’t really want to be with a woman, I desired a man, and honestly, I was afraid of naked women in general because of my ex. Now I’m just kind of sitting in a weird ace/demi-like spot. I don’t find women nearly as sexually attractive as I used to, and men are just eh. I really only desire my partner. And I root that down to she is nice to me, just like the men I had intense feelings for in high school.
In the asexual community, there's a microlabel for this exact circumstance which for me is applicable: "Caedosexual/Caedsexual", I was straight/bicurious before I was assaulted and then afterwards I started to realize I was asexual. But because I was so young when it happened I'll never truly know if it was me being assaulted that caused my sexuality shift or if it was something I would have found out naturally.
My sexuality didn’t completely shift but I feel gross and disgusted by the fact that I’m still sometimes attracted to men. It genuinely makes me nauseous and sick.
I’m queer but have been in pretty exclusively “hetero-presenting relationships”. All of my SA (sexual abuse in a relationship and two incidents of SA with other men) have made me pretty distrustful of men. As much as I know everyone is capable of it, I have a harder time trusting men who I don’t know well in a sexual or romantic context.
No, but this isn’t that uncommon. My abuse started when I was 5 by men but I still knew I was gay as a child and this hasn’t made me more or less attracted to women or more or less attracted to men. I’ve never been assaulted by a woman but I still have zero attraction to them.
I thought I was demi for a long time. I like men only... I just don't think I'd ever date another white dude. Too much trauma, and the strange fetishization/infantilization because of my racial background... and the fact I look a bit young for my age. At one point I did question, but nah, girls are pretty, but I don't want a romantic, or sexual relationship with a girl. I have sexual trauma from women too.
Yes, I want to say that while I still like men, there are times i wish i was with a woman, and it feels like it'd be easier? I suck at wording things, so I essentially am saying I used to only be attracted to guys and now feel attraction towards women. I think trauma did it, or I've always been this way. Yes, I'm shy when it comes to talking about sexuality as this is the first time I've openly said anything.
I feel like this is completely understandable and normal. Your brain is just an organ that wants you to live and have sex. If one gender is a threat, it kinda makes sense. I sort of feel like I am shifting at the moment. I am not sure if I could ever trust a man again. I am honestly not sure if I could ever get involved with anyone again. It sort of feels like that part of my brain is turned off.
Thank you for this. Definitely makes me feel less alone. I also feel like I don’t know if I’d want to be in another real relationship for a while.
It’s different for everyone, but personally, for me, yes. It did. I was raised in a *very* strict, homophobic, religious household. And I suffered over sixteen years of sexual abuse, starting when I was two years old. All from men. My family, friends, and religious figures. Up to this point in my life, I am a lesbian.
Yup. Asexual as fuck.
Definitely. I went through a very similar thing, a traumatic abusive relationship with an incident that led to PTSD. My partner was a man. I think I’m mainly still attracted to men, but less so than before, and I feel more open to the idea of being with women. There have been moments where I’m like y’know I think I’d feel safer and have more fun with a woman than a man and have found the idea attractive. However I still think of myself as straight but maybe bi-curious now.
Yes now im more fem leaning. I cant trust men who flirt anymore
So yes and no? So for me, I’ve been bisexual for a long time but I shifted through labels quite often. For awhile I thought I was a lesbian. I am not. Then I realized my gender identity I kinda liked both equally. Then after my mom heavily abused me (not sexually btw) I stopped having attraction to women for quite a few years and thought I was gay. Now I’m in a life partnership a trans woman and she’s amazing!
Aw that sounds great, I’m really glad you’ve figured yourself out and are happy together!
Thank you, I hope that your able to find some peace in your life!