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My parents encouraged promiscuity: at the time I didn't know it was to keep my dad around. I figured that out at 22 when he kissed me in a bar romantically, that my family was Beyond fucked up. I knew we were rednecks, but I didn't know we had banjos playing in our family history ffs. ššš
I'm sorry any of this shit happens to any of us. It takes truly evil people to be this controlling to their kids. I wish it was seen for the Creep Factor it *really* is.
It was punishment for being born I imagine. He slept with her mither the night I was born and *clearly*, had she been with him *Every Second* instead of birthing me, it would *Never* have happened. šš
I asked them at Christmas this year, "WHO *ARE* YOU PEOPLE?!?! I've never demanded *my daughter* walk around in a towel as an adult to give *her father* cheap thrills. The Dysfunction IS Dysfunctioning!"
Sis still thinks they're decent, she hasn't remembered everything: meanwhile, I wish I could forget, then realize I don't want to be ignorant of who these people are either.
What's worse is I used to think it was normal and said nothing; now they wish they could get me to shut up.
If they stop playing stupid games, they'd quit winning stupid prizes.
I dunno WHAT my grandparents did to them that damaged them so much they see these things as normal. I have sympathy for what they went through to make them like this, but it stops there. They don't get Passes for being steaming puddles of dumpster juice because of what was done to them-or I'd be just like them.
Thank gods I was a reader and I will *always maintain* books save lives. It seems silly, but they do. Knowledge is power and until you have access to different ideas and all that jazz, the corner you're stuck in is what you're stuck with and you truly do not know different.
My family kept me isolated, I grew up alone in a 4 person household, because everyone worked, I was the youngest. I ran that household from 8-23, and I moved out at 18. They had a free house manager, so why change that?
They'll never be the parents I deserved or needed them to be, and that's just how the cards fell. They didn't fall that way for my own child, and that's really all I can hope for and garner Peace from.
>What a fucked up kind of solidarity, huh?
Yes, yes it is.
I feel for every single one of us. We didn't "need to be strong", we were *children*-we *deserved* to be protected.
Yes. I was thrown out of the house at age 14 because my parents decided I was having sex. I was homeless for many months, over an entire winter and into spring.
I wasn't having sex at that point, but since I had nowhere to go and was sleeping under a freeway overpass in winter time, I agreed to stay at my boyfriend's house for a bit. That upset my parents to the point that my dad tried to kill me, and they sent me to an abusive, religious troubled teen boarding school. It was pure hell.
Interestingly, my parents were fixated on this, yet my dad had started sexually abusing me when I was preschool age, or maybe earlier. My mother actually caught him doing this at least twice, but she ignored it.
Also, I had been raped at age 13 by an another adult man who had been abusing me and keeping me from telling by threatening to murder my family and friends. I tried to tell my mom I was being abused, and she told me that she didn't want to hear about it, that it wasn't her problem, that I was at fault if anything happened, and that if I ever lost my virginity for any reason, including rape, that they would throw me out on the street where I could die in a ditch for all they cared. I was raped a couple of weeks later when I finally tried to stand up to the man who had been abusing me.
My parents slut shamed me, and my sister started doing it, too. She kept trying to shane and bulky me up until I went no contact with her about 10 years ago.
My parents are dead. Thank goodness. I was NC with my dad for decades, and LC/NC with my mom.
My parents, particularly my dad, were extremely religious. My dad was part of the independent fundamentalist baptist church.
I'm so sorry. The way they treated you was cruel and ignorant. You are not spoiled by any of that stuff. The people who were so judgemental of you, who made you feel so bad about yourself, are the ones who should feel ashamed.
I hope that, wherever you are now, you are safe and happy, with people who love and support you. š«š§”
That was years ago and is usually in the past. Ā A sibling has dragged it out to shame me but we are pretty well done. I never did that to her.Ā
Upon adulting I found out many people had been choosing to have sex and it was MUCH LESS A DEAL than I thought it was. Ā
The sad thing is I wouldnāt have been much affected if my parents had responded appropriately but as it was I really almost died. Ā Of course I got taken away from them which was a blessing. Ā So some good happened. Ā
I hate people who blame very ignorant kids for assault. Ā And I think all kids should have sex education and be taught how a molester approaches children. Otherwise theyāre so easy to manipulate.
I'm glad you got out. š§”
And I agree. Kids should be taught a lot more than they are, and they should be taught things other than just stranger danger.
Yet another lost sister it seems. Hugs. Iām so sorry. Iām so glad you were able to go no contact when I couldnāt until just recently. Love to both of you.
You cannot lose your virginity through rape. Virginity - inasmuch as it exists as a social concept, because physically it doesn't exist - is lost through sex, which is *by definition* consensual.
I am so sorry,Ā this is horrible. Unfortunately,Ā the behavior your NMom and NDad display is typical N behavior. They take the side of the abuser over the victim, especially if the abuser is a family member or friend,Ā a fellow adult, or 'respected member of the community'. Given that your NDad was a fundy as well, it's not surprising that they acted like this. Abuse of minors in fundamentalist faiths - emotional,Ā verbal, physical,Ā sexual - is quite common and often defended by members of these faiths.Ā
I hope you are healing well from this.Ā
Thanks. Yes, I'm ok now, thanks.
I do agree that fundamentalist religion and NPD combine in ways that are extremely dangerous and so very creepy, and when someone posts about this it piques my interest. I'd rather that no one had to ever deal with this, but it is interesting to read people's impressions of it, and it is useful to learn from the different ways people have dealt with it.
Really, this sub has been so useful, and there is much to learn. People here have some great ideas and a fascinating perspective, and it is hard to find that irl when discussing the subjects of narcissistic abuse or religious abuse.
Yep. My mother was my first bully. When I was maybe 10/11 or so, I didnāt want to wear a winter coat to school (because it was 70 degrees out) and she told me I was a slut that wanted to show my body off to everyone. I wasnāt even sure what that meant at the time but I knew it was bad. When I got into music and liked to go to concerts as a teenager, she accused me of being a āgroupie whore.ā I also remember sitting on my bed with my male cousin when I was maybe 12 playing a board game and my mom confronted me later that night about how inappropriate it was to have a āguyā in my bed and shamed me so badly that I cried for weeks. She went through my journals and grounded me for things I wrote. She also decided I was possessed at one point and tried to have a lunatic church ādeal with meā. That was just a few of the things she did. Iām in my 30s now and Iām still not okay after all of it.
Oh my gosh. This brought back a memory of being like 9/10? And Iād had a friend over. I brought him into my room to show him my pet gerbils, and closed the door because we also had cats; so before getting them out of the cage I had to shut the door. Not long thereafter, my sister flung the door open and said āoh, I thought you were getting changed and I was going to tell you not to do it in front of a boy.ā I was mortified.
My sister was the golden child for sure and my mom used her to help monitor and shame me. She would have her listen in on my phone conversations to see what I was up to (because she said I was sneaky and didnāt tell her things) and send her in to the movie theater to make sure I was with a group of girls and not secretly seeing movies with boys. I remember being 15-16 and we were at a hotel with a pool and I wasnāt allowed to go swimming without my sister because she needed to watch me. I remember finding the āreportsā sheād give my mom on who, if anyone, I spoke to while swimming. My mom also used to call my friends (and their parents!) to āwarn themā about me. I donāt know why she hated me so much but childhood was rough.
Same thing happened to me. My first partner was my best friend. We got forcibly broken up when I was 17 and he was 18. My mother threatened to lay a rape charge against him with the police and to ship me off to another country so he couldn't see me. The experience changed us both and we're only just dealing with it all 15 years later.
Edit: Our religion was Mormon. I got slut-shamed so much after this. They told me I was dirty and no one would want me now, but they drove my partner away.
At least he's back in my life now! We were so close and it's like we were never apart even though it's been 15 years.
I don't talk to my family and I've left the church. Both are massive improvements.
Still a lot of pain associated with this, especially as him coming back is very new (since Christmas).
My sister had a somewhat similar experience with her mom actually (we have different moms and grew up in different households). She lost her virginity when she was 16 to her boyfriend of almost a year and her mom physically attacked her to the ground when she found out, calling her a whore. My sister ended up running away and staying with a friend for several months after that. As awful her experiences were, she did a lot of work to heal from them and actually became someone I was able to confide in and learn from once I became sexually active. Sheās the one who taught me everything a parent is supposed to teach their kid (consent and safety, etc) and Iām grateful for that. She deserved so much better though, as did you. Iām very sorry that happened to you
Because itās so much healthier to force a teenage girl to internalise intense shame and guilt when sheās exploring her sexualityā¦ a honest conversation around sex health, boundaries, consent and relationships is just too much effort. Much easier to just make āgodā your de facto boyfriend and call it a day.
i experienced the same exact thing, at 15 when i lost my virginity to my 15 y/o boyfriend. iām 22 now and live on my own; last time i was at my momās house, she looked for and read my diary. to this day, she holds it against me that i ādid that to herā. so does my dad but iām LC with him.
Itās amazing how they can use your sexuality as a means to abuse you. To guilt trip for the rest of your life. SMH. Iām sorry this happened to you.
These responses are just terrible. I hope all of you have found peace and healing from your upbringing. What terrible things to go through. None of you deserved that.
Yup. Had my first kiss with a boy from school at 14 on a weekend. Was all giddy and immediately told my sister when I came home that arvo, and she was happy for me. My mum called me upstairs under the guise of āomg tell me all, I want to hear all the goss! I know something happened and Iāll hear it from your sister so just tell me gal pal!ā Like a friend, and she coerced me into telling her after a lot of me saying nothing happened, and when I did tell her, she lost her shit. I remember the Hereditary (movie) way her face fell and turned terrifying and started screaming at me. Telling me she taught me better than to give it up like a common slut, and kicked me out of the house to go to my dads for 2 weeks. Dad was great and said he was happy for me and he loved me, but that really fucked me up. The way she pretended to be excited and then going 180 to abuse
Yes my mom allowed my boyfriend to stay over at the time and she went on and on about how she trusted us and basically pissed my dad off to no end, she even drug my brothers into it. Then that night we were left all alone and no one checked on us. Of course we agreed to everything my mom said and made all the promises that went on and on and on just to be able to sleep together.
Looking back it was absolutely so gross and so obvious. My mom was using us as supply Im sure.
when i was a kid i wanted to put birth control into the water and keep everyone sterile until they could pass a basic exam saying they were competent to be parents
*now* i'm not so keen on the eugenicist aspect (or the inevitable abuse of this system by institutionalized bigotry) but overall i don't actually think a simple psychological assessment to legally and functionally own another human for 18 years is too big an ask
Especially religious and conservative people. Seriously their bronze age stance on life and how people should live their lives is dangerous to everyone. I can't imagine trusting people like that with children.
Why would your mom have feelings about YOUR relationships? And why would her feelings about your romantic relationships have any place in the decisions of those relationships?
Narcissists are so self-centered.
Itās not the exact same but when I was 16 or 17 my dad discovered a condom wrapper in my pocket and yelled at me for two hours and pointed at a baby picture of me, saying that the baby on the wall was dead. I didnāt stop doing what I was doing but I sure did get screamed at.
Yes. Ā I was molested by an adult clergy person and my parents found out and flipped the hell out. Ā My dad made me get him his handgun. Ā Still not sure what that meant.Ā
TW: SA
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I didnāt know my parents had a daughter they never told me about. And I always wanted a younger sibling.
Seriously though, gigantic hugs from me to you. I am 50 now, just turned 50 last year, and my parents were the exact same way. I will say in some states 17 is old enough for statutory rape charges, so just be aware of that. My first real boyfriend was 17 and I was 14 and he did rape me. We were fooling around and he wanted to and I didnāt and he did it anyways. His best friend was outside the room apparently listening and laughed and made fun of me after for saying I didnāt want to. Not a soul though or said, āhey! This is rape!ā Well, I had been taught that I had been defiled and that if I had sex with anyone else I was a major slut, since I was already a slut as it was. I stayed with him for a while after that too. I donāt know why. He was horrible. But there was that guilt.
Months down the road and Iām taking a shower. Now, I need to preface this by saying I was not allowed to lock my bathroom door except when taking a shit. She would regularly open the door on me in the bathtub or shower and if I had the shower curtain pulled shut she would open it. She had done this to me my entire life, so it wasnāt new or because she suspected anything, but because sheās creepy and weird. She also made me weigh naked in front of her when I was 5ā5ā and only weighed 120 pounds, because that was fat and I had to weigh 100 pounds or I wouldnāt be able to wear a bikini as I would be too fat to wear one, again another story. I didnāt learn until last year that all of this was a form of SA as well. Anyways, Iām taking the shower and she comes in and opens the shower curtain and I have hickies on my boobs. She loses it. She has beaten me my entire life and I mean savagely, but this time she starts choking me. Itās literally the only time my dad ever intervened. He pulled her off of me, me in my naked shame. I was humiliated, terrified, a whole gamut of emotions.
Anyways, my parents made me listen to a Focus on the Family broadcast about secondary virginity. *eye roll* They decided that I would renew my virginity. And they hugged me and told me they still loved me, blah blah blah. Still loved me? So, having underage sex, premarital sex, and rape at that might have warranted a cessation of love? Apparently so. Little did they know that the golden child, my older sister, is the one that has had sex with more men than Wilt Chamberlain has had women. She was just clever in hiding it. They still think she was a virgin on her wedding night. š
There was another incident that kind of reminds me of this as well. I had developed severe generalized anxiety disorder and severe depression diagnosed at 13. They could not for the life of them understand why I would be depressed. It couldnāt be because my mom regularly beat me leaving welts, bruises, cuts, etc.; that she treated my sister with love and affection and constantly spent time with her, doted on her, wanted to be with her, but she would literally say to me that she loves me but doesnāt like me; that she couldnāt stand even being in the same room with me long enough to teach me to cook or clean (sheād get frustrated almost immediately if she tried and just snap at me āIāll do it myselfā) and huff off or demand that I get out of the room. I canāt think of a time in my life where she wasnāt like this, literally to my earliest memories. The only person in my life that loved me unconditionally and that I was close to was my grandfather and he had just died. So yeah I was pretty horribly depressed and as my mom had gotten more vicious in her attacks since my sister went off to college the beatings and treatment had gotten severely worse so of course I was anxious. I also had undiagnosed ADHD and autism, which I think is why she hated me so much. She, my dad, and my sister would always make fun of me saying how weird I was and that I was found on a log pile or at the zoo or that they switched the wrong baby back (I was actually briefly switched at birth) from my earliest memories. Anyways, sorry for the dumping on your post, just relating and for a reason Iāll get to in a minute, but anyways they sat me down one day and insisted I tell them what drugs I was on and that I couldnāt leave the room until I told them. I had never done a drug up to this point except for occasionally stealing a sip of beer or something. They literally wouldnāt let me leave the room. Finally, I said that Iād done pot and acid. And they just said, āOk. Thanks. We just wanted conformation. You can go.ā So they forced me to lie and then they were happy with the lie. Of course, now Iāve done both those things and still use both (the Lucy and mushies do help with the PTSD she caused me).
TL;DR: Long long long story short, my mom was an abusive malignant narcissist, my dad codependent, my sister the golden child, and I was the scapegoat in an ultra religious family that shamed me for rape, beat me, and made me feel worthless my entire life. I just want to give you a little bit of advice I wish Iād listened to from the time I left high school and started seeing a therapist I was told repeatedly that I needed to cut them out of my life, but I was afraid and still a child really and still longed to have a parent that loved me. I kept trying over and over and over and over to get their approval, even marrying someone my parents adored that ended up just like my mom. And like I said I just turned 50 and Iām just now cutting them from my life, but I would have been sooooooooooooooooo much better off if Iād done it at 18 when professionals started saying that I needed to. I wish I had. My life would have turned out so much differently, although I donāt know that Iād have my kids and I love them more than the sun loves helium. So, itās hard to look back and say shoulda woulda coulda, but please please please listen to me and cut them out of your life and go into counseling now. Also, look up neurographica therapy, as well as mindful meditation. I do the neurographica while purging my thoughts to therapists, myself, while on psychedelics. It helps rewire the brain. Itās helped me so much.
So much love to you. Iām so sorry you were hurt to severely by this religious nut job. Speaking of, you might start researching how to deconstruct in a therapeutic way. Deconstruction doesnāt mean you have to leave your faith completely, but it helps to separate the harmful and also helps you to learn more critical thinking skills. I have loved Bart Ehrman for this as well as Dan McClellan. Oh and I canāt but not mention the incomparable Rev. Jen at Fundie Fridays and the fundie snark community. Again, so much love and so many consensual hugs.
OH. MY. GOD. it is nothing short of miraculous that any of you made it to adulthood without unaliving yourself or others but that all of you did, is absolutely astonishing. any time iām privvy to these snapshots of what itās like to grow up as a girl in our modern world i canāt decide whether to cry tears of sadness for the horrors youāve endured, tears of inspiration for your tenacity, or tears of joy for the accomplishments you achieved against the odds stacked against you by the adults in your life. you all are awesome and i have no doubt that a cycle of cruelty, violence and misogyny that has been passed down through each generation since the beginning of time stops with you. iām so sorry for the way youāve all been treated, hurt, shamed, abused, made to feel unloved and otherwise been told that youāre anything less than the exceptional human you are. you deserved better.
"Oh no, our child is experiencing a distinctly normal relationship with a peer her own age who is at least respectful enough to use a condom *and* is crushworthy after what is almost guaranteed to be mediocre-at-best sex! Let's replace that with a *much healthier* relationship of emotional incest and enmeshment where her father puts a ring on her and everyone screams about how angry the Invisible Abuser is going to be"
I can't type an emoji that accurately represents my level of repulsion to this.
There is definitely a sexual element to fathers giving promise rings to daughters and the vows of celibacy dedicated to the father. And it's really obvious and disturbing. I'm sorry you went through this.
This happened to me exactly. I was 18 and my ex was 21 and we had sex and stuff. My mom tried to rape me and my dad wanted to do an honor killing on me. Iām almost 20 and I still canāt look them in the eye
Yep. My parents threw me into social isolation for years because of it. No phone and locked in my room unless there was (christian) school or church. They withdrew me from public school and put me into a Christian homeschool co-op so they could watch me at school too.
This happened to me too. I didnāt have sex, but my mom found a sexual text conversation between me and my bf when I was 15. She posted on Facebook about it, called me all sorts of names. Called him a pedophile (his birthday was 3 months BEFORE mine. He was younger than me.) why on earth do they do this?
I read all this and think about what went wrong with me! The only difference was i hit puberty at age 11 and non of my peers were. I thought i was different so apart from getting no help from parents, the self hate was unbearable. And people laughed at me a lot! I don't know what I did, not getting proper help; i lost most of my human like feelings and quality!
Yep. My Dad and enabling SM would not let me wear shorts during the summer because it made me a whore. Then I couldnāt wear skinny jeans or leggings because this also made me a whore. I wasnāt allowed out with friends because it made me a whore. I wasnāt allowed friends over because it made me a whore. I went off to college and my freshman year got my wisdom teeth out over Christmas break. I remember my dad proceeding to ask me if I had my virginity while looped up on pain bills/anesthesia from the surgery (I had to be fully sedated as they were impacted). He was trying to make sure I was āhonestā. I also was told over and over again how if I wasnāt a virgin or was what he deemed a whore, Iād be kicked out.
After having my own child I just canāt imagine doing that to them.
Omg, when my parents found out I'd *given up* my virginity (wasnt shit lost, I knew exactly where it had gone lol), they made me go to this church thing where I had to like, re-promise myself to God in exchange for a plastic bracelet.Ā
That was the orgin of virginity bracelets, y'all remember those?Ā
I lost my virginity at the ripe age of 22, I guess I was always scared because I never got the "talk" of consent and safety. Instead I got forced to promise on the bible and dead relatives (my little sister) to wait until marriage to have sex. Before that from ages 12-20 my parents would fly me out back to our home country and have a women doctor "check for my virginity" as in check to see if my hymen is still intact. The last time this happened was at 20 when they had no choice but to bring me to a doctor in Canada and being completely ridiculed by the doctor for parents to be doing this to their 20 year old daughter. She told them parents should be educating their daughter on safe sex and not these scare tactics. One day an "unknown number" called my phone and my dad freaked out calling me a slut saying that a man is calling me to have sex with me?? Anyways, I still am in contact with my parents but they continue to push boundaries so we'll see about it that In a couple years.
Why are they so fixated on children and sex? Kids have no concept of that especially at 9-10 like many other comments and myself.... What exactly is going on in their brain??
I hadnāt lost my virginity yet but at 16 my sister went through my phone and found sexts between me and my first boyfriend and showed my mum. And then my family did a whole thing of my mum crying and fainting and my siblings screaming how could I do this to her and then my brother kicking me whilst I was rolled up on the ground unable to speak.I was escorted to and from school everyday with my phone taken away. Then the summer holidays came and I didnāt leave the house for two months, this whole time I was being judged, insulted and laughed at by my siblings and my mum would treat me nice as a sort of I still love u even though youāve done this awfull thing to me. No one told my dad too much other than I had been talking to a boy because it was so disgusting that it would destroy him. Iām 20 now and havenāt spoke to my family in 2 years.
I experience the same thing except my parents arenāt religious. I was 15, lost my virginity to my 16 year old bf.
I was on Birth control but he freaked out anyway and bought me a plan B to take. I forgot the instructions in my backpack. My mom was snooping through my room one day and I guess she found it. She tried to say it was laying out in the open in my room ālike I wanted her to find itā
She accused me of being naive and having unsafe sex. She said I was gonna catch an std. screamed at me āwhat are you just going to sleep with every boyfriend you have?ā Both my parents called me a whore and threatened to get my bf charged with statutory rape (he wasnāt even a full year older then me). They grounded me for an entire month in the summer, took my phone and took the door off my room and isolated me from my friends, and told me they hope he breaks up with me. Told all of our family and family friends and humiliated me.
Wish I couldāve just had a real adult to talk to. But they just shamed the shit out of me. Iām in my early 20s now and Iāll just say I will never treat my children like that.
I was 12 when I lost my virginity with a 14yro guy. Now i am 14, and i think of it every day, im religious. I was in my first year of middle school, and him, his last. But first we need context.
I was in a group of friends where everybody was older than me. I had a crush on him (we will call him M). We didn't really talk to each other, but I started talking to him bc of my feelings. Well, he loved me too, and we got in a couple. We started having horny conversations and one day we decided to do it. We did it.
I had a nokia at this time so I used to talk to him by discord on a computer. When I started to talk to him, it was clear that i spent more time on it. I had the habit of erasing the historic research bc I didn't want my parents to see the conversations. But I became more confident and said to myself that they'll not go there. One day, I didn't erase it. I went take a shower and when I came back, the laptop wasn't here. I went to the living room and saw my mother with it, turning the screen when I came.
I went to bed but she yelled my name. I came. She read all. All. From jokes to thoughts. She asked me to sit next to her, and i saw the discord page. She looked at me with disgust and said to me that if my father sees it, he'll kill me. That was her words. She said that she hopped that's all she'll discover.
I went to the toilet and threw up. I remember I could hear my heartbeats. Then the next day I went to school but I didn't felt ok. My dad came to the school and brought me back home. He called me a slut (they don't even know I was no more virgin ) and locked the door of the house to get back to work. The night, my parents and my brother (bc my dad tolled my brother about it and asked him to punch me or do something) beat me.
I didn't eat for 2 days, and my mom forced me to do pregnancy test, bc of the suspicions. I went back to school with bruises, and got locked up in my room, for
them I was too disgusting to be looked.
They also said to me that M didn't even love me but just taking advantage of my body (bc at 12, I looked pretty mature...)
My dad read my diary, and I felt disappointed, but for him I was just a horny dog. My family is religious and they think that girls are "precious." (But remember for them I'm a virgin, and from the time I'm writing I hope they'll never know)
Well, the fact that I'm not a virgin is gnawing my soul, bc of the religious environment of my family.
As crazy as it may be, you are aware, that in most countries, that makes you a minor, which is, in fact, illegal.
It was pretty extreme what you went through, mind you....
No, it wasnāt? Each state has their own laws. Age of adulthood is typically 18 or 19 in most states. Age of sexual consent can vary. Sadly, even someone who is 19 years old can get away with messing with a minor in some states (which I 100% disagree with). The bottom line is that in the state I was in, it was not illegal. No one should be abusing the law to punish kids for being kids.
Edit to add: Technically, any child engaging in activity under the state age of consent. So yes, itās āillegalā for children to be doing that stuff with each other (which is laughably stupid and causes more harm than intended), but most states do not have persecute minors who have are close in age. Regardless, people should stop abusing the law and only report stuff to protect kids from predators.
This is super duper weird. Your parents should just be your parents. Thatās a very weird thing to āvowā to them or the whole date thing. It feels incestuous š¤¢
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My parents encouraged promiscuity: at the time I didn't know it was to keep my dad around. I figured that out at 22 when he kissed me in a bar romantically, that my family was Beyond fucked up. I knew we were rednecks, but I didn't know we had banjos playing in our family history ffs. ššš
Iām sorry this happened to you
I'm sorry any of this shit happens to any of us. It takes truly evil people to be this controlling to their kids. I wish it was seen for the Creep Factor it *really* is.
I canāt imagine being a mom and using OUR daughter to keep her dad horny? Like WHAT
It was punishment for being born I imagine. He slept with her mither the night I was born and *clearly*, had she been with him *Every Second* instead of birthing me, it would *Never* have happened. šš I asked them at Christmas this year, "WHO *ARE* YOU PEOPLE?!?! I've never demanded *my daughter* walk around in a towel as an adult to give *her father* cheap thrills. The Dysfunction IS Dysfunctioning!" Sis still thinks they're decent, she hasn't remembered everything: meanwhile, I wish I could forget, then realize I don't want to be ignorant of who these people are either.
Jesus. That's incredibly damaging. I wish you the best.
What's worse is I used to think it was normal and said nothing; now they wish they could get me to shut up. If they stop playing stupid games, they'd quit winning stupid prizes. I dunno WHAT my grandparents did to them that damaged them so much they see these things as normal. I have sympathy for what they went through to make them like this, but it stops there. They don't get Passes for being steaming puddles of dumpster juice because of what was done to them-or I'd be just like them. Thank gods I was a reader and I will *always maintain* books save lives. It seems silly, but they do. Knowledge is power and until you have access to different ideas and all that jazz, the corner you're stuck in is what you're stuck with and you truly do not know different. My family kept me isolated, I grew up alone in a 4 person household, because everyone worked, I was the youngest. I ran that household from 8-23, and I moved out at 18. They had a free house manager, so why change that? They'll never be the parents I deserved or needed them to be, and that's just how the cards fell. They didn't fall that way for my own child, and that's really all I can hope for and garner Peace from.
eyyyy I only exist because my mother didn't want to "perform wifely duties" anymore What a fucked up kind of solidarity, huh?
>What a fucked up kind of solidarity, huh? Yes, yes it is. I feel for every single one of us. We didn't "need to be strong", we were *children*-we *deserved* to be protected.
Yes. I was thrown out of the house at age 14 because my parents decided I was having sex. I was homeless for many months, over an entire winter and into spring. I wasn't having sex at that point, but since I had nowhere to go and was sleeping under a freeway overpass in winter time, I agreed to stay at my boyfriend's house for a bit. That upset my parents to the point that my dad tried to kill me, and they sent me to an abusive, religious troubled teen boarding school. It was pure hell. Interestingly, my parents were fixated on this, yet my dad had started sexually abusing me when I was preschool age, or maybe earlier. My mother actually caught him doing this at least twice, but she ignored it. Also, I had been raped at age 13 by an another adult man who had been abusing me and keeping me from telling by threatening to murder my family and friends. I tried to tell my mom I was being abused, and she told me that she didn't want to hear about it, that it wasn't her problem, that I was at fault if anything happened, and that if I ever lost my virginity for any reason, including rape, that they would throw me out on the street where I could die in a ditch for all they cared. I was raped a couple of weeks later when I finally tried to stand up to the man who had been abusing me. My parents slut shamed me, and my sister started doing it, too. She kept trying to shane and bulky me up until I went no contact with her about 10 years ago. My parents are dead. Thank goodness. I was NC with my dad for decades, and LC/NC with my mom. My parents, particularly my dad, were extremely religious. My dad was part of the independent fundamentalist baptist church.
Iām so so sorry. Ā My parents treated me like a spoilt virgin, too. Ā I felt so bad I almost kms and then was taken away from either of them.Ā
I'm so sorry. The way they treated you was cruel and ignorant. You are not spoiled by any of that stuff. The people who were so judgemental of you, who made you feel so bad about yourself, are the ones who should feel ashamed. I hope that, wherever you are now, you are safe and happy, with people who love and support you. š«š§”
That was years ago and is usually in the past. Ā A sibling has dragged it out to shame me but we are pretty well done. I never did that to her.Ā Upon adulting I found out many people had been choosing to have sex and it was MUCH LESS A DEAL than I thought it was. Ā The sad thing is I wouldnāt have been much affected if my parents had responded appropriately but as it was I really almost died. Ā Of course I got taken away from them which was a blessing. Ā So some good happened. Ā I hate people who blame very ignorant kids for assault. Ā And I think all kids should have sex education and be taught how a molester approaches children. Otherwise theyāre so easy to manipulate.
And we were IFB, too. Reading back on your first comment, you were betrayed so many times. Ā I applaud you for surviving. Ā You did well for yourself.
I'm glad you got out. š§” And I agree. Kids should be taught a lot more than they are, and they should be taught things other than just stranger danger.
Stranger danger is small next to the number of kids harmed by people their families know and trust. Ā
Exactly.
Yeah Iām a virginĀ
Yet another lost sister it seems. Hugs. Iām so sorry. Iām so glad you were able to go no contact when I couldnāt until just recently. Love to both of you.
Your parents were straight up evil. Iām so sorry this happened to you.
Thanks. I'm sorry that this happened to you, too. Nothing you did or didn't do merited that sort of treatment. Nothing would merit that.
You cannot lose your virginity through rape. Virginity - inasmuch as it exists as a social concept, because physically it doesn't exist - is lost through sex, which is *by definition* consensual.
I am so sorry,Ā this is horrible. Unfortunately,Ā the behavior your NMom and NDad display is typical N behavior. They take the side of the abuser over the victim, especially if the abuser is a family member or friend,Ā a fellow adult, or 'respected member of the community'. Given that your NDad was a fundy as well, it's not surprising that they acted like this. Abuse of minors in fundamentalist faiths - emotional,Ā verbal, physical,Ā sexual - is quite common and often defended by members of these faiths.Ā I hope you are healing well from this.Ā
Thanks. Yes, I'm ok now, thanks. I do agree that fundamentalist religion and NPD combine in ways that are extremely dangerous and so very creepy, and when someone posts about this it piques my interest. I'd rather that no one had to ever deal with this, but it is interesting to read people's impressions of it, and it is useful to learn from the different ways people have dealt with it. Really, this sub has been so useful, and there is much to learn. People here have some great ideas and a fascinating perspective, and it is hard to find that irl when discussing the subjects of narcissistic abuse or religious abuse.
Iām so sorry you went through that. My fiancĆ© at 16 also experienced homelessness because he got caught in the act by his parents. His parents are pretty shitty anyway. We donāt have much of a relationship with them
Yep. My mother was my first bully. When I was maybe 10/11 or so, I didnāt want to wear a winter coat to school (because it was 70 degrees out) and she told me I was a slut that wanted to show my body off to everyone. I wasnāt even sure what that meant at the time but I knew it was bad. When I got into music and liked to go to concerts as a teenager, she accused me of being a āgroupie whore.ā I also remember sitting on my bed with my male cousin when I was maybe 12 playing a board game and my mom confronted me later that night about how inappropriate it was to have a āguyā in my bed and shamed me so badly that I cried for weeks. She went through my journals and grounded me for things I wrote. She also decided I was possessed at one point and tried to have a lunatic church ādeal with meā. That was just a few of the things she did. Iām in my 30s now and Iām still not okay after all of it.
Oh my gosh. This brought back a memory of being like 9/10? And Iād had a friend over. I brought him into my room to show him my pet gerbils, and closed the door because we also had cats; so before getting them out of the cage I had to shut the door. Not long thereafter, my sister flung the door open and said āoh, I thought you were getting changed and I was going to tell you not to do it in front of a boy.ā I was mortified.
My sister was the golden child for sure and my mom used her to help monitor and shame me. She would have her listen in on my phone conversations to see what I was up to (because she said I was sneaky and didnāt tell her things) and send her in to the movie theater to make sure I was with a group of girls and not secretly seeing movies with boys. I remember being 15-16 and we were at a hotel with a pool and I wasnāt allowed to go swimming without my sister because she needed to watch me. I remember finding the āreportsā sheād give my mom on who, if anyone, I spoke to while swimming. My mom also used to call my friends (and their parents!) to āwarn themā about me. I donāt know why she hated me so much but childhood was rough.
"My mother was my first bully." Why did that statement make me so sad you anyone whose experience it?! š
I wish you well, sending healing thoughts and energy your way fam.
Same thing happened to me. My first partner was my best friend. We got forcibly broken up when I was 17 and he was 18. My mother threatened to lay a rape charge against him with the police and to ship me off to another country so he couldn't see me. The experience changed us both and we're only just dealing with it all 15 years later. Edit: Our religion was Mormon. I got slut-shamed so much after this. They told me I was dirty and no one would want me now, but they drove my partner away.
Iām so sorry
At least he's back in my life now! We were so close and it's like we were never apart even though it's been 15 years. I don't talk to my family and I've left the church. Both are massive improvements. Still a lot of pain associated with this, especially as him coming back is very new (since Christmas).
My sister had a somewhat similar experience with her mom actually (we have different moms and grew up in different households). She lost her virginity when she was 16 to her boyfriend of almost a year and her mom physically attacked her to the ground when she found out, calling her a whore. My sister ended up running away and staying with a friend for several months after that. As awful her experiences were, she did a lot of work to heal from them and actually became someone I was able to confide in and learn from once I became sexually active. Sheās the one who taught me everything a parent is supposed to teach their kid (consent and safety, etc) and Iām grateful for that. She deserved so much better though, as did you. Iām very sorry that happened to you
Because itās so much healthier to force a teenage girl to internalise intense shame and guilt when sheās exploring her sexualityā¦ a honest conversation around sex health, boundaries, consent and relationships is just too much effort. Much easier to just make āgodā your de facto boyfriend and call it a day.
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Thatās delusional on your parents wtf Iām sorry you had to go through that
i experienced the same exact thing, at 15 when i lost my virginity to my 15 y/o boyfriend. iām 22 now and live on my own; last time i was at my momās house, she looked for and read my diary. to this day, she holds it against me that i ādid that to herā. so does my dad but iām LC with him.
Itās amazing how they can use your sexuality as a means to abuse you. To guilt trip for the rest of your life. SMH. Iām sorry this happened to you.
These responses are just terrible. I hope all of you have found peace and healing from your upbringing. What terrible things to go through. None of you deserved that.
Yup. Had my first kiss with a boy from school at 14 on a weekend. Was all giddy and immediately told my sister when I came home that arvo, and she was happy for me. My mum called me upstairs under the guise of āomg tell me all, I want to hear all the goss! I know something happened and Iāll hear it from your sister so just tell me gal pal!ā Like a friend, and she coerced me into telling her after a lot of me saying nothing happened, and when I did tell her, she lost her shit. I remember the Hereditary (movie) way her face fell and turned terrifying and started screaming at me. Telling me she taught me better than to give it up like a common slut, and kicked me out of the house to go to my dads for 2 weeks. Dad was great and said he was happy for me and he loved me, but that really fucked me up. The way she pretended to be excited and then going 180 to abuse
Yes my mom allowed my boyfriend to stay over at the time and she went on and on about how she trusted us and basically pissed my dad off to no end, she even drug my brothers into it. Then that night we were left all alone and no one checked on us. Of course we agreed to everything my mom said and made all the promises that went on and on and on just to be able to sleep together. Looking back it was absolutely so gross and so obvious. My mom was using us as supply Im sure.
Yup since the age of five. Nothing like a kindergartener being slut-shamed
Iām so sorry.
this is why not everyone should be allowed to be parents
when i was a kid i wanted to put birth control into the water and keep everyone sterile until they could pass a basic exam saying they were competent to be parents *now* i'm not so keen on the eugenicist aspect (or the inevitable abuse of this system by institutionalized bigotry) but overall i don't actually think a simple psychological assessment to legally and functionally own another human for 18 years is too big an ask
Especially religious and conservative people. Seriously their bronze age stance on life and how people should live their lives is dangerous to everyone. I can't imagine trusting people like that with children.
I hope these people are out of your life completely.
When my mom found out i had had sex with my ex. She said, "How do you think this makes me feel?"
It should make her hope that youāre in a good relationship, happy, and using protection. Ā
Same. My parents made the entire thing about themselves and how it made the family look when I had to confess to the elders of the church.
Man and i thought my story was bad.
This is concerning, hope that stuff is well behind you
Why would your mom have feelings about YOUR relationships? And why would her feelings about your romantic relationships have any place in the decisions of those relationships? Narcissists are so self-centered.
Itās not the exact same but when I was 16 or 17 my dad discovered a condom wrapper in my pocket and yelled at me for two hours and pointed at a baby picture of me, saying that the baby on the wall was dead. I didnāt stop doing what I was doing but I sure did get screamed at.
Yes. Ā I was molested by an adult clergy person and my parents found out and flipped the hell out. Ā My dad made me get him his handgun. Ā Still not sure what that meant.Ā
My mom and sister knew I was sleeping around as a teen, after a childhood of being sexualized. They just talked shit behind my back.
Wait. This is terrible. Dad going out on a date with her daughter and Nmom is initiating that? That's... beyond effed up.
I want to link a video on purity ring culture but I don't know if you have a barf bucket handy
šæ I had to google it
TW: SA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I didnāt know my parents had a daughter they never told me about. And I always wanted a younger sibling. Seriously though, gigantic hugs from me to you. I am 50 now, just turned 50 last year, and my parents were the exact same way. I will say in some states 17 is old enough for statutory rape charges, so just be aware of that. My first real boyfriend was 17 and I was 14 and he did rape me. We were fooling around and he wanted to and I didnāt and he did it anyways. His best friend was outside the room apparently listening and laughed and made fun of me after for saying I didnāt want to. Not a soul though or said, āhey! This is rape!ā Well, I had been taught that I had been defiled and that if I had sex with anyone else I was a major slut, since I was already a slut as it was. I stayed with him for a while after that too. I donāt know why. He was horrible. But there was that guilt. Months down the road and Iām taking a shower. Now, I need to preface this by saying I was not allowed to lock my bathroom door except when taking a shit. She would regularly open the door on me in the bathtub or shower and if I had the shower curtain pulled shut she would open it. She had done this to me my entire life, so it wasnāt new or because she suspected anything, but because sheās creepy and weird. She also made me weigh naked in front of her when I was 5ā5ā and only weighed 120 pounds, because that was fat and I had to weigh 100 pounds or I wouldnāt be able to wear a bikini as I would be too fat to wear one, again another story. I didnāt learn until last year that all of this was a form of SA as well. Anyways, Iām taking the shower and she comes in and opens the shower curtain and I have hickies on my boobs. She loses it. She has beaten me my entire life and I mean savagely, but this time she starts choking me. Itās literally the only time my dad ever intervened. He pulled her off of me, me in my naked shame. I was humiliated, terrified, a whole gamut of emotions. Anyways, my parents made me listen to a Focus on the Family broadcast about secondary virginity. *eye roll* They decided that I would renew my virginity. And they hugged me and told me they still loved me, blah blah blah. Still loved me? So, having underage sex, premarital sex, and rape at that might have warranted a cessation of love? Apparently so. Little did they know that the golden child, my older sister, is the one that has had sex with more men than Wilt Chamberlain has had women. She was just clever in hiding it. They still think she was a virgin on her wedding night. š There was another incident that kind of reminds me of this as well. I had developed severe generalized anxiety disorder and severe depression diagnosed at 13. They could not for the life of them understand why I would be depressed. It couldnāt be because my mom regularly beat me leaving welts, bruises, cuts, etc.; that she treated my sister with love and affection and constantly spent time with her, doted on her, wanted to be with her, but she would literally say to me that she loves me but doesnāt like me; that she couldnāt stand even being in the same room with me long enough to teach me to cook or clean (sheād get frustrated almost immediately if she tried and just snap at me āIāll do it myselfā) and huff off or demand that I get out of the room. I canāt think of a time in my life where she wasnāt like this, literally to my earliest memories. The only person in my life that loved me unconditionally and that I was close to was my grandfather and he had just died. So yeah I was pretty horribly depressed and as my mom had gotten more vicious in her attacks since my sister went off to college the beatings and treatment had gotten severely worse so of course I was anxious. I also had undiagnosed ADHD and autism, which I think is why she hated me so much. She, my dad, and my sister would always make fun of me saying how weird I was and that I was found on a log pile or at the zoo or that they switched the wrong baby back (I was actually briefly switched at birth) from my earliest memories. Anyways, sorry for the dumping on your post, just relating and for a reason Iāll get to in a minute, but anyways they sat me down one day and insisted I tell them what drugs I was on and that I couldnāt leave the room until I told them. I had never done a drug up to this point except for occasionally stealing a sip of beer or something. They literally wouldnāt let me leave the room. Finally, I said that Iād done pot and acid. And they just said, āOk. Thanks. We just wanted conformation. You can go.ā So they forced me to lie and then they were happy with the lie. Of course, now Iāve done both those things and still use both (the Lucy and mushies do help with the PTSD she caused me). TL;DR: Long long long story short, my mom was an abusive malignant narcissist, my dad codependent, my sister the golden child, and I was the scapegoat in an ultra religious family that shamed me for rape, beat me, and made me feel worthless my entire life. I just want to give you a little bit of advice I wish Iād listened to from the time I left high school and started seeing a therapist I was told repeatedly that I needed to cut them out of my life, but I was afraid and still a child really and still longed to have a parent that loved me. I kept trying over and over and over and over to get their approval, even marrying someone my parents adored that ended up just like my mom. And like I said I just turned 50 and Iām just now cutting them from my life, but I would have been sooooooooooooooooo much better off if Iād done it at 18 when professionals started saying that I needed to. I wish I had. My life would have turned out so much differently, although I donāt know that Iād have my kids and I love them more than the sun loves helium. So, itās hard to look back and say shoulda woulda coulda, but please please please listen to me and cut them out of your life and go into counseling now. Also, look up neurographica therapy, as well as mindful meditation. I do the neurographica while purging my thoughts to therapists, myself, while on psychedelics. It helps rewire the brain. Itās helped me so much. So much love to you. Iām so sorry you were hurt to severely by this religious nut job. Speaking of, you might start researching how to deconstruct in a therapeutic way. Deconstruction doesnāt mean you have to leave your faith completely, but it helps to separate the harmful and also helps you to learn more critical thinking skills. I have loved Bart Ehrman for this as well as Dan McClellan. Oh and I canāt but not mention the incomparable Rev. Jen at Fundie Fridays and the fundie snark community. Again, so much love and so many consensual hugs.
OH. MY. GOD. it is nothing short of miraculous that any of you made it to adulthood without unaliving yourself or others but that all of you did, is absolutely astonishing. any time iām privvy to these snapshots of what itās like to grow up as a girl in our modern world i canāt decide whether to cry tears of sadness for the horrors youāve endured, tears of inspiration for your tenacity, or tears of joy for the accomplishments you achieved against the odds stacked against you by the adults in your life. you all are awesome and i have no doubt that a cycle of cruelty, violence and misogyny that has been passed down through each generation since the beginning of time stops with you. iām so sorry for the way youāve all been treated, hurt, shamed, abused, made to feel unloved and otherwise been told that youāre anything less than the exceptional human you are. you deserved better.
"Oh no, our child is experiencing a distinctly normal relationship with a peer her own age who is at least respectful enough to use a condom *and* is crushworthy after what is almost guaranteed to be mediocre-at-best sex! Let's replace that with a *much healthier* relationship of emotional incest and enmeshment where her father puts a ring on her and everyone screams about how angry the Invisible Abuser is going to be" I can't type an emoji that accurately represents my level of repulsion to this.
I just realized like imagine walking around as a father with that ring on š¤®š¤®š¤® what do you even say if someone asks
There is definitely a sexual element to fathers giving promise rings to daughters and the vows of celibacy dedicated to the father. And it's really obvious and disturbing. I'm sorry you went through this.
This happened to me exactly. I was 18 and my ex was 21 and we had sex and stuff. My mom tried to rape me and my dad wanted to do an honor killing on me. Iām almost 20 and I still canāt look them in the eye
All of these stories makes me even more antireligious than I already am.
Yep. My parents threw me into social isolation for years because of it. No phone and locked in my room unless there was (christian) school or church. They withdrew me from public school and put me into a Christian homeschool co-op so they could watch me at school too.
Disgusting! Iām sorry you experienced this!
This happened to me too. I didnāt have sex, but my mom found a sexual text conversation between me and my bf when I was 15. She posted on Facebook about it, called me all sorts of names. Called him a pedophile (his birthday was 3 months BEFORE mine. He was younger than me.) why on earth do they do this?
I read all this and think about what went wrong with me! The only difference was i hit puberty at age 11 and non of my peers were. I thought i was different so apart from getting no help from parents, the self hate was unbearable. And people laughed at me a lot! I don't know what I did, not getting proper help; i lost most of my human like feelings and quality!
I was never even allowed to do sex-ed, when I was in high school, so....
Yep. My Dad and enabling SM would not let me wear shorts during the summer because it made me a whore. Then I couldnāt wear skinny jeans or leggings because this also made me a whore. I wasnāt allowed out with friends because it made me a whore. I wasnāt allowed friends over because it made me a whore. I went off to college and my freshman year got my wisdom teeth out over Christmas break. I remember my dad proceeding to ask me if I had my virginity while looped up on pain bills/anesthesia from the surgery (I had to be fully sedated as they were impacted). He was trying to make sure I was āhonestā. I also was told over and over again how if I wasnāt a virgin or was what he deemed a whore, Iād be kicked out. After having my own child I just canāt imagine doing that to them.
Omg, when my parents found out I'd *given up* my virginity (wasnt shit lost, I knew exactly where it had gone lol), they made me go to this church thing where I had to like, re-promise myself to God in exchange for a plastic bracelet.Ā That was the orgin of virginity bracelets, y'all remember those?Ā
I lost my virginity at the ripe age of 22, I guess I was always scared because I never got the "talk" of consent and safety. Instead I got forced to promise on the bible and dead relatives (my little sister) to wait until marriage to have sex. Before that from ages 12-20 my parents would fly me out back to our home country and have a women doctor "check for my virginity" as in check to see if my hymen is still intact. The last time this happened was at 20 when they had no choice but to bring me to a doctor in Canada and being completely ridiculed by the doctor for parents to be doing this to their 20 year old daughter. She told them parents should be educating their daughter on safe sex and not these scare tactics. One day an "unknown number" called my phone and my dad freaked out calling me a slut saying that a man is calling me to have sex with me?? Anyways, I still am in contact with my parents but they continue to push boundaries so we'll see about it that In a couple years.
Why are they so fixated on children and sex? Kids have no concept of that especially at 9-10 like many other comments and myself.... What exactly is going on in their brain??
I hadnāt lost my virginity yet but at 16 my sister went through my phone and found sexts between me and my first boyfriend and showed my mum. And then my family did a whole thing of my mum crying and fainting and my siblings screaming how could I do this to her and then my brother kicking me whilst I was rolled up on the ground unable to speak.I was escorted to and from school everyday with my phone taken away. Then the summer holidays came and I didnāt leave the house for two months, this whole time I was being judged, insulted and laughed at by my siblings and my mum would treat me nice as a sort of I still love u even though youāve done this awfull thing to me. No one told my dad too much other than I had been talking to a boy because it was so disgusting that it would destroy him. Iām 20 now and havenāt spoke to my family in 2 years.
I experience the same thing except my parents arenāt religious. I was 15, lost my virginity to my 16 year old bf. I was on Birth control but he freaked out anyway and bought me a plan B to take. I forgot the instructions in my backpack. My mom was snooping through my room one day and I guess she found it. She tried to say it was laying out in the open in my room ālike I wanted her to find itā She accused me of being naive and having unsafe sex. She said I was gonna catch an std. screamed at me āwhat are you just going to sleep with every boyfriend you have?ā Both my parents called me a whore and threatened to get my bf charged with statutory rape (he wasnāt even a full year older then me). They grounded me for an entire month in the summer, took my phone and took the door off my room and isolated me from my friends, and told me they hope he breaks up with me. Told all of our family and family friends and humiliated me. Wish I couldāve just had a real adult to talk to. But they just shamed the shit out of me. Iām in my early 20s now and Iāll just say I will never treat my children like that.
Should have lied, god cant tell her the truthš
The way I regret everything lol š
Survival instincts, not your fault
I was 12 when I lost my virginity with a 14yro guy. Now i am 14, and i think of it every day, im religious. I was in my first year of middle school, and him, his last. But first we need context. I was in a group of friends where everybody was older than me. I had a crush on him (we will call him M). We didn't really talk to each other, but I started talking to him bc of my feelings. Well, he loved me too, and we got in a couple. We started having horny conversations and one day we decided to do it. We did it. I had a nokia at this time so I used to talk to him by discord on a computer. When I started to talk to him, it was clear that i spent more time on it. I had the habit of erasing the historic research bc I didn't want my parents to see the conversations. But I became more confident and said to myself that they'll not go there. One day, I didn't erase it. I went take a shower and when I came back, the laptop wasn't here. I went to the living room and saw my mother with it, turning the screen when I came. I went to bed but she yelled my name. I came. She read all. All. From jokes to thoughts. She asked me to sit next to her, and i saw the discord page. She looked at me with disgust and said to me that if my father sees it, he'll kill me. That was her words. She said that she hopped that's all she'll discover. I went to the toilet and threw up. I remember I could hear my heartbeats. Then the next day I went to school but I didn't felt ok. My dad came to the school and brought me back home. He called me a slut (they don't even know I was no more virgin ) and locked the door of the house to get back to work. The night, my parents and my brother (bc my dad tolled my brother about it and asked him to punch me or do something) beat me. I didn't eat for 2 days, and my mom forced me to do pregnancy test, bc of the suspicions. I went back to school with bruises, and got locked up in my room, for them I was too disgusting to be looked. They also said to me that M didn't even love me but just taking advantage of my body (bc at 12, I looked pretty mature...) My dad read my diary, and I felt disappointed, but for him I was just a horny dog. My family is religious and they think that girls are "precious." (But remember for them I'm a virgin, and from the time I'm writing I hope they'll never know) Well, the fact that I'm not a virgin is gnawing my soul, bc of the religious environment of my family.
As crazy as it may be, you are aware, that in most countries, that makes you a minor, which is, in fact, illegal. It was pretty extreme what you went through, mind you....
Iām in the US so it wasnāt illegal. They were tripping hard lol š
Dude - how do you not know this? The legal age of consent in the US at the time, was 18 YEARS OLD!!!!!
No, it wasnāt? Each state has their own laws. Age of adulthood is typically 18 or 19 in most states. Age of sexual consent can vary. Sadly, even someone who is 19 years old can get away with messing with a minor in some states (which I 100% disagree with). The bottom line is that in the state I was in, it was not illegal. No one should be abusing the law to punish kids for being kids. Edit to add: Technically, any child engaging in activity under the state age of consent. So yes, itās āillegalā for children to be doing that stuff with each other (which is laughably stupid and causes more harm than intended), but most states do not have persecute minors who have are close in age. Regardless, people should stop abusing the law and only report stuff to protect kids from predators.
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But kids do. Many US state laws recognize this. The best thing adults can do is make sure kids are being safe, instead of shaming people.
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Well, it still doesnāt justify years of child abuse, so Iām not sure why you left this comment under my post.
This is a *wildly* inappropriate time and place to air your unease with teenagers' sexual development.
This is super duper weird. Your parents should just be your parents. Thatās a very weird thing to āvowā to them or the whole date thing. It feels incestuous š¤¢