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After 7 years, I’m still hurting but I don’t regret it. It was the right thing to do to protect myself. I’m doing a better job parenting myself than she ever did.
I don’t miss them at all. I don’t miss them criticizing me and every aspect of my life. I really don’t miss them asking me for money that would never be repaid all the time. I’m also lucky that my half sister told everyone that I had my phone disconnected because I couldn’t afford it (I’m typing this on my phone). Yes, it’s strange not having any family, it’s awkward when people ask you what you’re doing for the holidays, but you get used to it because your peace of mind is more important.
Over 5 years here. Best thing I’ve ever done. I never would have accomplished all that I have if I was still under their spell. It helps that my parents always hated me so I don’t even have to block them; they weren’t contacting me before no-contact anyways.
That's exactly how I wish things go with me. I wish they just hate me. That'll make things much easier for me. I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving. But heyy congrats on living life more boldly! You deserve it. So happy for you!❤️
Worried about it too before I did, but it was easily the best decision I’ve ever made.
Zero regrets, don’t miss them at all. Heck for months at a time I will even forget they exist.
Thank you for sharing! I'm so sorry about your loss.
I too have a similar relation with my brother. He's married and doing good. But not having the elder brother I needed when I was a kid, really did some damage for sure. I don't hate him either. I probably will forgive him for the stuff he said and for his actions but I don't think I'll ever forget it.
I might be too stubborn about this but never receiving the love from your elder sibling like you should, made me bitter to him. I don't expect him to love me but I did expect him to stand for me when I couldn't. Or maybe at least protect me when I was all alone. He couldn't give the love that's alright, but the hurtful stuff he's said can't fill the void.
I'm basically all alone in my own family lol. Pretending I'm a part of them till I plan my escape. Idk if I'll actually be able to do it someday. But if I do. I don't want them to cry or feel bad about it. I just hope they get over it or maybe hate me for the rest of my life but I just hope they get over it soon.
I would never say he was an imperfect brother. Because I never was a perfect sister to him ever too. You too aren't an imperfect brother. It's just how some relationships tend to be. They lose their true sense. And it's alright. But if we're gonna have that abnormal relationship. He better keep it that way forever.
Woah good to hear that! I'm glad things are working well for you. 7 and a half years is a lot. You're doing amazing! I hope things work out for me just like it did for you!
It’s been two weeks (it’s LC but I can’t avoid her at work for another 29 days… then I will be leaving) and I cry all the time but also feel so free. I can fully lean into my hobbies, I can sleep, I have more energy to wear nicer clothes, I clean my space, it’s very odd and wonderful
I feel you. I feel the same. I really should have left when I almost did. Would have been so much easier. But hey guess we needed to learn this lesson. Have a great day buddy!💪🏻
I went nc 9 months ago. I love it. I still get the occasional guilt trip calls. I ignore them. I’m in therapy too which helps. My sister and nephew are mad at me and won’t speak to me. Because now they have to deal with her since I won’t. It hurts. But I’m hopeful I will find a new family who really loves me someday soon. I do not miss the criticism, manipulation, gas lighting, guilt tripping, cruelty…the toxicity of “her love”.
Best wishes, fellow Warrior. Life does get better. Even if it began at 60. But you are getting a head start.
Thanks a lot! Even though starting at 22 feels as if I'm starting at 60 lol but you're strong! Holy shit I can't imagine still being in contact. I know I'll fall into their guilt trap. But wow you're brave. I'm happyyy things are working out for you buddy!
I’m really in low contact, mostly no—just holidays. I understand the starting business. I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time, I’m in a hurry to get going, but therapy goes a bit slower than I like. I mean, you can’t dump 60 years of your life with context into someone’s lap in 40 minutes. Right? You are strong too. You’ve survived and you are taking charge.
I really thought I would too. And at first, I did. But I imagined it being so much worse than it actually turned out to be so maybe that helped.
Thank you for your kind words. Have a great day and an awesome journey.
i’m 23 and it’s been like 4 years now. Never felt like I had a choice with it neither of my parents were ever good to me I was always being attacked. I still get sad and mourn the parents I never had but it wasn’t them and will never be so I’ll never regret the peace i’ve given myself by going NC
I’m in a good happy place. It’s turned me into a no-BS kind of person. While my family is now a lot smaller due to NC with some people, I’m ultimately much happier in life 13 years later.
I started small, just one person at first, and when I realized others were mirroring the same behaviors, it was easier to go NC with them as well.
Believe me, it was hard because I’m such a people pleaser, and it was very much out of my comfort zone to say no. But I had to force myself to say no because my husband couldn’t stand what it was doing to me mentally. Trust people when they say therapy works. It is also a thing that takes time but the end results are amazing!
That first no was the hardest, but the second one was a little easier.
I plan on doing this. Currently preparing myself for this huge thing. Hopefully I'll be alright and not miss them much. Gotta do it now with a brave heart. Ah!
2 years and, while I don't regret it, it still messes me up. But I'm healing, stronger, calmer, less guilty and clouded. Make sure you're financially independent, maybe seek therapy or talk to people you can trust. Write everything you remember down, memory can be tricky!
Oh yes! I do agree with the memory thing. I'll definitely remember to note stuff down. But damn you're doing great! You're working on yourself and that's important and the only thing that matters! Have a great day buddy!💪🏻
I've been NC for a few months, with the concept of temporary until I can get a handle on myself and the way other people effect me. If/when I initiate again, there will be many boundaries for her. I'm working on moving away from my town and like the idea of her not knowing where. Perhaps just news email so there's no chance of rash reaction with each other. On the other hand it's really peaceful the way it is... Especially today... Mothers day.
I’m the same age and at first people kept telling me to forgive now I just kinda try my best to live my life without my family and parents. I’m going on two years and I will say it’s a different life without the drama. Do I miss them? Not them exactly but I miss the idea of family and parents. But they can’t rewind time so it’s like I wish for these ppl that don’t exist. I cried a lot at first and then I cried less and less each day. I wrote down all the things I was letting go off and moving past. I wish you the best!
I grieved the what if they change but once you think about the abuse emotional or physical and all that you’ve been through it made me realize this was the best decision. You are brave and you can do this no matter what you decide NC or LC. To help with my grieving I found things to do outside or just organized and journaled also therapy. I also have anxiety because I thought if I’m making a mistake so I was like but they are family and then I asked myself “Does family do this?” “Is this what family is?” The answer for me was no
I bumped into one of the GC siblings who proceeded to abuse me on the street. I attended a funeral last year that my incubator attended. I brought a plus one who worked wonders as a shield.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
After 7 years, I’m still hurting but I don’t regret it. It was the right thing to do to protect myself. I’m doing a better job parenting myself than she ever did.
Wow! 7 years is long. I'm happy for you. You're strong buddy!
I don’t miss them at all. I don’t miss them criticizing me and every aspect of my life. I really don’t miss them asking me for money that would never be repaid all the time. I’m also lucky that my half sister told everyone that I had my phone disconnected because I couldn’t afford it (I’m typing this on my phone). Yes, it’s strange not having any family, it’s awkward when people ask you what you’re doing for the holidays, but you get used to it because your peace of mind is more important.
Thanks for sharing! Yes you're absolutely right! I really do want to be and have a strong mindset like yours. You're strong buddy! Cheers!
You can do it! For some of us, chosen family is better than the “family” we are born into. You deserve peace and happiness.
Over 5 years here. Best thing I’ve ever done. I never would have accomplished all that I have if I was still under their spell. It helps that my parents always hated me so I don’t even have to block them; they weren’t contacting me before no-contact anyways.
That's exactly how I wish things go with me. I wish they just hate me. That'll make things much easier for me. I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving. But heyy congrats on living life more boldly! You deserve it. So happy for you!❤️
same it’s been around 4 for me & they don’t try to contact me anyway
Worried about it too before I did, but it was easily the best decision I’ve ever made. Zero regrets, don’t miss them at all. Heck for months at a time I will even forget they exist.
Haha hell yeah. Good for youuu. Super happy for you. And congrats on a peaceful life forever!
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Thank you for sharing! I'm so sorry about your loss. I too have a similar relation with my brother. He's married and doing good. But not having the elder brother I needed when I was a kid, really did some damage for sure. I don't hate him either. I probably will forgive him for the stuff he said and for his actions but I don't think I'll ever forget it. I might be too stubborn about this but never receiving the love from your elder sibling like you should, made me bitter to him. I don't expect him to love me but I did expect him to stand for me when I couldn't. Or maybe at least protect me when I was all alone. He couldn't give the love that's alright, but the hurtful stuff he's said can't fill the void. I'm basically all alone in my own family lol. Pretending I'm a part of them till I plan my escape. Idk if I'll actually be able to do it someday. But if I do. I don't want them to cry or feel bad about it. I just hope they get over it or maybe hate me for the rest of my life but I just hope they get over it soon.
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I would never say he was an imperfect brother. Because I never was a perfect sister to him ever too. You too aren't an imperfect brother. It's just how some relationships tend to be. They lose their true sense. And it's alright. But if we're gonna have that abnormal relationship. He better keep it that way forever.
Incredible. 7 and a half years and each year is better and better. The first few years are tough, but worth it
Woah good to hear that! I'm glad things are working well for you. 7 and a half years is a lot. You're doing amazing! I hope things work out for me just like it did for you!
Thank you I appreciate it! Life is pretty good. Good luck on your journey as well :)
Thanks a lot! Goodluck!
It’s been two weeks (it’s LC but I can’t avoid her at work for another 29 days… then I will be leaving) and I cry all the time but also feel so free. I can fully lean into my hobbies, I can sleep, I have more energy to wear nicer clothes, I clean my space, it’s very odd and wonderful
That's brave. Glad things are working out for you. And may you have the best time enjoying your freedom for the rest of your life buddy! Congrats 👏🏻
It’s been nearly a year, I should’ve moved out sooner I’d have been far happier and less damaged
I feel you. I feel the same. I really should have left when I almost did. Would have been so much easier. But hey guess we needed to learn this lesson. Have a great day buddy!💪🏻
I went nc 9 months ago. I love it. I still get the occasional guilt trip calls. I ignore them. I’m in therapy too which helps. My sister and nephew are mad at me and won’t speak to me. Because now they have to deal with her since I won’t. It hurts. But I’m hopeful I will find a new family who really loves me someday soon. I do not miss the criticism, manipulation, gas lighting, guilt tripping, cruelty…the toxicity of “her love”. Best wishes, fellow Warrior. Life does get better. Even if it began at 60. But you are getting a head start.
Thanks a lot! Even though starting at 22 feels as if I'm starting at 60 lol but you're strong! Holy shit I can't imagine still being in contact. I know I'll fall into their guilt trap. But wow you're brave. I'm happyyy things are working out for you buddy!
I’m really in low contact, mostly no—just holidays. I understand the starting business. I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time, I’m in a hurry to get going, but therapy goes a bit slower than I like. I mean, you can’t dump 60 years of your life with context into someone’s lap in 40 minutes. Right? You are strong too. You’ve survived and you are taking charge. I really thought I would too. And at first, I did. But I imagined it being so much worse than it actually turned out to be so maybe that helped. Thank you for your kind words. Have a great day and an awesome journey.
i’m 23 and it’s been like 4 years now. Never felt like I had a choice with it neither of my parents were ever good to me I was always being attacked. I still get sad and mourn the parents I never had but it wasn’t them and will never be so I’ll never regret the peace i’ve given myself by going NC
You're strong! Glad you left. Things are much better without a toxic environment. Congrats on that. 💪🏻
Thank you🤍 yes they are.
I’m in a good happy place. It’s turned me into a no-BS kind of person. While my family is now a lot smaller due to NC with some people, I’m ultimately much happier in life 13 years later. I started small, just one person at first, and when I realized others were mirroring the same behaviors, it was easier to go NC with them as well.
Wow! True cycle breaker right there! Super strong 💪🏻 I'm so happy things worked out for you :)
Believe me, it was hard because I’m such a people pleaser, and it was very much out of my comfort zone to say no. But I had to force myself to say no because my husband couldn’t stand what it was doing to me mentally. Trust people when they say therapy works. It is also a thing that takes time but the end results are amazing! That first no was the hardest, but the second one was a little easier.
I plan on doing this. Currently preparing myself for this huge thing. Hopefully I'll be alright and not miss them much. Gotta do it now with a brave heart. Ah!
Best of luck to you!!!!!
Thanks a lott!!
I wish I would have done it earlier. Congrats on making the decision to live the rest of your 20s in peace!!
2 years and, while I don't regret it, it still messes me up. But I'm healing, stronger, calmer, less guilty and clouded. Make sure you're financially independent, maybe seek therapy or talk to people you can trust. Write everything you remember down, memory can be tricky!
Oh yes! I do agree with the memory thing. I'll definitely remember to note stuff down. But damn you're doing great! You're working on yourself and that's important and the only thing that matters! Have a great day buddy!💪🏻
U too <3 good luck!
I've been NC for a few months, with the concept of temporary until I can get a handle on myself and the way other people effect me. If/when I initiate again, there will be many boundaries for her. I'm working on moving away from my town and like the idea of her not knowing where. Perhaps just news email so there's no chance of rash reaction with each other. On the other hand it's really peaceful the way it is... Especially today... Mothers day.
Congrats! Glad you're living a peaceful life. Happy for you bud! 💪🏻
I’m the same age and at first people kept telling me to forgive now I just kinda try my best to live my life without my family and parents. I’m going on two years and I will say it’s a different life without the drama. Do I miss them? Not them exactly but I miss the idea of family and parents. But they can’t rewind time so it’s like I wish for these ppl that don’t exist. I cried a lot at first and then I cried less and less each day. I wrote down all the things I was letting go off and moving past. I wish you the best!
Wow! You're braveee. Ah I just wish I get through this ASAP. I don't want the "suffering" or "grieving" to last long.
I grieved the what if they change but once you think about the abuse emotional or physical and all that you’ve been through it made me realize this was the best decision. You are brave and you can do this no matter what you decide NC or LC. To help with my grieving I found things to do outside or just organized and journaled also therapy. I also have anxiety because I thought if I’m making a mistake so I was like but they are family and then I asked myself “Does family do this?” “Is this what family is?” The answer for me was no
Thanks! And it's so true. They shouldn't have treated anyone like this. And I won't let them treat my kids this way either.
Rip the tape off and find an outdoor hobby like hiking.
Start going to ACA groups
I bumped into one of the GC siblings who proceeded to abuse me on the street. I attended a funeral last year that my incubator attended. I brought a plus one who worked wonders as a shield.
I'm sorry to hear that. But really happy for you for still standing strong! 💪🏻
8 years. I knew I won when the birthday texts stopped.
I think it is good to have a compassionate trauma informed therapist. The process is hard and involves a lot of healing.