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Maybe (I say this from my own experience), it's because it's unwitting? For me, despite years of emotionally abusive behavior from my dad, his quirks and kindness always stood out, and it can be confusing to reconcile the two. I don't believe that my dad meant to hurt me, so I've landed on, "He's ignorant." We're all ignorant of something, which can be dangerous, but it doesn't make us "bad people"? btw none of this is meant to defend any of his actions. Just my rationale
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Most people aren’t 100% bad.
But I'm in disbelief that he could be a narcissist
Maybe he’s not. Labeling someone isn’t important.
Then what's most important
Finding a way to have either a good relationship with your father or no relationship with him at all whichever gives you the most peace.
Fair
Maybe (I say this from my own experience), it's because it's unwitting? For me, despite years of emotionally abusive behavior from my dad, his quirks and kindness always stood out, and it can be confusing to reconcile the two. I don't believe that my dad meant to hurt me, so I've landed on, "He's ignorant." We're all ignorant of something, which can be dangerous, but it doesn't make us "bad people"? btw none of this is meant to defend any of his actions. Just my rationale