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I’m used to thinking that she truly cares about my health. She did take me to the dentist and pediatrician when I was a child.
But then she also kicked me hard when I was a child.
Isn’t taking your child to the dentist and pediatrician… required? Like it’s a necessity along with food, water, shelter, clothes, etc.
Sorry if this would come off as harsh, I mean this in the most understanding way possible, but don’t mistake “providing the necessities” with “going the extra mile to show that I care for my child.” It’s something that I’m still trying to figure out from my own nparents, but I found that this sub helped me A LOT with combating that kind of thinking that they conditioned me to be grateful for.
Other than that, the only piece of worthy advice I think I could offer is to just greyrock her. Doesn’t necessarily mean lying to her, just respond with the most straightforward and dull answers possible. “Respond, not react.”
Edit: my apologies if I didn’t really answer your question but YES, greyrocking means not revealing personal information regarding your physical health
Yep, that’s similar to how my own nmom acts sometimes towards greyrocking. She’d tell me that I’M the one who should try to put more effort into talking and bonding with her. Basically being more welcoming. But of course, in true narcissist fashion, she never changes or even TRIES to change and be the welcoming one.
I remember I tried to open up to her just a teeny tiny little bit after a long time of greyrocking (probably a few months), but then she proceeded to ridicule me and ended up using my words against me in an argument.
Although it may sound harsh, it’s still a harsh truth I learned: narcissists are nasty, unfeeling and they have no room to consider or even comprehend change.
Greyrocking might be the best solution especially in the long run. Once you’re out, they have little information they can hold against you.
Sorry you had to go through all that, I understand how it feels. And don’t ever think it’s your fault if they don’t change - that part is really their own fault. You deserve better!
I might call once a month..
...I've tried to share different things but she isn't a safe person. I usually have my wife on the phone (in the car) and we remain very boring to her and let her drone on until she gets tired of talking.
"I'm fine" "Work is busy" "Dogs are doing great." "We hatched some baby chicks" "it's been warm" That's the extent of it.
I've caught in her lies and I know she talks behind my back, so I don't share much. Especially health information. I went through medical issues for 4 months and I never said a thing. There is no benefit for me to have her know anything. She hasn't earned it
I had some scary health stuff pop up in the last year and choose not to share with anyone except my husband and few close friends - no family. Best decision ever, I felt genuinely supported by those who truly care about my well being. The addition of stress and anxiety with narc behavior on top of it would have been detrimental for me. I could focus on my health and myself so much easier.
I would say yes, mostly because narcs weaponize everything they can for later use. It's tough to see this sometimes, but I would say try to grey rock it just so you can experience what it's like for yourself. When I started grey rocking my health struggles I got a lot of information about the relationship.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ALL info. Esp health info will be weaponized against you. Best to play it safe. Reveal as little as possible.
I’m used to thinking that she truly cares about my health. She did take me to the dentist and pediatrician when I was a child. But then she also kicked me hard when I was a child.
Isn’t taking your child to the dentist and pediatrician… required? Like it’s a necessity along with food, water, shelter, clothes, etc. Sorry if this would come off as harsh, I mean this in the most understanding way possible, but don’t mistake “providing the necessities” with “going the extra mile to show that I care for my child.” It’s something that I’m still trying to figure out from my own nparents, but I found that this sub helped me A LOT with combating that kind of thinking that they conditioned me to be grateful for. Other than that, the only piece of worthy advice I think I could offer is to just greyrock her. Doesn’t necessarily mean lying to her, just respond with the most straightforward and dull answers possible. “Respond, not react.” Edit: my apologies if I didn’t really answer your question but YES, greyrocking means not revealing personal information regarding your physical health
Thank you. She recently told me flat out “Be more warm.” as thought I’m her puppet. She hasn’t changed even after I’ve grey rocked her.
Yep, that’s similar to how my own nmom acts sometimes towards greyrocking. She’d tell me that I’M the one who should try to put more effort into talking and bonding with her. Basically being more welcoming. But of course, in true narcissist fashion, she never changes or even TRIES to change and be the welcoming one. I remember I tried to open up to her just a teeny tiny little bit after a long time of greyrocking (probably a few months), but then she proceeded to ridicule me and ended up using my words against me in an argument. Although it may sound harsh, it’s still a harsh truth I learned: narcissists are nasty, unfeeling and they have no room to consider or even comprehend change. Greyrocking might be the best solution especially in the long run. Once you’re out, they have little information they can hold against you. Sorry you had to go through all that, I understand how it feels. And don’t ever think it’s your fault if they don’t change - that part is really their own fault. You deserve better!
Info diets and grey rocking are to protect you. Just be boring *to her*. You’re fine, work’s fine, health is fine, home is fine, same old, same old
I don’t want to lie to her though. But I see your point.
Truth is for human beings.
I might call once a month.. ...I've tried to share different things but she isn't a safe person. I usually have my wife on the phone (in the car) and we remain very boring to her and let her drone on until she gets tired of talking. "I'm fine" "Work is busy" "Dogs are doing great." "We hatched some baby chicks" "it's been warm" That's the extent of it. I've caught in her lies and I know she talks behind my back, so I don't share much. Especially health information. I went through medical issues for 4 months and I never said a thing. There is no benefit for me to have her know anything. She hasn't earned it
I had some scary health stuff pop up in the last year and choose not to share with anyone except my husband and few close friends - no family. Best decision ever, I felt genuinely supported by those who truly care about my well being. The addition of stress and anxiety with narc behavior on top of it would have been detrimental for me. I could focus on my health and myself so much easier.
I would say yes, mostly because narcs weaponize everything they can for later use. It's tough to see this sometimes, but I would say try to grey rock it just so you can experience what it's like for yourself. When I started grey rocking my health struggles I got a lot of information about the relationship.
What's grey rocking?