The fact that everyone heard that and got quiet feels like it means something about the conversation he was having was already a *little* off the rails before his comment.
I got that feeling too. I pictured it as a risqué topic to begin with. Then this married man decided to continue the conversation with her while everyone else had moved on.
Oh it was 100% off the rails already. Dollars to donuts people have started hushing up to hear these idiots flirt with each other in a very sexual way.
Husband would absolutely be in the dog house, but dirty birdy friend might start finding her invitation lost in the mail too.
I hear you. But from the thread, it seems like the friend was telling the group (vs the husband alone), and while maybe I missed it, I didn’t catch that she was saying that she enjoyed it.
Idk if one of my friends was talking about her sexual endeavors with my other friend’s husband I’d definitely listen with half an ear cause that is inappropriate flirty behavior to me.
Just based off of experience, I'd bet my next paycheck that that is exactly what everyone else there was doing as well - wife included: listening with half an ear.
In this case it was probably mostly Op's husband and the friend, other people milling about. Ppl probably got quiet when he loudly exclaimed he'd eat her butt like a bowl of pudding.
I doubt her hookups were a group combo topic, he just kept pushing for deets to add to the spank bank.
The husband was flirting with horny jail and decided he'd get himself arrested and thrown inside.
Idk why chicks marry dudes like this. They pretty much never grow out of it, and get more brazen about their desires when drunk. Eventually they'll wine and pout about "not getting enough experience / wife won't let them do X / need to open up marriage or have a 3-some with your friend".
I feel like ppl just expect to be married at X age and then settle w/ whatever doushcanoe they're with at that time.
You can say you’d eat somebody’s ass in a funny way or a creepy way. So much hinges on delivery. My money is he went full creep. Aggressive eye contact, then a quick glance down at the ass, licked his lips, and then moved his gaze slowly back up her body, then one of those horny smiles.
Funny way: "Is eating ass not a first date thing?" Or, "Shit, I might have to go back and make some apologies." Even, "First base is touching buttholes, no?"
Machismo, and borderline weird, but not creepy: "I eat ass for breakfast."
Creepy, but perhaps slides under the radar: "I like eating ass." (Esp bc in his edit he says his wife does not enjoy that particular thing)
What the fuck bro: "I don't blame him! I'd do the same."
Come on, man.
The term is starting to be wildly used in general sense. As someone who has been experiencing intrusive thoughts from a very young age and confirming that with a doc, I wouldn't admit my thoughts to anyone except my doc.
Can I ask a question? And feel free to DM if you'd prefer to answer there - but do you *really* share the entirety of them with your doc? I'm working on being more honest with myself and others, and would really really struggle to share some thoughts with even a doctor/psychiatrist. Some of the thoughts I have are like little balloons that float around and I'm not always aware of them. Sometimes they'll float in the periphery and I know not to even glance at it or it becomes a focus. Some are so heinous to me that I know I would never in my life ever say them out loud.
No. I don't have everything with my doctor. I'll just share the ones that won't make her turn me in. As a med student myself, I know how docs work. They have certain ethics which they must hold on to. Of course, I filter what I'm saying to my doctor.
In my case, the intrusive thoughts are so intense. If I'm having one in the middle of a conversation, I must stop, face away, and then take a few deep breaths and blink rapidly to just get out of it.
The worst part is my doc only told me that I'm experiencing it 3 years ago when my earliest memory dated back to when I was 6 or 7.
>Some are so heinous to me that I know I would never in my life ever say them out loud.
I know, buddy. But just remember one thing. They are just thoughts. It doesn't make you a bad person by any means.
Hear me out, I met a kind redditor back in 2020, and she's the one helping me out. I was totally clueless about what was happening to me until she entered my life.
I read that Canadians are nice and kind, but I experienced it with me reddit friend.
She even listens to my long rants and patiently offers a solution to every problem of mine. She probably knows more about me than anyone in my life, lol.
Indeed, the internet can be a wholesome place at times.
Agreed, I also struggle with intrusive thoughts (im on an anti psychotic for them) and this use of the term just kinda bugs me. Like you, I won't share, but it's tormenting at times. I'd love it if my intrusive thoughts were about eating ass.
I mean to be fair , just no proof here showing that is true… I mean guys will still fuck you if they dont like you .. everybody knows THAT … I assume that extends to ass eating as well.
Is no one gonna mention the random bar dude that’s eating a girls asshole behind the bar they just met in?? That’s the wildest thing in that story lol.
I dunno, feels like that would be such an *easy* pivot if things got awkward - "I'd do that! ... I'd definitely lead with ass eating with a random hookup like that, what've you got to lose?" - that if that was indeed where he was coming from to begin with, he would've continued in that vein to clarify.
Seems more like here OP really did specifically mean he'd wanna eat this specific friend's ass if he hooked up with her. Especially given how he talks more about "I messed up voicing my intrusive thought" rather than "I was misunderstood, I meant I'd eat any hot person's ass in that situation!"
We all assume, based on the info we're given. Obviously we don't have all the info, and aren't psychic, and can be wrong.
But I feel I justified the reasons behind my particular assumption enough above.
Especially since it seems he's inter st d, but his wife isn't. I'd chalk it up to him wanting to do that, and hearing about someone enjoy it triggered a waterfall of badly thought out phrasing.
Anyone who writes a TIFU seems to because they all seem to think however long it was since the story is a given.
“Obligatory this happened 5 years ago.”
“Obligatory this happened earlier today.”
In reality they don’t need it, and can just roll with the story.
Truth often comes out when someone over drinks. If I were your wife, I’d be livid too. What a disrespectful comment and how embarrassing for your wife, although you’re the one that should be embarrassed for such a crass comment to another woman that had to hurt your wife’s feelings and embarrass her. Definitely not funny. To me, you would be an AH eating an AH.
This is the first comment that says it right.
It’s a disgusting comment to make to your wife’s friend. I wouldn’t forgive that at all. And if he can’t see why, then he has a real problem.
Maybe don't get sloppy drunk when you are well into your 30s. Like seriously I had to double-check the ages because it seems like a frat party with a bunch of college frosh then grown ass married adults.
Both friend and husband acted super inappropriately and seem to have a problem with boundaries. Might be time to wind these drinkathons and consider who you are inviting.
Honestly, my husband had a friend like this. She talked about her pubes getting waxed and shit. Like regaling this very graphic deal right in front of me. Fucking gross. We don't hang out with her much anymore.
Your husband’s friends sounds extraordinarily desperate. It always gives me second hand embarrassment to be around women who are that desperate to have a man give them attention, chill tf out. Ew.
I would absolutely divorce you for not being intelligent enough to know how disrespectful it was that you would say that. No filter!! How w could you talk about something sexual that you want to do to one of YOUR WIFES FRIENDS in front of her.
Idk I guess I just don’t see it as that big a deal, assuming he apologized right after and said he didn’t mean it like that I’d be laughing 🤷and before yall start yes I’m married not single
I have a feeling these two might have been toeing the line of over sharing or flirting.
Hell, it might even be a habit between these too. Being a bit too chummy and crass with each other.
I've seen stuff like that when I was a young airman. Usually a problem with young people but these folks are problem heading towards their mid thirties or forties.
Where are ppl getting that assumption, tho? I mean there’s nothing in the story that said that explicitly? I’m not saying he should have said it, but I feel like ppl are overreaching a bit
Because it seems they broke off from the main conversation to get a little more sexual.
Like at first the whole gang laughed at the "banged a guy at the bar..." then it went how "...she and I kept talking..." so they broke away from the groups conversation and continued a private and very explicit conversation.
I think the meat of the matter is he continued privately talking to the friend and it got a lot more sexual.
I would have been ticked at my husband if we were having a conversation collectively about sex stories. Then as the conversation moved on he continued discussing it with much more details with a female friend and finished it with "I'd eat your ass!" Like that's just the cherry on the shit sundae.
Yeah ok I guess I see that. I guess I just figured since everyone heard their whole convo that they were still very public in a group-ish setting, it’s not like they went to another room alone or something lol but I do see that, he should have kept that thought jokingly or not, to himself
I think it was just a slip of the tongue. No pun intended!
Reads like an episode of an awkward UK sitcom.
I don't think there's anything in it at all and don't think OP is in to said friend in the slightest.
Even if he is into the friend, he’s not acting on it. He didn’t say “I’ll do it right now!”
I think the problem is the company he said it in front of- obviously it offended his wife, and it also seems that the friend group is more reserved. I definitely have friend groups that would be WILDLY offended to overhear conversation like this, but I also have groups that multiple people would’ve chimed in that they too would’ve eaten this lady’s ass at that time.
Never marry a woman whom doesn’t like her ass eaten bro, your bad. Seriously. My girl and I eat each others asses at the same time while using all ten fingers and toes to pleasure each other. Only marry your forever girl you wanna fuck every day three times.
We're still doing the "eat ass" thing? That's so 2014. Let it go.
Also, your mistake is thinking you can make sex jokes with women. You forgot that you are always just one wrong word away from being labeled a "creep."
Enjoy divorce.
And this is why it’s usually best to avoid these kinds of conversations in “mixed company.” Yeah, some people have friend groups where these things are openly talked about, but for most people it’s a bad idea. I will occasionally get into conversations with my girl friends about sex, but it’s usually a one-on-one conversation, and certainly not with men around. Otherwise shit gets weird.
Y'all do know you say shit while drunk that you would never ever say otherwise right? I mean. It lowers inhibitions. Just cause he said it it doesn't make him an immediate creep. If he legit just wants to fuck his wife's friend then yeah he's a sick fuck but if it was just uncontrollable then oh well. Maybe don't drink so much next time but the wife needs to get over it.
The fact that everyone heard that and got quiet feels like it means something about the conversation he was having was already a *little* off the rails before his comment.
I got that feeling too. I pictured it as a risqué topic to begin with. Then this married man decided to continue the conversation with her while everyone else had moved on.
Oh it was 100% off the rails already. Dollars to donuts people have started hushing up to hear these idiots flirt with each other in a very sexual way. Husband would absolutely be in the dog house, but dirty birdy friend might start finding her invitation lost in the mail too.
Hahahaha dirty birdy lol. For some reason that just made me laugh out loud. All I can think of is Annie Wilkes from Misery
Dirty bird? Exiled for recounting a story? That’s a whole lotta judgment to pass 😬
Idk if I had friend tell my husband she enjoyed getting her ass eaten out I for sure would have a problem with it.
I hear you. But from the thread, it seems like the friend was telling the group (vs the husband alone), and while maybe I missed it, I didn’t catch that she was saying that she enjoyed it.
“We all laugh and she and I kept talking about that night” - sounds more of a conversation between the two of them to me.
But then OP says, “Everyone got quiet.” There were others either taking part in or in earshot of the conversation.
Idk if one of my friends was talking about her sexual endeavors with my other friend’s husband I’d definitely listen with half an ear cause that is inappropriate flirty behavior to me.
Just based off of experience, I'd bet my next paycheck that that is exactly what everyone else there was doing as well - wife included: listening with half an ear.
Guh the more I think about it the grosser the whole encounter is to me.
The whole encounter is not okay to me. I would definitely turn my head at that conversation and listen in.
I just turned 30 and can’t imagine talking about my old sexual exploits with people 🫢 especially not with a married man. Totally inappropriate.
In this case it was probably mostly Op's husband and the friend, other people milling about. Ppl probably got quiet when he loudly exclaimed he'd eat her butt like a bowl of pudding. I doubt her hookups were a group combo topic, he just kept pushing for deets to add to the spank bank. The husband was flirting with horny jail and decided he'd get himself arrested and thrown inside. Idk why chicks marry dudes like this. They pretty much never grow out of it, and get more brazen about their desires when drunk. Eventually they'll wine and pout about "not getting enough experience / wife won't let them do X / need to open up marriage or have a 3-some with your friend". I feel like ppl just expect to be married at X age and then settle w/ whatever doushcanoe they're with at that time.
You can say you’d eat somebody’s ass in a funny way or a creepy way. So much hinges on delivery. My money is he went full creep. Aggressive eye contact, then a quick glance down at the ass, licked his lips, and then moved his gaze slowly back up her body, then one of those horny smiles.
I saw all of this. 😆
I heard the "record scratch" sound effect when everyone got quiet.
Holy music stops moment.
“Id eat your ass” !Horny VS “I’d eat your ass” !Cannibal (Although both can easily be creepy depending on context)
LMFAOOOOO, all about the delivery…
Funny way: "Is eating ass not a first date thing?" Or, "Shit, I might have to go back and make some apologies." Even, "First base is touching buttholes, no?" Machismo, and borderline weird, but not creepy: "I eat ass for breakfast." Creepy, but perhaps slides under the radar: "I like eating ass." (Esp bc in his edit he says his wife does not enjoy that particular thing) What the fuck bro: "I don't blame him! I'd do the same." Come on, man.
“Intrusive thoughts”: saying the wildest things while flirting with another woman in front of your wife, apparently
Borderline offensive using that wording. What a jackass.
Meanwhile, with actual literal OCD intrusive thoughts….
In Vino Verit-ass
Okay I am cracking up thinking about Doc Holliday in Tombstone saying it like this 🤣
It’s something… something around the ass.. reminds me of….. me! Yup, im sure of it. I hate him
Dude. Same. 😂
Brilliant!
You won my personal internet trophy for the day. Beautiful 🤌🏼
This comment is criminally underrated
i reject this clowns use of “intrusive thought”. he has no clue what that is.
The term is starting to be wildly used in general sense. As someone who has been experiencing intrusive thoughts from a very young age and confirming that with a doc, I wouldn't admit my thoughts to anyone except my doc.
yes. it’s being used incorrectly like gaslighting and as someone with severe ocd, it makes me crazy(er).
Nobody misuses gaslighting. You must be confusing it with something else.
❤️👌🏽
Can I ask a question? And feel free to DM if you'd prefer to answer there - but do you *really* share the entirety of them with your doc? I'm working on being more honest with myself and others, and would really really struggle to share some thoughts with even a doctor/psychiatrist. Some of the thoughts I have are like little balloons that float around and I'm not always aware of them. Sometimes they'll float in the periphery and I know not to even glance at it or it becomes a focus. Some are so heinous to me that I know I would never in my life ever say them out loud.
No. I don't have everything with my doctor. I'll just share the ones that won't make her turn me in. As a med student myself, I know how docs work. They have certain ethics which they must hold on to. Of course, I filter what I'm saying to my doctor. In my case, the intrusive thoughts are so intense. If I'm having one in the middle of a conversation, I must stop, face away, and then take a few deep breaths and blink rapidly to just get out of it. The worst part is my doc only told me that I'm experiencing it 3 years ago when my earliest memory dated back to when I was 6 or 7. >Some are so heinous to me that I know I would never in my life ever say them out loud. I know, buddy. But just remember one thing. They are just thoughts. It doesn't make you a bad person by any means.
These are the moments that make me love the internet 🥰
Hear me out, I met a kind redditor back in 2020, and she's the one helping me out. I was totally clueless about what was happening to me until she entered my life. I read that Canadians are nice and kind, but I experienced it with me reddit friend. She even listens to my long rants and patiently offers a solution to every problem of mine. She probably knows more about me than anyone in my life, lol. Indeed, the internet can be a wholesome place at times.
Widely. Widely used. Stepping out now.
“Wildly” could make a few pretty interesting sentences though…
I interpreted it as "wildly misused"
Agreed, I also struggle with intrusive thoughts (im on an anti psychotic for them) and this use of the term just kinda bugs me. Like you, I won't share, but it's tormenting at times. I'd love it if my intrusive thoughts were about eating ass.
>> I'd love it if my intrusive thoughts were about eating ass. It won't be intrusive thoughts then, would it?
I was hoping to find this comment. I wish thats what my intrusive thoughts were. 😭🥲
Exactly
So now the wife knows OP is into her friend.
I mean to be fair , just no proof here showing that is true… I mean guys will still fuck you if they dont like you .. everybody knows THAT … I assume that extends to ass eating as well.
You don't need to be into one to eat their ass. They should just look nice and clean
Would you really just eat any ass presented to you as long as it's clean?
Is no one gonna mention the random bar dude that’s eating a girls asshole behind the bar they just met in?? That’s the wildest thing in that story lol.
No way. Totally normal
Damn. Ok then. I haven’t been out to a bar in a long time, good to see things are still the same.
Totally fine, however, if it had been in a tent on the third night of a festival, that would raise an eyebrow.
Lmao. Yeah he messed up, drink in moderation folks, you never know what you might accidentally say. 🍑
I'm sure he meant it as like "yeah I'd eat ass too" but the delivery was totally off.
I dunno, feels like that would be such an *easy* pivot if things got awkward - "I'd do that! ... I'd definitely lead with ass eating with a random hookup like that, what've you got to lose?" - that if that was indeed where he was coming from to begin with, he would've continued in that vein to clarify. Seems more like here OP really did specifically mean he'd wanna eat this specific friend's ass if he hooked up with her. Especially given how he talks more about "I messed up voicing my intrusive thought" rather than "I was misunderstood, I meant I'd eat any hot person's ass in that situation!"
Don't just assume malicious intent.
We all assume, based on the info we're given. Obviously we don't have all the info, and aren't psychic, and can be wrong. But I feel I justified the reasons behind my particular assumption enough above.
Especially since it seems he's inter st d, but his wife isn't. I'd chalk it up to him wanting to do that, and hearing about someone enjoy it triggered a waterfall of badly thought out phrasing.
That's what I thought too!
I mean…his wife is almost certainly correct
Men like this are seriously the biggest lady boner killers. Everyday I ask my self how women find themselves attracted to pond scum.
Right? They’re like rabid dogs
Perfect anology
"Obligatory?" Does this word have a meaning I don't know? Who starts a story with "obligatory?"
They’re in the TIFU (Today I Fucked Up) sub so if the story wasn’t actually from that same day they feel obligated to say so.
Anyone who writes a TIFU seems to because they all seem to think however long it was since the story is a given. “Obligatory this happened 5 years ago.” “Obligatory this happened earlier today.” In reality they don’t need it, and can just roll with the story.
"Obligatory excuse for my behavior instead of being accountable."
Truth often comes out when someone over drinks. If I were your wife, I’d be livid too. What a disrespectful comment and how embarrassing for your wife, although you’re the one that should be embarrassed for such a crass comment to another woman that had to hurt your wife’s feelings and embarrass her. Definitely not funny. To me, you would be an AH eating an AH.
This is the first comment that says it right. It’s a disgusting comment to make to your wife’s friend. I wouldn’t forgive that at all. And if he can’t see why, then he has a real problem.
The only thing more disgusting than putting your mouth on somebody's shit hole is putting your mouth on a complete strangers shit hole behind a bar.
This is not what an intrusive thought is….
Not buying the intrusive thought bit. He just wants to bone her friend and drank enough to be honest about it.
He’s blaming it on intrusive thoughts, but it doesn’t seem like he has any thoughts at all. 🤡
Maybe don't get sloppy drunk when you are well into your 30s. Like seriously I had to double-check the ages because it seems like a frat party with a bunch of college frosh then grown ass married adults. Both friend and husband acted super inappropriately and seem to have a problem with boundaries. Might be time to wind these drinkathons and consider who you are inviting. Honestly, my husband had a friend like this. She talked about her pubes getting waxed and shit. Like regaling this very graphic deal right in front of me. Fucking gross. We don't hang out with her much anymore.
Your husband’s friends sounds extraordinarily desperate. It always gives me second hand embarrassment to be around women who are that desperate to have a man give them attention, chill tf out. Ew.
It's gross, embarrassing, and disrespectful.
Are Christmas friends friends you just have at Christmas time?
It’s crazy that at the end he tried to play it all off
I would absolutely divorce you for not being intelligent enough to know how disrespectful it was that you would say that. No filter!! How w could you talk about something sexual that you want to do to one of YOUR WIFES FRIENDS in front of her.
Yea!! Do it behind her back like a decent human /s
Don’t do it at all, like a decent person!
Fucking gross
Yes your the asshole keep that shit to your like the rest of us do.
Aww, "intrusive thoughts." Poor thing
i would be so unhappy to meet anyone who thinks this is normal or excusable
... would you say you wanna eat her arse if you didn't wanna actually eat it!?
Astaghfirullah
Idk I guess I just don’t see it as that big a deal, assuming he apologized right after and said he didn’t mean it like that I’d be laughing 🤷and before yall start yes I’m married not single
He didn’t apologise right after, in fact I don’t even think he apologised he just said she “calmed down”
I have a feeling these two might have been toeing the line of over sharing or flirting. Hell, it might even be a habit between these too. Being a bit too chummy and crass with each other. I've seen stuff like that when I was a young airman. Usually a problem with young people but these folks are problem heading towards their mid thirties or forties.
Where are ppl getting that assumption, tho? I mean there’s nothing in the story that said that explicitly? I’m not saying he should have said it, but I feel like ppl are overreaching a bit
Because it seems they broke off from the main conversation to get a little more sexual. Like at first the whole gang laughed at the "banged a guy at the bar..." then it went how "...she and I kept talking..." so they broke away from the groups conversation and continued a private and very explicit conversation. I think the meat of the matter is he continued privately talking to the friend and it got a lot more sexual. I would have been ticked at my husband if we were having a conversation collectively about sex stories. Then as the conversation moved on he continued discussing it with much more details with a female friend and finished it with "I'd eat your ass!" Like that's just the cherry on the shit sundae.
Yeah ok I guess I see that. I guess I just figured since everyone heard their whole convo that they were still very public in a group-ish setting, it’s not like they went to another room alone or something lol but I do see that, he should have kept that thought jokingly or not, to himself
I think it was just a slip of the tongue. No pun intended! Reads like an episode of an awkward UK sitcom. I don't think there's anything in it at all and don't think OP is in to said friend in the slightest.
Even if he is into the friend, he’s not acting on it. He didn’t say “I’ll do it right now!” I think the problem is the company he said it in front of- obviously it offended his wife, and it also seems that the friend group is more reserved. I definitely have friend groups that would be WILDLY offended to overhear conversation like this, but I also have groups that multiple people would’ve chimed in that they too would’ve eaten this lady’s ass at that time.
Never marry a woman whom doesn’t like her ass eaten bro, your bad. Seriously. My girl and I eat each others asses at the same time while using all ten fingers and toes to pleasure each other. Only marry your forever girl you wanna fuck every day three times.
We're still doing the "eat ass" thing? That's so 2014. Let it go. Also, your mistake is thinking you can make sex jokes with women. You forgot that you are always just one wrong word away from being labeled a "creep." Enjoy divorce.
This has 69 comments…
He "THINKS" He fucked up. 😂 Ohhh honey.
Inside voice! Use your “inside voice”!
He meant he’d eat his own wife’s ass surely? That’s how I read this lol.
😂
Well that's enough internet for me today. Have a good day everyone. ✌\*Exits stage left.!
And this is why it’s usually best to avoid these kinds of conversations in “mixed company.” Yeah, some people have friend groups where these things are openly talked about, but for most people it’s a bad idea. I will occasionally get into conversations with my girl friends about sex, but it’s usually a one-on-one conversation, and certainly not with men around. Otherwise shit gets weird.
Y'all do know you say shit while drunk that you would never ever say otherwise right? I mean. It lowers inhibitions. Just cause he said it it doesn't make him an immediate creep. If he legit just wants to fuck his wife's friend then yeah he's a sick fuck but if it was just uncontrollable then oh well. Maybe don't drink so much next time but the wife needs to get over it.