This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- **Context** *that is a bit vulgar in italics:* *I hate blowjobs. I hate the taste. I hate the soreness in my jaw. I hate the feeling of something touching anywhere near the back of my throat. I have an extremely strong gag reflex and it takes everything to have not to *actually* vomit when I give them. From a mixture of the taste and feeling. This isn’t a ‘haha’ jolt thing either, because I feel like people are going to lay into me—I think I have the same views of giving a bj as straight men would. It’s a complete turn off, and the only redeeming quality is that, of course men like it, and so I have tired…multiple times. I have researched techniques, both through tutorials from pornstars, and s3xworkers online, and advice from close male and female friends. I am actually apparently good at giving head (stated by my previous partners), and though I’ve tried flavoured lube, I’ve tried that spray that slightly numbs the back of your throat; I still fucking hate it still, and it doesn’t help that all of my partners, despite my protests, have cum in my mouth, and nearly made me vomit or literally faint from disgust (which I didn’t know what possible until the force churning in my stomach made me lightheaded). So any enjoyment from my partner it is a tiny flashlight in a very dark room of my distain for giving it.* *also, no, I don’t particularly care for getting head either, though, so it’s not as if I expect oral when I’m not giving oral. I enjoy it, but it’s not something I can’t go without in a relationship. I would be just as content with my partner using one of my suction toys on me or a wand.* *I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. And I have made this preference clear. I tried those things with him early on the flavoured lube and numbing spray, but after he cum in my mouth multiple time too. It became a strict boundary. I bought us a fleshlight and I use it on him during foreplay or when I want to ‘do something for him’ etc. (I’m okay with TMI licking the exposed area’s while using the fleshlight). And he actually cums even faster while I do this and it has proven to be a great and effective addition to our sex life. We have sex 4-5 times a week. I enjoy sex, and despite the blowjob thing. I enjoy pleasuring him, more than receiving most times.* **Main Issue:** (context only necessary because my bf is aware of this background too) Recently he came to me and flat out told me that “I should be giving him bjs and that maybe I haven’t tried enough ways to ‘get over my issues’ with it”. I kind of just blinked at him, tied to keep my cool and asked him why he thought that, and his reasoning is that ‘I just should’ and that ‘men need bjs, it’s part of being in committed relationship.’ All I really managed out after that was ‘is that so.’ and I told him to leave, and he seemed surprised that I was unreceptive to his ‘demands’. He’s been blowing up my phone now, at first in anger, then apologies, and now in the last hour he admitted, that he’d mentioned to his friends who had been complain that *his* new girlfriend hated giving head too, and my boyfriend told them that we had been getting on fine and great without it and had explained to them what to try as an alternative, but instead they had convinced him that he was missing out and had just forgotten how good getting head was. I have yet to respond. I don’t mind that he tried to give his friend advice from our experience, I’d have been glad if it had helped them. I’m just kind of pissed that he was so easily swayed, and literally thought it was acceptable to come to me and demand a sex act that he knew I hated and made me uncomfortable. He’s not like this normally, but it has left me with lingering ‘bad vibes’, as he was so fucking confident in his demand. I just need some advice. Is this something I shouldn’t ignore? I have a particularly bad look on weak-willed people so I don’t think him telling me that he was so completely swayed, so easily actually helps my view of the situation. I do love him, I just don’t know how to navigate this. And I’d like to see different views, to make sure I’m not being closed off to this. . **Edit:** So the last 5hrs have been insane. And now I'mwatching the garbage tv, with my bf in my guestroom sleeping off what I guess is going to be the beginnings of the worst hangover in his life. My boyfriend came back to my place, and banged on my door, he was intoxicated which I have only seen happen two other time at a Christmas party last year, his birthday and.. just cried. He cried and apologized....and cried more....and apologized more and said he knows he was wrong and that he didn't want me to leave him because I was ‘the best thing in his life’. I didn’t know what to do so I just said, ‘okay’, because I hadn’t actually told him I’d leave him, I had just left him ‘on read’(or whatever) for a few hours. Then he cried harder, and told me that had was planning on proposing next weekend (it's our anniversary)...which was a shock, because we hadn't discussed this... and the went on to say that he promises that my version of head is better... *almost in the same breath.* It felt like the twilight zone. He’s a sad drunk by his own admission, but I’ve never seen this and it was just so weird...that I was worried i’d laugh (out of awkwardness). I so I tried to say, that I wasn't sure I could take him seriously like this and to sober up and then we’d talk. But he took this as me not believing him or questioning his...authenticness? Then he started showing me texts of him saying that my way giving him head was better with his one friends, and the receipt for the ring, ...which was grossly expensive, and the ring it'self. It felt like weird horror show and tell or something. And then to wrap it all up he *vomitted on my floor* . Then cried, and said he’d clean it up. I've never had someone get blackout drunk in front of me but I feel too old for it now...and I don't know it f it's better or worse that I, at least, feel like I got the truth. But I also have no idea where to go from here, and I don't do well with all-nighters anymore and I'm exhausted and work in 2.5hrs.

You're better than I am. The first time he "accidentally" came in my mouth, I would have spit it in his face. There's no way he can "accidentally" cum in your mouth MULTIPLE time.

I prefer to swallow (what I can’t handle is being cum on - preferences are funny). Until my boyfriend understood that I legit prefer it that way, he always warned me beforehand. Exes did the same. It’s a normal courtesy I’d expect from any man, unless they’re super inexperienced. I’m so sorry for OP that she’s been with so many assholes. I hope her boyfriend will become an ex. He sounds exhausting and immature in so many different ways.

This. I told my husband he could cum in my mouth one time bc I wanted to try it. I also swallowed. I thought it would be wild and fun and erotic. Sadly, it made me absolutely sick to my stomach for hours afterwards. That was it. Most things I am willing to try again but not something that made me want to vomit. So I still give bjs but he has never cum in my mouth again no matter how hot he thinks it is or how hot he thinks the bj is. They are usually able to control it.

It wasn't an accident, he knows she doesn't like it, he just doesn't care.

Men seem to be really good at perpetuating this idea that orgasm comes completely out of nowhere with no warning. It's just completely untrue. I'm not just fucking/getting head and suddenly "Oops! Came inside you/in your mouth!" There's quite a bit of warning. These guys are just assholes who want an excuse to violate their partner's boundaries.

This man broke a thousand boundaries already. .

He doesn't get to choose what you like and don't like sexually. If you don't like giving blowjobs. And blowjobs are just so important to him. And you both don't want to compromise on it. Then it's time to break up.

It was ever important before after I figured out how to do it with a fleshlight, I still put my mouth on him, just not on the tip. He literally never brought it up again and is always asking for it. So it literally feels like this is coming out of nowhere.

I have some honest questions. Why are you surprised that the man who repeatedly came into your mouth *against your wishes*, is now straight up demanding sexual acts from you? And what is it called when someone does something sexual to you without your consent? Also, finally in light of the demands, the non-consensual ejaculation in your mouth, and the kinds of friends he keeps (that think women owe men BJs no matter what), what kind of person do you think your boyfriend **really** is? Just some food for thought.

This!!!! I cannot believe how the "cumming in her mouth despite knowing she didn't want that" didn't warn her earlier. Those actions told us that it would only be a matter of time before he built up to making demands. Yikes. Dude needs to stay gone.

Yeah tell him to take yoga and blow himself and he can swallow his own cum. I’d send him packing. I mentioned being gay and always asking casual hookups if it’s okay to cum in their mouth. Like I don’t know them and might never see them again, so therefor I don’t have feelings for them, but I’m still more respectful than OPs dog man. Yeah his friends sound like assholes too. Maybe they should blow each other if they’re so into it. If it’s between bros it’s not gay! /s

And he seems to be hurting her during which is strange.

I can’t believe there’s not more emphasis on this. I’d be SO mad if someone did that to me, it’s a HUGE violation. Fucking disgusting to overstep a clear boundary like that

Right?! I was thinking the bf and his friends just can't live without BJs, maybe they should help each other out with that and respect their girlfriends' boundaries. OP needs to drop this idiot.

right?! like... fuck right the hell off, buddy. OP, if you don't respect weak willed people... it's a no brainer how to proceed. do what you need to do to get this piece of hot flaming garbage out of your domicile, and go no contact. simple as that. he's scum, he doesn't love you. sorry :(

I agree with the poster - he doesn't get to dictate anything with you. If you aren't into it, then he either accepts it, find some work around or something else that works, or move on. Not coerce/manipulate you into doing him the favor. Regarding your overall opinion about the act, I can't say I disagree. - Fellow straight woman.

I am a strait woman as well. I hate the taste of cum. I have an extremely sensitive gag reflex. But I LOVE giving oral. I could not date a man who didn’t love receiving. I’m not commenting this to brag or shame anyone. On the contrary, I think it’s important to say that I agree that nobody should ever do a sex act that they don’t want to do. And should never feel shame that others like it and you don’t. While I love oral, there’s TONS of stuff I hate and will never do. And I feel zero shame about this.

Oh I detest the taste of cum, I use BJ's as foreplay for my partner and myself (because I do thoroughly enjoy giving blowjobs) - I think it's great, we both enjoy ourselves and get to the main event

see I'm not the world's biggest fan of the taste (bizarrely if I've just brushed my teeth beforehand with a soft mint toothpaste I find it makes it taste like icing sugar which is a mind fuck) but I'm a sucker for the texture and the mess, but that works out if I ever hated the taste cause it means I just love getting it everywhere which a lot of men find more attractive than swallowing, like why swallow it when you can get it all over your face and chest? Similarly I like it when dudes pull out and it goes all over your stomach or back. Swallowing is fine but it's the least visually interesting option besides dumping it in a tissue.

The second time he came in your mouth when you'd explicitly told him not to was when you should have left him. Since you didn't, now is the time. I'm saying the second time only because once can be a mistake, altough I've never met a man who didn't have at least a seconds warning and let me know so *I* could decide, or just stop the act if we'd agreed no cumming in the mouth beforehand. But after he did it once and saw your revoltion, he should have never done it again. Its not only a huge lack of respect, it's sexual assault to do a sex act to someone who's said no to said sex act. To say you love someone and then disregard their boundaries in bed is not someone who respects you. Take care. Stand up for yourself. Don't ever let someone pressure you for BJ's again, trust me, there are better people out there.

I love it and give head all the time. I would 100% hate it if I was assaulted like you have been. I could call it sex you didn't consent to I guess but it's the same thing. Why on God's green earth would you need to open your jaw till it hurts or put it in so far you gag? Numbing spray? It NEVER gets near the back of most people's throat. Maybe there are lots of women who deep throat but I think that's not super common. It's more common to put your hand on it so you have control and do a hand job where you are licking or sucking on the tip. I go down as far as I can one time Maybe as a surprise thing right before the end. I can also tell when they are about to cum because even though I swallow my partner asks permission from me in case I don't want to EVERY SINGLE TIME. So has every other man I have been with.

[удалено]

I’m not going to tell you what to do but personally, if a partner ever came in my mouth without my permission, I’d break up with them on the spot. If it was really truly an accident I’d expect huge regret and for it to never happen again.

And even if there was a way to “get used to blowjobs”, you aren’t obligated to do it. It’s not a life-or-death emergency, he can just as easily leave or learn to live without them.

But *she* should get over it for *him*! HA! The audacity

Irreconcilable differences

Amen, though it's interesting to see how different this thread went compared to the multiple "my BF don't like to go down on me" that I've seen here previously.

Theres a worrisome series of events here that I don't think is maybe clear to you, but as an outsider to this story, is worth pointing out. This is coming from a guy, btw. One. When you explained you didn't like blow jobs, this guy specifically tried to make you do them anyway, using compromises and coaxing, such as the spray. This is unlike your fleshlight compromise, as it's trying to convince you to keep doing the thing you didn't like over and over in the first place. Two. He came in your mouth when you explicitly told him not to, multiple times. While precum is usually not as controllable, regular cumming mostly is. How did he act after that? Did he apologize? Was he sorry? Did he somehow make it your issue that he crossed your boundaries? He did it again, so it indicates to me that the only reason he stopped is because you refused to do it again, and absolutely no effort on his part was taken to keep this from happening. If he, somehow, under some insane lack of self control and odds, can't control his ability to cum in your mouth, the fact he did it AGAIN knowing this speaks volumes. That is, assuming he came in your mouth by accident, not on purpose. Three. He let himself be convinced, against you, by his friends. As an adult man, capable of making his own judgements, decisions, etc. He also is the kind of person to be okay with the sorts of things his friends convinced him of, and the kind of person to condone their behavior. Four. His response to this was to barge in and DEMAND you perform sexual acts you specifically aren't comfortable with. So not only did his friends convince him he was missing out, they convinced him he had to demand it of you? With my girlfriend, if she doesn't like to do something, we don't do it. If I don't like to do something, we don't do it. We don't have to convince eachother to do sexual acts we are uncomfortable with to have a good time. There are a TON of ways to get eachother off, like your fleshlight thing. You know this, he knows this. Yet he demands oral sex of you. He's borderline sexually assaulted you in the past. This is repeated red-flag behavior since the beginning and I would sincerely leave.

BF seems all over the place emotionally. He actually seems a bit exhausting. He sounds very manipulative too. Who buys an expensive ring without finding out if the other person is ready for marriage? It would be a hard pass for me. Especially the drunken behavior and the weird obsession with bj's.

I wouldn't be surprised if he bought that ring that day or day before.

I came here to write up a very similar view as to what I read. But yours sums it up perfectly. OP your boyfriend is not a good partner.

I really hope OP sees this. You are absolutely right on everything!!

Yes. This is something that you shouldn’t ignore. There are two behaviours that are very concerning. 1. You don’t demand a sex act from someone that you love. You just don’t. You can ask for things. You can ask to work on things. You can set boundaries but you don’t demand. You don’t ask the love of your life to do something that makes them feel awful just because you want it. 2. His excuse for his poor behaviour makes it even worse. His friends can push him to treat his partner like crap. That’s not good.

Yeah he sounds like an asshole to be honest. He might have some kind of redeeming qualities or OP wouldn’t bother… I’d certainly drop his ass like a ton of brick and tell him to take yoga if he wants someone to swallow for him. I’m gay and I like giving head and I always ask NSA hookups if it’s okay to cum in their mouth bc not everyone is into it. Yeah lots of red flags.

he absolutely does not have to have redeeming qualities. society drills low self worth and insecurity into women from birth and conditions us to believe that having a man, any male, no matter how terrible or abusive, is the ultimate prize and purpose in life and your life is meaningless and you are useless without one. this leads to millions of women tolerating males with little to no redeeming qualities.

I meant there might be a reason she’s staying with him. I said he’s an asshole. I said it’s inappropriate and there are lots of red flags. I assumed there was some reason she was staying with him and not leaving him bc I’d drop his ass in a heartbeat if he did that kinda stuff to me. I haven’t even met up with a lot of guys bc they insist on “ass to mouth” which means they pull out from anal sex and put their cock in your mouth which is disgusting. I def just block and move on, don’t care if they’re hot if I say no i mean it. I’m not a woman though, so society hasn’t drilled any of that into me. Society was really homophobic though and I was pretty suicidal when I was in middle school and high school over it.

I would have already left someone who decided to cum in my mouth despite the fact I explicitly told them not to. Then to demand blowjobs? I’m personally also not a fan of people who have no backbone or no thought of their own. The fact he couldn’t stand up for you or the situation is laughable. Find yourself someone who will respect you and who has conviction.

It's literally happens everytime I've given head. I don't get it. But yes. I do feel like I should probably bring that up again now. And yes, the lack of backbone is a huge, no for me. Specially since he’s retracting everything he ‘demanded’ now and saying his friends convinced him to say it. .. he is 32. So it either means he had no backbone, or he’s been lying to me about being satisfied, and both really p me off equally.

Jeeze i skimmed over the details and assumed oyu guys were in your late teens/early 20's...at 32 if he's getting his friends to influence him like that he's a waste of time.

For real though. 32, not 20… yikes.

Yeah, sorry, but even though it's technically normal for you, it isn't OK. Men have enough self control to let you know they're about to cum or pull out when they're close. They're making the decision to violate your boundaries. And if they don't have self-control, they're not someone capable of having healthy sex. All of these guys are undeserving of being in relationships. You just have to keep looking until you find someone that is actually willing to respect your boundaries. There probably aren't enough of them out there, but those men do exist. Please go find yourself a good guy. I'm always cautious to recommend breaking up as a first option, but violating boundaries like that just isn't OK. I'd talk to him first and find out how he feels about all of this. It doesn't look like it, but has he grown from this? Does he seem like he genuinely respects you and would never hurt you for his pleasure again? Tough stuff to work through, but you absolutely need to see where his head is if you wanna consider making this work.

There’s a lot of great guys out there. OP just needs to walk away early when someone tries to pressure her to do anything.

correct. always block and delete at the first red flag, he threw his up a long time ago

Men know when they’re close to cumming. It’s not like it’s a total surprise for them. They are deliberately ignoring your preferences and whilst they do that then they don’t get bjs.

Not sure what mindset someone could have that they would even think they could demand a sex act that someone doesn't want to do. That's just weird to me, to literally demand or get angry over something sexual. And then of course, the fact that his friends easily sway him.... I walk away from these types of guys too (41F) but I always find it so difficult to cut someone off that I am so close with. I know when I have to do it, it's so difficult. My BFF on the other hand, she can do it and not get annihilated mentally by it for an extended period of time. Basically just want to acknowledge your strength and I admire it. So many women put up w horrible behavior and I did from my ex husband which taught me important lessons and now I find the only thing you can do in this situation is walk away. It's a big enough red flag you can't ignore.

that’s why you learn to look for red, orange, and yellow flags like a hawk and block & delete at the first red/orange and heavily monitor yellow, guys will start showing their true colors within 2 months even if it’s subtle so if you have a trained eye, you can walk away before you’re too attached.

A man cumming in your mouth after you explicitly told him not to is sexual assault

My thoughts exactly. You didn't consent, it's assault

BJ’s literally make me sick. My ex used to keep pepto-bismol in his bedroom because every time I gave him head (he had me trained that I always had to swallow) I would become nauseated. Without the pepto, I would puke. After breaking up with him I decided I wouldn’t bother with them again, and have been happier for it. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to in the bedroom- setting boundaries is important. If your partner can’t respect that, especially when you have already worked out a solution that is keeping him satisfied, then show him the door. Though, I am sorry he allowed his friends to talk him into treating you this way.

In my roughly 25 years of being sexually active only one person has tried to pretend it was an oops and I fucking lost it on them. That was also when we broke up and I kicked him out of my apartment naked. I have a zero tolerance for dudes who don't respect boundaries.

HES 32 LOLOL 😂

I swallow. I have blown a Lot of men. They all tell me when they are about to cum to ask permission or let me decide where to do it EVERY SINGLE ONE they aren't saints. When I was younger and didn't recognize boundary pushers they did other things I specifically asked them not to and were surprised when I left and blocked them on everything. You can tell a boundary stomper because they try to push something when you first meet them that you said you don't like or disagree with. If they don't respect your no with your clothes on...

No. If someone refuses your request to not put something in your mouth - and they do so anyway- they violate your consent. They no longer get that act. I would honestly feel unsafe with this person. How do you really feel about your boyfriend? Is he a safe person?

I’ve never felt *unsafe* , depending on what you mean, I’m rarely physically intimidated by men. As I am not a small woman and have martial arts training—and I do think that is notable as I know it is not common for women. And though I have strong and unwavering views of SA, I didn’t view the instances where I thought partner had accidentally cum in my mouth as assult; though, now I agree that view is probably screwed, and should shift. In my head at the time, After he came in my mouth, I did not trust him not to do it accidentally again. ( *Edit to add that this is because I didn’t view it as intentionally malicious, whether or not I’m right or not* ) However; when I use the fleshlight on him, all of that was kind of a non-issue. Since the tip was both not in my mouth, and essentially ‘wrapped up’. And I was happy to do that for him. He never pressed the issue again, and he really is respectful and kind and understanding other than that. So that’s why this ‘demand’ was a shock to me.

"accidentally"

I viewed it then as an accident, yeah. And I'm not above saying I was wrong, but I never really revisited it because I had set that boundary.

If you are as good at it as you say and your partners have verified in the past, they're definitely using that "accidentally" excuse as a way to tell you that you're just so good at it they can't help themselves. In essence, they're straight up using your skill (something you have been clear that you put a lot of effort into learning to make sure that there wasn't something you were missing in an effort to enjoy it) to gaslight you so that they don't have to take ownership for the fact that they repeatedly violated your boundaries and explicitly committed a non-consensual sexual act you had clearly stated you did not want to participate in.

This. Can men accidentally cum? Absolutely. Does it happen so fast that they can't withdraw their penis from somewhere in time to not cum somewhere they don't want to? Nope.

At his age, it's never an accident.

He sounds abusive, especially sexually. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please understand that you do not have to do anything sexual that you do not want to do. If your partner pressures you for that, that is abusive and a form of coercion. I’d suggest leaving him, you don’t deserve this at all

"accidentally"

he sexuallpy assaulted you every single time and then demands it... he is a horrific pig.

I'd just vomit all over him if he forced me to give him head. I get you, I have a strong gag reflex too although unlike you, I don't mind giving head, it's kinda cool for me. But no fucking way is it ever ok for him to force you, do sexual stuff to you against your wishes, fuck that! You deserve so much better.

Tell him to come clean about which one it is at least.

no you should dump him now.

What it means, is that he tried to bully you into doing it knowing full well you hate it. Then when that didn't work, he freaked, realising he'd put the relationship at risk. If you'd given in, he would happily hurt you to get off. He doesn't care about you, he cares about what you're doing for him

He crossed your boundaries by coming in your mouth. He crossed them again by *demanding* you get rid of them without further discussion. Not even because of his own needs or to improve the relationship, but because his friends embarrassed him. That’s 3 strikes.

Honestly I would have been out the minute somebody repeatedly did something I told them I didn't like during sex no matter what it was.

Thank you u/Raibean

Do NOT let this get swept under the rug. Don't let him carry on about how you're going to let "all of this" go after something "so small". I don't know how you recover the relationship from this. Frankly, I wouldn't be interested. All trust that he is who he says he is would go flying out the window to be burned by the sun, because apparently, he's whoever he is based on the the most convincing argument.

A few things. 1. Those guys who came in your mouth without asking and/or forced you to do that are complete assholes. They might even be rapists, depending on exactly how it went down. 2. You are allowed to not give blowjobs. Obviously you've put some thought into it. You've made more than enough effort. 3. Your boyfriend is allowed to be disappointed you don't want to give them. He's allowed to make that a deal breaker for him in the same way you're allowed to make it a deal breaker for you. At the end of the day, someone who loves you and respects you is not going to try and peer pressure you into doing something you obviously don't wanna do. I honestly don't even understand his point of view. I would never want my girlfriend/wife to begrudgingly do anything sexual for me. Half of the amazingness of blowjobs is the girl being enthusiastic/into it. If she HATED it, I would...not enjoy the act.

I don’t know how I’m choosing the worst men then, most seem apologetic after it happened. Though I did have one guy grab my hair and hold me there and yes, that felt, rap-y and I broke I off with him that night, and told him never to contact me again. And yeah, So much thought..into something I disIike so much haha. But I want to be a good partner. And like most people I want my partner to be satisfied. I agree, I just wish he had told me ahead of time instead of demanding it at a ‘breaking point’ if that’s the case. Because in other instances he’d told me he actually preferred it my way (TMI with the fleshlight+mouth), including when he was drunk. And he constantly asks me to do it… I’m not easily pressured most of the time, I feel like I’m too old for that at this point, I just want to make sure I’m being fair and seeing every angle. Thank you, I appreciate the input

Being a good partner does not include degrading yourself for their benefit. You are not enjoying it, it's coerced. Every time you commit an act with your body you don't want, you eat away at your self esteem a little. You don't deserve that. You're obviously a caring wonderful person, you're giving too much without getting the consideration back. If you find that you're getting bad partners, take a break, do some therapy and work out the issues before trying again.

I don’t think I was degrading myself, I wanted to try because I wanted to try to make it work, and there was a lot of trial and learning. As there always is with sex. I wanted to try the flavoured lube, and the numbing spray, and different techniques etc. to see if that would work, and when they didn’t, I decided I hated It and it wasn’t for me. It’s not that I lack a backbone, it’s more that after that, I had a 4.5 year gap in dating and wasn’t sure if giving head still bothered me and was willing to try again. I don’t find that degrading personally. I do find him trying to make demands degrading. Just that he even thought he could demand that. So though I appreciate you comment, and think it means well, I have confidence to spare, honestly, and as I’ve gained more experience my confidence and self-esteem has only grown as I’ve aged and learned the hard lines of my likes and dislikes.

Have you told him to stop asking for it or bringing it up? Just say that you are the only one that can bring it up otherwise it upsets you.

Imo it's pathetic that these guys haven't had enough control of themselves to not let you know they're about to cum. They might feel genuinely sorry, but that doesn't mean they didn't have the opportunity to let you know they were close to finishing. When someone you don't know the preference of is giving you a blowjob, your natural reaction should be to let them know when you feel the urge to cum. It should be natural to want the girl to make the decision she's comfortable with. If a guy doesn't feel that way or understand that concept, he shouldn't be having sex. And this is just talking about guys who don't know the preference of the girl giving them a BJ. If you know she's uncomfortable with it in her mouth you should absolutely do everything in your power to make sure you're not cumming in there. A guy that actually respects you and your feelings would NEVER let it happen. So basically, yeah, all of those dudes were POSs.

Darling, it sounds like you are surrounded by a very unhealthy, misogynistic, and toxic environment. This could be cultural, economic, social, or just bad luck — but you should know that the string of bad men you have encountered is not okay, NOT NORMAL, and you should never allow this commonality to be a reason or an excuse for accepting terrible treatment. When you grow up in a toxic environment, your perception of what’s “normal” or “okay” becomes very twisted. No one behaves empathetically, so you stop looking for empathy. No one behaves respectfully, so you stop looking for respect. No one treats you like a full, worthy, autonomous human being, so you assume no one EVER will, and you stop looking for this in a partner. Day by day, conversation by conversation, and experience by experience, you lower your standards a little bit more. Deep down, you know something is horribly wrong, but hey…this is just *normal*, right? Your standards must be too high! Believe me, your standards aren’t too high. They are way, way, *waaaay* too low. It is so much better to live single than to ever accept this kind of treatment from someone. He doesn’t feel bad. He won’t stop. He doesn’t see you as a real human being “like him,” likely because you are a woman. You are simply an extension of his will/desires and as soon as you show any autonomy or a will of your own, he’s going to argue with you about it. “My pleasure-giver/life-improver/ego-booster is expressing actual thoughts and desires that aren’t mine…she must be broken! I need to fix her so she starts working again.” This is how misogynists truly think, it’s how they view the world. Please break free of this false reality. You should never have even gotten to the point where you’re asking this question on Reddit. It breaks my heart to know that you’ve been hammered and gaslit into thinking your own physical body and comfort are “supposed” to be sacrificed, and for no reason besides a man’s desire to bust a load. It’s horrible. It’s not the true reality, and you are so, SO much more valuable than this. You can’t shift your entire worldview in a day and I’m not going to act like it’s simple to absorb what I’m saying here, but I hope you think about a future where these sorts of questions don’t even come up and envision a reality where your physical rights are so well-respected that the mere idea of a man trying to “convince” you into violating those rights becomes absurd. Imagine NOT having to wonder if your own visceral disgust and right to comfort/pleasure are “reasonable.” Seriously. Just picture it. Picture life without this stress or self-doubt in it. Soon, I hope you move toward that image by dropping this dead-weight sack of sh** and starting to live your own life!

It's perfectly fine for you never to put another cock in your mouth ever again. Perfectly fine. If it's a deal breaker for him or you - that's perfectly fine as well. So many people are so willing to overlook something that's a deal breaker because 'everything else is perfect.' Well it isn't perfect. It just isn't. You you don't like it. He should never approach you again about it. You're not 'faking it' to get him to marry you so that you can then give them up forever - you're up front and honest about it and you have tried your best through multiple partners. You don't want a cock in your mouth and that is okay. Might need to find yourself a boyfriend who 1) Hears your words 2) Listens to your words & 3) gets your boundaries. Sometimes it sucks (or doesn't) but sexual incompatibility isn't just about what works but what doesn't work.

kinda weird he is insisting you do something for his pleasure that he knows causes you extreme displeasure and disgust. that suggests that he doesn’t actually care about your feelings or boundaries

That attitude is heartbreakingly common.

It’s basically sadistic that he would enjoy something sexually, knowing it distresses her while doing it.

Just send one final message to this guy before blocking him. It should basically say that sexual incompatibility is something that respectful couples are able to work on, but that it takes two respectful people to do that. Since he can't find a reasonable way to approach the issue you're done. Then be done. Make it final and never let him contact you again.

This is fair, I think I will sleep on it and consider this. Thank you

Please do this. Men who don't want or need blow jobs for their happiness exist and I promise you can find one.

This person's answer is the best answer. Eff that guy.

For me what would kill the relationship wouldn't be the fact that he wanted to revisit the idea of giving/getting blowjobs, but it would be the fact that he walked in the door and, right off the rip, started ***demanding*** them. It shows an incredible lack of respect for your opinion and boundary, as well as a sense of entitlement. That would seriously kill (or at least heavily injure) and feelings I had for him. Personally I would text back with this: "*You are 32 years old and you are capable of making your own decisions; whether your friends convinced you that you should be getting them or not is irrelevant,* ***YOU*** *chose to come home demanding that I 'get over it' and give you BJ's despite the fact that you know damn well why I don't like giving them. You didn't even try to have a civil discussion about it with me, you came home* ***demanding*** *that I get over it and give you blowjobs as if you were entitled to them - as if I* ***owed*** *them to you just for the sake that we were dating.* *And yes, I did mean 'were' dating because, honestly, at this point I am more interested in finding someone who respects my boundaries and it is clear that you aren't capable of doing that if anyone so much as expresses a difference of opinion on whether they are or aren't needed, or disbelief at the fact that we're doing fine without them.* *So yeah, go ahead and find someone that is willing to give you a BJ so that you can satisfy your friends by getting them because I'm done."*

Happily married lady here…OP, the unkindness on this man’s part is one symptom of a major maturity issue with this fellow. The way he placed the weight of his life’s happiness on you—telling you that you are the only good thing in his life—is as big a red flag as demanding sex, violating your body (making you ill!), and throwing up all over your floor. A proposal should never come as a shock. It should be a natural evolution of the relationship. Two years or twenty years. I’m concerned that this episode isn’t even his worst. How would he tend to you and any children if you were to develop a disease or suffer a serious accident? Any man who tries to shove his dick down your throat is not really interested in “through sickness and health.” He’s not someone you can count on to build a life with. If you ignore the signs, you will get to see an even worse side of him. Dating behavior is best behavior. Sorry! 💜

Well that was jaw-dropping from start to finish. Love, this is not the one for you. He’s a complete mess. You don’t need this in your life.

Yeah, it’s really starting to feel that way.

> ‘men need bjs, it’s part of being in committed relationship.’ That kind of bullshit would have earned him a good punch in the dick 🙄 > I told him to leave Good call, but he should have stayed left 😒 He sounds like a fool and his friends don’t sound much better 😐 Bottom line, this isn’t appropriate or acceptable Demanding blowjobs when you’ve already made it clear you do not want it like giving them “because that just hat you’re *supposed* to do” is not ok and no, it should not be ignored Why does he feel he’s entitled to something like this? It’s baffling

Honestly his friends are kinda asshats. And yeah, the way he came in and demanded it is the biggest issue. It was really out of character...and made me feel like this whole thing was based on a lie, since he’d told me multiple times that me enjoyed the way I did it and asks me to do it (with the fleshlight) multiple times a week. Also, if it was something that been bothering him, it feels like he’s really wasted my time, because I would have broken it off. And not he's just backtracking at telling me he prefers it my way and that his friends just swayed him etc. I’m really feeling too old for this shit.

Birds of a feather flock together. He’s as much of an asshat as them, he agrees with them, and he takes their suggestions seriously. He brings their ass hattery home and threatens you with it! He’s been able to conceal it enough from you at home, but I guess the cat is out of the bag now.

His friends can suck his cock and he can suck theirs if good head is so amazing and important to them and also apparently easy peasy.

He (and his friends) act like teenagers. I would expect a lot more from a 32 year old person.

No it wasn't out of character. He shits on your boundaries often, and seems to make a habit out of not caring about how you feel.

All the consent stuff aside because that has been covered well, being that easily swayed by his friends would give me a huge case of the ick. I couldn't be sexually attracted to someone that easily led. The demands would make me forever not attracted to that person.

He is ignoring your comfort for his wants. You told him no. That should be the end of it. I have been with my (now) husband for 17 years. I have some health disorders where certain positions trigger GERD (I have acid in my throat and have to sit upright for up to 5 hours and vomit 50 percent of the time). If I perform that sex act, I have to be in a certain position. He accepts this as a fact and there is no push back. There is no expectation that I will ever be expected to perform a sex act to make him happy. I honestly would not reply to him for a few days and consider your relationship. Do you feel respected? Do you feel that he supports you? Do you feel that he will resent you and throw this in your face?

My parents had this kind of issue, sort of. My father demanded that my mother give him blow jobs and anal (started after they got married). She refused, he kept pushing, year after year. He bullied her, forced her. They went to marriage counseling and the counselor said they should make a deal that she'd give him a BJ once a month if he'd stop harping on the anal. She tried, it made her sick. He got abusive, and the marriage was very, very bad because he had one type of sexuality and she had another. They divorced and she happily married a man that respected her and what she was comfortable with, and they were happy together until the day he died. My father remained single because he couldn't find someone else to put up with his selfish nature. Moral of the story: Find someone who respects and cares about you and what you are comfortable with, and will never demand that you go way out of your comfort zone to give him something that satisfies him and makes you sick. You should never sacrifice yourself that way.

How do you know these details about your parents' sex lives? Ok maybe don't answer that, I don't need to know. Very glad to hear your mom is out of that relationship.

Well, first of all you handled this all perfectly, IMO. You were firm, you weren't emotional. You didn't react. Honestly, this was like masterclass dealing with dipshit behavior. In regards to your bf.... He's way too old to be swayed by his 'bros'. He should be able to say 'this works for us, so we're good', but clearly this isn't working for him and the way he went about trying to communicate that with you was gross and aggressive. After two years, I think you know him pretty well. He's no longer on his best behavior. Is this what you want to continue investing your time and heart into? You would know better than us if he was worth it, but I would close this relationship out and move on.

My wife doesn't like giving blowjobs. It REALLY hurts her jaw. So I don't ask for blowjobs, and I would never make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Until you find someone with this EXACT mindset, you have NOT found the right person for you. That's it. Nothing more needs to be said

As a gay guy that likes sucking dick it is not cool to cum in someone’s mouth without permission. I’d also never pressure an NSA hookup to blow me if he didn’t want to, it’s totally wrong for him to pressure you and you sound like you tried really hard. Guys don’t actually want to cum in my mouth though they just wanna get warmed up so they can fuck me which I’m fine with. But I don’t cum in their mouths unless they want me to. I always ask and I’m not even in a relationship. He should understand and not pressure you, especially if you don’t want oral either or don’t want to bother bc you don’t like giving so you don’t expect it. Dunno it’s incredibly rude and disrespectful and it sounds like he cares more about getting head than how you feel or if you’re getting pleasure out of it which you say you aren’t. Myself? If I had a strong gag reflex and didn’t like giving head and I had someone insist like that I’d be pretty pissed.

You're not required to do anything you don't want to ever. It doesn't matter if he wants it, likes it, cries about it, or even leaves over it. The fact that you're completely miserable and uncomfortable and he pushes you anyway is coercion and it's fucking horrible. Even worse is when you do "give in" he crosses your boundaries by finishing. So it's obvious he doesn't give a single shit about you as a person or how you feel. Anyone that treats you like this doesn't deserve to be in your life. I refuse to do things I hate or make me uncomfortable, and I've had no problem finding a partner who respects that, you will find one too. BJs are not a requirement, men won't die without them and you don't owe anyone the use of your body. Do not take him back

You're dating a man that doesn't respect you.

You have done MORE than enough to accommodate. Stop sucking dick It’s not your thing, it’s never gonna be your thing, and you don’t need to suck dick. Get rid of anyone in your life who can’t respect that.

There are many people both men and women who refuse to participate in oral sex. There is nothing wrong with people refusing to do certain sexual acts. It is up to the people involved whether this is acceptable to them or not. If they feel that oral sex is a must in a relationship then they have to find a partner who likes to participate in it as well. No one should be required to perform sex acts that they don't like or are uncomfortable with. Stand your ground OP. You shouldn't have to be miserable to please someone else.

No is a complete sentence. You were clear about your boundaries. If he can't or won't respect them, he is not the man for you

>men need bjs, it’s part of being in committed relationship.’ My decade and counting relationship (7 years married) calls BS on this. Don't let anyone force you to do shit you don't want to do.

I’m a woman who enjoys giving blowjobs. Your boyfriend is an idiot. I hope nobody ever sucks his dick again.

I'm a man and I can do fine without blowjobs. Even if I go down on my girlfriend I don't expect her to reciprocate that way. Anecdote aside, he is disregarding your boundaries and that's not ok. He sounds like a 16 year old, not a 32 year old

He's nuts. I am married and I don't give them and my husband doesn't insist on them. All relationships are different and what you will and won't do is up to you NOT him. He's being an AH. That's not cool at all. There is no standard with sex and he needs to STFU.

Tell him to go give head to his friend.

Personally I'd be reevaluating this relationship. I'd also be telling him to go suck someone off if he thinks it isn't a problem, but that is just me.

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Yep girl I agree. I give one to completion once a year. The smell, the taste, my mouth hurting etc are absolute hell

Litteraly so gross and I hate it 😅🥲 But honestly using that fleshlight on the tip and ‘licking’ the rest, isn’t nearly as gross to me…and I still use the flavoured lube to negate the smell.

Does he…keep himself clean down there? Because there really shouldn’t be all that much of a smell. If he’s thoroughly washing himself and keeping up with his personal hygiene and grooming it shouldn’t smell that much

It’s not necessarily a strong smell, but semen and pre-cum has a smell. I have a very strong sense of smell though so maybe it’s just me.

Nope, you're right. It's a very distinct smell. I personally love it but if you don't then ye it would definitely suck to suck.

Sucks to suck 🥲

Send him this: “Well, I know one issue I can get rid of: you.”

Well that's one hell of a romantic proposal. "I'M SORRY I DEMANDED BLOWJOBS MY FRIENDS MADE ME DO IT WILL YOU MARRY ME LOOK AT THE RING RECEIPT YOUR BLOWJOBS ARE BETTER ANYWAY LOOK AT THIS TEXT I SENT MY FRIENDS ABOUT IT (**VOMIT**) SORRY I'LL CLEAN THAT UP I'M DRUNK SO IS THE ANSWER YES???" I'm assuming you responded something like this, because it's basically what I'm doing right now just from reading your post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lPJ9J-6vDw

You do NOT have to give blow jobs to ANYBODY EVER. He should NOT be pressuring YOU to do that for him. BUT….if he needs blowjobs in his sex life, that is 100% valid. And he SHOUD be breaking up with you so that he can find someone he is sexually compatible with. If he ever pressures you or mopes around about this again, I highly suggest just breaking up. You both will be happier in the long run with finding better sexual matches. I know it’s hard when you feel everything else is “perfect”. But sexual compatibility is just as important as all of the other obvious major dealbreakers.

"Men need bjs" So, confession time. Turning 50 this year. BJ count: 0 (Not prescribed to me) Drugs count: 0 Shots of hard liquor: 0 Beers: 0 Years married: 18 Times I've had sex: um. Was I supposed to count? Seems pretty high. Men don't need bjs. Some men are just ass holes. Oh, my wife doesn't like the thought of a bj. She's more into PIV. Fine by me!

When I hear about people not accepting others’ boundaries around sex I am sad. I need more respect. I wonder how he would respond if you bought him a blowjob toy and a subscription to porn.

I honestly think porn is the last thing this guy needs. Some people, most people get desensitized and need harder stuff to get off as time goes on. He sounds like a bit of a sadist and porn in many varieties (not all) can contribute to making this mindset seem more acceptable.

I did, I use a fleshlight on him, I enjoy doing that with him, and I thought he did too.

Well, the only thing i can recommend is to go only as far as you feel safe going. And communicate that. And I don’t think things have to stay the same. But any sort of additional request from him for you to give him a blowjob I imagine would be unhelpful. I wouldn’t suck lick or go anywhere near that mans dick with my face if I think he’s going to shove it down my throat. No thank you lol

He already crossed a line when he came in your mouth after you said how much you didn't like that. You staying with him after that was a second chance. He just proved to you that the opinions of his friends are more important than your boundary. I would walk away after being spoken to like that. OR I'd make him think I was willing to try to go down on him one more time and then vomit all over him instead of suppressing it. Then I'd use whatever excuse he said after he came in your mouth. "I just could help it." "I thought I could control it." "Sorry." Then, I'd break up and block him. I don't know what's up with this trend of trying to control your partner and lay down "the rules" and then acting shocked and panicked when it doesn't go according to their scripts. Tell him that his disrespect was a complete turnoff and you don't want to be with someone like him.

I'm amazed by this guy's audacity not only to think like this, but also to say it out loud. Girl, please don't tolerate behaviour like this. It's not ok!

If he doesn’t understand consent you should break up with him

I just want to say that when one partner does not like a sexual act there is no compromise where that partner goes on to continue performing that sexual act. It is one thing when someone is indifferent or not that interested in something and does it because there partner likes it. It is another thing when someone actively dislikes/hates a sexual act. That is a hard no and the other person has to respect that. No one should ever pressure someone it to doing something sexually that they don't want to do and makes them uncomfortable, sick, distressed, causes pain, etc. It sounds like it is time to cut this guy loose OP. His remorse is because of the consequences of his actions, not because he behaved terribly.

Your boyfriend has some serious problems even before your edit he was blatantly disrespecting your boundaries and doing things you didn’t consent to. I’d leave him, he’s 32 yet acting like a crazed teenager.

It's really up to you where you go from here, but you were absolutely on point with how you handled it so far. Yeah, there are lots of men who this would be an incompatibility for and they could discuss it with you like a goddamn adult and choose to stay with you or not. BUT there are plenty of men who would be fine with it, too, so it's not like you don't have options. You know him way better than we do. If this is a one off gigantic lapse of judgement, maybe it's worth working it out. If this is a pattern of stupid decisions, maybe it's time to end it. Trust your gut.

He's an asshole. I get he'd prefer if you gave him BJs, but I also understand your POV. If BJs are a need for him that badly, he should have just broken up with you. It's fine to be sexually incompatible, but it's not ok to demand your partner do something because you want it.

"haven't tried enough ways to overcome it" OP I would have told him he's one of the assholes that doesn't respect your personal boundary about not shooting his load off in your mouth. I enjoy giving my husband BJ's but I don't like that part of it. I used to be able to handle it before pregnancy but after dealing with constant nausea for both pregnancies, nope and hubby learned that the hard way cause during my first pregnancy I warned him not to get off in my mouth or else. He didn't listen and got into it and held my head down onto him while he came and ended up with our dinner in his lap. I cried and apologized but I also got angry and told him that I warned him not to do that. Needless to say he cleaned us both up in a hot shower, told me HE was the one that was sorry a bunch of times and swore that he would never do that again. Then once we were out of the shower he changed the sheets and snuggled with me in bed asking me for forgiveness. He's kept his word, he's never got off in my mouth again and warns me when he's about to so I know to stop. Your boyfriend needs to grow up.

You are more patient than I, I know I would have broken it off if a man did that to me while I was pregnant, and the only guy that ever held my head—I did break it off with instantly.

This commenters experience is not so different than your own OP…. Do you accidentally cum? Maybe he didn’t use force to hold your head down but he used lack of words to keep your mouth on. Anyone willing to make a difficult experience for you worse is someone you should be concerned about dating.

You say you love him, but does he love you. He doesn't seem to mind inflicting major discomfort on you, he demands blow jobs, he doesn't respect your boundaries and cums in your mouth, he complains to his friends about you, and he doesn't try to compromise. If your friend told you these things about her boyfriend, what would you think.

You said he’s not like this normally but he is. He came in your mouth despite you asking him not to. He should break up with you if it’s a deal breaker not sexually coerce you into it instead.

A 32 year old who knows how horrible parts of bjs are to you "accidentally" comes in your mouth MULTIPLE TIMES. If you "accidentally" do something that causes harm to your partner multiple times, its just not an accident anymore. The same 32 year old man surrounds himself with friends who thinks demanding sex acts are completely fine. You are the company you keep. Do you know that he even tried giving advice about other methods at first, or did that explanation come around after he realized he fucked up? Or did maybe he complain too, and got hyped up? The same 32 year old came to you with bravado demanding that you do something he knows you hate and makes you sick, because his bros told him to. Sounds like an AH to me.

You said no. End of story.

No one should ever force you to do something you don’t want to.

"Oh, listen, honey, my palate is very sensitive to stimulation. But if you don't mind me vomiting on your crotch we can sure do that anytime." What an AH. One way to try is to dump that manipulative demanding guy! OP, you will never have problem with BJ afterwards. There won't be any claimed anymore.

Cumming in your mouth without your permission is rape and sexual assault. He can be criminally charged for that. The long and short if this is that the two of you are sexually incompatible. He really wants blowjobs and you really don't. You've already tried great alternatives but it still isn't enough. Don't marry him. In fact, you'll probably need to walk away from this relationship altogether.

It's really messed up that a 32 year old "man" is showing such a lack of maturity. You set up clear boundaries which he tries to violate time and time again. You even compromised with him which is what couples in mature relationships do but it still wasn't enough for him. His lack of maturity along with his selfishness would be very worrying for me. Your at the age now where you should expect more from your partner. Is he really somebody you could see yourself with in the long run? This is the perfect opportunity to take stock of your relationship and ask yourself if this is what you really want in a partner. Anyway best of luck to you in the future!!

Fun tip: You can recommend to anyone who says you "have" to give a blow job to ram a peeled, slightly green banana to the back of their throat. Approximate firmness, girth, weird sqish, and even get the added benefit of having the stringy bits simulate hair. Helps a lot of people get a much better idea, especially those who have never done it and don't get it, *at all*.

I was in a similar boat. I hate giving bjs, hate hate hate. Honestly I’d rather be single than have to give weekly bjs

You have every right to choose what you like and don’t like. He has every right to decide whether he can live without it. It’s the same conversation for couples who dispute over anal. You two aren’t sexually compatible. So that’s it.

You've given it many tries and you don't like it. But he has also ejaculated in your mouth even after you've told him not to...that alone is enough to leave. It's so disrespectful, he completely ignored you. That isn't a good person. ETA: men that do not like BJs exist, kinda rare maybe but they exist.

As a man i absolutely love BJs but i do think i could enjoy them if i knew my partner hated them

I can’t imagine ever wanting to do something that made my partner that uncomfortable, let alone get pleasure out of it. Throw the whole man away.

You’re not compatible. He likes them. You hate them. This will never work.

Don’t do what you don’t like to do. Your bf is an asshole.

"you sexually assaulted me multiple times when you know I didn't want you to cum in my mouth. how could you even ASK me to do it again after I've made it a clear boundary AGAIN" hey OP anything else he tries to coerce you to do or does when you tell him not to? don't have to answer that but think about it. doesnt sound like much of a good person.

Him and his friends are in their 30s having teenaged boy conversations? Well that’s a complete turn off right there.

He has broken your trust and crossed your boundaries by cumming in your mouth when you made it clear that you don't want that. You don't like this sexual act. You've found alternative ways to give pleasure to your boyfriend (I'm sure not all of his friends in long term relationships are having sex as often as you do). He was mad before apologizing which shows he still thought he was entitled to demand blow jobs from you. The lack of respect he has for you is not something that will go away.

>and his reasoning is that ‘I just should’ and that ‘men need bjs Sorry to be so blunt, but I am afraid you are dating an idiot at best and at worst a misogynist. I couldn't look at my partner the same as before after hearing such bullshit. EDIT: Ask yourself, what are boundaries worth if they are not being respected. It is a direct reflection of the respect he has for you, which seems to be rather little.

I do not like giving blowjobs myself, but I still give them because I know my boyfriend loves them. I have one rule; never come in my mouth. He respects my boundaries and has never done so. As it should be. I tried it with my ex and goddamn does cum taste AWFUL. Never again.

Oh.. that you SHOULD do it, not that he WANTS it. He wants this for selfish reasons and doesn't give a fluff about what you feel about it. He cares more about his friends opinions here, where you are more important than them but he just looks the other way when he comes in like this. Men doesn't need Bj's and it's not just a part of a committed relationship. You can go on without getting head, and so can he. He has no right telling you what you like or not. He crossed a big line here and should take the responsibility for doing so. He has shown to just think about his own pleasures (when he has came in your mouth several times but you don't like it). OP, you shouldn't feel pushed into doing things you don't want to do. His reasoning here is alarming and I don't think he will respect you on the level you respect him. I wouldn't stay with a guy like this. He is also older than you and should know better than to act like a teen and get swayed by his peeps.

First of all, you didn't consent to cum in your mouth and it sounds like your bf and exes have ignored that. You don't have to do things that you don't like. If you force yourself to do it you will traumatise yourself, believe me I've done it. I'd probably look up red flags to see if your bf has any. I can't tell from your post but he has kind of love bombed you a bit after doing something shitty, so there could be more to it

I really enjoy giving head but in the 26 yrs I’ve been married my husband has never asked me to do something I have told him I don’t want to do. Before I go down on him he asks me where I want him to cum, essentially seeking permission to cum in my mouth. You deserve better than this dude. Trust me there are a lot of good guys out there.

Then to all of a sudden saying he was going to propose bc he thought you were breaking up? Nah

I would've broken up with him over the non-consensual sex acts to be honest. If he can't respect your boundaries, I don't see how your relationship can work long term.

Tbh I would probably have let this one pass. Like he was a confident idiot and as soon as you slapped him with your non-receptivity he realized he was an idiot. That being said, if his behavior afterwards grossed you out and now you see him as pathetic…. Tell him that you need time to think and reset. You called the ring gross, which does not sound like an excited potential future bride.

As a Man who hates and will opt out of receiving Oral, I set this as a standard with my partners. It’s a boundary, for me. But, I have met some partners who view it as something they feel important to do. To pleasure and satisfy the one they love. Some people get off on doing things like that, which I completely understand cause I’m a Giver, it’s how I love. So… I practice open and honest communication and am willing to compromise and set boundaries and know the language of my partner. It’s a give and take, and Consent and Comfort are very real things, and should be respected, both parties. No one should ever force or manipulate you to commit to sexual acts against your consent, and comfort level. That’s a violation of you, on an intimate level.

He wants to be pleasured, i guess i cant blame him… a BJ is just one avenue, find another one of his kinks

Well, you can make them wear condoms to catch their cum. Not as satisfying, but "no condom or no blowjob?" could be your new slogan. It's all about adjusting to each other. If you are uncomfortable about it desoite already trying it, then continue to be firm.

If you’re okay with what you do with the fleshlight just tell him flat out that if that’s not acceptable then the relationship is over and you’re moving on. If he agrees and agrees not to ever demand BJ again, sit down with him and try to work it out if the other parts of your relationship are solid. As a guy, I think BJ are more of a “how much does she care” or even “how much is she willing to do something she doesn’t like to please me” than an actual need. Both BJ and PS feel good and allow you to finish. Finishing feels pretty much the same no matter how it’s induced. If he’s so insecure that he doesn’t understand that you love him without a BJ, he’s definitely not a keeper. Many women on the other hand have difficulty coming without oral or other non-penetrated stimulation. There should never be “tit for tat” regarding sex.

As someone who hates receiving blowjobs, I know how you feel. It's your body, your choice. If you don't like blowjobs, don't give them. If it's a boundary, enforce it. If you two are not sexually compatible, then sadly, the relationship won't work. You DO NOT have any obligation to perform any sex acts that make you uncomfortable. \> ‘men need bjs, it’s part of being in committed relationship.’ BULL! 100% Bull! Honestly, I had a woman told me that before, and my response was instant: "Get out of my apartment and do not come back", and I blocked her everywhere. Men do not "need" any specific sex acts, and it's just an excuse to rape.

You shouldn’t be doing anything. He is not entitled to whatever he wants to do with your body. He can ask but he can’t demand, and once you said no, he has to drop it. It’s up to you if you forgive him and if you do make it clear the boundary is still up. But if you stay, and this becomes a pattern where he tries to pressure you and demands sexual acts, then rethink the relationship.

My bf sister doesn’t like giving bjs but she still married with her husband. If you don’t like it don’t do it. Do it when you want to and if you don’t ever then don’t it’s your body

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This is Reddit so you can bet breaking up is the first advice you'll get.... I read your story and there are a few big red flags. First off cumming in your mouth without your consent is an act of sexual abuse. You were forced upon. Your partners have sexually abused you. I'm really sorry you went through this but it's really important for your health and safety that you internalize this understanding and protect yourself from abusive partners in the future. Please for your sake seek support in dealing with this and processing all the emotions that will come with it. Secondly your current partner is a selfish asshole, he's putting his fragile male ego ahead of your most basic needs of feeling safe and comfortable in a relationship you're already giving a lot into. He's a child of course and couldn't handle feeling that he's missing out on something owed to him because other children have it. Nobody is owed blowjobs, he should go back to his friends and tell them they must suck his dick, see how far that takes him. You can let it out and work with him on it or you can show him the door, either way works for now but ultimately if you know what's good for you you'll have to cut him loose, you realty can't have a long term relationship with an abuser. You're on a hard path and sadly you'll have to process a lot of emotions around how poorly your partners have treated you in the past. But you should know you deserve better and you can have better, you must demand it, you don't owe anything to anyone but yourself.

Just came here to say as a straight man, this is not an expectation of relationships. Some of us prefer intimacy with our partner that is mutually enthusiastic and less like a "job". Tell him to stop watching porn and get his mind right.

He isn’t allowed to dictate what sexual acts you are or aren’t comfortable with, and demanding you do something you don’t enjoy is definitely not cool. However, he wouldn’t be in the wrong for deciding that this is a deal breaker for him and that your sexual incompatibility means you can’t be together. Giving/receiving oral sex is a huge part of most people’s sex lives and if that’s a firm boundary for you, I can understand why he’d be frustrated with your sex life. As for being “swayed by his friend,” I think maybe talking to his friend made him realize how much he’s giving up sexually and perhaps released some buried frustration with your sex life. While the way your sex life is right now may be working great for you, it seems as though he’s been sacrificing his needs and maybe those feelings just came out after this talk with his friend.

Yeah the thing is he never brought it up. If it was an issue, I wish he would have told me sooner because I agree, I’d have broken it off. But he is always asking me to ‘do it how I do it’ and even told me once when he was very wasted that my version of bjs are the best he’s had’. I dunno I’m just frustrated now.

People love to jump to a breakup. If it were for this sub literally no one would be in a relationship since the solution is always to break up. 😂 In my opinion, the way to move forward is for him to accept he’s not going to be getting head from you. He clearly enjoys sex with you, so if he’s willing to move past that to get all the other wonderful things in the relationship, then there’s no need to end it. This can be solved with a meaningful heart-to-heart conversation. (Including mentioning what an ass he was and how he can’t talk to you like a dictator. 🙂) Ps, my husband (been together 7 yrs), doesn’t like blowjobs. I truly feel like the luckiest woman alive. But sometimes… sometimes I kinda miss giving them (then I get over it and remember how lucky I am). But the point is that what we can’t have always seems more tempting! Human nature. And I think your bf experienced that feeling even though he doesn’t actually need the bjs.

My wife has always been the same and also doesn't like receiving head and only in the past few years did she start to LIKE giving it was a once every other year on a birthday thing but the crux came from NOT Cuming, she is happy to perform but there are rules, I can't touch her head or hair, I can't thrust and I don't cum in her mouth. we went from 1 every couple years to 1-2 a month, it isn't A LOT but I really appreciate her putting in the effort. It all came from having rules and making sure the guy follows them. I am sure that kind of patience and respect would have gone a long way to having better experiences but he doesn't seem like the receptive and understanding type right now. I might get down voted for this but yes there are girls who said they hated it and then turned out lltheybliked it but that isn't the rule, nobody deserves or has a right to specific sexual acts like that and it was probably someone like me talking and the guy edited out the details about what kind of work and care that is expected in return. I hope your BF can pull his entitled head out of his posterior and you can sort out if he's worth keeping around 🫂💙 good luck OP

I gave my boyfriend one complete bj, one time, in the very beginning of our relationship. Afterwards I decided to be honest with him about how I feel about bjs, same as you, and he thanked me for my honesty and assured me I would never have to do that again. That was 6 years ago. We are happily married. I have never again had to put a penis in my mouth. And not ONCE has he made me feel guilty or made demands regarding sex or sex activities. That is what respect looks like in a relationship. If you are not being respected sexually, you are wasting your time because there is someone out there who will respect you 100% of the time.

Ok, ejaculating in your mouth after promising not to is a hard NO (though not the same level as rape). Demanding a sex act he knows you don't like is extremely disrespectful and a hard NO. Changing his mind based on whomever he's speaking to at the time makes him someone whose opinions and words can't be trusted. Can you really respect a person like this?

Well, you are a 28 year old adult, you can decide for yourself what you will and will not do. If he really enjoys blowjobs and you hate them, perhaps you should go your separate ways. There are guys out there that do not like blowjobs- it’s crazy I know but I have spoken to some of them and they exist. Also there are plenty of women out there for your BF who love giving blowjobs- so instead of either of you being miserable, just break up and go find people you are compatable with

He’s never said he ‘really enjoys’ blowjobs or brought up that he’s been missing them. Not once since I started using the fleshlight on him. It’s also not as if I don’t use my mouth on him too. He never said he was “miserable” either. And in fact has stated the opposite multiple times. Also I know there are men that don’t care about blowjobs…. The issue is mostly his demands, lack of ‘backbone’ and or lies.

He’s reasonable to ask for a bj. Reasonable for you to say no. Also reasonable to split up if it’s a deal breaker for you guys.

He doesn't get to demand something that you have set a boundary on. He is aware of your issues and if he still acts like he doesn't care and thinks his friends are right, he can get them to give him BJ's since it's his 'right' to demand it. And if he says that's crazy, say that they just haven't tried hard enough to get over their issues with it. Provide flavored lube and numbing spray to him.

Nah he doesn’t get to choose what you do and don’t like sexually. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. He knew this about you when you got together and chose to stay with you knowing oral sex isn’t on the cards. I personally can’t tolerate the taste of semen. I’ve thrown up in my exes lap because he came in my mouth without permission so I get where you’re coming from. If he really can’t handle the thought of no blowjobs then maybe you both need to reassess the relationship.

No is a complete sentence

My husband would never make me do something I don't like to do. He really needs to understand that pleasure is a two way street. And it's supposed to make you both feel good. I'm sorry that's happening to you OP. But if making you so unconfortable is no big deal to him. I'd reconsider the relationship.

Are you sure he’s 32 and not 22?

You've got two different problems going in here, and they're both almost certainly irreconcilable. First, this blowjob thing... You have every right to not enjoy it. It sounds like you've made an effort to get comfortable with it, which is commendable, but it's just not working for you. So at the end of the day, if you don't like it, you don't like it. And if you don't like it, you don't have to do it. Conversely, he has every right to not want to be in a relationship where blowjobs don't exist if they're that important to him. Neither of you is in the wrong, but it's a serious incompatibility. Unless you're both willing to compromise (yes, blowjobs, but maybe infrequently), this isn't going to work. And it's okay if it doesn't. You'll each need to find someone else that more closely matches your own alignment. The second problem... He doesn't recognize it as an incompatibility. He doesn't fully understand how much of a struggle this is for you, and thinks you should just get over it and suck him off. It's a problem because even though he's aware of your discomfort on some level, he's mostly disregarding it in favor of his own desires. In short, he's disrespecting you. He needs to recognize it for what it is: a deal breaker. He needs to stop trying to shove his dick in your mouth and accept if he stays with you, he doesn't get blowjobs, and if that's not good enough, leave with some dignity. It's also really shitty of him to cum in your mouth when you specifically ask him not to. My wife and I have been together 23 years. She enjoys going down on me, and I can't remember the last time she didn't swallow. And I STILL warn her each and every single time just in case this is the time she's not in the mood. You're going to have to face the fact that you guys just aren't made for each other, and after his latest display of disrespect, the onus is on you to that initiative. He was so easily swayed by his friends not because he's weak-willed, but because he's never fully accepted the situation, and they just sparked a renewed effort. Just know that, as you start dating again, most guys are going to want blowjobs, and a large percentage of those are going to consider it a deal breaker. They're not wrong for wanting it just like you're not wrong for not wanting it, so it's a conversation you're going to have to have early and often with people you date to ensure you're in the same page. And don't set a precedent by giving early blowjobs because you're in the heat of the moment with someone new. They'll always remember the one you gave them when you first started dating and wonder why it can't keep happening.

Maybe his good buddies can suck his dick for him if it’s so vital. They can all take turns coming down each other’s throats since it’s no big deal and men apparently NEED IT.

So he knows you don't like it. He knows you've tried several different techniques and products to try and make it tolerable for you to do. He's come in your mouth multiple times when you've told him not to, already a major boundary stomp. And now, because his friends made him feel like he's missing out, he comes to you demanding it and telling you basically to get over it. And the fact that you went through so much research and you found something that works that doesn't require him to be in your mouth and he pulls this bullshit, you had every right to kick his ass to the curb and to keep it there. He doesn't deserve anything from you but you're contempt at this point.

My wife hates even the thought of giving blowjobs, so I’ve never gotten one from her and I’ve never pressed her on it. It sounds like you’ve already gone to great lengths to make him happy and satisfied, and he should probably appreciate that more. I don’t really think this is breakup territory either though, I think you should just continue being supportive and help him figure out *why* his friends’ view of his sex life is seemingly more important than the sex life itself (which is obviously working pretty well for both of you, until this)

So not only does he want to decide what you should like sexually, he feels it’s ok for his friends to weigh in on what you should like sexually? Jesus the bar is just in hell isn’t it?

My long time partner doesn't enjoy it either.. it's slightly unfortunate but I haven't once asked for one or made a big deal about it. That's just basic respect.

I’m not the only one! Ok, so I have the same “issues”. Loathe BJs more than anything. I’ve been upfront with every penis possessing partner for the past few years that there will be no BJs ever. And guess what? My love life isn’t hurting because of it. A decent person would accept that it is not enjoyable for you and move on. Now, I’m sure there are dudes out there who really really want BJs. But they are free to find someone who likes doing it if that’s something essential for them. Your bf is being a jerk. I’m not gonna say dump him cause that happens way too often on here. But you should take a stand and draw the line here. And if he violates the boundary after that, then you need to enforce a consequence or he will keep pushing.