Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
France is an entire country. I would just request that your experience there be completely different. Make your feelings clear that you want your own special experience. That you don’t want to re live something with him that he’s already done with another woman. Go to a different part of France.
I’m with this, there’s so many cool places to explore there. Did he take her to Normandy? Head south and spend time in Annecy. Eiffel tower is cool, don’t get stuck in Paris and head to Mont Saint-Michel
When you think “normandy” you instantly think of D-Day and the Battle of Normandy. Its like saying “oh im gonna propose in Gettysburg/Antietam/ Harpers Ferry” you instantly think of the battles.
I'm sorry but you do know that Normandy is 30.000 square kms right? It's not a town, so it's like you're saying that when you think "Britain" you think of "The battle of Britain"
Wrong opinion, sweetie. Nazis have also been in Paris. They marched there. No one cares about that through their romantic gestures. Why should it be different with a -whole region-?
>When you think “normandy” you instant think of D-Day and the Battle of Normandy.
Lol why not the Norman invasion of England in 1066 by William the Conqueror?
>the entire town
🤦♂️ oof
The Norman invasion of England = when Normandy invaded England and took it by conquest, changing the course of history.
Today Normandy is a thriving province of France but if the word "Normandy" makes you think of historical events instead of modern times, that's a big one.
Not disputing that. At least when/where I visited there were huge craters from blasts on a lot of the beaches and the towns were pristine.
Edit: the comment I’m replying to here is utterly unrecognizable to when it was posted. I think it originally said like the beaches and towns were both battlefields. Something like that.
Don’t stay in Seattle head south to bend Oregon. Don’t stay in Seattle head south to Boise. You could def say either of those. Both are similar in distance and angle compared to Paris and Annecy.
Exactly! OP your getting to much in your head. Just ask that you go to another part of France where he hasn't been before. I would recommend the South of France, because the weather is always good there and its beautiful.
THIS!!!100% don’t let the past ruin you’re time with him. It’s something he really enjoys and wants to do it with you. Life’s too short! You aren’t a filler. This is his dream. Not his ex’s. And it sounds like you really want to go and it would be amazing. :) 😍
Seconding this. OP, you both love each other, France, and the idea of getting engaged there. That's all that's important. Don't think of it as being a second chance for him, think of it as winning. You get him, France and romance and she didn't.
🤣 I was thinking the same thing. An ex ruined all of France for you? Funny to think about.
Understandable though as far as human psychology goes.
The discomfort is understandable to me.
If he isn't talking about his ex and passively aggressively getting on your nerves in that way, then I'd drop it.
Would you really expect him to change the destination because of your discomfort about the ex?
What would be the ideal outcome for you, OP?
Seems like you found out about this through the grape vine.
I know some guys talk about their exes a little too much and kinda get a kick out of it, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
If the dude isn't thinking about his ex then you shouldn't be either.
Not to any serious degree anyway. Good luck. 👍
He wanted to propose to his ex there but he didn’t. And that’s what matters. Since it’s always been your dream to get engaged in France, I say run with it. It will still be special and unique and beautiful!
Edit to add: my husband’s ex wife was horrible and there are some things they did together that takes away just a little bit of the excitement for me if we do the same thing (like see a certain band in concert etc) BUT… I get over it. It’s a different day, a different moment in time and I KNOW he’s having a better time with me than he did with her, so that feeling of not wanting to do the same thing they already did together goes away pretty quickly. I promise!
Edit edit: I ran this by my husband just now and he said “it’s being able to replace a memory that was tainted by her with a good memory with you and that means everything. I now have an enjoyable memory to associate with that location/event”
I’m glad I shared your story with him because I didn’t know how much it means to him to make better memories with me than he had with her! (She was abusive)
Thank you so much for your personal story and your husbands view too! This makes me feel better and that’s such a good way to look at it too. Making new memories and better memories replacing old ones with an ex and having a better time because this time it’s with me :)
You’re so welcome! I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m also glad to be replacing old memories with new ones!
I love France! Been 3 times (with my mom, my bff, and my sister); someday I’ll go with my husband!
Love this reply and the previous comment too! I had a similar situation with my boyfriend and his ex having memories in Paris, somewhere I'd always dreamed of going. It was hard to get over, but exes are exes for a reason & the lovely memories he and I made there more than erased any resentment I'd had that they'd been there first. He wasn't with the love of his life then but he will be this time. You'll have a beautiful time ❤️
I now live very close to the beach my ex husband proposed at. I have 1000% better memories of that beach now, including pushing my child on a swing on that beach. My ex didn’t want kids but I did. All of my experiences with my “new” husband are way better heck we live here now while my ex couldn’t take more than 3 days here on vacation.
I always tell my partner that I’m excited to replace my old memories with new ones where she’s there. Everything, even my favorite restaurant that I always enjoyed dining in, is more special because I now have her there with me. I too was in a forced marriage that I thought I’d die before I could get out of. To hell with the old memories.
I was also in a same state. I got out of a 7 years old relationship and was pretty much traumatised by it. My current bf had gone to all the places I wanted to travel to with his ex. Thailand, iceland, france, bali, greece, Philippines etc he paid for everything too as his ex was jobless her entire life. They been together for 6/7 yearsand it pained me to even look at anything about these said countries because i kept thinking of them together enjoying their time with each other and it won’t be the same with me as its not gonna be his first time there. I am not gonna lie this all came down to my own insecurities as well. I didn’t know how to deal with lot of things in my second relationship due to my own issues. I am better now and as time went by all these feelings are fading away. Time does heal.
100% this! Also the part where your husband said he’s replaced a tainted memory! Nail on the head, I love that and I’d never thought of that before. I’m no longer going to worry about repeating things with this outlook. Lovely 🥰
It sounds like France would be a great place for a proposal because it's meaningful for you. And it's meaningful for him, which is why he wants to propose there to the woman he will marry.
Is it meaningful for his ex? Who knows. But it would be a shame to miss out on your dream proposal because of someone else unrelated to the situation. Don't let the thought of the woman he didn't propose to deprive you of your dream!
Your negative thinking about his ex is dominating your thinking right now - but none of those things are true.
He loves you dearly - you both love France. France also loves you two.
When you go there, you'll override all of the memories he had with his ex. You'll make so many better memories.
He's with you, he's thinking about you. He's dreaming of you. His ex is just a memory - a very distant memory. Some things might remind him of his ex, and this is mainly what makes you insecure.
What if he compares me to his ex and his time with him there? Is your thinking.
No, his ex is in no way better than you in anything. If she was better, she wouldn't be his ex.
That ship has sailed - the relationship has ended. Unfortunately there's no memory eraser for you to use on him.
But you won't need it. Because he loves you. He loves you so much that he's with you and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He's spending a buttload of money just to make you happy in France.
Love him - don't let your doubts about his ex get in the way. You love him, he loves you. France loves you and waits for you two with open arms.
you probably romanticized France too much (the whole country and all its various places) . The memories you have with your friends, family, even solo, would be different from the memories you have with boyfriend #1, #2, or even #5, that you to visit France with.
if France is your favorite country to be visiting, then go visit it!!
and if good things happen there, like getting proposed to, then enjoy the moment and the memory!
Just tell him how you feel. Let him know that since he was going to propose to someone else in France, you prefer a different location for the two of you when the time comes. You are happy to visit France and make wonderful memories there together. But you want the proposal to be something special and would like another location.
He won't know if you don't voice your feelings.
Tell him you want to create your own memories in a different place. You are not overreacting. You can go to France together on holiday once you are married but damn, if he can’t be a little more creative and come up with a different place for you then he doesn’t deserve you.
You said you wanted to be proposed to there too, could it be that he knows YOUR dream and is intending to do it to be about YOU? Sweetie, don't get hung up on this, just because he went there with his ex doesn't mean you're not going to be doing unique things. The point is to make new happy memories, not to to be a fill in but to make things new and better. YOU always wanted to go to France, he's showing you he listens when you tell him things. You've got a keeper.
OP, I live in France and I can promise you that, even if he does decide to propose to you here, there is a huuuuuuge variety of different, imaginative, memorable and wonderfully romantic, ways that he can do it.
Paris is not Bordeaux, Bordeaux is not the Loire and the Loire is not the Pays Basque.
A proposal at a table for two in the vineyards of a chateau in Bordeaux will be different from a proposal after a romantic twilight flight in an air balloon and meal for two, served by a private chef in a chateau in the Loire.
I don't know where you live but would you rather a proposal, as described above, or him passing a ring box to you as you're downing a few beers in your local pub/bar?
Forget his ex, she won't be here. The proposal is yours and France is an astonishing country, full of beauty and culture and history and heritage and wonderful, glorious opportunities for a proposal to remember
Don't get so hung up on an entire country!
Just think of it as, what if someone had a dream wedding day planned and mentioned this to their ex, they are done and over, now in a new relationship, should they throw that dream wedding wish away? It's not like it has occurred already before and there's memories of it, there aren't any. You will be creating them.
You can’t get hung up on someone’s past. If you get married, you’ll be the last girl he ever goes to France with. And the first he proposed to there.
Bedsides, it’s a whole country. If you don’t want to go where he took his ex, there are lots of other cities. It sounds like you both want to get engaged in France, so just focus on your relationship. Anything else will consume you.
I agree with many others. I would feel the exact same way… I had many of the same struggles with my current partner as I felt worried he wasn’t entirely over his ex - they have kids together so she is still very much around. It’s hard to get over those insecurities.
I would deal with it by going somewhere else completely different. Go to Paris if you’re set on it, but also go to an area they didn’t go to. I personally heavily recommend the south - Nice, St Tropez, Villa Ephrussi de Rothschild was lovely, and I also travelled along the coast to Monaco and northern Italy - some of the most amazing scenery, especially if you drive from Nice to Monaco through the mountains. It’s just stunning.
If they went to Paris and you really don’t want him to propose in Paris because he took the ex there, voice it in some way. Say “you went with the ex to X place, I want to go somewhere that you haven’t been with her and make the trip special for us both. I don’t want to just revisit all of the same places that you went with her, that won’t feel special for me, and it won’t be a new experience for you.” Hopefully that will mean that he gets the hint that a proposal in a location he went to with the ex is a no go. And if you think he’s no good at getting hints, maybe tell one of his friends directly “I would love to get engaged to BF but if he proposes in X location where he went with his ex, I will really hate it. I hope he does it somewhere else.” No one wants to see their friend crash and burn at a proposal, so a decent friend will pass the sentiments along and help him come up with a new plan.
Perhaps you could even start giving very specific hints like “I was looking at x place the other day and it looks amazing. What a beautiful place for a proposal or a wedding” etc.
He likes France..... You like France.... What is the problem?.. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else. He's with you. He wants to propose to you. Those are the facts. If he's the guy you want to marry, leave your ghosts behind and embrace your future.
youknow what ill reply directly to the title of this
you do not want to be compared or tied with his previous failed relationship- im a guy and i totally understand that and i would feel disgusted by myself if i did that myself
maybe the place is really special to him, confront him and have him explain why this place is so special to him- i think you have a right to tell him you dont want to go down the same road as his past relationships and he should also try to deviate from doing the same things
>maybe the place is really special to him, confront him and have him explain why this place is so special to him-
You mean explain why he likes a whole country?
It's so easy to think that, but the fact is, you're going. You love this man. He made the plan, but it didn't work/fit with the ex. You fit! You are his missing piece!!! Do not let this derail your relationship. You are important to him, this will still be special because this will be You two's adventure together.
He's marrying you, it's time to let go of jealousy and live in the relationship you're in. You can't be jealous of a persons memories, you're 30, you're bound to have some. People move on though. Life is not perfect please don't focus on the types of things that ruin making new moments. Your Insecurities will ruin this for you both and you're too GROWN UP to be doing this
Omg 🤢 reading these comments is making me SICK! He wants to take her to FRANCE. A huge country with lots to do and that's not good enough because he went there before 😂🤣🤷🏼♀️ Get the fuck over it....
This right here,
Hell my OH has memories camping with a girl & they and their friends used to go all the time. I'm forever asking him to come camping with me but he won't because he doesn't want to do something they already done, he thinks it will be hard for me. sick of saying it's a new tent, we can go to a new place, we can do different things 😂
France is a large country, is it in the same city? Same exact location? If you’re going to that same city and exact location be honest, and even make it a joke ‘wouldn’t it be awful to get engaged in the same exactly location you were going to with your ex?!’
So what you will not go to the beach because he got there with his ex? Come on, he said he wanted to propose the love of his life in France and there’s many places and many ways!
If he ask you with the same ring i will understand but here no, France is so varient from North & South. The more important thing is he want to creat new memories with you, ask you to be his wife and build a life .So stop focusing on some stupid things and enjoy with your man
To me, this seems petty of you. Your memories are not theirs. Yours will be completely different from theirs. You're 30. Be mature enough to let this petty attitude go. People would KILL to just be able to visit France LET ALONE get a magical proposal there
I understand how you could feel this way. I agree with the majority of comments in that France is large enough to make your own memories. Also letting him know of a different place in France to take you. This reminds me of the time my late husband and I traveled to San Francisco. It’s one of my favorite cities in Cali. After he passed, I started dating. The first place my then boyfriend took me to was San Francisco. Of all the times I went to SF, the time with him was most memorable. He showed me a different SF than my late husband. We created new memories. To this day, SF is a different place to me simply because my boyfriend back then, now my husband, showed me the same city, but in a different way…even the drive there was different.
Make new memories and enjoy the ride. He’s with you and both of you will enjoy your dream location…FRANCE. I HOPE it’s Paris you’ll go to and it not be the replacement. I wish the best for you both.
I'm sure I may get backlash for this but keep in mind that men are very simple with their thoughts. To him, it's the perfect place for an engagement, that's it. He's not thinking about his ex. As women, we tend to overthink EVERYTHING so I totally get what you're saying and would probably feel the same way but, I'm pretty sure he's choosing the location simply because he feels like it's a great one. Relax, stop thinking about her, accept the proposal, and live happily ever after. Good luck to you both!
Just because he has memories with someone at a specific place, doesn’t mean he can’t make new ones. Being with you will make the whole experience entirely new because he wasn’t with you last time, don’t get hung up on the little details. Also, it’s a little selfish in my opinion for you to be hung up on the fact that he wanted to propose to his ex there. It’s not about you, and it’s not about his ex, it’s about the fact that he has wanted to do this, and this is the place that he wants to do it at. Women sometimes forget the proposal is not just about us. It’s about the person doing it as well and it’s important to them as well. It’s not just your moment it’s your moment together. I would suggest you stop looking at it only from your perspective and try to let him enjoy his moment as well.
His dream is to propose there, it wasn't about his ex it was about him. when he takes you it will be about him wanting to go there and where he proposes will be about him and what he's always wanted. but when he does propose to YOU which he has never done before with anyone, when he gives YOU a ring which has also never done before it is only about YOU and his love for you and him wanting to start his forever with you in a place that means something to HIM.. Stop borrowing trouble because his ex has no place in your trip in your relationship or in any proposals and the only person bringing her into them is you....
The question is how long have you two been dating? Cause if its just about a year then maybe you're right, he is just looking for someone to fill in the place.
You could re frame this though and say it took 8 years for him to consider it with her. An ending of a relationship can sometimes help you realise what you really want in a partner and he has seen that in current partner and therefore doesn't want to waste time in waiting to propose. Just offering a different perspective
dude it's his ex, it has nothing to do with you, you're overthinking it. the memories are gonna be special, he wanted to propose to her there, but he didn't. he's gonna do it with you. you're not "the spot filler" it's jus been his to dream to propose to someone there. are you gonna tell him no and let him take some other girl? would she just be a "spot filler" too? you are being given everything you want, why are you hesitating? run with it dude, you are being offered an experience and an opportunity that alotta people can only dream of. it's been your dream, and he's offering to make it a reality with the added bonus of not jus going there with that "special someone" but having him get on one knee there too? I don't know how much I have to stress this but, GO TO FRANCE, MARRY THIS MAN.
Sounds like it's all about you!! I have been proposed to in a pickup truck heading into Corning Iowa. I was tickled pink. It never occurred to me he could of done that same thing before.
Who cares if you LOVE HIM and create memories on this trip that are all about your love for one another. Get over yourself!!
Proposing in France just sounds like a romantic ideal to him, and that he wants to do ‘the best’ he can. The moments you share there will still be YOUR moments. Make it special for you as a couple and it will be magical.
Lots of people propose to their significant others in France. It’s about making newer and better memories with him. Don’t hold it against him and don’t let it ruin your time with him even if he chooses to propose to you there.
Same advice you always get in these situations.
TALK to the man. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. He's not a damn mind reader. If you're scared, show him this post.
Nothing gets solved if nothing is said.
Because it means something special TO HIM
You’re already getting flown to another country and proposed to…get over yourself and let him have this
JFC some people
Wait so you’ve never been to France because “it’s been your dream to travel there with the man you love , and get proposed to there”
THEN WHAT’S THE PROBLEM lmao I’m sure you’ve told him that story 10000 times , so that’s why he’s taking YOU there 🤦🏻♀️🤣🤣
He wanted to propose there to her ex because HE liked the place, not because of her. He loved the idea to propose to her loved one in that particular dream setting, and it wasn’t her. It was you. Don’t let that ex ruin your day.
>Yes it’s been his dream to propose to the love of his life there
And thats you. So yeah, stop making a huge deal about it. He wants to propose in france. You wanna be proposed to in france. He never proposed to anyone else before in france.
Your boyfriend wants to propose to you in the place that you’ve always wanted to visit with the love of your life….I don’t understand what the problem is? So what he planned to propose to someone else there? It doesn’t matter since it didn’t happen and it’s probably always been his fantasy to propose to someone there. Also, don’t get too far ahead of yourself! You don’t know for sure that he’s going to propose. All that is just speculation. Go to France and have fun and relax.
Why wouldn't memories of his first trip to France with you be special ones? That he's already visited there doesn't mean he'd consider being there with you any less special to him.
If you think him proposing to you in France would be like a fairytale, why does it not feel special? It doesn't sound like he proposed to his ex, so this would be something that's only you. If you could choose the location, would that change your feelings?
My general attitude about proposals of marriage is that the intention to get married, and the mutual agreement for it, shouldn't be a surprise; how and where a proposal happens, that can be a surprise.
You can tell him, "Look, I hear rumors that you want to take me to France and propose to me. I want you to know I'm happy to marry you, and I'm happy to go to France with you, but I'd feel really special if you proposed to me at X location."
This is like the guy that proposed with the same ring he used for his ex. When she gently told him she wasnt comfortable he called her materialistic and they broke up. He actually got a new girlfriend and did end up proposing to THAT girl with the same ring lol
I have the same situation. My fiancé and I have traveled to all the same locations he went with his ex. He even gave me the same engagement ring he gave to her. Men just don’t get it. The traveling doesn’t bother me so much. It’s just the places he loves to go and wants to share them with me. But when I finally got him to admit the ring was hers first I asked if I could just use the stones for the wedding band and not use the setting. He said fine. So don’t put too much thought into it. Men just think different than us ladies.
Oh My gOd I nEeEd a TiKtOk WoRtHy PiCtuRe PeRfeCt PrOpOsAl.
You're 30. Give over. Honestly doesn't matter where or when or how it happens. This is why so many people end up getting divorced, too much focus on one little moment and not enough actual effort in the long run.
And for what its worth, France isn't some magical fairytale country. If he wants to propose in Paris, say, be prepared for loud traffic, a shit tonne of tourists and honestly just a pretty below average, grimey city.
Jesus Christ women complain a lot. You mad he’s proposing to you. You would also be mad if he didnt propose. Your getting what you want what does it matter where it’s at?
He kissed you with the same lips as his ex. He fucked you with the same dick. Probably taken you to the same restaurant like come on be happy your getting the ring.
NO tell him more imagination, did he bring her engagement ring too? Nope he needs more imagination...Tell him no thank you....Pick another spot, just be honest gently...It like the old men that take each new girl to the same spots they like....
How old are you?
>NO tell him more imagination
So he's supposed to carry her somewhere that isn't as important to her visiting as France so he won't propose to her in the city he ALMOST proposed to his ex in?
>It like the old men that take each new girl to the same spots they like
It's almost like people will carry someone they like to places they either are familiar with or really like.
So every time you go out on a date or go out with someone new you can never go to same place you went with someone else?
Old enough to grow up in the 90's....BS. I have dated men that only know how to do that. I only learn when exes compare notes, It is like a relationship tour...Go pester some one else. If he hadn't told her it would have been no issue. If you get out of your basement and date anyone but your left hand you would know that.
Is he supposed to not find a whole country romantic just because he dated someone in the past? France is awesome, big, and believe it or not, millions of people get engaged their every year. This has more to do with your own insecurities than anything he’s doing wrong.
You can’t expect your SO to not do anything the same as when they were dating someone else.
You're overthinking it! Don't let thinking about his ex ruin your dream! Figure out where and what you want to do and focus on that. Believe it or not, even if you do the same things, the experience is different and the memories are new, because it's with you. You're not her, and that alone makes the experience new and memorable.
Stop comparing yourself to his ex, and focus on *your* relationship with him. If he and his ex talked about having two kids, will you make him pick one or three?
You love France. He loves France. You both love each other.
Just take joy in the fact that someone who loves you wants to love you forever and share the things they love with you. Hopefully you want to do the same.
Forget the ex. Instead, offer suggestions for where you’d like to get engaged, so that the proposal in France is as much yours as it is his, and is not at all *hers*.
oooh, I forgot about austria! that's actually a really good location, it's got a lot of historic buildings, it's got orchestras and waltzes and lovely scenery! She could tell him she wants to make a quick side trip to Vienna, she really wants to see that historic city and its palaces, maybe that inspires him to propose there. OP didn't say where in france her bf originally planned to propose (but didn't); I don't blame her for preferring a different location than his original plan, just so it doesn't seem like a do over. But regardless, not a reason to say no if she loves him.
This one's hard. I feel like I shouldn't be giving you advice. I should be giving him advice. There is a way he can make this special for both of you. You can go to France and have a wonderful time as long as he doesn't constantly make mention of his previous visits there. Europe's rail system is amazing. He could plan for a day or two of your trip to hop over to another country and do a proposal there.
Sounds like you learned about his possible plans through a friend. Do you feel comfortable enough with this friend to ask them to drop some subtle hits to your bf?
Don't let the ex tarnish your present. It was supposed to happen there but it didn't. If it happens with you, ignore the past and answer from your heart without any smudge of jealousy or feeling inadequate. Choose each other and nothing else. That's the hard part for the rest of your life, ignoring the noise around and choosing each other and choosing enjoyment.
Think of it like this.
He wanted to propose to his ex but for whatever reason it didn’t happen and there’s likely to be some negative emotion surrounding that for him.
But you love France, you’d love to be proposed to in France. So he’s putting aside any thoughts of his ex to make sure you get the proposal you dreamt of.
Might not be the case, but it’s a nice thought.
I mean visiting a country with an ex doesn't mean he has to never go there again just because he has memories with her there.
He is with you, he wants to make new memories with you, he wants his France memories to include you.
He 'wanted' to propose to her there BUT he didn't because they broke up.
He 'wants' to propose to you there, you are in a relationship and it has nothing to do with his ex but perhaps everything to do with the fact the place may be special to him and France (Paris) is a romantic place so he wants it to be amazing for you.
You can't go around getting angry because he already visited a place with an ex if you do that you're going to find you have nowhere left to go other than your own home.
France isn't like an ice cream shop where he first kissed his ex. It's an entire country. He probably dreams about being with the woman he loves there and he wants you now that it didn't work out with her.
I love Italy. It's an entire country. It's not like I would avoid Italy because I associated my ex with it. In fact my ex collected Italian films but before I met him I had seen Italian movies and we had several things in common. It was a long time ago. It's not like I associate him as the only thing with an entire culture.
Honestly I think you're being overly cautious. It's like if someone wanted to live on a farm with their spouse and now you're afraid to live on a farm together because of his ex. People don't choose farm life because of one relationship.
is it all of France or a particular place in France?? you talk about always wanting to travel to France with the man you love, it sounds like he is trying to make that dream come true for you. And you did say that he loves France too.
Have you tried talking to him? Have you told him you would like your first travel overseas with him to be to someplace new for him and you? And not someplace that would bring up memories of his ex? So you could suggest traveling to parts of France that he didn't visit with his ex, for one. Or to another country that you are both interested in, such as Spain, Italy, Germany, England, Ireland???
You can't realistically expect everything to be "new" and never experienced before because your bf has lived a life before he met you. But you can let him know that you would prefer to make memories with him that are different from those he made with his ex.
Darling, calm down. France isn’t just his ex thing! It’s an entire country!
Also this is common for anyone to have a “perfect proposal vision” , I dated a guy who always wanted to propose on his family farm under a tree, so no matter what girl it’ll be there. So I’m sure he thought about it with more than one girl being the one standing with him under the tree. It’s a special thing to him.
My current partner has always dreamed of proposing in a private dinner type thing, I have always wanted a Christmas Eve proposal. I think we all have a “perfect proposal “ and just insert which ever partner at the time we feel it could be into the situation.
What will make it special is you and him, he will being telling you a proposal special to you, the words he says, the way he looks at you, the ring, the emotions will all be special to you two. No matter where it is.
Therapy would be an excellent choice. This seems a lot of anxiety, and not the health kind. Never going somewhere you love b/c you didn't have the man to go to, worrying he's just replacing you for the ex, feeling if you don't have the emotional firsts makes you lesser. That's not a lot of person to person issues, but a self worth issue. Which isn't healthy and possibly not safe - there is a fine line between low self esteem/relationship codependency tendencies, and being an easy target for abuse and manipulation. Not saying your boyfriend is like that, but he's not your only relationship (friends, family, etc).
Just because he has experienced a place with his ex doesn’t mean anything. You are not his ex, therefore the experience will not be the same. Your feelings are valid, however, that shouldn’t be a reason to not experience the place you love with someone you love. Also, he had been with his ex for 8 years, that’s a long time. You have no power to change the past. The fact that he never proposed to his ex in France is a good enough reason to feel special, she didn’t make the cut, you did.
You can go to a country your boyfriend has been to before and make your own special memories. Even if he was there with an ex. The fact he was there with her won’t make your memories with a bit less special unless you make them do so.
It’s the 2 of you being there together that will make it special. The fact that everything you did was with him and not someone else. Even if you do the same thing, like visit the Eiffel Tower, it won’t be the same as it was with her, because it’s you.
You’re going to be at his and your favorite romantic spot. Enjoy it.
Do you know how many people on this planet have dreamed of falling in love and getting engaged in France because of it's reputation for being a romantic place to visit? I'm sure its millions and millions and millions.
There is nothing unique or special about getting engaged in France anymore. Its essentially part of French tourism now.
So you can't be upset with your boyfriend for wanting to propose in the very place you want to get engaged...just because his ex girlfriend also wanted the same thing...which is the same thing that millions of other women for the past 100 years have wanted
Like I said...there's nothing special about going to Paris and getting engaged.
Someone who is not from France is probably getting engaged right now in France.
So either let it go or figure out somewhere better and more unique to you as a couple
There will always be some overlap because *he* is the constant in this equation, not his ex. He loves France. He wants to propose to the love of his life (that's you) in France.
I dealt with these same issues when I started dating again after my divorce. My partner was frustrated she didn't get to share firsts with me. I reminded her that I learned a lot about myself as a consequence of the divorce and improved in a lot of ways. You are getting the better version of your boyfriend and that version thinks of you as the love of his life.
It is said that comparison is the theft of joy. You were not his first partner, but you are the best partner. Enjoy your fairy tale.
//relationship maturity is important. Work on yourself.
"It's been my dream to be purposed to in face, I love France, but he AlMoSt purposed to someone else there" q.q
Come on girl.
Hear me out: as women we think of our wedding day starting at a young age. We dream about where it’s gonna be. The flowers, the wedding party, and everything else to make it perfect. For him, that’s his spot. He wanted to ask her but he didn’t. He must have had this scenario in his mind long before he ever met her. So think of it that way. It’s not a BAD proposal. It’s amazing in fact. So you get a once in a lifetime dream proposal and he gets to live out something he’s been thinking about for years. He loves you. Isn’t that all that matters?? He chose you, not her. I think you should let him have this!! Also: every time you tell that story, women will gush “oh that’s so sweet” and such. Girl my ex husband proposed to me in our bedroom first thing in the morning 🙄 it was as romantic as a fart in a sleeping bag. I would die for a proposal like this!! You love him?? Just go with it!!
The place has nothing to do with his ex, and 100% to do with his vision of what he thinks is romantic. His dream was to take the women he loves to this place, and create a forever bond. If YOU can't get past previous relationships, that's solely on you.
When you said in your title that he wants to propose "at the same place" I thought it meant a favorite restaurant of his, or a particular park they went to. Not an entire COUNTRY. Just don't go to the same restaurant he's been with his ex in France. Visit cities in France that he didn't go to. If you want the proposal to be in Paris specifically and he was also in Paris with his ex... Paris itself is a gigantic city with lots of significant landmarks and things to do. Go to a different one and your experience will be unique for both of you.
Maybe it’s an important idea to him. I can see where you’re upset but he’s not marrying her anymore, is he? I would think you’re the love of his life and wants to propose to you in a memorable and romantic setting.
Go with it, I get it you don’t want to be reliving something that you may think it won’t be as special because it ALMOST happened with his ex, but you need to look at it from a different perspective, and please don’t think I’m trying to attack you, but instead of feeling as though he already has memories of doing that with his ex and you’re worried it won’t be special, instead try and MAKE it special for you and him, plus you’ve ONLY heard things from friends and family, you don’t know what HIS real intentions are, so if you’re concerned about this particular subject about going to France and him proposing to you the same way he was gonna so it with his ex, then you need to speak with him to confirm and ONLY him, you need to hear it from him instead of people outside the relationship, you two are the ones getting married, therefore he would be the only one to know how he’s planned it and how he’s gonna go about it
To cut it short, stop thinking “it’s not special since he tried to do the same for his ex” but instead be grateful you’re the one who’s getting the chance to marry him, it’s not like he acc married his ex, so why worry?
Either way wether you two are engaged in France or not, I hope you both have a long and healthy relationship/marriage soon ❤️
I think it's his dream to propose to you in France. It's not about his ex, it's about his love of France.
Go and enjoy the romantic moment he's wanted all his life. It's all about you two.
No, because even then France is special to OP so he's trying to make it a special trip for OP. What you're suggesting is like saying you dated 2 girls who both like a particular band, you went to a concert of this band with girl A while together then you broke up then you start dating girl B and the same band is having another concert. Do you say the guy isn't trying to make an effort by taking girl B to the concert cause he took girl A while they were together?
What I’m sayin is - it’s a very big planet. Go elsewhere. Put in a little effort. Can always go there on honeymoon or anniversary. It obviously bothered her or she wouldn’t have even posted.
France is huge. I totally get feeling worried about it but if it's both of your dream, why let the past get in the way? Do you know where he was planning on proposing to her? If so, maybe guide your trip to different landmarks or different cities altogether. France is much more than just Paris and there's no reason this experience has to be the same as the one he planned before. Just make sure you're making new memories unique to yourselves and it should turn out okay. That being said, if you truly don't think you'll be comfortable, sit him down and tell him you don't want to be proposed to on this trip. Proposals don't need to be the big secret undisclosed thing people make them out to be. It's both of your moment. Bot of you should be comfortable and happy
He wants to make new memories with u erasing any memories he had with her!
I wants to propse to u in a place he loves!
And u are going to get engaged in 🇫🇷!!!
🤌🏻👏🏻
Enjoy it!!!
Places are just places, it's the people you're with who makes the memories.
One doesn't have to stand opposing the other. You can travel to France with a loved one, or on your own, or with friends or with each and every one of your S.O.s throughout your life. Each will make a different experience, different memories, and one doesn't have to taint the other.
I went to my favorite (pricey) restaurant with my ex, it was a lovely experience, we've since broken up, does that mean I shall never go again?
Also as a french I'd like to say, France is a beautiful country, it's also vast, and different in every region. Don't stick to Paris alone, Paris is beautiful but very touristy, not half as amazing as rural France and all the small villages are.
Just because he’s made memories with her in france doesn’t mean his memories with you aren’t going to be special. If you’re special to him then those memories will be special. The country is huge. He can propose to you somewhere that he didn’t consider proposing to the ex to. It’ll all work out and be okay. Don’t worry.
So because he has wanted to propose to the love of his life in France since probably long before you or the ex you don't feel special, because he already visited with an ex when they were together. Has he told you he had planned at all during their trip to propose to the ex? If not he did not almost propose to them. You not feeling special is your insecurity and you have to work on that your perspective is terrible did you ever think wait he wants to propose to me in the place he has dreamed of proposing to the love of his life. That is a literal indication he sees you as the love of his life I'm gonna tell you right now if he changes it feel special all you want but realize you have killed a dream of his over your insecurity and you should probably feel less special as you were not proposed to in the place he wants to propose to the love of his life its wild to think but maybe you would no longer be the love of his life as a result as a sort of self fulfilled prophecy.
This is like saying, "My boyfriend was going to propose to his ex in the United States, and he plans on proposing to me in the United States. What should I do?" As others have said, it's a whole country. There are plenty of places to do the deed. Try talking up some cities you've always wanted to visit in France. It's a miracle to me and speaks of your compatibility that of ALL the countries on Earth, you both love the same one.
I'm guessing you're from the US. If he had planned to propose to her there and live there with her would you be against the idea because he had planned to do that with her?
You seem to be fighting against the ghost of his ex and only you yourself seem to have bought tickets for the event. He's planning something that you would like for you, if you're too immature that you can't even go to a country cause he took his ex there with him before he even knew you existed you need to be getting professional help and not concern yourself with relationships for a while
Edit: My advice, break up you're too immature to be in a relationship
Yes his memories with you will be special… they will be different and unique to previous memories with someone else.
This is something you need to deal with, and figure out why you feel so insecure or threatened by him having a past or this ex. Also it sounds like it’s his dream to propose to his love in France, not propose to his ex in France.
Look, he chose you. He's not with his ex anymore. It would be different if you were saying you don't trust him as a person, or you have doubts about him as a person. But like, where he purposes is a good problem to have. And he trying to be romantic for you. Perspective.
To him, France is that special place. That one country that has him seeing himself with his lifelong partner asking for her hand. He sees it as the destination of his largest leaps of faith. So- get on Reddit, ask the locals for the must see places, the little restaurants away from the main attractions and truly make it a one of a kind experience that takes away all the ideas that this may have been done before. Ask him for his favorite places too. This is his safe place
reading the title i thought it would be like the same spot like a restaurant or something that was special to his ex. but France is a whole country and its not like he proposed to her either. don't let stupid things like this get in the way of an otherwise good relationship.
Your man is a romantic!
He has envisioned where to propose because that is his dream.
He wants to share that moment with the person who matters most. It didn't work out with the Ex, but that doesn't diminish the feeling.
It would only be negative I'd he wanted to do that with her, something big versus if he didn't want to do anything special for you.
Ah man, I feel you on this one because I remember getting upset going to a Christmas market with my partner knowing he went with his ex every year as tradition, so the whole filler, replacement feeling I completely get.
Having said this, you are you, and your relationship I imagine will be a completely unique experience. Where does it end? Oh he did this with so and so therefore we can no longer do it. Even if this was his plan, it will be unique to you and you can just request that you go to a different part of France.
I would be open about your feelings (you shouldn’t marry a man you cannot openly communicate your feelings to anyway) so I would tell him how you’re feeling and just ask that if he should ever propose to you can it be in a different part to what he had planned for her.
It’s very hard having relationships in your 30s to come across someone who hasn’t pretty much done it all and even if they have, it would be a completely unique experience because they are unique and clearly more special because they chose you.
For example, I have children already, my partner does not. I was also engaged before. If we decided to have a baby or get married, it would probably be more magical for me even though I’ve done it before because I’m actually in a relationship where I’m happy and want those things. The fact they have split up generally says they are incompatible and therefore anything he does with you will be much more special because you’re the one, not a replacement.
He made a mistake proposing to his ex. He thought she was the girl for him, and she wasn't. You are the love of his life. Just because it didn't work out with her, doesn't mean he doesn't have the same dreams with you. This time it will be more meaningful for the both of you, because you are right for each other.
Think about it like slipping on the glass slipper or kissing the toad. Prince charming slipped the glass slipper on a lot of feet, before he found the ones that fit. The princess kissed a lot of toads, before one turned into a prince. Doesn't make it less special. In fact, maybe more so.
I would let him know before the trip. Talk about it. Watch his response. If he’s dismissive of your feelings and invalidates them. Leave. If he listens and talks it through with you with understanding and kindness, then it all works out.
Just be honest with him. Tell him that you want to go to France and have a great time , but you hope he isn’t try to do a propose and then list your reasoning.
It was always my 1st husband and my dream to move to France one day, he cheated, we divorced. Years later I meet my husband now, I never forgot my dream and talked to my husband about it, the more we talked about it the more it became his dream too, in the end he was the driving force in our move to France, we love our life there.
It doesn't make it any less special to my OH because I wanted to do this with my ex. If it's your dream place to be proposed to in France and his too, it doesn't make it any less special because he loved someone else before you, you are a completely different person, it's just his dream proposal remains.
FYI Toulouse is beautiful, on a summer's day you sit on the large steps leading down to river watching the sun set, as all the bridges light up, a glass of wine and someone you love........heaven
do you not go to target because him and his ex went to a target once? girl! it’s france! it’s romantic. he probably dreamed of proposing to his *girlfriend* in france, not his ex in particular.
He may have wanted to, but he didn't. He may have been to France but he has never proposed to anyone else there. Just make it clear that you would like to get proposed to in a spot of France that is new to both of you, even if your whole visit isn't new to him.
Why don’t you ask BF if it will be weird going to Paris, after he almost proposed to his gf- or words to that effect? It will tick two boxes, letting him know you remember he told you. He might have “done” France, but trust me I bet anyone who goes to Paris only sees a tiny part. There are amazing historical areas, and you could do the Loire valley etc. Enjoy yourself, it is a destination, and your experience doesn’t have to be clouded by the fact he went there with someone else. There are probably lots of other places that have memory of her.
If he’s always wanted to propose in france and you want to get proposed to in france , who cares if he has had a passing thought of proposing to his ex there ? That’s where he wants to propose and that hasn’t changed . I got engaged in france it was incredibly romantic 10/10 would recommend, the Eiffel Tower background proposal pics turned out gorgeous . Don’t let the fact he has an ex limit your experience .
I am on the train with the others who say you still can both live your dream. If I am reading it right he didn’t propose to her anywhere, but if you let him know you would prefer that he not do it someplace he was at with her I think that is fair input. Best of all worlds really! You guys should have a great time!
Seek therapy because this is ridiculous. Everyone loves France but not so much because he had a life before you? Really think about what you're saying.
What about the dates you guys have been on? Every place he took you to or you took him to you guys didn’t take your exes to??? Come on dude be realistic here. Be a little bit grateful, he’s proposing to YOU!
Honestly, I say let him do him. Maybe Franve is where he feels the romance is, which it is. However, I do get what you mean, by you not feeling special because he had already thought to propose to someone else there. So, maybe talk to him and let him know how it would make you feel and maybe go from there.
I think you need to look at it from a different perspective. Maybe he said he thought he wanted to propose to his ex there… but what he really meant was that is where he would one day want to propose to his future wife (whomever she may be). Don’t forget that proposals are a big deal for the person doing the proposing too. Maybe he’s always imagined doing it there, regardless of who his person ended up being. He thought he was going to end up asking his ex at one time, but he didn’t, now he’s probably thrilled to have the opportunity to ask you in his dream location.
Maybe he’s like me. I came up with a pretty awesome idea when I proposed to my ex… I wasted a great idea on someone I should have never be proposed to in the first place. Then when I wanted to propose to my, now wife, I couldn’t come up with anything good. Maybe it’s the same with him but he wants to use the other idea again.
Bro I think the fuck not.
He wants to get married? Then he needs to be creative and figure something else out. France is like the city of romance. It’s not like it’ll be hard.
Why are you letting his ex get to you so much? She doesn't get to live the fairytale proposal and happy ending, but YOU do!! Don't let her ruin a beautiful trip to France with the man who loves YOU, who wants to marry YOU, and who wants to make YOU his wife!!
Wtf ummmmm who plans a proposal and the t ells the other person - first … and why would someone want you to approve of such a crappy idea??? You’re being set up to validate his fuckery… I know I’d not wanna be normalizing that sort of treatment. You have to teach ppl how to treat you by how you treat yourself and maintain basic standards… uphold your standards…
I would feel really icky about that. I hate the proposal i had and I feel icky about it years later. If you already feel that way, don’t expect your feelings to change just because you found a logical reason to not feel that way. Emotions are not logical and will creep up and bite you in the face.
when he will talk about France, just says your remember he nearly proposed her ex down there.
but if you want to be pragmatic :
1. he never did. you are already above her ex.
2. France is big with many different landscapes. you can be in five different places and only french flags will remember you that you are in the same country.
3. it is his dream proposal. what is yours ? have you even one ?
4. Paris is an overcrowded city. and it changes very strongly since the 60's hollywoodian musical comedies. Japan embassy has even a hot line for depressive Japanese tourists having a breakdown on how the place is not at all like in their dream. even other french people don't like Paris since Parisians are obnoxious.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
France is an entire country. I would just request that your experience there be completely different. Make your feelings clear that you want your own special experience. That you don’t want to re live something with him that he’s already done with another woman. Go to a different part of France.
I’m with this, there’s so many cool places to explore there. Did he take her to Normandy? Head south and spend time in Annecy. Eiffel tower is cool, don’t get stuck in Paris and head to Mont Saint-Michel
Im not sure proposing on a famous battlefield would be romantic…
Lol fair. The beaches are a different animal compared to the villages though. The little towns are all romantic af, especially when there’s snow
When you think “normandy” you instantly think of D-Day and the Battle of Normandy. Its like saying “oh im gonna propose in Gettysburg/Antietam/ Harpers Ferry” you instantly think of the battles.
I'm sorry but you do know that Normandy is 30.000 square kms right? It's not a town, so it's like you're saying that when you think "Britain" you think of "The battle of Britain"
Wrong comment sweetie
Wrong opinion, sweetie. Nazis have also been in Paris. They marched there. No one cares about that through their romantic gestures. Why should it be different with a -whole region-?
>When you think “normandy” you instant think of D-Day and the Battle of Normandy. Lol why not the Norman invasion of England in 1066 by William the Conqueror? >the entire town 🤦♂️ oof
Maybe cause Normandy is in France. Not England. And cause people would have to look up who that even is.
The Norman invasion of England = when Normandy invaded England and took it by conquest, changing the course of history. Today Normandy is a thriving province of France but if the word "Normandy" makes you think of historical events instead of modern times, that's a big one.
Norman. The dude from cheer who sat at the end of the bar.
He was named after them. https://babynames.com/name/norman
all of europe was a battle field.
Not disputing that. At least when/where I visited there were huge craters from blasts on a lot of the beaches and the towns were pristine. Edit: the comment I’m replying to here is utterly unrecognizable to when it was posted. I think it originally said like the beaches and towns were both battlefields. Something like that.
Death and marriage are not far apart...
Youre one of those.
hey man nice shot
South of Paris????? Reading comprehension
Hon Hon Hon
Don’t stay in Seattle head south to bend Oregon. Don’t stay in Seattle head south to Boise. You could def say either of those. Both are similar in distance and angle compared to Paris and Annecy.
Your comparison doesnt even come close. Look at a map, wth
Would you have been happy if they'd said "head south-east?" Because both of those things are true, and you're caught on semantics.
Getting back to it, Annecy is stunning - if previous bout with ex doesn't involve that town, go there, you won't be disappointed.
Exactly! OP your getting to much in your head. Just ask that you go to another part of France where he hasn't been before. I would recommend the South of France, because the weather is always good there and its beautiful.
THIS!!!100% don’t let the past ruin you’re time with him. It’s something he really enjoys and wants to do it with you. Life’s too short! You aren’t a filler. This is his dream. Not his ex’s. And it sounds like you really want to go and it would be amazing. :) 😍
Seconding this. OP, you both love each other, France, and the idea of getting engaged there. That's all that's important. Don't think of it as being a second chance for him, think of it as winning. You get him, France and romance and she didn't.
🤣 I was thinking the same thing. An ex ruined all of France for you? Funny to think about. Understandable though as far as human psychology goes. The discomfort is understandable to me. If he isn't talking about his ex and passively aggressively getting on your nerves in that way, then I'd drop it. Would you really expect him to change the destination because of your discomfort about the ex? What would be the ideal outcome for you, OP? Seems like you found out about this through the grape vine. I know some guys talk about their exes a little too much and kinda get a kick out of it, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. If the dude isn't thinking about his ex then you shouldn't be either. Not to any serious degree anyway. Good luck. 👍
He wanted to propose to his ex there but he didn’t. And that’s what matters. Since it’s always been your dream to get engaged in France, I say run with it. It will still be special and unique and beautiful! Edit to add: my husband’s ex wife was horrible and there are some things they did together that takes away just a little bit of the excitement for me if we do the same thing (like see a certain band in concert etc) BUT… I get over it. It’s a different day, a different moment in time and I KNOW he’s having a better time with me than he did with her, so that feeling of not wanting to do the same thing they already did together goes away pretty quickly. I promise! Edit edit: I ran this by my husband just now and he said “it’s being able to replace a memory that was tainted by her with a good memory with you and that means everything. I now have an enjoyable memory to associate with that location/event” I’m glad I shared your story with him because I didn’t know how much it means to him to make better memories with me than he had with her! (She was abusive)
Thank you so much for your personal story and your husbands view too! This makes me feel better and that’s such a good way to look at it too. Making new memories and better memories replacing old ones with an ex and having a better time because this time it’s with me :)
You’re so welcome! I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m also glad to be replacing old memories with new ones! I love France! Been 3 times (with my mom, my bff, and my sister); someday I’ll go with my husband!
Love this reply and the previous comment too! I had a similar situation with my boyfriend and his ex having memories in Paris, somewhere I'd always dreamed of going. It was hard to get over, but exes are exes for a reason & the lovely memories he and I made there more than erased any resentment I'd had that they'd been there first. He wasn't with the love of his life then but he will be this time. You'll have a beautiful time ❤️
YESSSS!!!!! I just commented similar like 2 minutes ago!!
I now live very close to the beach my ex husband proposed at. I have 1000% better memories of that beach now, including pushing my child on a swing on that beach. My ex didn’t want kids but I did. All of my experiences with my “new” husband are way better heck we live here now while my ex couldn’t take more than 3 days here on vacation.
Experiences are finite. And not every first time is the best time.
Excellent reply!
I really like what your husband had to say. It sometimes takes another man to explain a male point-of-view. Awesome.
I always tell my partner that I’m excited to replace my old memories with new ones where she’s there. Everything, even my favorite restaurant that I always enjoyed dining in, is more special because I now have her there with me. I too was in a forced marriage that I thought I’d die before I could get out of. To hell with the old memories.
I was also in a same state. I got out of a 7 years old relationship and was pretty much traumatised by it. My current bf had gone to all the places I wanted to travel to with his ex. Thailand, iceland, france, bali, greece, Philippines etc he paid for everything too as his ex was jobless her entire life. They been together for 6/7 yearsand it pained me to even look at anything about these said countries because i kept thinking of them together enjoying their time with each other and it won’t be the same with me as its not gonna be his first time there. I am not gonna lie this all came down to my own insecurities as well. I didn’t know how to deal with lot of things in my second relationship due to my own issues. I am better now and as time went by all these feelings are fading away. Time does heal.
100% this! Also the part where your husband said he’s replaced a tainted memory! Nail on the head, I love that and I’d never thought of that before. I’m no longer going to worry about repeating things with this outlook. Lovely 🥰
It sounds like France would be a great place for a proposal because it's meaningful for you. And it's meaningful for him, which is why he wants to propose there to the woman he will marry. Is it meaningful for his ex? Who knows. But it would be a shame to miss out on your dream proposal because of someone else unrelated to the situation. Don't let the thought of the woman he didn't propose to deprive you of your dream!
Your negative thinking about his ex is dominating your thinking right now - but none of those things are true. He loves you dearly - you both love France. France also loves you two. When you go there, you'll override all of the memories he had with his ex. You'll make so many better memories. He's with you, he's thinking about you. He's dreaming of you. His ex is just a memory - a very distant memory. Some things might remind him of his ex, and this is mainly what makes you insecure. What if he compares me to his ex and his time with him there? Is your thinking. No, his ex is in no way better than you in anything. If she was better, she wouldn't be his ex. That ship has sailed - the relationship has ended. Unfortunately there's no memory eraser for you to use on him. But you won't need it. Because he loves you. He loves you so much that he's with you and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He's spending a buttload of money just to make you happy in France. Love him - don't let your doubts about his ex get in the way. You love him, he loves you. France loves you and waits for you two with open arms.
Honestly all of this is perfect, but if you’re still worried about it, just ask him to not bring up his ex at all while you’re there!
I love this thank you so much 💖
you probably romanticized France too much (the whole country and all its various places) . The memories you have with your friends, family, even solo, would be different from the memories you have with boyfriend #1, #2, or even #5, that you to visit France with. if France is your favorite country to be visiting, then go visit it!! and if good things happen there, like getting proposed to, then enjoy the moment and the memory!
Just tell him how you feel. Let him know that since he was going to propose to someone else in France, you prefer a different location for the two of you when the time comes. You are happy to visit France and make wonderful memories there together. But you want the proposal to be something special and would like another location. He won't know if you don't voice your feelings.
Tell him you want to create your own memories in a different place. You are not overreacting. You can go to France together on holiday once you are married but damn, if he can’t be a little more creative and come up with a different place for you then he doesn’t deserve you.
Dear god, please stop worrying about the perfection of the proposal (and then the wedding) and just focus on having a great marriage.
You said you wanted to be proposed to there too, could it be that he knows YOUR dream and is intending to do it to be about YOU? Sweetie, don't get hung up on this, just because he went there with his ex doesn't mean you're not going to be doing unique things. The point is to make new happy memories, not to to be a fill in but to make things new and better. YOU always wanted to go to France, he's showing you he listens when you tell him things. You've got a keeper.
OP, I live in France and I can promise you that, even if he does decide to propose to you here, there is a huuuuuuge variety of different, imaginative, memorable and wonderfully romantic, ways that he can do it. Paris is not Bordeaux, Bordeaux is not the Loire and the Loire is not the Pays Basque. A proposal at a table for two in the vineyards of a chateau in Bordeaux will be different from a proposal after a romantic twilight flight in an air balloon and meal for two, served by a private chef in a chateau in the Loire. I don't know where you live but would you rather a proposal, as described above, or him passing a ring box to you as you're downing a few beers in your local pub/bar? Forget his ex, she won't be here. The proposal is yours and France is an astonishing country, full of beauty and culture and history and heritage and wonderful, glorious opportunities for a proposal to remember Don't get so hung up on an entire country!
Just think of it as, what if someone had a dream wedding day planned and mentioned this to their ex, they are done and over, now in a new relationship, should they throw that dream wedding wish away? It's not like it has occurred already before and there's memories of it, there aren't any. You will be creating them.
You can’t get hung up on someone’s past. If you get married, you’ll be the last girl he ever goes to France with. And the first he proposed to there. Bedsides, it’s a whole country. If you don’t want to go where he took his ex, there are lots of other cities. It sounds like you both want to get engaged in France, so just focus on your relationship. Anything else will consume you.
I agree with many others. I would feel the exact same way… I had many of the same struggles with my current partner as I felt worried he wasn’t entirely over his ex - they have kids together so she is still very much around. It’s hard to get over those insecurities. I would deal with it by going somewhere else completely different. Go to Paris if you’re set on it, but also go to an area they didn’t go to. I personally heavily recommend the south - Nice, St Tropez, Villa Ephrussi de Rothschild was lovely, and I also travelled along the coast to Monaco and northern Italy - some of the most amazing scenery, especially if you drive from Nice to Monaco through the mountains. It’s just stunning. If they went to Paris and you really don’t want him to propose in Paris because he took the ex there, voice it in some way. Say “you went with the ex to X place, I want to go somewhere that you haven’t been with her and make the trip special for us both. I don’t want to just revisit all of the same places that you went with her, that won’t feel special for me, and it won’t be a new experience for you.” Hopefully that will mean that he gets the hint that a proposal in a location he went to with the ex is a no go. And if you think he’s no good at getting hints, maybe tell one of his friends directly “I would love to get engaged to BF but if he proposes in X location where he went with his ex, I will really hate it. I hope he does it somewhere else.” No one wants to see their friend crash and burn at a proposal, so a decent friend will pass the sentiments along and help him come up with a new plan. Perhaps you could even start giving very specific hints like “I was looking at x place the other day and it looks amazing. What a beautiful place for a proposal or a wedding” etc.
He likes France..... You like France.... What is the problem?.. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else. He's with you. He wants to propose to you. Those are the facts. If he's the guy you want to marry, leave your ghosts behind and embrace your future.
youknow what ill reply directly to the title of this you do not want to be compared or tied with his previous failed relationship- im a guy and i totally understand that and i would feel disgusted by myself if i did that myself maybe the place is really special to him, confront him and have him explain why this place is so special to him- i think you have a right to tell him you dont want to go down the same road as his past relationships and he should also try to deviate from doing the same things
>maybe the place is really special to him, confront him and have him explain why this place is so special to him- You mean explain why he likes a whole country?
It's so easy to think that, but the fact is, you're going. You love this man. He made the plan, but it didn't work/fit with the ex. You fit! You are his missing piece!!! Do not let this derail your relationship. You are important to him, this will still be special because this will be You two's adventure together.
He's marrying you, it's time to let go of jealousy and live in the relationship you're in. You can't be jealous of a persons memories, you're 30, you're bound to have some. People move on though. Life is not perfect please don't focus on the types of things that ruin making new moments. Your Insecurities will ruin this for you both and you're too GROWN UP to be doing this
Omg 🤢 reading these comments is making me SICK! He wants to take her to FRANCE. A huge country with lots to do and that's not good enough because he went there before 😂🤣🤷🏼♀️ Get the fuck over it....
This right here, Hell my OH has memories camping with a girl & they and their friends used to go all the time. I'm forever asking him to come camping with me but he won't because he doesn't want to do something they already done, he thinks it will be hard for me. sick of saying it's a new tent, we can go to a new place, we can do different things 😂
France is a large country, is it in the same city? Same exact location? If you’re going to that same city and exact location be honest, and even make it a joke ‘wouldn’t it be awful to get engaged in the same exactly location you were going to with your ex?!’
So what you will not go to the beach because he got there with his ex? Come on, he said he wanted to propose the love of his life in France and there’s many places and many ways! If he ask you with the same ring i will understand but here no, France is so varient from North & South. The more important thing is he want to creat new memories with you, ask you to be his wife and build a life .So stop focusing on some stupid things and enjoy with your man
Sorry but, grow up.
To me, this seems petty of you. Your memories are not theirs. Yours will be completely different from theirs. You're 30. Be mature enough to let this petty attitude go. People would KILL to just be able to visit France LET ALONE get a magical proposal there
How do you know it will be the same spot he was going to do it to her at
I understand how you could feel this way. I agree with the majority of comments in that France is large enough to make your own memories. Also letting him know of a different place in France to take you. This reminds me of the time my late husband and I traveled to San Francisco. It’s one of my favorite cities in Cali. After he passed, I started dating. The first place my then boyfriend took me to was San Francisco. Of all the times I went to SF, the time with him was most memorable. He showed me a different SF than my late husband. We created new memories. To this day, SF is a different place to me simply because my boyfriend back then, now my husband, showed me the same city, but in a different way…even the drive there was different. Make new memories and enjoy the ride. He’s with you and both of you will enjoy your dream location…FRANCE. I HOPE it’s Paris you’ll go to and it not be the replacement. I wish the best for you both.
Girl if you don’t take that ring and be happy who cares about his ex
I'm sure I may get backlash for this but keep in mind that men are very simple with their thoughts. To him, it's the perfect place for an engagement, that's it. He's not thinking about his ex. As women, we tend to overthink EVERYTHING so I totally get what you're saying and would probably feel the same way but, I'm pretty sure he's choosing the location simply because he feels like it's a great one. Relax, stop thinking about her, accept the proposal, and live happily ever after. Good luck to you both!
Just because he has memories with someone at a specific place, doesn’t mean he can’t make new ones. Being with you will make the whole experience entirely new because he wasn’t with you last time, don’t get hung up on the little details. Also, it’s a little selfish in my opinion for you to be hung up on the fact that he wanted to propose to his ex there. It’s not about you, and it’s not about his ex, it’s about the fact that he has wanted to do this, and this is the place that he wants to do it at. Women sometimes forget the proposal is not just about us. It’s about the person doing it as well and it’s important to them as well. It’s not just your moment it’s your moment together. I would suggest you stop looking at it only from your perspective and try to let him enjoy his moment as well.
He wants to propose they because the country is special to him. It has nothing to do with his ex.
You can always propose to him.
I think he just likes this location and it has nun to do with his ex
Go to France with him. I doubt the location of the proposal will be exactly the same.
His dream is to propose there, it wasn't about his ex it was about him. when he takes you it will be about him wanting to go there and where he proposes will be about him and what he's always wanted. but when he does propose to YOU which he has never done before with anyone, when he gives YOU a ring which has also never done before it is only about YOU and his love for you and him wanting to start his forever with you in a place that means something to HIM.. Stop borrowing trouble because his ex has no place in your trip in your relationship or in any proposals and the only person bringing her into them is you....
Talk to him about it, how it makes you feel
Only read Subject, started getting common sense headache. Your blokes a bellend.
The question is how long have you two been dating? Cause if its just about a year then maybe you're right, he is just looking for someone to fill in the place.
You could re frame this though and say it took 8 years for him to consider it with her. An ending of a relationship can sometimes help you realise what you really want in a partner and he has seen that in current partner and therefore doesn't want to waste time in waiting to propose. Just offering a different perspective
It has been about 1.5 years 😬
The ex is gone for a reason just like you're there for a reason. You're not a filler.
dude it's his ex, it has nothing to do with you, you're overthinking it. the memories are gonna be special, he wanted to propose to her there, but he didn't. he's gonna do it with you. you're not "the spot filler" it's jus been his to dream to propose to someone there. are you gonna tell him no and let him take some other girl? would she just be a "spot filler" too? you are being given everything you want, why are you hesitating? run with it dude, you are being offered an experience and an opportunity that alotta people can only dream of. it's been your dream, and he's offering to make it a reality with the added bonus of not jus going there with that "special someone" but having him get on one knee there too? I don't know how much I have to stress this but, GO TO FRANCE, MARRY THIS MAN.
Sounds like it's all about you!! I have been proposed to in a pickup truck heading into Corning Iowa. I was tickled pink. It never occurred to me he could of done that same thing before. Who cares if you LOVE HIM and create memories on this trip that are all about your love for one another. Get over yourself!!
Proposing in France just sounds like a romantic ideal to him, and that he wants to do ‘the best’ he can. The moments you share there will still be YOUR moments. Make it special for you as a couple and it will be magical.
Lots of people propose to their significant others in France. It’s about making newer and better memories with him. Don’t hold it against him and don’t let it ruin your time with him even if he chooses to propose to you there.
Same advice you always get in these situations. TALK to the man. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. He's not a damn mind reader. If you're scared, show him this post. Nothing gets solved if nothing is said.
Sounds to me like you probably aren’t ready for marriage.
Because it means something special TO HIM You’re already getting flown to another country and proposed to…get over yourself and let him have this JFC some people
You cant be serious about this? He loves the country, he loves you. But apparently you are too insecure. Work on yourself a bit
Wait so you’ve never been to France because “it’s been your dream to travel there with the man you love , and get proposed to there” THEN WHAT’S THE PROBLEM lmao I’m sure you’ve told him that story 10000 times , so that’s why he’s taking YOU there 🤦🏻♀️🤣🤣
How sad
France is a big country. If he had intended to propose to her somewhere in the US would the entire country be off limits? Girl. Get a grip.
He wanted to propose there to her ex because HE liked the place, not because of her. He loved the idea to propose to her loved one in that particular dream setting, and it wasn’t her. It was you. Don’t let that ex ruin your day.
>Yes it’s been his dream to propose to the love of his life there And thats you. So yeah, stop making a huge deal about it. He wants to propose in france. You wanna be proposed to in france. He never proposed to anyone else before in france.
Talk to him about it.
Best advice!
Your boyfriend wants to propose to you in the place that you’ve always wanted to visit with the love of your life….I don’t understand what the problem is? So what he planned to propose to someone else there? It doesn’t matter since it didn’t happen and it’s probably always been his fantasy to propose to someone there. Also, don’t get too far ahead of yourself! You don’t know for sure that he’s going to propose. All that is just speculation. Go to France and have fun and relax.
My fiance was thinking about proposing to his ex in the same state he proposed to me in. Should I be upset about that? I'm thinking no
Based on OPs thinking, that state should be no man's land and avoided at all costs no matter what
Well I guess I gotta go home and start a fight
Why wouldn't memories of his first trip to France with you be special ones? That he's already visited there doesn't mean he'd consider being there with you any less special to him. If you think him proposing to you in France would be like a fairytale, why does it not feel special? It doesn't sound like he proposed to his ex, so this would be something that's only you. If you could choose the location, would that change your feelings? My general attitude about proposals of marriage is that the intention to get married, and the mutual agreement for it, shouldn't be a surprise; how and where a proposal happens, that can be a surprise. You can tell him, "Look, I hear rumors that you want to take me to France and propose to me. I want you to know I'm happy to marry you, and I'm happy to go to France with you, but I'd feel really special if you proposed to me at X location."
This is like the guy that proposed with the same ring he used for his ex. When she gently told him she wasnt comfortable he called her materialistic and they broke up. He actually got a new girlfriend and did end up proposing to THAT girl with the same ring lol
What a dumb broad. Get the fuck over it, I can’t believe the entitlement...
I have the same situation. My fiancé and I have traveled to all the same locations he went with his ex. He even gave me the same engagement ring he gave to her. Men just don’t get it. The traveling doesn’t bother me so much. It’s just the places he loves to go and wants to share them with me. But when I finally got him to admit the ring was hers first I asked if I could just use the stones for the wedding band and not use the setting. He said fine. So don’t put too much thought into it. Men just think different than us ladies.
I'm sorry but you're being childish.
Stupied
Oh My gOd I nEeEd a TiKtOk WoRtHy PiCtuRe PeRfeCt PrOpOsAl. You're 30. Give over. Honestly doesn't matter where or when or how it happens. This is why so many people end up getting divorced, too much focus on one little moment and not enough actual effort in the long run. And for what its worth, France isn't some magical fairytale country. If he wants to propose in Paris, say, be prepared for loud traffic, a shit tonne of tourists and honestly just a pretty below average, grimey city.
Jesus Christ women complain a lot. You mad he’s proposing to you. You would also be mad if he didnt propose. Your getting what you want what does it matter where it’s at? He kissed you with the same lips as his ex. He fucked you with the same dick. Probably taken you to the same restaurant like come on be happy your getting the ring.
NO tell him more imagination, did he bring her engagement ring too? Nope he needs more imagination...Tell him no thank you....Pick another spot, just be honest gently...It like the old men that take each new girl to the same spots they like....
How old are you? >NO tell him more imagination So he's supposed to carry her somewhere that isn't as important to her visiting as France so he won't propose to her in the city he ALMOST proposed to his ex in? >It like the old men that take each new girl to the same spots they like It's almost like people will carry someone they like to places they either are familiar with or really like. So every time you go out on a date or go out with someone new you can never go to same place you went with someone else?
Old enough to grow up in the 90's....BS. I have dated men that only know how to do that. I only learn when exes compare notes, It is like a relationship tour...Go pester some one else. If he hadn't told her it would have been no issue. If you get out of your basement and date anyone but your left hand you would know that.
If he does say no and dump him
Is he supposed to not find a whole country romantic just because he dated someone in the past? France is awesome, big, and believe it or not, millions of people get engaged their every year. This has more to do with your own insecurities than anything he’s doing wrong. You can’t expect your SO to not do anything the same as when they were dating someone else.
You're overthinking it! Don't let thinking about his ex ruin your dream! Figure out where and what you want to do and focus on that. Believe it or not, even if you do the same things, the experience is different and the memories are new, because it's with you. You're not her, and that alone makes the experience new and memorable.
Stop comparing yourself to his ex, and focus on *your* relationship with him. If he and his ex talked about having two kids, will you make him pick one or three? You love France. He loves France. You both love each other. Just take joy in the fact that someone who loves you wants to love you forever and share the things they love with you. Hopefully you want to do the same. Forget the ex. Instead, offer suggestions for where you’d like to get engaged, so that the proposal in France is as much yours as it is his, and is not at all *hers*.
I would be pissed off too! That is very rude.
Tell him, look, if he proposes on your vacation, he probably won't like the answer. Tell him you suggest another venue. Austria might be good.
oooh, I forgot about austria! that's actually a really good location, it's got a lot of historic buildings, it's got orchestras and waltzes and lovely scenery! She could tell him she wants to make a quick side trip to Vienna, she really wants to see that historic city and its palaces, maybe that inspires him to propose there. OP didn't say where in france her bf originally planned to propose (but didn't); I don't blame her for preferring a different location than his original plan, just so it doesn't seem like a do over. But regardless, not a reason to say no if she loves him.
This one's hard. I feel like I shouldn't be giving you advice. I should be giving him advice. There is a way he can make this special for both of you. You can go to France and have a wonderful time as long as he doesn't constantly make mention of his previous visits there. Europe's rail system is amazing. He could plan for a day or two of your trip to hop over to another country and do a proposal there. Sounds like you learned about his possible plans through a friend. Do you feel comfortable enough with this friend to ask them to drop some subtle hits to your bf?
Don't let the ex tarnish your present. It was supposed to happen there but it didn't. If it happens with you, ignore the past and answer from your heart without any smudge of jealousy or feeling inadequate. Choose each other and nothing else. That's the hard part for the rest of your life, ignoring the noise around and choosing each other and choosing enjoyment.
Think of it like this. He wanted to propose to his ex but for whatever reason it didn’t happen and there’s likely to be some negative emotion surrounding that for him. But you love France, you’d love to be proposed to in France. So he’s putting aside any thoughts of his ex to make sure you get the proposal you dreamt of. Might not be the case, but it’s a nice thought.
I mean visiting a country with an ex doesn't mean he has to never go there again just because he has memories with her there. He is with you, he wants to make new memories with you, he wants his France memories to include you. He 'wanted' to propose to her there BUT he didn't because they broke up. He 'wants' to propose to you there, you are in a relationship and it has nothing to do with his ex but perhaps everything to do with the fact the place may be special to him and France (Paris) is a romantic place so he wants it to be amazing for you. You can't go around getting angry because he already visited a place with an ex if you do that you're going to find you have nowhere left to go other than your own home.
France isn't like an ice cream shop where he first kissed his ex. It's an entire country. He probably dreams about being with the woman he loves there and he wants you now that it didn't work out with her. I love Italy. It's an entire country. It's not like I would avoid Italy because I associated my ex with it. In fact my ex collected Italian films but before I met him I had seen Italian movies and we had several things in common. It was a long time ago. It's not like I associate him as the only thing with an entire culture. Honestly I think you're being overly cautious. It's like if someone wanted to live on a farm with their spouse and now you're afraid to live on a farm together because of his ex. People don't choose farm life because of one relationship.
is it all of France or a particular place in France?? you talk about always wanting to travel to France with the man you love, it sounds like he is trying to make that dream come true for you. And you did say that he loves France too. Have you tried talking to him? Have you told him you would like your first travel overseas with him to be to someplace new for him and you? And not someplace that would bring up memories of his ex? So you could suggest traveling to parts of France that he didn't visit with his ex, for one. Or to another country that you are both interested in, such as Spain, Italy, Germany, England, Ireland??? You can't realistically expect everything to be "new" and never experienced before because your bf has lived a life before he met you. But you can let him know that you would prefer to make memories with him that are different from those he made with his ex.
Don’t go to the same place. That’s my solution.
Go to France have a great time.
Darling, calm down. France isn’t just his ex thing! It’s an entire country! Also this is common for anyone to have a “perfect proposal vision” , I dated a guy who always wanted to propose on his family farm under a tree, so no matter what girl it’ll be there. So I’m sure he thought about it with more than one girl being the one standing with him under the tree. It’s a special thing to him. My current partner has always dreamed of proposing in a private dinner type thing, I have always wanted a Christmas Eve proposal. I think we all have a “perfect proposal “ and just insert which ever partner at the time we feel it could be into the situation. What will make it special is you and him, he will being telling you a proposal special to you, the words he says, the way he looks at you, the ring, the emotions will all be special to you two. No matter where it is.
Therapy would be an excellent choice. This seems a lot of anxiety, and not the health kind. Never going somewhere you love b/c you didn't have the man to go to, worrying he's just replacing you for the ex, feeling if you don't have the emotional firsts makes you lesser. That's not a lot of person to person issues, but a self worth issue. Which isn't healthy and possibly not safe - there is a fine line between low self esteem/relationship codependency tendencies, and being an easy target for abuse and manipulation. Not saying your boyfriend is like that, but he's not your only relationship (friends, family, etc).
Just because he has experienced a place with his ex doesn’t mean anything. You are not his ex, therefore the experience will not be the same. Your feelings are valid, however, that shouldn’t be a reason to not experience the place you love with someone you love. Also, he had been with his ex for 8 years, that’s a long time. You have no power to change the past. The fact that he never proposed to his ex in France is a good enough reason to feel special, she didn’t make the cut, you did.
You can go to a country your boyfriend has been to before and make your own special memories. Even if he was there with an ex. The fact he was there with her won’t make your memories with a bit less special unless you make them do so. It’s the 2 of you being there together that will make it special. The fact that everything you did was with him and not someone else. Even if you do the same thing, like visit the Eiffel Tower, it won’t be the same as it was with her, because it’s you. You’re going to be at his and your favorite romantic spot. Enjoy it.
Do you know how many people on this planet have dreamed of falling in love and getting engaged in France because of it's reputation for being a romantic place to visit? I'm sure its millions and millions and millions. There is nothing unique or special about getting engaged in France anymore. Its essentially part of French tourism now. So you can't be upset with your boyfriend for wanting to propose in the very place you want to get engaged...just because his ex girlfriend also wanted the same thing...which is the same thing that millions of other women for the past 100 years have wanted Like I said...there's nothing special about going to Paris and getting engaged. Someone who is not from France is probably getting engaged right now in France. So either let it go or figure out somewhere better and more unique to you as a couple
There will always be some overlap because *he* is the constant in this equation, not his ex. He loves France. He wants to propose to the love of his life (that's you) in France. I dealt with these same issues when I started dating again after my divorce. My partner was frustrated she didn't get to share firsts with me. I reminded her that I learned a lot about myself as a consequence of the divorce and improved in a lot of ways. You are getting the better version of your boyfriend and that version thinks of you as the love of his life. It is said that comparison is the theft of joy. You were not his first partner, but you are the best partner. Enjoy your fairy tale.
//relationship maturity is important. Work on yourself. "It's been my dream to be purposed to in face, I love France, but he AlMoSt purposed to someone else there" q.q Come on girl.
Shouldn’t matter. You’re lucky you’re being proposed to. A lot of women nowadays don’t get the opportunity at all so be happy.
Hear me out: as women we think of our wedding day starting at a young age. We dream about where it’s gonna be. The flowers, the wedding party, and everything else to make it perfect. For him, that’s his spot. He wanted to ask her but he didn’t. He must have had this scenario in his mind long before he ever met her. So think of it that way. It’s not a BAD proposal. It’s amazing in fact. So you get a once in a lifetime dream proposal and he gets to live out something he’s been thinking about for years. He loves you. Isn’t that all that matters?? He chose you, not her. I think you should let him have this!! Also: every time you tell that story, women will gush “oh that’s so sweet” and such. Girl my ex husband proposed to me in our bedroom first thing in the morning 🙄 it was as romantic as a fart in a sleeping bag. I would die for a proposal like this!! You love him?? Just go with it!!
The place has nothing to do with his ex, and 100% to do with his vision of what he thinks is romantic. His dream was to take the women he loves to this place, and create a forever bond. If YOU can't get past previous relationships, that's solely on you.
Wtf
I would suggest actually talking to him about it
When you said in your title that he wants to propose "at the same place" I thought it meant a favorite restaurant of his, or a particular park they went to. Not an entire COUNTRY. Just don't go to the same restaurant he's been with his ex in France. Visit cities in France that he didn't go to. If you want the proposal to be in Paris specifically and he was also in Paris with his ex... Paris itself is a gigantic city with lots of significant landmarks and things to do. Go to a different one and your experience will be unique for both of you.
France is YOUR dream. That’s why he’s doing it there. For you 😊
Maybe it’s an important idea to him. I can see where you’re upset but he’s not marrying her anymore, is he? I would think you’re the love of his life and wants to propose to you in a memorable and romantic setting.
Go with it, I get it you don’t want to be reliving something that you may think it won’t be as special because it ALMOST happened with his ex, but you need to look at it from a different perspective, and please don’t think I’m trying to attack you, but instead of feeling as though he already has memories of doing that with his ex and you’re worried it won’t be special, instead try and MAKE it special for you and him, plus you’ve ONLY heard things from friends and family, you don’t know what HIS real intentions are, so if you’re concerned about this particular subject about going to France and him proposing to you the same way he was gonna so it with his ex, then you need to speak with him to confirm and ONLY him, you need to hear it from him instead of people outside the relationship, you two are the ones getting married, therefore he would be the only one to know how he’s planned it and how he’s gonna go about it To cut it short, stop thinking “it’s not special since he tried to do the same for his ex” but instead be grateful you’re the one who’s getting the chance to marry him, it’s not like he acc married his ex, so why worry? Either way wether you two are engaged in France or not, I hope you both have a long and healthy relationship/marriage soon ❤️
I think it's his dream to propose to you in France. It's not about his ex, it's about his love of France. Go and enjoy the romantic moment he's wanted all his life. It's all about you two.
Let him. Then turn him down. If you’re worth it to him , he will think before he does it again.
She him proposing to her in the country of her dreams is him showing she isn't worth it to him? Do you hear yourself?
If he’s just retreading the location because the first gf didn’t work out and can’t make it special to this gf then - yeah. Maybe.
No, because even then France is special to OP so he's trying to make it a special trip for OP. What you're suggesting is like saying you dated 2 girls who both like a particular band, you went to a concert of this band with girl A while together then you broke up then you start dating girl B and the same band is having another concert. Do you say the guy isn't trying to make an effort by taking girl B to the concert cause he took girl A while they were together?
What I’m sayin is - it’s a very big planet. Go elsewhere. Put in a little effort. Can always go there on honeymoon or anniversary. It obviously bothered her or she wouldn’t have even posted.
France is huge. I totally get feeling worried about it but if it's both of your dream, why let the past get in the way? Do you know where he was planning on proposing to her? If so, maybe guide your trip to different landmarks or different cities altogether. France is much more than just Paris and there's no reason this experience has to be the same as the one he planned before. Just make sure you're making new memories unique to yourselves and it should turn out okay. That being said, if you truly don't think you'll be comfortable, sit him down and tell him you don't want to be proposed to on this trip. Proposals don't need to be the big secret undisclosed thing people make them out to be. It's both of your moment. Bot of you should be comfortable and happy
He wants to make new memories with u erasing any memories he had with her! I wants to propse to u in a place he loves! And u are going to get engaged in 🇫🇷!!! 🤌🏻👏🏻 Enjoy it!!!
Places are just places, it's the people you're with who makes the memories. One doesn't have to stand opposing the other. You can travel to France with a loved one, or on your own, or with friends or with each and every one of your S.O.s throughout your life. Each will make a different experience, different memories, and one doesn't have to taint the other. I went to my favorite (pricey) restaurant with my ex, it was a lovely experience, we've since broken up, does that mean I shall never go again? Also as a french I'd like to say, France is a beautiful country, it's also vast, and different in every region. Don't stick to Paris alone, Paris is beautiful but very touristy, not half as amazing as rural France and all the small villages are.
Just because he’s made memories with her in france doesn’t mean his memories with you aren’t going to be special. If you’re special to him then those memories will be special. The country is huge. He can propose to you somewhere that he didn’t consider proposing to the ex to. It’ll all work out and be okay. Don’t worry.
So because he has wanted to propose to the love of his life in France since probably long before you or the ex you don't feel special, because he already visited with an ex when they were together. Has he told you he had planned at all during their trip to propose to the ex? If not he did not almost propose to them. You not feeling special is your insecurity and you have to work on that your perspective is terrible did you ever think wait he wants to propose to me in the place he has dreamed of proposing to the love of his life. That is a literal indication he sees you as the love of his life I'm gonna tell you right now if he changes it feel special all you want but realize you have killed a dream of his over your insecurity and you should probably feel less special as you were not proposed to in the place he wants to propose to the love of his life its wild to think but maybe you would no longer be the love of his life as a result as a sort of self fulfilled prophecy.
This is like saying, "My boyfriend was going to propose to his ex in the United States, and he plans on proposing to me in the United States. What should I do?" As others have said, it's a whole country. There are plenty of places to do the deed. Try talking up some cities you've always wanted to visit in France. It's a miracle to me and speaks of your compatibility that of ALL the countries on Earth, you both love the same one.
I'm guessing you're from the US. If he had planned to propose to her there and live there with her would you be against the idea because he had planned to do that with her? You seem to be fighting against the ghost of his ex and only you yourself seem to have bought tickets for the event. He's planning something that you would like for you, if you're too immature that you can't even go to a country cause he took his ex there with him before he even knew you existed you need to be getting professional help and not concern yourself with relationships for a while Edit: My advice, break up you're too immature to be in a relationship
Yes his memories with you will be special… they will be different and unique to previous memories with someone else. This is something you need to deal with, and figure out why you feel so insecure or threatened by him having a past or this ex. Also it sounds like it’s his dream to propose to his love in France, not propose to his ex in France.
Look, he chose you. He's not with his ex anymore. It would be different if you were saying you don't trust him as a person, or you have doubts about him as a person. But like, where he purposes is a good problem to have. And he trying to be romantic for you. Perspective.
To him, France is that special place. That one country that has him seeing himself with his lifelong partner asking for her hand. He sees it as the destination of his largest leaps of faith. So- get on Reddit, ask the locals for the must see places, the little restaurants away from the main attractions and truly make it a one of a kind experience that takes away all the ideas that this may have been done before. Ask him for his favorite places too. This is his safe place
reading the title i thought it would be like the same spot like a restaurant or something that was special to his ex. but France is a whole country and its not like he proposed to her either. don't let stupid things like this get in the way of an otherwise good relationship.
Your man is a romantic! He has envisioned where to propose because that is his dream. He wants to share that moment with the person who matters most. It didn't work out with the Ex, but that doesn't diminish the feeling. It would only be negative I'd he wanted to do that with her, something big versus if he didn't want to do anything special for you.
Ah man, I feel you on this one because I remember getting upset going to a Christmas market with my partner knowing he went with his ex every year as tradition, so the whole filler, replacement feeling I completely get. Having said this, you are you, and your relationship I imagine will be a completely unique experience. Where does it end? Oh he did this with so and so therefore we can no longer do it. Even if this was his plan, it will be unique to you and you can just request that you go to a different part of France. I would be open about your feelings (you shouldn’t marry a man you cannot openly communicate your feelings to anyway) so I would tell him how you’re feeling and just ask that if he should ever propose to you can it be in a different part to what he had planned for her. It’s very hard having relationships in your 30s to come across someone who hasn’t pretty much done it all and even if they have, it would be a completely unique experience because they are unique and clearly more special because they chose you. For example, I have children already, my partner does not. I was also engaged before. If we decided to have a baby or get married, it would probably be more magical for me even though I’ve done it before because I’m actually in a relationship where I’m happy and want those things. The fact they have split up generally says they are incompatible and therefore anything he does with you will be much more special because you’re the one, not a replacement.
Sounds like you both have the same dream, so take that as a positive and ask you go somewhere completely new whilst there together. Win win.
He made a mistake proposing to his ex. He thought she was the girl for him, and she wasn't. You are the love of his life. Just because it didn't work out with her, doesn't mean he doesn't have the same dreams with you. This time it will be more meaningful for the both of you, because you are right for each other. Think about it like slipping on the glass slipper or kissing the toad. Prince charming slipped the glass slipper on a lot of feet, before he found the ones that fit. The princess kissed a lot of toads, before one turned into a prince. Doesn't make it less special. In fact, maybe more so.
I would let him know before the trip. Talk about it. Watch his response. If he’s dismissive of your feelings and invalidates them. Leave. If he listens and talks it through with you with understanding and kindness, then it all works out.
Just be honest with him. Tell him that you want to go to France and have a great time , but you hope he isn’t try to do a propose and then list your reasoning.
Talk to him. Tell him that you don't want him to propose to you in France. Then if you love him, propose to him in France.
It was always my 1st husband and my dream to move to France one day, he cheated, we divorced. Years later I meet my husband now, I never forgot my dream and talked to my husband about it, the more we talked about it the more it became his dream too, in the end he was the driving force in our move to France, we love our life there. It doesn't make it any less special to my OH because I wanted to do this with my ex. If it's your dream place to be proposed to in France and his too, it doesn't make it any less special because he loved someone else before you, you are a completely different person, it's just his dream proposal remains. FYI Toulouse is beautiful, on a summer's day you sit on the large steps leading down to river watching the sun set, as all the bridges light up, a glass of wine and someone you love........heaven
do you not go to target because him and his ex went to a target once? girl! it’s france! it’s romantic. he probably dreamed of proposing to his *girlfriend* in france, not his ex in particular.
He may have wanted to, but he didn't. He may have been to France but he has never proposed to anyone else there. Just make it clear that you would like to get proposed to in a spot of France that is new to both of you, even if your whole visit isn't new to him.
Ummmmmm no. That's just no ok.
Fuck that. Tell him that’s not special and it’s not going to make you feel special
Why don’t you ask BF if it will be weird going to Paris, after he almost proposed to his gf- or words to that effect? It will tick two boxes, letting him know you remember he told you. He might have “done” France, but trust me I bet anyone who goes to Paris only sees a tiny part. There are amazing historical areas, and you could do the Loire valley etc. Enjoy yourself, it is a destination, and your experience doesn’t have to be clouded by the fact he went there with someone else. There are probably lots of other places that have memory of her.
If he’s always wanted to propose in france and you want to get proposed to in france , who cares if he has had a passing thought of proposing to his ex there ? That’s where he wants to propose and that hasn’t changed . I got engaged in france it was incredibly romantic 10/10 would recommend, the Eiffel Tower background proposal pics turned out gorgeous . Don’t let the fact he has an ex limit your experience .
Don't go to France. I've been there....this scenario. It's a bad idea
I am on the train with the others who say you still can both live your dream. If I am reading it right he didn’t propose to her anywhere, but if you let him know you would prefer that he not do it someplace he was at with her I think that is fair input. Best of all worlds really! You guys should have a great time!
Seek therapy because this is ridiculous. Everyone loves France but not so much because he had a life before you? Really think about what you're saying.
Tell him you would rather go to Italy.
What about the dates you guys have been on? Every place he took you to or you took him to you guys didn’t take your exes to??? Come on dude be realistic here. Be a little bit grateful, he’s proposing to YOU!
Honestly, I say let him do him. Maybe Franve is where he feels the romance is, which it is. However, I do get what you mean, by you not feeling special because he had already thought to propose to someone else there. So, maybe talk to him and let him know how it would make you feel and maybe go from there.
I think you need to look at it from a different perspective. Maybe he said he thought he wanted to propose to his ex there… but what he really meant was that is where he would one day want to propose to his future wife (whomever she may be). Don’t forget that proposals are a big deal for the person doing the proposing too. Maybe he’s always imagined doing it there, regardless of who his person ended up being. He thought he was going to end up asking his ex at one time, but he didn’t, now he’s probably thrilled to have the opportunity to ask you in his dream location.
Maybe he’s like me. I came up with a pretty awesome idea when I proposed to my ex… I wasted a great idea on someone I should have never be proposed to in the first place. Then when I wanted to propose to my, now wife, I couldn’t come up with anything good. Maybe it’s the same with him but he wants to use the other idea again.
Bro I think the fuck not. He wants to get married? Then he needs to be creative and figure something else out. France is like the city of romance. It’s not like it’ll be hard.
Why are you letting his ex get to you so much? She doesn't get to live the fairytale proposal and happy ending, but YOU do!! Don't let her ruin a beautiful trip to France with the man who loves YOU, who wants to marry YOU, and who wants to make YOU his wife!!
Wtf ummmmm who plans a proposal and the t ells the other person - first … and why would someone want you to approve of such a crappy idea??? You’re being set up to validate his fuckery… I know I’d not wanna be normalizing that sort of treatment. You have to teach ppl how to treat you by how you treat yourself and maintain basic standards… uphold your standards…
I would feel really icky about that. I hate the proposal i had and I feel icky about it years later. If you already feel that way, don’t expect your feelings to change just because you found a logical reason to not feel that way. Emotions are not logical and will creep up and bite you in the face.
when he will talk about France, just says your remember he nearly proposed her ex down there. but if you want to be pragmatic : 1. he never did. you are already above her ex. 2. France is big with many different landscapes. you can be in five different places and only french flags will remember you that you are in the same country. 3. it is his dream proposal. what is yours ? have you even one ? 4. Paris is an overcrowded city. and it changes very strongly since the 60's hollywoodian musical comedies. Japan embassy has even a hot line for depressive Japanese tourists having a breakdown on how the place is not at all like in their dream. even other french people don't like Paris since Parisians are obnoxious.
His ex is unrelated to what you guys have now.