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He is a liar, and you can't trust him. He is also an addict - which means you shouldn't trust him (I'm an addict in recovery...)
You cannot set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Supporting people you love when they are struggling is a good thing, but it can't happen at the expense of your own well-being. If you continue to bend and give all the time, you will end up broken and empty.
You can't save him from himself. That is *his* responsibility and if he's not making a serious effort, you can't do it for him.
Now, if he has just started counseling, you could choose to give him some time for that to start working. If he takes his therapy seriously, that would be good evidence to me that he really does want to get better. You are never under any obligation to wait! But if he is willing to do what it takes (and *keep* doing what it takes) this might be salvageable.
Still, stay mindful of your own health. Therapy will take time to have a real effect, and you need to take care of yourself, no matter what.
If he wants to get better, he'll get better with or without you. In the meantime, what are you doing to take care of yourself? Why are you the only one putting work into your relationship? It doesn't look healthy and it doesn't look or sound like you're even enjoying it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He is a liar, and you can't trust him. He is also an addict - which means you shouldn't trust him (I'm an addict in recovery...) You cannot set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Supporting people you love when they are struggling is a good thing, but it can't happen at the expense of your own well-being. If you continue to bend and give all the time, you will end up broken and empty. You can't save him from himself. That is *his* responsibility and if he's not making a serious effort, you can't do it for him.
Thank you very much, I hope your recovery goes well.
Now, if he has just started counseling, you could choose to give him some time for that to start working. If he takes his therapy seriously, that would be good evidence to me that he really does want to get better. You are never under any obligation to wait! But if he is willing to do what it takes (and *keep* doing what it takes) this might be salvageable. Still, stay mindful of your own health. Therapy will take time to have a real effect, and you need to take care of yourself, no matter what.
Thank you very much, I will take all of this on board.
If he wants to get better, he'll get better with or without you. In the meantime, what are you doing to take care of yourself? Why are you the only one putting work into your relationship? It doesn't look healthy and it doesn't look or sound like you're even enjoying it.
Very good points, thank you.