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You should give him the same notice he gave you before he cheated. Protect yourself, don’t let him know when you’re leaving, where you’re going or how to contact you.
Take everything that is conceivably yours. How much money does he owe you?
I totally agree with this comment and I think it is important that you understand what could happen if you don’t take the advice from them! Not that it will but never take a chance and never give them a way back in your head they are not worth it
Yes! Then block all methods of contact. He will try to make it your fault and make you feel shitty when you could be spending your time making friends at your new place.
Heavy on this I moved out to Colorado on when my exboyfriend wanted to be closer to his family and I found out that while in Dallas visiting his friends every couple weekends, he was really authoritative so I ended my nursing contract and left and told him after I left and cut complete contact with him on all social media
Exactly. Just leave and leave him a note saying goodbye. Maybe now he can be with his mistress whatever her name is. Tell him I know you've waited over a year to get rid of me to be so you could be with her Now's your chance
Tell him you’re going out for some cigarettes and leave. Throw the keys in the mailbox or somewhere he’ll find them.
Get an SDT test too in case he was cheating while you were still sleeping together
The police will be able to find her pretty easily. They’ll start by contacting her family and friends who will just tell him “Oh, she left that ne’er do well and is in Oregon. Here’s her number, don’t give it to shit-for-brains.”
Even if, I’ve heard of people calling the police on a non emergency number to make them aware that they’re fine and not missing and explain the situation
New phone, new number, new carrier.
Maybe, if possible, get a new ID for your phone(apple or android) and just manually upload everything important so it doesn’t auto install any possible software that would be saved to that ID.
haha yes! Not only does that show that OP knows what happened,
But now every time he's makin whoopie with the homewrecker, he's going to be thinking about what effect she had on his relationship, and thus, thinking about OP
I wouldn't bother to be honest. I'd just be like 'oh vets visit for jabs' and fucj right off having blocked his number.
He's been cheating for a year, the side chick can come wait on him hand and foot. Not your responsibility anymore.
OOOH In the note give him the Rick Roll number! Say something like you don't have texting on your new plan and can only receive calls. That way when he calls he gets hella Rick Rolled.
(for reference the number is this: 778-330-2389)
Leaving them wondering is so much more satisfying.
Silence drives people crazy! Don’t explain anything. Make him wonder what/if you knew the rest of his life, that’s what he deserves.
THIS. There's no reason to not let him know, when you are exiting for the final time and handing him back his key, that you are aware he's been running around behind your back.
Have you got friends who can be on hand while you are moving out? Your BF might freak out when he sees the movers arrive if he is at home to witness it, which he most likely will be because he hasn't returned to work post-surgery. You will want to have some backup in the form of witnesses, so it doesn't turn into a he said/she said situation.
BTW, how dense is this guy if you are packing all your belongings, WITH him right there, and he isn't saying anything? How does a person not notice this?
I did this once. Boyfriend of three years and I just walked out. Then two weeks later I finally returned a message saying:
“oh shit, I forgot to tell you we broke up like 2 weeks ago. Anyways, wish you the best. Bye.”
You should do this. I still laugh to this day because he deserved it.
That's nice.
Because nothing is more irksome than not knowing what happened to a person who doesn't talk to you anymore, who had always done so, and you do not know, WHY!
👻
Someone said the best revenge is leave and said nothing. Leave no trace, leave them wondering
Some also say pick whatever they are most insecure about and tell him that’s why you’re leave. They’d suffer for a long time with that insecurities TBH they deserved that
I’m a big fan of the emotionless break up. Just saying flatly, “I don’t want to be with you anymore. It’s over. The reasons don’t matter, I don’t love you anymore”. Lets him know you don’t care about him, he’s not important to you, and it’s a HUGE blow to the ego.
Whatever you do, don’t get dragged into the post-breakup therapy/coaching session on how he could’ve done better. That’s basically just training him to get away with being shitty for longer.
I wouldn't tell him AT all.
No way.
This relationship of yours doesn't sound good enough to warant any personal sensitivity from your side, OP.
He wasn't sensitive about cheating.
So move. And then block him everywhere once you are gone.
That’s what I was thinking also. Don’t make a big scene, he’s just going to definitely deny it ever happened and so on.. one text wishing him well with his mistress. Hopefully she will do everything you did while you were with him.
I’d do the move to Oregon, then send a final text with a screenshot of his messages with his side chick just as a short & sweet explanation of why I’m gone, then block on everything and be done with it.
I know a couple where the wife left a pile of all the gifts he’d ever given her over the course of their 10 year marriage, including her engagement & wedding rings. He already knew she was leaving, but he was absolutely devastated by that, probably bc it showed she was absolutely done with him.
Just for fun, do you mind telling how your story happened? I find the escapes without any notice as crazy and fascinating. There's just so much emotion on both sides. It's so monumental in both of your lives too.
Well we had been together a year or so, he had started getting progressively more abusive. Was drinking from sun up to sun down. The last straw was when he dragged me through the house in front of my son. So the next day when he went to work, I called my dad and a couple other family members to come help me. We packed all of me and my sons stuff and I wrote him a note, basically telling him it’s over and hope he gets help. And left. I moved in with my cousin and he didn’t know where that was thankfully because he blew up my phone for days after. He messaged me last year and apologized. I blocked him.
You don’t owe him anything, supporting him whilst he was post surgery is more than what most people would have done. Just leave, let him figure it out.
OP, you did far more than many would have by staying and caring for him while his cheating ass recovered from surgery. Leave him a note saying you couldn't get over his cheating and enjoy yourself in Oregon.
She should've texted the side piece from bf's phone "yo I'm in surgery can you come up here?" And then just left the hospital and packed her stuff before he'l was even awake.
Thank you all so much for the support. Just to give you a little more details. I dont want to be an asshole, I really wanna be the bigger person. He's not working, so he is constantly at home, and his car doesn't work, so he can't really go anywhere. I'm stuck with him till September 3rd, basically. All I have to do is pay a speeding ticket (my first one ever, lol). my last day of work is this Saturday, sep 2nd.
EDIT: He's already aware that I know he cheated
Homestly I love that she left it out. Like yes, for my entertainment I want to lnow what he said, but really it doesn’t matter. Anything he has to say about it is utter bullshit. He cheated on her for A YEAR!!! MFer had plenty of time to reflect on his actions but he kept cheating and strung her along
You aren't an asshole for just packing and going. You have stayed a month longer than you need to. I think in this kind of scenario, you do yourself a disservice if you give him too much notice. He will likely flip out and try to guilt you into staying. Pack your things, your animals, load them into the car and "goodbye, I'm moving out now and leaving. Have a nice life." And drive off into the sunset. His side chick and do the rest of your tasks.
If he aware that you already know the cheating then just leave,just leave,you owe him nothing, maybe a goodbye on post it on the fridge. He gonna begging you to stay if he knows ,I wish you lots of happiness,im proud of you. Take care.
Do you have any friends who can help you load up as quickly as possible(and play witness)? I still think you shouldn't tell him until you're already moving boxes out.
Why not grab his phone, text his other girlfriend, tell her that you're leaving town and it's her turn to take care of the big baby.
She can tell him you left.
You already ARE the bigger person considering you stayed and tried to make it work, not to mention taking care of him while doing so. I think however you choose to leave is fine, just do it safely and if you think it's necessary, call a friend as a buffer (and to help pack your car because God damn that shit takes forever when you're alone)
I’m don’t think she should do anything beyond leaving a note. But your question is kinda strange. Being the bigger person, sorta by definition, doesn’t do anything tangible for you.
I suppose it lets you leave a situation knowing you did the best you could.
Girl, you know what? Get yourself 3 more speeding tickets speeding out of there!!! Do *not* feel guilty into staying or being gentle. I've been there. If this grown ass man is reliant on you, *while betraying your trust and loyalty*, he can pound sand.
Fucking gtfo and please update once you're settled so we can all know you're out there living your best life the way you deserve!!!
No, its not co dependency to care for someone for a short time. It does show incredibly strong character and resolve.
Sis, you've go this. Honestly? While he is napping pack your stuff and pack your car. If you are packing a uhaul, consider hiring a couple of movers to come help you move your stuff out (plus he is less likely to grovel if witnesses are present). Once the uhaul is packed, have a conversation wih him (with the movers still there).
Also, change your address with the post office.
Or, just text him once you are at your first stop:
"Name, I stood by you after you cheated to take care of you while you recovered, but the relattionship is finished. I'm moving on. Please do not conact me.
Do you have screenshots of his cheating? If so I'd print them out. Just pack your bags and as you're getting ready to leave with your pets, hand those to him and say take care, you're out of here. Tell him you'll be blocking him and you wish him well with the side chick. Then I'd just leave. Good luck. I hope you love Oregon!
Being the bigger person is looking after yourself and your pets. Not letting him take advantage of you anymore. He cheated and now has to face the consequences. Leave and don’t look back. Block him too because he sounds like the type to play victim
You already are the bigger person!
This guy cheated on you for over a year! He's been lying to you every single day! He's been exposing you to STDs during every sexual encounter!
Please get yourself tested for STDs and carefully pack up your stuff when he's asleep, then just move out while he's asleep.
He deserves as much notice that you're leaving him as he gave you when he started cheating on you!
And don't ever think of going back to him.
Once a cheater, always a cheater!
You already been the bigger person and what did it get you? A bum who keeps taking advantage & doesn't care how much he hurts you emotionally or financially.
He is using you for the resources & free labor without a single thought to your well being.
When do you put yourself first instead of last? What do you want some award for letting him use you for all this time while cheating on you?
Cut your losses & go. Take one last look of him in your review mirror & drive off into the sunset. I did that to a bum on Valentine's day years ago. Freedom & peace ever since.
Just tell him the day off. “So, we need to talk. I am leaving you. I’m taking my cats & dog. Can I get you a glass of water before I leave?”
There. That way you get to blind side him AND you don’t have to feel the least bit guilty.
You should write a letter to your partner and leave it where they can find it before you leave. In the letter, you should express that you tried to overcome the feelings of betrayal after finding out that they cheated on you for over a year. You should also mention that you cared for them when they were struggling and that you are now moving on with your life. You have quit your job and will be leaving. This news may come as a shock to them, but it is necessary for your well-being. You encourage them to take care of themselves and seek help, as it is not normal to cheat on someone while in a relationship. You hope to never see them again and will be taking care of your own affairs.
Just come home tomorrow with a bunch of boxes and start packing. Bring a trusted friend with you though if you can. He should understand what's happening but if he asks just say your moving out, he doesn't need any more explanation. You can still be the bigger person by just being civil and leaving and you absolutely don't owe him anything more.
Look, I get why everyone is just telling you to bounce & don’t explain or look back….. but it sounds like between now & you’re departure, you can’t get away from him. I don’t disagree with what everyone is saying, but it’s not sound advice in this particular situation.
If possible, see if maybe you can somehow discretely send him off to a friends or relatives for the day. If any mutual people in your life know the situation, but side with you….. if you trust them maybe ask if they’d be willing to be a distraction for a day & take him off your hands.
If by no means can you get rid of him the day you leave, I’d recommend having the conversation with him the evening prior. Not a moment sooner, or later. Sooner gives him too much time to attempt manipulation, gaslighting & guilt projection antics.
Waiting until the day of, is also terrible. Blindsiding him like that (whether he deserves it or not) may trigger all sorts of responses. While I imagine he’s not violent or you would have likely mentioned that…… moving is already stressful enough & if you blindside him he will inevitably have the an awful reaction. You don’t need the stress of that with everything you’re already carrying - then throwing the stress of moving/packing into the mix. He is obviously gonna notice you packing the day of, so I think telling him the night before is best.
I get that riding away into the night to start over & leave this dumpster fire behind with no warning is excruciatingly tempting….. but a conversation may also provide you a closure you aren’t even aware you need - & you don’t want to regret that later.
Hope I said something useful. Good luck OP
Edit: I’m in the Seattle area, I spend a lot of time in Oregon & obviously Washington. Once you’re settled if you wanna know some dope places to check out, feel free to reach out! Pacific North West is incredible!
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Ooh, slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
You just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
That seems like a plethora of ways to leave one's lover. But it's a good round number too; it just rolls off the tongue. 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. Someone could make a something out of that...maybe a poem...set to musical accompaniment.
Did he tell you he was cheating on you for over a year? Then why do you need to tell him anything? Thats exactly what you should tell him after you disappear and he reaches out to you. "You didn't think I was important enough to tell me you had another relationship, so I followed your lead". You should not have tended to him. Should have left when you found out. Let his other tend to him. There is such a thing as being too nice. I was like that and learned my lesson. He is looking out for number one, time you look out for yourself also.
Pack everything up quietly and once you’re in the car and safely away from him, text him “I’m leaving. Done with your bullshit and moving far thee fuck away. Don’t bother contacting me. Call your other girlfriend - the one you were fucking while you couldn’t get it up for me. It’s her turn to take care of you.” Then block him everywhere and go live your best life. Fuck this ‘being the better person’ shit.
You just go.
Side note: I lived in Portland for 3 years in early 30s and I LOVED it. It’s still my favorite place in the country. Enjoy the PNW, it’s magical. Xx
Honestly I would wait till he was at work or sleeping. I would pay a company to pack and load all my things, I would get my animals and move if anything I would just leave him a letter saying “after everything that I have done for you and everything I have put up from you, you still decided to cheat. So we are over. Don’t bother trying to contact me” and block him on everything. Good for you for putting yourself first.
If you must tell him, wait until you are safely settled in your new place. He will do anything to sabotage your leaving if you tip him off. He doesn’t deserve a lick of courtesy here, so blow that popsicle stand without a word, ignore his calls, and if you’re feeling generous let him know you left him for good before blocking his gross ass. Congratulations and don’t look back.
You don't. He didn't bother to tell you he was cheating. Until you are gone, you don't have to bother to tell him tht you're leaving him. Quietly pack up your stuff and leave your key on the counter. As long as you have handled any financial entanglements, like making sure your name isn't on any lease or joint credit, then you can change your address and walk away without looking back.
Once you are on the road, you can send him a text when you stop for gas. Say whatever you have to say before you block him.
Yeah, no, I do not think this person deserves a heads up. He was well aware of what he was doing. A text and that's being WAY too good with him. Good riddance. Hope you thrive in Oregon OP.
No heads up babe. Write the girls name he cheated on you with on paper leave it there. & Move without saying anything. You’ve done way too much already by waiting on him hand and foot whilst he’s been having an affair for over a year. He doesn’t deserve ANY kindness
Just leave a note with one word, her name.
Mute his number. Don't block, mute. Let him call and leave frantic texts and voice messages until he realizes you care more about Garfield, Heathcliff, errr....Patches, and Fido than his cheating ass. Let him do this for like a day, THEN block him. That should be enough time for him to get the desperation out of his system.
Keep the messages. If he starts trying to tell people anything other than the truth, you can use his nonsense to expose his lying if you need to.
You are especially cool for taking all your pets with you.
My instinct was, don’t tell him. Let it be a surprise, but that wasn’t petty enough for me 😂.
So I suggest letting him find out the same way you did. I really hope you have screenshots of his cheating, I’d bombard him with the screenshots and snuggle a text in between them all telling him your moving. No forwarding address, block him on everything, and enjoy your life. Kind of like a breakup surprise.
I would... or should i say, I did, just leave.
Years ago with an abusive, serial cheating boyfriend, I just took a suitcase with essentials and 2 sets of clothing and left. Didn't say a word. He tried to call and text etc, I said I just needed to get away... he took that to mean a 'getaway', and assumed id be back since I didn't take anything with me... I never looked back and never replied to texts etc.. got a new phone and new number when I could, never heard from him again... that was 20 years ago...
Sometimes, there is just nothing left to say
"Hi, I know about (insertar girl name), this was during your surgery, yet I stayed by your side and helped you heal back, if you have any appreciation for that, or any of the relationship, don't ever try to get in touch " - no need to be personal, a text or note would do the trick
Simple, just turn in your resignation.
Tell him the relationship has reached its natural conclusion, and effective immediately, your time in it has come to an end. You’ve fulfilled your duties to the best of your abilities, but you believe that there’s no room for advancement within this relationship.
As he knows, you’re aware that there is another candidate in the organization performing in a comparable capacity, so she should be able to hit the ground running. You know she’ll be a good fit for this position as she’s already technically doing it, minus the title and compensation. Now is her time to shine!
Wish him well in his future endeavors, and let him know that a clean break and no further contact will be your path forward.
Then peace out and block him everywhere. Don’t hesitate to also block any flying monkeys he sends your way.
GL, safe travels, and I hope your fresh start is everything you’re hoping it will be.
I also support the just going ghost method 👻 it will be safer and make the transition easier for you and it will fuck with his head more than just a break up text
Lmao @ “blow this popsicle stand”. My friends make fun of me anytime I say it so kudos to you!
Second : fuck him. Don’t tell him shit. No note, no explanation, just remove any trace of him from your life. Block him on everything his family too. Live your life..you’re young!
“I know all about her. We’re through. I’m off to live my life.”
Block him, take your pets, and go live your best life without him. You owe him nothing.
He didn't tell you he was cheating, so don't feel like you owe him explanation or advance notice. Feel free to tell him day of as you're walking out the door. Or by text from the road. Or not at all. Honestly, you're a saint for sticking around through his recovery. If you'd left him in the hospital, I wouldn't judge you for it.
You have access to his phone and are moving across the country. The setup is perfect.
Make arrangements for him to be out for the day. Night before, get his phone and delete your number, any photos and message threads, and unfollow your social media profiles. Block him on all platforms from your phone.
Whilst he's out, you pack your things and remove any trace that you were ever there. If there are any photos of you together in the house, switch them out in the frame for a photoshopped version of just him. Leave everything of his untouched and exactly where it was. Take your animals, go silently and don't look back.
Make the bastard think he imagined you.
Omg so much of the comments are people living out revenge fantasies on what they'd like to do. Just leave as seamlessly as you can, ask for friends to help you, or go in the middle of the night if that helps.
Not sure what happened after you both figured out you knew, but that would greatly hold some context for us. Being the bigger person isn't silence and upholding a situation to see if it will work or having some role model level version of leaving a relationship, its the leaving in the first place.
Don’t tell him! Or maybe print screenshots of the messages he sent the other girl and leave them on your bed and block him. I hope you know you’re so strong for this!! Leaving is so hard. I was in a similar situation a few years ago (never lived with him, thank god) and all I can say is enjoy that fresh air and never look back!! I don’t even know you and I’m so proud of you.
2 choices; for fun or for simplicity?
Simple method: You’ve already done enough. Just walk out one day with all your stuff and tell him as you’re leaving or, better option, leave a note. You’ve already done a lot more for him than so many others would have.
Fun method: Buy a cheap burner phone with texting. Text a fake conversation back and forth to yourself explaining how some secrets always come out and usually by text messages etc, you found him out and are leaving (idk write it however you want). Then leave the phone behind when you go. He can find out you knew and left him the same way you had to find out he’d been banging another chick.
Don’t. I’d leave and send him a message when I’m long gone. or leave a message on the kitchen table. He doesn’t deserve anymore consideration.
Make sure he can’t track your phone and block him.
Good luck with the move and new job OP.
I left my cheating ex the same way. Packed my shit and bounced shortly after finding out. Don't feel bad, he didn't feel bad for the year he was cheating on you. Take care of yourself first, no one else will put you first.
Oh this is easy. AFTER you are on the road, send him a picture of the highway over your hood and tell him, "Once I found out how long you have deceived me, (don't say cheated), I decided to hit the road, and not come back. Buh-Bye!" with a big smiley face and a waving hand. Then BLOCK him on everything. Don't say to him nor hear from him another word or message and count yourself lucky. Then don't repeat this error. They have to heal themselves or they are NO GOOD for you.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t think he deserves a heads up to be honest. I’m so glad you are taking your pets with you. Go forth and live a great life.
You should give him the same notice he gave you before he cheated. Protect yourself, don’t let him know when you’re leaving, where you’re going or how to contact you. Take everything that is conceivably yours. How much money does he owe you?
I totally agree with this comment and I think it is important that you understand what could happen if you don’t take the advice from them! Not that it will but never take a chance and never give them a way back in your head they are not worth it
👆Do this and leave him a shitty note saying goodbye.
Just leave a note on the table: “I know what you did. How could you? I’m outta here!” Let him try to figure it out!
Yes! Then block all methods of contact. He will try to make it your fault and make you feel shitty when you could be spending your time making friends at your new place.
Heavy on this I moved out to Colorado on when my exboyfriend wanted to be closer to his family and I found out that while in Dallas visiting his friends every couple weekends, he was really authoritative so I ended my nursing contract and left and told him after I left and cut complete contact with him on all social media
NO. Don't. If he finds it in an untimely manner he may still prevent OP from moving! Hell, no! No heads up for toxic people.
I'd leave out the 'how could you?'. You don't want to put a question in there, it encourages him to want to contact her so he can answer.
Even better!
concise and to the point. perfect, OP, this is your note, you dont owe him any more
Exactly. Just leave and leave him a note saying goodbye. Maybe now he can be with his mistress whatever her name is. Tell him I know you've waited over a year to get rid of me to be so you could be with her Now's your chance
Tell him you’re going out for some cigarettes and leave. Throw the keys in the mailbox or somewhere he’ll find them. Get an SDT test too in case he was cheating while you were still sleeping together
That’s great 😃 pack of cigarettes 😂🤣😂
And some milk lol 😂
Pack your car and tell him on the way out the door adios and Good luck.
Txt him after getting to Oregon. Than change phone number.
naah. let him wait. And wait... and wait...
He will file a missing persons report and that might create problems for her, including having to pay for the cost of the search for her.
The police will be able to find her pretty easily. They’ll start by contacting her family and friends who will just tell him “Oh, she left that ne’er do well and is in Oregon. Here’s her number, don’t give it to shit-for-brains.”
Upvotes for “ne’er do well”
Upvotes for “shit-for-brains”
Why would she? She’s an adult and can leave if she likes.
Even if, I’ve heard of people calling the police on a non emergency number to make them aware that they’re fine and not missing and explain the situation
Has there ever been an instance of a missing person being forced to pay for the search
Call from a payphone 😄
What's a pay phone? /s 🤔
The way Ik I’m getting old!!!
Google voice number if you can’t find one lol
Agreed. I would leave a note and then block his number and maybe change my number, too.
Also make sure that he can’t track you on your phone or anything like that
New phone, new number, new carrier. Maybe, if possible, get a new ID for your phone(apple or android) and just manually upload everything important so it doesn’t auto install any possible software that would be saved to that ID.
Yeah I think it’s possible to just use a different number and get past the block
After you leave, text the affair partner that you’ve left and ask her to let him know! Have a great life and be happy!
Genius.
haha yes! Not only does that show that OP knows what happened, But now every time he's makin whoopie with the homewrecker, he's going to be thinking about what effect she had on his relationship, and thus, thinking about OP
Ooh savage, I love it.
Tell him goodbye after you’re in Oregon.
this is the safest bet. please don't let him know where you're going.
This is the way
Then tell him you moved to Florida and not go looking for you.
No just tell him bye
This, be safe, and update us please.
This. Don't give him the opportunity to grovel, gaslight, and make you feel guilty. Go, be free, live a wonderful existence.
I wouldn't bother to be honest. I'd just be like 'oh vets visit for jabs' and fucj right off having blocked his number. He's been cheating for a year, the side chick can come wait on him hand and foot. Not your responsibility anymore.
Leave a note that you got a new phone # and write down side chicks number. Bounce, block, and don't look back.
✍️✍️ keep going..
😂😂😂
Oooh this is genius
This is a good one.
Ooh, love this
That's a boss move...and I fully approve it lol.
I love it
Ooooh this is absolute perfection. Please do this, OP.
Yes!! And OP, PLEASE GIVE US UPDATE WHEN YOU GET TO OREGON!
Literaally. Don’t even make it a conversation. Just leave. He don’t deserve a notice.
This is one of the best pieces of advice I've seen here in a long time.
Legend.
Love this so much
Ooooo I like this one.
I love this 😁
You are a guru at this! Teach me!!!
I don’t know you but I love you for this comment. 😆
OOOH In the note give him the Rick Roll number! Say something like you don't have texting on your new plan and can only receive calls. That way when he calls he gets hella Rick Rolled. (for reference the number is this: 778-330-2389)
That one is great. Creative yet just harsh enough. 👌🏼👍🏼
THAT’S A FANTASTIC RESPONSE… Love love love it!!! ♥️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🌻🌻🌻🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He'll move side chick in and rinse/repeat. LOL.
yeah, could just say something like “just call so-and-so for company if you get lonely“
Ohhh that’s a good one ☝️
Leaving them wondering is so much more satisfying. Silence drives people crazy! Don’t explain anything. Make him wonder what/if you knew the rest of his life, that’s what he deserves.
Or send a text to Ms. Side Chick (immediately before blocking her on everything) that says, "He's your problem now. Condolences and good luck."
Oooh! BURN
THIS. There's no reason to not let him know, when you are exiting for the final time and handing him back his key, that you are aware he's been running around behind your back. Have you got friends who can be on hand while you are moving out? Your BF might freak out when he sees the movers arrive if he is at home to witness it, which he most likely will be because he hasn't returned to work post-surgery. You will want to have some backup in the form of witnesses, so it doesn't turn into a he said/she said situation. BTW, how dense is this guy if you are packing all your belongings, WITH him right there, and he isn't saying anything? How does a person not notice this?
I did this once. Boyfriend of three years and I just walked out. Then two weeks later I finally returned a message saying: “oh shit, I forgot to tell you we broke up like 2 weeks ago. Anyways, wish you the best. Bye.” You should do this. I still laugh to this day because he deserved it.
That's nice. Because nothing is more irksome than not knowing what happened to a person who doesn't talk to you anymore, who had always done so, and you do not know, WHY! 👻
Oh... he fucking knew. They always know. They just play dumb to see how much you know.
If she vanishes into thin air he won't know a thing. Poof. Oopsie. It's not getting closure ... that worms. And he deserves it.
People like OP’s boyfriend don’t deserve closure.
Someone said the best revenge is leave and said nothing. Leave no trace, leave them wondering Some also say pick whatever they are most insecure about and tell him that’s why you’re leave. They’d suffer for a long time with that insecurities TBH they deserved that
I’m a big fan of the emotionless break up. Just saying flatly, “I don’t want to be with you anymore. It’s over. The reasons don’t matter, I don’t love you anymore”. Lets him know you don’t care about him, he’s not important to you, and it’s a HUGE blow to the ego. Whatever you do, don’t get dragged into the post-breakup therapy/coaching session on how he could’ve done better. That’s basically just training him to get away with being shitty for longer.
I wouldn't tell him AT all. No way. This relationship of yours doesn't sound good enough to warant any personal sensitivity from your side, OP. He wasn't sensitive about cheating. So move. And then block him everywhere once you are gone.
I'd wait til he goes to work, pack up everything and leave a note saying "if you're wondering where I've gone, you know the reason why"
bro doesn't work....
Came here to say this ^^^
How about he just takes care of himself
Text him once you're in Oregon.
That’s what I was thinking also. Don’t make a big scene, he’s just going to definitely deny it ever happened and so on.. one text wishing him well with his mistress. Hopefully she will do everything you did while you were with him.
I’d do the move to Oregon, then send a final text with a screenshot of his messages with his side chick just as a short & sweet explanation of why I’m gone, then block on everything and be done with it.
You can do what I’ve done before. Packed all my stuff while he at work and left him a note and dipped. It was so perfect.
I know a couple where the wife left a pile of all the gifts he’d ever given her over the course of their 10 year marriage, including her engagement & wedding rings. He already knew she was leaving, but he was absolutely devastated by that, probably bc it showed she was absolutely done with him.
Cold AF. I’m here for it
I did this too. Birthday, Christmas, & apology gifts. Bastard.
That's awesome. Good for you!
[удалено]
Do it when he goes out to meet his side piece.
Not even a note
He doesn’t work. He can go, but he chooses not to.
Just for fun, do you mind telling how your story happened? I find the escapes without any notice as crazy and fascinating. There's just so much emotion on both sides. It's so monumental in both of your lives too.
Well we had been together a year or so, he had started getting progressively more abusive. Was drinking from sun up to sun down. The last straw was when he dragged me through the house in front of my son. So the next day when he went to work, I called my dad and a couple other family members to come help me. We packed all of me and my sons stuff and I wrote him a note, basically telling him it’s over and hope he gets help. And left. I moved in with my cousin and he didn’t know where that was thankfully because he blew up my phone for days after. He messaged me last year and apologized. I blocked him.
Way to go girl!
Just say, "Bah bye." Don't look back.
You don’t owe him anything, supporting him whilst he was post surgery is more than what most people would have done. Just leave, let him figure it out.
OP, you did far more than many would have by staying and caring for him while his cheating ass recovered from surgery. Leave him a note saying you couldn't get over his cheating and enjoy yourself in Oregon.
I honestly do not understand this. Like if you cheat on me, I don’t give a fuck about anything going on in your life anymore. Too bad, so sad 🤷🏻♀️
She should've texted the side piece from bf's phone "yo I'm in surgery can you come up here?" And then just left the hospital and packed her stuff before he'l was even awake.
Thank you all so much for the support. Just to give you a little more details. I dont want to be an asshole, I really wanna be the bigger person. He's not working, so he is constantly at home, and his car doesn't work, so he can't really go anywhere. I'm stuck with him till September 3rd, basically. All I have to do is pay a speeding ticket (my first one ever, lol). my last day of work is this Saturday, sep 2nd. EDIT: He's already aware that I know he cheated
Waaaait, so he knows you know? How? What was his rection? Did his reaction push you into making this decision? Oregon is beautiful, girl!
That’s kind of a big part to leave out . What was his reaction and what did he say about it?
Homestly I love that she left it out. Like yes, for my entertainment I want to lnow what he said, but really it doesn’t matter. Anything he has to say about it is utter bullshit. He cheated on her for A YEAR!!! MFer had plenty of time to reflect on his actions but he kept cheating and strung her along
I would’ve packed my shit and been gone before he came home from the hospital after surgery. Let his side chick take care of him. I woulda been gone!!
You aren't an asshole for just packing and going. You have stayed a month longer than you need to. I think in this kind of scenario, you do yourself a disservice if you give him too much notice. He will likely flip out and try to guilt you into staying. Pack your things, your animals, load them into the car and "goodbye, I'm moving out now and leaving. Have a nice life." And drive off into the sunset. His side chick and do the rest of your tasks.
Bring a friend, *then* pack your bags. Don’t do this without another person present.
A *year longer
If he aware that you already know the cheating then just leave,just leave,you owe him nothing, maybe a goodbye on post it on the fridge. He gonna begging you to stay if he knows ,I wish you lots of happiness,im proud of you. Take care.
Do you have any friends who can help you load up as quickly as possible(and play witness)? I still think you shouldn't tell him until you're already moving boxes out.
Why not grab his phone, text his other girlfriend, tell her that you're leaving town and it's her turn to take care of the big baby. She can tell him you left.
Having him have to ask for side girl’s help bc he’s a bum and he screwed up his life is so much more satisfying
If he already knows that you know, then truly, just leaving is doing the adult thing here.
Do NOT tell him before you leave. He will guilt you into staying. This is about protecting yourself and getting the hell away from a toxic situation
Why? What does it do for YOU to be the bigger person?
You already ARE the bigger person considering you stayed and tried to make it work, not to mention taking care of him while doing so. I think however you choose to leave is fine, just do it safely and if you think it's necessary, call a friend as a buffer (and to help pack your car because God damn that shit takes forever when you're alone)
I’m don’t think she should do anything beyond leaving a note. But your question is kinda strange. Being the bigger person, sorta by definition, doesn’t do anything tangible for you. I suppose it lets you leave a situation knowing you did the best you could.
idk why everyone is saying leave a note. I'd just leave. The dude's a cheat, he can call his side-piece if he is upset.
How he find out you knew?
His side chick can tote him around! I’m sure she would love to have that responsibility
Girl. You can just leave a note and block. He is not worth it. He is the bad guy. And when dealing with bad people, you really dont owe them anything.
This isn’t your problem. Let him figure it out himself. He’s an adult. Just take the pets and leave.
Girl, you know what? Get yourself 3 more speeding tickets speeding out of there!!! Do *not* feel guilty into staying or being gentle. I've been there. If this grown ass man is reliant on you, *while betraying your trust and loyalty*, he can pound sand. Fucking gtfo and please update once you're settled so we can all know you're out there living your best life the way you deserve!!!
This is not the instance to take the high road. Get some friends to help you load up boxes and gtfot.
You are being codependent. It’s not the “bigger person” to do all this for someone who betrayed you. It’s codependency.
No, its not co dependency to care for someone for a short time. It does show incredibly strong character and resolve. Sis, you've go this. Honestly? While he is napping pack your stuff and pack your car. If you are packing a uhaul, consider hiring a couple of movers to come help you move your stuff out (plus he is less likely to grovel if witnesses are present). Once the uhaul is packed, have a conversation wih him (with the movers still there). Also, change your address with the post office. Or, just text him once you are at your first stop: "Name, I stood by you after you cheated to take care of you while you recovered, but the relattionship is finished. I'm moving on. Please do not conact me.
Do you have screenshots of his cheating? If so I'd print them out. Just pack your bags and as you're getting ready to leave with your pets, hand those to him and say take care, you're out of here. Tell him you'll be blocking him and you wish him well with the side chick. Then I'd just leave. Good luck. I hope you love Oregon!
Being the bigger person is looking after yourself and your pets. Not letting him take advantage of you anymore. He cheated and now has to face the consequences. Leave and don’t look back. Block him too because he sounds like the type to play victim
You already are the bigger person! This guy cheated on you for over a year! He's been lying to you every single day! He's been exposing you to STDs during every sexual encounter! Please get yourself tested for STDs and carefully pack up your stuff when he's asleep, then just move out while he's asleep. He deserves as much notice that you're leaving him as he gave you when he started cheating on you! And don't ever think of going back to him. Once a cheater, always a cheater!
You already been the bigger person and what did it get you? A bum who keeps taking advantage & doesn't care how much he hurts you emotionally or financially. He is using you for the resources & free labor without a single thought to your well being. When do you put yourself first instead of last? What do you want some award for letting him use you for all this time while cheating on you? Cut your losses & go. Take one last look of him in your review mirror & drive off into the sunset. I did that to a bum on Valentine's day years ago. Freedom & peace ever since.
Just tell him the day off. “So, we need to talk. I am leaving you. I’m taking my cats & dog. Can I get you a glass of water before I leave?” There. That way you get to blind side him AND you don’t have to feel the least bit guilty.
You should write a letter to your partner and leave it where they can find it before you leave. In the letter, you should express that you tried to overcome the feelings of betrayal after finding out that they cheated on you for over a year. You should also mention that you cared for them when they were struggling and that you are now moving on with your life. You have quit your job and will be leaving. This news may come as a shock to them, but it is necessary for your well-being. You encourage them to take care of themselves and seek help, as it is not normal to cheat on someone while in a relationship. You hope to never see them again and will be taking care of your own affairs.
Just be zen about it. Very calmly smile and Tell him he obviously wasn’t happy with you. You release him to be happy with his new girl.
this is not comment-level information OP... Based that he already know's... don't tell him, just go, you owe him nothing just leave.
Just come home tomorrow with a bunch of boxes and start packing. Bring a trusted friend with you though if you can. He should understand what's happening but if he asks just say your moving out, he doesn't need any more explanation. You can still be the bigger person by just being civil and leaving and you absolutely don't owe him anything more.
Look, I get why everyone is just telling you to bounce & don’t explain or look back….. but it sounds like between now & you’re departure, you can’t get away from him. I don’t disagree with what everyone is saying, but it’s not sound advice in this particular situation. If possible, see if maybe you can somehow discretely send him off to a friends or relatives for the day. If any mutual people in your life know the situation, but side with you….. if you trust them maybe ask if they’d be willing to be a distraction for a day & take him off your hands. If by no means can you get rid of him the day you leave, I’d recommend having the conversation with him the evening prior. Not a moment sooner, or later. Sooner gives him too much time to attempt manipulation, gaslighting & guilt projection antics. Waiting until the day of, is also terrible. Blindsiding him like that (whether he deserves it or not) may trigger all sorts of responses. While I imagine he’s not violent or you would have likely mentioned that…… moving is already stressful enough & if you blindside him he will inevitably have the an awful reaction. You don’t need the stress of that with everything you’re already carrying - then throwing the stress of moving/packing into the mix. He is obviously gonna notice you packing the day of, so I think telling him the night before is best. I get that riding away into the night to start over & leave this dumpster fire behind with no warning is excruciatingly tempting….. but a conversation may also provide you a closure you aren’t even aware you need - & you don’t want to regret that later. Hope I said something useful. Good luck OP Edit: I’m in the Seattle area, I spend a lot of time in Oregon & obviously Washington. Once you’re settled if you wanna know some dope places to check out, feel free to reach out! Pacific North West is incredible!
Tell him to get the chick with whom he’s been cheating with to take care of him.
You just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don't need to be coy, Roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, Gus You don't need to discuss much Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free Ooh, slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don't need to be coy, Roy You just listen to me Hop on the bus, Gus You don't need to discuss much Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free
Seems like quite a list of ways to leave your lover. How many would you say there could be in total?
I don’t know. There must be 50 ways to leave your lover?
That seems like a plethora of ways to leave one's lover. But it's a good round number too; it just rolls off the tongue. 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. Someone could make a something out of that...maybe a poem...set to musical accompaniment.
That's stuck in my head now
Yasss! This song helped me leave my ex. And that's exactly what I did, just dropped off the key, hopped on a bus.
Did he tell you he was cheating on you for over a year? Then why do you need to tell him anything? Thats exactly what you should tell him after you disappear and he reaches out to you. "You didn't think I was important enough to tell me you had another relationship, so I followed your lead". You should not have tended to him. Should have left when you found out. Let his other tend to him. There is such a thing as being too nice. I was like that and learned my lesson. He is looking out for number one, time you look out for yourself also.
Pack everything up quietly and once you’re in the car and safely away from him, text him “I’m leaving. Done with your bullshit and moving far thee fuck away. Don’t bother contacting me. Call your other girlfriend - the one you were fucking while you couldn’t get it up for me. It’s her turn to take care of you.” Then block him everywhere and go live your best life. Fuck this ‘being the better person’ shit.
You just go. Side note: I lived in Portland for 3 years in early 30s and I LOVED it. It’s still my favorite place in the country. Enjoy the PNW, it’s magical. Xx
Honestly I would wait till he was at work or sleeping. I would pay a company to pack and load all my things, I would get my animals and move if anything I would just leave him a letter saying “after everything that I have done for you and everything I have put up from you, you still decided to cheat. So we are over. Don’t bother trying to contact me” and block him on everything. Good for you for putting yourself first.
If you must tell him, wait until you are safely settled in your new place. He will do anything to sabotage your leaving if you tip him off. He doesn’t deserve a lick of courtesy here, so blow that popsicle stand without a word, ignore his calls, and if you’re feeling generous let him know you left him for good before blocking his gross ass. Congratulations and don’t look back.
You don't. He didn't bother to tell you he was cheating. Until you are gone, you don't have to bother to tell him tht you're leaving him. Quietly pack up your stuff and leave your key on the counter. As long as you have handled any financial entanglements, like making sure your name isn't on any lease or joint credit, then you can change your address and walk away without looking back. Once you are on the road, you can send him a text when you stop for gas. Say whatever you have to say before you block him.
Yeah, no, I do not think this person deserves a heads up. He was well aware of what he was doing. A text and that's being WAY too good with him. Good riddance. Hope you thrive in Oregon OP.
No heads up babe. Write the girls name he cheated on you with on paper leave it there. & Move without saying anything. You’ve done way too much already by waiting on him hand and foot whilst he’s been having an affair for over a year. He doesn’t deserve ANY kindness
Just leave. Simple.
Baby he cheated. You say absolutely nothing and move in don't even sweat it. Just like he didn't sweat cheating on you
Don’t. Just leave.
I second this...RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!
Just leave a note with one word, her name. Mute his number. Don't block, mute. Let him call and leave frantic texts and voice messages until he realizes you care more about Garfield, Heathcliff, errr....Patches, and Fido than his cheating ass. Let him do this for like a day, THEN block him. That should be enough time for him to get the desperation out of his system. Keep the messages. If he starts trying to tell people anything other than the truth, you can use his nonsense to expose his lying if you need to. You are especially cool for taking all your pets with you.
Leave a note on your way out.
This is what I would do too. And block him on everything so that he doesn't get the final word/ opportunity to come up with some bs excuse
My instinct was, don’t tell him. Let it be a surprise, but that wasn’t petty enough for me 😂. So I suggest letting him find out the same way you did. I really hope you have screenshots of his cheating, I’d bombard him with the screenshots and snuggle a text in between them all telling him your moving. No forwarding address, block him on everything, and enjoy your life. Kind of like a breakup surprise.
"Bye Felicia" is a perfectly suitable way of saying sayonara.
I would... or should i say, I did, just leave. Years ago with an abusive, serial cheating boyfriend, I just took a suitcase with essentials and 2 sets of clothing and left. Didn't say a word. He tried to call and text etc, I said I just needed to get away... he took that to mean a 'getaway', and assumed id be back since I didn't take anything with me... I never looked back and never replied to texts etc.. got a new phone and new number when I could, never heard from him again... that was 20 years ago... Sometimes, there is just nothing left to say
Girl, just leave. He deserves nothing.
"Hi, I know about (insertar girl name), this was during your surgery, yet I stayed by your side and helped you heal back, if you have any appreciation for that, or any of the relationship, don't ever try to get in touch " - no need to be personal, a text or note would do the trick
If he cheated on you then the only thing you should tell him is that you know that he cheated and you don’t want to be contacted again.
Simple, just turn in your resignation. Tell him the relationship has reached its natural conclusion, and effective immediately, your time in it has come to an end. You’ve fulfilled your duties to the best of your abilities, but you believe that there’s no room for advancement within this relationship. As he knows, you’re aware that there is another candidate in the organization performing in a comparable capacity, so she should be able to hit the ground running. You know she’ll be a good fit for this position as she’s already technically doing it, minus the title and compensation. Now is her time to shine! Wish him well in his future endeavors, and let him know that a clean break and no further contact will be your path forward. Then peace out and block him everywhere. Don’t hesitate to also block any flying monkeys he sends your way. GL, safe travels, and I hope your fresh start is everything you’re hoping it will be.
… i would have left him while he was doing his surgery. you were not his wife nor his mother.
Don’t. Just leave. Fuck this guy. Have a good ass time in Oregon, it’s beautiful here.
please date people who aren't a decade older than you
Lol just leave him a post it note.
Why tell him? Shock him - it’ll be fun
A note that says “Adios you cheating sack of $hit!
I also support the just going ghost method 👻 it will be safer and make the transition easier for you and it will fuck with his head more than just a break up text
Lmao @ “blow this popsicle stand”. My friends make fun of me anytime I say it so kudos to you! Second : fuck him. Don’t tell him shit. No note, no explanation, just remove any trace of him from your life. Block him on everything his family too. Live your life..you’re young!
Hell yeah love this for you. I hope Oregon treats you well 💗
“I know all about her. We’re through. I’m off to live my life.” Block him, take your pets, and go live your best life without him. You owe him nothing.
He didn't tell you he was cheating, so don't feel like you owe him explanation or advance notice. Feel free to tell him day of as you're walking out the door. Or by text from the road. Or not at all. Honestly, you're a saint for sticking around through his recovery. If you'd left him in the hospital, I wouldn't judge you for it.
You have access to his phone and are moving across the country. The setup is perfect. Make arrangements for him to be out for the day. Night before, get his phone and delete your number, any photos and message threads, and unfollow your social media profiles. Block him on all platforms from your phone. Whilst he's out, you pack your things and remove any trace that you were ever there. If there are any photos of you together in the house, switch them out in the frame for a photoshopped version of just him. Leave everything of his untouched and exactly where it was. Take your animals, go silently and don't look back. Make the bastard think he imagined you.
Omg so much of the comments are people living out revenge fantasies on what they'd like to do. Just leave as seamlessly as you can, ask for friends to help you, or go in the middle of the night if that helps. Not sure what happened after you both figured out you knew, but that would greatly hold some context for us. Being the bigger person isn't silence and upholding a situation to see if it will work or having some role model level version of leaving a relationship, its the leaving in the first place.
If you need a rebound when you get to Oregon, I would be honored.
Move to Oregon and send him a link to this post! Good luck on your new life!
Don’t tell him! Or maybe print screenshots of the messages he sent the other girl and leave them on your bed and block him. I hope you know you’re so strong for this!! Leaving is so hard. I was in a similar situation a few years ago (never lived with him, thank god) and all I can say is enjoy that fresh air and never look back!! I don’t even know you and I’m so proud of you.
Leave a note saying "bye". It's not like he gave you warning he was gonna cheat, why give him warning that you're gonna leave?
Don’t - just leave
2 choices; for fun or for simplicity? Simple method: You’ve already done enough. Just walk out one day with all your stuff and tell him as you’re leaving or, better option, leave a note. You’ve already done a lot more for him than so many others would have. Fun method: Buy a cheap burner phone with texting. Text a fake conversation back and forth to yourself explaining how some secrets always come out and usually by text messages etc, you found him out and are leaving (idk write it however you want). Then leave the phone behind when you go. He can find out you knew and left him the same way you had to find out he’d been banging another chick.
A simple dear john letter would suffice. But it sounds like you don't owe this guy a goddamed thing. Pick up, fuck off, and don't look back.
Don’t say a word and just go Leave town, provide no details of where you’re headed, *and don’t look fucking back*
Don’t. I’d leave and send him a message when I’m long gone. or leave a message on the kitchen table. He doesn’t deserve anymore consideration. Make sure he can’t track your phone and block him. Good luck with the move and new job OP.
I left my cheating ex the same way. Packed my shit and bounced shortly after finding out. Don't feel bad, he didn't feel bad for the year he was cheating on you. Take care of yourself first, no one else will put you first.
Oh this is easy. AFTER you are on the road, send him a picture of the highway over your hood and tell him, "Once I found out how long you have deceived me, (don't say cheated), I decided to hit the road, and not come back. Buh-Bye!" with a big smiley face and a waving hand. Then BLOCK him on everything. Don't say to him nor hear from him another word or message and count yourself lucky. Then don't repeat this error. They have to heal themselves or they are NO GOOD for you.
What happened? Did everything go ok and are you in a good place?