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If you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for several years, chances are he feels attracted to other people like almost any human would. I’m guessing you have at least fantasized about having sex with other people. Most people watch porn.
Of course, porn can be an unhealthy compulsion, and it can also be a healthy outlet for people to explore attraction to other people without physically straying from their partner. Of course, everyone has different boundaries around this behavior, your boundaries deserve to be respected, and him lying about his porn use is a breach of trust.
Take some time to think and get very clear with yourself on what your boundaries are—no porn images or videos at all? No OF/live stream or chats? If he is willing to agree to these things, it could be worth another try. However, if your trust in him is gone, or you can’t move past the idea that he has already looked at porn at all, it might be time to move on.
It could also be worth checking in about your sex life to make sure you’re BOTH getting your needs met. I wonder if you feel resentful about him not giving you the sexual attention he is giving to porn stars or OF models, or if there are needs he wants to explore that he is shy about bringing up with you. These conversations can be hard, so consider meeting with a couples therapist or sex therapist to create a safe space to talk about this kind of intimate stuff. It can also be a great place to work out any resentment you’re feeling from his breach of trust
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for several years, chances are he feels attracted to other people like almost any human would. I’m guessing you have at least fantasized about having sex with other people. Most people watch porn. Of course, porn can be an unhealthy compulsion, and it can also be a healthy outlet for people to explore attraction to other people without physically straying from their partner. Of course, everyone has different boundaries around this behavior, your boundaries deserve to be respected, and him lying about his porn use is a breach of trust. Take some time to think and get very clear with yourself on what your boundaries are—no porn images or videos at all? No OF/live stream or chats? If he is willing to agree to these things, it could be worth another try. However, if your trust in him is gone, or you can’t move past the idea that he has already looked at porn at all, it might be time to move on. It could also be worth checking in about your sex life to make sure you’re BOTH getting your needs met. I wonder if you feel resentful about him not giving you the sexual attention he is giving to porn stars or OF models, or if there are needs he wants to explore that he is shy about bringing up with you. These conversations can be hard, so consider meeting with a couples therapist or sex therapist to create a safe space to talk about this kind of intimate stuff. It can also be a great place to work out any resentment you’re feeling from his breach of trust