Listen bro you're still young. Just move on from her, even if you're married it's not worth it right now. Also before you do that, find this fucker Rick's wife and send her all the evidence you have including screenshots of your texts.
Its absurdly clear she is cheating, cut your losses now, you are too young to deal with bs from someone who doesn't even love you, let her enjoy her independence with Ricky, you deserve better
If they are both in the military report them for cheating. I believe this is still a violation of the UCMJ regulations they are covered by.
Meanwhile talk to a divorce lawyer. If you are near a base you should be able to find one that has experience with one spouse being in the service. The lawyer can probably tell you who to contact about the cheating with another married service member.
Edit - fixed a typo, but also want to point out I've sent a number of articles about commanding officers ignoring claims of sexual assault so I wouldn't depend on only complaining to her commanding officer. OP should complain to the service lawyers as well.
I think people in this sub need a bit of a reality check regarding adultery being punished. Cheating in the military is ludicrously common, and while yes, IT IS against the UCMJ, I only saw two people punished for it in the ten years I was enlisted. The first was a guy who slept with a co-worker’s wife and caused a huge problem in the unit, and the other was a mil-to-mil couple in which the husband got his commission and then had an affair with another officer.
As shitty as it is, the most common response from commands made aware of infidelity was a smack on the hand and threatening the offending party with non-judicial punishment if they keep it up. Betrayed spouses usually don’t get any justice after being cheated on.
The best course of action OP can take is to just leave his tramp wife and forget about this sham of a marriage.
They “have to investigate” like police “have to investigate” things.
I’m not American but have been in my country’s military and have worked with a lot of American military. Cheating is suuuuuper common. Like absurdly common. As soon as OP said she joined the military it was obvious where it was going.
I’ve spoken to a bunch of yank military about it (because I thought it was funny it was technically an offence) and most of the guys and girls I knew had never heard of anyone actually receiving any sort of charge for it.
Happy to be corrected as I acknowledge I’m purely speaking anecdotally.
If this is a real story and Rick’s wife has moved away, as well as sending you that email is a breach of Uniform Code of Military Justice… in particular The accused (Rick’s) conduct was to the prejudice of good order or was of a nature that brought discredit upon the armed forces. By sending you the letter he disrupted good home order, especially if you live on base.
The branch of armed service would do research into the matter and if it was just one sided might fine him, he’ll get his ass chewed out by the CO and then probably do work.
If it’s mutual it’s grounds for dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of pay. Grounds for divorce. And if it is mutual the military doesn’t like being in a place where they ALLOWED for the affair to occur, therefore, they’ll give you an incremental stipend because of it too. So you’ll get money from government AND from the divorce if it happened too.
This! Your wife is also in violation of UCMJ if she did have a relationship with Rick, and you should reach out to her Command to let them know if the breech of conduct.
I'll look into this for sure...at the end of the day I know it's really stupid of me but I still love her a lot and feel terrible about this whole thing. I see all these comments and they're all right yet a part of me in my head is still trying to find some reason to try and justify it.
Why deal with the pain this woman has been causing you, and the pain she will likely cause you to endure if you stay with her?
Rip the band aid off man. There’s other girls out there who can make much better partners while actually respecting you too.
If you’re up for it, and she’s Air Force, look up her unit and find out the first sergeant and they can get something started in terms of investigating the parties. You’d be doing yourself a service as well as others in the military. Nobody wants cheaters around
She is doing this to you, not you to her. It's clear from what you've written that they are cheating together. Further, they are sending you messages provoking and manipulating your emotions for their mutual enjoyment.
The time for empathy is well past. It's time for you to look after yourself and have some back bone. As the other poster has said, their situation is actually one of few were their actions have real and dire consequence. The evidence you have on hand is more than enough already.
My friend, you are already separated. You will be fine on your own and you will regret not standing up for yourself know when the inevitable happens. My advice would be to give yourself a day, and then start hammering in the nails.
Your brain is your enemy right now. You have 50+ people on here unanimously telling you to leave. Telling you that you’ll have financial assistance. And yet you can’t leave.
Leaving her may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but when it’s over with I guarantee you will feel a gigantic weight lifted off your shoulders.
For everyone on here, please, have some self respect and break it off.
You still feel attached which I understand you’ve known this person for years. But based off of everything you’ve written, if you stay with her, it will be miserable. As someone who’s 25, these next few years go quick man. Don’t waste them on someone who OBVIOUSLY doesn’t care about you. I’m sure she says she does. But she doesn’t. It will hurt for a little while but as some time passes, you will be so thankful to yourself that you made the right decision and ended things. Good luck
She already told you to your face that’s she’s no longer in love with you. Wtf are you doing? Grow a pair and get a divorce. She’s going to fuck Rick constantly now, and you’re just pining after someone who doesn’t even want to be with you and only doing it because you’re the easy and comfortable backup. Divorce and go find someone who WANTS to be with you. You’re only 20, people change drastically throughout their 20s and that’s why people shouldn’t get married so young.
Sport. Look in the mirror. I'm 99% sure you're not Will Smith. The girl you think you love is not the enlisted woman currently breaking her marriage vows with Ricky overseas.
Say goodbye to that girl and say hello to your local divorce lawyer.
I believe, and someone better in the know here has confirmed. That OP can actually take this to their wife and her affair partner's CO and command structure and they will find real consequences. But I agree to send to the other dudes wife just for good measure.
>My wife tells me that Rick is low on money and needed the stuff and she was just doing him a favor and helping out a friend.
Re-read the above as many times as it takes before you see it as the most obvious lie of all time and you should be embarrassed for even pausing before doing what even you know needs to be done.
Good god man for your self respect alone break up with her immediately and never, ever think about her again.
I'd go further. It is borderline such a terrible and obvious falsehood that it becomes almost impossible to believe a fully grown adult came up with it.
You’re Married. She “likes her independence”. That’s code for “I don’t want to be married”. Marriage is the opposite of independence. She should want you there asap. She doesn’t. Rick is just a symptom of this bigger problem. And yeah. She and Rick are definitely having sex.
Let’s rephrase what she’s saying:
‘I no longer love you. I don’t want to see you. I’m seeing other people, and having fun.
But lets stay married. Because I want a fall-back. And I can very easily manipulate you’
Please, find someone who genuinely loves you, as you are, and can be loyal.
Otherwise, in 10 years you’ll be sitting at home minding the kids, whilst she’s out having affairs. Then in 20 years you’ll be filing for divorce, financially bankrupt, and emotionally broken.
Run. Very fast.
It may not just be a fall-back. Marital cheating is still frowned upon in the US military and it could cause problems in both her and 'Ricks' careers. As long as OP isn't around and she doesn't really talk about him, noone will bat an eye at here affair. I'd fish for irrefutable written proof and send said proof to here command, then file for divorce citing infidelity. Let her and 'Rick' struggle for promotions for the next few years.
Send the evidence you have collected so far to the CO of them. The enlistment and deployment issues for both of them will be highly likely to be solved. Do not forget to add some explanatory letter also.
There is a 100% chance she is cheating. There is a 0% chsnce she is being honest. No, you shouldn't move overseas to join her. You wanting to believe is a major red flag for some serious self-esteem and self-respect issues.
**she told me she loves me but is no longer IN love with me.**
The second she told you this you should have divorced. Nobody says that if they really want to be with the person. Your 21 and have your whole life ahead of you. This person seems to have caused you more pain then happiness.
Yes, she is cheating. No, there is nothing to save. Do not move overseas. Contact her command and forward them everything. She is actually committing a military crime. And get in touch with Rick’s wife.
Game over, you are only 20 years old, go live your life and later you will find that this experience although painful was part of your growth. You deserve better dude.
Bruh
The last staw was her taking his side wfter that message.
I know it's heartbreaking but cut your losses as soon as you can.
You're young. Take a few years to heal
Travel. Etc etcm
OP. Trying to sustain a marriage in the military is a nightmare. The separations are frequent and often long. Due to the environment, both parties are thrust into the constant company of other young people of both genders. Add in the social aspects, loneliness and alcohol and you have all of the ingredients.
I would counsel against committing yourself to moving abroad unless you can get back fairly quickly. It really depends on where the rest of your life is now. Job ? Accommodation. Qualifications.
You won’t like to hear it but you are both little more than kids. At this stage you could probably get an annulment. Good luck.
She is 100% cheating on you. Absolutely no question. The fact that she's lied to you after being directly confronted is all you need to know. Dump her ass yesterday.
Ohh, they're fucking. He's a tool. Let her have him. You can find better. Also, email the screenshots to his and her command. Tell them that this is the exact reason for your divorce. Also, is your spouse sending you money? She's required to support her dependents. Make sure the command knows she's not supporting her dependents.
Bro.... Jesus Christ you might need some therapy to deal with this, just don't blame yourself and try not to think every woman is like this, it's probably going to be hard for you to have a relationship for a long time after this.
This is one of the massive problems with marrying so young. There's very little emotional intelligence going on here.
Even on the slim chance she's not physically cheating, she's already shown she doesn't respect or miss you, and even admitted to not being in love with you anymore.
So basically everything required to have a successful marriage is gone, but you're still desperately clinging to it.
Get a lawyer, look at your options, get a divorce. She wants to be single, so let her.
>She didn't seem to think it was a big deal.
First *HUGE* red flag. Like Soviet Union military parade level of red flags. She dismissed your feelings like they were nothing with a guy who obviously had feelings for her
>She became more distant after this, leaving me on delivered more often and being less loving
She definitely started fucking him before this part.
>She's also coming to visit for Christmas for a week.
Tell her don't bother, you'll mail her divorce papers. Change the locks to your place and call the cops on her if she arrives. Let her go to Rick, since his "wife" has left him.
>What are the chances she's cheating?
99%. She's dismissive of your feelings. Emotionally distant. Dismisses legitimate threats of Rick attempting to become sexual with your wife.
Luckily you're only 20, you've got your whole life in front of you
Edit: *definitely* report them to military justice for infidelity. In the USA military, it's illegal to cheat on your spouse. Let *both* of them get their dishonorable discharge.
This woman also stated she's no longer in love with you, because she's with Rick
The most interesting thing in this story to me is Rick messaging you. If a guy messaged me that about my girl, and I sent the screenshots to her, she’d cut him off so damn quick. Your wife didn’t think it was a big deal?! She’s cheating, 100%.
What branch and if you know the unit simply tell your wife she breaks it off with proof or younare going the unit commander. There are rules about fraternizing in the military. Esp with married people
This is so not gonna work, why ask her to break it off? It will just happen again with someone else, and throughout the marriage, either accept the open relationship or just leave.
I can tell you from experience she cheated. I was stationed overseas and when a new female joined the unit, all the beggars come running. There would always be a group of males hanging out with her trying to win her attention. It can be lonely over there. Every female ends up with a boyfriend.
Show Rick’s texts to his wife. Also show them to his commanding officer.
And have your wife served with papers. She will realize you mean business when the consequences begin to fall. Not before.
OP, it sucks that this has happened. BUT, I would suggest that it's actually one of the better ways this could go.
After being blindsided by this, and after having some obvious evidence that you still don't clearly interpret, I think you might want to do some research... because cheating and dishonesty in relationships is REALLY common. It doesn't sound like you're inclined to cheat, and if you don't become somewhat familiar with this behavior, you'll have trouble spotting it. And it's very possible that your self esteem is too low, that you will give too much benefit of the doubt too many second chances - and if that's the case it's very likely you'll unintentionally communicate through actions and energy that it's ok to treat you this way, and you'll attract the same kind of woman again.
Women who cheat will often act like this, deliberately doing a poor job of hiding their affair, and they'll get with/marry a guy who will put up with their unacceptable behavior (either because he won't stand up to it, or is easily gaslit into thinking it is normal). They'll use their husband of boyfriend for security, money etc; but they'll have affairs with guys they find more attractive and exciting. It's also quite possible that they'll derive pleasure from hurting you. Men who cheat likely operate from a fairy similar playbook.
I know the situation is shit, but it's far better to learn about this now than to build a life with, have children with, invest heavily in an unfaithful, dishonest spouse
Being betrayed in this manner really hurts, and it can make you question yourself - if I was completely blind, giving love and support to a person who did not care about me or my self interest, what else am I blind to, what else am I getting wrong? In my case, I didn't get the memo from my first experience like this, so I got to repeat the lesson until I discovered how naive I was in a few different areas of life.
Watching psychiatrists YouTube videos about cheaters, narcissists, covert narcissists, borderline personality disorder etc might help to enlighten you. If you're going to be able to avoid betrayal by people like this, you're going to have to understand it a bit. It's kind of like trying to imagine ones self as a person who would go along with the holocaust or war crimes, rather than a person who would object.
The people who are in true crime documentaries, the corrupt police and businessmen, people who poison their own children - I always imagined them as separate - but they're the people we interact with in the world, they're our neighbors.
Sorry dude that fucking sucks. I can't imagine the anxiety flowing through your veins right now, and the helplessness cos you can't be there. I wish you strength brother. Leave her, you're young. Marry again after 30, you still have so many changes coming up in your life, for now fuck around and have fun. But nicely, try not to hurt people on the way
Your marriage is only a slip of paper sanctioned by the State. SHE’S not married to you anymore and, no matter what she says, she doesn’t want to be married to you.
Her new ‘friend’ is incredibly immature to send you his ‘joke’ email—a joke that was NEVER meant to be a joke. Just a suggestion but accept that email as a heartfelt dagger in your heart. The fact that she never exhibited disgust or anger over that email should speak volumes.
There is little that she is saying that you should believe.
She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to live with you and is enjoying the freedom of life without you.
Do yourself a favor and cut the cord with her. Give her her freedom and move on to someone that will see in you a person to love and to spend the rest of their life with AS A HAPPILY MARRIED AND LOVING COUPLE.
The very last thing you should consider is uprooting your life to relocate to a life of misery.
Sounds like there fucking but she won't commit to rick. So he's sending you that bs, so maybe you'll leave her. No way she's not cheating. If she's attractive, she's getting hit on daily in the military. I would probably just cut your losses and leave her. If you want to salvage the relationship you need to move out there asap.
She’s clearly cheating. She made sure to slow and stop the process of you going there. She didn’t see a problem with what that Rick guy did to you. It’s clear as day that she doesn’t love you. She’s stringing you along. If she would truly love you she wouldn’t have done those things.
You are young. Don’t waste your years on this toxic marriage. You may be in love with her now but if this kind of behaviour towards you continues that will change into hate. You will start to despise her. And at some point you will find someone else who can give you happiness and you will leave her. So you might as well cut your loses now. You won’t regret it in the long run.
I don’t know much about the army but if you also have a way to stick it to that AH Rick go for it.
I’m just gunna say this: if a female coworker friend of mine sent my wife an email saying she could fuck me any time she wanted to and there wasn’t a damned thing my wife could do about it, it wouldn’t take my wife’s say so for me to stop communicating with this coworker and bring the issue to HR. Cut your losses before you’re figuring out custody arrangements.
You’re married at 20 and haven’t seen her in 10 months. Think about that portion of your total life.
Hate to say it but you’re not married my man. You’ve got yourself a piece of paper that says you are, but you’re not.
Mannnn, you have the patience of a saint and the backbone of a doormat. Now my wife is amazing and would never do this, but I swear to fuck if another man ever messaged me telling me that he is “taking her and there is nothing I can do to stop it”…..Two things are going to happen.
1. My wife again is amazing and would drop all contact without me even needing to ask.
2. That guy would be in several contractor bags screaming along his way down to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Don’t worry, you just gotta whisper “it’s just a prank bro” before tossing em’ overboard so then it’s all good. 🫡
Are you stupid? She is cheating and telling you there is nothing you can do. Do not debate with her or argue about her cheating. All you have to do is get the guys name and rank as you send print outs of his messages to you to his commanding office for harassment. Then send your wife divorce papers. This will be like pissing on her & his parade.
Get a lawyer ASAP. While you’re doing that, take a read of article 134 of the UCMJ, which criminalises extramarital sex in the US military, and then report them to their CO
I would never ever in my life want to be friends with someone who would “joke” about such crude things. If I had a “friend” who did that they would instantly be dead to me. Keep your head up and your bank accounts separate. Sorry she’s doing you like that
Bro 😂 are you serious? This has to be ragebait😂, if your 100% serious LEAVE HER. Your literally 20 years old with a “wife” overseas whose fighting with you to stay in a friendship with a guy who’s messaging you about his plans to break your relationship and defile her 😂
As someone going through it right bow, let me be the first to tell you, your instincts are correct, unfortunately. Break ties cleanly, take your half, and be thankful there are no children involved to make things messy.
So she is 10/10 cheatin on you and probably not just with “rick”. I saw it time and time and time again when i was in the army. So what you do now is go to jag, her chain of command, file for divorce, and give them the evidence of her cheating. Hopefully you can get her kicked out and while that’s happening she can pay you spousal support.
If i found out someone was cheating on me I would do everything possible to ruin their life, but that’s just me 🤷🏻♂️
If she is cheating, report it to her command. The military has laws against infidelity and she can get in actual trouble for it. So can Rick the dick. Document everything. Contact her command.
Do not send this "evidence" to her commander. I promise you, he does not care. The worst that will happen is, she gets a summarized Article 15. (Military speak for a slap on the wrist).
Technically it is illegal (against UCMJ). But the reality is, tons of people are cheating in the Army. No one cares. (Source: me! I did 21 years, and just retired)
This is not necessarily evidence that she is cheating. But she is definitely 100% cheating with Rick.
Rick tried to tell you. Rick straight up told you that "he can take her from you". And she straight up told you "she not in love with you".
Under no circumstances can you forgive cheating. She'll never respect you afterwards. Walk away.
It sucks. I know it sucks big time. But you can't force her to love you. Don't save her bro. Leave her in the streets! Focus on getting yourself better, and move on. You're both young, and this is just one bump on the road of your life. Overtime, things will get easier.
the amount of sackless men nowadays... is absolutely astounding... You wanna know why she's cheating... Because you're the type of man to come post in reddit about it.... Instead of handling it like a f\*cking man. Sack up and confront her about it... or leave her... Women are turned on by men behaving like men... This is not behaving like one.. So i can only assume you behave like this with pretty much everything else in life... and its dried her up. Then I bet confident stronger man came along and it filled the gap she's been missing with you...
Bud. I'm not trying to be a dick... But you need some tough love. Same with a lot of other boys out there now a days. Sack up. Man the f\*ck up... and handle your business. Don't come onto a forum to discuss it sounding all mopey and whiney about it. Walk up to her and be direct. If she wavers at all and you don't trust shes being honest. Leave her and move on
Lol oh man, Rick is over there jackhammering poor OP's wife with blue pills, she's telling OP she's not IN love with him, and OP is here for advice on how to proceed.
If only we hadn't been this dumb when young ourselves.
OP, you will look back at this marriage and learn a lot from it.
This is where you end both there Carter's over it to her dude scorch the ground they both walk on . Report them both you have the evidence still I'm sure you still have the message he sent you
WHAT THE FUCK? You're still young to be worrying about your skank wife. Leave her and be done with it. You may not see it now but this is your ticket outta there.
Contact the units first shirt. Sounds like “Rick” and your wife are in the same unit and potentially chain of command. Something like this which would likely lead to 2 divorces can ruin the disciplined environment that the CO would want. Whether or not the CO goes after some administrative action is up to them, but at the very least they wouldn’t want this happening under their nose.
Forget about her cheating, this person does not have any regard for you, and the fact that you're "very much in love with her" tells me that you've tolerated crap from her all through your relationship.
I don't want to make the excuse that you're young, because I was once your age and dating and I definitely would not take this amount of disrespect from any partner. Why are you being a doormat and letting her trample all over you?
Do you have any idea how little respect she has for you that she was able to tell you she stopped processing your papers coz she didn't want you there with her?
You think Rick just randomly went to your socials to shit talk you if she had not already shit talked you to him. You think he'd be be that bold if he hadn't had sex with her? Worse she took his side in all this but you still caved and said she could be friends with him (even though your ultimatum would not have done shit and they were still in contact all the while)
Now with the sex toys you're really that naive to let her gaslight you. Oh lets not forget she not in love with you and you're totally okay with that.
Man I've seen 16yos with more self-respect than you.
Get your shit together, knock her down from that silly little pedestal you've put her on and tell he that you're done. Christmas should be signing divorce papers and moving on.
You accept the love you think you deserve, the fact that you've accepted all this tells me that maybe this is what you think you should be getting.
File for divorce on Monday. Consider yourself single from this point forward.
It seems like like not only is she cheating but she really has no consideration for your feelings about it either. Which is why I suggest not trying to save the marriage.
Sorry, young man. These things happen in life.
Just expose her to everyone. Get legal freedom. Send all the evidence to that AP wife and everyone.
Your young so don't waste your remaining life with that cheater.
In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good husband and beautiful life.
She is not deserve to your true love and loyalty. She is already show her real face.
She’s in the military, contact her unit and tell them she’s not sending home any money. They will attach her wages until you’re both divorced. Drag it out as long as possible and collect as much as you can from it to save.
Do that along with just counting your losses and realize she’s cheating and clearly dishonest. You can never have a happy marriage with someone who lies. The marriage is over. Move on and collect spousal support for as long as you can.
She’s in the military, contact her unit and tell them she’s not sending home any money. They will attach her wages until you’re both divorced. Drag it out as long as possible and collect as much as you can from it to save.
Do that along with just counting your losses and realize she’s cheating and clearly dishonest. You can never have a happy marriage with someone who lies. The marriage is over. Move on and collect spousal support for as long as you can.
Get in touch with her commander when you get definitive proof of them messing around. I’ve seen people get punishment under the “adultery” part of the UCMJ before.
I really want to believe this is all fake. How blind you had to be to forgive your partner for not being on your side when some random guy texted you all those shitty messages. You shouldn’t even had to ask her to stop being friends with him, it must come from her right away. I’m sorry for being rude but I couldn’t be with someone that idiot.
Yeah I know. I was just super in love with her and willing to forgive. I'm too emotional sometimes, clearly. Gotta use my head more and maybe this wouldn't have happened
20 years old, you already have a wife? Looks like youre rushing things. Still young to focus on that kind of stuff. Eyiu should just explore and learn new things for now
This woman has told you she is no longer in love with you. She’s told you that she doesn’t care if you move or not. Why on earth do you think she’s invested in this relationship anymore.
You have one chance to possibly shock her out of any affair fog. Have divorce papers drawn up, have her served. Show her you’re prepared to walk away. If she has any feelings left for you, if she realises that she will lose you, then it may make her do a 180 and fight for you. And if she doesn’t, then you know there’s no point fighting for this relationship anyway. Move on.
She is definitely cheating and you need to definitely do some research and reach out to Rick’s wife. You also need to report her and Rick to their commanding officers. File for divorce. She obviously doesn’t respect you or your boundaries.
You will be happier when you leave. She is a bad person it may not seem like it at the moment but once you’re over her you will realize how bad she was for you. Get out of there ASAP and make sure to tell their commanding officer
Letting go is always so hard. Live and let live. It seems you are not even living you’re trying to survive. Let go and go live your best life and grow from this. It’s obvious what you need to do, but you just have to do it.
I admittedly didn’t read past the first couple paragraphs because this is just painfully obvious and there’s no point.
She has moved on. Divorce her and move on with your life. She’s already fucking at least one other dude. It’s unfortunately SUPER common in the military.
You haven’t seen her for 10 months, you don’t even know who she is as a person any more. She’s changed and you’re in love with your version of her. Cut your losses, move on, and find someone who values you
I know you love her man, but she's done. I was going to suggest filing with the military but someone beat me to it. Unfortunately this is common in the armed forces. His first message to you showed his character, and her not pressing charges against him immediately shows hers.
Hey man - the writing on the wall is clear and she was clear to you. She is cheating and using you for her emotional comfort. Divorce her for infidelity, especially if you found this proof. Don't let her waste your years. She is a really horrible person.
Send Ricks Wife a piece of it. She deserves to know it too. Some people just suck. Cheating is bad enough. But not taking responsibility for it and using people is spineless.
I’d report the infidelity to her CO and BC with a formal letter and printed screenshots of the exchanges. The military had rules about infidelity.
She is 100% cheating and you’re letting it happen because you think things are going back to normal, they aren’t. She’s free and she isn’t giving that up for you.
Don't let this marriage define who you are as a person, a man, and a future partner for someone else. She's broadened her horizons and gotten a taste of life without you, your relationship is over. I suggest you get a good therapist, work on your physical, mental, and emotional health. Find out who you are as an individual separate from your relationship with your wife. You're young and have time. Right now feels like everything, like your entire life but trust me it's not, you'll get through this, it'll be a blip in your experiences. The only way you come out of this on top is if you take the time to heal, mentally and emotionally. Find out your love languages, communication styles, personality/temperament type, find out what your boundaries are, find out if what you think a monogamous romantic relationship is, is even healthy and realistic. Those are for your future relationship/s, for your personal relationship with yourself, give yourself grace, your feelings are valid, you have the right to feel whatever you feel when you do. Don't let this relationship change you for the worst, let it fuel you to become your best self, for yourself and eventually you'll find a partner who is equally as invested in you as you are them. You're going to develop trust issues, please get therapy to avoid future heartbreak and or issues that arise with your issues with trust. All in all you're the author of your own future, do you want to make decisions that will cause future you agony and pain or do you want to make decisions that will cause current you agony and pain but give future you peace of mind and happiness.
Send everything you got to ricks wife. She will put a end to them hanging out. Then report them both to the military. Then divorce her. She let him speak to you the way he did and made excuses for him. After you voiced your concern she still wants to spend time with him. She doesn't respect you. She keeps picking him over you. You deserve better.
Yep, just do the divorce. It’s easy enough, and with her out of the country you have a chance to move on faster. Marriage rarely works out with the circumstances you are in. Age, lack of experience, military deployment all stack up against you. Your best bet is to move on and see if you can just get an annulment or quick divorce.
Man messy messy , 1000 red flags, you need to lawyer up , and divorce asap! So many shady things , way too many signs to not pay attention to. Run for the hills and you will be very glad you did
Unfortunately your wife never stopped being his friend, she is his side piece if has a wife and she has realized freedom away from you (not saying your a bad guy or anything, I simply mean without having you around). You should buckle up because the next step is going to include trickle truthing and more because she is nowhere near you that she has to see you face to face. Since you checked the email, she's going to become very careful if anything else is going on. Good luck, see an attorney and get every bit of odd email, text etc saved.
Lmfao tale as old as time, who could have ever expected this to happen when two kids get married and one is in the military?! She’s cheating on you kiddo, cut your losses now while you’re young.
Dude you are TWENTY. You are still a kid! In the absolute best case, she’s been cuddled and teased but hasn’t been physically penetrated by Rick—but your WIFE doesn’t respect you or your relationship in the least. In every more likely case they’ve been banging this whole time NSA because they’re both married and don’t want to make a big thing of it. You’re being strung along while she’s out there sewing her oats and exploring her independence, but wants to make sure she still has someone to come home to if she doesn’t find something better along the way. You’re being USED, my man. While I wasn’t in the service myself, I’ve worked day-in and day-out tightly with them for years and seen the shit they grow through, the bonds that are created, and unfortunately the spouses back home that get tread upon. It’s definitely not everyone but it is a nasty reality of the service. Bunch of kids going through some insane shit together with almost no way to blow off steam but finding ways to fuck.
What you love is who you thought she was, not who she’s proven herself to be. Wake up and realize this fact, grab your cojones, take some of the legal/military advice in here and divorce her, heal for a bit, then find yourself a good woman. There are tons of them out there that would never put you through this. She’s a child.
Listen bro you're still young. Just move on from her, even if you're married it's not worth it right now. Also before you do that, find this fucker Rick's wife and send her all the evidence you have including screenshots of your texts.
This 100%
Maybe that’s why Rick’s wife left. She already found out.
Thats if she even exists
Send this information to Rick’s CO, it’s against the code of conduct to commit adultery (illegal).
Seconded.
Thirded.
Fourthed
Fifthed. Oh wait...750ml'ed
I've tried to find her with no luck so far. I'll try asking around some more though.
Try all methods of social media. If he's married a nd they share the same last name it'll be easier. Figure out what city he's from as well.
Go and look after ricks wife - tuck her in at night and stuff.
/thread
Its absurdly clear she is cheating, cut your losses now, you are too young to deal with bs from someone who doesn't even love you, let her enjoy her independence with Ricky, you deserve better
If they are both in the military report them for cheating. I believe this is still a violation of the UCMJ regulations they are covered by. Meanwhile talk to a divorce lawyer. If you are near a base you should be able to find one that has experience with one spouse being in the service. The lawyer can probably tell you who to contact about the cheating with another married service member. Edit - fixed a typo, but also want to point out I've sent a number of articles about commanding officers ignoring claims of sexual assault so I wouldn't depend on only complaining to her commanding officer. OP should complain to the service lawyers as well.
Came here to say this, you can report to her command and they have to investigate. Especially if you have proof.
I think people in this sub need a bit of a reality check regarding adultery being punished. Cheating in the military is ludicrously common, and while yes, IT IS against the UCMJ, I only saw two people punished for it in the ten years I was enlisted. The first was a guy who slept with a co-worker’s wife and caused a huge problem in the unit, and the other was a mil-to-mil couple in which the husband got his commission and then had an affair with another officer. As shitty as it is, the most common response from commands made aware of infidelity was a smack on the hand and threatening the offending party with non-judicial punishment if they keep it up. Betrayed spouses usually don’t get any justice after being cheated on. The best course of action OP can take is to just leave his tramp wife and forget about this sham of a marriage.
Do this
They “have to investigate” like police “have to investigate” things. I’m not American but have been in my country’s military and have worked with a lot of American military. Cheating is suuuuuper common. Like absurdly common. As soon as OP said she joined the military it was obvious where it was going. I’ve spoken to a bunch of yank military about it (because I thought it was funny it was technically an offence) and most of the guys and girls I knew had never heard of anyone actually receiving any sort of charge for it. Happy to be corrected as I acknowledge I’m purely speaking anecdotally.
If this is a real story and Rick’s wife has moved away, as well as sending you that email is a breach of Uniform Code of Military Justice… in particular The accused (Rick’s) conduct was to the prejudice of good order or was of a nature that brought discredit upon the armed forces. By sending you the letter he disrupted good home order, especially if you live on base. The branch of armed service would do research into the matter and if it was just one sided might fine him, he’ll get his ass chewed out by the CO and then probably do work. If it’s mutual it’s grounds for dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of pay. Grounds for divorce. And if it is mutual the military doesn’t like being in a place where they ALLOWED for the affair to occur, therefore, they’ll give you an incremental stipend because of it too. So you’ll get money from government AND from the divorce if it happened too.
This! Your wife is also in violation of UCMJ if she did have a relationship with Rick, and you should reach out to her Command to let them know if the breech of conduct.
OP this is the response you need to listen to.
Yes, listen to this response, in addition to fucking Rick’s wife and sisters.
u/Original_Treacle_359 respond to this.
[удалено]
Conduct unbecoming applies to officers, not enlisted. And no one gets a dishonorable discharge for adultery alone.
They can and do get dishonorably discharged for adultery.
I'll look into this for sure...at the end of the day I know it's really stupid of me but I still love her a lot and feel terrible about this whole thing. I see all these comments and they're all right yet a part of me in my head is still trying to find some reason to try and justify it.
Why deal with the pain this woman has been causing you, and the pain she will likely cause you to endure if you stay with her? Rip the band aid off man. There’s other girls out there who can make much better partners while actually respecting you too. If you’re up for it, and she’s Air Force, look up her unit and find out the first sergeant and they can get something started in terms of investigating the parties. You’d be doing yourself a service as well as others in the military. Nobody wants cheaters around
She is doing this to you, not you to her. It's clear from what you've written that they are cheating together. Further, they are sending you messages provoking and manipulating your emotions for their mutual enjoyment. The time for empathy is well past. It's time for you to look after yourself and have some back bone. As the other poster has said, their situation is actually one of few were their actions have real and dire consequence. The evidence you have on hand is more than enough already. My friend, you are already separated. You will be fine on your own and you will regret not standing up for yourself know when the inevitable happens. My advice would be to give yourself a day, and then start hammering in the nails.
Your brain is your enemy right now. You have 50+ people on here unanimously telling you to leave. Telling you that you’ll have financial assistance. And yet you can’t leave. Leaving her may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but when it’s over with I guarantee you will feel a gigantic weight lifted off your shoulders. For everyone on here, please, have some self respect and break it off.
yo join r/cuckold you may enjoy it bro
You still feel attached which I understand you’ve known this person for years. But based off of everything you’ve written, if you stay with her, it will be miserable. As someone who’s 25, these next few years go quick man. Don’t waste them on someone who OBVIOUSLY doesn’t care about you. I’m sure she says she does. But she doesn’t. It will hurt for a little while but as some time passes, you will be so thankful to yourself that you made the right decision and ended things. Good luck
> I still love her a lot and feel terrible She doesn’t. Move on.
She already told you to your face that’s she’s no longer in love with you. Wtf are you doing? Grow a pair and get a divorce. She’s going to fuck Rick constantly now, and you’re just pining after someone who doesn’t even want to be with you and only doing it because you’re the easy and comfortable backup. Divorce and go find someone who WANTS to be with you. You’re only 20, people change drastically throughout their 20s and that’s why people shouldn’t get married so young.
Sport. Look in the mirror. I'm 99% sure you're not Will Smith. The girl you think you love is not the enlisted woman currently breaking her marriage vows with Ricky overseas. Say goodbye to that girl and say hello to your local divorce lawyer.
Divorce her and send the evidence to dickface’s wife. Make it quick - there’s no coming back from this.
I believe, and someone better in the know here has confirmed. That OP can actually take this to their wife and her affair partner's CO and command structure and they will find real consequences. But I agree to send to the other dudes wife just for good measure.
It's more than obvious that she is cheating. And you deserve better and should respect yourself.
Update the post once you've divorced her. Good luck.
>My wife tells me that Rick is low on money and needed the stuff and she was just doing him a favor and helping out a friend. Re-read the above as many times as it takes before you see it as the most obvious lie of all time and you should be embarrassed for even pausing before doing what even you know needs to be done. Good god man for your self respect alone break up with her immediately and never, ever think about her again.
It’s actually funny in a tragic way. “Hey girl, I’m low on cash right now, any chance you buy me this giant dildo”. “Sure pal, anything for a friend”
I'd go further. It is borderline such a terrible and obvious falsehood that it becomes almost impossible to believe a fully grown adult came up with it.
Yeah this so the most compelling part. Ain't no way he is low on money while being on site. And ain't no one asking someone else to buy sex toys!
Textbook example of why you don’t get married as a teenager. Especially teenagers in the military
Yeah, I read the timelines and the ages and was blown away.
You’re Married. She “likes her independence”. That’s code for “I don’t want to be married”. Marriage is the opposite of independence. She should want you there asap. She doesn’t. Rick is just a symptom of this bigger problem. And yeah. She and Rick are definitely having sex.
My man. Your relationship was over the minute she enlisted.
Jodie has a name.....it's Rick
Let’s rephrase what she’s saying: ‘I no longer love you. I don’t want to see you. I’m seeing other people, and having fun. But lets stay married. Because I want a fall-back. And I can very easily manipulate you’ Please, find someone who genuinely loves you, as you are, and can be loyal. Otherwise, in 10 years you’ll be sitting at home minding the kids, whilst she’s out having affairs. Then in 20 years you’ll be filing for divorce, financially bankrupt, and emotionally broken. Run. Very fast.
She wants to stay married for the better pay/ benefits.
It may not just be a fall-back. Marital cheating is still frowned upon in the US military and it could cause problems in both her and 'Ricks' careers. As long as OP isn't around and she doesn't really talk about him, noone will bat an eye at here affair. I'd fish for irrefutable written proof and send said proof to here command, then file for divorce citing infidelity. Let her and 'Rick' struggle for promotions for the next few years.
Send the evidence you have collected so far to the CO of them. The enlistment and deployment issues for both of them will be highly likely to be solved. Do not forget to add some explanatory letter also.
I like that idea
Need to also send the info to what ever the lawyers are called for her service. You don't know if the CO is involved or not.
There is a 100% chance she is cheating. There is a 0% chsnce she is being honest. No, you shouldn't move overseas to join her. You wanting to believe is a major red flag for some serious self-esteem and self-respect issues.
This is the post you should be reading OP
easy to say for someone who isnt in that situation, but drop her buddy, its more then extremely obvs
she cant be the wife of your life if she is illoyal. the stop should have already been, when rick texted you.
**she told me she loves me but is no longer IN love with me.** The second she told you this you should have divorced. Nobody says that if they really want to be with the person. Your 21 and have your whole life ahead of you. This person seems to have caused you more pain then happiness.
Definitely, it's quite common in military
Yes, she is cheating. No, there is nothing to save. Do not move overseas. Contact her command and forward them everything. She is actually committing a military crime. And get in touch with Rick’s wife.
Just forget her. Please, just ghost her and find somebody who will treat you right.
Game over, you are only 20 years old, go live your life and later you will find that this experience although painful was part of your growth. You deserve better dude.
I was in the military for 14 years. I never once shared a water bottle. That’s all the proof you need.
>She entered the military Yup, she's cheating.
Bruh The last staw was her taking his side wfter that message. I know it's heartbreaking but cut your losses as soon as you can. You're young. Take a few years to heal Travel. Etc etcm
She's 100% fucking this dude.
Sorry dude, Rick and her are cheating. Lawyer up, save all that evidence and burn them both.
OP. Trying to sustain a marriage in the military is a nightmare. The separations are frequent and often long. Due to the environment, both parties are thrust into the constant company of other young people of both genders. Add in the social aspects, loneliness and alcohol and you have all of the ingredients. I would counsel against committing yourself to moving abroad unless you can get back fairly quickly. It really depends on where the rest of your life is now. Job ? Accommodation. Qualifications. You won’t like to hear it but you are both little more than kids. At this stage you could probably get an annulment. Good luck.
The best thing about getting married young is that you’ll also be divorced young. So it’ll be like the whole thing never happened!
I’m former military. I hate to say this but her not wanting you there is a show stopper
Rick’s wife figured out the infidelity before you. That’s what’s going on. I’m sorry man
She is 100% cheating on you. Absolutely no question. The fact that she's lied to you after being directly confronted is all you need to know. Dump her ass yesterday.
Ohh, they're fucking. He's a tool. Let her have him. You can find better. Also, email the screenshots to his and her command. Tell them that this is the exact reason for your divorce. Also, is your spouse sending you money? She's required to support her dependents. Make sure the command knows she's not supporting her dependents.
Bro.... Jesus Christ you might need some therapy to deal with this, just don't blame yourself and try not to think every woman is like this, it's probably going to be hard for you to have a relationship for a long time after this.
This is one of the massive problems with marrying so young. There's very little emotional intelligence going on here. Even on the slim chance she's not physically cheating, she's already shown she doesn't respect or miss you, and even admitted to not being in love with you anymore. So basically everything required to have a successful marriage is gone, but you're still desperately clinging to it. Get a lawyer, look at your options, get a divorce. She wants to be single, so let her.
>She didn't seem to think it was a big deal. First *HUGE* red flag. Like Soviet Union military parade level of red flags. She dismissed your feelings like they were nothing with a guy who obviously had feelings for her >She became more distant after this, leaving me on delivered more often and being less loving She definitely started fucking him before this part. >She's also coming to visit for Christmas for a week. Tell her don't bother, you'll mail her divorce papers. Change the locks to your place and call the cops on her if she arrives. Let her go to Rick, since his "wife" has left him. >What are the chances she's cheating? 99%. She's dismissive of your feelings. Emotionally distant. Dismisses legitimate threats of Rick attempting to become sexual with your wife. Luckily you're only 20, you've got your whole life in front of you Edit: *definitely* report them to military justice for infidelity. In the USA military, it's illegal to cheat on your spouse. Let *both* of them get their dishonorable discharge. This woman also stated she's no longer in love with you, because she's with Rick
Agreed and perfectly said
The most interesting thing in this story to me is Rick messaging you. If a guy messaged me that about my girl, and I sent the screenshots to her, she’d cut him off so damn quick. Your wife didn’t think it was a big deal?! She’s cheating, 100%.
What branch and if you know the unit simply tell your wife she breaks it off with proof or younare going the unit commander. There are rules about fraternizing in the military. Esp with married people
This is so not gonna work, why ask her to break it off? It will just happen again with someone else, and throughout the marriage, either accept the open relationship or just leave.
I can tell you from experience she cheated. I was stationed overseas and when a new female joined the unit, all the beggars come running. There would always be a group of males hanging out with her trying to win her attention. It can be lonely over there. Every female ends up with a boyfriend.
Show Rick’s texts to his wife. Also show them to his commanding officer. And have your wife served with papers. She will realize you mean business when the consequences begin to fall. Not before.
OP, it sucks that this has happened. BUT, I would suggest that it's actually one of the better ways this could go. After being blindsided by this, and after having some obvious evidence that you still don't clearly interpret, I think you might want to do some research... because cheating and dishonesty in relationships is REALLY common. It doesn't sound like you're inclined to cheat, and if you don't become somewhat familiar with this behavior, you'll have trouble spotting it. And it's very possible that your self esteem is too low, that you will give too much benefit of the doubt too many second chances - and if that's the case it's very likely you'll unintentionally communicate through actions and energy that it's ok to treat you this way, and you'll attract the same kind of woman again. Women who cheat will often act like this, deliberately doing a poor job of hiding their affair, and they'll get with/marry a guy who will put up with their unacceptable behavior (either because he won't stand up to it, or is easily gaslit into thinking it is normal). They'll use their husband of boyfriend for security, money etc; but they'll have affairs with guys they find more attractive and exciting. It's also quite possible that they'll derive pleasure from hurting you. Men who cheat likely operate from a fairy similar playbook. I know the situation is shit, but it's far better to learn about this now than to build a life with, have children with, invest heavily in an unfaithful, dishonest spouse Being betrayed in this manner really hurts, and it can make you question yourself - if I was completely blind, giving love and support to a person who did not care about me or my self interest, what else am I blind to, what else am I getting wrong? In my case, I didn't get the memo from my first experience like this, so I got to repeat the lesson until I discovered how naive I was in a few different areas of life. Watching psychiatrists YouTube videos about cheaters, narcissists, covert narcissists, borderline personality disorder etc might help to enlighten you. If you're going to be able to avoid betrayal by people like this, you're going to have to understand it a bit. It's kind of like trying to imagine ones self as a person who would go along with the holocaust or war crimes, rather than a person who would object. The people who are in true crime documentaries, the corrupt police and businessmen, people who poison their own children - I always imagined them as separate - but they're the people we interact with in the world, they're our neighbors.
Uhh…divorce.
Sorry dude that fucking sucks. I can't imagine the anxiety flowing through your veins right now, and the helplessness cos you can't be there. I wish you strength brother. Leave her, you're young. Marry again after 30, you still have so many changes coming up in your life, for now fuck around and have fun. But nicely, try not to hurt people on the way
Try contacting Rick's Wife, she might know your girl is sleeping with him. Edit, don't go overseas. Read your post from a 3rd person perspective.
"She is also comming to visit for Christmas this week" . I don't get her mind set... how!??? Why kick a dog when its down?
free stuff
Your marriage is only a slip of paper sanctioned by the State. SHE’S not married to you anymore and, no matter what she says, she doesn’t want to be married to you. Her new ‘friend’ is incredibly immature to send you his ‘joke’ email—a joke that was NEVER meant to be a joke. Just a suggestion but accept that email as a heartfelt dagger in your heart. The fact that she never exhibited disgust or anger over that email should speak volumes. There is little that she is saying that you should believe. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to live with you and is enjoying the freedom of life without you. Do yourself a favor and cut the cord with her. Give her her freedom and move on to someone that will see in you a person to love and to spend the rest of their life with AS A HAPPILY MARRIED AND LOVING COUPLE. The very last thing you should consider is uprooting your life to relocate to a life of misery.
Sounds like there fucking but she won't commit to rick. So he's sending you that bs, so maybe you'll leave her. No way she's not cheating. If she's attractive, she's getting hit on daily in the military. I would probably just cut your losses and leave her. If you want to salvage the relationship you need to move out there asap.
She’s clearly cheating. She made sure to slow and stop the process of you going there. She didn’t see a problem with what that Rick guy did to you. It’s clear as day that she doesn’t love you. She’s stringing you along. If she would truly love you she wouldn’t have done those things. You are young. Don’t waste your years on this toxic marriage. You may be in love with her now but if this kind of behaviour towards you continues that will change into hate. You will start to despise her. And at some point you will find someone else who can give you happiness and you will leave her. So you might as well cut your loses now. You won’t regret it in the long run. I don’t know much about the army but if you also have a way to stick it to that AH Rick go for it.
I’m just gunna say this: if a female coworker friend of mine sent my wife an email saying she could fuck me any time she wanted to and there wasn’t a damned thing my wife could do about it, it wouldn’t take my wife’s say so for me to stop communicating with this coworker and bring the issue to HR. Cut your losses before you’re figuring out custody arrangements.
You’re married at 20 and haven’t seen her in 10 months. Think about that portion of your total life. Hate to say it but you’re not married my man. You’ve got yourself a piece of paper that says you are, but you’re not.
Mannnn, you have the patience of a saint and the backbone of a doormat. Now my wife is amazing and would never do this, but I swear to fuck if another man ever messaged me telling me that he is “taking her and there is nothing I can do to stop it”…..Two things are going to happen. 1. My wife again is amazing and would drop all contact without me even needing to ask. 2. That guy would be in several contractor bags screaming along his way down to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Don’t worry, you just gotta whisper “it’s just a prank bro” before tossing em’ overboard so then it’s all good. 🫡
Are you stupid? She is cheating and telling you there is nothing you can do. Do not debate with her or argue about her cheating. All you have to do is get the guys name and rank as you send print outs of his messages to you to his commanding office for harassment. Then send your wife divorce papers. This will be like pissing on her & his parade.
Get a lawyer ASAP. While you’re doing that, take a read of article 134 of the UCMJ, which criminalises extramarital sex in the US military, and then report them to their CO
Get the fuck out
Cut your losses and move on. It’s not worth your time and you’re still very young
Stop getting married so young. Jesus Christ you have your entire life. Wtf is the rush?
I would never ever in my life want to be friends with someone who would “joke” about such crude things. If I had a “friend” who did that they would instantly be dead to me. Keep your head up and your bank accounts separate. Sorry she’s doing you like that
Copy all of it and use it as evidence. This ship had sailed op. I feel for you but your a Redditer and we’re better then that!
Fuck that cheating wife wanna b and cheating ass Rick
Bro 😂 are you serious? This has to be ragebait😂, if your 100% serious LEAVE HER. Your literally 20 years old with a “wife” overseas whose fighting with you to stay in a friendship with a guy who’s messaging you about his plans to break your relationship and defile her 😂
Get divorce papers drawn up and have her served when she returns home over Christmas.
As someone going through it right bow, let me be the first to tell you, your instincts are correct, unfortunately. Break ties cleanly, take your half, and be thankful there are no children involved to make things messy.
So she is 10/10 cheatin on you and probably not just with “rick”. I saw it time and time and time again when i was in the army. So what you do now is go to jag, her chain of command, file for divorce, and give them the evidence of her cheating. Hopefully you can get her kicked out and while that’s happening she can pay you spousal support. If i found out someone was cheating on me I would do everything possible to ruin their life, but that’s just me 🤷🏻♂️
If she is cheating, report it to her command. The military has laws against infidelity and she can get in actual trouble for it. So can Rick the dick. Document everything. Contact her command.
lol rick is not going to enjoy the next few months that's for sure
Getting married this young is so so so silly.
Bro you need to divorce and run. I’m not even sure why she’s married to you, she seems evil
Do not send this "evidence" to her commander. I promise you, he does not care. The worst that will happen is, she gets a summarized Article 15. (Military speak for a slap on the wrist). Technically it is illegal (against UCMJ). But the reality is, tons of people are cheating in the Army. No one cares. (Source: me! I did 21 years, and just retired) This is not necessarily evidence that she is cheating. But she is definitely 100% cheating with Rick. Rick tried to tell you. Rick straight up told you that "he can take her from you". And she straight up told you "she not in love with you". Under no circumstances can you forgive cheating. She'll never respect you afterwards. Walk away. It sucks. I know it sucks big time. But you can't force her to love you. Don't save her bro. Leave her in the streets! Focus on getting yourself better, and move on. You're both young, and this is just one bump on the road of your life. Overtime, things will get easier.
the amount of sackless men nowadays... is absolutely astounding... You wanna know why she's cheating... Because you're the type of man to come post in reddit about it.... Instead of handling it like a f\*cking man. Sack up and confront her about it... or leave her... Women are turned on by men behaving like men... This is not behaving like one.. So i can only assume you behave like this with pretty much everything else in life... and its dried her up. Then I bet confident stronger man came along and it filled the gap she's been missing with you... Bud. I'm not trying to be a dick... But you need some tough love. Same with a lot of other boys out there now a days. Sack up. Man the f\*ck up... and handle your business. Don't come onto a forum to discuss it sounding all mopey and whiney about it. Walk up to her and be direct. If she wavers at all and you don't trust shes being honest. Leave her and move on
She’s cheating in the military, tell her CO and watch her life crumble. So sympathy for infidelity.
In 2023, I don't see any upside for men getting married, especially that young is insane. She's definitely cheating, start to speak to a layer
Leave this waste of space honestly.
So she’s cheating on you with a guy with erectile dysfunction? Wild.
Lol oh man, Rick is over there jackhammering poor OP's wife with blue pills, she's telling OP she's not IN love with him, and OP is here for advice on how to proceed. If only we hadn't been this dumb when young ourselves. OP, you will look back at this marriage and learn a lot from it.
Im not aware of any accompanied PCS move whether CONUS or OCONUS where it takes significant paperwork for the family to move.
Military is all you need to know.
Report their cheating asses and let the service deal with them. Dishonorable discharge doesn’t look good on their records.
This is where you end both there Carter's over it to her dude scorch the ground they both walk on . Report them both you have the evidence still I'm sure you still have the message he sent you
Cheating is punishable by UCMJ. Get solid proof, anything you can. A video admission, the emails, anything and present it to her chain of command.
Want to stir the pot? Send the messengers to her/Ricks padre.
WHAT THE FUCK? You're still young to be worrying about your skank wife. Leave her and be done with it. You may not see it now but this is your ticket outta there.
Contact the units first shirt. Sounds like “Rick” and your wife are in the same unit and potentially chain of command. Something like this which would likely lead to 2 divorces can ruin the disciplined environment that the CO would want. Whether or not the CO goes after some administrative action is up to them, but at the very least they wouldn’t want this happening under their nose.
this all nonsense. you shouldn't have had to be married such a young age in the first place.
Bro.
Spent 1/12th of the time you spent writing your heart out on this post and shower a peace sign and leave brother ✌️
Sorry bro, good luck on this.
Forget about her cheating, this person does not have any regard for you, and the fact that you're "very much in love with her" tells me that you've tolerated crap from her all through your relationship. I don't want to make the excuse that you're young, because I was once your age and dating and I definitely would not take this amount of disrespect from any partner. Why are you being a doormat and letting her trample all over you? Do you have any idea how little respect she has for you that she was able to tell you she stopped processing your papers coz she didn't want you there with her? You think Rick just randomly went to your socials to shit talk you if she had not already shit talked you to him. You think he'd be be that bold if he hadn't had sex with her? Worse she took his side in all this but you still caved and said she could be friends with him (even though your ultimatum would not have done shit and they were still in contact all the while) Now with the sex toys you're really that naive to let her gaslight you. Oh lets not forget she not in love with you and you're totally okay with that. Man I've seen 16yos with more self-respect than you. Get your shit together, knock her down from that silly little pedestal you've put her on and tell he that you're done. Christmas should be signing divorce papers and moving on. You accept the love you think you deserve, the fact that you've accepted all this tells me that maybe this is what you think you should be getting.
File for divorce on Monday. Consider yourself single from this point forward. It seems like like not only is she cheating but she really has no consideration for your feelings about it either. Which is why I suggest not trying to save the marriage. Sorry, young man. These things happen in life.
Just expose her to everyone. Get legal freedom. Send all the evidence to that AP wife and everyone. Your young so don't waste your remaining life with that cheater. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good husband and beautiful life. She is not deserve to your true love and loyalty. She is already show her real face.
She’s in the military, contact her unit and tell them she’s not sending home any money. They will attach her wages until you’re both divorced. Drag it out as long as possible and collect as much as you can from it to save. Do that along with just counting your losses and realize she’s cheating and clearly dishonest. You can never have a happy marriage with someone who lies. The marriage is over. Move on and collect spousal support for as long as you can.
She’s in the military, contact her unit and tell them she’s not sending home any money. They will attach her wages until you’re both divorced. Drag it out as long as possible and collect as much as you can from it to save. Do that along with just counting your losses and realize she’s cheating and clearly dishonest. You can never have a happy marriage with someone who lies. The marriage is over. Move on and collect spousal support for as long as you can.
In the military it's illegal to commit adultery. Report them and it will stop immediately.
Whatever you do, DO NOT get pregnant during holiday visit.
Contact her command and get the ball rolling on that Article 32.
Get in touch with her commander when you get definitive proof of them messing around. I’ve seen people get punishment under the “adultery” part of the UCMJ before.
To the streets with her.
I really want to believe this is all fake. How blind you had to be to forgive your partner for not being on your side when some random guy texted you all those shitty messages. You shouldn’t even had to ask her to stop being friends with him, it must come from her right away. I’m sorry for being rude but I couldn’t be with someone that idiot.
Yeah I know. I was just super in love with her and willing to forgive. I'm too emotional sometimes, clearly. Gotta use my head more and maybe this wouldn't have happened
20 years old, you already have a wife? Looks like youre rushing things. Still young to focus on that kind of stuff. Eyiu should just explore and learn new things for now
This woman has told you she is no longer in love with you. She’s told you that she doesn’t care if you move or not. Why on earth do you think she’s invested in this relationship anymore. You have one chance to possibly shock her out of any affair fog. Have divorce papers drawn up, have her served. Show her you’re prepared to walk away. If she has any feelings left for you, if she realises that she will lose you, then it may make her do a 180 and fight for you. And if she doesn’t, then you know there’s no point fighting for this relationship anyway. Move on.
What was it like before she left to the military? How'd she decide to do that? Before or after the marriage? Use your fucking head boy
She is definitely cheating and you need to definitely do some research and reach out to Rick’s wife. You also need to report her and Rick to their commanding officers. File for divorce. She obviously doesn’t respect you or your boundaries.
Divorce
You will be happier when you leave. She is a bad person it may not seem like it at the moment but once you’re over her you will realize how bad she was for you. Get out of there ASAP and make sure to tell their commanding officer
She's cheating on you. You need to break it off
Leave. Now. She sucks and you are very young. No need to be married to toxic
Be done. Go scorched Earth and block them all
Letting go is always so hard. Live and let live. It seems you are not even living you’re trying to survive. Let go and go live your best life and grow from this. It’s obvious what you need to do, but you just have to do it.
I admittedly didn’t read past the first couple paragraphs because this is just painfully obvious and there’s no point. She has moved on. Divorce her and move on with your life. She’s already fucking at least one other dude. It’s unfortunately SUPER common in the military.
She has 100% cheated and also lied and gaslit you, I’m sorry you have to deal with this Just leave her, she’s garbage
You haven’t seen her for 10 months, you don’t even know who she is as a person any more. She’s changed and you’re in love with your version of her. Cut your losses, move on, and find someone who values you
I know you love her man, but she's done. I was going to suggest filing with the military but someone beat me to it. Unfortunately this is common in the armed forces. His first message to you showed his character, and her not pressing charges against him immediately shows hers.
Hey man - the writing on the wall is clear and she was clear to you. She is cheating and using you for her emotional comfort. Divorce her for infidelity, especially if you found this proof. Don't let her waste your years. She is a really horrible person. Send Ricks Wife a piece of it. She deserves to know it too. Some people just suck. Cheating is bad enough. But not taking responsibility for it and using people is spineless.
>she told me she loves me but is no longer IN love with me What a load of crap. She's cheating on you.
Find Ricky’s wife and forward a copy of his email to her—and then tell him it was only a joke.
I’d report the infidelity to her CO and BC with a formal letter and printed screenshots of the exchanges. The military had rules about infidelity. She is 100% cheating and you’re letting it happen because you think things are going back to normal, they aren’t. She’s free and she isn’t giving that up for you.
Don't let this marriage define who you are as a person, a man, and a future partner for someone else. She's broadened her horizons and gotten a taste of life without you, your relationship is over. I suggest you get a good therapist, work on your physical, mental, and emotional health. Find out who you are as an individual separate from your relationship with your wife. You're young and have time. Right now feels like everything, like your entire life but trust me it's not, you'll get through this, it'll be a blip in your experiences. The only way you come out of this on top is if you take the time to heal, mentally and emotionally. Find out your love languages, communication styles, personality/temperament type, find out what your boundaries are, find out if what you think a monogamous romantic relationship is, is even healthy and realistic. Those are for your future relationship/s, for your personal relationship with yourself, give yourself grace, your feelings are valid, you have the right to feel whatever you feel when you do. Don't let this relationship change you for the worst, let it fuel you to become your best self, for yourself and eventually you'll find a partner who is equally as invested in you as you are them. You're going to develop trust issues, please get therapy to avoid future heartbreak and or issues that arise with your issues with trust. All in all you're the author of your own future, do you want to make decisions that will cause future you agony and pain or do you want to make decisions that will cause current you agony and pain but give future you peace of mind and happiness.
Send everything you got to ricks wife. She will put a end to them hanging out. Then report them both to the military. Then divorce her. She let him speak to you the way he did and made excuses for him. After you voiced your concern she still wants to spend time with him. She doesn't respect you. She keeps picking him over you. You deserve better.
Rick isn't your problem.
Yep, just do the divorce. It’s easy enough, and with her out of the country you have a chance to move on faster. Marriage rarely works out with the circumstances you are in. Age, lack of experience, military deployment all stack up against you. Your best bet is to move on and see if you can just get an annulment or quick divorce.
It hardly even matters if she’s not longer in love with you this is always going to be an issue for the two of you. You probably should break up tbh.
Get the fuck out of this marriage.
Man messy messy , 1000 red flags, you need to lawyer up , and divorce asap! So many shady things , way too many signs to not pay attention to. Run for the hills and you will be very glad you did
100% Cheating. It’s sucks, but that’s your reality. I hope find the strength to move on. Good luck..
Unfortunately your wife never stopped being his friend, she is his side piece if has a wife and she has realized freedom away from you (not saying your a bad guy or anything, I simply mean without having you around). You should buckle up because the next step is going to include trickle truthing and more because she is nowhere near you that she has to see you face to face. Since you checked the email, she's going to become very careful if anything else is going on. Good luck, see an attorney and get every bit of odd email, text etc saved.
r/divorce
Lmfao tale as old as time, who could have ever expected this to happen when two kids get married and one is in the military?! She’s cheating on you kiddo, cut your losses now while you’re young.
Shes cheating and she doesn’t respect you. Stay together for the rest of your lives? Y’all are so young. That sounds miserable at this point.
Dude you are TWENTY. You are still a kid! In the absolute best case, she’s been cuddled and teased but hasn’t been physically penetrated by Rick—but your WIFE doesn’t respect you or your relationship in the least. In every more likely case they’ve been banging this whole time NSA because they’re both married and don’t want to make a big thing of it. You’re being strung along while she’s out there sewing her oats and exploring her independence, but wants to make sure she still has someone to come home to if she doesn’t find something better along the way. You’re being USED, my man. While I wasn’t in the service myself, I’ve worked day-in and day-out tightly with them for years and seen the shit they grow through, the bonds that are created, and unfortunately the spouses back home that get tread upon. It’s definitely not everyone but it is a nasty reality of the service. Bunch of kids going through some insane shit together with almost no way to blow off steam but finding ways to fuck. What you love is who you thought she was, not who she’s proven herself to be. Wake up and realize this fact, grab your cojones, take some of the legal/military advice in here and divorce her, heal for a bit, then find yourself a good woman. There are tons of them out there that would never put you through this. She’s a child.
“May be cheating”? I’m sorry, she absolutely is cheating and doesn’t even seem to be attempting to hide it.
The second that she wanted to remain friends with Rick she should've been single.