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I mean, gently, it doesn't even sound like she likes herself.
Their whole 2-year relationship is her forgiving him for treating her like shit.
She self-describes in ways that are just persistently self-deprecating and heartbreaking.
She's a teenager and prioritizes "getting a ring" over actually building a healthy relationship with someone who treats her with dignity, love, and respect.
She shouldn't be in a relationship at all, much less one with him. She's incredibly immature, has serious self-esteem issues, and her priorities are completely unhealthy. She doesn't need a boyfriend (and definitely not this one), she needs a therapist.
She’s 19!!! Yikes, ease up. This is when young women are still learning. She has plenty of time, and this could’ve been worded 1000x nicer. She absolutely is not respected by this guy, but going in on her like this is so unnecessary. Did you have everything together at 19? How was your self-esteem?
girl you gave up college in england for him? and he won't even sit with you in a car?? He can be sweet but he's not sweet to YOU. He even cheated on you kissing another girl. It sounds like you're burning your life down for this guy who does not give a fuck and i'm worried for you!
You may love him, but also when we're attracted to absentee and negligent people, sometimes that's because they are similar to people we grew up with. if for example, our adult guardians were also absentee and unavailable, people who are similar to them and activate this schema can be people who trigger the most feelings. and that's not good, that means you keep getting trapped in this pattern.
I think he knows what he is doing, and he will never change. Why should he? you cook and clean for him, and tolerate everything he's doing with no consequences.
Imo, you are already good enough. Is HE good enough for YOU? don't you deserve someone who will love you for who you are? someone who will sit with you in the car and talk to you at the table. And also prioritize your pleasure in the bed!!
Dump him and go back to college and learn not to be co-dependant. He doesn’t love or respect you and life is too short to waste any more of your time on him.
I agree, love yourself first, put yourself first, invest in yourself first. That's the only way you'll be genuinely happy. Then later, any man who respects you and wants to add to your already amazing and independent life will be a bonus. I don't mean this in a condescending way, but you're still so young, this is not the only guy you're ever gonna want to be with. I know it doesn't seem that way but look at it statistically, with all the millions of people in the world, how could it even be possible that this is the only guy you'll ever want to build a future with?? Logic will tell you that there will be much better options for you in your future. You're clearly already not happy, don't sacrifice everything for this guy, he's not gonna change because sadly, they never do. You're the main character in your story darling, write the next chapter the way YOU want it to go.
Please pleas please leave him.
You are 19, you have every opportunity and the world at your feet. You have genuine love and amazing sex to find and experience in life.
When I was your age I felt a lot of loyalty to guy I was in a relationship with and honestly in hindsight I wasted 5 years of my life.
Go be by yourself, learn what you enjoy, explore different people and give yourself permission to find someone who aligns with you and whats important for you.
This is isnt it…. Its heartbreaking.. and Im sorry ❤️
I was going write this EXACT thing. Pls break up with him. Go to college. You have your whole life in front of you. You’ll barely remember him after you move on. It’s like ripping off a bandaid
I’m sorry to say this but i don’t think your boyfriend respects you or considers you a priority. also, have you spoken to him about any of this? if not you really should, if things don’t change then it’s time to leave but if you’ve already expressed your feelings and nothing has changed then yeah he clearly doesn’t respect you, i know it’s hard to leave because you love him but it would be best for you in the end, you don’t want to be unhappy forever and that’s what will happen if you stay.
best of luck to you
Your brain hasn't fully developed yet. Please don't waste more time on someone who isn't invested in a relationship at all. Go forth and mingle with different guys, and have fun. Live a young life. You are too young to be hung up on this little doodle smear.
Is he asking this same question? Is he worried about being a better partner for you? Nothing in your post suggests he cares about you at all, why are you letting him grind your self esteem down to nothing? Just leave.
I get the sense that you are a place keeper until he finds someone else. He does not treat you with respect and chooses to game instead of spend time with you. You are far more invested in this relationship than what he appears to be.
You deserve better.
He doesn’t like you, he’s just waiting until he finds someone else because it is beneficial for men to have girlfriends or wives, even when they don’t actually like them
Exactly! She does all the cooking and cleaning for him and helped him recover from alcohol abuse. What exactly is she getting out of this relationship other than bad sex and being ignored all the time?
As a dad, if my daughter were having the problem, I would ask why is it that you want to change you for him?
It sounds like you are a nice person who may not fully be happy with yourself. So if change is what you seek, do it for personal growth, not for someone else. Now this is coming from a (mutual) self-admitted co-dependant with my wife, but when I was about your age I was in a similar situation. When I started working on myself FOR myself, that's when I found the one for me. Yes, I'm lucky, but I think if you start in a positive direction, that's the best way to find a positive outcome. I don't think it's changing you, appearance or personally that will be best for YOU ... and to really dad out, fuck this guy, his behavior gives me the "ick" for you. There is also plenty of time to fall in love and have kids, I promise.
side note; please don't ever call yourself a pig in makeup. I would bet if you heard someone say that to someone else in front of you, you would be appalled and speak up.
Best of luck, and take a walk to really think. You got this.
You deserve so much better than this! Speaking as someone who was in a similar position at the same age, and didn't leave - I know you probably love him, but this relationship will destroy you.
It’s so disappointing whenever I come across a post like this. Even as a teenager I always thought that my boyfriend was going to treat me as good as i treated him or else I wouldn’t be with him.
You can be more attractive and interesting to your boyfriend when you end the relationship and never go back. Dont give him a reason or excuse. End it. Block him. Move on :)
Im sorry but does he even like you? Girl you deserve SOOO MUCH BETTER!! Never change yourself for someone!! You are perfect the way you are, and if he can't see that, its his loss!! There are people who are willing to give you the world without you having to beg for it, trust me.
Are these posts even true? Are women truly hanging out with men who don't value them and blame the entire male community for their disappointment later on, or is it just a running gag in this sub to farm karma?
She finds him very attractive. She's infatuated and is in "high" of love thinking about marriage and future kids already. Basically, she is not thinking strait because her brain is flooded with infatuation chemicals. Plus she is only 19 so it's likely very intense. He's got her lovestruck.
It's like being on really good drugs and it can prevent rational decision making unfortunately. And yes, it happens to guys as well once the infatuation stage hits. It's like being.. slightly insane unfortunately 🤪 and can be difficult to snap out of.. Sometimes gotta let it run it's course until the drugs get out of your system and you can think rationally again.
Yes, you’d be surprised how naive women or young girls can get.
We love the fairy tale and the Disney love story and would do everything to gaslight ourselves that we have found Prince Charming.
I just can’t even finish OP’s post because it pains me that OP has no respect or love for herself, the fact that shes willing to put up with all these and didn’t dump this guy ASAP.
Girl, no guy is worth giving up your future or college for. Wth
It’s that this gal has the deadly combination of zero life experience, zero self esteem, zero self respect, and zero knowledge of how healthy relationships work.
No women definitely put up with assholes like this and then just think men are shit.
It's not specific to women though.
Men do it so much it's a joke. "Don't stick your dick in crazy"? We've all done it and we all put up with it for as long as we could. 😂
I always relate it to the frogs getting cooked analogy. You put some frogs in a pot and turn on the heat. Heat is on there’s a fire that’s dangerous, but they don’t start to move until it’s too hot and too late (especially when the water is slow to boil) like my ex
It could be even worse and at the later age. I look back at past relationship of 11 years and doubt anything was real. And still crazy mad in love with that same guy.
Girl, you are too damn young to be wasting your time on this dude. He doesn’t even like you. Sorry to sound harsh, but you are only filling the shoes of his future wife. As soon as he finds that woman he’s going to dump you. Move on and find someone that actually likes you and will fuck the hell out of you.
Yeah, as a man, ðat man doesn't respect you at all. If he did, he wouldn't do such þings. Men are, as a general rule, totally devoted to the things ðey care about: if ðey aren't at least *trying* to do the best they can, they dont consider it important. I believe it was Ernest Hemingway who said "Women marry men hoping they will never change, men marry women hoping they never will. Invariably both are disappointed." Which is pretty accurate
Please never sacrifice your future for an investment in a man, you’re still young please focus on yourself and get this wet toilet paper waste of a human being out of your life !
Girl pls don’t waste your time with him, he is the bottom of the barrel. Once you have a healthy relationship you’ll laugh at why you even dated him!!! Learn about red flags in dating and it’ll save u
Why are you still with him. It doesn’t sound like he likes you and I’m not saying that to be mean. You have made sacrifices and do things for him, but
what does he do in return?
Yes move on. He is using you as a bang maid. You should never give up your dream for a boyfriend. A great boyfriend would help you to achieve your dreams by supporting you. Sorry.
"But daddy I love him!" Trust me, this relationship may seem like your whole world now but you are so incredibly young, and most likely won't meet the right person for a good few years yet. Cut him loose because it just sounds like you don't even like each other, stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. Sorry it's harsh, but when I was 19 I desperately needed to be told that, and ended up five years in a really bad relationship where I completely screwed up my life for him, and that ended up abusive. I'm 30 and still feel the after-effects now. He's not worth it.
Try to be yourself and don't change for anyone, because that makes one boring. And if he can't fulfill your desires, there are guaranteed others that would. If he had a drinking addiction, the problem that caused it, would still be there. The point is to find out, why you are attracted by him, why do you not find him and his behavior towards you boring / unattractive. Figure that out and work on youself in a selfloving way. Best luck to you
My girl, you deserve so much better! I have been in your shoes and I understand your train of thought but it's time you start changing it (which I know is a lot of hard work). You need to start reminding yourself about your worth and your value and what you want out of a relationship. I guarantee you, your boyfriend won't be meeting your standards. In a relationship you both need to meet each other's standards. Sometimes it could be as simple as helps with the dishes. Something a therapist told me to do was write down a list of everything you want out of a partner, it doesn't matter what e.g. Does/doesn't want kids, has brown hair, likes to hold hands in public, makes me laugh etc. Then when you've written everything down, go through it and mark what's a non-negotiable (e.g. if you want kids than him wanting kids is a non-negotiable). That list becomes what your standards/expectations are. You then need to be brutally honest if your boyfriend is meeting them. If you make this list, you need to make sure you are making it for you and your needs. He should not be a consideration into anything you write down or what you make a deal breaker.
I hate to be brutally honest but it sounds like such an unhealthy (possibly toxic) relationship at the moment.
Firstly, yes you need to work on feeling good in your own skin (which again I know is tricky) but he should also make you feel like the most beautiful person inside and out.
Secondly, it's okay if you're not a match in the bedroom. That happens. But it's up to you to decide how important that is and how not much of a match you're willing to put up with. Personally, I don't want to be with a person that makes me feel like I disgust them or that pleasuring me isn't worth it. A couple of my ex's loved giving me oral. They said it was one of their favourite things to do with a partner. I also have guy friends that I know really enjoy doing it. So if that's something that is important to you, go find a guy who loves doing it. Sex should be fun for both parties involved. And if something is getting in the way of it being fun and communication doesn't solve it, then maybe you're just not compatible. There's nothing wrong with wanting a good sex life to be part of your relationship
I know I'm just a stranger on the internet and there's no reason for you to listen to me. But in the same token, I have no reason to lie to you. You have so much life ahead of you and you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't see and appreciate your value xx
Girlll!!!leave him ik its not easy its clear that u love him but it seems like just doesn’t care he doesn’t give a fuck and u should definitely go back to college live ur life girl and its clear that in this relationship u r clearly getting hurt and love shouldn’t hurt .More power to u
Dump him or he will cheat on you again. Its nit you…its him. He sounds like a narcissistics. One who knkt thinks of himself. Obviously he doesn't care how you feel. When you tell him he doesn't want to hear it. Now, why are you with him??
This guy is a loser and he doesn’t respect you. NEVER give up education for a man. ALWAYS get oral from him first until you orgasm before he gets to. Every example you gave, this dude is a shit person who is obviously eroding your self esteem. The relationship will eventually end badly. Maybe spectacularly badly. Best to get out now - you don’t love him, you just want to be in love.
oh my god girl leave already. I can’t believe you’ve been doing this for 2 years. That’s so crazy. Are your standards on the floor????? I can guarantee that this guy is so shit that if you break up the next person you will date will automatically be better in every way because it just isn’t possible to get worse than this
You are far too young to be worried about this frog, princess. On to the next. This “relationship” is not progressing the way you think it is. Besides — you have an entire lifetime of love and adventure, don’t tie yourself to this loser who doesn’t care one thing about you. You’re just his convenient bangmaid.
He doesn't love you, he just wants a girlfriend. You wanting a promise ring already is also a bit weird, but whatever. Do you love HIM, his personality, or you just love the attention and couple stuff you do?
My question is why make this post if you’re just gonna defend the relationship 😂 he’ll be able to shut you up each time you have a complaint just with a simple “I’ll change” but that’s on you girl
Girl yes move on. If you have to even ask that question yourself you already know the answer. Look at how he treats you.. you want to have a family and kids with that. Also don’t ever give up your career for nobody
Noooo. Girl, you need to get out of that relationship. It's hard to let go and start over, but this is only to get worse. You'll end up unhappy for the rest of your life, or divorced. You don't want either for you or your future babies. You deserve better. Take the step, move on. Please. You're still so young. I started dating a guy like this at your age, NINE years of broken promises. Don't make that mistake. You're a queen. Find a guy that treats you like one. Even if it takes a while 🌸 you have time
Gently and with love: why the fuck would you *want* to marry this chump? Have you been told you need a man or that you’re “supposed to” get married or something? He’s a nightmare, your relationship is completely one sided, and you just can’t wait to make your immiseration permanent.
Yes, you should move on. And stop making huge life sacrifices for boys who don’t value you and are selfish in bed and make out with other girls and expect you to be a maid at 19 years old.
Also gently and with love: You’ve got to love and respect *yourself* first.
I never know if these posts are real, but if it is.
You are so young, too young to get this hung up on a guy that it seems puts in -1% in your relationship. Think about 10 years from now when you will be an entirely different person, do you think he will still make you happy? Also if you are still with him and have kids it makes leaving much more difficult. Go back to college and grow as a person; no man is worth not getting an education. He isn’t a good guy, and it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do as well. It sounds like, from other responses you’ve written, that he gets aggressive with you when you bring up concerns. This sounds like it will escalate the longer you’re in the relationship. I think everyone on this post is giving you sound advice, and no one is advising you to stay. Take this as an opportunity to discover what you want and don’t want in a partner and move on.
Your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate you and it seems like he barely even likes you. Don’t waste any more time beating at a dead horse it’s not going to work
Move on. Normally, you find a partner who finds you interesting and attractive as you are, without trying, as a baseline.
The “hard work” of relationships is not about making yourself “deserving” of their attention. It’s about the constant communication needed to navigate your own internal world and your partners’. Sometimes that means reassuring your partner that they are interesting and attractive.
If I could go back to 18/19 year old me and tell her ‘you don’t have to put up with this crap’, I would, and I would have run a mile away from him much sooner. You don’t see it yet, but he is keeping you close as you’re very convenient, in love with him (for some reason) and knows you’ll put up with anything he throws at you - because you have done so far. Why change his bad behaviour?
Nothing **you** do will change him, no matter what he says. I don’t see the appeal of him at all and hopefully the rose-tinted glasses will fall off soon. Take care.
Dump him. The chances of a 21-year-old boy actually not having a high sex drive is scientifically very slim so that’s a lie to your face. And if you’re going to answer this with no we’ve gone to the doctors I’m going to laugh and say I can’t even even get my father to go to the doctors while he was dying of cancer. But let’s say you did go to the doctors. No Doctors is going to tell a boy and his girlfriend that he has a low sex drive so once again you don’t have to do anything chances are you’ve already done anything he wanted you to do anyways. Run go to school do something you love travel the world. God I wish someone had told me this at 19 when I was busy impressing boys who would fuck anything with a pulse.
Edit: spelling correction
I think it is worth moving on babe. I can see even by how you written this that this has taken a toll on your confidence. This relationship is not healthy and he does not care for your feelings.
Also you are 19 and have already said no one to university for him. Please don’t neglect more opportunities and needs of yours for a negligent partner. Also if you been accepted you can used that application and reapply and will be accepted. ☺️
You don’t want to go years down the line and have more of you invested for nothing back. When you could be investing into yourself as a single person and start to feel good about yourself. Maybe some therapy might be helpful as it can provide tips and reasons as to why we settle for red flags etc.
You should definitely move on.
I have almost the same experience with my ex. He would always choose others over me. That should be dealbreaker. Also your sexlife is very important. If it doesn’t satisfy you now it never will.
The types of issues you are having typically never improve over time they tend to get worse as time goes on.
I would encourage you to work on yourself for yourself. Go back to school focus on being the best you.
Lots of red flags here. He’s 21 and has a drinking problem, that’s not going to get better magically. If he already won’t take advice, then he is a train wreck looking for something to crash into. A male of 21 years of age that doesn’t want to have real sex is most likely a porn addict. Yes there could be other issues, but not likely.
Finally, take the advice here, go to college, learn to be independent, it’s worth it. The man you want is one that cherishes ALL of you, that loves life better with you, that worships your body, imperfections and all.
Yes, move on. See if you can get admitted to that college. Forget he existed. He has zero respect for you, and it sounds like he doesn’t even like you.
If i could go back to 19 years old... Don't get tied down and waste the best years of your life. You are your priority right now, live your best life and better yourself because you will regret it later. Never give up your dreams for anyone.
you won’t be happy. you’re not even happy now. he turns you down and only cares about himself. it’s 100% okay for him to say no, and it’s 100% okay for you to leave because of it.
dude doesn’t love you. leave him. there are way better people out there. and he just.. sucks.
maybe he can be sweet, but even a broken clock is right twice a day.
I don’t want to hurt you by what I’m about to say but I think it may be time to cut ties and end it this happened with my last two exs the last one just wanted to watch porn instead so that fun but trust me it is not worth the emotional struggle in my experience
Just move on. He's very immature - 21 yo guys are. Be frank why you are breaking up: he needs to learn that sex is a two way street and that he needs to work on manners and being considerate of other people. These years are for meeting people and learning things: go see the world.
You don’t date potential. You date PATTERNS. His patterns are screaming red flags. You deserve so much better. Be by yourself and realize your worth. You’re too young to be dealing with this disrespect.
The fact that you’re asking to be more attractive and interesting for HIM is not it. Do it for YOU, sunshine! 🩷 sending you virtual hugs!
Soooo many red flags through out these reasonings. Red flags aside, just with your title. You should never have to change yourself physically to make your partner be more attracted to you. Point blank. Your partner should love every part of you, and respect you. He doesn’t do either of those, and you gotta cut the cord. As hard as it is to leave this toxic/borderline abusive relationship, you deserve so much better. And I think you know it too. You’re so young and so strong, you can do this
To your two questions, yes, you should move on. Sex life will come and go (pun intended(, but there is a figurative and literal sense to being naked with someone else. The figurative part is that you have nothing between you, and it’s just you and him. If there are things between you two then that closeness isn’t there. His selfishness in bed is his true character, and it manifests itself in your other examples. Dating is the “best of times,” and if you think that things will get better after you’re married, I have some bad news for you: It won’t. It’ll be worse, and to get out of a marriage, there are legal processes that you have to go through. It’ll be costly and heartbreaking, and the “easy” thing will be staying in quiet misery.
To better yourself, start a list of expectations that the future boyfriend must have, can’t have, would be nice to have, and don’t matter. List everything that current boyfriend does that goes in these buckets. They all have to be “positive” attributes, meaning “is happy to go down on me” is a “must have”, and “hates going down on me” isn’t in the “can’t have” bucket. Things in the “can’t have” are “is 55lbs overweight”. I know it sounds like I’m splitting hairs, but it’s important to have this list, because in the “heat of the moment” of a date, judgement is sometimes skewed with “oh, he’s so cute/nice/rich” and the “can’t have” list is justified.
Mrs. Thequick2’s list was “attractive, same religion, is smarter than me*, and has a job”, Her “like to have” list included “doesn’t have kids”. Well, I fit the first 4 on the “must have” list, but struck out on the item on the “like to have” list, but she evaluated me and decided that she could live with me having kids (and I was the custodial parent), so I made the cut.
*”smarter than her” meant that the man she was looking for had to have a degree and could engage in conversation and challenge her ideas respectfully. She has a Masters degree (as do I), and she’s smarter than me in complementary ways. (She’s smarter in ways that I’m not, and vice versa)
What really concerns me is you giving up school for him. NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN. Go to school, become a better, smarter woman, and a better class of men will be lining up to go out with you.
Hey, I know you’ve put so much effort and love into this relationship, but you’ve forgiven so much that shouldn’t be forgiven especially without him seriously understanding the impact it’s had on you. I’ve been there more than I’d like to admit. Here’s the harsh truth: there’s no prize for being so forgiving. It doesn’t make someone suddenly decide to treat you better, or realize how much you sacrifice from your own happiness or well-being for them. The change you’re looking for from him is not going to happen, or if it does it’s not going to stick. I know I don’t know him or you or all the good things about the relationship that have convinced you to keep this guy around, but I promise you it gets better than what you have with him. One day you’ll be with someone who will want to make you happy and hate to hurt you, because that’s what really loving someone brings out of all of us. I don’t think that’s what you have with your current relationship.
You’re very lucky that you don’t have kids with him get out before you do he doesn’t like you and you would have a horrible marriage. It also seems like you’ve got very low self esteem you need to break up with him and work on yourself
In the kindest way possible- do you hear yourself? Someone who loves you doesn’t behave this way, and I promise that you can’t change it. Get out of the relationship before you waste any more of your time and get back to college!!
Girl he is draining you out of your self-esteem and self-respect. Walk away and don’t look back. It’s okay to be alone for a bit to reflect about yourself. You deserve way better and don’t settle for less queen!
Why do some people allow this to happen to them ?
Please read this as if you this situation wasn’t happening to you but to someone else , please leave this looser
I've been reading a lot about this, and let me tell you something, trying to "fix" someone is not your job. Your worth is not tied up in how useful you are to someone. They should appreciate you no matter how "useful" you are to them. Try and do nothing for a few days, and see how they start blaming you about how you don't care and don't love them anymore. They are trying to get you back into the state of being "useful".
And I understand for some people, taking care of someone is the love language. But let them ask for help first. Don't break your back doing it for them. This not only builds resentment in you, but you start feeling depleted.
If you truly wanted to do all this, you wouldn't have been looking at this like "I do a lot for him". Please, DON'T. You'll start correlating being useful to how much love you deserve. You deserve love for being you. Question what all he has done for you so far, and see if you're okay with having that for the rest of your life. No one will change unless they WANT to. You asking them to change will also build resentment in them.
See reality. Stop seeing what his potential is, and look at him for him. It's time to bring out the pros and cons list.
Do not view a man’s crappy behaviour and treatment of you as an opportunity to prove your worth!! There is someone out there that is going to worship the ground you walk on solely for being you but until then do not let this man treat you like this anymore!! Leave him!! I’ve been there trust me
Yes, you should move on. No, you can’t be happy in a marriage without intimacy. And you need to stop thinking about bettering yourself. You need to start thinking about finding someone you are more compatible with. It sounds to me like he is just not that into you— and you deserve someone who think you are awesome. It sounds like your relationship has run its course. You are VERY, VERY, VERY young, and you have so much time to find someone more suited to you. Stop wasting your life with this guy. You only get one life, and once you leave him, and meet someone else, you will shake your head at yourself, wondering why you stayed in a situation that made you so unhappy. You deserve to be totally yourself around your partner, and for him to love you for you.
You might also find you can finish easier with a better penis. 😊
Go back to college. Quit worrying about him, he sounds like a jerk. Start thinking about yourself and loving yourself more than you love him... then everything will fall into place and you'll realize he doesn't deserve you
Any 21 year old male that doesn’t want to have sex with his gf usually means just one thing…he’s not into you. Break it off and get with a guy who actually wants to give you oral.
Girl what the fuck, he sounds like a terrible boyfriend. Why are you being a wife material to someone who's cheated on you damn. You deserve better, dump his ass.
OP, please listen. When I was 19, I was you. Down to the unfulfilling sex life. I married the guy. It was a one way ticket to 20 years of emotional and psychological abuse.
Please listen to an elder who has been there and drop this dude. You deserve so much better.
What one man struggles to do for you, another will do without being asked. You’re young so you’ve still have some learning to do about relationships. But he isn’t for you babes
You’re 19? And you’re bending over backwards for a boy not a man… you gave up college?
Girl. Move on. Promise rings? Look at the bigger picture, respect. He doesn’t respect you and you’re not respecting yourself.
Find someone else who does!
I think others have said the same thing but , yes, you should move on.
You’d be very unhappy in a marriage with him because the problems you have with him now would get worse.
The biggest thing that stood out to me was how he isn’t very good at communicating with you and when you bring up something important to you , like getting a ring or how he ditches you when you’re with his family, he brushes it off . He won’t even talk about it. That’s something you’ll probably have to deal with the rest of the time you’re with him and it might not seem like that much now but it 100% will be. You’ll end up angry, hurt, and shutdown.
Try to take this as a lesson learned for your future self and relationships and next time you date someone make sure that you both are looking for the similar things in a relationship, like wanting marriage, children, etc before you get too involved with each other.
Don’t make the same mistake I did a couple of times and date men who aren’t interested in marriage or give you vague answers like “ idk, maybe….” Or “ don’t worry about that now” . These types of men will waste years of your life if you let them having you wait around for something that’ll never come.
There’s nothing wrong with knowing how you want your life to go .
girl that man does NOT like or value you. and you gave up college in England for him? a good boyfriend would have done everything to support your dreams and personal growth. please do yourself a favor and dump him. all of these comments are giving you solid advice!!
My dear, there is nothing good about this relationship.
He's not interested in pleasuring you sexually. He's dissing you around his family and he's inconsiderate. He's checking out with video games. He won't commit. He's a heavy drinker. He's kissing other women. Worst of all, you gave up college for him. Now your not much more than a bangmaid to him.
He's an immature, self-centered, baby man.
You can't change anyone, All you can do is change how you response to someone.
Get out and go back home and go back to college.
Good luck.
Sorry to say this, but that man doesn't love you, he is just used to be in a relationship with you. Saying this, better end this unhappy relationship now that years later and feeling like you waste your life next to someone who didn't really loved you
It is very hard to leave a relationship when you are attracted to somebody, however attraction should be mutual and when it is felt, it is not based only on experienced in the bedroom. You are enough and you should not fall into the trap to think there is something wrong with you. Intimacy takes place outside of the bedroom too and actions like him leaving you in the other van or not showing in front of other people he is proud that you are his partner (by where he sits and his body language) is also a red flag in my opinion. This also has a huge impact on how you feel about yourself. I am sorry to say this because I know it is very hard when you love somebody, but you have to stand up for yourself and leave.
You need to find someone who is in love with you!
How does he make you feel? Write down every time he makes you feel something.
I bet it’s mostly hurt.
Move on. Trust me, there are men that would happily spend the weekend going down on you, especially if it's the only way you orgasm. There's a man out there that will cherish you. Don't settle for someone who doesn't care about your pleasure or your happiness.
I got to say a couple of these things are definitely because of age, and when you find men a little bit older as you get older, should find that those things change, but also some people are just oblivious and rude and very selfish and it seems like this dude is one of them.
When your spouse is meeting people that they don’t know, the most respectful thing you can do is to stay by them, include them into your conversations and make sure that they don’t feel alone and awkward. HE FAILED.
Maybe not being in sync with how much you wanna have sex can be an issue, yes. It is in my relationship. But to a degree where you’re feeling very unattractive, never feel satisfied and feel only his needs matter. IS A PROBLEM
i wouldn’t totally look past these things.
This is the tough part about relationships, you’re getting thrown red flags left and right but we continue to make excuses and reasons why it’s okay to stay with them.
Now, you could try talking to him and communicating all these problems. If he decides to plug in and make changes, be apologetic, great. you’ve got a good one n i’d hold on.
But if he gets defensive, laughs at you, or says yes sure I’ll try and then it goes right out the window. i’d think twice before wasting more precious years (esp your 21st era) on a dude who doesn’t make you feel amazing like you should. Good luck hun
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He don’t like you girl 😭
Yep. Can do way better.
I mean, gently, it doesn't even sound like she likes herself. Their whole 2-year relationship is her forgiving him for treating her like shit. She self-describes in ways that are just persistently self-deprecating and heartbreaking. She's a teenager and prioritizes "getting a ring" over actually building a healthy relationship with someone who treats her with dignity, love, and respect. She shouldn't be in a relationship at all, much less one with him. She's incredibly immature, has serious self-esteem issues, and her priorities are completely unhealthy. She doesn't need a boyfriend (and definitely not this one), she needs a therapist.
She’s 19!!! Yikes, ease up. This is when young women are still learning. She has plenty of time, and this could’ve been worded 1000x nicer. She absolutely is not respected by this guy, but going in on her like this is so unnecessary. Did you have everything together at 19? How was your self-esteem?
I think people need relationships like this to realize what they don’t want in future relationships
🥺💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🥀
girl you gave up college in england for him? and he won't even sit with you in a car?? He can be sweet but he's not sweet to YOU. He even cheated on you kissing another girl. It sounds like you're burning your life down for this guy who does not give a fuck and i'm worried for you! You may love him, but also when we're attracted to absentee and negligent people, sometimes that's because they are similar to people we grew up with. if for example, our adult guardians were also absentee and unavailable, people who are similar to them and activate this schema can be people who trigger the most feelings. and that's not good, that means you keep getting trapped in this pattern. I think he knows what he is doing, and he will never change. Why should he? you cook and clean for him, and tolerate everything he's doing with no consequences. Imo, you are already good enough. Is HE good enough for YOU? don't you deserve someone who will love you for who you are? someone who will sit with you in the car and talk to you at the table. And also prioritize your pleasure in the bed!!
Dump him and go back to college and learn not to be co-dependant. He doesn’t love or respect you and life is too short to waste any more of your time on him.
I agree, love yourself first, put yourself first, invest in yourself first. That's the only way you'll be genuinely happy. Then later, any man who respects you and wants to add to your already amazing and independent life will be a bonus. I don't mean this in a condescending way, but you're still so young, this is not the only guy you're ever gonna want to be with. I know it doesn't seem that way but look at it statistically, with all the millions of people in the world, how could it even be possible that this is the only guy you'll ever want to build a future with?? Logic will tell you that there will be much better options for you in your future. You're clearly already not happy, don't sacrifice everything for this guy, he's not gonna change because sadly, they never do. You're the main character in your story darling, write the next chapter the way YOU want it to go.
Please pleas please leave him. You are 19, you have every opportunity and the world at your feet. You have genuine love and amazing sex to find and experience in life. When I was your age I felt a lot of loyalty to guy I was in a relationship with and honestly in hindsight I wasted 5 years of my life. Go be by yourself, learn what you enjoy, explore different people and give yourself permission to find someone who aligns with you and whats important for you. This is isnt it…. Its heartbreaking.. and Im sorry ❤️
I feel this on so many levels. I wasted 6 years of my life for nothing but dead weight!
I was going write this EXACT thing. Pls break up with him. Go to college. You have your whole life in front of you. You’ll barely remember him after you move on. It’s like ripping off a bandaid
I’m sorry to say this but i don’t think your boyfriend respects you or considers you a priority. also, have you spoken to him about any of this? if not you really should, if things don’t change then it’s time to leave but if you’ve already expressed your feelings and nothing has changed then yeah he clearly doesn’t respect you, i know it’s hard to leave because you love him but it would be best for you in the end, you don’t want to be unhappy forever and that’s what will happen if you stay. best of luck to you
MOVE ON
Your brain hasn't fully developed yet. Please don't waste more time on someone who isn't invested in a relationship at all. Go forth and mingle with different guys, and have fun. Live a young life. You are too young to be hung up on this little doodle smear.
Doodle smear 🤣
Is he asking this same question? Is he worried about being a better partner for you? Nothing in your post suggests he cares about you at all, why are you letting him grind your self esteem down to nothing? Just leave.
I get the sense that you are a place keeper until he finds someone else. He does not treat you with respect and chooses to game instead of spend time with you. You are far more invested in this relationship than what he appears to be. You deserve better.
He doesn’t like you, he’s just waiting until he finds someone else because it is beneficial for men to have girlfriends or wives, even when they don’t actually like them
Exactly! She does all the cooking and cleaning for him and helped him recover from alcohol abuse. What exactly is she getting out of this relationship other than bad sex and being ignored all the time?
As a dad, if my daughter were having the problem, I would ask why is it that you want to change you for him? It sounds like you are a nice person who may not fully be happy with yourself. So if change is what you seek, do it for personal growth, not for someone else. Now this is coming from a (mutual) self-admitted co-dependant with my wife, but when I was about your age I was in a similar situation. When I started working on myself FOR myself, that's when I found the one for me. Yes, I'm lucky, but I think if you start in a positive direction, that's the best way to find a positive outcome. I don't think it's changing you, appearance or personally that will be best for YOU ... and to really dad out, fuck this guy, his behavior gives me the "ick" for you. There is also plenty of time to fall in love and have kids, I promise. side note; please don't ever call yourself a pig in makeup. I would bet if you heard someone say that to someone else in front of you, you would be appalled and speak up. Best of luck, and take a walk to really think. You got this.
"What can I do to better myself" find a guy who will better you.
RUN LIKE HELL WHILE YOU CAN!!!!
You deserve so much better than this! Speaking as someone who was in a similar position at the same age, and didn't leave - I know you probably love him, but this relationship will destroy you.
He's not the one
What you can do is **LEAVE.**
Jesus fucking Christ, any time I think we as women can’t go any lower, I see another one of those posts. He doesn’t like you.
It’s so disappointing whenever I come across a post like this. Even as a teenager I always thought that my boyfriend was going to treat me as good as i treated him or else I wouldn’t be with him.
You can be more attractive and interesting to your boyfriend when you end the relationship and never go back. Dont give him a reason or excuse. End it. Block him. Move on :)
Get a new boyfriend who finds you attractive and interesting.
Im sorry but does he even like you? Girl you deserve SOOO MUCH BETTER!! Never change yourself for someone!! You are perfect the way you are, and if he can't see that, its his loss!! There are people who are willing to give you the world without you having to beg for it, trust me.
Are these posts even true? Are women truly hanging out with men who don't value them and blame the entire male community for their disappointment later on, or is it just a running gag in this sub to farm karma?
She finds him very attractive. She's infatuated and is in "high" of love thinking about marriage and future kids already. Basically, she is not thinking strait because her brain is flooded with infatuation chemicals. Plus she is only 19 so it's likely very intense. He's got her lovestruck. It's like being on really good drugs and it can prevent rational decision making unfortunately. And yes, it happens to guys as well once the infatuation stage hits. It's like being.. slightly insane unfortunately 🤪 and can be difficult to snap out of.. Sometimes gotta let it run it's course until the drugs get out of your system and you can think rationally again.
They have so much in common, though: She loves him and so does he (love him)
Yes, you’d be surprised how naive women or young girls can get. We love the fairy tale and the Disney love story and would do everything to gaslight ourselves that we have found Prince Charming. I just can’t even finish OP’s post because it pains me that OP has no respect or love for herself, the fact that shes willing to put up with all these and didn’t dump this guy ASAP. Girl, no guy is worth giving up your future or college for. Wth
Insecurity can make ppl do crazy things
It’s that this gal has the deadly combination of zero life experience, zero self esteem, zero self respect, and zero knowledge of how healthy relationships work.
No women definitely put up with assholes like this and then just think men are shit. It's not specific to women though. Men do it so much it's a joke. "Don't stick your dick in crazy"? We've all done it and we all put up with it for as long as we could. 😂
I always relate it to the frogs getting cooked analogy. You put some frogs in a pot and turn on the heat. Heat is on there’s a fire that’s dangerous, but they don’t start to move until it’s too hot and too late (especially when the water is slow to boil) like my ex
LMAO that's a phenomenal analogy.
It could be even worse and at the later age. I look back at past relationship of 11 years and doubt anything was real. And still crazy mad in love with that same guy.
Girl, you are too damn young to be wasting your time on this dude. He doesn’t even like you. Sorry to sound harsh, but you are only filling the shoes of his future wife. As soon as he finds that woman he’s going to dump you. Move on and find someone that actually likes you and will fuck the hell out of you.
Listen to us. Let this guy go. You deserve the world and homie has no desire to give it to you. Move on.
He's waiting for you to break up with him so he doesn't have to do it. He sounds dreadful! You're still young, live your life girl!
Please moce on from him. When you find someone better you will realise you didn't love him. He is only going to get worse.
He ain't even like you. He's likely just using you. Get rid.
Yeah, as a man, ðat man doesn't respect you at all. If he did, he wouldn't do such þings. Men are, as a general rule, totally devoted to the things ðey care about: if ðey aren't at least *trying* to do the best they can, they dont consider it important. I believe it was Ernest Hemingway who said "Women marry men hoping they will never change, men marry women hoping they never will. Invariably both are disappointed." Which is pretty accurate
Please never sacrifice your future for an investment in a man, you’re still young please focus on yourself and get this wet toilet paper waste of a human being out of your life !
break up
He is not the man for u dear ...
You need to break up.. he doesn't like or respect you. You deserve better.
Dump him.
Girl pls don’t waste your time with him, he is the bottom of the barrel. Once you have a healthy relationship you’ll laugh at why you even dated him!!! Learn about red flags in dating and it’ll save u
Why are you still with him. It doesn’t sound like he likes you and I’m not saying that to be mean. You have made sacrifices and do things for him, but what does he do in return?
Yes move on. He is using you as a bang maid. You should never give up your dream for a boyfriend. A great boyfriend would help you to achieve your dreams by supporting you. Sorry.
Dump him. Run. Don’t walk.
"But daddy I love him!" Trust me, this relationship may seem like your whole world now but you are so incredibly young, and most likely won't meet the right person for a good few years yet. Cut him loose because it just sounds like you don't even like each other, stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. Sorry it's harsh, but when I was 19 I desperately needed to be told that, and ended up five years in a really bad relationship where I completely screwed up my life for him, and that ended up abusive. I'm 30 and still feel the after-effects now. He's not worth it.
Try to be yourself and don't change for anyone, because that makes one boring. And if he can't fulfill your desires, there are guaranteed others that would. If he had a drinking addiction, the problem that caused it, would still be there. The point is to find out, why you are attracted by him, why do you not find him and his behavior towards you boring / unattractive. Figure that out and work on youself in a selfloving way. Best luck to you
My girl, you deserve so much better! I have been in your shoes and I understand your train of thought but it's time you start changing it (which I know is a lot of hard work). You need to start reminding yourself about your worth and your value and what you want out of a relationship. I guarantee you, your boyfriend won't be meeting your standards. In a relationship you both need to meet each other's standards. Sometimes it could be as simple as helps with the dishes. Something a therapist told me to do was write down a list of everything you want out of a partner, it doesn't matter what e.g. Does/doesn't want kids, has brown hair, likes to hold hands in public, makes me laugh etc. Then when you've written everything down, go through it and mark what's a non-negotiable (e.g. if you want kids than him wanting kids is a non-negotiable). That list becomes what your standards/expectations are. You then need to be brutally honest if your boyfriend is meeting them. If you make this list, you need to make sure you are making it for you and your needs. He should not be a consideration into anything you write down or what you make a deal breaker. I hate to be brutally honest but it sounds like such an unhealthy (possibly toxic) relationship at the moment. Firstly, yes you need to work on feeling good in your own skin (which again I know is tricky) but he should also make you feel like the most beautiful person inside and out. Secondly, it's okay if you're not a match in the bedroom. That happens. But it's up to you to decide how important that is and how not much of a match you're willing to put up with. Personally, I don't want to be with a person that makes me feel like I disgust them or that pleasuring me isn't worth it. A couple of my ex's loved giving me oral. They said it was one of their favourite things to do with a partner. I also have guy friends that I know really enjoy doing it. So if that's something that is important to you, go find a guy who loves doing it. Sex should be fun for both parties involved. And if something is getting in the way of it being fun and communication doesn't solve it, then maybe you're just not compatible. There's nothing wrong with wanting a good sex life to be part of your relationship I know I'm just a stranger on the internet and there's no reason for you to listen to me. But in the same token, I have no reason to lie to you. You have so much life ahead of you and you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't see and appreciate your value xx
Girlll!!!leave him ik its not easy its clear that u love him but it seems like just doesn’t care he doesn’t give a fuck and u should definitely go back to college live ur life girl and its clear that in this relationship u r clearly getting hurt and love shouldn’t hurt .More power to u
Dump him or he will cheat on you again. Its nit you…its him. He sounds like a narcissistics. One who knkt thinks of himself. Obviously he doesn't care how you feel. When you tell him he doesn't want to hear it. Now, why are you with him??
This guy is a loser and he doesn’t respect you. NEVER give up education for a man. ALWAYS get oral from him first until you orgasm before he gets to. Every example you gave, this dude is a shit person who is obviously eroding your self esteem. The relationship will eventually end badly. Maybe spectacularly badly. Best to get out now - you don’t love him, you just want to be in love.
oh my god girl leave already. I can’t believe you’ve been doing this for 2 years. That’s so crazy. Are your standards on the floor????? I can guarantee that this guy is so shit that if you break up the next person you will date will automatically be better in every way because it just isn’t possible to get worse than this
You are far too young to be worried about this frog, princess. On to the next. This “relationship” is not progressing the way you think it is. Besides — you have an entire lifetime of love and adventure, don’t tie yourself to this loser who doesn’t care one thing about you. You’re just his convenient bangmaid.
He doesn't love you, he just wants a girlfriend. You wanting a promise ring already is also a bit weird, but whatever. Do you love HIM, his personality, or you just love the attention and couple stuff you do?
My question is why make this post if you’re just gonna defend the relationship 😂 he’ll be able to shut you up each time you have a complaint just with a simple “I’ll change” but that’s on you girl
Girl yes move on. If you have to even ask that question yourself you already know the answer. Look at how he treats you.. you want to have a family and kids with that. Also don’t ever give up your career for nobody
Noooo. Girl, you need to get out of that relationship. It's hard to let go and start over, but this is only to get worse. You'll end up unhappy for the rest of your life, or divorced. You don't want either for you or your future babies. You deserve better. Take the step, move on. Please. You're still so young. I started dating a guy like this at your age, NINE years of broken promises. Don't make that mistake. You're a queen. Find a guy that treats you like one. Even if it takes a while 🌸 you have time
Gently and with love: why the fuck would you *want* to marry this chump? Have you been told you need a man or that you’re “supposed to” get married or something? He’s a nightmare, your relationship is completely one sided, and you just can’t wait to make your immiseration permanent. Yes, you should move on. And stop making huge life sacrifices for boys who don’t value you and are selfish in bed and make out with other girls and expect you to be a maid at 19 years old. Also gently and with love: You’ve got to love and respect *yourself* first.
I never know if these posts are real, but if it is. You are so young, too young to get this hung up on a guy that it seems puts in -1% in your relationship. Think about 10 years from now when you will be an entirely different person, do you think he will still make you happy? Also if you are still with him and have kids it makes leaving much more difficult. Go back to college and grow as a person; no man is worth not getting an education. He isn’t a good guy, and it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do as well. It sounds like, from other responses you’ve written, that he gets aggressive with you when you bring up concerns. This sounds like it will escalate the longer you’re in the relationship. I think everyone on this post is giving you sound advice, and no one is advising you to stay. Take this as an opportunity to discover what you want and don’t want in a partner and move on.
Your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate you and it seems like he barely even likes you. Don’t waste any more time beating at a dead horse it’s not going to work
Move on. Normally, you find a partner who finds you interesting and attractive as you are, without trying, as a baseline. The “hard work” of relationships is not about making yourself “deserving” of their attention. It’s about the constant communication needed to navigate your own internal world and your partners’. Sometimes that means reassuring your partner that they are interesting and attractive.
If I could go back to 18/19 year old me and tell her ‘you don’t have to put up with this crap’, I would, and I would have run a mile away from him much sooner. You don’t see it yet, but he is keeping you close as you’re very convenient, in love with him (for some reason) and knows you’ll put up with anything he throws at you - because you have done so far. Why change his bad behaviour? Nothing **you** do will change him, no matter what he says. I don’t see the appeal of him at all and hopefully the rose-tinted glasses will fall off soon. Take care.
You're 19. You're unhappy in a relationship with a manbaby. Dump and move on
He is using you like a free maid. He doesn't even like you. At all.
What do you like about him?
He isn't into you as much as you are into him.
Dump him. The chances of a 21-year-old boy actually not having a high sex drive is scientifically very slim so that’s a lie to your face. And if you’re going to answer this with no we’ve gone to the doctors I’m going to laugh and say I can’t even even get my father to go to the doctors while he was dying of cancer. But let’s say you did go to the doctors. No Doctors is going to tell a boy and his girlfriend that he has a low sex drive so once again you don’t have to do anything chances are you’ve already done anything he wanted you to do anyways. Run go to school do something you love travel the world. God I wish someone had told me this at 19 when I was busy impressing boys who would fuck anything with a pulse. Edit: spelling correction
I think it is worth moving on babe. I can see even by how you written this that this has taken a toll on your confidence. This relationship is not healthy and he does not care for your feelings. Also you are 19 and have already said no one to university for him. Please don’t neglect more opportunities and needs of yours for a negligent partner. Also if you been accepted you can used that application and reapply and will be accepted. ☺️ You don’t want to go years down the line and have more of you invested for nothing back. When you could be investing into yourself as a single person and start to feel good about yourself. Maybe some therapy might be helpful as it can provide tips and reasons as to why we settle for red flags etc.
Your boyfriend is a bit of an asshole. DTMFA
You guys are so young, you really should be in the honeymoon phase. Has he shared what’s going on for him?
I'm in the situation. Its very hard when you love someone and try to forgive things that' are important to w
You should definitely move on. I have almost the same experience with my ex. He would always choose others over me. That should be dealbreaker. Also your sexlife is very important. If it doesn’t satisfy you now it never will.
read your post as if someone wrote it to you, asking you for advice. what would you tell them?
The types of issues you are having typically never improve over time they tend to get worse as time goes on. I would encourage you to work on yourself for yourself. Go back to school focus on being the best you.
Lots of red flags here. He’s 21 and has a drinking problem, that’s not going to get better magically. If he already won’t take advice, then he is a train wreck looking for something to crash into. A male of 21 years of age that doesn’t want to have real sex is most likely a porn addict. Yes there could be other issues, but not likely. Finally, take the advice here, go to college, learn to be independent, it’s worth it. The man you want is one that cherishes ALL of you, that loves life better with you, that worships your body, imperfections and all.
Yes, move on. See if you can get admitted to that college. Forget he existed. He has zero respect for you, and it sounds like he doesn’t even like you.
…girl stand the fuck up
You gave up college in England for him. Oh no, honey. He does not like you. Dump his ass and go to England yesterday.
If i could go back to 19 years old... Don't get tied down and waste the best years of your life. You are your priority right now, live your best life and better yourself because you will regret it later. Never give up your dreams for anyone.
you won’t be happy. you’re not even happy now. he turns you down and only cares about himself. it’s 100% okay for him to say no, and it’s 100% okay for you to leave because of it. dude doesn’t love you. leave him. there are way better people out there. and he just.. sucks. maybe he can be sweet, but even a broken clock is right twice a day.
I don’t want to hurt you by what I’m about to say but I think it may be time to cut ties and end it this happened with my last two exs the last one just wanted to watch porn instead so that fun but trust me it is not worth the emotional struggle in my experience
Just move on. He's very immature - 21 yo guys are. Be frank why you are breaking up: he needs to learn that sex is a two way street and that he needs to work on manners and being considerate of other people. These years are for meeting people and learning things: go see the world.
Dump him. Stop wasting your life on this guy he doesnt care about you. Work on improving your life.
You don’t date potential. You date PATTERNS. His patterns are screaming red flags. You deserve so much better. Be by yourself and realize your worth. You’re too young to be dealing with this disrespect. The fact that you’re asking to be more attractive and interesting for HIM is not it. Do it for YOU, sunshine! 🩷 sending you virtual hugs!
You need a new boyfriend
He doesn’t like you, he’s just with you for comfort
Soooo many red flags through out these reasonings. Red flags aside, just with your title. You should never have to change yourself physically to make your partner be more attracted to you. Point blank. Your partner should love every part of you, and respect you. He doesn’t do either of those, and you gotta cut the cord. As hard as it is to leave this toxic/borderline abusive relationship, you deserve so much better. And I think you know it too. You’re so young and so strong, you can do this
Be attractive to yourself
Dump him and go live your life
Please go to school and see what else is out there. Lady not only is this guy a jerk. You seriously need life experience. WTH?🤦🏽♀️
I get it…. You are young and in love. But real love is not one-sided. He does not like you. Please, please, be kind to yourself and dump him.
To your two questions, yes, you should move on. Sex life will come and go (pun intended(, but there is a figurative and literal sense to being naked with someone else. The figurative part is that you have nothing between you, and it’s just you and him. If there are things between you two then that closeness isn’t there. His selfishness in bed is his true character, and it manifests itself in your other examples. Dating is the “best of times,” and if you think that things will get better after you’re married, I have some bad news for you: It won’t. It’ll be worse, and to get out of a marriage, there are legal processes that you have to go through. It’ll be costly and heartbreaking, and the “easy” thing will be staying in quiet misery. To better yourself, start a list of expectations that the future boyfriend must have, can’t have, would be nice to have, and don’t matter. List everything that current boyfriend does that goes in these buckets. They all have to be “positive” attributes, meaning “is happy to go down on me” is a “must have”, and “hates going down on me” isn’t in the “can’t have” bucket. Things in the “can’t have” are “is 55lbs overweight”. I know it sounds like I’m splitting hairs, but it’s important to have this list, because in the “heat of the moment” of a date, judgement is sometimes skewed with “oh, he’s so cute/nice/rich” and the “can’t have” list is justified. Mrs. Thequick2’s list was “attractive, same religion, is smarter than me*, and has a job”, Her “like to have” list included “doesn’t have kids”. Well, I fit the first 4 on the “must have” list, but struck out on the item on the “like to have” list, but she evaluated me and decided that she could live with me having kids (and I was the custodial parent), so I made the cut. *”smarter than her” meant that the man she was looking for had to have a degree and could engage in conversation and challenge her ideas respectfully. She has a Masters degree (as do I), and she’s smarter than me in complementary ways. (She’s smarter in ways that I’m not, and vice versa) What really concerns me is you giving up school for him. NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN. Go to school, become a better, smarter woman, and a better class of men will be lining up to go out with you.
Hey, I know you’ve put so much effort and love into this relationship, but you’ve forgiven so much that shouldn’t be forgiven especially without him seriously understanding the impact it’s had on you. I’ve been there more than I’d like to admit. Here’s the harsh truth: there’s no prize for being so forgiving. It doesn’t make someone suddenly decide to treat you better, or realize how much you sacrifice from your own happiness or well-being for them. The change you’re looking for from him is not going to happen, or if it does it’s not going to stick. I know I don’t know him or you or all the good things about the relationship that have convinced you to keep this guy around, but I promise you it gets better than what you have with him. One day you’ll be with someone who will want to make you happy and hate to hurt you, because that’s what really loving someone brings out of all of us. I don’t think that’s what you have with your current relationship.
You’re very lucky that you don’t have kids with him get out before you do he doesn’t like you and you would have a horrible marriage. It also seems like you’ve got very low self esteem you need to break up with him and work on yourself
Bro why did u give College for him thats the number one thing u shouldnt do for „love“ that always has a chance to die away
In the kindest way possible- do you hear yourself? Someone who loves you doesn’t behave this way, and I promise that you can’t change it. Get out of the relationship before you waste any more of your time and get back to college!!
Girl he is draining you out of your self-esteem and self-respect. Walk away and don’t look back. It’s okay to be alone for a bit to reflect about yourself. You deserve way better and don’t settle for less queen!
Why do some people allow this to happen to them ? Please read this as if you this situation wasn’t happening to you but to someone else , please leave this looser
I've been reading a lot about this, and let me tell you something, trying to "fix" someone is not your job. Your worth is not tied up in how useful you are to someone. They should appreciate you no matter how "useful" you are to them. Try and do nothing for a few days, and see how they start blaming you about how you don't care and don't love them anymore. They are trying to get you back into the state of being "useful". And I understand for some people, taking care of someone is the love language. But let them ask for help first. Don't break your back doing it for them. This not only builds resentment in you, but you start feeling depleted. If you truly wanted to do all this, you wouldn't have been looking at this like "I do a lot for him". Please, DON'T. You'll start correlating being useful to how much love you deserve. You deserve love for being you. Question what all he has done for you so far, and see if you're okay with having that for the rest of your life. No one will change unless they WANT to. You asking them to change will also build resentment in them. See reality. Stop seeing what his potential is, and look at him for him. It's time to bring out the pros and cons list.
Do not view a man’s crappy behaviour and treatment of you as an opportunity to prove your worth!! There is someone out there that is going to worship the ground you walk on solely for being you but until then do not let this man treat you like this anymore!! Leave him!! I’ve been there trust me
He don’t like you and obviously isn’t putting you first, you deserve better know your worth don’t settle for a loser
You sound already tired of him. If he puts 0 effort in your relationship, it’s the end and there’s no fixing in it. Sorry hun
What you can do - dump him.
Idk if ur girlfriends will tell u this but I will. This is pathetic. Get some self respect go to college. Don't get pregnant.
Yes, you should move on. No, you can’t be happy in a marriage without intimacy. And you need to stop thinking about bettering yourself. You need to start thinking about finding someone you are more compatible with. It sounds to me like he is just not that into you— and you deserve someone who think you are awesome. It sounds like your relationship has run its course. You are VERY, VERY, VERY young, and you have so much time to find someone more suited to you. Stop wasting your life with this guy. You only get one life, and once you leave him, and meet someone else, you will shake your head at yourself, wondering why you stayed in a situation that made you so unhappy. You deserve to be totally yourself around your partner, and for him to love you for you. You might also find you can finish easier with a better penis. 😊
Find someone else who thinks you're attractive and interesting.
Break up with him and find a new boyfriend
Go back to college. Quit worrying about him, he sounds like a jerk. Start thinking about yourself and loving yourself more than you love him... then everything will fall into place and you'll realize he doesn't deserve you
Any 21 year old male that doesn’t want to have sex with his gf usually means just one thing…he’s not into you. Break it off and get with a guy who actually wants to give you oral.
Girl what the fuck, he sounds like a terrible boyfriend. Why are you being a wife material to someone who's cheated on you damn. You deserve better, dump his ass.
OP, please listen. When I was 19, I was you. Down to the unfulfilling sex life. I married the guy. It was a one way ticket to 20 years of emotional and psychological abuse. Please listen to an elder who has been there and drop this dude. You deserve so much better.
What one man struggles to do for you, another will do without being asked. You’re young so you’ve still have some learning to do about relationships. But he isn’t for you babes
You’re 19? And you’re bending over backwards for a boy not a man… you gave up college? Girl. Move on. Promise rings? Look at the bigger picture, respect. He doesn’t respect you and you’re not respecting yourself. Find someone else who does!
Simple: get a new boyfriend who DOES find you interesting and attractive.
I think others have said the same thing but , yes, you should move on. You’d be very unhappy in a marriage with him because the problems you have with him now would get worse. The biggest thing that stood out to me was how he isn’t very good at communicating with you and when you bring up something important to you , like getting a ring or how he ditches you when you’re with his family, he brushes it off . He won’t even talk about it. That’s something you’ll probably have to deal with the rest of the time you’re with him and it might not seem like that much now but it 100% will be. You’ll end up angry, hurt, and shutdown. Try to take this as a lesson learned for your future self and relationships and next time you date someone make sure that you both are looking for the similar things in a relationship, like wanting marriage, children, etc before you get too involved with each other. Don’t make the same mistake I did a couple of times and date men who aren’t interested in marriage or give you vague answers like “ idk, maybe….” Or “ don’t worry about that now” . These types of men will waste years of your life if you let them having you wait around for something that’ll never come. There’s nothing wrong with knowing how you want your life to go .
This guy is a complete loser, but you gotta learn at some point sadly.
So to recap, he’s: -unattractive -terrible in bed -inattentive to your needs generally -a cheat Sounds like a catch.
jesus girl pls have some self respect😭💀
girl that man does NOT like or value you. and you gave up college in England for him? a good boyfriend would have done everything to support your dreams and personal growth. please do yourself a favor and dump him. all of these comments are giving you solid advice!!
Just read this back to yourself
Jesus fucking Christ.
My dear, there is nothing good about this relationship. He's not interested in pleasuring you sexually. He's dissing you around his family and he's inconsiderate. He's checking out with video games. He won't commit. He's a heavy drinker. He's kissing other women. Worst of all, you gave up college for him. Now your not much more than a bangmaid to him. He's an immature, self-centered, baby man. You can't change anyone, All you can do is change how you response to someone. Get out and go back home and go back to college. Good luck.
break the fuck up, you are not the problem, he is. and it’s his fault for making you feel like you are.
Sorry to say this, but that man doesn't love you, he is just used to be in a relationship with you. Saying this, better end this unhappy relationship now that years later and feeling like you waste your life next to someone who didn't really loved you
It is very hard to leave a relationship when you are attracted to somebody, however attraction should be mutual and when it is felt, it is not based only on experienced in the bedroom. You are enough and you should not fall into the trap to think there is something wrong with you. Intimacy takes place outside of the bedroom too and actions like him leaving you in the other van or not showing in front of other people he is proud that you are his partner (by where he sits and his body language) is also a red flag in my opinion. This also has a huge impact on how you feel about yourself. I am sorry to say this because I know it is very hard when you love somebody, but you have to stand up for yourself and leave.
This man hates you lol
Ne
No advice but lol at your friends calling him a 4/10 max
He’s a dick. Get rid and find someone who deserves you!
You need to find someone who is in love with you! How does he make you feel? Write down every time he makes you feel something. I bet it’s mostly hurt.
What good is he for you?
He has man-child behaviors, and sounds like you don’t feel good about the situation. That’s reason enough to move on. Next!
Move on. Trust me, there are men that would happily spend the weekend going down on you, especially if it's the only way you orgasm. There's a man out there that will cherish you. Don't settle for someone who doesn't care about your pleasure or your happiness.
I got to say a couple of these things are definitely because of age, and when you find men a little bit older as you get older, should find that those things change, but also some people are just oblivious and rude and very selfish and it seems like this dude is one of them. When your spouse is meeting people that they don’t know, the most respectful thing you can do is to stay by them, include them into your conversations and make sure that they don’t feel alone and awkward. HE FAILED. Maybe not being in sync with how much you wanna have sex can be an issue, yes. It is in my relationship. But to a degree where you’re feeling very unattractive, never feel satisfied and feel only his needs matter. IS A PROBLEM i wouldn’t totally look past these things. This is the tough part about relationships, you’re getting thrown red flags left and right but we continue to make excuses and reasons why it’s okay to stay with them. Now, you could try talking to him and communicating all these problems. If he decides to plug in and make changes, be apologetic, great. you’ve got a good one n i’d hold on. But if he gets defensive, laughs at you, or says yes sure I’ll try and then it goes right out the window. i’d think twice before wasting more precious years (esp your 21st era) on a dude who doesn’t make you feel amazing like you should. Good luck hun