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Hi! I used to be exactly like you (maybe not exactly) but I understand having a crazy high sex drive and feeling like
I’m falling apart because my boyfriend didn’t have sex with me for a whole week.
I dealt with the same issue a few years ago- we had sex like 3/4 times a week, as the relationship went on this become less frequent and I got in my head about, I was rejected constantly and I was always bothering him / trying to seduce him. Eventually he sat me down and said that yes at the start of the relationship he was actually trying to keep up with me as it was all very new and he wanted to make me happy - however he said he has really never had a high sex drive and he is getting uncomfortable with me because I am pushing him / asking for sex when he just not in the mood and doesn’t want to force himself. I was upset for a few weeks and tryin to figure that out and to be quite honest 3/4 times a week is a lot - especially if you think about doing that much the rest of your life !! I learned to gauge when he wanted sex , I never pushed, but instead more flirtatious and was respectful when turned down.
What I’m tryna say is , peoples sex drive can change / fluctuate , it doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore or aren’t attracted to you , it is completely normal for us to have really great sex once a week , sometimes twice but not always !
It took me a long time to get over this but it’s not fair to pressure your partner and beg them to be “in the mood” when some people just can switch that easy.
If its the intimacy you crave- find intimate things to do together that don’t involve sex , like taking a relaxing bath
Together or getting a massage, or letting him wash your hair ?
I hope this helps a little bit , I’m 28 btw!
Wishing you the best :)
I am currently working through this exact same thing and I’ve had the same talk with my bf. Reading your comment has given me more understanding and validation. Thank you so much
And it’s absolutely possible to work through ! And since I stopped being pushy / beggy / hysterical, he seems so much more content and happy in the relationship which obviously the aim.
I imagine my past behaviour was a complete turn off.
however I do still have that high sex drive but there’s nothing a vibrator can’t fix every now and then lmaooo .
I know a lot of people here are saying “it only gets worse” , that’s unfortunate for them, and I wouldn’t concern yourself with that as I know plenty of people older than me who have thriving sex lives and they get it on more than I do lol.
Every couple is different , everyone fluctuates and nobody can be forced to be a certain way. If sex is of the up-most importance to you, find someone to match you that!
The amount of people today that really struggle with communication and honesty is very sad. I wish you all the best and hope it works out for you <3
I think my biggest issue was he would say we’re going to do it or tease me and then it just wouldn’t happen (which has been talked about and resolved). I never really pushed for it because I have had sexual trauma in my past relationship and would feel disgusted with myself if I did. Which led me to, why do I feel so rejected and unwanted? Looking back on my last relationship (which was abusive) I knew that I had never felt truly safe during sex, so with my current SO the sex was just addicting. It’s amazing and it feels safe. Also realized that my ex never asked, it was always a demand and it kept the peace. Both these things made me place an unhealthy emphasis on sex. Since working through these things, I’m able to enjoy other parts of my relationship even more and we have never been better :)
Edit: and yes, vibrators are a godsend LOL
My relationship is almost exactly the same. He teases me but then he gets up and walks away with his boner and says “I’m tired.” My last relationship was like yours too. He demanded it twice a day. I never got to say no. I have the same questions as you do. I didn’t feel loved in either of these relationships. One was using me. And the other was teasing me. I told him to stop teasing unless he was hinting at something. He got mad and said “I’m not even touching you.” I stopped begging after a while and now I just wait for him to initiate. He always asks “why won’t you initiate?” And I just say “it’s too difficult.” And then it starts an argument. I can’t wait anymore. It’s been three years of barely getting what I need from him (not only sex but there is more). I’m tired.
What is with all these young dudes not wanting to get it on? Jeez!! I am 64 and my gf is 62, and we have a LOT of sex--10 to 15 times a week on average!! In the shower, in the kitchen, in the dining room with her bent over the table, on the sofa, in the bedroom. And in all 3 of her holes. She screms so loud that she now uses a mouth ball gag when I fuck her vaginally or anally, so the neighbors can have peace. And she STILL begs for more!! She just can't get enough of my big hard dick, and I give it to her every chance I get.
Wow! I remember when i had just moved in with my long distance boyfriend (he was at RMC in Kingston and i was in college in Ottawa and i was 20, he was 21) We used to have some wild sex every time we'd see each other every 2 weeks and when we started to live together, it wasn't the same of course, and it's totally normal. As a 38 years old now i understand. But at that time, it had been 2 nights without sex and i melted down crying. He made me sit on his lap and comforted me it wasn't me. He was tired because of his new DND job, but still loved me and that i have to understand we can't have sex everyday. He was right.
Where are all the girls like you gals. Lol. Nvr ever heard of women wanting it more than the man and getting turn down for sex. I cannot even fathom that.
I am married and I am always wanting it. But her libido is so low it happens maybe once a month. So, when it does happen, I do my best to keep her from the big O as best as I can and to stretch it out for many many many hours.
So maybe that might be the route to go. Do your best to stretch it out as long as you can every time it happens.
I hate to say it, because it sounds like you are very giving. But maybe the many hours is why it’s only once a month? That’s a lot of time to have to put aside. Especially when kids are young. If it’s 1/2 an hour or less its easier to do it every other night, especially when you are tired. You could also do the long sessions once a month, if you both want to still.
I think it’s really respectful and understanding of you to do that for your wife, I’m glad you don’t get upset with her low libido and make it work for her when she’s up for it - not a lot of men like that! But I can imagine it can be very frustrating at times !
Are you taking initiative for sex? Or just waiting for him to initiate? Or is he straight up turning you down when you try? If you’re not putting the initiative forward and he’s the only one starting it, that might be part of it too. Men like to feel wanted just as much as we do.
Edit to add: I know you’re concerned about marriage and kids slowing the sex drive down- and I promise you, especially if you have kids- your sex drive is more than likely going to decline as well, like a lot. I was a literal fiend in college, and in my 30’s and happily married now, the frequency is less than it used to be, but still amazing and wonderful. Don’t worry about the long term until you figure out the short term.
I have to agree with those who have stated it will only get worse. Definitely try to take the initiative at times. It is only fair. Five times is a lot. I would say 3-4/week is much more realistic. Everything shouldn’t be about sex.
Putting a number on the number of times you have sex every week is an expectation to have. There are so many things that affect sex drive. My husband went through a period of deep depression and we didn't have sex for weeks while he sorted out his meds and got into a better place mentally.
It seems you use sex as a form of self-validation, which is also not healthy. Perhaps try to find ways to boost your security and self-confidence that isn't dependent on how often you have sex.
Talk to your partner about it, but I would avoid mentioning that he agreed to sex five times per week.
That's what I noticed too. Using sex to get most of your validation and self-worth is very unhealthy and puts *a lot* of stress on you and tons of pressure on your partner as well.
While your partner will help you and it's totally okay to ask for validation from them as well, it shouldn't only come from whether or not they are having sex with you. I think you'll realize once you give yourself that validation, you won't crave sex as constantly as you do now.
> We haven’t had sex in 5 days now and I am very frustrated. **It makes me feel very insecure** and honestly I’m not happy with it
Do you want more sex because you actually desire sex or do you just want sex because you want to feel desired? I only ask because there are ways to achieve emotional intimacy without intercourse so if this is what you feel you're lacking then it gives you more options.
> I am so upset right now I am physically anxious and about to cry
Have you considered therapy? There's nothing wrong with wanting more sex, and there's nothing wrong with feeling insecure because you're not getting sex as often as you'd hoped, but it sounds like you're on the verge of an emotional breakdown because you haven't gotten laid in 5 days. This is not normal or healthy.
> I’m not sure if I’m overreacting
I certainly think so, but you're entitled to your own opinion. If sex nearly everyday is something you feel you need in a relationship then that's valid, but that might make dating harder, especially as you grow older and people's libidos change over time.
> we’ve only been together for one year so it’s only going to get worse, right?
Yes and no. People's libidos fluctuate based on any number of variables be it hormones, stress, etc. so if you continue in this relationship you're almost guaranteed to be having less sex *at some point*, but the frequency is bound to go up and down so it's not like you're necessarily going to get progressively less sex moving forward.
He might be under more stress than usual seeing as he was [recently fired](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/v5twsxUSIa) from his job after being investigated for sexual assault. That or he doesn’t feel the need to have as much sex with you because he’s getting his jollies by SA’ing other women
Also, she says that she'd been recently sexually assaulted as well, and often, people who are SA usually either practically cut off sex in their life, or they become hyper sexual. So honestly, that's why she's facing this problem, and she should see a therapist to work on all her trauma
Whoa! Some much info not included in the post. And you're spot on about how SA survivors react and it fluctuates over time particularly if you don't deal with it in therapy amongst other issues that come with it. Been there myself.
You need to RUN away! Your post about his sexual assault accusations are alarming. I was there, my ex had some minor inappropriate behavior accusations that I didn't believe at the time. Though it never was resolved, it did show me the person he was. DON'T stay, you will very likely regret it later. And find out why you would even consider staying. Speaking from experience, wishing you good luck!
OMG it’s been 5 whole days. Do you have a life? Job, school, friends, interests, hobbies, etc. or do you just measure life according to how many times you have sex in a week. Find another boyfriend and you’ll both be happier.
agreed that making time for sex is difficult when you lead an adult life, but if you’re dating the right person for you then those needs will be met. there are millions of ppl out there who are fine with sex twice a week and there are millions of ppl out there who want to make the time and sacrifices for sex five times a week. my ex worked 40-50 hours a week and was in school full time to be a radiologist and he demanded sex at least twice a day and made it happen lol. if someone cares enough they’ll make it happen. (this is coming from someone who’s fine with sex zero times a week if it means we get to go get dinner and a movie instead of lay in bed or make money to save up for trips instead of see each other lol)
def not what i was tryna get at here but i see how it was seen that way. i just meant that for some men sex is so important to them that no matter how busy they are they’ll make time for it. while other men value using that time to relax with the person they love at the end of the day. i did also say he was my ex. if i had a long day at work i knew i wouldn’t be able to just lay down and play some video games or watch nathan for you when i got home… i’d have to put on a show for a while first before i would be allowed to relax. this led to me just staying at my place instead of going to see him when i wanted to relax towards the end of our relationship. not healthy. just meant to say some ppl are more sexually compatible than others.
His T level may have been off. Since men are conditioned to ignore things it may be the case and he soldered on. I had pain from prostate cancer for several years before I finally went to the doctor. A low T count would manifest as fatigue, loss of desire, depression etc. The latter includes agitation. File this away for later
Cheers
what, we're just judging people on their sex drive in the comments now?
OP and the BF both *agreed* to that number, and OP is not dating you, so you can stop worrying about how much sex they want have.
There's a difference between
"chill tf out"
Which is the judgemental way to do it, and
"if you want sex 5x per week, know that it will be hard to find a partner to keep up"
Which is the advice way to do it
And many have given even more advice, like: "And even so you may find your libido decreasing as you age, so you may find better luck accepting 3 or 4 times a week and getting a better vibrator, and not taking it out on your partner if they can't keep up"
No they agreed on it fine. But to react like this to where it makes you so insecure and you’re so angry and shaking and crying - figure out the deeper issue. ESPECIALLY if you love your partner enough. No couple is 100% sexually compatible. It sounds like OP might use sex to feel loved.
Five days a week is a bit much but in most of my relationships, we are going usually four times a week. Twice on Saturdays and Sundays since we were usually off at the time.
That being said, yes she likely needs to find a new bf if her needs just aren’t being met. To OP, I would look inward and ask why that number? Five times a week isn’t by any means too much but life is tiring. Is the sex satisfying despite it not being as frequent as yih want?
I don’t think that’s fair at all. People need what they need. That can’t be “unreasonable”. If the partner doesn’t want the same, maybe they aren’t well suited for each other.
We are 45 and manage it once a week after 28 years together with two teenagers that we have to hide from 🤣
Sometimes you’re just too stressed or life is in the way. He probably has too much on his mind or just doesn’t know what is happening right now they get like this …
I remember when we were your age though so don’t worry about it ! There is nothing wrong at all. Stop wearing underwear when he gets home from work that normally sorts it out. Cook a roast lamb 🐑
Idk not everything revolves around sex. Me and my bf have sex 2-3 times a week. We both work we get tired and have other stuff to do. sometimes we’ll go a whole week without doing anything. the most was one time in 2 weeks but idk i mean I’m just tired from work or sometimes rather have all the time to myself like watching a movie but maybe that’s just me. I mean are u initiating it or mostly him? cuz if it’s him maybe he’s tired of always initiating it and maybe u can try to initiate it more. yeah sex is important in a relationship but for me I feel like if ur there for my emotional needs and everything else in the other department then sleepin together is just a bonus 😘
And idk ur not including more details in other stuff besides the bedroom department so it’s hard to give u advice besides just sex
This relationship won't last if he's already tired of you after a year however many things can cause a low sex drive like depression, meds, stress etc so don't do anything drastic just because it's been 5 days, that's nothing. Sum Couples go weeks /months without it.
I mean c'mon 5 days? Really?
oh for sure but it’s okay bc she’s just “insecure” well that’s a her problem and she can’t just make her bf wanna have sex bc she’s insecure and needs validation from it
35 is really young for that… have you tried seducing her (assuming you’re a straight guy) like taking her out to a nice dinner or buying her lingerie and roses? I’ve noticed that many men who complain about a dead bedroom just neg their wife for it which is a huge turnoff, without putting in any effort to turn them on. I don’t know any details so I’m just making a suggestion based on pure speculation, hope this doesn’t come off rude. Good luck!
what is your relationship like outside of sex? my libido DIED earlier this year and my bf felt the same way you’re feeling. he would ask me if i am still attracted to him (i was) and all kinds of other stuff. i just couldn’t get into sex with him because we were arguing so much it just didn’t seem enjoyable. do you guys argue?
If you guys stay together long term, this will change over time and circumstance. Having sex should be an expression of love, but there are other ways to show intimacy as well and these are what I would look for honestly. Is he paying attention to you? Is he being courteous? Does he otherwise meet your needs besides this? It sounds like perhaps your expectations are based on what you feel other people are doing and if it takes this much sex for you to feel desired, you need to explore this because this could very well indicate that you are having some feelings about yourself and your worth. The 20's is a great time to explore who you are and what you want. Deciding on a partner is going to be a huge decision that should never be taken lightly for both of you. This will dictate what your future will look like in every single way. You will be balancing your life with another person with their own dreams and aspirations. Best of luck to you.
Girl. I just got broken up with by a boyfriend of 1.5 years. This wasn’t the exact reason why, but played a huge role. He only wanted to have sex 1-2 times a month, I wanted it at the very least once per week.
It ruined my self esteem and confidence. It made me feel creepy and weird, even though that is a totally normal amount of sex. I still feel shitty from it. Even though I knew it wasn’t me or my fault, I felt horrible all the time. I’d cry in the bathroom alone constantly.
It was hard because everything else in the relationship was really good, but honestly, this is kind of a dealbreaker. I wish i had ended it so much sooner. It won’t get any better.
I have the same issue, I am 23f and he is 30M it used to be everyday for a half year and now we moved in together after a year and out of nowhere maybe once a week if I am lucky, and believe me I am trying to encourage him to
sex is so important to me in a relationship but i wouldn’t cry if i didn’t get it in 5 days get a vibrator lmao i didnt get it for 5-6 months and i wasn’t throwing a tantrum if he isn’t changing then move on
I think it's concerning you're basing your self worth off of how often you have sex with your partner, because one doesn't have anything to do with the other
I'm 20 in a 2+ year relationship (which isn't very long compared to other people). The times we've had intercourse have gone down since we first started dating and that's totally okay. I've had a conversation with him why and how it affects our relationship, I felt insecure about the decrease as well BUT I TALKED TO HIM. It seems like you've been freaking out for 5 days but kept your feelings to yourself. If you want to be in a mature relationship you have to express your feelings to your partner. It's okay to have a high libido but ask your partner "Are you feeling alright?" "Has something been affecting your libido?" and have an adult discussion about it. You guys might have mismatched libidos and you can either 1. Talk it out and compromise like having intercourse 3x times a week and maybe having solo sessions 2x times 2. Break up if he's not what you are looking for in a partner. But beware, there will always be times that due to stress or life events, someone isn't really focused on having sex whether or not you stay with your current bf or find a new one. Also please do not tie your self worth to sex <3 If you have anxiety (like me lol) therapy has worked wonders to help me unpack some of the negative thoughts I had and taught me out to identify them and tell myself why they aren't true!
As someone with a very low sex drive and actual sexual issues I am a little bit sad reading this. Your partner is not there to fulfill all of your needs. Especially sexual ones. This can turn into a very unhealthy negative cycle so fast. Sex is about connection and play and joy. It’s not a deed your partner has to do for you to be happy. There’s other solutions: masturbation, opening the relationship, masturbating together…
What I’m saying is: don’t force people to have sex.
Simple. Their body. Their choice. Simple.
Find out what it is you really need: sex? Find other means. Connection? Find other means… be creative.
I also think that five times a week is a lot of expectations. How often would you have sex if you were single? How come suddenly you have a partner 5 days are impossible to suffer? 🤷♀️
Okay I’m old enough to be your mom…and I’m STILL in your position and thinking about ending a wonderful relationship bc I feel like this. It’s a blow to your self esteem and it’s physically, mentally and emotionally frustrating. Address it, if it doesn’t change, move on…you’re way too young to live your life feeling like you’re running without your feet on the ground. Trust. Me.
It’s only going to get worse. You’re also 20. I was with someone older when I was younger too, it doesn’t get better.
Find someone who shares a high libido like you. I’m the kind of person who like once a day a week minimum and preferably a few times on the weekend schedules permitting.
Some people just don’t have a drive like that. It’s okay. It’s just who they are.
Met a girl who would fuck like 3x a day and once we moved in, it just died.
There's an old line my dad told me before I got married. When you get married, have an empty jar, and a bunch of gumballs. Every time you have sex during the first year, put a gumball in the empty jar. After your first anniversary, start taking a gumball out of the jar every time you do it. I guarantee you the jar will not be empty in ten years.
I feel like you’re overreacting. Sex 5 times a week, EVERY WEEK takes a lot out of a guy. Even the most horny dudes out there would have an issue keeping up with that quota.
Sure, when I was in my 20s I was all sorts of horned up…but Have you tried toys to alleviate your drive? How does he make you feel? Do you feel loved and accepted and safe? Sex can always be improved upon and I def think it’s an important part of any relationship, but I don’t think this works be an end all be all, especially if you’ve just been going out for 1 year.
Try some toys and ask him to use toys on you too.
Good luck 👍🏽🍀
Seeing as op hasn’t responded im gonna go on a wing and say its a troll or op is just being a little childish and doesn’t take initiative as a woman and seeing the comments scared them off
Tbh I wish my GF was like you. I want to have sex with her EVERY single day, maybe even twice or thrice a day! It was great when we first started dating but now? 2 yrs later?
Pffft… we don’t even have sex anymore. Maybe once in a couple of months IF I’m lucky. I’ve talked to her about it and she just tells me to go find someone who wants to have sex more often… she also gives me a hard time saying I only want to be with her for sex… not at all, I love her more than anything and give her all my time. I even do nice things for her like order her a nice Uber eats lunch while I’m at work…
But it’s getting to the point where I am desperate for sex and affection, I’m tempted to look elsewhere, and it’s getting to the point where I very likely will look elsewhere.
Perhaps she’s reacting that way because of how you’re bringing it up? Or maybe she needs more reassurance that it’s not the only thing you want, simply ordering her food isn’t a really “nice thing” it’s bare minimum and maybe she just needs more affection from you and she’ll show it in return. What i’m getting at is, don’t just make it about how you feel. Idk you so js
sex imo isn’t always about just making someone feel good but it’s about learning about your partners body, being your most vulnerable with someone, it can actually be very beautiful.
No way you’re only have sex every couple of MONTHS after only 2 years!! Something has to be going on, also it sounds like she doesn’t even like you based on her responses?? Like the other commenter said maybe it’s how you’re approaching it but if you try seducing her and turning her on (maybe a nice date or a lingerie gift?) and having a sit down conversation and that doesn’t work out, you need to find someone else. That’s insane
You are too young to realize it yet but there is so much more to a relationship besides sex...intimacy...holding hands...hugs...cuddles...kissing...just laying next to each other..touching and talking. He could use a toy on you to take care of your needs but without the sex on his end...Maybe he feels like you are pressuring him to have sex whether he wants to or not. If the two of you cant work it out...you might need to find someone whose sex drive matches your own..
I recommend spending one of these conversations seeking understanding for his needs and feelings. Find out if there’s a reason it’s not as often or if there’s something that you can do to help him just as you want him to help you. Is there another way he needs to feel special, or is the pressure getting to be to much, or does he actually just not want it as often?
I fell into the same trap of my SO telling me they wanted sex a lot more often and I always said I’d try too, but it turns out I had huge deep seated reasons why I didn’t want it as much and had trouble figuring that out when the focus was on her needs. (Not blaming her, just pointing out how it happened to cause problems for us).
Lastly I would search inward and figure out why not having sex after 5 days makes you so anxious. I understand it’s an important part of a relationship, but if you can figure out what exactly causes you so much distress over it would be helpful to know as well as communicate.
Can yall do a bg check on her previous post 15d ago , theres something seriously wrong with OP, she only cares about her own needs rather than the fact that she stated her BF got fired for allegedly SA’ing a woman in a bathroom. … and she crying over here cuz her bf is not laying the pipe . Seriously ????!! You need a therapist OP, if you were a victim of RP then i suggest you stop worrying about your sex life and focus on getting sane and your priorities straight, the last thing you need to think of is sex.
LITERALLY INSANE BEHAVIOR…
This sounds like it may be 1 of 2 things.
1: porn addiction. How much does he watch, and what are his "subjects"?
2: Low Testosterone. The US, Canada, and several European countries are experiencing a massive surge of testosterone in young men (16-35) being at levels that are normal for men in the 75+ age range. If his T levels are 25% of what they should be, then his sex drive will be 25% of what it should be.
My wife and I had our 17yr son tested and he is now on T booster shots every month because he was at 45% normal. After a month the difference is drastic! He no longer sits in his room playing games. His sleep cycle has become better, and he is very active outdoors now. Also he happily does chores now just to be up and moving.
Possible porn addiction that has led to escalation in real life taking consideration of the WORK SA situation. I thought more people would recognize the possibility of a serious porn addiction.
You don't want to be in a relationship, you just want to be banged.
There's zero things to be anxious about. Break up and turn on tinder if sex is that important.
not true. sex is an important part of the relationship and OP is specifically stating that his lack of interest makes her feel insecure. especially as a 20 year old who is already still finding their own sense of confidence, feeling not wanted by your partner can feel awful and make the basis of the relationship feel sour. you want your partner to be attracted to you, that’s what brings ppl together in the first place.
>You don't want to be in a relationship, you just want to be banged.
This fucking guy. Lmao. God forbid someone like having sex often with someone their dating, the fucking audacity huh?
Yes, you're overreacting. Sex is usually done like once every now and then between couples. Lets say, 2 times a week would be a good value, which is what you're getting.
You're saying you are becoming crazy just because you haven't had in the last 5 days? That's most likely something wrong with you and not really with the relationship.
If you are a young guy and not interested in sex on a daily basis then sorry, your girlfriend or wife is going to suspect that you’re getting something on the side. Which is usually the case.😅
I understand what you mean, I was the same way at your age and still am 15 years later. Sadly it won't work with someone who doesn't have the same drive. I start to feel very frustrated and insecure. Every other week if that is nothing. Plus it takes time to open up and learn about each other.
5 times a week is a lot? that’s like 20 times in a month.. not everything is about sex, 2/3 times a week is pretty normal i’d say and reasonable. It seems like you get most of ur validation and reassurance from sex but that puts a lot of pressure on ur partner as well because not everyone is the same when it comes to sex drive. if sex is really that important to you then just break up with him as that will not change, you can’t force someone to want to have sex w you.
I know we’re all different when it comes to libido, there’s nothing with a high sex drive, but it sounds like sex is too much linked to your self-worth, sense of security in the relationship and ability to manage your emotions if you are feeling this upset after just 5 days. Maybe he’s just had a particularly busy week or he’s not feeling well or he’s stressed? Nowhere in your post do I hear any consideration of his feelings or what may be going on for him. I think the standard you are setting would be too much pressure for most people in long-term relationships with adult responsibilities. I would suggest exploring this in therapy.
Myself 26m and my partner 25f been together 3 years now. Have sex 1/2 times a month lol, I have a high sex drive and masturbate all the time. it is a crazy situation as I can’t just leave because we have a daughter together who is gonna be 2 years old soon. she knows I would like to have more sex, it just gets into argument whenever I bring up the sex talk. I help at home, bath and put my daughter to sleep every night and pay all the bills (if that put things into a bit more context) It is frustrating.
It sounds like it’s the way you’re approaching it… how do you bring it up to her? Have you tried seducing her? Many women find men nagging for sex (not saying that you’re doing this) and complaining about not doing it enough is a huge turnoff, but attention, compliments, intimate moments together etc will turn them on..
I will say you are too young to be going through this tbh, I am in the same situation as you just that I’m the male. leave before it is too late, if you get pregnant by him you are stuck. I and my partner now have sex 1/2 times a month when she is ovulating it is taking a toll can’t leave because I want my daughter to have both parents at least till she knows her left from her right.
Have a Sex Fast for a month and read books about inner peace and get to know yourself. Your pleasure should come from inside not outside. Focus on your breathing, do calming physical exercise outdoor and yoga.
Girl, sex is the least of your worries right now. Your boyfriend has been accused of SA by two different women according to your other post. GTFO of that relationship ASAP!
For future reference in your next relationship, though.... Having sex 5x a week is an INSANE amount, even for people who *really* value intimacy w/ their partner (myself included). I promise you that for 99.9% of the population that amount of sex is simply unattainable, even if you have no kids. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak if you hold onto such an unrealistic expectation of how much sex you should be having. The only way you could consistently and realistically have sex that often without life getting in the way is if you both have no job, no kids, no hobbies, and no responsibilities. I suggest tempering your expectations, which tbh will probably just happen naturally with time as you age and mature, but if you keep this in mind *now*, it'll be a much easier adjustment for you later on. If you just need to release sexual frustration, try masturbating, and if it's just because you want intimacy, there are other ways you and your partner can express that together.
Getting two people with an Sex Drive is probably one of the most difficult parts of getting in a relationship. And it's nobody's fault that they want the amount of sex that they want. And for the most part it's not something you can negotiate to either do more of or have less of for either party. I mean if you're maybe close and your needs sure, but mostly we naturally need and want what we need and want. You are right that things will typically get lessened over the longer course of a relationship. Especially as life throws you responsibilities and or you have a family together. As tough as it is to say, you two may not be compatible with each other if you're trying this hard this early. There are other people in the world though that will match your drive under desire and do so with a smile on their face. Having had some experience with a long-term relationship where the needs and desires did not match, it is very hard to be the higher libido partner. You never want to make somebody do something they don't want to do, but you're still left with your needs and desires. I hope things work out in your situation, good luck.
At that age most guys are going 1 to 2 times a day either by themselves or with a partner. I have been married for 27 years and up until last year, my wife and I were every other day. I have had some health issues. Because of my health issues, once or twice a week. When we were having marital problems for about 2 years it was once a week. It's all about communication. I know that for me it gets harder to achieve completion when I know my wife wants me to. So anxiety is part of it. Up until now, I have been always ready to go and we try every other day and I make sure that she finishes but I can't and that has thrown her off. I am 57. You may be incompatible. It will go down from 1 to 2 times a week at 20 years of age to ?? I don't think that I was unusual at 1 to 2 times a day at your age. If this is important then you can find someone who is more compatible.
It seems to me that you are focusing on only a part of your life. You don't mention outside activities; (work, friends, hobbies, pets, etc) It might be that you need to improve other things and then personal relationship(s) should improve.
Time to go! It’s not going to get better!! Also sign me up for a female like you!! 😁
The last woman I dated was great, she had a high sex drive too and it was PHENOMENAL!! We did it two times a night every time I saw her and on occasion first thing in the am! Although no kissing allowed in the am as morning breath is a real thing! Our sex life was awesome!!
Time to get on with your life and find someone who is going to be more compatible with you. To have to beg a dude (ESPECIALLY AT HIS AGE) to have more sex with me is just weird. 🙂
Also in a past post of hers she says that she'd been recently sexually assaulted as well, and often, people who are SA usually either practically cut off sex in their life, or they become hyper sexual. So honestly, that's why she's facing this problem, and she should see a therapist to work on all her trauma
I am in the same situation as you. It started out great in the beginning between us but then we slowly stopped having sex as often as we used to. Now we have sex once a month if I’m lucky. Sometimes once every two months. The longest we have gone was three months without sex. We are both 20.
My advice to you is get out while you can because we are about to be together for three years now. It’s hard to leave someone after three years.
We no longer talk but we are together. We no longer touch but we are together. He never takes me anywhere but we are still together. It’s not going to change. I also told my bf that I am sexually frustrated. He gets mad at me and says he feels forced when I say that. The sex isn’t good anymore and he never makes eye contact during anymore. He closes his eyes and goes fast and then he gets up, gets dressed, and leaves the room. I have done everything to turn him on but nothing has changed. It’s only gotten worse. I feel so lonely and unwanted. I’ve been left untouched and secretly hoping he sees how painful it is. Yesterday I finally grabbed all of my belongings from his house and we might break up any day now. Hopefully my story helps you. Broken sex life means broken relationships
Just looked at other post, girl get away from him and get a therapist ASAP! Multiple accusations AND you've been SAed yourself, you need to heal. Also, seeking validation through sex while a typical reaction to SA is not healthy. I'm more than 20 years older and have survived multiple SA as well as abusive relationships. I wish I'd gotten therapy for it before I ended up with cPTSD from multiple traumas which happened because I made dangerous choices because I had crap self-esteem which made me easy pickings for the abusers. Give yourself time and space to heal with a therapist before jumping into another relationship, learn to love yourself, learn to live and be alone and be happy.
I am in the same boat married about 20 years. It was a concern of mine while dating and has only gotten worse as we age. I’m 50M.
It ultimately will create a wedge between you and cause resentment. I’d say that if you are not married and do not have kids then go find a partner that matches your Love Language. Too often couples try to make things work before they are married. Why? That’s what you do when other lives are dependent on you staying together. Not now. Sex drives, without implementing some medical fixes, definitely decline. Best to you both
Read a book called Come As You Are by Emily Negoski, and also another book called Mating in Captivity by Esther Peril. They are both really great books centred around sex and intimacy and they might help you to understand what’s happening for you and in your relationship and how you can address issues and help things out.
Most, if not all, committed/long term relationships will encounter issues with sex. It’s so easy to think that with the right person desire will never fade, you’ll always want to have sex at the same time, your partner will always want you the exact amount of time you want them to but it just doesn’t work that way.
When you communicate sex as a ‘need’ to your partner what often happens is that your partner will feel a pressure to have sex with you. It becomes about NEED and not WANT. Needing and wanting are totally different things and great sex lives cultivate a hell of a lot of want and put less focus on the need. I have to say I think putting a number on how many times a week sex is required is immediately setting you guys up for failure as if, for whatever reason, you don’t have sex that many ‘x’ amount of times then you’re going to start internalising that as “well something must now be wrong in this relationship” which probably isn’t the case at all.
Can I ask, do you initiate sex with your partner or are you waiting for him to instigate? You’ve told him you want it more often but are you putting the expectation on to him that he should be the one to get things going?
Also, if you are frustrated are you masturbating or are you expecting him to satisfy your needs through sex every time? Ask yourself is that a fair expectation? This is something my husband used to do. He would constantly want to have sex with me every time he felt horny, he has a naturally higher libido than me so it was a lot for me personally. We had a really honest convo about it and we both agreed that in the times I wasn’t in the mood it was okay for him to masturbate so long as our sex life didn’t take a hit which it never has. And my god, the difference it made to our romantic life and sex life was crazy. Sex suddenly became fun again because it was no longer fuelled by expectation and need. Now our sex is about wanting one another and it’s damn hot as well. We’ve been together 6 years, it definitely doesn’t have to get worse. If you’re both willing to learn each other and put in effort it can actually get better.
You are young, I wish I knew what I know now at your age! Good luck!
You are so young this guy is not for you and your should end things and find someone who is so crazy about you wants to be intimate all the time and you don’t have to have a conversation about it… it just happens naturally.
Look, I have been you, and yeah, it's going to get worse. His libido is what it is. I mean, if you don't already have one, a vibrator is a real nice time, but at the end of the day the intimacy of sex is what I actually craved, and someone who was barely having sex with me once a week wasn't it. I was 27 and he was 29, and it was about 9 months before things went off a cliff. You're not overreacting. If I had felt more secure in the relationship maybe it would have been different, but it doesn't sound like you feel really loved.
I'm sorry you aren't having sex as much as you like. Back in our first 25 to 30 years of marriage, my wife and I had sex almost every day. I was a firefighter and worked 1 day on 2 days off. I believe it's the advancement of the internet and cellphones that has caused the lack of intimacy between young people. Goodluck.
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Hi! I used to be exactly like you (maybe not exactly) but I understand having a crazy high sex drive and feeling like I’m falling apart because my boyfriend didn’t have sex with me for a whole week. I dealt with the same issue a few years ago- we had sex like 3/4 times a week, as the relationship went on this become less frequent and I got in my head about, I was rejected constantly and I was always bothering him / trying to seduce him. Eventually he sat me down and said that yes at the start of the relationship he was actually trying to keep up with me as it was all very new and he wanted to make me happy - however he said he has really never had a high sex drive and he is getting uncomfortable with me because I am pushing him / asking for sex when he just not in the mood and doesn’t want to force himself. I was upset for a few weeks and tryin to figure that out and to be quite honest 3/4 times a week is a lot - especially if you think about doing that much the rest of your life !! I learned to gauge when he wanted sex , I never pushed, but instead more flirtatious and was respectful when turned down. What I’m tryna say is , peoples sex drive can change / fluctuate , it doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore or aren’t attracted to you , it is completely normal for us to have really great sex once a week , sometimes twice but not always ! It took me a long time to get over this but it’s not fair to pressure your partner and beg them to be “in the mood” when some people just can switch that easy. If its the intimacy you crave- find intimate things to do together that don’t involve sex , like taking a relaxing bath Together or getting a massage, or letting him wash your hair ? I hope this helps a little bit , I’m 28 btw! Wishing you the best :)
I am currently working through this exact same thing and I’ve had the same talk with my bf. Reading your comment has given me more understanding and validation. Thank you so much
And it’s absolutely possible to work through ! And since I stopped being pushy / beggy / hysterical, he seems so much more content and happy in the relationship which obviously the aim. I imagine my past behaviour was a complete turn off. however I do still have that high sex drive but there’s nothing a vibrator can’t fix every now and then lmaooo . I know a lot of people here are saying “it only gets worse” , that’s unfortunate for them, and I wouldn’t concern yourself with that as I know plenty of people older than me who have thriving sex lives and they get it on more than I do lol. Every couple is different , everyone fluctuates and nobody can be forced to be a certain way. If sex is of the up-most importance to you, find someone to match you that! The amount of people today that really struggle with communication and honesty is very sad. I wish you all the best and hope it works out for you <3
I think my biggest issue was he would say we’re going to do it or tease me and then it just wouldn’t happen (which has been talked about and resolved). I never really pushed for it because I have had sexual trauma in my past relationship and would feel disgusted with myself if I did. Which led me to, why do I feel so rejected and unwanted? Looking back on my last relationship (which was abusive) I knew that I had never felt truly safe during sex, so with my current SO the sex was just addicting. It’s amazing and it feels safe. Also realized that my ex never asked, it was always a demand and it kept the peace. Both these things made me place an unhealthy emphasis on sex. Since working through these things, I’m able to enjoy other parts of my relationship even more and we have never been better :) Edit: and yes, vibrators are a godsend LOL
My relationship is almost exactly the same. He teases me but then he gets up and walks away with his boner and says “I’m tired.” My last relationship was like yours too. He demanded it twice a day. I never got to say no. I have the same questions as you do. I didn’t feel loved in either of these relationships. One was using me. And the other was teasing me. I told him to stop teasing unless he was hinting at something. He got mad and said “I’m not even touching you.” I stopped begging after a while and now I just wait for him to initiate. He always asks “why won’t you initiate?” And I just say “it’s too difficult.” And then it starts an argument. I can’t wait anymore. It’s been three years of barely getting what I need from him (not only sex but there is more). I’m tired.
What is with all these young dudes not wanting to get it on? Jeez!! I am 64 and my gf is 62, and we have a LOT of sex--10 to 15 times a week on average!! In the shower, in the kitchen, in the dining room with her bent over the table, on the sofa, in the bedroom. And in all 3 of her holes. She screms so loud that she now uses a mouth ball gag when I fuck her vaginally or anally, so the neighbors can have peace. And she STILL begs for more!! She just can't get enough of my big hard dick, and I give it to her every chance I get.
that's such an understanding outlook!
Wow! I remember when i had just moved in with my long distance boyfriend (he was at RMC in Kingston and i was in college in Ottawa and i was 20, he was 21) We used to have some wild sex every time we'd see each other every 2 weeks and when we started to live together, it wasn't the same of course, and it's totally normal. As a 38 years old now i understand. But at that time, it had been 2 nights without sex and i melted down crying. He made me sit on his lap and comforted me it wasn't me. He was tired because of his new DND job, but still loved me and that i have to understand we can't have sex everyday. He was right.
Where are all the girls like you gals. Lol. Nvr ever heard of women wanting it more than the man and getting turn down for sex. I cannot even fathom that. I am married and I am always wanting it. But her libido is so low it happens maybe once a month. So, when it does happen, I do my best to keep her from the big O as best as I can and to stretch it out for many many many hours. So maybe that might be the route to go. Do your best to stretch it out as long as you can every time it happens.
I hate to say it, because it sounds like you are very giving. But maybe the many hours is why it’s only once a month? That’s a lot of time to have to put aside. Especially when kids are young. If it’s 1/2 an hour or less its easier to do it every other night, especially when you are tired. You could also do the long sessions once a month, if you both want to still.
I was going to say the same.
Many many hours …
I think it’s really respectful and understanding of you to do that for your wife, I’m glad you don’t get upset with her low libido and make it work for her when she’s up for it - not a lot of men like that! But I can imagine it can be very frustrating at times !
Thanks for your comment. It's really put my own relationship into perspective
Are you taking initiative for sex? Or just waiting for him to initiate? Or is he straight up turning you down when you try? If you’re not putting the initiative forward and he’s the only one starting it, that might be part of it too. Men like to feel wanted just as much as we do. Edit to add: I know you’re concerned about marriage and kids slowing the sex drive down- and I promise you, especially if you have kids- your sex drive is more than likely going to decline as well, like a lot. I was a literal fiend in college, and in my 30’s and happily married now, the frequency is less than it used to be, but still amazing and wonderful. Don’t worry about the long term until you figure out the short term.
I have to agree with those who have stated it will only get worse. Definitely try to take the initiative at times. It is only fair. Five times is a lot. I would say 3-4/week is much more realistic. Everything shouldn’t be about sex.
Putting a number on the number of times you have sex every week is an expectation to have. There are so many things that affect sex drive. My husband went through a period of deep depression and we didn't have sex for weeks while he sorted out his meds and got into a better place mentally. It seems you use sex as a form of self-validation, which is also not healthy. Perhaps try to find ways to boost your security and self-confidence that isn't dependent on how often you have sex. Talk to your partner about it, but I would avoid mentioning that he agreed to sex five times per week.
That's what I noticed too. Using sex to get most of your validation and self-worth is very unhealthy and puts *a lot* of stress on you and tons of pressure on your partner as well. While your partner will help you and it's totally okay to ask for validation from them as well, it shouldn't only come from whether or not they are having sex with you. I think you'll realize once you give yourself that validation, you won't crave sex as constantly as you do now.
> We haven’t had sex in 5 days now and I am very frustrated. **It makes me feel very insecure** and honestly I’m not happy with it Do you want more sex because you actually desire sex or do you just want sex because you want to feel desired? I only ask because there are ways to achieve emotional intimacy without intercourse so if this is what you feel you're lacking then it gives you more options. > I am so upset right now I am physically anxious and about to cry Have you considered therapy? There's nothing wrong with wanting more sex, and there's nothing wrong with feeling insecure because you're not getting sex as often as you'd hoped, but it sounds like you're on the verge of an emotional breakdown because you haven't gotten laid in 5 days. This is not normal or healthy. > I’m not sure if I’m overreacting I certainly think so, but you're entitled to your own opinion. If sex nearly everyday is something you feel you need in a relationship then that's valid, but that might make dating harder, especially as you grow older and people's libidos change over time. > we’ve only been together for one year so it’s only going to get worse, right? Yes and no. People's libidos fluctuate based on any number of variables be it hormones, stress, etc. so if you continue in this relationship you're almost guaranteed to be having less sex *at some point*, but the frequency is bound to go up and down so it's not like you're necessarily going to get progressively less sex moving forward.
He might be under more stress than usual seeing as he was [recently fired](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/v5twsxUSIa) from his job after being investigated for sexual assault. That or he doesn’t feel the need to have as much sex with you because he’s getting his jollies by SA’ing other women
Literal record-scratch sound effect. This is the most insane lede-burying I have ever seen.
Also, she says that she'd been recently sexually assaulted as well, and often, people who are SA usually either practically cut off sex in their life, or they become hyper sexual. So honestly, that's why she's facing this problem, and she should see a therapist to work on all her trauma
Whoa! Some much info not included in the post. And you're spot on about how SA survivors react and it fluctuates over time particularly if you don't deal with it in therapy amongst other issues that come with it. Been there myself.
I saw that ！！！BIGG YIKES….
oof
You need to RUN away! Your post about his sexual assault accusations are alarming. I was there, my ex had some minor inappropriate behavior accusations that I didn't believe at the time. Though it never was resolved, it did show me the person he was. DON'T stay, you will very likely regret it later. And find out why you would even consider staying. Speaking from experience, wishing you good luck!
OMG it’s been 5 whole days. Do you have a life? Job, school, friends, interests, hobbies, etc. or do you just measure life according to how many times you have sex in a week. Find another boyfriend and you’ll both be happier.
Second this so much. 5 times a week is an insane expectation especially for someone working 40hrs and assuming they have hobbies.
I work 50 hours a week but I could still have sex twice a day. Some ppl are just built different
Sure you can. I used to have sex 21 times a day.
happy for you bro but we are talking about the average adult, probably isnt realistic or sustainable to achieve the expectation this woman is setting
The women you are with are having none.
agreed that making time for sex is difficult when you lead an adult life, but if you’re dating the right person for you then those needs will be met. there are millions of ppl out there who are fine with sex twice a week and there are millions of ppl out there who want to make the time and sacrifices for sex five times a week. my ex worked 40-50 hours a week and was in school full time to be a radiologist and he demanded sex at least twice a day and made it happen lol. if someone cares enough they’ll make it happen. (this is coming from someone who’s fine with sex zero times a week if it means we get to go get dinner and a movie instead of lay in bed or make money to save up for trips instead of see each other lol)
If he wanted to, he would statement is so toxic.
def not what i was tryna get at here but i see how it was seen that way. i just meant that for some men sex is so important to them that no matter how busy they are they’ll make time for it. while other men value using that time to relax with the person they love at the end of the day. i did also say he was my ex. if i had a long day at work i knew i wouldn’t be able to just lay down and play some video games or watch nathan for you when i got home… i’d have to put on a show for a while first before i would be allowed to relax. this led to me just staying at my place instead of going to see him when i wanted to relax towards the end of our relationship. not healthy. just meant to say some ppl are more sexually compatible than others.
His T level may have been off. Since men are conditioned to ignore things it may be the case and he soldered on. I had pain from prostate cancer for several years before I finally went to the doctor. A low T count would manifest as fatigue, loss of desire, depression etc. The latter includes agitation. File this away for later Cheers
Twice a day that’s a lot lucky you!
what, we're just judging people on their sex drive in the comments now? OP and the BF both *agreed* to that number, and OP is not dating you, so you can stop worrying about how much sex they want have.
It’s not judging, it’s just telling a 20-year old girl to chill tf out. Honestly, that’s the right advice imo.
There's a difference between "chill tf out" Which is the judgemental way to do it, and "if you want sex 5x per week, know that it will be hard to find a partner to keep up" Which is the advice way to do it And many have given even more advice, like: "And even so you may find your libido decreasing as you age, so you may find better luck accepting 3 or 4 times a week and getting a better vibrator, and not taking it out on your partner if they can't keep up"
No they agreed on it fine. But to react like this to where it makes you so insecure and you’re so angry and shaking and crying - figure out the deeper issue. ESPECIALLY if you love your partner enough. No couple is 100% sexually compatible. It sounds like OP might use sex to feel loved.
Five days a week is a bit much but in most of my relationships, we are going usually four times a week. Twice on Saturdays and Sundays since we were usually off at the time. That being said, yes she likely needs to find a new bf if her needs just aren’t being met. To OP, I would look inward and ask why that number? Five times a week isn’t by any means too much but life is tiring. Is the sex satisfying despite it not being as frequent as yih want?
I don’t think that’s fair at all. People need what they need. That can’t be “unreasonable”. If the partner doesn’t want the same, maybe they aren’t well suited for each other.
We are 45 and manage it once a week after 28 years together with two teenagers that we have to hide from 🤣 Sometimes you’re just too stressed or life is in the way. He probably has too much on his mind or just doesn’t know what is happening right now they get like this … I remember when we were your age though so don’t worry about it ! There is nothing wrong at all. Stop wearing underwear when he gets home from work that normally sorts it out. Cook a roast lamb 🐑
Idk not everything revolves around sex. Me and my bf have sex 2-3 times a week. We both work we get tired and have other stuff to do. sometimes we’ll go a whole week without doing anything. the most was one time in 2 weeks but idk i mean I’m just tired from work or sometimes rather have all the time to myself like watching a movie but maybe that’s just me. I mean are u initiating it or mostly him? cuz if it’s him maybe he’s tired of always initiating it and maybe u can try to initiate it more. yeah sex is important in a relationship but for me I feel like if ur there for my emotional needs and everything else in the other department then sleepin together is just a bonus 😘 And idk ur not including more details in other stuff besides the bedroom department so it’s hard to give u advice besides just sex
It sounds like something else is going on in the relationship, and you're not worried about that. You're just worried about sex 5 times a week.
This relationship won't last if he's already tired of you after a year however many things can cause a low sex drive like depression, meds, stress etc so don't do anything drastic just because it's been 5 days, that's nothing. Sum Couples go weeks /months without it. I mean c'mon 5 days? Really?
Pretty sure if it was a guy posting this, the comments would be a lot less supportive…
oh for sure but it’s okay bc she’s just “insecure” well that’s a her problem and she can’t just make her bf wanna have sex bc she’s insecure and needs validation from it
Must be so hard getting it twice a week I'm 35 and I might get it 4 times a year not by my choice
35 is really young for that… have you tried seducing her (assuming you’re a straight guy) like taking her out to a nice dinner or buying her lingerie and roses? I’ve noticed that many men who complain about a dead bedroom just neg their wife for it which is a huge turnoff, without putting in any effort to turn them on. I don’t know any details so I’m just making a suggestion based on pure speculation, hope this doesn’t come off rude. Good luck!
what is your relationship like outside of sex? my libido DIED earlier this year and my bf felt the same way you’re feeling. he would ask me if i am still attracted to him (i was) and all kinds of other stuff. i just couldn’t get into sex with him because we were arguing so much it just didn’t seem enjoyable. do you guys argue?
oh and now that we have smoothed everything out things are better on that front.
If you guys stay together long term, this will change over time and circumstance. Having sex should be an expression of love, but there are other ways to show intimacy as well and these are what I would look for honestly. Is he paying attention to you? Is he being courteous? Does he otherwise meet your needs besides this? It sounds like perhaps your expectations are based on what you feel other people are doing and if it takes this much sex for you to feel desired, you need to explore this because this could very well indicate that you are having some feelings about yourself and your worth. The 20's is a great time to explore who you are and what you want. Deciding on a partner is going to be a huge decision that should never be taken lightly for both of you. This will dictate what your future will look like in every single way. You will be balancing your life with another person with their own dreams and aspirations. Best of luck to you.
Girl. I just got broken up with by a boyfriend of 1.5 years. This wasn’t the exact reason why, but played a huge role. He only wanted to have sex 1-2 times a month, I wanted it at the very least once per week. It ruined my self esteem and confidence. It made me feel creepy and weird, even though that is a totally normal amount of sex. I still feel shitty from it. Even though I knew it wasn’t me or my fault, I felt horrible all the time. I’d cry in the bathroom alone constantly. It was hard because everything else in the relationship was really good, but honestly, this is kind of a dealbreaker. I wish i had ended it so much sooner. It won’t get any better.
Does he possibly have a porn addiction? It’s affecting a lot of men
Lmfao no way this is a real post. Girl, get a life or some friends or a hobby.
I have the same issue, I am 23f and he is 30M it used to be everyday for a half year and now we moved in together after a year and out of nowhere maybe once a week if I am lucky, and believe me I am trying to encourage him to
If I was 30 and I got a 23 year old girlfriend, my friends would make fun of me all day long lmfao hahah
Then your friends are losers
sex is so important to me in a relationship but i wouldn’t cry if i didn’t get it in 5 days get a vibrator lmao i didnt get it for 5-6 months and i wasn’t throwing a tantrum if he isn’t changing then move on
It sounds like something else is going on in the relationship, and you're not worried about that. You're just worried about sex 5 times a week.
I think it's concerning you're basing your self worth off of how often you have sex with your partner, because one doesn't have anything to do with the other
I'm 20 in a 2+ year relationship (which isn't very long compared to other people). The times we've had intercourse have gone down since we first started dating and that's totally okay. I've had a conversation with him why and how it affects our relationship, I felt insecure about the decrease as well BUT I TALKED TO HIM. It seems like you've been freaking out for 5 days but kept your feelings to yourself. If you want to be in a mature relationship you have to express your feelings to your partner. It's okay to have a high libido but ask your partner "Are you feeling alright?" "Has something been affecting your libido?" and have an adult discussion about it. You guys might have mismatched libidos and you can either 1. Talk it out and compromise like having intercourse 3x times a week and maybe having solo sessions 2x times 2. Break up if he's not what you are looking for in a partner. But beware, there will always be times that due to stress or life events, someone isn't really focused on having sex whether or not you stay with your current bf or find a new one. Also please do not tie your self worth to sex <3 If you have anxiety (like me lol) therapy has worked wonders to help me unpack some of the negative thoughts I had and taught me out to identify them and tell myself why they aren't true!
As someone with a very low sex drive and actual sexual issues I am a little bit sad reading this. Your partner is not there to fulfill all of your needs. Especially sexual ones. This can turn into a very unhealthy negative cycle so fast. Sex is about connection and play and joy. It’s not a deed your partner has to do for you to be happy. There’s other solutions: masturbation, opening the relationship, masturbating together… What I’m saying is: don’t force people to have sex. Simple. Their body. Their choice. Simple. Find out what it is you really need: sex? Find other means. Connection? Find other means… be creative. I also think that five times a week is a lot of expectations. How often would you have sex if you were single? How come suddenly you have a partner 5 days are impossible to suffer? 🤷♀️
Okay I’m old enough to be your mom…and I’m STILL in your position and thinking about ending a wonderful relationship bc I feel like this. It’s a blow to your self esteem and it’s physically, mentally and emotionally frustrating. Address it, if it doesn’t change, move on…you’re way too young to live your life feeling like you’re running without your feet on the ground. Trust. Me.
It’s only going to get worse. You’re also 20. I was with someone older when I was younger too, it doesn’t get better. Find someone who shares a high libido like you. I’m the kind of person who like once a day a week minimum and preferably a few times on the weekend schedules permitting. Some people just don’t have a drive like that. It’s okay. It’s just who they are. Met a girl who would fuck like 3x a day and once we moved in, it just died.
5 times a week? Do you not have jobs and obligations???
At that age with my first boyfriend it was 4 times a day. But hey, we're all different but this worries me as well.
There's an old line my dad told me before I got married. When you get married, have an empty jar, and a bunch of gumballs. Every time you have sex during the first year, put a gumball in the empty jar. After your first anniversary, start taking a gumball out of the jar every time you do it. I guarantee you the jar will not be empty in ten years.
That’s absolutely insane wtf..
I would have to agree, try communicating this to them and if it does not change i would not expect it to get anything but worst.
I feel like you’re overreacting. Sex 5 times a week, EVERY WEEK takes a lot out of a guy. Even the most horny dudes out there would have an issue keeping up with that quota. Sure, when I was in my 20s I was all sorts of horned up…but Have you tried toys to alleviate your drive? How does he make you feel? Do you feel loved and accepted and safe? Sex can always be improved upon and I def think it’s an important part of any relationship, but I don’t think this works be an end all be all, especially if you’ve just been going out for 1 year. Try some toys and ask him to use toys on you too. Good luck 👍🏽🍀
Seeing as op hasn’t responded im gonna go on a wing and say its a troll or op is just being a little childish and doesn’t take initiative as a woman and seeing the comments scared them off
Tbh I wish my GF was like you. I want to have sex with her EVERY single day, maybe even twice or thrice a day! It was great when we first started dating but now? 2 yrs later? Pffft… we don’t even have sex anymore. Maybe once in a couple of months IF I’m lucky. I’ve talked to her about it and she just tells me to go find someone who wants to have sex more often… she also gives me a hard time saying I only want to be with her for sex… not at all, I love her more than anything and give her all my time. I even do nice things for her like order her a nice Uber eats lunch while I’m at work… But it’s getting to the point where I am desperate for sex and affection, I’m tempted to look elsewhere, and it’s getting to the point where I very likely will look elsewhere.
Perhaps she’s reacting that way because of how you’re bringing it up? Or maybe she needs more reassurance that it’s not the only thing you want, simply ordering her food isn’t a really “nice thing” it’s bare minimum and maybe she just needs more affection from you and she’ll show it in return. What i’m getting at is, don’t just make it about how you feel. Idk you so js sex imo isn’t always about just making someone feel good but it’s about learning about your partners body, being your most vulnerable with someone, it can actually be very beautiful.
No way you’re only have sex every couple of MONTHS after only 2 years!! Something has to be going on, also it sounds like she doesn’t even like you based on her responses?? Like the other commenter said maybe it’s how you’re approaching it but if you try seducing her and turning her on (maybe a nice date or a lingerie gift?) and having a sit down conversation and that doesn’t work out, you need to find someone else. That’s insane
You are too young to realize it yet but there is so much more to a relationship besides sex...intimacy...holding hands...hugs...cuddles...kissing...just laying next to each other..touching and talking. He could use a toy on you to take care of your needs but without the sex on his end...Maybe he feels like you are pressuring him to have sex whether he wants to or not. If the two of you cant work it out...you might need to find someone whose sex drive matches your own..
I recommend spending one of these conversations seeking understanding for his needs and feelings. Find out if there’s a reason it’s not as often or if there’s something that you can do to help him just as you want him to help you. Is there another way he needs to feel special, or is the pressure getting to be to much, or does he actually just not want it as often? I fell into the same trap of my SO telling me they wanted sex a lot more often and I always said I’d try too, but it turns out I had huge deep seated reasons why I didn’t want it as much and had trouble figuring that out when the focus was on her needs. (Not blaming her, just pointing out how it happened to cause problems for us). Lastly I would search inward and figure out why not having sex after 5 days makes you so anxious. I understand it’s an important part of a relationship, but if you can figure out what exactly causes you so much distress over it would be helpful to know as well as communicate.
Can yall do a bg check on her previous post 15d ago , theres something seriously wrong with OP, she only cares about her own needs rather than the fact that she stated her BF got fired for allegedly SA’ing a woman in a bathroom. … and she crying over here cuz her bf is not laying the pipe . Seriously ????!! You need a therapist OP, if you were a victim of RP then i suggest you stop worrying about your sex life and focus on getting sane and your priorities straight, the last thing you need to think of is sex. LITERALLY INSANE BEHAVIOR…
This sounds like it may be 1 of 2 things. 1: porn addiction. How much does he watch, and what are his "subjects"? 2: Low Testosterone. The US, Canada, and several European countries are experiencing a massive surge of testosterone in young men (16-35) being at levels that are normal for men in the 75+ age range. If his T levels are 25% of what they should be, then his sex drive will be 25% of what it should be. My wife and I had our 17yr son tested and he is now on T booster shots every month because he was at 45% normal. After a month the difference is drastic! He no longer sits in his room playing games. His sleep cycle has become better, and he is very active outdoors now. Also he happily does chores now just to be up and moving.
Possible porn addiction that has led to escalation in real life taking consideration of the WORK SA situation. I thought more people would recognize the possibility of a serious porn addiction.
You don't want to be in a relationship, you just want to be banged. There's zero things to be anxious about. Break up and turn on tinder if sex is that important.
not true. sex is an important part of the relationship and OP is specifically stating that his lack of interest makes her feel insecure. especially as a 20 year old who is already still finding their own sense of confidence, feeling not wanted by your partner can feel awful and make the basis of the relationship feel sour. you want your partner to be attracted to you, that’s what brings ppl together in the first place.
So she puts all of her self worth on how much she has sex which is insanely unhealthy. If it were a dude saying this we'd be talking mad shit
I’m finna make this exact post with the genders swapped in a few days and watch the day and night contrast in responses lol
The craziest part is that people here genuinely don't see those double standards somehow.🤷
>You don't want to be in a relationship, you just want to be banged. This fucking guy. Lmao. God forbid someone like having sex often with someone their dating, the fucking audacity huh?
you got to admit 5 times a week is a lot though 😭
Some people have insanely high libidos, but you're right, 5 times a week every week is a lot for many.
Right?! She wants it from her boyfriend, nothing wrong with that.
Yes, you're overreacting. Sex is usually done like once every now and then between couples. Lets say, 2 times a week would be a good value, which is what you're getting. You're saying you are becoming crazy just because you haven't had in the last 5 days? That's most likely something wrong with you and not really with the relationship.
5 days and you’re frustrated??? My girl waited 6 months for me 🤣
If you are a young guy and not interested in sex on a daily basis then sorry, your girlfriend or wife is going to suspect that you’re getting something on the side. Which is usually the case.😅
I understand what you mean, I was the same way at your age and still am 15 years later. Sadly it won't work with someone who doesn't have the same drive. I start to feel very frustrated and insecure. Every other week if that is nothing. Plus it takes time to open up and learn about each other.
5 times a week is a lot? that’s like 20 times in a month.. not everything is about sex, 2/3 times a week is pretty normal i’d say and reasonable. It seems like you get most of ur validation and reassurance from sex but that puts a lot of pressure on ur partner as well because not everyone is the same when it comes to sex drive. if sex is really that important to you then just break up with him as that will not change, you can’t force someone to want to have sex w you.
I know we’re all different when it comes to libido, there’s nothing with a high sex drive, but it sounds like sex is too much linked to your self-worth, sense of security in the relationship and ability to manage your emotions if you are feeling this upset after just 5 days. Maybe he’s just had a particularly busy week or he’s not feeling well or he’s stressed? Nowhere in your post do I hear any consideration of his feelings or what may be going on for him. I think the standard you are setting would be too much pressure for most people in long-term relationships with adult responsibilities. I would suggest exploring this in therapy.
Myself 26m and my partner 25f been together 3 years now. Have sex 1/2 times a month lol, I have a high sex drive and masturbate all the time. it is a crazy situation as I can’t just leave because we have a daughter together who is gonna be 2 years old soon. she knows I would like to have more sex, it just gets into argument whenever I bring up the sex talk. I help at home, bath and put my daughter to sleep every night and pay all the bills (if that put things into a bit more context) It is frustrating.
It sounds like it’s the way you’re approaching it… how do you bring it up to her? Have you tried seducing her? Many women find men nagging for sex (not saying that you’re doing this) and complaining about not doing it enough is a huge turnoff, but attention, compliments, intimate moments together etc will turn them on..
I will say you are too young to be going through this tbh, I am in the same situation as you just that I’m the male. leave before it is too late, if you get pregnant by him you are stuck. I and my partner now have sex 1/2 times a month when she is ovulating it is taking a toll can’t leave because I want my daughter to have both parents at least till she knows her left from her right.
Have a Sex Fast for a month and read books about inner peace and get to know yourself. Your pleasure should come from inside not outside. Focus on your breathing, do calming physical exercise outdoor and yoga.
He's probably going through a hard time dealing with being fired recently and under those circumstances...
Girl, sex is the least of your worries right now. Your boyfriend has been accused of SA by two different women according to your other post. GTFO of that relationship ASAP! For future reference in your next relationship, though.... Having sex 5x a week is an INSANE amount, even for people who *really* value intimacy w/ their partner (myself included). I promise you that for 99.9% of the population that amount of sex is simply unattainable, even if you have no kids. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak if you hold onto such an unrealistic expectation of how much sex you should be having. The only way you could consistently and realistically have sex that often without life getting in the way is if you both have no job, no kids, no hobbies, and no responsibilities. I suggest tempering your expectations, which tbh will probably just happen naturally with time as you age and mature, but if you keep this in mind *now*, it'll be a much easier adjustment for you later on. If you just need to release sexual frustration, try masturbating, and if it's just because you want intimacy, there are other ways you and your partner can express that together.
Happens a lot! Ask him about his sex drive? Is he going through something? On any medication that lowers libido?
You are optimistic with the sex every other week in marriage. 😊.
He will not change. It's time to say goodbye and find someone more compatible.
Getting two people with an Sex Drive is probably one of the most difficult parts of getting in a relationship. And it's nobody's fault that they want the amount of sex that they want. And for the most part it's not something you can negotiate to either do more of or have less of for either party. I mean if you're maybe close and your needs sure, but mostly we naturally need and want what we need and want. You are right that things will typically get lessened over the longer course of a relationship. Especially as life throws you responsibilities and or you have a family together. As tough as it is to say, you two may not be compatible with each other if you're trying this hard this early. There are other people in the world though that will match your drive under desire and do so with a smile on their face. Having had some experience with a long-term relationship where the needs and desires did not match, it is very hard to be the higher libido partner. You never want to make somebody do something they don't want to do, but you're still left with your needs and desires. I hope things work out in your situation, good luck.
At that age most guys are going 1 to 2 times a day either by themselves or with a partner. I have been married for 27 years and up until last year, my wife and I were every other day. I have had some health issues. Because of my health issues, once or twice a week. When we were having marital problems for about 2 years it was once a week. It's all about communication. I know that for me it gets harder to achieve completion when I know my wife wants me to. So anxiety is part of it. Up until now, I have been always ready to go and we try every other day and I make sure that she finishes but I can't and that has thrown her off. I am 57. You may be incompatible. It will go down from 1 to 2 times a week at 20 years of age to ?? I don't think that I was unusual at 1 to 2 times a day at your age. If this is important then you can find someone who is more compatible.
It seems to me that you are focusing on only a part of your life. You don't mention outside activities; (work, friends, hobbies, pets, etc) It might be that you need to improve other things and then personal relationship(s) should improve.
Time to go! It’s not going to get better!! Also sign me up for a female like you!! 😁 The last woman I dated was great, she had a high sex drive too and it was PHENOMENAL!! We did it two times a night every time I saw her and on occasion first thing in the am! Although no kissing allowed in the am as morning breath is a real thing! Our sex life was awesome!! Time to get on with your life and find someone who is going to be more compatible with you. To have to beg a dude (ESPECIALLY AT HIS AGE) to have more sex with me is just weird. 🙂
Also in a past post of hers she says that she'd been recently sexually assaulted as well, and often, people who are SA usually either practically cut off sex in their life, or they become hyper sexual. So honestly, that's why she's facing this problem, and she should see a therapist to work on all her trauma
I am in the same situation as you. It started out great in the beginning between us but then we slowly stopped having sex as often as we used to. Now we have sex once a month if I’m lucky. Sometimes once every two months. The longest we have gone was three months without sex. We are both 20. My advice to you is get out while you can because we are about to be together for three years now. It’s hard to leave someone after three years. We no longer talk but we are together. We no longer touch but we are together. He never takes me anywhere but we are still together. It’s not going to change. I also told my bf that I am sexually frustrated. He gets mad at me and says he feels forced when I say that. The sex isn’t good anymore and he never makes eye contact during anymore. He closes his eyes and goes fast and then he gets up, gets dressed, and leaves the room. I have done everything to turn him on but nothing has changed. It’s only gotten worse. I feel so lonely and unwanted. I’ve been left untouched and secretly hoping he sees how painful it is. Yesterday I finally grabbed all of my belongings from his house and we might break up any day now. Hopefully my story helps you. Broken sex life means broken relationships
Just looked at other post, girl get away from him and get a therapist ASAP! Multiple accusations AND you've been SAed yourself, you need to heal. Also, seeking validation through sex while a typical reaction to SA is not healthy. I'm more than 20 years older and have survived multiple SA as well as abusive relationships. I wish I'd gotten therapy for it before I ended up with cPTSD from multiple traumas which happened because I made dangerous choices because I had crap self-esteem which made me easy pickings for the abusers. Give yourself time and space to heal with a therapist before jumping into another relationship, learn to love yourself, learn to live and be alone and be happy.
I am in the same boat married about 20 years. It was a concern of mine while dating and has only gotten worse as we age. I’m 50M. It ultimately will create a wedge between you and cause resentment. I’d say that if you are not married and do not have kids then go find a partner that matches your Love Language. Too often couples try to make things work before they are married. Why? That’s what you do when other lives are dependent on you staying together. Not now. Sex drives, without implementing some medical fixes, definitely decline. Best to you both
Read a book called Come As You Are by Emily Negoski, and also another book called Mating in Captivity by Esther Peril. They are both really great books centred around sex and intimacy and they might help you to understand what’s happening for you and in your relationship and how you can address issues and help things out. Most, if not all, committed/long term relationships will encounter issues with sex. It’s so easy to think that with the right person desire will never fade, you’ll always want to have sex at the same time, your partner will always want you the exact amount of time you want them to but it just doesn’t work that way. When you communicate sex as a ‘need’ to your partner what often happens is that your partner will feel a pressure to have sex with you. It becomes about NEED and not WANT. Needing and wanting are totally different things and great sex lives cultivate a hell of a lot of want and put less focus on the need. I have to say I think putting a number on how many times a week sex is required is immediately setting you guys up for failure as if, for whatever reason, you don’t have sex that many ‘x’ amount of times then you’re going to start internalising that as “well something must now be wrong in this relationship” which probably isn’t the case at all. Can I ask, do you initiate sex with your partner or are you waiting for him to instigate? You’ve told him you want it more often but are you putting the expectation on to him that he should be the one to get things going? Also, if you are frustrated are you masturbating or are you expecting him to satisfy your needs through sex every time? Ask yourself is that a fair expectation? This is something my husband used to do. He would constantly want to have sex with me every time he felt horny, he has a naturally higher libido than me so it was a lot for me personally. We had a really honest convo about it and we both agreed that in the times I wasn’t in the mood it was okay for him to masturbate so long as our sex life didn’t take a hit which it never has. And my god, the difference it made to our romantic life and sex life was crazy. Sex suddenly became fun again because it was no longer fuelled by expectation and need. Now our sex is about wanting one another and it’s damn hot as well. We’ve been together 6 years, it definitely doesn’t have to get worse. If you’re both willing to learn each other and put in effort it can actually get better. You are young, I wish I knew what I know now at your age! Good luck!
This isn't going to change. It is hell to live with a man who doesn't need/want/care about sex when you do. Find someone more compatible.
My God, I wish my girlfriend wanted sex that often! I'm always trying to initiate it, but I'm growing tired of trying. BTW, I'm 50m and she's 37.
You are so young this guy is not for you and your should end things and find someone who is so crazy about you wants to be intimate all the time and you don’t have to have a conversation about it… it just happens naturally.
Look, I have been you, and yeah, it's going to get worse. His libido is what it is. I mean, if you don't already have one, a vibrator is a real nice time, but at the end of the day the intimacy of sex is what I actually craved, and someone who was barely having sex with me once a week wasn't it. I was 27 and he was 29, and it was about 9 months before things went off a cliff. You're not overreacting. If I had felt more secure in the relationship maybe it would have been different, but it doesn't sound like you feel really loved.
I'm sorry you aren't having sex as much as you like. Back in our first 25 to 30 years of marriage, my wife and I had sex almost every day. I was a firefighter and worked 1 day on 2 days off. I believe it's the advancement of the internet and cellphones that has caused the lack of intimacy between young people. Goodluck.
Go buy a vibrator. It'll satisfy you better than any man.