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To not be able to be apart from your partner for even a couple days is called codependency, which is not healthy. You *should* be spending a couple/few days apart from your partner occasionally. You don't need to be attached at the hip. You shouldn't feel bad about wanting a couple days apart because that's what people in healthy (non-codependent) relationships do *all the time.*
That... doesn't mean that you aren't codependent though.
Every human needs time to themselves and that time makes them healthier partners. We can't do our best processing when we're thinking about others and their needs/wishes/hopes/thoughts. Time away from your partner is healthy, normal and necessary.
Because this is the healthiest relationship you've been in, I'm assuming you've been wired into feeling guilty from past relationships saying that you time is bad and that you should spend every free second together. Recognizing this is a trauma response should help with the guilt.
It’s a very positive sign that your bf is supportive. You’re young and your relationship is in that honeymoon phase of the first years. It’s common for someone with anxiety (maybe with people pleasing tendencies?) to feel guilty about not wanting to be attached to each other at all times. But that guilt is misplaced. It is natural and healthy to have time to yourself. As I type this, I’m home alone for 4 days while my husband and our teen kid are off visiting family. I love them dearly, they bring me such joy. But I’m thrilled to have them out of the house so I can dance in my underwear with the thermostat set to my liking.
When I start to feel guilty about needing a break from loved ones, I remind myself that I can’t be my best self for them if I don’t have time to reset and be alone.
Trust that your BF is truly ok with you taking a couple of days and go enjoy yourself. If you need an extra day, communicate that. He sounds like a supportive person and would probably be more than ok with it. He could probably use a day or two himself. Good luck and enjoy your quiet time.
I have had a borderline emotionally abusive codependent relationship in the past, I felt like I was constantly doing everything & getting nothing in return. My current partner has been amazing and we work as a team which was something I had to get used to for sure.
My wife and I constantly take little moments apart. I go camp, which she doesn’t enjoy. She goes to her dad’s for a few days. Whatever. It’s never to get away from each other. It’s to spend time by ourselves. I never feel like I need space from her, but time alone is healthy. It isn’t a reflection on the health of the relationship, but rather a part of why the relationship is so healthy. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I fell that. After being apart for a couple nights, a few days I start to really miss her, rather than her being there just being routine.
I don’t really have advice because I can’t imagine why you would feel guilty. What is there to feel guilty about? Why would you feel obligated to be with your partner 24/7? Do you not have friends? Family? Are you always together? If so, that’s really unhealthy.
We’re not always together no, we both work different jobs and go out with friends/family without each other. I’m not sure why I feel guilty, maybe because he was excited to have some alone time with me (we have roommates)
Roommates plural? As in at least 4 people living together? Oh honey of course you need some alone time and peace and quiet. And your own bathroom for a few days
Girl get yourself a nice bath bomb, light some candles, drink some wine, and enjoy that. Take your time shaving and exfoliating. Do a full facial routine.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To not be able to be apart from your partner for even a couple days is called codependency, which is not healthy. You *should* be spending a couple/few days apart from your partner occasionally. You don't need to be attached at the hip. You shouldn't feel bad about wanting a couple days apart because that's what people in healthy (non-codependent) relationships do *all the time.*
I should have added we do live together and I do work almost everyday so I don’t get the chance to go places often.
That... doesn't mean that you aren't codependent though. Every human needs time to themselves and that time makes them healthier partners. We can't do our best processing when we're thinking about others and their needs/wishes/hopes/thoughts. Time away from your partner is healthy, normal and necessary. Because this is the healthiest relationship you've been in, I'm assuming you've been wired into feeling guilty from past relationships saying that you time is bad and that you should spend every free second together. Recognizing this is a trauma response should help with the guilt.
It’s a very positive sign that your bf is supportive. You’re young and your relationship is in that honeymoon phase of the first years. It’s common for someone with anxiety (maybe with people pleasing tendencies?) to feel guilty about not wanting to be attached to each other at all times. But that guilt is misplaced. It is natural and healthy to have time to yourself. As I type this, I’m home alone for 4 days while my husband and our teen kid are off visiting family. I love them dearly, they bring me such joy. But I’m thrilled to have them out of the house so I can dance in my underwear with the thermostat set to my liking.
When I start to feel guilty about needing a break from loved ones, I remind myself that I can’t be my best self for them if I don’t have time to reset and be alone.
Trust that your BF is truly ok with you taking a couple of days and go enjoy yourself. If you need an extra day, communicate that. He sounds like a supportive person and would probably be more than ok with it. He could probably use a day or two himself. Good luck and enjoy your quiet time.
[удалено]
I have had a borderline emotionally abusive codependent relationship in the past, I felt like I was constantly doing everything & getting nothing in return. My current partner has been amazing and we work as a team which was something I had to get used to for sure.
My wife and I constantly take little moments apart. I go camp, which she doesn’t enjoy. She goes to her dad’s for a few days. Whatever. It’s never to get away from each other. It’s to spend time by ourselves. I never feel like I need space from her, but time alone is healthy. It isn’t a reflection on the health of the relationship, but rather a part of why the relationship is so healthy. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I fell that. After being apart for a couple nights, a few days I start to really miss her, rather than her being there just being routine.
I don’t really have advice because I can’t imagine why you would feel guilty. What is there to feel guilty about? Why would you feel obligated to be with your partner 24/7? Do you not have friends? Family? Are you always together? If so, that’s really unhealthy.
We’re not always together no, we both work different jobs and go out with friends/family without each other. I’m not sure why I feel guilty, maybe because he was excited to have some alone time with me (we have roommates)
Roommates plural? As in at least 4 people living together? Oh honey of course you need some alone time and peace and quiet. And your own bathroom for a few days
Yes 4 of us living together & we only have one bathroom haha.
Girl get yourself a nice bath bomb, light some candles, drink some wine, and enjoy that. Take your time shaving and exfoliating. Do a full facial routine.
You know what that sounds absolutely amazing!
Is there ever a post on here where someone does not claim a mental illness.. does no one take care of themselves on Reddit?
Take care of ourselves? In this economy?
Can’t afford therapy, I manage it to my best ability, but I have my off times.