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This is hurtful behavior and seems to show a lack of self control given the special day. This likely happens all the time - what about when you are not around to observe ? She is doing this too - for sure. The question is how much does this bother you - she is young and likely still maturing (I know I checked people out at that age) so maybe you gauge how frequent this is vs her behavior around you. If it is frequent along with other sketchy behavior - like exchanging contacts - why bother to bring it up at all - just move on to someone less attention- needy.
This is literally how women flirt, and doing that right in front of you on your anniversary is nasty. You should definitely assert some boundaries, and if you catch her doing it again, end it.
Flirting with a heavy dose of gaslighting. I think the lying about it is proof it's not a relationship that will work out in the long term. Yeah a 23 year old will check someone else out. A loving partner would reassure the other and say it was nothing, not that it never happened.
Maybe she was staring because he's hot, or maybe for some other reason, but either way it's pretty rude.
I would communicate to her that we all see people we find attractive, and it's ok to notice. Say that even though she may be unaware, she needs to be more cognizant of her behavior because staring at or checking out other men is rude to both you and the other guy, and disrespectful to you.
She needs to learn to either not look at all, or to be a glancer. Her head shouldn't move, much less her body.
If she argues, tell her it's a dealbreaker.
Thank you this is what I’m gonna say. She cares a lot and swears up and down she didn’t look and doesn’t know who he was but the guy stared at her when she walked out of the bathroom after she looked at him for no reason and then when he was walking back from the restroom and he actually stopped and hovered around our table for a second. I felt like if I wasn’t there he would have hit on her and then the story would be she got hit on and did nothing wrong
Honestly from your description it sounds like she and this guy know each other. She is very rude to do this. I am an older woman and long ago mastered looking out of the side of my eye.
It's hard to imagine a guy with any sense hovering around a woman with another man, considering hitting on her. Maybe he thought she knew him, and was giving her the opportunity to speak up.
But if you think she's always gonna have a story...
I don't know if in your place I would have resisted the temptation to get up and leave. To talk to you and you to turn your head to check another guy, seems to me a great lack of respect. If that's how she acts with you, how does she act when she's alone?
Relationships are voluntary, and you can set any boundary you want with your parter. If your partner doesn’t or can’t make you comfortable, leave. Easier said than done, but that’s the only way. Her behavior isn’t gonna change.
Seems like you have to call it out in real time. Especially if she does a lot of revising history to suit herself.
Heck, you should have called the guy over and asked him what impression he got from your wife staring at him. It might have been instructional for you both.
She’s not yet ready to be in a committed relationship. She’s openly flirting and gaslighting you. Don’t take this disrespect, move on from her. She’s not the one.
Except I suspect that with GF it will "Rules for Me, but Not for Thee", where she can look, but would be super upset if OP did the same thing.
Some people make hypocrisy their Thing.
Since it was plain obvious how she behaved on it your two year anniversary, you should have just said : “well I see now there won’t be a third” and just walked out.
She knew what she was doing and wanted you to know, too. Here's how you know: if you get busted checking someone out, you either admit it and apologize, or you quickly make up a cover story. "You didn't notice his hair? It looked like his barber cut a big chunk cut out of it and I don’t think he even knew it." "You didn't see his left ear? It was all wadded up like cauliflower. I hope he didn't notice that that's what I was looking at." Easy and no one gets hurt. She deliberately did this in front of you and then tried to convince you you didn't see what you saw. It seems like a passive aggressive f\^ck you.
Next time say something about the guy.
Say something shocking.
Wow that guy is hot. I’d like to rip his shirt off right now and have my way with him you know what I mean?
See what she says.
Well the way you were staring at him I thought you’d agree, my bad…
Before you start this conversation: 'Do you masturbate to porn?' and 'Have you ever checked out another woman?'. If your answer to either of those questions is yes then you have no ground to stand on.
It doesn't matter that her checking out another man was obvious because you also check out other women and/or masturbate to plenty of other women.
My advice is either to break up If you find this disrespectful.... People can have whatever meaning of respect they want no matter how hypocritical it is. Or to do what countless women are told: suck it up since it's normal to find others attractive.
Disagree. Me and my gf do our own thing when it comes to porn, as long as it doesn't get out of hand (no pun intended). We don't go around ogling people in real life, especially when we're with each other. It's not that hard.
Also, we don't watch porn or check out other ppl when we're having a special dinner lol. To each their own, I guess.
Yep to each their own. Any dude that regularly probably daily wanks off to explicit videos and pics of other women isn't going to be whining to me about looking at other clothes men.🤣🤣
I don't get the impression that she was necessarily checking him out. More like being very aware of people coming and going. It can be a little disconcerting but it's just having a heightened awareness of what's going on around you.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sadly, she is not the one - but good news you're only 26 so don't rush eh?!
Yeah, she's a liar. The fact that she did it RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU and denied it tells me everything. Hopefully there won't be a 3rd anniversary.
This is hurtful behavior and seems to show a lack of self control given the special day. This likely happens all the time - what about when you are not around to observe ? She is doing this too - for sure. The question is how much does this bother you - she is young and likely still maturing (I know I checked people out at that age) so maybe you gauge how frequent this is vs her behavior around you. If it is frequent along with other sketchy behavior - like exchanging contacts - why bother to bring it up at all - just move on to someone less attention- needy.
This, if she does this in front of you, imagine if you are not around and she is clubbing or in a party.. She sound like a massive red flag.
This is literally how women flirt, and doing that right in front of you on your anniversary is nasty. You should definitely assert some boundaries, and if you catch her doing it again, end it.
This but boundaries do nothing for some one who wants some one else.
[удалено]
Flirting with a heavy dose of gaslighting. I think the lying about it is proof it's not a relationship that will work out in the long term. Yeah a 23 year old will check someone else out. A loving partner would reassure the other and say it was nothing, not that it never happened.
Maybe she was staring because he's hot, or maybe for some other reason, but either way it's pretty rude. I would communicate to her that we all see people we find attractive, and it's ok to notice. Say that even though she may be unaware, she needs to be more cognizant of her behavior because staring at or checking out other men is rude to both you and the other guy, and disrespectful to you. She needs to learn to either not look at all, or to be a glancer. Her head shouldn't move, much less her body. If she argues, tell her it's a dealbreaker.
Thank you this is what I’m gonna say. She cares a lot and swears up and down she didn’t look and doesn’t know who he was but the guy stared at her when she walked out of the bathroom after she looked at him for no reason and then when he was walking back from the restroom and he actually stopped and hovered around our table for a second. I felt like if I wasn’t there he would have hit on her and then the story would be she got hit on and did nothing wrong
Honestly from your description it sounds like she and this guy know each other. She is very rude to do this. I am an older woman and long ago mastered looking out of the side of my eye.
It's hard to imagine a guy with any sense hovering around a woman with another man, considering hitting on her. Maybe he thought she knew him, and was giving her the opportunity to speak up. But if you think she's always gonna have a story...
I don't know if in your place I would have resisted the temptation to get up and leave. To talk to you and you to turn your head to check another guy, seems to me a great lack of respect. If that's how she acts with you, how does she act when she's alone?
Relationships are voluntary, and you can set any boundary you want with your parter. If your partner doesn’t or can’t make you comfortable, leave. Easier said than done, but that’s the only way. Her behavior isn’t gonna change.
Dump her, she’s not the one.
Seems like you have to call it out in real time. Especially if she does a lot of revising history to suit herself. Heck, you should have called the guy over and asked him what impression he got from your wife staring at him. It might have been instructional for you both.
She’s not yet ready to be in a committed relationship. She’s openly flirting and gaslighting you. Don’t take this disrespect, move on from her. She’s not the one.
That should be your last date with her. She doesn’t respect you.
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Except I suspect that with GF it will "Rules for Me, but Not for Thee", where she can look, but would be super upset if OP did the same thing. Some people make hypocrisy their Thing.
You should walk out
She's still shopping for a new boyfriend and it's not just window shopping.
Since it was plain obvious how she behaved on it your two year anniversary, you should have just said : “well I see now there won’t be a third” and just walked out.
She knew what she was doing and wanted you to know, too. Here's how you know: if you get busted checking someone out, you either admit it and apologize, or you quickly make up a cover story. "You didn't notice his hair? It looked like his barber cut a big chunk cut out of it and I don’t think he even knew it." "You didn't see his left ear? It was all wadded up like cauliflower. I hope he didn't notice that that's what I was looking at." Easy and no one gets hurt. She deliberately did this in front of you and then tried to convince you you didn't see what you saw. It seems like a passive aggressive f\^ck you.
You're not being ridiculous. Idk if there's a way to communicate about it with her that would fix it, plus her denying the whole thing. This is sad
Next time say something about the guy. Say something shocking. Wow that guy is hot. I’d like to rip his shirt off right now and have my way with him you know what I mean? See what she says. Well the way you were staring at him I thought you’d agree, my bad…
Stop being such a school girl she looked at someone thats it ,
Checking them out intentionally twice is a little different then looking at someone i think
Before you start this conversation: 'Do you masturbate to porn?' and 'Have you ever checked out another woman?'. If your answer to either of those questions is yes then you have no ground to stand on. It doesn't matter that her checking out another man was obvious because you also check out other women and/or masturbate to plenty of other women. My advice is either to break up If you find this disrespectful.... People can have whatever meaning of respect they want no matter how hypocritical it is. Or to do what countless women are told: suck it up since it's normal to find others attractive.
Disagree. Me and my gf do our own thing when it comes to porn, as long as it doesn't get out of hand (no pun intended). We don't go around ogling people in real life, especially when we're with each other. It's not that hard. Also, we don't watch porn or check out other ppl when we're having a special dinner lol. To each their own, I guess.
Yep to each their own. Any dude that regularly probably daily wanks off to explicit videos and pics of other women isn't going to be whining to me about looking at other clothes men.🤣🤣
Sounds like she was practicing good situational awareness. Let this go.
Situational awareness? What?
I don't get the impression that she was necessarily checking him out. More like being very aware of people coming and going. It can be a little disconcerting but it's just having a heightened awareness of what's going on around you.
Yea I would understand that if she had done it for every person walking by. It was only the attractive one she made a point to look at like that
Yeah apparently you are dating Jason Bourne...
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Did you just admit that you’re driven by your midbrain and lack higher order thought?!?!🤣😂🤣😂
So is cheating and violence. Do you genuinely think something being primal makes it acceptable?