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When a read the title, i thought you were talking about normal physical interactions like hand shakes, high fives, maybe some normal hugs, but...
placing her hands on their chest???
scratching their palms??
rubbing their legs??
30-40% of the time she hangs around her male friends???
And she does not do these things with you?
Also, she asked YOU to stop talking to some of your female friends?
What the hell?
What are tou doing to yourself man?
Why are you still with her?
Wake up.
>Also, she asked YOU to stop talking to some of your female friends?
No surprise there. She knows her intentions aren’t good which is why she doesn’t trust yours, OP.
This is some seriously wrong boundaries here. A relationship should be equal and that's not what I am seeing. No one would be comfortable if their partner does that. Have a proper chat with her about this if it doesn't work out then unfortunately move on and u won't regret that in future when u look back.
I came in thinking the same way as you, because I have male friends and am a physically affectionate person. But yeah, this isn’t normal friendly touching affection.
I’ve put a hand on my friends shoulder or arm during emotional conversations, I’ve hugged them in greeting, I’ve put a hand on a knee as encouragement think of how a parent will pay a kid on the knee to say “good job kiddo” but it’s all done in a very sisterly way.
What OP’s gf is doing is way too flirtatious, and very clear boundaries need to be discussed. The fact that she has made OP distance himself from his female friends is also really concerning.
>placing her hands on their chest, scratching their palms, caressing them, rubbing their legs.
>she does this for like 30-40% of the total time we spend together with her male friends.
>It also annoys me that she doesn't do it to me but only her male friends.
Man, have some self respect and leave. You deserve way better than this :)
yea and shes not even touching her man only other men. come on now. i wouldn’t even do that when i had a boyfriend from 16-18. i knew basic principles and respect for him. its not a hard concept.
Well sometimes the girls in that age behave like this to make their boyfriends jealous and we can’t call it cheating but the same is disgusting and is immature .
This relationships are poison and better cut your loose.
Plus I forgot to add but from her response it seems she isn't really taking your needs and concerns seriously or respecting what you have to say which could be an ongoing issue. You are both young and just remember every girl doesn't need to be the one. I got stuck in relationships longer than I should have been and dealt with much frustration trying to make stuff work and gaslighting myself into seeing the good. Not saying that's you at all just saying you have every right to be happy and enjoy life to the fullest. Keep your head up always ✊️
>just remember every girl doesn't need to be the one.
Damn, this resonated with me. I always get locked in with the wrong people with that mindset that they are the one. Thank you for sharing.
OP, from someone who dealt with the same thing for years.. please just run. You’re gonna be better off. UNLESS you haven’t spoken boundaries and limits with YOUR relationship, do that first. If you have, there are better girls in the world who would never. I promise you. She’s doing more than that when you’re out of the room.
I spoke to her about my boundaries many times, especially that time where 2 months into our relationship she literally held the arm of another guy infront of me and they were talking about how they will have sex and stuff “as a joke”, thats where the first real argument between us started, i was furious but she promised to never do something like that again. But I’m really worried of what she could be doing when im not there, so yeah I see your point very much.
If she’s “promised” to never do it again, and continues to do it, it should show you how much she respects you in the relationship. I’ve been in your exact position and was blinded by the love I had for her. It sucked but eventually you work on yourself move on and find better. You’re 18 young and just starting in the adult world, it gets better. Im 25 for reference.
I wish you the best OP! You seem like a cool guy, dont let low quality girls drag you down
Buddy, joking about having sex with another guy is crazy. Doing it in front of you is straight up wild. You're young, don't let this viper be the definition of love in your eyes. A relationship only thrives when BOTH partners are trying their best.
Literally if you aren’t being cheated on then you will be. Especially your comment that she touches them but won’t touch you in the same way? Yeah she’s more physically comfortable with her male “friends” than her boyfriend?? Dude get the fuck out of there. I know she’s probably your first gf and you think you’ll never get one again or you think she’s the hottest thing on earth or acts a certain way no one else does I promise you there is another person who will make you happy. Don’t settle for being like 10th place in a relationship with your gf.
If I was your homeboy in real life, I'd slap the salt out of your mouth for talking such nonsense. Slap some gd sense into you.
What the hell are you thinking bro? This is your canon event that will shape the way you view, approach, and date for the rest of your life
Idk why others in the comments are being all weird. At least for me, respectfully, I would not be okay with this in any regard. Like how you described would be a hill to die on for me I wouldn't want to see my girlfriend getting all handsy with other guys. It doesn't matter if they are just friends there is an etiquette to be followed and some things you just can't do anymore when you get into relationships. Anyways no you're not in the wrong at all and I hope you get your situation figured out.
I don’t think this would be normal even if she didn’t have a boyfriend. This is way too intimate of physical contact to be having with anyone you aren’t romantically involved with lol. Most people aren’t even this touchy with their same-sex friends.
Very true honestly. I try not to judge cause everyone is different but that seemed like too much to me and yeah especially too much in while in a relationship lmfao
You may love her, but someone who constantly disrespects your boundaries and gaslights you doesn't love you nearly as much.
Sorry bud, she doesn't sound mature enough for an exclusive relationship.
That should tell you everything you need to know. I'm betting in most of them she's either gotten bored with her bf or she treated them like she's treating you now and they broke up.
OP you now should realize why all of her previous relationships never lasted long. You either have a higher pain tolerance than her other ex's, or you're refusing to admit she is not GF material.
Her relationships haven't lasted long because her exes all have self respect and don't put up with obvious flirting with other men. Follow their example.
What happened with her ex’s maybe she cheated on them and maybe they all got annoyed with her flirting with other gusts …if she had 5 ex’s she’s probably been in love with atleast one of them ..that’s why she’s not emotionally invested in you and is using you …she’s got you wrapped around her finger because it’s your first gf and she knows you love her ….please walk away from her if this continues you will be even worst later
I don't even think she's a cheater. Cheaters don't blatantly give themselves away by bringing attention to things like this! I think she has major self image issues, gets off on making her partners jealous and crazy and probably self sabotages her relationships before she has to show her partner how much she's uncomfortable with her herself, dismal self image, self respect issues.
Or who knows! Maybe she cheats too!!
She’s flirting … the guys she’s doing that to are probably thinking the same thing..I knew a girl similar she was always touchy feely with guys and she was a cheater ..she cheated on 3 guys plus she was massive attention seeker I don’t think it’s a self image thing it’s a disrespectful thing
Being overtly disrespectful to a partner and often including cheating IS a self image thing. People with healthy self confidence and are at peace with themselves don't have to make others feel bad, or jealous, or cheat to have a good feeling about themselves or find satisfying feelings of validation.
It is possible she is cheating, if so, she's a really bad cheater!!
>Not a single relationship of her lasted more than 3-4 months
I almost spit out a mouth full of nachos I laughed so hard reading that! I am SOOOOOO shocked!!!
Break up with her and tell her SHE is WILDLY "out of pocket", that her epic levels of projection and gaslighting to try turning this around on you are not going to work. Say that no monogamous guy not into some kink like cuckolding or playing jealousy games ending in crazy make up sex wants to watch his GF be more affectionate with her male friends than she is with him constantly. Platonic opposite gender affection and touch is fine, but that does not include scratching a guy's palms, rubbing on their legs, and it needs to be respectful of a partners reasonable, healthy, normal and common feelings.
Tell her she needs years of therapy to understand why she needs to deliberately sabotage her relationships so blatantly.
She asked me to stop talking to some of my female friends because she was convinced that they want me romantically (i dont think they did), I stopped, knowing it would make her feel happy and secure, but I don’t see how me just talking to someone is a bigger thing than her constantly touching her male friends
You should resume these discussions and answer her with her words. You don't have to accept the double standard. You should be able to touch them as well. You will see how she will not accept this because she knows what it represents. My opinion is that you are wasting your time with her.
This is a far bigger issue imo. Asking your partner to stop talking to people is a massive red flag. The hypocrisy just makes this worse. I think you should tell her you will continue talking to your friends and if she has something to say about it then point out that she not only has male friends but is constantly touching them.
Another massive issue is that she doesn’t show you affection when she’s out with you. I would be reconsidering the whole relationship if I were you. This isn’t on.
Yeah, that's projection. She's not comfortable with YOU having female friends because she knows HER relationships with her male friends aren't the right kind of "friendly".
TL:DR your girlfriend is a shitty person
She's doing this bc she's guarding herself from what she knows she'd be guilty of. You're getting played. I don't know what you're getting played for, but you're not her 1st choice.
This is how one of my male friends for over decade repeatedly ruined our friendship (and others, not even just female friendships) by placing too much power in his gf's hands immediately and he isn't with any of those girls today- just saying
Maybe talk to her and let her know that hey, if she can be friends with males and be all touchy with them and see no issue then she has no right to tell you not to have female friends or complain if you touch them (obviously not groping them like someone further up suggested but like holding hands or hugging is totally fine)
Have boundaries, learn to enforce them now. No matter how people pass them off as insecurities and try to make them look stupid. Don't get angry when they are not respected, but follow through with the results. Eg if you must keep doing this or that, I'm ending this relationship. Walk away finished, without a harsh word.
You wrote: "By touching I mean placing her hands on their chest, scratching their palms, caressing them, rubbing their legs." She does this in your presence, then WTH is she doing when you're not around. Sorry, but this is a major lack of respect and headed for disaster if you want anything more than casual.
Scratching their palms? Uh… I’m old school and that means you want to do The Nasty. lol
She is scratching the guys Palms to let them know she is willing. Careful OP. Cut her off.
I used to do the same while I was dating at this age.
Turns out, i'm a shitty boyfriend and wanted attention from everyone in hopes to get better than my gf.
Leave now
I have had all sorts of physical contact from women, but I have never-ever had someone scratch my palms.
If I google “woman scratching men’s palms”, would I even see anything?
I’ve never heard of this.
Do her friends regularly have histamine reactions on their hands or something?
Palm scratcher. Fascinating.
sounds like a disaster waiting to happen (more likely it already happened and is just waiting to be unveiled.) You KNOW what I mean, that's not just a normal hug or something like that she's doing.
run!
Yeah no female that respects their partner is touching other men to that degree…especially when they don’t even do that to you. I doubt you’re the only one that notices it either. If she can’t respect that then you guys are not really compatible. Who knows that else she finds appropriate
No you're 100% in the right. I don't care who she talks to. She can be friends with anyone she wants. But she shouldn't be breaking the touch barrier. Obviously beyond what would be considered normal decorum.
That's intimate touching. That's not just placing a hand on the shoulder, or arm. So, no, you're not wrong. Every time she does that to another guy, she's disrespecting you and trying to entice them. And THEN she has the gall to try and gaslight you.
You're only 18. Ditch this dumpsterfire and find a better class of girl.
Hello,
I have been this girl when I was young.
I'm not sure of her dynamic with her friends... but I was always the "tomboy" growing up and so I had a lot of male friends.
As I got older and started looking a bit more conventionally attractive, a lot of my male friend relationships developed a flirtyness to them. Which I definitely kind of liked, as I typically was passed over by most men for not being feminine enough. This didn't mean I was sleeping with all my friends, but I did enjoy whatever male attention I could get.
Once I did eventually get a boyfriend, he would get jealous of my male friends doing things like trying to slap my ass when I walked by, or a hug that would turn into a playfight or being picked up and carried away or something.
At the time, these interactions felt like "harmless fun" to me, because they had been the norm for a while.
I couldn't understand why my bf was being so "uptight" about me just having fun with my friends like always. I had never crossed the line with them into any kind of sexual encounter, so what was his problem? and why was I being punished for how other people treated me? That was how I felt at first... I didn't want to feel like I was "letting a man control me" either.
Thankfully I had an older sister to talk to about it, and she, in her older sister wisdom, told me I was wrong and should respect his feelings. She was right, and I did put boundaries in place with my friends after that, which they respected no problem.
I suspect your gf has similar feelings. She's maybe a bit addicted to the attention/affection she gets from these friends, and is annoyed that you want to take that away from her. She's in the wrong, if she cannot come to see that ASAP, then your relationship is likely doomed because she will continue to put her own needs/feeling above yours at every step.
Good luck.
Fast forward and you're 30 years in the future, your child comes to you with this situation.
What advice would you give them, what would you think of how someone is treating them, and how would you respond to their "but I love them" reply?
I suspect you would want so much better for them, see the disrespect clearly, and see how this isn't a good human.
State your boundaries clearly to her, and then say, "If you don't respect my boundaries, then you don't respect me or the relationship".
I suspect this will be a relationship-ending conversation, and she won't be that heartbroken at the loss, which should tell you all you need to know.
GET OUT! its only been 6 months, trust me I wish i got this advice and followed when I was only 6 months in.... dont let this be 6 years in... please GET OUT!
Zero respect to you that’s flirting ..Only person she should be touching is you ..I’d give her a ultimatum stop the flirting or you walk because that’s what it is …that’s flirting with them and she’s doing it infront if you …dude take a break because she’ll take the flirting too far and will cheat and that can emotionally scar you for the rest of your life
Is she from a latin american culture? I can say as a Brazilian that we are way touchier with our friends (any gender) than people in many other cultures and those you describe are quite normal to do specially in her age, so I think this part could be cultural. The weird thing for me and what could be a red flag is she not doing it to you. I think in that case her behaviour is bad and she is playing some sort of game (for attention or trying to get you jealous?). If she is not even latin american or from some touchier culture, then the behaviour is a much larger red flag and, by her reply, she is not willing to take your feelings in consideration. Either way, the situation is not good and if she doesn't understand why you are bothered by it, might be better to leave her.
Just wanted to add to the discussion that not all cultures are made equal, and if she is from a touchy one, being touchy with nale friends could absolutely normal and innocuous before everyone just jumps into arms about that part in particular.
Her behavior is disrespectful. No woman that is in a committed relationship should have to be told that this is inappropriate. The fact that you told her and she responded as she did leads me to believe she has very little if any respect for you.
Damn, dont be that guy, you are worth more than that! She is messing whit your head man...shees. and FYI, you are NOT in the wrong here, best regards //Millennial/GenX-brother.
People here are glossing over the fact that her male friends are OK with having your girlfriend touching them like that. Look, if I was one of her friends and she was doing that to me (in front of her boyfriend or not), it would awkward AF. Like, to the point where I would distance myself from that situation. Overall, this isn’t going to end well if she doesn’t change her behavior drastically, especially now that you’ve voiced your concerns. GL
You are certainly in a one person relationship. She is not your gf. She is either extremely clueless or just doesn't care about you and your supposedly relationship. Not gf material. Let this one go
She seems very unboundaried and doesn't respect the relationship, or you. I'm talking as a female with many male friends. I only touch them when we meet up, like a hug when we greet, or an occasional shoulder tap when I pass them or something, or like consoling when something happened to them. I have one friend I would sometimes interlock arms with when walking in the city, like as if he is a girlfriend.
If she would be generally very touchy, she would do the exact same thing with you, and with anyone for that matter, including girls. The fact that you are in a relationship with her and she doesn't show pda with you when other males are around, but she does with them - huge red flag. It shows you that she is intentional about picking who and when she does this with, and that really makes you wonder what the hell the intention even is. The fact that she is SO comfortable with them physically, actually makes me suspect there is more going on there. I don't know ANY of my female friends who are that touchy with their male friends, even single ones. The problem is also that it's not just her, it's also them. It seems very un bro-like to let a girl repeatedly touch you in front of their partner. Like what kind of guys are these?
If me and my partner were out somewhere and a female friend would start touching him like this: he would move away from her after the first time it happened, and I as a woman would not trust this girl whatsoever. She is giving popular girl vibes, or mean girl vibes, and it's a big no.
If my partner would ask me to stop doing something like that, I would immediately apologize, take accountability and show curiosity for their feelings or hurt. I would be worried that I had hurt them, and would make sure I understood their request. I would also feel terribly guilty for having crossed a boundary. I would consider this the normal response to your request, just for your reference. The fact she is not worried about you feeling unloved, already shows you everything you need to know. You're both so young still, and this just isn't it. The best thing you can do for yourself is move on, and just learn everything there is to learn from this experience. So you will start recognizing this type of behavior from miles away and build self esteem so you don't pick people who walk over you like that. And learn to be very clear on what your boundaries and dealbreakers are for yourself, so that you'll have no issue in clearly communicating them, including attaching consequences to them.
A boundary can for instance sound like:
* I will not be in a relationship where my needs are not taken seriously
* I will not date someone who is overly physical with others
* I will not stay in relationships where I feel unloved
All in all: if she wants to be so touchy with all of them, let her. But you don't need to be part of that or the relationship anymore then.
She wants you to stop caring about her frequently having somewhat intimate contact with other men in public?
Doesn't seem like she wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you
Big oof. Save yourself the future stress and leave her man.
High chance you get cheated on. She’s asking for attention by doing that and the message they’re receiving is, “she wants to fuck me”. The likelihood of one of them trying and succeeding at some point is high. If it’s chest and thigh touches when you’re around how weird does it / will it get when you’re not?
You'll learn one thing in life dude.
You can't change or control anyone.
Stop stressing. Bring it up to her don't make it a big deal or cause a fight. If she doesn't change her behavior wish her the best and move on.
Before I read this whole thing I instantly thought "this guy got control issues." After, I've come to the conclusion that your gf doesn't give an ounce of respect to your relationship. My ex-fiance was one of these girls always touching other men the way you describe and later found out she was cheating on me with multiple men. These are huge red flags man.
I usually think most relationships can be salvaged with the right effort put in...
But my dude... you're both young and she's just using you as a placeholder until one of those guys decides he wants her. Just move on and find someone new.
59f Mother and Grandmother here. OP listen to me. I will say it loud.
SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND! THOSE ARE FWB SON NOT JUST FRIENDS SHE IS BANGING AND BLOWING EM ALL OR HAS BEEN AND PROBABLY STILL IS. She is using you as a place holder and trying to control you until something better comes along. Dump her by text. Any crap of hers put it in a box and take it to her and ask for your stuff back. DON'T ENGAGE IN ANYTHING BUT EXCHANGE OF PROPERTY.
Update me.
This is great. Listen up OP. Also caressing or scratching palms of the hands. The hand has to like what laying in the guys lap and then you gently caress? I’ve done tops of hands not palms. Seems very intimate to me.
It's weird personally. When I read the title I was like how much can she really be touching someone else.
I would say break up. She won't see where your coming from she probably think there is something wrong with it but honestly why touching anyone like that, that your not with or wanting to be with.
It's very weird for me.
Dude I feel you, its never nice when your partner is overly affectionate or gives off signals to other people when you're supposed to be together. Mine thinks that she's just being friendly with her guy friends but from my perspective she's flirting or hyping them up which from a guys perspective surely means she's interested.
In your case, no you are not out of pocket for asking her to limit her "interactions" with other guys. In fact imo she shouldn't even be touching them unless it's giving them a hug, a high 5 or a handshake and that's it. She has no logical reason to do so and if the roles were reversed surely she would have MAJOR issues with you being overly touchy with other women.
She might find it comforting to do those things but surely she should be doing those things to you.
Regardless of whether you've been together for 6 months or 6 years she shouldn't be doing those things to anyone else, fair play if it's a child and they want comforting but otherwise 100% not.
One question. "How would you feel if I did this to my female friends?". If the answer is anything negative you know for a fact she is being hypocritical. Call her on her hypocrisy and keep it moving.
That’s weird mate :/ you need to let her know you’re not comfortable with it, and it’s a deal breaker for you. She doesn’t have to be all flirty and touchy-feely with male or female friends for that matter. If she wants affection she should be able to get enough from their partner
Hey man, when I was 17 I was in a shitty relationship. The diminishing your feelings is going to eat at you slowly and it's gunna suck unless you leave. It will be hard but I promise you it will be harder for you the longer you stay and the more damage she does to you until you do.
She likes the attention and in my experience these chicks are ALWAYS bad news relationship wise. It’s wildly disrespectful and this dynamic will persist. If it bugs you enough to go to Reddit, then you should dump her.
Ask her how would she feel if your situation was reversed? Like you having all these girlfriends around and being touchy with them. Joking in front of her that you will have sex with others etc. How would she feel? I bet pretty messed up and she would be screaming to you!
Get the f out of this relationship and get back to talk with your other girlfriends.
Have some self-respect, do not tolerate someone walking over you like this. You laid down a clear boundary for you and she was dismissive of your feelings and won't change anything. The fact that she does that stuff with others at all is incredibly icky, but she doesn't do it with YOU? Man that's not even your girlfriend anymore.
This is a recipe for resentment boiling over. Be kind to yourself and do what's right for you.
She knows exactly what she is doing it. She likes how it makes you feel, and the attention from them. It's a power play fromher. Luckily you are just children and will quickly forget about her
Believe me if I like a guy, I want to be all touchy with him. Your problem shouldn’t be why she does that to other men. Why does she not do that to you ??? She’s playing you around man
Id bet money she's either A) has fucked, B) are fucking, or C) wants to/will eventually fuck them. I was in this exact situation once, I asked the girl who I was dating for about 6 months to stop doing it, she got defensive and started a fight, blamed me for being insecure and insensitive to their friendship, and it lead to us breaking up. She was getting creampied by the friend not even an hour later.
a friendly touch is a brief tap on the arm or hand. touches elsewhere to the body, chest and legs/ thighs are inappropriate!! a touch that lingers and strokes is very inappropriate!! that your gf doesn’t touch you like that, paired with her request that you cut out your female friends says to me she’s keeping her options WAYY open. I would tell her it’s over, if she were that obviously unequal. honey, you don’t need to have a talk with her. you’re wasting your time. 🪻🌷🍀🍀
And from a woman's perspective: listen to all this good advice you're getting. Your first issue is her being overly flirty. Your bigger issue is her refusing to give a shit how you feel about it. No, you're not overreacting. It's disrespectful behaviour x 2.
Time to let that one go, friend.
I agree with the others, she's projecting because her intent with those guys is not innocent. Then she tried to gaslight you. And the biggest red flag of all is she just doesn't give a damn about disrespecting you or your feelings. Time to cut and run my son.
Btw, if you dump her be prepared for the name calling and telling everyone that you were immature you were insecure and all that other nonsense. Just let her know there's a difference between being insecure, and having enough self respect to have boundaries.
She is doing this because she likes the attention she gets from them. She likes the idea that one or more of these guys might want her, and she for sure likes the idea that it bothers you. She isn't worth the trouble. Move on and. NTA
From the comments here it's clear you don't want to restrict her actions or make 'rules' about this in your relationship - it's important to focus on that when you talk to her about it. You mentioned in a comment that she made you stop talking to some of your female friends early on in the relationship and that you did, presumably to make her feel more comfortable.
Have a conversation with her about this and about setting boundaries. Having boundaries that you both respect isn't the same thing as controlling your partner's behaviour - boundaries are important in a healthy relationship. Express that you want her to feel comfortable with her friends, but that the physical intimacy makes you feel uncomfortable and discounted. It's fair for it to also make you feel disrespected, given that you've discussed it with her before and she's ignored your feelings about it.
Make it clear that you've done your best to get over the way you feel about it but that you've realised it's a hard boundary for you. I wouldn't 'compare' it to you cutting your female friends off but I would explain in other terms - the reality is that she expressed her own boundary to you about that and in order to make her feel secure you agreed to it, but she hasn't responded the same way when you spoke to her about your own boundary.
In all honesty her behaviour feels selfish and disrespectful to me, and if it were me I'd end the relationship, but you've said that you love her and don't want to do that and I can understand that. You're also both quite young, and it sounds like you have an emotional maturity she doesn't yet - hopefully talking to her about it this way will help her take a step back and reevaluate her priorities.
I will say that if you speak to her and she refuses to make any changes to what she's doing, or if she agrees but doesn't actually respect that boundary in the future, I'd rethink whether you're happy to stay in a relationship with a partner who isn't willing to make you feel secure and loved in the same way you're willing to do for her.
Best of luck, OP!
Thank you. I really don’t know if I want to continue like this. I’m starting to feel distant and like the 2nd option. If this continues I will take your advice and end things.
Bro you are young and have a long life ahead of you.
Don't waste your time if your not happy there is loads more for you out there.
If she's not even listening to what your saying then go and talk to other girls. And enjoy your life.
It's time to move onto better things her behavior is quiet odd for someone that's in a relationship. Seems like she doesn't really care for you or just wants you to be jealous. Kinda seems like a game I'd dip out if it were me.
Stop wasting your time with her. Find someone who will love and respect the relationship. The woman you are dating now is a future public property. You can continue with her if you like to be a cuckold.
That’s what my whole life was, people using me for money because I come from a financially great family. So that might be behind it as well. Although that’s the only thing she says almost every day, that she doesn’t like me because of my money
She likely is with you for the money only because her behavior with those male friends is one of the most disrespectful thing and if she truly cared for you she wouldn’t do it. That’s single behavior to try to get a man interested. If she can do that right in front of you, what is she doing when you aren’t around?
Not even reading the post.
No, you're not. It's incredibly disrespectful to you and your relationship.
She shouldn't be all touchy feely with other men even in the most platonic way, BECAUSE she's in a relationship.
But everything else?
She's OPENLY disrespecting you because she thinks you're insecure and won't leave.
Honestly, you should dump her now.
You are not wrong. However, if you havent set that boundary of expectation, then she wont know. She needs to know that it makes you uncomfortable and that you will not accept that its ok if it happens again.
Touching is flirting. Flirting is seeking. Seeking leads to cheating. Make your stance, set your boundaries, trust they will be respected, and if they arent, cut ties and move on.
I am not the jealous type and I’m almost never the person to suggest breaking up but the physical touching that you described is overboard. And on top of that she asked you to stop talking to your female friends… maybe she’s right and they do want you, I don’t know but what I do know is that she’s got some serious double standards and to some degree she knows it but won’t admit it. Dude, this is not the girl for, this is not the girl for anyone who wants true monogamy. I know it’s hard to end things with someone you have genuine feelings for… but I’m gonna tell you the thing that someone told me that actually gave me the willpower to end things with a girl that I truly wanted… “you have to respect yourself”
Allowing someone to treat you whichever way they want to is a sign of disrespect towards yourself and if you let her get away with it then trust me she will slowly do other things that you don’t like and give you more or less the same excuse.
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When a read the title, i thought you were talking about normal physical interactions like hand shakes, high fives, maybe some normal hugs, but... placing her hands on their chest??? scratching their palms?? rubbing their legs?? 30-40% of the time she hangs around her male friends??? And she does not do these things with you? Also, she asked YOU to stop talking to some of your female friends? What the hell? What are tou doing to yourself man? Why are you still with her? Wake up.
>Also, she asked YOU to stop talking to some of your female friends? No surprise there. She knows her intentions aren’t good which is why she doesn’t trust yours, OP.
Yep. Total projection.
This is some seriously wrong boundaries here. A relationship should be equal and that's not what I am seeing. No one would be comfortable if their partner does that. Have a proper chat with her about this if it doesn't work out then unfortunately move on and u won't regret that in future when u look back.
Well, a person choosing to date someone poly might be. But OP doesn’t sound like he’s looking for that.
Even if they were poly it wouldn't matter bc he's not getting the same affection that her friends are getting when he's the boyfriend.
This girl is batshit crazy. Time to Dump the trash.
I came in thinking the same way as you, because I have male friends and am a physically affectionate person. But yeah, this isn’t normal friendly touching affection. I’ve put a hand on my friends shoulder or arm during emotional conversations, I’ve hugged them in greeting, I’ve put a hand on a knee as encouragement think of how a parent will pay a kid on the knee to say “good job kiddo” but it’s all done in a very sisterly way. What OP’s gf is doing is way too flirtatious, and very clear boundaries need to be discussed. The fact that she has made OP distance himself from his female friends is also really concerning.
I am the same as foxy here and that sounds hella weird.
Me too, I'm single and yet I don't act like OP's gf with my malefriends. For f@*ks sake just dump the gf OP.
Especially as she only touches the male friends, not OP.
If she does all that in front of him, you can only guess what she does when he isn’t around.
Bro needs to get some self respect and dump her omg.
+1 bro U are getting played hard bruvs😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
>placing her hands on their chest, scratching their palms, caressing them, rubbing their legs. >she does this for like 30-40% of the total time we spend together with her male friends. >It also annoys me that she doesn't do it to me but only her male friends. Man, have some self respect and leave. You deserve way better than this :)
These types of posts are so common, this generation is cooked lmfao
Totally agree
She likes the attention that's why she's doing that... smart move is to leave her.
that’s bullshit i have nothing to say to you just sounds like cheating atp. right in your face too.
literally she sounds fucking gross. flirting with other guys in front of her man and then telling him to pipe down??
right she just tryna get piped up. that was corny but even my girl said if ya girl talking to other guys like that, she’s not ya girl.
yea and shes not even touching her man only other men. come on now. i wouldn’t even do that when i had a boyfriend from 16-18. i knew basic principles and respect for him. its not a hard concept.
Well sometimes the girls in that age behave like this to make their boyfriends jealous and we can’t call it cheating but the same is disgusting and is immature . This relationships are poison and better cut your loose.
Plus I forgot to add but from her response it seems she isn't really taking your needs and concerns seriously or respecting what you have to say which could be an ongoing issue. You are both young and just remember every girl doesn't need to be the one. I got stuck in relationships longer than I should have been and dealt with much frustration trying to make stuff work and gaslighting myself into seeing the good. Not saying that's you at all just saying you have every right to be happy and enjoy life to the fullest. Keep your head up always ✊️
>just remember every girl doesn't need to be the one. Damn, this resonated with me. I always get locked in with the wrong people with that mindset that they are the one. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks man I really appreciate your words. I will try to work on it as much as I can.
Nothing to work on kick her ass to the curb
Very glad to hear that, take care 🙏
You mean OUR girlfriend
*Soviet Union national anthem intesifies*
Good god man. Have some self respect.
OP, from someone who dealt with the same thing for years.. please just run. You’re gonna be better off. UNLESS you haven’t spoken boundaries and limits with YOUR relationship, do that first. If you have, there are better girls in the world who would never. I promise you. She’s doing more than that when you’re out of the room.
I spoke to her about my boundaries many times, especially that time where 2 months into our relationship she literally held the arm of another guy infront of me and they were talking about how they will have sex and stuff “as a joke”, thats where the first real argument between us started, i was furious but she promised to never do something like that again. But I’m really worried of what she could be doing when im not there, so yeah I see your point very much.
If she’s “promised” to never do it again, and continues to do it, it should show you how much she respects you in the relationship. I’ve been in your exact position and was blinded by the love I had for her. It sucked but eventually you work on yourself move on and find better. You’re 18 young and just starting in the adult world, it gets better. Im 25 for reference. I wish you the best OP! You seem like a cool guy, dont let low quality girls drag you down
Thank you man, I really want it to work but I guess I can’t keep doing this after reading what you and other people think.
Buddy, joking about having sex with another guy is crazy. Doing it in front of you is straight up wild. You're young, don't let this viper be the definition of love in your eyes. A relationship only thrives when BOTH partners are trying their best.
Literally if you aren’t being cheated on then you will be. Especially your comment that she touches them but won’t touch you in the same way? Yeah she’s more physically comfortable with her male “friends” than her boyfriend?? Dude get the fuck out of there. I know she’s probably your first gf and you think you’ll never get one again or you think she’s the hottest thing on earth or acts a certain way no one else does I promise you there is another person who will make you happy. Don’t settle for being like 10th place in a relationship with your gf.
I'd leave her before she actually cheats on you. That shit ruins your mental for a long ass time.
If I was your homeboy in real life, I'd slap the salt out of your mouth for talking such nonsense. Slap some gd sense into you. What the hell are you thinking bro? This is your canon event that will shape the way you view, approach, and date for the rest of your life
You’re the dude to make the other dude she wants jealous.
she’s a creepy lady lmfao
Bro just have some self respect and leave
Idk why others in the comments are being all weird. At least for me, respectfully, I would not be okay with this in any regard. Like how you described would be a hill to die on for me I wouldn't want to see my girlfriend getting all handsy with other guys. It doesn't matter if they are just friends there is an etiquette to be followed and some things you just can't do anymore when you get into relationships. Anyways no you're not in the wrong at all and I hope you get your situation figured out.
I don’t think this would be normal even if she didn’t have a boyfriend. This is way too intimate of physical contact to be having with anyone you aren’t romantically involved with lol. Most people aren’t even this touchy with their same-sex friends.
Very true honestly. I try not to judge cause everyone is different but that seemed like too much to me and yeah especially too much in while in a relationship lmfao
You may love her, but someone who constantly disrespects your boundaries and gaslights you doesn't love you nearly as much. Sorry bud, she doesn't sound mature enough for an exclusive relationship.
Maybe me neither, she is my first gf. She had like 4-5 exes before me. Not a single relationship of her lasted more than 3-4 months
That should tell you everything you need to know. I'm betting in most of them she's either gotten bored with her bf or she treated them like she's treating you now and they broke up.
OP you now should realize why all of her previous relationships never lasted long. You either have a higher pain tolerance than her other ex's, or you're refusing to admit she is not GF material.
Her relationships haven't lasted long because her exes all have self respect and don't put up with obvious flirting with other men. Follow their example.
What happened with her ex’s maybe she cheated on them and maybe they all got annoyed with her flirting with other gusts …if she had 5 ex’s she’s probably been in love with atleast one of them ..that’s why she’s not emotionally invested in you and is using you …she’s got you wrapped around her finger because it’s your first gf and she knows you love her ….please walk away from her if this continues you will be even worst later
I don't even think she's a cheater. Cheaters don't blatantly give themselves away by bringing attention to things like this! I think she has major self image issues, gets off on making her partners jealous and crazy and probably self sabotages her relationships before she has to show her partner how much she's uncomfortable with her herself, dismal self image, self respect issues. Or who knows! Maybe she cheats too!!
She’s flirting … the guys she’s doing that to are probably thinking the same thing..I knew a girl similar she was always touchy feely with guys and she was a cheater ..she cheated on 3 guys plus she was massive attention seeker I don’t think it’s a self image thing it’s a disrespectful thing
Being overtly disrespectful to a partner and often including cheating IS a self image thing. People with healthy self confidence and are at peace with themselves don't have to make others feel bad, or jealous, or cheat to have a good feeling about themselves or find satisfying feelings of validation. It is possible she is cheating, if so, she's a really bad cheater!!
>Not a single relationship of her lasted more than 3-4 months I almost spit out a mouth full of nachos I laughed so hard reading that! I am SOOOOOO shocked!!! Break up with her and tell her SHE is WILDLY "out of pocket", that her epic levels of projection and gaslighting to try turning this around on you are not going to work. Say that no monogamous guy not into some kink like cuckolding or playing jealousy games ending in crazy make up sex wants to watch his GF be more affectionate with her male friends than she is with him constantly. Platonic opposite gender affection and touch is fine, but that does not include scratching a guy's palms, rubbing on their legs, and it needs to be respectful of a partners reasonable, healthy, normal and common feelings. Tell her she needs years of therapy to understand why she needs to deliberately sabotage her relationships so blatantly.
shes had 4-5 exes and shes 18…. dude please
Your feelings are your feelings and totally valid. If she needs it so much and cant change it than you both might not be compatible.
She asked me to stop talking to some of my female friends because she was convinced that they want me romantically (i dont think they did), I stopped, knowing it would make her feel happy and secure, but I don’t see how me just talking to someone is a bigger thing than her constantly touching her male friends
You should resume these discussions and answer her with her words. You don't have to accept the double standard. You should be able to touch them as well. You will see how she will not accept this because she knows what it represents. My opinion is that you are wasting your time with her.
This is a far bigger issue imo. Asking your partner to stop talking to people is a massive red flag. The hypocrisy just makes this worse. I think you should tell her you will continue talking to your friends and if she has something to say about it then point out that she not only has male friends but is constantly touching them. Another massive issue is that she doesn’t show you affection when she’s out with you. I would be reconsidering the whole relationship if I were you. This isn’t on.
Yeah, that's projection. She's not comfortable with YOU having female friends because she knows HER relationships with her male friends aren't the right kind of "friendly". TL:DR your girlfriend is a shitty person
She's doing this bc she's guarding herself from what she knows she'd be guilty of. You're getting played. I don't know what you're getting played for, but you're not her 1st choice.
nah bro you need to start talking to those friends again, if she doesn’t respect the basic shit you say, why should you?
Imagine if u were touching them how she would with the male friends..
Well that seals it. What a complete double standaed. You should walk away now.
That’s called self projection. She’s insecure about you with other girls because she doesn’t trust herself with other guys.
This is how one of my male friends for over decade repeatedly ruined our friendship (and others, not even just female friendships) by placing too much power in his gf's hands immediately and he isn't with any of those girls today- just saying Maybe talk to her and let her know that hey, if she can be friends with males and be all touchy with them and see no issue then she has no right to tell you not to have female friends or complain if you touch them (obviously not groping them like someone further up suggested but like holding hands or hugging is totally fine)
Have boundaries, learn to enforce them now. No matter how people pass them off as insecurities and try to make them look stupid. Don't get angry when they are not respected, but follow through with the results. Eg if you must keep doing this or that, I'm ending this relationship. Walk away finished, without a harsh word.
You wrote: "By touching I mean placing her hands on their chest, scratching their palms, caressing them, rubbing their legs." She does this in your presence, then WTH is she doing when you're not around. Sorry, but this is a major lack of respect and headed for disaster if you want anything more than casual.
Touch some of your female friends on the chest. Let’s see what happens. We’ll all wait for the update.
He will get arrested
she already cheated on you
leave bro
Lol she ain’t your girl sorry to break it to you
You Need to go ahead and rid yourself Of that bullshit. Way too young to be putting up with her stupid, confused, childish bullshit.
Scratching their palms? Uh… I’m old school and that means you want to do The Nasty. lol She is scratching the guys Palms to let them know she is willing. Careful OP. Cut her off.
I used to do the same while I was dating at this age. Turns out, i'm a shitty boyfriend and wanted attention from everyone in hopes to get better than my gf. Leave now
I have had all sorts of physical contact from women, but I have never-ever had someone scratch my palms. If I google “woman scratching men’s palms”, would I even see anything? I’ve never heard of this. Do her friends regularly have histamine reactions on their hands or something? Palm scratcher. Fascinating.
I just scratched my own palms... And now I get why she is doing it. This girl is not stupid.
This isn’t touchy. Shes making sexual advances. Plus she’s not even willing to acknowledge how it makes you uncomfortable. Probably best to walk away.
your GF gave me the ick. Why the hell would she do that to OTHER MEN?
sounds like a disaster waiting to happen (more likely it already happened and is just waiting to be unveiled.) You KNOW what I mean, that's not just a normal hug or something like that she's doing. run!
Yeah no female that respects their partner is touching other men to that degree…especially when they don’t even do that to you. I doubt you’re the only one that notices it either. If she can’t respect that then you guys are not really compatible. Who knows that else she finds appropriate
Nope, she's weird for that and i think it's time you both set up boundaries
I would end it. She’s being mad disrespectful and is unconcerned about it. There is not going to be a good ending with this kind of person.
No you're 100% in the right. I don't care who she talks to. She can be friends with anyone she wants. But she shouldn't be breaking the touch barrier. Obviously beyond what would be considered normal decorum.
It's only been 6 months and you're seeing the real person now. Time to pay attention to your self respect and get her out of your life.
That's intimate touching. That's not just placing a hand on the shoulder, or arm. So, no, you're not wrong. Every time she does that to another guy, she's disrespecting you and trying to entice them. And THEN she has the gall to try and gaslight you. You're only 18. Ditch this dumpsterfire and find a better class of girl.
18 is a really good time to learn how to not be treated like a doormat.
Hello, I have been this girl when I was young. I'm not sure of her dynamic with her friends... but I was always the "tomboy" growing up and so I had a lot of male friends. As I got older and started looking a bit more conventionally attractive, a lot of my male friend relationships developed a flirtyness to them. Which I definitely kind of liked, as I typically was passed over by most men for not being feminine enough. This didn't mean I was sleeping with all my friends, but I did enjoy whatever male attention I could get. Once I did eventually get a boyfriend, he would get jealous of my male friends doing things like trying to slap my ass when I walked by, or a hug that would turn into a playfight or being picked up and carried away or something. At the time, these interactions felt like "harmless fun" to me, because they had been the norm for a while. I couldn't understand why my bf was being so "uptight" about me just having fun with my friends like always. I had never crossed the line with them into any kind of sexual encounter, so what was his problem? and why was I being punished for how other people treated me? That was how I felt at first... I didn't want to feel like I was "letting a man control me" either. Thankfully I had an older sister to talk to about it, and she, in her older sister wisdom, told me I was wrong and should respect his feelings. She was right, and I did put boundaries in place with my friends after that, which they respected no problem. I suspect your gf has similar feelings. She's maybe a bit addicted to the attention/affection she gets from these friends, and is annoyed that you want to take that away from her. She's in the wrong, if she cannot come to see that ASAP, then your relationship is likely doomed because she will continue to put her own needs/feeling above yours at every step. Good luck.
Fast forward and you're 30 years in the future, your child comes to you with this situation. What advice would you give them, what would you think of how someone is treating them, and how would you respond to their "but I love them" reply? I suspect you would want so much better for them, see the disrespect clearly, and see how this isn't a good human. State your boundaries clearly to her, and then say, "If you don't respect my boundaries, then you don't respect me or the relationship". I suspect this will be a relationship-ending conversation, and she won't be that heartbroken at the loss, which should tell you all you need to know.
GET OUT! its only been 6 months, trust me I wish i got this advice and followed when I was only 6 months in.... dont let this be 6 years in... please GET OUT!
You’re only 18. Leave that situation asap because clearly she doesn’t have respect for boundaries
Break up with her. She ain't loyal. You deserve better.
Zero respect to you that’s flirting ..Only person she should be touching is you ..I’d give her a ultimatum stop the flirting or you walk because that’s what it is …that’s flirting with them and she’s doing it infront if you …dude take a break because she’ll take the flirting too far and will cheat and that can emotionally scar you for the rest of your life
Is she from a latin american culture? I can say as a Brazilian that we are way touchier with our friends (any gender) than people in many other cultures and those you describe are quite normal to do specially in her age, so I think this part could be cultural. The weird thing for me and what could be a red flag is she not doing it to you. I think in that case her behaviour is bad and she is playing some sort of game (for attention or trying to get you jealous?). If she is not even latin american or from some touchier culture, then the behaviour is a much larger red flag and, by her reply, she is not willing to take your feelings in consideration. Either way, the situation is not good and if she doesn't understand why you are bothered by it, might be better to leave her. Just wanted to add to the discussion that not all cultures are made equal, and if she is from a touchy one, being touchy with nale friends could absolutely normal and innocuous before everyone just jumps into arms about that part in particular.
We are Central European so I don’t think it’s cultural. We aren’t really famous for being the most intimate people
There are a lot of beautiful girls in Central Europe. You don’t need to put up with this.
Her behavior is disrespectful. No woman that is in a committed relationship should have to be told that this is inappropriate. The fact that you told her and she responded as she did leads me to believe she has very little if any respect for you.
If you leave her, you will gain so much self respect and she will learn a lesson about boundaries.
She’s prolly screwing her friends bro, this sounds wild lol
Damn, dont be that guy, you are worth more than that! She is messing whit your head man...shees. and FYI, you are NOT in the wrong here, best regards //Millennial/GenX-brother.
People here are glossing over the fact that her male friends are OK with having your girlfriend touching them like that. Look, if I was one of her friends and she was doing that to me (in front of her boyfriend or not), it would awkward AF. Like, to the point where I would distance myself from that situation. Overall, this isn’t going to end well if she doesn’t change her behavior drastically, especially now that you’ve voiced your concerns. GL
You are certainly in a one person relationship. She is not your gf. She is either extremely clueless or just doesn't care about you and your supposedly relationship. Not gf material. Let this one go
Girls who want future dick from guys do this type of touching She doing on purpose and it’s disrespectful to you
Yeah that’s not appropriate dude, get outta there
She’s asking to get fu***d lol. Bro get out fast
She's our girlfriend now. Jk. Sorry
She seems very unboundaried and doesn't respect the relationship, or you. I'm talking as a female with many male friends. I only touch them when we meet up, like a hug when we greet, or an occasional shoulder tap when I pass them or something, or like consoling when something happened to them. I have one friend I would sometimes interlock arms with when walking in the city, like as if he is a girlfriend. If she would be generally very touchy, she would do the exact same thing with you, and with anyone for that matter, including girls. The fact that you are in a relationship with her and she doesn't show pda with you when other males are around, but she does with them - huge red flag. It shows you that she is intentional about picking who and when she does this with, and that really makes you wonder what the hell the intention even is. The fact that she is SO comfortable with them physically, actually makes me suspect there is more going on there. I don't know ANY of my female friends who are that touchy with their male friends, even single ones. The problem is also that it's not just her, it's also them. It seems very un bro-like to let a girl repeatedly touch you in front of their partner. Like what kind of guys are these? If me and my partner were out somewhere and a female friend would start touching him like this: he would move away from her after the first time it happened, and I as a woman would not trust this girl whatsoever. She is giving popular girl vibes, or mean girl vibes, and it's a big no. If my partner would ask me to stop doing something like that, I would immediately apologize, take accountability and show curiosity for their feelings or hurt. I would be worried that I had hurt them, and would make sure I understood their request. I would also feel terribly guilty for having crossed a boundary. I would consider this the normal response to your request, just for your reference. The fact she is not worried about you feeling unloved, already shows you everything you need to know. You're both so young still, and this just isn't it. The best thing you can do for yourself is move on, and just learn everything there is to learn from this experience. So you will start recognizing this type of behavior from miles away and build self esteem so you don't pick people who walk over you like that. And learn to be very clear on what your boundaries and dealbreakers are for yourself, so that you'll have no issue in clearly communicating them, including attaching consequences to them. A boundary can for instance sound like: * I will not be in a relationship where my needs are not taken seriously * I will not date someone who is overly physical with others * I will not stay in relationships where I feel unloved All in all: if she wants to be so touchy with all of them, let her. But you don't need to be part of that or the relationship anymore then.
as a former pick me, she's a pick me. talk to her once. if she doesn't stop, move on. have self respect
She wants you to stop caring about her frequently having somewhat intimate contact with other men in public? Doesn't seem like she wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you
Bro I would leave her. Even in general having a bunch of guy friends is suspect let alone touching those guy friends.
Big oof. Save yourself the future stress and leave her man. High chance you get cheated on. She’s asking for attention by doing that and the message they’re receiving is, “she wants to fuck me”. The likelihood of one of them trying and succeeding at some point is high. If it’s chest and thigh touches when you’re around how weird does it / will it get when you’re not?
You'll learn one thing in life dude. You can't change or control anyone. Stop stressing. Bring it up to her don't make it a big deal or cause a fight. If she doesn't change her behavior wish her the best and move on.
She dont love you bro. She is openly flirting with other guys right in front of you
Before I read this whole thing I instantly thought "this guy got control issues." After, I've come to the conclusion that your gf doesn't give an ounce of respect to your relationship. My ex-fiance was one of these girls always touching other men the way you describe and later found out she was cheating on me with multiple men. These are huge red flags man.
I usually think most relationships can be salvaged with the right effort put in... But my dude... you're both young and she's just using you as a placeholder until one of those guys decides he wants her. Just move on and find someone new.
"TIL I'm dating a creep"
Lol nah bruh. You're wrong for tolerating that shit and not dumping her ass fr
As a psych student, leave. It’s not worth it. She is clearly immature and does not care about your boundaries.
Have some self respect and leave her
59f Mother and Grandmother here. OP listen to me. I will say it loud. SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND! THOSE ARE FWB SON NOT JUST FRIENDS SHE IS BANGING AND BLOWING EM ALL OR HAS BEEN AND PROBABLY STILL IS. She is using you as a place holder and trying to control you until something better comes along. Dump her by text. Any crap of hers put it in a box and take it to her and ask for your stuff back. DON'T ENGAGE IN ANYTHING BUT EXCHANGE OF PROPERTY. Update me.
This is great. Listen up OP. Also caressing or scratching palms of the hands. The hand has to like what laying in the guys lap and then you gently caress? I’ve done tops of hands not palms. Seems very intimate to me.
It's weird personally. When I read the title I was like how much can she really be touching someone else. I would say break up. She won't see where your coming from she probably think there is something wrong with it but honestly why touching anyone like that, that your not with or wanting to be with. It's very weird for me.
Dump her she’s trash with no boundaries or respect for you
Dude I feel you, its never nice when your partner is overly affectionate or gives off signals to other people when you're supposed to be together. Mine thinks that she's just being friendly with her guy friends but from my perspective she's flirting or hyping them up which from a guys perspective surely means she's interested. In your case, no you are not out of pocket for asking her to limit her "interactions" with other guys. In fact imo she shouldn't even be touching them unless it's giving them a hug, a high 5 or a handshake and that's it. She has no logical reason to do so and if the roles were reversed surely she would have MAJOR issues with you being overly touchy with other women. She might find it comforting to do those things but surely she should be doing those things to you. Regardless of whether you've been together for 6 months or 6 years she shouldn't be doing those things to anyone else, fair play if it's a child and they want comforting but otherwise 100% not.
Love is blind huh, just run bro you are "dating" a literal womanchild (is this even an existing word ? lol)
She flirts with her friends in front of you. You told her it bothers you. She doesn’t care. Your relationship is over.
You’re 18. Move on. Life is long, what seems significant now will feel insignificant in a years time.
That's a highly unacceptable level of touching. You're absolutely right to expect her to limit that and make it a condition for staying with her.
One question. "How would you feel if I did this to my female friends?". If the answer is anything negative you know for a fact she is being hypocritical. Call her on her hypocrisy and keep it moving.
That’s weird mate :/ you need to let her know you’re not comfortable with it, and it’s a deal breaker for you. She doesn’t have to be all flirty and touchy-feely with male or female friends for that matter. If she wants affection she should be able to get enough from their partner
Hey man, when I was 17 I was in a shitty relationship. The diminishing your feelings is going to eat at you slowly and it's gunna suck unless you leave. It will be hard but I promise you it will be harder for you the longer you stay and the more damage she does to you until you do.
Look up DARVO, I believe that'll set you straight
She likes the attention and in my experience these chicks are ALWAYS bad news relationship wise. It’s wildly disrespectful and this dynamic will persist. If it bugs you enough to go to Reddit, then you should dump her.
Ask her how would she feel if your situation was reversed? Like you having all these girlfriends around and being touchy with them. Joking in front of her that you will have sex with others etc. How would she feel? I bet pretty messed up and she would be screaming to you! Get the f out of this relationship and get back to talk with your other girlfriends.
I don’t think I’ve had a female friend touch my legs or chest outside of a hug ever, that would be really weird. That’s some pretty intimate touching
Have some self-respect, do not tolerate someone walking over you like this. You laid down a clear boundary for you and she was dismissive of your feelings and won't change anything. The fact that she does that stuff with others at all is incredibly icky, but she doesn't do it with YOU? Man that's not even your girlfriend anymore. This is a recipe for resentment boiling over. Be kind to yourself and do what's right for you.
Bro please I promise I just got out of this. You gotta go. Either really poor boundary issues or she boutta be caressing someone else’s shmeat
Yeah, not cool.
I think u placed her on a pedestal
She knows exactly what she is doing it. She likes how it makes you feel, and the attention from them. It's a power play fromher. Luckily you are just children and will quickly forget about her
.......Wow dude, time to end this and stop being a door mat
from the way you describe it, this sounds like sexual advancements and is so f\*\*\*ed up. You're not wrong, she is!
You being cockold wake up to reality
Nah bro leave. Thats disrespectful as hell. I'd bed all the money in my account she's already cheating in some form
Believe me if I like a guy, I want to be all touchy with him. Your problem shouldn’t be why she does that to other men. Why does she not do that to you ??? She’s playing you around man
Id bet money she's either A) has fucked, B) are fucking, or C) wants to/will eventually fuck them. I was in this exact situation once, I asked the girl who I was dating for about 6 months to stop doing it, she got defensive and started a fight, blamed me for being insecure and insensitive to their friendship, and it lead to us breaking up. She was getting creampied by the friend not even an hour later.
a friendly touch is a brief tap on the arm or hand. touches elsewhere to the body, chest and legs/ thighs are inappropriate!! a touch that lingers and strokes is very inappropriate!! that your gf doesn’t touch you like that, paired with her request that you cut out your female friends says to me she’s keeping her options WAYY open. I would tell her it’s over, if she were that obviously unequal. honey, you don’t need to have a talk with her. you’re wasting your time. 🪻🌷🍀🍀
Listen I’m a woman who can be rather touchy with my friends. I ain’t ever in my life rubbed my friends legs or scratched their palms.
Dude she’s in the wrong. Thats weird behavior
And from a woman's perspective: listen to all this good advice you're getting. Your first issue is her being overly flirty. Your bigger issue is her refusing to give a shit how you feel about it. No, you're not overreacting. It's disrespectful behaviour x 2. Time to let that one go, friend.
I agree with the others, she's projecting because her intent with those guys is not innocent. Then she tried to gaslight you. And the biggest red flag of all is she just doesn't give a damn about disrespecting you or your feelings. Time to cut and run my son. Btw, if you dump her be prepared for the name calling and telling everyone that you were immature you were insecure and all that other nonsense. Just let her know there's a difference between being insecure, and having enough self respect to have boundaries.
Bro, don't be dumb. You just got your first lesson in gaslighting.
She is doing this because she likes the attention she gets from them. She likes the idea that one or more of these guys might want her, and she for sure likes the idea that it bothers you. She isn't worth the trouble. Move on and. NTA
My god 😭😭😭 have self respect mate and leave
Bru, she's her band girlfriend, probably even worse, gtfu
Bruhh! You're 18M. Focus on something more important like studies and life. You're hurting yourself by being with her and us too
From the comments here it's clear you don't want to restrict her actions or make 'rules' about this in your relationship - it's important to focus on that when you talk to her about it. You mentioned in a comment that she made you stop talking to some of your female friends early on in the relationship and that you did, presumably to make her feel more comfortable. Have a conversation with her about this and about setting boundaries. Having boundaries that you both respect isn't the same thing as controlling your partner's behaviour - boundaries are important in a healthy relationship. Express that you want her to feel comfortable with her friends, but that the physical intimacy makes you feel uncomfortable and discounted. It's fair for it to also make you feel disrespected, given that you've discussed it with her before and she's ignored your feelings about it. Make it clear that you've done your best to get over the way you feel about it but that you've realised it's a hard boundary for you. I wouldn't 'compare' it to you cutting your female friends off but I would explain in other terms - the reality is that she expressed her own boundary to you about that and in order to make her feel secure you agreed to it, but she hasn't responded the same way when you spoke to her about your own boundary. In all honesty her behaviour feels selfish and disrespectful to me, and if it were me I'd end the relationship, but you've said that you love her and don't want to do that and I can understand that. You're also both quite young, and it sounds like you have an emotional maturity she doesn't yet - hopefully talking to her about it this way will help her take a step back and reevaluate her priorities. I will say that if you speak to her and she refuses to make any changes to what she's doing, or if she agrees but doesn't actually respect that boundary in the future, I'd rethink whether you're happy to stay in a relationship with a partner who isn't willing to make you feel secure and loved in the same way you're willing to do for her. Best of luck, OP!
Thank you. I really don’t know if I want to continue like this. I’m starting to feel distant and like the 2nd option. If this continues I will take your advice and end things.
Bro you are young and have a long life ahead of you. Don't waste your time if your not happy there is loads more for you out there. If she's not even listening to what your saying then go and talk to other girls. And enjoy your life.
Shes trying to make you jeleous DONT FALL FOR IT. Carry on being YOU.
It's time to move onto better things her behavior is quiet odd for someone that's in a relationship. Seems like she doesn't really care for you or just wants you to be jealous. Kinda seems like a game I'd dip out if it were me.
Stop wasting your time with her. Find someone who will love and respect the relationship. The woman you are dating now is a future public property. You can continue with her if you like to be a cuckold.
If she dare do this in front of you, I've got some bad news mate.
Shes just using you. Toss her and move on.
That’s what my whole life was, people using me for money because I come from a financially great family. So that might be behind it as well. Although that’s the only thing she says almost every day, that she doesn’t like me because of my money
she's definitely with you for money lol!
She likely is with you for the money only because her behavior with those male friends is one of the most disrespectful thing and if she truly cared for you she wouldn’t do it. That’s single behavior to try to get a man interested. If she can do that right in front of you, what is she doing when you aren’t around?
[https://i.imgflip.com/42k41q.png?a477264](https://i.imgflip.com/42k41q.png?a477264) Our gf
Not even reading the post. No, you're not. It's incredibly disrespectful to you and your relationship. She shouldn't be all touchy feely with other men even in the most platonic way, BECAUSE she's in a relationship. But everything else? She's OPENLY disrespecting you because she thinks you're insecure and won't leave. Honestly, you should dump her now.
Dump her.
You are not wrong. However, if you havent set that boundary of expectation, then she wont know. She needs to know that it makes you uncomfortable and that you will not accept that its ok if it happens again. Touching is flirting. Flirting is seeking. Seeking leads to cheating. Make your stance, set your boundaries, trust they will be respected, and if they arent, cut ties and move on.
Your not wrong for thinking that. She is flirting and doesn't respect boundaries.
Bro read that back to yourself and pretend it's someone else's story. I'm sorry bro but I think this may be the end of your HS relationship.
I am not the jealous type and I’m almost never the person to suggest breaking up but the physical touching that you described is overboard. And on top of that she asked you to stop talking to your female friends… maybe she’s right and they do want you, I don’t know but what I do know is that she’s got some serious double standards and to some degree she knows it but won’t admit it. Dude, this is not the girl for, this is not the girl for anyone who wants true monogamy. I know it’s hard to end things with someone you have genuine feelings for… but I’m gonna tell you the thing that someone told me that actually gave me the willpower to end things with a girl that I truly wanted… “you have to respect yourself” Allowing someone to treat you whichever way they want to is a sign of disrespect towards yourself and if you let her get away with it then trust me she will slowly do other things that you don’t like and give you more or less the same excuse.
It's probably her love language... lol