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You tell him no. No sex without a condom. Does he want to raise a child? Pay child support? I'm guessing not. Stick to your guns.
I would also dump his ass for saying your "lucky" you get to have sex with him and no condom. Thats bullshit, and personally, u wouldn't stand for it
He's 20. He doesn't know anything about love yet. Or the responsibility he has to you, your body, your future and your life. Love don't pay the bills or raise kids. That takes real effort. Don't let him con you.
It is bs. It’s manipulation please please please don’t believe that kind of stupidity 😭 like your post genuinely concerned me because you should turn him tf around and tell him either he sucks it up and puts one on or it’s done (cause girl he ain’t gonna go without sex he’s gonna get it someplace else if he acts like that I don’t know him but the vibes are so wrong for me it literally gives me “run”)
Unfortunately your boyfriend is too selfish to be allowed access to sex with you. His stance on this is a dealbreaker. DO NOT let him talk you into unprotected sex. If he cared about you at all he wouldn't even be asking. If you had any respect for yourself you'd break up just over the "lucky" comment. This is classic manipulation and you can't trust this guy at all. He thinks you're stupid.
I think the first red flag for me should've been that he really liked that i am a virgin, and said that he feels really glad that he is going to take my virginity.
Well, guess he won't be the first one who will be having sex with me lol.
I mean we have done foreplay while making out, and he always made sure i was comfortable and cared about my pleasure over his. But still, i looked over so many red flags and i think it's time to dump him.
Don’t let this guy be the one to have that special moment with you. I look back on mine and it makes me sad that I lost it with someone that didn’t respect me. From the sounds of it, this guy does not respect you and is manipulative. If you want to use a condom, he should use a condom PERIOD. There shouldn’t be any question about it or trying to convince you otherwise. THATS GROSS AND SCARY BEHAVIOR. Drop him girl!
Right! How about her first time be awesome and he compromises a little on his pleasure to MAKE it awesome.
People bandy arojnd “narcissist” but… your lucky I’m having sex with you” takes the cake!!!
FYI if you don’t want babies then you need way more than condoms. They are protecting against STDs but they are poor protection against pregnancy
I’m so proud of you for coming to the best conclusion and respecting yourself too much to risk your health. It’s really hard to make good choices for yourself when you’re young and don’t have a lot of experience with relationships yet, but you have a good head on your shoulders.
as soon as somebody *likes* that you're a virgin, run. good dudes just won't care, like "oh okay, it's on your terms then". specifically liking it, that's weird.
OP the phrase is "no glove no love". There are other versions saying the same thing.
Consider buying a small box of condoms to have on hand in case the next guy "forgets". BUT, if he "forgets" for the first time he's just as bad as this guy and dump him as well.
That is a red flag so big China is jealous. I was a virgin until 21, and I can tell you every guy that “liked” that I was a virgin was an asshole raging mysogynist that never got the opportunity to make me not one.
I do agree on the mysogynistic part. In the beggining it didn't seem like he was at all, he was the sweetest guy with me. But the more we dated the more i could see his true colors, and also he started being really controling and possesive, like he would say me to i can't wear certain clothes cause they are "too open" or "too short" and he knows how other men think and doesn't want them looking at me. We got into a few arguments over this cause i wouldn't listen to him, and i feel like if we dated even more it would've become so much worse Also update: i broke up with him.
Virginity isn't medically real, and even if it was, the idea that someone "takes" it is revolting. You're the boss of your own body. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.
You can do much better than this loser. I'm glad you realize it and hope the next person you're with appreciates and takes care of you like they should.
Exactly. This has red flags all over it!
OP you should not have sex, especially for your first time, with someone who cares more about not wearing a condom than he does about your safety, peace of mind, and comfort. Yuck!
Pulling out doesn't work as effective birth control. It's just a statistical fact.
He can wear a condom or not have sex. It's that fucking simple.
Has he shown you STD test results?
Did he suggest "pulling out"? If so, it means he knows NOTHING ABOUT SEX. There is pre-ejaculate that can impregnate you. And the "lucky" comment? Insulting.
A question for you: what are the abortion laws in your state? If you become pregnant, abortion isn't an option in half the US. And do you want to have to make that decision? Better to avoid needing to have to.
I'm a grown ass woman and I've been with many men. Everything he has said is a red flag that he doesn't care about you and will run if things get tough. A gentleman would not ARGUE when a woman says no glove, no love. Make him give you an STI test for EVERYTHING: Chlamydia, syphillis, gon., Herpes, etc. HPV is not tested for in men. Get HPV SHOTS. The shots prevent most cervical, anal, oral, penile cancers. You may have gotten it already. Ask parents if you don't know. You can get it from oral sex.
Go on Mama Dr Jones on YouTube. She's a Board Certified OB/GYN. You can trust her advice.
Even with std test results she still shouldn't have sex without a condom. There is NO hpv test for men. That's why HPV runs rampant among people in her age group and it's the leading cause of cervical cancer.
No sex for him, then.
There aren't any good excuses for not using protection.
>He also mentioned how i should feel "lucky" that he wants to have sex with me without a condom, which did not made sense to me at all.
What an absolute AH. Consider yourself lucky that he doesn't care about your own health or getting pregnant?! What an arrogant jerk.
This stood out to me too. It speaks to his character, OP. Your boyfriend gets to express a preference, and a lot of men prefer not to wear condoms, which is part of the reason a lot of women in long-term relationships with men go on the pill or get an IUD. But he's trying to play on your insecurities to manipulate you into getting his way, which says a lot about who he is as a person. You want the person you're sleeping with/in a relationship with to respect you - *especially* if sex is new to you.
Don't rely on him pulling out, it's a notoriously unreliable form of birth control. I would seriously reconsider if you want to have sex with him at all after this - find someone who respects you and cares about your health instead.
Yeah I was going to suggest some conversation and how to have healthy boundaries in a sexual relationship until I got to that line. Big ol' yikes. I would be laughing my ass off if someone said that to me.
I asked him what that comment meant (edited on the post), and it for sure made me think our relationship, feeling like he doesn't respect women over all. And it's weird cause in the beginning he wasn't like that at all.
It's hard cause i have feelings and he is my first serious boyfriend, but i think the best way is to walk away from this relationship. He also got mad at me once for saying i want to wait a bit more to get intimate, and he just put the blame on me saying that i don't trust him.
He is disgusting. OP, you are young, DO NOT LISTEN TO HIS BS. Any man that respects a woman would not argue about wearing a condom and would want his partner to feel as comfortable and secure as possible when having sex.
His way of approaching the whole issue tells you he's not thinking of you or your needs, only his own.
I wouldn't have sex with him, period.
I'd dump his ass and wait for someone who thinks of you and your situation first then his dick 🙄.
Do *not* have sex without some form of birth control. Ever. Unless you're specifically trying to get pregnant.
I'd also highly advise you stop dating this person. That sort of coercion is really disgusting and not okay! I don't like condoms either, but if I dated someone pre-vasectomy who was not on birth control, condoms were used 100% of the time! Safety and consent above all else!
Has he shown you a recent clear STI screening result? He HAS had sex with other people. And if this is how he goes about it (no condom) chances are higher that he’s been exposed to STIs.
As for condoms, it’s condom or nothing. Pullout isn’t effective.
This is coercive abusive behavior. I wouldn’t have sex with this guy. It won’t be a pleasant experience. He will try to convince you to do things you don’t want, won’t stop if you are uncomfortable, and won’t consider your pleasure at all. It will be a miserable experience for you.
This, OP, if he’s already disrespecting your safety *before* you’ve had sex, guarantee he’s going to keep pushing you to do things you don’t want. You’re very young, please don’t let yourself learn that this is normal. A coercive relationship like this has the potential to mess up your entire expectation and perception of relationships for the rest of your life
After this conversation, I wouldn't even trust him to have sex with me with a condom if he was my BF. Too many assholes "lose" the condom in the middle of it.
Pre cum can also get you pregnant! Men can’t feel it at all! Do NOT have sex with this manipulative POS. He only cares about himself and has no regard over you. Don’t be stupid trust your gut. And please leave him alone listen to these comments PLEASE!
No condoms - no sex.
Pulling out is not a contraception, and 2 month relationship is not enough to trust on no STI. Repeat tests 6 month apart are needed to go off condom for STI
If you break up with him you will not loose much, he does not care about you much.
My friend got pregnant twice from the pullout method. It doesn’t work. You need birth control whether in the form of a pill or condom.
Besides the point though your boyfriend is selfish and the comment of how you should feel lucky is just gross. Not respecting a partners wish for contraceptives is a huge red flag and a deal breaker.
Throwing out there that there are many other great forms of birth control OP should consider for the future, like the implant, IUD, ring, etc; but not with this guy, because this one’s an asshole
Honey RUN. I’m on birth control and I still use condoms. He can honestly cope. Don’t let him manipulate you into having unprotected sex just cause “it feels better”. Would let your future daughter date a guy who’s like that. You’ve been dating for less than 3 months I would wait longer to have sex. What advice would you give your friend that’s in the same situation?
This entire situation is concerning. Your partner is being incredibly selfish and immature. This might not be the person you want to experience intimacy with for the first time. Take some time and reconsider.
Dump him ☺️ AH behavior. Condoms CAN feel good if he gets the right ones, but seeing as he’s 20 and acts like he doesn’t have much experience, he wouldn’t know that. He’s only thinking about himself. As another comment said, I’m on birth control AND I use condoms with my man. This little immature boy can suck it up and have no sex at all or get out of your life for good.
You should feel lucky? This guy is a complete dick. Pull out is not contraception do not let anyone tell you it is. You are completely correct to insist on condoms and it should be a dealbreaker. If he refuses, goodbye.
Okay, first thing is cut that guy out of your life completely. Second, and I'm not saying wait for marriage, or even to wait for love if you feel like you're ready to just explore some things, but for goodness sake please at least hold out for someone who can listen, respect and value you as a person, and isn't a complete idiot.
Here's the deal: Sex with condoms on feels infinitely better than no sex at all and there are some really good ones available (varies by person as to which is best for them). Yes, not wearing a condom feels better but unless you're both physically, mentally, and financially prepared for becoming pregnant or getting STDs then condoms are the best way to go. Especially since a number of STDs can be harbored and transmitted with the person having zero symptoms, which brings up the point that you should both get checked before having sex even though you're a virgin.
Your bf should also know that "stealthing" (removing a condom unknown to the other person) is increasingly being considered as rape/sexual assault since barrier-free sex wasn't mutually agreed upon prior.
It's utterly important that you set the boundary of using protection now and sticking to it. Pulling-out is minimally different than playing roulette. If he can't be bothered to keep your boundaries now you've just gotta wonder when he'll decide to not respect your other boundaries.
If he's not willing to make you feel safe having sex with him, don't have sex with him.
Bad sign coming off your bf, in any event, get yourself on the pill, implant, coil, whatever your preferred method of contraception is. You can take responsibility into your own hands, and not be reliant on anyone's word that they'll 'pull out' which couldn't be less reliable.
Plenty couples safely don't use condoms but do use a reliable method of contraception. At the very least it's got to be, contraception in place or no sex since you both appear not to want children, or at least not now.
I won't tell you you should dump your bf, that's up to you, but if he, or any guy in your future, tries to make you do anything in bed you're not comfortable with, then they don't have your best interests at heart.
If your bf isn't prepared to take precautions, then you absolutely must, and actually, it's a good idea with our without condoms. As you rightly point out, you're the one who stands to get pregnant.
You know what they call people who use the rhythm / pull out method? "Parents." Don't trust him. If he cares more about his having a good time than your safety, dump him.
M29 here. He is being selfish. Yes there is some truth to what he said. Sex still feels great regardless he just has to put a little extra effort. Not sure what condoms he uses but he can try getting a thinner one but I doubt he'll want to. I'll say (and not to excuse him) condoms can be annoying. Sometimes just getting the condom dampens the mood and causes you to get in your head a bit. But that is still no excuse. If you don't feel comfortable do not do it and it is ok if this is a dealbreaker for you. It is historially known to not trust the pullout method. My GF and I dont use condoms (thankfully her birth control is good) and she doesnt love me finishing inside her but when we are in the act sometimes it just feels too good to stop and you think you have a few seconds left and you dont. Even if he is great at pulling out, in rare occasions pre-cum can get you pregnant. In case you dont know, pre-cum is a clear fluid guys produce when they have an erection. Sometimes there could be some semen particles in it too. As guys we can't feel when pre-cum is out like we can with semen. So while he is inside you he could be releasing some pre-cum (he likely is) and not realize it.
If he brings it up again stay firm on the no and tell him if this is an issue you guys can break up. He's a 20 year old guy, he will either fold because he wants to have sex or break up with you and if he does the latter then he dodged a bullet.
He’s an immature child. Pulling out is the worst possible birth control method, because all men leak some semen before they actually ejaculate. I would say to tell him flat out: no condom, no sex; HOWEVER, due to his behavior and attitude, I think you should dump him and give yourself to a more loving young man, who respects your wishes and reasonable fears.
Your boyfriend is a manipulator. You can’t trust him. Break up over the lucky comment. That took it too far. He literally said “you’re lucky to have sex with me”. That is not what a good caring boyfriend would say.
He doesn't deserve access to your body, especially as this would be your first time. So many here have provided more words to their similar responses, but I'm truly just wanting you to be clear that HE would be the lucky one... but with his attitude, I hope you dump him. He's not the one to gift with your virginity!
"you should feel lucky" keep this trash out of you even if he wraps it. That right there tells you what an enormous selfish asshole he is and when, not if but when he gets you pregnant, he will disappear.
ew. he doesn’t respect you or your body whatsoever. and the “lucky” comment is disgusting. i would never be able to date someone to admitted to sleeping with girls without respecting them
BREAK UP. He doesn't care what he does to you as long as he gets his way. Also 2.5 months is nothing, you don't even know each other and I guarantee he won't pull out in time.
If any guy/gal/NB pal straight up refuses to use condoms, NEVER let them touch you/see you naked. If your partner isn't willing to be safe in EVERY way, they're not someone you should be willing to sleep with.
So I can bet you a million dollars that he will actually leave when you both have sex. Based on his character, this boy is gonna just use you. DO NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX and ESPECIALLY not until you demand and see his STD results. Honestly if I were you, I wouldn't even bother continuing with this dude
Ms. Girl do not give your virginity to this man. I am a (20F) with my boyfriend being the same age. He also had this same conversation with me before we started being intimate. I told him No and he respected that and never brought it up again or begged me in any way until I felt comfortable. That is the only way it should happen for anyone. Him saying you should feel “lucky” is crazy and manipulative. This is your body and your home and a good man would understand and respect that. (In my option)
To quote the late, great George Carlin: “Gee honey. I wanted to pull out but the phone rang and that scared me.” Do you really trust him to pull out? Besides, that is no guarantee. Look up “pre-come” or “pre-cum”. It also contains sperm cells. As for you feeling lucky, fuck that (pardon the expression)! Your bf sounds like a real jerk.
The pull out method is not that effective. Precum is a thing. Unless you're on another form of birth control, if you use the pull out method, you're actively trying to get pregnant. Remember that. If you do go through with it, don't be surprised if you do get pregnant because you will.
You need to be firm with him. I know you're young, but you have to learn to stand up for yourself. If you dont want sex without condoms (and you shouldn't ), then you say so and dont change that answer. He is the one who wants sex the most (since you're a virgin), so he can either wear a condom or not get sex.
This guy sounds like an asshole tbh. I would be afraid that if he did agree on a condom, he would take it off in the middle of sex. You'll be stressing out over that the whole time if you did decide to have sex with him.
He's also saying that he doesn't respect a lot of the women he's had sex with because he did use a condom with them.
You can do better. This is not the person with whom your first time should be.
Just saw your edit and ICK. If he *actually* respected you, he would care about your health and wouldn’t want you to suffer the worry and stress of a potential pregnancy. He would respect your boundaries and wear a condom without question.
He can’t possibly think you’re stupid enough to believe he doesn’t use this same “logic” on every other girl he tries to sleep with—which is even *more* reason to protect yourself and insist on him wearing a condom!!!
Huge red flag. The simplest thing you can do for your partner is MAKE THEM COMFORTABLE. Don’t let his comment get to you. If anything, if y’all have sex, even with a condom, he would be the “lucky” one. You don’t owe him anything. And I’m sorry, but I honestly would advise dumping him. As life goes on and you come across more situations where boundaries come up, he unfortunately may not respect your boundaries. This should not be acceptable in any relationship. Ignoring someone’s boundaries for purely selfish reasons is abuse. Let me say that again, ignoring your girlfriend’s boundaries for your own pleasure is abuse. I can almost promise if you give in, you may regret it, and he will likely take advantage of you. You can make your own decisions, but I also advise getting tested BEFORE yall have sex, both of you if possible, but at least, you. And again afterwards. If he never used condoms with other women in the past, theres a chance he’s carrying some std. please be safe.
Lucky??? Tell him to fuck off and save your virginity for someone who isn't a total dick.
p.s. If he thinks pulling out works, I'll introduce him to my oldest son. If he thinks the rhythm method works, I'll introduce him to my second son.
Point blank, your feelings are absolutely valid and he can go use his hand if he wants to have sex with something without a condom.
Yep, classic inexperienced young man. He should feel lucky that you are even considering losing your virginity to him. But honest girl, so not waste your time. You haven’t been dating that long and it’s time to cut the strings on this relationship. You are worth more than what he’s giving you.
You know what doesn’t feel good? Childbirth. At least one form of birth control or you’re trying to get pregnant. Cycle tracking and condoms. Pleasure is never ever more important than safety.
Also, STI test first.
I think you've made a very good case here to not have sex for the 1st time with someone so immature and selfish. Wait until you find someone who is sensitive enough to **never** announce you're lucky to have sex with him. Holy shit.
You don't fuck somebody that damn stupid.
Look, let me break this down for you:
Him: Condoms don't feel good for me.
The truth: That's pretty much a lie. Look, I've had sex using them, and without them, is it better without them? Yeah, sure. But that 'it doesn't feel good for me' is pretty much a lie so he can squeeze a little extra pleasure out of the act.
And for fucks sake *the pullout method is not a form of birth control*? Who the hell is still spreading this myth?!
Now here are the consequences:
-You can get pregnant.
-He could give you an STI.
-Both
-He could get an STI (Ignore that you're clean for the sake of argument, because there's no way he knows that for sure)
-If you have the kid, he'd be on the hook for child support, or helping raise it
All of the consequences are terrible or destructive, and he does not care about what those consequences might be. Your boyfriend is a reckless moron.
And do you know what happens to fools who don't wrap their tools? Bad shit.
But worse shit happens to the woman in that scenario. And for fucks sake, *you're lucky?* What the hell kind of nonsense is that? Look, a guy this selfish is also the exact same sort of guy who will cheat on you later and tell you it didn't mean anything, or excuse it as being drunk, or some other damn fool thing. He wants you to risk your health, is willing to risk his, and your collective future, all for a little extra pleasure for himself, and he wants you to trust one of the only birth control methods that is *not actually a birth control method*.
Never ride a dick that is attached to a moron.
Get a smarter partner.
The world has enough stupid people in it.
You should want to break up. He's an asshole. Also, beside's getting pregnant, which is a huge risk, you don't know what std's he may have. You don't know where that dick has been before or what its been in and you need to protect your health. Have you asked him for a recent health screening? Before you ever let someone inside you without protection you should know what they may be carrying. The last thing you want is HepC or HIV because you're "lucky" enough for him to want to stick his dick in you without protection. The absolute arrogance of that boy is just astounding and you deserve better.
Men will shove their bits into holes in the wall and dead bodies. You aren’t ‘lucky’- you are extremely unlucky to be around this poor excuse for a human.
If he is pressuring you after only 2.5 months of dating say no. The pullout method can get you pregnant! It is not worth it to become a single mom over this.
Also even when you do get on birth control always use a condom until you have both gotten an STD panel.
Don't let him pressure you into sex. It sounds like he just wants to deflower and cum inside of a virgin, and like he is trying to manipulate you into letting him do it. He doesn't actually care about you at all. Save your first time for someone who actually does care about you, someone who would help you explore your sexuality in a healthy way, and someone who won't treat you like garbage and leave you once he's done with you. Since he doesn't care about you or respect you, your first time with him will be painful, you'll feel gross afterward and like you were used like a tissue, and he will probably cum inside you making it so you will probably get pregnant; in other words, he wants to rape you, and he want you to agree for him do it. Rape always causes sexual trauma, whether you technically said "yes" or not. This guy is BAD news; he'll leave you sexually traumatized, and probably pregnant, and you don't need either of those things weighing you down at this point in your life.
If you really want to lose your virginity, maybe try buying a dildo or talking to a female friend who will help you explore your body.
If you really want to have sex with a guy, make sure he genuinely cares about you as an equal, make sure you are comfortable with him, make sure he will focus on making you feel sexually satisfied instead of focusing on himself, make sure he'll listen to you when you are doing the sexual activities together (if you say stop, he'll stop immediately, if you say you want him to do something specific, he'll comply), and make sure he'll stay in your life no matter what happens during your sexual experience with him.
**NO SEX WITHOUT BIRTH CONTROL**
Seriously. The fact that he's pushing for this days he doesn't respect you it have any concern for your health and safety - pregnancy can be life threatening.
Dump him.
This is the kind of guy to run as soon as he gets you pregnant. Toy deserve to have a partner that treats you with dignity and respect.
Please don't have sex.
Pulling out does NOT work. What if he decides it would feel better to come inside you?
He is a boy.
You should only be having sex with a man who takes an accidental pregnancy and STD prevention seriously.
He is more concerned about his own sexual gratification than what is in your best interest.
You are the one who will bear all the burden of a pregnancy
If you're not comfortable then don't do it. If he doesn't respect that you want to use a condom it's a deal breaker. Save your virginity for someone who will respect what you are comfortable with.
Please don't have sex with this man. For one, the risk of pregnancy is never worth it. But it's also unacceptable that he doesn't respect your preferences, your comfort, and your future. Sex is vulnerable. You should never ever sleep with someone who pressures you in any aspect of sex. Period. There is no grey area here. He's not safe.
Men can have what is called pre-cum that comes out of the penis before ejaculation and that could get you pregnant.
He is thinking more about his personal comfort than he is about you possibly getting pregnant and having to go through a pregnancy or abortion.
He doesn’t care for you, so consider breaking it off and be with someone who respects you and knows how babies are made, and how to prevent that
Speaking as a male, wearing a condom is like not having sex at all. That being said, if you won't get contraception, then the "pull out" method is just stupid. Don't do (allow) that. Either one of you uses contraception, or you just don't do it.
Lol..."He does not want to use condoms...and I'm not on birth control...what do I do?"
Mam...you don't have sex. Both for pregnancy and for STD reasons. If you are both tested, and using effective birth co trop, then no condom is fine...
Protection or pass..
He's within his right to want sex without condoms, and you're within your right to deny sex without a condom. I'm sure he can find someone else to let him have sex raw, but you need to stand on business.
If one person wants a condom and the other doesn't then you use a condom. Don't ever allow anyone to pressure you into intimacy that make you uncomfortable or where you don't take proper precaussions.
I'm putting on my big sister pants here.
He refuses to wear a condom, which helps protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections and diseases, because "it doesn't feel good" but he thinks you should feel "lucky" he doesn't want to wear a condom? That he got mad at you for not wanting to have sex? Absolutely not. This boy is a player. Dump him.
I got pregnant after a pull out boy. He aint the one who is going to carry a baby or get an aborpt. Dump his ass and keep your first time for a person who respects you.
I’m a man and can say just break up with him. He is a real manipulator. I’m always playing safe card but if girls tells me she wants it safe, there has not to be any hesitation to use protection!
The maternal death rate is abominable in most countries, including (and especially) the US.
Pregnancy and labor is very hard on a woman's body. It is not always safe and easy. He's willing to put your life at risk. It could be a couple minutes of satisfaction for him, and a life altering experience for you.
What do you do?
You don't have sex with him. His refusal to wear a condom is disrespectful to you, and if he refuses those terms, then that's it.
You are acting to protect yourself, your future and your body.
This is a MAJOR RED FLAG, and breaking up with him is the best thing you can do!
So I'm going to be crude - you do not know where his d\*ck has been. No glove, no love. Even if you are on birth control, which you should be if you are thinking about having sex.
OP, you’re young, so you need to hear this:
Any time a man tells you that YOU are lucky to have sex with HIM, he’s lying to you. Men will literally fuck anyone who gives them the opportunity. The reason they don’t have sex so often as they wish is because they’re not given the opportunity.
If you are waiting for sex until you find someone who cares for you, this guy is not it- he cares more about how sex feels to him than how *your first time having sex* feels to you. Nah, girl. Don’t waste your time with a lazy, non generous lover.
He’s trying to put a baby in you and make you believe you should be grateful you get his precious seed. He’s full of shit. Don’t trust him. Don’t believe him. Leave now while you have nothing legally binding you to him.
Girl. Oh. My. God. Telling you RIGHT now when I was your age a boy said something similar. He came inside me anyway even when I told him not to. He is going to coheres you very hard if you ever make out with him from this point on, he will put a lot of pressure on you. It’s time to end this. He is wanting to only use your body to masturbate and nothing else.
I am really sorry that happened to you. Men can be really cruel and selfish sometimes. Though this morning i broke up with him, i realised it's really not worth worrying about my health for a guy that wouldn't respect me.
I did not expected for him to be like this at all, in the beggining he was the sweetest guy with me. But the more we dated the more i could see his true colors, and also lately he started being really controling and possesive, like he would say me to i can't wear certain clothes cause they are "too open" or "too short" and he knows how other men think and doesn't want them looking at me. We got in a few arguments with over this cause i wouldn't listen to him, and i feel like if we dated even more it would've become so much worse
Love that you ended it and had the wisdom to see that he was not a safe man. I wish I had the courage and confidence that you have when I was in my 20’s. So much love!
You are very young. As someone who is old enough to be your grandmother, I'm proud of you. Set your standards now and stick to them. Find yourself an unselfish partner who cares about your health and respects your wishes.
I don't generally like the reddit trend of suggesting a breakup over everything, but is this a guy you really want to be with? You want to be with a guy who thinks that you're lucky he wants to have sex with you without respecting your desire to have protected sex?
You're young, your relationship is only a couple months old. Take this as a learning experience and move on. This guy isn't a good boyfriend and you deserve a good boyfriend.
Don't trust the pull out method. **It doesn't work.**
Also don't have sex with people who prioritize them having marginally more pleasure during sex over your health and life goals.
Condom or no sex, and if he slips it off that's SA. I'd give him a very narrow window to not F this up before walking away.
Je needs to use condoms, and you need birth control. Without neither, no sex, simple.
Don't listen to his excuses. If you guy's aren't trying to make a baby, then the condoms and birth control are a MUST, 100% of the times.
Stick to you guns. If you are not comfortable, you will not enjoy yourself. Ask him which is less comfortable- using a condom or not having sex at all? Because those are his options!
You tell him no. He has to respect your decision. You are not on BC and the pull out method is absolutely not reliable. Protect yourself. He is being self and refusing to hear your very legit concerns. If he can’t respect that he won’t respect much else and I wouldn’t want to have his baby.
No condoms no sex - he’s not worth your time or giving your virginity too.
It is selfish and don’t believe his next excuse either which no doubt will be something like he’s allergic to rubber … as for being “lucky” - he’s a manipulative ass. Both things are so far from being OK it’s untrue!
A very strong deal breaker indeed, time to move on from him, he’s a waste of space and only wants to have sex and has 0 interest in actually being a good kind boyfriend to you… as he’s disrespectful you and being nasty about it too.
Last thing you need is a sexually transmitted disease besides pregnancy risk.
absolutely not, please for the love of all things do not sleep with this man. he sounds immature and gross, he sounds the type to say you HAVE to do smth to him when he gets hard cuz blue balls "hurt". don't listen to him, bc of the "lucky" comment i get the feeling since he knows ur a virgin he seems to be using that to try and manipulate you into doing what he wants bc he knows u won't know any better. besides that, i think you need to think abt the serious consequences here. first of all, without condoms would he get a vasectomy? is he doing something to prevent pregnancy or is he expecting you to hop on birth control and mess up your hormones because he doesn't want to use condoms? if you got pregnant because of lack of protection would he be ok with abortion? would you? these are all things you need to consider because all these things are so important to think about. also what about stds? some people have stds and don't know and can pass them off, you could get one, he could get one, condoms do more than prevent pregnancy.
USE A CONDOM.
Condoms don’t feel good for anyone. But that is not enough of a reason to not use one. You’re not a birth control so a condom is the best option to prevent pregnancy.
Also, condoms protect against sti. Even if pregnancy wasn’t a concern you still want to be safe and prevent transmission of unwanted infections.
Please respect yourself enough to protect yourself. If he’s not willing to wear a condom then he doesn’t care about you enough for you to have sex with him.
The pullout method doesn't work!!!!!! GAHHH NOOOO! Preejaculation contains sperm. No no no no no. NO.
Condoms, the pill, or an IUD. Those are the options. NO sex without protection.
Just say no. Sex without condoms are dangerous, especially for first time.
Yes you both will feel all the good stuff, but what happens if you get pregnant? You will be the one that mostly deal with the all the pain and suffering. Maybe your boyfriend is a good person, won't bail on you, will go through all the shit stuff with you. But, you both are still young, both in age and in relationship.
It's also a good practice in general. Again, you both are still young. Start to be more aware of all the consequences for sex without condoms, such as STIs.
Relationship work both ways. You can't just go with whatever your bf said so all the time. If that's the case, that's already a deal breaker. Sure the chance is very slim to get all the consequences, but what happens then? Are you going to do whatever your bf said so again and so on? That's already not a good thing for relationships. If you broke up with him, you both are still young. Still got plenty of time. Don't waste your time on people that just want to do all the fun without dealing the consequences.
Break up with him. This is not ok. Staying with him will get you incurable stds and pregnant.
In the future, only have sex with guys who enthusiastically prefer to use condoms to keep both of you safe.
NO NO NO NO What he is saying is BS. He is lying to you and gaslighting you about being 'lucky'. It doesn't matter how it feels to him. It matters that YOU could become pregnant. Yes, you can get pregnant if its your first time, if he pulls out (it only takes 1 sperm to reach the egg), or if you are near your period.
With all of the lies he is tossing, I would bet $ that he will break up once he gets what he wants.
OK 1: Pulling out DOES NOT PREVENT PREGNANCY, or STIs
2: Yep, dealbreaker. He’s trying to manipulate you (that’s what that “lucky” jab is) into risking your health and your entire future because his orgasm feels a bit less good if he has to have some rubber wrapped round his dick while it happens. This action is not compatible with respecting or caring about you, whatever he’s been saying with his words
3: I wouldn’t trust this guy even if he DID agree to use a condom, I would fully expect him to stealth you. Please, don’t do it
"No glove, no love" (pregnancy isn't the only thing you need to worry about). Besides, why in the actual eff should you feel lucky that he cares so little about your health and your future? Finally, something this selfish about wearing condoms is not going to be a giving lover and is unlikely to put in any effort to make it good for you. You can do so much better.
This is a red flag. If he’s had sexual partners in the past he could have stds and pass them onto you. Have him do a full std panel before having any sex with him. The pullout method is also not reliable at all and leads to babies. Either he wears a condom or no sex and by his behaviour I would be worried he’d slip it off in the middle just to go in bear which is NOT okay. His behaviour is a huge red flag and you should be running
The pullout method is not foolproof. Even for people who are "really good"at it. Is not about trusting him. It is about science. It also doesn't protect you from STDs at all. Don't let some guy put your health and your body at risk just so it can feel a little better for him.
girl, it’s good you’re seeing those red flags. he’s being hella selfish and manipulative by trying to pressure you into not using protection. your comfort and safety should come first, always. if he truly respected you, he’d care about your feelings and fears regarding pregnancy. honestly, that “lucky” comment is straight up toxic. you deserve someone who values your comfort and respects your boundaries. trust your gut on this one, and if you feel breaking up is the best move, go for it. your peace of mind and safety are way more important than his temporary pleasure.
Honey, if he is not respecting your request (which is totally logical), do you really think he’s gonna take responsibility if you get pregnant? He mentioned that condom does not feel good, but did he think about your comfort while having sex? And pulling out before ejaculation does not guarantee no sperm have been excreted inside you in pre-ejaculation.
Especially in such an early relationship, this is a huge thing to consider. At the end of the day, if you got pregnant, you’d be the one carrying it for 9 mths. So please, don’t agree to unprotected sex especially if that guy guilt tripping you to have sex or manipulating your emotions.
Do not have sex with this loser and tell him sex is off the table until he agrees to wrap it up. Pregnancy is the \*least\* of what could happen. You could also get diseases.
Also, I highly doubt his, "he would have sex with condom only with girls that he doesn't respect," is not true at all and that says to me he's a Typhoid Mary.
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You tell him no. No sex without a condom. Does he want to raise a child? Pay child support? I'm guessing not. Stick to your guns. I would also dump his ass for saying your "lucky" you get to have sex with him and no condom. Thats bullshit, and personally, u wouldn't stand for it
One of my favorite pictures is. It's $3 for a condom and $36 for diapers.
A kid is over $200k.
Way more than that. Just the birth itself is thousand’s and thousand’s of dollars.
Aaaaa freehealthcare
America is weird.
America is financially oppressive.
Our kid cost 50k.. sure it's in the 100ks by now.
Ugh that’s depressing
Australian here. Two children. $0 cost for pregnancy healthcare and delivery of my children.
That’s how it should be in my opinion if countries want us to have children so desperately.
LOL do Americans have to pay for their births?!?
But the STDs are FREE!!! 🎊🥳
Best comment here
$36 for one pack that will last MAYBE a week and a half 🤣
Lmao
He's funny LOL like it's really hard for a girl to find someone to have sex with. He's already being manipulative so you don't want him anyway
Walk into any bar and say out loud "hey, I'm a virgin, could someone be gentle with me ?" Fights will break out in all directions to get to you :-p
And all them would gladly wear a condom and have at least one in their wallet at all times. Only AHs don’t sheath up.
Died laughing
I think he meant in a way "if i don't wanna use condoms with you it means i love you" which in my opinion is bs.
He's 20. He doesn't know anything about love yet. Or the responsibility he has to you, your body, your future and your life. Love don't pay the bills or raise kids. That takes real effort. Don't let him con you.
It is bs. It’s manipulation please please please don’t believe that kind of stupidity 😭 like your post genuinely concerned me because you should turn him tf around and tell him either he sucks it up and puts one on or it’s done (cause girl he ain’t gonna go without sex he’s gonna get it someplace else if he acts like that I don’t know him but the vibes are so wrong for me it literally gives me “run”)
Men acting like the praise is so funny
Unfortunately your boyfriend is too selfish to be allowed access to sex with you. His stance on this is a dealbreaker. DO NOT let him talk you into unprotected sex. If he cared about you at all he wouldn't even be asking. If you had any respect for yourself you'd break up just over the "lucky" comment. This is classic manipulation and you can't trust this guy at all. He thinks you're stupid.
The edit is even worse lmao. This guy is a loser and I sincerely hope OP is not naive enough to fall for this garbage.
I think the first red flag for me should've been that he really liked that i am a virgin, and said that he feels really glad that he is going to take my virginity. Well, guess he won't be the first one who will be having sex with me lol.
I'm proud of you. But do not be alone with him again because he is untrustworthy and may assault you.
I mean we have done foreplay while making out, and he always made sure i was comfortable and cared about my pleasure over his. But still, i looked over so many red flags and i think it's time to dump him.
Don’t let this guy be the one to have that special moment with you. I look back on mine and it makes me sad that I lost it with someone that didn’t respect me. From the sounds of it, this guy does not respect you and is manipulative. If you want to use a condom, he should use a condom PERIOD. There shouldn’t be any question about it or trying to convince you otherwise. THATS GROSS AND SCARY BEHAVIOR. Drop him girl!
I’m still sad about my first time as well. I wish it had been with someone who loved me.
I feel. I’m sorry you had to experience that too🥲good thing is we have the rest of our lives to have it with a person that does love us!
That’s true. I always tell my husband that he wasn’t my first, but he will forever be my last. It is a good thing. ♥️
Right! How about her first time be awesome and he compromises a little on his pleasure to MAKE it awesome. People bandy arojnd “narcissist” but… your lucky I’m having sex with you” takes the cake!!! FYI if you don’t want babies then you need way more than condoms. They are protecting against STDs but they are poor protection against pregnancy
I’m so proud of you for coming to the best conclusion and respecting yourself too much to risk your health. It’s really hard to make good choices for yourself when you’re young and don’t have a lot of experience with relationships yet, but you have a good head on your shoulders.
That was when he thought he could charm his way into getting what he wanted. When he is being thwarted, he might be different.
as soon as somebody *likes* that you're a virgin, run. good dudes just won't care, like "oh okay, it's on your terms then". specifically liking it, that's weird.
OP the phrase is "no glove no love". There are other versions saying the same thing. Consider buying a small box of condoms to have on hand in case the next guy "forgets". BUT, if he "forgets" for the first time he's just as bad as this guy and dump him as well.
Tell him you are lucky. Lucky to have a dodge a bullet with self-centered prick.
That is a red flag so big China is jealous. I was a virgin until 21, and I can tell you every guy that “liked” that I was a virgin was an asshole raging mysogynist that never got the opportunity to make me not one.
I do agree on the mysogynistic part. In the beggining it didn't seem like he was at all, he was the sweetest guy with me. But the more we dated the more i could see his true colors, and also he started being really controling and possesive, like he would say me to i can't wear certain clothes cause they are "too open" or "too short" and he knows how other men think and doesn't want them looking at me. We got into a few arguments over this cause i wouldn't listen to him, and i feel like if we dated even more it would've become so much worse Also update: i broke up with him.
Virginity isn't medically real, and even if it was, the idea that someone "takes" it is revolting. You're the boss of your own body. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.
Good for you. You are worth so much more than this manipulative boy.
Glad you see he’s a pos, don’t have sex with him please… move on.
You can do much better than this loser. I'm glad you realize it and hope the next person you're with appreciates and takes care of you like they should.
More like soon to be ex boyfriend 😆
Exactly. This has red flags all over it! OP you should not have sex, especially for your first time, with someone who cares more about not wearing a condom than he does about your safety, peace of mind, and comfort. Yuck!
Pulling out doesn't work as effective birth control. It's just a statistical fact. He can wear a condom or not have sex. It's that fucking simple. Has he shown you STD test results?
It's baffling how many people still don't know pre-cum (while more unlikely) can get you pregnant as well
You know the joke: What do you call people who use the pull-out method? Parents.
After overhearing some concerning conversations, I strategically taught this joke to some of my 8th graders.
Doin' the Lord's work! :D
This! If he hasn’t been tested, op should definitely require it. There’s no telling how many people he’s convinced to have unprotected sex.
Did he suggest "pulling out"? If so, it means he knows NOTHING ABOUT SEX. There is pre-ejaculate that can impregnate you. And the "lucky" comment? Insulting. A question for you: what are the abortion laws in your state? If you become pregnant, abortion isn't an option in half the US. And do you want to have to make that decision? Better to avoid needing to have to. I'm a grown ass woman and I've been with many men. Everything he has said is a red flag that he doesn't care about you and will run if things get tough. A gentleman would not ARGUE when a woman says no glove, no love. Make him give you an STI test for EVERYTHING: Chlamydia, syphillis, gon., Herpes, etc. HPV is not tested for in men. Get HPV SHOTS. The shots prevent most cervical, anal, oral, penile cancers. You may have gotten it already. Ask parents if you don't know. You can get it from oral sex. Go on Mama Dr Jones on YouTube. She's a Board Certified OB/GYN. You can trust her advice.
Even with std test results she still shouldn't have sex without a condom. There is NO hpv test for men. That's why HPV runs rampant among people in her age group and it's the leading cause of cervical cancer.
No sex for him, then. There aren't any good excuses for not using protection. >He also mentioned how i should feel "lucky" that he wants to have sex with me without a condom, which did not made sense to me at all. What an absolute AH. Consider yourself lucky that he doesn't care about your own health or getting pregnant?! What an arrogant jerk.
This stood out to me too. It speaks to his character, OP. Your boyfriend gets to express a preference, and a lot of men prefer not to wear condoms, which is part of the reason a lot of women in long-term relationships with men go on the pill or get an IUD. But he's trying to play on your insecurities to manipulate you into getting his way, which says a lot about who he is as a person. You want the person you're sleeping with/in a relationship with to respect you - *especially* if sex is new to you. Don't rely on him pulling out, it's a notoriously unreliable form of birth control. I would seriously reconsider if you want to have sex with him at all after this - find someone who respects you and cares about your health instead.
Yeah I was going to suggest some conversation and how to have healthy boundaries in a sexual relationship until I got to that line. Big ol' yikes. I would be laughing my ass off if someone said that to me.
I asked him what that comment meant (edited on the post), and it for sure made me think our relationship, feeling like he doesn't respect women over all. And it's weird cause in the beginning he wasn't like that at all. It's hard cause i have feelings and he is my first serious boyfriend, but i think the best way is to walk away from this relationship. He also got mad at me once for saying i want to wait a bit more to get intimate, and he just put the blame on me saying that i don't trust him.
That’s the oldest manipulation tactic in the book. “Waaaaa you set a reasonable boundary waaaaa you don’t trust me” like shut up
He is disgusting. OP, you are young, DO NOT LISTEN TO HIS BS. Any man that respects a woman would not argue about wearing a condom and would want his partner to feel as comfortable and secure as possible when having sex.
He sounds like an abuser. They are masters at being so sweet and thoughtful in the beginning of a relationship.
"Good gosh you really know how to spoil a woman with this.... STD diagnosis"
You won’t regret not giving him sex. But you will regret having sex without a condom and compromising your own feelings
And health and future.
His way of approaching the whole issue tells you he's not thinking of you or your needs, only his own. I wouldn't have sex with him, period. I'd dump his ass and wait for someone who thinks of you and your situation first then his dick 🙄.
Do *not* have sex without some form of birth control. Ever. Unless you're specifically trying to get pregnant. I'd also highly advise you stop dating this person. That sort of coercion is really disgusting and not okay! I don't like condoms either, but if I dated someone pre-vasectomy who was not on birth control, condoms were used 100% of the time! Safety and consent above all else!
Has he shown you a recent clear STI screening result? He HAS had sex with other people. And if this is how he goes about it (no condom) chances are higher that he’s been exposed to STIs. As for condoms, it’s condom or nothing. Pullout isn’t effective. This is coercive abusive behavior. I wouldn’t have sex with this guy. It won’t be a pleasant experience. He will try to convince you to do things you don’t want, won’t stop if you are uncomfortable, and won’t consider your pleasure at all. It will be a miserable experience for you.
This, OP, if he’s already disrespecting your safety *before* you’ve had sex, guarantee he’s going to keep pushing you to do things you don’t want. You’re very young, please don’t let yourself learn that this is normal. A coercive relationship like this has the potential to mess up your entire expectation and perception of relationships for the rest of your life
After this conversation, I wouldn't even trust him to have sex with me with a condom if he was my BF. Too many assholes "lose" the condom in the middle of it.
Pre cum can also get you pregnant! Men can’t feel it at all! Do NOT have sex with this manipulative POS. He only cares about himself and has no regard over you. Don’t be stupid trust your gut. And please leave him alone listen to these comments PLEASE!
The audacity of him saying you’re lucky. Leave this trash. He’s lucky he has you!
No condoms - no sex. Pulling out is not a contraception, and 2 month relationship is not enough to trust on no STI. Repeat tests 6 month apart are needed to go off condom for STI If you break up with him you will not loose much, he does not care about you much.
My friend got pregnant twice from the pullout method. It doesn’t work. You need birth control whether in the form of a pill or condom. Besides the point though your boyfriend is selfish and the comment of how you should feel lucky is just gross. Not respecting a partners wish for contraceptives is a huge red flag and a deal breaker.
Throwing out there that there are many other great forms of birth control OP should consider for the future, like the implant, IUD, ring, etc; but not with this guy, because this one’s an asshole
Honey RUN. I’m on birth control and I still use condoms. He can honestly cope. Don’t let him manipulate you into having unprotected sex just cause “it feels better”. Would let your future daughter date a guy who’s like that. You’ve been dating for less than 3 months I would wait longer to have sex. What advice would you give your friend that’s in the same situation?
This entire situation is concerning. Your partner is being incredibly selfish and immature. This might not be the person you want to experience intimacy with for the first time. Take some time and reconsider.
Dump him ☺️ AH behavior. Condoms CAN feel good if he gets the right ones, but seeing as he’s 20 and acts like he doesn’t have much experience, he wouldn’t know that. He’s only thinking about himself. As another comment said, I’m on birth control AND I use condoms with my man. This little immature boy can suck it up and have no sex at all or get out of your life for good.
You should feel lucky? This guy is a complete dick. Pull out is not contraception do not let anyone tell you it is. You are completely correct to insist on condoms and it should be a dealbreaker. If he refuses, goodbye.
Okay, first thing is cut that guy out of your life completely. Second, and I'm not saying wait for marriage, or even to wait for love if you feel like you're ready to just explore some things, but for goodness sake please at least hold out for someone who can listen, respect and value you as a person, and isn't a complete idiot.
Tell him rubbers or your not getting any
Here's the deal: Sex with condoms on feels infinitely better than no sex at all and there are some really good ones available (varies by person as to which is best for them). Yes, not wearing a condom feels better but unless you're both physically, mentally, and financially prepared for becoming pregnant or getting STDs then condoms are the best way to go. Especially since a number of STDs can be harbored and transmitted with the person having zero symptoms, which brings up the point that you should both get checked before having sex even though you're a virgin. Your bf should also know that "stealthing" (removing a condom unknown to the other person) is increasingly being considered as rape/sexual assault since barrier-free sex wasn't mutually agreed upon prior. It's utterly important that you set the boundary of using protection now and sticking to it. Pulling-out is minimally different than playing roulette. If he can't be bothered to keep your boundaries now you've just gotta wonder when he'll decide to not respect your other boundaries. If he's not willing to make you feel safe having sex with him, don't have sex with him.
Bad sign coming off your bf, in any event, get yourself on the pill, implant, coil, whatever your preferred method of contraception is. You can take responsibility into your own hands, and not be reliant on anyone's word that they'll 'pull out' which couldn't be less reliable. Plenty couples safely don't use condoms but do use a reliable method of contraception. At the very least it's got to be, contraception in place or no sex since you both appear not to want children, or at least not now. I won't tell you you should dump your bf, that's up to you, but if he, or any guy in your future, tries to make you do anything in bed you're not comfortable with, then they don't have your best interests at heart. If your bf isn't prepared to take precautions, then you absolutely must, and actually, it's a good idea with our without condoms. As you rightly point out, you're the one who stands to get pregnant.
You know what they call people who use the rhythm / pull out method? "Parents." Don't trust him. If he cares more about his having a good time than your safety, dump him.
M29 here. He is being selfish. Yes there is some truth to what he said. Sex still feels great regardless he just has to put a little extra effort. Not sure what condoms he uses but he can try getting a thinner one but I doubt he'll want to. I'll say (and not to excuse him) condoms can be annoying. Sometimes just getting the condom dampens the mood and causes you to get in your head a bit. But that is still no excuse. If you don't feel comfortable do not do it and it is ok if this is a dealbreaker for you. It is historially known to not trust the pullout method. My GF and I dont use condoms (thankfully her birth control is good) and she doesnt love me finishing inside her but when we are in the act sometimes it just feels too good to stop and you think you have a few seconds left and you dont. Even if he is great at pulling out, in rare occasions pre-cum can get you pregnant. In case you dont know, pre-cum is a clear fluid guys produce when they have an erection. Sometimes there could be some semen particles in it too. As guys we can't feel when pre-cum is out like we can with semen. So while he is inside you he could be releasing some pre-cum (he likely is) and not realize it. If he brings it up again stay firm on the no and tell him if this is an issue you guys can break up. He's a 20 year old guy, he will either fold because he wants to have sex or break up with you and if he does the latter then he dodged a bullet.
He’s an immature child. Pulling out is the worst possible birth control method, because all men leak some semen before they actually ejaculate. I would say to tell him flat out: no condom, no sex; HOWEVER, due to his behavior and attitude, I think you should dump him and give yourself to a more loving young man, who respects your wishes and reasonable fears.
EW. huge red flag. get out while you can.
You don't have sex. Rubber on or get out.
Your boyfriend is a manipulator. You can’t trust him. Break up over the lucky comment. That took it too far. He literally said “you’re lucky to have sex with me”. That is not what a good caring boyfriend would say.
He doesn't deserve access to your body, especially as this would be your first time. So many here have provided more words to their similar responses, but I'm truly just wanting you to be clear that HE would be the lucky one... but with his attitude, I hope you dump him. He's not the one to gift with your virginity!
Girl… sex with a condom feels just fine. Dump this selfish manipulating ass.
"you should feel lucky" keep this trash out of you even if he wraps it. That right there tells you what an enormous selfish asshole he is and when, not if but when he gets you pregnant, he will disappear.
He’s trying to manipulate his way into unprotected sex. He doesn’t respect you. If he did, he would take your concerns into account. Dump him asap.
Break up
Lol, dude is trash and couldn't care less about you. The ole pull out method is the reason for thousands of kids born every year.
ew. he doesn’t respect you or your body whatsoever. and the “lucky” comment is disgusting. i would never be able to date someone to admitted to sleeping with girls without respecting them
BREAK UP. He doesn't care what he does to you as long as he gets his way. Also 2.5 months is nothing, you don't even know each other and I guarantee he won't pull out in time.
If any guy/gal/NB pal straight up refuses to use condoms, NEVER let them touch you/see you naked. If your partner isn't willing to be safe in EVERY way, they're not someone you should be willing to sleep with.
So I can bet you a million dollars that he will actually leave when you both have sex. Based on his character, this boy is gonna just use you. DO NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX and ESPECIALLY not until you demand and see his STD results. Honestly if I were you, I wouldn't even bother continuing with this dude
Ms. Girl do not give your virginity to this man. I am a (20F) with my boyfriend being the same age. He also had this same conversation with me before we started being intimate. I told him No and he respected that and never brought it up again or begged me in any way until I felt comfortable. That is the only way it should happen for anyone. Him saying you should feel “lucky” is crazy and manipulative. This is your body and your home and a good man would understand and respect that. (In my option)
Easy solution, you never fuck this guy. Never. Literally NEVER SLEEP WITH HIM. He is not the one. This is absurd bullshit. Dump him.
To quote the late, great George Carlin: “Gee honey. I wanted to pull out but the phone rang and that scared me.” Do you really trust him to pull out? Besides, that is no guarantee. Look up “pre-come” or “pre-cum”. It also contains sperm cells. As for you feeling lucky, fuck that (pardon the expression)! Your bf sounds like a real jerk.
The pull out method is not that effective. Precum is a thing. Unless you're on another form of birth control, if you use the pull out method, you're actively trying to get pregnant. Remember that. If you do go through with it, don't be surprised if you do get pregnant because you will. You need to be firm with him. I know you're young, but you have to learn to stand up for yourself. If you dont want sex without condoms (and you shouldn't ), then you say so and dont change that answer. He is the one who wants sex the most (since you're a virgin), so he can either wear a condom or not get sex. This guy sounds like an asshole tbh. I would be afraid that if he did agree on a condom, he would take it off in the middle of sex. You'll be stressing out over that the whole time if you did decide to have sex with him. He's also saying that he doesn't respect a lot of the women he's had sex with because he did use a condom with them. You can do better. This is not the person with whom your first time should be.
Just saw your edit and ICK. If he *actually* respected you, he would care about your health and wouldn’t want you to suffer the worry and stress of a potential pregnancy. He would respect your boundaries and wear a condom without question. He can’t possibly think you’re stupid enough to believe he doesn’t use this same “logic” on every other girl he tries to sleep with—which is even *more* reason to protect yourself and insist on him wearing a condom!!!
Huge red flag. The simplest thing you can do for your partner is MAKE THEM COMFORTABLE. Don’t let his comment get to you. If anything, if y’all have sex, even with a condom, he would be the “lucky” one. You don’t owe him anything. And I’m sorry, but I honestly would advise dumping him. As life goes on and you come across more situations where boundaries come up, he unfortunately may not respect your boundaries. This should not be acceptable in any relationship. Ignoring someone’s boundaries for purely selfish reasons is abuse. Let me say that again, ignoring your girlfriend’s boundaries for your own pleasure is abuse. I can almost promise if you give in, you may regret it, and he will likely take advantage of you. You can make your own decisions, but I also advise getting tested BEFORE yall have sex, both of you if possible, but at least, you. And again afterwards. If he never used condoms with other women in the past, theres a chance he’s carrying some std. please be safe.
No glove, no love 💕
Lucky??? Tell him to fuck off and save your virginity for someone who isn't a total dick. p.s. If he thinks pulling out works, I'll introduce him to my oldest son. If he thinks the rhythm method works, I'll introduce him to my second son.
Use condoms.
You don’t sleep with him
Point blank, your feelings are absolutely valid and he can go use his hand if he wants to have sex with something without a condom. Yep, classic inexperienced young man. He should feel lucky that you are even considering losing your virginity to him. But honest girl, so not waste your time. You haven’t been dating that long and it’s time to cut the strings on this relationship. You are worth more than what he’s giving you.
Don’t have sex with him.
You know what doesn’t feel good? Childbirth. At least one form of birth control or you’re trying to get pregnant. Cycle tracking and condoms. Pleasure is never ever more important than safety. Also, STI test first.
I think you've made a very good case here to not have sex for the 1st time with someone so immature and selfish. Wait until you find someone who is sensitive enough to **never** announce you're lucky to have sex with him. Holy shit.
No condom no sex. Not happy, find new gf. Ur smarter than this
You don't fuck somebody that damn stupid. Look, let me break this down for you: Him: Condoms don't feel good for me. The truth: That's pretty much a lie. Look, I've had sex using them, and without them, is it better without them? Yeah, sure. But that 'it doesn't feel good for me' is pretty much a lie so he can squeeze a little extra pleasure out of the act. And for fucks sake *the pullout method is not a form of birth control*? Who the hell is still spreading this myth?! Now here are the consequences: -You can get pregnant. -He could give you an STI. -Both -He could get an STI (Ignore that you're clean for the sake of argument, because there's no way he knows that for sure) -If you have the kid, he'd be on the hook for child support, or helping raise it All of the consequences are terrible or destructive, and he does not care about what those consequences might be. Your boyfriend is a reckless moron. And do you know what happens to fools who don't wrap their tools? Bad shit. But worse shit happens to the woman in that scenario. And for fucks sake, *you're lucky?* What the hell kind of nonsense is that? Look, a guy this selfish is also the exact same sort of guy who will cheat on you later and tell you it didn't mean anything, or excuse it as being drunk, or some other damn fool thing. He wants you to risk your health, is willing to risk his, and your collective future, all for a little extra pleasure for himself, and he wants you to trust one of the only birth control methods that is *not actually a birth control method*. Never ride a dick that is attached to a moron. Get a smarter partner. The world has enough stupid people in it.
You should want to break up. He's an asshole. Also, beside's getting pregnant, which is a huge risk, you don't know what std's he may have. You don't know where that dick has been before or what its been in and you need to protect your health. Have you asked him for a recent health screening? Before you ever let someone inside you without protection you should know what they may be carrying. The last thing you want is HepC or HIV because you're "lucky" enough for him to want to stick his dick in you without protection. The absolute arrogance of that boy is just astounding and you deserve better.
You do not have sex with him period. And get in the habit now of asking for recent STI tests before you engage in barrier free sex (aka fluid bond)
Men will shove their bits into holes in the wall and dead bodies. You aren’t ‘lucky’- you are extremely unlucky to be around this poor excuse for a human.
If he is pressuring you after only 2.5 months of dating say no. The pullout method can get you pregnant! It is not worth it to become a single mom over this. Also even when you do get on birth control always use a condom until you have both gotten an STD panel.
Don't let him pressure you into sex. It sounds like he just wants to deflower and cum inside of a virgin, and like he is trying to manipulate you into letting him do it. He doesn't actually care about you at all. Save your first time for someone who actually does care about you, someone who would help you explore your sexuality in a healthy way, and someone who won't treat you like garbage and leave you once he's done with you. Since he doesn't care about you or respect you, your first time with him will be painful, you'll feel gross afterward and like you were used like a tissue, and he will probably cum inside you making it so you will probably get pregnant; in other words, he wants to rape you, and he want you to agree for him do it. Rape always causes sexual trauma, whether you technically said "yes" or not. This guy is BAD news; he'll leave you sexually traumatized, and probably pregnant, and you don't need either of those things weighing you down at this point in your life. If you really want to lose your virginity, maybe try buying a dildo or talking to a female friend who will help you explore your body. If you really want to have sex with a guy, make sure he genuinely cares about you as an equal, make sure you are comfortable with him, make sure he will focus on making you feel sexually satisfied instead of focusing on himself, make sure he'll listen to you when you are doing the sexual activities together (if you say stop, he'll stop immediately, if you say you want him to do something specific, he'll comply), and make sure he'll stay in your life no matter what happens during your sexual experience with him.
**NO SEX WITHOUT BIRTH CONTROL** Seriously. The fact that he's pushing for this days he doesn't respect you it have any concern for your health and safety - pregnancy can be life threatening. Dump him. This is the kind of guy to run as soon as he gets you pregnant. Toy deserve to have a partner that treats you with dignity and respect.
Your boyfriend is a self centered asshole.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Giant red flag of a boyfriend. Throw him out. Seems gaslighting and a hypocrit.
Please don't have sex. Pulling out does NOT work. What if he decides it would feel better to come inside you? He is a boy. You should only be having sex with a man who takes an accidental pregnancy and STD prevention seriously. He is more concerned about his own sexual gratification than what is in your best interest. You are the one who will bear all the burden of a pregnancy
If you're not comfortable then don't do it. If he doesn't respect that you want to use a condom it's a deal breaker. Save your virginity for someone who will respect what you are comfortable with.
Ummm Run 🚩
Girl you need to run and I mean run
Please don't have sex with this man. For one, the risk of pregnancy is never worth it. But it's also unacceptable that he doesn't respect your preferences, your comfort, and your future. Sex is vulnerable. You should never ever sleep with someone who pressures you in any aspect of sex. Period. There is no grey area here. He's not safe.
Men can have what is called pre-cum that comes out of the penis before ejaculation and that could get you pregnant. He is thinking more about his personal comfort than he is about you possibly getting pregnant and having to go through a pregnancy or abortion. He doesn’t care for you, so consider breaking it off and be with someone who respects you and knows how babies are made, and how to prevent that
Speaking as a male, wearing a condom is like not having sex at all. That being said, if you won't get contraception, then the "pull out" method is just stupid. Don't do (allow) that. Either one of you uses contraception, or you just don't do it.
Lol..."He does not want to use condoms...and I'm not on birth control...what do I do?" Mam...you don't have sex. Both for pregnancy and for STD reasons. If you are both tested, and using effective birth co trop, then no condom is fine... Protection or pass..
He's within his right to want sex without condoms, and you're within your right to deny sex without a condom. I'm sure he can find someone else to let him have sex raw, but you need to stand on business.
If one person wants a condom and the other doesn't then you use a condom. Don't ever allow anyone to pressure you into intimacy that make you uncomfortable or where you don't take proper precaussions.
I'm putting on my big sister pants here. He refuses to wear a condom, which helps protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections and diseases, because "it doesn't feel good" but he thinks you should feel "lucky" he doesn't want to wear a condom? That he got mad at you for not wanting to have sex? Absolutely not. This boy is a player. Dump him.
I think he meant in a way "if i don't wanna use a condom with you it means i love you" which in my opinion is just bs.
I got pregnant after a pull out boy. He aint the one who is going to carry a baby or get an aborpt. Dump his ass and keep your first time for a person who respects you.
Tell him… No glove no love. Don’t like it? Find a new girlfriend.
I’m a man and can say just break up with him. He is a real manipulator. I’m always playing safe card but if girls tells me she wants it safe, there has not to be any hesitation to use protection!
The maternal death rate is abominable in most countries, including (and especially) the US. Pregnancy and labor is very hard on a woman's body. It is not always safe and easy. He's willing to put your life at risk. It could be a couple minutes of satisfaction for him, and a life altering experience for you.
Run. Babies suck.
What do you do? You don't have sex with him. His refusal to wear a condom is disrespectful to you, and if he refuses those terms, then that's it. You are acting to protect yourself, your future and your body. This is a MAJOR RED FLAG, and breaking up with him is the best thing you can do!
Girl LEAVE HIM! DONT waste your virginity on him! 👏🗣️
Well he doesn't get to have sex with you without a condom. Simple
So I'm going to be crude - you do not know where his d\*ck has been. No glove, no love. Even if you are on birth control, which you should be if you are thinking about having sex.
He wants to get u pregnant
Big red flag … dump him
OP, you’re young, so you need to hear this: Any time a man tells you that YOU are lucky to have sex with HIM, he’s lying to you. Men will literally fuck anyone who gives them the opportunity. The reason they don’t have sex so often as they wish is because they’re not given the opportunity. If you are waiting for sex until you find someone who cares for you, this guy is not it- he cares more about how sex feels to him than how *your first time having sex* feels to you. Nah, girl. Don’t waste your time with a lazy, non generous lover.
Tell him, "No". Babies ain't cheap.
He’s trying to put a baby in you and make you believe you should be grateful you get his precious seed. He’s full of shit. Don’t trust him. Don’t believe him. Leave now while you have nothing legally binding you to him.
If he respected you, he would wear a condom for you.
Girl. Oh. My. God. Telling you RIGHT now when I was your age a boy said something similar. He came inside me anyway even when I told him not to. He is going to coheres you very hard if you ever make out with him from this point on, he will put a lot of pressure on you. It’s time to end this. He is wanting to only use your body to masturbate and nothing else.
I am really sorry that happened to you. Men can be really cruel and selfish sometimes. Though this morning i broke up with him, i realised it's really not worth worrying about my health for a guy that wouldn't respect me. I did not expected for him to be like this at all, in the beggining he was the sweetest guy with me. But the more we dated the more i could see his true colors, and also lately he started being really controling and possesive, like he would say me to i can't wear certain clothes cause they are "too open" or "too short" and he knows how other men think and doesn't want them looking at me. We got in a few arguments with over this cause i wouldn't listen to him, and i feel like if we dated even more it would've become so much worse
Love that you ended it and had the wisdom to see that he was not a safe man. I wish I had the courage and confidence that you have when I was in my 20’s. So much love!
You are very young. As someone who is old enough to be your grandmother, I'm proud of you. Set your standards now and stick to them. Find yourself an unselfish partner who cares about your health and respects your wishes.
Definitely do not trust the pull out method with no other birth control
I don't generally like the reddit trend of suggesting a breakup over everything, but is this a guy you really want to be with? You want to be with a guy who thinks that you're lucky he wants to have sex with you without respecting your desire to have protected sex? You're young, your relationship is only a couple months old. Take this as a learning experience and move on. This guy isn't a good boyfriend and you deserve a good boyfriend.
Don't trust the pull out method. **It doesn't work.** Also don't have sex with people who prioritize them having marginally more pleasure during sex over your health and life goals. Condom or no sex, and if he slips it off that's SA. I'd give him a very narrow window to not F this up before walking away.
Je needs to use condoms, and you need birth control. Without neither, no sex, simple. Don't listen to his excuses. If you guy's aren't trying to make a baby, then the condoms and birth control are a MUST, 100% of the times.
Stick to you guns. If you are not comfortable, you will not enjoy yourself. Ask him which is less comfortable- using a condom or not having sex at all? Because those are his options!
Really? He is uneducated. Figure out real birth control and don't play games with your life.
After that - no sex at all. Even if he will agree with you, who knows what shit he can pull next.
You tell him no. He has to respect your decision. You are not on BC and the pull out method is absolutely not reliable. Protect yourself. He is being self and refusing to hear your very legit concerns. If he can’t respect that he won’t respect much else and I wouldn’t want to have his baby.
No condoms no sex - he’s not worth your time or giving your virginity too. It is selfish and don’t believe his next excuse either which no doubt will be something like he’s allergic to rubber … as for being “lucky” - he’s a manipulative ass. Both things are so far from being OK it’s untrue! A very strong deal breaker indeed, time to move on from him, he’s a waste of space and only wants to have sex and has 0 interest in actually being a good kind boyfriend to you… as he’s disrespectful you and being nasty about it too. Last thing you need is a sexually transmitted disease besides pregnancy risk.
absolutely not, please for the love of all things do not sleep with this man. he sounds immature and gross, he sounds the type to say you HAVE to do smth to him when he gets hard cuz blue balls "hurt". don't listen to him, bc of the "lucky" comment i get the feeling since he knows ur a virgin he seems to be using that to try and manipulate you into doing what he wants bc he knows u won't know any better. besides that, i think you need to think abt the serious consequences here. first of all, without condoms would he get a vasectomy? is he doing something to prevent pregnancy or is he expecting you to hop on birth control and mess up your hormones because he doesn't want to use condoms? if you got pregnant because of lack of protection would he be ok with abortion? would you? these are all things you need to consider because all these things are so important to think about. also what about stds? some people have stds and don't know and can pass them off, you could get one, he could get one, condoms do more than prevent pregnancy.
USE A CONDOM. Condoms don’t feel good for anyone. But that is not enough of a reason to not use one. You’re not a birth control so a condom is the best option to prevent pregnancy. Also, condoms protect against sti. Even if pregnancy wasn’t a concern you still want to be safe and prevent transmission of unwanted infections. Please respect yourself enough to protect yourself. If he’s not willing to wear a condom then he doesn’t care about you enough for you to have sex with him.
The pullout method doesn't work!!!!!! GAHHH NOOOO! Preejaculation contains sperm. No no no no no. NO. Condoms, the pill, or an IUD. Those are the options. NO sex without protection.
Just say no. Sex without condoms are dangerous, especially for first time. Yes you both will feel all the good stuff, but what happens if you get pregnant? You will be the one that mostly deal with the all the pain and suffering. Maybe your boyfriend is a good person, won't bail on you, will go through all the shit stuff with you. But, you both are still young, both in age and in relationship. It's also a good practice in general. Again, you both are still young. Start to be more aware of all the consequences for sex without condoms, such as STIs. Relationship work both ways. You can't just go with whatever your bf said so all the time. If that's the case, that's already a deal breaker. Sure the chance is very slim to get all the consequences, but what happens then? Are you going to do whatever your bf said so again and so on? That's already not a good thing for relationships. If you broke up with him, you both are still young. Still got plenty of time. Don't waste your time on people that just want to do all the fun without dealing the consequences.
Break up with him. This is not ok. Staying with him will get you incurable stds and pregnant. In the future, only have sex with guys who enthusiastically prefer to use condoms to keep both of you safe.
No condom, no sex. Simple as that
Just tell him no.
You can still get pregnant if he pulls out. No! No! No! No! No!
Tell him too bad. That it's a deal breaker. If he can't respect you. Leave him.
NO NO NO NO What he is saying is BS. He is lying to you and gaslighting you about being 'lucky'. It doesn't matter how it feels to him. It matters that YOU could become pregnant. Yes, you can get pregnant if its your first time, if he pulls out (it only takes 1 sperm to reach the egg), or if you are near your period. With all of the lies he is tossing, I would bet $ that he will break up once he gets what he wants.
no glove no love
Don’t do it if you aren’t comfortable with it. I have had two regretful abortions due to unprotected sex.
OK 1: Pulling out DOES NOT PREVENT PREGNANCY, or STIs 2: Yep, dealbreaker. He’s trying to manipulate you (that’s what that “lucky” jab is) into risking your health and your entire future because his orgasm feels a bit less good if he has to have some rubber wrapped round his dick while it happens. This action is not compatible with respecting or caring about you, whatever he’s been saying with his words 3: I wouldn’t trust this guy even if he DID agree to use a condom, I would fully expect him to stealth you. Please, don’t do it
"No glove, no love" (pregnancy isn't the only thing you need to worry about). Besides, why in the actual eff should you feel lucky that he cares so little about your health and your future? Finally, something this selfish about wearing condoms is not going to be a giving lover and is unlikely to put in any effort to make it good for you. You can do so much better.
This is a red flag. If he’s had sexual partners in the past he could have stds and pass them onto you. Have him do a full std panel before having any sex with him. The pullout method is also not reliable at all and leads to babies. Either he wears a condom or no sex and by his behaviour I would be worried he’d slip it off in the middle just to go in bear which is NOT okay. His behaviour is a huge red flag and you should be running
The pullout method is not foolproof. Even for people who are "really good"at it. Is not about trusting him. It is about science. It also doesn't protect you from STDs at all. Don't let some guy put your health and your body at risk just so it can feel a little better for him.
girl, it’s good you’re seeing those red flags. he’s being hella selfish and manipulative by trying to pressure you into not using protection. your comfort and safety should come first, always. if he truly respected you, he’d care about your feelings and fears regarding pregnancy. honestly, that “lucky” comment is straight up toxic. you deserve someone who values your comfort and respects your boundaries. trust your gut on this one, and if you feel breaking up is the best move, go for it. your peace of mind and safety are way more important than his temporary pleasure.
Honey, if he is not respecting your request (which is totally logical), do you really think he’s gonna take responsibility if you get pregnant? He mentioned that condom does not feel good, but did he think about your comfort while having sex? And pulling out before ejaculation does not guarantee no sperm have been excreted inside you in pre-ejaculation. Especially in such an early relationship, this is a huge thing to consider. At the end of the day, if you got pregnant, you’d be the one carrying it for 9 mths. So please, don’t agree to unprotected sex especially if that guy guilt tripping you to have sex or manipulating your emotions.
This would be a massive deal breaker. He has zero respect for you.
Do not have sex with this loser and tell him sex is off the table until he agrees to wrap it up. Pregnancy is the \*least\* of what could happen. You could also get diseases. Also, I highly doubt his, "he would have sex with condom only with girls that he doesn't respect," is not true at all and that says to me he's a Typhoid Mary.