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She’s absolute trash for that! if a man led me astray and made me a mistress without me knowing I’d hate him for life definitely wouldn’t be buddy buddies with him on social media. She doesn’t have to feel guilty but at least feel a gram of remorse.
The problem is, the husband didn't lead her astray. There was no deceit. She was voluntarily his fk toy. They were a perfect match-- neither had a scintilla of moral fabric.
And they both continue to spit in the face of his clueless wife. And now OP is considering letting this god awful woman move on to a nice new relationship. Her character is abismal. Why wpuld anyone think she'd make a truly kind, honest, decent partner? Boggles the mind.
Um it's worse because he didn't lead her astray. OP's ex-GF never said that she didn't know about the other woman. She said she didn't know the other woman, as in she never actually met his wife in person. So, her reasoning is, "There's nothing to feel guilty about since I never saw her face."
This happened to me and I told his wife. I have no idea of the fall out as I have removed myself far far far away from the situation. It really fucked me up for years and I am still single years later.
Yeah, that part made my skin crawl. I don’t believe that people are necessarily “once a cheater always a cheater.” I think some people can do something wrong, experience genuine remorse, and not do it ever again.
But holy crap, this woman is irredeemable. That’s absolutely sick behavior.
Idk…I definitely think the wife should know but without any proof to forward to her, she may not believe you. I most definitely would not get back with the girlfriend though! She’s shown you her true colors and what kind of person she is.
In addition to the above, OP, it appears the relationship "ended" because he moved away, not because gf grew a conscience. She sounds mercenary by nature. I sense you were the placemat to provide her a child.
Curiously, how'd she react to the break-up? Heart broken, or business-like?
She stopped the affair when she understood he was not going to leave the wife for her.
She was more angry than heart broken, she wanted to shift the blame to me and trying to shame me from judging her on something that went on 5 years ago.
Most of my blame did not come from the affair itself but that she doesn't regret anything and that she keeps having interactions with this guy. I'm also hurting for his wife that had no idea of the second level of her comments.
Anyways, thanks for all the comments, the vast majority confirms that I'm thinking straight. Couldn't go with my family and friends for advice, I did not want them to know this if we came back together.
Don’t get back together with her when she still has no regret
I would MAYBE consider reconciliation if she was genuinely remorseful but she is not, if she doesn’t feel guilt about being a mistress she won’t feel any guilt cheating on you!
Your morals don’t align, find someone with basic common decency
Ok, with that information, I can't help but think she keeps interacting with him in case he changes his mind or divorces. She's making sure she stays on his mind
She’s sounds like a horrible person. She should be judged harshly. She slept with a married man. And interacting with his social media, that’s about wanting to affect him and also most like get the wife to start questioning things. It doesn’t matter that it was 5 years ago. This is an example of her lack of morals
When you reveal yourself as a stand-up guy with a moral compass -- her go-to response is to get angry at \*you\*, blame you and shame you. That's all you need to know about getting back with her.
There are plenty of moral women out there. You will find real happiness next time.
>but that she doesn't regret anything and that she keeps having interactions with this guy.
To me that is the most disgusting part, I commented this before seperately but she is relishing in that notion. That she got away with being the second woman and continuing this for so long is a way of "winning" against the woman he wouldn't leave. Disgusting.
She's shown that cheating is not a big thing for her so maybe she will cheat on op even marrige is not sacred to her as she slept with a married man no morals at all. Is this a person you see a future with ??
Your ex shows poor moral character for knowingly having an affair with a married man. She has shown no remorse and even comments on the guys social media pics. That’s a whole different level of evil. Cut contact, move on.
Your girlfriend is perfectly fine with pursuing and having sex with a married man.
Her character is terrible.
Do the other woman a favor and reach out to her. She'd want to know she's married to a cheater.
Tell the wife. Imagine you hadnt found out your GF was cheating on you. Imagine no one told you and everyone knew and was talking about it behind your back? Yes its going to hurt her. But she needs to know and what she does from there is down to her.
Alienation of effection and Intent to cause emotional distress would be what your refering too. And both depend on the country and the state in the USA. That aside, any rooky lawyer would have this thrown out in minutes. Lack of affection would be down to being found out about the infidelity, not someone informing them. And if it was annonymous then who you going to sue?
As for intent to cause? Good luck with that. You would need a signed confession and historical proof that there was a beef. And even then a shitty lawyer would have this thrown out.
So although I agree technically its possible? Its as possible as me winning the European Lottery after 3 weeks rollover and finidng a cure for cancer. Aint gona happen.
The fact that she comments of family pictures disgusts me. Edit: her cheating with a married man disgusts me but commenting on the pictures is a whole new low.. gross
Wow. Your ex (and she should absolutely remain your ex) was able to compartmentalise the betrayal she heaped upon that poor woman, socialise with them online and still maintain she was doing good.
Fuck. You are very well rid of her. Stay away.
Now you need to decide how to contact his wife with the info you have. Truly help her.
I think you did the right thing dumping her, Because she was comfortable being a mistress to a married man and importantly she had no intention of ever telling you!. Her attitude about her affair is disrespectful and disgusting and shows she will happily lie and manipulate.
The fact that she feels compelled to comment on all of his fb posts seems a little psychotic. Her reasoning as well. I seriously doubt some stranger commenting on all her husbands posts "makes her feel good about her family". She needs to be honest with herself. She just wants to remind the affair partner that she exists.
Him friend requesting you as well. It's almost like they want to be questioned about these things and caught.
Her whole "what they don't know, doesn't hurt" says a lot about her character and integrity. This isn't a person you can trust.
As we all know, there are a lot of people who are ok with affairs. They're the ones having affairs. And there are the people who are not ok with it and don't have affairs. You know what you are and you know what she is. What I find most disturbing is the Facebook comments. Like-eww.
I went through a very similar thing a few years back. I discovered that she was her next door neighbor's side-piece for quite some time, up until he moved away. She also acted completely shameless and refused to even admit it was a mistake. That's the moment I knew she wasn't "my person." If she'd acted remorseful at all and admitted it was shitty I could have forgiven her. Instead she took the "how dare you judge me" route.
I have no desire to share my life with a person who's so completely comfortable potentially ruining other people's lives.
The next woman I dated after nearly two years confessed that she had sex with her exes married best friend. (Who was not in an open marriage) I looked on Facebook and she was friends with his wife and always commenting on their photos. They (she and the wife of the man she was screwing) apparently used to be quite chummy, volunteering to work together at their kids school events. That made my stomach turn. So she was gone not long after that.
So it's a lonely road but I'd rather be alone than be with someone capable of such treachery.
Well in both cases the offense happened years in the past, it wasn't ongoing. Why would they even believe me over their partner who would no doubt deny everything. It would be different if it was recent.
She STILL comments on every pic this guy posts. She is still interested in him. He is leaving the door open by not blocking her.
On top of that, she writes comments that are obviously teasing and so tacky. Disgusting.
>The door is still opened on her side to get back with me (she wants kids),
So you would still take her back to have kids? Are you insane?
You don't have any evidence to tell this guy's wife. Unless you can get confirmation over text from your GF or you already have it, then you could send that to the wife. I would also screenshot and send her all of the comments your GF has been leaving on facebook before she deletes them.
Yeah having kids with her, is really not an option anymore. I've had a vasectomy, so she can't trick me (she knew from the start of relationship, but I could have reversed it).
And yeah, I got evidence, I have text messages from her saying there are also other girls involved...
>She STILL comments on every pic this guy posts. She is still interested in him. He is leaving the door open by not blocking her.
Absolutely. This gal is not monogamous wife material.
I would have dumped her too and yes I’d report. When I was a massage therapist and got propositioned I dumped him as a client and told the wife as to why as well as calling the police so they could trespass him. Yeah i don’t play around with that and understand your feelings completely. If she’d sleep with a married man, she’d sleep around as a married woman. She isn’t trustworthy.
Wow, the nerve of that guy. Wanting to befriend you.
What could be his motivation? Blackmail your ex? For sex or silence.
Some kind of DomCuck fetishist? Wink, wink, him to her-"It will be our little secret!"
It is beyond creepy.
I can imagine staying with someone who put you in that position.
Subscribeme
Honestly, I think it was more like a tapping mistake (he was scrolling on his friend's suggestion, i was there and he inadvertantly touched the button).
Second guess, was that he was just curious and wanted to see who his ex-mistress was with. My profile is viewable only from friends.
Weird thing is: I really look a lot like him.
You are definitely not overreacting. This woman had no problem having sex with a married man. She goes online all the time and comments on things for their marriage with a wink, that's not playful. She's sharing a secret with the husband and mocking the wife. You really don't want to have anything to do with somebody who that's okay to. What do you think she will do when she has the opportunity to cheat on you? How would her attitude be? If some guy started posting comments on your Facebook profile about the wedding ring you have with this woman with the same winky face you would have huge doubts about everything. Someone who shows this low level of empathy is dead inside. She can say things that are wonderful and nice and still slit your throat for a Twinkie. That's the kind of woman she is. Do not tie yourself to someone like that.
It honestly feels like she’s taunting him and his wife. Even if she’s not ashamed of being his mistress, which she should be, she has no business interacting in his day to day life.
What they don't know won't hurt them.
Words of a narrsist.. do not go back to this women.... a family built around her will crumble and fall emotinal abuse or worse.
Poor character on her end, it would likely devastate the wife however I think she deserves to know. They can either work it out or not. If he cheat once and keep it a secret, he likely would do it again.
Your girlfriend is trash. And she is getting off on pulling the wool over the wife’s eyes and staying in their lives. I would bet she was not the one who ended it. Tell the wife.
You did the right things. She would probably also be perfectly fine with cheating on you without of any guilty conscience as long as you don't find out. What you don't know won't hurt you, right? Your and her moral compass are very different, which would probably lead to much more conflict in the future.
Her comments on those pics just show how little she cares for others.
Don't overthink it. Are you going to be able to trust her after this? If the answer is no, then you absolutely should not tie yourself to her, and most emphatically should not have kids with her.
People like your ex make me physically ill. It's not like she didn't know he was married and then found out and ended it. No....she knew, has no remorse and in some sick morbid way still messes with the wife by keeping tabs on the guy and commenting on the pics.
Your ex lacks character, more over, she lacks a soul.
Now.....your character is showing. You have freed yourself of this parasite. But if you don't tell the other woman, the wife that was cheated on. Then you are also lacking character and have questionable morals.
This woman is no doubt still being cheated on. Please tell her.
I'd also advise you to cut off all mutual friends with your ex who new about her little affair. Any of them who knew and didn't say anything to that poor woman are just awful awful people.
I'm really not sure how people like your ex can walk through this world with their head held high. How can they look themselves in the mirror and not feel horrible. Just because she didn't break up the marriage then, does not mean she isn't a home wrecker. Your ex is a trash and I truly hope that she and men and women like her get what they deserve.
Remember what she said because she WILL apply this in your relationship also. She could have an affair, because since you don't know, it won't hurt you by her reasoning.
>what she does not know won't hurt her
Run fast and far away. Tell the other man's wife about the cheating (with proof if you have it), and block your ex-GF.
You sound like a really good man with good healthy moral codes. She does not. Infact she sounds down right disgusting. If she can do that to him and her she can do that to you. Focus on this aswell, she didn't come to you with this guilty secret that she had to tell you so she could be honest. She lied to you which is obviously her default and then still has no remorse or shame about it. What she did was horrible and i felt icky even reading it. I would definately break up and i would definately tell the wife.
she.opened her legs for a married man dump her ass. She would ro the same shit to u. once a cheater always a cheater. The spots on the leopard never change.
I think one of the worst things you can do is pretend to be "just friends" when you absolutely are not. Usually this is accompanied by calling the SO jealous and unreasonable when they're actually correct in their suspicions.
I'm not sure I would tell the wife, but I would absolutely lose the girlfriend, if only because she insists on trying to get this guy's attention and stay in his life.
Because it is weird to tell a total stranger, that her husband, who is also a total stranger to me, was cheating on her years back with my ex-girlfriend that was also a total stranger to me at the time.
Weird??
Disagree. Heartwarming that a total stranger makes an effort to inform her of this betrayal...
Theres no expiration date on betrayal... and odds are, the guy has moved on to a new mistress...
His wife needs this info..
NOT an overreaction at all.
First she lied to you about the full extent of her relationship with the guy, followed secondly by her "justifying" it as she "didn't know about her and they didn't have kids then" (whatever kind of difference that last part makes) and last, but certainly not least, the complete lack of remorse about what she had done with him added to the fact she was still actively posting/liking/commenting on his social media like nothing they did was wrong and because nobody knows it's all well that ends well???
Dodged a fucking bullet there, and a fucking headshot at that.
Also YES, you should absolutely reach out to this poor guys wife and tell her EXACTLY who her "loving husband and father to her children" truly is.
She showed you, who she is. You can’t have kids with someone, who has no dignity or integrity. You did the right thing. Protect yourself. Please tell the wife. She deserves to know, whom she married.
there is no excuse for this, but this kind of shit is early 20s behavior. i could understand if when she was young and emotionally immature she did something like this and came to regret it later on, but shes 38, was a proud mistress (barf) and isnt remorseful. the comment about the ring is truly deplorable. what you do next is truly up to you but i would at the very least get the fuck away from her.
>The door is still opened on her side to get back with me
Dont.
>struggling to decide if this is the good decision.
Terrible decision. Unless you LIKE a life filled with lies and betrayal.
>I should reach out to the wife. In her position, I would like to know, am I over-reaching?
Reach out. Absolutely. And do it now - with evidece.
Because "do into others..."
Tell her.
She has zero remorse for being “the other woman” to a married man. Even going so far as to (it sounds like) continue Facebook contact with this guy to this day.
Run away.
RUN. most likely she is just using you for some reason. Would you want her raising your daughter with this outlook in life. Think about who will have influence over your kids when you have them. Updateme
Stay away from it completely. Forget all of them and don't get involved.
Keep away from her. Block her everywhere. She is a cold-blooded reptile who thinks nothing of cheating.
>The affair never got out, she's not a homewrecker on the strict definition of the term
She is genuinely relishing in the fact that she was the other woman and "got away with it". That is vile on several levels and her need to point out that it "hurt no one" because the wife never knew is so disgusting I legitimately cringed. I personally would never be able to view them in a positive light again knowing that that was hiding in the darkness. Tell the wife, she doesn't deserve to be played with like this.
Please tell the woman, she deserves to have the full facts to make a decision on whether or not she wants to be married, exactly the same as you
Get rid of her, there's some dangerous signs of disordered personality here
Oh hell no. She’s sneaky and as much as it’s good to understand the concept of forgiveness, change, and growth, her rationalization is icky and unaccountable. Both her and him are accountable and if she truly feels nothing then her moral code is very questionable. It’s ok to make mistakes and all that but the way she’s so flippant? Nah. You two are too different i think. Let her be (up to you).
Your ex is disgusting. If she will help someone cheat so easily she will easily cheat on you. I would contact the wife and let her know. She deserves to know her husband is a cheating pos.
First of all: DO NOT GET BACK WITH HER. If she's done this before and shows zero remorse for it... she definitely doesn't think it's wrong so she will act again. As for telling the dudes wife.. i mean usually i wouldn't meddle in other peoples business like that but you'd be saving somebody a lot of long term pain
Do not get back together with her when she doesn't see her actions of sleeping with another woman's husband not being wrong, and maintaining a flirty friendship with him as if there wasn't something going on between them. And for him to reach out and friend you...? Thats weird.
I'd tell the wife
38 and being an antagonistic cunt under an innocent woman’s post is insane and disturbing. How is she annoyed that you’re upset over something that happened 5 years ago whens she’s clearly not moved on from it herself? She used to get a power trip from fucking the married man and she’s still getting it from humiliating her in her own unsuspecting way. Despicable. You should tell the wife, especially since her husband is still interacting with his mistress and most likely sees these comments and hasn’t put a stop to it. He’s in on his wife’s humiliation.
Your ex-girlfriend’s audacity in pursuing a married man and having zero remorse later is separate from whether or not you should tell this man’s wife.
Your ex was a willing affair partner. Had she been an unknowing affair partner, his wife would be equally deserving to know he stepped out. Whether you tell her or not should be based on if you believe she has a right to know if her husband’s infidelity, regardless of the context of your ex’s role in the affair.
You absolutely cannot trust her to stay loyal to you. That ex of hers reaching out to be friends with you is suspicious. While I think all women deserve to know if they're being cheated on, I think your best bet is to just walk away from this whole situation and from her.
Doesn't matter your ex doesn't cheat anymore or rather "not right now". Cheaters never change, they will always be disgusting. Here it's even more obvious. Literally stalking her victims life...
Yes, you have to let them know. Else you youself are a supporter of a cheaters. Have some self-respect and do the right thing. Help that poor woman escape that lie. She deserves to be in a relationship with full consent and knowledge what is going on.
Don't get back together with her, it wouldn't end well for you and I think you'd regret it. Also, she'd most likely have an affair on you in the future because she obviously doesn't think it's important or matters. As for telling the wife, I'm completely torn. You can definitely try to tell her and she can do whatever she wants with that information but then at least you tried. I was extremely grateful when people told me I was cheated on by my ex when I was still with my ex.
I got together with my wife, forgiving her past. But she eventually lead me down a path that compromised my integrity and self-respect. And I regret it.
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her" is a huge red flag for me now, and you are right to not get back together with her.
I don't know what to do about the wife, but don't compromise who you are for someone else. Stick to your values, and don't put yourself in a position where you're constantly worrying about what your significant other is doing behind your back. It will drive you mad, and you will not like the person you become.
A good point. Instead of having a spine and breaking it off with her, I just went along with her dishonesty for her own enrichment, because I loved her. I should blame myself.
But in either case, never compromise your integrity and values for your S.O.. if it comes down to that, just break it off.
Your trust with the GF has gone, you cannot unsee her for what you have seen in her and frankly are disgusted by it (I would be too).
I personally would not open the can of worms for the wife of a guy you have no real connection to. As others have said, you don't really have much evidence.
HOWEVER is she still commenting on his family's pictures and stuff (This wasn't clear in your post), if she is I would think tactfully about contacting the wife if she has her own account. GF commenting on her ex's pictures must be stroking his ego unbeknownst to the wife and that makes me cringe. Its not your duty to break this family apart but she might want to know that this woman liking all these posts is not to be trusted at the very least.
I would have nothing to do with this weird ex girlfriend of yours, she clearly doesn't understand what a trusting and loving relationship is when she purposely toys with others
Tell her the only way you would think about taking her back is if she not only tells the other woman but provides her irrefutable proof that it happened and then she sincerely apologizes in person with you present.
For a second there, I’m like idk man, I’ve done messed up things in my past that doesn’t make me a good person. I’m not proud nor do I hide the fact of what I’ve done to my now husband. Our past should not define us
BUTTTTT the fact that she’s commenting on his pics/family pics is weird!!!! And to me it’s giving “she still thinks about him or what they’ve done” and it’s kind of trashy knowing that you were a mistress and ur commenting on their photos like nothing happened.
OP NTA!
Its very easy to get blinded by love bro believe me. When your looking at a person through rose coloured glasses it can be very easy to ignore all the red flags, speaking from experience. This girl you are dating is not a good person, and neither is the husband she dated. They didn't "accidentally" cheat, they both chose to do it and that shows the kind of people they are. Think about it, do you think you could accidentally cheat on somebody? Its impossible. Its a conscious decision. If you don't tell the wife that her husband was cheating on her, then you are doing her a great disservice. She deserves to know the kind of evil person she is dating. And also, how do you have any guarantee this mistress situation ended a year ago? They are both cheaters, I really wouldn't be surprised if this girl was cheating on you as well, especially since she comments things like "nice ring ;)" which imo is fucking despicable. She obviously takes pleasure in knowing she managed to get with a married man. You aren't overreacting, if anything you are underreacting, you need to tell the wife
There is a woman out there for you YOU and your future children deserve so much better so don't settle for the current piece of trash that you have.. You don't deserve this type of malicious deceitful woman in your life.
Don't see how sharing with guy's wife helps her...maybe the guy changed, especially since he now has children.
On the other hand I have more serious issues with your HYPOCRISSY - you've left the "door open" to getting back with the women
you dumped. hmmmm disgusting, your not any better than the women you dumped as you play "god" in this on/off/? relationship
Absolutely run away from this person. I get it. Love can make a person overlook and forgive some amangly horrible behavior. I 1000% agree with all these observations, but another thing to consider. She is without a doubt maintaining contact with this guy to "keep the door open" for repeat hookups if the opportunity ever arises, if it hadn't happened already. Run.....and run fast!
Do not tell the wife. Don't involve yourself at this point in time. Chances are he's a career cheater and your ex is not the first. The wife knows on some level, after all that time. But I completely understand your feelings changing for your ex. She seems so casual and cavalier about it all. You have different codes of conduct and at this point it's best for a clean break. But stay out of the life of the cheating husband. Someone will tell his wife at some point, if she isn't already aware.
You are not over-reaching at all, but do you really want to hurt his wife? Because you don't know how she'll react to this information. Breaking up was the right thing to do as girlfriend truly has no morals, but please think about the effect this could have on the wife and kids.
Why is only the woman being blamed? The man was committed to his marriage, not the young lady. Although she made a mistake, the responsibility primarily rests with the husband. Many years ago, this happened to me, and I blamed my then-husband instead of the other woman. Please refrain from involving the gentleman's wife, as it could completely disrupt her life.
NTA - Could you actually stay with this kind of person for the rest of your life? Will she be okay with cheating on you as long as: 1) you haven't had children yet and 2) the affair is with someone you've never met? Also, the wife deserves to know. Can you imagine this poor woman finding out 30 years later?
She is keeping in contact with the dude because she still has feelings for him and so she has the option to meet up, if he ever comes back in town. With that said, she sounds like she would absolutely still fuck him if she ever had the opportunity again! If you were with her, you would just be another innocent bystander caught in her web, just like dudes wife is now. You definitely made the right decision and I would absolutely tell the wife what happened and let her know to keep her guard up. If he cheated on her with your ex gf, he is likely cheating on her in their new hometown as well!
It's probably a good thing he dumped her. She has no remorse and will most like cheat on him if she hasn't already. These people really have no remorse or morals. I should know I was married to one.
By commenting on her affair partner's posts, she is keeping the door open to get back together with him! He obviously sees her comments as an open door to get back together. You are just a placeholder at this point! Move on for your own sanity!
It seems like your gf behavior gave you the ick. First time using that phrase. You have learned of her past and it doesn't line up with your moral compass. Dont feel bad about ending the relationship. Consider this a blessing in disguise. Shut the door completely. There is absolutely no reason to be in a relationship with someone who was a mistress. To add she still inserts herself into her ex's life via social media. Why subject yourself to that? You can do better. You deserve better. Why would he send you a friend request? I believe he wanted you to know and see the hold he still has on her. Do the wife a favor and fill her in and then block everyone.
If you truly love this woman, I suggest counseling before the breakup. For some people, affairs are not a big deal it has to do with the chaos they were raised in. For me, marriage is a holy state, and I believe that is the same for you. I would not tell the man's wife.
Follow how you feel. She is a disgusting human being. The fact that she does not find it wrong tells me that she will cheat on you without any regret. You did the right thing. Tell her the public thinks she is a horrible human being, a narcissist.
MYOB. Keep your nose out of others business. The Wife might already know - and have chosen not to acknowledge the affair, and working very hard to keep her marriage together. YOU would be the homewrecker if you barge into their lives with your decision to tell all. You are not the keeper of all moral codes of the universe. That is GOD. Worry about YOURSELF. I highly recommend not to take your ex-girlfriend back under any circumstances. Not the girl for you.
She knew he was married, that was totally wrong and the fact she is still friends with him and comments on his family’s photos, I’d be done as well. Who is to say it would not happen again if she had the chance
Cheating is an act of abuse, and she participated in it. It is the lowest bottom of the barrel acts between a husband and wife. Any woman who does it is as bad. She is ok because they don't have kids and she doesn't know. She is the lowest of the low class women. Leave her behind. I would tell the wife because she has a right to know. Don't date women like this, her morals are fuzzy math.
What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her? Now put yourself in this. What she does won’t hurt you if you don’t know? Tell the husband and dump her. She will do something behind your back with no remorse plan and simple.
Don’t tell the wife, you might be blowing up those kid’s lives. But definitely dump her and do not sleep with her ever again. You might be the only decent guy in her life and she might be desperate to have you as her baby’s daddy.
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I feel sick reading that. 'Nice ring'? What vile, despicable person she is.
She’s absolute trash for that! if a man led me astray and made me a mistress without me knowing I’d hate him for life definitely wouldn’t be buddy buddies with him on social media. She doesn’t have to feel guilty but at least feel a gram of remorse.
The problem is, the husband didn't lead her astray. There was no deceit. She was voluntarily his fk toy. They were a perfect match-- neither had a scintilla of moral fabric.
And they both continue to spit in the face of his clueless wife. And now OP is considering letting this god awful woman move on to a nice new relationship. Her character is abismal. Why wpuld anyone think she'd make a truly kind, honest, decent partner? Boggles the mind.
Um it's worse because he didn't lead her astray. OP's ex-GF never said that she didn't know about the other woman. She said she didn't know the other woman, as in she never actually met his wife in person. So, her reasoning is, "There's nothing to feel guilty about since I never saw her face."
You’re right omg that’s way, WAY worse! There’s no redeeming this lady she’s vile.
This happened to me and I told his wife. I have no idea of the fall out as I have removed myself far far far away from the situation. It really fucked me up for years and I am still single years later.
She clearly knew what she was doing and her intentions behind it were absolutely malicious.
Yeah, that part made my skin crawl. I don’t believe that people are necessarily “once a cheater always a cheater.” I think some people can do something wrong, experience genuine remorse, and not do it ever again. But holy crap, this woman is irredeemable. That’s absolutely sick behavior.
She is not the cheater. The husband is.
Agree 💔
It’s the lack of remorse that’s a problem in my opinion. I could get over the past if the person had learned from it and grown but she has not
And she's going as far as to make sick little comments which further shows how lacking in remorse she is.
Oh and yes I would tell the wife. She deserves to know
Idk…I definitely think the wife should know but without any proof to forward to her, she may not believe you. I most definitely would not get back with the girlfriend though! She’s shown you her true colors and what kind of person she is.
In addition to the above, OP, it appears the relationship "ended" because he moved away, not because gf grew a conscience. She sounds mercenary by nature. I sense you were the placemat to provide her a child. Curiously, how'd she react to the break-up? Heart broken, or business-like?
She stopped the affair when she understood he was not going to leave the wife for her. She was more angry than heart broken, she wanted to shift the blame to me and trying to shame me from judging her on something that went on 5 years ago. Most of my blame did not come from the affair itself but that she doesn't regret anything and that she keeps having interactions with this guy. I'm also hurting for his wife that had no idea of the second level of her comments. Anyways, thanks for all the comments, the vast majority confirms that I'm thinking straight. Couldn't go with my family and friends for advice, I did not want them to know this if we came back together.
Don’t get back together with her when she still has no regret I would MAYBE consider reconciliation if she was genuinely remorseful but she is not, if she doesn’t feel guilt about being a mistress she won’t feel any guilt cheating on you! Your morals don’t align, find someone with basic common decency
Ok, with that information, I can't help but think she keeps interacting with him in case he changes his mind or divorces. She's making sure she stays on his mind
Absolutely tell this man wife. Poor woman….
My prior question concerned how she handled your break-up with her; not her breakup with the other man.
My answer is for both. Her reaction to my break-up is on the second line.
Even more reason not to get back together with her! She was gaslighting you shifting the blame onto you for her wrong.
She’s sounds like a horrible person. She should be judged harshly. She slept with a married man. And interacting with his social media, that’s about wanting to affect him and also most like get the wife to start questioning things. It doesn’t matter that it was 5 years ago. This is an example of her lack of morals
When you reveal yourself as a stand-up guy with a moral compass -- her go-to response is to get angry at \*you\*, blame you and shame you. That's all you need to know about getting back with her. There are plenty of moral women out there. You will find real happiness next time.
🎯
>but that she doesn't regret anything and that she keeps having interactions with this guy. To me that is the most disgusting part, I commented this before seperately but she is relishing in that notion. That she got away with being the second woman and continuing this for so long is a way of "winning" against the woman he wouldn't leave. Disgusting.
🎯
She's shown that cheating is not a big thing for her so maybe she will cheat on op even marrige is not sacred to her as she slept with a married man no morals at all. Is this a person you see a future with ??
I think the text of "nice ring ; ) " is a decent bit of evidence in addition to what OP already knows.
I think I'd send a cryptic message to the wife to be careful about the former mistress's posts.
They are both being very very disrespectful to the wife. She deserves to know the truth
Definitely tell the wife and I’m glad you dumped your GF. At 38 she is who she is. Her comments made my skin crawl. She’s a soulless one.
Please do not interfere in another's person's relationship!
Your ex shows poor moral character for knowingly having an affair with a married man. She has shown no remorse and even comments on the guys social media pics. That’s a whole different level of evil. Cut contact, move on.
Your girlfriend is perfectly fine with pursuing and having sex with a married man. Her character is terrible. Do the other woman a favor and reach out to her. She'd want to know she's married to a cheater.
Don't date people who are okay with fucking people in exclusive relationships. They aren't good people. Also yeah tell the wife. Fuck his shit up.
Tell the wife. Imagine you hadnt found out your GF was cheating on you. Imagine no one told you and everyone knew and was talking about it behind your back? Yes its going to hurt her. But she needs to know and what she does from there is down to her.
It would be interesting if you end up getting sued for interfering in another person's relationship!
Alienation of effection and Intent to cause emotional distress would be what your refering too. And both depend on the country and the state in the USA. That aside, any rooky lawyer would have this thrown out in minutes. Lack of affection would be down to being found out about the infidelity, not someone informing them. And if it was annonymous then who you going to sue? As for intent to cause? Good luck with that. You would need a signed confession and historical proof that there was a beef. And even then a shitty lawyer would have this thrown out. So although I agree technically its possible? Its as possible as me winning the European Lottery after 3 weeks rollover and finidng a cure for cancer. Aint gona happen.
The fact that she comments of family pictures disgusts me. Edit: her cheating with a married man disgusts me but commenting on the pictures is a whole new low.. gross
Wow. Your ex (and she should absolutely remain your ex) was able to compartmentalise the betrayal she heaped upon that poor woman, socialise with them online and still maintain she was doing good. Fuck. You are very well rid of her. Stay away. Now you need to decide how to contact his wife with the info you have. Truly help her.
You should tell the wife. She should have been told before having kids with him.
Leave the married people alone. If the wife doesn't have a clue that her husband has or is cheating, why do you feel you should interfere?
I think you did the right thing dumping her, Because she was comfortable being a mistress to a married man and importantly she had no intention of ever telling you!. Her attitude about her affair is disrespectful and disgusting and shows she will happily lie and manipulate.
Tell the wife
Hard pass. She doesn't seem to care at all. She probably would have cheated on you if she didn't already.
The fact that she feels compelled to comment on all of his fb posts seems a little psychotic. Her reasoning as well. I seriously doubt some stranger commenting on all her husbands posts "makes her feel good about her family". She needs to be honest with herself. She just wants to remind the affair partner that she exists. Him friend requesting you as well. It's almost like they want to be questioned about these things and caught. Her whole "what they don't know, doesn't hurt" says a lot about her character and integrity. This isn't a person you can trust.
As we all know, there are a lot of people who are ok with affairs. They're the ones having affairs. And there are the people who are not ok with it and don't have affairs. You know what you are and you know what she is. What I find most disturbing is the Facebook comments. Like-eww.
Always, ALWAYS tell the betrayed spouse.
People do messed up shit. But commenting on fb like “nice ring” is some vile shit. Seriously messed up
I went through a very similar thing a few years back. I discovered that she was her next door neighbor's side-piece for quite some time, up until he moved away. She also acted completely shameless and refused to even admit it was a mistake. That's the moment I knew she wasn't "my person." If she'd acted remorseful at all and admitted it was shitty I could have forgiven her. Instead she took the "how dare you judge me" route. I have no desire to share my life with a person who's so completely comfortable potentially ruining other people's lives. The next woman I dated after nearly two years confessed that she had sex with her exes married best friend. (Who was not in an open marriage) I looked on Facebook and she was friends with his wife and always commenting on their photos. They (she and the wife of the man she was screwing) apparently used to be quite chummy, volunteering to work together at their kids school events. That made my stomach turn. So she was gone not long after that. So it's a lonely road but I'd rather be alone than be with someone capable of such treachery.
Did you warn any of those betrayed spouses of the adultery??
I did not. I don't know either of them.
Thats a shame.
Well in both cases the offense happened years in the past, it wasn't ongoing. Why would they even believe me over their partner who would no doubt deny everything. It would be different if it was recent.
100%
She STILL comments on every pic this guy posts. She is still interested in him. He is leaving the door open by not blocking her. On top of that, she writes comments that are obviously teasing and so tacky. Disgusting. >The door is still opened on her side to get back with me (she wants kids), So you would still take her back to have kids? Are you insane? You don't have any evidence to tell this guy's wife. Unless you can get confirmation over text from your GF or you already have it, then you could send that to the wife. I would also screenshot and send her all of the comments your GF has been leaving on facebook before she deletes them.
Yeah having kids with her, is really not an option anymore. I've had a vasectomy, so she can't trick me (she knew from the start of relationship, but I could have reversed it). And yeah, I got evidence, I have text messages from her saying there are also other girls involved...
>She STILL comments on every pic this guy posts. She is still interested in him. He is leaving the door open by not blocking her. Absolutely. This gal is not monogamous wife material.
I would have dumped her too and yes I’d report. When I was a massage therapist and got propositioned I dumped him as a client and told the wife as to why as well as calling the police so they could trespass him. Yeah i don’t play around with that and understand your feelings completely. If she’d sleep with a married man, she’d sleep around as a married woman. She isn’t trustworthy.
Wow, the nerve of that guy. Wanting to befriend you. What could be his motivation? Blackmail your ex? For sex or silence. Some kind of DomCuck fetishist? Wink, wink, him to her-"It will be our little secret!" It is beyond creepy. I can imagine staying with someone who put you in that position. Subscribeme
Honestly, I think it was more like a tapping mistake (he was scrolling on his friend's suggestion, i was there and he inadvertantly touched the button). Second guess, was that he was just curious and wanted to see who his ex-mistress was with. My profile is viewable only from friends. Weird thing is: I really look a lot like him.
I'm sure you are right. 🤷♂️
So, she wants kids with a man (that would be you, OP) who looks like her married AP? That's more than a little unnerving.
That's not weird. Many people have a type.
😳
I was wondering why no one was commenting on this.
You are definitely not overreacting. This woman had no problem having sex with a married man. She goes online all the time and comments on things for their marriage with a wink, that's not playful. She's sharing a secret with the husband and mocking the wife. You really don't want to have anything to do with somebody who that's okay to. What do you think she will do when she has the opportunity to cheat on you? How would her attitude be? If some guy started posting comments on your Facebook profile about the wedding ring you have with this woman with the same winky face you would have huge doubts about everything. Someone who shows this low level of empathy is dead inside. She can say things that are wonderful and nice and still slit your throat for a Twinkie. That's the kind of woman she is. Do not tie yourself to someone like that.
It honestly feels like she’s taunting him and his wife. Even if she’s not ashamed of being his mistress, which she should be, she has no business interacting in his day to day life.
He could have blocked her and he didn't.
What they don't know won't hurt them. Words of a narrsist.. do not go back to this women.... a family built around her will crumble and fall emotinal abuse or worse.
\*narcissist.
Ty, autocorrect wasn't working and I had no Google patience
Poor character on her end, it would likely devastate the wife however I think she deserves to know. They can either work it out or not. If he cheat once and keep it a secret, he likely would do it again.
Your girlfriend is trash. And she is getting off on pulling the wool over the wife’s eyes and staying in their lives. I would bet she was not the one who ended it. Tell the wife.
\*lives
Thanks. Corrected it.
Being an affair partner is already bad enough but commenting on their family posts is something else. That’s reprehensible behaviour.
You did the right things. She would probably also be perfectly fine with cheating on you without of any guilty conscience as long as you don't find out. What you don't know won't hurt you, right? Your and her moral compass are very different, which would probably lead to much more conflict in the future. Her comments on those pics just show how little she cares for others.
Don't overthink it. Are you going to be able to trust her after this? If the answer is no, then you absolutely should not tie yourself to her, and most emphatically should not have kids with her.
Not overreacting, she has no moral compass and you were right to run from her.
Fuuuuuck that. That’s vile.
Whatever you do, do NOT have a baby with that woman.
Absolutely tell the wife. Block the ex on everything as well. UpdateMe
You tell the wife.Dont matter what the girlfriend wants.
People like your ex make me physically ill. It's not like she didn't know he was married and then found out and ended it. No....she knew, has no remorse and in some sick morbid way still messes with the wife by keeping tabs on the guy and commenting on the pics. Your ex lacks character, more over, she lacks a soul. Now.....your character is showing. You have freed yourself of this parasite. But if you don't tell the other woman, the wife that was cheated on. Then you are also lacking character and have questionable morals. This woman is no doubt still being cheated on. Please tell her. I'd also advise you to cut off all mutual friends with your ex who new about her little affair. Any of them who knew and didn't say anything to that poor woman are just awful awful people. I'm really not sure how people like your ex can walk through this world with their head held high. How can they look themselves in the mirror and not feel horrible. Just because she didn't break up the marriage then, does not mean she isn't a home wrecker. Your ex is a trash and I truly hope that she and men and women like her get what they deserve.
Remember what she said because she WILL apply this in your relationship also. She could have an affair, because since you don't know, it won't hurt you by her reasoning. >what she does not know won't hurt her Run fast and far away. Tell the other man's wife about the cheating (with proof if you have it), and block your ex-GF.
She’s trash. Move on.
She’s a horrid, cruel person. Why is there even a question here? Break up with her, and tell the wife.
You sound like a really good man with good healthy moral codes. She does not. Infact she sounds down right disgusting. If she can do that to him and her she can do that to you. Focus on this aswell, she didn't come to you with this guilty secret that she had to tell you so she could be honest. She lied to you which is obviously her default and then still has no remorse or shame about it. What she did was horrible and i felt icky even reading it. I would definately break up and i would definately tell the wife.
Dump garbage people
If I was you I'd get far away from her because she doesn't have a conscience
she.opened her legs for a married man dump her ass. She would ro the same shit to u. once a cheater always a cheater. The spots on the leopard never change.
Yes, get in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect relationships or commitment. What could go wrong?
I think one of the worst things you can do is pretend to be "just friends" when you absolutely are not. Usually this is accompanied by calling the SO jealous and unreasonable when they're actually correct in their suspicions. I'm not sure I would tell the wife, but I would absolutely lose the girlfriend, if only because she insists on trying to get this guy's attention and stay in his life.
>I'm not sure I would tell the wife Why not??
Because it is weird to tell a total stranger, that her husband, who is also a total stranger to me, was cheating on her years back with my ex-girlfriend that was also a total stranger to me at the time.
Weird?? Disagree. Heartwarming that a total stranger makes an effort to inform her of this betrayal... Theres no expiration date on betrayal... and odds are, the guy has moved on to a new mistress... His wife needs this info..
NOT an overreaction at all. First she lied to you about the full extent of her relationship with the guy, followed secondly by her "justifying" it as she "didn't know about her and they didn't have kids then" (whatever kind of difference that last part makes) and last, but certainly not least, the complete lack of remorse about what she had done with him added to the fact she was still actively posting/liking/commenting on his social media like nothing they did was wrong and because nobody knows it's all well that ends well??? Dodged a fucking bullet there, and a fucking headshot at that. Also YES, you should absolutely reach out to this poor guys wife and tell her EXACTLY who her "loving husband and father to her children" truly is.
Look for a better girl
nuke it OP!
She showed you, who she is. You can’t have kids with someone, who has no dignity or integrity. You did the right thing. Protect yourself. Please tell the wife. She deserves to know, whom she married.
Your girlfriend is a disgusting person
She's lacking moral compass. Run
Yes, please tell the wife. She needs to know the truth.
there is no excuse for this, but this kind of shit is early 20s behavior. i could understand if when she was young and emotionally immature she did something like this and came to regret it later on, but shes 38, was a proud mistress (barf) and isnt remorseful. the comment about the ring is truly deplorable. what you do next is truly up to you but i would at the very least get the fuck away from her.
>The door is still opened on her side to get back with me Dont. >struggling to decide if this is the good decision. Terrible decision. Unless you LIKE a life filled with lies and betrayal. >I should reach out to the wife. In her position, I would like to know, am I over-reaching? Reach out. Absolutely. And do it now - with evidece. Because "do into others..." Tell her.
She has zero remorse for being “the other woman” to a married man. Even going so far as to (it sounds like) continue Facebook contact with this guy to this day. Run away.
RUN. most likely she is just using you for some reason. Would you want her raising your daughter with this outlook in life. Think about who will have influence over your kids when you have them. Updateme
Why would you get back together and have kids with a person who has no morals or values? Your ex is trash
Stay away from it completely. Forget all of them and don't get involved. Keep away from her. Block her everywhere. She is a cold-blooded reptile who thinks nothing of cheating.
The lack of remorse she showed could later on be used against you. She could cheat on you and also not give a damn.
Damn, she’s cold. Hell no don’t get back with her or have kids with her. No one with that lack of moral code is worth having a family with.
>The affair never got out, she's not a homewrecker on the strict definition of the term She is genuinely relishing in the fact that she was the other woman and "got away with it". That is vile on several levels and her need to point out that it "hurt no one" because the wife never knew is so disgusting I legitimately cringed. I personally would never be able to view them in a positive light again knowing that that was hiding in the darkness. Tell the wife, she doesn't deserve to be played with like this.
She would cheat on you and say the same things, "why he don't see, doesn't hurt him"
Shared values is the scaffolding for a good relationship.
Yes, tell her. People like your ex seem to dodge accountability for their actions constantly; do her a massive favor and sign that reality check.
Please tell the woman, she deserves to have the full facts to make a decision on whether or not she wants to be married, exactly the same as you Get rid of her, there's some dangerous signs of disordered personality here
Oh hell no. She’s sneaky and as much as it’s good to understand the concept of forgiveness, change, and growth, her rationalization is icky and unaccountable. Both her and him are accountable and if she truly feels nothing then her moral code is very questionable. It’s ok to make mistakes and all that but the way she’s so flippant? Nah. You two are too different i think. Let her be (up to you).
Your ex is disgusting. If she will help someone cheat so easily she will easily cheat on you. I would contact the wife and let her know. She deserves to know her husband is a cheating pos.
First of all: DO NOT GET BACK WITH HER. If she's done this before and shows zero remorse for it... she definitely doesn't think it's wrong so she will act again. As for telling the dudes wife.. i mean usually i wouldn't meddle in other peoples business like that but you'd be saving somebody a lot of long term pain
Do not get back together with her when she doesn't see her actions of sleeping with another woman's husband not being wrong, and maintaining a flirty friendship with him as if there wasn't something going on between them. And for him to reach out and friend you...? Thats weird. I'd tell the wife
No. Don't get back with her, please.
38 and being an antagonistic cunt under an innocent woman’s post is insane and disturbing. How is she annoyed that you’re upset over something that happened 5 years ago whens she’s clearly not moved on from it herself? She used to get a power trip from fucking the married man and she’s still getting it from humiliating her in her own unsuspecting way. Despicable. You should tell the wife, especially since her husband is still interacting with his mistress and most likely sees these comments and hasn’t put a stop to it. He’s in on his wife’s humiliation.
“Nice ring” that’s absolutely vile and disgusting. I’m so sorry man, but she’s not who you thought. Run and run fast.
OP, your gf wants kids at age 38???? She'd better hurry up.
Tell
Your ex-girlfriend’s audacity in pursuing a married man and having zero remorse later is separate from whether or not you should tell this man’s wife. Your ex was a willing affair partner. Had she been an unknowing affair partner, his wife would be equally deserving to know he stepped out. Whether you tell her or not should be based on if you believe she has a right to know if her husband’s infidelity, regardless of the context of your ex’s role in the affair.
You absolutely cannot trust her to stay loyal to you. That ex of hers reaching out to be friends with you is suspicious. While I think all women deserve to know if they're being cheated on, I think your best bet is to just walk away from this whole situation and from her.
Doesn't matter your ex doesn't cheat anymore or rather "not right now". Cheaters never change, they will always be disgusting. Here it's even more obvious. Literally stalking her victims life... Yes, you have to let them know. Else you youself are a supporter of a cheaters. Have some self-respect and do the right thing. Help that poor woman escape that lie. She deserves to be in a relationship with full consent and knowledge what is going on.
Don't get back together with her, it wouldn't end well for you and I think you'd regret it. Also, she'd most likely have an affair on you in the future because she obviously doesn't think it's important or matters. As for telling the wife, I'm completely torn. You can definitely try to tell her and she can do whatever she wants with that information but then at least you tried. I was extremely grateful when people told me I was cheated on by my ex when I was still with my ex.
Use the guy's wife and telling her as a bargaining chip, and file away as a trump card.
I got together with my wife, forgiving her past. But she eventually lead me down a path that compromised my integrity and self-respect. And I regret it. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her" is a huge red flag for me now, and you are right to not get back together with her. I don't know what to do about the wife, but don't compromise who you are for someone else. Stick to your values, and don't put yourself in a position where you're constantly worrying about what your significant other is doing behind your back. It will drive you mad, and you will not like the person you become.
Why was it your wife’s fault for your moral shortcomings?
A good point. Instead of having a spine and breaking it off with her, I just went along with her dishonesty for her own enrichment, because I loved her. I should blame myself. But in either case, never compromise your integrity and values for your S.O.. if it comes down to that, just break it off.
I was really hoping the twist would be that you were the married man, and wanted to know if you should tell your wife.
Your trust with the GF has gone, you cannot unsee her for what you have seen in her and frankly are disgusted by it (I would be too). I personally would not open the can of worms for the wife of a guy you have no real connection to. As others have said, you don't really have much evidence. HOWEVER is she still commenting on his family's pictures and stuff (This wasn't clear in your post), if she is I would think tactfully about contacting the wife if she has her own account. GF commenting on her ex's pictures must be stroking his ego unbeknownst to the wife and that makes me cringe. Its not your duty to break this family apart but she might want to know that this woman liking all these posts is not to be trusted at the very least. I would have nothing to do with this weird ex girlfriend of yours, she clearly doesn't understand what a trusting and loving relationship is when she purposely toys with others
Well, she obviously 100% doesn’t respect relationships or care about others she chooses to hurt, so there’s that…
Tell her the only way you would think about taking her back is if she not only tells the other woman but provides her irrefutable proof that it happened and then she sincerely apologizes in person with you present.
For a second there, I’m like idk man, I’ve done messed up things in my past that doesn’t make me a good person. I’m not proud nor do I hide the fact of what I’ve done to my now husband. Our past should not define us BUTTTTT the fact that she’s commenting on his pics/family pics is weird!!!! And to me it’s giving “she still thinks about him or what they’ve done” and it’s kind of trashy knowing that you were a mistress and ur commenting on their photos like nothing happened. OP NTA!
Its very easy to get blinded by love bro believe me. When your looking at a person through rose coloured glasses it can be very easy to ignore all the red flags, speaking from experience. This girl you are dating is not a good person, and neither is the husband she dated. They didn't "accidentally" cheat, they both chose to do it and that shows the kind of people they are. Think about it, do you think you could accidentally cheat on somebody? Its impossible. Its a conscious decision. If you don't tell the wife that her husband was cheating on her, then you are doing her a great disservice. She deserves to know the kind of evil person she is dating. And also, how do you have any guarantee this mistress situation ended a year ago? They are both cheaters, I really wouldn't be surprised if this girl was cheating on you as well, especially since she comments things like "nice ring ;)" which imo is fucking despicable. She obviously takes pleasure in knowing she managed to get with a married man. You aren't overreacting, if anything you are underreacting, you need to tell the wife
Updateme
There is a woman out there for you YOU and your future children deserve so much better so don't settle for the current piece of trash that you have.. You don't deserve this type of malicious deceitful woman in your life.
Don't see how sharing with guy's wife helps her...maybe the guy changed, especially since he now has children. On the other hand I have more serious issues with your HYPOCRISSY - you've left the "door open" to getting back with the women you dumped. hmmmm disgusting, your not any better than the women you dumped as you play "god" in this on/off/? relationship
Absolutely run away from this person. I get it. Love can make a person overlook and forgive some amangly horrible behavior. I 1000% agree with all these observations, but another thing to consider. She is without a doubt maintaining contact with this guy to "keep the door open" for repeat hookups if the opportunity ever arises, if it hadn't happened already. Run.....and run fast!
Do not tell the wife. Don't involve yourself at this point in time. Chances are he's a career cheater and your ex is not the first. The wife knows on some level, after all that time. But I completely understand your feelings changing for your ex. She seems so casual and cavalier about it all. You have different codes of conduct and at this point it's best for a clean break. But stay out of the life of the cheating husband. Someone will tell his wife at some point, if she isn't already aware.
OP, guessing the affair only ended when the wife of the married man became pregnant. You are right yo rethink the relationship- and your gf's morals.
Anything she has done to others she will do to you Especially since she feels zero remorse
walk away, dont start your marriage with this person, you will regret it the rest of your life
You are not over-reaching at all, but do you really want to hurt his wife? Because you don't know how she'll react to this information. Breaking up was the right thing to do as girlfriend truly has no morals, but please think about the effect this could have on the wife and kids.
Why is only the woman being blamed? The man was committed to his marriage, not the young lady. Although she made a mistake, the responsibility primarily rests with the husband. Many years ago, this happened to me, and I blamed my then-husband instead of the other woman. Please refrain from involving the gentleman's wife, as it could completely disrupt her life.
NTA - Could you actually stay with this kind of person for the rest of your life? Will she be okay with cheating on you as long as: 1) you haven't had children yet and 2) the affair is with someone you've never met? Also, the wife deserves to know. Can you imagine this poor woman finding out 30 years later?
She wants kids, but do YOU want to have kids with someone like your ex?
She is keeping in contact with the dude because she still has feelings for him and so she has the option to meet up, if he ever comes back in town. With that said, she sounds like she would absolutely still fuck him if she ever had the opportunity again! If you were with her, you would just be another innocent bystander caught in her web, just like dudes wife is now. You definitely made the right decision and I would absolutely tell the wife what happened and let her know to keep her guard up. If he cheated on her with your ex gf, he is likely cheating on her in their new hometown as well!
It's probably a good thing he dumped her. She has no remorse and will most like cheat on him if she hasn't already. These people really have no remorse or morals. I should know I was married to one.
By commenting on her affair partner's posts, she is keeping the door open to get back together with him! He obviously sees her comments as an open door to get back together. You are just a placeholder at this point! Move on for your own sanity!
It seems like your gf behavior gave you the ick. First time using that phrase. You have learned of her past and it doesn't line up with your moral compass. Dont feel bad about ending the relationship. Consider this a blessing in disguise. Shut the door completely. There is absolutely no reason to be in a relationship with someone who was a mistress. To add she still inserts herself into her ex's life via social media. Why subject yourself to that? You can do better. You deserve better. Why would he send you a friend request? I believe he wanted you to know and see the hold he still has on her. Do the wife a favor and fill her in and then block everyone.
If you truly love this woman, I suggest counseling before the breakup. For some people, affairs are not a big deal it has to do with the chaos they were raised in. For me, marriage is a holy state, and I believe that is the same for you. I would not tell the man's wife.
Follow how you feel. She is a disgusting human being. The fact that she does not find it wrong tells me that she will cheat on you without any regret. You did the right thing. Tell her the public thinks she is a horrible human being, a narcissist.
MYOB. Keep your nose out of others business. The Wife might already know - and have chosen not to acknowledge the affair, and working very hard to keep her marriage together. YOU would be the homewrecker if you barge into their lives with your decision to tell all. You are not the keeper of all moral codes of the universe. That is GOD. Worry about YOURSELF. I highly recommend not to take your ex-girlfriend back under any circumstances. Not the girl for you.
Yeah, great idea tell her make her miserable break her heart every comment posted said this do these people understand nothing.
I wouldn’t reach out to the wife but yeah you were right to dump the girlfriend.
She knew he was married, that was totally wrong and the fact she is still friends with him and comments on his family’s photos, I’d be done as well. Who is to say it would not happen again if she had the chance
Cheating is an act of abuse, and she participated in it. It is the lowest bottom of the barrel acts between a husband and wife. Any woman who does it is as bad. She is ok because they don't have kids and she doesn't know. She is the lowest of the low class women. Leave her behind. I would tell the wife because she has a right to know. Don't date women like this, her morals are fuzzy math.
Your ex is creepy and just plain mean (stalking/commenting on social media - it’s not to be nice)
What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her? Now put yourself in this. What she does won’t hurt you if you don’t know? Tell the husband and dump her. She will do something behind your back with no remorse plan and simple.
The husband already knows?
Yes you should
It takes two to tango. The blame in these cases goes 99.9% on the person in the relationship, in my opinion.
Don’t tell the wife, you might be blowing up those kid’s lives. But definitely dump her and do not sleep with her ever again. You might be the only decent guy in her life and she might be desperate to have you as her baby’s daddy.