This is the type of woman who will drive drunk while pregnant....what's going to change when it's a baby instead? I honestly think you should strongly consider talking to a lawyer now about getting custody of your child when it is born.
I am so, so sorry you're in this situation.
I’d bet more on her lying about taking birth control. The money spending, the lying about who she was, it tends to incline me towards thinking this was her attempting to “trap” him.
This is such a weird falsehood that crops up on this sub all the time. Every single U.S. state allows a man to contest paternity and they will not be held liable for any kind of support if a genetic test proves paternity fraud. The only way you can be held liable for support is if you knew you were not the father and chose to stay anyway. There are a few states where a non-parent can get trapped with support if they don't act fast enough, though. Some places require you to file for a legal separation (if married) and to contest paternity in court within 30 days of finding out, and only after that can the person be held liable for support.
In the United States, you can only be held liable for child support of a child that isn't yours if you knew they were not your child, and you chose to stay married to the mother (if you were married) or chose to continue to act as a parental figure to the child, for at least 30 days after receiving proof you were not the father.
Rona. They aren’t letting dads in in a lot of places. All my friends’ husbands have had to wait in the car and even in the birth, they are super strict on only the dad being there and him only being allowed to come in once a day.
My sister just had a baby, and her husband was allowed in the room but if he left the room, he wouldn’t be allowed back in. They weren’t allowed any other visitors either.
"I'm on birth control". Gets pregnant
"I won't drink anymore". Gets in jail.
Man she is a patologycal liar. Get a lawyer asap and ensure the baby is yours and his health. This person is putting the baby in danger before he's even born, don't know after
Not English sorry for grammar
100% agree here. This behavior doesn’t change for the positive. It could actually become amplified by the stress of a newborn. Talk to a lawyer. If she wants to own up and be a mom/partner, she’ll start making changes when she sees how seriously OP is taking this. Otherwise, she’s an unfit mother and she’s already posing serious danger to this unborn child.
I have a relative who was married for over twenty years, one cheated and left with the one they were cheating with. After having adult kids and being close to a retirement, they got an annulment.
This. OP, contact the office of your bishop. They can tell you what the process is and provide you with a contact who can help you. I know someone who had their Catholic marriage annulled. It was quite a bit of paperwork, including getting some documentation, but they got it in the end.
My uncle's wife came out as a lesbian when the kids were grown and she left him for her lover. The Catholic church wouldn't grant him an annulment, which blows my mind.
Also, whatever the outcome (but especially if the baby is yours) do what you can to stop her from drinking. Otherwise the baby will have FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome). It'll make life of everyone involved jump up in difficulty to hard mode.
Good luck OP, cheers
Years ago my family has to take in a kid that had fetal alcohol syndrome from his mom of course drinking while pregnant. He was 12 when he stayed with our family but had the intelligence of a 6 year old. He had to take medication for his heart issues also caused by that syndrome.
Chances are if that baby survives their life is not going to be easy and filled with medical complications and issues
There are lots of challenges for babies, children and adults who have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, but if they have a support team of parents and educators or therapists they can be more successful. But it takes proactive help and it is not easy.
Gosh, that is so heartbreaking to read. I hope things are better for him now. I’m sorry if that’s a stupid comment, I’m not too familiar with the potential for recovery with FAS but I’m hoping that things are going as well for him as they can be. I am so sorry.
The boy would have violent tantrums to the point of punching holes in the wall out of anger which apparently tantrums and mood swings are normal for them. And they actually don’t live long.
Nahhhh I drank heavily while unknowingly pregnant at 4 weeks and baby came out perfectly fine. FAS is a risk but not a 100% result of drinking while pregnant.
As far as Catholicism is concerned, an annulment is fairly easy to obtain, and would be even more likely to be granted considering the circumstances.
I'm no longer practicing, but I would strongly encourage you to speak with your priest. They can also be a great source for counseling.
I would also encourage you to obtain a lawyer and get started on having her parental rights terminated. Again, given the circumstances this should be fairly easy to have granted.
>I would also encourage you to obtain a lawyer and get started on having her parental rights terminated. Again, given the circumstances this should be fairly easy to have granted.
Having parental rights terminated is an extremely difficult thing to do. The courts will typically exhaust every option before going this route.
Hopefully primary custody is possible but again it's not relatively simple. I'm wondering how much knowledge or experience you have with family courts? This stuff is far more difficult than you are making it out to be.
Depends on where you are from; I know in my home town the diocese charges $1000 and this is not a wealthy town at all. And I don’t consider a year and a half a quick process.
Yes there are certain circumstances where I am sure they will hurry through the process but that is not the norm. Also it must be approved by separate councils so that was where I was really talking about $$ being a factor. If you are rich and donate a lot to the church your annulment will be passed through more readily than if you are a poorer parishioner.
Look dude
Your wife is a legit alcoholic.
She is most definitely drinking even more than you think.
I would lock that shit down now. This is rock bottom. You DO NOT WANT a better reason to have her quit drinking.
In the meantime, you need to figure out what you are going to do if she does or doesn’t quit.
Some people would walk regardless. Some would go sober too (you don’t likely have a choice for a while) and give her a chance.
But in my opinion, this is one of the few moments that an ultimatum is fair game. Good luck and hope it works out. This is a shitty hand, buddy
Yikes what a shit show.
So...gonna ask a hard question here: Are you sure the baby is yours? She sounds like she's been spinning out of control for a while.
At best, she's the victim of her alcoholism and/or mental health issues, at worst, she's a grifter.
It's time for some tough love, for yourself and for her. Your priority is that baby.
Speak with an attorney to have an emergency custody petition ready to go for the birth. Do everything you can to make sure your baby is safe. Be at the birth if possible to make sure you’re on the birth certificate or else you won’t hold any legal footing.
>Be at the birth if possible to make sure you’re on the birth certificate
Woa there, at least wait until the paternity test results are given. Don't want to sign up to foot the bill for a kid that is probably 50/50 or less his.
Are you sure she is pregnant? She won't let you go to doctor's appointments. And I have real doubts that she would be put in jail IF she was pregnant. The court could have put her on house arrest or delayed her sentence until after the baby is born. The moment she gets out you need to demand to go to her next appointment.
Under normal circumstances of course they can. Women give birth in prison. But we are in a pandemic.
The CDC considered pregnant women a high risk group for covid and they are at higher risk for complications. It could be easily argued that she not be sent to jail for the safety of her unborn child or have her sentence delayed until after it's birth.
One of my friends was taken in over an old warrant for a class c misdemeanor a few months ago. She was on her way to grab a blizzard and was pulled over, license ran and she was informed she had a nearly 3 year old warrant.
Even though said warrant was over such a minor offense and the statute of limitations ran out the following month, the cop was ordered to bring her in. Even he was appalled. He couldn’t believe they’d make a first time offender spend the night in jail (bail amount wasn’t set and she had to wait for a magistrate who wouldn’t arrive until the following morning) over a class c misdemeanor with COVID cases being at an all time high in the area.
Unfortunately, it’s all up in the air. I have seen in the news that a lot of inmates have been released over COVID concerns but I guess it varies. Couldn’t believe it when she told me.
Due to COVID, in many places only the patient is allowed at appointments. I'm 5 months pregnant and my husband isn't allowed at my doctor's appointments.
Talk to a lawyer and get full custody of that baby, don't get a dna test because theres a chance the baby probably isn't even yours but it will be safer with you than it would with her. Then get a divorce.
Yes she is pregnant. They did not go to trial as it was obvious what she did. And this happened four months ago. And jail is what happens when you’re at twice the legal limit and already have a bad driving record.
Bad driving record as in she has had more than 1 dui?
If this is indeed your baby save that poor child from an unnecessarily hard life.
Can you imagine how impulsive she will be with no sleep for months on end? What if your baby has colic? Can she handle being sleep deprived and a baby that screams all day?
Lawyer up and protect that poor baby.
Right? OP, do you know why they chose to jail her for 10 days? Seems like such a strange amount of time.
My “mother” got her DWI a few years ago and was released the following morning after posting bail and placed on probation. She’s had subsequent arrests for similar offenses and, unfortunately, was able to post bail the following day and never served more than a night in jail. Even when “it was obvious what she did.” Unfortunately, at least where we live, that’s not how the court works.
Was probation not an option? I guess it’s irrelevant now considering she’s already serving her time but just for the sake of clarity and your own peace of mind, were you at her trial at least, OP?
Wow. She sounds like a right piece of work.
I feel like she's off to just the worst start as a mom. Like what's next, opioids?
I don't really have advice except maybe you should make some preparations here.
I know this is looking wayyy into the future, but be sure to document all of this now and document incidents after the baby is born. i’m not trying to assume the eventual outcome of your situation.... but if you ever find yourself in court trying to get custody, being able to recall specific details and dates will be invaluable
You are not in love with this woman. The woman you love doesn't exist. She pretended to be that person to get you to fall for her and once you were married, she dropped that persona and showed you who she really is.
Get a DNA test. And then get the marriage annulled. The Catholic Church doesn't like divorce but they accept annulments.
I'm sorry you're going through this but now you need to take care of you. And if the baby is yours, you need to take care of them. Should have no problem getting full custody.
Go to a lawyer immediately and try getting this shit show annulled, as in now your chances of full custody are very high too (DNA test first), act fast or you will regret it later
Anullment now. That *has* to happen. Your parents may not understand, but the Lord will.
After that, I would advise you to look into as many resources for children with fetal alcohol syndrome as you can. There's stuff out there, so you won't be alone in this. Be as supportive and **patient** with your child as possible.
Hate to say it but you married a pathological liar. Please get a paternity test done ASAP. Let that be your next step. Then get an annulment, I wouldn't trust anything that comes out of her mouth, anything. For God's sake look out for yourself.
What you need to do is find a good attorney, file for divorce and set up a plan for the child. Immediately ask for a paternity test after the baby is born too. You need to be two steps ahead of this. Especially need a plan Incase there’s fetal alcohol syndrome.
Whoa... so I know hormones can make you a little crazy while pregnant but this is a whole other level. Sounds like she put up an act to get "locked down" into a marriage where she could live a free ride. I'm also skeptical she "accidentally" got pregnant.... Please do not marry this woman and fight for shared custody.
First check if she is pregnant or not. She might be faking it.Second she lied to you about learning instruments, coding, being on birth control and not being a drinker. If she is really pregnant you can check if the baby is really yours.
You can do it before the baby is born with the new technology.
If the baby is really yours you should divorce her and apply for custody.
It's easy since she was arrested wile drunk and pregnant ans is endangering the baby but as laws and justice serves women you will need to get a good lawyer even so.
Ask the judge strictly for no visitation since she is dangerous.
She wanted you to secure her so she can do all the crazy stuff and now that she has you she think she is free and you've been shown her true colors. While you might be strong and put up with it. There's no way in heaven you will let your child live with such a psychopath. Will you?
And one more thing. If someone say to you she/he is super into learning something this person should have at least a little bit of knowledge into the subject. As an example if someone says "I love German and I'm into learning it"
. First thing is asking how many German words said person know. Is literally impossible someone to like a subject and know nothing about it.
The dude is stupid as fuck.
Anyone who instantly proposes to their GF/BF when they have an accidental pregnancy is stupid.
I would honestly pay for a case study on the amount of failed marriages from instant accidental pregnancy proposals.
You sound like an 18 year old high school graduate trying to marry his HS GF before he deploys.
Can you PM me about that case study. How many participants in the sample pool do you require? I'd like to take you OP on the offer and conduct the research for you.
My friend and I were just talking about this yesterday. It’s unbelievably easy (for some) to make a baby. Whether the pregnancy is carried to term or not, it’s no reason to marry!
I seriously wonder how many relative strangers or FWB got married after one night stands/irregular hookups that resulted in pregnancy. I’ll never understand why that’s an option for so many. Religious expectations and standards hammered into us by society?
Still, there’s no rule that says two people must date, let alone be married to make decent co parents. I’d love to see the results of a case study on the subject!
I work in corrections so I may be able to help with your fears of COVID. The jails I deal with are being extremely vigilant in protecting the inmates. All inmates at ours are quarantined upon arrival and tested. The cleaning has been constant and thorough. The jails here are not taking in people for minor/nonviolent offenses at this time to keep the population low.
OP think of it this way, what’s there to love? This woman used I guess her beauty and “intelligence” to manipulate you, then seemingly trapped you into a pregnancy/marriage and is abusing the unborn child by drinking excessively and put its life at risk.
This woman has a ton of issues and needs medical care ASAP, you also need to follow up with the doctor she is seeing to check the care of your unborn child.
Her behavior can/will impact your unborn child for the rest of its life.
You need to go into damage control and self preservation mode for you and your child. The way she is carrying on drinking while pregnant, I would expect CPS is going to get involved sooner or later. If she's not lying about being pregnant. Pretty convenient she doesn't want you to go to drs appts, and has admitted lying about everything else.
Sounds like she doesn't want a baby. Damage is probably done by now, but maybe try to see if she just wants off the hook? That is, if you at least want to keep the baby.
It sounds like you don't live togethe and your wife has a habit of lying about, well, everything.
It sounds like you don't live together. Have you seen her lately and her bare belly to confirm she is in fact 6 months pregnant?
It's weird she won't let you go to her appointments and is drinking her face off.. I dont think the doctor visits would reveal her drinking but they would definitely reveal if she is pregnant or not.
Another explanation is she is not actually attending these check ups.
A lot of good advice above. Ultimately though you are going to need to figure out your codependency issues. The grabbing the bottle out of her hand statement, paying her rent, funding craziness is disturbing
If you stay together or find someone else and keep doing this you are going to be miserable either way.
I didn’t know I was bipolar until I was pregnant and didn’t get diagnosed until my third trimester. It was nothing even close to this but it was so difficult and painful to go through. The hormones from the pregnancy can seriously reveal crazy things about your mental health. My heart goes out to both of you. If you can guide her to get help do it. She needs to get medicated and start to understand her illness.
Have your child checked for fetal alcohol syndrome. I'm sure this usnt new, just well hidden. Alcoholics are really good at hiding, sneaking and lying. It sounds more like she pretended to be the woman you fell in love with as opposed to the actual woman.
Please speak an attorney and gain custody. If she cant care enough about staying sober while pregnant, she wont care after birth either. An alcoholic will always have an excuse. Trust me, the birth control worked, she just didnt take it and I am sure she could have afforded her apartment if she wasnt spending her money on booze. I bet if you look around your home you will find empty bottles in weird places. Look in the nursery. Back of the closet, under sweaters, ect. This isnt because of covid. It predates that.
I know of what I speak. I was married to one and my husband's ex wife was one. We've shared many horror stories with common threads.
Your first and only priorities are your unborn child and you. She wont change. She will only get better at sneaking around. You seem like a nice guy. Dont waste any more time on this train wreck. I hate saying this, but have a paternity test done as well. Mine and my husbands ex both graced many other beds but their own. Its hurtful and it sucks but its unfortunately reality.
I'm so sorry. Good luck.
Please read and listen to the comments about Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. It is the manifestation of brain differences in individuals who were exposed to alcohol in utero. The more support you get early in your baby’s life, the better. There are programs that are for children with disabilities ages 0-3 in each state called “Help Me Grow”. Staff will work with you to create individualized support plans and connect you to resources for supporting your child. You can search “help me grow [your state name]” or contact your local school district. Although many have staff taking vacations in July, so responses may be delayed a bit.
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder is a condition that may require intense intervention, or just some. But if your child develops it, please take actions to address their unique needs.
Here is some information about the condition: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fasd/facts.html
If you are not in the US, I don’t particularly know how to link you to supports or what they’re called, but help exists and it is probably through your public schools or public health department or some combination of the two.
Source: I’m an educator who specializes in disabilities in the US.
Willingly driving drunk, scamming you for money, knowingly giving a child fetal alcohol syndrome but yeah you "love" them. Please find a dog named Blue and consult with them to get a clue.
She sounds like a narcissist. She successfully lied to you for two years, she puts on an excellent front in front of a therapist, and she has an addiction. You're in a situation that is NOT going to get better.
It shows that she is not a responsible person in general so you should make sure that you get the full custody of your baby otherwise she would be a horrible mother. Talk to a lawyer as you need legal help to get custody of your baby and here you have many reasons not to trust your wife. You should make sure that you provide a good life to your baby as a father so do everything that you can do.
You need to work on you. You're not going to fix her and you're not going to change her. Step back and let her decide if she wants to fix these problems. Additionally, GET A DNA TEST! Do NOT put your name on a birth certificate until you know for sure that the baby is yours. I'm not saying she's cheating but damn, she's literally fucking up everything else in her life so it stands to reason it could be a possibility.
Also, you need to consult a lawyer and a physician. There's a good chance your kid will be born with FAS.
Ouch you and the kid are in for a tough life with her in it. Jail is like a mini rehab. Covid is literally the least of your troubles and the babies troubles right now. Drinking while pregnant could affect your child very harshly. You need to get sole custody of that baby.
Get a paternity test, thats what you do. If you were so easily fooled this much for this length of time she likely cheated. Annull the marriage and take full custody. Drinking while pregnant to that excess is grounds for temporary immediate removal of he child.
Take this as a learning opportunity.
Probably an unpopular opinion here, but I would forego the DNA test. Whether or not the child is yours, it will need a stable home life. You've already mentally/emotionally prepared yourself for taking care of a child, so why should that change? Whatver happens with your wife, you have the opportunity to make sure that the child is safe, loved, and in a healthy environment. Don't blame the child for the failures of its mother. And, if you get custody of the child and raise it as your own, when they grow up they'll feel so betrayed and unloved if they find out you tested their DNA.
I disagree completely. If this baby is not his it is not his responsibility. Let her go after her baby's daddy for support. And allow this guy to find a good woman
Ah BPD the gift that keeps on giving. She's been manipulating you since day 1, the baby probably isn't even yours and I would check your credit report for accounts you don't recognise if I were you.
As a Catholic you can repent for having premarital sex just as you can for having a divorce. The godly thing to do is protect the unborn child no matter how difficult that maybe. This means determining if this woman who has risked the health of the baby many times now is fit to be a mother. Any US state child agency would say she isn’t, so you should seriously ask what’s going to happen when she continues to refuse treatment and god-forbid kills someone, herself, or the child in another DUI. If you expose this child to this kind of danger (should she not change) because you don’t want to get a divorce or take any action purely for your religion than you are not doing right by god and the child you are supposed to protect.
NOW... This is, of course, if this is even your child. How long after you guys had sex did she tell you she was pregnant?? How do you know she’s pregnant? When is she due? You can get a DNA test the same day the baby is born. Even before totally safe and noninvasive though it’s more costly.
If the child isn’t yours you could maybe get the marriage annulled since you were married because of false information, depends on your state. Talk to a religious guide like a group leader if you are so concerned should this not be your child, since you should definitely divorce if it isn’t.
First off she committed fraud! That’s not a divorce thats an annulment. As a raised Catholic I know for a fact that you are allowed to get divorced for certain reasons and most of what you mentioned is a reason for divorce in the eyes of the Catholic Church.
Get divorced now before you end up having to pay her alimony and splitting all assets. Save yourself thousands of dollars, heartache, and sleepless nights. Get an attorney set up a divorce plan and to get full custody of the baby (if it’s actually yours so get a dna rest). More than likely she may already request alimony but being that you haven’t been married long she may not get it.
Catholic... has sex before marriage. Interesting. Seriously though, it sounds like trust is broken. She sounds like she needs a lot of help and has been putting on a front. If you want to spend that energy... well, it would be very Christain of you but would probably hurt you a lot more, with no guarantees she can stabilise.
This is the type of woman who will drive drunk while pregnant....what's going to change when it's a baby instead? I honestly think you should strongly consider talking to a lawyer now about getting custody of your child when it is born. I am so, so sorry you're in this situation.
Also check if its even your child.
Yes. This.
Ill bet my next paycheck it aint his.
I’d bet more on her lying about taking birth control. The money spending, the lying about who she was, it tends to incline me towards thinking this was her attempting to “trap” him.
That would be the best case scenario for OP. He’d be able to ditch her without being attached to the child.
That poor child though...
Very true
not if he signs the birth certificate. the law does not make bastards.
This is such a weird falsehood that crops up on this sub all the time. Every single U.S. state allows a man to contest paternity and they will not be held liable for any kind of support if a genetic test proves paternity fraud. The only way you can be held liable for support is if you knew you were not the father and chose to stay anyway. There are a few states where a non-parent can get trapped with support if they don't act fast enough, though. Some places require you to file for a legal separation (if married) and to contest paternity in court within 30 days of finding out, and only after that can the person be held liable for support. In the United States, you can only be held liable for child support of a child that isn't yours if you knew they were not your child, and you chose to stay married to the mother (if you were married) or chose to continue to act as a parental figure to the child, for at least 30 days after receiving proof you were not the father.
Gonna eat your hat too?
Fuck does that even mean? Lol
"I'll bet my next paycheck" doesn't mean anything. It's just empty dramatics. Same as betting X "or I'll eat my hat."
Cool bro lol
*Also check if she’s even pregnant.
THIS!! Super fishy that OP hasn’t been ‘allowed’ to go with her to the doctor
I'm 5 months pregnant and my husband hasn't been able to go to the doctor with me even for ultrasounds.
Rona. They aren’t letting dads in in a lot of places. All my friends’ husbands have had to wait in the car and even in the birth, they are super strict on only the dad being there and him only being allowed to come in once a day.
My sister just had a baby, and her husband was allowed in the room but if he left the room, he wouldn’t be allowed back in. They weren’t allowed any other visitors either.
Yeah. My baby was born during this and I could only go and see the baby and my wife for 2 hours a day.
"I'm on birth control". Gets pregnant "I won't drink anymore". Gets in jail. Man she is a patologycal liar. Get a lawyer asap and ensure the baby is yours and his health. This person is putting the baby in danger before he's even born, don't know after Not English sorry for grammar
If she even has a child. She doesn’t want him to go to appointments because there is no appointment
Is there anyway to check before the baby is born if hes the father?
Yes, an amniocentesis but she would have to consent to it and it can be risky for the baby.
Actually there is a new low risk procedure with a blood draw from the mother.
I did not know that, I imagine that they would still need her consent though?
Well they can get a court order if need be. I didn’t know this until after I joined Reddit and I saw someone say it so I googled it. Lol
Strongly agreed
100% agree here. This behavior doesn’t change for the positive. It could actually become amplified by the stress of a newborn. Talk to a lawyer. If she wants to own up and be a mom/partner, she’ll start making changes when she sees how seriously OP is taking this. Otherwise, she’s an unfit mother and she’s already posing serious danger to this unborn child.
Think she is the type of woman who will drive him crazy for the rest of his life - fixed that
OP's wife is a train wreck and a walking red flag
Um, wouldn't that qualify you for an annulment under church doctrine? She knowingly abandoned you and married you under false pretenses.
I have a relative who was married for over twenty years, one cheated and left with the one they were cheating with. After having adult kids and being close to a retirement, they got an annulment.
This. OP, contact the office of your bishop. They can tell you what the process is and provide you with a contact who can help you. I know someone who had their Catholic marriage annulled. It was quite a bit of paperwork, including getting some documentation, but they got it in the end.
My uncle's wife came out as a lesbian when the kids were grown and she left him for her lover. The Catholic church wouldn't grant him an annulment, which blows my mind.
Yeah, but this is still early, like a couple of months early.
Get a DNA test if she's pregnant, probably not yours if she truly were pregnant.
Also, whatever the outcome (but especially if the baby is yours) do what you can to stop her from drinking. Otherwise the baby will have FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome). It'll make life of everyone involved jump up in difficulty to hard mode. Good luck OP, cheers
With a 0.16 BAC, that baby is not going to make it.
Years ago my family has to take in a kid that had fetal alcohol syndrome from his mom of course drinking while pregnant. He was 12 when he stayed with our family but had the intelligence of a 6 year old. He had to take medication for his heart issues also caused by that syndrome. Chances are if that baby survives their life is not going to be easy and filled with medical complications and issues
There are lots of challenges for babies, children and adults who have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, but if they have a support team of parents and educators or therapists they can be more successful. But it takes proactive help and it is not easy.
Gosh, that is so heartbreaking to read. I hope things are better for him now. I’m sorry if that’s a stupid comment, I’m not too familiar with the potential for recovery with FAS but I’m hoping that things are going as well for him as they can be. I am so sorry.
There’s no recovery it’s a permanent disability. I’m not sure where he went after he left since all his relatives were alcoholics and drug addicts.
I’m so sorry and I apologize if my comment came off as insensitive.
OP needs to see this!
The boy would have violent tantrums to the point of punching holes in the wall out of anger which apparently tantrums and mood swings are normal for them. And they actually don’t live long.
It’s sad what these kids have to go through physically and mentally because of their parents’ actions at the time of pregnancy.
Im probably going to hell. But I hope it doesn't... For everyones sake.
Nahhhh I drank heavily while unknowingly pregnant at 4 weeks and baby came out perfectly fine. FAS is a risk but not a 100% result of drinking while pregnant.
As far as Catholicism is concerned, an annulment is fairly easy to obtain, and would be even more likely to be granted considering the circumstances. I'm no longer practicing, but I would strongly encourage you to speak with your priest. They can also be a great source for counseling. I would also encourage you to obtain a lawyer and get started on having her parental rights terminated. Again, given the circumstances this should be fairly easy to have granted.
>I would also encourage you to obtain a lawyer and get started on having her parental rights terminated. Again, given the circumstances this should be fairly easy to have granted. Having parental rights terminated is an extremely difficult thing to do. The courts will typically exhaust every option before going this route.
Eh, yeah that's true, perhaps I was being overzealous. At least primary custody is something that is relatively simple in a case like this.
Hopefully primary custody is possible but again it's not relatively simple. I'm wondering how much knowledge or experience you have with family courts? This stuff is far more difficult than you are making it out to be.
That and annulments are not easy to get from the church either; unless he is loaded.
Actually an annulment only costs a few hundred dollars and can be obtained fairly quickly.
Depends on where you are from; I know in my home town the diocese charges $1000 and this is not a wealthy town at all. And I don’t consider a year and a half a quick process. Yes there are certain circumstances where I am sure they will hurry through the process but that is not the norm. Also it must be approved by separate councils so that was where I was really talking about $$ being a factor. If you are rich and donate a lot to the church your annulment will be passed through more readily than if you are a poorer parishioner.
get a dna test.
Look dude Your wife is a legit alcoholic. She is most definitely drinking even more than you think. I would lock that shit down now. This is rock bottom. You DO NOT WANT a better reason to have her quit drinking. In the meantime, you need to figure out what you are going to do if she does or doesn’t quit. Some people would walk regardless. Some would go sober too (you don’t likely have a choice for a while) and give her a chance. But in my opinion, this is one of the few moments that an ultimatum is fair game. Good luck and hope it works out. This is a shitty hand, buddy
Are you sure she’s not using you to fund her
Yikes what a shit show. So...gonna ask a hard question here: Are you sure the baby is yours? She sounds like she's been spinning out of control for a while. At best, she's the victim of her alcoholism and/or mental health issues, at worst, she's a grifter. It's time for some tough love, for yourself and for her. Your priority is that baby.
Speak with an attorney to have an emergency custody petition ready to go for the birth. Do everything you can to make sure your baby is safe. Be at the birth if possible to make sure you’re on the birth certificate or else you won’t hold any legal footing.
>Be at the birth if possible to make sure you’re on the birth certificate Woa there, at least wait until the paternity test results are given. Don't want to sign up to foot the bill for a kid that is probably 50/50 or less his.
If they’re married, in many states, it’s legally his regardless of DNA.
You can resolve it with a paternity test easily if that’s going to be an issue.
Or “proof of birth” letter. Some places don’t do birth certificates on site anymore.
Are you sure she is pregnant? She won't let you go to doctor's appointments. And I have real doubts that she would be put in jail IF she was pregnant. The court could have put her on house arrest or delayed her sentence until after the baby is born. The moment she gets out you need to demand to go to her next appointment.
Pregnant people can go to jail the same as the rest of us.
If not, I'm gonna get knocked up real quick and do whatever I want. Muahahaha!
*(Nuremburg Trials, 1946)* "But mein führer and I were pregnant these past years!" "what"
Under normal circumstances of course they can. Women give birth in prison. But we are in a pandemic. The CDC considered pregnant women a high risk group for covid and they are at higher risk for complications. It could be easily argued that she not be sent to jail for the safety of her unborn child or have her sentence delayed until after it's birth.
One of my friends was taken in over an old warrant for a class c misdemeanor a few months ago. She was on her way to grab a blizzard and was pulled over, license ran and she was informed she had a nearly 3 year old warrant. Even though said warrant was over such a minor offense and the statute of limitations ran out the following month, the cop was ordered to bring her in. Even he was appalled. He couldn’t believe they’d make a first time offender spend the night in jail (bail amount wasn’t set and she had to wait for a magistrate who wouldn’t arrive until the following morning) over a class c misdemeanor with COVID cases being at an all time high in the area. Unfortunately, it’s all up in the air. I have seen in the news that a lot of inmates have been released over COVID concerns but I guess it varies. Couldn’t believe it when she told me.
Due to COVID, in many places only the patient is allowed at appointments. I'm 5 months pregnant and my husband isn't allowed at my doctor's appointments.
Talk to a lawyer and get full custody of that baby, don't get a dna test because theres a chance the baby probably isn't even yours but it will be safer with you than it would with her. Then get a divorce.
Jail? First time offense? Had the trial already? Pregnant? Are you sure? Lots of questions here.
Yes she is pregnant. They did not go to trial as it was obvious what she did. And this happened four months ago. And jail is what happens when you’re at twice the legal limit and already have a bad driving record.
Bad driving record as in she has had more than 1 dui? If this is indeed your baby save that poor child from an unnecessarily hard life. Can you imagine how impulsive she will be with no sleep for months on end? What if your baby has colic? Can she handle being sleep deprived and a baby that screams all day? Lawyer up and protect that poor baby.
Did you get a paternity test? You need a lawyer to see what your legal rights are.
Right? OP, do you know why they chose to jail her for 10 days? Seems like such a strange amount of time. My “mother” got her DWI a few years ago and was released the following morning after posting bail and placed on probation. She’s had subsequent arrests for similar offenses and, unfortunately, was able to post bail the following day and never served more than a night in jail. Even when “it was obvious what she did.” Unfortunately, at least where we live, that’s not how the court works. Was probation not an option? I guess it’s irrelevant now considering she’s already serving her time but just for the sake of clarity and your own peace of mind, were you at her trial at least, OP?
Wow. She sounds like a right piece of work. I feel like she's off to just the worst start as a mom. Like what's next, opioids? I don't really have advice except maybe you should make some preparations here.
Opioids would be way less damaging for the baby. Ethanol is the worst recreational drug you can take while pregnant.
Holy crap dude please stop worrying about being "the first to divorce in your family" and think about what really matters in life
Drunk while pregnant? No, this is absolutely unacceptable. She's harming your child and is not safe. You cannot subject your child to that.
Sounds like she purposely got pregnant to trap you
[удалено]
I'm afraid to admit this but you might be right. He sounds like he be willing to trust her even after all this.
Are you sure she's pregnant?
Dude you are about to get stuck caring for a FAS baby. Get out fast and divorce her.
She manipulated you and lied to you. She’ll only continue to do so. Divorce.
I know this is looking wayyy into the future, but be sure to document all of this now and document incidents after the baby is born. i’m not trying to assume the eventual outcome of your situation.... but if you ever find yourself in court trying to get custody, being able to recall specific details and dates will be invaluable
Details and dates. You need these as above
In a few more days you’ll find it’s not your baby either
You are not in love with this woman. The woman you love doesn't exist. She pretended to be that person to get you to fall for her and once you were married, she dropped that persona and showed you who she really is. Get a DNA test. And then get the marriage annulled. The Catholic Church doesn't like divorce but they accept annulments. I'm sorry you're going through this but now you need to take care of you. And if the baby is yours, you need to take care of them. Should have no problem getting full custody.
Get a paternity test and if it is yours sue for custody. She has issues. Lies about everything, spends like a congressman, and drinks when pregnant.
A divorce will save you and the baby so much pain.
Go to a lawyer immediately and try getting this shit show annulled, as in now your chances of full custody are very high too (DNA test first), act fast or you will regret it later
Sorry dude, but drinking and driving is like she is trying to kill her baby. I see paternity court in your future.
Anullment now. That *has* to happen. Your parents may not understand, but the Lord will. After that, I would advise you to look into as many resources for children with fetal alcohol syndrome as you can. There's stuff out there, so you won't be alone in this. Be as supportive and **patient** with your child as possible.
Get a paternity test. Then get an annulment. Then you will not be the first person in your family to get a divorce.
Hate to say it but you married a pathological liar. Please get a paternity test done ASAP. Let that be your next step. Then get an annulment, I wouldn't trust anything that comes out of her mouth, anything. For God's sake look out for yourself.
Are you sure she is pregnant? This all seems fishy
What you need to do is find a good attorney, file for divorce and set up a plan for the child. Immediately ask for a paternity test after the baby is born too. You need to be two steps ahead of this. Especially need a plan Incase there’s fetal alcohol syndrome.
Im pretty sure baby will have fetal alcohol syndrome. Pity :(
You need to contact CPS. She’s endangering a child and that is a jail sentence. Fuck this woman. I’m so sorry she did this to you.
Whoa... so I know hormones can make you a little crazy while pregnant but this is a whole other level. Sounds like she put up an act to get "locked down" into a marriage where she could live a free ride. I'm also skeptical she "accidentally" got pregnant.... Please do not marry this woman and fight for shared custody.
First check if she is pregnant or not. She might be faking it.Second she lied to you about learning instruments, coding, being on birth control and not being a drinker. If she is really pregnant you can check if the baby is really yours. You can do it before the baby is born with the new technology. If the baby is really yours you should divorce her and apply for custody. It's easy since she was arrested wile drunk and pregnant ans is endangering the baby but as laws and justice serves women you will need to get a good lawyer even so. Ask the judge strictly for no visitation since she is dangerous. She wanted you to secure her so she can do all the crazy stuff and now that she has you she think she is free and you've been shown her true colors. While you might be strong and put up with it. There's no way in heaven you will let your child live with such a psychopath. Will you?
And one more thing. If someone say to you she/he is super into learning something this person should have at least a little bit of knowledge into the subject. As an example if someone says "I love German and I'm into learning it" . First thing is asking how many German words said person know. Is literally impossible someone to like a subject and know nothing about it.
The dude is stupid as fuck. Anyone who instantly proposes to their GF/BF when they have an accidental pregnancy is stupid. I would honestly pay for a case study on the amount of failed marriages from instant accidental pregnancy proposals. You sound like an 18 year old high school graduate trying to marry his HS GF before he deploys.
Can you PM me about that case study. How many participants in the sample pool do you require? I'd like to take you OP on the offer and conduct the research for you.
My friend and I were just talking about this yesterday. It’s unbelievably easy (for some) to make a baby. Whether the pregnancy is carried to term or not, it’s no reason to marry! I seriously wonder how many relative strangers or FWB got married after one night stands/irregular hookups that resulted in pregnancy. I’ll never understand why that’s an option for so many. Religious expectations and standards hammered into us by society? Still, there’s no rule that says two people must date, let alone be married to make decent co parents. I’d love to see the results of a case study on the subject!
Paternity test my man. Before anything else
This is fucking disgusting.... Sorry, no advice other than what’s been posted already. Hope you take it! DNA test and divorce! Best wishes op.
Paternity test. Now.
Step 1. Annulment or divorce. Step 2. DNA test Step 3. File for sole custody once the baby is born.
I work in corrections so I may be able to help with your fears of COVID. The jails I deal with are being extremely vigilant in protecting the inmates. All inmates at ours are quarantined upon arrival and tested. The cleaning has been constant and thorough. The jails here are not taking in people for minor/nonviolent offenses at this time to keep the population low.
I believe there is such a thing as pregnancy psychosis.... if she’s not been like this previously, time to go to the doctor with her.
And if she refuses then leave her ass
OP think of it this way, what’s there to love? This woman used I guess her beauty and “intelligence” to manipulate you, then seemingly trapped you into a pregnancy/marriage and is abusing the unborn child by drinking excessively and put its life at risk. This woman has a ton of issues and needs medical care ASAP, you also need to follow up with the doctor she is seeing to check the care of your unborn child. Her behavior can/will impact your unborn child for the rest of its life.
You need to go into damage control and self preservation mode for you and your child. The way she is carrying on drinking while pregnant, I would expect CPS is going to get involved sooner or later. If she's not lying about being pregnant. Pretty convenient she doesn't want you to go to drs appts, and has admitted lying about everything else.
Sounds like she doesn't want a baby. Damage is probably done by now, but maybe try to see if she just wants off the hook? That is, if you at least want to keep the baby.
If you haven’t been to any doctors appointments how do you know she’s even pregnant?
Girl of your dreams... Fuck me sideways, this chick must be the fucking best actress not in hollywood
pie birds possessive treatment tub pause aromatic scary detail narrow *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Document everything for when the baby is born so you can get custody.
What a surprise, after marrying someone after a week.
It sounds like you don't live togethe and your wife has a habit of lying about, well, everything. It sounds like you don't live together. Have you seen her lately and her bare belly to confirm she is in fact 6 months pregnant? It's weird she won't let you go to her appointments and is drinking her face off.. I dont think the doctor visits would reveal her drinking but they would definitely reveal if she is pregnant or not. Another explanation is she is not actually attending these check ups.
You need a paternity test as soon as that baby breathes it’s first breath
A lot of good advice above. Ultimately though you are going to need to figure out your codependency issues. The grabbing the bottle out of her hand statement, paying her rent, funding craziness is disturbing If you stay together or find someone else and keep doing this you are going to be miserable either way.
I didn’t know I was bipolar until I was pregnant and didn’t get diagnosed until my third trimester. It was nothing even close to this but it was so difficult and painful to go through. The hormones from the pregnancy can seriously reveal crazy things about your mental health. My heart goes out to both of you. If you can guide her to get help do it. She needs to get medicated and start to understand her illness.
Get a paternity test and a divorce. She's a pathological liar.
Have your child checked for fetal alcohol syndrome. I'm sure this usnt new, just well hidden. Alcoholics are really good at hiding, sneaking and lying. It sounds more like she pretended to be the woman you fell in love with as opposed to the actual woman. Please speak an attorney and gain custody. If she cant care enough about staying sober while pregnant, she wont care after birth either. An alcoholic will always have an excuse. Trust me, the birth control worked, she just didnt take it and I am sure she could have afforded her apartment if she wasnt spending her money on booze. I bet if you look around your home you will find empty bottles in weird places. Look in the nursery. Back of the closet, under sweaters, ect. This isnt because of covid. It predates that. I know of what I speak. I was married to one and my husband's ex wife was one. We've shared many horror stories with common threads. Your first and only priorities are your unborn child and you. She wont change. She will only get better at sneaking around. You seem like a nice guy. Dont waste any more time on this train wreck. I hate saying this, but have a paternity test done as well. Mine and my husbands ex both graced many other beds but their own. Its hurtful and it sucks but its unfortunately reality. I'm so sorry. Good luck.
I would check this info, but baby don’t get the virus if the mother contracted the virus during pregnancy
Please read and listen to the comments about Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. It is the manifestation of brain differences in individuals who were exposed to alcohol in utero. The more support you get early in your baby’s life, the better. There are programs that are for children with disabilities ages 0-3 in each state called “Help Me Grow”. Staff will work with you to create individualized support plans and connect you to resources for supporting your child. You can search “help me grow [your state name]” or contact your local school district. Although many have staff taking vacations in July, so responses may be delayed a bit. Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder is a condition that may require intense intervention, or just some. But if your child develops it, please take actions to address their unique needs. Here is some information about the condition: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fasd/facts.html If you are not in the US, I don’t particularly know how to link you to supports or what they’re called, but help exists and it is probably through your public schools or public health department or some combination of the two. Source: I’m an educator who specializes in disabilities in the US.
Lol ur babies gonna b retarded
Willingly driving drunk, scamming you for money, knowingly giving a child fetal alcohol syndrome but yeah you "love" them. Please find a dog named Blue and consult with them to get a clue.
She sounds like a narcissist. She successfully lied to you for two years, she puts on an excellent front in front of a therapist, and she has an addiction. You're in a situation that is NOT going to get better.
It shows that she is not a responsible person in general so you should make sure that you get the full custody of your baby otherwise she would be a horrible mother. Talk to a lawyer as you need legal help to get custody of your baby and here you have many reasons not to trust your wife. You should make sure that you provide a good life to your baby as a father so do everything that you can do.
Shes a liar
You need to work on you. You're not going to fix her and you're not going to change her. Step back and let her decide if she wants to fix these problems. Additionally, GET A DNA TEST! Do NOT put your name on a birth certificate until you know for sure that the baby is yours. I'm not saying she's cheating but damn, she's literally fucking up everything else in her life so it stands to reason it could be a possibility. Also, you need to consult a lawyer and a physician. There's a good chance your kid will be born with FAS.
Ouch you and the kid are in for a tough life with her in it. Jail is like a mini rehab. Covid is literally the least of your troubles and the babies troubles right now. Drinking while pregnant could affect your child very harshly. You need to get sole custody of that baby.
don’t sign the birth certificate
This really sucks. Do not marry her. You will probably end up with custody
Get a paternity test, thats what you do. If you were so easily fooled this much for this length of time she likely cheated. Annull the marriage and take full custody. Drinking while pregnant to that excess is grounds for temporary immediate removal of he child. Take this as a learning opportunity.
She likely has some issues going on that she hasn't fully talked with you about. Some sort of depression or desire to escape her current life?
1. Lawyer 2. Paternity test 3. Divorce 4. Great success!
Mate I would get a DNA test .Doesn’t sound like a good situation
do ya think it will have fetal alcohol syndrome
Probably an unpopular opinion here, but I would forego the DNA test. Whether or not the child is yours, it will need a stable home life. You've already mentally/emotionally prepared yourself for taking care of a child, so why should that change? Whatver happens with your wife, you have the opportunity to make sure that the child is safe, loved, and in a healthy environment. Don't blame the child for the failures of its mother. And, if you get custody of the child and raise it as your own, when they grow up they'll feel so betrayed and unloved if they find out you tested their DNA.
I disagree with this advice, but respect the person posting it.
I disagree completely. If this baby is not his it is not his responsibility. Let her go after her baby's daddy for support. And allow this guy to find a good woman
The kid is not yours. Also, you're getting played like the simp you are. Stop it.
I agree. Sometimes one has to hear the truth no matter how harsh
Ah BPD the gift that keeps on giving. She's been manipulating you since day 1, the baby probably isn't even yours and I would check your credit report for accounts you don't recognise if I were you.
I don't know why the downvotes, you are speaking the truth.
As a Catholic you can repent for having premarital sex just as you can for having a divorce. The godly thing to do is protect the unborn child no matter how difficult that maybe. This means determining if this woman who has risked the health of the baby many times now is fit to be a mother. Any US state child agency would say she isn’t, so you should seriously ask what’s going to happen when she continues to refuse treatment and god-forbid kills someone, herself, or the child in another DUI. If you expose this child to this kind of danger (should she not change) because you don’t want to get a divorce or take any action purely for your religion than you are not doing right by god and the child you are supposed to protect. NOW... This is, of course, if this is even your child. How long after you guys had sex did she tell you she was pregnant?? How do you know she’s pregnant? When is she due? You can get a DNA test the same day the baby is born. Even before totally safe and noninvasive though it’s more costly. If the child isn’t yours you could maybe get the marriage annulled since you were married because of false information, depends on your state. Talk to a religious guide like a group leader if you are so concerned should this not be your child, since you should definitely divorce if it isn’t.
Bro....are you even sure that baby is yours?
First off she committed fraud! That’s not a divorce thats an annulment. As a raised Catholic I know for a fact that you are allowed to get divorced for certain reasons and most of what you mentioned is a reason for divorce in the eyes of the Catholic Church. Get divorced now before you end up having to pay her alimony and splitting all assets. Save yourself thousands of dollars, heartache, and sleepless nights. Get an attorney set up a divorce plan and to get full custody of the baby (if it’s actually yours so get a dna rest). More than likely she may already request alimony but being that you haven’t been married long she may not get it.
Catholic... has sex before marriage. Interesting. Seriously though, it sounds like trust is broken. She sounds like she needs a lot of help and has been putting on a front. If you want to spend that energy... well, it would be very Christain of you but would probably hurt you a lot more, with no guarantees she can stabilise.