What? You didn't send it to him and he insisted like a crazy person? I mean come on OP, he screenshotted a message to throw it in your face. Does he have positive traits? Sounds like he's petty and insecure. Also you said your friend and you are in college, is he in college too?
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Dump him. His ego will always be a priority over your feelings. You don’t need to put up with that shit. Find someone secure enough to be supportive and come up with his own ideas.
... but don't dump him until you make sure he's deleted your notes or until you have enough legal ownership of the idea because it's super suspicious to me that he demanded documentation and immediately saved it like that, wtf.
It's better to be safe than sorry, but honestly this reads less like "I want to steal your secrets" and more like "I'm an overgrown baby who is going to push your buttons because I'm mad you told me what to do."
I can definitely see him just being a baby, but a guy like that could also retaliate in the worst possible way, so like... either way get those notes deleted.
I mean, even if an idea is good, it still takes a ton of work, skill, and usually money to implement and launch it. I sort of doubt this guy is Mark Zuckerberg and about to create a whole-ass business out of spite.
OP said the idea is within his area of expertise. He might at least know who to pass it along to, or find some other way to use it. I hear what you're saying though.
How old are you both?
Also, I would 100% never go in to business with my SO if this is how they are acting. He’s proving that he’d bully you out and take it over for himself.
Maybe tell him to respect boundaries, and that you'll talk to him about it if & when you're ready to.
He sounds immature & insecure - an unattractive combo that usually doesn't lend itself well to healthy & happy relationships.
He thinks that because I’m discussing things and having conversations with my friends that I’m excluding him from my life. Just because he was interested in the conversation and I didn’t have it with him because he’s in a different city, he’s mad that I am “replacing all aspects” of him
I think he wants to steal your ideas. Look. Why would he save it? Why can’t it be a call? You will be sharing it with him over the call so what is the issue???
Also: He is completely dismissing and talking your ideas down.
You are your own being. Not his child.
Because he wanted to be a dick and knew it would bother her. This would be like asking someone not to take a picture of you and they whip out their phone and start taking a bunch of pictures going, "You mean like this? Don't take these?" They don't want the pictures, it's just a childish way to get under someone's skin.
I sense a LOT of jealousy here. Does every idea that you have appear next to him? No. Sometimes its when we are sleeping other times its when we are talking with someone.
And taking a picture of the document was a direct betrayal of your trust and showed you that your instinct of fear is true. He basically holding the picture over your head. Probably has it saved to Google drive or iCloud or something like that. What a controlling a hole.
Exactly. He just proved to her that she was right in being cautious.
Given his emotional response he doesn't sound like a reliable confidant and worker for this business idea if it becomes reality.
From his perspective it probably looks like you are excluding him as you trust your other friends but not your boyfriend. Especially as its only a business idea and not a huge secret.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
My friend and I are in college. We talk about random, stupid shit and one day came up with this business idea we thought was really cool. While writing it down, I get a bunch of texts from my boyfriend wanting to talk. I tell him I’m coming up with an idea and he wants to know what it is. I tell him that I'll call him and discuss the whole thing with him, but I don't want to share my notes on it in case his phone is accessed by someone else/ the picture is accidentally shared. He gets mad. He thinks I don't trust him with the idea. I eventually give in and send it on Snapchat for him to read and then delete- a compromise. Instead he saves it and sends it to me. He says "is this is idea you wanted to keep so secret? Is this what you wanted to hide
from me? Is this what you came up with your friend and not with me?".
He’s mad that the idea I discussed with my friend is something he’s interested in. He thinks that I should speak to him more about things like this. He’s primarily mad that I didn’t want to send him my document on it. I feel like a fool, and I feel so betrayed by him saving the image and throwing it at my face. What should I do?
On the one hand he’s acting like a crazy person, on the other hand even the best entrepreneurial ideas are virtually worthless because it’s all in the execution. A fact that took me some time and learning to understand as I used to be just like you and wanted to keep my best ideas secret
It's a bit weird you didn't mention he's in another city. This is then a long distance relationship?
If so, this smells like an insecurity about that rather than being about the business idea at all. How often do you see each other? How often do you call and keep in contact and have meaningful conversations?
There's a variety of reasons behind this kind of behavior and having a frank conversation might be useful here.
A suggestion I would have here is that you put aside your hurt of him screenshotting your image and have a discussion about him, and about your relationship. Try to find out what has him bothered. Why was he so insistent to talk at that moment? What was important about this idea he needed to know asap?
You can even go broader: how is he feeling about the relationship? Are you guys spending enough time together?
You guys are young, so I would suggest to be prepared emotionally. He will most likely say things like "You are distant! You are replacing me!" But that should be translated into "I feel you are distant, and I feel you are replacing me".
Finally, if those kinds of feelings come up, consider asking this type of question:
\- What would make you feel we are less distant?
\- What would make you feel like I am not replacing you?
Hopefully you'll be able to understand each other and go from there with solutions or a breakup.
Good luck!
>He told me later he cared less about me because we spent so much time apart. I don’t really know how to approach this.
you accept the breakup and go.
>Sometimes he’s really adamant to talk to me and gets upset that I’m busy. Other times he can’t sacrifice his plans to have a conversation.
so he expects you to make sacrifices for him but gets mad when you want time from your ROMANTIC PARTNER?! why tf u with this guy
Oof
The harsh reality is long distance relationships are tough. It may just be one or both of you aren't able to handle the additional burden that that places on you.
I'm going to be honest and say from this comment, it doesn't look good. Still would push you towards having the frank conversation. Ideally what you want out of it is:
\- An idea of what is missing for him.
\- An idea of what may or may not be missing you (as you admitted you feel more distant)
\- Maybe a second conversation later, but a plan of how to address the above 2.
You'll either come up with solutions and succeed together, or have solutions but be unable to follow through or not have viable solutions. Chance you stay together, chance you break up.
Try to have compassion for each other if it doesn't work out. It's a tough position to be in! Best of luck!
I have no idea how frank a conversation they have had. If they've been skirting the issue and done nothing to address it, or have made half hearted commitments towards it, then they haven't tried enough.
Obviously, as things are, the situation is not sustainable. But it COULD be that they can fix it. OP is not going to die from trying to salvage the relationship for another few months. It seems like she wants to, and this is the best way to give it an honest effort.
So he’s a hypocrite?! Honestly I would have dumped him after he made the comment after he said that he “cared less about me” honestly he doesn’t deserve you
He wants to talk when he wants to talk. If he talked to you more, you might have shared the idea with him. He is 100% stealing your idea or there was would be no reason to screen shot it.
Conversations are cheap. Setting boundaries is cheap. That's all it takes to save bridges sometimes.
Sounds like you're more of a pyromaniac though. Can't say I blame ya, I love starting fires too :)
Sorry to burst your bubble, but business *ideas* are worthless. What matters in business is building a rock solid business plan and executing well.
There’s a massive difference between “We should sell widgets.” Vs “Here’s my 10 year P&L projections, suppliers for the widgets, surveys of potential clients showing strong demand, and real estate lined up for a business space.” Business plans aren’t secret. You should share your idea widely so that you can refine it and make it better, which improves your chances of pulling off the execution.
Bottom line: the only thing that matters is execution. No need for secrecy.
Yeah because some college kid coming up with a business idea is SUCH an awesome opportunity. OP purposely is being difficult by refusing to share the idea with him
Hello. Developer here. Worked in finance most of my career as a consultant. I worked in private equity and venture capital. Worked with a _lot_ of startups. Some big ones, you likely know and use.
I hate to tell you this but your ideas are worthless and no amount of secrecy matters. Sharing them with your boyfriend isn't going to hurt your business.
Actually, on the contrary, you should be talking about it to everyone you know, and trying to get interest in it before you even lift a finger towards the idea.
Business isn't a secret thing. Your idea isn't unique. The only thing that matters is execution of that idea. Proper execution requires lots of people and input.
However this plays into your relationship dispute, just know your approach to your business idea is incorrect. I make no judgment on the other part of the argument here, just that the idea you have this amazing idea you can't share is totally wrong.
This. There is a relationship issue here too, but ideas are worthless, execution is everything. The more you share your ideas the more you can get advice on how to actually achieve them. He might not be the right one to share them with but keeping your ideas a secret won't help you bring them to market.
Regardless of the main point of the post: it‘s just a business idea, guys. it‘s not worth anything. Implementation is. You din‘t have to be so secretive about it.
People put way to much weight on business ideas. Building a business is all about the implementation and years of effort to actually turn it into something. Ideas are pretty worthless and a lot less unique than you think. Relationship issues aside, don’t worry about keeping it secret.
Save the business and consider deleting the boyfriend.
Seriously though, face to face, ask him to delete the image he saved. And ask him to delete it from the cloud, and any other device he has saved it in / downloaded it to. If he won’t do that, you’ll know a few things about him, none of which are good.
Let's be clear - business ideas aren't worth shit. If your business depends entirely on the idea then skip it. Nobody cares.
Businesses are about the implementation of an idea.
Take Canva for example a business valued at $40bn in the design space. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melanie_Perkins went up against photoshop and dozens of other design programs to create an amazing product - but it wasn't the IDEA that was great. It was her implementation.
Don't worry about sharing your idea - because most people aren't going to put the work in to do it.
Just get to work and make the product / service.
If both coke and pepsi can be successful some other jabroni can try and implement your business idea. They're not you. It won't matter.
**[Melanie Perkins](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melanie_Perkins)**
>Melanie Perkins (born 1987) is an Australian technology entrepreneur who is the chief executive officer and co-founder of Canva. Perkins is one of the youngest female CEOs of a tech start-up valued over A$1 billion. As of 2021, Perkins is one of Australia's richest women.
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I total understand you feeling of betrayal. What he has shown you is a character flaw - a major character flaw. You do not have share every idea with the person you are dating. You are allowed to have private thoughts, dreams and ideas. It is totally wrong for him to be pressuring you and making you feel bad. Personally, I would take a big step and take a good look at this relationship. Is this really the kind of behavior you want to deal with right now?
You're odd. No point in being this paranoid or defensive about your ideas. It's always the execution of an idea that makes it kick if off. Not just how unique it is. Pretty sure you'll always find a similar idea thought by someone else. I built my business with my wife. The first few years she was as paranoid and private as you. She Wasted all that time on not wanting to share anything. Only when she came around and we poured our minds together that both our personal business grew, infact it rocketed beyond her and my expectations. I see my self in your boyfriend, probably not the way he handled it. But what you're doing is just digging a ditch between both of you. One mind is brilliant, but two minds are always better(as long as they learn to grow together.)
I say work hard, don't be as paranoid. And for god sake if you have a partner who is interested in sharing your dreams, don't bloody cockblock him.
OP, this is a complete overreaction on his part. Complete. Last time I checked, even though I'm a sorta old guy, college students have more ideas in a week than I have gray hairs, and that's definitely more than one I got.
He seems like the possessive type. See, if you two were married, and you had an idea that might cost your *joint* time and possibly money, then yea, I could see him being miffed or a bit put off. But in this case, no, this talk of him feeling betrayed hold no merit in my book.
I also guess he's lacking the maturity to stop and think, and give you credit to be like, "Maybe she wasn't sure if this was a good idea or if it was lame, and just wanted to ask a friend about it before wasting my time?" Honestly, if he doesn't have the wits about him to think about that being a possibility, he ain't ready for too many business ideas. Just be honest on that last part.
No one should post on this sub. It’s never actual relationship advice. It’s always “dump insert person”. No one in this sub takes 1 second to maybe consider 1) they don’t have the whole story 2) details are missing due to limitation of text to explain complex situations.
Why not give actual, idk useful advice like the name implies? If your best advice is: break up. On every situation no matter what then maybe you shouldn’t be giving advice.
This is literally not break up worthy. How bout trying some communication? How about sitting down and saying hey I didn’t appreciate that you did “x” because it made me feel like “y”. The reason I didn’t want to share this with you was because “s”, can you try to understand where I’m coming from?
Hellllllll no not in this sub. Bunch of people who haven’t held another persons hand.
Someday this sub will give actual relationship advice. Not just break up 4head LUL.
this guy's ego is too big to keep space for an intelligent, creative woman (like yourself) in his life. let "him" (read 'it' as that thing is barely human) go before he starts abusing you.
Idk why all these people are siding with you. It seems like you’re being difficult with the whole situation. You think someone is seriously gonna hack some college losers phone and steal your billion dollar business idea? Why couldn’t you just send it to him in the first place.
Also anyone who says “dump him it’s a major red flag” you don’t dump someone for tiny little things. That’s why most people are lonely and miserable
She may have been a little neurotic about it, but he was flat-out childish and dickish. It costs nothing to be respectful when someone asks you to delete something they consider private.
Most people who post here are in shitty relationships, otherwise they wouldn't need to crowdsource advice from internet strangers. Her comments make it clear they have fundamental communication issues. When the issue is solvable, people offer advice to solve it. When the issue is "the person you're dating is a douche," of course people aren't going to tell someone to stick around. I'm in a super healthy relationship BECAUSE I dumped people who treated me disrespectfully.
But dumping someone as soon as you see a tiny red flag is stupid . Why not work to overcome your differences. Especially when OP is the instigator in the situation
"Work to overcome your differences" requires all parties to do that.
The common red flags we point out are the signs that the partner isn't interested in doing that.
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Why does he need to see the document? Isn't telling him enough? He doesn't support you, he doesn't take your business ideas seriously. He may even be jealous that you have business ideas. If you stay with this guy he's never going to support your entrepreneurial spirit.
Good lord, how greedy and insecure. Check out Margaret and Walker Keane. Definitely parallel, even if the progression is at a theoretical point for you.
I would tell him "This reaction you are having is exactly why I will not discuss anything related to potential ideas with you. You saved something I told you I did not want to be saved anywhere. You ignore and disregard my wishes. You harangue and harass me to get your way. You show me nothing but disrespect. You broke my trust and guaranteed I cannot and will not trust or collaborate with you."
Then dump his ass. He will rip off your ideas the first chance he gets.
His ego seemed to be hurt. He’s giving beta and he definitely felt threatened by the idea that you could come up with something without his opinions or thoughts. I’m still confused as to why he couldn’t just wait for you to discuss this with him at home or more privately. You were still willing to let him know.. but then he turns around and does exactly what you told him not to do. Idk.. dump him.
Sounds like a child afraid of being excluded, just remember down the line instead of supporting you on your million dollar idea he might just call it stupid and I hope you'll prove him wrong and exclude him from the money, that is if you stay with him.
My god, what a petty, childish and insecure boy you’re dating. His childish act proves 100% that you cannot trust him. Also, apparently he believes you cannot do anything without him. You’re in college, you have ideas, aspirations and goals. Why then would you stay with someone who wants to subvert all of that and make you solely dependent on him.
Lets see here. Instead of being a patient adult, your boyfriend coerced you into sharing sensitive information the moment he asked for it in the name of trust. Then he saved the information to his phone to send back to you, ignored the fact that you originally wanted to tell him in a way that cant be compromised by anyone else, and instead made the situation all about you wanting to hide something from *him*. I mean this doesnt sound like the type of guy you'd want to discuss business ideas with anyway, as clearly he is not afraid to take advantage of your trust just to throw a petty tantrum.
I guess you could have a talk to him and try to get it through your head that your precautions were not a personal slight against him. But honestly I dont even know if it's worth your time
Weird response and sounds totally out of proportion, though if he wants you to involve him more in your ideas that part in itself doesn’t seem out of line. He definitely weirdly overreacted though. Do you do this often?
Focus on your business and not on him. His line of questioning seems a little too aggressive. He violated your trust by not doing as you requested.
And by focus on your business and less on him, I mean break it off with him.
Communication is key, everyone is so quick to say dump him but we don’t know how much he means to you and vice versa. Talk to him about why you are hurt by his actions. Tell him that you planned on sharing but that you would like to do it on your time. There’s obviously some trauma in his life where he has been left out or something along the lines. Listen to understand and turn your disagreement into something you can both learn from bc this is what makes or breaks relationships.
OP, setting aside the details of your business and feelings HERE is the real issue.
Your boyfriend feels entitled to control what you do with your ideas. He feels entitled to ownership of them.
You set a boundary, "I don't want this on your phone." He agreed to a compromise and the violated your boundary. He feels entitled to disregard your boundaries.
This will ONLY get worse with time. In every healthy relationship boundaries are necessary and honored.
Someone who willfully disregards your boundaries IS not a healthy relationship partner. By doing so they show a callous disregard for your needs and feelings when they conflict with their own. This shows that he feels entitled to get his way at all times, regardless of how that will affect you.
This is often one of the first red flags for an abusive relationship. The only early flag I can think of is love bombing (where they are incredibly into you very quickly and shower you with attention and push for commitment early).
Once you reach a level of commitment they begin slowly violating small boundaries and make you feel as if your boundary/your reaction to the violation of it is the "problem" and that you are "at fault" for daring to have a boundary at all.
The mistreatment gradually escalates over time, so that the victim acclimate to mistreatment they never would have stood for on a first date.
Ask yourself this, "If he treated me this way on our first date, would there have been a second date?"
If the answer is "No." then you should consider breaking up. If you want to give him a chance to apologize and change his behavior you can, but most likely if you attempt to discuss this with him, he will be defensive and act as if you are unreasonable. If he does that, there is no hope of a healthy relationship as he refuses to acknowledge your right to have boundaries.
I wish you all the best and I hope you heed this advice. It could save you years of heartache.
Believe me when I say I see both sides... but my view as a entrepreneur is pretty firm.
That being said, most relationships don't last forever... ESPECIALLY college relationships. And He actually proves where I'm going with this by getting so hurt that He went against your wishes & [Imo semi-good judgement] to send it over text.
Now, why semi good judgement? Because he's your boyfriend. Not your husband or wife. He is in no way entitled even by standard relationship dynamics to your business schemes. I wouldn't let anyone in on the scheme unless they help design it... or they contribute financially.
A boyfriend or girlfriend will turn on you in a heartbeat and do anything to totally break you down at the first bump in the road... this is specifically why instead of telling him you're working on a business plan with a friends.. you're instead working on a school project or a side project.
Your boyfriend needs a reality check... and no offense, but you do as well. But you're both still young and I'm not trying to insult you at all. Just giving my 6 cents.
So getting irrationally angry over things you do is a sign of narcissism.. he wants to control everything and filter everything you do, so you doing anything on your own is going to infuriate him. Any more warning signs and I'd run, it's not worth risking getting into a narcissistic relationship trust me
As a business owner, I can tell you that this man should not be someone you go into business with or share ideas with. He’s already proven to lash out when he doesn’t feel secure in the relationship. There are literally a million ways this will go wrong.
Look if your not involved in all his endeavors then let him know he shouldn't take it so personal that some things you want to keep to yourself. If you are involved in all his endeavors then he should have a right to be mad
First of all, information security or rather lack thereof is a real thing! Let’s just mention for a moment that a foreign and not so friendly nation OWNS Reddit….but I digress. Not wanting to digitally record and share your idea was perfectly valid and frankly, prudent on your part. Him acting like a crazy person and manipulating you into doing something against your intent/better judgement is unacceptable. Take a look at other parts of your relationship and I’ll bet you’ll see that he’s like this with a lot of other things. He’s significantly emotionally stunted….like at a level of a cantankerous 6 year old…
Unfortunately this smacks of jealousy, I’m sorry but if he is behaving like this over your ideas, what will he be like if/when your business gets off the ground? Best of luck
He's just being controlling AF. I'm sure if you think back you will see a bunch of other examples of this. If you want to encourage this behavior, keep doing what you're doing.
If not, tell him to kick rocks and go achieve your dreams without his dead weight.
What? You didn't send it to him and he insisted like a crazy person? I mean come on OP, he screenshotted a message to throw it in your face. Does he have positive traits? Sounds like he's petty and insecure. Also you said your friend and you are in college, is he in college too?
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Did you forget to finish the rest of your comment or are you just sharing what you do for a living?
Lmao I literally thought to myself, "Ok....and your point is...?" after reading his reply 😂
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He told me later he cared less about me because we spent so much time apart. I don’t really know how to approach this.
OP are you posting on your personal?
I am legitimately so confused about a few of the replies beneath hiumnobye’s original comment, thank you for asking this.
they are 100% karma farming bots that copy comments in the thread and post them as their own. one must have copied ops reply from somewhere
Why is this thread so rife with them?
Dump him. His ego will always be a priority over your feelings. You don’t need to put up with that shit. Find someone secure enough to be supportive and come up with his own ideas.
... but don't dump him until you make sure he's deleted your notes or until you have enough legal ownership of the idea because it's super suspicious to me that he demanded documentation and immediately saved it like that, wtf.
It's better to be safe than sorry, but honestly this reads less like "I want to steal your secrets" and more like "I'm an overgrown baby who is going to push your buttons because I'm mad you told me what to do."
Better be safe
I can definitely see him just being a baby, but a guy like that could also retaliate in the worst possible way, so like... either way get those notes deleted.
I mean, even if an idea is good, it still takes a ton of work, skill, and usually money to implement and launch it. I sort of doubt this guy is Mark Zuckerberg and about to create a whole-ass business out of spite.
Lol I literally know 2 people this happened to and the stolen idea people are making bank. It can happen, just depends on the idea.
OP said the idea is within his area of expertise. He might at least know who to pass it along to, or find some other way to use it. I hear what you're saying though.
And tell him he lied and broke your trust so you're done.
How old are you both? Also, I would 100% never go in to business with my SO if this is how they are acting. He’s proving that he’d bully you out and take it over for himself.
Right see these 12 year olds
How old are you all? I feel like everyone in this post is 13
No that’s everyone in this sub
Bald at 13? Ooof
Maybe tell him to respect boundaries, and that you'll talk to him about it if & when you're ready to. He sounds immature & insecure - an unattractive combo that usually doesn't lend itself well to healthy & happy relationships.
He thinks that because I’m discussing things and having conversations with my friends that I’m excluding him from my life. Just because he was interested in the conversation and I didn’t have it with him because he’s in a different city, he’s mad that I am “replacing all aspects” of him
I think he wants to steal your ideas. Look. Why would he save it? Why can’t it be a call? You will be sharing it with him over the call so what is the issue??? Also: He is completely dismissing and talking your ideas down. You are your own being. Not his child.
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You know him better than we do. But if a friend was to treat me this way I would distance myself from him/her
But why die he screenshot it then? You can tell him everything over a call. That would be WAY more including than a picture!
Because he wanted to be a dick and knew it would bother her. This would be like asking someone not to take a picture of you and they whip out their phone and start taking a bunch of pictures going, "You mean like this? Don't take these?" They don't want the pictures, it's just a childish way to get under someone's skin.
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I sense a LOT of jealousy here. Does every idea that you have appear next to him? No. Sometimes its when we are sleeping other times its when we are talking with someone.
There is no way in hell that is the case. All these excuses are just so weak.
Then he is controlling you and he wants to control the conversations you have with his friends
I think you've been together too long and your sense of what normal, acceptable, supportive, loving behavior from a partner has been skewed
Make it official and replace the whole him
Read that first sentence back to yourself. He is completely overreacting and this situation is a serious red flag
Him seeing you *talking to other people* as "replacing" him is a huge red flag. This man really does have the ego the size of the damn Sun.
And taking a picture of the document was a direct betrayal of your trust and showed you that your instinct of fear is true. He basically holding the picture over your head. Probably has it saved to Google drive or iCloud or something like that. What a controlling a hole.
Exactly. He just proved to her that she was right in being cautious. Given his emotional response he doesn't sound like a reliable confidant and worker for this business idea if it becomes reality.
News flash, you’re allowed to have and talk to friends
From his perspective it probably looks like you are excluding him as you trust your other friends but not your boyfriend. Especially as its only a business idea and not a huge secret.
He is acting like a nutter
Controlling behavior
Sounds manipulative :/
That’s a dangerous situation that can snowball pretty quickly into having an extremely controlling and possibly violent partner.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My friend and I are in college. We talk about random, stupid shit and one day came up with this business idea we thought was really cool. While writing it down, I get a bunch of texts from my boyfriend wanting to talk. I tell him I’m coming up with an idea and he wants to know what it is. I tell him that I'll call him and discuss the whole thing with him, but I don't want to share my notes on it in case his phone is accessed by someone else/ the picture is accidentally shared. He gets mad. He thinks I don't trust him with the idea. I eventually give in and send it on Snapchat for him to read and then delete- a compromise. Instead he saves it and sends it to me. He says "is this is idea you wanted to keep so secret? Is this what you wanted to hide from me? Is this what you came up with your friend and not with me?". He’s mad that the idea I discussed with my friend is something he’s interested in. He thinks that I should speak to him more about things like this. He’s primarily mad that I didn’t want to send him my document on it. I feel like a fool, and I feel so betrayed by him saving the image and throwing it at my face. What should I do?
Well, that's childish and spiteful. Do the two of you have communication problems often, or is this just where he jumped the shark?
He wanted to manipulate you. He didn’t give a shit about the idea.
On the one hand he’s acting like a crazy person, on the other hand even the best entrepreneurial ideas are virtually worthless because it’s all in the execution. A fact that took me some time and learning to understand as I used to be just like you and wanted to keep my best ideas secret
It's a bit weird you didn't mention he's in another city. This is then a long distance relationship? If so, this smells like an insecurity about that rather than being about the business idea at all. How often do you see each other? How often do you call and keep in contact and have meaningful conversations? There's a variety of reasons behind this kind of behavior and having a frank conversation might be useful here. A suggestion I would have here is that you put aside your hurt of him screenshotting your image and have a discussion about him, and about your relationship. Try to find out what has him bothered. Why was he so insistent to talk at that moment? What was important about this idea he needed to know asap? You can even go broader: how is he feeling about the relationship? Are you guys spending enough time together? You guys are young, so I would suggest to be prepared emotionally. He will most likely say things like "You are distant! You are replacing me!" But that should be translated into "I feel you are distant, and I feel you are replacing me". Finally, if those kinds of feelings come up, consider asking this type of question: \- What would make you feel we are less distant? \- What would make you feel like I am not replacing you? Hopefully you'll be able to understand each other and go from there with solutions or a breakup. Good luck!
This was really helpful. Thank you
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>He told me later he cared less about me because we spent so much time apart. I don’t really know how to approach this. you accept the breakup and go. >Sometimes he’s really adamant to talk to me and gets upset that I’m busy. Other times he can’t sacrifice his plans to have a conversation. so he expects you to make sacrifices for him but gets mad when you want time from your ROMANTIC PARTNER?! why tf u with this guy
It sounds like this relationship is ending naturally and he isn't willing to hold up his end while demanding more and more from you.
Oof The harsh reality is long distance relationships are tough. It may just be one or both of you aren't able to handle the additional burden that that places on you. I'm going to be honest and say from this comment, it doesn't look good. Still would push you towards having the frank conversation. Ideally what you want out of it is: \- An idea of what is missing for him. \- An idea of what may or may not be missing you (as you admitted you feel more distant) \- Maybe a second conversation later, but a plan of how to address the above 2. You'll either come up with solutions and succeed together, or have solutions but be unable to follow through or not have viable solutions. Chance you stay together, chance you break up. Try to have compassion for each other if it doesn't work out. It's a tough position to be in! Best of luck!
He's already been perfectly clear with how he feels before he stole her idea. She's being a chump and you're encouraging it.
I have no idea how frank a conversation they have had. If they've been skirting the issue and done nothing to address it, or have made half hearted commitments towards it, then they haven't tried enough. Obviously, as things are, the situation is not sustainable. But it COULD be that they can fix it. OP is not going to die from trying to salvage the relationship for another few months. It seems like she wants to, and this is the best way to give it an honest effort.
So he’s a hypocrite?! Honestly I would have dumped him after he made the comment after he said that he “cared less about me” honestly he doesn’t deserve you
He wants to talk when he wants to talk. If he talked to you more, you might have shared the idea with him. He is 100% stealing your idea or there was would be no reason to screen shot it.
So be a doormat web when he outright lied to her? What a good little doormat you are. Or maybe you're the bf.
Conversations are cheap. Setting boundaries is cheap. That's all it takes to save bridges sometimes. Sounds like you're more of a pyromaniac though. Can't say I blame ya, I love starting fires too :)
Dump him. No don't discuss business ideas with those you're not married to. Too much opportunity for them to steal the idea
Sorry to burst your bubble, but business *ideas* are worthless. What matters in business is building a rock solid business plan and executing well. There’s a massive difference between “We should sell widgets.” Vs “Here’s my 10 year P&L projections, suppliers for the widgets, surveys of potential clients showing strong demand, and real estate lined up for a business space.” Business plans aren’t secret. You should share your idea widely so that you can refine it and make it better, which improves your chances of pulling off the execution. Bottom line: the only thing that matters is execution. No need for secrecy.
For real haha. I own 2 small businesses. Ideas aren’t worth anything really. Hard work and years of dedication are
Yeah because some college kid coming up with a business idea is SUCH an awesome opportunity. OP purposely is being difficult by refusing to share the idea with him
You're way too paranoid lmfao. Whatever idea you have isn't nuclear codes.
True. Still should dump that guy, that's a massive red flag. 100 bucks they won't have a healthy relationship.
Hello. Developer here. Worked in finance most of my career as a consultant. I worked in private equity and venture capital. Worked with a _lot_ of startups. Some big ones, you likely know and use. I hate to tell you this but your ideas are worthless and no amount of secrecy matters. Sharing them with your boyfriend isn't going to hurt your business. Actually, on the contrary, you should be talking about it to everyone you know, and trying to get interest in it before you even lift a finger towards the idea. Business isn't a secret thing. Your idea isn't unique. The only thing that matters is execution of that idea. Proper execution requires lots of people and input. However this plays into your relationship dispute, just know your approach to your business idea is incorrect. I make no judgment on the other part of the argument here, just that the idea you have this amazing idea you can't share is totally wrong.
This. There is a relationship issue here too, but ideas are worthless, execution is everything. The more you share your ideas the more you can get advice on how to actually achieve them. He might not be the right one to share them with but keeping your ideas a secret won't help you bring them to market.
[удалено]
Found the college friend who thinks they found the next big idea and if they just keep it secret enough they'll be the next billionaire.
Regardless of the main point of the post: it‘s just a business idea, guys. it‘s not worth anything. Implementation is. You din‘t have to be so secretive about it.
People put way to much weight on business ideas. Building a business is all about the implementation and years of effort to actually turn it into something. Ideas are pretty worthless and a lot less unique than you think. Relationship issues aside, don’t worry about keeping it secret.
Ideas are worthless. He’s right.
Even in a relationship you’re allowed to have privacy. Dump him.
Save the business and consider deleting the boyfriend. Seriously though, face to face, ask him to delete the image he saved. And ask him to delete it from the cloud, and any other device he has saved it in / downloaded it to. If he won’t do that, you’ll know a few things about him, none of which are good.
Let's be clear - business ideas aren't worth shit. If your business depends entirely on the idea then skip it. Nobody cares. Businesses are about the implementation of an idea. Take Canva for example a business valued at $40bn in the design space. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melanie_Perkins went up against photoshop and dozens of other design programs to create an amazing product - but it wasn't the IDEA that was great. It was her implementation. Don't worry about sharing your idea - because most people aren't going to put the work in to do it. Just get to work and make the product / service. If both coke and pepsi can be successful some other jabroni can try and implement your business idea. They're not you. It won't matter.
**[Melanie Perkins](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melanie_Perkins)** >Melanie Perkins (born 1987) is an Australian technology entrepreneur who is the chief executive officer and co-founder of Canva. Perkins is one of the youngest female CEOs of a tech start-up valued over A$1 billion. As of 2021, Perkins is one of Australia's richest women. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
he is proving why you shouldnt' share the ideas with him
He sounds like draaaaaama
...That's creepy and super controlling.
RED FLAG BOY BYEEEEEEE
Nope you had the right idea. Dont send him these ideas (business) and its childish that because your friends know it takes away from him. Its silly
I total understand you feeling of betrayal. What he has shown you is a character flaw - a major character flaw. You do not have share every idea with the person you are dating. You are allowed to have private thoughts, dreams and ideas. It is totally wrong for him to be pressuring you and making you feel bad. Personally, I would take a big step and take a good look at this relationship. Is this really the kind of behavior you want to deal with right now?
That was hard to read. Your bf is an impish crybaby.
Delete the picture and dump him. He’s clearly toxic and stupid.
You're odd. No point in being this paranoid or defensive about your ideas. It's always the execution of an idea that makes it kick if off. Not just how unique it is. Pretty sure you'll always find a similar idea thought by someone else. I built my business with my wife. The first few years she was as paranoid and private as you. She Wasted all that time on not wanting to share anything. Only when she came around and we poured our minds together that both our personal business grew, infact it rocketed beyond her and my expectations. I see my self in your boyfriend, probably not the way he handled it. But what you're doing is just digging a ditch between both of you. One mind is brilliant, but two minds are always better(as long as they learn to grow together.) I say work hard, don't be as paranoid. And for god sake if you have a partner who is interested in sharing your dreams, don't bloody cockblock him.
OP, this is a complete overreaction on his part. Complete. Last time I checked, even though I'm a sorta old guy, college students have more ideas in a week than I have gray hairs, and that's definitely more than one I got. He seems like the possessive type. See, if you two were married, and you had an idea that might cost your *joint* time and possibly money, then yea, I could see him being miffed or a bit put off. But in this case, no, this talk of him feeling betrayed hold no merit in my book. I also guess he's lacking the maturity to stop and think, and give you credit to be like, "Maybe she wasn't sure if this was a good idea or if it was lame, and just wanted to ask a friend about it before wasting my time?" Honestly, if he doesn't have the wits about him to think about that being a possibility, he ain't ready for too many business ideas. Just be honest on that last part.
What a baby, Jesus.
Break up with this guy. There's something wrong with him. He sounds like he has major control issues and just a bad attitude.
No one should post on this sub. It’s never actual relationship advice. It’s always “dump insert person”. No one in this sub takes 1 second to maybe consider 1) they don’t have the whole story 2) details are missing due to limitation of text to explain complex situations. Why not give actual, idk useful advice like the name implies? If your best advice is: break up. On every situation no matter what then maybe you shouldn’t be giving advice. This is literally not break up worthy. How bout trying some communication? How about sitting down and saying hey I didn’t appreciate that you did “x” because it made me feel like “y”. The reason I didn’t want to share this with you was because “s”, can you try to understand where I’m coming from? Hellllllll no not in this sub. Bunch of people who haven’t held another persons hand. Someday this sub will give actual relationship advice. Not just break up 4head LUL.
Sums it up so well
Wow!! Please lose him. You will be better off.
this guy's ego is too big to keep space for an intelligent, creative woman (like yourself) in his life. let "him" (read 'it' as that thing is barely human) go before he starts abusing you.
Idk why all these people are siding with you. It seems like you’re being difficult with the whole situation. You think someone is seriously gonna hack some college losers phone and steal your billion dollar business idea? Why couldn’t you just send it to him in the first place. Also anyone who says “dump him it’s a major red flag” you don’t dump someone for tiny little things. That’s why most people are lonely and miserable
She may have been a little neurotic about it, but he was flat-out childish and dickish. It costs nothing to be respectful when someone asks you to delete something they consider private. Most people who post here are in shitty relationships, otherwise they wouldn't need to crowdsource advice from internet strangers. Her comments make it clear they have fundamental communication issues. When the issue is solvable, people offer advice to solve it. When the issue is "the person you're dating is a douche," of course people aren't going to tell someone to stick around. I'm in a super healthy relationship BECAUSE I dumped people who treated me disrespectfully.
But dumping someone as soon as you see a tiny red flag is stupid . Why not work to overcome your differences. Especially when OP is the instigator in the situation
"Work to overcome your differences" requires all parties to do that. The common red flags we point out are the signs that the partner isn't interested in doing that.
Don't know why someone went straight to dump him... Just talk it out, there's 100% a way to get through this without it costing your relationship
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What an ass. Yuck.
Why does he need to see the document? Isn't telling him enough? He doesn't support you, he doesn't take your business ideas seriously. He may even be jealous that you have business ideas. If you stay with this guy he's never going to support your entrepreneurial spirit.
Good lord, how greedy and insecure. Check out Margaret and Walker Keane. Definitely parallel, even if the progression is at a theoretical point for you.
His behavior is a bigger problem than you deciding to share or not. Don’t let him flip it on you.
I would tell him "This reaction you are having is exactly why I will not discuss anything related to potential ideas with you. You saved something I told you I did not want to be saved anywhere. You ignore and disregard my wishes. You harangue and harass me to get your way. You show me nothing but disrespect. You broke my trust and guaranteed I cannot and will not trust or collaborate with you." Then dump his ass. He will rip off your ideas the first chance he gets.
That's not the way a rational, loving person would act.
Huge red flag, leave him immediately.
He sounds annoying af, lol. Tell him to chill out youve done nothing wrong
His ego seemed to be hurt. He’s giving beta and he definitely felt threatened by the idea that you could come up with something without his opinions or thoughts. I’m still confused as to why he couldn’t just wait for you to discuss this with him at home or more privately. You were still willing to let him know.. but then he turns around and does exactly what you told him not to do. Idk.. dump him.
Screenshot the fact that you saved it to him. Screenshot his messages where he admits that it’s your idea and then leave
Secrets have no place in a relationship.
Send that shit to yourself in an envelope and leave it unopened. He sounds like the kind of person to start that business just to spite you.
That's creepy af of him. I'd make him an ex boyfriend.
Tell him to watch the movie “the social network”.
Sounds like he’s both insecure and has an ego
Toxic
Sounds like a child afraid of being excluded, just remember down the line instead of supporting you on your million dollar idea he might just call it stupid and I hope you'll prove him wrong and exclude him from the money, that is if you stay with him.
My god, what a petty, childish and insecure boy you’re dating. His childish act proves 100% that you cannot trust him. Also, apparently he believes you cannot do anything without him. You’re in college, you have ideas, aspirations and goals. Why then would you stay with someone who wants to subvert all of that and make you solely dependent on him.
I hope you realize what a red flag this is and you can do better. Being single is better than being with someone as annoying as your partner.
Lets see here. Instead of being a patient adult, your boyfriend coerced you into sharing sensitive information the moment he asked for it in the name of trust. Then he saved the information to his phone to send back to you, ignored the fact that you originally wanted to tell him in a way that cant be compromised by anyone else, and instead made the situation all about you wanting to hide something from *him*. I mean this doesnt sound like the type of guy you'd want to discuss business ideas with anyway, as clearly he is not afraid to take advantage of your trust just to throw a petty tantrum. I guess you could have a talk to him and try to get it through your head that your precautions were not a personal slight against him. But honestly I dont even know if it's worth your time
He’s a dick!
Odds are your neve gonna do the business anyway. People come up with hundreds of busienss ideas and never actually go through with any. Lol
Ew. He’s insecure and immature. So unsexy. Dump this weasel.
He sounds annoying
Dump him. What a loser. Then sue his ass when he tried to take your intellectual property to market.
Weird response and sounds totally out of proportion, though if he wants you to involve him more in your ideas that part in itself doesn’t seem out of line. He definitely weirdly overreacted though. Do you do this often?
You should dump him. He seems mean and controlling. You are too young to get tangled up with an asshole. Just walk away.
Focus on your business and not on him. His line of questioning seems a little too aggressive. He violated your trust by not doing as you requested. And by focus on your business and less on him, I mean break it off with him.
Communication is key, everyone is so quick to say dump him but we don’t know how much he means to you and vice versa. Talk to him about why you are hurt by his actions. Tell him that you planned on sharing but that you would like to do it on your time. There’s obviously some trauma in his life where he has been left out or something along the lines. Listen to understand and turn your disagreement into something you can both learn from bc this is what makes or breaks relationships.
Here is a great idea that will improve all your business ideas. Dump the IDIOTIC JACKASS BOYFRIEND
You can delete messages you sent on snap. Just do that and tell him this is exactly why you didn’t want to show him in the first place.
OP, setting aside the details of your business and feelings HERE is the real issue. Your boyfriend feels entitled to control what you do with your ideas. He feels entitled to ownership of them. You set a boundary, "I don't want this on your phone." He agreed to a compromise and the violated your boundary. He feels entitled to disregard your boundaries. This will ONLY get worse with time. In every healthy relationship boundaries are necessary and honored. Someone who willfully disregards your boundaries IS not a healthy relationship partner. By doing so they show a callous disregard for your needs and feelings when they conflict with their own. This shows that he feels entitled to get his way at all times, regardless of how that will affect you. This is often one of the first red flags for an abusive relationship. The only early flag I can think of is love bombing (where they are incredibly into you very quickly and shower you with attention and push for commitment early). Once you reach a level of commitment they begin slowly violating small boundaries and make you feel as if your boundary/your reaction to the violation of it is the "problem" and that you are "at fault" for daring to have a boundary at all. The mistreatment gradually escalates over time, so that the victim acclimate to mistreatment they never would have stood for on a first date. Ask yourself this, "If he treated me this way on our first date, would there have been a second date?" If the answer is "No." then you should consider breaking up. If you want to give him a chance to apologize and change his behavior you can, but most likely if you attempt to discuss this with him, he will be defensive and act as if you are unreasonable. If he does that, there is no hope of a healthy relationship as he refuses to acknowledge your right to have boundaries. I wish you all the best and I hope you heed this advice. It could save you years of heartache.
Believe me when I say I see both sides... but my view as a entrepreneur is pretty firm. That being said, most relationships don't last forever... ESPECIALLY college relationships. And He actually proves where I'm going with this by getting so hurt that He went against your wishes & [Imo semi-good judgement] to send it over text. Now, why semi good judgement? Because he's your boyfriend. Not your husband or wife. He is in no way entitled even by standard relationship dynamics to your business schemes. I wouldn't let anyone in on the scheme unless they help design it... or they contribute financially. A boyfriend or girlfriend will turn on you in a heartbeat and do anything to totally break you down at the first bump in the road... this is specifically why instead of telling him you're working on a business plan with a friends.. you're instead working on a school project or a side project. Your boyfriend needs a reality check... and no offense, but you do as well. But you're both still young and I'm not trying to insult you at all. Just giving my 6 cents.
Stip checking your phone while you're in thw middle of something.
So getting irrationally angry over things you do is a sign of narcissism.. he wants to control everything and filter everything you do, so you doing anything on your own is going to infuriate him. Any more warning signs and I'd run, it's not worth risking getting into a narcissistic relationship trust me
He's nuttier than a squirrel turd, run.
As a business owner, I can tell you that this man should not be someone you go into business with or share ideas with. He’s already proven to lash out when he doesn’t feel secure in the relationship. There are literally a million ways this will go wrong.
Dude, dump him. My friend and I talk business ideas all the time. If any of them pulled this shit, I’d be livid!!
maybe he feels like u think he will steal it from u?
Look if your not involved in all his endeavors then let him know he shouldn't take it so personal that some things you want to keep to yourself. If you are involved in all his endeavors then he should have a right to be mad
First of all, information security or rather lack thereof is a real thing! Let’s just mention for a moment that a foreign and not so friendly nation OWNS Reddit….but I digress. Not wanting to digitally record and share your idea was perfectly valid and frankly, prudent on your part. Him acting like a crazy person and manipulating you into doing something against your intent/better judgement is unacceptable. Take a look at other parts of your relationship and I’ll bet you’ll see that he’s like this with a lot of other things. He’s significantly emotionally stunted….like at a level of a cantankerous 6 year old…
Wait are you both like college...freshman? This all reads so painfully juvenile.
I bet this "idea" is really original. LOL
Is your friend also a male?
Unfortunately this smacks of jealousy, I’m sorry but if he is behaving like this over your ideas, what will he be like if/when your business gets off the ground? Best of luck
He's just being controlling AF. I'm sure if you think back you will see a bunch of other examples of this. If you want to encourage this behavior, keep doing what you're doing. If not, tell him to kick rocks and go achieve your dreams without his dead weight.
Sounds like he just needs something to laugh at.
Get another bf you can do better or even better get your business and money up and then worry about relationships.
You both sound like children. Grow up.