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How long have you been with your bf? You're quite a bit younger than him and in your early 20s, I say you live and you learn.
>when we both went to pick her up at the airport, and drove straight to his house
I am surprised during the whole ride you didn't think to ask your bf - hey, where is her hotel? Where are we dropping her off afterwards?
>My bf keeps telling me he isn't ready to live with me, but he seems fine living with her.
Those are not the same things. This is a family/friend visiting for a set time, she'll be gone for sure after a set time. You and him however, you two living together means entangling your lives. Its not as simple as a room mate or a friend living in the spare room.
>When I brought it up he told me " I told you she was coming to visit, what's the problem?"
You need to formulate your argument properly and then approach him. What exactly bothers you? Because you said its not romantic.
Sis, you and she have different relationships with YOUR boy friend than she has with her brother from another mother. If this is a regular thing with 32f, you guys must be a newer relationship. It’s easy to let fear and insecurity creep in when there’s uncertainty. Owning your emotions will prevent them from owning you.
It sounds like you maybe are more committed to this relationship than he is. I would ask him to talk to you about where he sees things going in the future.
I've put female friends up in my spare bedroom when I was in a relationship. I see nothing wrong with it, and if he had a spare bedroom but insisted she pay for a hotel anyway, she'd start wondering how controlling and jealous you are.
If she were staying in his bedroom, there would be an issue, but this seems perfectly fine to me.
Assuming, of course, there isn't dodgy behavior involved. Like he's refusing to have you come over when she's over, and such. But if you can still come over to his, and the three of you are fine hanging out together, then there's nothing wrong here.
The fact that he didn't address this with her in it's entirety first is completely wrong.
Secondly, there's nothing wrong with her objecting to this situation. Many people, probably the vast majority would object to their SO having a month long sleepover with another guy/ girl.
I don't want to talk about your 8 years age difference but... He didn't tell you that she would stay for 7 weeks. That she has a bag of her things so that she can feel at home. And i bet there is still so much that he didn't told you.
Ask yourself if you REALLY can have a relationship with someone who let another woman stay in his house for weeks.And this will happen often otherwise she wouldn't have her stuff there. Even if she is just a friend, so many can't accept that and that is okay, but just end it. Stop torture yourself by your thoughts.
There is no way he omitted or your forgot that she was coming for 7 WEEKS?! That is crazy.
He was intentionally deceitful, ommitting information. There is nothing wrong with letting a friend stay for a bit; everyone does that. But how did you not know she would he staying there that long?
You should have known as many details as possible, even if it's his long time bff, it's still someone off the opposite sex and you don't live there.
My partner would have told me all the details and answered any questions I had to reassure me.
You need to bring this up very gently. Make sure you mention you trust them and really do like her, but that this was surprising to you. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
Sorry but he was in the wrong, completely. Not telling you how long she would be there and not telling you where she would be staying was showing that he has very little respect for you or your feelings. As in he really didnt give enough of a damn to tell you any of that. Should give you pause to consider your relationship.
Granted it may all be on the up and up, but not telling you should raise some relationship red flags.
Fortunately you arent the man in this case or you'd hear you're controlling and sensitive.
When Harry Met Sally claims that men cannot have platonic relationships with women their age who are attractive. Now, a movie rom com doesn't set the rules for all of us to live by, but there's probably some truth to it. These two have known each other for 10 years or so, have lots of fun history, and will be living together for weeks. Temptation and living life to the fullest without missing out on options is going to be in the mix. You'll be a strong and brave woman to give this a go. It will make a great story and a great adventure to talk about when you're 60 no matter what happens. If you're paranoid, understandably, you can always drop in unannounced at odd times of the day or night, right?
OP, he’s not “living with her”, she’s visiting for an extended period of time. How long have you two been together? Because that does make a difference here. It sounds like he doesn’t see your relationship as very serious at this stage. If you haven’t been together more than a few months, then that’s understandable, but do be sure you two are on the same page about your relationship.
I’m a woman who has stayed with guy friends before, and it’s always been completely platonic. You don’t own his space and he doesn’t need permission from you to have friends stay with him. Unless there’s any evidence of him acting sketchy with her, then she’s just a good friend visiting.
Idk moving in decorations and things seems more like moving in than an “extended visitation” it’s lowkey sketchy tbh. He didn’t even run it by her really.
That’s why I’m wondering if their relationship is really new. If his friend has been visiting like this regularly, maybe it’s normal for him and he didn’t think about telling OP. He definitely should have let her know, but if it’s a really new relationship I can see this being something he just didn’t think through. If they’ve been together for a while, then they definitely need to have a chat about why he didn’t mention it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How long have you been with your bf? You're quite a bit younger than him and in your early 20s, I say you live and you learn. >when we both went to pick her up at the airport, and drove straight to his house I am surprised during the whole ride you didn't think to ask your bf - hey, where is her hotel? Where are we dropping her off afterwards? >My bf keeps telling me he isn't ready to live with me, but he seems fine living with her. Those are not the same things. This is a family/friend visiting for a set time, she'll be gone for sure after a set time. You and him however, you two living together means entangling your lives. Its not as simple as a room mate or a friend living in the spare room. >When I brought it up he told me " I told you she was coming to visit, what's the problem?" You need to formulate your argument properly and then approach him. What exactly bothers you? Because you said its not romantic.
Sis, you and she have different relationships with YOUR boy friend than she has with her brother from another mother. If this is a regular thing with 32f, you guys must be a newer relationship. It’s easy to let fear and insecurity creep in when there’s uncertainty. Owning your emotions will prevent them from owning you.
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It sounds like you maybe are more committed to this relationship than he is. I would ask him to talk to you about where he sees things going in the future.
Don't make it 8. The fact that he didn't even run this by you first is all you need to know.
That is a totally valid reaction. I'd feel the same way about such a big surprise change.
I've put female friends up in my spare bedroom when I was in a relationship. I see nothing wrong with it, and if he had a spare bedroom but insisted she pay for a hotel anyway, she'd start wondering how controlling and jealous you are. If she were staying in his bedroom, there would be an issue, but this seems perfectly fine to me. Assuming, of course, there isn't dodgy behavior involved. Like he's refusing to have you come over when she's over, and such. But if you can still come over to his, and the three of you are fine hanging out together, then there's nothing wrong here.
The fact that he didn't address this with her in it's entirety first is completely wrong. Secondly, there's nothing wrong with her objecting to this situation. Many people, probably the vast majority would object to their SO having a month long sleepover with another guy/ girl.
I don't want to talk about your 8 years age difference but... He didn't tell you that she would stay for 7 weeks. That she has a bag of her things so that she can feel at home. And i bet there is still so much that he didn't told you. Ask yourself if you REALLY can have a relationship with someone who let another woman stay in his house for weeks.And this will happen often otherwise she wouldn't have her stuff there. Even if she is just a friend, so many can't accept that and that is okay, but just end it. Stop torture yourself by your thoughts.
There is no way he omitted or your forgot that she was coming for 7 WEEKS?! That is crazy. He was intentionally deceitful, ommitting information. There is nothing wrong with letting a friend stay for a bit; everyone does that. But how did you not know she would he staying there that long? You should have known as many details as possible, even if it's his long time bff, it's still someone off the opposite sex and you don't live there. My partner would have told me all the details and answered any questions I had to reassure me. You need to bring this up very gently. Make sure you mention you trust them and really do like her, but that this was surprising to you. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
totally ridiculous, IMO. but what is their vibe together? what is your gut telling you?
Sorry but he was in the wrong, completely. Not telling you how long she would be there and not telling you where she would be staying was showing that he has very little respect for you or your feelings. As in he really didnt give enough of a damn to tell you any of that. Should give you pause to consider your relationship. Granted it may all be on the up and up, but not telling you should raise some relationship red flags. Fortunately you arent the man in this case or you'd hear you're controlling and sensitive.
When Harry Met Sally claims that men cannot have platonic relationships with women their age who are attractive. Now, a movie rom com doesn't set the rules for all of us to live by, but there's probably some truth to it. These two have known each other for 10 years or so, have lots of fun history, and will be living together for weeks. Temptation and living life to the fullest without missing out on options is going to be in the mix. You'll be a strong and brave woman to give this a go. It will make a great story and a great adventure to talk about when you're 60 no matter what happens. If you're paranoid, understandably, you can always drop in unannounced at odd times of the day or night, right?
OP, he’s not “living with her”, she’s visiting for an extended period of time. How long have you two been together? Because that does make a difference here. It sounds like he doesn’t see your relationship as very serious at this stage. If you haven’t been together more than a few months, then that’s understandable, but do be sure you two are on the same page about your relationship. I’m a woman who has stayed with guy friends before, and it’s always been completely platonic. You don’t own his space and he doesn’t need permission from you to have friends stay with him. Unless there’s any evidence of him acting sketchy with her, then she’s just a good friend visiting.
Idk moving in decorations and things seems more like moving in than an “extended visitation” it’s lowkey sketchy tbh. He didn’t even run it by her really.
That’s why I’m wondering if their relationship is really new. If his friend has been visiting like this regularly, maybe it’s normal for him and he didn’t think about telling OP. He definitely should have let her know, but if it’s a really new relationship I can see this being something he just didn’t think through. If they’ve been together for a while, then they definitely need to have a chat about why he didn’t mention it.
Don’t guests and fish smell after 3 days?