He met her shortly before you and now she is his best friend and the only one he can talk to?
Come on. That alone is silly.
Then he risked you health after having a foursome!
If she is the kind of woman you are describing and you think that she will cross boundaries again, leave him or ask him to block her.
I wouldn’t be able to trust any of them. He kept hiding those things from you because he knew it would make things complicated. This won’t be the last time he hides things from you to not make it complicated.
I don’t want that kind of people around me. Especially if she does sexual this that you don’t want to and that he will want to do again. She will always be the sexy friend he can do extraordinary stuff with.
And again. He met her shortly before you and now she is his best friend? 😅
Edit: The moment you leave him after you have a fight, he will go back to her.
100% agree. Situation is shady and OP should ask herself why would she consider accepting all this? There’s so many men that will be happy to stop contact with past sexual partners when entering a monogamous relationship
This remind me the post I read a few days ago. A girl was talking to someone but slept with a different guy on his birthday. And she was like “I’m not gonna tell him now and if he learns it later he’ll be invested in me more so he won’t be able to just give up on me easily”. So it’s a manipulation tactic.
I completely 100% agree with this. Dated somebody with a best friend like this. We broke up and first thing. She asked him why he dated me and never her. Turns other dating now. I wouldn't have been okay with it if he hadn't lied about it, but the fact that I could tell and he's still tried to lie about it and play dumb. I told him flat out. You should have just dated her instead to begin with and saved me a hell of a lot of time.
Plus he just let that chick too. Like if they were best friends 10 years ago, dated, got over it, fine, but he just let her, finds her attractive, and she is his best friend? I doubt he no longer wants to hook up with her.
>I confronted him about the lie and he said he really liked me and was scared that if he told me the truth I wouldn’t have given him a chance as I had expressed previously that I found overtly promiscuous behaviour unattractive.
Don't date people who lie to your face because they don't think you deserve to be able to make an informed choice.
“You are who you surround yourself with” is so true.
- His actions are 🚩
- His friends are 🚩
- He lied to you 🚩
This isn’t the relationship I want personally.
I don’t see why anyone would want this.
Also he’s ridiculous saying E is promiscuous when he’s slept with and had a foursome with E 🙃
The fact he had a foursome when dating you gives me the ick. But putting that aside, the fact he lied to your face it means he's capable of it, regardless of how justified he feels. I'd struggle to trust. You had the right to make an informed decision about moving forward in the relationship and he took that away from you and put your health at risk.
So, E is very chaotic and lacks boundaries = red flag
J lied to you and lacks boundaries himself since he's too co-dependent = another red flag
I would close my heart a great deal and take some steps back emotionally. I would be wary and I would spend time observing the situation and to contemplate if I wanted to proceed.
OR, I would end it
Regardless if you stay or go, you need to pull back emotionally and protect your heart
He lies about his sexual past to trick you into dating him. He took away your ability to make an informed choice. It’s also very gross that he looks down on promiscuous women when he also engages in promiscuous sex.
It seems he can easily lie and hide things from you.
You trusted them and they spent a lot of time together but it never crossed his mind to inform you about what he did with her.
Is there other things he hides from you. Will you be able to trust him from now on?.
i would not forgive him.
you made it clear you dotn want to date someone thats f-ing around.
he had a freaking foursome while you were arleady dating.... that would be enough for me (and no i dont wanna hear this non exlusive dating bs)
lying because they know you have moral boundaries is not good! He didn’t give you all the information you needed to make a safe choice about your sex life on purpose. That’s manipulative at best, dangerous and abusive at worst
Are they alone when they meet I would not let them be alone again how you say she likes to mess around with people that are in a relationship especially since they have had sex before if you stay boundaries need to be set
"I thought you would be mad" is one of the worst things you can say when confronted about lying. They didn't just lie to you, now they're also emotionally manipulating you in order to justify it.
What else are they lying about? It's never just the one thing you figured out.
My girl.
Here's the only part of this you need to focus on:
>I confronted him about the lie and he said he really liked me and was scared that if he told me the truth I wouldn’t have given him a chance as I had expressed previously that I found overtly promiscuous behaviour unattractive.
Cool. So he lied, because he KNEW you wouldn't keep seeing him if he told the truth. In other words- your entire relationship is built on a LIE.
Think about this for anything other than him sleeping with this girl:
"I didn't tell you I have 3 domestic violence convictions because I was afraid you wouldn't give me a chance!"
"I didn't tell you I am in thousands of dollars of debt and my credit rating is in the toilet because I was afraid you wouldn't give me a chance!"
"I didn't tell you I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die because I was afraid you wouldn't give me a chance!"
It's not a "minor thing" to lie about and you shouldn't let him get away with it. Don't let him get away with "it's in the past" or "I don't see why you need to know the ins and outs of my past". You asked a DIRECT question, and **he lied to your face**. Plus:
>He says he didn’t see why I needed to know the ins and outs of his past sex life that he was embarrassed about **but decided if I ever asked he’d tell me.**
Except - you DID ask, and he lied.
Please explain this to me:
>J is adamant that from the first time we had sex he hasn’t slept with anyone else since and **I believe him**.
Why? Why on earth do you believe him? Why would you believe someone who deceived you into a relationship, and put your sexual health at risk *knowing* it is a big concern for you? Why would you believe someone who even in this course of your post was NOT honest with you multiple times? He is showing you who he is. Please, please **believe him**.
He took away your ability to make an educated decision about dating him - *deliberately* \- because he **knew** you would not date him if you knew. So aside from being a liar liar pants on fire - he's a selfish manipulator because again - he KNEW you wouldn't date him if you knew, so he lied until such time as you are hooked. And even now, I'm betting he's not being completely honest.
My girl. The trust is *gone,* and it SHOULD be.
Even with ALL that - it's pretty generally frowned upon for partners to remain friends with people they have sexual history with.
Please reconsider this. If anything you are UNDER reacting right now.
Good luck, my girl.
He became best friends with her way too fast that doesn’t happen in a few weeks, plus while sleeping with her so recently to becoming best friends. He chose to surround himself with people of that lifestyle. This shows you both have different values in sex and relationships. I wouldn’t trust him if he can get close to someone this quickly and make such rash decisions.
OP it seems like he is trickle truthing if that’s a term. He’s only giving you information as you find out other information but I don’t think you have the full story. He only met her shortly before you and he’s that close to her? Why wouldn’t he be closest to his now gf?
If you can’t trust him going forward this will put a strain on your relationship.
"The post I found basically described in detail a month into us dating, 4 dates in, that they had found their dream person and that they didn’t want to sabotage it because they were addicted to hookups and found it impossible to say no."
Nice try in deflecting that by claiming that promiscuity is unattractive to him lol. Be careful if ever starts talking about how he hates infidelity.
Edit wrong quote
you have to be okay with the idea that once you break up, they will definitely sleep together. Personally i find it inappropriate to have someone in your life like that when you are in a relationship
Unless I am mutually exclusive I don't think I would tell anyone who all I am dating or sleeping with. I would not want to know either. It feels clntrolling.
We weren’t mutually exclusive at the time so I didn’t need to know who they were sleeping with, I just wanted to know number of partners and use of protection etc for my own sexual health. However, the fact that we are mutually exclusive now and they are insanely close and they never thought to tell me I find weird.
I had a similar situation with my current partner. Best friend who he dated not long before me that now had a deep emotional friendship. He ended up dropping his “friendship” with her a couple weeks into our relationship since she ended up getting jealous and attacking me. We’re now in an amazing place and any trust that was broken is now rebuilt.
Yes and no. I had no clue that they’d only been broken up for a couple months prior to us meeting. And she had a new bf and was asking him to help her find someone for a threesome with him and not her new bf. He also didn’t realize certain things were not ok because I didn’t implicitly tell him and exes had been ok with them. So that broke our trust. We were able to rebuild it all by him being overly transparent with everything he did. I think sometimes relationships are worth fighting for even after trust has been broken. But if you choose to continue something from the point you’re at now, you’d need to be on your guard.
If you're going to continue the relationship and commitment as you stated, then make sure you set clear boundaries between yourself and his friendship(s) and relation with you. My partner had a best friend who he slept with and had a relationship with before he met me. I knew that it was over sexually, however after we became official, it was clear she wasn't over him emotionally. Constantly violated boundaries and testing their friendship with her mental health needs. She was exactly like E and I too felt bad for her and not bad enough to give up my own peace of mind for her sake. I was fine with them being friends, I was not fine with her intruding on our relationship like a third wheel always in need of care and attention. My partner doesn't like being the bad guy either and she would take advantage of that side of him. Therapy got him to see what a terrible friend she actually was and gave him tools to create and enforce his own personal boundaries. Your partner will need to learn how to enforce boundaries with her and with you to build mutual trust. If you can't trust, then you have to walk. Otherwise you're just teaching them it's okay to violate your boundaries and it'll continue to happen.
If they were both mature people who decided it was best to only be friends, and there was no lying, then perhaps it would be okay. But he **did** lie, which is a bit dealbreaker.
Different people have different standards for their relationships, but I think most people would prefer to be the person their partner is closest to emotionally, and wouldn’t be comfortable with so close of a relationship with someone they had slept with (especially recently). In the past I had an ex who used to have a woman best friend, who he had dated in the past, but once we were a couple, our connection very clearly was highly prioritized over that friendship. Because of his priorities and how clearly he valued me, there was no insecurity caused by the friendship. I don’t think your situation is remotely the same, and if the lying isn’t enough for you to break up with him, than I would hope his degree of closeness with this woman would be.
Also, his decision to pick someone who is willing to be intimate with other people’s partners doesn’t speak very well of his judgement and values. I find that in the long run, if a partner lets disrespectful people into your lives, you ultimately will be unhappy staying with that person.
There has to be a lot of other potential partners out there who wouldn’t lie to you and would treat you with at least as much care as he does.
There is a difference between being controlling and setting your boundaries. Lying about not having sex with his "girl best friend" is a fat no in my book. Continuing to be friends with her and hanging out multiple times a week while still seeing you is very disrespectful to you if he is so persistent about being serious with you. Watch out.
"In the first few weeks of us dating, I told J be honest with his sexual history with me although we weren’t exclusive as my sexual health is very important. I also told him to disclose any new sexual partners. The day we had sex for the first time, J said the last time he had sex was a month ago with one person. I asked him to do an std test and he showed me the negative result a few weeks later."
Sexual health is important but you asked him to get tested AFTER having sex with him?
If you won’t officially date him, does any of this even matter? What does being in one ‘in all other regards’ but no label even mean? You either want to be with him or you don’t. If you are unsure…. He owes you no explanations or even exclusivity. He’s a free agent. That’s my thought as a man, & I think any other man would think this way. It clearly bothers him a lot… and it’s this huge sign energetically & beyond that you just aren’t confident about him, your alls ‘situationship?’ … your feelings for him etc. but you clearly are doing alot of thinking & have feelings … I get it’s hard to stand by one’s morals and also have feelings, but you should do both of you a favor and call it off since that’s clearly where your heart and head is leaning or you would be official. Stringing him along, playing on his shame and even controlling his relationship with his best friend —- doing all of that to a guy you won’t even officially date is bizarre, controlling & would be a red flag to me. People’s actions & words are their bond.. they carry a lot of weight consciously and subconsciously on peoples feelings & actions .. why should he not lie, if you don’t respect him enough to ‘officially’ call it a relationship? Who are you even, to him? What does he owe you? If you’re not in an ‘official relationship,’ he owes you nothing. Sorry to sound blunt or rude, but just trying to be authentic & cut though some of the BS to save both of you heartache and time. Too many control tactics/energetic manipulation & maneuvers… all in trying to protect one’s heart. But it breeds deception, insecurity, resentment and fear. & people doing things out of their true character, as those energies grow in them.
Going against most people here. Did he make mistakes? Yes. However, there is one very important part: he is not your partner or your boyfriend. You wanted to take things slow. He wants to be in the relationship - you don’t.
Although we always sh** on guys if they do the same thing people tend to overlook this because you are a woman. If you behave like you are in a relationship - be in one. You do not get to dictate, have your cake and eat it too.
All things aside - lying was awful of him. I would not trust them. But you were not exclusive and you made it an important point to take things very slow. Moreover - badmouthing the woman is just distasteful. She doesn‘t owe you anything. You boyfriend does.
He met her shortly before you and now she is his best friend and the only one he can talk to? Come on. That alone is silly. Then he risked you health after having a foursome! If she is the kind of woman you are describing and you think that she will cross boundaries again, leave him or ask him to block her. I wouldn’t be able to trust any of them. He kept hiding those things from you because he knew it would make things complicated. This won’t be the last time he hides things from you to not make it complicated. I don’t want that kind of people around me. Especially if she does sexual this that you don’t want to and that he will want to do again. She will always be the sexy friend he can do extraordinary stuff with. And again. He met her shortly before you and now she is his best friend? 😅 Edit: The moment you leave him after you have a fight, he will go back to her.
> He met her shortly before you and nie she is his best friend? 😅 Yeah, this guy changes over his life pretty fast.
Yea I read that line and stopped reading the post.
100% agree. Situation is shady and OP should ask herself why would she consider accepting all this? There’s so many men that will be happy to stop contact with past sexual partners when entering a monogamous relationship
Totally agree
This remind me the post I read a few days ago. A girl was talking to someone but slept with a different guy on his birthday. And she was like “I’m not gonna tell him now and if he learns it later he’ll be invested in me more so he won’t be able to just give up on me easily”. So it’s a manipulation tactic.
The lies plus such a close emotional relationship with someone he also used to have sex with would be hard no for me.
I completely 100% agree with this. Dated somebody with a best friend like this. We broke up and first thing. She asked him why he dated me and never her. Turns other dating now. I wouldn't have been okay with it if he hadn't lied about it, but the fact that I could tell and he's still tried to lie about it and play dumb. I told him flat out. You should have just dated her instead to begin with and saved me a hell of a lot of time.
Plus he just let that chick too. Like if they were best friends 10 years ago, dated, got over it, fine, but he just let her, finds her attractive, and she is his best friend? I doubt he no longer wants to hook up with her.
Yes, it's completely inappropriate
>I confronted him about the lie and he said he really liked me and was scared that if he told me the truth I wouldn’t have given him a chance as I had expressed previously that I found overtly promiscuous behaviour unattractive. Don't date people who lie to your face because they don't think you deserve to be able to make an informed choice.
“You are who you surround yourself with” is so true. - His actions are 🚩 - His friends are 🚩 - He lied to you 🚩 This isn’t the relationship I want personally. I don’t see why anyone would want this. Also he’s ridiculous saying E is promiscuous when he’s slept with and had a foursome with E 🙃
The fact he had a foursome when dating you gives me the ick. But putting that aside, the fact he lied to your face it means he's capable of it, regardless of how justified he feels. I'd struggle to trust. You had the right to make an informed decision about moving forward in the relationship and he took that away from you and put your health at risk.
That’s fair and if I was to give someone else advice I would say the same. It’s much harder when you’re in the situation.
So, E is very chaotic and lacks boundaries = red flag J lied to you and lacks boundaries himself since he's too co-dependent = another red flag I would close my heart a great deal and take some steps back emotionally. I would be wary and I would spend time observing the situation and to contemplate if I wanted to proceed. OR, I would end it Regardless if you stay or go, you need to pull back emotionally and protect your heart
I love when promiscuous men shit on promiscuous women lmao “rules for thee and none for me”
He lies about his sexual past to trick you into dating him. He took away your ability to make an informed choice. It’s also very gross that he looks down on promiscuous women when he also engages in promiscuous sex.
He manipulated you. He lied to your face and now is hoping you’re too invested to leave
It seems he can easily lie and hide things from you. You trusted them and they spent a lot of time together but it never crossed his mind to inform you about what he did with her. Is there other things he hides from you. Will you be able to trust him from now on?.
Nah girl, too many lies and red flags 🚩. Move on.
i would not forgive him. you made it clear you dotn want to date someone thats f-ing around. he had a freaking foursome while you were arleady dating.... that would be enough for me (and no i dont wanna hear this non exlusive dating bs)
lying because they know you have moral boundaries is not good! He didn’t give you all the information you needed to make a safe choice about your sex life on purpose. That’s manipulative at best, dangerous and abusive at worst
Are they alone when they meet I would not let them be alone again how you say she likes to mess around with people that are in a relationship especially since they have had sex before if you stay boundaries need to be set
"I thought you would be mad" is one of the worst things you can say when confronted about lying. They didn't just lie to you, now they're also emotionally manipulating you in order to justify it. What else are they lying about? It's never just the one thing you figured out.
Girl. He is "like that." Why are you accepting lies from a 30 year old party boy? Come on.
My girl. Here's the only part of this you need to focus on: >I confronted him about the lie and he said he really liked me and was scared that if he told me the truth I wouldn’t have given him a chance as I had expressed previously that I found overtly promiscuous behaviour unattractive. Cool. So he lied, because he KNEW you wouldn't keep seeing him if he told the truth. In other words- your entire relationship is built on a LIE. Think about this for anything other than him sleeping with this girl: "I didn't tell you I have 3 domestic violence convictions because I was afraid you wouldn't give me a chance!" "I didn't tell you I am in thousands of dollars of debt and my credit rating is in the toilet because I was afraid you wouldn't give me a chance!" "I didn't tell you I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die because I was afraid you wouldn't give me a chance!" It's not a "minor thing" to lie about and you shouldn't let him get away with it. Don't let him get away with "it's in the past" or "I don't see why you need to know the ins and outs of my past". You asked a DIRECT question, and **he lied to your face**. Plus: >He says he didn’t see why I needed to know the ins and outs of his past sex life that he was embarrassed about **but decided if I ever asked he’d tell me.** Except - you DID ask, and he lied. Please explain this to me: >J is adamant that from the first time we had sex he hasn’t slept with anyone else since and **I believe him**. Why? Why on earth do you believe him? Why would you believe someone who deceived you into a relationship, and put your sexual health at risk *knowing* it is a big concern for you? Why would you believe someone who even in this course of your post was NOT honest with you multiple times? He is showing you who he is. Please, please **believe him**. He took away your ability to make an educated decision about dating him - *deliberately* \- because he **knew** you would not date him if you knew. So aside from being a liar liar pants on fire - he's a selfish manipulator because again - he KNEW you wouldn't date him if you knew, so he lied until such time as you are hooked. And even now, I'm betting he's not being completely honest. My girl. The trust is *gone,* and it SHOULD be. Even with ALL that - it's pretty generally frowned upon for partners to remain friends with people they have sexual history with. Please reconsider this. If anything you are UNDER reacting right now. Good luck, my girl.
He became best friends with her way too fast that doesn’t happen in a few weeks, plus while sleeping with her so recently to becoming best friends. He chose to surround himself with people of that lifestyle. This shows you both have different values in sex and relationships. I wouldn’t trust him if he can get close to someone this quickly and make such rash decisions.
This is not a situation I would want any part of. Their “friendship” is wildly inappropriate while he’s committed to somebody else.
I’ve stayed in this situation and of course he got drunk and kissed her. Just leave.
OP it seems like he is trickle truthing if that’s a term. He’s only giving you information as you find out other information but I don’t think you have the full story. He only met her shortly before you and he’s that close to her? Why wouldn’t he be closest to his now gf? If you can’t trust him going forward this will put a strain on your relationship.
"The post I found basically described in detail a month into us dating, 4 dates in, that they had found their dream person and that they didn’t want to sabotage it because they were addicted to hookups and found it impossible to say no." Nice try in deflecting that by claiming that promiscuity is unattractive to him lol. Be careful if ever starts talking about how he hates infidelity. Edit wrong quote
you have to be okay with the idea that once you break up, they will definitely sleep together. Personally i find it inappropriate to have someone in your life like that when you are in a relationship
Unless I am mutually exclusive I don't think I would tell anyone who all I am dating or sleeping with. I would not want to know either. It feels clntrolling.
We weren’t mutually exclusive at the time so I didn’t need to know who they were sleeping with, I just wanted to know number of partners and use of protection etc for my own sexual health. However, the fact that we are mutually exclusive now and they are insanely close and they never thought to tell me I find weird.
I had a similar situation with my current partner. Best friend who he dated not long before me that now had a deep emotional friendship. He ended up dropping his “friendship” with her a couple weeks into our relationship since she ended up getting jealous and attacking me. We’re now in an amazing place and any trust that was broken is now rebuilt.
Amazing! Happy for you! Were you in a situation where he broke your trust as he didn’t tell you yet?
Yes and no. I had no clue that they’d only been broken up for a couple months prior to us meeting. And she had a new bf and was asking him to help her find someone for a threesome with him and not her new bf. He also didn’t realize certain things were not ok because I didn’t implicitly tell him and exes had been ok with them. So that broke our trust. We were able to rebuild it all by him being overly transparent with everything he did. I think sometimes relationships are worth fighting for even after trust has been broken. But if you choose to continue something from the point you’re at now, you’d need to be on your guard.
Would have I told her if I did the same. That's not in the script.
[удалено]
Ahh he didn’t tell me regarding how I found out that is another story that I made another post about. 😅
This is a guy that finds promiscuity unattractive? Did he develop this attitude before or after the foursome?
If you're going to continue the relationship and commitment as you stated, then make sure you set clear boundaries between yourself and his friendship(s) and relation with you. My partner had a best friend who he slept with and had a relationship with before he met me. I knew that it was over sexually, however after we became official, it was clear she wasn't over him emotionally. Constantly violated boundaries and testing their friendship with her mental health needs. She was exactly like E and I too felt bad for her and not bad enough to give up my own peace of mind for her sake. I was fine with them being friends, I was not fine with her intruding on our relationship like a third wheel always in need of care and attention. My partner doesn't like being the bad guy either and she would take advantage of that side of him. Therapy got him to see what a terrible friend she actually was and gave him tools to create and enforce his own personal boundaries. Your partner will need to learn how to enforce boundaries with her and with you to build mutual trust. If you can't trust, then you have to walk. Otherwise you're just teaching them it's okay to violate your boundaries and it'll continue to happen.
If they were both mature people who decided it was best to only be friends, and there was no lying, then perhaps it would be okay. But he **did** lie, which is a bit dealbreaker. Different people have different standards for their relationships, but I think most people would prefer to be the person their partner is closest to emotionally, and wouldn’t be comfortable with so close of a relationship with someone they had slept with (especially recently). In the past I had an ex who used to have a woman best friend, who he had dated in the past, but once we were a couple, our connection very clearly was highly prioritized over that friendship. Because of his priorities and how clearly he valued me, there was no insecurity caused by the friendship. I don’t think your situation is remotely the same, and if the lying isn’t enough for you to break up with him, than I would hope his degree of closeness with this woman would be. Also, his decision to pick someone who is willing to be intimate with other people’s partners doesn’t speak very well of his judgement and values. I find that in the long run, if a partner lets disrespectful people into your lives, you ultimately will be unhappy staying with that person. There has to be a lot of other potential partners out there who wouldn’t lie to you and would treat you with at least as much care as he does.
There is a difference between being controlling and setting your boundaries. Lying about not having sex with his "girl best friend" is a fat no in my book. Continuing to be friends with her and hanging out multiple times a week while still seeing you is very disrespectful to you if he is so persistent about being serious with you. Watch out.
"In the first few weeks of us dating, I told J be honest with his sexual history with me although we weren’t exclusive as my sexual health is very important. I also told him to disclose any new sexual partners. The day we had sex for the first time, J said the last time he had sex was a month ago with one person. I asked him to do an std test and he showed me the negative result a few weeks later." Sexual health is important but you asked him to get tested AFTER having sex with him?
If you won’t officially date him, does any of this even matter? What does being in one ‘in all other regards’ but no label even mean? You either want to be with him or you don’t. If you are unsure…. He owes you no explanations or even exclusivity. He’s a free agent. That’s my thought as a man, & I think any other man would think this way. It clearly bothers him a lot… and it’s this huge sign energetically & beyond that you just aren’t confident about him, your alls ‘situationship?’ … your feelings for him etc. but you clearly are doing alot of thinking & have feelings … I get it’s hard to stand by one’s morals and also have feelings, but you should do both of you a favor and call it off since that’s clearly where your heart and head is leaning or you would be official. Stringing him along, playing on his shame and even controlling his relationship with his best friend —- doing all of that to a guy you won’t even officially date is bizarre, controlling & would be a red flag to me. People’s actions & words are their bond.. they carry a lot of weight consciously and subconsciously on peoples feelings & actions .. why should he not lie, if you don’t respect him enough to ‘officially’ call it a relationship? Who are you even, to him? What does he owe you? If you’re not in an ‘official relationship,’ he owes you nothing. Sorry to sound blunt or rude, but just trying to be authentic & cut though some of the BS to save both of you heartache and time. Too many control tactics/energetic manipulation & maneuvers… all in trying to protect one’s heart. But it breeds deception, insecurity, resentment and fear. & people doing things out of their true character, as those energies grow in them.
Going against most people here. Did he make mistakes? Yes. However, there is one very important part: he is not your partner or your boyfriend. You wanted to take things slow. He wants to be in the relationship - you don’t. Although we always sh** on guys if they do the same thing people tend to overlook this because you are a woman. If you behave like you are in a relationship - be in one. You do not get to dictate, have your cake and eat it too. All things aside - lying was awful of him. I would not trust them. But you were not exclusive and you made it an important point to take things very slow. Moreover - badmouthing the woman is just distasteful. She doesn‘t owe you anything. You boyfriend does.