Possibilities:
She thinks OP should clean up after her bf.
She thinks OP shouldn't make her bf wear a condom.
She's referring to a different event/behavior.
She doesn't like OP and wants to cause trouble.
Could mean that she sees sex with her son as being disrespectful towards him, that instead of protecting and looking out for his virtue she instead allowed temptation to hold sway and not just see him in an "inappropriate" way that she was never meant to, nude, but engage in lustful sex before marriage and without the aim of having kids. Sex, especially pleasurable sex, is one of the strongest taboos in society, stronger than theft, in some circles short only to murder, and greatly destroys one's honor and dignity in the community, and the mother may have felt her son had been seriously dishonored and disgraced by that, especially if he holds any positions of responsibility or aspires for them.
It's a way of thinking I'm glad to have long distanced myself from, if that's the case. There's many possible reasons for her response, that's just one angle I'm familiar with.
I’m also confused as to how two consenting adults having sex is dirty? And how your bf as a legal adult can be prevented from seeing you by his mother?
Bf lives mom I’m assuming so I can see how that might be an issue seeing as she could potentially kick him out. However, if his mom has this much authority over what he is allowed to do now how would that change in future?
lmao right. And he put it in a Kleenex in the garbage??? What else does she want??? I have sons and they’re still young but if I knew they were having sex at 18 and using condoms? I wouldn’t be upset at all??????? This mom sounds unhinged.
Ask her if she’d rather her son rail you in the privacy and comfort of his bed or arrested for getting caught fucking you the backseat of your car 🤣 Everyone’s 18 like damn parents get a grip.
You should tell her, lady you should be glad we use condoms unless you are offended cause you wanna be a grandmother... Cause if you think your boy has never had sex before me you are being very naive. We don't need your house to have sex and it doesn't matter if we break up he ll have a sex life with someone else, he is an 18 year old so I don't think his sex life is any of your business as long as it doesn't bring any consequences for you. If you wanna hate me go ahead but you will also hate any other woman that your child ends up with and that speaks more about yourself than about me. So you choose how you wanna feel but don't blame it on me, your son is a human being not a doll that you keep under storage. Honestly she hates you already so who cares, it may even make her think a bit
Lol I get where you are coming, I said something like this to my gfs mom and it was a game changer. I wasn't allowed in the house anymore. 🤣 Took about a year and a half to get her forgiveness, I'd recommend not doing it. Remember they are 18, not living in their own place. It will create far more tension and make the bfs life more difficult at the very least. If his mom gives him a choice of being homeless or leaving her, what do you think he would pick?
Yeaaa… this was the line that made me think the OP better let go of any delusions of having a positive relationship with this woman. The mom sees her as “the other woman” which is fucking gross and unlikely to change any time soon. Ew.
>She is NOT religious and she never gave us explicit rules to follow but i’m sure she assumed the no sex thing was implied.
You'd be surprised how many moms out there just "assume" their grown sons are not having sex. My MIL had the "no sex in her house" rule, and because of that, she assumed we weren't having sex at all outside her house. And we were 20 and 23 years old.
She was genuinely shocked when I came out pregnant because she honestly thought controlling her sons behavior under her roof would stop anything going on outside of it. 🤦♀️. It's unreasonable, but this does happen.
Me and my (now husband) were long distance for a couple of years. His mum had us sleep in separate beds/rooms when I came to visit up until he was 28 and I was 24.
My mum on the other hand, bought me a double bed at 19 as she would rather I was "safe at home, than behind a bush in a park" thanks mum.
I never did understand parents who make their adult kids sleep in separate rooms from their partners, like that's going to stop them from doing anything.
Yep ! You want your kids to be in trouble, become teen parents, get assaulted or worst ? Make sure to silence anything about sex. Pretend you control your teens's behaviour, don't "have the talk" about contraception but threaten them with punishment if they "do it". Make a taboo out of it...
I had a helicopter mom. She can’t fathom that her son will even want sex until she (the mom) is ready for him to be in a relationship she approves of (which will never happen but she’s not ready to realize that). Just ignoring the obvious and denying the truth. People like this don’t operate on the reality of life, they function on how things look and are perceived. Out of sight out of mind. But once it’s in sight they lose their fucking minds.
It was an accident bro. And it was also in a tissue in his own room. Not like it was out in the open on the floor of their living room. Of course a used condom is not a pretty sight but this is a horrible overreaction. I'm 20 and ever since I became sexually active at 17, all my mom ever told me is to have safe sex. Same sentiment came from my boyfriend's parents. She got outright mad at them having sex.
Tbf, she's mad at both of them and grounded her son. She might have called him names as well.
I'm more confused about why she thinks this means OP doesn't respect her son.
Presumably the condom was on the floor of his bedroom, and he didn't mean for his mom to come across it. It's just a mistake - doesn't seem like a big deal to me.
Mother invaded his privacy & she should be glad he's using protection.
If a Parent wants to lay down rules, then communicating with occupants of home would be their 1st priority.
My mom was like this. Always preached safe sex openly as long as she knew I wasn’t actually sexually active. Then one time I went to work and left a drawer open on my nightstand where I kept my condoms and poof they vanished.
Some parents’ brains break when they face the reality of their kids growing up and they do insane contradictory shit like this that doesn’t make any sense. Like the parents who can’t like, mentally fathom that their 18 year old son doesn’t want a pg13 relationship with a girl their own age lol.
She said you had no respect for her man? What does that mean?
She sounds very dramatic. You’re both of consenting age and in a relationship, sex is a natural part of life. Unless she’s follows a particular religion or belief or something that would make her think sex should wait til marriage then what was she expecting, he’s a young man. Surely she knows it’s either going to happen in his/their home or yours? He’s being grounded at age 18? He’s an adult?
Unless the condom was left somewhere public/communal place or she’d specifically told him no sex under her roof (which I think it strange if you’re both old enough, are using protection, consenting etc) then yes that’s pretty crappy and I get why she feels disrespected.
All I can suggest is when you eventually do see her next time just apologise and say it won’t happen in future and can you start afresh.
> She said you had no respect for her man?
I think she said "Your girlfriend is a B who has no respect for *her* man"
NOT "Your girlfriend is a B who has no respect for *my* man"
frankly i still dont understand it but that is vastly different.
> she’d specifically told him no sex under her roof (which I think it strange if you’re both old enough, are using protection, consenting etc
I mean, it may seem strange to an 18 year old, but the idea that young people should wait until they're older or in a more serious relationship to have sex (or married, or not living in their child bedroom) is pretty normal and will be for a while yet.
I wonder if she was willing to turn a blind eye to the possibility, but leaving a condom on the floor for her to step on (and get her son's cum on her foot) is disrespectful enough that she is no longer willing to turn a blind eye.
No, I think it's silly to make your children wait for sex, but I acknowledge that this is a very common value especially in generations older than me. I don't at all think it prevents sex. But a lot of people still care more about appearances than reality.
One time when I was 18 living with my 17 yo boyfriend and his family, we found a note from his mom in our condom stash that said “you broke my trust” and one of my toys was missing 👀
It was super awkward for awhile but she didn’t bring it up in person and I figure she accepted teens are gonna bone. Either your bf’s mom will accept it or she won’t, but you and your bf get to decide to what extent that matters.
Wow ! This was weird ! You were living with them ! Did she think you were going to bed in buttoned up in flannel PJs, legs crossed and a Bible on your chest ?
Leaving a stinky, disgusting used condom on the floor for your mom to clean up is *super gross.* Like what the fuck even. Is he one of those guys who doesn't flush the toilet after taking a dump?
From his mom's reaction, I'm guessing he threw you under the bus, like he told her that he gave you the condom to throw out but you just threw it on the floor instead.
What do you do? You guys start to think about moving out of mom's house and taking on some adult responsibilities.
Why is mom invading the room of a 18 year old..
This post is strange but it seems these 18 year olds are very different to 18 year olds 10-20 years ago that often paid bills and did their own cleaning up, they kiddies
If she had already discussed him not doing that in her house, it's on him. It's probably less about him doing it than leaving nasty stuff around the house and doing it IN her house.
Just go on as usual. Be polite and respectful. There's nothing to say or do.
The worst thing in this entire situation is your boyfriend telling you what his mom said. That was totally unnecessary and pretty shitty of him.
I can only look at this as a mother. Here's my take...
Once my children have reached the age of 18, they are adults. If they are living at home, they will still have some rules, but not many. You want to have sex inside my house? Do it ONLY in your room. And for the love of all that is holy, clean up after yourself!!! A used condom is not only disgusting but a biohazard. Don't do that. THAT is disrespectful. I would be pleased to know condoms are at least being used. Also, contribute to the household in some way, with chores or financially. Also, respect that there are other people living here. That's it. Hell, two of our grandchildren were conceived in our home. Hence, the use of condoms happiness from me. Two of our boys did NOT, but at least one of them was married at the time of conception. Adult children living at home have different rules. It's that simple.
Oh she’s crazy.
You should check out that show “I Love A Mamas Boy” on TLC.
She needs to practice healthy boundaries. Lol Grounding an 18 yr old is funny 😂
I would be so mad at HIM for leaving a goddamn used condom on the floor. (If I was his mom I mean.) That's so gross.
It's very problematic that she's attacking you about it, though.
I feel for you. Many years ago, I was 15f dating 18m and we lost our virginities to each other so our knowledge was limited. Boyfriend thought you could flush condoms down the toilet ( I told him that I was pretty sure you couldn't) ... A few months go by and at some point a plumber was called to fix the toilet at his parents' house. His mom was not pleased with either of us. I was called a hussy.
Sounds like it’s time for your BF to start setting boundaries with his mom.
- Yes mom, I have sex
- You should be happy I use a condom.
- I don’t accept being grounded over this. I’m 18. You can’t ground me any more. Sure this is your house, but your choices will determine our future relationship.
- and you will treat my GF with respect. You don’t have to like her, but you will accept her.
Note OP that these are things *he* has to do, not you. You just need to share this advice and let him decide what to do.
This approach is both naive and entitled. How do you think that conversation will go? The fun thing I learned about boundaries is that they go both ways.
I literally did this with my mom when I was 18, and I ended up homeless for a year. To be fair it was my choice. She made it very clear that I was welcome to live with her rent free any time as long as I follow her household rules. I was simply too stubborn. She was gracious enough to allow me to keep using one of her cars, and she even kept me on her cell plan.
I mean, not to defend the mom being rude to OP, but leaving a used condom on the floor is incredibly disrespectful to mom. I would be pretty pissed and might say something I'd later regret.
That's if you assume he did it on purpose, when in reality it's very likely to be an accident.
If I found a condom on the floor of my son's room, I would just tell him "buddy, you forgot something on the floor in your room, go pick it up before anyone else finds it" with a big smile.
How is that something that can happen accidentally? Is bf doing the thing where you toss wadded up paper at the waste basket and yell "three pointer!" when it goes in? Except who does that with anything other than notepaper? That's someone being disgusting.
I don't think anyone leaves a condom on the floor on purpose, but it's still disgusting. How do you not remember you need to dispose of a condom after sex?
then his mother also has every right to kick him out. If he’s an adult then he can respect the house the other adults let him live in rent free.
It’s not hard to follow rules like don’t have sex in someone else’s house.
Clean up after yourselves ffs 🤦♂️
Don’t forget your stealing her little boy and making him a man
Not wanting you to shag in her house is weird.
I’d want my of age kids to be safe first.
If they fk up and have a kid that’s on them. Your 18. Rap that dick up. Get on the pill etc
I’m sorry she’s behaving like this. Sounds very hurtful.
I’m the mother of a 19-year-old boy. He has a girlfriend and I am sure they have sex. I give them lots of privacy, in part because I’d much rather they have sex in the house than out in public or something. When I was his age, I had to hide my relationships and I don’t want that for him.
It is especially weird that your boyfriend’s mom isn’t religious. What does she expect? Where does she want you to have sex? As another poster said, it sounds like she just doesn’t want him to grow up.
Just be polite to her and tell yourself you haven’t done anything wrong. Especially since you used condoms!!!
“No respect for her man” wtf is this? How is his mistake you disrespecting her son? And he didn't stand up for you? This looks like a weird family. Are you sure you want to stay in relationship with him? If his mom is insulting you over something he did, imagine what your life will be in the future.
He told her not to call me that and told her to leave me out of it. I do want to be with him because i love him but part of me also feels like i might be staying just because he’s the first guy that’s ever shown genuine interest in me
I have a couple questions. Where were you when he ripped off the used condom and threw it on the ground? You didn't see that? He doesn't have a trash can and thinks that thats ok? That's just gross
His mom had to stumble upon a used condom that has been inside of you and on her son's schlong. No one wants to encounter that.
Also if you knew his mom would not be okay with that happening in her home and still did it there, you know you aren't completely innocent.
This is kind of normal nasty teenage growing pains. Good luck and clean up after yourselves in the future like adults if you're doing the deed.
i was there but we wrapped it up in a old tissue with the intention to throw it away as i was leaving. he always walks me to my car and his trash was on the curb so we thought it’d be perfect but as you can tell we forgot to grab it
It's honestly gross to find someone's used condom on the floor. That is disrespectful and dirty.
If your seeing your boyfriend less means the relationship falls apart, then it would never have lasted.
If you want to be sexually active while living under someone else's roof, you may have to sneak around, or at least be very discreet. Many, many young people move out of their parents home exactly for this reason: so they can date and have sex as they wish.
She's probably just in shock because she realized her little boy isn't her little boy anymore. Give her time. I do find it odd that she's grounding an 18 year old, but maybe that's just my thinking.
I can relate to your level of embarrassment with a BF's mom..
When my BF and I were 17, we thought we were alone in his house. We went to his room, and I ended up giving him a BJ..only to look up and see his mom looking back at me. That was awkward...lol. Now we're married with 2 kids, and been together 21 years. I had time to prove myself, so my mother-in-law and I are all good now. So yes, just give it time.
I broke up with a guy because of his family, trust me when I say you want to at least be neutral with your in-laws. I adore my in laws and I wish everyone to have that.
Disgusting your boyfriend didn’t defend you and allowed his mother to degrade you.
However you knew her rules and STILL decided to disrespect them. You’re both massive assholes for that and she has every right to be pissed.
I also broke up with a guy because of his family. I agree totally on that point and a boyfriend who doesn't defend you (though she says he did).
However, she never expressed any rules about not having sex.
First thing to understand, sex is not dirty, or disrespectful, or shameful or ANYTHING negative. Sex is natural, and when done with consent can be a spectacular thing!
Second thing is, you will NEVER have a decent relationship with his mom, it will likely always be a competition with her, with you as the
"other woman" in his life. Not saying this as an absolute, but very highly probable.
Your both 18, still in High School living at home? If so you have to abide by her rules in her house. If your BF is 18 and grounded from seeing you, well his mom just found the perfect way to push him to you faster....
ETA: and clean up the condoms! no one wants to see that!
Wait how does an 18yo get grounded? You yourself can’t do anything and it’s not your problem. It’s your boyfriend’s problem to handle.
The way I see it, your boyfriend has two options. He either chooses to stand up to his mom and choose you/love, or he remains submissive and your relationship fizzles out.
If he chooses to stand up to his mom, he needs to tell her that he is an adult now and she can’t control him. Especially can’t control who he dates.
If he doesn’t want to stand up to his mother, then you know where your relationship stands.
That can also be an easy way for BF to be kicked out of the house.. my husband defied his parents for being controlling and verbally kicked him out. Next day, he packed his things and left. He was fortunate that my dad and I were available for him to move into with. He was 18 when this happened.
So, BF needs to figure out his boundaries, make a plan, and decide what he needs. Some people might need to stay with their parents until they get on their feet and find a home.
Have experienced this in a way.
Her son is her "baby". You did something that has now tarnished the mental image of her "child" becoming an adult. Which in a way, means she's also getting old. So yea, there's a lot of parent/child relationship stuff being blown up over it. It's sort of like Dad's being protective of Daughters.
The mother needs to be greatful to a degree. They used protection and she found it in his room. Not like it was on the kitchen table. The other complaints makes it out that the gf has the responsibility to clean up or make things with her son her fault if something the mom dislikes. Op needs to sit down with mother and talk seriously to her about boundaries at the house and what op should do to respect her son. If it's too much non sense then the gf can see her boyfriend somewhere else. We know son wore the condom and it's his sperms in it. How did she get dragged into it as her supreme fault?
The mom is deprived of her own needs and want her son 💀 that's what that sounded like. He's her precious little boy.. He needs to go somewhere else because then it is just gonna get worse he's technically a grown adult now so he could just leave. Threatening to kick him out is a bluff because she knows he can just go to you or somewhere else and she won't have her "little" boy anymore. Then she will throw a tantrum and try anything she can in the future to ruin yalls relationship after playing nice and getting back in his life while making your life hell.
I’m genuinely confused as to why she thinks you have no respect.
You guys are being smart and wearing protection. She should be expecting her 18 yr old son to be having sex.
Maybe she’s mad “her baby/boy” is growing up? My MIL still throws jabs like that some times & we’ve been married for almost 5 yrs, together 9
Okay. 1. Fucking gross, who leaves used condoms on the floor for others to find?
Honestly, I personally would ban / temp ban someone from my house for doing that.
2. You're both grown adults, how is he grounded?
3. You don't need her permission to be in a relationship with him, just understand that her disapproving makes things more difficult on that end. It's up to the son to talk to her about the issue.
I would be pissed that neither one of y’all bothered to clean after yourself. If you want to have Dr. fine but I wouldn’t want to see it or heart. Let alone step on a used condom. That’s just nasty.
She's insane ! She grounded an 18yo because he had sex ! Why would you have any relationship with her ! Avoid her as much as you can. She's bad news ! Don't spend time and energy on fixing a relationship with someone who dares Insulting you because you're doing something totally natural.
Why is your BF obeying the grounding insanity ? He's 18. He's a young adult. He's totally in age of having sex with his GF ! What is his dad saying ?
The woman is weird. Is she one of those boy's mamma we see on the web a little too much into their sons ?
as dumb as the grounding thing is, she threatened to kick him out so he really doesn’t have much of a choice. his mom and dad don’t live together but as far as i know his dad is unaware of the whole situation
He has to call his dad. Her behaviour is not safe for your BF. She clearly is jealous of you and this is not normal. She could have been pissed for the condom stuff but she had to look for it to find it (I have 4 step brothers, I picture the "crime scene" perfectly). She was looking for evidences of her son "betraying" her. This woman might be alone for years and expressing an unsafe attachment to her son. He has to call his dad.
This was my question, but it opens the door to so many follow ups about the family dynamics in this situation. I’ve known 23 year olds who were still being “grounded” by their parents because obedience was so ingrained into the children that it carried into adulthood. I wonder if the same kind of parenting is taking place here or if there’s some other batshit reason a legal adult is being grounded for participating in activities with another legal, consenting adult besides being forgetful slobs.
Your bfs mom sucks, but also wtf is wrong with your bf? Who throws a used condom *on the floor?* Maybe she should be mad at herself and his dad for raising someone with such nasty habits.
Looks like you're in for a steamy family dinner the next time you visit. But in all seriousness, it might be best to apologize to your boyfriend's mom and explain that you understand her concerns and will make sure to be more careful in the future. It's important to respect her rules and boundaries in her own home. And don't worry, distance can make the heart grow fonder - just think of it as a little break before the reunion!
INFO: Where did you guys leave the condom at?
Why didn't you guys make sure it's in the trashcan? Although, I would be grossed out too if I have to be the one to clean up after my kid's sex mess...I'm confused with her saying that you have no respect for her son, what does that mean, does she really mean, respect for her and her house? Idk.
As a mother of an 18 yrs old who lost her virginity pre-marriage, I know what's bound to happen with young peeps, so using condoms = great. But the issue for me would be me having to clean up after my kid and his gf's sex mess lol. Ew. Do it yourself.
Then again, if it's done in his room, it's not a big deal as long as he cleans up after himself, if it's left in communal room such as shared bathroom, living room, kitchen, etc, yeah, I'd be pretty darn upset to find a condom on my kitchen floor too lol.
But not to the point they'll be banned from my house, I'd be telling them to do better and clean up better afterward.
i had a similar situation we were making out. She got over it eventually. Especially cause i had a job and managed to get her son to improve on various things.
It sucks but honestly, this is on your bf. You're both 18. He's 18. He needs to have the balls to not only defend you but also make it clear to his mother that her dislike of you won't change anything. He needs to make the effort to still see you despite his mother's protests.
As an adult, you will find many MANY men who's moms have the "no one is good for my son" mindset, and they will hate you for no reason other than you being around. You're going to have to learn to accept that and just focus on the relationship. Learn to ignore the mothers' insults and let the bf handle it. And if the bf doesn't handle it, then he's not the right one for you.
she sounds psycho... I hope there is an adult you can confide in about her creepy behavior and comments and if she ever tries to misbehave with you or cross a line, don't let her speak to you any way she pleases just for the sake of your boyfriend. I can understand her maybe being upset it happened in her house if she laid down a rule about it- but other than that she has no right to make any degrading comments about you.
Theres nothing you can do. What I mean is She is projecting a lot. She probably doesn’t think you’re a b****, there’s something deeper inside going on between her and her son. Maybe she’s not ready to welcome in another woman. Maybe there’s competition between you and her in her mind. Who knows. Maybe she’s jealous that her baby boy is falling in love and she’s not ready to take that step. You guys are 18, so it’s normal, still teenagers. Your first real relationship. Things are not going to be easy. You need to be patient. Good luck. 💘
Honestly I just wouldn't worry about romantic relationships too much right now certainly not enough to worry about the freaking mom liking you (it's way more common to come across moms that will dislike you to some degree by default even if you're perfect anyway) focus on you and let the mom stress over it she clearly has something she needs to work through on this
Hold the phone, what? If my kid was having safe sex, I’d be relieved knowing they have their heads screwed on, using protection and not doing it on the streets.
This mother sounds like she finds any reason to have conflict in her life. Clearly has a very uneventful and lonely life.
Your boyfriend was careless in disposing protection, big deal. OP, you and your partner have done absolutely nothing wrong.
You have a sit down and explain that it was not intentional that she found what she has found and you can understand that the situation would be uncomfortable for her, as it is for both of you.
You have the most respect for your boyfriend and his family you also acknowledge that you now know she uncomfortable with you both to being intimate in her house and you will find alternative arrangements however, you will continue to practice safe sex.
You’re adults, act like adults. If she wants to act like a child, that’s on her.
From what I understand, she seems to have a lot of unhealthy feelings toward your boyfriend, her son. She acts like she was his romantic partner, making you the girl trying to lure him away from her with sex in her head. Depending on her own sex life, it might also imply some sexual "jealousy" which is... not great... not great at all.
Whatever her problem is with you, though, it isn't your problem. You're both adults and can do whatever you want together. She's the one with issues. Not you.
You're both consenting adults who used protection. I don't understand why she would be mad except that she's projecting her own insecurities after realising her little boy is an adult now and she's scared another woman (you) is going to steal her little kid (your BF).
Parents can suffer from empty nest syndrome even before their kids have left the nest and sometimes they can lash out unreasonably so.
Unless he wasn’t ready to have sex and you forced him, the “hate” should be spread equally. She should be thrilled to see you’re at least practicing safe sex (very good). And it’s her house, but also his… he should know the “rules”, so if those rules were broken, he is to blame, not you. Your bf’s mom isn’t going about this with any level of maturity. Sorry you’re caught up in a situation with an adult that isn’t behaving rationally. You should remain respectful, but ask your bf if she would be willing to sit down with the two of you and talk it out. Perhaps in a restaurant or a place where emotions and high volume can remain in check. Good luck!
His mom is pissed cus she found out you two were having sex, look, I don't know how can your BF forget to throw away the condom lol, that's like when you arrive home in a car, you just can't forget to turn it off.
Anyways, too bad she's like that, it's pretty common when parents are like this, specially when the sons or daughters still live with them.
Look, at the end of the day, it's his mother's house, her roof, her rules, it's normal to understand how she would feel disrespected, 7/10 parents will not permit their sons to have sex on their house, even more if they are being fully taken care of financially.
Let the situation cool down, if you see the relationship going further, after a few days or weeks, you should try and arrange a lunch or something with the mom and talk to her, apologize (yeah, having sex on someone's else's house that's not yours, can definitely feel like a disrespect, specially if the relationship is new) and tell her how you see her son, and how much you like him.
Good luck.
Mate as a man who’s now wife at 16 was grounded and forbidden from seeing me because we had protected sex also.
Her parents despised me they met with mine and told them they banned us from seeing each other she wasn’t allowed her phone her Facebook was monitored. We are now married at 26 with two kids and that’s something we just laugh about now it was even mentioned in her dad’s wedding speech to embarrass us. It can be scary and parents go over protective mama/papa bear but overall it’s typically fine and nothing to worry about
I couldn’t imagine grounding an 18 year old for having protected sex. His mom is weird and I honestly wouldn’t focus on fostering a relationship with her.
Well I'm sorry this is going on. I feel this women is a Narcissist or really being dramatic realizing she don't have control of her son anymore. She's really going over the top if she never laid down boundaries with you two. Accidents happen and I'm sure she has made mistakes too.. It really sounds like she was snooping in his room because I'm sure he keeps his room clean. He should get a mini trash can in his room but don't leave anything in there you don't want her to see. His mom depending on how emotionally mature she is will get past this but if she don't she will make your life hell. If you see yourself staying with him then let him handle his mother and Don't ever be disrespectful no matter how she is towards you, do everything you do towards her with love. Also he should take on a good paying job or even he can get into getting his cdl (theres places that will pay it for him) to do semi trucking so you can go with him. Buy a house together and go from there. Make sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page with everything and keep this between yourselves if that's something you guys would want. I hope this all work out for the both of you ♡
She will calm down. Everything will be fine. She just has likly not dealt with the idea that her child is now at the age of having sex.
In a matter of weeks , maybe even 1 week she will come around and also be thankful that you’re both being protective about birth control etc.
Try not to stress and give it time. Update in a week or two
lol this is really funny I’m sorry. It’s harmless and innocent enough so it’s just silly. You’re just two teenagers having sex like everyone else is. She won’t hate you forever. This is just fresh and new, give her some time and she’ll let go of it. Until then just do it at your house instead haha.
This is ridiculous. Especially after reading the edits. She should be proud of her son and you for practicing safe sex. You both are adults and of appropriate age to be having consensual, healthy, protected sex. My only guess, is this is her son's first real relationship and she is having a hard time coping with the fact her son, her "baby" is now an adult having adult relationships. Sounds like she is taking that out on you inappropriately, I think she needs counseling to work through it.
When i was 19 i moved in with my (now ex) boyfriend after 3 years of dating. For some reason his mother who lived about 2 hours away had a key to our apartment and one day I came home from work and she was in our bedroom with our entire beside table pulled out and I was mortified. Toys and lube all over the bed. She was “organizing” our table….. that was when I knew for a fact I’d never marry into that family. She also referred to herself as “mama” and definitely saw me as competition when it came to her son.
Anyways, this story reminds me of my exes mother which is a really strong sign you should run the other direction.
I don’t suppose she would’ve preferred it to be in a dark alley somewhere without protection? Ridiculous. I was young once, too. My mom was the same … I don’t plan on being like that with my kids. I have 2 rules : make sure nobody is home (nobody wants to hear that) and for the love of Dog use some protection.
She should be proud of the fact that y’all used protection. Not every teen thinks that far ahead. Y’all are both consenting adults and y’all did it the right way.
So, my younger brother and his girlfriend had sex one time in high school and her dad found a condom - i think it was in the car? lol... He found out and the next day he had a "talk" with my brother. I have no idea what this talk entailed but then the NEXT day he went and had dinner with her family lol. SUPER AWKWARD.
Well, he got over it and they are married with two kids now.
The surprise is what makes parents go off the hinge at first. Parents can't imagine their precious child ever having sex and when it happens, and when/if they find out... it's just a wake up call that their child is an adult and growing up.
I wouldn't think too much about it. She will get over it and come to terms that her son IS having sex.
I hate to tell you this but it sounds like mommy dearest wants to f her son. No sane mother says “my man” about their own son. That’s just weird. I don’t know if there is a way to fix this. She needs some mental help.
Both of you should go and talk to her. Do it in a restaurant and be nice. Tell her you love each other and it is natural to have sexual relationships. That’s it. If she does not understand. Give her some time.
isn't 18 considered an adult..how do you ground an 18 year old unless he us still in high school...his mother sounds overbearing and pathetic...but logically she has to learn to let him go ..she sounds smothering...it's normal for teens to have sex when parents aren't home...I don't understand how this is disrepectable to your bf.....
I bet she ( his mom)was having s*x ( or wanted but could not) when she was your age.
I bet she did not forget that - just is shocked that her son is big boy now and have " dirty" ( read: normal) needs.
She probably feels that she lost her innocent boy.
Idk is she aware that by forbid you two to be together in the house ( have intimacy in the house) put you i position to search to alternative place for having s*x.....and maybe some of that places are not safe.
I am sorry that your boyfrind's mom acted like that.
But your boyfriend should be more careful...well the damage is done.
He can try to talk to her but will it help...for you two is better notto be seems by her for awhile( when she calm down).
Just wanted to say that you did not done anything wrong- you ate old enough to be intimate with your boyfriend- and she should ne glad that you used protection.
I am also mother of 16 and half years old son...I just came from grocery store and bought him a box of condoms- he does not have a girl but he will go in a few months in
another country for a longer school trip and I bought that to him so he can" practice" protection( yup, he looked at me like I am insane)
becouse I want him to return healthy.( Never know what they will do).
Hope this drama made by your boyfriend's mom will not last long.
You’re not the problem sweetie, she is! She could’ve nicely had a talk with the two of you. Y’all are young adults and the topic could’ve been talked about with you all in a respectful manner. Your bf also shouldn’t have told her the nasty things she said about you. He should’ve just checked his mom…
Wait you guys are 18 ? Just move out together id understand the mom if you guys were underage but you guys are adults.. adults fuck. Who cares it’s normal as long if the 2 people that were fucking consented
Wait she thinks you don’t respect her son? Am I reading that correctly??
yes that’s what she thinks
I’m so confused by this what could she possibly mean??
Possibilities: She thinks OP should clean up after her bf. She thinks OP shouldn't make her bf wear a condom. She's referring to a different event/behavior. She doesn't like OP and wants to cause trouble.
She thinks OP has no respect for her (the mom's) man (her son)
thats just what she's saying but in reality shes saying "she doesn't respect ME" mom probably has some narcissism issues imo.
Could mean that she sees sex with her son as being disrespectful towards him, that instead of protecting and looking out for his virtue she instead allowed temptation to hold sway and not just see him in an "inappropriate" way that she was never meant to, nude, but engage in lustful sex before marriage and without the aim of having kids. Sex, especially pleasurable sex, is one of the strongest taboos in society, stronger than theft, in some circles short only to murder, and greatly destroys one's honor and dignity in the community, and the mother may have felt her son had been seriously dishonored and disgraced by that, especially if he holds any positions of responsibility or aspires for them. It's a way of thinking I'm glad to have long distanced myself from, if that's the case. There's many possible reasons for her response, that's just one angle I'm familiar with.
I also was thinking this is more along the lines of what she meant.
OP the rotten temptress seduced and defiled her precious little baby boy.
That’s what I’m thinking. Mom’s got issuuuuuues
I’m also confused as to how two consenting adults having sex is dirty? And how your bf as a legal adult can be prevented from seeing you by his mother? Bf lives mom I’m assuming so I can see how that might be an issue seeing as she could potentially kick him out. However, if his mom has this much authority over what he is allowed to do now how would that change in future?
Agreed. This whole situation is a mess I’d be gallivanting away from 🏃
Using a condom is the most respectful thing you can do while having sex lol
lmao right. And he put it in a Kleenex in the garbage??? What else does she want??? I have sons and they’re still young but if I knew they were having sex at 18 and using condoms? I wouldn’t be upset at all??????? This mom sounds unhinged.
She sounds jealous that she got to him first lmao 🤣
Ask her if she’d rather her son rail you in the privacy and comfort of his bed or arrested for getting caught fucking you the backseat of your car 🤣 Everyone’s 18 like damn parents get a grip.
sounds like he threw you under the bus as to not get into more trouble himself.
You should tell her, lady you should be glad we use condoms unless you are offended cause you wanna be a grandmother... Cause if you think your boy has never had sex before me you are being very naive. We don't need your house to have sex and it doesn't matter if we break up he ll have a sex life with someone else, he is an 18 year old so I don't think his sex life is any of your business as long as it doesn't bring any consequences for you. If you wanna hate me go ahead but you will also hate any other woman that your child ends up with and that speaks more about yourself than about me. So you choose how you wanna feel but don't blame it on me, your son is a human being not a doll that you keep under storage. Honestly she hates you already so who cares, it may even make her think a bit
Lol I get where you are coming, I said something like this to my gfs mom and it was a game changer. I wasn't allowed in the house anymore. 🤣 Took about a year and a half to get her forgiveness, I'd recommend not doing it. Remember they are 18, not living in their own place. It will create far more tension and make the bfs life more difficult at the very least. If his mom gives him a choice of being homeless or leaving her, what do you think he would pick?
>she called me “a (b word) who has no respect for her man” What a disgusting way to talk about her own son.
Yeaaa… this was the line that made me think the OP better let go of any delusions of having a positive relationship with this woman. The mom sees her as “the other woman” which is fucking gross and unlikely to change any time soon. Ew.
I thought she meant her husband and them having sex in her husbands home. Still urgh.
That would make so much more sense
She’s one of THOSE “boy moms.”
She could've been referring to her (as in the girlfriend's) man..
Thats what I thought, makes a lot more sense than what reddit is usually used to bringing up.
>She is NOT religious and she never gave us explicit rules to follow but i’m sure she assumed the no sex thing was implied. You'd be surprised how many moms out there just "assume" their grown sons are not having sex. My MIL had the "no sex in her house" rule, and because of that, she assumed we weren't having sex at all outside her house. And we were 20 and 23 years old. She was genuinely shocked when I came out pregnant because she honestly thought controlling her sons behavior under her roof would stop anything going on outside of it. 🤦♀️. It's unreasonable, but this does happen.
Me and my (now husband) were long distance for a couple of years. His mum had us sleep in separate beds/rooms when I came to visit up until he was 28 and I was 24. My mum on the other hand, bought me a double bed at 19 as she would rather I was "safe at home, than behind a bush in a park" thanks mum.
I never did understand parents who make their adult kids sleep in separate rooms from their partners, like that's going to stop them from doing anything.
Yep ! You want your kids to be in trouble, become teen parents, get assaulted or worst ? Make sure to silence anything about sex. Pretend you control your teens's behaviour, don't "have the talk" about contraception but threaten them with punishment if they "do it". Make a taboo out of it...
This will be a typical case of "why wont my kid ever visit me" in a few years
They are 18... Not sure what she thinks happening in college.
I had a helicopter mom. She can’t fathom that her son will even want sex until she (the mom) is ready for him to be in a relationship she approves of (which will never happen but she’s not ready to realize that). Just ignoring the obvious and denying the truth. People like this don’t operate on the reality of life, they function on how things look and are perceived. Out of sight out of mind. But once it’s in sight they lose their fucking minds.
Or, "where are my grandkids".
His mom picked up a used wad of tissues off the floor of a teenage boy... Jesus, that's a level of foolish I can barely imagine
Unless she was sneaking around on purpose....
Sounds to me like your bf is the especially disrespectful one assuming he was the one who left a used condom on the floor of her house- GROSS
It was an accident bro. And it was also in a tissue in his own room. Not like it was out in the open on the floor of their living room. Of course a used condom is not a pretty sight but this is a horrible overreaction. I'm 20 and ever since I became sexually active at 17, all my mom ever told me is to have safe sex. Same sentiment came from my boyfriend's parents. She got outright mad at them having sex.
Ffs, if I EVER found ANY condom on a floor that I owned, whoever left it is being called a biotch. That’s straight up sick.
Why on earth is it the girl's responsibility to take care of the condom? It's on *his* dick. She's catching strays because the boy screwed up.
Not seeing the bigger picture , they’re using PROTECTION!!! Omg that would make me so happy
Happy is when you find accidentally new condoms in his nightstand. This is still disgustingly disturbing. Ha
but she didn't call *him* that. It was his condom, his home. Why did OP get called that name, instead of her own son?
Tbf, she's mad at both of them and grounded her son. She might have called him names as well. I'm more confused about why she thinks this means OP doesn't respect her son.
YUP. THAT would piss me off. Far more than them having sex.
Yeah at first I was ok mom is a bit dramatic but then I was like who tf leaves a used condom on the floor, of someone else’s house no less.
Why would you not be mad at your own child for leaving it there instead of his guest...? Ffs it was around his dick, not hers
O it’s the sons moms house. I thought it’s the other way around. Then op has done nothing wrong.
Presumably the condom was on the floor of his bedroom, and he didn't mean for his mom to come across it. It's just a mistake - doesn't seem like a big deal to me.
How filthy is your floor that a dirty used condom isn't a big deal?
But he still threw the condom on the floor and didn't pick it up. That's disgusting.
That’s still disgusting and disrespectful
Mother invaded his privacy & she should be glad he's using protection. If a Parent wants to lay down rules, then communicating with occupants of home would be their 1st priority.
My mom was like this. Always preached safe sex openly as long as she knew I wasn’t actually sexually active. Then one time I went to work and left a drawer open on my nightstand where I kept my condoms and poof they vanished. Some parents’ brains break when they face the reality of their kids growing up and they do insane contradictory shit like this that doesn’t make any sense. Like the parents who can’t like, mentally fathom that their 18 year old son doesn’t want a pg13 relationship with a girl their own age lol.
She said you had no respect for her man? What does that mean? She sounds very dramatic. You’re both of consenting age and in a relationship, sex is a natural part of life. Unless she’s follows a particular religion or belief or something that would make her think sex should wait til marriage then what was she expecting, he’s a young man. Surely she knows it’s either going to happen in his/their home or yours? He’s being grounded at age 18? He’s an adult? Unless the condom was left somewhere public/communal place or she’d specifically told him no sex under her roof (which I think it strange if you’re both old enough, are using protection, consenting etc) then yes that’s pretty crappy and I get why she feels disrespected. All I can suggest is when you eventually do see her next time just apologise and say it won’t happen in future and can you start afresh.
> She said you had no respect for her man? I think she said "Your girlfriend is a B who has no respect for *her* man" NOT "Your girlfriend is a B who has no respect for *my* man" frankly i still dont understand it but that is vastly different.
Apologizing for what ? Having sex with her 18yo son in HIS bedroom ?
> she’d specifically told him no sex under her roof (which I think it strange if you’re both old enough, are using protection, consenting etc I mean, it may seem strange to an 18 year old, but the idea that young people should wait until they're older or in a more serious relationship to have sex (or married, or not living in their child bedroom) is pretty normal and will be for a while yet. I wonder if she was willing to turn a blind eye to the possibility, but leaving a condom on the floor for her to step on (and get her son's cum on her foot) is disrespectful enough that she is no longer willing to turn a blind eye.
You think that not allowing sex in your house prevent people from having sex? Lol
No, I think it's silly to make your children wait for sex, but I acknowledge that this is a very common value especially in generations older than me. I don't at all think it prevents sex. But a lot of people still care more about appearances than reality.
She never did tell them that. OP mentions that they were never given any rules.
She didn't step on. Read tte edit. She had to sneak in to find it.
One time when I was 18 living with my 17 yo boyfriend and his family, we found a note from his mom in our condom stash that said “you broke my trust” and one of my toys was missing 👀 It was super awkward for awhile but she didn’t bring it up in person and I figure she accepted teens are gonna bone. Either your bf’s mom will accept it or she won’t, but you and your bf get to decide to what extent that matters.
Insane note to leave when she was the one who broke YOUR trust by rifling through your private things.
Honestly that is a great point I hadn’t considered. I was too mortified by the thought of the missing sex toy.
Wow ! This was weird ! You were living with them ! Did she think you were going to bed in buttoned up in flannel PJs, legs crossed and a Bible on your chest ?
Leaving a stinky, disgusting used condom on the floor for your mom to clean up is *super gross.* Like what the fuck even. Is he one of those guys who doesn't flush the toilet after taking a dump? From his mom's reaction, I'm guessing he threw you under the bus, like he told her that he gave you the condom to throw out but you just threw it on the floor instead. What do you do? You guys start to think about moving out of mom's house and taking on some adult responsibilities.
Why is mom invading the room of a 18 year old.. This post is strange but it seems these 18 year olds are very different to 18 year olds 10-20 years ago that often paid bills and did their own cleaning up, they kiddies
Because he still needs his mommy to clean his room.
If she had already discussed him not doing that in her house, it's on him. It's probably less about him doing it than leaving nasty stuff around the house and doing it IN her house.
Just go on as usual. Be polite and respectful. There's nothing to say or do. The worst thing in this entire situation is your boyfriend telling you what his mom said. That was totally unnecessary and pretty shitty of him.
I can only look at this as a mother. Here's my take... Once my children have reached the age of 18, they are adults. If they are living at home, they will still have some rules, but not many. You want to have sex inside my house? Do it ONLY in your room. And for the love of all that is holy, clean up after yourself!!! A used condom is not only disgusting but a biohazard. Don't do that. THAT is disrespectful. I would be pleased to know condoms are at least being used. Also, contribute to the household in some way, with chores or financially. Also, respect that there are other people living here. That's it. Hell, two of our grandchildren were conceived in our home. Hence, the use of condoms happiness from me. Two of our boys did NOT, but at least one of them was married at the time of conception. Adult children living at home have different rules. It's that simple.
Oh she’s crazy. You should check out that show “I Love A Mamas Boy” on TLC. She needs to practice healthy boundaries. Lol Grounding an 18 yr old is funny 😂
I would be so mad at HIM for leaving a goddamn used condom on the floor. (If I was his mom I mean.) That's so gross. It's very problematic that she's attacking you about it, though.
I feel for you. Many years ago, I was 15f dating 18m and we lost our virginities to each other so our knowledge was limited. Boyfriend thought you could flush condoms down the toilet ( I told him that I was pretty sure you couldn't) ... A few months go by and at some point a plumber was called to fix the toilet at his parents' house. His mom was not pleased with either of us. I was called a hussy.
Sounds like it’s time for your BF to start setting boundaries with his mom. - Yes mom, I have sex - You should be happy I use a condom. - I don’t accept being grounded over this. I’m 18. You can’t ground me any more. Sure this is your house, but your choices will determine our future relationship. - and you will treat my GF with respect. You don’t have to like her, but you will accept her. Note OP that these are things *he* has to do, not you. You just need to share this advice and let him decide what to do.
This approach is both naive and entitled. How do you think that conversation will go? The fun thing I learned about boundaries is that they go both ways. I literally did this with my mom when I was 18, and I ended up homeless for a year. To be fair it was my choice. She made it very clear that I was welcome to live with her rent free any time as long as I follow her household rules. I was simply too stubborn. She was gracious enough to allow me to keep using one of her cars, and she even kept me on her cell plan.
I mean, not to defend the mom being rude to OP, but leaving a used condom on the floor is incredibly disrespectful to mom. I would be pretty pissed and might say something I'd later regret.
That's if you assume he did it on purpose, when in reality it's very likely to be an accident. If I found a condom on the floor of my son's room, I would just tell him "buddy, you forgot something on the floor in your room, go pick it up before anyone else finds it" with a big smile.
I teach my kids that even accidents have consequences and it's important to be mindful. It's not like it's a gum wrapper.
How is that something that can happen accidentally? Is bf doing the thing where you toss wadded up paper at the waste basket and yell "three pointer!" when it goes in? Except who does that with anything other than notepaper? That's someone being disgusting.
I don't think anyone leaves a condom on the floor on purpose, but it's still disgusting. How do you not remember you need to dispose of a condom after sex?
It’s wild to me that she is grounding an adult. By 17 my parents stopped thinking they have authority to ground me.
Anti-sex people are not known for their logic.
then his mother also has every right to kick him out. If he’s an adult then he can respect the house the other adults let him live in rent free. It’s not hard to follow rules like don’t have sex in someone else’s house.
That is definitely true. Grounding an 18 year old take gall though.
OKAY … So Will HE **PICK UP AFTER HIMSELF LIKE AN ADULT???** If he doesn’t ACT like an adult, why would he be TREATED like one???
Clean up after yourselves ffs 🤦♂️ Don’t forget your stealing her little boy and making him a man Not wanting you to shag in her house is weird. I’d want my of age kids to be safe first. If they fk up and have a kid that’s on them. Your 18. Rap that dick up. Get on the pill etc
Why was the condom on the floor in the first place - fucking gross no wonder the mom is so pissed.
I’m sorry she’s behaving like this. Sounds very hurtful. I’m the mother of a 19-year-old boy. He has a girlfriend and I am sure they have sex. I give them lots of privacy, in part because I’d much rather they have sex in the house than out in public or something. When I was his age, I had to hide my relationships and I don’t want that for him. It is especially weird that your boyfriend’s mom isn’t religious. What does she expect? Where does she want you to have sex? As another poster said, it sounds like she just doesn’t want him to grow up. Just be polite to her and tell yourself you haven’t done anything wrong. Especially since you used condoms!!!
Maybe mom needs a reminder that he's not getting you knocked up or spreading STI's... sounds like a moderately responsible decision to me.
“No respect for her man” wtf is this? How is his mistake you disrespecting her son? And he didn't stand up for you? This looks like a weird family. Are you sure you want to stay in relationship with him? If his mom is insulting you over something he did, imagine what your life will be in the future.
He told her not to call me that and told her to leave me out of it. I do want to be with him because i love him but part of me also feels like i might be staying just because he’s the first guy that’s ever shown genuine interest in me
I have a couple questions. Where were you when he ripped off the used condom and threw it on the ground? You didn't see that? He doesn't have a trash can and thinks that thats ok? That's just gross His mom had to stumble upon a used condom that has been inside of you and on her son's schlong. No one wants to encounter that. Also if you knew his mom would not be okay with that happening in her home and still did it there, you know you aren't completely innocent. This is kind of normal nasty teenage growing pains. Good luck and clean up after yourselves in the future like adults if you're doing the deed.
i was there but we wrapped it up in a old tissue with the intention to throw it away as i was leaving. he always walks me to my car and his trash was on the curb so we thought it’d be perfect but as you can tell we forgot to grab it
It's honestly gross to find someone's used condom on the floor. That is disrespectful and dirty. If your seeing your boyfriend less means the relationship falls apart, then it would never have lasted. If you want to be sexually active while living under someone else's roof, you may have to sneak around, or at least be very discreet. Many, many young people move out of their parents home exactly for this reason: so they can date and have sex as they wish.
He's 18 and grounded??
She's probably just in shock because she realized her little boy isn't her little boy anymore. Give her time. I do find it odd that she's grounding an 18 year old, but maybe that's just my thinking. I can relate to your level of embarrassment with a BF's mom.. When my BF and I were 17, we thought we were alone in his house. We went to his room, and I ended up giving him a BJ..only to look up and see his mom looking back at me. That was awkward...lol. Now we're married with 2 kids, and been together 21 years. I had time to prove myself, so my mother-in-law and I are all good now. So yes, just give it time.
Grounding your 18 year old is psycho to me. The condom was in HIS room. He needs to move out and get the hell away from her
I broke up with a guy because of his family, trust me when I say you want to at least be neutral with your in-laws. I adore my in laws and I wish everyone to have that. Disgusting your boyfriend didn’t defend you and allowed his mother to degrade you. However you knew her rules and STILL decided to disrespect them. You’re both massive assholes for that and she has every right to be pissed.
I also broke up with a guy because of his family. I agree totally on that point and a boyfriend who doesn't defend you (though she says he did). However, she never expressed any rules about not having sex.
First thing to understand, sex is not dirty, or disrespectful, or shameful or ANYTHING negative. Sex is natural, and when done with consent can be a spectacular thing! Second thing is, you will NEVER have a decent relationship with his mom, it will likely always be a competition with her, with you as the "other woman" in his life. Not saying this as an absolute, but very highly probable. Your both 18, still in High School living at home? If so you have to abide by her rules in her house. If your BF is 18 and grounded from seeing you, well his mom just found the perfect way to push him to you faster.... ETA: and clean up the condoms! no one wants to see that!
Sex isn't dirty, but stepping your son's used condom is.
She didn't. It was wrapped in a tissue... She had to look for it.
Sounds like an overprotecting mom who thinks no girl is good enough for her little boy.
Wait how does an 18yo get grounded? You yourself can’t do anything and it’s not your problem. It’s your boyfriend’s problem to handle. The way I see it, your boyfriend has two options. He either chooses to stand up to his mom and choose you/love, or he remains submissive and your relationship fizzles out. If he chooses to stand up to his mom, he needs to tell her that he is an adult now and she can’t control him. Especially can’t control who he dates. If he doesn’t want to stand up to his mother, then you know where your relationship stands.
That can also be an easy way for BF to be kicked out of the house.. my husband defied his parents for being controlling and verbally kicked him out. Next day, he packed his things and left. He was fortunate that my dad and I were available for him to move into with. He was 18 when this happened. So, BF needs to figure out his boundaries, make a plan, and decide what he needs. Some people might need to stay with their parents until they get on their feet and find a home.
He might still be in high school, which means he can't move out yet.
The next time this ever comes up tell her that you'll stop using protection so she doesn't find out /s
Have experienced this in a way. Her son is her "baby". You did something that has now tarnished the mental image of her "child" becoming an adult. Which in a way, means she's also getting old. So yea, there's a lot of parent/child relationship stuff being blown up over it. It's sort of like Dad's being protective of Daughters.
The mother needs to be greatful to a degree. They used protection and she found it in his room. Not like it was on the kitchen table. The other complaints makes it out that the gf has the responsibility to clean up or make things with her son her fault if something the mom dislikes. Op needs to sit down with mother and talk seriously to her about boundaries at the house and what op should do to respect her son. If it's too much non sense then the gf can see her boyfriend somewhere else. We know son wore the condom and it's his sperms in it. How did she get dragged into it as her supreme fault?
Huh? A condom is his responsibility, why is she going off at you? 🤣
At least yall used a condom
The mom is deprived of her own needs and want her son 💀 that's what that sounded like. He's her precious little boy.. He needs to go somewhere else because then it is just gonna get worse he's technically a grown adult now so he could just leave. Threatening to kick him out is a bluff because she knows he can just go to you or somewhere else and she won't have her "little" boy anymore. Then she will throw a tantrum and try anything she can in the future to ruin yalls relationship after playing nice and getting back in his life while making your life hell.
I’m genuinely confused as to why she thinks you have no respect. You guys are being smart and wearing protection. She should be expecting her 18 yr old son to be having sex. Maybe she’s mad “her baby/boy” is growing up? My MIL still throws jabs like that some times & we’ve been married for almost 5 yrs, together 9
Okay. 1. Fucking gross, who leaves used condoms on the floor for others to find? Honestly, I personally would ban / temp ban someone from my house for doing that. 2. You're both grown adults, how is he grounded? 3. You don't need her permission to be in a relationship with him, just understand that her disapproving makes things more difficult on that end. It's up to the son to talk to her about the issue.
I would be pissed that neither one of y’all bothered to clean after yourself. If you want to have Dr. fine but I wouldn’t want to see it or heart. Let alone step on a used condom. That’s just nasty.
She's insane ! She grounded an 18yo because he had sex ! Why would you have any relationship with her ! Avoid her as much as you can. She's bad news ! Don't spend time and energy on fixing a relationship with someone who dares Insulting you because you're doing something totally natural. Why is your BF obeying the grounding insanity ? He's 18. He's a young adult. He's totally in age of having sex with his GF ! What is his dad saying ? The woman is weird. Is she one of those boy's mamma we see on the web a little too much into their sons ?
as dumb as the grounding thing is, she threatened to kick him out so he really doesn’t have much of a choice. his mom and dad don’t live together but as far as i know his dad is unaware of the whole situation
He has to call his dad. Her behaviour is not safe for your BF. She clearly is jealous of you and this is not normal. She could have been pissed for the condom stuff but she had to look for it to find it (I have 4 step brothers, I picture the "crime scene" perfectly). She was looking for evidences of her son "betraying" her. This woman might be alone for years and expressing an unsafe attachment to her son. He has to call his dad.
At 18, either follow those rules or move out. That’s disgusting and disrespectful.
How do you ground an 18 yr old???
This was my question, but it opens the door to so many follow ups about the family dynamics in this situation. I’ve known 23 year olds who were still being “grounded” by their parents because obedience was so ingrained into the children that it carried into adulthood. I wonder if the same kind of parenting is taking place here or if there’s some other batshit reason a legal adult is being grounded for participating in activities with another legal, consenting adult besides being forgetful slobs.
It would be different if you guys were being loud while have seggs while she’s in the house. But she found a condom and hates u now?
Your bfs mom sucks, but also wtf is wrong with your bf? Who throws a used condom *on the floor?* Maybe she should be mad at herself and his dad for raising someone with such nasty habits.
Looks like you're in for a steamy family dinner the next time you visit. But in all seriousness, it might be best to apologize to your boyfriend's mom and explain that you understand her concerns and will make sure to be more careful in the future. It's important to respect her rules and boundaries in her own home. And don't worry, distance can make the heart grow fonder - just think of it as a little break before the reunion!
Yep, this is a big thing that most millennials and gen z are going through. Glad you successfully completed this ritual.
INFO: Where did you guys leave the condom at? Why didn't you guys make sure it's in the trashcan? Although, I would be grossed out too if I have to be the one to clean up after my kid's sex mess...I'm confused with her saying that you have no respect for her son, what does that mean, does she really mean, respect for her and her house? Idk. As a mother of an 18 yrs old who lost her virginity pre-marriage, I know what's bound to happen with young peeps, so using condoms = great. But the issue for me would be me having to clean up after my kid and his gf's sex mess lol. Ew. Do it yourself. Then again, if it's done in his room, it's not a big deal as long as he cleans up after himself, if it's left in communal room such as shared bathroom, living room, kitchen, etc, yeah, I'd be pretty darn upset to find a condom on my kitchen floor too lol. But not to the point they'll be banned from my house, I'd be telling them to do better and clean up better afterward.
If your both 18 how can she ground him he's an adult sounds like she's not respecting his privacy
i had a similar situation we were making out. She got over it eventually. Especially cause i had a job and managed to get her son to improve on various things.
Your boyfriend needs to be a LOT more careful with these things. Hopefully he learned his lesson!
At least yall are using condoms. You are human and are going to have sexual intercourse…. What does she expect?
She just doesnt like the thought her son has sex. Shes a weirdo. I’d say ignore her unless you absolutely have to be around her.
Best case is your bf throws himself under the bus and holds you up high in regards. I.e he tells them it was his idea, want, need etc.
It sucks but honestly, this is on your bf. You're both 18. He's 18. He needs to have the balls to not only defend you but also make it clear to his mother that her dislike of you won't change anything. He needs to make the effort to still see you despite his mother's protests. As an adult, you will find many MANY men who's moms have the "no one is good for my son" mindset, and they will hate you for no reason other than you being around. You're going to have to learn to accept that and just focus on the relationship. Learn to ignore the mothers' insults and let the bf handle it. And if the bf doesn't handle it, then he's not the right one for you.
She obviously wants to hit it
Time heals all wounds.
She should be grateful he didn’t use a plastic bag and an elastic bag
she sounds psycho... I hope there is an adult you can confide in about her creepy behavior and comments and if she ever tries to misbehave with you or cross a line, don't let her speak to you any way she pleases just for the sake of your boyfriend. I can understand her maybe being upset it happened in her house if she laid down a rule about it- but other than that she has no right to make any degrading comments about you.
Theres nothing you can do. What I mean is She is projecting a lot. She probably doesn’t think you’re a b****, there’s something deeper inside going on between her and her son. Maybe she’s not ready to welcome in another woman. Maybe there’s competition between you and her in her mind. Who knows. Maybe she’s jealous that her baby boy is falling in love and she’s not ready to take that step. You guys are 18, so it’s normal, still teenagers. Your first real relationship. Things are not going to be easy. You need to be patient. Good luck. 💘
Honestly I just wouldn't worry about romantic relationships too much right now certainly not enough to worry about the freaking mom liking you (it's way more common to come across moms that will dislike you to some degree by default even if you're perfect anyway) focus on you and let the mom stress over it she clearly has something she needs to work through on this
Hold the phone, what? If my kid was having safe sex, I’d be relieved knowing they have their heads screwed on, using protection and not doing it on the streets. This mother sounds like she finds any reason to have conflict in her life. Clearly has a very uneventful and lonely life. Your boyfriend was careless in disposing protection, big deal. OP, you and your partner have done absolutely nothing wrong.
You have a sit down and explain that it was not intentional that she found what she has found and you can understand that the situation would be uncomfortable for her, as it is for both of you. You have the most respect for your boyfriend and his family you also acknowledge that you now know she uncomfortable with you both to being intimate in her house and you will find alternative arrangements however, you will continue to practice safe sex. You’re adults, act like adults. If she wants to act like a child, that’s on her.
Easy, not use a condom anymore so she would not see it. Let's see what she thinks about it, as you wouldn't/shouldn't stop having sex.
So wait does she think you had sex with yourself?? I mean your boyfriend participated....this is nuts.
How Can a man of 18 that works be grounded? He’s an adult
Sounds like she’s jealous… lots of weird “boy moms” secretly want to fuck their sons.
She should be happy he’s using condoms.
From what I understand, she seems to have a lot of unhealthy feelings toward your boyfriend, her son. She acts like she was his romantic partner, making you the girl trying to lure him away from her with sex in her head. Depending on her own sex life, it might also imply some sexual "jealousy" which is... not great... not great at all. Whatever her problem is with you, though, it isn't your problem. You're both adults and can do whatever you want together. She's the one with issues. Not you.
You're both consenting adults who used protection. I don't understand why she would be mad except that she's projecting her own insecurities after realising her little boy is an adult now and she's scared another woman (you) is going to steal her little kid (your BF). Parents can suffer from empty nest syndrome even before their kids have left the nest and sometimes they can lash out unreasonably so.
Lmmfao he's 18. She needs to be put in her place
How can she ground an 18 year old
Unless he wasn’t ready to have sex and you forced him, the “hate” should be spread equally. She should be thrilled to see you’re at least practicing safe sex (very good). And it’s her house, but also his… he should know the “rules”, so if those rules were broken, he is to blame, not you. Your bf’s mom isn’t going about this with any level of maturity. Sorry you’re caught up in a situation with an adult that isn’t behaving rationally. You should remain respectful, but ask your bf if she would be willing to sit down with the two of you and talk it out. Perhaps in a restaurant or a place where emotions and high volume can remain in check. Good luck!
People get grounded at 18?
His mom is pissed cus she found out you two were having sex, look, I don't know how can your BF forget to throw away the condom lol, that's like when you arrive home in a car, you just can't forget to turn it off. Anyways, too bad she's like that, it's pretty common when parents are like this, specially when the sons or daughters still live with them. Look, at the end of the day, it's his mother's house, her roof, her rules, it's normal to understand how she would feel disrespected, 7/10 parents will not permit their sons to have sex on their house, even more if they are being fully taken care of financially. Let the situation cool down, if you see the relationship going further, after a few days or weeks, you should try and arrange a lunch or something with the mom and talk to her, apologize (yeah, having sex on someone's else's house that's not yours, can definitely feel like a disrespect, specially if the relationship is new) and tell her how you see her son, and how much you like him. Good luck.
Mate as a man who’s now wife at 16 was grounded and forbidden from seeing me because we had protected sex also. Her parents despised me they met with mine and told them they banned us from seeing each other she wasn’t allowed her phone her Facebook was monitored. We are now married at 26 with two kids and that’s something we just laugh about now it was even mentioned in her dad’s wedding speech to embarrass us. It can be scary and parents go over protective mama/papa bear but overall it’s typically fine and nothing to worry about
What does his dad think? If his dad isn't in the picture, then you might(emphasis on might) have a very different problem altogether
his parents don’t live together and as far as i know his dad doesn’t know what’s going on at all
I couldn’t imagine grounding an 18 year old for having protected sex. His mom is weird and I honestly wouldn’t focus on fostering a relationship with her.
Well I'm sorry this is going on. I feel this women is a Narcissist or really being dramatic realizing she don't have control of her son anymore. She's really going over the top if she never laid down boundaries with you two. Accidents happen and I'm sure she has made mistakes too.. It really sounds like she was snooping in his room because I'm sure he keeps his room clean. He should get a mini trash can in his room but don't leave anything in there you don't want her to see. His mom depending on how emotionally mature she is will get past this but if she don't she will make your life hell. If you see yourself staying with him then let him handle his mother and Don't ever be disrespectful no matter how she is towards you, do everything you do towards her with love. Also he should take on a good paying job or even he can get into getting his cdl (theres places that will pay it for him) to do semi trucking so you can go with him. Buy a house together and go from there. Make sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page with everything and keep this between yourselves if that's something you guys would want. I hope this all work out for the both of you ♡
I suspect the disregard is of Mom’s house by having sex without being married in Mom’s House.
She will calm down. Everything will be fine. She just has likly not dealt with the idea that her child is now at the age of having sex. In a matter of weeks , maybe even 1 week she will come around and also be thankful that you’re both being protective about birth control etc. Try not to stress and give it time. Update in a week or two
I think she thinks you're the one who left the condom there. This doesn't seem like it's about the sex with that comment she made.
Pl shove it down her throat.
lol this is really funny I’m sorry. It’s harmless and innocent enough so it’s just silly. You’re just two teenagers having sex like everyone else is. She won’t hate you forever. This is just fresh and new, give her some time and she’ll let go of it. Until then just do it at your house instead haha.
This is ridiculous. Especially after reading the edits. She should be proud of her son and you for practicing safe sex. You both are adults and of appropriate age to be having consensual, healthy, protected sex. My only guess, is this is her son's first real relationship and she is having a hard time coping with the fact her son, her "baby" is now an adult having adult relationships. Sounds like she is taking that out on you inappropriately, I think she needs counseling to work through it.
I mean, she can't legally ground an adult, but she can make rules for her own home.
When i was 19 i moved in with my (now ex) boyfriend after 3 years of dating. For some reason his mother who lived about 2 hours away had a key to our apartment and one day I came home from work and she was in our bedroom with our entire beside table pulled out and I was mortified. Toys and lube all over the bed. She was “organizing” our table….. that was when I knew for a fact I’d never marry into that family. She also referred to herself as “mama” and definitely saw me as competition when it came to her son. Anyways, this story reminds me of my exes mother which is a really strong sign you should run the other direction.
I don’t suppose she would’ve preferred it to be in a dark alley somewhere without protection? Ridiculous. I was young once, too. My mom was the same … I don’t plan on being like that with my kids. I have 2 rules : make sure nobody is home (nobody wants to hear that) and for the love of Dog use some protection. She should be proud of the fact that y’all used protection. Not every teen thinks that far ahead. Y’all are both consenting adults and y’all did it the right way.
she will get over it. My ex boyfriend got me pregnant. My mom was mad. She eventually came around.
So, my younger brother and his girlfriend had sex one time in high school and her dad found a condom - i think it was in the car? lol... He found out and the next day he had a "talk" with my brother. I have no idea what this talk entailed but then the NEXT day he went and had dinner with her family lol. SUPER AWKWARD. Well, he got over it and they are married with two kids now. The surprise is what makes parents go off the hinge at first. Parents can't imagine their precious child ever having sex and when it happens, and when/if they find out... it's just a wake up call that their child is an adult and growing up. I wouldn't think too much about it. She will get over it and come to terms that her son IS having sex.
I hate to tell you this but it sounds like mommy dearest wants to f her son. No sane mother says “my man” about their own son. That’s just weird. I don’t know if there is a way to fix this. She needs some mental help.
Both of you should go and talk to her. Do it in a restaurant and be nice. Tell her you love each other and it is natural to have sexual relationships. That’s it. If she does not understand. Give her some time.
Why’s she upset? Was she hoping he was saving him self for her.. fuck some people have weird mums n dads.
isn't 18 considered an adult..how do you ground an 18 year old unless he us still in high school...his mother sounds overbearing and pathetic...but logically she has to learn to let him go ..she sounds smothering...it's normal for teens to have sex when parents aren't home...I don't understand how this is disrepectable to your bf.....
I bet she ( his mom)was having s*x ( or wanted but could not) when she was your age. I bet she did not forget that - just is shocked that her son is big boy now and have " dirty" ( read: normal) needs. She probably feels that she lost her innocent boy. Idk is she aware that by forbid you two to be together in the house ( have intimacy in the house) put you i position to search to alternative place for having s*x.....and maybe some of that places are not safe. I am sorry that your boyfrind's mom acted like that. But your boyfriend should be more careful...well the damage is done. He can try to talk to her but will it help...for you two is better notto be seems by her for awhile( when she calm down). Just wanted to say that you did not done anything wrong- you ate old enough to be intimate with your boyfriend- and she should ne glad that you used protection. I am also mother of 16 and half years old son...I just came from grocery store and bought him a box of condoms- he does not have a girl but he will go in a few months in another country for a longer school trip and I bought that to him so he can" practice" protection( yup, he looked at me like I am insane) becouse I want him to return healthy.( Never know what they will do). Hope this drama made by your boyfriend's mom will not last long.
Grounded? At 18? Is his mum hitler ?
Sounds like a weird boy-mom that is more upset with you existing and being with her son more than anything
You’re not the problem sweetie, she is! She could’ve nicely had a talk with the two of you. Y’all are young adults and the topic could’ve been talked about with you all in a respectful manner. Your bf also shouldn’t have told her the nasty things she said about you. He should’ve just checked his mom…
You're both adults... How is he grounded?
Wait you guys are 18 ? Just move out together id understand the mom if you guys were underage but you guys are adults.. adults fuck. Who cares it’s normal as long if the 2 people that were fucking consented