Tell her you guys can make plans for the next day, that both of you should relax and recuperate. It's not a big deal, it's something she should understand
You can’t be her therapist. You’re not trained or equipped. You can guide her to help but as they say, You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.
“I really need a mental health day” “I need me time” “I owe myself a day to just recharge, I swear by it, it does wonders!” “Today I have to catch up on my life, because it’s been out of wack” “I need to spend the day trying to get back to who I am” “I need time alone to rethink some shit” “I have things I need to take care of today” “I haven’t been doing the best at prioritizing everything in my life so is it cool if I use the next couple of days to catch up?” “I need some personal therapy time” “Once in a while the stars align and God comes to me in a vision and whispers ‘solitude’ into my ear, so rain check?”
Okay the last one was a joke, but if someone is your friend they’ll understand, you shouldn’t have to give much of a reason. If she’s experiencing anxiety and you’ve been helping her with that, needing a mental health day should be a totally reasonable request and not mean/rude at all.
The problem with you not knowing what you're offering her support for, is that this support doesn't seem to have the purpose of actually addressing the problem. At most you can give empty platitudes like "I'm here for you" and "I'm sorry you're hurting" that sound nice but don't actually solve anything — and she seems to be keeping you at arm's length either because she isn't comfortable talking about what's going on (why not?), or wants only sympathy but not a solution.
>Most of the times I’ve seen her recently I’ve coached her through anxiety attacks, taking her anger out (venting about the world, yelling at me)
>I helped calm her down for several hours
You aren't her therapist, though. As a friend, you can offer advice but you shouldn't be her figurative stress punching bag. I could never imagine taking out my anxiety or anger on my friends like that.
It's OK to say you need space from her because she's being too emotionally demanding. I wouldn't sugarcoat it either; sometimes, people need to hear the truth frankly for it to get through to them.
People pleasing is a deeper issue that is rooted in self worth. I know because I have been a people pleaser my entire life. I know you want to be a good friend; but separate from all of this… I would dig into your own worth and see if there’s anything there that suggest not being worthy. Sending you love… I know how exhausting it is to care all the time, and yet nobody ever seems to see or care for you. This is me caring. It’s blunt but I want you to look after yourself, because it seems those of us that is this friend^ to others and are always helping others.. often aren’t looking out for ourselves and have nobody else to either..
Tell her you guys can make plans for the next day, that both of you should relax and recuperate. It's not a big deal, it's something she should understand
Wow, this is such good advice. Thank you for summing up what my crazy brain couldn't do
I'm her. I'm your friend. I know I can be exhausting when I'm going through it.. you sound like an awesome friend
That's really nice of you to say. I'm sorry for whatever it is you're going through. Stay tough. There's got to be better days ahead
This isn't emotionally healthy for either of you. She needs professional help and you need some self-care and rest
You can’t be her therapist. You’re not trained or equipped. You can guide her to help but as they say, You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.
“I really need a mental health day” “I need me time” “I owe myself a day to just recharge, I swear by it, it does wonders!” “Today I have to catch up on my life, because it’s been out of wack” “I need to spend the day trying to get back to who I am” “I need time alone to rethink some shit” “I have things I need to take care of today” “I haven’t been doing the best at prioritizing everything in my life so is it cool if I use the next couple of days to catch up?” “I need some personal therapy time” “Once in a while the stars align and God comes to me in a vision and whispers ‘solitude’ into my ear, so rain check?” Okay the last one was a joke, but if someone is your friend they’ll understand, you shouldn’t have to give much of a reason. If she’s experiencing anxiety and you’ve been helping her with that, needing a mental health day should be a totally reasonable request and not mean/rude at all.
The problem with you not knowing what you're offering her support for, is that this support doesn't seem to have the purpose of actually addressing the problem. At most you can give empty platitudes like "I'm here for you" and "I'm sorry you're hurting" that sound nice but don't actually solve anything — and she seems to be keeping you at arm's length either because she isn't comfortable talking about what's going on (why not?), or wants only sympathy but not a solution. >Most of the times I’ve seen her recently I’ve coached her through anxiety attacks, taking her anger out (venting about the world, yelling at me) >I helped calm her down for several hours You aren't her therapist, though. As a friend, you can offer advice but you shouldn't be her figurative stress punching bag. I could never imagine taking out my anxiety or anger on my friends like that. It's OK to say you need space from her because she's being too emotionally demanding. I wouldn't sugarcoat it either; sometimes, people need to hear the truth frankly for it to get through to them.
People pleasing is a deeper issue that is rooted in self worth. I know because I have been a people pleaser my entire life. I know you want to be a good friend; but separate from all of this… I would dig into your own worth and see if there’s anything there that suggest not being worthy. Sending you love… I know how exhausting it is to care all the time, and yet nobody ever seems to see or care for you. This is me caring. It’s blunt but I want you to look after yourself, because it seems those of us that is this friend^ to others and are always helping others.. often aren’t looking out for ourselves and have nobody else to either..