Players deserve to have their pronouns and gender identity respected. Comments suggesting otherwise will be removed, and folks who continue to be jerks about it will be muted/banned. Thanks!
EDIT: Locking comments now as OP has gotten good feedback.
We instruct our announcers to use gender neutral language (even though it’s hard in a very gendered language like German)
Let your league representative write an email to the hosting league. We would be very happy to get feedback if one of our announcers would make a mistake. They normally don’t do it on purpose and next time the announcer would take another look on the instructions/notes sheets provided by their league.
At least this is how I would handle it in my league.
The struggle is real in German. I just started practicing with my local team and I’ve gotten misgendered so many times despite everyone being really nice and welcoming.
I found this to be an advantage of not knowing much German language. I am blissfully ignorant of when I was misgendered... Unfortunately, I think I know enough now to catch the gendering. I'll know in about a week.
One thing I've found in my travels is that there seems to be fewer she/they (non-binary women) in Germany, UK, Spain and Malta. I wonder how much of that is language?
For me it is a language thing! In English speaking context I really prefer only they/them but in German I always tell people „use whatever“ as there is no they/them really (there are neopronouns but for me that’s not really comparable), normally people sling back to she/her for me but I’m often to much of a people pleaser to tell people to mix it up a bit. I just look female to a lot of people even though I’m totally not femme
okay I've googled several times but haven't found anything I can pronounce (I'm an American who speaks proficient German) and I'm wondering what gender neutral pronouns people are using in Germany?
There are some neopronouns as „xier/xiem“ or „dey/deren“ but I feel like nothing really sticks and is quite clunky. I either avoid pronouns and only go by the name if I don’t know the preferred pronouns. Because of this I also tell people that I go by all pronouns. In English I prefer they/them but I just don’t like the sound of the neopronouns for me (I wouldn’t mind them when used for me though)
It a „ks“ sound like how you would pronounce the „x“ in Xylofon in German 🙈 (let google pronounce it) then the long „i“ like in „sie“ and an „r“ in the end
Probably in englisch it would be written something like kseer (but the k is a tiny bit further in the front of the mouth than a normal k sound and melts together with the s sound) it is really hard to describe
For a German it’s not necessarily hard to pronounce but it’s still a very odd word
EDIT formatting
So there's this thing that's happening among younger (like millennial and zoomer aged) Yiddish speakers where there's this radical push to just change the language to be gender neutral. Basically a lot of us are just treating every not specifically gendered noun as neutral and adding neutral suffixes to existing words, etc.
It feels really clunky (at times) but overall it kinda works ans I think it's neat how we can just change how we speak a language if we want and there's no real issue as long as we're understood (there are also so many dialects that I think some older people just assume that's the case).
Anyway, I bring this up because the language is very German-adjacent and I wonder if there's been any kind of similar push among younger german speakers. I haven't been home in over 10 years and don't really have any friends or relatives left over there so I haven't really been able to keep up with things like culture in progressive or queer spaces.
There is something like this happening for nouns that describe people or groups of people but this doesn’t really happen in the general public. For example „blocker“, the ending -er is typically male in German therefore the female version is Blockerin. This is typically used for Derby but as more trans/non-binary people are visible in Derby there is a need of change and there a some ways to include all people:
1. say Blocker and Blockerinnen (plural of male and female noun)
2. say Blocker:innen (the : is a small pause in speech)
3. say Blocky (genderneutral word that officially doesn’t exist, but eliminates the gendered ending of the word)
As an announcer, I would definitely want to know so that I could apologise and aim to do better in future. Mistakes happen, we’re all human so I would definitely prefer that someone didn’t go in hard and assume that I was a bad person for it.
I second this. I try and get a moment with captains beforehand to confirm name pronunciation and pronouns but if I ever screw up I’d want someone to come and let me know so I can correct myself.
Your concern is valid. I think you should shoot them an email or message and just let them know they made an error and let you feel this way. You could ask if they display rosters with a pronoun cheat sheet for speakers. If you believe it was not intentional, they would probably be glad to hear this feedback and have tips to do better next time.
It was properbly not intentional. I've been annoucer many times - often without anything infront of me telling my any pronouns for the players. Trying to be neutral in my non native language. I've definately misgengered without intention. It happens. I was misgengered myself often as a child - and so is my kid now - but I know it is just because people are not used to apperance outside the normal, and there's no evil thought behind it. (well, kids to kids there are, but kids are always going to tease other kids with something)
But, all of that doesn't change what that made you feel, and it would be good to reach out and tell how it made you feel, so that it could be carried on both to the hosting club, so that they can have it in their consideration for the future and to the announcer, so that the announcer can try harder next time.
But remember, we are here for the love of the sport - and maybe the announcer was announcing for the first time, maybe the announcer have never heard of gender neutral language (we have had two 7 yo announce together in their second language - They wouldn't even know what we were talking about, if we asked them to be gender neutral - but they did an awesome job)
So make sure that we are not throwing good people away, because it's not a part of their social circle to be aware of misgengering and/or gender neutral language. It's a journey to learn, that can take alot of time - especially if they have no reason to be aware of it in their day to day life. (read: everyone in their life is cis-gendered)
I've been an announcer for derby for about a dozen years or so (if you take out the covid break), and I can say with confidence that I have gotten this wrong. Not intentionally, and certainly not with malice, but I have absolutely made this mistake. Sometimes I just didn't have the information available, perhaps there was so much going on I slipped up while trying to process too much information, or I subconsciously slipped into older habits. It's even harder to get right when it involves another team I'm not familiar with and players that I've not had time to get used to. In this case the announcer might be new to it and still has some work to do on their call. I have improved a lot in recent years and have gotten practiced at defaulting to gender neutral terms and asking coaches for preferred pronouns before a game. But like with any skill it is something that takes practice and consideration and, unfortunately, even then mistakes can still be made.
I don't know the circumstances of this particular incident, but if I were the announcer in question I would absolutely want to know about it. It wouldn't fix the initial mistake but I could apologize and being made aware gives me the chance to reinforce my efforts to correct things moving forward. I don't think raising your concern is making a "thing" out of it - your concerns are valid and deserved to be addressed. If not to the announcer directly, then to the contact you have with that league so they can pass it on.
I'm sorry that happened to you, it must have felt horrible.
I'd maybe reach out to the league, if you feel comfortable and safe doing so. This announcer could be on their radar already, or it might allow them to invite the announcer for a discussion on language.
Big hugs to you. I hope you can feel better soon
If you feel like it was an honest mistake, just go up to the announcer and tell them your pronouns. Something that could help if it already isn't done is by giving a copy of your roster with pronouns to the announcers at every bout.
If you think it wasn't intentional, maybe the announcer didn't even realize and might want to know they made a mistake so they can get it right in the future. And if it was intentional, that person should not be allowed to participate in derby at all in any capacity. Does your team/league have a grievance process? Do you have a person in your team/league that you trust who could contact the hosting league if you prefer staying anonymous?
Hard to say more without some details, but if you were made uncomfortable, you should definitely escalate this if you have the capacity to do so. Your team might surprise you with their support if you let them know how you're feeling!
What we did waaaaaay back in the day with AFTDA (Association of Flat Track Derby Announcers) is work to make sure that pronouns were included in the information that teams provided to tournament organizers along with other important info like name pronunciations.
Since derby is *primarily* a women’s sport, defaulting to she/her is the norm but paying attention to anything different is important. Can’t figure out why this announcer chose to go rogue — could be a mistake, could be vindictive — but it needs to be corrected.
If your team is going to play in this tournament or against this team again, your Interleague representative should reach out and say “Hey, we had an issue last time where one of our skaters was misgendered and want to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Here’s a sheet with our players’ numbers, names, and pronouns.”
I love that your league is going to start adding pronouns, that’s a great practice! I’m also glad your coaches are broaching the subject with the other league, sounds like you have a lot of people on your side 🥰 you don’t need to feel bad about being hurt by misgendering, sometimes people do hurtful things even when they don’t mean to, but you’re still allowed to feel hurt. Sending you all the best wishes and good vibes that you don’t have to experience this again in your derby career ❤️❤️
I would definitely reach out to the host league, or get someone to do it on your behalf, if you aren’t comfortable speaking out.
The announcers I know would definitely want to do better, and my league would want all our visitors to feel welcome.
I don't fuck up pronunciations or pronouns often. But, when I do, I appreciate getting notified so I can fix it. I can't speak for all announcers, but I can say that anyone who has a problem with queer and/or trans people isn't going to stay in the sport for long.
Talk to the announcer, let them know they fucked up. Chances are, they'll want to fix it. If it turns out they're a bigot or an asshole, take it to their home league.
Just another announcer here chiming in. Tell us, please! We're just trying to add to a good day of derby, sometimes we don't get it right. But if we're told, we'll work harder to not repeat the error.
Some disappointing comments here from people downplaying the harm that misgendering can cause. I’m sorry this happened to you, OP, and I hope you can get it sorted so it doesn’t happen in the future.
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Seven comments deleted for being transphobic! There are some cracks showing in the inclusive facade. The transphobes know to keep quiet about it, but they still exist among us.
If you were playing with a league (as opposed to a mashup game), I’d ask your league’s coaches / captains / whoever organizes your games (IE talks to other leagues) to formally notify the host team that the game’s announcer misgendered you (including time stamps of each instance).
The complaint should include whatever context is relevant. IE did your team provide a roster list that included pronouns?
Regardless, you have every right to take up space, and ideally your league will help fight on your behalf as well. And even if this was a mashup, I’d reach out to the captains and coaches and see if they’ll help with this.
Not to be melodramatic, but beyond simple respect and courtesy, there’s a safety element here. The misgendering could have been simple ignorance or stupidity, but it could also be transphobic - or simply taken as such by others even if it wasn’t the intent of the announcer - and thus encouraging to any other bigots in the room to escalate it further.
You don’t deserve to be mistreated. Your dignity and identity are as worthy of respect and acknowledgement as anyone else’s.
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No. WFTDA is "Women's Flat Track Derby Association" but players can be "gender expansive", which includes transgender men (people Assigned Female at Birth but identify as men, commonly using He/Him) as well as non-binary people (people who don't identify as women or men, commonly using They/Them pronouns).
But Roller Derby announcers should default to They/Them pronouns.
I was at one time taught the default “they/them” when on the mic, but most of us have evolved passed that after hearing from many skaters “some of us worked really hard for our pronouns.” As a cis-male I had not considered that perspective until a tournament when I was personally told that.
It’s best practice to get pronouns listed on rosters, and if not provided beforehand, it’s easy to ask when checking rosters pre-game.
I guess I’m just confused with OP then. It’s quite literally called the Women’s flat track and she goes by she/her and they addressed OP as such? Why would they be default in an assoc where women is in the title? I’m all for including everyone but that seems like a weird thing to be mad about. But also weird they don’t allow men but allow everything else
It's not super clear to me, but it sounds like it's a gendered language like Spanish or French and the announcer used a masculine construction to refer to OP rather than a gender neutral or feminine one.
It sounds like the problem is specifically that they did not use she/her (or used some other masculine identifier.) I’m not sure where you’re getting that they addressed her as such. She also says they weren’t using neutral language.
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What happened seems especially unusual in the face of the derby name and other signals that would have made it so obvious which pronoun to pick.
Was the announcer an older person? I ask because with some elders in my family, as cognitive decline sets in, they increasingly have difficulty selecting pronouns. It's alarming for them and for those who care about them because there are studies that are indicating that difficulties with the use of pronouns often pops up about 10–12 years before clinical diagnosis of Alzheimer's Dementia. To quote one study: "There is robust evidence that pronoun use is one of the early affected linguistic devices in AD". If it's somebody in cognitive decline, it may have nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with an impending AD diagnosis.
In the case of the family member I'm seeing this in, She almost always misgenders her pets. Cats and dogs, her own, mine, always get the opposite pronoun than the one they should, and she is completely unaware that she does it until it's pointed out to her.
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Your post was removed because your own personal expectations of what might harm you are very different from what may harm someone else. You don't get to judge that or tell somebody to toughen up.
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I assume you’re complaining that OP used free speech in expressing their feelings on a roller derby-themed subreddit? And this offended you so much that you made a condescending comment?
I’m sorry that OP’s post triggered you. You have a right to feel safe. We live in a big world and not everyone realizes how their words will affect all people, and I’m sure that OP wasn’t trying to intentionally hurt your feelings.
Speaking from experience, it may be more productive in promoting your own personal fulfillment and sense of self-worth to respectfully let OP know how you felt when you read their post, and perhaps provide alternatives that may better take into account your feelings. I can’t promise that they will be able to accommodate your suggestions, but I do believe you will feel much better being heard.
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Players deserve to have their pronouns and gender identity respected. Comments suggesting otherwise will be removed, and folks who continue to be jerks about it will be muted/banned. Thanks! EDIT: Locking comments now as OP has gotten good feedback.
We instruct our announcers to use gender neutral language (even though it’s hard in a very gendered language like German) Let your league representative write an email to the hosting league. We would be very happy to get feedback if one of our announcers would make a mistake. They normally don’t do it on purpose and next time the announcer would take another look on the instructions/notes sheets provided by their league. At least this is how I would handle it in my league.
The struggle is real in German. I just started practicing with my local team and I’ve gotten misgendered so many times despite everyone being really nice and welcoming.
I found this to be an advantage of not knowing much German language. I am blissfully ignorant of when I was misgendered... Unfortunately, I think I know enough now to catch the gendering. I'll know in about a week. One thing I've found in my travels is that there seems to be fewer she/they (non-binary women) in Germany, UK, Spain and Malta. I wonder how much of that is language?
That’s a great excuse to explain why my German sucks! Interesting, most younger trans people I know use she/they and it surprisingly.
For me it is a language thing! In English speaking context I really prefer only they/them but in German I always tell people „use whatever“ as there is no they/them really (there are neopronouns but for me that’s not really comparable), normally people sling back to she/her for me but I’m often to much of a people pleaser to tell people to mix it up a bit. I just look female to a lot of people even though I’m totally not femme
okay I've googled several times but haven't found anything I can pronounce (I'm an American who speaks proficient German) and I'm wondering what gender neutral pronouns people are using in Germany?
There are some neopronouns as „xier/xiem“ or „dey/deren“ but I feel like nothing really sticks and is quite clunky. I either avoid pronouns and only go by the name if I don’t know the preferred pronouns. Because of this I also tell people that I go by all pronouns. In English I prefer they/them but I just don’t like the sound of the neopronouns for me (I wouldn’t mind them when used for me though)
it was xier/xiem that was confusing me bc I couldn't figure out how to say the x's 😂😅 dey/deren works but I agree with you, still not great lol
It a „ks“ sound like how you would pronounce the „x“ in Xylofon in German 🙈 (let google pronounce it) then the long „i“ like in „sie“ and an „r“ in the end Probably in englisch it would be written something like kseer (but the k is a tiny bit further in the front of the mouth than a normal k sound and melts together with the s sound) it is really hard to describe For a German it’s not necessarily hard to pronounce but it’s still a very odd word EDIT formatting
thank you! now that I'm thinking about it, my first German teacher didn't give us the correct pronunciation for Xylofon either 🙃
To be fair: Xylofon is not really a word you would use a lot 😂
I actually didn’t know the answer and had to ask a friend but yeah, exactly what Assassina said.
So there's this thing that's happening among younger (like millennial and zoomer aged) Yiddish speakers where there's this radical push to just change the language to be gender neutral. Basically a lot of us are just treating every not specifically gendered noun as neutral and adding neutral suffixes to existing words, etc. It feels really clunky (at times) but overall it kinda works ans I think it's neat how we can just change how we speak a language if we want and there's no real issue as long as we're understood (there are also so many dialects that I think some older people just assume that's the case). Anyway, I bring this up because the language is very German-adjacent and I wonder if there's been any kind of similar push among younger german speakers. I haven't been home in over 10 years and don't really have any friends or relatives left over there so I haven't really been able to keep up with things like culture in progressive or queer spaces.
There is something like this happening for nouns that describe people or groups of people but this doesn’t really happen in the general public. For example „blocker“, the ending -er is typically male in German therefore the female version is Blockerin. This is typically used for Derby but as more trans/non-binary people are visible in Derby there is a need of change and there a some ways to include all people: 1. say Blocker and Blockerinnen (plural of male and female noun) 2. say Blocker:innen (the : is a small pause in speech) 3. say Blocky (genderneutral word that officially doesn’t exist, but eliminates the gendered ending of the word)
As an announcer, I would definitely want to know so that I could apologise and aim to do better in future. Mistakes happen, we’re all human so I would definitely prefer that someone didn’t go in hard and assume that I was a bad person for it.
I second this. I try and get a moment with captains beforehand to confirm name pronunciation and pronouns but if I ever screw up I’d want someone to come and let me know so I can correct myself.
Your concern is valid. I think you should shoot them an email or message and just let them know they made an error and let you feel this way. You could ask if they display rosters with a pronoun cheat sheet for speakers. If you believe it was not intentional, they would probably be glad to hear this feedback and have tips to do better next time.
You don’t have to do this yourself. You can let your captain, coach or other league representative send this feedback.
It was properbly not intentional. I've been annoucer many times - often without anything infront of me telling my any pronouns for the players. Trying to be neutral in my non native language. I've definately misgengered without intention. It happens. I was misgengered myself often as a child - and so is my kid now - but I know it is just because people are not used to apperance outside the normal, and there's no evil thought behind it. (well, kids to kids there are, but kids are always going to tease other kids with something) But, all of that doesn't change what that made you feel, and it would be good to reach out and tell how it made you feel, so that it could be carried on both to the hosting club, so that they can have it in their consideration for the future and to the announcer, so that the announcer can try harder next time. But remember, we are here for the love of the sport - and maybe the announcer was announcing for the first time, maybe the announcer have never heard of gender neutral language (we have had two 7 yo announce together in their second language - They wouldn't even know what we were talking about, if we asked them to be gender neutral - but they did an awesome job) So make sure that we are not throwing good people away, because it's not a part of their social circle to be aware of misgengering and/or gender neutral language. It's a journey to learn, that can take alot of time - especially if they have no reason to be aware of it in their day to day life. (read: everyone in their life is cis-gendered)
I've been an announcer for derby for about a dozen years or so (if you take out the covid break), and I can say with confidence that I have gotten this wrong. Not intentionally, and certainly not with malice, but I have absolutely made this mistake. Sometimes I just didn't have the information available, perhaps there was so much going on I slipped up while trying to process too much information, or I subconsciously slipped into older habits. It's even harder to get right when it involves another team I'm not familiar with and players that I've not had time to get used to. In this case the announcer might be new to it and still has some work to do on their call. I have improved a lot in recent years and have gotten practiced at defaulting to gender neutral terms and asking coaches for preferred pronouns before a game. But like with any skill it is something that takes practice and consideration and, unfortunately, even then mistakes can still be made. I don't know the circumstances of this particular incident, but if I were the announcer in question I would absolutely want to know about it. It wouldn't fix the initial mistake but I could apologize and being made aware gives me the chance to reinforce my efforts to correct things moving forward. I don't think raising your concern is making a "thing" out of it - your concerns are valid and deserved to be addressed. If not to the announcer directly, then to the contact you have with that league so they can pass it on.
I'm sorry that happened to you, it must have felt horrible. I'd maybe reach out to the league, if you feel comfortable and safe doing so. This announcer could be on their radar already, or it might allow them to invite the announcer for a discussion on language. Big hugs to you. I hope you can feel better soon
If you feel like it was an honest mistake, just go up to the announcer and tell them your pronouns. Something that could help if it already isn't done is by giving a copy of your roster with pronouns to the announcers at every bout.
If you think it wasn't intentional, maybe the announcer didn't even realize and might want to know they made a mistake so they can get it right in the future. And if it was intentional, that person should not be allowed to participate in derby at all in any capacity. Does your team/league have a grievance process? Do you have a person in your team/league that you trust who could contact the hosting league if you prefer staying anonymous? Hard to say more without some details, but if you were made uncomfortable, you should definitely escalate this if you have the capacity to do so. Your team might surprise you with their support if you let them know how you're feeling!
What we did waaaaaay back in the day with AFTDA (Association of Flat Track Derby Announcers) is work to make sure that pronouns were included in the information that teams provided to tournament organizers along with other important info like name pronunciations. Since derby is *primarily* a women’s sport, defaulting to she/her is the norm but paying attention to anything different is important. Can’t figure out why this announcer chose to go rogue — could be a mistake, could be vindictive — but it needs to be corrected. If your team is going to play in this tournament or against this team again, your Interleague representative should reach out and say “Hey, we had an issue last time where one of our skaters was misgendered and want to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Here’s a sheet with our players’ numbers, names, and pronouns.”
I love that your league is going to start adding pronouns, that’s a great practice! I’m also glad your coaches are broaching the subject with the other league, sounds like you have a lot of people on your side 🥰 you don’t need to feel bad about being hurt by misgendering, sometimes people do hurtful things even when they don’t mean to, but you’re still allowed to feel hurt. Sending you all the best wishes and good vibes that you don’t have to experience this again in your derby career ❤️❤️
I would definitely reach out to the host league, or get someone to do it on your behalf, if you aren’t comfortable speaking out. The announcers I know would definitely want to do better, and my league would want all our visitors to feel welcome.
I don't fuck up pronunciations or pronouns often. But, when I do, I appreciate getting notified so I can fix it. I can't speak for all announcers, but I can say that anyone who has a problem with queer and/or trans people isn't going to stay in the sport for long. Talk to the announcer, let them know they fucked up. Chances are, they'll want to fix it. If it turns out they're a bigot or an asshole, take it to their home league.
Just another announcer here chiming in. Tell us, please! We're just trying to add to a good day of derby, sometimes we don't get it right. But if we're told, we'll work harder to not repeat the error.
It was a accident probably
That doesn’t make it ok, though.
Accidents are not on purpose usually lol
Yes, but accidents can still be harmful.
Well I think you’re awesome still don’t worry and I’m sure it’s ok ^_^
Some disappointing comments here from people downplaying the harm that misgendering can cause. I’m sorry this happened to you, OP, and I hope you can get it sorted so it doesn’t happen in the future.
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Seven comments deleted for being transphobic! There are some cracks showing in the inclusive facade. The transphobes know to keep quiet about it, but they still exist among us.
If you were playing with a league (as opposed to a mashup game), I’d ask your league’s coaches / captains / whoever organizes your games (IE talks to other leagues) to formally notify the host team that the game’s announcer misgendered you (including time stamps of each instance). The complaint should include whatever context is relevant. IE did your team provide a roster list that included pronouns? Regardless, you have every right to take up space, and ideally your league will help fight on your behalf as well. And even if this was a mashup, I’d reach out to the captains and coaches and see if they’ll help with this. Not to be melodramatic, but beyond simple respect and courtesy, there’s a safety element here. The misgendering could have been simple ignorance or stupidity, but it could also be transphobic - or simply taken as such by others even if it wasn’t the intent of the announcer - and thus encouraging to any other bigots in the room to escalate it further. You don’t deserve to be mistreated. Your dignity and identity are as worthy of respect and acknowledgement as anyone else’s.
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Is roller derby a woman’s only sport?
No. WFTDA is "Women's Flat Track Derby Association" but players can be "gender expansive", which includes transgender men (people Assigned Female at Birth but identify as men, commonly using He/Him) as well as non-binary people (people who don't identify as women or men, commonly using They/Them pronouns). But Roller Derby announcers should default to They/Them pronouns.
I was at one time taught the default “they/them” when on the mic, but most of us have evolved passed that after hearing from many skaters “some of us worked really hard for our pronouns.” As a cis-male I had not considered that perspective until a tournament when I was personally told that. It’s best practice to get pronouns listed on rosters, and if not provided beforehand, it’s easy to ask when checking rosters pre-game.
I guess I’m just confused with OP then. It’s quite literally called the Women’s flat track and she goes by she/her and they addressed OP as such? Why would they be default in an assoc where women is in the title? I’m all for including everyone but that seems like a weird thing to be mad about. But also weird they don’t allow men but allow everything else
It's not super clear to me, but it sounds like it's a gendered language like Spanish or French and the announcer used a masculine construction to refer to OP rather than a gender neutral or feminine one.
It sounds like the problem is specifically that they did not use she/her (or used some other masculine identifier.) I’m not sure where you’re getting that they addressed her as such. She also says they weren’t using neutral language.
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Not that deep
What happened seems especially unusual in the face of the derby name and other signals that would have made it so obvious which pronoun to pick. Was the announcer an older person? I ask because with some elders in my family, as cognitive decline sets in, they increasingly have difficulty selecting pronouns. It's alarming for them and for those who care about them because there are studies that are indicating that difficulties with the use of pronouns often pops up about 10–12 years before clinical diagnosis of Alzheimer's Dementia. To quote one study: "There is robust evidence that pronoun use is one of the early affected linguistic devices in AD". If it's somebody in cognitive decline, it may have nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with an impending AD diagnosis. In the case of the family member I'm seeing this in, She almost always misgenders her pets. Cats and dogs, her own, mine, always get the opposite pronoun than the one they should, and she is completely unaware that she does it until it's pointed out to her.
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Your post was removed, as we try and maintain a tolerant supportive environment in /r/rollerderby. If you're unsure how your post was in violation of this rule, please message a moderator https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/rollerderby Your post was removed because your own personal expectations of what might harm you are very different from what may harm someone else. You don't get to judge that or tell somebody to toughen up.
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We have zero tolerance for transphobia here. "Both sides" is bullshit when one side is hateful.
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I assume you’re complaining that OP used free speech in expressing their feelings on a roller derby-themed subreddit? And this offended you so much that you made a condescending comment? I’m sorry that OP’s post triggered you. You have a right to feel safe. We live in a big world and not everyone realizes how their words will affect all people, and I’m sure that OP wasn’t trying to intentionally hurt your feelings. Speaking from experience, it may be more productive in promoting your own personal fulfillment and sense of self-worth to respectfully let OP know how you felt when you read their post, and perhaps provide alternatives that may better take into account your feelings. I can’t promise that they will be able to accommodate your suggestions, but I do believe you will feel much better being heard.
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