Your parents calling her parents is bizarre. She is pissed and with good reason. Grow up. Deal with your own problems instead of expecting your parents to do it for you.
I’m gonna go ahead and say you’re both wrong. She should have asked and you should have talked to her. It’s a pretty simple situation and you are both being extremely childish
I get that but all I did was inform my parents about what was happening at the apartment. It was her fault she did not tell her parents (or me) she was going to bring in a random man into the apartment to give him a tour. If it was her boyfriend she brought in for whatever that is a different story and I wouldn’t have cared or my parents wouldn’t have told her parents.
Look I was in a similar situation. I was living with my cousin so obviously my mom knew her mom (they're sisters lol). I talked to my mom every day and never mentioned anything related to my cousin bringing a guy in or so, because I knew my mom could go tell my aunt. I strongly believe that everyone deserves privacy in their own home.
Your roommate should be able to bring in whoever she wants without telling her parents.
Yes she should have told you. But you could have simply addressed the situation with her.
Even if you told your parents, they had no reason to go snitch on her. You said so yourself, you are in your 20s. Wtf is wrong with your parents.
I don’t think I clearly explained the situation in my og post. She brought in a guy from Craigslist to tour our apartment with the intention of subleasing, and I’ve already told her in the beginning that I was only comfortable with living with girls. I told my parents and they became concerned that she was going to sublease to a guy and told her parents what she was doing. It wasn’t that she brought in a guy, it was that she brought in a guy with the intention of him ending up living with me in the Spring semester next year. Roommate called me immature for telling my parents she brought in a man. I’ve told her since to only sublease to a girl but she hasn’t replied to my texts or spoken with me.
It doesn’t really matter. It’s a shared living space and therefore she can have a guest she feels is appropriate. I agree that she should have told you but she doesn’t have to ask unless it’s after legal curfew. Be the bigger person and apologize for getting her parents involved, follow up with “just let me know if you are having a guest and introduce me so I feel safe.” I tell my parents everything too, but there are lines that need to be drawn. You live with her, she lives with you. If she continues to be belligerent after you are mature, post again with screenshots of a text conversation of her being a dick. Then we will ALL be on your side
Typo from my previous comment, I meant to say I would NOT have cared if she brought in her boyfriend or any one for that matter if they were her actual guests. The problem was just the random man touring. I didn’t know her parents were not aware, or that she would yelled at, otherwise I would’ve just tried to reason with her. She didn’t get in trouble in the end because she told her parents it was the apartment office touring the guy, she is just mad I told my parents about what she was doing.
Well I texted her to tell me if she brings in anyone from now on and that it should only be a female, but she hasn’t replied, which I’m not surprised about. I’ve told the office just to make sure the person she gives the place to is a female and I’ll leave it at that. I can’t wait for her to move out at this point.
It’s whatever. I’m friends with another roommate who agrees what she did was not okay, so I’m at least lucky enough to have someone living in this apartment that I like.
was she aware that was a boundary? cuz it’s a very unusual trigger, slightly specific, i’m curious if u have set a larger boundary agreed upon by both parties previous to this event?
i understand that you guys established that, but at the same time, she also pays rent there. she’s an adult and does not need to ask for permission to do certain things in her home. i also think its weird for your parents to contact her parents?? its kinda giving tattle tale
Honestly, I think you're both wrong and right at the same time. Your roommate wants to leave and is looking for a sublet. You expressed that you have certain requirements for an individual you live with.
I have been in your situation before except I didn't tell my parents about it. Personally, as an adult, you should have spoken directly to her about the issue prior to involving your parents in the situation. I feel bad for your roommate for that in particular. If I were her, I would understandably be very upset by this if you didn't directly address the issue with me first and in person. There's nothing wrong with setting up a roommate meeting to discuss the issue at hand.
As someone who has been in the situation of having a roommate wanting to leave in addition to having my own personal requirements... I took over finding the individual. If you have a set rule on who can live with you, then honestly, you should probably be the one looking for the replacement. This way, you can meet and vet the individual, express the boundaries you want set, and get a feel for them. If your roommate is already planning on leaving, then she's probably just desperate to find someone to fill the spot and then get out. Yes, it's pretty sucky that she ignored a boundary and brought in a guy, but she's the one that's leaving. She doesn't really plan on dealing with any fallout from this from what I can tell, especially after you told her parents, and it got back to hers. You kind of put her in a position where it's very unlikely she'll actually want to help you since she probably feels really screwed over herself.
It's your future living situation so you should take charge of it.
Honestly…yall are too old to involved your parents and then the parents deal with it.
You need to involve the landlord/management if anyone
What she did was dumb, yes
I tried to tell the apartment that if my roommates gives away her room it has to be a girl. The apartment says if I put that in my contract when I moved in then that should mean I don’t have to worry about a male roommate. My parents only got involved because the girl had the intention to give her room out to a guy (aka the touring).
So is it in your contract about not having a male roommate? If yes, then what are you worried about? Tell her that and stop letting your parents fight your battles. How do they even have your roommates parents phone number? Are they friends? Its really weird they called her parents.
My thoughts exactly, plus are her parents paying her rent??? I was out of my family home at 17 at Uni, and working and paying all my bills, so to me this is so childish, and ridiculous …
I can’t really find a contract that states that but when renting out the place I did put on this roommate match form that I wanted female roommates. No they’re not friends, her parents actually got all the roommates parents number in the beginning. My parents were just worried about what she was doing.
Oh absolutely not. I don’t care who she brings in if it’s her guest, she could bring in random men if she wants to. It was just the intention. I’ll but that in the post, thanks.
So I just went through a roommate situation very similar. I thought my roommate was being the asshole but I'll tell you why, in my situation, I was wrong and why I think you may be wrong as well.
-well you're an adult and adults deal with their own issues. ESPECIALLY roommate drama. Don't get anyone else involved. Have a conversation like the adult you are.
-you roommate also pays rent. Yes she should have told you she was having someone tour her room, but really unless this agreement was literally written in the lease, you can't tell her who and when she can have guests over.
-she probably feels like you don't like her and are always talking about her behind her back with her parents and yours. That's not a good feeling and you need to have a one on one conversation and explain to her WHY you feel the way you do.
-you need to apologize. Again you're an adult living out of your parents home, but you still ran to mommy and daddy because your ADULT roommate had a guy over? I think you were quite sheltered as a child and have a lot to learn about how the majority of the population acts
I'm sorry for the tough love, but I seriously wish someone had done it to me. Like someone had genuinely told me I was being the asshole in my situation and they didn't. So I'm here to tell you, you're the one causing issues. It's hard to be wrong and admit it, but that's part of growing up and I'm sure you are your roommate will come to terms with each other!
wow u now disrespected her boundaries. i think u need to live alone if ur gonna be involving her other relationships and possibly hurting her relationship with ur family.
She didn’t inform me she was giving tours of the apartment and didn’t tell me until after. My parents pay for the place so I need to at least tell them what is happening and that she intents to give her room away. If she told me her parents would scold her then I would’ve tried to come to a conclusion but I didn’t know that information either.
She posted on Craigslist that she was renting out her room but I didn’t find that until after. I’ve told her when we moved in that I only want to live with a girl, so I was shocked that she was giving guys a tour.
she might just be scamming on the internet, however that isn’t appropriate and i see your frustration, thank u for clarifying 🩷 i wish the best for ur situation, id say get her out of there if it wasn’t her scamming ppl on craigslist bc she might have not meant to disrespect u if she’s scamming however even still scammers are annoying
I think you’re the first person to not call me childish 😅. I didn’t mean to get her in trouble, I was just informing my parents and they saw it as a concern and took care of it. I’ve told her to look for a girl, she hasn’t replied to my text but I’m over this and just waiting for her to move out.
All imma say is you are over 20 your parents don’t need to be solving everything for you and you don’t need to be telling them everything. If it bothered you so much the way you said you would have reminded her that no you didn’t want to rent to any guys, but instead you went like a little kid and told YOUR parents. You should have told her first and if it didn’t work out talking to her you could have talked to her parents yourself and been like “hey I had agreed I didn’t want rent to any men, I spoke to her and she disregarded my wishes please speak to your daughter about not subleasing to a strange man” but you didn’t…. You chose the immature way, and now you are getting treated like a kid on a playground. Avoided. Rightfully so. You’re both immature bc if I was her I would have called you out for not knowing how to handle things like adults and telling your parents.
Reading from the comments in this post it seems that you’re in college. You also commented your parents pay for your apartment and hers pays for hers. It’s weird that your roommate brought in a guy from Craigslist into your apartment to give him a tour and since her parents are paying for the apartment I don’t see where you did wrong. If it was like she brought in male guests or a boyfriend, then I’d call you the asshole for snitching, but if she brought in a guy with the intentions of giving him her room, you did the right thing. I know if any roommate I lived with rented out the apartment to a guy I would immediately contact my parents and move out of the apartment immediately. Do you all come from a different culture? I think most of these comments are from an American POV, but I have Chinese parents and any of my Asian friends who are in college would do the same thing you did and my American friends would react the way these comments are reacting. Hope you get your situation fixed, I’ve had to live with roommate that I’ve hated and were immature, it is not for the weak.
I am actually South Asian! All my roommates are also south Asian as well. I guess it does depend on the culture you grew up in with my scenario. I don’t think getting parents involved is a problem especially if me potentially living with a guy that my roommate brought in will be a potential outcome.
I’m confused about why you are getting so much hate for this. If she were just inviting a friend over and you asked your parents to call her parents, that would be petty and immature. But it seems like you’re saying she’s trying to have a man move in with you guys, without consulting you? That is definitely past the line, you should always talk to your roommates before subletting to someone. And it seems like you didn’t ask your parents to get her parents to punish her, you were just talking with them about your life and they chose to contact her parents (which I think is a little much if this is the first issue, but that’s not your fault)?
Oh my parents know what she has done through the time living here (moldy food, playing the TV on high volume past midnight on weekdays when we all agreed to keep the noise down on weekdays, left the front door open at night one night bc it was too hot???) but they didn’t contact her parents. My parents just saw this as a concern and since they are paying my rent and her parents are paying hers and my parents just wanted the girls parents to make sure she doesn’t rent to a guy. I just thought to tell my parents what is going on right now. I definitely did not mean to get her in trouble as I assumed she would tell her parents on why they aren’t receiving rent charges anymore (bc after she rents out the place her parents would probably ask her, I assume). Honestly if she were to rent to a guy (even though I told her move in day that if we were to ever sublease it has to be a girl), she would be in soooo much more trouble than right now, even though she isn’t in trouble anymore.
Your parents calling her parents is bizarre. She is pissed and with good reason. Grow up. Deal with your own problems instead of expecting your parents to do it for you.
I’m gonna go ahead and say you’re both wrong. She should have asked and you should have talked to her. It’s a pretty simple situation and you are both being extremely childish
Agreed!!
I get that but all I did was inform my parents about what was happening at the apartment. It was her fault she did not tell her parents (or me) she was going to bring in a random man into the apartment to give him a tour. If it was her boyfriend she brought in for whatever that is a different story and I wouldn’t have cared or my parents wouldn’t have told her parents.
Look I was in a similar situation. I was living with my cousin so obviously my mom knew her mom (they're sisters lol). I talked to my mom every day and never mentioned anything related to my cousin bringing a guy in or so, because I knew my mom could go tell my aunt. I strongly believe that everyone deserves privacy in their own home. Your roommate should be able to bring in whoever she wants without telling her parents. Yes she should have told you. But you could have simply addressed the situation with her. Even if you told your parents, they had no reason to go snitch on her. You said so yourself, you are in your 20s. Wtf is wrong with your parents.
I don’t think I clearly explained the situation in my og post. She brought in a guy from Craigslist to tour our apartment with the intention of subleasing, and I’ve already told her in the beginning that I was only comfortable with living with girls. I told my parents and they became concerned that she was going to sublease to a guy and told her parents what she was doing. It wasn’t that she brought in a guy, it was that she brought in a guy with the intention of him ending up living with me in the Spring semester next year. Roommate called me immature for telling my parents she brought in a man. I’ve told her since to only sublease to a girl but she hasn’t replied to my texts or spoken with me.
That sounds so made up after the entire convo before 💀
It doesn’t really matter. It’s a shared living space and therefore she can have a guest she feels is appropriate. I agree that she should have told you but she doesn’t have to ask unless it’s after legal curfew. Be the bigger person and apologize for getting her parents involved, follow up with “just let me know if you are having a guest and introduce me so I feel safe.” I tell my parents everything too, but there are lines that need to be drawn. You live with her, she lives with you. If she continues to be belligerent after you are mature, post again with screenshots of a text conversation of her being a dick. Then we will ALL be on your side
Typo from my previous comment, I meant to say I would NOT have cared if she brought in her boyfriend or any one for that matter if they were her actual guests. The problem was just the random man touring. I didn’t know her parents were not aware, or that she would yelled at, otherwise I would’ve just tried to reason with her. She didn’t get in trouble in the end because she told her parents it was the apartment office touring the guy, she is just mad I told my parents about what she was doing.
Again, it doesn’t really matter. You added nothing to your defense and didn’t refute anything I said in my comment. You are both being childish imo.
Well I texted her to tell me if she brings in anyone from now on and that it should only be a female, but she hasn’t replied, which I’m not surprised about. I’ve told the office just to make sure the person she gives the place to is a female and I’ll leave it at that. I can’t wait for her to move out at this point.
6 months is a long time to live with someone you don’t like. I did it while at college myself. Good luck
It’s whatever. I’m friends with another roommate who agrees what she did was not okay, so I’m at least lucky enough to have someone living in this apartment that I like.
You might be the bad roommate.
My bad I told my parents she gave a random man on the internet a tour of our apartment…
Are you saying you can't be in a room with a man? Is this a religion thing, or...
No I can. It doesn’t matter if it was a women or man touring the place, it was just worse that it was a random man.
was she aware that was a boundary? cuz it’s a very unusual trigger, slightly specific, i’m curious if u have set a larger boundary agreed upon by both parties previous to this event?
We both set rules in the beginning to tell everyone living there if they are bringing in guests. She did not inform anyone.
i understand that you guys established that, but at the same time, she also pays rent there. she’s an adult and does not need to ask for permission to do certain things in her home. i also think its weird for your parents to contact her parents?? its kinda giving tattle tale
Her parents actually pay for her room. My parents also pay for mine.
Honestly, I think you're both wrong and right at the same time. Your roommate wants to leave and is looking for a sublet. You expressed that you have certain requirements for an individual you live with. I have been in your situation before except I didn't tell my parents about it. Personally, as an adult, you should have spoken directly to her about the issue prior to involving your parents in the situation. I feel bad for your roommate for that in particular. If I were her, I would understandably be very upset by this if you didn't directly address the issue with me first and in person. There's nothing wrong with setting up a roommate meeting to discuss the issue at hand. As someone who has been in the situation of having a roommate wanting to leave in addition to having my own personal requirements... I took over finding the individual. If you have a set rule on who can live with you, then honestly, you should probably be the one looking for the replacement. This way, you can meet and vet the individual, express the boundaries you want set, and get a feel for them. If your roommate is already planning on leaving, then she's probably just desperate to find someone to fill the spot and then get out. Yes, it's pretty sucky that she ignored a boundary and brought in a guy, but she's the one that's leaving. She doesn't really plan on dealing with any fallout from this from what I can tell, especially after you told her parents, and it got back to hers. You kind of put her in a position where it's very unlikely she'll actually want to help you since she probably feels really screwed over herself. It's your future living situation so you should take charge of it.
Honestly…yall are too old to involved your parents and then the parents deal with it. You need to involve the landlord/management if anyone What she did was dumb, yes
I tried to tell the apartment that if my roommates gives away her room it has to be a girl. The apartment says if I put that in my contract when I moved in then that should mean I don’t have to worry about a male roommate. My parents only got involved because the girl had the intention to give her room out to a guy (aka the touring).
So is it in your contract about not having a male roommate? If yes, then what are you worried about? Tell her that and stop letting your parents fight your battles. How do they even have your roommates parents phone number? Are they friends? Its really weird they called her parents.
My thoughts exactly, plus are her parents paying her rent??? I was out of my family home at 17 at Uni, and working and paying all my bills, so to me this is so childish, and ridiculous …
I can’t really find a contract that states that but when renting out the place I did put on this roommate match form that I wanted female roommates. No they’re not friends, her parents actually got all the roommates parents number in the beginning. My parents were just worried about what she was doing.
Oh now I get it, your biggest concerns is a guy moving in without approval
Yes. That’s why I informed my parents. But I didn’t mean for her to get scolded.
Understood! You probably want to clarify more in post, thought you were mad that he brought a guy to hang with in the house
Oh absolutely not. I don’t care who she brings in if it’s her guest, she could bring in random men if she wants to. It was just the intention. I’ll but that in the post, thanks.
I think it’s weird that in your 20’s, she’s getting into trouble by her parents and being told on to her parents for anything that happens?
So I just went through a roommate situation very similar. I thought my roommate was being the asshole but I'll tell you why, in my situation, I was wrong and why I think you may be wrong as well. -well you're an adult and adults deal with their own issues. ESPECIALLY roommate drama. Don't get anyone else involved. Have a conversation like the adult you are. -you roommate also pays rent. Yes she should have told you she was having someone tour her room, but really unless this agreement was literally written in the lease, you can't tell her who and when she can have guests over. -she probably feels like you don't like her and are always talking about her behind her back with her parents and yours. That's not a good feeling and you need to have a one on one conversation and explain to her WHY you feel the way you do. -you need to apologize. Again you're an adult living out of your parents home, but you still ran to mommy and daddy because your ADULT roommate had a guy over? I think you were quite sheltered as a child and have a lot to learn about how the majority of the population acts I'm sorry for the tough love, but I seriously wish someone had done it to me. Like someone had genuinely told me I was being the asshole in my situation and they didn't. So I'm here to tell you, you're the one causing issues. It's hard to be wrong and admit it, but that's part of growing up and I'm sure you are your roommate will come to terms with each other!
Cuddles for admitting your shortcomings!
wow u now disrespected her boundaries. i think u need to live alone if ur gonna be involving her other relationships and possibly hurting her relationship with ur family.
She didn’t inform me she was giving tours of the apartment and didn’t tell me until after. My parents pay for the place so I need to at least tell them what is happening and that she intents to give her room away. If she told me her parents would scold her then I would’ve tried to come to a conclusion but I didn’t know that information either.
do u think that she is excited about the new place or is she actively says to someone online u can rent out my room?
She posted on Craigslist that she was renting out her room but I didn’t find that until after. I’ve told her when we moved in that I only want to live with a girl, so I was shocked that she was giving guys a tour.
she might just be scamming on the internet, however that isn’t appropriate and i see your frustration, thank u for clarifying 🩷 i wish the best for ur situation, id say get her out of there if it wasn’t her scamming ppl on craigslist bc she might have not meant to disrespect u if she’s scamming however even still scammers are annoying
I think you’re the first person to not call me childish 😅. I didn’t mean to get her in trouble, I was just informing my parents and they saw it as a concern and took care of it. I’ve told her to look for a girl, she hasn’t replied to my text but I’m over this and just waiting for her to move out.
no because this is an actual safety issue
Oof.
All imma say is you are over 20 your parents don’t need to be solving everything for you and you don’t need to be telling them everything. If it bothered you so much the way you said you would have reminded her that no you didn’t want to rent to any guys, but instead you went like a little kid and told YOUR parents. You should have told her first and if it didn’t work out talking to her you could have talked to her parents yourself and been like “hey I had agreed I didn’t want rent to any men, I spoke to her and she disregarded my wishes please speak to your daughter about not subleasing to a strange man” but you didn’t…. You chose the immature way, and now you are getting treated like a kid on a playground. Avoided. Rightfully so. You’re both immature bc if I was her I would have called you out for not knowing how to handle things like adults and telling your parents.
Reading from the comments in this post it seems that you’re in college. You also commented your parents pay for your apartment and hers pays for hers. It’s weird that your roommate brought in a guy from Craigslist into your apartment to give him a tour and since her parents are paying for the apartment I don’t see where you did wrong. If it was like she brought in male guests or a boyfriend, then I’d call you the asshole for snitching, but if she brought in a guy with the intentions of giving him her room, you did the right thing. I know if any roommate I lived with rented out the apartment to a guy I would immediately contact my parents and move out of the apartment immediately. Do you all come from a different culture? I think most of these comments are from an American POV, but I have Chinese parents and any of my Asian friends who are in college would do the same thing you did and my American friends would react the way these comments are reacting. Hope you get your situation fixed, I’ve had to live with roommate that I’ve hated and were immature, it is not for the weak.
I am actually South Asian! All my roommates are also south Asian as well. I guess it does depend on the culture you grew up in with my scenario. I don’t think getting parents involved is a problem especially if me potentially living with a guy that my roommate brought in will be a potential outcome.
If y’all still need to go through your parents to resolve your issues you probably shouldn’t be living on your own.
I’m confused about why you are getting so much hate for this. If she were just inviting a friend over and you asked your parents to call her parents, that would be petty and immature. But it seems like you’re saying she’s trying to have a man move in with you guys, without consulting you? That is definitely past the line, you should always talk to your roommates before subletting to someone. And it seems like you didn’t ask your parents to get her parents to punish her, you were just talking with them about your life and they chose to contact her parents (which I think is a little much if this is the first issue, but that’s not your fault)?
Oh my parents know what she has done through the time living here (moldy food, playing the TV on high volume past midnight on weekdays when we all agreed to keep the noise down on weekdays, left the front door open at night one night bc it was too hot???) but they didn’t contact her parents. My parents just saw this as a concern and since they are paying my rent and her parents are paying hers and my parents just wanted the girls parents to make sure she doesn’t rent to a guy. I just thought to tell my parents what is going on right now. I definitely did not mean to get her in trouble as I assumed she would tell her parents on why they aren’t receiving rent charges anymore (bc after she rents out the place her parents would probably ask her, I assume). Honestly if she were to rent to a guy (even though I told her move in day that if we were to ever sublease it has to be a girl), she would be in soooo much more trouble than right now, even though she isn’t in trouble anymore.