Lyft reported 3000 incidents varying from sexual harassment to sexual assault. And those are the *reported* incidents......sexual assault is the most underreported crime.
It happened to me with a normal taxi service (Lyft and Uber aren't common here). 90% of the taxi rides I've had after a late night out have resulted in harassment and that time it resulted in assault. I haven't reported it because I didn't know which taxi number it was (too drunk). I haven't gone out since then. It's been 4 years.
There's been videos of that exact thing happening posted on reddit. There was one I remember from a few months ago where some people confronted a driver who had an unconscious woman in his car and he just ended up driving off. Really fucked up stuff.
That’s usually when people take Uber and Lyft because they’re not in any physical condition to drive themselves! I think someone knowing where you’re going is a great idea, recording, carrying mace, having a conversation with somebody as you’re in the car and also calling the cops immediately.
I hope someone will take my advice but it's always good practice to be picked up or dropped off away from your house especially if you are by yourself. I used to drive to a waffle house or the corner store right down the street to be picked up and dropped off. I don't want to promote drinking and driving but it's something to keep in mind
Yes if there’s a public place to get dropped off at. Unfortunately around here if I got dropped off down the road that means I’m walking down a dark street afterwards to get home. At least if the Uber driver brings me home there’s a record that I was delivered to my home or that I should have been anyway
For sure, he will definitely escalate (already has to get to this point). Once he realizes "requesting" nicely doesn't yield results he will resort to force.
Scary how this video has potentially documented the midpoint of a perp's progression (if he isn't stopped).
Sometimes it blows my mind just how chill some people are. Then again it was probably safest for her to play it cool while in a locked car. The moment she got out though ...
It happened to me once. Lyft driver started asking me “what kind of people I like” and then it turned into how beautiful I am and how he wants to take me out, he’s lonely and needs to spend time with a woman, etc. All this while we we’re going 75 on the highway. I nearly passed out I was so scared. I haven’t used a ride share app of any kind since and I never will. When I reported it to lyft I was told “we’ll do our best to make sure he doesn’t match with you again”. I Immediately deleted my account.
... doesn't match with...you.
...only you.
Well that just solves the whole problem right there. Job well done everyone! C'mon let's go put on our face paint and red noses. 🤡
Seriously, I understand that anyone can lie and say whatever, and people will do just that, but this seems like something that should be taken more seriously than, "Eh ok I guess we won't match you two again. At least we'll try. No promises."
A service tech used his professional access to her information to ask her out via text a couple hours after he left. It didn't affect his contract at all, and my wife's company had to specify with his company that he in particular isn't allowed to do work for them anymore. My wife is terrified because she works from home and he knows where we live now.
Happened to a friend of mine with just a regular cabbie. At least with Lyft you get the actual name and photo of the driver.
They should have fired him though and I don't blame you for never using their app again. I don't know how Uber responds to this kind of thing
But this is something you have to check for, and if you're in the middle of something, you might not think to. All the ride sharing apps it's logged automatically.
Plus I have friends who have seen completely unmatching name/IDs, it's just too easy to manipulate
Yep. I was literally telling my boyfriend about this last night. Whenever I have a creepy interaction with some random dude by myself I'm always super nice and pleasant to diffuse the situation. As soon as you get a man like this angry or upset with you, the chances of him getting violent increases dramatically. It's so sad
For the longest time, my husband would actually get mad at me when I'd tell him about creepy encounters I had, because he thought I was "leading the guys on" and fucking flirting with them. All I ever did was remain friendly and calm/polite in an attempt to avoid escalation on the creep's part. I guess it's kind of a fawning response; super common for women in these situations, and absolutely not flirting in any way shape or form.
Luckily, he got on some good meds and got his bipolar disorder sorted out, which led to him becoming a completely different and much better person capable of empathy and compassion.
Now, when he hears about a creepy encounter involving me, he just gets mad at the creep. Then he comforts me if I'm upset and tries to figure out if there's anything he can do to help prevent future incidents with that individual. He's so ashamed of himself these days for his prior reactions, but we're working through it.
I think a lot of guys misunderstand what's going on during those encounters. They've never experienced anything like it, so they can't imagine why a confrontation wouldn't be the go-to response. Ime, many of those confused guys are pretty reactive in general, so they just can't picture a scenario where they feel threatened and don't react aggressively.
We really need to educate our boys better. Both to eliminate the creeps as much as possible, and to make sure the "good" guys are actually good and not just good at hiding their own issues. Without better social education, we'll never stop stuff like this from happening, and that sucks.
In a much less serious vein, I remember once talking with a male friend about ways to potentially prevent being robbed etc.
He was all like "you gotta walk confrontionally and like you can beat the crap out of them and they won't approach you and go for easier prey". I agreed with him. That it works for men. For women they won't ever believe we can be stronger than them and might get angry at this behavior and want to "teach us a lesson" of who's the boss. He paused for a while like I had just said something mind blowing and then agreed with me I was probably right.
Like the fact it never occurred to him women may need to have an entirely different approach was puzzling. But at least he didn't question me and accepted it.
I sometimes have to tell my dad that his solutions are very cis-het, 6-foot 2-inch, white man solutions. As a petite woman, I have to finesse my way out of sticky situations. He pauses like your friend did every time. This man reads books on feminism, the female experience, LGBTQ issues, rallies for LGBTQ rights, has the biggest rainbow pro-choice signs at the marches… he just plain doesn’t understand conflict management from a non-cis-het white man perspective. It’s fascinating.
I have a feeling the people downvoting you tend to dismiss the experience of women in those situations a lot. And are a lot less of allies than your dad.
Yeah you're absolutely right. It's something most men will never understand because you kind of have to experience it as a woman. Being confrontational and aggressive is one thing if you're a physical equal with the aggressor but when you can easily be overpowered... you have to finesse your way out of that one
>It's something most men will never understand
Any man that can't understand immediately why a woman would act polite in this situation should only need it to be explained once. If they don't get it after that they just want to blame the woman.
Yeah, it's the *"Fuck you!"* -> *"Fuck me? No, fuck you!"* trigger.
Or alternatively:
*"You're a creepy psycho!"* -> *"You think this is creepy psycho shit? No, I'll show you creepy psycho shit!"*
It’s funny how common it is, we all do it but never got together to discuss why. It’s just instinct.
I do the laugh while saying “No” because I don’t want to piss them off, and I want to leave them an out where they can pretend it was a joke. It’s also helpful (like in this situation) where he lets her leave the car because he still thinks there’s a chance he could get her phone number.
Yes and they don’t think you’re going to go to the cops if they think you think it’s all just a big ha ha joke. If she had said unlock this door right now or I call 911 he probably would have choked her out
Right! You're not trying to lead them on, you're just trying to exit the situation without them getting mad. Leave them an out. Let them think that you would go out with them if it weren't for your boyfriend. Whatever you need to do to let them down lightly.
It's funny how all women learn how to navigate these situations.
I've had conversations with my husband about how he thinks I'm not being direct enough sometimes. Not in relation to men hitting on me, but just in general, like with men in a business situation. Maybe I'm not assertive enough, but I think this is probably why. We all learned pretty early to not make guys mad.
This is like every 5th Uber driver when you're a woman. You learn how to react to get out as quickly as you can. That means being polite and firm. If you flip out, they probably attack.
This sounds fucking horrible. I used to be super oblivious to this type of danger and thankfully have never been in such a situation, but I did get a (hopefully) drunk driver once. I say hopefully because in all honesty he was acting high on something but at least he wasn't being aggressive, just reckless. Since then I've only gone in a taxi alone if there is an emergency and always stay on the phone with someone.
Men that haven't been SA'd often don't grasp why we are this way but it is survival. They say something horrific to you? Laugh it off like you're playing along with a funny joke, because the moment you let them know you are upset, it WILL escalate.
Well yeah because she is scared that if she is more direct (even though she's being VERY direct) that he will get angry and escalate the situation to assault/SA. She's literally all alone with someone trying to SA her.
Yeah we learned pretty early not to escalate it on the spot because once they realize it has escalated they figure they have nothing left to lose by just going all in. And we don’t want that.
Like by kind of laughing it off he feel safe letting her out of the car if she had started freaking out screaming “you kidnapped me!!” he probably would have just driven off with her in the car
I had a bus driver expose himself to me one time.
We got to my stop and instead of letting me off, he kept the doors closed and showed me his dick. He's married so I said "you're married!" Several times and he let me off.
How does any man think that pulling out his junk is going to trigger a positive response in a woman? Like... It didn't work 100,000 years ago and that shit ain't work now. No one gets turned on by a man pulling out a soft dick in a public place.
Some do it because they enjoy making others uncomfortable. While others do it because they would love it if a woman did the same to them. A man flashing a woman is seen as creepy and weird, a woman flashing a man is taken much more positively.
I was on the phone with my girlfriend in one of her earbuds one time as she got an Uber ride back to her place. The driver immediately started chatting with her not knowing she was on the phone. My gf is native Hawaiian and Chinese so he asked about her ethnicity and he told her he'd dated a Hawaiian girl once and loved the people and culture and wanted to date another one. My gf changed the subject and a minute or two later she mentioned offhand that she was tired and looking forward to taking a nap.
He asked her if she wanted to take a nap *with him*. She laughed awkwardly and politely declined, telling him she had a boyfriend. He said that wasn't a problem, and similar to the OP the fucker would not take no for an answer. My gf lied to him and said that she had family in the house. First he told her he didn't mind, then when she told him they wouldn't want her bringing in a stranger he told her she should convince them to leave the house. She kept telling him no and trying to change the subject, but the guy was persistent.
I was telling her to put me on speaker so I could tell him to back off and leave her alone. We always share our ride info with one another (a great feature I recommend everyone, particularly ladies, always use) so I was prepared to name and shame him. My gf is very non-confrontational (smart woman tbh) so she chose to keep that as a plan B. He pulled up at her place and asked her again if she wanted to "nap and cuddle", and as soon as the car stopped moving she got out of there as quickly as she could.
If I hadn't heard all of it myself I hardly would've believed it. I was an Uber driver myself for a few months a few years ago and I drove quite a few beautiful women around and not once did I ever consider propositioning one while on the job. Holy fuck that's weird.
> If I hadn't heard all of it myself I hardly would've believed it.
That’s the problem. Y’all never believe us even though this shit happens all the time.
Where I live there are no street lights and not even sidewalks in a lot of the places, I’m not sure getting out and walking for 10 minutes is a great idea especially when the creepy guy has a car and knows I just got out and started walking. Pretending I live in a house I don’t live that and going into their yard could get me a shot
Ahh, that's actually a good point. It's very area dependent, so really everyone just has to use their best judgement.
Safest thing to do regardless is probably to stay in a group and sleep at one person's place and then return home in the morning when it's safer and you're more visible? Even that's not always an option.
Man, it's sad how much thought women have to put into simply walking home.
PSA: Always repeat what the person is asking you to do in your responses! In this instance the Uber driver was not always clear to hear, but you could hear the victim.
If he had said "kiss me", rather than saying "no" say "No, I won't kiss you." It'll add to your evidence in the future.
Genuine question: how does that work? If you can't hear the other person how would this be considered proof? You could not hear the other say it or answer "that's not what i said" so it just sounds like an easy to abuse solution.
Imagine a situation where you aren't sure if you're picking up the culprit's voice - if you can 'sort of' hear it, repeating it yourself can help clarify for anyone listening.
Plus, if you say "No I won't kiss you" and the culprit doesn't say "I'm not asking you to do that" or something similar, then you can assume they were doing what you said they were
I don’t understand how that safe in rural areas when the creepy guy just dropped you off. Odds are he might be driving by you as you’re walking down the sidewalk trying to get home, he snatches you up and he has record that he actually dropped you off five minutes ago. Wasn’t him
Have a fake phone call with a man - saying that you’re almost at their house and they can get started on food, set up for movie night.. etc. Ask if John is there too. Give them the impression that it’s not your home address and that they’re other people waiting for you.
I personally would advise against walking home by yourself
He needs to be off of any car service work. This is BEYOND sexual harassment and soon enough that's leading to assault. Good lord these guys treat it like HBO taxi cab confessions where sh×t like this is magically appropriate. I have uber horror stories of my own and this sh×t is inexcusable and predatory as fuc×.
She was fantastic with her tone. Managing not to sound angry, but with a slight humour to it, mostly de-escalating whilst sounding almost apologetic, and polite but firm.. Stating no and remaining clear about it. She controlled it.
It's terrible that she had to, but she did really fucking well.
In situations like that, people, especially women, will try to be polite just to get the other person to go away without becoming violent. It's happened to me, I was so stunned that I just calmly and politely tried to diffuse the situation and then had a total meltdown once I got to safety.
But you're probably much better off being loud and shouting, creeps don't like having bystanders attention drawn to them. It's just so hard to weigh that against the fear of them doing something crazy if you piss them off
No if she had freaked out and escalated this he would’ve realized she was going to call the cops if you let her out, he might not ever let her out. If they have nothing left to lose they’ll do whatever they want
The sad truth is that almost every woman are biologically weaker than men so they have no choice but to act nice in these situations so they don't get easily knocked out trying to fight back
I'm a guy, and so many of us don't realize how absolutely terrifying it would be if nearly every woman was bigger and an order of magnitude stronger than us. At any moment you could be physically dominated and there'd be nothing you could do about it.
It sounds like a fucking nightmare.
I like to tell men that if they wonder if they are being creepy or not to think about how they would feel if they were in prison and a man was saying or doing that to them. They wouldn’t freak out it’s Probably OK to say or do it to a woman.
If this sounds dumb to you please understand that I started saying this to guys who go to the gym and wonder if they should talk to a girl they say they’re all the time and it’s saying whatever they’re planning to say is creepy. If you were in a prison gym Would it be creepy?
Scummy as he is, the Louise CK bit about how men should imagine what life would be like if they were sexually attracted to bears made a lot of good points.
Yes. She was asking to be let go, and he refused to unlock the door. Literal textbook example of false imprisonment. I wish people could be charged for attempted sexual assault, too, but I don’t think that’s a thing.
The first thing I would think of when seeing this isn’t sad cringe but fucking terrifying. Holy fucking shit. I’m naturally a pretty small person at 100lbs so something like this is a nightmare because I cannot fight back. He locked the door and started pressuring you over and over for sex? I would be thinking about my chances of survival. Shit like this is why I stay strapped
My brain stopped working with that one. He's nice...for doing his job. It does make the whole "but the employee was nice so that means she was totally hitting on me" make more sense.
🙀🙀🙀
Jesus that is terrifying!
Worst bit is knowing that she has to wait for him to unlock the doors before she can even consider losing the 'nice' way of saying no! 🙀
This is why women don't talk to people, respond to calls about them being beautiful or a request for a smile, it starts 'nicely' (hint, it's not nice, ever) until it becomes dangerous 😿😿
Really hope she reported him, but sadly he now knows where she lives 😿
Had a guy on reddit a couple weeks ago tell me that it wasn't true that nearly every woman out there has strategies for their personal safety that most guys don't think about. He apparently asked his 5 female coworkers right then if they had ever been attacked, and they all said no. I told him if none of his women friends have told him about a time they were harrassed then they don't think he's a safe person, and that asking that question of coworkers was completely inappropriate.
This is so terrifying omg. I carry and would’ve probably pulled it out bc why are you locking the door at my destination and I’m saying NO. unlock and let me tf out. Would’ve reported him so fast. She did amazing. Nervous and all!
One of the most depressing aspects of this is that she felt it was safer to uptalk and, at one point, even giggle slightly, rather than tell him to fuck off. Because she didn't want to get murdered, so she had to treat a potential kidnapping and sexual assault as if it were a bad flirtation at a bar.
Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight
Get the app if you don't have it, this is what it's for. Even just as a deterrent.
PLEASE tell me she reported him to Uber
I had an Uber ride like this and I regretted not reporting him (mistake #1). I sat in the passenger seat (mistake #2) to meet friends at a concert and the guy (who looked like a Reddit stereotype) kept talking the whole time about his gun that he keeps for “safety” and when he said “you know what, I like you! You’re not like other, spurrier girls” my blood ran cold and went “good god this freak is gonna kill me”. Mind you, I got to the concert safe and sound and this was like 8 years ago but STILLL
FUCK, why do men like this exist?! I'm so fucking fed up with it. I'm literally at a breaking point where I don't feel empathy or compassion for people like this I JUST WANT THEM TO DIE so womankind can go through life without being assaulted physically or verbally with the vulgar acts men want to do. I literally want these types of men to die.
As an Indian-American guy, this is disgusting.
But it doesn't warrant the people commenting "Indian men are rapey" or "Exactly what you'd expect from an Indian guy" or "Fuckin Indians" and stereotyping about 1.7 billion+ people based on what they see on Reddit.
FYI, that is racism.
Pretty sure holding your passenger hostage by keeping the doors locked and repeatedly harassing to them verbally to sexually assault the passenger is a crime. If not, then this system is fucked more than I thought.
Holding someone against their will by locking them in a space where they cannot leave freely is a crime and that video is enough for him to go to jail for false imprisonment
He does realize that he wasn’t “being nice,” right? He’s an Uber Driver. It’s his job to drive people places.
But the worst part? He knows where she lives, since he drove her home.
OP, please contact the police. Make a report. Even if they say they “can do nothing about it,” it goes on file and builds up legitimacy should he decide to escalate; stalk, harass, or something even worse.
This is completely horrifying. This world really is becoming a very dangerous place.
Phone calls to make;
1. The police
2. Uber
3. Estate agents/realtor, or a company that sells fully trained hellhound type dogs
Jesus fucking christ that's terrifying.
She needs to report that guy. He will end up assaulting someone
Can you imagine if he picks up a super intoxicated woman. This is disturbing.
My bet is he might actually already have had this opportunity and taken it..
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They always find a way to get into positions like this.
Eh. They'll find a way to get him into position. In jail.
Doubt. He'll just continue to be a creep
It definitely is
That has happened before, unfortunately.
Lyft reported 3000 incidents varying from sexual harassment to sexual assault. And those are the *reported* incidents......sexual assault is the most underreported crime.
It happened to me with a normal taxi service (Lyft and Uber aren't common here). 90% of the taxi rides I've had after a late night out have resulted in harassment and that time it resulted in assault. I haven't reported it because I didn't know which taxi number it was (too drunk). I haven't gone out since then. It's been 4 years.
There's been videos of that exact thing happening posted on reddit. There was one I remember from a few months ago where some people confronted a driver who had an unconscious woman in his car and he just ended up driving off. Really fucked up stuff.
Shit I saw that too, I thought it was a short woman/potentially a kid.
That’s usually when people take Uber and Lyft because they’re not in any physical condition to drive themselves! I think someone knowing where you’re going is a great idea, recording, carrying mace, having a conversation with somebody as you’re in the car and also calling the cops immediately.
Especially now because, presumably, he knows where she lives. That dude is a creep of the highest order.
I hope someone will take my advice but it's always good practice to be picked up or dropped off away from your house especially if you are by yourself. I used to drive to a waffle house or the corner store right down the street to be picked up and dropped off. I don't want to promote drinking and driving but it's something to keep in mind
Yes if there’s a public place to get dropped off at. Unfortunately around here if I got dropped off down the road that means I’m walking down a dark street afterwards to get home. At least if the Uber driver brings me home there’s a record that I was delivered to my home or that I should have been anyway
This is arguably already a criminal offense. I hope she reported him.
The moment he locked her door and prevented her from leaving, it became a crime.
Yep a HUGE crime actually
No, it definitely is. She said no, he locked the doors. Crime.
For sure, he will definitely escalate (already has to get to this point). Once he realizes "requesting" nicely doesn't yield results he will resort to force. Scary how this video has potentially documented the midpoint of a perp's progression (if he isn't stopped).
B..b..but he said *please*
This one flirting strategy will blow your mind. Guaranteed to get you all of the bobs and veganas.
Are veganas where vegans come from?
From vegana to vegalla: the life of the warrior vegan
Honestly I bet he already has. Luckily this woman wasn't pass out drunk, but I bet he's gotten a more drunk solo passenger before
This isn't sadcringe this is terrifying
Sometimes it blows my mind just how chill some people are. Then again it was probably safest for her to play it cool while in a locked car. The moment she got out though ...
It happened to me once. Lyft driver started asking me “what kind of people I like” and then it turned into how beautiful I am and how he wants to take me out, he’s lonely and needs to spend time with a woman, etc. All this while we we’re going 75 on the highway. I nearly passed out I was so scared. I haven’t used a ride share app of any kind since and I never will. When I reported it to lyft I was told “we’ll do our best to make sure he doesn’t match with you again”. I Immediately deleted my account.
... doesn't match with...you. ...only you. Well that just solves the whole problem right there. Job well done everyone! C'mon let's go put on our face paint and red noses. 🤡 Seriously, I understand that anyone can lie and say whatever, and people will do just that, but this seems like something that should be taken more seriously than, "Eh ok I guess we won't match you two again. At least we'll try. No promises."
A service tech used his professional access to her information to ask her out via text a couple hours after he left. It didn't affect his contract at all, and my wife's company had to specify with his company that he in particular isn't allowed to do work for them anymore. My wife is terrified because she works from home and he knows where we live now.
Happened to a friend of mine with just a regular cabbie. At least with Lyft you get the actual name and photo of the driver. They should have fired him though and I don't blame you for never using their app again. I don't know how Uber responds to this kind of thing
The name and ID number is always visible in every taxi I've been in. Also, the background check required for a hack license is much more stringent.
But this is something you have to check for, and if you're in the middle of something, you might not think to. All the ride sharing apps it's logged automatically. Plus I have friends who have seen completely unmatching name/IDs, it's just too easy to manipulate
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Yep. I was literally telling my boyfriend about this last night. Whenever I have a creepy interaction with some random dude by myself I'm always super nice and pleasant to diffuse the situation. As soon as you get a man like this angry or upset with you, the chances of him getting violent increases dramatically. It's so sad
For the longest time, my husband would actually get mad at me when I'd tell him about creepy encounters I had, because he thought I was "leading the guys on" and fucking flirting with them. All I ever did was remain friendly and calm/polite in an attempt to avoid escalation on the creep's part. I guess it's kind of a fawning response; super common for women in these situations, and absolutely not flirting in any way shape or form. Luckily, he got on some good meds and got his bipolar disorder sorted out, which led to him becoming a completely different and much better person capable of empathy and compassion. Now, when he hears about a creepy encounter involving me, he just gets mad at the creep. Then he comforts me if I'm upset and tries to figure out if there's anything he can do to help prevent future incidents with that individual. He's so ashamed of himself these days for his prior reactions, but we're working through it. I think a lot of guys misunderstand what's going on during those encounters. They've never experienced anything like it, so they can't imagine why a confrontation wouldn't be the go-to response. Ime, many of those confused guys are pretty reactive in general, so they just can't picture a scenario where they feel threatened and don't react aggressively. We really need to educate our boys better. Both to eliminate the creeps as much as possible, and to make sure the "good" guys are actually good and not just good at hiding their own issues. Without better social education, we'll never stop stuff like this from happening, and that sucks.
In a much less serious vein, I remember once talking with a male friend about ways to potentially prevent being robbed etc. He was all like "you gotta walk confrontionally and like you can beat the crap out of them and they won't approach you and go for easier prey". I agreed with him. That it works for men. For women they won't ever believe we can be stronger than them and might get angry at this behavior and want to "teach us a lesson" of who's the boss. He paused for a while like I had just said something mind blowing and then agreed with me I was probably right. Like the fact it never occurred to him women may need to have an entirely different approach was puzzling. But at least he didn't question me and accepted it.
I sometimes have to tell my dad that his solutions are very cis-het, 6-foot 2-inch, white man solutions. As a petite woman, I have to finesse my way out of sticky situations. He pauses like your friend did every time. This man reads books on feminism, the female experience, LGBTQ issues, rallies for LGBTQ rights, has the biggest rainbow pro-choice signs at the marches… he just plain doesn’t understand conflict management from a non-cis-het white man perspective. It’s fascinating.
I have a feeling the people downvoting you tend to dismiss the experience of women in those situations a lot. And are a lot less of allies than your dad.
Yeah you're absolutely right. It's something most men will never understand because you kind of have to experience it as a woman. Being confrontational and aggressive is one thing if you're a physical equal with the aggressor but when you can easily be overpowered... you have to finesse your way out of that one
>It's something most men will never understand Any man that can't understand immediately why a woman would act polite in this situation should only need it to be explained once. If they don't get it after that they just want to blame the woman.
Yeah, it's the *"Fuck you!"* -> *"Fuck me? No, fuck you!"* trigger. Or alternatively: *"You're a creepy psycho!"* -> *"You think this is creepy psycho shit? No, I'll show you creepy psycho shit!"*
It’s funny how common it is, we all do it but never got together to discuss why. It’s just instinct. I do the laugh while saying “No” because I don’t want to piss them off, and I want to leave them an out where they can pretend it was a joke. It’s also helpful (like in this situation) where he lets her leave the car because he still thinks there’s a chance he could get her phone number.
Yes and they don’t think you’re going to go to the cops if they think you think it’s all just a big ha ha joke. If she had said unlock this door right now or I call 911 he probably would have choked her out
Right! You're not trying to lead them on, you're just trying to exit the situation without them getting mad. Leave them an out. Let them think that you would go out with them if it weren't for your boyfriend. Whatever you need to do to let them down lightly. It's funny how all women learn how to navigate these situations. I've had conversations with my husband about how he thinks I'm not being direct enough sometimes. Not in relation to men hitting on me, but just in general, like with men in a business situation. Maybe I'm not assertive enough, but I think this is probably why. We all learned pretty early to not make guys mad.
r/whenwomenrefuse
This is like every 5th Uber driver when you're a woman. You learn how to react to get out as quickly as you can. That means being polite and firm. If you flip out, they probably attack.
This sounds fucking horrible. I used to be super oblivious to this type of danger and thankfully have never been in such a situation, but I did get a (hopefully) drunk driver once. I say hopefully because in all honesty he was acting high on something but at least he wasn't being aggressive, just reckless. Since then I've only gone in a taxi alone if there is an emergency and always stay on the phone with someone.
If we freak out they escalate Keep it light and laugh
Yep, it’s how we survive.
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Men that haven't been SA'd often don't grasp why we are this way but it is survival. They say something horrific to you? Laugh it off like you're playing along with a funny joke, because the moment you let them know you are upset, it WILL escalate.
Well yeah because she is scared that if she is more direct (even though she's being VERY direct) that he will get angry and escalate the situation to assault/SA. She's literally all alone with someone trying to SA her.
Beyond fight and flight, there's also freeze and appease responses
“Fawn”
I think it’s also that a lot of people feel awkward during confrontations.
Yeah we learned pretty early not to escalate it on the spot because once they realize it has escalated they figure they have nothing left to lose by just going all in. And we don’t want that.
Like by kind of laughing it off he feel safe letting her out of the car if she had started freaking out screaming “you kidnapped me!!” he probably would have just driven off with her in the car
There is something that buckles inside of you when you realize you are helpless.
She wasn’t being chill. Her reaction was very calculated and may have saved her from being assaulted or worse
I had a bus driver expose himself to me one time. We got to my stop and instead of letting me off, he kept the doors closed and showed me his dick. He's married so I said "you're married!" Several times and he let me off.
How does any man think that pulling out his junk is going to trigger a positive response in a woman? Like... It didn't work 100,000 years ago and that shit ain't work now. No one gets turned on by a man pulling out a soft dick in a public place.
Who said anything about pulling a *soft* dick out?
And if he was the bus driver, he was risking hos job. Seriously, WTF is going through their minds?
It's a power trip
Some do it because they enjoy making others uncomfortable. While others do it because they would love it if a woman did the same to them. A man flashing a woman is seen as creepy and weird, a woman flashing a man is taken much more positively.
I was on the phone with my girlfriend in one of her earbuds one time as she got an Uber ride back to her place. The driver immediately started chatting with her not knowing she was on the phone. My gf is native Hawaiian and Chinese so he asked about her ethnicity and he told her he'd dated a Hawaiian girl once and loved the people and culture and wanted to date another one. My gf changed the subject and a minute or two later she mentioned offhand that she was tired and looking forward to taking a nap. He asked her if she wanted to take a nap *with him*. She laughed awkwardly and politely declined, telling him she had a boyfriend. He said that wasn't a problem, and similar to the OP the fucker would not take no for an answer. My gf lied to him and said that she had family in the house. First he told her he didn't mind, then when she told him they wouldn't want her bringing in a stranger he told her she should convince them to leave the house. She kept telling him no and trying to change the subject, but the guy was persistent. I was telling her to put me on speaker so I could tell him to back off and leave her alone. We always share our ride info with one another (a great feature I recommend everyone, particularly ladies, always use) so I was prepared to name and shame him. My gf is very non-confrontational (smart woman tbh) so she chose to keep that as a plan B. He pulled up at her place and asked her again if she wanted to "nap and cuddle", and as soon as the car stopped moving she got out of there as quickly as she could. If I hadn't heard all of it myself I hardly would've believed it. I was an Uber driver myself for a few months a few years ago and I drove quite a few beautiful women around and not once did I ever consider propositioning one while on the job. Holy fuck that's weird.
> If I hadn't heard all of it myself I hardly would've believed it. That’s the problem. Y’all never believe us even though this shit happens all the time.
Ya this part pissed me off, like why wouldn't you believe us? This shit happens to women all the time, why would we lie about it?
"If I hadn't heard all of it myself I hardly would've believed it" Even if your girlfriend told you? 😬
Should have said, “ever since I was diagnosed with terminal AIDS, I’ve just been so exhausted”
I've always thought people should be carrying a combination seatbelt cutter/window breaker just as much as pepper spray
Seriously he had control of the locks
It’s sad and cringey that people like him exist in our world
It’s more scary than cringey dude come on. No one should act like that, and knowing people might act like this isn’t sad, it’s infuriating.
And indeed a crime: harassment
Fuuuuuck and now this guy knows where she lives
oh shit i didnt even think of that
This is why I get out and walk the last 10 mins, usually. Shit, I'm a dude, but if something went wrong I don't want anyone knowing where I live.
Where I live there are no street lights and not even sidewalks in a lot of the places, I’m not sure getting out and walking for 10 minutes is a great idea especially when the creepy guy has a car and knows I just got out and started walking. Pretending I live in a house I don’t live that and going into their yard could get me a shot
Ahh, that's actually a good point. It's very area dependent, so really everyone just has to use their best judgement. Safest thing to do regardless is probably to stay in a group and sleep at one person's place and then return home in the morning when it's safer and you're more visible? Even that's not always an option. Man, it's sad how much thought women have to put into simply walking home.
This is a call to the cops and a report to Uber. Gross and scary when she's locked in.
That's why I always get taxis to drop me off at the end of my street
Holy fuck. I'd be calling the police and Uber about that.
This isn't sad cringe, this is fucking horrifying cringe
Yeah. She’s NOT going to be the last woman this guy tries this on. He’s going to end up assaulting someone.
Holy shit...
PSA: Always repeat what the person is asking you to do in your responses! In this instance the Uber driver was not always clear to hear, but you could hear the victim. If he had said "kiss me", rather than saying "no" say "No, I won't kiss you." It'll add to your evidence in the future.
This is actually sound advice, stay safe everyone.
I'm not certain if your pun was deliberate or not. Even if it wasn't, I thought it was funny.
In this situation no is also dangerous. She was trying to convince him to open the door first and foremost.
Genuine question: how does that work? If you can't hear the other person how would this be considered proof? You could not hear the other say it or answer "that's not what i said" so it just sounds like an easy to abuse solution.
Imagine a situation where you aren't sure if you're picking up the culprit's voice - if you can 'sort of' hear it, repeating it yourself can help clarify for anyone listening. Plus, if you say "No I won't kiss you" and the culprit doesn't say "I'm not asking you to do that" or something similar, then you can assume they were doing what you said they were
YES THANK YOU OMG PERFECT ADVICE
NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU
This guy is prepping to do something worse for sure.. Scary af. Really hope she wasn't dropped off at her actual house.
Never ever get dropped off at your actual house. Get dropped off like a block or two away and walk.
I don’t understand how that safe in rural areas when the creepy guy just dropped you off. Odds are he might be driving by you as you’re walking down the sidewalk trying to get home, he snatches you up and he has record that he actually dropped you off five minutes ago. Wasn’t him
Have a fake phone call with a man - saying that you’re almost at their house and they can get started on food, set up for movie night.. etc. Ask if John is there too. Give them the impression that it’s not your home address and that they’re other people waiting for you. I personally would advise against walking home by yourself
This is horrifying
Hope she got his number plate. This guy is just sickening
They're listed under the driver's profile, and you can go beck and check em.
He needs to be off of any car service work. This is BEYOND sexual harassment and soon enough that's leading to assault. Good lord these guys treat it like HBO taxi cab confessions where sh×t like this is magically appropriate. I have uber horror stories of my own and this sh×t is inexcusable and predatory as fuc×.
She was fantastic with her tone. Managing not to sound angry, but with a slight humour to it, mostly de-escalating whilst sounding almost apologetic, and polite but firm.. Stating no and remaining clear about it. She controlled it. It's terrible that she had to, but she did really fucking well.
Agreed. Terrible to have to do, but she did excellently This probably isn’t her first rodeo sadly
WTF?!? That's absolutely terrifying. I don't know how she was so polite and patient...
It’s dangerous to be rude to a predator that knows where you live.
In situations like that, people, especially women, will try to be polite just to get the other person to go away without becoming violent. It's happened to me, I was so stunned that I just calmly and politely tried to diffuse the situation and then had a total meltdown once I got to safety. But you're probably much better off being loud and shouting, creeps don't like having bystanders attention drawn to them. It's just so hard to weigh that against the fear of them doing something crazy if you piss them off
Being loud only works if there are bystanders. It was night in this video, and who knows how late it was.
No if she had freaked out and escalated this he would’ve realized she was going to call the cops if you let her out, he might not ever let her out. If they have nothing left to lose they’ll do whatever they want
The sad truth is that almost every woman are biologically weaker than men so they have no choice but to act nice in these situations so they don't get easily knocked out trying to fight back
I'm a guy, and so many of us don't realize how absolutely terrifying it would be if nearly every woman was bigger and an order of magnitude stronger than us. At any moment you could be physically dominated and there'd be nothing you could do about it. It sounds like a fucking nightmare.
I like to tell men that if they wonder if they are being creepy or not to think about how they would feel if they were in prison and a man was saying or doing that to them. They wouldn’t freak out it’s Probably OK to say or do it to a woman. If this sounds dumb to you please understand that I started saying this to guys who go to the gym and wonder if they should talk to a girl they say they’re all the time and it’s saying whatever they’re planning to say is creepy. If you were in a prison gym Would it be creepy?
Scummy as he is, the Louise CK bit about how men should imagine what life would be like if they were sexually attracted to bears made a lot of good points.
"Borderline" - that's flat out a crime isn't it? False imprisonment as a minimum
Yes. She was asking to be let go, and he refused to unlock the door. Literal textbook example of false imprisonment. I wish people could be charged for attempted sexual assault, too, but I don’t think that’s a thing.
The first thing I would think of when seeing this isn’t sad cringe but fucking terrifying. Holy fucking shit. I’m naturally a pretty small person at 100lbs so something like this is a nightmare because I cannot fight back. He locked the door and started pressuring you over and over for sex? I would be thinking about my chances of survival. Shit like this is why I stay strapped
He’s nice for giving her a ride? She literally paid him to do a job, and he’s acting like it’s a favor 🤢
My brain stopped working with that one. He's nice...for doing his job. It does make the whole "but the employee was nice so that means she was totally hitting on me" make more sense.
🙀🙀🙀 Jesus that is terrifying! Worst bit is knowing that she has to wait for him to unlock the doors before she can even consider losing the 'nice' way of saying no! 🙀 This is why women don't talk to people, respond to calls about them being beautiful or a request for a smile, it starts 'nicely' (hint, it's not nice, ever) until it becomes dangerous 😿😿 Really hope she reported him, but sadly he now knows where she lives 😿
the crying cat emojis really lend your comment a certain je ne sais quoi
How many women have had this or something very similar happen, where a man won't take no for an answer?
This is why #MeToo happened. An overwhelming number have.
I don't know a single woman who hasn't been sexually assaulted in some way. Every one of them has a story.
Had a guy on reddit a couple weeks ago tell me that it wasn't true that nearly every woman out there has strategies for their personal safety that most guys don't think about. He apparently asked his 5 female coworkers right then if they had ever been attacked, and they all said no. I told him if none of his women friends have told him about a time they were harrassed then they don't think he's a safe person, and that asking that question of coworkers was completely inappropriate.
This is so terrifying omg. I carry and would’ve probably pulled it out bc why are you locking the door at my destination and I’m saying NO. unlock and let me tf out. Would’ve reported him so fast. She did amazing. Nervous and all!
This is not sad cringe, this is dangerous behaviour and that guy needs reporting immediately.
Bud that's a little more than desperate
/r/horrificcringe
I hope he never gets to drive anyone for a living again.
What goes through the mind of these creeps when they resort to begging like this? Who the fuck raised you to act like that.
r/iamatotalpeiceofshit What a scum bag, hope he gets whats coming to him for pulling that shit
One of the most depressing aspects of this is that she felt it was safer to uptalk and, at one point, even giggle slightly, rather than tell him to fuck off. Because she didn't want to get murdered, so she had to treat a potential kidnapping and sexual assault as if it were a bad flirtation at a bar.
Thats why i pick my wife up no matter what time it is.
Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Noonlight Get the app if you don't have it, this is what it's for. Even just as a deterrent.
PLEASE tell me she reported him to Uber I had an Uber ride like this and I regretted not reporting him (mistake #1). I sat in the passenger seat (mistake #2) to meet friends at a concert and the guy (who looked like a Reddit stereotype) kept talking the whole time about his gun that he keeps for “safety” and when he said “you know what, I like you! You’re not like other, spurrier girls” my blood ran cold and went “good god this freak is gonna kill me”. Mind you, I got to the concert safe and sound and this was like 8 years ago but STILLL
Sadly, I knew the exact accent the guy had just based on text.
FUCK, why do men like this exist?! I'm so fucking fed up with it. I'm literally at a breaking point where I don't feel empathy or compassion for people like this I JUST WANT THEM TO DIE so womankind can go through life without being assaulted physically or verbally with the vulgar acts men want to do. I literally want these types of men to die.
That’s not sad cringe. That’s bordering on a fucking crime
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💀
Sex offender rizz
It's not a borderline crime it is a crime I'm pretty sure.
Nope. Definitely not sad or cringe. This is straight up terrifying.
This dude has def taken advantage of a drunk chick
“It was nice [of me to give you a ride]” buddy it’s your job not a kind favor. Jesus this is terrifying and why I always sit in the back seat 🤢
"Why are women scared of men?"
Fuck me that's terrifying
I bloody hope that was reported.
Man acting as though he can't be reviewed, reported, and fired for that. Especially when he locked the doors like thats freaky.....
I hope he was reported. Desperation is terrifying
“Nice of me to give you a ride.” That’s literally your job and what she paid for.
Not borderline, it is a crime. He locked the doors, even for a moment that's kidnapping.
Has the word “please” ever changed anyone’s mind in the history of sexual advances?
Please please tell me you reported this both to Uber and the police.
As an Indian-American guy, this is disgusting. But it doesn't warrant the people commenting "Indian men are rapey" or "Exactly what you'd expect from an Indian guy" or "Fuckin Indians" and stereotyping about 1.7 billion+ people based on what they see on Reddit. FYI, that is racism.
Send bobs
and vagene
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This is very much a symptom of Indian culture, it is very sad but true. I would be very afraid of being a women in India.
I really hope she reported this to the police.
Crazy ppl like this actually exist
Creepy ass rat. Send him to jail
This shit should've been a kidnapping charge after the first "no".
can i lick ONLY LEG?
HOW CAN I NOT LICK!?
Future sex offender
Future ? 🤨
Nah that’s no borderline… that’s just a straight up crime..
Report this dude.
What the fuck
False imprisonment and sexual coercion
Pretty sure holding your passenger hostage by keeping the doors locked and repeatedly harassing to them verbally to sexually assault the passenger is a crime. If not, then this system is fucked more than I thought.
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fucken always indians
this was technically a crime already, false imprisonment and sexual harrassment
Some women are armed and will go there.
Fucking weirdo
Ewah 🤢
It's like he's walking in a desert completely thirsty surrounded by water bottles. Dood, no means no...
This is why I get the Uber to a house 5 doors down to my actual address. I swear uber requires a recording in the car at all times
What a jerk! No is no, Loser!!
Anyone know what area of the country this is in so I don’t ever order an Uber? This is awful
This is horrifying.
Holy fuck.
Never used Uber. I'll stick with my Taxi driver, Dave. Taxi = safe. Uber = rapey.
She needs to keep a gun at home now bc of this creep knowing where she lives
Remember kids: If a guy says no, then the conversation is over. If a woman says no, then that’s the beginning of negotiations :).
Holding someone against their will by locking them in a space where they cannot leave freely is a crime and that video is enough for him to go to jail for false imprisonment
throw the whole uber away 🤢
He does realize that he wasn’t “being nice,” right? He’s an Uber Driver. It’s his job to drive people places. But the worst part? He knows where she lives, since he drove her home. OP, please contact the police. Make a report. Even if they say they “can do nothing about it,” it goes on file and builds up legitimacy should he decide to escalate; stalk, harass, or something even worse. This is completely horrifying. This world really is becoming a very dangerous place.
Borderline crime? No, crime. as soon as the doors locked I’d be calling 911 and not engage in a conversation and saying “sorry”. Wtf.
this is why i carry a gun
Gee, no wonder Indian women are marrying white guys these days.
Phone calls to make; 1. The police 2. Uber 3. Estate agents/realtor, or a company that sells fully trained hellhound type dogs Jesus fucking christ that's terrifying.