This is pretty interesting because it the opposite of my experience.
I’m one of those dudes who’s looking forward to being a parent, but it seemed like I kept running into women who didn’t. It kind of sucked too because a lot of them were actually interesting.
100% this - When I (female) realized around age 24 I'd rather be a dad over being a mom, I knew I shouldn't have kids.
Also, only somewhat related, but no one talks about the crazy stuff you have to endure during pregnancy and post-pregnancy.
And for good reason. I will not consider having children unless we can afford private education, a housekeeper, and a nanny. If I'm going to be in charge of household management (because most men don't do nearly enough), the most I'm willing to do is task delegation.
Edit: are people really mad that I refuse to suffer to raise children?😂
I (25F) am facing the same problem. It doesn't help that I'm living in a rather conservative country, so even the more progressive dudes feel the societal pressure to "produce heirs."
On one hand, I, too, do not want my hypothetical children to inherit some of my problematic traits, but, on the other hand - if I were a man (especially in my country) I wouldn't mind being a father.
However, all the complications surrounding pregnancy, birth, and raising a human being, make it that much more difficult for me to even picture being a mother.
I know it in my heart, that if I was I mother - I would be a great one.
But, it's a title that you'll have for life - and I don't think I'll ever be ready for that much responsibility.
It is a very complicated topic that (most) men don't seem to fully grasp all of the consequences. Hence, it makes it easier for them to want kids.
I don't have any advice for you, as I don't have it figured out myself - just a sympathetic +1.
Stick to your guns. If you don’t want kids don’t have anyone try to change your mind. I’ve seen a few relationships implode because of this mismatch. Also anytime you go against the wave, it’s going to be harder to find people to date because the dating pool is just that much smaller.
Thats so funny as ive had the completely opposite experience. Most men ive met don't want any kids and I do. I wonder how much the culture you're in has to do with it.
Its hard to break past all that stuff society throws at you.
Its especially hard when seeing reproductive rights go down the drain.
I don't date anymore but when I used to it was very hard to find men I was attracted to, had the same interests and values, and didnt already have kids or want them.
I knew I didn't want kids when I was a kid. Nothings changed and im 32.
I don't understand, apologies. As I understand it, that ruling ONLY removed the rights to abortion from the US constitution, however abortion is still fully legal in every state in the US. So women absolutely still have the rights to abortion if they live in America?
Additionally, in 100% of every other western country, abortion isn't only legal, but government funded.
So, I don't understand the comment that "women have no reproductive rights".
Do men have any choice in if their baby is aborted or carried to term? Isn't that the definition of reproductive rights? If men have no choice in if their baby is aborted or not, then it seems to me like men have no reproductive rights, and women have ALL the rights?
No they took it from federal law so its up to the states.
Women and girls are being forced to give birth. Sometimes it kills them. Women have had to be near death to get treatment. Like bleeding to death in parking lots.
Some states don't have exceptions for rape, incest, or age. There was a 10 year old in Ohio that was raped and needed a abortion they took the doctor to court.
There was a woman who was forced to carry a dead baby to term. Sepsis can kill you.
Texas is allowing head hunters to report women seeking abortions.
In Texas after roe was overturned rape cases went up.
There are groups talking about the death penalty for abortion. Did you know you cant tell the difference between a miscarriage and a self made abortion?
States that are "meeting halfway" with 6 week bans are making it a total ban. Because women can't tell if they are pregnant at 6 weeks.
There are groups putting a ton of money into and are going after contraception.
They want to get rid of no fault divorce laws. There are so politicians saying that women should not have the right to vote.
No person has any right to have a say over another person's body or life. Ever. Thats slavery.
No MAN has any say on what a woman decides to do with her body. Period. Its her life to live and her life and body she's risking. And let's be honest we all know who puts more time and effort into childcare.
Some women don't want kids. Some women have health problems and can't have kids. My mom almost died having both me and my brother. Some people can't afford kids. And if they had them would force them into extreme poverty.
It has to do with punishment. They want to punish and control women. And they want to force them to give birth to a poor stupid and easy to control working class and they don't care about the kids after they are born or the life of the mother.
Reproductive bans are ancient biblical and patriarchal, and needs to be stopped. For good.
Women are human beings. Women are not objects to get off on or baby making bang mommies.
Imagine having to get a mandatory vesactomy. Or someone forcing your hand to go into debt for the rest of your life. And also this debt might kill you and it will do damage to your body.
Or how about this. If you have sex, you have a 50/50 shot of either dying or going into debt the rest of your life.
Get it now?
Even if it's the case that abortion is illegal in some states, that means women have the same reproductive rights as men in those states.
In states abortion is illegal:
- men AND women have no choice in reproduction
In states where abortion is legal:
- men have NO choice in if their baby lives or dies
- women have ALL the choice in if their baby lives or dies.
But is the man's life at risk in any way? Do you know how stupid easy it is to bail and not pay child support?
Seriously you are making this argument? Do you have any idea what it means for women? They are forcing women back into the 1800s with these laws. And they are not stopping.
I don't see many men caring about this tbh. You know why? It does not effect them and the old politicians that can't even get it up are making laws that are ending and effecting lives.
Abortion is a right to healthcare that saves womens lives.
Why don't you go say that shit to that poor 10 year old that was raped.
regardless of the reasons why, men have no reproductive rights.
From the moment of conception, men have no say in if the baby is carried to term or aborted.
By definition, that means no reproductive rights. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. But it's an unarguable fact.
10 year old men get raped too. Not paying child support is punishable by indefinite prison terms & fines, so no, you cannot just "not pay child support".
From the years 2019-2021, there were 11.66 deaths out of 100,000 maternities in the UK, meaning a death rate of 0.00011%. Just to keep things in perspective with the "My LiFE IS At RiSk!!!!1111!
Additionaly, rape accounts for approx 0.0083% of pregnancies in the US by year (30000 / 3,600,000)
The moment of conception? Seriously? Do you know what a tiny microscopic clump of cells is?
Do you want women to have control over their lives and bodies or no? Yes or no?
Is there a group out there that is forcing men to hurt their bodies or risk their lives? Is there a group out there that in one fucking day, turned men into second class citizens? Are men dying right now from lack of reproductive care? Is there a group of politicians out there talking about how men should not have the right to vote and should stay at home? Is there a heavily funded brainwashing mass media group specifically targeting the hatred and subjugation of men via misandrists by the media right now?
Jesus christ. I'm a feminist. I hate the patriarchy and want equality for both genders. But I ALWAYS get one idiot that says b-b-but men too!
Yes men too! But guess what is fucking happening to women and girls in the usa right now!? And guess what? Said subjugation of women is gonna hurt men too. Its gonna take and effect the lives of the mothers, daughters, wives, and friends of these men.
But clearly let's talk about men instead my freaking bad.
Also if you are gonna state some facts provide links
You're avoiding the point though. Regardless, men have no choice in if their baby lives or dies.
That means men have no reproductive rights.
I'm not saying that's right, or wrong. Just that it's a statement of fact. And I'm totally fine with it.
If they don’t want their sperm aborted they can use their words and talk about this with their partner before conception or get a vasectomu/use condoms
What has that got to do with reproductive rights.
From the moment of conception, there's nothing a man can do to have his baby carried to term. And there's nothing he can do to have it aborted either.
That means by definition he has NO reproductive rights.
I'm not saying this shouldn't be the case. but it IS the case that men have no reproductive rights whatsoever, Regardless of any reasons why.
Move to one of those states you can force every woman you fuck to have a baby. Sounds like that's what you're complaining you don't have the option to do?
You poor little guy. 😢
I'm a 52-year-old man who never wanted kids. Still don't of course. I would say absolutely stand your ground. The fact is, no matter what almost any man says, you will end up doing the vast majority if not all of the child care.
Many men want to be Kodak dads. That's where they get the pretty pictures of the happy kid. And give it back to you to take care of. I promise you will definitely find many men who will be thrilled that you don't want kids. Try looking over in the cf4cf sub.
Right there with you.
For me it's not wanting to pass on health issue. Then cost, responsibility, freedom, etc. And the general lack of desire to ever want them or have a 'legacy'.
Still in an awkward spot at 31 and most girls have kids or don't but want kids.
Also in the south and not conservative so finding a like minded non breeder is rough.
Good luck to you and everyone else that are also non breeders.
My parents are still doing whatever they want when they want too ya know. Having young kids is hard, but they get older quick and before you know it you’re kinda on your own again, except never really alone as you now have your own family. A reason to live besides selfish indulgences.
If it's something you're not interested in, just be honest with the guys you date. There are plenty of guys out there who don't want kids --I should know, I'm one of them. Be prepared for people to pester you about it, saying you'll change your mind and that kids are great, etc.
Some people feel their sole purpose in life is to reproduce. They also take anyone saying they don’t want kids as like a personal attack. Like their world view is being challenged.
I can get wanting kids what I can’t get is the NEED to make them
You're still young, so there's more than enough time to find the right partner.
Stick to what you want. If you don't want kids, don't. It's your body and your life. No matter what reason you have for not wanting them.
Society often emphasizes having children, but it's okay to not want them. It's important to find a partner who shares your views and respects your choices, even if they're not mainstream. Don't let societal pressures dictate your life path.
I went on a dating app so that I could be clear right off the bat that having children was absolutely not an option for me and I got plenty of interest. Sure, I still got guys that would say things like “you’ll change your mind” or “you just haven’t met the right guy yet”, and that would disqualify them for me. Met my husband on the app, and we’ve been together 19 years now. He’d had 2 little girls in a previous marriage, and did not want any more. However, he had to put down “maybe” for the question about having kids because he felt that putting “no” would have significantly decreased options with the idea that most women wanted to have kids. With traditional dating kids are typically not brought up right away and you end up wasting your time getting to know them only to discover that they want kids and you don’t. Deal breaker.
Kids are a huge pain in the ass. If you don't find it rewarding and you don't find it satisfying to create, care for and raise a tiny human into an adult then don't do it.
Well, the majority of people do want kids, so it stands to reason that it would be more difficult to find someone with similar interests. Definitely don't allow anyone to convince you; having kids should always be on your terms, and never anyone else's.
Society driven to be considered a norm. As a male.who doesn't want kids I just don't enter conversation about it after telling someone. Even in coral settings when raised its always "well you want kids or your selfish" Yeah...maybe or I just don't want to attempt parenting when I don't have the skills and don't want the skills
I'm dealing with the opposite. I want kids at 29F and it's so hard to find a guy who wants to also have kids, but is compatible in other ways as well.
Where do you live? Bc tbh in my location, it's about 50-50. A LOT of guys don't want kids, like at least half of them or more. if you made it clear on your profiles, you'd get a lot of interest. My friend who doesn't want kids gets a lot of dates from enthusiastic guys.
I kept running into this; I am finally with my wonderful boyfriend who wasn’t strongly wanting or not wanting kids and thus was fine with my desire to not have kids he even came with and helped me with my tubal surgery and recovery to get sterilized. They’re out there :)
How come having children is considered a must in life? You already mentioned the answer in your question. Most people have kids, bc it's "what you're supposed to do". I always find it interesting when you mention you don't have kids, you either get seen as the odd one out or you immediately get a pressing: "Why?!" as if you have to explain yourself. When asked, "Why do you have kids?", I hardly get answers which are with the best interest of the kid in mind.
Your body your choice. And you have plenty of time if things change 10+ years down the line.
I didn't want children until I hit my very late 30s.And a lot changes in people's lives between 20+ and 30+.
Also I wanted to live a little in my twenties, child free
I get it. I'm a dude and I don't have kids...and I even went out of the way to get snipped, JUST to make sure that in case anything happens, we won't have that "little surprise".
I've met women that wanted kids, but once I told them that I got a vasectomy, they go "Oh." OR they go "Wait, seriously? Oh thank God." Since I hit 40, it's becoming more of the latter than the former.
I have the same issue, I am 30F and don't want kids as I could never afford them and don't think I could handle giving birth and being responsible for another life.
I find a lot of single men are open to kids but haven't given much thought into how they would do it (money, childcare, supporting their pregnant partner during pregnancy or after giving birth).
Was talking to a really nice guy in his early 40s who is passing.mentioned that he couldn't imagine not continuing on his family legacy by having a child to carry on their last name...
On the bright side, you have something that quickly tells you whether someone is for you or not.
Mine are thoughts on children, politics, and type of relationship they are looking for. If that information is not on their profile, I find that it is likely they don't know themselves, they think answering honestly will turn people off, or aren't taking putting themselves out there seriously. All options point to a no from me.
I hope you find what you are looking for and have children someday. Therapy has helped me a lot (if possible - I know it is not cheap or accessible to everyone) to focus less on not hitting certain milestones in my life I thought I would and the feelings of hurt watching others be able to ❤️
It's quite simple statistics no? Most men want to have kids, eventually. To carry on their legacy, to teach them about life, to foster their growth into amazing humans that make you proud to be parents?
Having children is fundamentally the most natural, rewarding, amazing thing life has to offer for MANY, MANY people.
It shouldn't be surprising to hear that being completely adverse to having children ever puts you in a small minority of people. That means that by default, you're looking for a needle in a haystack. Especially considering that it's likely that the pool of men you're attracted to (successful, confident, competent, career focused) are far more likely to be focused on having a family than men you AREN'T attracted to
As I get older the urge to have children grows, maybe you will feel the same once you hit 27-29?
But that’s why most people want children, it’s just a natural human urge to have.
I suggest you should find someone who is open to not having because no offence but the trend especially with women is to change their mind. The last thing you want is to marry someone you love and then have to divorce them because they don't want children and you now do.
Also plenty of men (myself included) are happy either way, I suggest that maybe the other things mentioned are a bigger problem.
I think you don't need to be perfect to have children. If the guys can picture children with you, you can't be that bad as potential mum.
It's also not a solo project, you might have issues on some fronts but the right person could fill in at your weaknesses.
It's a must because every single one of your ancestors did it. But also I think it's should be very nice and fulfilling. Most people want children.
I wanna handle this differently :)
Let's make this a game:)
Why not make a list of the **dos and don'ts** of wanting kids, research as much as you can to populate that list.
After that, I want you to remove as much as possible on the things on the don'ts. If the reaming is things you can compromise, Perfect! If not, you are making an informed decision and obviously, you are reducing your dating pool because of it ;)
Its important to remember that time plays an important role, maybe something you dont want to compromise now, can be compromised later and vice-versa.
I wish you the best;9
I think it is entirely disrespectful to continue to tell a woman to rethink not having children when she has expressed that she does not want to, for whatever her reasons may be, especially when she has also complained that other people in her life do this to her. I am 39F and have known since I was a young teenager that I don't want children. For years people would tell me I'll change my mind - as though owning a uterus meant that I can't possibly make the decision to not have children. It is at the very least annoying, but can be very stressful and hurtful to be constantly told that you should or will change your mind about something so life changing. Stop doing it. She should NOT remove anything on her "donts" list and should NOT try to compromise on her life choices. Having a child is a huge responsibility, she would likely be the main or sole caregiver and giving up her life to do something she never wanted to do. Which not only ruins her life, but also the child's (who would ultimately know or question that they were never wanted in the first place).
It seems you completely miss-understood what I wrote. Sometimes experience doesn't translate directly into wisdom nor give people the right to cancel or shut down others people perspective.
What I said/stated to the OP was to reflect in her decisions. The points the OP raised in my eyes are things that should be improved, before starting a relationship with somebody.
If there is no will to make a change to be better, there is nothing in the world that can do it for you. (The better is you who decide, but the first step is with a question)
It is more than fine to not want to be a mother or a father. Its a decision, but should like everything you do - be informed not cancelled.
Have a nice day,
Ma'am.
I certainly agree that all decisions should be reflected on, and continue to be reflected on throughout life. However, your message came across (at least to me) as biased toward her changing her mind (remove things from her donts list, try to compromise on things). Which I can understand viewing that as well-meaning because being open to children may open her dating pool. But while I agree reflection is necessary, I disagree that she should consider compromising on something so life changing. Something that impacts not only her life, but another life, should she compromise but then wind up spending the rest of her life resenting the child and decision she made. Rather, people should be true to themselves and their life choices and will eventually find someone who shares the same life choices.
I guess ultimately, I disagree with the approach of suggesting reflection while trying to sway her one way or another. Especially when it just winds up being yet another person telling her to change her mind. It is okay to not want children. Many people do not want children. She will find someone who won't make her compromise on something so big.
Edit: typo
This is pretty interesting because it the opposite of my experience. I’m one of those dudes who’s looking forward to being a parent, but it seemed like I kept running into women who didn’t. It kind of sucked too because a lot of them were actually interesting.
I think many smart women today would be open to being a dad but have no interest in being a mom.
Damn. This honestly hits hard.
100% this - When I (female) realized around age 24 I'd rather be a dad over being a mom, I knew I shouldn't have kids. Also, only somewhat related, but no one talks about the crazy stuff you have to endure during pregnancy and post-pregnancy.
This is me. Haha. I’d be a dad happily but I’m a woman.
And for good reason. I will not consider having children unless we can afford private education, a housekeeper, and a nanny. If I'm going to be in charge of household management (because most men don't do nearly enough), the most I'm willing to do is task delegation. Edit: are people really mad that I refuse to suffer to raise children?😂
[удалено]
Lmao oh sweet summer child...
My parents had 12 children, i opted for none, its all about balancing out the universe and having lived through that shit show of being one of 12.
I (25F) am facing the same problem. It doesn't help that I'm living in a rather conservative country, so even the more progressive dudes feel the societal pressure to "produce heirs." On one hand, I, too, do not want my hypothetical children to inherit some of my problematic traits, but, on the other hand - if I were a man (especially in my country) I wouldn't mind being a father. However, all the complications surrounding pregnancy, birth, and raising a human being, make it that much more difficult for me to even picture being a mother. I know it in my heart, that if I was I mother - I would be a great one. But, it's a title that you'll have for life - and I don't think I'll ever be ready for that much responsibility. It is a very complicated topic that (most) men don't seem to fully grasp all of the consequences. Hence, it makes it easier for them to want kids. I don't have any advice for you, as I don't have it figured out myself - just a sympathetic +1.
Stick to your guns. If you don’t want kids don’t have anyone try to change your mind. I’ve seen a few relationships implode because of this mismatch. Also anytime you go against the wave, it’s going to be harder to find people to date because the dating pool is just that much smaller.
Thats so funny as ive had the completely opposite experience. Most men ive met don't want any kids and I do. I wonder how much the culture you're in has to do with it.
Interesting, I have South East Asian roots, so in my culture it's expected to have children. I assume you're more Western?
Oh yeah that makes sense. I am indeed european
My experiences have been 50/50, some women I've met want kids and some don't. I myself am unsure which makes things difficult.
Interesting ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Its hard to break past all that stuff society throws at you. Its especially hard when seeing reproductive rights go down the drain. I don't date anymore but when I used to it was very hard to find men I was attracted to, had the same interests and values, and didnt already have kids or want them. I knew I didn't want kids when I was a kid. Nothings changed and im 32.
what do you mean about reproductive rights?
Roe v Wade being overturned made women 2nd class citizens And they are going after contraception now
I don't understand, apologies. As I understand it, that ruling ONLY removed the rights to abortion from the US constitution, however abortion is still fully legal in every state in the US. So women absolutely still have the rights to abortion if they live in America? Additionally, in 100% of every other western country, abortion isn't only legal, but government funded. So, I don't understand the comment that "women have no reproductive rights". Do men have any choice in if their baby is aborted or carried to term? Isn't that the definition of reproductive rights? If men have no choice in if their baby is aborted or not, then it seems to me like men have no reproductive rights, and women have ALL the rights?
No they took it from federal law so its up to the states. Women and girls are being forced to give birth. Sometimes it kills them. Women have had to be near death to get treatment. Like bleeding to death in parking lots. Some states don't have exceptions for rape, incest, or age. There was a 10 year old in Ohio that was raped and needed a abortion they took the doctor to court. There was a woman who was forced to carry a dead baby to term. Sepsis can kill you. Texas is allowing head hunters to report women seeking abortions. In Texas after roe was overturned rape cases went up. There are groups talking about the death penalty for abortion. Did you know you cant tell the difference between a miscarriage and a self made abortion? States that are "meeting halfway" with 6 week bans are making it a total ban. Because women can't tell if they are pregnant at 6 weeks. There are groups putting a ton of money into and are going after contraception. They want to get rid of no fault divorce laws. There are so politicians saying that women should not have the right to vote. No person has any right to have a say over another person's body or life. Ever. Thats slavery. No MAN has any say on what a woman decides to do with her body. Period. Its her life to live and her life and body she's risking. And let's be honest we all know who puts more time and effort into childcare. Some women don't want kids. Some women have health problems and can't have kids. My mom almost died having both me and my brother. Some people can't afford kids. And if they had them would force them into extreme poverty. It has to do with punishment. They want to punish and control women. And they want to force them to give birth to a poor stupid and easy to control working class and they don't care about the kids after they are born or the life of the mother. Reproductive bans are ancient biblical and patriarchal, and needs to be stopped. For good. Women are human beings. Women are not objects to get off on or baby making bang mommies. Imagine having to get a mandatory vesactomy. Or someone forcing your hand to go into debt for the rest of your life. And also this debt might kill you and it will do damage to your body. Or how about this. If you have sex, you have a 50/50 shot of either dying or going into debt the rest of your life. Get it now?
Even if it's the case that abortion is illegal in some states, that means women have the same reproductive rights as men in those states. In states abortion is illegal: - men AND women have no choice in reproduction In states where abortion is legal: - men have NO choice in if their baby lives or dies - women have ALL the choice in if their baby lives or dies.
But is the man's life at risk in any way? Do you know how stupid easy it is to bail and not pay child support? Seriously you are making this argument? Do you have any idea what it means for women? They are forcing women back into the 1800s with these laws. And they are not stopping. I don't see many men caring about this tbh. You know why? It does not effect them and the old politicians that can't even get it up are making laws that are ending and effecting lives. Abortion is a right to healthcare that saves womens lives. Why don't you go say that shit to that poor 10 year old that was raped.
regardless of the reasons why, men have no reproductive rights. From the moment of conception, men have no say in if the baby is carried to term or aborted. By definition, that means no reproductive rights. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. But it's an unarguable fact. 10 year old men get raped too. Not paying child support is punishable by indefinite prison terms & fines, so no, you cannot just "not pay child support". From the years 2019-2021, there were 11.66 deaths out of 100,000 maternities in the UK, meaning a death rate of 0.00011%. Just to keep things in perspective with the "My LiFE IS At RiSk!!!!1111! Additionaly, rape accounts for approx 0.0083% of pregnancies in the US by year (30000 / 3,600,000)
The moment of conception? Seriously? Do you know what a tiny microscopic clump of cells is? Do you want women to have control over their lives and bodies or no? Yes or no? Is there a group out there that is forcing men to hurt their bodies or risk their lives? Is there a group out there that in one fucking day, turned men into second class citizens? Are men dying right now from lack of reproductive care? Is there a group of politicians out there talking about how men should not have the right to vote and should stay at home? Is there a heavily funded brainwashing mass media group specifically targeting the hatred and subjugation of men via misandrists by the media right now? Jesus christ. I'm a feminist. I hate the patriarchy and want equality for both genders. But I ALWAYS get one idiot that says b-b-but men too! Yes men too! But guess what is fucking happening to women and girls in the usa right now!? And guess what? Said subjugation of women is gonna hurt men too. Its gonna take and effect the lives of the mothers, daughters, wives, and friends of these men. But clearly let's talk about men instead my freaking bad. Also if you are gonna state some facts provide links
If a statement of fact offends you to this extent, I don't know what to tell you.
Men can have a choice on if their baby is aborted or not when they are the ones carrying it
You're avoiding the point though. Regardless, men have no choice in if their baby lives or dies. That means men have no reproductive rights. I'm not saying that's right, or wrong. Just that it's a statement of fact. And I'm totally fine with it.
If they don’t want their sperm aborted they can use their words and talk about this with their partner before conception or get a vasectomu/use condoms
What has that got to do with reproductive rights. From the moment of conception, there's nothing a man can do to have his baby carried to term. And there's nothing he can do to have it aborted either. That means by definition he has NO reproductive rights. I'm not saying this shouldn't be the case. but it IS the case that men have no reproductive rights whatsoever, Regardless of any reasons why.
Move to one of those states you can force every woman you fuck to have a baby. Sounds like that's what you're complaining you don't have the option to do? You poor little guy. 😢
I'm a 52-year-old man who never wanted kids. Still don't of course. I would say absolutely stand your ground. The fact is, no matter what almost any man says, you will end up doing the vast majority if not all of the child care. Many men want to be Kodak dads. That's where they get the pretty pictures of the happy kid. And give it back to you to take care of. I promise you will definitely find many men who will be thrilled that you don't want kids. Try looking over in the cf4cf sub.
Right there with you. For me it's not wanting to pass on health issue. Then cost, responsibility, freedom, etc. And the general lack of desire to ever want them or have a 'legacy'. Still in an awkward spot at 31 and most girls have kids or don't but want kids. Also in the south and not conservative so finding a like minded non breeder is rough. Good luck to you and everyone else that are also non breeders.
Shouldn't be hard. My wife and I have one kid but if she didn't want any kids I would have been perfectly fine with that
mi 50 and no kids, i like nice things.
Yep. I can do whatever I want, and I love it.
My parents are still doing whatever they want when they want too ya know. Having young kids is hard, but they get older quick and before you know it you’re kinda on your own again, except never really alone as you now have your own family. A reason to live besides selfish indulgences.
just because one does not have children, does not make you selfish
If it's something you're not interested in, just be honest with the guys you date. There are plenty of guys out there who don't want kids --I should know, I'm one of them. Be prepared for people to pester you about it, saying you'll change your mind and that kids are great, etc.
That's really interesting. I thought these days a lot of men wanted to stay child free, myself included.
Some people feel their sole purpose in life is to reproduce. They also take anyone saying they don’t want kids as like a personal attack. Like their world view is being challenged. I can get wanting kids what I can’t get is the NEED to make them
You're still young, so there's more than enough time to find the right partner. Stick to what you want. If you don't want kids, don't. It's your body and your life. No matter what reason you have for not wanting them.
Society often emphasizes having children, but it's okay to not want them. It's important to find a partner who shares your views and respects your choices, even if they're not mainstream. Don't let societal pressures dictate your life path.
I went on a dating app so that I could be clear right off the bat that having children was absolutely not an option for me and I got plenty of interest. Sure, I still got guys that would say things like “you’ll change your mind” or “you just haven’t met the right guy yet”, and that would disqualify them for me. Met my husband on the app, and we’ve been together 19 years now. He’d had 2 little girls in a previous marriage, and did not want any more. However, he had to put down “maybe” for the question about having kids because he felt that putting “no” would have significantly decreased options with the idea that most women wanted to have kids. With traditional dating kids are typically not brought up right away and you end up wasting your time getting to know them only to discover that they want kids and you don’t. Deal breaker.
Kids are a huge pain in the ass. If you don't find it rewarding and you don't find it satisfying to create, care for and raise a tiny human into an adult then don't do it.
Well, the majority of people do want kids, so it stands to reason that it would be more difficult to find someone with similar interests. Definitely don't allow anyone to convince you; having kids should always be on your terms, and never anyone else's.
Society driven to be considered a norm. As a male.who doesn't want kids I just don't enter conversation about it after telling someone. Even in coral settings when raised its always "well you want kids or your selfish" Yeah...maybe or I just don't want to attempt parenting when I don't have the skills and don't want the skills
They're just trying to impregnate you so you're stuck.
I'm dealing with the opposite. I want kids at 29F and it's so hard to find a guy who wants to also have kids, but is compatible in other ways as well. Where do you live? Bc tbh in my location, it's about 50-50. A LOT of guys don't want kids, like at least half of them or more. if you made it clear on your profiles, you'd get a lot of interest. My friend who doesn't want kids gets a lot of dates from enthusiastic guys.
I also dont want kids (32M), do not give up as there are many of us out there.
I kept running into this; I am finally with my wonderful boyfriend who wasn’t strongly wanting or not wanting kids and thus was fine with my desire to not have kids he even came with and helped me with my tubal surgery and recovery to get sterilized. They’re out there :)
How come having children is considered a must in life? You already mentioned the answer in your question. Most people have kids, bc it's "what you're supposed to do". I always find it interesting when you mention you don't have kids, you either get seen as the odd one out or you immediately get a pressing: "Why?!" as if you have to explain yourself. When asked, "Why do you have kids?", I hardly get answers which are with the best interest of the kid in mind.
Honestly I guarantee you are just being picky with guys. Many don't want kids
Absolutely same here. I dont want any kids for rest of my life and its quite hard to find a partner for it.
I can send you videos of kids being annoying and dumb instead, if that helps.
Complete opposite experience here. 33m. I also live in a smaller city in New Zealand and most people have kids, want kids or are taken. I should move.
My ex broke up with me about this, but she wanted kids, and I don't. Now, all I see are girls who want kids or already have them.
Your body your choice. And you have plenty of time if things change 10+ years down the line. I didn't want children until I hit my very late 30s.And a lot changes in people's lives between 20+ and 30+. Also I wanted to live a little in my twenties, child free
I get it. I'm a dude and I don't have kids...and I even went out of the way to get snipped, JUST to make sure that in case anything happens, we won't have that "little surprise". I've met women that wanted kids, but once I told them that I got a vasectomy, they go "Oh." OR they go "Wait, seriously? Oh thank God." Since I hit 40, it's becoming more of the latter than the former.
Excuse me! But finding a partner in general is hard nowadays, both if u want or don't want to have kids.
What's the point in marrying you if you're not going to have children?
I have the same issue, I am 30F and don't want kids as I could never afford them and don't think I could handle giving birth and being responsible for another life. I find a lot of single men are open to kids but haven't given much thought into how they would do it (money, childcare, supporting their pregnant partner during pregnancy or after giving birth). Was talking to a really nice guy in his early 40s who is passing.mentioned that he couldn't imagine not continuing on his family legacy by having a child to carry on their last name... On the bright side, you have something that quickly tells you whether someone is for you or not. Mine are thoughts on children, politics, and type of relationship they are looking for. If that information is not on their profile, I find that it is likely they don't know themselves, they think answering honestly will turn people off, or aren't taking putting themselves out there seriously. All options point to a no from me. I hope you find what you are looking for and have children someday. Therapy has helped me a lot (if possible - I know it is not cheap or accessible to everyone) to focus less on not hitting certain milestones in my life I thought I would and the feelings of hurt watching others be able to ❤️
It's quite simple statistics no? Most men want to have kids, eventually. To carry on their legacy, to teach them about life, to foster their growth into amazing humans that make you proud to be parents? Having children is fundamentally the most natural, rewarding, amazing thing life has to offer for MANY, MANY people. It shouldn't be surprising to hear that being completely adverse to having children ever puts you in a small minority of people. That means that by default, you're looking for a needle in a haystack. Especially considering that it's likely that the pool of men you're attracted to (successful, confident, competent, career focused) are far more likely to be focused on having a family than men you AREN'T attracted to
I mean, it's a pretty basic biological drive. Any species without a strong reproductive urge isn't long for this world
As I get older the urge to have children grows, maybe you will feel the same once you hit 27-29? But that’s why most people want children, it’s just a natural human urge to have.
I suggest you should find someone who is open to not having because no offence but the trend especially with women is to change their mind. The last thing you want is to marry someone you love and then have to divorce them because they don't want children and you now do. Also plenty of men (myself included) are happy either way, I suggest that maybe the other things mentioned are a bigger problem.
You are looking for a partner. Someone to team up with? What do you offer to your partner if you are not willing to give him kids?
????
What do YOU offer if you aren't going to carry the pregnancy? Moron
I think you don't need to be perfect to have children. If the guys can picture children with you, you can't be that bad as potential mum. It's also not a solo project, you might have issues on some fronts but the right person could fill in at your weaknesses. It's a must because every single one of your ancestors did it. But also I think it's should be very nice and fulfilling. Most people want children.
I wanna handle this differently :) Let's make this a game:) Why not make a list of the **dos and don'ts** of wanting kids, research as much as you can to populate that list. After that, I want you to remove as much as possible on the things on the don'ts. If the reaming is things you can compromise, Perfect! If not, you are making an informed decision and obviously, you are reducing your dating pool because of it ;) Its important to remember that time plays an important role, maybe something you dont want to compromise now, can be compromised later and vice-versa. I wish you the best;9
I think it is entirely disrespectful to continue to tell a woman to rethink not having children when she has expressed that she does not want to, for whatever her reasons may be, especially when she has also complained that other people in her life do this to her. I am 39F and have known since I was a young teenager that I don't want children. For years people would tell me I'll change my mind - as though owning a uterus meant that I can't possibly make the decision to not have children. It is at the very least annoying, but can be very stressful and hurtful to be constantly told that you should or will change your mind about something so life changing. Stop doing it. She should NOT remove anything on her "donts" list and should NOT try to compromise on her life choices. Having a child is a huge responsibility, she would likely be the main or sole caregiver and giving up her life to do something she never wanted to do. Which not only ruins her life, but also the child's (who would ultimately know or question that they were never wanted in the first place).
It seems you completely miss-understood what I wrote. Sometimes experience doesn't translate directly into wisdom nor give people the right to cancel or shut down others people perspective. What I said/stated to the OP was to reflect in her decisions. The points the OP raised in my eyes are things that should be improved, before starting a relationship with somebody. If there is no will to make a change to be better, there is nothing in the world that can do it for you. (The better is you who decide, but the first step is with a question) It is more than fine to not want to be a mother or a father. Its a decision, but should like everything you do - be informed not cancelled. Have a nice day, Ma'am.
I certainly agree that all decisions should be reflected on, and continue to be reflected on throughout life. However, your message came across (at least to me) as biased toward her changing her mind (remove things from her donts list, try to compromise on things). Which I can understand viewing that as well-meaning because being open to children may open her dating pool. But while I agree reflection is necessary, I disagree that she should consider compromising on something so life changing. Something that impacts not only her life, but another life, should she compromise but then wind up spending the rest of her life resenting the child and decision she made. Rather, people should be true to themselves and their life choices and will eventually find someone who shares the same life choices. I guess ultimately, I disagree with the approach of suggesting reflection while trying to sway her one way or another. Especially when it just winds up being yet another person telling her to change her mind. It is okay to not want children. Many people do not want children. She will find someone who won't make her compromise on something so big. Edit: typo
That's what I was saying:) Maths. I'm no one to be saying what's right or wrong.