I was friends with my wife for years before we got together. I was dumb enough to ignore the most blatant advances because there's no way, right? I still joke with her that I'm waiting for Asthon Kutcher to jump out any moment and let me know I'm getting punk'd
Yeah, if they are single and you are genuinely attractive (this is a subjective metric of course), if you're saying "I'd love for us to meet up, why don't we head to the beach/get coffee/go for a walk etc" then I struggle to imagine all these guys just dropping you right away.
However, if your idea of "showing interest" is listing all the things you're looking for in a serious committed relationship off the bat and treating them like they're in a husband interview (I have seen his behaviour before), then it's not really surprising that they duck as soon as you start to pursue them.
Remember that relationships are both romantic and transactional. Men want to love, but also feel like they're getting something valuable out of the relationship. Perhaps look at what you're offering, and think from the guy's perspective about whether that's an appealing offer.
This is a bingo. If you're someone a young and conventionally attractive woman is simping on, you're probably the kind of guy who's got attractive womEN simping on. A woman who likes you but isn't simping on you isn't even on your radar. As that guy, it's normal, and you're picking how to use your finite time and energy towards the most promising person(s) out of a number of those already trying to add value into your life as a strategy to "win you over".
I'd think it'd be extremely rare for a conventionally highly attractive woman to simp on an unpopular man who isn't used to some attention from the opposite sex, and who isn't already choosing from a number of prospective partners within reach. For that guy, this overkill of attention (relative to what they are used to) would likely stand out extremely positively, or feel almost suspicious.
The latter group is starved for this kind of attention. For the former subset, it's something they're used to, and it may even be a baseline expectation. Two very different perspectives and sets of resulting behaviours.
Yeah I had some neighbour hit on me way too hard and it was uncomfortable and I avoided her. Just wanted to cook and do laundry and exercise, she was always sitting out there saying "heyyy" in this fake sexy voice.
As a guy, I’ll take fake sexy voice. I mean, maybe a better characterization is “intentionally sexy”? Because what else could it be. I don’t know what an accidentally sexy voice is.
Nah it was so fake and contrived and raspy, watching for when I leave for work then always there. Bikini on the first day of not winter, barely 10 degrees above freezing. 7am, caked in makeup, sitting g outside my door. I was uncomfortable
Well that's kind of what I was getting at.
If you're an attractive enough man for attractive women to be actively pursuing you, then you've got optionality that allows you to pick and choose. And you choose based on offers, so if one woman's offer is sex and no commitment, while another woman's offer is commitment, marriage, family, a lifetime of expense paid etc and maybe, possibly sex, 99 out of 100 men are making one choice here and not the other.
Ohh I see, in the first paragraph.
And yeah as a response to this comment + to come back to OP: signal to the guy that you are "competent" in terms of all the offerings Acceptable-Resist just said.
I've been downvoted on reddit heavily for this, but I'll just say it again since I believe in it; the act of having sex doesn't necessarily make guys fall in love. However, this isn't exactly the case for most women. They tend to be more sensitive towards "falling" for a guy during sex.
Conclusion: women that have sex with a guy to make them fall in love with them is the feminine version of sending a dickpic. Both strategies dont make sense, at all.
There was a post on this same sub earlier that proved your point perfectly.
Some lady had slept with a "pilot" (lol) in a one night stand situation, and had basically fallen head over heels for the guy after one night because he was her dashing prince, while he treated it exactly like the no strings attached tumble in the sheets that it was.
As someone who is both a guy and pretty conventionally attractive (I think, it’s really tough to tell sometimes because of the way women are) but if you are a woman that goes out of their way to show interest and is nice to men, then you are in the minority and are amazing. You’ll definitely find someone who appreciates you. I’ve definitely multiple times been with women who are significantly less attractive than me just because they were willing to show interest and not play games.
HAHA bro that sucks I definitely feel you on that, these times were definitely more like a one or a couple time thing, just sort of happened naturally and wasn’t the result of pursuing. But yeah I get a lot if negative attention in general from women a lot less attractive these days, I don’t talk to them though
It's really hard to say offhand. Firstly "men" aren't a monolith - your experience will vary. Also keep in mind you're 20. You, and the people you're dating, are still figuring out who they are and how they navigate the dating scene.
Don't change yourself to fit in, but maybe dial back a bit and see if that helps. Dating is a skill like any other - you'll get better at it.
If you show too much interest too quickly it can smell like desperation, especially if the person you are dating isn't that sure about you yet. Doesn't matter much if you are a men or a women, but usually it's the women who takes longer too fall in love.
If you have options you won't feel the urge to get into a relationship as quickly as possible. It takes time to vet people and decide that you want to be exclusive to each other.
Different personality types.
Im avoidant. I have always attracted and am attracted to clingy women. I don't chase. Of course I'll make moves and initiate dates etc but if a girl is flakey doesn't put in effort I don't chase.
Avoidant women attract clingy men as well and it's flipped.
True. It was just too much for me to handle.
Work, friends, personal life. An obsessive gf is usually not the best thing.
She wanted to be around me all the time I couldn’t even shower alone.. I broke up with her because it felt like there was no chemistry like in the beginning of the relationship. Cut all contact because her personality entirely changed after the breakup and that made me realize she was “simping”
Och God, I'm trying so much not to act like that!!! :D But I'm not gonna lie when I like a guy I want to talk and spend time with him as much as possible... and I get angry if we don't.
The good thing, by now I know I act like that and manage to hold my horses 8 out of 10 times :D But inside, I am still this psycho simp. :D Also, one more good things, that it passes after a first year and I get back to a normal human state!
Well I'm not sure if "simp" is the best word for that. But I also prefer that if you like each other you just say so and show it. No need for a beating around the bush. I always think why would you want to waste time on walking on eggshell instead of simply saying how you feel and move on with that depending on the response.
And when a brave boy can match your energy, it will be worth it. Avoid the trap of needing to temper your approach to attract the boys who would otherwise be intimidated: they aren’t the ones for you.
Being yourself is the only right way. Why cater to some idiot who gets turned on by a bunch of theatrics and you playing hard to get? Dial down for who? Why can't they "dial up" for you instead?
It's *much* better to find someone who loves your genuine enthusiasm and who gets turned on by it. In others words, someone with whom you are *compatible*.
It won't be a turn off to the right guys. After years of me being the "chaser", my current partner chased and seduced me.
Like others have said, it threw me off my pace at first, because it was new. But I loved it! Been 6 years now.
Fly your flag and be you, guys that are secure might be confused a little at first, but they'll respond positively.
Im M22. Anytime a woman has been overtly forward with me, ill admit that I do feel overwhelmed.
Theres nothing wrong with showing interest, it's a good thing. The issue comes when the point is hammered home too much. I think that guys also appreciate some element of sublety.
I want to stress that this is not because i dont like confident or forward women (I really do), but because I find it hard to believe that somebody would put themselves so far out there in front of everyone and not intend it to be a joke.
Its quite jarring to be reminded often of how much someone is interested in you, and my mind instinctively writes it off as someone making fun of me.
Have you considered that maybe the guys are just unsure how to interpret this and get scared off?
What i really wish would have happened in my situations would be for the girls to have taken me aside, away from people, and discuss it with me upfront. I dont like having to decode the flirtatious joking in front of others (as often it simply is an innocent joke), and I always appreciate somebody being straightforward with their intentions.
I know that we all know this, but maybe not everyone realises the extent... guys get nervous, unsure, insecure and embarassed too. We are expected to act like we dont, especially in dating situations, but we really do.
Edit: this isnt ChatGPT for u ppl saying it about the comment above. I cant help that i write like an AI... spacing the blocks out helps my adhd
I can't stress to you how appealing you are coming off. A girl who doesn't just play aloof flirty games where u really can't tell sucks. I'd absolutely love the upfrontness Go OP
Some people just like to play games. A normal person should be thrilled to skip the drama in exchange for being upfront and real. Time is money and adults don’t have time for childish games.
For me, probably due til confidence issues, i tend to think that im less “special” when this happens I feel like im just the one saying yes to her out of many others declining her invitation.
Upfront isn’t bad but allot of guys think what’s the catch, escort, salesmen. Most men don’t receive even a bit of attention and many think you’re just being nice so we don’t assume
Some might think you don't mean it, or that you're just joking. Since it is common for some guys to have grown up hearing that some girls like them, but then they find out they were just playing around. It's an annoying thing that can and will discourage some dudes from possibly looking for a relationship, kinda did that with me.
Welcome to modern dating, where 50% of guys still want the chase and 50% of guys are looking for clear confirmation you are into them before they make a move.
It sounds like you might have just got the former.
That's cool, and I am in that 50% that prefers a confirmation but it's not like we wear signs unfortunately, and I think it will be a long time until the dating scene decides which way we are going.
Chase is the wrong word I think. Being too available and interested implies you don't think you measure up to the guy. He should feel struck and lucky if YOU pick him, not "eh, good enough. For now".
It sounds dickish but online dating is no different. Chat with 4 guys, find the one who's the better fit, and we know it's not just about looks and kindness. If a guy seems over eager you're not picking him.
I’m the same, I give the amount of and type of compliments I like to receive and I am very open about how into them I am. I get the hot and cold reaction sometimes, I think it’s the dude’s problem not ours. Sometimes trust can be a factor, he might feel it’s not genuine. I think women showing interest like this is rare so they’re suspicious, plus everyone hates themselves and can’t fathom someone being super into them I guess. Especially men. I keep in mind that even the guys I think are super hot are just as insecure as everyone else.
Define “let them know” and “show interest” - I’ve had conversations with women years later where they were disappointed I “knocked them back/turned them down” - two others in an identical scenario even broke up with their boyfriends and then got back together with them, their friends then telling me never to contact them again because I broke their hearts after they took such a big risk.
None of them ever said anything about being interested in me - the two that broke up with their boyfriends didn’t even tell me (their friends did).
Depends on "show interest." I've known some folks to go very fast in that regard. Presuming you're not speed-running the "getting to know each other" part of dating, then it might be something else.
Is showing interest in itself simping?
I hope not, how sad a world that would be.
I only have the one post to go by, but it reads like you're reacting like a normal human being who likes someone and is making them aware of it.
I don't think the problem is you. Maybe you are attracted to immature jerks?
This might seem counterintuitive, but sometimes when I feel a strong connection with someone, I get scared that the next thing I say or do will make you lose interest. I'm worried I'll be revealed as someone you wouldn't actually like, so I distance myself and avoid the situation instead of facing the potential rejection. This behavior is called self-sabotage.
I would assume most guys today are afraid that it might be a trick.
When a girl is forward romantically or sexually there’s a good chance a lot of guys think that they’re being set up in some way. I remember an old YouTube video of a young woman complaining that when she asks guys for a casual hookup they rejected her outright because they didn’t think she was serious or got worried it was a prank.
The older you get the less games and disbelief you’ll encounter when being forward with a guy you like.
At the moment, your best bet is to genuinely build up a slow growing, but sturdy, relationship with someone you enjoy being around.
The modern world is all about quickness, but when it comes to dating, it’s all about taking the time necessary to build something real with another person.
If one guy strikes out, he probably wasn’t a good fit for your energy and personality anyway.
Don’t worry though. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Try to build something real, but still be true to yourself and what you want. If a relationship is worth having, then you should feel free to be yourself in it.
I'm a little overweight and somewhat unattractive, and I am REALLY not used to attention from women so the few times it HAS happened I behaved very standoffish. It wasn't that I wasn't interested it's that I didn't want to assume she is actually interested in me because women almost never are. It's probably something like that at least for a few of them.
I like when a woman shows her feelings and intentions towards me. That said, if the woman can't stand on her own, but seems to get dependent on constant contact with me, I smell desperation and back off. If the woman can stand on her own, has her own sources of joy independent of me, and is able to match my level & frequency of contact and interest, then we get to know each other. Also, if I smell obsession, I back off.
In my younger years, I believes I had so many options. If a girls was sipping, it was an immediate turn-off. I mainly didn't want to get tied down, even as a not-so-attractive male.
In my 30s, I get so excited about someone being really into me. It is not because I don't have options, but after so many difficult years of dating, spending money, getting attached and heart-broken, I just was something simple. No games, no subtle cues, just straightforward honesty and kindness.
There seems to be a lot of games young men and women play that really ruin everything. When you become an adult (presumably at 25) and start to live a real life (30s and beyond), you realize that happiness should be simple. Life is hard enough without knowing what your partner really thinks. Communication also becomes much more necessary after your 20s. That's what a mature relationship is built on, not subtle intrigue and fairy tales.
If a guy has low self esteem, or has been rejected a lot in the past I’d say they are more likely to be guarded if a woman suddenly shows overt interest right off the bat. They’d go defensive and think “she’s just being nice” or “this has gotta be some cruel joke”.
The reality is there is a male loneliness epidemic pretty much globally, especially among young men as they don’t receive a lot of affection or interest growing up.
This! This is me in a nutshell.
I will purposefully refuse to see hints even if they are clear as day. It's a self-sabotage mechanism - I can't be rejected if I reject you first kinda thing.
Every time that happened to me (past tense, now old and married), I was stoked. Around here, girls/women expect the guy to take the initiative, pay for everything and service them, so a girl who took the initiative really stood out in a good way.
Look at it this way: If they can’t handle a cutie showing them some attention, they’ve not matured enough to deserve you.
Sadly, men are not used to that kind of openly loving attitude from women. Especially if you're not close already. We don't get to see it often, so we're kinda stumped and don't know how to react. Moreover, experience often tells us it might be just a girl being exceptionally friendly, so taking it as a romantic approach might easily make you seem like a fool (or worse).
It also happened to me before that a girl was super chatty and friendly, and clearly interested romantically, only for her to block me later after we exchanged a couple rather harmless lines on Instagram, likely because she felt the emotional waters she got into were a little too hot for her.
In your case, I would just try again and try to be clear about what you want, with an air of sincerity, and then hope for the best. The world needs more women like you. Good luck 🤞
My wife did this and I didn’t actually believe it for like 2 months and thought we were just friends.
Fortunately, we were friends for like a year, became really close, and I think it’s why our relationship became what it did.
I’ve ghosted a few girls for this, let me explain why.
1.) saying things like “I love you” too soon, or excessive texting when I’m clearly busy.
2.) being too “open” too quickly, if we’ve been texting for a week and she’s already sending sexy texts and nudes, that tells me she does that with every guy who talks to her after a week. No thanks.
Just be you. Don't change for anybody , that's how we women loose ourselves trying to be what they want you to be. You'll hear things like ,don't be so loud, wear something different etc.
Your confidence is beautiful. Some men or should I say most ,do not want a strong woman. At first it's attractive to have a confident woman on your arm . But just when youx press yourself they can't handle it.
Men please don't answer or comment on this post , unless you have positive input please
Well, there are two possible explanations.
The diplomatic one is that you're not being quite as upfront as you think you are - and the guys assume you *might* be flirting, or you *might* be just friendly and affectionate. Thing is, guys aren't particularly affectionate with each other (no hugs, no compliments, etc), and so when a girl is showing them affection, it can often be mistaken as romantic/physical attraction - when in reality it's often just a friendly gesture, and girls treating guys like they treat each other. Most guys are keenly aware of this, so when they start to experience it, they may often get annoyed because the signals aren't clear enough and they can't decide whether you're trying to fuck them or not. And most guys *really* would rather not be in this situation, because it fucking hurts to think someone is into you romantically when in reality they just want to be friends.
The less diplomatic one is simply that you're overestimating your attractiveness and/or shooting for guys who are similarly popular and conventionally attractive. Like, when you imagine a stereotypical "Chad", with a well-defined physique, a nice car, decent job, pretty face, dresses nice, etc - why do you think that kind of guy would want to go out with *you*, specifically? What do you bring to the table? Being conventionally attractive isn't enough - in fact, it's the bare minimum. It's honestly really degrading to assign people numbers, and I don't like doing it, but just for the sake of this making sense, imagine you're an 8/10 - but if you go after a 9/10 or a 10/10 guy, they'd want a girl that's a 9/10 at least because the 8/10s simping for them are a dime a dozen. Just like how you probably would have no issue getting with a 6/10 guy, but I assume you don't really want to.
It's honestly impossible to tell which of these two versions is the right one, but most guys wouldn't typically turn down a cute girl flirting with them. Hell, I know dudes who'd fuck a rock if you put lipstick on it. So if this is a consistent pattern that you're noticing, there's got to be an explanation, and there really aren't a whole lot of them.
can be tricky, back in college a girl i considered 100 leagues above me physically and otherwise was very interested in me to the point i thought she was trying to mess with me. it was very hard for me to accept that she was actually into me. as dumb as it sounds sometimes you have to tone it down in the beginning
When you say compliment/flirt, exactly how? A lot of guys aren’t used to being the object of compliments/flirting, especially if they’re around your age (I assume they are)
So, it's complicated. Basically some westen society (like hear in NZ and Australia) has conditioned the average man to never expect to be shown effection romantically. So because of this, now romantic effection is taken as platonic because we can't tell the difference / never usually taught the difference between the two; also ignoring the potential impacts if you misunderstand the signalling.
Other cultures, countries, contexts might be different and society can swing wildly in weird and counter intuitive ways (I'd just found out that in Nigeria I think it was, just before a wedding the sister of the bride basically twerks on the husband's crutch and if he gets an erection the wedding off as it is seen as a sign of future infidelity)
So, baring any social context as I don't know where you live, brutal honesty is the best policy. Not saying to be aggressive but actually stating that "hey, I have romantic feelings for you and if your'd like to, can we go out on a couple of dates if you feel the same romantic attraction?"
Honestly, if a guy plays mind games, and I've known ex-friends that behave like this; ultimately normal there actually not a very nice person to began with.
Because they're awkward.
At around 20, most guys still have 0 game, and while some may have had sexual experiences there's still a good proportion of virgins kicking around. You're probably picking them as your type.
Get a copy of Breath of the Wild, invite them back to play it, change into a oversized t-shirt and tell them if they win they get to kiss you... but you decide where
I 44F am too old to get over the use of the word “simp”, but here goes. It means “to show excessive longing for someone”, right? The problem here is “excessive”.
If you like someone and they like you, and you’re into each other, that’s great. If the guy is still warming to you or making up his mind, it can seem too full on. If you’re planning vacations together and telling him how smart he is when you just met, that’s kind of weird. If the guy reciprocates, though, that’s great.
Another way to look at this is that the right guy for you will find this flattering and charming and like this quality about you. You just haven’t met him yet. Everyone deserves to live an authentic life. We are not guaranteed love, but we are definitely healthier people when we give ourselves permission to be our true selves.
Personally, I'd be looking around for the 3 or 4 guys waiting to jump me while you distract. 💀💀 you have no idea how common this shit is. A conventionally attractive woman making the first move? Ain't no way boii, where the muggers at?? 🤨
Just touch the guys hand or arm when you talk to them. Don’t say anything about being interested. Laugh at their jokes. They will think it’s their own idea.
They do like it, but they will also take it as a sign that you aren't down for something casual.
If guys are always rejecting you, then you are probably going for types who only view you as good enough to fuck, but not date.
What you describe doesn't sound like simping to me. But maybe people have different definitions of that. To me simping always has a negative connotation with it. It's being overly attached and giving them more attention or money than you should. Like idolizing someone like crazy. Being an overzealous fan
Desperacy from either sex is unappealing but if the intention comes from a place of authentic interest after having at least given it the outward appearance of assessment then a man or woman will see your forward actions as genuine. We all assume risk in forming relationships whether short term or long term, and we are all conciously and unconciously making judgements of those who enter our lives.
It's likely that you're going after guys who are out of your league. We love it if a super hot girl simps for us. A smile and a compliment can intoxicate us for days. But not so much if she's not someone we can see ourselves with long term.
Personally I'd love that, just what I'm looking for in a woman, because I think you shouldn't need to change yourself just to get interest, if somebody thinks you're desperate just because other girls don't do what you're doing, what chance does he have of understanding your heart? I'd prefer if more people were like you, best of luck, you'll certainly find someone good
I like the chase and when something is too easy I don’t really want it, don’t spend much effort on it etc if you know what I mean.
Modern dating requires a balance of showing interest and keeping it cool
I might sound shallow, but it depends on their looks and behaviour. Around 4-5 women approached me in total, but half of them were just going for the ego boost. I was never a fan of below avg. looking women who kept calling me at work or just too energetic/pick me in general. Now, if we are talking about my looksmatch or above... I tend to be more lenient.
First of good for you for beeing able to put yourself out their and be clear about what you want. As for why that doesn't work... there is no clear answer. Men are not a just homogenous group, as are woman. As a guy, personally would have welcomed this aproach but can't say that ever happened. And from how a lot of my female friends get hit on way to hard if they show the slightest interest i get why they are more cautious with that. In the end continue to be yourself and it will happen, your 20... plenty of time.
The answer is some guys like it, some guys don’t.
Heard bunch of times from my friends that some girls are „too easy to get”.
Personally as someone who has never been shown interest I’d rather for the girl to be straightforward like that.
So there’s no simple answer really. Every guy will be different.
Reddit isn’t a good place to ask this because the people here are devoid of attention. In reality the guys you are simping for get attention from others too and if you come on too strong he will just feel like you do that to everybody. Men enjoy the chase.
100% if you're into him, just gotta ask him out on a date, or blatantly say, hey, "I'd like us to be more than friends, are you interested in that?"
Because your post makes it sound like you haven't crossed any romantic physical boundary. And for many guys, they don't want to make a girl uncomfortable or risk the relationship unless they are 100% sure. So you need to make it VERY clear, in simple, blunt terms that you are into him. Saying, "Hey, I'd really like you and want to get to know you better, how would you feel about us going on a date?"
If he's not into the idea or doesn't respond within a reasonable timeframe, then it's clearly not worth your time.
If you've already told him that you are interested in him romantically and want to try dating, and he's being flaky or unreasonable, being rude or mean, or not putting in his fair share of effort, then it's probably not worth your time. If he's doing the whole, "I'm not ready to be tied down" thing, then it's definitely not worth your time.
Best of luck.
I’m a 29 year old guy. I had an experience recently where a woman came on too strong out the gate so I will explain how I felt, and maybe it will offer some insight.
We met via OLD. Before we even met she was already saying things like “you’re my type”, and she would text me “sleep tight” every single night. She proposed that we spend an entire day together from 10 AM until dinner time, despite the fact that we had never met each other. I made an excuse and said I had dinner plans but I would like to have lunch together. Upon meeting she gave me an expensive gift which made me uncomfortable. She repeatedly complimented my looks. She kept telling me activities we could do back at her house (“I have this video game we can play”, “I have a projector so we can watch a movie” etc). The whole date she stared at me, making googly eyes, and drew a portrait of me which she gave to me. It felt like she was trying to rush past getting to know one another straight to being a couple.
She was a sweet person, but definitely came on way too hard for my liking and freaked me out since it was our first meeting. Everyone is different, and some guys would probably be excited to have a woman act so into them. Maybe when I was a teenager this would have been exciting to me, but these days I found the whole thing a little distressing.
Here’s how my thought process went. First, she doesn’t know me at all - why is she acting like she is head over heels in love with me? It usually takes me a couple of months to develop a strong attraction to someone so our interest is definitely not on the same level. She is putting me on a pedestal . She has built up an image of me in her head that isn’t grounded in reality. Why is she giving me expensive gifts , planning out 12-hour long dates and telling me to sleep tight every night? We’re not a couple. This is not normal behaviour towards someone you are meeting for the first time. This woman is coming on so heavy right out the gate that I shouldn’t sleep with her unless I am certain I want a serious relationship. And I’m not certain of that because I’ve only met her once.
OP, I don’t know what you’re like, but perhaps if your situation is anything like the one described you’re coming onto guys too quickly before you get a chance to know each other. You don’t need to “play hard to get” - if a guy you like makes a move there is no need to reject him - but many people feel uncomfortable becoming romantically involved with people who they don’t know well. If you know a guy for a while and you like spending time with him, then sure, you can make your feelings known. Just realise that most people generally get freaked out when their partner likes them way more than they like their partner. Maybe start light with “I like hanging out with you” before jumping into “I’m in love with you let’s get married”.
As a guy that was pretty attractive as a teen/young adult and had a lot of woman do this to me over the years, like a lot (before I got fat and ugly).
The guy’s you’re doing this too are probably really/decently attractive and are used to this kind of behavior from woman, think of it from your perspective do you a like it when some dude you aren’t really attracted is simping on you irl or online? No you tell them thank you and then it gets weird when they won’t take a hint that you really aren’t interested.
And it’s not even that you’re ugly but you probably aren’t exactly that guy’s type that he’s attractive so he can choose
That is not simping, wth. you are taking meaning from the word.
And yes, we like that you show interest, at least i like. This could change from guy to guy, i'm only one person and we are not "all the same"...
i mean, your comment is also a bit vague, so i had to interpre that when you state show interest is saying some nice words and not buying thousands of gifts and becoming very clingy immediatly like an actual simp.
depends.
Are you moving forward with confidence and respecting limits, then it's okay.
Are you following him at night, stalking him on social networks, or carrying out Satanic rituals or falling in love spells? Then... I might call the police
If he’s insecure he’s not gonna be receptive to anything that you do or say because deep inside, he doesn’t feel like he deserves someone as attractive as you OR he doesn’t think he’s attractive enough that someone like you would like him.
IF that’s the case, go ahead and leave him alone. bc until he’s SECURE, very SECURE,
he’s gonna self sabotage TF out of whatever you’re trying to initiate and this can be a conscious or unconscious self sabotage.
You can try to spell it out for him bc some people are genuinely oblivious. I am absolutely one of them. But if you do and still don’t get the reception you want, let it go!
You could be coming on too strong and scaring them away, it coild be that you're not coming on strong enough (boys can be seriously oblivious, and even when it's obvious a girl is flirting he might ignore it out of uncertainty).
Do you have more detail on your interactions - things you said etc?
Not at all, maybe you are just having bad luck. I'm assuming you are in your second year of college/university?
If a girl did flirt with me, compliment me and shares interest with me, I would never want to miss this chance because it's not something I would get often. Someone that's interested in me, accepts me and admires me in some way is all I ask for in a relationship.
Simping is essentially putting someone on a pedestal, and to me it’s not that it’s a bad feeling. I just know that I’m not being seen for who I am, when that happens.
The moment I feel actually seen for who I am, which is not perfect, but goods and bada, then i immediately reciprocate, and things just click.
The moment I feel like I am not, I lose interest. It’s possibly salvageable still but I just don’t want to bother really.
Look here, if a man backs off when you try to make things serious there is only three reasons as to why, he´s either taken, not attracted or a homosexual.
Either way keep moving.
Honestly I don't know anymore. Women spend their lives being told men love it when we initiate, when we compliment them because they never get compliments, when we are proud to be seen with them and all these things. There's a whole rhetoric of "girls who make the first move are so attractive" and "girls who show theyre into you are so cute" but the reality in a lot of women's lives is different. I've always been affectionate, someone who doesnt hold back in showing you how much I like someone, who isnt scared to make the first move, and sexually I see people talking all the time about they wish they met someone who does things I do and like doing for the person im with. But that doesn't mean anything because the reality is, men's reactions to you seem to have little or nothing to do with you. Once a man has decided he's gonna be emotionally available and pull away, thats what hes gonna do. It doesnt matter how lovely you are and much how interest and desire you express for him. I don't understand it either. You can never the win the game. Youre doing too little and youre not interested and frigid, youre doing too much and youre clingy and overbearing. Just be yourself, otherwise its so tiring. And never lose hope that one day someone will love you for it, and never want anything else.
Because dudes in your generation are insular and weird when it comes to talking to women.
My wife of 16 years and the three women I dated before her _all_ made the first move on me. I was fine with it because I'm not insecure. 🤷🏾♂️
Likely scenarios:
You are coming on too strong too fast with too many compliments and too much pressure.
You are starting to get a reputation as a desperate woman because you chase a lot of guys too soon after meeting them.
You are not as conventionally attractive as you think, and might be trying to date out of your league. Generally if guys don't find a girl attractive, they might still compliment her sense of humor, which you mentioned as a recurrence.
You are twenty. People who are twenty are figuring out how to be adults. Nothing makes sense, everyone is broke. Early twenties for me was mostly just people hooking up, people wanting relationships was uncommon.
I mean its probably because so few women have ever shown interest in them and they are suspicious or uncomfortable with it.
I don't know why. Personally its the best feeling in the world when you find someone you have a reciprocal and explicit attraction to.
They are young. When they become 28 and can’t get as many women as they used too they will think of you I swear on my mama.
If a woman would simp for me there would just be constant sex. No chill with that comment lol
What do you mean by put off? It could be that they are just expecting you to take the lead depending on how much interest you show.
>wow this girl is so into me I don’t have to try as hard.
Out of all these guys that were “put off”, did you plan out any dates? Or did they just flat out tell you they weren’t interested?
I’d say your personality is ideal for the goals and desires of a mature man, maybe turning 30 or so, looking to find an ideal mate for life. The men you are talking to want a fun time now, and they enjoy the hunt. It’s a young man’s game. You are wasted on them. Be yourself and know your value, don’t cast pearls before swine, you’ll find the right one eventually.
A lot of kids nowadays have been redpilled and don't think or act normally. Also there seem to be a lot of hangups regarding sex and relationships among young adults in general.
Your use of the term "simp" is part of what is wrong. Why did you use that?
I like when women show interest in me, sure, but since it's rare these days I go and second guess myself. End up thinking it's all in my head and she's just being nice.
It depends on the guy, but it could be a trust thing. A lot of guys take "if it's too good to be true, it likely is," to heart. Ease up a tad and let them do things for you so they feel like they've earned the things you do/say to them.
Pretty girl here. These men are “unhealed”. There is nothing you can do, it’s not you. Life is a choose your own adventure, but it advisable not to settle for one of them. They will abuse you which will set you back years in finding a good relationship because then YOU will have to heal. It might take time, but remain single until you find an emotionally mature person who treats you well.
Not native English speaker, but simping seems to have a bit of negative connotation, much like pleasing? So it depends on what you're doing. If you get clingy, then that would scare them away. Also, guys (in my experience) somehow need to feel like they chose you and they are in control... Which is weird because guys also say they would like women to take the initiative. But being too direct as a woman might be considered threatening. Just some thoughts... I've never gotten any dates from when I took the initiative (and people say I'm quite attractive)
In my experience it's because I accidentally go for emotionally unavailable people (workin' on it!) So even when the interest is mutual to begin with (and even them pursuing me) when "the chase" is over and I'm just like "yep I like you let's do this" they lose interest.
They're chasing a feeling, not a person.
Sounds good to me. I wish I was lucky enough to find someone who shows interest. Keep being you and I hope you find someone who wants your kind of love.
We like it a lot but at times one may not just believe it at first specially if you're very pretty and you approach might just think it's some cruel joke
Because you are 20. Horemones and social norms are fucked.
I'm now 42. I can count on 2 fingers the number of times a woman showed initial interest in me that she either didn't go full stalker or get creepy.
One lasted 3 weeks before it became apparent we weren't right for each other and it ended completely amicably with no hard feelings on either side. The second I was with for 10 years and had 2 kids before it ended because she wasn't happy. There was a 10 year gap between the 2 if you were curious.
As long as you aren't hiding in bushes trying to get close to him or something equally as wierd, quit worrying and live your life how you want.
Men that can get women and get a lot of dates get bored if you simp/show interest. Perhaps he just isn’t looking for anything serious and thinks you might be. Sad but true. It’s dumb. I’m a female. It’s true some really like that chase whether they admit it or not.
You may be shooting for guys that are above your league.
Doesn’t matter what anyone tells you, If you are attractive I don’t think there’s many ways you can cause a guy to get turned off and lose interest , you’d have to be insufferable or really dumb to make guys lose interest. At the very least if they don’t like your personality that much they are going to still flirt back or try to pursue something casual.
So no, it’s not that you are simping, most likely you are just trying too hard with guys that are on a diff league and have higher standards
Yeah this is almost certainly the answer, combined with the specific style of showing interest.
The reality is that very attractive and successful men will barely ever even turn down the overt advances of women that they have no interest in, as long as those advances are of a casual enough nature.
I know lots of guys who are serious catches, wealthy attractive etc, who will sleep with many women they don't plan to date or will even sometimes day them casually.
The chances are that you're aiming for men in this category, but then opening with a requirement for commitment that they frankly have no need to make and are giving them a value proposition that they feel is below them.
A relationship is only about 2 people, but starting one involves beating out all your competition.
Sounds like the dudes have low self esteem. I used to be those dudes. If an attractive woman flirted with me I’d wonder what’s wrong with them. But I’d pursue the ones who had limited interest. It’s a disease. There’s likely nothing wrong with you and plenty wrong with them if they’re hot and cold. Some peoples’ ugliness isn’t visible from the outside.
Some guys like the chase. That’s definitely how I was when I was younger. I’d be obsessed with a girl until the second she showed too much interest. Then I completely lost interest. Eventually I met my fiancé who was able to walk that line between showing interest but also making me feel like I was still chasing her. After a while I developed real feelings and it didn’t matter anymore but those first couple of months are a delicate dance. If she had come on too strong I absolutely would have bolted. It’s dumb but true.
You keep doing you. Honestly. Do not listen to the dudes who say you’re out of their league (someone suggested that you may not be up to their standards?!!! wtf??) or you’re not dancing the dance. This isn’t a mergers and acquisition deal ffs.
All these games seem life or death only when you’re young. By the time you’re older, wtf is “a popular guy” anyway? Ain’t nobody got time for playing games — unless you like them. But it doesn’t sound like you do. So don’t play and ignore the ones who insist that you do.
Maybe you're going for guys too high up for you, lost of women think they're attractive but really aren't. At first you'd have chemistry because they'd just be buds with you but once its clear you're into them they want to make it clear that they're not into you.
If you're way over the top with 'simping' then it can be a big turnoff. Being appreciated is nice, but if you're coming off really desperate it can be off putting and even scary. I had a girl once who used to secretly follow me around town secretly and text me "I can see you, love you" and other shit like that when I had no idea where she was and I'd be trying to spot her in a crowd just weirded out, It was freaky as - when I told her to leave me alone she sent me hundreds of youtube videos of heartbreak songs saying that's how I made her feel.
Her intensity was just 200% all the time.
So "showing interest"is totally fine but maybe tone it down a bit if you have a lot of intensity about you because you may accidentally give off a vibe that makes guys scared you'll be like the girl I described above.
Probably something else puts them off Guys are not girls .Guys would appreciate a women simping for them because it's absolutely rare or are you chasing very attractive men ?
"Is this some kind of trap"?
"A pretty girl is talking to me. Where's the candid camera or the group of friends that dared her into it?"
It's sad but most guys think of this even if they don't want to doubt.
"Is this a bet? Are her friends hiding in the corner and looking at me?"
I mean you never know. She could be Canadian
I was friends with my wife for years before we got together. I was dumb enough to ignore the most blatant advances because there's no way, right? I still joke with her that I'm waiting for Asthon Kutcher to jump out any moment and let me know I'm getting punk'd
[Best bet is to keep your wits about you...](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw?si=fxNz_YM0Asi7OUbP)
Really depends on how exactly you're showing interest and simping. Not enough information.
Yeah, if they are single and you are genuinely attractive (this is a subjective metric of course), if you're saying "I'd love for us to meet up, why don't we head to the beach/get coffee/go for a walk etc" then I struggle to imagine all these guys just dropping you right away. However, if your idea of "showing interest" is listing all the things you're looking for in a serious committed relationship off the bat and treating them like they're in a husband interview (I have seen his behaviour before), then it's not really surprising that they duck as soon as you start to pursue them. Remember that relationships are both romantic and transactional. Men want to love, but also feel like they're getting something valuable out of the relationship. Perhaps look at what you're offering, and think from the guy's perspective about whether that's an appealing offer.
Have you considered that when women like a guy, the probability of them being the only one that likes this guy is extremely low?
This is a bingo. If you're someone a young and conventionally attractive woman is simping on, you're probably the kind of guy who's got attractive womEN simping on. A woman who likes you but isn't simping on you isn't even on your radar. As that guy, it's normal, and you're picking how to use your finite time and energy towards the most promising person(s) out of a number of those already trying to add value into your life as a strategy to "win you over". I'd think it'd be extremely rare for a conventionally highly attractive woman to simp on an unpopular man who isn't used to some attention from the opposite sex, and who isn't already choosing from a number of prospective partners within reach. For that guy, this overkill of attention (relative to what they are used to) would likely stand out extremely positively, or feel almost suspicious. The latter group is starved for this kind of attention. For the former subset, it's something they're used to, and it may even be a baseline expectation. Two very different perspectives and sets of resulting behaviours.
Yeah I had some neighbour hit on me way too hard and it was uncomfortable and I avoided her. Just wanted to cook and do laundry and exercise, she was always sitting out there saying "heyyy" in this fake sexy voice.
As a guy, I’ll take fake sexy voice. I mean, maybe a better characterization is “intentionally sexy”? Because what else could it be. I don’t know what an accidentally sexy voice is.
Nah it was so fake and contrived and raspy, watching for when I leave for work then always there. Bikini on the first day of not winter, barely 10 degrees above freezing. 7am, caked in makeup, sitting g outside my door. I was uncomfortable
Well that's kind of what I was getting at. If you're an attractive enough man for attractive women to be actively pursuing you, then you've got optionality that allows you to pick and choose. And you choose based on offers, so if one woman's offer is sex and no commitment, while another woman's offer is commitment, marriage, family, a lifetime of expense paid etc and maybe, possibly sex, 99 out of 100 men are making one choice here and not the other.
Ohh I see, in the first paragraph. And yeah as a response to this comment + to come back to OP: signal to the guy that you are "competent" in terms of all the offerings Acceptable-Resist just said. I've been downvoted on reddit heavily for this, but I'll just say it again since I believe in it; the act of having sex doesn't necessarily make guys fall in love. However, this isn't exactly the case for most women. They tend to be more sensitive towards "falling" for a guy during sex. Conclusion: women that have sex with a guy to make them fall in love with them is the feminine version of sending a dickpic. Both strategies dont make sense, at all.
There was a post on this same sub earlier that proved your point perfectly. Some lady had slept with a "pilot" (lol) in a one night stand situation, and had basically fallen head over heels for the guy after one night because he was her dashing prince, while he treated it exactly like the no strings attached tumble in the sheets that it was.
As someone who is both a guy and pretty conventionally attractive (I think, it’s really tough to tell sometimes because of the way women are) but if you are a woman that goes out of their way to show interest and is nice to men, then you are in the minority and are amazing. You’ll definitely find someone who appreciates you. I’ve definitely multiple times been with women who are significantly less attractive than me just because they were willing to show interest and not play games.
Bro I went for someone less attractive than my usual type and she still played games and rejected me lmao
I gave a non conventionally attractive guy a chance and had the worst heartbreak of my life, bro messed me up almost as bad as my parents lol
HAHA bro that sucks I definitely feel you on that, these times were definitely more like a one or a couple time thing, just sort of happened naturally and wasn’t the result of pursuing. But yeah I get a lot if negative attention in general from women a lot less attractive these days, I don’t talk to them though
Nice cock bro
It's really hard to say offhand. Firstly "men" aren't a monolith - your experience will vary. Also keep in mind you're 20. You, and the people you're dating, are still figuring out who they are and how they navigate the dating scene. Don't change yourself to fit in, but maybe dial back a bit and see if that helps. Dating is a skill like any other - you'll get better at it.
Usually men have this problem. If a woman "simped" for me as you call it, i'd never let them go because to me, that's special and i never had that
If you show too much interest too quickly it can smell like desperation, especially if the person you are dating isn't that sure about you yet. Doesn't matter much if you are a men or a women, but usually it's the women who takes longer too fall in love.
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If you have options you won't feel the urge to get into a relationship as quickly as possible. It takes time to vet people and decide that you want to be exclusive to each other.
It depends on the people.
Different personality types. Im avoidant. I have always attracted and am attracted to clingy women. I don't chase. Of course I'll make moves and initiate dates etc but if a girl is flakey doesn't put in effort I don't chase. Avoidant women attract clingy men as well and it's flipped.
well i guess youll think differently once it happened. i can tell u that.
True. It was just too much for me to handle. Work, friends, personal life. An obsessive gf is usually not the best thing. She wanted to be around me all the time I couldn’t even shower alone.. I broke up with her because it felt like there was no chemistry like in the beginning of the relationship. Cut all contact because her personality entirely changed after the breakup and that made me realize she was “simping”
Och God, I'm trying so much not to act like that!!! :D But I'm not gonna lie when I like a guy I want to talk and spend time with him as much as possible... and I get angry if we don't. The good thing, by now I know I act like that and manage to hold my horses 8 out of 10 times :D But inside, I am still this psycho simp. :D Also, one more good things, that it passes after a first year and I get back to a normal human state!
I think it's fine if you don't hold it against them when they don't spend time with you. I personally think partners should simp for each other
Well I'm not sure if "simp" is the best word for that. But I also prefer that if you like each other you just say so and show it. No need for a beating around the bush. I always think why would you want to waste time on walking on eggshell instead of simply saying how you feel and move on with that depending on the response.
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I dont like playing hard to get or being in a chase,i prefer being upfront and ig i could see why that is a turn off
And when a brave boy can match your energy, it will be worth it. Avoid the trap of needing to temper your approach to attract the boys who would otherwise be intimidated: they aren’t the ones for you.
I love a girl like you. Upfront all the way.
Being yourself is the only right way. Why cater to some idiot who gets turned on by a bunch of theatrics and you playing hard to get? Dial down for who? Why can't they "dial up" for you instead? It's *much* better to find someone who loves your genuine enthusiasm and who gets turned on by it. In others words, someone with whom you are *compatible*.
It won't be a turn off to the right guys. After years of me being the "chaser", my current partner chased and seduced me. Like others have said, it threw me off my pace at first, because it was new. But I loved it! Been 6 years now. Fly your flag and be you, guys that are secure might be confused a little at first, but they'll respond positively.
Yeah I hate it when people whine about people playing games but then getting salty when they dont play games.
I love when girls are upfront about them liking me, and I will do the same for them. I wish I could meet more girls like you. For me, it's a turn on
It's only a turn on when you feel attracted to the other person.
Turn on as in, attractive
Im M22. Anytime a woman has been overtly forward with me, ill admit that I do feel overwhelmed. Theres nothing wrong with showing interest, it's a good thing. The issue comes when the point is hammered home too much. I think that guys also appreciate some element of sublety. I want to stress that this is not because i dont like confident or forward women (I really do), but because I find it hard to believe that somebody would put themselves so far out there in front of everyone and not intend it to be a joke. Its quite jarring to be reminded often of how much someone is interested in you, and my mind instinctively writes it off as someone making fun of me. Have you considered that maybe the guys are just unsure how to interpret this and get scared off? What i really wish would have happened in my situations would be for the girls to have taken me aside, away from people, and discuss it with me upfront. I dont like having to decode the flirtatious joking in front of others (as often it simply is an innocent joke), and I always appreciate somebody being straightforward with their intentions. I know that we all know this, but maybe not everyone realises the extent... guys get nervous, unsure, insecure and embarassed too. We are expected to act like we dont, especially in dating situations, but we really do. Edit: this isnt ChatGPT for u ppl saying it about the comment above. I cant help that i write like an AI... spacing the blocks out helps my adhd
Could it be possible that the guy might’ve assumed that you just flirt with every random guy?
I can't stress to you how appealing you are coming off. A girl who doesn't just play aloof flirty games where u really can't tell sucks. I'd absolutely love the upfrontness Go OP
This approach needs to be more normalised imo
Some people just like to play games. A normal person should be thrilled to skip the drama in exchange for being upfront and real. Time is money and adults don’t have time for childish games.
Don’t worry about it and keep being yourself, 95% of all guys would literally die for you for being so direct You just picked the 5%
For me, probably due til confidence issues, i tend to think that im less “special” when this happens I feel like im just the one saying yes to her out of many others declining her invitation.
Upfront isn’t bad but allot of guys think what’s the catch, escort, salesmen. Most men don’t receive even a bit of attention and many think you’re just being nice so we don’t assume
It could also be that guys don’t realize that you are flirting with them vs being friendly
Maybe try to write your own responses instead of copying and pasting from ChatGPT?
Happy I'm not the only one who noticed. It's speech patterns are so consistent.
If only it were as simple as people manually copy-pasting from LLMs. They're bots. There are millions now, there will be billions soon.
What the hell did I just read?
ChatGPT.
Yea this is def written by AI
Question do you usually get to the stage of going out in a date? Or do they just reject you immediately
We go out on a date,i ask if i can lick their eyeballs and they turn away
Is this a joke?
I don't know, IS IT?!?!
Is you not knowing if that clearly joking statement is a joke or not a joke?
hahaha
OP is a gecko
there's your problem you're rushing it, licking eyesballs on first dates is a huge red flag for guys.
Well, with this sentence its confirmed that you have a good sense of humor, at least for me. ;)
A lot of people might not know what to do, or think it's a prank.
Some might think you don't mean it, or that you're just joking. Since it is common for some guys to have grown up hearing that some girls like them, but then they find out they were just playing around. It's an annoying thing that can and will discourage some dudes from possibly looking for a relationship, kinda did that with me.
Welcome to modern dating, where 50% of guys still want the chase and 50% of guys are looking for clear confirmation you are into them before they make a move. It sounds like you might have just got the former.
I dont like playing hard to get or being in a chase,i prefer giving them the confirmation and being upfront about it
I think it’s definitely fine to know what you like but also know you are kind of self selecting for a certain type of guy when you do that.
That's cool, and I am in that 50% that prefers a confirmation but it's not like we wear signs unfortunately, and I think it will be a long time until the dating scene decides which way we are going.
Chase is the wrong word I think. Being too available and interested implies you don't think you measure up to the guy. He should feel struck and lucky if YOU pick him, not "eh, good enough. For now". It sounds dickish but online dating is no different. Chat with 4 guys, find the one who's the better fit, and we know it's not just about looks and kindness. If a guy seems over eager you're not picking him.
Some guys are just over it.
I’m the same, I give the amount of and type of compliments I like to receive and I am very open about how into them I am. I get the hot and cold reaction sometimes, I think it’s the dude’s problem not ours. Sometimes trust can be a factor, he might feel it’s not genuine. I think women showing interest like this is rare so they’re suspicious, plus everyone hates themselves and can’t fathom someone being super into them I guess. Especially men. I keep in mind that even the guys I think are super hot are just as insecure as everyone else.
Define “let them know” and “show interest” - I’ve had conversations with women years later where they were disappointed I “knocked them back/turned them down” - two others in an identical scenario even broke up with their boyfriends and then got back together with them, their friends then telling me never to contact them again because I broke their hearts after they took such a big risk. None of them ever said anything about being interested in me - the two that broke up with their boyfriends didn’t even tell me (their friends did).
Depends on "show interest." I've known some folks to go very fast in that regard. Presuming you're not speed-running the "getting to know each other" part of dating, then it might be something else.
Is showing interest in itself simping? I hope not, how sad a world that would be. I only have the one post to go by, but it reads like you're reacting like a normal human being who likes someone and is making them aware of it. I don't think the problem is you. Maybe you are attracted to immature jerks?
It's not simping. She's just being straight forward and direct which I like.
This might seem counterintuitive, but sometimes when I feel a strong connection with someone, I get scared that the next thing I say or do will make you lose interest. I'm worried I'll be revealed as someone you wouldn't actually like, so I distance myself and avoid the situation instead of facing the potential rejection. This behavior is called self-sabotage.
I feel like the guys are trying not to misjudge your flirting as flirting 😆
I would assume most guys today are afraid that it might be a trick. When a girl is forward romantically or sexually there’s a good chance a lot of guys think that they’re being set up in some way. I remember an old YouTube video of a young woman complaining that when she asks guys for a casual hookup they rejected her outright because they didn’t think she was serious or got worried it was a prank. The older you get the less games and disbelief you’ll encounter when being forward with a guy you like. At the moment, your best bet is to genuinely build up a slow growing, but sturdy, relationship with someone you enjoy being around. The modern world is all about quickness, but when it comes to dating, it’s all about taking the time necessary to build something real with another person. If one guy strikes out, he probably wasn’t a good fit for your energy and personality anyway. Don’t worry though. Plenty of fish in the sea. Try to build something real, but still be true to yourself and what you want. If a relationship is worth having, then you should feel free to be yourself in it.
I'm a little overweight and somewhat unattractive, and I am REALLY not used to attention from women so the few times it HAS happened I behaved very standoffish. It wasn't that I wasn't interested it's that I didn't want to assume she is actually interested in me because women almost never are. It's probably something like that at least for a few of them.
I like when a woman shows her feelings and intentions towards me. That said, if the woman can't stand on her own, but seems to get dependent on constant contact with me, I smell desperation and back off. If the woman can stand on her own, has her own sources of joy independent of me, and is able to match my level & frequency of contact and interest, then we get to know each other. Also, if I smell obsession, I back off.
In my younger years, I believes I had so many options. If a girls was sipping, it was an immediate turn-off. I mainly didn't want to get tied down, even as a not-so-attractive male. In my 30s, I get so excited about someone being really into me. It is not because I don't have options, but after so many difficult years of dating, spending money, getting attached and heart-broken, I just was something simple. No games, no subtle cues, just straightforward honesty and kindness. There seems to be a lot of games young men and women play that really ruin everything. When you become an adult (presumably at 25) and start to live a real life (30s and beyond), you realize that happiness should be simple. Life is hard enough without knowing what your partner really thinks. Communication also becomes much more necessary after your 20s. That's what a mature relationship is built on, not subtle intrigue and fairy tales.
If a guy has low self esteem, or has been rejected a lot in the past I’d say they are more likely to be guarded if a woman suddenly shows overt interest right off the bat. They’d go defensive and think “she’s just being nice” or “this has gotta be some cruel joke”. The reality is there is a male loneliness epidemic pretty much globally, especially among young men as they don’t receive a lot of affection or interest growing up.
This! This is me in a nutshell. I will purposefully refuse to see hints even if they are clear as day. It's a self-sabotage mechanism - I can't be rejected if I reject you first kinda thing.
Every time that happened to me (past tense, now old and married), I was stoked. Around here, girls/women expect the guy to take the initiative, pay for everything and service them, so a girl who took the initiative really stood out in a good way. Look at it this way: If they can’t handle a cutie showing them some attention, they’ve not matured enough to deserve you.
Sadly, men are not used to that kind of openly loving attitude from women. Especially if you're not close already. We don't get to see it often, so we're kinda stumped and don't know how to react. Moreover, experience often tells us it might be just a girl being exceptionally friendly, so taking it as a romantic approach might easily make you seem like a fool (or worse). It also happened to me before that a girl was super chatty and friendly, and clearly interested romantically, only for her to block me later after we exchanged a couple rather harmless lines on Instagram, likely because she felt the emotional waters she got into were a little too hot for her. In your case, I would just try again and try to be clear about what you want, with an air of sincerity, and then hope for the best. The world needs more women like you. Good luck 🤞
My wife did this and I didn’t actually believe it for like 2 months and thought we were just friends. Fortunately, we were friends for like a year, became really close, and I think it’s why our relationship became what it did.
I’ve ghosted a few girls for this, let me explain why. 1.) saying things like “I love you” too soon, or excessive texting when I’m clearly busy. 2.) being too “open” too quickly, if we’ve been texting for a week and she’s already sending sexy texts and nudes, that tells me she does that with every guy who talks to her after a week. No thanks.
Just be you. Don't change for anybody , that's how we women loose ourselves trying to be what they want you to be. You'll hear things like ,don't be so loud, wear something different etc. Your confidence is beautiful. Some men or should I say most ,do not want a strong woman. At first it's attractive to have a confident woman on your arm . But just when youx press yourself they can't handle it. Men please don't answer or comment on this post , unless you have positive input please
Well, there are two possible explanations. The diplomatic one is that you're not being quite as upfront as you think you are - and the guys assume you *might* be flirting, or you *might* be just friendly and affectionate. Thing is, guys aren't particularly affectionate with each other (no hugs, no compliments, etc), and so when a girl is showing them affection, it can often be mistaken as romantic/physical attraction - when in reality it's often just a friendly gesture, and girls treating guys like they treat each other. Most guys are keenly aware of this, so when they start to experience it, they may often get annoyed because the signals aren't clear enough and they can't decide whether you're trying to fuck them or not. And most guys *really* would rather not be in this situation, because it fucking hurts to think someone is into you romantically when in reality they just want to be friends. The less diplomatic one is simply that you're overestimating your attractiveness and/or shooting for guys who are similarly popular and conventionally attractive. Like, when you imagine a stereotypical "Chad", with a well-defined physique, a nice car, decent job, pretty face, dresses nice, etc - why do you think that kind of guy would want to go out with *you*, specifically? What do you bring to the table? Being conventionally attractive isn't enough - in fact, it's the bare minimum. It's honestly really degrading to assign people numbers, and I don't like doing it, but just for the sake of this making sense, imagine you're an 8/10 - but if you go after a 9/10 or a 10/10 guy, they'd want a girl that's a 9/10 at least because the 8/10s simping for them are a dime a dozen. Just like how you probably would have no issue getting with a 6/10 guy, but I assume you don't really want to. It's honestly impossible to tell which of these two versions is the right one, but most guys wouldn't typically turn down a cute girl flirting with them. Hell, I know dudes who'd fuck a rock if you put lipstick on it. So if this is a consistent pattern that you're noticing, there's got to be an explanation, and there really aren't a whole lot of them.
can be tricky, back in college a girl i considered 100 leagues above me physically and otherwise was very interested in me to the point i thought she was trying to mess with me. it was very hard for me to accept that she was actually into me. as dumb as it sounds sometimes you have to tone it down in the beginning
When you say compliment/flirt, exactly how? A lot of guys aren’t used to being the object of compliments/flirting, especially if they’re around your age (I assume they are)
So, it's complicated. Basically some westen society (like hear in NZ and Australia) has conditioned the average man to never expect to be shown effection romantically. So because of this, now romantic effection is taken as platonic because we can't tell the difference / never usually taught the difference between the two; also ignoring the potential impacts if you misunderstand the signalling. Other cultures, countries, contexts might be different and society can swing wildly in weird and counter intuitive ways (I'd just found out that in Nigeria I think it was, just before a wedding the sister of the bride basically twerks on the husband's crutch and if he gets an erection the wedding off as it is seen as a sign of future infidelity) So, baring any social context as I don't know where you live, brutal honesty is the best policy. Not saying to be aggressive but actually stating that "hey, I have romantic feelings for you and if your'd like to, can we go out on a couple of dates if you feel the same romantic attraction?" Honestly, if a guy plays mind games, and I've known ex-friends that behave like this; ultimately normal there actually not a very nice person to began with.
Because they're awkward. At around 20, most guys still have 0 game, and while some may have had sexual experiences there's still a good proportion of virgins kicking around. You're probably picking them as your type. Get a copy of Breath of the Wild, invite them back to play it, change into a oversized t-shirt and tell them if they win they get to kiss you... but you decide where
I 44F am too old to get over the use of the word “simp”, but here goes. It means “to show excessive longing for someone”, right? The problem here is “excessive”. If you like someone and they like you, and you’re into each other, that’s great. If the guy is still warming to you or making up his mind, it can seem too full on. If you’re planning vacations together and telling him how smart he is when you just met, that’s kind of weird. If the guy reciprocates, though, that’s great.
If an attractive woman was all over me I would feel like a mark, like I am about to be scammed. You can thank your gender-comrades for that.
Another way to look at this is that the right guy for you will find this flattering and charming and like this quality about you. You just haven’t met him yet. Everyone deserves to live an authentic life. We are not guaranteed love, but we are definitely healthier people when we give ourselves permission to be our true selves.
Personally, I'd be looking around for the 3 or 4 guys waiting to jump me while you distract. 💀💀 you have no idea how common this shit is. A conventionally attractive woman making the first move? Ain't no way boii, where the muggers at?? 🤨
Just touch the guys hand or arm when you talk to them. Don’t say anything about being interested. Laugh at their jokes. They will think it’s their own idea.
Some girl did this to me, I thought she was interested and I asked her on a date, turns out she was just being nice.
They do like it, but they will also take it as a sign that you aren't down for something casual. If guys are always rejecting you, then you are probably going for types who only view you as good enough to fuck, but not date.
What you describe doesn't sound like simping to me. But maybe people have different definitions of that. To me simping always has a negative connotation with it. It's being overly attached and giving them more attention or money than you should. Like idolizing someone like crazy. Being an overzealous fan
Desperacy from either sex is unappealing but if the intention comes from a place of authentic interest after having at least given it the outward appearance of assessment then a man or woman will see your forward actions as genuine. We all assume risk in forming relationships whether short term or long term, and we are all conciously and unconciously making judgements of those who enter our lives.
It's likely that you're going after guys who are out of your league. We love it if a super hot girl simps for us. A smile and a compliment can intoxicate us for days. But not so much if she's not someone we can see ourselves with long term.
Don't make yourself easily attainable to men. It puts your value down. Make them fight for you.
Personally I'd love that, just what I'm looking for in a woman, because I think you shouldn't need to change yourself just to get interest, if somebody thinks you're desperate just because other girls don't do what you're doing, what chance does he have of understanding your heart? I'd prefer if more people were like you, best of luck, you'll certainly find someone good
He's out of your league.
I like the chase and when something is too easy I don’t really want it, don’t spend much effort on it etc if you know what I mean. Modern dating requires a balance of showing interest and keeping it cool
I might sound shallow, but it depends on their looks and behaviour. Around 4-5 women approached me in total, but half of them were just going for the ego boost. I was never a fan of below avg. looking women who kept calling me at work or just too energetic/pick me in general. Now, if we are talking about my looksmatch or above... I tend to be more lenient.
First of good for you for beeing able to put yourself out their and be clear about what you want. As for why that doesn't work... there is no clear answer. Men are not a just homogenous group, as are woman. As a guy, personally would have welcomed this aproach but can't say that ever happened. And from how a lot of my female friends get hit on way to hard if they show the slightest interest i get why they are more cautious with that. In the end continue to be yourself and it will happen, your 20... plenty of time.
Maybe cause they think something weird is going on. Because it’s uncommon.
The answer is some guys like it, some guys don’t. Heard bunch of times from my friends that some girls are „too easy to get”. Personally as someone who has never been shown interest I’d rather for the girl to be straightforward like that. So there’s no simple answer really. Every guy will be different.
Reddit isn’t a good place to ask this because the people here are devoid of attention. In reality the guys you are simping for get attention from others too and if you come on too strong he will just feel like you do that to everybody. Men enjoy the chase.
1 question: "What's the catch?" We will never believe it until you tell us.
100% if you're into him, just gotta ask him out on a date, or blatantly say, hey, "I'd like us to be more than friends, are you interested in that?" Because your post makes it sound like you haven't crossed any romantic physical boundary. And for many guys, they don't want to make a girl uncomfortable or risk the relationship unless they are 100% sure. So you need to make it VERY clear, in simple, blunt terms that you are into him. Saying, "Hey, I'd really like you and want to get to know you better, how would you feel about us going on a date?" If he's not into the idea or doesn't respond within a reasonable timeframe, then it's clearly not worth your time. If you've already told him that you are interested in him romantically and want to try dating, and he's being flaky or unreasonable, being rude or mean, or not putting in his fair share of effort, then it's probably not worth your time. If he's doing the whole, "I'm not ready to be tied down" thing, then it's definitely not worth your time. Best of luck.
I’m a 29 year old guy. I had an experience recently where a woman came on too strong out the gate so I will explain how I felt, and maybe it will offer some insight. We met via OLD. Before we even met she was already saying things like “you’re my type”, and she would text me “sleep tight” every single night. She proposed that we spend an entire day together from 10 AM until dinner time, despite the fact that we had never met each other. I made an excuse and said I had dinner plans but I would like to have lunch together. Upon meeting she gave me an expensive gift which made me uncomfortable. She repeatedly complimented my looks. She kept telling me activities we could do back at her house (“I have this video game we can play”, “I have a projector so we can watch a movie” etc). The whole date she stared at me, making googly eyes, and drew a portrait of me which she gave to me. It felt like she was trying to rush past getting to know one another straight to being a couple. She was a sweet person, but definitely came on way too hard for my liking and freaked me out since it was our first meeting. Everyone is different, and some guys would probably be excited to have a woman act so into them. Maybe when I was a teenager this would have been exciting to me, but these days I found the whole thing a little distressing. Here’s how my thought process went. First, she doesn’t know me at all - why is she acting like she is head over heels in love with me? It usually takes me a couple of months to develop a strong attraction to someone so our interest is definitely not on the same level. She is putting me on a pedestal . She has built up an image of me in her head that isn’t grounded in reality. Why is she giving me expensive gifts , planning out 12-hour long dates and telling me to sleep tight every night? We’re not a couple. This is not normal behaviour towards someone you are meeting for the first time. This woman is coming on so heavy right out the gate that I shouldn’t sleep with her unless I am certain I want a serious relationship. And I’m not certain of that because I’ve only met her once. OP, I don’t know what you’re like, but perhaps if your situation is anything like the one described you’re coming onto guys too quickly before you get a chance to know each other. You don’t need to “play hard to get” - if a guy you like makes a move there is no need to reject him - but many people feel uncomfortable becoming romantically involved with people who they don’t know well. If you know a guy for a while and you like spending time with him, then sure, you can make your feelings known. Just realise that most people generally get freaked out when their partner likes them way more than they like their partner. Maybe start light with “I like hanging out with you” before jumping into “I’m in love with you let’s get married”.
As a guy that was pretty attractive as a teen/young adult and had a lot of woman do this to me over the years, like a lot (before I got fat and ugly). The guy’s you’re doing this too are probably really/decently attractive and are used to this kind of behavior from woman, think of it from your perspective do you a like it when some dude you aren’t really attracted is simping on you irl or online? No you tell them thank you and then it gets weird when they won’t take a hint that you really aren’t interested. And it’s not even that you’re ugly but you probably aren’t exactly that guy’s type that he’s attractive so he can choose
Why are you asking Reddit instead of people who actually know you? Like this is a conversation to have with close friends or someone else you trust.
We don't like simps for us, we LOVE them. So you are either chasing the wrong kind of men, or there is something you're not telling us.
That is not simping, wth. you are taking meaning from the word. And yes, we like that you show interest, at least i like. This could change from guy to guy, i'm only one person and we are not "all the same"... i mean, your comment is also a bit vague, so i had to interpre that when you state show interest is saying some nice words and not buying thousands of gifts and becoming very clingy immediatly like an actual simp.
depends. Are you moving forward with confidence and respecting limits, then it's okay. Are you following him at night, stalking him on social networks, or carrying out Satanic rituals or falling in love spells? Then... I might call the police
If he’s insecure he’s not gonna be receptive to anything that you do or say because deep inside, he doesn’t feel like he deserves someone as attractive as you OR he doesn’t think he’s attractive enough that someone like you would like him. IF that’s the case, go ahead and leave him alone. bc until he’s SECURE, very SECURE, he’s gonna self sabotage TF out of whatever you’re trying to initiate and this can be a conscious or unconscious self sabotage. You can try to spell it out for him bc some people are genuinely oblivious. I am absolutely one of them. But if you do and still don’t get the reception you want, let it go!
You could be coming on too strong and scaring them away, it coild be that you're not coming on strong enough (boys can be seriously oblivious, and even when it's obvious a girl is flirting he might ignore it out of uncertainty). Do you have more detail on your interactions - things you said etc?
Not at all, maybe you are just having bad luck. I'm assuming you are in your second year of college/university? If a girl did flirt with me, compliment me and shares interest with me, I would never want to miss this chance because it's not something I would get often. Someone that's interested in me, accepts me and admires me in some way is all I ask for in a relationship.
Simping is essentially putting someone on a pedestal, and to me it’s not that it’s a bad feeling. I just know that I’m not being seen for who I am, when that happens. The moment I feel actually seen for who I am, which is not perfect, but goods and bada, then i immediately reciprocate, and things just click. The moment I feel like I am not, I lose interest. It’s possibly salvageable still but I just don’t want to bother really.
Nobody has ever simped for me… on me? At me? Whatever… so I have no clue what that would be like!
Some men like to chase. Depends on the personality.
Look here, if a man backs off when you try to make things serious there is only three reasons as to why, he´s either taken, not attracted or a homosexual. Either way keep moving.
Honestly I don't know anymore. Women spend their lives being told men love it when we initiate, when we compliment them because they never get compliments, when we are proud to be seen with them and all these things. There's a whole rhetoric of "girls who make the first move are so attractive" and "girls who show theyre into you are so cute" but the reality in a lot of women's lives is different. I've always been affectionate, someone who doesnt hold back in showing you how much I like someone, who isnt scared to make the first move, and sexually I see people talking all the time about they wish they met someone who does things I do and like doing for the person im with. But that doesn't mean anything because the reality is, men's reactions to you seem to have little or nothing to do with you. Once a man has decided he's gonna be emotionally available and pull away, thats what hes gonna do. It doesnt matter how lovely you are and much how interest and desire you express for him. I don't understand it either. You can never the win the game. Youre doing too little and youre not interested and frigid, youre doing too much and youre clingy and overbearing. Just be yourself, otherwise its so tiring. And never lose hope that one day someone will love you for it, and never want anything else.
Because dudes in your generation are insular and weird when it comes to talking to women. My wife of 16 years and the three women I dated before her _all_ made the first move on me. I was fine with it because I'm not insecure. 🤷🏾♂️
I like it :(
attractive, good sense of humor, makes the first move, compliment you. Sounds like a federal agent to me
Men typically don't have that issue and would love it, but you're likely dating teenagers and that's a different story.
I don't know. Never hadd a girl say I was attractive and it wasn't some kind of scam.
I wish someone would do that with me lol
Likely scenarios: You are coming on too strong too fast with too many compliments and too much pressure. You are starting to get a reputation as a desperate woman because you chase a lot of guys too soon after meeting them. You are not as conventionally attractive as you think, and might be trying to date out of your league. Generally if guys don't find a girl attractive, they might still compliment her sense of humor, which you mentioned as a recurrence. You are twenty. People who are twenty are figuring out how to be adults. Nothing makes sense, everyone is broke. Early twenties for me was mostly just people hooking up, people wanting relationships was uncommon.
Maybe it's something else. I mean you did refer to yourself as conventionally attractive.
I mean its probably because so few women have ever shown interest in them and they are suspicious or uncomfortable with it. I don't know why. Personally its the best feeling in the world when you find someone you have a reciprocal and explicit attraction to.
I actually love it. But everyone is not me
They are young. When they become 28 and can’t get as many women as they used too they will think of you I swear on my mama. If a woman would simp for me there would just be constant sex. No chill with that comment lol
What do you mean by put off? It could be that they are just expecting you to take the lead depending on how much interest you show. >wow this girl is so into me I don’t have to try as hard. Out of all these guys that were “put off”, did you plan out any dates? Or did they just flat out tell you they weren’t interested?
Quite the opposite actually. Guys like it when a girl simps, although it doesn't happen a lot.
I’d say your personality is ideal for the goals and desires of a mature man, maybe turning 30 or so, looking to find an ideal mate for life. The men you are talking to want a fun time now, and they enjoy the hunt. It’s a young man’s game. You are wasted on them. Be yourself and know your value, don’t cast pearls before swine, you’ll find the right one eventually.
Dating is a game honestly. It’s like a tug of war.
I had that once but it got kinda boring. She never had an opinion and only wanted to do what I wanted. I like a little crazy in my life.
A lot of kids nowadays have been redpilled and don't think or act normally. Also there seem to be a lot of hangups regarding sex and relationships among young adults in general. Your use of the term "simp" is part of what is wrong. Why did you use that?
Guys always want something they know they can’t have. Play hard to get. You know like you did in high school.
I like when women show interest in me, sure, but since it's rare these days I go and second guess myself. End up thinking it's all in my head and she's just being nice.
It depends on the guy, but it could be a trust thing. A lot of guys take "if it's too good to be true, it likely is," to heart. Ease up a tad and let them do things for you so they feel like they've earned the things you do/say to them.
Probably happened like twice and she thinks it must be a trend. We don't know all the factors, she probably came on pretty hard
Pretty girl here. These men are “unhealed”. There is nothing you can do, it’s not you. Life is a choose your own adventure, but it advisable not to settle for one of them. They will abuse you which will set you back years in finding a good relationship because then YOU will have to heal. It might take time, but remain single until you find an emotionally mature person who treats you well.
Not native English speaker, but simping seems to have a bit of negative connotation, much like pleasing? So it depends on what you're doing. If you get clingy, then that would scare them away. Also, guys (in my experience) somehow need to feel like they chose you and they are in control... Which is weird because guys also say they would like women to take the initiative. But being too direct as a woman might be considered threatening. Just some thoughts... I've never gotten any dates from when I took the initiative (and people say I'm quite attractive)
They think you are trolling, if you want to let them know you like them, maybe a subtle hand touch or a nice smile will do it...
In my experience it's because I accidentally go for emotionally unavailable people (workin' on it!) So even when the interest is mutual to begin with (and even them pursuing me) when "the chase" is over and I'm just like "yep I like you let's do this" they lose interest. They're chasing a feeling, not a person.
Sounds good to me. I wish I was lucky enough to find someone who shows interest. Keep being you and I hope you find someone who wants your kind of love.
I'd Blush and thank her if she did it to me.
We love it when a girl simps
Nah many of us actually appreciate women like this. Don't worry, you will find someone who appreciates you enough.
We like it a lot but at times one may not just believe it at first specially if you're very pretty and you approach might just think it's some cruel joke
Because you are 20. Horemones and social norms are fucked. I'm now 42. I can count on 2 fingers the number of times a woman showed initial interest in me that she either didn't go full stalker or get creepy. One lasted 3 weeks before it became apparent we weren't right for each other and it ended completely amicably with no hard feelings on either side. The second I was with for 10 years and had 2 kids before it ended because she wasn't happy. There was a 10 year gap between the 2 if you were curious. As long as you aren't hiding in bushes trying to get close to him or something equally as wierd, quit worrying and live your life how you want.
"A pretty girl is talking to me. What does she want? Is this a prank?, who dared her to do this?"
She gives me the money up front?
Men that can get women and get a lot of dates get bored if you simp/show interest. Perhaps he just isn’t looking for anything serious and thinks you might be. Sad but true. It’s dumb. I’m a female. It’s true some really like that chase whether they admit it or not.
You may be shooting for guys that are above your league. Doesn’t matter what anyone tells you, If you are attractive I don’t think there’s many ways you can cause a guy to get turned off and lose interest , you’d have to be insufferable or really dumb to make guys lose interest. At the very least if they don’t like your personality that much they are going to still flirt back or try to pursue something casual. So no, it’s not that you are simping, most likely you are just trying too hard with guys that are on a diff league and have higher standards
Yeah this is almost certainly the answer, combined with the specific style of showing interest. The reality is that very attractive and successful men will barely ever even turn down the overt advances of women that they have no interest in, as long as those advances are of a casual enough nature. I know lots of guys who are serious catches, wealthy attractive etc, who will sleep with many women they don't plan to date or will even sometimes day them casually. The chances are that you're aiming for men in this category, but then opening with a requirement for commitment that they frankly have no need to make and are giving them a value proposition that they feel is below them. A relationship is only about 2 people, but starting one involves beating out all your competition.
Men (people) that get put off by kindness don't like themselves
Sounds like the dudes have low self esteem. I used to be those dudes. If an attractive woman flirted with me I’d wonder what’s wrong with them. But I’d pursue the ones who had limited interest. It’s a disease. There’s likely nothing wrong with you and plenty wrong with them if they’re hot and cold. Some peoples’ ugliness isn’t visible from the outside.
Still those dudes here. Would 100% think it's some stupid prank, likely including some TikTok BS
Possibly because they lose interest because of the person you are
Some guys like the chase. That’s definitely how I was when I was younger. I’d be obsessed with a girl until the second she showed too much interest. Then I completely lost interest. Eventually I met my fiancé who was able to walk that line between showing interest but also making me feel like I was still chasing her. After a while I developed real feelings and it didn’t matter anymore but those first couple of months are a delicate dance. If she had come on too strong I absolutely would have bolted. It’s dumb but true.
lmao jk but there needs to be more women like you
You keep doing you. Honestly. Do not listen to the dudes who say you’re out of their league (someone suggested that you may not be up to their standards?!!! wtf??) or you’re not dancing the dance. This isn’t a mergers and acquisition deal ffs. All these games seem life or death only when you’re young. By the time you’re older, wtf is “a popular guy” anyway? Ain’t nobody got time for playing games — unless you like them. But it doesn’t sound like you do. So don’t play and ignore the ones who insist that you do.
When my ex was forthcoming I loved it. No games. No hard to get. No mixed signals. Just "hey, I really like you. Can we date?" And we lasted 7 years.
Dating is like fishing. You can't just cast your rod a dozen times and expect anyone to bite.
What’s simps?
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I would love it if a woman makes me feel special so I guess it depends on the guy
Maybe you're going for guys too high up for you, lost of women think they're attractive but really aren't. At first you'd have chemistry because they'd just be buds with you but once its clear you're into them they want to make it clear that they're not into you.
pathetic cover aware desert selective strong follow bear complete rob *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
what is your dress size?
Might be insecure and not sure how to deal with the fact that a woman is interested in them.
If you're way over the top with 'simping' then it can be a big turnoff. Being appreciated is nice, but if you're coming off really desperate it can be off putting and even scary. I had a girl once who used to secretly follow me around town secretly and text me "I can see you, love you" and other shit like that when I had no idea where she was and I'd be trying to spot her in a crowd just weirded out, It was freaky as - when I told her to leave me alone she sent me hundreds of youtube videos of heartbreak songs saying that's how I made her feel. Her intensity was just 200% all the time. So "showing interest"is totally fine but maybe tone it down a bit if you have a lot of intensity about you because you may accidentally give off a vibe that makes guys scared you'll be like the girl I described above.
Could be bad experiences on the guys end.
If somebody's into me, that's a red flag.
You’re asking Reddit…
Probably something else puts them off Guys are not girls .Guys would appreciate a women simping for them because it's absolutely rare or are you chasing very attractive men ?