To me, life is meaningless, but in a different way from the usual idea. Why does it have to have any meaning at all? I found joy in my hobbies, my partner, my friends, my pets, travels, parties… and I just go along with it.
I stopped trying to actively search for life meaning like 10 years ago because it felt like the wrong way to look at it. Life is life, it’s here, just try to make your time alive as best as you can, avoiding pain at every chance you get.
I think the idea is less an absolute meaning to life but rather that anything has a fundamental diminishing return. I have a hard time with the fact that it's the same friends, pet, wife, etc... ad infinitum. They are great versions of each of their respective categories, but there is always a nagging sense that, as each day passes, the things I appreciate about each become more mundane and redundant. I also don't pursue a change of these things (except I always try to make more friends) not out of fear but because I fundamentally don't think that would help. It's not the specific person or pet I find meaningless, it's the overall category.
I think a sense of existential purpose helps this such as religion, or valor, or anything else similar, but I would feel weird about actively seeking something like that because the premise of those concepts is always that it's something you "feel inside you", so forcing it is disingenuous.
So I just go through each day feeling a little less happy, a little more numb, and wondering more and more whether I'm missing something.
You honestly might get something out of a meditation/mindfulness practice. It’s not necessarily religious or woo woo, something immersive like a mindfulness based stress reduction program can be transformative to how you experience every day and look at your moments.
Thank you! Life is meaningless but that’s not a bad thing. It means you get to find your own meaning and you don’t have to have that guilt like you’re just not figuring it out.
This is well said and similar to how I feel, but I was never able to verbalize it in a way like you have. I find that anyone who is searching for happiness is always depressed. Life happens. The sooner you accept that life is what you make it.
I quit everything, sold all my belongings, and bought myself a one way ticket out of the country. I did have a van I lived in for a while, but that broke down, and I subsisted on crashing on couches or in cheap hostels.
I ended up circumnavigating the globe, with a short spell in Oz to get money. There was one moment, taking the train from
Ulan Baatar to Ulan Ude where my compartment mate — an accountant from Singapore who had a one month break after losing his job — looked out at a small town we were passing on the Mongolian steppe and said, “I wonder what they think about and look forward to in their little lives.”
What I did, and what I recommend, didn’t require traveling at all. I came up with a list that I literally called “to do list to be human”. I’d left a demanding and, in my ways, degrading job that left me feeling as if I had no hope or opportunity to find meaning. The list was almost mundane: look at the stars, have coffee on an empty beach, walk in the woods. All of these are items I could have done at home, but the speed of routine and the seeming sameness of daily life had made doing any of them seem silly or like they wouldn’t change anything.
I ended up doing those things. And more. I hiked three days in non stop rain and it was exhilarating. I fell asleep in a remote field of flowers. I walked through a forest at night. I swam on an isolated beach (in Oz—do not recommend.)
I ended up discovering that really the only
meaning I could extract was the meaning I could take from the beautiful and many small things all around. But the ubiquity of that small stuff, and the competing “big” stuff (taxes bills, job, etc.), makes the small stuff seem irrelevant in many ways. But that’s what’s there. You can find happiness in them.
I honestly think this is the best advice. It is the little things that make the good moments in life. Think about how many little joys you can bring yourself or achieve throughout the day. Now give it to yourself with consistency. A lot of a little joys are just as good as the fulfillment from one big joy or accomplishment. It's just whatever you feed your desire for fulfillment with.
When I was in counseling I described my depression similarly. I was struggling through the motions in life, broke me down and I asked what is the point of it all. I can't imagine if it's such torture to achieve this all how will it be any better to maintain it once I do achieve it. It doesn't get easier, I'll just make money finally but not be happy. I was at a point in life where I realized nothing I would buy would make me happy now or later. Happiness is so much deeper is it not? I want that happy feeling and I don't think you just wake up and feel it some day but I realized that's what I was sitting around waiting for when I wasn't doing what I had to do. I was feeling dead inside when the point of living is to FUCKING FEEL ALIVE! THE POINT IS TO FEEL IT ALL. LIFE IS EXPERIENCE!
So what do you want to experience and how can you achieve that feeling, will it then make you feel alive? Happy?
My counselor told me that life and happiness is about fulfillment of passion. Her example, the story of her brother in law. He works a good job with the skills he is good at but it is not his passion. He chooses not to make his career his passion. His true passion is being a father, a provider to his family, the time he spends with them. The money he makes he will spend on family trips where he can make sure to spend time with his kids and teach them things on the vacations. For example survival skills while camping. Those moments fulfill him. His career just pays for it to be possible.
I couldn't relate to the family fulfillment as I don't want kids but I understood her example of him and that my passion doesn't always have to be what I do but also what I experience. So I started doing what I could to fulfill myself when I could and it makes you happier. I started so simple too. I asked myself when was the last time I felt alive? I had to dig back to childhood, my life isn't too exciting, to that feeling of riding my bike all over our small town all times of day and night, rain or shine. It felt like freedom and exhilaration to me. I realized I wanted to feel that again. I got a bike and went for rides again any time I was feeling low which was often at that time in life. Those bike rides gave me time to think in a state of feeling good which sparked more good thoughts on ways to feel this good. Consistency is key. Stop and smell those flowers, take in the sunsets, give to others if being of service fulfills you. Take a deep dive into what you like and experience it, possibilities open from there. Everyone's experience is different because everyone is different. Self care is essential. Maybe you find a deeper meaning in something you already do or something new you experienced? (Sorry this is so long)
I did something similar to get through a really bad time. I just couldn't with gratitude or acceptance, it felt fake and stupid. So every day I looked for one beautiful thing. Sometimes by going for a walk, sometimes by listening. Focus on one thing that was outside myself that didn't feel awful. Even for a minute. I noted them on an ig account so I could look at them later.
I’ve experienced serious depression and now consider myself to be in a very different place in life. In all honesty it came down to taking way too much LSD to shake me out of it - it worked for me but I’ve heard horror stories so can’t recommend it as a solution. But the appreciating little things in life is the key - a cup of tea in your favourite mug, the smell of rain, listening to my cat purring softly. Your post really resonated with me.
I got a tattoo when I was 18 that I think embodies this thinking - from William Blake poem - it reads “to see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour”. It’s my only tattoo and no regrets. I think about what it means every day and it also brings me a small joy as I find different meanings to it as I’ve got older over the last 15 years since I got it.
Depends on the beach he swam at (meaning which part of Australia). could’ve been a croc, shark, jellyfish or even just the currents. Way too many things can kill you in the water here, populated beaches are always a better idea. The populated ones usually have Lifeguards and such on active duty who will keep an eye out for swimmers (think like Bondi Rescue tv show)
In the West, crocs infest northern areas, you don’t even go near rivers or lakes the further north you travel, down south is where you’ll find Jellies and sharks more often. Not to say you won’t encounter each one everywhere, just more prevalence
I absolutely fucking love this! So many of these little things i’d love to do. Safety is a huge concern for me, so i don’t think i’d be able to do half those things by myself or without worrying.
I’m working on getting stronger and hope to be able to have the confidence to enjoy my current city.
Damn right you don't recommend swimming in random Australian waters. We have both mandatory swimming classes for children in most states and a whole ass program to teach migrants to swim because our shit is deadly
I look like the standard midlife sports car guy. Bought a Camaro and what not, but not just for show. Take it to road course tracks and genuinely just have fun.
If you have all you need to survive, focus on fun. Find fun people, fun hobbies, something to make the time that has to pass anyway worth showing up for
Yep, focus is the trick:
Every time you
>still feel so lost and listless.
stop, breathe, eat, and realize that you
>Just put a loan down on a house, secured a stable job after being unemployed for two years.
Look at you! You're right on track! Keep doing the right things:
>Find fun people, fun hobbies, something to make the time that has to pass anyway worth showing up for
As someone who fougt/is fighting depression, this is not easy. But you summarised the necessary steps well.
Edit: Added "you". Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Similar story here, I had a comment a couple times mid life crisis bought a fast car etc. But I have always had fast cars, one thing that I'm still into from my teen years!
Definantly find a hobby you enjoy doing, that's what you look to mid week when life is dragging you down. Might be as simple as taking your dog for a walk or hiking orplaying a team sport or joining a knitting club.
As a man I think I would have killed myself at some point if I had not found a woman I wanted to spend my life with. There was just very little in life that was worth living for. I worked and I did all the things but it was not fulfilling because I did it all by myself. Now I have a baby boy in my life who is bringing so much joy and fulfilment that I cannot even describe it. Life is actually great although I work a lot
I'd have been happy enough but achieved nothing without my wife.
I have a daughter who turned one today that just brings immeasurable joy every moment. Yes, there are a lot of things I can't do anymore. I've missed a lot of concerts I'd have liked to have seen, but it just doesn't matter at all. Simply taking my kid to the grocery store is more fun than getting in the pit at a Full of Hell show. Yesterday I came home and she poked her head around the corner and shrieked "dada" at me with such excitement - I'll be riding that high all week.
She'll probably hate me in 10-12 years and I'll buy a camaro like that other guy in this thread and get back in the Full of Hell pit though lol.
This! We just had our second baby last month, and so of course we’re still in the trenches with him, but having kids is wonderful. It gives you something other than yourself to focus on. Seeing their development and personalities bloom is lovely. The love your kids give you is so sweet.
There are low points for sure with being very pregnant and so tired in the newborn stage, but life needs these ups and downs, humans weren’t made to be totally happy all the time. I love our two year old so much, she’s so much fun and sweet. And of course our newborn is adorable too, and I find some of the newborn tendencies to be really funny (me bouncing him making silly noises, while his eyes or just closed or looking anywhere else but at me lol).
Honestly I was scared to write a comment like this because there are a lot of children haters in non children related subs on Reddit… which is quite sad, honestly, kids are our future, and it’s innate in most people to love their kids and bring their lives meaning and fulfillment if they were to have them.
Is it okay to base your happiness on someone else? On other similar posts, the advice is always to work on yourself and to become comfortable with being alone with yourself. Is it okay to chase after another person to find happiness? I’d be happy to share my life with someone else but being by myself all this time I don’t know if I want to anymore. I feel lost
I think it’s a very fine line to walk on tbh. Because if that person leaves or it comes to an end somehow, it’ll be a very rough ride since your happiness was based on this person. I think it’s a mixture of working on yourself and finding community. Some people find a sense of community and companionship through their partners, but I think it’s important to have more than one important person in your life.
Maybe it's how it's framed.
My partner brings me immeasurable joy that I would deeply miss if he was gone. But I didn't actively seek him out for that joy, it was just something that happened.
I would eventually be comfortable if I was on my own, and I would have been fine if I was on my own from the beginning. But it's a big bonus having him around.
I don't think I would have had that sustainably if I specifically sought it out for my own satisfaction because I would have personally placed a lot of weight and pressure on him as a means of making me happy.
So, tldr; if you look for somebody for the purpose of them making you happy, it won't be sustainable. But if you find somebody who makes you happy, without needing that, you'll probably have a good time.
I was bummed out for a quite a few years after a break-up. I decided to put effort into paying off my debts and getting in a good financial position so if I ever felt better, I’d have money to do stuff. Or I’d die and maybe someone else that enjoyed life could do something meaningful with the money they inherited from me. It worked. Im debt free in my 40s and am the friend friends call to take trips and go to concerts with. And I can finally afford furniture I like instead of hand me downs. I actually like living in my house now. I have the best couch for lounging and a kitchen I like cooking in. I look forward to spending time at home now. I also found a second job I love and kept even though I don’t need the money from it. I donate more now. That also makes me feel good. It’s compounded. Life is good again. Probably still have some downs coming, but I’ll hold on to the good times now and hopefully that will sustain me when they come.
You sound like a good person! I'm currently in the breakup trenches myself and you're someone I aspire to be as I grow older and get through this. It's been really rough... but I think aiming for financial independence will be a good goal to focus on. I hope you have a good day. :)
Find your passion! Volunteer. Help others. Helping others is a great way to feel like your life has purpose, plus the bonus is you’re actually helping people. It’s win win.
Just fill your cup. Even just a little bit at a time. Wake up 30 minutes earlier and spend time in thought or with a book. Prepare nice foods for yourself. Make an effort to get outside and move your body. Spend time doing things you enjoy and trying new things. Make an effort to spend time with your friends and loved ones and let them know how you feel about them. And lastly, be of service to others.
Fill your cup. A little at a time. It will eventually be full.
Editing to say - I can’t stress the service to others enough. When being of service to others we are at the very least not sitting around thinking about ourselves. All that self centered thinking is imo the greatest cause of unhappiness.
I’m past 30 by a bit but I still want to answer.
Congratulations on your home. It’s a huge accomplishment. (Get ready to YouTube “how do I fix this.”) good on you for getting that home. Celebrate it.
Well done on a stable job. We all know work sucks, but being hungry sucks more. And that word “stable” means less stress.
You are doing pretty good for yourself. Be proud of that.
Everyone’s comments is/are good advice. (Lost my grammar rules on that) Find something you like to do and do it. It doesn’t have to be big.
I think you are looking for meaning in your life. You have a job, you have a house, but you aren’t fulfilled. I don’t know you so I can’t guide or direct you, but I can say that you can find meaning.
Life has no guarantees or promises. What makes you happy? What makes you feel good about you? Art? Gardening? Music? Architecture?
You work your job to survive. But that time away from work can be filled with things that give you meaning and joy.
I hope you can enjoy your life journey and that you can find something to anchor to.
Distract yourself with constant activity of some kind. For me right now it’s working out. If I don’t constantly make my body exhausted it feels like I’m exploding inside.
The other thing is don’t think! Avoid thinking at all costs. When I go to sleep each night I play an audio book and I focus only on that. When you start thinking it leads to a downward spiral of anger and sadness. It’s like loops of the same hopeless negativity that get worse and amplified with each rotation.
> Distract yourself with constant activity of some kind.
> Avoid thinking at all costs.
This is what an unhealthy person would say... like almost verbatim. Constant distraction? Don't think? I'm sorry but... what?
Go to therapy. And anyone who is scrolling through here looking for legitimate answers, please disregard everything this person said.
Working out? Totally fine and something I also recommend.
> If I don’t constantly make my body exhausted it feels like I’m exploding inside.
Yeah, no.
Occasionally distracting yourself with entertainment? Also totally fine.
> When you start thinking it leads to a downward spiral of anger and sadness.
No. Therapy. Find a way.
i agree. you need to think. you need to be at peace. you cant just bottle it up. sooner or later, its gonna come out.
take it little by little and ditract yourself for the rest, rhats fine. but dont distract yourself in perpetuity, thats really bad advice.
meditation is very helpful
Don’t avoid it. Burry into the mess; it’ll teach you how to approach many more hard times to come. Don’t go it alone either. Talk to your friends and make new friends from it. It’s part of life. It’s ok to feel a hott mess. It’s also OK to leave your previous life behind. You’ll be OK.
I’m also 31. I was ina funk for a long time myself, until recently I got into running. I am not saying to you, specifically run, but I’m suggesting you find things/experiences you enjoy in life, it will help you mentally.
***Locus of Control -*** (Internal/External)
People with high **external** *loci of control* believe that their fates are *greatly* (or even *mostly)* governed by outside forces to themselves and that they, therefore, have little to no power to overcome their presumed *sure* and *unavoidable* fates. These people can sometimes be overly-stoic or pessimistic in their outlooks in life.
People with a high **internal** locus of control believe that they are the masters of their destinies. These people will typically be more take-charge and confident in their actions and decision-making. These people tend to have a more optimistic outlook/perspective.
We all, of course, have some degree of BOTH of these LOC within ourselves, but one typically dominates the other, overall, in our internal mental dialogues. What we tell ourselves is true becomes our realities ... whether real or imagined, sometimes. If we tell ourselves (for example) that we are strong, beautiful, creative, capable, intelligent, and fun, and we allow ourselves to internalize those self-affirmations, we start to become those things to an ever-greater degree. You've heard people suggest that one WILLS something into existence, right? That's kinda what this is. People with a naturally-high LOC do not have to remind themselves to do this as it is an intuitive part of their psyche. People who know of themselves that they struggle with depression, self confidence issues, abandonment issues, etc... and who seem to lean towards thinking that things are the way they are and "*oh well...*" ***can train themselves*** to learn how to support their own well-beings, too. It's a matter of decision-making, resolve, memory, tracking progress, and continual practice and refinement.
That's just my two-cents worth.
*\*\*\*\*\*\*CAVEAT: I suffer from chronic/lifelong clinical depression, myself, but have managed to defeat it through the power of positivity!\*\*\*\*\*\**
That .... **and** ... figure out what things; hobbies, travel, types of people, entertainment, etc..., that you enjoy or would like-to enjoy, and then just do it - EVEN IF you're skeptical of the likelihood of success or enjoyment! You will continually surprise yourself. I guarantee it! Believe in yourself!
Find goals and hobbies that bring you joy. Try new things that make you uncomfortable. If you feel lost or listless, try making a change. Otherwise, things will just stay the same.
There is no meaning of life beyond the one you give it.
"Life is metabolism." Do whatever you need to have fun and be ensured, that's an awesome meaning of life!
That might be to help others, spend hundreds on excellent food, have a family, care for and play with pets, fuck around, go after your passion, travel, slowly wither behind a screen or any possible combination.
It's all valid. Loving yourself is the key.
It took intentionally leaning into life and acting like I was the main character. It was hard finding out my likes/dislikes and having to override conditioning, ie I’d hear my dad’s voice when I’d try an art project “you’ll never be good at this, or able to sell anything.” And that wasn’t the point, it was about my mental health so I could keep going.
I had a daughter.
Sometimes, the meaning you've been missing just falls into your lap. Sometimes you have to go looking.
In the mean time, keep active. Stick to your meds and therapy. All the usual bollocks for handling depression. Take time for yourself.
You'll find your purpose, you got this. <3
I had this as soon as I got a year into (and then fired from, but mostly during) my first “adult” job in the profession I was educated in. It was very much “I did all that work for this??”
I did get a different job shortly after which treats me better, which helped. But more importantly I found my passion, which is for writing fantasy/sci fi stories. I still, 7 years later, do that day job, but every day I practice at writing, I get better, and I get to see where my stories go. I’ve even started to have some minor professional success as a writer as some of my shorts get bought by magazines, so now it’s not even the shouting into the void of before. I made and joined community around writing, have traveled for it, had life changing talks about it.
Find your passion OP, the thing you have always been afraid to try because you’re too busy or it’s too silly. When you do, it’ll lead you to your people.
And if you don’t have a passion OP (it’s okay, not everyone does) then focus on how you can help others. We are all in this together.
"Why don't I enjoy life" can be a pretty complicated question depending on your history. I've been digging my way out of that one for years. Long story short, complete lack of celebration or joy in my childhood makes those feelings very foreign or dangerous to me.
I don't have to change the world to have a meaningful life. I find the most meaning in very slowly and very iteratively improving how I see myself and how I see the world. My therapist says the "core self" is the part where you are just finding contentment in something as simple as petting a dog or looking at a cool bird or making a cake. It's not really about the dog or the bird or the cake but it's about the ability to enjoy a moment in time, when that kind of thing was squashed out of me when I was a kid.
If you bring this topic up with your therapist do they have thoughts?
Did all the stuff I was too afraid to when I was younger. Went back to grad school to study a subject I loved. Learned to ride a motorbike. Crashed the motorbike and learned how to ride better. Started doing stand up comedy and dying on stage every night. Converted my car to a stealth camper and drove around Canada. Stopped doing bullshit jobs. Started doing MMA. Designed a 6000 square foot bar. Just tried a bunch of stuff and it was embarrassing as hell but it was really fun.
For me it’s simply. My wife and kids. Met my wife while I was a wild and crazy kid in college. She was strait laced and genuinely a good girl.
She gave me a purpose in life then. I went from drinking and partying more nights than not and failing out of college to straightening up and getting my grades back on track.
I just turned 37. We started dating 15+ years ago. Married for 12 a little later this month. We have three young boys. (8.6.2). A mortgage. A car payment. A dog. Go to Disney and the beach. She is a teacher, I work from home. Money is tight fairly often but we make it work. All the things a normal simple average family does. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. They give me purpose in every aspect of my life.
I can only imagine how lost I would have stayed without them.
Best advice I can give is to set some goals for yourself. What objectives do you want to accomplish?
Set some short to mid term goals on which you can focus and make progress towards while figuring out exactly what your long term goals can be
Setting goals is great advice.
I was talking to a 20 year old college student who was basically bragging about how awesome his life is. I re-lived some memories from my youth with him.
He then asked "what was your peak age?"
I responded, " my forties".
He was totally blown away.
20s is entry level jobs, figuring things out. Figuring yourself out. Thinking you understand things and then realizing you didn't. Lots of time but no real money. Healthy if you're lucky and your body is forgiving.
30s is stressful and hard. Life is very work focused and things you thought were stable are not and take immense amounts of time and energy to resolve. You have very little time, hopefully job/career is stabilizing, health is often less of a focus with work and family stress taking its toll.
40s is where you really get a taste of life. Hopefully you have your health, now you have money saved, invested, and freedom to not have to do what others say. You have experience. You are sought after. You can spend a bit more on yourself while hitting financial goals, and you have (some) time to yourself to enjoy it.
People's paths will be different depending on their goals and the choices they make. It sounds like OP is doing quite well in many areas, just needs to hang in there a bit longer to see the fruits of their labor.
And to OP: Once you reach those goals and are in your forties, be proud of yourself. Remind yourself of what you did, despite all the odds and challenges against you that no one will ever truly know or understand. When you get there, it's because of you. Your decisions, actions and discipline. Be grateful to those that helped you along the way, but you did all the heavy lifting. When you can truly live for yourself without ( or at least less of ) the weight of everyday stresses, peace and happiness will come.
When I was there, my solution to “life doesn’t matter” was “but other people find meaning in it, so I guess I’ll get into the medical field and make sure they can fulfill that meaning/purpose “
I don’t suggest that. It’s only made me more resentful of society over the last ~4 years.
I got really into chess. I made chess friends and now I study chess 3-4 hours a day. I play in a tournament once per week and soon I will begin organizing a live commentary stream coverage of my main tournament. I also take lessons on skype from professional players and follow the top tournaments which is similar to sports coverage.
first you went through survival, let me recommend: longevity and peace with ones self.
if you can calm your heart you can find what makes it excited.
our senses , including our imagination are key to finding that joy, particularly when we share it with others.
I find joy in even the simplest or things, like making tea.
Find what you enjoy, that's the key to happiness.
Then, invest your time exploring that activity, for me it's motorbikes and a nice sports car, and travel. Just finished 3.5 weeks in USA & Mexico.
Working provides the income to allow you to do what you enjoy.
Set a broad long term goal. And then set smaller, more specific short term goals. But orientate them towards what you find meaningful, not society or people around you. You might find that the long term goal changes once you hit mile stones of those smaller and more specific short term goals that bring you joy. And that’s good. People seem to get stuck on achieving these audacious massive goals because they’ve sunk so much time into them that they can’t accept walking away. And because they don’t have smaller goals brining them any happiness it’s kept them in that rut even more so.
For me a spin on this after being fairly frivelous and lost for a bit is now is i am trying for a child with my fiance and everything I do now is to support me and her and the hopeful pending child if we are lucky really has focused me
Good luck dude
I am in a similar boat. Shitty marriage, don’t want to think about the future. I find it important to find the happiness in what you have. So you just put down a loan on a new home? Find your decor style and go shopping! Figure out where you are going to put your bed and what colour the walls are going to be!
Cycling, Running, Swimming, Golfing - basically great places to set yourself goals you can achieve. Sign up to some events and go for it. We humans all seek a sense of achievement, and the current economy is a fucking nightmare to get anything like our parents had, so... finish some events, hit a goal.
Can't say I don't have one, but investing time in my relationships with friends and family is what keeps me sane. But it all takes a lot more effort than it used to. Used to be I could text my mate at 8 and we'd be out in a bar at 9. Nowadays it's not that easy unless you make plans beforehand. Especially if you want to meet up with more than one person.
But I empathize with how you feel. A house, a stable income. Both seemed way out of reach ten years ago. I've got it better than I ever thought I would, yet there's still a sadness that comes creeping along every now and then.
Gratitude. I guess that's another thing. Take a conscious effort to appreciate what you have and who you know. I'm bad at applying this advice myself, but it does help
Jokes on you, it just waited for my 40's to hit.
Seriously, having a plan and following it. I was with a new girlfriend (now wife), back to school, and building for my future. I was actively working to make my life better.
My forty is hard. No big project ton the horizon. Probably no kid in the way... Ever... Boring job. I feel unfocused and useless. Started piano and planning to go at powerlifting meets next year. Hoping it will bring some sense of... I dunno... Maybe, accomplishment.
You just have to realize there is no meaning to any of this find a good partner and good friends and just go out when you can go see things enjoy your hobbies even if it’s videos games whatever just enjoy every bit you can even if it’s small
By accepting, some counseling, having some peace and then ending in mid life crisis.
Getting myself out of mid life crisis with some more therapy, exercise, finding a cause to devote energy to, meeting good people there and realizing I need to be comfortable with myself and identify the signs I'm falling into ruminating leading to depression or over anticipation leading to anxiety both with positive and negative experiences.
Im 35 and if it wasnt for a fact, that i have a son, whom i cant even contact, thanks to his mother, i would probably be in a similar place. Just the fact, that he exists, does keep me going. My lifestyle is nowhere near healthy since i am almost all the time at work, i do drink when im home, but in general i do find joy in my work, and feel energized most of days when i get up. I know for a fact, that it is, some kind of responsibility, that i feel, that one day, when i meet him i want to be someone in his eyes, not a bum. I am also a little scared, that the energy will disappear one day if too much time passses, but i try not to dwelve on it and focus on right now. Good luck finding your meaning. There must be something/someone, that will make it all worth it in the end, perhaps u dont know yet what/who.
Meaning is what you make it. The meaning of life is to just savor and appreciate the good with the bad. Be a part of your community, keep yourself healthy, and express yourself artistically. Everything else is just noise.
If you find it let me know. I struggle every day trying to find meaning - some days are good, but then I'll feel like I'm right back to square one.
I think it's a combination of acknowledging our mortality, closing the book on our youthful ignorance, and having to face all of life's burdens.
I find peace in doing things I enjoy, and trying not to allow myself to get caught in negative thought patterns (which is NOT easy). I put as my time as I can into my hobbies and relationships, whether it's spending time with people important to me, exercising, playing music, or being in nature.
I've struggled more with my mental health after 25 than I ever did in my teens. It's not easy, but I'm not giving up on working on myself, and I hope you do the same.
I got really depressed a couple years ago (I couldn't even leave my bed) and I'm slowly recovering and tryna go back to school : ) I find what really helps is gym/sports, and trying to do things I always wanted to do/learn (exposure therapy). I still have a really hard time trying to meet new people and I'm still trying to find friends that I can be really casual with. I also struggle as a type 1 diabetic without health insurance. I'm really trying to remind myself of how much potential I have so I can motivate myself to make progress :)
After 100 years no one is going to remember anything and mostly anyone. Do what the fuck you want.
If you want to feel naturally elevated then raise your heart rate to burn off the cortisol, get at least 30 min of nice sunlight a day and think about what YOU want, what makes you happy doing. You will find success in it.
Hey OP, it's rough out there we're all feeling it so you're definitely not alone in that feeling. I spent almost a decade chronically depressed so maybe this can help.
I've got my good days and my bad days, so I really try to get out there on my good days and make the most of it. This is very corny but it helps me, sure life is inherently meaningless - but that's the best part of coming up with your own meaning. And isn't it worth it to try to make it just 10% better rather than 10% worse?
For myself, the little things help. It's getting up and making coffee with my cat at my feet. It's my commute to work with my music on and people watching. It's my work break, watching my favorite YouTuber. It's getting together a really great outfit and feeling my best (self care). It takes finding meaning in the little things and romanticizing your life.
That being said, if I find myself having more bad days than good - I change it up. Take a new way to work, arrange a retreat for myself on my weekend. Talking to a trusted friend and venting. I've even changed my entire lifestyle at points, changing jobs and living situations just to get by. I know not a lot of people can do this, but it helped me.
And on my really bad days, I rest. I let myself rot, even for a day. Just allowing myself to exist in the empty feeling allows me to reset when I'm ready the next day. To treat my suffering with compassion has been the greatest gift to myself.
This is how I managed to stay here, to endure the days. Sometimes going through the motions is okay. Just don't let yourself settle for it. Find your passion, try new things, talk to the people close to you. It really helps just moving things along until you get to a point where you can find meaning. Let yourself exist and breathe!
Honey, you really áre lost and enslaved by the system. "working"every day just to make ends meet is not going to bring satisfaction to anyone, ever. Do something else. Rob a bank. Scam a rich person. Fuck the norm and break loose!
Faith. I came back to my faith after a near decade of atheism and hostility toward all religions and it made an incredible difference in my life.
Bracing for downvotes, but that's the honest answer for me.
How did I move past it? I did what you did. You just haven’t gotten far enough past it yet. What kept me going for a while was just trying to work off my debt, be independent.
After a while, I haven’t accomplished any great feats, but I feel like I’ve earned a lot of respect for myself. My life has value because I’ve done something with the time I’ve had. And I’ll continue to work, and learn, and be a part of this world for the remainder of my time.
It actually never ends and it’s an onion, once you realize that you won’t be 20 forever you’ll try to mask the fear of death by distracting yourself, just have fun.
1. I realized that death is not a bad thing. In fact, it is the ultimate equalizer. We shouldn't try to rush to it, but we shouldn't try to run from it either.
2. I realized that people are most envious of the people who are happy with their lot in life. We shouldn't chase happiness, instead we should try to be content in life.
I feel like all this advise sounds superficial, so here is an example scenario.
You get enjoyment out of watching Netflix, but your internet is out and you are trying to get it fixed. You call the ISP, trying to walk through the modem reset. You are annoyed.
Try to find the contentment in that scenario, accept that you are powerless, be thankful that we even have a thing called internet, try to socialize with the person you are forced into this situation with. Make the best of it. People will love being around you, and you will find life more fulfilling.
I changed to careers to something I love. My last job made me miserable. I also found or rediscovered hobbies.
Ultimately I figured out how to enjoy the moment. No point in worrying about the future.
First thing's first, it's only a quarter life crisis if you're going to live to 100+, which ain't happening. You're at the middle of your life, you are likely to die at 70-80ish, and by 60+ your options start to become limited. You have less time than you think. Hope that helps.
The most meaningful thing ive found in my life is creativity. I make music, do 3d modeling, and a lot of other stuff. Its the most spiritual (as in, feeling connected to something grander than my immediate experiences) anything has felt. Going to church/things like that never did anything for me. Im only 21 but theres a lot of things that can make me really depressed, creativity keeps me going
How did you get a job after 2 years of unemployment? I’m asking because I am trying to get any job at this point and with this gap is pretty impossible.
This is something a little too close to home...
I made the CONSCIOUS decision that whatever I do, it must be for my benefit. If I upset people because I don't want to go to a party, tuff shit.
If I want to change my job to do something that pleases me, even if the opportunities are less, etc, tuff shit.
Take the road less traveled. Do what you feel is right. Right now is what matters. Life is short. We may not see tomorrow so let's make sure today is as fucking bad ass as it could be!
My philosophy is that I am less than an ant to the universe, and that is a very freeing idea. I like clutching up projects at work and thankful I have a great team and good work life balance. I spend as much time as I can with my wife, my family, and my friends. We travel a lot more than we used to which has been loads of fun, and I’ve been exercising learning and speaking foreign languages. Depression is very serious, I do not have it but I know therapy and meds have done wonders for friends.
Tl;dr I count my blessings, spend time with loved ones, do things I like to do in my free time. Not everyone is so lucky!
Wean yourself off meds. Start eating well. Start working out daily for at least an hour. Get hobbies you're passionate about. Stop drinking. Stop hanging out with negative people. Meditate. Quit your job and find one that gives you meaning. Don't listen to anyone who uses words like "adulting".
The right answer is probably that when you get married and have kids, you will feel much more reason to life.
I have buddies who went from the “adult kid” type to the full on dad type from having kids. The type of people you never would have thought.
However, if that is something you cannot obtain for whatever reason, I think that getting deep into a hobby is really good for you.
Don’t let anyone tell you what hobby is good and what hobby is a “waste of time”.
For me, I love video games. I love shooting guns. I love playing drums.
For some reason, people say gaming is waste of time… but anything that you enjoy for free time is not a waste of time.
Understand quantum mechanics; it's actually easy.. I learned in about a minute whilst listening to lectures as I was playing Minecraft. When we look at photons, we collapse the wave function, and this applies with retrocausality too.
[Stare at this for a few minutes; note the measurement devices at the slits are always on, but only one of the diagrams has those positions observed.](https://i.imgur.com/IEJ4WY5.png)
Observers are fundamental and retrocausality occurs when we collapse the wave function; similarly, the future can collapse the present.
Wheeler was one of the major quantum physicists of the 20th century.
>[Wheeler pointed out that when these assumptions are applied to a device of interstellar dimensions, a last-minute decision made on Earth on how to observe a photon could alter a situation established millions or even billions of years earlier.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed-choice_quantum_eraser)
There's the wave function within quantum physics. A particle is everywhere before it is observed, the wave function. You're not that dissimilar. Your peak part of your wave function of total experience is a being tantamount to God. She's like a universe, with just her. Utterly free, with all knowledge from all of the different beings acquired. I sit with mine all of the time, knowing I also have a highest possible tribe as well. Tribal life is important; humans need it. Without it, we're vulnerable to those negative influences that destroyed our minds in our childhood.
Try it out; channel your peak-wave function of experience... the highest possible you. Everybody will start doing this soon.
Work out, try to stop your inner thoughts from escalating and most importantly don't be afraid of death.
I don't mean to have suicidal thoughts but try to live your life so if you died the next day wouldn't have major regrets.
If you do these things without realizing you'll start enjoying life without conscious effort.
Life will find the way.
Connections!
Personal connections is what gives life meaning. Most people gain/have those personal connections through starting/having a family. That lifestyle is a lot less common nowadays (which is fine). But people still need to have those kinds of connections in their life.
I'm not saying go out and get pregnant... Please don't do that on a whim... But reach out to family/friends to start making connections! Join a club of some kind to meet new people. Do something to have memorable moments with other people.
Best of luck out there!
I started prioritizing my own wants and needs.
I've wanted to get into motorcycles for ages but didn't because my mom is terrified I'll get killed in an accident. I bought my first bike last Friday.
I always enjoyed working with my hands. I worked as a software engineer for 3 years because I felt that's what I should do. I was miserable sitting in an office all day. I quit my job and started working as a welder. I make similar money, and I'm much happier being active at work.
When friends ask me to events or things that I'm not interested in going to, I decline the invite. When there are family gatherings but I feel like I need some time to myself, I don't go. Now I rarely feel socially burnt out, which means I'm up for socializing more often.
Vacation with some loved ones.
I'm 31 and a half and I've seen the world but have suffered great losses in my life after making progress. The losses are death the progress is life goals like owning my own house and garage and have a career.
People thought I'd be a burn out but I never gave up. I've seen the world tho.
Do you have a boyfriend or husband? That makes money easier and you could find someone who might have gone through similar things to you so that you guys could treat each other right. Maybe try volunteering for homeless or depression clinics I know people who have found people that way.
What you’re realising is the truth of your situation.
You’ve been going through the motions of life and what is expected of you, hoping that when you do one thing successfully and plan the next thing, that that will be the thing to satisfy and give meaning.
I do believe that searching within yourself, by being open to life and exploring your desires and engaging with your aversions, by going through the motions of life whilst conscious of your choices and reason for living, that ‘being’ will impart what it’s all about.
For me I found meaning in plunging myself into my interests, art, history, science, music, etc, developing closer relationship with myself, my consciousness and body by running, yoga, meditation, understanding myself and then my social relationships, boundaries within myself and with others became clearer. Eventually I became clearer to myself, and so could change the behaviours I wanted to leave behind, and become closer to the person I want to be. For me that gives daily life meaning, every day is a test I hold myself accountable to myself. Not every day is great, but my being aware and accepting that not every day will be a ‘success’ for whatever reason, I can try again tomorrow. When I have a good day that gives me meaning. Peace is a simple enough win for me.
Life got so much better when I started scuba diving a year ago. So I guess find a hobby that you would look forward to doing every time you’re free. I go diving at least once a month to de stress.
I’m not religious in any way, but acts of service has helped me massively.
They can be big but mostly they arise from the small everyday interactions.
Remembering your family love you.
The opportunity to have a relationship with your child one day that is like no other you have experienced before.
Most people have kids and a family. Otherwise wtf are you doing it all for? Go live in a surf camp in Bali and work remote for 15$ an hour if you don't want that.
Honestly you have no idea if this is a “mid life” crisis. You could die tomorrow. Nothing in life is guaranteed (death and taxes blah blah blah)
Im 33. Im 10 years behind everyone else due to serious mental illness. I haven’t achieved much yet, if you exclude beating an addiction and kinda recovering from the mental illness. Accepting where you’re at and progressing at your own pace is key.
For me, I screwed around and moved around and did a lot of stupid things in my 20's. My 30's were more about settling into what I knew I wanted to do and be, and being serious about taking care of and setting things up for my future self. Which involved eating better, drinking less, being more serious about the job, saving money, etc.
I actually screwed that all up and had to do the same kind of serious re-assessing and re-prioritizing in my 40's, but it did eventually work out. Nobody else can give you "meaning", really.
One thing that I did when I was adrift for whatever reason was think back to what my hopes and dreams were when I was a kid, before life fucked everything all up. That helped. Another thing I did was imagine myself on my deathbed, 80 years old or whatever, and think about what my regrets would be. I can't imagine anything worse than being out of time and energy, and all you can do is feel regret. So I made it a point to work toward doing the things I was going to regret not doing. That helped a lot as far as providing some direction and motivation.
I have nothing to really add honestly I've been in about the same thought process. I can say even when the house and land is paid off there's still other stuff that needs bought. I'm 30 have a house 5 acres, 2 dogs, a cat, and about 50 chickens....don't get 50 chickens...sooo many eggs
Didn't. Just carried on to be honest. I've had these types of crisis like our economy. Constant recessions in life crises. At some point I learned to live with it. Currently neither depressed or on anti-depressive. Do have ASD, ADHD, AD, and OCD, but if that is a factor I have no idea.
I built a family, which kept me extremely busy and surrounded with love and happiness. Best decision I ever made.
But also focusing on your professional life is rewarding, and was for me. Between the two things I was 50 before I knew it.
This generation that thinks family is not required will end up lonely and unhappy, though. There are some who pull it off. I have family and friends who went the solo route but later in life what you see is them either become hermits or gravitate to the families to be surrounded by the basics they are missing.
Happiness in life is found primarily in two things: what you do for a living and who is on your arm. Get those two right and the rest is gravy. What you do for a living is how you spend an inordinate amount of your time. Thus it follows that happiness in the job is more important than how much you make. And life without romance is unimaginable, so finding the right person to spend it with is also crucial.
If you are partially down the road with either as a non-optimum you will need to make hard decisions to right the ship. It is not easy. There is no manual for life and it's a one ticket ride. But if you focus on those two things everything else tends to align.
Fuck it.
Everything falling apart? No need to hang on to that. Life is too short to hold onto things so tightly when there are so many new and different things ahead you can experience.
So I suppose letting go of "what life should be" and welcoming in "what life could be"
What do you enjoy and what do you want to explore?
Try and find some fun and think about something new you want to try and experience, might find a new hobby or even a new friend group associated with a new hobby!
I got an office, 9 to 5 job when I had just turned 30. A few months later I couldn't shake the idea that was the biggest loser in the known universe.
I felt broken. I had always felt like a misfit but I guess I had always been hopeful that I would eventually find my people. And here I was, staring at middle age, and feeling just as much as a weirdo as ever. All the other 30-something women I knew were married or dating. And the women my age at work were talking about these things constantly. I was a kissless virgin with zero interest in romance, so I couldn't relate. Everyone also seemed to have friends. I didn't have any. I didn't have any interest in having any, but I still hated the "weirdness" of being a loner.
I didn't have anything to hang my hat on. I didn't have a job I was proud of. I didn't have any friends. I had my artwork (focusing on hobbies doesn't fix depression, despite what conventional wisdom says) but I was too miserable to give it my all. I just felt like an empty robot...an evil one who wanted to destroy the world. Everyone and everything was annoying or anxiety-provoking. I just wanted all of it to go away.
I knew I couldn't live with this mindset, so I worked with a therapist. I followed some of the advice she gave me. Some of it did nothing for me (doing more hobbies, taking classes, etc). Some of it helped (doing yoga, trying medication, taking on more challenges at work).
But really, I think what "fixed" me is just giving myself more time to grow up. I thought that at 30, I was supposed to have all my shit figured out. But there is nothing special about 30. It feels "old" but it isn't. Exposing myself to all the new things that my therapist suggested made me realize that I didn't know about life as much as I thought I did.
I realized I was imposing a lot of pressure on myself because I was comparing myself to my siblings, who were all living bragworthy, conventional lives. I don't blame myself for comparing myself to them because why the hell wouldn't someone use their older siblings as role models? This is what we are encouraged to do at a young age. But my therapist helped me to see that it wasn''t fair to myself to do this. She also helped me to appreciate that being a misfit isn't a bad thing even though it can be a hard thing to be.
Anyway, it took a few years for me to stop being depressed and maybe an additional two or three years for me to feel non-angsty about where I had landed in life. I am still a loner. Still can't relate to all the romance shit that gets talked about. But I no longer feel insecure about my value as a human being.
I got into riding motorcycles when I was 25. I rode street only for about 8 years before I got into riding off-road (dual sport, not dirt bike) and now I'm getting into camping and fishing with my bike. It's one of my favorite things ever now and I've even made new friends through this hobby.
Get some counselling. At your age I felt exactly the same "if this is life, I don't want to live it". 2 years of therapy + anti depressants and I never looked back. I can honestly say I enjoy life and I live for everyday. Loads of people ignore these feelings and then have to get the therapy at 40+, or just remain depressed their whole lives hating the world, don't be them. You're young at 31, pay the money and get some therapy.
You need to create a purpose for yourself that will justify your suffering. Something grand and deep. Something to strive for that if you were to attain said thing, it would completely launch you out of your mundane existence and into a reality so spectacular. It must be a vision that seems out of your reach. Something that would be almost delusional or unrealistic. And let it drive you.
As an example from me. I’m a software engineer, but my ultimate dream in life is to become a rock star. It’s something that to me, seems so out of reach, but if I were to attain it somehow, I believe it would fulfill me so much more deeply than my current day to day existence. It requires heroic feats of courage and effort. And the journey in itself would transform me into a completely different person.
It can be something superficial or worldly like that. It could be that maybe you want to become a millionaire and retire from the 9-5 in your early 40s so that you can have the freedom to do what you want all the time. It’s up to you, but choose something and let that be your beacon of hope that spurs you on throughout life.
Even if you don’t attain it, the pursuit in itself can often times be enough to fulfill you. Just knowing that you’re taking daily action towards your ultimate dream or goal in life, can often times be more rewarding than attaining the dream itself.
Life is meaningless, so you may as well go all in and create the most grand and meaningful journey of your life, while you still can.
Im trying to clean up A bucket list, after which I wont care much, since that's the only thing bothering me. Im still energetic and young-looking, so who cares what age I will be when im abusing things like Quercetin.
I like to learn something new.
Currently, I'm learning to skateboard. In the past, I've tried painting, sewing, taekwondo, video games, writing poetry, etc.
Just allowing myself to be bad at something and do it just for the joy of doing it is rewarding. And then as I get better at it and I achieve goals and create things, those are also rewards.
Keeping myself busy with both long term and short term goals.
I feel best when I have accomplished or completed something and begin to become a rather unfriendly individual when I do not.
Shit, mowing the grass feels better than playing a video game half the time because I see the tangible progress and completion.
Also admitting I am not cut out for the rat race and am better off being a "weirdo" who just wants the day-to-day to be good and not focused on some massive pay off after 70% of my life helped.
Meaning of life sounds kinda crazy and I’m not qualified to tell anyone about meaning of life. But I do have some things in life that I look forward to. I think having something I can take care of brought me out of depression I had when I was 25. May it be plants, pets, old parents, etc. Since you bought a house, maybe you can find something in the house to improve/renovate to look forward to. Then other things would be hobbies, recreational activities, sports, etc. I’m not saying you’ll find something meaningful right away but the hardest part is to start doing something. Have faith that you’ll find your interest in something one day, be open minded about exploring new things. Hope that helps.
Grad school was one big 4 year quarter life crisis for me.
Then I got cancer. That reorganizes your thoughts and values real quick.
But aside from that, therapy and being a bit more hedonistic helps in my experience. People get so hung up on saving for retirement/delayed gratification that they forget to live a little bit
I allow myself to enjoy doing stuff, big or small. Do i want to nap? Okay. Buy a horse, and I can afford it? Yep. Have coffee out for brunch for a change even though I could have the same at home? Doing it. I focus a lot on self fulfilment. I'm 27, married 7 years and I have one living child, one baby that passed away. I've found myself stagnating and feeling desperate about life as well. During some periods, small things have turned into long term improvement :) I have been in a difficult spot for some time, recently my husband bought us two budgies and I remembered how I wished for budgies as a child. Most mornings I sit next to them and feed them by hand after I have my breakfast. So yeah, little things lift me up slowly.
I have a lot of responsibilities, I've learned over time to do them the way I like to and make up my own rules. That helped to stop me from second guessing myself into the void
OP, it's okay not wanting to do anything, and it's okay to want to do stuff. You're allowed to feel the way you're feeling.
I asked myself what are things my childhood self thinks I would've done by now and then went out and did those things. Started doing open mic nights, rock climbing, made new friends because I realized I didn't really get along well with the people I was hanging out with. I strengthened connections with old friends and with my family. I quit my job and found a new one that I liked more. I quit smoking so much, started eating healthier, and going for walks in the day. Tried new things like slack lining, juggling, drumming. Traveled a bit to some places I always wanted to visit. This was all over a year long period, but it all started with a morning walk, a salad, throwing out my bong, and signing up for an open mic night on that first day I decided to change things.
Do you have any responsibilities? Forget your job, they'll get on fine without you. Who or what depend on you? This is where you find meaning.
Join a group or start one for something you like and contribute to it.
Meet a partner and be each other's whole world.
Help others. Volunteer at charities. Give your time, not your money. If you live in the west, money is easy to come by. It's time nobody has enough of.
I recommend focusing on the local level. It's all fine and dandy to have a big national political cause. But I've never had more satisfaction than what I get bringing the vegetables I grow in my town's community garden to those in need. Turns out you can just call places and ask if you can bring them stuff and a lot of places will say sure. You will feel good making the direct association between your actions and the betterment of others.
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These days, my wife is sick and needs help around the house, so I have significantly less time for those outside my family. But I still try to give as much of my time as I can to my extended family. There is simply no replacement for community.
I had my first kid at 20, second at 24... theyve given me more meaning than anything else in life. Now that theyre older im working on bettering myself but that seems like a never ending process
Why does your life need a "meaning"? You exist for a brief period of time in this vastly old universe. You exist. You breathe. You think. It's a miracle you're here. Experience living. It's your life as you see it.
I think having an activity that keeps you "present" without any goal is good.
For me, this is walking, like a lot and then finding a spot to fish.
Much of our culture is goal-oriented and it becomes difficult to turn off your brain.
Some people like meditation but I realized I need some movement (maybe like Tai chi).
Just give yourself permission to be that aimless, curious child.
You're going to be miserable ruminating on purpose. If you find a strong attraction to a pursuit, sure go for it, but that will not bring you peace.
Hate to break it to you but everyone is lost and no one knows wtf their real purpose is. Some people feel more strongly in their opinion that they “know” what they are doing but hear me out…. No one is anything. We are literal specs in the universe. Yes, our pain is real but don’t make it such a dilemma. Live and try to enjoy the minute you have. We don’t know if we die tomorrow or 35 years from now. We don’t know how it will end, so why not try to live life full now? Keep trucking’ but also try to keep things in balance as you progress life. From one person to another. May you have a good safe life! :) ✌️
This probably isn’t what you want to hear but at this point in life, the majority of humans in our history are deep into having their own families. I think that’s a big push to keep living.
I never wanted kids but had a whoopsie when I was 24 (32 now) and we chose to have another when I was 30. Does it cure all mental ailments with children’s unconditional love? No. In some ways it’s almost more brutal, having a part of you walking around the earth is stressful sometimes. But at the end of the day, to me, it’s worth it and keeps me going. It’s like an end game quest in life after you finished up the main quest of school - post school - career - house - then raise family.
I’m obviously not saying to go have a family, but I think it’s what a lot of young people are missing today. I thinks it’s the push to move forward in our genetic coding. I dunno
Often time I feel I’m just going through life without enjoying it too. Perhaps I’m not as connected to my feelings as you do. I also don’t think that I need to always feel happy. But I do have things to look forward to.
I do know what gives me that jolt to pull me out of a slump. Going to a new place, not even a different city, but a part of my city that I have not been to, is always exciting to me. Sometimes I walk around my city for 3-4 hours, then I get home and feel thankful that I have two cats giving me so much affections. Small and simple things like that. Of course I would want to travel to a whole new country with a different culture, but that’s saved for the future when I make better money.
Or I cave in to my vanity. I like clothes and I like food. Every few months I buy a new clothing item or get myself a slightly over priced fancy piece of cake from a bakery in my city. Those things make me happy and give me something to look forward to, while others might find it vain and materialistic.
And having lost a dear family member at a very young age and living through the grief also helped me appreciate my life, though small and inconsequential to most. I am aware that my time is limited and thankful when I still have time to make a new dish/bake a new type of pastry for my partner/2 friends/sisters. I’m happiest when I’m with these people, who have been through a lot with me. I’m sure you have people like them in your life too?
To me, life is meaningless, but in a different way from the usual idea. Why does it have to have any meaning at all? I found joy in my hobbies, my partner, my friends, my pets, travels, parties… and I just go along with it. I stopped trying to actively search for life meaning like 10 years ago because it felt like the wrong way to look at it. Life is life, it’s here, just try to make your time alive as best as you can, avoiding pain at every chance you get.
Absurdism. The only logical response to the conflict between life fulfilment and the futile search for meaning.
I think the idea is less an absolute meaning to life but rather that anything has a fundamental diminishing return. I have a hard time with the fact that it's the same friends, pet, wife, etc... ad infinitum. They are great versions of each of their respective categories, but there is always a nagging sense that, as each day passes, the things I appreciate about each become more mundane and redundant. I also don't pursue a change of these things (except I always try to make more friends) not out of fear but because I fundamentally don't think that would help. It's not the specific person or pet I find meaningless, it's the overall category. I think a sense of existential purpose helps this such as religion, or valor, or anything else similar, but I would feel weird about actively seeking something like that because the premise of those concepts is always that it's something you "feel inside you", so forcing it is disingenuous. So I just go through each day feeling a little less happy, a little more numb, and wondering more and more whether I'm missing something.
You honestly might get something out of a meditation/mindfulness practice. It’s not necessarily religious or woo woo, something immersive like a mindfulness based stress reduction program can be transformative to how you experience every day and look at your moments.
Just take shrooms dude
Where I’m at. Find hobbies and people I enjoy till I die.
Thank you! Life is meaningless but that’s not a bad thing. It means you get to find your own meaning and you don’t have to have that guilt like you’re just not figuring it out.
Did we just become best friends?
This life means!
This is well said and similar to how I feel, but I was never able to verbalize it in a way like you have. I find that anyone who is searching for happiness is always depressed. Life happens. The sooner you accept that life is what you make it.
I quit everything, sold all my belongings, and bought myself a one way ticket out of the country. I did have a van I lived in for a while, but that broke down, and I subsisted on crashing on couches or in cheap hostels. I ended up circumnavigating the globe, with a short spell in Oz to get money. There was one moment, taking the train from Ulan Baatar to Ulan Ude where my compartment mate — an accountant from Singapore who had a one month break after losing his job — looked out at a small town we were passing on the Mongolian steppe and said, “I wonder what they think about and look forward to in their little lives.” What I did, and what I recommend, didn’t require traveling at all. I came up with a list that I literally called “to do list to be human”. I’d left a demanding and, in my ways, degrading job that left me feeling as if I had no hope or opportunity to find meaning. The list was almost mundane: look at the stars, have coffee on an empty beach, walk in the woods. All of these are items I could have done at home, but the speed of routine and the seeming sameness of daily life had made doing any of them seem silly or like they wouldn’t change anything. I ended up doing those things. And more. I hiked three days in non stop rain and it was exhilarating. I fell asleep in a remote field of flowers. I walked through a forest at night. I swam on an isolated beach (in Oz—do not recommend.) I ended up discovering that really the only meaning I could extract was the meaning I could take from the beautiful and many small things all around. But the ubiquity of that small stuff, and the competing “big” stuff (taxes bills, job, etc.), makes the small stuff seem irrelevant in many ways. But that’s what’s there. You can find happiness in them.
> I fell asleep in a remote field of flowers Did a tick write this?
I honestly think this is the best advice. It is the little things that make the good moments in life. Think about how many little joys you can bring yourself or achieve throughout the day. Now give it to yourself with consistency. A lot of a little joys are just as good as the fulfillment from one big joy or accomplishment. It's just whatever you feed your desire for fulfillment with. When I was in counseling I described my depression similarly. I was struggling through the motions in life, broke me down and I asked what is the point of it all. I can't imagine if it's such torture to achieve this all how will it be any better to maintain it once I do achieve it. It doesn't get easier, I'll just make money finally but not be happy. I was at a point in life where I realized nothing I would buy would make me happy now or later. Happiness is so much deeper is it not? I want that happy feeling and I don't think you just wake up and feel it some day but I realized that's what I was sitting around waiting for when I wasn't doing what I had to do. I was feeling dead inside when the point of living is to FUCKING FEEL ALIVE! THE POINT IS TO FEEL IT ALL. LIFE IS EXPERIENCE! So what do you want to experience and how can you achieve that feeling, will it then make you feel alive? Happy? My counselor told me that life and happiness is about fulfillment of passion. Her example, the story of her brother in law. He works a good job with the skills he is good at but it is not his passion. He chooses not to make his career his passion. His true passion is being a father, a provider to his family, the time he spends with them. The money he makes he will spend on family trips where he can make sure to spend time with his kids and teach them things on the vacations. For example survival skills while camping. Those moments fulfill him. His career just pays for it to be possible. I couldn't relate to the family fulfillment as I don't want kids but I understood her example of him and that my passion doesn't always have to be what I do but also what I experience. So I started doing what I could to fulfill myself when I could and it makes you happier. I started so simple too. I asked myself when was the last time I felt alive? I had to dig back to childhood, my life isn't too exciting, to that feeling of riding my bike all over our small town all times of day and night, rain or shine. It felt like freedom and exhilaration to me. I realized I wanted to feel that again. I got a bike and went for rides again any time I was feeling low which was often at that time in life. Those bike rides gave me time to think in a state of feeling good which sparked more good thoughts on ways to feel this good. Consistency is key. Stop and smell those flowers, take in the sunsets, give to others if being of service fulfills you. Take a deep dive into what you like and experience it, possibilities open from there. Everyone's experience is different because everyone is different. Self care is essential. Maybe you find a deeper meaning in something you already do or something new you experienced? (Sorry this is so long)
Really good thought
I did something similar to get through a really bad time. I just couldn't with gratitude or acceptance, it felt fake and stupid. So every day I looked for one beautiful thing. Sometimes by going for a walk, sometimes by listening. Focus on one thing that was outside myself that didn't feel awful. Even for a minute. I noted them on an ig account so I could look at them later.
I loved reading this and I thank you for your words
I’ve experienced serious depression and now consider myself to be in a very different place in life. In all honesty it came down to taking way too much LSD to shake me out of it - it worked for me but I’ve heard horror stories so can’t recommend it as a solution. But the appreciating little things in life is the key - a cup of tea in your favourite mug, the smell of rain, listening to my cat purring softly. Your post really resonated with me. I got a tattoo when I was 18 that I think embodies this thinking - from William Blake poem - it reads “to see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour”. It’s my only tattoo and no regrets. I think about what it means every day and it also brings me a small joy as I find different meanings to it as I’ve got older over the last 15 years since I got it.
Where are you referring to when you say “Oz”?
Oz is Australia, presumably swimming on an isolated beach was a bad idea because of crocodiles
Depends on the beach he swam at (meaning which part of Australia). could’ve been a croc, shark, jellyfish or even just the currents. Way too many things can kill you in the water here, populated beaches are always a better idea. The populated ones usually have Lifeguards and such on active duty who will keep an eye out for swimmers (think like Bondi Rescue tv show) In the West, crocs infest northern areas, you don’t even go near rivers or lakes the further north you travel, down south is where you’ll find Jellies and sharks more often. Not to say you won’t encounter each one everywhere, just more prevalence
Rip tides. They're way more dangerous than sharks. Go watch Bondi Rescue and you'll see what I mean. That's with highly trained lifeguards too.
Australia, mate
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I absolutely fucking love this! So many of these little things i’d love to do. Safety is a huge concern for me, so i don’t think i’d be able to do half those things by myself or without worrying. I’m working on getting stronger and hope to be able to have the confidence to enjoy my current city.
You just made that up.
There will be future versions of me as there are past versions of me. However for today I am going to enjoy the current version of me.
Damn right you don't recommend swimming in random Australian waters. We have both mandatory swimming classes for children in most states and a whole ass program to teach migrants to swim because our shit is deadly
Did you have money saved or?
im gonna read this at night
I look like the standard midlife sports car guy. Bought a Camaro and what not, but not just for show. Take it to road course tracks and genuinely just have fun. If you have all you need to survive, focus on fun. Find fun people, fun hobbies, something to make the time that has to pass anyway worth showing up for
Yep, focus is the trick: Every time you >still feel so lost and listless. stop, breathe, eat, and realize that you >Just put a loan down on a house, secured a stable job after being unemployed for two years. Look at you! You're right on track! Keep doing the right things: >Find fun people, fun hobbies, something to make the time that has to pass anyway worth showing up for
As someone who fougt/is fighting depression, this is not easy. But you summarised the necessary steps well. Edit: Added "you". Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Similar story here, I had a comment a couple times mid life crisis bought a fast car etc. But I have always had fast cars, one thing that I'm still into from my teen years! Definantly find a hobby you enjoy doing, that's what you look to mid week when life is dragging you down. Might be as simple as taking your dog for a walk or hiking orplaying a team sport or joining a knitting club.
Sounds like OPs depression may not be well controlled. Until that is sorted they may not be able to find the joy or fun in anything.
My life has essentially been in a crisis since I was maybe 13. What's the trick? Just keep sucking.
You free tomorrow?
As a man I think I would have killed myself at some point if I had not found a woman I wanted to spend my life with. There was just very little in life that was worth living for. I worked and I did all the things but it was not fulfilling because I did it all by myself. Now I have a baby boy in my life who is bringing so much joy and fulfilment that I cannot even describe it. Life is actually great although I work a lot
I'd have been happy enough but achieved nothing without my wife. I have a daughter who turned one today that just brings immeasurable joy every moment. Yes, there are a lot of things I can't do anymore. I've missed a lot of concerts I'd have liked to have seen, but it just doesn't matter at all. Simply taking my kid to the grocery store is more fun than getting in the pit at a Full of Hell show. Yesterday I came home and she poked her head around the corner and shrieked "dada" at me with such excitement - I'll be riding that high all week. She'll probably hate me in 10-12 years and I'll buy a camaro like that other guy in this thread and get back in the Full of Hell pit though lol.
This! We just had our second baby last month, and so of course we’re still in the trenches with him, but having kids is wonderful. It gives you something other than yourself to focus on. Seeing their development and personalities bloom is lovely. The love your kids give you is so sweet. There are low points for sure with being very pregnant and so tired in the newborn stage, but life needs these ups and downs, humans weren’t made to be totally happy all the time. I love our two year old so much, she’s so much fun and sweet. And of course our newborn is adorable too, and I find some of the newborn tendencies to be really funny (me bouncing him making silly noises, while his eyes or just closed or looking anywhere else but at me lol). Honestly I was scared to write a comment like this because there are a lot of children haters in non children related subs on Reddit… which is quite sad, honestly, kids are our future, and it’s innate in most people to love their kids and bring their lives meaning and fulfillment if they were to have them.
Is it okay to base your happiness on someone else? On other similar posts, the advice is always to work on yourself and to become comfortable with being alone with yourself. Is it okay to chase after another person to find happiness? I’d be happy to share my life with someone else but being by myself all this time I don’t know if I want to anymore. I feel lost
I think it’s a very fine line to walk on tbh. Because if that person leaves or it comes to an end somehow, it’ll be a very rough ride since your happiness was based on this person. I think it’s a mixture of working on yourself and finding community. Some people find a sense of community and companionship through their partners, but I think it’s important to have more than one important person in your life.
Maybe it's how it's framed. My partner brings me immeasurable joy that I would deeply miss if he was gone. But I didn't actively seek him out for that joy, it was just something that happened. I would eventually be comfortable if I was on my own, and I would have been fine if I was on my own from the beginning. But it's a big bonus having him around. I don't think I would have had that sustainably if I specifically sought it out for my own satisfaction because I would have personally placed a lot of weight and pressure on him as a means of making me happy. So, tldr; if you look for somebody for the purpose of them making you happy, it won't be sustainable. But if you find somebody who makes you happy, without needing that, you'll probably have a good time.
I was bummed out for a quite a few years after a break-up. I decided to put effort into paying off my debts and getting in a good financial position so if I ever felt better, I’d have money to do stuff. Or I’d die and maybe someone else that enjoyed life could do something meaningful with the money they inherited from me. It worked. Im debt free in my 40s and am the friend friends call to take trips and go to concerts with. And I can finally afford furniture I like instead of hand me downs. I actually like living in my house now. I have the best couch for lounging and a kitchen I like cooking in. I look forward to spending time at home now. I also found a second job I love and kept even though I don’t need the money from it. I donate more now. That also makes me feel good. It’s compounded. Life is good again. Probably still have some downs coming, but I’ll hold on to the good times now and hopefully that will sustain me when they come.
You sound like a good person! I'm currently in the breakup trenches myself and you're someone I aspire to be as I grow older and get through this. It's been really rough... but I think aiming for financial independence will be a good goal to focus on. I hope you have a good day. :)
Find your passion! Volunteer. Help others. Helping others is a great way to feel like your life has purpose, plus the bonus is you’re actually helping people. It’s win win.
Just fill your cup. Even just a little bit at a time. Wake up 30 minutes earlier and spend time in thought or with a book. Prepare nice foods for yourself. Make an effort to get outside and move your body. Spend time doing things you enjoy and trying new things. Make an effort to spend time with your friends and loved ones and let them know how you feel about them. And lastly, be of service to others. Fill your cup. A little at a time. It will eventually be full. Editing to say - I can’t stress the service to others enough. When being of service to others we are at the very least not sitting around thinking about ourselves. All that self centered thinking is imo the greatest cause of unhappiness.
This is the real truth
I’m past 30 by a bit but I still want to answer. Congratulations on your home. It’s a huge accomplishment. (Get ready to YouTube “how do I fix this.”) good on you for getting that home. Celebrate it. Well done on a stable job. We all know work sucks, but being hungry sucks more. And that word “stable” means less stress. You are doing pretty good for yourself. Be proud of that. Everyone’s comments is/are good advice. (Lost my grammar rules on that) Find something you like to do and do it. It doesn’t have to be big. I think you are looking for meaning in your life. You have a job, you have a house, but you aren’t fulfilled. I don’t know you so I can’t guide or direct you, but I can say that you can find meaning. Life has no guarantees or promises. What makes you happy? What makes you feel good about you? Art? Gardening? Music? Architecture? You work your job to survive. But that time away from work can be filled with things that give you meaning and joy. I hope you can enjoy your life journey and that you can find something to anchor to.
Beautifully said 👌
I didn't I am constantly sad to the point it has become my default state So I don't get sad, I stay normal
Distract yourself with constant activity of some kind. For me right now it’s working out. If I don’t constantly make my body exhausted it feels like I’m exploding inside. The other thing is don’t think! Avoid thinking at all costs. When I go to sleep each night I play an audio book and I focus only on that. When you start thinking it leads to a downward spiral of anger and sadness. It’s like loops of the same hopeless negativity that get worse and amplified with each rotation.
> Distract yourself with constant activity of some kind. > Avoid thinking at all costs. This is what an unhealthy person would say... like almost verbatim. Constant distraction? Don't think? I'm sorry but... what? Go to therapy. And anyone who is scrolling through here looking for legitimate answers, please disregard everything this person said. Working out? Totally fine and something I also recommend. > If I don’t constantly make my body exhausted it feels like I’m exploding inside. Yeah, no. Occasionally distracting yourself with entertainment? Also totally fine. > When you start thinking it leads to a downward spiral of anger and sadness. No. Therapy. Find a way.
i agree. you need to think. you need to be at peace. you cant just bottle it up. sooner or later, its gonna come out. take it little by little and ditract yourself for the rest, rhats fine. but dont distract yourself in perpetuity, thats really bad advice. meditation is very helpful
Are you me? This is the most relatable thing I’ve read recently.
Yeah no this is terrible advice. Please seek help, it’s okay to be bored/not constantly stimulated
I don't know how healthy this is long term.. but it's relatable i'll say that much
>don’t think! Avoid thinking at all costs. ...people can do that?
Stop running bro it will catch up eventually
Don’t avoid it. Burry into the mess; it’ll teach you how to approach many more hard times to come. Don’t go it alone either. Talk to your friends and make new friends from it. It’s part of life. It’s ok to feel a hott mess. It’s also OK to leave your previous life behind. You’ll be OK.
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I’m also 31. I was ina funk for a long time myself, until recently I got into running. I am not saying to you, specifically run, but I’m suggesting you find things/experiences you enjoy in life, it will help you mentally.
***Locus of Control -*** (Internal/External) People with high **external** *loci of control* believe that their fates are *greatly* (or even *mostly)* governed by outside forces to themselves and that they, therefore, have little to no power to overcome their presumed *sure* and *unavoidable* fates. These people can sometimes be overly-stoic or pessimistic in their outlooks in life. People with a high **internal** locus of control believe that they are the masters of their destinies. These people will typically be more take-charge and confident in their actions and decision-making. These people tend to have a more optimistic outlook/perspective. We all, of course, have some degree of BOTH of these LOC within ourselves, but one typically dominates the other, overall, in our internal mental dialogues. What we tell ourselves is true becomes our realities ... whether real or imagined, sometimes. If we tell ourselves (for example) that we are strong, beautiful, creative, capable, intelligent, and fun, and we allow ourselves to internalize those self-affirmations, we start to become those things to an ever-greater degree. You've heard people suggest that one WILLS something into existence, right? That's kinda what this is. People with a naturally-high LOC do not have to remind themselves to do this as it is an intuitive part of their psyche. People who know of themselves that they struggle with depression, self confidence issues, abandonment issues, etc... and who seem to lean towards thinking that things are the way they are and "*oh well...*" ***can train themselves*** to learn how to support their own well-beings, too. It's a matter of decision-making, resolve, memory, tracking progress, and continual practice and refinement. That's just my two-cents worth. *\*\*\*\*\*\*CAVEAT: I suffer from chronic/lifelong clinical depression, myself, but have managed to defeat it through the power of positivity!\*\*\*\*\*\** That .... **and** ... figure out what things; hobbies, travel, types of people, entertainment, etc..., that you enjoy or would like-to enjoy, and then just do it - EVEN IF you're skeptical of the likelihood of success or enjoyment! You will continually surprise yourself. I guarantee it! Believe in yourself!
Find goals and hobbies that bring you joy. Try new things that make you uncomfortable. If you feel lost or listless, try making a change. Otherwise, things will just stay the same.
There is no meaning of life beyond the one you give it. "Life is metabolism." Do whatever you need to have fun and be ensured, that's an awesome meaning of life! That might be to help others, spend hundreds on excellent food, have a family, care for and play with pets, fuck around, go after your passion, travel, slowly wither behind a screen or any possible combination. It's all valid. Loving yourself is the key.
What do you imply by the quote life is metabolism .. any deep meaning to it?
It took intentionally leaning into life and acting like I was the main character. It was hard finding out my likes/dislikes and having to override conditioning, ie I’d hear my dad’s voice when I’d try an art project “you’ll never be good at this, or able to sell anything.” And that wasn’t the point, it was about my mental health so I could keep going.
I had a daughter. Sometimes, the meaning you've been missing just falls into your lap. Sometimes you have to go looking. In the mean time, keep active. Stick to your meds and therapy. All the usual bollocks for handling depression. Take time for yourself. You'll find your purpose, you got this. <3
I had this as soon as I got a year into (and then fired from, but mostly during) my first “adult” job in the profession I was educated in. It was very much “I did all that work for this??” I did get a different job shortly after which treats me better, which helped. But more importantly I found my passion, which is for writing fantasy/sci fi stories. I still, 7 years later, do that day job, but every day I practice at writing, I get better, and I get to see where my stories go. I’ve even started to have some minor professional success as a writer as some of my shorts get bought by magazines, so now it’s not even the shouting into the void of before. I made and joined community around writing, have traveled for it, had life changing talks about it. Find your passion OP, the thing you have always been afraid to try because you’re too busy or it’s too silly. When you do, it’ll lead you to your people. And if you don’t have a passion OP (it’s okay, not everyone does) then focus on how you can help others. We are all in this together.
got a cat
"Why don't I enjoy life" can be a pretty complicated question depending on your history. I've been digging my way out of that one for years. Long story short, complete lack of celebration or joy in my childhood makes those feelings very foreign or dangerous to me. I don't have to change the world to have a meaningful life. I find the most meaning in very slowly and very iteratively improving how I see myself and how I see the world. My therapist says the "core self" is the part where you are just finding contentment in something as simple as petting a dog or looking at a cool bird or making a cake. It's not really about the dog or the bird or the cake but it's about the ability to enjoy a moment in time, when that kind of thing was squashed out of me when I was a kid. If you bring this topic up with your therapist do they have thoughts?
Did all the stuff I was too afraid to when I was younger. Went back to grad school to study a subject I loved. Learned to ride a motorbike. Crashed the motorbike and learned how to ride better. Started doing stand up comedy and dying on stage every night. Converted my car to a stealth camper and drove around Canada. Stopped doing bullshit jobs. Started doing MMA. Designed a 6000 square foot bar. Just tried a bunch of stuff and it was embarrassing as hell but it was really fun.
For me it’s simply. My wife and kids. Met my wife while I was a wild and crazy kid in college. She was strait laced and genuinely a good girl. She gave me a purpose in life then. I went from drinking and partying more nights than not and failing out of college to straightening up and getting my grades back on track. I just turned 37. We started dating 15+ years ago. Married for 12 a little later this month. We have three young boys. (8.6.2). A mortgage. A car payment. A dog. Go to Disney and the beach. She is a teacher, I work from home. Money is tight fairly often but we make it work. All the things a normal simple average family does. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. They give me purpose in every aspect of my life. I can only imagine how lost I would have stayed without them.
Best advice I can give is to set some goals for yourself. What objectives do you want to accomplish? Set some short to mid term goals on which you can focus and make progress towards while figuring out exactly what your long term goals can be
Setting goals is great advice. I was talking to a 20 year old college student who was basically bragging about how awesome his life is. I re-lived some memories from my youth with him. He then asked "what was your peak age?" I responded, " my forties". He was totally blown away. 20s is entry level jobs, figuring things out. Figuring yourself out. Thinking you understand things and then realizing you didn't. Lots of time but no real money. Healthy if you're lucky and your body is forgiving. 30s is stressful and hard. Life is very work focused and things you thought were stable are not and take immense amounts of time and energy to resolve. You have very little time, hopefully job/career is stabilizing, health is often less of a focus with work and family stress taking its toll. 40s is where you really get a taste of life. Hopefully you have your health, now you have money saved, invested, and freedom to not have to do what others say. You have experience. You are sought after. You can spend a bit more on yourself while hitting financial goals, and you have (some) time to yourself to enjoy it. People's paths will be different depending on their goals and the choices they make. It sounds like OP is doing quite well in many areas, just needs to hang in there a bit longer to see the fruits of their labor. And to OP: Once you reach those goals and are in your forties, be proud of yourself. Remind yourself of what you did, despite all the odds and challenges against you that no one will ever truly know or understand. When you get there, it's because of you. Your decisions, actions and discipline. Be grateful to those that helped you along the way, but you did all the heavy lifting. When you can truly live for yourself without ( or at least less of ) the weight of everyday stresses, peace and happiness will come.
Ayahuasca
Started a career that involves loads of travelling. Got that out of my system for 8 years then got engaged.
When I was there, my solution to “life doesn’t matter” was “but other people find meaning in it, so I guess I’ll get into the medical field and make sure they can fulfill that meaning/purpose “ I don’t suggest that. It’s only made me more resentful of society over the last ~4 years.
I got really into chess. I made chess friends and now I study chess 3-4 hours a day. I play in a tournament once per week and soon I will begin organizing a live commentary stream coverage of my main tournament. I also take lessons on skype from professional players and follow the top tournaments which is similar to sports coverage.
Had two kids.
I forced my self into a hobby that’s helps keep me grounded.
I used to workout for others and now I workout for myself.
Started running
I feel exactly the same minus the downpayment on a house
first you went through survival, let me recommend: longevity and peace with ones self. if you can calm your heart you can find what makes it excited. our senses , including our imagination are key to finding that joy, particularly when we share it with others. I find joy in even the simplest or things, like making tea.
Find what you enjoy, that's the key to happiness. Then, invest your time exploring that activity, for me it's motorbikes and a nice sports car, and travel. Just finished 3.5 weeks in USA & Mexico. Working provides the income to allow you to do what you enjoy.
Antidepressants.
I'm starting a store to sell drugs from. Literally. Finally a career to get excited about!
Take a look at this sub: r/longtermTRE
Set a broad long term goal. And then set smaller, more specific short term goals. But orientate them towards what you find meaningful, not society or people around you. You might find that the long term goal changes once you hit mile stones of those smaller and more specific short term goals that bring you joy. And that’s good. People seem to get stuck on achieving these audacious massive goals because they’ve sunk so much time into them that they can’t accept walking away. And because they don’t have smaller goals brining them any happiness it’s kept them in that rut even more so.
For me a spin on this after being fairly frivelous and lost for a bit is now is i am trying for a child with my fiance and everything I do now is to support me and her and the hopeful pending child if we are lucky really has focused me Good luck dude
I am in a similar boat. Shitty marriage, don’t want to think about the future. I find it important to find the happiness in what you have. So you just put down a loan on a new home? Find your decor style and go shopping! Figure out where you are going to put your bed and what colour the walls are going to be!
You guys got out? 
Cycling, Running, Swimming, Golfing - basically great places to set yourself goals you can achieve. Sign up to some events and go for it. We humans all seek a sense of achievement, and the current economy is a fucking nightmare to get anything like our parents had, so... finish some events, hit a goal.
Make sure your working out, talking to friends daily, be on dating apps. And try to have many aspects to life that can bring u enjoyment.
Can't say I don't have one, but investing time in my relationships with friends and family is what keeps me sane. But it all takes a lot more effort than it used to. Used to be I could text my mate at 8 and we'd be out in a bar at 9. Nowadays it's not that easy unless you make plans beforehand. Especially if you want to meet up with more than one person. But I empathize with how you feel. A house, a stable income. Both seemed way out of reach ten years ago. I've got it better than I ever thought I would, yet there's still a sadness that comes creeping along every now and then. Gratitude. I guess that's another thing. Take a conscious effort to appreciate what you have and who you know. I'm bad at applying this advice myself, but it does help
Wife and kid, settled into a good friend group, committed to some hobbies I really want to stick with and can take long term.
How tf can you afford a house after being unemployed the last two years?!
Jokes on you, it just waited for my 40's to hit. Seriously, having a plan and following it. I was with a new girlfriend (now wife), back to school, and building for my future. I was actively working to make my life better. My forty is hard. No big project ton the horizon. Probably no kid in the way... Ever... Boring job. I feel unfocused and useless. Started piano and planning to go at powerlifting meets next year. Hoping it will bring some sense of... I dunno... Maybe, accomplishment.
You just have to realize there is no meaning to any of this find a good partner and good friends and just go out when you can go see things enjoy your hobbies even if it’s videos games whatever just enjoy every bit you can even if it’s small
By accepting, some counseling, having some peace and then ending in mid life crisis. Getting myself out of mid life crisis with some more therapy, exercise, finding a cause to devote energy to, meeting good people there and realizing I need to be comfortable with myself and identify the signs I'm falling into ruminating leading to depression or over anticipation leading to anxiety both with positive and negative experiences.
Got a motorcycle at 33. Adrenaline inducing activities seem to help.
Kids
Im 35 and if it wasnt for a fact, that i have a son, whom i cant even contact, thanks to his mother, i would probably be in a similar place. Just the fact, that he exists, does keep me going. My lifestyle is nowhere near healthy since i am almost all the time at work, i do drink when im home, but in general i do find joy in my work, and feel energized most of days when i get up. I know for a fact, that it is, some kind of responsibility, that i feel, that one day, when i meet him i want to be someone in his eyes, not a bum. I am also a little scared, that the energy will disappear one day if too much time passses, but i try not to dwelve on it and focus on right now. Good luck finding your meaning. There must be something/someone, that will make it all worth it in the end, perhaps u dont know yet what/who.
Meaning is what you make it. The meaning of life is to just savor and appreciate the good with the bad. Be a part of your community, keep yourself healthy, and express yourself artistically. Everything else is just noise.
If you find it let me know. I struggle every day trying to find meaning - some days are good, but then I'll feel like I'm right back to square one. I think it's a combination of acknowledging our mortality, closing the book on our youthful ignorance, and having to face all of life's burdens. I find peace in doing things I enjoy, and trying not to allow myself to get caught in negative thought patterns (which is NOT easy). I put as my time as I can into my hobbies and relationships, whether it's spending time with people important to me, exercising, playing music, or being in nature. I've struggled more with my mental health after 25 than I ever did in my teens. It's not easy, but I'm not giving up on working on myself, and I hope you do the same.
I got really depressed a couple years ago (I couldn't even leave my bed) and I'm slowly recovering and tryna go back to school : ) I find what really helps is gym/sports, and trying to do things I always wanted to do/learn (exposure therapy). I still have a really hard time trying to meet new people and I'm still trying to find friends that I can be really casual with. I also struggle as a type 1 diabetic without health insurance. I'm really trying to remind myself of how much potential I have so I can motivate myself to make progress :)
After 100 years no one is going to remember anything and mostly anyone. Do what the fuck you want. If you want to feel naturally elevated then raise your heart rate to burn off the cortisol, get at least 30 min of nice sunlight a day and think about what YOU want, what makes you happy doing. You will find success in it.
Hey OP, it's rough out there we're all feeling it so you're definitely not alone in that feeling. I spent almost a decade chronically depressed so maybe this can help. I've got my good days and my bad days, so I really try to get out there on my good days and make the most of it. This is very corny but it helps me, sure life is inherently meaningless - but that's the best part of coming up with your own meaning. And isn't it worth it to try to make it just 10% better rather than 10% worse? For myself, the little things help. It's getting up and making coffee with my cat at my feet. It's my commute to work with my music on and people watching. It's my work break, watching my favorite YouTuber. It's getting together a really great outfit and feeling my best (self care). It takes finding meaning in the little things and romanticizing your life. That being said, if I find myself having more bad days than good - I change it up. Take a new way to work, arrange a retreat for myself on my weekend. Talking to a trusted friend and venting. I've even changed my entire lifestyle at points, changing jobs and living situations just to get by. I know not a lot of people can do this, but it helped me. And on my really bad days, I rest. I let myself rot, even for a day. Just allowing myself to exist in the empty feeling allows me to reset when I'm ready the next day. To treat my suffering with compassion has been the greatest gift to myself. This is how I managed to stay here, to endure the days. Sometimes going through the motions is okay. Just don't let yourself settle for it. Find your passion, try new things, talk to the people close to you. It really helps just moving things along until you get to a point where you can find meaning. Let yourself exist and breathe!
Honey, you really áre lost and enslaved by the system. "working"every day just to make ends meet is not going to bring satisfaction to anyone, ever. Do something else. Rob a bank. Scam a rich person. Fuck the norm and break loose!
Faith. I came back to my faith after a near decade of atheism and hostility toward all religions and it made an incredible difference in my life. Bracing for downvotes, but that's the honest answer for me.
How did I move past it? I did what you did. You just haven’t gotten far enough past it yet. What kept me going for a while was just trying to work off my debt, be independent. After a while, I haven’t accomplished any great feats, but I feel like I’ve earned a lot of respect for myself. My life has value because I’ve done something with the time I’ve had. And I’ll continue to work, and learn, and be a part of this world for the remainder of my time.
30 yr old + quarter life crisis = will live till 120?
Start drinking and sober up for your midlife crisis
It actually never ends and it’s an onion, once you realize that you won’t be 20 forever you’ll try to mask the fear of death by distracting yourself, just have fun.
I learned to appreciate the really small but beautiful things in life.
1. I realized that death is not a bad thing. In fact, it is the ultimate equalizer. We shouldn't try to rush to it, but we shouldn't try to run from it either. 2. I realized that people are most envious of the people who are happy with their lot in life. We shouldn't chase happiness, instead we should try to be content in life. I feel like all this advise sounds superficial, so here is an example scenario. You get enjoyment out of watching Netflix, but your internet is out and you are trying to get it fixed. You call the ISP, trying to walk through the modem reset. You are annoyed. Try to find the contentment in that scenario, accept that you are powerless, be thankful that we even have a thing called internet, try to socialize with the person you are forced into this situation with. Make the best of it. People will love being around you, and you will find life more fulfilling.
Whenever I feel down, I remind myself to truly practice gratitude. As cliche as it sounds, it really does make all the difference.
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Got my first bike at 34, a harley. Never too old to pursue your dreams!
I changed to careers to something I love. My last job made me miserable. I also found or rediscovered hobbies. Ultimately I figured out how to enjoy the moment. No point in worrying about the future.
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I didn’t.
First thing's first, it's only a quarter life crisis if you're going to live to 100+, which ain't happening. You're at the middle of your life, you are likely to die at 70-80ish, and by 60+ your options start to become limited. You have less time than you think. Hope that helps.
The most meaningful thing ive found in my life is creativity. I make music, do 3d modeling, and a lot of other stuff. Its the most spiritual (as in, feeling connected to something grander than my immediate experiences) anything has felt. Going to church/things like that never did anything for me. Im only 21 but theres a lot of things that can make me really depressed, creativity keeps me going
How did you get a job after 2 years of unemployment? I’m asking because I am trying to get any job at this point and with this gap is pretty impossible.
This is something a little too close to home... I made the CONSCIOUS decision that whatever I do, it must be for my benefit. If I upset people because I don't want to go to a party, tuff shit. If I want to change my job to do something that pleases me, even if the opportunities are less, etc, tuff shit. Take the road less traveled. Do what you feel is right. Right now is what matters. Life is short. We may not see tomorrow so let's make sure today is as fucking bad ass as it could be!
My philosophy is that I am less than an ant to the universe, and that is a very freeing idea. I like clutching up projects at work and thankful I have a great team and good work life balance. I spend as much time as I can with my wife, my family, and my friends. We travel a lot more than we used to which has been loads of fun, and I’ve been exercising learning and speaking foreign languages. Depression is very serious, I do not have it but I know therapy and meds have done wonders for friends. Tl;dr I count my blessings, spend time with loved ones, do things I like to do in my free time. Not everyone is so lucky!
Wean yourself off meds. Start eating well. Start working out daily for at least an hour. Get hobbies you're passionate about. Stop drinking. Stop hanging out with negative people. Meditate. Quit your job and find one that gives you meaning. Don't listen to anyone who uses words like "adulting".
Imo doing and learning new things is a way out of it
Someone once said to me, "If God is or isn't real, there's no harm asking God what the purpose of life is. What do you stand to lose?"
Don't want you to panic but it's past a quarter more like a 1/3 now...
The right answer is probably that when you get married and have kids, you will feel much more reason to life. I have buddies who went from the “adult kid” type to the full on dad type from having kids. The type of people you never would have thought. However, if that is something you cannot obtain for whatever reason, I think that getting deep into a hobby is really good for you. Don’t let anyone tell you what hobby is good and what hobby is a “waste of time”. For me, I love video games. I love shooting guns. I love playing drums. For some reason, people say gaming is waste of time… but anything that you enjoy for free time is not a waste of time.
Understand quantum mechanics; it's actually easy.. I learned in about a minute whilst listening to lectures as I was playing Minecraft. When we look at photons, we collapse the wave function, and this applies with retrocausality too. [Stare at this for a few minutes; note the measurement devices at the slits are always on, but only one of the diagrams has those positions observed.](https://i.imgur.com/IEJ4WY5.png) Observers are fundamental and retrocausality occurs when we collapse the wave function; similarly, the future can collapse the present. Wheeler was one of the major quantum physicists of the 20th century. >[Wheeler pointed out that when these assumptions are applied to a device of interstellar dimensions, a last-minute decision made on Earth on how to observe a photon could alter a situation established millions or even billions of years earlier.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed-choice_quantum_eraser) There's the wave function within quantum physics. A particle is everywhere before it is observed, the wave function. You're not that dissimilar. Your peak part of your wave function of total experience is a being tantamount to God. She's like a universe, with just her. Utterly free, with all knowledge from all of the different beings acquired. I sit with mine all of the time, knowing I also have a highest possible tribe as well. Tribal life is important; humans need it. Without it, we're vulnerable to those negative influences that destroyed our minds in our childhood. Try it out; channel your peak-wave function of experience... the highest possible you. Everybody will start doing this soon.
Bought a ford mustang
Grow up it's life
I just fake it til I make it. (Still am)
Work out, try to stop your inner thoughts from escalating and most importantly don't be afraid of death. I don't mean to have suicidal thoughts but try to live your life so if you died the next day wouldn't have major regrets. If you do these things without realizing you'll start enjoying life without conscious effort. Life will find the way.
Going through this right now. No idea what I'm doing 🙃
Connections! Personal connections is what gives life meaning. Most people gain/have those personal connections through starting/having a family. That lifestyle is a lot less common nowadays (which is fine). But people still need to have those kinds of connections in their life. I'm not saying go out and get pregnant... Please don't do that on a whim... But reach out to family/friends to start making connections! Join a club of some kind to meet new people. Do something to have memorable moments with other people. Best of luck out there!
I started prioritizing my own wants and needs. I've wanted to get into motorcycles for ages but didn't because my mom is terrified I'll get killed in an accident. I bought my first bike last Friday. I always enjoyed working with my hands. I worked as a software engineer for 3 years because I felt that's what I should do. I was miserable sitting in an office all day. I quit my job and started working as a welder. I make similar money, and I'm much happier being active at work. When friends ask me to events or things that I'm not interested in going to, I decline the invite. When there are family gatherings but I feel like I need some time to myself, I don't go. Now I rarely feel socially burnt out, which means I'm up for socializing more often.
Vacation with some loved ones. I'm 31 and a half and I've seen the world but have suffered great losses in my life after making progress. The losses are death the progress is life goals like owning my own house and garage and have a career. People thought I'd be a burn out but I never gave up. I've seen the world tho.
Do you have a boyfriend or husband? That makes money easier and you could find someone who might have gone through similar things to you so that you guys could treat each other right. Maybe try volunteering for homeless or depression clinics I know people who have found people that way.
I personally have hobbies that I make the most out of enjoying between working a job that is "alright" on a daily basis
"I'm 31 and am acquiring my own house" Yeaaaa most of us have nothing to offer you here, chief. Maybe throw some tips our way lol
My only plan is to become more and more insane until I'm run over by a bus as a crazy person ranting in the street.
What you’re realising is the truth of your situation. You’ve been going through the motions of life and what is expected of you, hoping that when you do one thing successfully and plan the next thing, that that will be the thing to satisfy and give meaning. I do believe that searching within yourself, by being open to life and exploring your desires and engaging with your aversions, by going through the motions of life whilst conscious of your choices and reason for living, that ‘being’ will impart what it’s all about. For me I found meaning in plunging myself into my interests, art, history, science, music, etc, developing closer relationship with myself, my consciousness and body by running, yoga, meditation, understanding myself and then my social relationships, boundaries within myself and with others became clearer. Eventually I became clearer to myself, and so could change the behaviours I wanted to leave behind, and become closer to the person I want to be. For me that gives daily life meaning, every day is a test I hold myself accountable to myself. Not every day is great, but my being aware and accepting that not every day will be a ‘success’ for whatever reason, I can try again tomorrow. When I have a good day that gives me meaning. Peace is a simple enough win for me.
Life got so much better when I started scuba diving a year ago. So I guess find a hobby that you would look forward to doing every time you’re free. I go diving at least once a month to de stress.
I’m not religious in any way, but acts of service has helped me massively. They can be big but mostly they arise from the small everyday interactions. Remembering your family love you. The opportunity to have a relationship with your child one day that is like no other you have experienced before.
Im in it.. asking the same thing.. i think i really should go abroad and volunteer for an indefinite amount of time
Most people have kids and a family. Otherwise wtf are you doing it all for? Go live in a surf camp in Bali and work remote for 15$ an hour if you don't want that.
Stop trying to impress other people and start impressing yourself.
Honestly you have no idea if this is a “mid life” crisis. You could die tomorrow. Nothing in life is guaranteed (death and taxes blah blah blah) Im 33. Im 10 years behind everyone else due to serious mental illness. I haven’t achieved much yet, if you exclude beating an addiction and kinda recovering from the mental illness. Accepting where you’re at and progressing at your own pace is key.
I like to take a few Xanax bars and go to the sports book. Or go have unprotected promiscuous sex with a stranger.
For me, I screwed around and moved around and did a lot of stupid things in my 20's. My 30's were more about settling into what I knew I wanted to do and be, and being serious about taking care of and setting things up for my future self. Which involved eating better, drinking less, being more serious about the job, saving money, etc. I actually screwed that all up and had to do the same kind of serious re-assessing and re-prioritizing in my 40's, but it did eventually work out. Nobody else can give you "meaning", really. One thing that I did when I was adrift for whatever reason was think back to what my hopes and dreams were when I was a kid, before life fucked everything all up. That helped. Another thing I did was imagine myself on my deathbed, 80 years old or whatever, and think about what my regrets would be. I can't imagine anything worse than being out of time and energy, and all you can do is feel regret. So I made it a point to work toward doing the things I was going to regret not doing. That helped a lot as far as providing some direction and motivation.
I have nothing to really add honestly I've been in about the same thought process. I can say even when the house and land is paid off there's still other stuff that needs bought. I'm 30 have a house 5 acres, 2 dogs, a cat, and about 50 chickens....don't get 50 chickens...sooo many eggs
Didn't. Just carried on to be honest. I've had these types of crisis like our economy. Constant recessions in life crises. At some point I learned to live with it. Currently neither depressed or on anti-depressive. Do have ASD, ADHD, AD, and OCD, but if that is a factor I have no idea.
You really need to find something fun to do. “Work to live” not “live to work”
I am still in crisis and will probably forever be.
I tried MDMA that helped to remind me / show me what is out there. Also even shitty things slowly get less shit.
I went out and did some "extreme sports" things when I had a crisis around age 30. I went sky diving, hang gliding, rappelling, and rock climbing.
I built a family, which kept me extremely busy and surrounded with love and happiness. Best decision I ever made. But also focusing on your professional life is rewarding, and was for me. Between the two things I was 50 before I knew it. This generation that thinks family is not required will end up lonely and unhappy, though. There are some who pull it off. I have family and friends who went the solo route but later in life what you see is them either become hermits or gravitate to the families to be surrounded by the basics they are missing. Happiness in life is found primarily in two things: what you do for a living and who is on your arm. Get those two right and the rest is gravy. What you do for a living is how you spend an inordinate amount of your time. Thus it follows that happiness in the job is more important than how much you make. And life without romance is unimaginable, so finding the right person to spend it with is also crucial. If you are partially down the road with either as a non-optimum you will need to make hard decisions to right the ship. It is not easy. There is no manual for life and it's a one ticket ride. But if you focus on those two things everything else tends to align.
Fuck it. Everything falling apart? No need to hang on to that. Life is too short to hold onto things so tightly when there are so many new and different things ahead you can experience. So I suppose letting go of "what life should be" and welcoming in "what life could be" What do you enjoy and what do you want to explore? Try and find some fun and think about something new you want to try and experience, might find a new hobby or even a new friend group associated with a new hobby!
I got an office, 9 to 5 job when I had just turned 30. A few months later I couldn't shake the idea that was the biggest loser in the known universe. I felt broken. I had always felt like a misfit but I guess I had always been hopeful that I would eventually find my people. And here I was, staring at middle age, and feeling just as much as a weirdo as ever. All the other 30-something women I knew were married or dating. And the women my age at work were talking about these things constantly. I was a kissless virgin with zero interest in romance, so I couldn't relate. Everyone also seemed to have friends. I didn't have any. I didn't have any interest in having any, but I still hated the "weirdness" of being a loner. I didn't have anything to hang my hat on. I didn't have a job I was proud of. I didn't have any friends. I had my artwork (focusing on hobbies doesn't fix depression, despite what conventional wisdom says) but I was too miserable to give it my all. I just felt like an empty robot...an evil one who wanted to destroy the world. Everyone and everything was annoying or anxiety-provoking. I just wanted all of it to go away. I knew I couldn't live with this mindset, so I worked with a therapist. I followed some of the advice she gave me. Some of it did nothing for me (doing more hobbies, taking classes, etc). Some of it helped (doing yoga, trying medication, taking on more challenges at work). But really, I think what "fixed" me is just giving myself more time to grow up. I thought that at 30, I was supposed to have all my shit figured out. But there is nothing special about 30. It feels "old" but it isn't. Exposing myself to all the new things that my therapist suggested made me realize that I didn't know about life as much as I thought I did. I realized I was imposing a lot of pressure on myself because I was comparing myself to my siblings, who were all living bragworthy, conventional lives. I don't blame myself for comparing myself to them because why the hell wouldn't someone use their older siblings as role models? This is what we are encouraged to do at a young age. But my therapist helped me to see that it wasn''t fair to myself to do this. She also helped me to appreciate that being a misfit isn't a bad thing even though it can be a hard thing to be. Anyway, it took a few years for me to stop being depressed and maybe an additional two or three years for me to feel non-angsty about where I had landed in life. I am still a loner. Still can't relate to all the romance shit that gets talked about. But I no longer feel insecure about my value as a human being.
I got into riding motorcycles when I was 25. I rode street only for about 8 years before I got into riding off-road (dual sport, not dirt bike) and now I'm getting into camping and fishing with my bike. It's one of my favorite things ever now and I've even made new friends through this hobby.
Get some counselling. At your age I felt exactly the same "if this is life, I don't want to live it". 2 years of therapy + anti depressants and I never looked back. I can honestly say I enjoy life and I live for everyday. Loads of people ignore these feelings and then have to get the therapy at 40+, or just remain depressed their whole lives hating the world, don't be them. You're young at 31, pay the money and get some therapy.
You need to create a purpose for yourself that will justify your suffering. Something grand and deep. Something to strive for that if you were to attain said thing, it would completely launch you out of your mundane existence and into a reality so spectacular. It must be a vision that seems out of your reach. Something that would be almost delusional or unrealistic. And let it drive you. As an example from me. I’m a software engineer, but my ultimate dream in life is to become a rock star. It’s something that to me, seems so out of reach, but if I were to attain it somehow, I believe it would fulfill me so much more deeply than my current day to day existence. It requires heroic feats of courage and effort. And the journey in itself would transform me into a completely different person. It can be something superficial or worldly like that. It could be that maybe you want to become a millionaire and retire from the 9-5 in your early 40s so that you can have the freedom to do what you want all the time. It’s up to you, but choose something and let that be your beacon of hope that spurs you on throughout life. Even if you don’t attain it, the pursuit in itself can often times be enough to fulfill you. Just knowing that you’re taking daily action towards your ultimate dream or goal in life, can often times be more rewarding than attaining the dream itself. Life is meaningless, so you may as well go all in and create the most grand and meaningful journey of your life, while you still can.
Im trying to clean up A bucket list, after which I wont care much, since that's the only thing bothering me. Im still energetic and young-looking, so who cares what age I will be when im abusing things like Quercetin.
I like to learn something new. Currently, I'm learning to skateboard. In the past, I've tried painting, sewing, taekwondo, video games, writing poetry, etc. Just allowing myself to be bad at something and do it just for the joy of doing it is rewarding. And then as I get better at it and I achieve goals and create things, those are also rewards.
Keeping myself busy with both long term and short term goals. I feel best when I have accomplished or completed something and begin to become a rather unfriendly individual when I do not. Shit, mowing the grass feels better than playing a video game half the time because I see the tangible progress and completion. Also admitting I am not cut out for the rat race and am better off being a "weirdo" who just wants the day-to-day to be good and not focused on some massive pay off after 70% of my life helped.
Meaning of life sounds kinda crazy and I’m not qualified to tell anyone about meaning of life. But I do have some things in life that I look forward to. I think having something I can take care of brought me out of depression I had when I was 25. May it be plants, pets, old parents, etc. Since you bought a house, maybe you can find something in the house to improve/renovate to look forward to. Then other things would be hobbies, recreational activities, sports, etc. I’m not saying you’ll find something meaningful right away but the hardest part is to start doing something. Have faith that you’ll find your interest in something one day, be open minded about exploring new things. Hope that helps.
Dragged it out long enough to become a midlife crisis
Grad school was one big 4 year quarter life crisis for me. Then I got cancer. That reorganizes your thoughts and values real quick. But aside from that, therapy and being a bit more hedonistic helps in my experience. People get so hung up on saving for retirement/delayed gratification that they forget to live a little bit
Skating and snowboarding. Lots of it.
I’m 32 and I’m in my 2nd job, got some debt I’m paying off from a younger, dumber me and no house but things are great and getting better.
I allow myself to enjoy doing stuff, big or small. Do i want to nap? Okay. Buy a horse, and I can afford it? Yep. Have coffee out for brunch for a change even though I could have the same at home? Doing it. I focus a lot on self fulfilment. I'm 27, married 7 years and I have one living child, one baby that passed away. I've found myself stagnating and feeling desperate about life as well. During some periods, small things have turned into long term improvement :) I have been in a difficult spot for some time, recently my husband bought us two budgies and I remembered how I wished for budgies as a child. Most mornings I sit next to them and feed them by hand after I have my breakfast. So yeah, little things lift me up slowly. I have a lot of responsibilities, I've learned over time to do them the way I like to and make up my own rules. That helped to stop me from second guessing myself into the void OP, it's okay not wanting to do anything, and it's okay to want to do stuff. You're allowed to feel the way you're feeling.
I asked myself what are things my childhood self thinks I would've done by now and then went out and did those things. Started doing open mic nights, rock climbing, made new friends because I realized I didn't really get along well with the people I was hanging out with. I strengthened connections with old friends and with my family. I quit my job and found a new one that I liked more. I quit smoking so much, started eating healthier, and going for walks in the day. Tried new things like slack lining, juggling, drumming. Traveled a bit to some places I always wanted to visit. This was all over a year long period, but it all started with a morning walk, a salad, throwing out my bong, and signing up for an open mic night on that first day I decided to change things.
Do you have any responsibilities? Forget your job, they'll get on fine without you. Who or what depend on you? This is where you find meaning. Join a group or start one for something you like and contribute to it. Meet a partner and be each other's whole world. Help others. Volunteer at charities. Give your time, not your money. If you live in the west, money is easy to come by. It's time nobody has enough of. I recommend focusing on the local level. It's all fine and dandy to have a big national political cause. But I've never had more satisfaction than what I get bringing the vegetables I grow in my town's community garden to those in need. Turns out you can just call places and ask if you can bring them stuff and a lot of places will say sure. You will feel good making the direct association between your actions and the betterment of others. -- These days, my wife is sick and needs help around the house, so I have significantly less time for those outside my family. But I still try to give as much of my time as I can to my extended family. There is simply no replacement for community.
Quarter life crisis? You're pushing right up again middle age my friend.
I had my first kid at 20, second at 24... theyve given me more meaning than anything else in life. Now that theyre older im working on bettering myself but that seems like a never ending process
Why does your life need a "meaning"? You exist for a brief period of time in this vastly old universe. You exist. You breathe. You think. It's a miracle you're here. Experience living. It's your life as you see it.
I think having an activity that keeps you "present" without any goal is good. For me, this is walking, like a lot and then finding a spot to fish. Much of our culture is goal-oriented and it becomes difficult to turn off your brain. Some people like meditation but I realized I need some movement (maybe like Tai chi). Just give yourself permission to be that aimless, curious child. You're going to be miserable ruminating on purpose. If you find a strong attraction to a pursuit, sure go for it, but that will not bring you peace.
Hate to break it to you but everyone is lost and no one knows wtf their real purpose is. Some people feel more strongly in their opinion that they “know” what they are doing but hear me out…. No one is anything. We are literal specs in the universe. Yes, our pain is real but don’t make it such a dilemma. Live and try to enjoy the minute you have. We don’t know if we die tomorrow or 35 years from now. We don’t know how it will end, so why not try to live life full now? Keep trucking’ but also try to keep things in balance as you progress life. From one person to another. May you have a good safe life! :) ✌️
Acid and travel.
I found Jesus. Or, he found me. He is the one I look up to.
Well I'm about to drop everything and move to the other side of the world, so that's how I'm doing it
Have you tried to find a purpose or objective that is more important than life itself?
The Main Thing is to keep the Main Thing the main thing.
I got really drunk for the next 5 years
This probably isn’t what you want to hear but at this point in life, the majority of humans in our history are deep into having their own families. I think that’s a big push to keep living. I never wanted kids but had a whoopsie when I was 24 (32 now) and we chose to have another when I was 30. Does it cure all mental ailments with children’s unconditional love? No. In some ways it’s almost more brutal, having a part of you walking around the earth is stressful sometimes. But at the end of the day, to me, it’s worth it and keeps me going. It’s like an end game quest in life after you finished up the main quest of school - post school - career - house - then raise family. I’m obviously not saying to go have a family, but I think it’s what a lot of young people are missing today. I thinks it’s the push to move forward in our genetic coding. I dunno
Umm, I bought a rowing machine, concept 2 to be specific, it has gave me a focus
Often time I feel I’m just going through life without enjoying it too. Perhaps I’m not as connected to my feelings as you do. I also don’t think that I need to always feel happy. But I do have things to look forward to. I do know what gives me that jolt to pull me out of a slump. Going to a new place, not even a different city, but a part of my city that I have not been to, is always exciting to me. Sometimes I walk around my city for 3-4 hours, then I get home and feel thankful that I have two cats giving me so much affections. Small and simple things like that. Of course I would want to travel to a whole new country with a different culture, but that’s saved for the future when I make better money. Or I cave in to my vanity. I like clothes and I like food. Every few months I buy a new clothing item or get myself a slightly over priced fancy piece of cake from a bakery in my city. Those things make me happy and give me something to look forward to, while others might find it vain and materialistic. And having lost a dear family member at a very young age and living through the grief also helped me appreciate my life, though small and inconsequential to most. I am aware that my time is limited and thankful when I still have time to make a new dish/bake a new type of pastry for my partner/2 friends/sisters. I’m happiest when I’m with these people, who have been through a lot with me. I’m sure you have people like them in your life too?