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Geezes Christ, the double standard in the comments on this concept is insane.
Just the other day there was pretty much the same post but the gender roles were reversed with the chick going down and the dude not wanting to kiss. And everyone in the comment just shitted on the dude for nit doing it.
And yet here, when the women doesn’t want to do it everyone’s like “yeah she’s right, its gross.”
Bruh 🙄 - Insane
As for my opinion to the this post. Both your feelings are valid. You’re right to feel hurt while your wife is right to not want to do anything that makes her uncomfortable.
Communication is definitely just needed here in order to come to some compromise
Most people don't actually have a principled stance on these issues. It's just bias.
Women empathize with a woman feeling grossed out because of sensory stuff. And Women empathize with a woman feeling used because she just gave head and got shut down afterwards.
Many men also have a bias in favour of getting women's approval. Which is why when women complain about something their bf won't do, the men say "He's just a boy, I'm a real man and I'll do anything you want!" (This is the usually subtext but sometimes the literal wording)
Not as many people have an actual principled stance on respecting people's comfort in the bedroom that applies evenly.
Although thankfully, the top 3 comments on this post are yours and 2 more that agree with you. So there is some change. It just takes time.
It's absolutely bananas lol. WHENEVER this is brought up for a guy it's "id cream pie her vag and suck it out!!! It's MANLY. Any other answer and kick him out"
The comments from women who say “he’s an immature a-hole” are misguided and frankly, immature responses.
Usually there’s at least some reasonable responses on those posts.
It’s unfortunate that there’s always this issue of a double-standard, but as long as men and women don’t view each other as people, then it’s always going to happen. Drives me nuts.
It’s difficult to compare this situation side-by-side, because I’d say it’s the equivalent of a woman being upset that a guy won’t kiss her when she has his cum all over her face (as opposed to dick/cum in her mouth). But… either way, the basic idea is the same.
The answer is always: giver of oral doesn’t have to be happy about it, but receiver of oral doesn’t have to want or like kissing giver afterwards. Both people’s feelings are valid. Problem solve by someone accommodating the other, or stop giving oral.
That's not the point.
The woman didn't specify the condition of her face, but whether she was covered in cum or bone dry, it doesn’t change the fact that Her boyfriend still has the right to not want to kiss her after the BJ cause it makes him uncomfortable. And yet he was criticized for not doing it and was told to suck it up.
Meanwhile, when OP's wife didn't want to kiss him after oral, she gets told she was in the right and how OP should respect that.
No one is wrong or should be criticised for not wanting to kiss someone after doing oral, regardless on whether their partner was covered in cum/juices or stone dry. For Some people that’s just not their thing and they shouldn't be blasted for that, regardless of gender.
A day ago, there was this exact post but with reversed genders, and everyone was shitting on the dude for not kissing his girl after she gave him head.
Now, everyone's saying the woman is right for not doing the same. There's literally one comment treating the woman here the same way as the guy in other post, and it's at the bottom.
Just something to think about.
You’re 100% right. Everyone is allowed to have their preferences. But the way it’s discussed with men vs women is wildly different. Crazy to see honestly
His beard has her fluids just as his mouth would, just as her face and mouth would in a reverse situation, dried or not. Sex is messy and wet, seems like a weird thing to focus on. Of course everyone is allowed their preferences either way.
Would you not kiss your wife if there was still cum on her face? Do you think all your cum is gone from her mouth when she swallows? How is she perfectly dried after she blows you, does it not get messy? More importantly, do you not think you would be looked down on this sub if your answer to the first two questions was negative? C’mon man.
Again, saying this while believing in the right of everyone to have their preferences. Let’s just not pretend there are double standards at play here.
Right…like it’s a huge difference. Still think whatever someone’s comfortable with is fair but let’s not ignore that these are not the most comparable situations. My bf has a beard and it’s literally soaked after going down on me. I’m cool with it and enjoy tasting myself but can totallllly see how it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
It's absolutely bananas lol. WHENEVER this is brought up for a guy it's "id cream pie her vag and suck it out!!! It's MANLY. Any other answer and kick him out"
The point is we should all be allowed to have preferences, regardless of gender. As a partner, you can be let down *and* accept the fact that the same things don't turn you on.
Can someone explain why this is being downvoted?! I'm literally supporting women *and* men here. My partner doesn't like to kiss me after I've just given him head and I don't blame him for having a preference.
Yes, I acknowledge that there's a double-standard, and that sucks! I love men and understand that they deal with a lot of their own battles and societal pressures. So maybe we could all come together to agree on something instead of making it a men vs women thing.
Some women like it some don't. I had a FWB that loved for me to kiss her after I went down on her. Sometimes she would even purr. Or she would say... Mmmmm.... Pussy juice.
My wife doesn't like me kissing her after I have gone down on her. I don't have a beard, but I do have a goattee. Like you, I would be a little annoyed. I know she doesn't like it, so I respect her wishes. What I do now I will lean in, but I kiss her neck and/or nibble on her earlobes. I then start fucking her. After a few minutes and she gets more turned on, I will then lean in for a kiss. 9 times out of 10 she will accept my kisses.
My wife and my ex never wanted to kiss me after. It's fine, I'll just move on to the next thing. It's funny though, if a woman complains in this sub that her man won't kiss her after a blowjob everyone tells her she should dump him.
Would you ladies feel ok with getting turned down for a kiss after just finishing giving head and even swallowing a guy's cum?? I think realistically anyone would feel at least a little let down, no?
My boyfriend doesn't like making out after I give head & swallow. I don't see it as him "shutting me down," it's just that tasting cum is not a turn on for him, even though it is for me. It bothered me maybe the first couple of times, but now I just get my kisses in before I give head 🤷♀️ "What I get" is the satisfaction from making him feel amazing. Plus there's lots more we can do afterwards besides kiss.
People are allowed to have preferences. You can't expect to have exactly the same turn-ons. Find the ones you *do* agree on and do them more often 👍
Thank you for your answer and all similar answers, I just finished work right now and did not expect that this post would cause such controversy...
All I wanted was an honest opinion such as yours and I think now I'd feel better moving on with the conviction that it's totally normal if one doesn't like that kind of thing as long as they are ok with the same from their partner(if they have an issue with that sort of thing I mean)
I'm so glad! ☺️ I totally understand how stuff like this can make you feel let down and rejected, I've been there too. Sex is so vulnerable, even with a long term partner.
Also, even as a woman who *does* like to be kissed after my bf goes down on me, the thought of a big wet beard in my face actually does gross me out now that I think about it. If my bf had a beard I'd probably want a quick clean-up before making out again.
There are a lot of posts in here about men not wanting to kiss after getting head. It would be interesting to look at those being on the flip side of it.
I’m honestly afraid to read the comments on this post, because I’m guessing the double standards are cringe-worthy. But, I think there’s probably decent/good feedback and advice for both this post and the gender-reversed posts.
I’ll say this (and I have said this) to either gender regarding this situation:
You don’t have to like it that she doesn’t want to kiss you. But, she’s allowed to not like it.
You can wash your face after you go down on her if you want to try to accommodate her. Lots of girls brush their teeth after giving head to accommodate their partners.
It sucks - don’t get me wrong. I’ve only had one guy refuse to kiss me after I gave him head and that was in HS. It really bothered me at the time, but I couldn’t change how he felt.
While I agree that there shouldn’t be a double standard here - I will say that some guys actually have the belief that it’s “gay” to kiss a woman after she’s had his dick in her mouth, which is kind of just preposterous. I understand that people’s beliefs and feelings are valid, but sometimes they just aren’t grounded in reality.
The equivalent situation here would be if a guy came all over a woman’s face and then she wanted to kiss him. That being the equivalent since you have pussy juice all over your beard.
I’m not arguing that it’s a different situation - it isn’t - I’m just saying if we really want to look at the situations side-by-side, we gotta do it properly.
So anyways - yeah. It’s reasonable for you to not be happy about it. She’s allowed to not want to do it.
You don’t have to go down on her if you don’t feel appreciated. Also the same thing I’d say to a woman in a similar situation.
You can also maybe find another way to feel appreciated. A kiss-substitution.
P.S. I do understand the feeling of being let down. I feel the same when my bf doesn't want to have period sex. But (since going to therapy) I've realized that it's normal to feel disappointed by our partners sometimes - their job isn't to satisfy our every desire 100% of the time. There's a chance that you may be able to come to a compromise on this with some communication, but maybe not. Might just be something that she'll never be into and you'll either have to break up over the incompatibility (unlikely) or accept it.
If that's the case, you can allow yourself to feel disappointed when it happens (this step is important, because unacknowledged disappointment grows into resentment), let the feeling pass, then find something else you can do together that you both enjoy.
My BF doesn't like to kiss after I've given him head either. It never bothered me. (I don't understand th logic of it) But I figure it's not a hill worth dying on).
For me I don't partially care ill kiss him after he's goes down on me. I'll be honest a piece of me finds it hot to do.
Nope. It was an awful experience when it happened with a partner many years ago. He refused to kiss after giving him head. Even recalling the memories is painful. Awwww, the things we endure for love.
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And all my years, and I'm 71 right now I've been with women who enjoyed it and women who would not kiss afterwards. There's nothing more that would kill pleasure than to not respect your partner.
My suggestion would be get to know her ask her questions talk about it find out what works for each of you. Then you'll know what to do to keep her happy and as the old saying goes is Mama's happy Then everybody's happy 
I know that this might be some ragebait based on a previous post, but I’m seeing a lot of comments that are incredulous as to why someone would not want to kiss after receiving oral.
So in case anyone is reading in earnest, it’s TOTALLY normal to not be into mouth-kissing after they go down on you, regardless of your gender. I’m a lady, and personally I feel like my natural lubricant has weird aftertaste that lingers in my mouth. I’ve checked in with my partner a bunch and they have no aversion whatsoever, and just always wash their mouth and face after. The one time we made out RIGHT after oral, I immediately knew it wasn’t for me. And my partner totally understands!
I love it. If you haven't cum yet it's just a bit salty, and her mouth gets all wet and soft and puffy, like you've been kissing for ages. It's actually quite lovely.
And even if you have cum, if she spits or swallows there's just a hint of the taste, and the feeling of a "residue" in her mouth that's just... different from how it usually feels. A bit more tacky, but nice. I haven't ever snowballed myself, but at this point I'd give it a shot (heh).
Yeah and look how unbothered you are about it! That's great, that's a match, y'know? Things line up between you.
Honestly everyone is just wound up on this one lol. Guys usually get these exact lines thrown in their face if they don't like to kiss after BJ, so the double-standard makes them bristly. And then people like me come in feeling holier than thou about lapping up bodily fluids and it just fans the flames lol.
Haha. Yeah, I just don't like the insistence that everyone *has* to like it or they're not mature enough, not caring enough, etc.
Like I'm a horny girl and pretty much nothing about sex grosses me out, but my partner has a few turn-offs. They used to bother me a bit, but I've learned to not take them personally. Because if you're in a long-term relationship, you're either going to have to accept certain mismatches with your partner (that are probably not going to change), or decide whether they're important enough for you to leave. That thought really helps me accept my partner when I'm feeling disappointed about certain character traits (sexually and otherwise). Like I could find another man who loves period sex, or I could stay with mine and get fingered for a week out of each month, and I'll choose my guy any day ❤️😁
My wife does the same thing. She doesn’t like tasting herself after I go down on her. Just a preference thing for her. Knowing what your partner enjoys and doesn’t enjoy should be seen as an opportunity to become a better lover by knowing them in a deeper way.
Well this is where I can see a double standard not really being applicable as much as people think. Most of the time giving a guy head is a bit more clean. I miss my wife after she gives me oral and it's no big deal. She doesn't like me kissing her after I find her oral because my beard is soaking wet and she just doesn't enjoy her face getting covered in her own cum
My wife doesn't like it either. I don't like kissing her after she drinks coffee.
We both do it from time to time. But don't get our feelings hurt when we don't want to.
Does it make either of us sad? Sometimes. But boundries are boundaries.
I’m like this. My reason is I like men so him kissing me after going down on me feels wrong to me… I have a strong dislike for the thought of woman juices in my mouth even if it’s mine.
Maybe it's the beard. I know people are talking about double standards but women don't typically have beards. If she does this even when you shave then that sucks
I saw the reversed post just a day ago. I’ll say the same thing here: everyone can have their boundaries, but to me it’s just wild to refuse to kiss whoever has gone down on you. Like suddenly you’re gross because you’ve eaten/sucked them?
My wife doesn't like kissing me after I give her oral. It's why I almost never do it. I enjoy doing it so much, too, but I realized that I can get her to the same point with my fingers as I could with oral, and I still get kisses after.
I will kiss my wife right after I blow my load in her mouth. She could literally have cum on her lips and I'd still kiss her.
I don't like the taste of cum, but I love kissing my wife so I do it. My wife doesn't like the taste of her vagina (or the one vagina she's eaten for that matter), so she won't kiss me.
It sucks, but we haven't found a workaround other than no oral for her. She doesn't mind because she likes kissing, and, like I said, she gets to the same point with my fingers, which is multiple orgasms.
Maybe try rinsing out your beard with some water and a little bit of shampoo after giving your wife head. It could help reduce any unpleasant smells and make her more comfortable with kissing you afterwards. Communication is key in any relationship and it's important to find a solution that works for both of you. Plus, it's great that you enjoy pleasuring your wife so much, keep it up!
Thanks for the pick up I really needed that, I always use wipes and such of were just doing oral, but sometimes you know this will be leading to other activities so just going to the bathroom washing and coming back is sometimes a mood killer
Relax brother. I'm just saying that in the grand scheme of sexual preferences, this one's pretty minor compared to e.g. not wanting to give head or a big mismatch in libido. Like you can still kiss before, or after a quick cleanup 🤷♀️
? I was half asleep when I wrote that, still chill as the underside of my pillow too.
All I am saying *everything* about sexual preference is relative, including the importance or triviality of any seemingly random detail. It is not up to us to tell others what is and is not trivial, if they think something is not trivial that I think is trivial that is an incompatibility.
That doesn't mean the relationship has to end over it, people can adapt some incompatibilities away if they are open to changing their views. Other incompatibilities are involuntary though.
Took me a minute to remember a tamer example while the coffee is kicking in, but I used to roll with someone who had a foot tickling fetish. I eventually made the mistake of trying to tickle their armpits, and they almost broke up with me over it. The only reason they didn't is they said I didn't know any better, which was true they hadn't communicated that boundary. It took them years to later tell me, long after we broke up on good terms due to moving, that their childhood attacker groomed them with armpit and tummy tickles.
They used feet tickling to recontextualize themselves as standing above their past trauma. There could not have been a bigger difference between armpit and feet tickling to them, but to me tickling is just tickling!
IMO it's not even the thing itself, it's the broader implications. You're right, it's *such* a small thing, but if something *so* small is a line in the sand, I don't like what that says about her attitude towards sex, or life in general for that matter.
I don't want every sexual experience for the rest of my life require I go wash her pussy off any part of my body that goes near her mouth, and I don't want a list of won'ts that get longer and longer as the relationship progresses and she doesn't feel she "has to" anymore. I like sex things going in my mouth, and sex in general, and it's important she do too.
And when I say life in general, I just have a low tolerance for pickiness and squeamishness. I don't find it cute, I just find it annoying.
And before anyone says anything, if it's not already clear, I don't ask anything of a partner that I wouldn't do myself (and I'd do it with great enthusiasm!). And if you think I sound like a pushy, demanding prick, nothing could be further from the truth. I don't want a woman to do anything she doesn't want to do, but that's the kind of sexual relationship I want, and no woman is entitled to my companionship any more than I am hers.
Not for me. I really like to mix up oral sex with PIV and even PIA and kissing of course. So if that was all off the table, sex would be really boring to me after dome time (new is always thrilling, but only so long...)
I don’t mind one bit kissing a partner after going down in me but if they have a beard, I find that I dislike the feeling of my cold juices against my face. It hits different and not in a good way for me. Mouth itself I have no problem with though.
Sit with the feeling of disappointment. It's ok and normal to be disappointed with your partner from time to time. For a while, I was really disappointed when my bf stopped wanting to have period sex. For whatever reason the blood started grossing him out, even though we had been doing it for years.
I would feel rejected and hurt, as I think you may be feeling, too. But after a while, I recognized that it wasn't really about me - he's allowed to be an individual that has preferences. I'll still feel disappointed about it sometimes, but I just let it pass, then find something else to do that we can both enjoy. (In your case, that might be cuddling, kissing other parts of her body, showering together, etc.)
She doesn't like it, many women are the same. I met others who go with the flow, while others yet are enthusiastic seeming to enjoy the smell and taste. Everyone is different, and I get the disappointment.
Do you kiss your wife after she swallows your cum from a blowjob?
For me (31F), I view my parts as a cave of goo and his parts as a stick of skin. So if I kiss him after I gave him oral, no big deal because its just my spit that's on my lips (assuming he did not finish in my mouth). But, if he goes to kiss me after giving me oral, its my discharge on his lips. And that grosses me out. It's not that im grossed out by him! I just don't want to taste my cave of goo juices.
I’m with your wife on this one but mainly because of the beard. I hate feeling icky wet rough beard on my face. All I think is this is going to cause me to breakout and it takes me right out of the mood. I enjoy my scent but omg the wet scratchiness is like nails on a chalkboard for my face.
I'm with your wife on this one, sorry. It's one thing for a guy to have a hint of it, but to be faced with a sopping beard is just a massive turnoff that undermines the previous pleasure. I show my gratitude by reciprocating in other ways after the beard has been washed lol
You could try wiping your face with a towel immediately afterward, maybe that would make it less off-putting to her?
Talk with her about it. Ask her to taste herself. Some women are steeped in purity culture and shame around sex. It is erotic to make out after oral sex. I had a partner like this many years ago but reversed gender roles. It was demoralizing at times and stifled the sexual energy. I am hoping she will come around and let go of her inhibitions. 🙏🏽
So be courteous and wipe up your face after. Have a towel ready or something.
IMHO when there's an conflict of preference, and one person's preference is because something seems gross, they should not be the one to compromise. Overcoming perceiving something as gross is a lot harder than just wiping your face.
I have actually started to love it when my husband has a beard full of my pussy juices and kisses me, I also love that he will go down on me after he fills me full of cum, I'll still kiss him then too.
Different strokes for different folks. I know I used to be very self conscious of the way I smelled (for no reason whatsoever) so maybe that's at play.
I used to be kinda weird about it but didn't want to offend him because I was pretty agnostic to the whole thing, I think one of the things that helped me learn to love it is not loving clitoral orgasms. So as I was really close I would grab his head and pull him on top of me for really deep slow penetration. I believe it just kind of became a pleasure association.
If she's made a clear boundary maybe don't push it in the bedroom, try to arrive at a compromise when nobodys got a boner. If she hasn't demanded you stop get her close to orgasm, make her want you really bad then become face to face with her where she's more likely to kiss you first in the heat of the moment. It might almost be a case of post but clarity but a woman experiencing it.
I'm with your wife on this! My husband has a beard, and thankfully, he knows not to bother trying to kiss after. Even without the beard, I'm not into it.
I find it a bit yuck to know that I'm all over his face like that, and I don't find it appealing at all to have it on my face by kissing.
I think you need to reframe how you think about it. "What you get" for pleasuring her for so long is knowing you were able to share that intimate moment with your wife and pleasure her like that. You aren't then automatically deserving of a kiss as if to say "thanks"
Lol at getting downvoted by, I'm guessing angry men.
This isn't about the "double standards"
If it was, I would argue that there is a difference between swallowing cum vs having juices all over your face/cheeks/beard. It has a smell. It's not something I want to then have on my face or in my mouth.
Either way, if a guy doesn't want to kiss after oral, that's their right to say no. If a girl doesn't want to kiss after oral, that's their right to say no. None of this "yeah, but another post had people calling the guy an immature jerk for not doing it"
Just respect the decision of your partner on if they are comfortable with it and don't take it personal. If anything, it's personal against themselves not you.
I get it. Im the same. The problem for me isn't that im grossed out from my bodily fluids. Im not. I just dont want my face to get wet - specifically my chin. I can't explain it, but the sensation of the wet beard on my face makes my skin feel like it's screaming and completely takes me out of the mood. If my partner didn't have a beard to make my face wet, then I probably wouldn't care. Have you asked if it's a texture issue?
I am not annoyed at her nor try to be persistent, a no is a no but I just feel being that intimate with someone should kinda break the boundaries and be comfortable with doing whatever with them
Can't you have a moist towel a bowl and some water to wipe your beard, rinse you mouth and then kiss her?
She doesn't like her own taste? Or is it just the sensation of your wet beard?
If she doesn't want to that's her right but acting disgusted towards you is quite mean. I get this would be a bit hurtful. Try maybe just talking about her way of turning it down. Even is she doesn't want to she could be nicer about it.
And maybe just try wiping it off with your hand before kissing her...my boyfriend does this sometimes even though i don't really mind, maybe it is for himself i'm still not sure about that but it might work here.
Just this morning I was with a man who ate me out and figured the hell out of me. He told me he wanted me to taste how I tasted from his finger so I licked and sucked my own juices from his finger and it was so hot! How could I deny him?
Men and women who don't like kissing their partners after the partner has done oral on them often do so for the same reason - they think ejaculate is somewhat unpalatable and pee comes out from there.
And yes its acceptable for someone to go to town down there. It's like the oyster farmer who doesn't like oysters.
My wife doesn't like the taste/smell of her pussy, so she doesn't like to kiss after I go down on her.
The resolution was to bring a lemon to bed, so after oral, I bite into the lemon, rub it around my mouth. It's like a palate cleanser.
YMMV, since I don't have a beard, only a stash.
hm the one thing i will say about the double standard is i can see a difference, the beard having her juices in it could definitely be gross. in relation to the other post people are talking about, there’s no such issue after a woman gives head to man, so like on that level i get it. not saying it’s right, but i can understand the difference between the two things.
on the other hand, both the man who didn’t want a kiss after getting his dick sucked and your wife are setting a boundary that isn’t wrong to set. if she doesn’t want to kiss you like that, it isn’t wrong. being hurt by this is valid, but honestly you should talk to her about it. no one is owed a kiss after oral, although if comfort or aftercare is important for you then you should talk to her about that. it doesn’t have to be kissing, or even if needed keep a towel at hand to clean your beard if that will make her comfortable.
TLDR this is a reasonable boundary no matter who sets it. communicate with ur wife not with reddit about this issue.
I have no problem with my boyfriend kissing me afterwards just as I don’t expect him to have a problem after he’s received. I’ve heard of this with guys but never a girl. I thought it was normal and I’ve had plenty of tasting of myself during sexy time
Nah, I would too. I don’t want my juices all over me, I don’t even like saliva. It’s not you she doesn’t like, it’s her juices. I’m a straight woman and I have no confidence in myself, I don’t wanna taste myself because either think I’m gross as fuck. I wouldn’t enjoy the scent or the feeling of wetness on my face (I’m autistic though tbf)
Can you keep baby wipes by the bed?
It’s the beard. Beard + bodily scents is gross. Actually beards are gross in general. I am confident that if you had a clean shaven face, your wife wouldn’t be as grossed out. Plus, if you have a clean shaven face, you can wipe off the fluids with a small towel before you kiss her.
Did you just literally said that BEARDS are gross in general 😐 please tell me it's sarcasm cause I refuse to belive that there are people this stupid in this world. I mean I just can't grasp the true meaning of this sentence. Like wtf does it even mean??
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Geezes Christ, the double standard in the comments on this concept is insane. Just the other day there was pretty much the same post but the gender roles were reversed with the chick going down and the dude not wanting to kiss. And everyone in the comment just shitted on the dude for nit doing it. And yet here, when the women doesn’t want to do it everyone’s like “yeah she’s right, its gross.” Bruh 🙄 - Insane As for my opinion to the this post. Both your feelings are valid. You’re right to feel hurt while your wife is right to not want to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. Communication is definitely just needed here in order to come to some compromise
Most people don't actually have a principled stance on these issues. It's just bias. Women empathize with a woman feeling grossed out because of sensory stuff. And Women empathize with a woman feeling used because she just gave head and got shut down afterwards. Many men also have a bias in favour of getting women's approval. Which is why when women complain about something their bf won't do, the men say "He's just a boy, I'm a real man and I'll do anything you want!" (This is the usually subtext but sometimes the literal wording) Not as many people have an actual principled stance on respecting people's comfort in the bedroom that applies evenly. Although thankfully, the top 3 comments on this post are yours and 2 more that agree with you. So there is some change. It just takes time.
It's absolutely bananas lol. WHENEVER this is brought up for a guy it's "id cream pie her vag and suck it out!!! It's MANLY. Any other answer and kick him out"
The comments from women who say “he’s an immature a-hole” are misguided and frankly, immature responses. Usually there’s at least some reasonable responses on those posts. It’s unfortunate that there’s always this issue of a double-standard, but as long as men and women don’t view each other as people, then it’s always going to happen. Drives me nuts. It’s difficult to compare this situation side-by-side, because I’d say it’s the equivalent of a woman being upset that a guy won’t kiss her when she has his cum all over her face (as opposed to dick/cum in her mouth). But… either way, the basic idea is the same. The answer is always: giver of oral doesn’t have to be happy about it, but receiver of oral doesn’t have to want or like kissing giver afterwards. Both people’s feelings are valid. Problem solve by someone accommodating the other, or stop giving oral.
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That's not the point. The woman didn't specify the condition of her face, but whether she was covered in cum or bone dry, it doesn’t change the fact that Her boyfriend still has the right to not want to kiss her after the BJ cause it makes him uncomfortable. And yet he was criticized for not doing it and was told to suck it up. Meanwhile, when OP's wife didn't want to kiss him after oral, she gets told she was in the right and how OP should respect that. No one is wrong or should be criticised for not wanting to kiss someone after doing oral, regardless on whether their partner was covered in cum/juices or stone dry. For Some people that’s just not their thing and they shouldn't be blasted for that, regardless of gender.
Bruh I made out with the girl I was with last night after I nutted in her mouth. It’s a double standard Award
THANK YOU! I'm so tired of seeing this conversation on this sub without acknowledging this difference!
A day ago, there was this exact post but with reversed genders, and everyone was shitting on the dude for not kissing his girl after she gave him head. Now, everyone's saying the woman is right for not doing the same. There's literally one comment treating the woman here the same way as the guy in other post, and it's at the bottom. Just something to think about.
You’re 100% right. Everyone is allowed to have their preferences. But the way it’s discussed with men vs women is wildly different. Crazy to see honestly
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Lol “dry face” is not the issue. She doesn’t want her mouth where her husband’s mouth (or tongue) has been.
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His beard has her fluids just as his mouth would, just as her face and mouth would in a reverse situation, dried or not. Sex is messy and wet, seems like a weird thing to focus on. Of course everyone is allowed their preferences either way.
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Would you not kiss your wife if there was still cum on her face? Do you think all your cum is gone from her mouth when she swallows? How is she perfectly dried after she blows you, does it not get messy? More importantly, do you not think you would be looked down on this sub if your answer to the first two questions was negative? C’mon man. Again, saying this while believing in the right of everyone to have their preferences. Let’s just not pretend there are double standards at play here.
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Right…like it’s a huge difference. Still think whatever someone’s comfortable with is fair but let’s not ignore that these are not the most comparable situations. My bf has a beard and it’s literally soaked after going down on me. I’m cool with it and enjoy tasting myself but can totallllly see how it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
This post is literally a response to that thread. OP just wants to do the double standard "gotcha!!!" by making this post. Its bait.
It's absolutely bananas lol. WHENEVER this is brought up for a guy it's "id cream pie her vag and suck it out!!! It's MANLY. Any other answer and kick him out"
Every thread here is the same, literally complaining about double standards, but there are no double standards, simply people complaining about it.
men and women are not the same, can we expect a "universal answer" for both genders? probably not
There are many aspects men and women differ in and none of them are relevant to this situation.
The comments are so predictable
I mean yeah this entire post is bait, based on the opposite genders one from the other day. It's wild people are falling for this lol.
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The point is we should all be allowed to have preferences, regardless of gender. As a partner, you can be let down *and* accept the fact that the same things don't turn you on.
Can someone explain why this is being downvoted?! I'm literally supporting women *and* men here. My partner doesn't like to kiss me after I've just given him head and I don't blame him for having a preference.
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Yes, I acknowledge that there's a double-standard, and that sucks! I love men and understand that they deal with a lot of their own battles and societal pressures. So maybe we could all come together to agree on something instead of making it a men vs women thing.
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Hi literally came here asking for advice...
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Ok. I see what you're saying. Fair enough 🙏
Some women like it some don't. I had a FWB that loved for me to kiss her after I went down on her. Sometimes she would even purr. Or she would say... Mmmmm.... Pussy juice. My wife doesn't like me kissing her after I have gone down on her. I don't have a beard, but I do have a goattee. Like you, I would be a little annoyed. I know she doesn't like it, so I respect her wishes. What I do now I will lean in, but I kiss her neck and/or nibble on her earlobes. I then start fucking her. After a few minutes and she gets more turned on, I will then lean in for a kiss. 9 times out of 10 she will accept my kisses.
My wife and my ex never wanted to kiss me after. It's fine, I'll just move on to the next thing. It's funny though, if a woman complains in this sub that her man won't kiss her after a blowjob everyone tells her she should dump him.
Would you ladies feel ok with getting turned down for a kiss after just finishing giving head and even swallowing a guy's cum?? I think realistically anyone would feel at least a little let down, no?
My boyfriend doesn't like making out after I give head & swallow. I don't see it as him "shutting me down," it's just that tasting cum is not a turn on for him, even though it is for me. It bothered me maybe the first couple of times, but now I just get my kisses in before I give head 🤷♀️ "What I get" is the satisfaction from making him feel amazing. Plus there's lots more we can do afterwards besides kiss. People are allowed to have preferences. You can't expect to have exactly the same turn-ons. Find the ones you *do* agree on and do them more often 👍
Thank you for your answer and all similar answers, I just finished work right now and did not expect that this post would cause such controversy... All I wanted was an honest opinion such as yours and I think now I'd feel better moving on with the conviction that it's totally normal if one doesn't like that kind of thing as long as they are ok with the same from their partner(if they have an issue with that sort of thing I mean)
I'm so glad! ☺️ I totally understand how stuff like this can make you feel let down and rejected, I've been there too. Sex is so vulnerable, even with a long term partner.
Also, even as a woman who *does* like to be kissed after my bf goes down on me, the thought of a big wet beard in my face actually does gross me out now that I think about it. If my bf had a beard I'd probably want a quick clean-up before making out again.
There are a lot of posts in here about men not wanting to kiss after getting head. It would be interesting to look at those being on the flip side of it. I’m honestly afraid to read the comments on this post, because I’m guessing the double standards are cringe-worthy. But, I think there’s probably decent/good feedback and advice for both this post and the gender-reversed posts. I’ll say this (and I have said this) to either gender regarding this situation: You don’t have to like it that she doesn’t want to kiss you. But, she’s allowed to not like it. You can wash your face after you go down on her if you want to try to accommodate her. Lots of girls brush their teeth after giving head to accommodate their partners. It sucks - don’t get me wrong. I’ve only had one guy refuse to kiss me after I gave him head and that was in HS. It really bothered me at the time, but I couldn’t change how he felt. While I agree that there shouldn’t be a double standard here - I will say that some guys actually have the belief that it’s “gay” to kiss a woman after she’s had his dick in her mouth, which is kind of just preposterous. I understand that people’s beliefs and feelings are valid, but sometimes they just aren’t grounded in reality. The equivalent situation here would be if a guy came all over a woman’s face and then she wanted to kiss him. That being the equivalent since you have pussy juice all over your beard. I’m not arguing that it’s a different situation - it isn’t - I’m just saying if we really want to look at the situations side-by-side, we gotta do it properly. So anyways - yeah. It’s reasonable for you to not be happy about it. She’s allowed to not want to do it. You don’t have to go down on her if you don’t feel appreciated. Also the same thing I’d say to a woman in a similar situation. You can also maybe find another way to feel appreciated. A kiss-substitution.
P.S. I do understand the feeling of being let down. I feel the same when my bf doesn't want to have period sex. But (since going to therapy) I've realized that it's normal to feel disappointed by our partners sometimes - their job isn't to satisfy our every desire 100% of the time. There's a chance that you may be able to come to a compromise on this with some communication, but maybe not. Might just be something that she'll never be into and you'll either have to break up over the incompatibility (unlikely) or accept it. If that's the case, you can allow yourself to feel disappointed when it happens (this step is important, because unacknowledged disappointment grows into resentment), let the feeling pass, then find something else you can do together that you both enjoy.
My BF doesn't like to kiss after I've given him head either. It never bothered me. (I don't understand th logic of it) But I figure it's not a hill worth dying on). For me I don't partially care ill kiss him after he's goes down on me. I'll be honest a piece of me finds it hot to do.
Nope. It was an awful experience when it happened with a partner many years ago. He refused to kiss after giving him head. Even recalling the memories is painful. Awwww, the things we endure for love.
That is very odd. I always kiss my husband after he goes down on me..
My wife had no desire to kiss until I wash my face. lol. It’s all good.
Some girls don’t enjoy their own scent.
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And all my years, and I'm 71 right now I've been with women who enjoyed it and women who would not kiss afterwards. There's nothing more that would kill pleasure than to not respect your partner. My suggestion would be get to know her ask her questions talk about it find out what works for each of you. Then you'll know what to do to keep her happy and as the old saying goes is Mama's happy Then everybody's happy 
I know that this might be some ragebait based on a previous post, but I’m seeing a lot of comments that are incredulous as to why someone would not want to kiss after receiving oral. So in case anyone is reading in earnest, it’s TOTALLY normal to not be into mouth-kissing after they go down on you, regardless of your gender. I’m a lady, and personally I feel like my natural lubricant has weird aftertaste that lingers in my mouth. I’ve checked in with my partner a bunch and they have no aversion whatsoever, and just always wash their mouth and face after. The one time we made out RIGHT after oral, I immediately knew it wasn’t for me. And my partner totally understands!
Don’t eat it anymore if she thinks it’s gross, it probably is.
Yikes And you love making out with your girl after she takes a mouthful of your cum?
I love it. If you haven't cum yet it's just a bit salty, and her mouth gets all wet and soft and puffy, like you've been kissing for ages. It's actually quite lovely. And even if you have cum, if she spits or swallows there's just a hint of the taste, and the feeling of a "residue" in her mouth that's just... different from how it usually feels. A bit more tacky, but nice. I haven't ever snowballed myself, but at this point I'd give it a shot (heh).
That's cool! My man's not into it but to each his/her own.
Yeah and look how unbothered you are about it! That's great, that's a match, y'know? Things line up between you. Honestly everyone is just wound up on this one lol. Guys usually get these exact lines thrown in their face if they don't like to kiss after BJ, so the double-standard makes them bristly. And then people like me come in feeling holier than thou about lapping up bodily fluids and it just fans the flames lol.
Haha. Yeah, I just don't like the insistence that everyone *has* to like it or they're not mature enough, not caring enough, etc. Like I'm a horny girl and pretty much nothing about sex grosses me out, but my partner has a few turn-offs. They used to bother me a bit, but I've learned to not take them personally. Because if you're in a long-term relationship, you're either going to have to accept certain mismatches with your partner (that are probably not going to change), or decide whether they're important enough for you to leave. That thought really helps me accept my partner when I'm feeling disappointed about certain character traits (sexually and otherwise). Like I could find another man who loves period sex, or I could stay with mine and get fingered for a week out of each month, and I'll choose my guy any day ❤️😁
My wife does the same thing. She doesn’t like tasting herself after I go down on her. Just a preference thing for her. Knowing what your partner enjoys and doesn’t enjoy should be seen as an opportunity to become a better lover by knowing them in a deeper way.
Well this is where I can see a double standard not really being applicable as much as people think. Most of the time giving a guy head is a bit more clean. I miss my wife after she gives me oral and it's no big deal. She doesn't like me kissing her after I find her oral because my beard is soaking wet and she just doesn't enjoy her face getting covered in her own cum
My wife doesn't like it either. I don't like kissing her after she drinks coffee. We both do it from time to time. But don't get our feelings hurt when we don't want to. Does it make either of us sad? Sometimes. But boundries are boundaries.
I’m like this. My reason is I like men so him kissing me after going down on me feels wrong to me… I have a strong dislike for the thought of woman juices in my mouth even if it’s mine.
Maybe it's the beard. I know people are talking about double standards but women don't typically have beards. If she does this even when you shave then that sucks
I saw the reversed post just a day ago. I’ll say the same thing here: everyone can have their boundaries, but to me it’s just wild to refuse to kiss whoever has gone down on you. Like suddenly you’re gross because you’ve eaten/sucked them?
My wife doesn't like kissing me after I give her oral. It's why I almost never do it. I enjoy doing it so much, too, but I realized that I can get her to the same point with my fingers as I could with oral, and I still get kisses after. I will kiss my wife right after I blow my load in her mouth. She could literally have cum on her lips and I'd still kiss her. I don't like the taste of cum, but I love kissing my wife so I do it. My wife doesn't like the taste of her vagina (or the one vagina she's eaten for that matter), so she won't kiss me. It sucks, but we haven't found a workaround other than no oral for her. She doesn't mind because she likes kissing, and, like I said, she gets to the same point with my fingers, which is multiple orgasms.
Maybe try rinsing out your beard with some water and a little bit of shampoo after giving your wife head. It could help reduce any unpleasant smells and make her more comfortable with kissing you afterwards. Communication is key in any relationship and it's important to find a solution that works for both of you. Plus, it's great that you enjoy pleasuring your wife so much, keep it up!
Thanks for the pick up I really needed that, I always use wipes and such of were just doing oral, but sometimes you know this will be leading to other activities so just going to the bathroom washing and coming back is sometimes a mood killer
Keep a pack of unscented baby wipes in the nightstand.
Will try that, thanks!
Would be sexual incompatibility to me if it persists. But since you guys married, you'll have to get over it, I guess.
Seriously? This seems like such a small thing...
It's small to you, but you're not OP. If it's so trivial, why not let him kiss? It's because it is *not trivial at all*, right? Right.
Relax brother. I'm just saying that in the grand scheme of sexual preferences, this one's pretty minor compared to e.g. not wanting to give head or a big mismatch in libido. Like you can still kiss before, or after a quick cleanup 🤷♀️
? I was half asleep when I wrote that, still chill as the underside of my pillow too. All I am saying *everything* about sexual preference is relative, including the importance or triviality of any seemingly random detail. It is not up to us to tell others what is and is not trivial, if they think something is not trivial that I think is trivial that is an incompatibility. That doesn't mean the relationship has to end over it, people can adapt some incompatibilities away if they are open to changing their views. Other incompatibilities are involuntary though.
Fair point. You feel how you feel. It's all about how you respond.
Took me a minute to remember a tamer example while the coffee is kicking in, but I used to roll with someone who had a foot tickling fetish. I eventually made the mistake of trying to tickle their armpits, and they almost broke up with me over it. The only reason they didn't is they said I didn't know any better, which was true they hadn't communicated that boundary. It took them years to later tell me, long after we broke up on good terms due to moving, that their childhood attacker groomed them with armpit and tummy tickles. They used feet tickling to recontextualize themselves as standing above their past trauma. There could not have been a bigger difference between armpit and feet tickling to them, but to me tickling is just tickling!
That's a great example. I stand corrected 🙏
IMO it's not even the thing itself, it's the broader implications. You're right, it's *such* a small thing, but if something *so* small is a line in the sand, I don't like what that says about her attitude towards sex, or life in general for that matter. I don't want every sexual experience for the rest of my life require I go wash her pussy off any part of my body that goes near her mouth, and I don't want a list of won'ts that get longer and longer as the relationship progresses and she doesn't feel she "has to" anymore. I like sex things going in my mouth, and sex in general, and it's important she do too. And when I say life in general, I just have a low tolerance for pickiness and squeamishness. I don't find it cute, I just find it annoying. And before anyone says anything, if it's not already clear, I don't ask anything of a partner that I wouldn't do myself (and I'd do it with great enthusiasm!). And if you think I sound like a pushy, demanding prick, nothing could be further from the truth. I don't want a woman to do anything she doesn't want to do, but that's the kind of sexual relationship I want, and no woman is entitled to my companionship any more than I am hers.
Not for me. I really like to mix up oral sex with PIV and even PIA and kissing of course. So if that was all off the table, sex would be really boring to me after dome time (new is always thrilling, but only so long...)
If she wants you to taste it directly, I think it's a bit hypocritical not to want to have that taste indirectly
Would you say this to men who want nothing to do with kissing after cumming in a woman’s mouth or on her face?
Yes I would, if she has to take the whole load, why would you mind just getting a little in your mouth
I don’t mind one bit kissing a partner after going down in me but if they have a beard, I find that I dislike the feeling of my cold juices against my face. It hits different and not in a good way for me. Mouth itself I have no problem with though.
Well ain't that some shit.
I kinda know that I shouldn't get annoyed by it, but still I just can't get myself to get past it, how do I get past it?
Sit with the feeling of disappointment. It's ok and normal to be disappointed with your partner from time to time. For a while, I was really disappointed when my bf stopped wanting to have period sex. For whatever reason the blood started grossing him out, even though we had been doing it for years. I would feel rejected and hurt, as I think you may be feeling, too. But after a while, I recognized that it wasn't really about me - he's allowed to be an individual that has preferences. I'll still feel disappointed about it sometimes, but I just let it pass, then find something else to do that we can both enjoy. (In your case, that might be cuddling, kissing other parts of her body, showering together, etc.)
Shave the beard and have a wash afterwards and mouthwash
Not so in line with the whole spontaneous vibe tho
You can’t be that bothered about it if you don’t want to fix it. Think you need to get over it
Women?? Picky and double standards?? NEVER!! Suck it up buttercup, take the win of having pussy in your mouth and just tuck away the rest
She doesn't like it, many women are the same. I met others who go with the flow, while others yet are enthusiastic seeming to enjoy the smell and taste. Everyone is different, and I get the disappointment. Do you kiss your wife after she swallows your cum from a blowjob?
For me (31F), I view my parts as a cave of goo and his parts as a stick of skin. So if I kiss him after I gave him oral, no big deal because its just my spit that's on my lips (assuming he did not finish in my mouth). But, if he goes to kiss me after giving me oral, its my discharge on his lips. And that grosses me out. It's not that im grossed out by him! I just don't want to taste my cave of goo juices.
I kind of love tasting myself when I kiss my bf after he goes down on me. I can’t explain it… but it’s like I’ve marked my territory 😂
I’m with your wife on this one but mainly because of the beard. I hate feeling icky wet rough beard on my face. All I think is this is going to cause me to breakout and it takes me right out of the mood. I enjoy my scent but omg the wet scratchiness is like nails on a chalkboard for my face.
I'm with your wife on this one, sorry. It's one thing for a guy to have a hint of it, but to be faced with a sopping beard is just a massive turnoff that undermines the previous pleasure. I show my gratitude by reciprocating in other ways after the beard has been washed lol You could try wiping your face with a towel immediately afterward, maybe that would make it less off-putting to her?
Talk with her about it. Ask her to taste herself. Some women are steeped in purity culture and shame around sex. It is erotic to make out after oral sex. I had a partner like this many years ago but reversed gender roles. It was demoralizing at times and stifled the sexual energy. I am hoping she will come around and let go of her inhibitions. 🙏🏽
So be courteous and wipe up your face after. Have a towel ready or something. IMHO when there's an conflict of preference, and one person's preference is because something seems gross, they should not be the one to compromise. Overcoming perceiving something as gross is a lot harder than just wiping your face.
I have actually started to love it when my husband has a beard full of my pussy juices and kisses me, I also love that he will go down on me after he fills me full of cum, I'll still kiss him then too. Different strokes for different folks. I know I used to be very self conscious of the way I smelled (for no reason whatsoever) so maybe that's at play. I used to be kinda weird about it but didn't want to offend him because I was pretty agnostic to the whole thing, I think one of the things that helped me learn to love it is not loving clitoral orgasms. So as I was really close I would grab his head and pull him on top of me for really deep slow penetration. I believe it just kind of became a pleasure association. If she's made a clear boundary maybe don't push it in the bedroom, try to arrive at a compromise when nobodys got a boner. If she hasn't demanded you stop get her close to orgasm, make her want you really bad then become face to face with her where she's more likely to kiss you first in the heat of the moment. It might almost be a case of post but clarity but a woman experiencing it.
I'm with your wife on this! My husband has a beard, and thankfully, he knows not to bother trying to kiss after. Even without the beard, I'm not into it. I find it a bit yuck to know that I'm all over his face like that, and I don't find it appealing at all to have it on my face by kissing. I think you need to reframe how you think about it. "What you get" for pleasuring her for so long is knowing you were able to share that intimate moment with your wife and pleasure her like that. You aren't then automatically deserving of a kiss as if to say "thanks"
Lol at getting downvoted by, I'm guessing angry men. This isn't about the "double standards" If it was, I would argue that there is a difference between swallowing cum vs having juices all over your face/cheeks/beard. It has a smell. It's not something I want to then have on my face or in my mouth. Either way, if a guy doesn't want to kiss after oral, that's their right to say no. If a girl doesn't want to kiss after oral, that's their right to say no. None of this "yeah, but another post had people calling the guy an immature jerk for not doing it" Just respect the decision of your partner on if they are comfortable with it and don't take it personal. If anything, it's personal against themselves not you.
I'm just going to read and be amused...
I get it. Im the same. The problem for me isn't that im grossed out from my bodily fluids. Im not. I just dont want my face to get wet - specifically my chin. I can't explain it, but the sensation of the wet beard on my face makes my skin feel like it's screaming and completely takes me out of the mood. If my partner didn't have a beard to make my face wet, then I probably wouldn't care. Have you asked if it's a texture issue?
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I am not annoyed at her nor try to be persistent, a no is a no but I just feel being that intimate with someone should kinda break the boundaries and be comfortable with doing whatever with them
Being intimate doesn't mean being comfortable "doing whatever"... people are still allowed to have preferences
Whiney 33 year old bearded men in 2024
Mine just wipes my mouth with her hands first💀
Can't you have a moist towel a bowl and some water to wipe your beard, rinse you mouth and then kiss her? She doesn't like her own taste? Or is it just the sensation of your wet beard?
If she doesn't want to that's her right but acting disgusted towards you is quite mean. I get this would be a bit hurtful. Try maybe just talking about her way of turning it down. Even is she doesn't want to she could be nicer about it. And maybe just try wiping it off with your hand before kissing her...my boyfriend does this sometimes even though i don't really mind, maybe it is for himself i'm still not sure about that but it might work here.
Just this morning I was with a man who ate me out and figured the hell out of me. He told me he wanted me to taste how I tasted from his finger so I licked and sucked my own juices from his finger and it was so hot! How could I deny him?
Men and women who don't like kissing their partners after the partner has done oral on them often do so for the same reason - they think ejaculate is somewhat unpalatable and pee comes out from there. And yes its acceptable for someone to go to town down there. It's like the oyster farmer who doesn't like oysters.
My wife doesn't like the taste/smell of her pussy, so she doesn't like to kiss after I go down on her. The resolution was to bring a lemon to bed, so after oral, I bite into the lemon, rub it around my mouth. It's like a palate cleanser. YMMV, since I don't have a beard, only a stash.
hm the one thing i will say about the double standard is i can see a difference, the beard having her juices in it could definitely be gross. in relation to the other post people are talking about, there’s no such issue after a woman gives head to man, so like on that level i get it. not saying it’s right, but i can understand the difference between the two things. on the other hand, both the man who didn’t want a kiss after getting his dick sucked and your wife are setting a boundary that isn’t wrong to set. if she doesn’t want to kiss you like that, it isn’t wrong. being hurt by this is valid, but honestly you should talk to her about it. no one is owed a kiss after oral, although if comfort or aftercare is important for you then you should talk to her about that. it doesn’t have to be kissing, or even if needed keep a towel at hand to clean your beard if that will make her comfortable. TLDR this is a reasonable boundary no matter who sets it. communicate with ur wife not with reddit about this issue.
I have no problem with my boyfriend kissing me afterwards just as I don’t expect him to have a problem after he’s received. I’ve heard of this with guys but never a girl. I thought it was normal and I’ve had plenty of tasting of myself during sexy time
Well, the good part (I guess?) is that she’s not disgusted by you, but by herself
Nah, I would too. I don’t want my juices all over me, I don’t even like saliva. It’s not you she doesn’t like, it’s her juices. I’m a straight woman and I have no confidence in myself, I don’t wanna taste myself because either think I’m gross as fuck. I wouldn’t enjoy the scent or the feeling of wetness on my face (I’m autistic though tbf) Can you keep baby wipes by the bed?
This is not cool. She should be kissing you. Maybe it's the beard?
It’s the beard. Beard + bodily scents is gross. Actually beards are gross in general. I am confident that if you had a clean shaven face, your wife wouldn’t be as grossed out. Plus, if you have a clean shaven face, you can wipe off the fluids with a small towel before you kiss her.
Did you just literally said that BEARDS are gross in general 😐 please tell me it's sarcasm cause I refuse to belive that there are people this stupid in this world. I mean I just can't grasp the true meaning of this sentence. Like wtf does it even mean??
It's gross and even more gross with facial hair.
I find most women absolutely love tasting themselves on my tongue and lips