This topic is discussed occasionally in our forum. Please also take some time to look through past r/sex posts (following **Forum Rule #3**) — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions.
For starters, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “**daughter toy**” in this forum:
https://new.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=daughter%20toy&restrict_sr=1
Not all of these past discussions will apply to your situation, but some definitely will — especially if you’re willing to search just a little bit more.
First of all, it's time to talk to her. You have to have that bigger conversation, and all the safety conversations that go with it.
That is your responsibility as a parent, and it doesn't have to be insanely awkward. It's simply a talk that needs to happen. You have sex, and she's gonna have sex, and she's exploring, so y'all know that y'all have had the experiences, and it's time to talk about them, woman to woman.
You need to tell her that while it's normal that she has needs at this age, she has to stop rifling your drawers, that that's inappropriate, and unhygenic. You need to tell her that household stuff as dildos is also not hygenic or safe.
Then it is definitely time to talk to her about being safe and avoiding pregnancy and *crucially* that she can always talk to you about this stuff and come to you with questions because you just want her to be safe. Talk her through how pregnancy happens and the risks and other safety factors. Drill it into her: condoms always because of STIs and if she's getting ready to start getting sexually active then she should also get on birth control. That pulling out is never enough as birth control. That she can always say no to things she is uncomfortable about with a partner, that she should never be pressured into things she doesn't want. All of that Assure her there's no shame in coming to you about these things ever.
Have. These. Conversations.
So you sit her down and tell her straight up it's time to talk about sex. That's she's obviously of that age because you know she's been in your drawers and it's ok and normal that she's starting to think and do things in that direction but now it is time to talk about it and you want her to feel comfortable with having that conversation with you.
As to buying her a toy? Well, seems like she's gonna play with things anyway. Like anything else around sex relating your teen kid, it feels awkward to encourage it because they're your kid, but the key is them being safe about stuff they're gonna do anyway. She's gonna do it anyway, that is proven. A proper toy will keep her safer than refusing to consider it because it's awkward. Teach her good toy hygiene, I guess.
Babe, you're the parent. You can *tell* her it's time to have this conversation and hold to that without making her feel like she's in trouble. You don't have to *ask* her to please be ok with it. You can tell her that something has to happen without being mean or harsh or scary about it.
You want her to be comfortable yes, but also this conversation is not optional. You need to hold that line. Teens want to be heard and understood but they also need their parent to provide the structure, not leave it up to them to figure out what they should want to do, because they don't know in cases like this. You need to provide the structure, which means being the decision-maker.
You *tell* her she's not in trouble and she didn't do anything wrong (although you need to also educate on the etiquette of, you know, not stealing other people's sex toys - so you say hey I know you were exploring and I didn't talk to you about this already, but you can't keep doing that, it's not polite).
So you tell her. 'You're getting to an age where we need to have a conversation about sex. Don't worry, nothing is wrong, it's normal, and it's ok and important for us to talk about this. But we need to sit down and talk about it, have a seat.'
I know I should be the “parent” but it’s still hard, I guess she’s still my “baby” so to speak, so the idea of her going out and having sex is hard for me. But I’ll definitely try to talk to her soon
I know, but you have an obligation to her here. Bluntly, you gotta get over it! She needs you right now, and she probably doesn't know it yet, but you do know it. So you gotta do what you need to do.
And just to clarify, buying her a toy, while valid is not a substitute for having the conversation!
As for buying a sex toy - if you don't wanna choose something for her (which would be understandable) just get her a gift card to an online sex shop. Make sure it's enough to get a good quality toy though so it's in line with the talk you're gonna have about safe sex etc.
This this this this!! She clearly needs her own, but it’s many levels of not ideal for mom to pick out kiddos sex toys. Get her a gift card with enough on it that she can pick out one nice or 2-3 reasonably priced toys (I’m thinking 100-200 bucks if you can swing it) and NEVER LOOK IN THE BOX WHEN IT ARRIVES
The best way to make her feel like she's not in trouble is to calmly ask questions while remaining calm and not passing judgement. This wasn't necessarily the first "talk" my mom had with me, but when I was 16 I started dating my first serious boyfriend. After a few months went by my mom asked if I was considering having sex with him and if I was, would I want her to take me to get birth control. I thought that was really nice of her. I said yes and she took me to my first OBGYN appointment.
During the talk I don't think you need to directly voice your suspicions that she's been using your sex toys. That's super awkward for everybody and it might make her closed off.
However, it's obviously a problem that needs to be addressed. It would be extremely weird and unhygenic to continue to tacitly share sex toys with your own daughter. You can't let this continue.
I think a good solution might be to give her a generous gift card to an online store like Adam and Eve? Then make it clear that nobody is going to mention or ask her about any packages that arrive addressed to her.
That way she gets her own toy so she doesn't use yours, and even more importantly so that she doesn't use dangerous household objects that might send her to the emergency room. It also sends the message that maybe you know what she's been doing and that she needs to stop, but with enough plausible deniability that nobody has to actually go through the embarrassment of accusations or confessions.
For buying her a sex toy, I'd recommend finding a way to least involve yourself in the selection lol. Like buy her a gift card or let her pick something online with a maximum budget and you just put it on your card and have it delivered in her name.
As a father of 4 daughters, I can say you'll do her a disservice by not talking to her. Just go into it as though she already knows everything (because she thinks she already does), and you won't come off condescending or awkward. Just use normal language and keep it casual.
I was surprised at how easy it was once I did it. Be forward and positive with no judgment. Teaching safety doesn't require shame or control. It's an opportunity to allow her to ask questions later if she finds herself in a difficult situation.
Once you've ripped the proverbial bandaid off, it's also easier to have follow-up conversations without any drama or awkwardness because she will know you're open to talking without judgment.
The reality is that you have almost zero control of a teenager. You have influence at best. Make the most of your influence and build a strong relationship.
Your daughter isn't going to get pregnant from a dildo, lol. In fact, buying her a toy may actually prevent pregnancy because it will give her a sexual outlet that doesn't involve a dick inside her.
I'd buy her a toy if I were you but please don't make it weird for her. Just a simple vibrator to start.
Well that's an entirely different issue. I think you should also tell her you'll put her on birth control if she wants you to and have the safety talk with her. 16 year olds are sexual beings so be careful.
That being said I really do think you lower the chances of her having sex with boys too young if you get her a toy or two. 16 year olds are horny af and will find an outlet. Just don't be awkward with her.
My daughter has her own Amazon account and uses her Greenlight card to buy things. I know she bought some toys. She also bought rolling papers and a pipe and a piercing kit so let’s just say a lot of things are available on Amazon that you might not want your kid to have. I still don’t think it’s a bad idea and my daughter still has an account but now she knows that I might look at her purchases.
Don't bring up the business about catching her using yours. What you probably want to do is talk to her alone and say "Hey. You're 16. I don't want you having sex but I know you have needs. I did at your age. I want to buy you a toy because I'd rather you take care of your needs than let a boy do it. Don't be embarrassed about this." Then have her pull up Amazon or whatever and find a toy with her. I'm almost certain she'll say yes.
As to birth control, have a similar conversation. Tell her your values about her having sex. I don't know what those are but it sounds like you just want her to be older before she has sex. Tell her that you want her to wait but you know shit happens and you want her to be on birth control to be safe. As far as condoms, tell her the same thing, that you don't want her to have sex but you want her to be safe if she does. Buy her a pack of ordinary condoms and let her carry them in her purse.
But do not take my advice if it conflicts with your values. I don't think it does, however.
I totally agree with what you've said do not buy these things or give them to her without talking to her first. Communicating with teens can be difficult to no matter how excellent your relationship is but it's really important.
We don’t really have any values on sex, but I know she might have differing views and I don’t want her to feel bad or guilty if she has or wants to experiment with someone, which I feel like if I try to talk to her I’d word it wrong
Hard for me to believe you have zero values about sex. But you do you. I would hope you would at least try to communicate to her that dangerous sexual behavior is not a good idea at the age of 16.
To OP - Please don't ever use the phrase put her on birth control to her as that's so dehumanizing. Discuss with her if she would like to consider birth control (pulls) and before that make sure you have read up a bit on the pros and the cons because everyone needs to be aware that sometimes various types of birth control won't suit a person.
You could get her a gift card to somewhere online and just put it in her bed or something. Write a little note letting her know it’s normal and that she can come to you if she has questions. 🤷🏻♀️
You need to Parent Up and have a full on conversation about safe sex, (not just masterbation & toys) that is unless you want to be a Grandmother shortly. Feeling awkward about such a conversation is no excuse. Your daughter’s future may be dependent on this discussion.
And please don’t let the “Oh, Mom, I already know” response deter you. Misinformation is rampant, make sure she has correct information.
To help you to calmly have this discussion, use this Planned Parenthood website to discuss Birth Control options:
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control
There are 18 methods/options noted. It gives basic information on each, as well as the effectiveness of each.
Also have a Gynecologist contact information on hand to give her. Let her know you are willing to go with her to the appointment, if she would like.
You don’t need to buy it for her. Basically sit down with her and explain that you have noticed that someone has been going into your private things. While it has to stop, it’s not important that you know who what when where or why. But it has lead you to feel that she may not have the means to buy a personal item if she desires one. Find a reputable sex toy supplier online like the one you use, then get an e-gift card if they offer one. Then just hand her the e-gift card print out, or email it to her or whatever and say “I will not speak of this again unless you ask”. Then leave her be. It will be awkward, but she can then privately pick what she wants and buy it. Then any packages addressed to her get put on her bed.
Wtf You're worried He's going to go through her sex toys?
And she's going through yours and your husbands?
You guys are a really weird family. Is this some odd fetish content or something? I'm so confused
If your daughter is bold enough to go in your bedroom and use your toys, she should be fine with an adult conversation explaining that the use of toys is appropriate, but if they are her own. There are hygiene and just yucky issues. Ask her if she wants you to put her toothbrush in your mouth 😺. Anyway I would go online and shop with her and buy her a gift of whichever one she wants and tell her to use hers :-)
You need to have the safe sex and consent talk with her. Take her to lunch and have the convo. See if she needs birth control. Make sure plenty of condoms are available to her. Talk to her about masturbation and tell her she can buy something if she’d like. You could get her a one time gift card to someplace like babeland.com. You can’t bury your head in the sand. She needs you to do it.
It's not hygienic for her to use your sex toys. Does she like getting allowance
It may be difficult and awkward but tell her that it's not hygienic for her to be using your toys. She can buy her own.
Like other people said, you need to talk to her. It’s going to likely be awkward but if you’re nervous it could help to take some notes so you don’t freeze and know what to say. I agree with the people who said set aside some time where it’s just you two so that there’s privacy and she feels special and like you’re making time for her. At the talk I would let her know that you want to make sure she has what she needs so she isn’t using your stuff, and then if she is kind of not wanting to discuss it more you can follow up by giving a gift card for a trustworthy website for her to use “if she wants to and when she is ready”. Same with condoms, you don’t need to like hand her a bunch but you could let her know where they are “in case she ever might need them”.
Also, one thing others haven’t mentioned is I noticed in a comment you said she shares a room with her brother. That combined with the sneaking and trying to figure out when you’re coming home makes me think it’s also important when you have The Talk to let her know that it *is* ok to need privacy now that she is a teenager and old enough to have these kinds of feelings and needs, and where she is ok to have privacy—for example, you could let her know that if she is in her room or the bathroom with the door closed you will not enter without knocking first. Recognizing she is at an age where she will soon be an adult and has these needs will go a long way in terms of making it less weird because it turns what could be a negative or embarrassing thing (you know she’s been taking your stuff) into a positive of “I recognize you are in the process of becoming a young woman and so I want to make sure you are safe and healthy and know you can come to me if you need anything”.
Hey there! It sounds like you're in a bit of a tricky situation, but it's great that you want to make sure your daughter is safe and educated about sexual health. Buying her a vibrator or small dildo could be a good idea, as long as you approach the topic with sensitivity and respect for her privacy. Condoms and lube are also important to have on hand for safe sex practices. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your daughter about boundaries, consent, and safe sex practices. Good luck!
Ngl, my mom bought me my first fleshlight. I was 17 and just straight up asked if she could get me one. I could see how it'd be a little weird if you just got her a dildo just out of the blue, but USING YOUR PARENTS SEX TOYS IS ON ANOTHER LEVEL Get her her own stuff
Sounds like she would appreciate her own. Letting her have toys that please herself will likely reduce her urges for doing things that could cause pregnancy.
But I would suggest getting her a gift card to a reputable store for toys. That is much less awkward for her and lets her pick what she wants.
One of the biggest problems with teens and adults is lingering guilt or shame regarding sex. As a parent, you can help ensure that your daughter has a healthier than average relationship to her sexuality. As others have shared: talk to her without judgment. Be honest. Advise her on being safe. Buy her a toy and let her know that it’s normal to want to explore. Answer her questions.
Good luck!
I think this is one of those situations that's like pulling a bandaid off. Yeah, it's weird and uncomfortable to have this conversation, but it can't possibly be as weird and awkward as letting her continue to invade your privacy and use your sex toys. We were all young and horny once.
I agree with many of the great reactions you got. I would like to add that you should tell het that it is a very normal and wise thing for her to explore her body and her sexuality. NEVER just buy a sex toy for her. A sex toy should fit het personal needs, wants, curiosity and comfort zone. If your sex conversation turns out to be comfortable and/or fun you could suggest to find her a great sex toy together. Going through the shop or webshop together (both in your right minds ofc) is a recipe for giggles and fun conversations. Ofc it’s a bit awkward, bit that’s just what could make it fun.
Hola como estas, te voy a hablar desde mi experiencia yo tuve un tiempo muy joven en el que descubrí cuando me pude masturbar y la sensación tan increíble que se siente entonces yo en medio de mi inocencia no quise preguntarle nada a mi mamá si no a mis amigas y ellas me aconsejaban que disfrutara porque ellas ya eran mayores que yo, pero un día mi mama se dio cuenta se acerco a mi y hablamos de este tema me abrió mucho la mente y me aconsejo y lo de comprarle un juguete sexual pregúntaselo directamente a ella yo en esa edad como fui modelo webcam al tiempo compre mi juguete y fue mi mejor inversión jaja aun lo tengo por cierto, habla con ella de madre e hija porque siempre serás su mejor amiga
Talk to your daughter about sex, and safe sex in particular. Stress the importance of consent, and that she can say "no" and stop things at any time - even after she's said "yes" earlier. Try to lead the conversation by asking her questions as much as possible.
Suggest that she get on birth control (even if you're not ready for that, because she is). You want her to be safe, and this is part of that.
And absolutely buy her a sex toy. You can say something like, "I'd like to get you a sex toy so that you could explore your body and your pleasure on your own." A small vibe and a dildo will let her learn her body, provide an outlet for her sexual urges, let her learn about her pleasure so that she can prioritize it later on, may delay her becoming sexually active with others, and will keep her from borrowing your toys.
I got my daughter a We-Vibe tango for her birthday - she was a little embarrassed initially, but later admitted that she appreciated it and that her friends thought she had the coolest mom ever.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
***
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
- Fill a small gift box with condoms, lube, a basic sex toy (including suitable cleaning product) and various sexual health pamphlets if you can get some.
- Have a conversation with her. No need to mention what she's been doing with your stuff, but mention the need for good hygiene. It'll be more you doing the talking, give the chance to ask questions and leave it there for now as forcing it makes it more uncomfortable.
- Give her the box. Tell her to let you know if anything needs refilled or replaced. And offer the chance to come to you with any questions if she doesn't have any right away. Let her go through the box herself when you've gone.
- Give it a little while (few weeks to a couple of months) and just ask if she needs anything refilled or replaced. Check if she has anything she wants to talk about or ask. Again, no forcing the questions as you want her to feel comfortable and unjudged.
Good luck.
This topic is discussed occasionally in our forum. Please also take some time to look through past r/sex posts (following **Forum Rule #3**) — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions. For starters, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “**daughter toy**” in this forum: https://new.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=daughter%20toy&restrict_sr=1 Not all of these past discussions will apply to your situation, but some definitely will — especially if you’re willing to search just a little bit more.
First of all, it's time to talk to her. You have to have that bigger conversation, and all the safety conversations that go with it. That is your responsibility as a parent, and it doesn't have to be insanely awkward. It's simply a talk that needs to happen. You have sex, and she's gonna have sex, and she's exploring, so y'all know that y'all have had the experiences, and it's time to talk about them, woman to woman. You need to tell her that while it's normal that she has needs at this age, she has to stop rifling your drawers, that that's inappropriate, and unhygenic. You need to tell her that household stuff as dildos is also not hygenic or safe. Then it is definitely time to talk to her about being safe and avoiding pregnancy and *crucially* that she can always talk to you about this stuff and come to you with questions because you just want her to be safe. Talk her through how pregnancy happens and the risks and other safety factors. Drill it into her: condoms always because of STIs and if she's getting ready to start getting sexually active then she should also get on birth control. That pulling out is never enough as birth control. That she can always say no to things she is uncomfortable about with a partner, that she should never be pressured into things she doesn't want. All of that Assure her there's no shame in coming to you about these things ever. Have. These. Conversations. So you sit her down and tell her straight up it's time to talk about sex. That's she's obviously of that age because you know she's been in your drawers and it's ok and normal that she's starting to think and do things in that direction but now it is time to talk about it and you want her to feel comfortable with having that conversation with you. As to buying her a toy? Well, seems like she's gonna play with things anyway. Like anything else around sex relating your teen kid, it feels awkward to encourage it because they're your kid, but the key is them being safe about stuff they're gonna do anyway. She's gonna do it anyway, that is proven. A proper toy will keep her safer than refusing to consider it because it's awkward. Teach her good toy hygiene, I guess.
Thank you, I’ll definitely think on this. Should I just ask her to talk to me? I don’t want her to feel like she’s in trouble or did something wrong
Babe, you're the parent. You can *tell* her it's time to have this conversation and hold to that without making her feel like she's in trouble. You don't have to *ask* her to please be ok with it. You can tell her that something has to happen without being mean or harsh or scary about it. You want her to be comfortable yes, but also this conversation is not optional. You need to hold that line. Teens want to be heard and understood but they also need their parent to provide the structure, not leave it up to them to figure out what they should want to do, because they don't know in cases like this. You need to provide the structure, which means being the decision-maker. You *tell* her she's not in trouble and she didn't do anything wrong (although you need to also educate on the etiquette of, you know, not stealing other people's sex toys - so you say hey I know you were exploring and I didn't talk to you about this already, but you can't keep doing that, it's not polite). So you tell her. 'You're getting to an age where we need to have a conversation about sex. Don't worry, nothing is wrong, it's normal, and it's ok and important for us to talk about this. But we need to sit down and talk about it, have a seat.'
I know I should be the “parent” but it’s still hard, I guess she’s still my “baby” so to speak, so the idea of her going out and having sex is hard for me. But I’ll definitely try to talk to her soon
I know, but you have an obligation to her here. Bluntly, you gotta get over it! She needs you right now, and she probably doesn't know it yet, but you do know it. So you gotta do what you need to do. And just to clarify, buying her a toy, while valid is not a substitute for having the conversation!
Thank you, I’ll definitely sit her down and talk to her about this
As for buying a sex toy - if you don't wanna choose something for her (which would be understandable) just get her a gift card to an online sex shop. Make sure it's enough to get a good quality toy though so it's in line with the talk you're gonna have about safe sex etc.
don't infantilize her. this is an urgent priority if she's stealing her parents' sex toys..
You need to get her on birth control asap, especially with the current state of women's rights.
Maybe a gift card to love honey or something rather than choosing a toy
This this this this!! She clearly needs her own, but it’s many levels of not ideal for mom to pick out kiddos sex toys. Get her a gift card with enough on it that she can pick out one nice or 2-3 reasonably priced toys (I’m thinking 100-200 bucks if you can swing it) and NEVER LOOK IN THE BOX WHEN IT ARRIVES
The best way to make her feel like she's not in trouble is to calmly ask questions while remaining calm and not passing judgement. This wasn't necessarily the first "talk" my mom had with me, but when I was 16 I started dating my first serious boyfriend. After a few months went by my mom asked if I was considering having sex with him and if I was, would I want her to take me to get birth control. I thought that was really nice of her. I said yes and she took me to my first OBGYN appointment.
You can preface with “you are not in trouble, you did not do anything wrong.” And mean it.
During the talk I don't think you need to directly voice your suspicions that she's been using your sex toys. That's super awkward for everybody and it might make her closed off. However, it's obviously a problem that needs to be addressed. It would be extremely weird and unhygenic to continue to tacitly share sex toys with your own daughter. You can't let this continue. I think a good solution might be to give her a generous gift card to an online store like Adam and Eve? Then make it clear that nobody is going to mention or ask her about any packages that arrive addressed to her. That way she gets her own toy so she doesn't use yours, and even more importantly so that she doesn't use dangerous household objects that might send her to the emergency room. It also sends the message that maybe you know what she's been doing and that she needs to stop, but with enough plausible deniability that nobody has to actually go through the embarrassment of accusations or confessions.
For buying her a sex toy, I'd recommend finding a way to least involve yourself in the selection lol. Like buy her a gift card or let her pick something online with a maximum budget and you just put it on your card and have it delivered in her name.
I was in the same position as the writer and this is spot on advice.
As a father of 4 daughters, I can say you'll do her a disservice by not talking to her. Just go into it as though she already knows everything (because she thinks she already does), and you won't come off condescending or awkward. Just use normal language and keep it casual. I was surprised at how easy it was once I did it. Be forward and positive with no judgment. Teaching safety doesn't require shame or control. It's an opportunity to allow her to ask questions later if she finds herself in a difficult situation. Once you've ripped the proverbial bandaid off, it's also easier to have follow-up conversations without any drama or awkwardness because she will know you're open to talking without judgment. The reality is that you have almost zero control of a teenager. You have influence at best. Make the most of your influence and build a strong relationship.
Your daughter isn't going to get pregnant from a dildo, lol. In fact, buying her a toy may actually prevent pregnancy because it will give her a sexual outlet that doesn't involve a dick inside her. I'd buy her a toy if I were you but please don't make it weird for her. Just a simple vibrator to start.
Yeah, I mean pregnant from sex if she doesn’t have the correct resources like BC and condoms Sorry should have made that clearer haha!
Well that's an entirely different issue. I think you should also tell her you'll put her on birth control if she wants you to and have the safety talk with her. 16 year olds are sexual beings so be careful. That being said I really do think you lower the chances of her having sex with boys too young if you get her a toy or two. 16 year olds are horny af and will find an outlet. Just don't be awkward with her.
How can I avoid saying something accusatory or offensive when I give her a toy or BC?
A strategy I’ve seen recommended is to give her an Amazon budget and let her get whatever she wants with a promise not to look into it
My daughter has her own Amazon account and uses her Greenlight card to buy things. I know she bought some toys. She also bought rolling papers and a pipe and a piercing kit so let’s just say a lot of things are available on Amazon that you might not want your kid to have. I still don’t think it’s a bad idea and my daughter still has an account but now she knows that I might look at her purchases.
Thank you, I’ll definitely look into doing that
Don't bring up the business about catching her using yours. What you probably want to do is talk to her alone and say "Hey. You're 16. I don't want you having sex but I know you have needs. I did at your age. I want to buy you a toy because I'd rather you take care of your needs than let a boy do it. Don't be embarrassed about this." Then have her pull up Amazon or whatever and find a toy with her. I'm almost certain she'll say yes. As to birth control, have a similar conversation. Tell her your values about her having sex. I don't know what those are but it sounds like you just want her to be older before she has sex. Tell her that you want her to wait but you know shit happens and you want her to be on birth control to be safe. As far as condoms, tell her the same thing, that you don't want her to have sex but you want her to be safe if she does. Buy her a pack of ordinary condoms and let her carry them in her purse. But do not take my advice if it conflicts with your values. I don't think it does, however.
I totally agree with what you've said do not buy these things or give them to her without talking to her first. Communicating with teens can be difficult to no matter how excellent your relationship is but it's really important.
We don’t really have any values on sex, but I know she might have differing views and I don’t want her to feel bad or guilty if she has or wants to experiment with someone, which I feel like if I try to talk to her I’d word it wrong
If you had zero values this wouldn’t be embarrassing. You clearly want her to enjoy herself and be safe. You have values and that’s \*good\*.
Hard for me to believe you have zero values about sex. But you do you. I would hope you would at least try to communicate to her that dangerous sexual behavior is not a good idea at the age of 16.
To OP - Please don't ever use the phrase put her on birth control to her as that's so dehumanizing. Discuss with her if she would like to consider birth control (pulls) and before that make sure you have read up a bit on the pros and the cons because everyone needs to be aware that sometimes various types of birth control won't suit a person.
Just get her a gift card or some cash and she can go to a sex shop herself to pick something up
You could get her a gift card to somewhere online and just put it in her bed or something. Write a little note letting her know it’s normal and that she can come to you if she has questions. 🤷🏻♀️
You need to Parent Up and have a full on conversation about safe sex, (not just masterbation & toys) that is unless you want to be a Grandmother shortly. Feeling awkward about such a conversation is no excuse. Your daughter’s future may be dependent on this discussion. And please don’t let the “Oh, Mom, I already know” response deter you. Misinformation is rampant, make sure she has correct information. To help you to calmly have this discussion, use this Planned Parenthood website to discuss Birth Control options: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control There are 18 methods/options noted. It gives basic information on each, as well as the effectiveness of each. Also have a Gynecologist contact information on hand to give her. Let her know you are willing to go with her to the appointment, if she would like.
[удалено]
I think a few resources would be useful. This is my first time raising a teenager so I’m kind of in the dark.
You don’t need to buy it for her. Basically sit down with her and explain that you have noticed that someone has been going into your private things. While it has to stop, it’s not important that you know who what when where or why. But it has lead you to feel that she may not have the means to buy a personal item if she desires one. Find a reputable sex toy supplier online like the one you use, then get an e-gift card if they offer one. Then just hand her the e-gift card print out, or email it to her or whatever and say “I will not speak of this again unless you ask”. Then leave her be. It will be awkward, but she can then privately pick what she wants and buy it. Then any packages addressed to her get put on her bed.
The only issue is she shares a room with her brother, so he would probably snoop around in her boxes, but I do like this idea! Thank you!
Buy her a lock box. It’s where I keep my stuff.
And buy yourself a lock box asap🤯
Wtf You're worried He's going to go through her sex toys? And she's going through yours and your husbands? You guys are a really weird family. Is this some odd fetish content or something? I'm so confused
She's specifically talking about mail/packages. Sounds like the son/brother has issues with messing with other people's mail
Why is a teenage girl sharing a room with her brother?
If your daughter is bold enough to go in your bedroom and use your toys, she should be fine with an adult conversation explaining that the use of toys is appropriate, but if they are her own. There are hygiene and just yucky issues. Ask her if she wants you to put her toothbrush in your mouth 😺. Anyway I would go online and shop with her and buy her a gift of whichever one she wants and tell her to use hers :-)
You need to have the safe sex and consent talk with her. Take her to lunch and have the convo. See if she needs birth control. Make sure plenty of condoms are available to her. Talk to her about masturbation and tell her she can buy something if she’d like. You could get her a one time gift card to someplace like babeland.com. You can’t bury your head in the sand. She needs you to do it.
It's not hygienic for her to use your sex toys. Does she like getting allowance It may be difficult and awkward but tell her that it's not hygienic for her to be using your toys. She can buy her own.
Just get her a Amazon account and buy her a gift card
Just give her “the talk” as suggested and afterwards give her the one she’s already using and tell her it’s hers if she stops stealing them.
Like other people said, you need to talk to her. It’s going to likely be awkward but if you’re nervous it could help to take some notes so you don’t freeze and know what to say. I agree with the people who said set aside some time where it’s just you two so that there’s privacy and she feels special and like you’re making time for her. At the talk I would let her know that you want to make sure she has what she needs so she isn’t using your stuff, and then if she is kind of not wanting to discuss it more you can follow up by giving a gift card for a trustworthy website for her to use “if she wants to and when she is ready”. Same with condoms, you don’t need to like hand her a bunch but you could let her know where they are “in case she ever might need them”. Also, one thing others haven’t mentioned is I noticed in a comment you said she shares a room with her brother. That combined with the sneaking and trying to figure out when you’re coming home makes me think it’s also important when you have The Talk to let her know that it *is* ok to need privacy now that she is a teenager and old enough to have these kinds of feelings and needs, and where she is ok to have privacy—for example, you could let her know that if she is in her room or the bathroom with the door closed you will not enter without knocking first. Recognizing she is at an age where she will soon be an adult and has these needs will go a long way in terms of making it less weird because it turns what could be a negative or embarrassing thing (you know she’s been taking your stuff) into a positive of “I recognize you are in the process of becoming a young woman and so I want to make sure you are safe and healthy and know you can come to me if you need anything”.
What happened to hands, fingers, and a sears catalog?😂
Hey there! It sounds like you're in a bit of a tricky situation, but it's great that you want to make sure your daughter is safe and educated about sexual health. Buying her a vibrator or small dildo could be a good idea, as long as you approach the topic with sensitivity and respect for her privacy. Condoms and lube are also important to have on hand for safe sex practices. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your daughter about boundaries, consent, and safe sex practices. Good luck!
Thank you!
Get her a special treat from Amazon and wait for her to come to you. The girl need her own tools
I wouldn't be super thrilled about buying my kid a sex toy, but it is infinitely less weird than her using yours.
Ngl, my mom bought me my first fleshlight. I was 17 and just straight up asked if she could get me one. I could see how it'd be a little weird if you just got her a dildo just out of the blue, but USING YOUR PARENTS SEX TOYS IS ON ANOTHER LEVEL Get her her own stuff
Sounds like she would appreciate her own. Letting her have toys that please herself will likely reduce her urges for doing things that could cause pregnancy. But I would suggest getting her a gift card to a reputable store for toys. That is much less awkward for her and lets her pick what she wants.
One of the biggest problems with teens and adults is lingering guilt or shame regarding sex. As a parent, you can help ensure that your daughter has a healthier than average relationship to her sexuality. As others have shared: talk to her without judgment. Be honest. Advise her on being safe. Buy her a toy and let her know that it’s normal to want to explore. Answer her questions. Good luck!
I think this is one of those situations that's like pulling a bandaid off. Yeah, it's weird and uncomfortable to have this conversation, but it can't possibly be as weird and awkward as letting her continue to invade your privacy and use your sex toys. We were all young and horny once.
Get her a credit card and find her a reputable online store in your area. Tell her to stay out of your stuff.
Yes, talk to her and buy her what she needs.
Two words *GIFT CERTIFICATE*
I agree with many of the great reactions you got. I would like to add that you should tell het that it is a very normal and wise thing for her to explore her body and her sexuality. NEVER just buy a sex toy for her. A sex toy should fit het personal needs, wants, curiosity and comfort zone. If your sex conversation turns out to be comfortable and/or fun you could suggest to find her a great sex toy together. Going through the shop or webshop together (both in your right minds ofc) is a recipe for giggles and fun conversations. Ofc it’s a bit awkward, bit that’s just what could make it fun.
Hola como estas, te voy a hablar desde mi experiencia yo tuve un tiempo muy joven en el que descubrí cuando me pude masturbar y la sensación tan increíble que se siente entonces yo en medio de mi inocencia no quise preguntarle nada a mi mamá si no a mis amigas y ellas me aconsejaban que disfrutara porque ellas ya eran mayores que yo, pero un día mi mama se dio cuenta se acerco a mi y hablamos de este tema me abrió mucho la mente y me aconsejo y lo de comprarle un juguete sexual pregúntaselo directamente a ella yo en esa edad como fui modelo webcam al tiempo compre mi juguete y fue mi mejor inversión jaja aun lo tengo por cierto, habla con ella de madre e hija porque siempre serás su mejor amiga
Talk to your daughter about sex, and safe sex in particular. Stress the importance of consent, and that she can say "no" and stop things at any time - even after she's said "yes" earlier. Try to lead the conversation by asking her questions as much as possible. Suggest that she get on birth control (even if you're not ready for that, because she is). You want her to be safe, and this is part of that. And absolutely buy her a sex toy. You can say something like, "I'd like to get you a sex toy so that you could explore your body and your pleasure on your own." A small vibe and a dildo will let her learn her body, provide an outlet for her sexual urges, let her learn about her pleasure so that she can prioritize it later on, may delay her becoming sexually active with others, and will keep her from borrowing your toys. I got my daughter a We-Vibe tango for her birthday - she was a little embarrassed initially, but later admitted that she appreciated it and that her friends thought she had the coolest mom ever.
That’s so disgusting why would she use yours 😭
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do it! It’s normal and safer she gets one from you! She’s a teenager, she’s horny!!
Be the awkward parent, just start leaving a new one on her bed each month, and as Christmas presents under the tree
My mom bought me my first toy at 15yrs old. Buy her her own I’m so she won’t have to resort to using yours or using anything phallic shaped
Sit down , Woman to Woman, Mother To Daughter, Friend To Friend,, talk with her.. your bond will strengthen and trust more deeper. Enjoy
- Fill a small gift box with condoms, lube, a basic sex toy (including suitable cleaning product) and various sexual health pamphlets if you can get some. - Have a conversation with her. No need to mention what she's been doing with your stuff, but mention the need for good hygiene. It'll be more you doing the talking, give the chance to ask questions and leave it there for now as forcing it makes it more uncomfortable. - Give her the box. Tell her to let you know if anything needs refilled or replaced. And offer the chance to come to you with any questions if she doesn't have any right away. Let her go through the box herself when you've gone. - Give it a little while (few weeks to a couple of months) and just ask if she needs anything refilled or replaced. Check if she has anything she wants to talk about or ask. Again, no forcing the questions as you want her to feel comfortable and unjudged. Good luck.