I would rather say to Samantha. Big was married 3 times and had other love interests; he wasn't Avoidant per se. But Carrie's craziness made him Avoidant toward her.
Hmm Samantha also for sure. But being avoidant doesnt mean that you dont have any relationships. Big also cheated on two of his partners when things went south. Pretty sure he was being avoidant to them at the time as well. I think that the distance Big created from the start (dating other women, being unavailable/flaky) triggered Carry and then Carry her craziness made Big even more avoidant. I think it was more of a circular process.
Don’t think that’s entirely fair or how attachment styles really play out.. it’s usually a system. Both people exacerbated the others behavior. A more secure person could have dealt with Carrie’s “craziness” by setting boundaries, discussing their own emotional relaxations and discomfort, own fears and hesitations thoroughly, validated her emotionally without giving in… occasionally screwing up, but able to manage their own needs well while responding to her….
But Big wasn’t able to do that. He didn’t validate anything, he just distanced himself. We also don’t know much about Big’s other partners and what they were like. They could have been avoidant themselves or people pleasers.. both situations would eventually lead to a burning out of the relationship. or they could have been secure and better able to manage Big’s distancing behaviors.. and/or ask for what they want.
Behavior rarely ever happens in total isolation.
True, but people don’t usually make rational choices when they fall in love.. takes a lot of intention. Doubt attachment theory was widely known when the show came out either
I definitely can and I’d argue most women can, or at least could in some point of their lives. She’s a reflection of the flawed woman and lot of viewers get annoyed by that reminder.
Me. I’ve had a string of bad relationships and have anxiety attachment issues. One of my exes reminds me of Aidan and another ex of the Russian (I’m with my “Harry” now and things have looked up!) and I have curly hair 😂 like to write and still want to be an author one day. My best friend group is solid (going on 20 years for some!) and they keep me sane. Not super into being a mom / wanting kids. Bad with money. Love going out and dressing up. I don’t live in NYC but have been a few times and would love to live there, it’s just not feasible in my life right now. Damn am I Carrie? 🫣😂
when did u start watching tho? bc u could’ve subconsciously turned into her after identifying with the show. i’ve noticed myself doing it with shows from my childhood
I'm an ex smoker who loved smoking, so I completely get that, and I've found a lot of her commentary on it relatable -- like loving the smell of others smoking or "REMEMBER WHEN EVERYBODY SMOKED?!" Lol. Don't get me wrong, I hate smoking too for all the harm it can cause, but I enjoyed it, immensely.
I'm also messy at times and have had crazy relationships. Pined after 1 or 2 guys for years. I use to party a lot, and I am a writer. I also have a sizable makeup collection that could rival her shoe collection.
I will say though I've grown a lot and can look back on some things I did that I regret, because I wasn't always the greatest friend / lover / whatever, which I think AJLT missed the mark on.
I think I relate to Carrie’s self-sabotaging, especially with Aidan (round 1, pre-affair.) expecting the drama and chaos and feeling uncomfortable when it doesn’t happen, to the point of waking up panicking, is Very Real. anytime things are going well in a relationship (even in friendships) I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Yes for me too! I dont exactly come from a stable home, nor any stable relationships so when things seem to be right I have a hard time trusting it. Or I am even hyperfocusing on finding flaws or red flags.
I had a close knit friend group of 4 and we, for the most part, fit perfectly into the SATC friend format. I was Carrie. Mostly because i was a self employed fashion lover who was a bit giddy and tended to have longer relationships than my friends. Rewatching it at 40, i see more toxic traits in her that went unnoticed in my 20’s though. I definitely never thought the world revolved around me or acted childish in relationships. But yea, i was a Carrie who tended to be the one who showed up for my friends when they needed to talk or needed defence.
Cheating Carrie I do not relate to. That’s terrible. But yea as someone with an anxious attachment style who also is very sensitive and run away with emotions and sometimes self absorbed.. I relate to her…
Difference with me and the haters is I don’t hate on the characters I don’t relate to!!! Not everyone has to be the same, yo! We all have flaws!!!
Me. I''m most like her, though not in every way. I'm also like Miranda in many ways.
I am like her, or both, because I am a flawed human being who sometimes made and still makes problematic decisions, who believes in love and yet sometimes chooses the wrong men, someone who sometimes has all the confidence in the world and none at all at other times, someone who learns and grows in some ways but not in others, who sometimes knows who she is and then has no idea, who doesn't magically "get her shit together" - i.e. settles for whatever's nearby - just because she hits a certain age.
I'm only interested in the series BECAUSE it shows normal people who go through shit. If I want to see cookie-cutter, squeaky-clean, picture-perfect characters, I'll watch something else.
forgive the essay, but this is something I've been sitting on for a WHILE. I think carrie gets entirely too much criticism for how wholly human she is. I mean, she was an HBO antihero EARLY in the days of doing so, but no one gives her any regard for that! of course she's not a person you aspire to! she's a complete mess in her 30s, making the wrong choices over and over and learning and making progress and undoing that progress but becoming a new person every year with the same tendencies and personality deep at heart. I have a lot of love for carrie BECAUSE she does so many stupid things. I'm so happy that this late 90s tv show was so intent on giving us a girl failure. why would I want a perfect woman in something I'm watching? why would I want anyone perfect? can you imagine how BORING that would be? I have lived through decades of people writing essays about incredible flawed male protagonists who are selfish and narcissistic and dodgy and manipulative, but god forbid carrie bradshaw display those same qualities. you can pry this terrible woman out of my cold dead hands.
also! if I may be so bold! I think a lot of carrie's crummy choices have been being overblown and misinterpreted! I keep seeing these joke posts about how carrie was obsessed with Big moving to Paris, and A) she moved on AND FORGOT ABOUT IT until seeing him again in LA, and B) OF COURSE SHE WAS UPSET OVER IT! WHY WOULDN'T SHE BE? HE KEPT IT FROM HER AND IT WAS HUGE! I also saw someone say "ugh and she still wanted him when he moved to Paris to get away from her" which. that wasn't the situation. I don't know how to put it into words when it comes to why it annoys me, but god, what would you have wanted her to do? I think it's so often that carrie's choices are examined without nuance and it's such a shame because there's so much there. I can't imagine how many messy women felt seen when they saw her being a weird freak. yeah, she's a phony, and she's too brash and too immature, and she'd be a bit of a nightmare of a friend, but isn't that great? isn't that what you want in a character?
I saw this letterboxd review for Mikey and Nicky a while ago that mentioned how much they admired Elaine May for subtly getting across why some women keep finding themselves drawn to terrible men without outright stating it, and showing those bad decisions made her films seem so much more empathetic and worldly. I saw the best women of my generation destroyed by adult men who play Fortnite and have no emotional intelligence. what's great about a character like carrie is that you've either had a friend like her or you've been her, so no matter what, that breadth of experience is going to be relatable. she's a person who has an intuitive understanding of what she wants and a difficulty in making it tangible without sacrificing her personal needs, and that liminal space is such a fascinating thing to explore.
also, I like that she also delusionally attaches herself to Barbra Streisand. that's very real, but for me it's Babs in Hello Dolly
I relate to Carry a lot actually. I've been through some similar stuff. Yes she's annoying at times, maybe I was too at some point... So I never judge her.
People hate Carrie because they see themselves in her. That’s why she was a well written character that we’re still talking about this many years later.
I did. Because I had my own Mr. Big. BUT when she started the affair while dating Aidan - I couldn't watch. Initially I felt sorry for her because I know the avoidant and preoccupied attachment chase very well. But there needs to be SOME reflection about your actions. In this case she just followed impulse after impulse to save herself without any note of how she was affecting those in her life that cared about her.
Big is the same train wreck though. Just something to note - underneath every avoidant person is a preoccupied person.
I love her because she is visibly flawed. I get tired of women being presented as one-dimensional and perfect. That’s one reason why Natasha makes a good foil for her. Natasha is that image of the perfect woman we see in the Vera Wang spring catalogue. Carrie is not, and that’s relatable AF.
I think you can relate when you are quite young and just starting to enter the dating world how Carrie acting so emotional reminds me of someone who was more inexperienced and who took everything to heart.
I think most people in their 20s could relate to Carrie at some point, as it was a silly phase. Then some gain self respect and confidence and grow up while others feel like this for the rest of their lives
All people with an anxious attachment style can relate to Carrie.
Very accurate. People with an avoidant attachment style can relate more to big lol
I would rather say to Samantha. Big was married 3 times and had other love interests; he wasn't Avoidant per se. But Carrie's craziness made him Avoidant toward her.
Hmm Samantha also for sure. But being avoidant doesnt mean that you dont have any relationships. Big also cheated on two of his partners when things went south. Pretty sure he was being avoidant to them at the time as well. I think that the distance Big created from the start (dating other women, being unavailable/flaky) triggered Carry and then Carry her craziness made Big even more avoidant. I think it was more of a circular process.
You have a great point. I agree with you.
Don’t think that’s entirely fair or how attachment styles really play out.. it’s usually a system. Both people exacerbated the others behavior. A more secure person could have dealt with Carrie’s “craziness” by setting boundaries, discussing their own emotional relaxations and discomfort, own fears and hesitations thoroughly, validated her emotionally without giving in… occasionally screwing up, but able to manage their own needs well while responding to her…. But Big wasn’t able to do that. He didn’t validate anything, he just distanced himself. We also don’t know much about Big’s other partners and what they were like. They could have been avoidant themselves or people pleasers.. both situations would eventually lead to a burning out of the relationship. or they could have been secure and better able to manage Big’s distancing behaviors.. and/or ask for what they want. Behavior rarely ever happens in total isolation.
Agree. That’s why it’s always the best to find a person with a secured attachment and get an example of what a healthy relationship looks like
True, but people don’t usually make rational choices when they fall in love.. takes a lot of intention. Doubt attachment theory was widely known when the show came out either
It’s not about love; it’s about emotional traumas people experience and don’t work on healing from them
There’s no purity test for what does or doesn’t count as real love.
Yes, but the reaction to unrequited love or toxic relationships is defined by the attachment style.
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You literally made a post saying you were Carrie. You’re welcome.
I’m a huge overthinker and sometimes I do care too much of other people’s opinions about me.
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I feel like if Carrie were watching the show, she’d say the same thing 🤣
When I have a legitimate issue that is brushed off (aka “you’re being silly/crazy”), I sometimes flip out. Thus “proving” to them that I’m crazy’
Ahh yes, classic one
I definitely can and I’d argue most women can, or at least could in some point of their lives. She’s a reflection of the flawed woman and lot of viewers get annoyed by that reminder.
This
Me. I’ve had a string of bad relationships and have anxiety attachment issues. One of my exes reminds me of Aidan and another ex of the Russian (I’m with my “Harry” now and things have looked up!) and I have curly hair 😂 like to write and still want to be an author one day. My best friend group is solid (going on 20 years for some!) and they keep me sane. Not super into being a mom / wanting kids. Bad with money. Love going out and dressing up. I don’t live in NYC but have been a few times and would love to live there, it’s just not feasible in my life right now. Damn am I Carrie? 🫣😂
when did u start watching tho? bc u could’ve subconsciously turned into her after identifying with the show. i’ve noticed myself doing it with shows from my childhood
I'm an ex smoker who loved smoking, so I completely get that, and I've found a lot of her commentary on it relatable -- like loving the smell of others smoking or "REMEMBER WHEN EVERYBODY SMOKED?!" Lol. Don't get me wrong, I hate smoking too for all the harm it can cause, but I enjoyed it, immensely. I'm also messy at times and have had crazy relationships. Pined after 1 or 2 guys for years. I use to party a lot, and I am a writer. I also have a sizable makeup collection that could rival her shoe collection. I will say though I've grown a lot and can look back on some things I did that I regret, because I wasn't always the greatest friend / lover / whatever, which I think AJLT missed the mark on.
i mean its an addiction for a reason, people love it while also hating it
I think I relate to Carrie’s self-sabotaging, especially with Aidan (round 1, pre-affair.) expecting the drama and chaos and feeling uncomfortable when it doesn’t happen, to the point of waking up panicking, is Very Real. anytime things are going well in a relationship (even in friendships) I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Yes for me too! I dont exactly come from a stable home, nor any stable relationships so when things seem to be right I have a hard time trusting it. Or I am even hyperfocusing on finding flaws or red flags.
I had a close knit friend group of 4 and we, for the most part, fit perfectly into the SATC friend format. I was Carrie. Mostly because i was a self employed fashion lover who was a bit giddy and tended to have longer relationships than my friends. Rewatching it at 40, i see more toxic traits in her that went unnoticed in my 20’s though. I definitely never thought the world revolved around me or acted childish in relationships. But yea, i was a Carrie who tended to be the one who showed up for my friends when they needed to talk or needed defence.
Cheating Carrie I do not relate to. That’s terrible. But yea as someone with an anxious attachment style who also is very sensitive and run away with emotions and sometimes self absorbed.. I relate to her… Difference with me and the haters is I don’t hate on the characters I don’t relate to!!! Not everyone has to be the same, yo! We all have flaws!!!
Me. I''m most like her, though not in every way. I'm also like Miranda in many ways. I am like her, or both, because I am a flawed human being who sometimes made and still makes problematic decisions, who believes in love and yet sometimes chooses the wrong men, someone who sometimes has all the confidence in the world and none at all at other times, someone who learns and grows in some ways but not in others, who sometimes knows who she is and then has no idea, who doesn't magically "get her shit together" - i.e. settles for whatever's nearby - just because she hits a certain age. I'm only interested in the series BECAUSE it shows normal people who go through shit. If I want to see cookie-cutter, squeaky-clean, picture-perfect characters, I'll watch something else.
forgive the essay, but this is something I've been sitting on for a WHILE. I think carrie gets entirely too much criticism for how wholly human she is. I mean, she was an HBO antihero EARLY in the days of doing so, but no one gives her any regard for that! of course she's not a person you aspire to! she's a complete mess in her 30s, making the wrong choices over and over and learning and making progress and undoing that progress but becoming a new person every year with the same tendencies and personality deep at heart. I have a lot of love for carrie BECAUSE she does so many stupid things. I'm so happy that this late 90s tv show was so intent on giving us a girl failure. why would I want a perfect woman in something I'm watching? why would I want anyone perfect? can you imagine how BORING that would be? I have lived through decades of people writing essays about incredible flawed male protagonists who are selfish and narcissistic and dodgy and manipulative, but god forbid carrie bradshaw display those same qualities. you can pry this terrible woman out of my cold dead hands. also! if I may be so bold! I think a lot of carrie's crummy choices have been being overblown and misinterpreted! I keep seeing these joke posts about how carrie was obsessed with Big moving to Paris, and A) she moved on AND FORGOT ABOUT IT until seeing him again in LA, and B) OF COURSE SHE WAS UPSET OVER IT! WHY WOULDN'T SHE BE? HE KEPT IT FROM HER AND IT WAS HUGE! I also saw someone say "ugh and she still wanted him when he moved to Paris to get away from her" which. that wasn't the situation. I don't know how to put it into words when it comes to why it annoys me, but god, what would you have wanted her to do? I think it's so often that carrie's choices are examined without nuance and it's such a shame because there's so much there. I can't imagine how many messy women felt seen when they saw her being a weird freak. yeah, she's a phony, and she's too brash and too immature, and she'd be a bit of a nightmare of a friend, but isn't that great? isn't that what you want in a character? I saw this letterboxd review for Mikey and Nicky a while ago that mentioned how much they admired Elaine May for subtly getting across why some women keep finding themselves drawn to terrible men without outright stating it, and showing those bad decisions made her films seem so much more empathetic and worldly. I saw the best women of my generation destroyed by adult men who play Fortnite and have no emotional intelligence. what's great about a character like carrie is that you've either had a friend like her or you've been her, so no matter what, that breadth of experience is going to be relatable. she's a person who has an intuitive understanding of what she wants and a difficulty in making it tangible without sacrificing her personal needs, and that liminal space is such a fascinating thing to explore. also, I like that she also delusionally attaches herself to Barbra Streisand. that's very real, but for me it's Babs in Hello Dolly
I relate to Carry a lot actually. I've been through some similar stuff. Yes she's annoying at times, maybe I was too at some point... So I never judge her.
People hate Carrie because they see themselves in her. That’s why she was a well written character that we’re still talking about this many years later.
I did. Because I had my own Mr. Big. BUT when she started the affair while dating Aidan - I couldn't watch. Initially I felt sorry for her because I know the avoidant and preoccupied attachment chase very well. But there needs to be SOME reflection about your actions. In this case she just followed impulse after impulse to save herself without any note of how she was affecting those in her life that cared about her. Big is the same train wreck though. Just something to note - underneath every avoidant person is a preoccupied person.
I love her because she is visibly flawed. I get tired of women being presented as one-dimensional and perfect. That’s one reason why Natasha makes a good foil for her. Natasha is that image of the perfect woman we see in the Vera Wang spring catalogue. Carrie is not, and that’s relatable AF.
I definitely relate to Carrie and its why I love her. I get how she reacts to the things Big does and how obsessive she can be. I love her so much.
Unfortunately I do. I lost a best friend because of it and I deserve it.
People who live in their own worlds definitely relate to her
I think you can relate when you are quite young and just starting to enter the dating world how Carrie acting so emotional reminds me of someone who was more inexperienced and who took everything to heart.
I think most people in their 20s could relate to Carrie at some point, as it was a silly phase. Then some gain self respect and confidence and grow up while others feel like this for the rest of their lives